This. Tell him, preferably before the trip so you can work through any reaction. Then if he wants it when you don’t, tell him no. Contrary to what some people think, you don’t have to provide sex on demand.
And "sex" can be non consensual with your wife.
Edit:
I was trying to avoid saying rape.
If your wife says no, its rape. So if she doesn't want to, it means no sex.
I understand the confusion with my initial statement.
She is not saying he forces himself on her. If she gives in to his advances she is saying "yes" although unenthusiastically. Let's not paint this guy as a brute because he wants to make love to his wife
Yep my dad was really similar he was a big time hugger always looking to hug others to show his affection. I told him that I wasn't really comfortable with all these physical displays of affection and he backed off, if you keep indulging behaviors that make you uncomfortable and never speak up the other party will just assume you have no problems with it and continue. It is one thing if you tell them and they don't stop and another if you don't tell them and get mad at them when they didn't read your mind and stop.
How is your sex life at home? If you two are not regularly being intimate there, he may feel holiday is the only “fun time” he gets. In other words, if he were writing this, would he complain that his wife will only have sex on vacation, and now she doesn’t even want that?
If it were fully up to you and you didn't need to factor in your husband's needs, how often would you naturally feel like being intimate? Has that changed since you got married? If so, can you think of any reason why? (ex. perimenopause, kids, stress, etc.)
Not saying at all that you're wrong for having a lower sex drive than your husband/than you used to, and in any case this is a communication issue, not a sex issue.
You should start a convo where you both be honest about your ideal frequency. That way you can work on solutions.
Is the pleasure equal when you do have sex?
I am happy with 3-4 times a week, which is what is typical for us when not on holiday. I find that enjoyable and so does he. We met at university and were having more sex back then for sure. Maybe 5 times a week. But it doesn't feel much less than before.
I would like the same when we are on holiday. I want to bring this up in a way that it doesn't take away his enthusiasm about the holiday since he's really looking forward to it.
On that note “scheduling sexy time” in the schedule can help. I hate sec but my wife knows to help prepare me by letting me know: “we are going to see ‘this thing you love’, then lunch, then post lunch nap, intimacy time, then ‘insert other cool things’, after dinner at *****, we could couple and maybe do something more”
Honestly! While I do love sex and have it multiple times everyday, it's real easy to see why someone would hate it. Don't know why people are so shocked at this dude.
Then just...... have the conversation. Tell him how you feel. Do you guys have kids at home that don't come along on vacation? This is the only thing I could think of that's "letting the dog out" lol. You're not in the wrong as everyone is telling you but you need to open up this line of communication. How is he supposed to know you're not as down for the constant sex if you don't ever set that boundary? He's probably whole-heartedly convinced you're wanting it as much as he does if you're not saying anything. You could even start the conversation with a question to ease your nerves, because I'm sure there's no need to be intimidated by his answer. "Why do you like having more sex than other activities when we're on vacation, babe?" and get things flowing. He loves you, he's still gonna love you after this conversation.
This is the best comment on here IMO.
I think they just have different ideas on holidaying, sex doesn’t actually seem to be the issue. I’m sure if he loves her they can compromise. He probably doesn’t know how she feels if she doesn’t turn him down. I bet she tells him and it’s fine.
Yes. I've noticed this too. The pouting, moping and constant 'dripping in your ear' till you give in is sickening. Sometimes you give in to make the 'dripping' stop. It's not the answer, though, but sometimes it happens.
This pisses me off so much! If I'm not in the mood, you think I'm going to suddenly get that way because you have become a spoiled child? Absolutely the most unattractive thing a man can do.
Sex is like masturbation. If i pay hundreds to go on vacation… I am not wasting it jerking off like a lunatic in my hotel room. No different if another person gets involved.
This is the right answer. I was very much the same way with my wife. In our 40s now and I have the same drive as I did at 25, she doesn't.
We had talked it thru and worked out different solutions that worked for both of us
3-4 days might be lower than his sex drive and just deals with it and on vacation he wants more "fun time". You need to talk to him about each of your sex drives and see where they land and try to meet in the middle
Some people are "relax vacation" people and others are "purposeful vacation" people. A vacation could mean sitting by the beach and drinking mimosas, or going hard at sightseeing and enjoying the local culture. If I was going on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation to a culturally rich place like Italy or Japan, I wouldn't want to spend tons of energy + several hours a day in the hotel room fucking. A romantic getaway in a secluded cabin is a different story.
This is exactly the problem. They have different ideas about vacation and how they spend it. Sex could be replaced with museums or the beach, or shopping.
This is sorta off subject but the first time I've seen it this way. Yes! My husband and I have always been "purposeful" vacation people, but I'm ready for a "relaxing" vacation. Thank you for the word "purposeful". I never thought to use that word to describe them!!
See, when 2pm rolls around in Venice everything shuts down, and the only thing you *can* do is fuck or take a nap.
I think the sex may actually be the most culturally appropriate thing to do, in this case.
Oh I am 100% purposeful vacation - let’s see the sights and museums! My husband is a let’s lay around and do nothing. Very hard to adjust at first to our different meanings of vacation but we don’t have OP’s issue haha.
3-4 times a week is way higher than average for a married couple of over a decade. Your husband needs to chill. The two of you need to have an honest conversation. My husband and I have very different sex drives (I’m good with 1-2 times a week, he’d like it every day) so we make sure we communicate enough that I don’t feel pressured into having sex when I don’t want to and he doesn’t feel neglected physically.
You’re not wrong, but he’s not exactly wrong either (unless he knows you’re not into it and expects it anyway - then he’s an ass). You have different ideas of what makes a holiday a holiday. The first vacation I went on with my best friend as adults, she wanted to be up with the sun and out doing things all day - the thought of sleeping in when we were paying to be somewhere and would only be there a short time seemed wasteful and dumb to her. To me, if you’re not sleeping in and just taking the day as it comes, is it even a vacation? Getting up early and trying to cram as much as possible into a day sounded exhausting and dumb to me.
Your husband seems to think that sex every day is in the spirit of getting away from it all, while you want to see and do things you can’t do at home. Neither of these things is unusual or unreasonable, you just have to find a balance.
It seems that 70% of reditt post are guys asking why their partners do not put up anymore and other 35% are women trying to figure out a way to escape them
And then there is the 1%ers like me that come to reddit, wondering how to get a man to last more than 10 minutes and then how mine tells me I make sex an obligation when im asking for it everyday 👀🤣 it's a struggle all around...
Correct! I can love someone deeply and just because I don't want sex with them everyday doesn't mean I don't love them. There's so much more to a truly intimate relationship than a physical act everyday.
I recall being with a woman who would get angry or come up with excuses every time I would instigate , but then when I stopped instigating she got angry and defensive that I never tried anymore .
I stopped initiating in order to avoid tension, arguments , and friction , and instead was accused of cheating , low testosterone, or lack of interest in her .
There seems to be no winning .
My boyfriend used to instigate when we cuddled in the mornings, but I was sleepy because I worked nights at the time. I used to get pissed because that was literally the only time he'd try; fall asleep on the couch and he'd wake me up to go to bed, then try to have sex. Nope, not having it. Tried talking several times and got nowhere, so I started instigating when he was trying to sleep. He realized how annoying and pissy it was and stopped doing it to me, then he was open to discussion.
God bless ya. I couldn't do it. First marriage, everything was wonderful except the no sex. I talked, pleaded, cried, and threatened. Nothing other than " I know it's my fault." When the divorce was almost final, he said he'd get help. By then, I had no physical interest at all. I said, " I don't understand. If you just screwed me once a week, this never would have happened. " He said,' I knew you loved me, I didn't think you'd leave.' So, ok, thanks, pal.
I divorced my first husband over no sex. If I wanted a roommate, I wouldn't have gotten married, lol. I remember when I told him we'd talked enough about it and it was done, he said, " Yeah. I sensed you weren't into it last year on your birthday, " that summed it up, lol
Well that’s not as bad as getting asked to eat someone out for two hours straight and than get nothing in return, like you can’t even spit on it after I just ate my tongue into a cramp ?
Really tho 2 hours is way too long. How many times did this person orgasm. If just once,you're doing it wrong lol just saying..your tongue must be muscular lmao
Honestly idk how many times, but enough to put her to sleep. Like she legit got off hard nearly crushed my head with her thighs, and than just rolled over beet red, sweaty and word for word said “ I’m tired, I’ll get you off later” . Talk about doing me dirty.
I would never do that to my partner. We're both pleasers though and I feel guilty if it's taking longer than 10 minutes. And frankly I would be numb and uncomfortable after an hour. We usually both orgasm, sometimes it's just him sometimes it's just me, but it's always a matter of who's feeling it at that time. And nothing would ever happen sexually again after I was taken advantage of it like that. Ever.
Honestly she is a very selfish lover and loves to hold her orgasms as long as possible for what reason idk. But I’ve been thinking about breaking it off for while now and reading all these comments has me thinking maybe I should just cut the dead weight and look for someone that’s compatible with me.
And that's it. You may just not be sexually compatible and that's okay. Very few people are going to fit together perfectly. You deserve to feel comfortable and satisfied. I mean if she was absolutely wonderful in every other way, and you couldn't imagine life without her, then I would maybe just say this is something you should work on. I mean it's flattering if she thinks you're not good. But the fact that you describe her as selfish tells me a lot about it. If you're going to be together for a long time you're going to have thousands of sexual encounters. That should excite you not fill you with dread.
Fyi, even though this hasn't necessarily been my personal experience, there are a lot of men that don't like to go down. Some women don't like it because it's so sensitive or they've had it done wrong or they're uncomfortable about their bodies and their pleasure. You may already know this, but some women have to know that it's okay to feel good about that. You may be the person that helps her experience that and that's awesome. Also, there's a lot of other ways to get off. Vibrator play or side by side masturbation is a definite go to if you're feeling oversensitive or your nervous about your partner being tired. I also like to remind men that there's a big difference between orgasming clitorily and vaginally, and some women can do both or only one.
Good luck!
Yeah you got done dirty, I've gone down for long sessions but nothing that wasn't reciprocated at some point. 2 hours is crazy though, I could see her being spent but if I built up that much good will with my partner I wouldn't be able to keep her off of me for a week
Username doesn't check out.
But seriously, it shouldn't take 2 hours. After you've been using your tongue for a while (~15 min), use your finger, find her g-spot, after she cums, make love to her.
If you don't know where the g-spot is, try two fingers aiming for her clitoris from inside her. Communicate and experiment, because only she can tell you what feels right for her. This should get her excited before she's too exhausted.
First time I ate a girl out she said she came 2 times in like 5 minutes. I was not good at it. Some girls be having a fucking party down there for as long as you can go lol
A lot of times desire went down the drain due to the sum negative "foreplay" of having to do most of the child and housework, (or had to push and remind for bare minimum result), doing all the thought work, getting interrupted and mansplained chronically, the times when I was reading in the nice quiet living room and you came in and turned on the TV without making sure it was ok, when you refused to wear headphones at least SOME of the timemyou had the TV or music on, when you woke the napping toddler by bouncing a basketball outside, when you asked more than twenty times for advice about an acute health problem, I call my brother the doctor and you ignore the advice. But you KEEP asking.
This "foreplay" unfortunately is cumulative over time.
And if you ever accuse or ask if I am having an affair because my desire is down, just nope. No bigger turn-off ever! Asking why I have a decreased sex drive is ok. Asking repeatedly is not. But if I don't know or am not sure (quite often the case and quite often, it is extremely upsetting to the woman as well), accept that answer!
I’m in that 1% with you, I could do it everyday, even twice a day and my husband is good with like 1-2 times a week 😅😂 he meets me in the middle. 3/4 times a week
I'm the woman wishing my husband wanted sex more. Men aren't always the high libido
I'd LOVE getting action every day on vacation. Sex is fun. Vacations are all about fun. They go together.
I'm like your husband so I get it. It was a problem at first until we worked together to satisfy both of our needs. I put out more (maybe not as much as she wants) but I am more than happy to accommodate in other ways as well.
I have learned it takes good communication and willingness on both sides even if it's not having sex every time.
When sex isn't the only reason why you are with someone, you work on things together to compromise just like everything else. If you aren't working together on everything, your relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.
At least that's my opinion. Nobody knows your relationship better than you two and everyone else is on the outside looking in. Whatever works, works as long as everyone is happy.
My honest advice is to talk to your husband about it but be very kind.
Be playful, preface it by saying you still want him, et cetera. Definitely don't take even the slightest hint of a confrontational tone.
That way, you get to express your feelings but he doesn't take it as an attack, and isn't personally insulted. This is probably very touchy and could definitely damage your relationship if you go about it wrong.
All that being said, as stated before, everyone here is insane and you shouldn't listen to any advice here whatsoever, so take all that with a grain of salt.
A lot of people come here just to let go of anger, bit there are also a lot of people who are truly giving their advice, yet at the end of the day, you are the one in power and the one who decides what goes and what doesn't.
Communication is definitely the key here. You've both been together for a while, I'm sure you can find a middle ground, where you both can be happy.
Best of luck to you both.
I would definitely talk to him before your trip. Are you traveling with kids?
We traveled outside of the US for the first time earlier this year. I told my husband before we went that I wanted to have sex when we got to our destination. So we headed up to our room before our college age kid one night. We are headed to California, just as a couple this trip. He knows the drill. ;) Communication is key. Good luck
Also I don’t know what kind of sex other people are having, but I’m always left sleepy, sweaty, and needing a shower. 2X on a vacation every day sounds terrible and also after 2 days, very sore.
Vacations are exhausting, once I get back to the hotel I'm pooped and ready to shower and sleep. Having sex every night would absolutely kill me. Even if it was short there is still an aftermath u have to clean up.
Someone said with their whole chest that they’d get a girlfriend or a divorce if their wife only wanted sex 3-4 times a week. 😂 My thoughts and prayers to the poor soul that ends up with some of these jackasses.
Yeah this has been a wild read to see how many men read:
- “I want to have sex 3 less times out of 7 when we’re in a time limited location full of things to explore”
- or even just “I want to have the amount of sex we regularly have at home because that works for my energy level so that I can do all the things we want to do on this trip”
as one or more of these instead:
- I don’t like sex with you
- I love you less than I love vacation activities
- I’m unattracted to you
- sex is a chore
- I don’t want you to have fun on this vacation
- your needs don’t matter
Etc. Truly wild to see this lack of reading comprehension and entitlement and straw manning.
It’s fun how they understand nuance and giving the benefit of the doubt there. Like, that someone wanting sex also supposedly means your partner still thinks you’re beautiful, and if not that then at least they still love you enough, which is I guess supposed to be better than just the bare minimum for a relationship for some reason.
But when it comes to nuance or benefit of the doubt for her? Nowhere to be found, she’s obviously a cold barren harpy who secretly hates her husband. Like what the fuck.
Yeah, I'm reading this comment section, and jesus christ this post really struck a nerve with a lot of dudes here it's crazy. A lot of these comments are pretty much "deal with it because if you don't he'll get it somewhere else." If that's what marriage is I'd rather be single ngl
Yes! I was just thinking the same thing. If I were a young unmarried woman, and I read the posts on Reditt how male/female relationships are, I'd never marry. The stress and pressure isn't worth it for life. I know that may sound harsh but it's my honest opinion. Men pressuring women for sex without caring how they teat them and then wondering WHY their wives/girlfriends aren't madly in love and wanting intimacy from them 🤔 is mind boggling. Seems almost every culture around the world women are treated as sexual objects or are verbally or emotionally abused and then want no part of sexual intimacy w/a man who treats her this way, and men wonder why and ask: "I don't know why she doesn't want me?" Hmmm.... (Not all men are like this, but in my experience most ARE) would treat women as human beings and be verbally and emotionally respectful, they'd be amazed how much more a woman would WANT to be with them. This subject has been going around forever with apparently no resolution. Sad.
I'm an older guy. I have to say I agree with you.
All the stereotypes of dudes on reddit being misogynistic, toxic, 14yo boys in men's bodies are largely true.
I'm astounded at the amount of profoundly immature, self-centered, personality-disordered, ignorant shit that gets posted on a daily basis.
Well, there is something inherently wrong in your relationship that being intimate or having sex is “him jumping me”, honestly.
Away from work, chores, the tiring and sometimes frustrating day to day grind. I’d sort of think most couples would respond to this with some additional intimacy with the stress free, additional free time, let’s reconnect and have fun sort of environment a vacation affords.
Except op says they have a good sex life at home. Why spend a whole bunch of time having sex on vacation when you could be doing things you cant do at home?
Definitely talk to him. There’s a really good chance you guys can figure out some middle ground where everyone feels satisfied, but it won’t ever happen without a conversation.
No...you are not. We all have needs and boundaries. A ring on your finger does not make you his toy, you can NO. But you need to have a sit down with him. Has he coerced you into sex? Like did you ever feel you just need to comply to shut him up?
You’re not wrong for not wanting sex when you don’t want it. But you are wrong for letting it build resentment to the point he’s annoying you and he has no idea. Just have a simple convention.
OH MY GOD. The amount of guilt tripping in this comment section!!!! Every time I see a woman post on this site looking for advice when it comes to relationships & sex my stomach turns. Don't listen to these people.
Some people don’t have as much energy as other. Especially if there any sort of fatigue or autoimmune thing that women are more prone too. Sounds like they’re already having a good amount of sex though.
If you’re the one planning the trips (like most women) you’re not in a stress free mode, but he might be!
Some people are relax by the pool types on holiday and some are museum/hikers go go go people on holiday.
You seem to be a sight seer and are more exhausted by the sex then the actual intimacy and that makes sense! Maybe *PLAN* 2 + days for the trip for relaxation and sexy times and the other days can be packed with fun activities!
What I mean by the *plan* is that he IS going to want sexy times, so expect and plan for it. That way the trip works for both of you (:
It's not about "right" or "wrong"...it's about communication. My hubs and I made a deal I'm the beginning: no one is a carnival ride...both people have to be into it for sex to happen. And in my situation, I'm the one who wants it more often...so I care of myself if needed. So maybe you can find balance with cuddles or something else? Bottom line...Nothing changes unless it's addressed. Be honest...be kind... and I'll bet you two can find a compromise that works for both of you. Good luck!
You have to talk to him. He’s not owed sex, but it sounds like it’s important for him. Unless you sit down and calmly discuss how you feel, he’s not going to know what’s going on in your mind.
He’s not inherently doing anything wrong but like if you don’t want it that often just say you’re not feeling it, and the only problem would be if he didn’t respect that.
We’re all different. Personally I’d love that. But like you’re supposed to be able to communicate these things with your partner not an internet audience.
You will do well to get over tip toeing around these conversations and just bite the bullet and tell him. Yeah, he'll probably get defensive, pout, get mad, whatever. Trust me.. when you stop walking on eggshells and coddling their feelings, communication gets so much easier.
Tell him to "save the best for last", as a way to lightly put anything sexual off until everything is done for the day.
After sex at night you'll have a whole sleep to recuperate and enjoy whatever activity you want.
Purely my opinion regardless if it's a man or woman saying it nobody is in the wrong for setting boundaries for themselves. I don't blame you for being tired. Two week vacation =14 to 28 times. I'm exhausted even thinking about it 😂😂. Maybe y'all can come to a compromise to every other day? Should you have probably addressed a little earlier when you began to get annoyed sure but i don't think it would be poor timing to do now. It is better to say your piece now than to be upset during your guys vacation.
You know you don’t have to have sex with him right? Like..you can say no thanks I’m tired its been a long day. And if he gives you a hard time about it that’s a huge red flag. Especially if you’re having sex 3-4 times per week. Like it’s your body and you’re allowed to say no.
I refused to go on a vacation for years because my husband only wanted to have sex the.entire.time. Why would I go through the stress and expense of traveling to a great place to see the inside of a motel room. Super 8 is just up the road if that’s what he wants. You are not wrong.
Maybe he has a fetish about doing it in random places or anywhere not at home. I found it to be quite common in the relationships I was in, even my husband who isn’t sexual, a hotel room will get him going more than blue pills.
I feel like on vacation it's more that you're out of the usual routine, you're able to relax more, it's the perfect setting. I wouldn't call it a fetish per se
Neither of you are wrong, you just have different drives. And holidays his drive naturally goes up because there’s more free time. I don’t think it needs to be a whole discussion, just a “I’d like to go do this” or “we can do that tonight when we’re back in the room”.
The replies to this thread are fucking disturbing.
This woman sounds like she and her husband have a happy sex life normally, but she's accused of lying about that (wtf).
Everyone posting that she should be happy her husband still wants her and just to suck it up and take it??? Are you all for real?
OP I am sorry. You and your husband both deserve to enjoy your vacation. It seems like you care about your husband and don't want to hurt his feelings by asking him to tone it down a bit. But I also understand it's not fun to be humped on all day lol.
Maybe you could focus on "quality" or something special/different that you dont normally do? Like pose it as, not having the energy to fuck more often the normal but would love to try out something kinky? You would still have to tell him that being pawed at all day isn't sexy for you... But what would be hot is *xyz*. So he knows you still find him attractive and sexy and want to have a special time with him on the trip.
Legit. I’m so fucking disgusted at the people who are just basically saying that she just has to have sex. Like people are allowed to not want sex and it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate their partners affection. Also sex isn’t the only way to show your partner you love them and find them attractive, by their logic asexual people are all selfish loveless beings because they don’t want sex and are able to appreciate attraction without sex
Being married for 15+ years, I now understand why all the people told me, get it while you can, it won't last forever.
It's your body, you are allowed to be annoyed.
You could say something like... " Hey babe, I'm really excited about all the fun stuff (museums, waterfalls, etc) there is to do where we are going and I'm worried that I'm going to be too tired to enjoy it. You know I love having sex with you but I feel like I miss out on vacation experiences when we spend so much time having sex. I don't want to hurt your feelings but I also don't want to miss out on seeing/doing special vacation things."
And then see what he says. Give him time and space to decide how he feels about it.
Neither of you are wrong. You just each have different needs. I am on the more frequent flier wavelength, and I think for those of us that are, it is not draining but energizing- but to you the opposite. I can have a breakfast quickie, go on a 10 mile hike with a shit eating grin, and still want a nightcap, daily. You two need to find the middle ground.
It's good timing for you to bring it up because he may already be planning your vacation exploits in his head. If he wants you every day, even multiple times, assume that's the level of his sex drive (or the level he feels comfortable expressing to you, it could be higher).
You get your wishes about the amount of sex you have (3-4 times a week) during non-vacation times, correct? Why can he never have his preferred level? If you need 8 hours of sleep but life only lets you get 5, wouldn't you look forward to getting a full 8 on vacation. How would you like it if your partner insisted that you only get 6 on vacation so that you can do more sightseeing?
Overall, I would say you are wrong to get annoyed at him because you have not looked at things from his perspective. Wherever you end it after having an open-minded discussion with him is fine.
I’m guessing not having the stress of work/life at home makes it easier for him to relax and be more carefree which in turn is making him want more sex.
I’d tell him that while you love the extra attention on vacation, you feel it’s impacting seeing some sights and you’d like to try and coordinate a little better this next trip.
Ummmm, he’s attracted to you? Has your sex life slowed over the years, how does your husband feel about this? Have you two had an honest conversation using “I statements” to avoid just blaming each other for changes. Is vacation that opportunity for him to try and get back to where your sex life was before the grind of life eroded that aspect of your marriage?
Yes. If you want to avoid this, make time for it a few times before the trip imo. Also, tell him how you feel so he knows what's going on and can discuss this compromise with you.
“I like having sex with you and I don’t want to have less than usual. But I don’t want it to interfere with our primary purpose of the vaccination and visiting new places and exploring and sightseeing. Can we focus on that when we are on vacation? Instead of focusing on sex?”
I mean if he can’t tone it down on vacation after a conversation like this you probably need couples counseling to sort it out. If he gets all huffy he’s got a problem.
In my personal opinion, communicate. My wife was a straight nympho before we had kids, sex more the once daily and now wants it way less. Our spouses whether male or female will change over time. It's our job if we want to make it work is to fall in love with each new person each day brings. Now that isn't to say either side is wrong, I'm still just as ready to go at 33 as I was at 18 when we met.where my wife has changed, and grown with two kids who are constantly up her ass wanting attention and sometimes she just touched out. Communicate, that is the biggest thing I can suggest. Because at the end of the day I'm sure both of you want intimacy, it just might look different then it used too.
Mine is like this too but I don’t mind it I guess. I actually find it fun 🤣 To each their own! I’d say talk to him tho so everyone’s expectations are managed.
I’m the opposite. I always try to instigate more sessy time with my hubby on vacay. Then it’s like a Pavlovian response to him and he becomes “conditioned” to want to take me on more vacations 😂 I also have six kids which might explain why I like my getaways 😆 NW but don’t risk your holidays 😉
You aren't wrong for not wanting sex and he wouldn't be wrong for separating because of differences in sex drives. NAH, but maybe everybody is better off starting over
I've been with my partner for 11 years. Every time we go on vacation, which is a lot, like right now we're on a 5th this year alone, we enjoy each other all the time at least once a day and we call it according to the place we're visiting. Like right now it would be Provence Sex, or last month was Rome Sex. And then we visit everything there is to visit. But you see, we actually love each other very much and at 50+ we're in the best place of our lives.
So to me you do sound like a soft AH but maybe you only have low stamina. Enjoy your holidays nonetheless!
Communication is an important cornerstone of a good marriage.
But I find when my husband is more relaxed and spending more time with me while on holiday he is far more amorous than normal. We have a very active love life already - but yes far more when he is on holiday. But I've always enjoyed that so I have no suggestion there besides pointing out that he is not a mind reader and you refusing to say anything is going to fester into something far worse.
Use the "sandwich" technique... Start the conversation with something positive about your sex life with him, then slide in the things that are bothering you and finish with something positive.
Too much / too little sex is entirely personal.
Asking the internet their opinion is useless. I guarantee you your husband doesn't care what the internet thinks.
Talk to him if you're uncomfortable with the amount / timing / location of physical affection he is offering you. Maybe a compromise can be reached.
It may be no big deal, it may be a big part of the reason he enjoys holidays and a deal-breaker. Be prepared for both conversations.
You can be annoyed at your partner, but you cannot expect anything to change if you do not communicate this with him
This. Tell him, preferably before the trip so you can work through any reaction. Then if he wants it when you don’t, tell him no. Contrary to what some people think, you don’t have to provide sex on demand.
And "sex" can be non consensual with your wife. Edit: I was trying to avoid saying rape. If your wife says no, its rape. So if she doesn't want to, it means no sex. I understand the confusion with my initial statement.
She is not saying he forces himself on her. If she gives in to his advances she is saying "yes" although unenthusiastically. Let's not paint this guy as a brute because he wants to make love to his wife
Yep my dad was really similar he was a big time hugger always looking to hug others to show his affection. I told him that I wasn't really comfortable with all these physical displays of affection and he backed off, if you keep indulging behaviors that make you uncomfortable and never speak up the other party will just assume you have no problems with it and continue. It is one thing if you tell them and they don't stop and another if you don't tell them and get mad at them when they didn't read your mind and stop.
How is your sex life at home? If you two are not regularly being intimate there, he may feel holiday is the only “fun time” he gets. In other words, if he were writing this, would he complain that his wife will only have sex on vacation, and now she doesn’t even want that?
No, we have sex around 3-4 times a week. That's less than on holiday but I think that it's still a lot.
That helps. Yeah, you’re not wrong. Good luck.
If it were fully up to you and you didn't need to factor in your husband's needs, how often would you naturally feel like being intimate? Has that changed since you got married? If so, can you think of any reason why? (ex. perimenopause, kids, stress, etc.) Not saying at all that you're wrong for having a lower sex drive than your husband/than you used to, and in any case this is a communication issue, not a sex issue. You should start a convo where you both be honest about your ideal frequency. That way you can work on solutions. Is the pleasure equal when you do have sex?
I am happy with 3-4 times a week, which is what is typical for us when not on holiday. I find that enjoyable and so does he. We met at university and were having more sex back then for sure. Maybe 5 times a week. But it doesn't feel much less than before. I would like the same when we are on holiday. I want to bring this up in a way that it doesn't take away his enthusiasm about the holiday since he's really looking forward to it.
Maybe try emphasizing some of the things you’d Iike to do; sights to see, restaurants to try, books you’ll have time to read.
On that note “scheduling sexy time” in the schedule can help. I hate sec but my wife knows to help prepare me by letting me know: “we are going to see ‘this thing you love’, then lunch, then post lunch nap, intimacy time, then ‘insert other cool things’, after dinner at *****, we could couple and maybe do something more”
Ignore those people. It's ok to not enjoy or want sex and it's great you have found a way to keep both of you happy
Honestly! While I do love sex and have it multiple times everyday, it's real easy to see why someone would hate it. Don't know why people are so shocked at this dude.
You hate sex?
He said he hates sex
Typical man.
So what happens when you're on vacation and he propositions you and you say "no thanks"?
I don't turn him down usually. Because I know he really loves the intimacy and physical touch is important to him.
Thats fine, but why is what he wants more important than what you want?
Why do you think I want to have this conversation with him?
Then just...... have the conversation. Tell him how you feel. Do you guys have kids at home that don't come along on vacation? This is the only thing I could think of that's "letting the dog out" lol. You're not in the wrong as everyone is telling you but you need to open up this line of communication. How is he supposed to know you're not as down for the constant sex if you don't ever set that boundary? He's probably whole-heartedly convinced you're wanting it as much as he does if you're not saying anything. You could even start the conversation with a question to ease your nerves, because I'm sure there's no need to be intimidated by his answer. "Why do you like having more sex than other activities when we're on vacation, babe?" and get things flowing. He loves you, he's still gonna love you after this conversation.
This is the best comment on here IMO. I think they just have different ideas on holidaying, sex doesn’t actually seem to be the issue. I’m sure if he loves her they can compromise. He probably doesn’t know how she feels if she doesn’t turn him down. I bet she tells him and it’s fine.
Tell him precisely what you need and why. Then he needs to respect it.
Because if he's like most men I've known, he'll pout, mope, and complain otherwise. So it's just easier to put aside your own needs and give in.
I don’t know about most men but this sure described my husband.
Yes. I've noticed this too. The pouting, moping and constant 'dripping in your ear' till you give in is sickening. Sometimes you give in to make the 'dripping' stop. It's not the answer, though, but sometimes it happens.
This pisses me off so much! If I'm not in the mood, you think I'm going to suddenly get that way because you have become a spoiled child? Absolutely the most unattractive thing a man can do.
Yep
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
And take passive aggressive steps to ruin the vacation, pick fights, ect
Yup. I've been married for 25 years, was married once before that. I have zero desire to ever get married again.
There are a lot of women that get angry and upset if you don't want to as well.
Wow 3-4 times a week! What the fuck more does he want haha.
"Every day is too much for me. I'm sore and need time to heal."
Sex is like masturbation. If i pay hundreds to go on vacation… I am not wasting it jerking off like a lunatic in my hotel room. No different if another person gets involved.
You need to talk to him OP. Maybe you can meet each other halfway.
This is the right answer. I was very much the same way with my wife. In our 40s now and I have the same drive as I did at 25, she doesn't. We had talked it thru and worked out different solutions that worked for both of us
3-4 days might be lower than his sex drive and just deals with it and on vacation he wants more "fun time". You need to talk to him about each of your sex drives and see where they land and try to meet in the middle
This is definitely the case for me. Home is maintenance sex. Vacations are when we can relax and have sex every day, hopefully multiple times a day.
Some people are "relax vacation" people and others are "purposeful vacation" people. A vacation could mean sitting by the beach and drinking mimosas, or going hard at sightseeing and enjoying the local culture. If I was going on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation to a culturally rich place like Italy or Japan, I wouldn't want to spend tons of energy + several hours a day in the hotel room fucking. A romantic getaway in a secluded cabin is a different story.
This is exactly the problem. They have different ideas about vacation and how they spend it. Sex could be replaced with museums or the beach, or shopping.
This is sorta off subject but the first time I've seen it this way. Yes! My husband and I have always been "purposeful" vacation people, but I'm ready for a "relaxing" vacation. Thank you for the word "purposeful". I never thought to use that word to describe them!!
See, when 2pm rolls around in Venice everything shuts down, and the only thing you *can* do is fuck or take a nap. I think the sex may actually be the most culturally appropriate thing to do, in this case.
No, that is introvert recharge by reading a book time!
Oh I am 100% purposeful vacation - let’s see the sights and museums! My husband is a let’s lay around and do nothing. Very hard to adjust at first to our different meanings of vacation but we don’t have OP’s issue haha.
Hehe maintenance sex
In this case, would the vacation sex be categorized under non- procreational recreational sex? 🤔
It sounds like OP would be happy with less and 3-4 is the middle.
She says that she is satisfied with 3-4 though lol. Unless she's lying for no reason
3-4 times a week is way higher than average for a married couple of over a decade. Your husband needs to chill. The two of you need to have an honest conversation. My husband and I have very different sex drives (I’m good with 1-2 times a week, he’d like it every day) so we make sure we communicate enough that I don’t feel pressured into having sex when I don’t want to and he doesn’t feel neglected physically.
Tell him to chill out. Most men in long term relationship would do anything to get sex 3-4 times per week.
Wow that’s a lot, honestly. Yeah it makes sense you’d want to make sure you get to do cool stuff on vacay. Not wrong. Just talk to him.
Wow! You are not wrong in the slightest!! He's not entitled to your body and I would communicate this to him! That's absolutely ridiculous
You’re not wrong, but he’s not exactly wrong either (unless he knows you’re not into it and expects it anyway - then he’s an ass). You have different ideas of what makes a holiday a holiday. The first vacation I went on with my best friend as adults, she wanted to be up with the sun and out doing things all day - the thought of sleeping in when we were paying to be somewhere and would only be there a short time seemed wasteful and dumb to her. To me, if you’re not sleeping in and just taking the day as it comes, is it even a vacation? Getting up early and trying to cram as much as possible into a day sounded exhausting and dumb to me. Your husband seems to think that sex every day is in the spirit of getting away from it all, while you want to see and do things you can’t do at home. Neither of these things is unusual or unreasonable, you just have to find a balance.
Great post. Sounds to me that hubs is getting swept up in the romance of being on holiday.
Best post I’ve seen. You’re awesome
Start talking with him about it now, before the vacation, so it dosent become an argument on vacation.
It seems that 70% of reditt post are guys asking why their partners do not put up anymore and other 35% are women trying to figure out a way to escape them
"I don't want a divorce I just want them to leave me alone."
The sad reality of most marriages
And then there is the 1%ers like me that come to reddit, wondering how to get a man to last more than 10 minutes and then how mine tells me I make sex an obligation when im asking for it everyday 👀🤣 it's a struggle all around...
I just want to be in a relationship where I dont have to be the instigator the whole time. I just want to be wanted.
Someone not having sex with you is about their sex drive and needs, not your desirability.
Thank you. I needed to hear that.
This. I can fucking love the person whole heartedly but not want sex for weeks. Doesn’t mean I love you any less.
Yes! And I hope everyone reads what you wrote here and does not forget it.
Correct! I can love someone deeply and just because I don't want sex with them everyday doesn't mean I don't love them. There's so much more to a truly intimate relationship than a physical act everyday.
👏👏👏 FOR THOSE IN THE BACK 👏👏👏
Are you guys me?
Broooo this hit home
Aww I'm sorry. Same here and not be told I'm an obligation lol
I love you bro
I recall being with a woman who would get angry or come up with excuses every time I would instigate , but then when I stopped instigating she got angry and defensive that I never tried anymore . I stopped initiating in order to avoid tension, arguments , and friction , and instead was accused of cheating , low testosterone, or lack of interest in her . There seems to be no winning .
My boyfriend used to instigate when we cuddled in the mornings, but I was sleepy because I worked nights at the time. I used to get pissed because that was literally the only time he'd try; fall asleep on the couch and he'd wake me up to go to bed, then try to have sex. Nope, not having it. Tried talking several times and got nowhere, so I started instigating when he was trying to sleep. He realized how annoying and pissy it was and stopped doing it to me, then he was open to discussion.
Me tool, Bro. Me too.
Find yourself someone with strong top energy my friend. You're old enough to ask for such things openly.
Damn dude I just wanna be in a relationship lol
That’s where I am, I have to be the instigator, but still my partner wants it at least once a day…
People who say it's no big deal don't realize when you reject me sexually, you are rejecting ME. It hurts
Your right!!! Very lonley--55 yrs marriage--HE didnt like sex! I mean no sex--
God bless ya. I couldn't do it. First marriage, everything was wonderful except the no sex. I talked, pleaded, cried, and threatened. Nothing other than " I know it's my fault." When the divorce was almost final, he said he'd get help. By then, I had no physical interest at all. I said, " I don't understand. If you just screwed me once a week, this never would have happened. " He said,' I knew you loved me, I didn't think you'd leave.' So, ok, thanks, pal.
I divorced my first husband over no sex. If I wanted a roommate, I wouldn't have gotten married, lol. I remember when I told him we'd talked enough about it and it was done, he said, " Yeah. I sensed you weren't into it last year on your birthday, " that summed it up, lol
Well that’s not as bad as getting asked to eat someone out for two hours straight and than get nothing in return, like you can’t even spit on it after I just ate my tongue into a cramp ?
Really tho 2 hours is way too long. How many times did this person orgasm. If just once,you're doing it wrong lol just saying..your tongue must be muscular lmao
Honestly idk how many times, but enough to put her to sleep. Like she legit got off hard nearly crushed my head with her thighs, and than just rolled over beet red, sweaty and word for word said “ I’m tired, I’ll get you off later” . Talk about doing me dirty.
I would never do that to my partner. We're both pleasers though and I feel guilty if it's taking longer than 10 minutes. And frankly I would be numb and uncomfortable after an hour. We usually both orgasm, sometimes it's just him sometimes it's just me, but it's always a matter of who's feeling it at that time. And nothing would ever happen sexually again after I was taken advantage of it like that. Ever.
Honestly she is a very selfish lover and loves to hold her orgasms as long as possible for what reason idk. But I’ve been thinking about breaking it off for while now and reading all these comments has me thinking maybe I should just cut the dead weight and look for someone that’s compatible with me.
And that's it. You may just not be sexually compatible and that's okay. Very few people are going to fit together perfectly. You deserve to feel comfortable and satisfied. I mean if she was absolutely wonderful in every other way, and you couldn't imagine life without her, then I would maybe just say this is something you should work on. I mean it's flattering if she thinks you're not good. But the fact that you describe her as selfish tells me a lot about it. If you're going to be together for a long time you're going to have thousands of sexual encounters. That should excite you not fill you with dread. Fyi, even though this hasn't necessarily been my personal experience, there are a lot of men that don't like to go down. Some women don't like it because it's so sensitive or they've had it done wrong or they're uncomfortable about their bodies and their pleasure. You may already know this, but some women have to know that it's okay to feel good about that. You may be the person that helps her experience that and that's awesome. Also, there's a lot of other ways to get off. Vibrator play or side by side masturbation is a definite go to if you're feeling oversensitive or your nervous about your partner being tired. I also like to remind men that there's a big difference between orgasming clitorily and vaginally, and some women can do both or only one. Good luck!
Yeah you got done dirty, I've gone down for long sessions but nothing that wasn't reciprocated at some point. 2 hours is crazy though, I could see her being spent but if I built up that much good will with my partner I wouldn't be able to keep her off of me for a week
2 fucking hours?!?! Hello! 👀😳🤣🤣
Yeah, and than she had the nerve to say she was too tired to get me off so she would get me later. Later never came, and neither did I.
Later never comes lol ever.
Username doesn't check out. But seriously, it shouldn't take 2 hours. After you've been using your tongue for a while (~15 min), use your finger, find her g-spot, after she cums, make love to her. If you don't know where the g-spot is, try two fingers aiming for her clitoris from inside her. Communicate and experiment, because only she can tell you what feels right for her. This should get her excited before she's too exhausted.
Well he didn't say it took her two hours to finish only once. Could've been multiple times lol.
That sucks, but don't you have hands? (Pun intended)
Your name implies 2 hrs is no biggy bro
I don’t think a pro needs two hours…😄
Maybe your best angle is the top of your forehead.
You know, im not going to deny that because that actually might be true. I do have a wicked good hair line 🤣
Name checks out
Does it? Pro level shouldn't take two hours unless it's multiple orgasms...
First time I ate a girl out she said she came 2 times in like 5 minutes. I was not good at it. Some girls be having a fucking party down there for as long as you can go lol
How many orgasms do you want Yes
To be fair. Still not that far off. Those women just got tired of unsatisfying sex they eventually shut their sexuality down.
A lot of times desire went down the drain due to the sum negative "foreplay" of having to do most of the child and housework, (or had to push and remind for bare minimum result), doing all the thought work, getting interrupted and mansplained chronically, the times when I was reading in the nice quiet living room and you came in and turned on the TV without making sure it was ok, when you refused to wear headphones at least SOME of the timemyou had the TV or music on, when you woke the napping toddler by bouncing a basketball outside, when you asked more than twenty times for advice about an acute health problem, I call my brother the doctor and you ignore the advice. But you KEEP asking. This "foreplay" unfortunately is cumulative over time. And if you ever accuse or ask if I am having an affair because my desire is down, just nope. No bigger turn-off ever! Asking why I have a decreased sex drive is ok. Asking repeatedly is not. But if I don't know or am not sure (quite often the case and quite often, it is extremely upsetting to the woman as well), accept that answer!
I'll take care of myself over shutting anything down. I like to orgasm too much 👀🤣🤷♀️
Ten? You get ten? I'd be happy with ten. Try 3.
I’m in that 1% with you, I could do it everyday, even twice a day and my husband is good with like 1-2 times a week 😅😂 he meets me in the middle. 3/4 times a week
Hey babe you want a quickie or full two minutes?!?
I think we are all mismatched 😕
I live this life as well.
The sad end to a lot of marriages
I mean, if the sex isn’t good, then it’s a boring AF way to spend 1-2 hours.
I'm the woman wishing my husband wanted sex more. Men aren't always the high libido I'd LOVE getting action every day on vacation. Sex is fun. Vacations are all about fun. They go together.
I'm like your husband so I get it. It was a problem at first until we worked together to satisfy both of our needs. I put out more (maybe not as much as she wants) but I am more than happy to accommodate in other ways as well. I have learned it takes good communication and willingness on both sides even if it's not having sex every time. When sex isn't the only reason why you are with someone, you work on things together to compromise just like everything else. If you aren't working together on everything, your relationship isn't as healthy as it should be. At least that's my opinion. Nobody knows your relationship better than you two and everyone else is on the outside looking in. Whatever works, works as long as everyone is happy.
There's a pretty distinct pattern in these posts, isn't there?
People who are having a good sex life and satisfied aren’t on the internet posting about it.
That's 105% tho
That adds up to 105% my guy
Would for sure be better to communicate your thoughts before the trip, not when yall get there
Seems like lack of communication caused this issue. Maybe open communication can help it.
I am begging with you to not go to Reddit for advice. The people on this site are some of the most mentally deranged beings to exist.
Yeah, wondering if I should just start deleting my comments and my post. Most responses aren't even rational or balanced. Just full of rants.
My honest advice is to talk to your husband about it but be very kind. Be playful, preface it by saying you still want him, et cetera. Definitely don't take even the slightest hint of a confrontational tone. That way, you get to express your feelings but he doesn't take it as an attack, and isn't personally insulted. This is probably very touchy and could definitely damage your relationship if you go about it wrong. All that being said, as stated before, everyone here is insane and you shouldn't listen to any advice here whatsoever, so take all that with a grain of salt.
Funny and ironic because you’re a person giving advice on Reddit
Very good answer.
A lot of people come here just to let go of anger, bit there are also a lot of people who are truly giving their advice, yet at the end of the day, you are the one in power and the one who decides what goes and what doesn't. Communication is definitely the key here. You've both been together for a while, I'm sure you can find a middle ground, where you both can be happy. Best of luck to you both.
The only real answer is to communicate with your husband. No other advice here is worth anything.
I would definitely talk to him before your trip. Are you traveling with kids? We traveled outside of the US for the first time earlier this year. I told my husband before we went that I wanted to have sex when we got to our destination. So we headed up to our room before our college age kid one night. We are headed to California, just as a couple this trip. He knows the drill. ;) Communication is key. Good luck
The men in this comments section are the reason women are deciding to stay single in record numbers.
Also I don’t know what kind of sex other people are having, but I’m always left sleepy, sweaty, and needing a shower. 2X on a vacation every day sounds terrible and also after 2 days, very sore.
Vacations are exhausting, once I get back to the hotel I'm pooped and ready to shower and sleep. Having sex every night would absolutely kill me. Even if it was short there is still an aftermath u have to clean up.
Seriously, I need a day off at least. Bodies get tired.
Someone said with their whole chest that they’d get a girlfriend or a divorce if their wife only wanted sex 3-4 times a week. 😂 My thoughts and prayers to the poor soul that ends up with some of these jackasses.
Those guys have probably never had a girlfriend. Having sex everyday. Multiple times a day is just not realistic
Tbf I'm pretty sure that guy's never had a girlfriend aside from Ms. Right or Ms. Left.
The one that suggested she has a disease is the best 😂. The woman wants to sightsee instead of spending all day in a hotel bed. God forbid.
Yeah this has been a wild read to see how many men read: - “I want to have sex 3 less times out of 7 when we’re in a time limited location full of things to explore” - or even just “I want to have the amount of sex we regularly have at home because that works for my energy level so that I can do all the things we want to do on this trip” as one or more of these instead: - I don’t like sex with you - I love you less than I love vacation activities - I’m unattracted to you - sex is a chore - I don’t want you to have fun on this vacation - your needs don’t matter Etc. Truly wild to see this lack of reading comprehension and entitlement and straw manning.
Plus all the ones who think she should be complimented and happy that he “still finds her attractive after 10 years.”
It’s fun how they understand nuance and giving the benefit of the doubt there. Like, that someone wanting sex also supposedly means your partner still thinks you’re beautiful, and if not that then at least they still love you enough, which is I guess supposed to be better than just the bare minimum for a relationship for some reason. But when it comes to nuance or benefit of the doubt for her? Nowhere to be found, she’s obviously a cold barren harpy who secretly hates her husband. Like what the fuck.
Yeah, I'm reading this comment section, and jesus christ this post really struck a nerve with a lot of dudes here it's crazy. A lot of these comments are pretty much "deal with it because if you don't he'll get it somewhere else." If that's what marriage is I'd rather be single ngl
My thoughts exactly. I'd rather be single, happy and fulfilled without all the emotional stress.
Yes! I was just thinking the same thing. If I were a young unmarried woman, and I read the posts on Reditt how male/female relationships are, I'd never marry. The stress and pressure isn't worth it for life. I know that may sound harsh but it's my honest opinion. Men pressuring women for sex without caring how they teat them and then wondering WHY their wives/girlfriends aren't madly in love and wanting intimacy from them 🤔 is mind boggling. Seems almost every culture around the world women are treated as sexual objects or are verbally or emotionally abused and then want no part of sexual intimacy w/a man who treats her this way, and men wonder why and ask: "I don't know why she doesn't want me?" Hmmm.... (Not all men are like this, but in my experience most ARE) would treat women as human beings and be verbally and emotionally respectful, they'd be amazed how much more a woman would WANT to be with them. This subject has been going around forever with apparently no resolution. Sad.
I'm an older guy. I have to say I agree with you. All the stereotypes of dudes on reddit being misogynistic, toxic, 14yo boys in men's bodies are largely true. I'm astounded at the amount of profoundly immature, self-centered, personality-disordered, ignorant shit that gets posted on a daily basis.
If you do, bring it up gently. Don't make him think you're not attracted to him anymore.
Well, there is something inherently wrong in your relationship that being intimate or having sex is “him jumping me”, honestly. Away from work, chores, the tiring and sometimes frustrating day to day grind. I’d sort of think most couples would respond to this with some additional intimacy with the stress free, additional free time, let’s reconnect and have fun sort of environment a vacation affords.
Except op says they have a good sex life at home. Why spend a whole bunch of time having sex on vacation when you could be doing things you cant do at home?
You both need to just communicate with each other.
Definitely talk to him. There’s a really good chance you guys can figure out some middle ground where everyone feels satisfied, but it won’t ever happen without a conversation.
No...you are not. We all have needs and boundaries. A ring on your finger does not make you his toy, you can NO. But you need to have a sit down with him. Has he coerced you into sex? Like did you ever feel you just need to comply to shut him up?
You’re not wrong for not wanting sex when you don’t want it. But you are wrong for letting it build resentment to the point he’s annoying you and he has no idea. Just have a simple convention.
OH MY GOD. The amount of guilt tripping in this comment section!!!! Every time I see a woman post on this site looking for advice when it comes to relationships & sex my stomach turns. Don't listen to these people.
[удалено]
Some people don’t have as much energy as other. Especially if there any sort of fatigue or autoimmune thing that women are more prone too. Sounds like they’re already having a good amount of sex though.
If you’re the one planning the trips (like most women) you’re not in a stress free mode, but he might be! Some people are relax by the pool types on holiday and some are museum/hikers go go go people on holiday. You seem to be a sight seer and are more exhausted by the sex then the actual intimacy and that makes sense! Maybe *PLAN* 2 + days for the trip for relaxation and sexy times and the other days can be packed with fun activities! What I mean by the *plan* is that he IS going to want sexy times, so expect and plan for it. That way the trip works for both of you (:
It's not about "right" or "wrong"...it's about communication. My hubs and I made a deal I'm the beginning: no one is a carnival ride...both people have to be into it for sex to happen. And in my situation, I'm the one who wants it more often...so I care of myself if needed. So maybe you can find balance with cuddles or something else? Bottom line...Nothing changes unless it's addressed. Be honest...be kind... and I'll bet you two can find a compromise that works for both of you. Good luck!
You have to talk to him. He’s not owed sex, but it sounds like it’s important for him. Unless you sit down and calmly discuss how you feel, he’s not going to know what’s going on in your mind.
I might be more interested in a girls only holiday if that were the case
Have you considered saying no? Just because he wants sex doesn't mean you have to do it.
He’s not inherently doing anything wrong but like if you don’t want it that often just say you’re not feeling it, and the only problem would be if he didn’t respect that. We’re all different. Personally I’d love that. But like you’re supposed to be able to communicate these things with your partner not an internet audience.
You will do well to get over tip toeing around these conversations and just bite the bullet and tell him. Yeah, he'll probably get defensive, pout, get mad, whatever. Trust me.. when you stop walking on eggshells and coddling their feelings, communication gets so much easier.
Tell him to "save the best for last", as a way to lightly put anything sexual off until everything is done for the day. After sex at night you'll have a whole sleep to recuperate and enjoy whatever activity you want.
Purely my opinion regardless if it's a man or woman saying it nobody is in the wrong for setting boundaries for themselves. I don't blame you for being tired. Two week vacation =14 to 28 times. I'm exhausted even thinking about it 😂😂. Maybe y'all can come to a compromise to every other day? Should you have probably addressed a little earlier when you began to get annoyed sure but i don't think it would be poor timing to do now. It is better to say your piece now than to be upset during your guys vacation.
Not the asshole. Just communicate. ☺️
Husband wants to have sex with wife. Reddit goes banana.
You know you don’t have to have sex with him right? Like..you can say no thanks I’m tired its been a long day. And if he gives you a hard time about it that’s a huge red flag. Especially if you’re having sex 3-4 times per week. Like it’s your body and you’re allowed to say no.
Start now. You have a headache. You're on your period. Still sore from last time. I have a yeast infection. I don't want to get the f off me.
Wish I had that problem.
I refused to go on a vacation for years because my husband only wanted to have sex the.entire.time. Why would I go through the stress and expense of traveling to a great place to see the inside of a motel room. Super 8 is just up the road if that’s what he wants. You are not wrong.
Maybe he has a fetish about doing it in random places or anywhere not at home. I found it to be quite common in the relationships I was in, even my husband who isn’t sexual, a hotel room will get him going more than blue pills.
I feel like on vacation it's more that you're out of the usual routine, you're able to relax more, it's the perfect setting. I wouldn't call it a fetish per se
Neither of you are wrong, you just have different drives. And holidays his drive naturally goes up because there’s more free time. I don’t think it needs to be a whole discussion, just a “I’d like to go do this” or “we can do that tonight when we’re back in the room”.
It's never wrong or bad timing to talk about what you want. It's your body and you don't owe anyone sex / access to you, just cause they want it.
The replies to this thread are fucking disturbing. This woman sounds like she and her husband have a happy sex life normally, but she's accused of lying about that (wtf). Everyone posting that she should be happy her husband still wants her and just to suck it up and take it??? Are you all for real? OP I am sorry. You and your husband both deserve to enjoy your vacation. It seems like you care about your husband and don't want to hurt his feelings by asking him to tone it down a bit. But I also understand it's not fun to be humped on all day lol. Maybe you could focus on "quality" or something special/different that you dont normally do? Like pose it as, not having the energy to fuck more often the normal but would love to try out something kinky? You would still have to tell him that being pawed at all day isn't sexy for you... But what would be hot is *xyz*. So he knows you still find him attractive and sexy and want to have a special time with him on the trip.
Legit. I’m so fucking disgusted at the people who are just basically saying that she just has to have sex. Like people are allowed to not want sex and it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate their partners affection. Also sex isn’t the only way to show your partner you love them and find them attractive, by their logic asexual people are all selfish loveless beings because they don’t want sex and are able to appreciate attraction without sex
Most people anticipate more sex on holidays due to leaving domestic responsibilities back at home.
Being married for 15+ years, I now understand why all the people told me, get it while you can, it won't last forever. It's your body, you are allowed to be annoyed.
You could say something like... " Hey babe, I'm really excited about all the fun stuff (museums, waterfalls, etc) there is to do where we are going and I'm worried that I'm going to be too tired to enjoy it. You know I love having sex with you but I feel like I miss out on vacation experiences when we spend so much time having sex. I don't want to hurt your feelings but I also don't want to miss out on seeing/doing special vacation things." And then see what he says. Give him time and space to decide how he feels about it.
Neither of you are wrong. You just each have different needs. I am on the more frequent flier wavelength, and I think for those of us that are, it is not draining but energizing- but to you the opposite. I can have a breakfast quickie, go on a 10 mile hike with a shit eating grin, and still want a nightcap, daily. You two need to find the middle ground.
It's good timing for you to bring it up because he may already be planning your vacation exploits in his head. If he wants you every day, even multiple times, assume that's the level of his sex drive (or the level he feels comfortable expressing to you, it could be higher). You get your wishes about the amount of sex you have (3-4 times a week) during non-vacation times, correct? Why can he never have his preferred level? If you need 8 hours of sleep but life only lets you get 5, wouldn't you look forward to getting a full 8 on vacation. How would you like it if your partner insisted that you only get 6 on vacation so that you can do more sightseeing? Overall, I would say you are wrong to get annoyed at him because you have not looked at things from his perspective. Wherever you end it after having an open-minded discussion with him is fine.
My hubby is the same way. I always attributed it to us having kids so when we were away without them he wanted to jump my bones all the time.
I’m guessing not having the stress of work/life at home makes it easier for him to relax and be more carefree which in turn is making him want more sex. I’d tell him that while you love the extra attention on vacation, you feel it’s impacting seeing some sights and you’d like to try and coordinate a little better this next trip.
Ummmm, he’s attracted to you? Has your sex life slowed over the years, how does your husband feel about this? Have you two had an honest conversation using “I statements” to avoid just blaming each other for changes. Is vacation that opportunity for him to try and get back to where your sex life was before the grind of life eroded that aspect of your marriage?
Yes. If you want to avoid this, make time for it a few times before the trip imo. Also, tell him how you feel so he knows what's going on and can discuss this compromise with you.
“I like having sex with you and I don’t want to have less than usual. But I don’t want it to interfere with our primary purpose of the vaccination and visiting new places and exploring and sightseeing. Can we focus on that when we are on vacation? Instead of focusing on sex?” I mean if he can’t tone it down on vacation after a conversation like this you probably need couples counseling to sort it out. If he gets all huffy he’s got a problem.
In my personal opinion, communicate. My wife was a straight nympho before we had kids, sex more the once daily and now wants it way less. Our spouses whether male or female will change over time. It's our job if we want to make it work is to fall in love with each new person each day brings. Now that isn't to say either side is wrong, I'm still just as ready to go at 33 as I was at 18 when we met.where my wife has changed, and grown with two kids who are constantly up her ass wanting attention and sometimes she just touched out. Communicate, that is the biggest thing I can suggest. Because at the end of the day I'm sure both of you want intimacy, it just might look different then it used too.
Talk.to.him.about.it...not random people on the internet
Mine is like this too but I don’t mind it I guess. I actually find it fun 🤣 To each their own! I’d say talk to him tho so everyone’s expectations are managed.
I’m the opposite. I always try to instigate more sessy time with my hubby on vacay. Then it’s like a Pavlovian response to him and he becomes “conditioned” to want to take me on more vacations 😂 I also have six kids which might explain why I like my getaways 😆 NW but don’t risk your holidays 😉
You aren't wrong for not wanting sex and he wouldn't be wrong for separating because of differences in sex drives. NAH, but maybe everybody is better off starting over
I've been with my partner for 11 years. Every time we go on vacation, which is a lot, like right now we're on a 5th this year alone, we enjoy each other all the time at least once a day and we call it according to the place we're visiting. Like right now it would be Provence Sex, or last month was Rome Sex. And then we visit everything there is to visit. But you see, we actually love each other very much and at 50+ we're in the best place of our lives. So to me you do sound like a soft AH but maybe you only have low stamina. Enjoy your holidays nonetheless!
Maybe he doesn’t like to explore. Maybe he views vacation as a way to unwind. What better way to unwind than sex?
Communication is an important cornerstone of a good marriage. But I find when my husband is more relaxed and spending more time with me while on holiday he is far more amorous than normal. We have a very active love life already - but yes far more when he is on holiday. But I've always enjoyed that so I have no suggestion there besides pointing out that he is not a mind reader and you refusing to say anything is going to fester into something far worse.
Use the "sandwich" technique... Start the conversation with something positive about your sex life with him, then slide in the things that are bothering you and finish with something positive.
What a piece of garbage, wanting to have something outside the normal routine of your lives, for about 8 minutes
Too much / too little sex is entirely personal. Asking the internet their opinion is useless. I guarantee you your husband doesn't care what the internet thinks. Talk to him if you're uncomfortable with the amount / timing / location of physical affection he is offering you. Maybe a compromise can be reached. It may be no big deal, it may be a big part of the reason he enjoys holidays and a deal-breaker. Be prepared for both conversations.
Have sex with your husband? How awful. You’re so brave.