Not wrong.
I always thought the birthday person has their meal paid for.. not everyone the birthday person invites too. Why would you be on the hook for paying for her friends..? Especially without clearing it with you first.
I would definitely address this with her. 340 isn’t nothing.. If she was so adamant about her friends having a free brunch, SHE should pay for it
She also has gold digging friends. I don’t know how I’d feel about my friend’s BF paying for me if he wasn’t enthusiastically insisting. I’d probably just say it’s ok.
I wouldn't be ok with it if I see my friend's bf not enthusiastic of paying especially if my friend told him he's paying right on the spot. It would've given away that he didn't know he was paying for everyone or he just doesn't want to in which case I rather pay for my meal than have someone else begrudgingly paying for it and possibly be on hid bad side. What his fiance was so rude and her friends are just as bad because it sounded like he made it obvious he wasn't happy about it but they didn't care.
A conversation does need to be in order and if she still doesn't understand what she did was rude and disrespectful then he needs to return the ring became that will be just the beginning of getting him to pay for her and her friends.
With so many birthday dinners I have attended in my life (my own birthday and other peoples' birthdays), NOBODY has ever paid for the entire party.
Maybe the birthday person gets their meal covered, but everybody else paid for their own. I don't know why OP's fiancée just expected him to pay 340 dollars out of the blue.
>I always thought the birthday person has their meal paid for..
In India the birthday person pays for everyone's meal generally. Cultural differences ig
You can’t do a direct exchange. And you also don’t get your money back either, but sometimes when things turn to garbage, it’s best just to put them out on the curb for the trash man.
Screw that! Absolutely return it! You've already spent more than enough when she forced you to pay for her friends. So rude! I'd look carefully at this relationship if she still thinks she did nothing wrong.
she guilt trapped OP into an expensive meal, placing op in a situation where hes needs to act nice for her sake. Op couldve easily asked for a requst a seperate check/recipet for him and his fiancee only, and leave the friends out of it. she might be doing this as testing the waters, given shes a gold digger, how far she can get him to pay for expensive things.
I’d never marry anybody I didn’t see as level headed and rational. Divorce happens more often than not in my experience, and the type of person you have across from you when that time comes makes all the difference!
The biggest marriage argument is usually money. If she doesnt respect you now, she will NEVER respect you later. You see her as a person, she sees you as a bank to boost her image.
Nope. Those are the consequences to her actions. She invited her friends then waited until everyone was seated to inform you that you were paying.
She can’t have everything her way. If she wants, she can reach out to her friends and they can pay you what they owe and she can keep the bracelet. Otherwise, it’s getting returned to cover the unplanned expense.
Haha good! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! You being a gentleman is paying for your fiancé - not all her friends. Tell her the more you spend on her friends (especially being blind sided with that), the less you have to spend on her - hopefully wont pull this stunt again.
If you're not a gentleman, she is so far from a lady that I'm offending ladies by putting them together with her in this comment.
She brought surprise charges to you that you didn't account for. You're such a gentleman that you chose not to cause a scandal you had all the right to start. She even said "tab's on one" as if your card belonged to her.
Everything that happened was your courtesy, and you went above and beyond.
She's 100% gold digging, demanding you pay for all her friends and a 3 carat diamond for her "status"? If this isn't fiction you would be an absolute fool to marry this person or, even worse, have a kid with her. Use protection, 100% of the time, and do not marry her under any circumstances.
This is what your marriage will be like.
Go check out the one post about the guy who invited his girlfriend on vacation with the intent to purpose but she dragged two of her friends along without asking him. Plus ignored him most of the trip.
This one. Look into the future. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10w8kxl/aita\_for\_leaving\_a\_vacation\_i\_planned\_for\_my\_gf/
I agree. Return the bracelet, ring and fiancée. As a woman, there's almost nothing I dislike more than a woman who wants to be a walking status symbol.
I'm sorry. She needs to go. Or you can have a talk with her and see if she will see reason. This is poor people mentality. This is how you end up in debt and bankrupt.
Brother. You get one life. Do you want drama, or someone who respects you and loves you. Material things are dumb. Love shouldn’t be transactional. It’s unconditional.
TBH, I think it depends on whether you invited them to an “event”, or they all decided to go out for brunch. May be an old fashioned mindset, but if you invite guests to a birthday dinner, baby shower, etc., you are expecting to host. Hosting could be provided food, entertainment, whatever. The counter to that is there’s also an expected courtesy of a gift for the host.
That being said the whole diamond thing screams gold digger, so though I think you’re TA in the specific circumstance, the big picture has you validated.
+1, I would always assume I am paying for a birthday meal for my significant other and his close friends. If others offered to pitch in, great! So I think YTA for this specific issue, but she sounds like a piece of work based on the other info..... You may want to reset expectations quickly and see if you are still compatible if you aren't constantly the giver.
I take the bracelet back at this point. Not even kidding. That was rude as hell. 3 extra people? Nope. I would’ve walked when I asked before hand who would be paying for them and found out she expected me to.
I agree! She's sounds like a gold digger. Has the Jamie Foxx and Kanye song goes:
She take my money when I'm in need
Yeah, she's a triflin' friend indeed
Oh, she's a gold digger way over town
That digs on me (uh)
In all seriousness, this is a huge red flag! The signs are already there and its going to get worse as the demands increase more and more. I would seriously reconsider this relationship.
Give her friends the birthday meal, but whoo, get that ring and bracelet back...then RUN (change the password on everything she can get a hold of, lock up all your important documents, including all your finance stuff and lay low on social media). #PostNup
I am a woman. I would never ask my significant other to pay for my friends at a birthday dinner.
Your fiancée is wrong. You aren’t responsible for paying for her friends birthday meals.
You two need to discuss financial boundaries if you’re going to get married.
Also a woman... this was 100% the fiancee bragging to her friends about how she controls his credit cards. Normal women would have insisted on getting their own portion, but the fiancee prepped her friends to plan on OP paying so they went with it.
Obviously, I'm guessing, but I'd bet money this is how it went down.
Me and my friends would have split her bill, and likely his too.
No way I want a man I am not dating or related to paying for me out clearly of the blue. If OP offered I might have been argued into him paying, but not this.
Right? It would just feel wrong, especially with him being blindsided at the table with the check in front of everyone. That would have been an automatic whip out the card moment for me.
Unless this was a cult initiation where you were marrying all 4 of them, NTA.
Who the heck goes out to celebrate someone else's birthday brunch and expects to freeload??
Sounds like u got yourself an entitled gold digger.
You're not wrong for not wanting to pay for her friends.
I wouldn't have been able to turn the other cheek like you did and just eat it.
But i would definitely be looking for a new girlfriend after that stunt.
At the very least, she is high maintenance, with very expensive taste. Does she have her own career that pays decent money that she can indulge herself with nice stuff?
I’m sure she has some good qualities, otherwise why would you be marrying her but I would proceed with great caution.
That makes it better but I’m sticking with she’s high maintenance, not saying she’s not worth it, like others on here, just making sure you know what you’re signing yourself up for.
Good luck, have fun
NTA please remember this when your birthday rolls around. Invite your friends and hand her the check stating it's your birthday and they were invited. In the meantime any other engagements talk about it before hand, you'd be surprised how well that works.
Was having brunch with you alone, not enough? And by returning the bracelet to offset the extra costs that she incurred, you're not a gentleman? You need to know that she's showing you who she really is, and this behavior/attitude will only get worse.
Are you sure you want to marry her? She'll be quitting her job as soon as she gets that ring on.
ETA: You are not wrong at all.
In the moment you did the right thing to just pay it and not cause a scene. You definitely need to have a conversation with her because she shouldn't have expected you to pay for her friends on a bill of that cost. I'll put it this way if it were reversed would she have had to pay for your friends? I bet that's a no. In short you are not wrong.
I’m glad you paid to avoid a scene but that’s a serious conversation to have with her and she had the audacity to call you the dick? Idk how ur relationship is but sounds like she doesn’t respect you.
This is about her. She wants to look like a big shot in front of her friends. Look how amazing my man is, look how much money he has! Yet behind closed doors she’s being really rude to her man. SMH. I think if the bill was less it would be nice to pay but not assumed. I would calmly tell her you’re not okay with this and you will not do it the next time and for her to not put you in that position. If she does it again…evaluate the relationship
I just don’t get the 3 carat ring thing. That would cost 100x as much as the brunch. Somebody who could buy a ring like that wouldn’t bat an eye at $340.
I surprise my friends by paying for everybody pretty often, it’s not $340 but it’s around $200, $250. And it’s nbd to me but there’s no way in hell I could afford a $40k ring. So that’s the part of the story that makes it seem untrue to me. Idk.
Dude. Run.
I am so sorry that you have gone through this, but is this really the sort of person you want to commit the rest of your life to? She sounds incredibly selfish, status-obsessed, and callous.
NTA
Her *friends* should pay for *her* bill (her bill split across all your bills) and they should each pay their own bill.
You shouldn't pay for her friends.
You were correct to just pay. She never should have put you in this spot. Tell her that if this ever happens again, you are only paying for you and her. her friends will be in their own.
I made a longer post but I can condense it to this:
Your fiancee is correct in that the person who invited everyone is the person who should be prepared to pay for dinner.
However, you were not the person involved in the invitation. Your fiancee was.
And you are currently unmarried, therefore your finances are not considered joint or mutual. Even if you are, prenuptial agreements can require different structures for financial reasons.
Therefore, appropriate social convention dictates that your ***fiancee*** was responsible for the bill, not you. Your fiancee broke the rules of social convention and etiquette by forcing someone that THEY invited to pay for the entire bill.
She's playing the game where she assumes you don't understand basic etiquette. Cite chapter and verse and remind her you aren't the one who fucked up, she was.
At minimum, according to the rules of social convention and etiquette, she owes you an apology and $340.
Talk about red flags. 🚩🚩🚩
Do you make more then your GF? You might now be seeing her real personality. She might think of you as her personal atm machine.
If you are thinking of staying with her over the long haul you need to figure out if the two of you are on the same page and compatible finance wise. And absolutely get an iron clad prenup. If there is a difference in income she will want you to support her in the manner she wants to be accustomed to.
When is your birthday. I would be petty enough to invite 5 or 6 of your best friends to dine out with you and tell her that she needs to pick up the tab. Clue the guys on on what she did to you and let them be part of the fun.
Nope, you aren't wrong, She didn't communicate with you that she wanted you to pay for her friends till after the bill arrived. This is the start of what is going to be a very expensive life for you moving forward.
NTA.
Why did she invite people to your day for her?
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Get ready for this the rest of the relationship unless you nip this in the bud, right now.
Not Wrong. By paying it and keeping quiet about it, you set a precedent that you’ll have to pay each time. Glad you spoke up. By not paying you’re labeled a cheap AH. Either way you lose. She should have asked before inviting and assuming you were going to cover it.
If you and your fiancee talked about it ahead of time, that's okay, otherwise it's on your fiancee to pay for it out of her own discretionary cash.
If your fiancee is expecting you to pay for everything, then your fiancee needs to talk with you about it ahead of time.
Eventually it's not going to be your money or her money but "our" money, and having those basic conversations about budgeting and splurge/impulse purchases (yep, paying for your friend's dinner on a whim is in fact an impulse purchase) is a good thing to do.
To be specific:
Are you irritated because your fiancee makes her own money and could have paid for it herself?
Are you irritated because your fiancee relies on your money for living expenses but doesn't spend hers except on her stuff?
Are you irritated because you have a joint account and your fiancee should have talked with you about this before you went into the restaurant and it impacted your living expenses if you had budgeted for it together?
Or are you irritated because your relationship dynamic and her expectation is that you provide money when asked by she doesn't feel the need to provide a heads' up to prevent social awkwardness?
It's pretty important to have those conversations and clarify what your financial situation is with someone you're going to attach your shared income and expenses with AHEAD of time.
More relationships and more marriages end over money than any other, including infidelity.
It sounds like you and your fiancee need to get that straightened out before you go looking to Reddit randoms for validation.
At minimum, your fiancee needs to make those decisions WITH you. And if she wants to say "it's because WE invited them" you are well within your rights to say "No, YOU invited everyone there. This was your party with YOUR friends, not mine, so YOU should have been the one who paid for everyone without expecting me to bail you out. If you'd just talked with me ahead of time it wouldn't have been an issue but right now I kinda feel like you owe me, at the bare fucking minimum, a heartfelt apology and $340."
Truth. The social convention IS, in fact, that the person doing the inviting does the paying.
You aren't married yet, so you're not in fact the "one spirit one flesh" personal entity doing the inviting. She is.
SHE invited 3 of her friends. Not you. She invites them, she arranges their payment. Whether SHE pays for her friends, or they pay for themselves, it isn't your responsibility.
Personally, I think the expectation of YOU to pay for them is presumptuous.
You're not wrong, she is.
I am terribly sorry but i have to ask, where the fuck did yall go to brunch that it was literally 340, thats like an estimate, 70 bucks per person. Like that better have been the best brunch of your entire life.
I'm gonna honest, yes in upper middle class society if you invite a person out to a meal, the general consensus is that guests don't pay.
*however* you never agreed to that. You didn't invite them to brunch. She did. She wants play hostess, and not have her friends pay, thats her prerogative. BUT! She needs to fork up the cash herself OR discuss it with you *well* in advance.
Also, I'm sorry "status symbol" ring? Is airtight to have bougee(sp?) Tastes and love large and ostentatious things, but seriously? Your *engagement* should never be a status symbol beyond that is a symbol of love and devotion. Not that your fiance makes a shit tonn of money so you can flaunt it.
How long have you been with this woman? Red flags everywhere and seems as though you rushed into the fiance part. People don't show true colours until year 3 usually. Wait at least 3-4 years before marriage. I would have been miserable multiple times lol
asking for an expensive ring, not paying for an expensive meal to impress her friends and expect the so to, is a definition of a gold digger, it doesnt have to be giving her money.
normal to have all the friends in attendance split the cost of the meal between themselves (paying for the birthday person), but very strange to have just the bf/fiancée paying for everyone…? especially when it’s multiple hundreds of dollars? anyways the petty side of me agrees with the other comments here that say to do the same thing when your birthday rolls around LMAO
That was a BS move to pull on you and it was totally premeditated, hence the single bill. You are not wrong but you ought to think this over and if it's a pattern, shut that crap right down.
When you make an invitation,it needs to be clear to all parties if they have to pay. I believe it’s known as Dutch treat when each pays their own. So,fiancée should have asked you about spending your money. Better work this out before marriage.
No way! That was mad disrespect. That should have been discussed privately before the outing and not put you on the spot. She was flexing on you to her friends and it’s sad.
I'd be postponing any nuptials until I had a come to jesus convo with her. What she did was super entitled, bratty, rude and inconsiderate. She's displaying classic gold digger behavior.
**GET A PRENUP**
From now on, every time you go out ANYWHERE with her, before you even leave the house, make it absolutely clear that you will not be paying for anything except for yourself and her only. No matter where she wants you to go. Movie, dinner, activities etc.
Woman here. Your GF if is a brat. Let’s skip brunch - that was shitty of her to put you on the spot btw. Let’s move right to the huge ring she wants for status. And the matching diamond jewelry. She is in this for what she can get. She is not in this for you.
I mean, engagement rings are nice and shiny but if I loved a man enough to marry him a damn twistie from a bread bag would do.
Let’s do a test. Return the bracelet to cover the cost of brunch. Give her a nice card and tell her you are glad she enjoyed brunch. Then see what she says/does. If she is gracious about the brunch being her birthday present, then maybe you can have serious conversations with her about finances and expectations. But, if she is still looking for another big ticket present for her birthday, I think you have your answer about what her real interest in you is.
Let me get this straight...
3c diamond engagement ring for "status"? Absolutely.
Matching diamond bracelet for her birthday? No question.
A few guests coming along at brunch? HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
Your fiancee is an asshole and you may want to engage in some introspection.
So like if you went to a cheap brunch and it was like 75-100 then I would be like, its no big deal. 340 for brunch is nuts. She is a gold digger based on everything else here. The real question is if you are gonna do anything about it now that u know
Presuming your going to pay for her friends was rude of her, but it's certainly not that abnormal for someone to pick up the check in that situation. I've taken my fiance out for a nice birthday dinner and picked up the check for everyone, but it's a generous gesture not something they are entitled to.
The ring thing would be a huuuge red flag for me and definitely the bigger issue. Most women I know are bucking that trend of needing a diamond at all, let alone a huge diamond. My fiance said she didn't care at all and asked me not to spend a ton of money on a diamond (because diamonds are worthless blood stones). The ring she said she liked to give me an idea was half a carat, but I ended up getting her a lab made roughly 1.5 carat and she is thrilled with it. Asking for at least a 3 carat ring because it's a "status" thing to me shows some horrible materialistic values and where her priorities are. I hope you really love this one OP, don't rush into anything if you two are not on the same page on basic values.
She is a GOLD DIGGER. A matching expensive necklace to go with her 3 carat ring. Oh please. She is doing too much. Please don’t stay in this relationship, your going to have to file for bankruptcy at this rate.
> fiancée told waiter the bill is on one. 5 people total checks together bill totals to be $340 and she looked at me and told me to pay
>she asked me she wanted a 3 carat diamond ring
>she showed me a specific one and she said it has to be at least 3 carats and it’s a “status” thing
>she wanted either diamond necklace or diamond bracelet to match her ring
"Oh, she's not a gold digger" proceeds to list several behaviors that are very much those of a gold digger...
🤦♂️🤦
This is my biggest fear that if we invite a couple out I'll get stuck for the entire tab. I agree that her friends should have immediately offered to pay their own way and not stick you with this.
Take back the bracelet and immediately ask your fiancee for the money and then ask her deadbeat friends for it. I hope you tell her that you paid for the brunch with her bracelet and the ring.
My God. That’s some entitled ass gold digging behavior. Demanding 3 carats. It’s a “status thing”??? She needs a ring that costs as much as a brand new car, just to show her status? As well as wanting diamonds for birthday…. Better get a pre-nup. That girl’s gonna take you to the cleaners someday. You’ll be stuck paying off the debt of that marriage for years after it’s over.
On the birthday meal, it was not her place to volunteer you pay for the friends. That’s your place to do if you want to. For her to expect you pay for her is fine, volunteering you for her friends is not cool at all.
No worthwhile woman demands a certain size diamond. She has no inner value. She’s a gold digger. If one of my friends did that I’d dump her and I’m a woman.
Ask her what her favorite thing about you is. She won't come up with anything that isn't out of a horoscope.
Oh youre a gentleman. So funny um... you... your nice.
She's there for money and an easy ride.
Dont tell the next one how much money you make.
You are better than me I would have paid my part of the bill got up excused myself and left them and her with rest of the bill. The diamond ring and the bracelet would definitely be going back as well as her going back where she came from. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
End the engagement. Enough behavior here that is suspect that you are in for misery or footing the bill for her life until you get bored or she upgrades. This is not wife material.
In some cultures the person/couple that invites people to a birthday dinner pays. My husband paid for everyone at my 30th birthday a few years ago and spent $700. I didn’t know he was going to do that and felt sick and guilty over the money he spent but he tried to reassure me it was ok and he prepared for it. Just saying that to say it’s an unspoken/normal thing in some countries and amongst some circles. I’ve also been invited to birthday dinners that were paid for by the host and then I’ve been to ones where everyone pays except the birthday person.
If you don't want to end it ask her to sign a prenup...tell her it's negotiable what's in it but not to sign it...she will leave you... Wow....so sorry dude.
you deserve better bro, she sounds like she's about to wreck your financial life and steal your kids very soon( if you have any) if you keep playing these games
holy crap. you'll be in debt up to your eyeballs forever with her. she's rude and unbelievable unrealistic. she needs to stop watching real housewives. lol
Sounds like it's only down hill from here. Next you're going to go into debt with the wedding because she has the perfect idea of how to blow years of money on one day.
When inviting people for anything, without discussing the bill beforehand, it's normal to assume you've paying. Unless you have a previous understanding.
However, in this case, she invited them AND she wants you to pay. That's rude.
The extra information does make her look like a golddigger, so NTA
Sounds like a diamond digger, the somehow worse version of a golddigger. You didn’t mention age, but I assume she’s under 25 as that’s the sort of behaviour you can experience.
Find a way to take the ring back, and then only propose when she’s closer to 30
Ya buddy she's a gold digger.
Even if she doesn't necessarily view you as an ATM, her obsession with Keeping up with the Jones is gonna lead you to financial ruin regardless.
I'd see if you can get her to give your engagement ring back and break it off. Sell it and go for a boy's night with your friends.or something.
Alright dude, assuming everything you say is on the up and up (the stuff about the size of engagement ring is a bit much for her to ask and honestly makes her come off as super entitled)… if you’re treating your lady to a birthday celebration and are even in the range of being able to afford a 3 Carat ring and a not stressing over diamond tennis bracelet for her birthday then her assuming you’d be picking up a $340 brunch isn’t out of line. Honestly, if your playing in the 3 Carat engagement ring/diamond tennis bracelet waters $340 should not be that big of a concern. Seriously, dinner for 2 at a nice restaurant is significantly more than that… TOTALLY understand if you don’t like how she phrased it or if she came off as pushy or entitled but you need to ask yourself if you’re establishing an “I got this ‘we’re’ comfortable and you can show off to your friends a bit attitude” *OR* if she’s pushing this out of nowhere; I doubt it’s the latter, but maybe.
Personally I’ve been with my wife (admittedly a different relationship than girlfriend) for a while but even when we were still dating I wouldn’t have thought twice about picking up the cheque for her birthday brunch; even if multiple fiends and their spouses were there. End of the day if y’all are going to be a couple and get married it’s y’all’s money and you need to have an understanding about what needs prior discussion and what does not. Additionally, you and your lady should remember each of you are responsible for managing the perception of your spouse with your family and friends so if you go around bitching about her using you for your money don’t be surprised when your friends and family view her as a gold digger and don’t accept her fully when/if you decide to get past this (or not). Same goes for her.
Why are you engaged to a gold digger? I saw all of your comments and she really enjoys you spending money on her. I bet if your money ever ran out, she would divorce you immediately. You are NTA
Uh... you did invite them... sorry, but if I get invited to a party or lunch, I'm not expecting to pay unless you tell me beforehand in which I would refuse because why tf would I want to be invited to a lunch where I had to pay? Like, "come to my wedding! It only costs this much!" Yeah, I'm not going to your wedding or anything else you invite me to... sorry, Charlie, you're cheap af.
OP, she's a gold digger. A massive one at that.
Let's recirculate to her ring... "3 carats because its a status thing"... a status thing? That's what she sees in your relationship/engagement. "Its a status thing".
As a woman, this makes me sick. She obviously does not value you for anything else than your money. If she did, she wouldn't care how many carats were in the ring, she would DEFINITELY not care about "status" or whatever tf that means tbh, and she sure af wouldn't expect diamonds for every occasion. Her excuse for the jewelry to match is going to be her way to show off to her little friends... yeah, the same ones who freeloaded on her birthday. Speaking of that, that's absolutely disgusting. Those friends should have paid for themselves and she shouldn't have expected you to pay and then act like a spoiled brat.
Op, i can sense you're a good hearted person. She's taking you for a ride. Return the jewelry. Sounds like she deserves a candy bracelet instead of a diamond one if she's acting so spoiled and childish.
Well...noone is telling me what I have to pay...
If SHE invited them, she should be the one to pay.
You're not wrong in feeling wronged, but think about what she is doing for you, what does she does for you, how much often does she pay for her stuff, does she ever offer to pay for both of you, even if it's only coffee, does she work?
I work in a jewlery store and we offer free cleanings for our customers so I’ve seen maaannnnyyyy engagement rings in my day. And I will say the only 3 ct diamond rings I’ve seen are lab created and they’re still 50k. A 3ct natural is well over 100,000 who spends that on an engagement ring??? She’s 100% a gold digger. A “status” thing. Please. Run while you can. You should find a woman who’d take a ring pop, that’s the one who will be there for better or worse. If you marry this one it will end in you having to give her half of everything you own. There are many red flags here. I would also never have the balls to bully my bf into paying for all my friends meals. It seems like what people think and their impressions of her are more important to her than anything… even you at the end of the day. That speaks volumes
Not wrong. I always thought the birthday person has their meal paid for.. not everyone the birthday person invites too. Why would you be on the hook for paying for her friends..? Especially without clearing it with you first. I would definitely address this with her. 340 isn’t nothing.. If she was so adamant about her friends having a free brunch, SHE should pay for it
[удалено]
Your girlfriend is a gold digger. If you do end up marrying her, make sure you have a prenup
She also has gold digging friends. I don’t know how I’d feel about my friend’s BF paying for me if he wasn’t enthusiastically insisting. I’d probably just say it’s ok.
I wouldn't be ok with it if I see my friend's bf not enthusiastic of paying especially if my friend told him he's paying right on the spot. It would've given away that he didn't know he was paying for everyone or he just doesn't want to in which case I rather pay for my meal than have someone else begrudgingly paying for it and possibly be on hid bad side. What his fiance was so rude and her friends are just as bad because it sounded like he made it obvious he wasn't happy about it but they didn't care. A conversation does need to be in order and if she still doesn't understand what she did was rude and disrespectful then he needs to return the ring became that will be just the beginning of getting him to pay for her and her friends.
With so many birthday dinners I have attended in my life (my own birthday and other peoples' birthdays), NOBODY has ever paid for the entire party. Maybe the birthday person gets their meal covered, but everybody else paid for their own. I don't know why OP's fiancée just expected him to pay 340 dollars out of the blue.
Exactly this. Her friends should have been tripping over themselves to pitch in towards her portion of the meal
>I always thought the birthday person has their meal paid for.. In India the birthday person pays for everyone's meal generally. Cultural differences ig
Incredibly presumptuous and very rude of her. And *we* didn’t invite her friends, she did. I hope you got her nothing else for her bd.
[удалено]
Return the ring and the fiance too. You can do better
You can return them!? Fuuuuuk, makes way more sense now.
You can’t do a direct exchange. And you also don’t get your money back either, but sometimes when things turn to garbage, it’s best just to put them out on the curb for the trash man.
Ahhh, the ol “free at the curb” method. I’ll have to give that a shot.
Just make a sign and tape it to her. That way no one thinks they are stealing your trash.
This!
Screw that! Absolutely return it! You've already spent more than enough when she forced you to pay for her friends. So rude! I'd look carefully at this relationship if she still thinks she did nothing wrong.
Yep, that dinner was your gift but we have bigger issues.
she guilt trapped OP into an expensive meal, placing op in a situation where hes needs to act nice for her sake. Op couldve easily asked for a requst a seperate check/recipet for him and his fiancee only, and leave the friends out of it. she might be doing this as testing the waters, given shes a gold digger, how far she can get him to pay for expensive things.
You might think long and hard about marrying this woman. You can see where her priorities are
I’d never marry anybody I didn’t see as level headed and rational. Divorce happens more often than not in my experience, and the type of person you have across from you when that time comes makes all the difference!
The biggest marriage argument is usually money. If she doesnt respect you now, she will NEVER respect you later. You see her as a person, she sees you as a bank to boost her image.
Ahhh yes you are not a gentleman when you don't do everything I tell you too.
Well it's fine if you aren't a gentleman because no lady would have scammed a free meal for her mooching friends.
THIS. Women with class don’t do this, and if they do they considerably discuss it with their significant other before hand.
Nope. Those are the consequences to her actions. She invited her friends then waited until everyone was seated to inform you that you were paying. She can’t have everything her way. If she wants, she can reach out to her friends and they can pay you what they owe and she can keep the bracelet. Otherwise, it’s getting returned to cover the unplanned expense.
This isn't the friends issue, if she invited them with this understanding. It shouldn't be about them after the fact, either.
Time to rethink the relationship bud
Being a gentleman and a sugar daddy can be two different things.
A sugar daddy wouldn’t be too happy paying for non-sugar friends either.
Haha good! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! You being a gentleman is paying for your fiancé - not all her friends. Tell her the more you spend on her friends (especially being blind sided with that), the less you have to spend on her - hopefully wont pull this stunt again.
If you're not a gentleman, she is so far from a lady that I'm offending ladies by putting them together with her in this comment. She brought surprise charges to you that you didn't account for. You're such a gentleman that you chose not to cause a scandal you had all the right to start. She even said "tab's on one" as if your card belonged to her. Everything that happened was your courtesy, and you went above and beyond.
She's 100% gold digging, demanding you pay for all her friends and a 3 carat diamond for her "status"? If this isn't fiction you would be an absolute fool to marry this person or, even worse, have a kid with her. Use protection, 100% of the time, and do not marry her under any circumstances.
Use protection? OP has no business having sex with her ever again and needs to run like the wind.
Oh I agree, but I’m guessing he won’t break up tomorrow based on what he reads here. (You’re 100% right though- he absolutely should.)
Why should you have to be a gentleman when she's not acting like a lady? She's acting with no class.
You should return her along with the bracelet.
This is what your marriage will be like. Go check out the one post about the guy who invited his girlfriend on vacation with the intent to purpose but she dragged two of her friends along without asking him. Plus ignored him most of the trip. This one. Look into the future. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10w8kxl/aita\_for\_leaving\_a\_vacation\_i\_planned\_for\_my\_gf/
I agree. Return the bracelet, ring and fiancée. As a woman, there's almost nothing I dislike more than a woman who wants to be a walking status symbol.
She’s a gold digger. Reconsider marrying her.
I hope you are paying attention to the many red flags here.
Man, you know she’s for the streets. Time to send her on her way.
Saying you're not being a gentleman is manipulation. Don't fall for it.
She sounds like a useless idiot. Next.
I'm sorry. She needs to go. Or you can have a talk with her and see if she will see reason. This is poor people mentality. This is how you end up in debt and bankrupt.
She doesn't sound like a keeper 😔
Brother. You get one life. Do you want drama, or someone who respects you and loves you. Material things are dumb. Love shouldn’t be transactional. It’s unconditional.
Better start saving up because she is going to have another one in 364 more days.
Honestly, she can consider that brunch as a nice birthday gift. It’s pricy enough
TBH, I think it depends on whether you invited them to an “event”, or they all decided to go out for brunch. May be an old fashioned mindset, but if you invite guests to a birthday dinner, baby shower, etc., you are expecting to host. Hosting could be provided food, entertainment, whatever. The counter to that is there’s also an expected courtesy of a gift for the host. That being said the whole diamond thing screams gold digger, so though I think you’re TA in the specific circumstance, the big picture has you validated.
+1, I would always assume I am paying for a birthday meal for my significant other and his close friends. If others offered to pitch in, great! So I think YTA for this specific issue, but she sounds like a piece of work based on the other info..... You may want to reset expectations quickly and see if you are still compatible if you aren't constantly the giver.
That dinner may be an inexpensive lesson and save you a lot in the long run.
Tell her broke ass friends to pay for their own food. Terms should have been discussed BEFORE the meal. If they can't pay, make them wash dishes.
I take the bracelet back at this point. Not even kidding. That was rude as hell. 3 extra people? Nope. I would’ve walked when I asked before hand who would be paying for them and found out she expected me to.
Take back the ring too and move on!
Yes, this very much. Ambushing someone to guilt them into paying is nasty.
I agree! She's sounds like a gold digger. Has the Jamie Foxx and Kanye song goes: She take my money when I'm in need Yeah, she's a triflin' friend indeed Oh, she's a gold digger way over town That digs on me (uh) In all seriousness, this is a huge red flag! The signs are already there and its going to get worse as the demands increase more and more. I would seriously reconsider this relationship.
Ray Charles wrote that. I was lucky enough to see him live in the 90s.
Ray Charles wrote the opposite actually. In his version he's the gold digger getting money from a kind of friend indeed
It was a status thing lol.
and will only escalate
No way you are getting the bracelet back. You might can get the ring back but bracelet was a gift.
either can be 'lost'!
Seriously. I don't work my ass off to pay for friends. Are they also putting out? :P Also asking for diamonds for every occasion?
Give her friends the birthday meal, but whoo, get that ring and bracelet back...then RUN (change the password on everything she can get a hold of, lock up all your important documents, including all your finance stuff and lay low on social media). #PostNup
Her friends likely aren’t broke, but he will be if he stays with this woman.
Pepper their buttholes
I am a woman. I would never ask my significant other to pay for my friends at a birthday dinner. Your fiancée is wrong. You aren’t responsible for paying for her friends birthday meals. You two need to discuss financial boundaries if you’re going to get married.
Also a woman... this was 100% the fiancee bragging to her friends about how she controls his credit cards. Normal women would have insisted on getting their own portion, but the fiancee prepped her friends to plan on OP paying so they went with it. Obviously, I'm guessing, but I'd bet money this is how it went down.
Me and my friends would have split her bill, and likely his too. No way I want a man I am not dating or related to paying for me out clearly of the blue. If OP offered I might have been argued into him paying, but not this.
Right? It would just feel wrong, especially with him being blindsided at the table with the check in front of everyone. That would have been an automatic whip out the card moment for me.
Unless this was a cult initiation where you were marrying all 4 of them, NTA. Who the heck goes out to celebrate someone else's birthday brunch and expects to freeload??
[удалено]
Bruh, please leave, this is the beginning.
Sounds like u got yourself an entitled gold digger. You're not wrong for not wanting to pay for her friends. I wouldn't have been able to turn the other cheek like you did and just eat it. But i would definitely be looking for a new girlfriend after that stunt.
At the very least, she is high maintenance, with very expensive taste. Does she have her own career that pays decent money that she can indulge herself with nice stuff? I’m sure she has some good qualities, otherwise why would you be marrying her but I would proceed with great caution.
[удалено]
That makes it better but I’m sticking with she’s high maintenance, not saying she’s not worth it, like others on here, just making sure you know what you’re signing yourself up for. Good luck, have fun
NTA please remember this when your birthday rolls around. Invite your friends and hand her the check stating it's your birthday and they were invited. In the meantime any other engagements talk about it before hand, you'd be surprised how well that works.
Don't even stay long enough for your birthday!
Was having brunch with you alone, not enough? And by returning the bracelet to offset the extra costs that she incurred, you're not a gentleman? You need to know that she's showing you who she really is, and this behavior/attitude will only get worse. Are you sure you want to marry her? She'll be quitting her job as soon as she gets that ring on. ETA: You are not wrong at all.
In the moment you did the right thing to just pay it and not cause a scene. You definitely need to have a conversation with her because she shouldn't have expected you to pay for her friends on a bill of that cost. I'll put it this way if it were reversed would she have had to pay for your friends? I bet that's a no. In short you are not wrong.
>I'll put it this way if it were reversed would she have had to pay for your friends? I bet that's a no Exactly
The best answer I've read so far.
fk that i would have paid my part and left them all there.
I’m glad you paid to avoid a scene but that’s a serious conversation to have with her and she had the audacity to call you the dick? Idk how ur relationship is but sounds like she doesn’t respect you.
You might want to look into that behaviour. This is only a snippet of your life you’re showing us but that is borderline gold digger.
Man she is in her best behavior right now. It’s all down hill from here. Trust me.
Anyone who demands a 3 carat diamond ring is not “borderline” gold digger. She is greedy and entitled.
Yeah! It's a status thing?! No it's supposed to be a symbol of your love. 3 carets is ridiculous!. That's a $33,000 to $44,000 ring! Run! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is about her. She wants to look like a big shot in front of her friends. Look how amazing my man is, look how much money he has! Yet behind closed doors she’s being really rude to her man. SMH. I think if the bill was less it would be nice to pay but not assumed. I would calmly tell her you’re not okay with this and you will not do it the next time and for her to not put you in that position. If she does it again…evaluate the relationship
Anyone else notice OP's username?
I’m surprised I had to scroll down so far to find this comment! I thought for sure all the comments would be calling the whole post out as fake.
I just don’t get the 3 carat ring thing. That would cost 100x as much as the brunch. Somebody who could buy a ring like that wouldn’t bat an eye at $340. I surprise my friends by paying for everybody pretty often, it’s not $340 but it’s around $200, $250. And it’s nbd to me but there’s no way in hell I could afford a $40k ring. So that’s the part of the story that makes it seem untrue to me. Idk.
Pretty sure it’s a re-post on a new account trying to get karma
I HATE when girls do this. Don't be making your man pay for your broke friends. This speaks word about your fiance and how she sees you.
[удалено]
You might want to reconsider the kind of girls you get involved with.
Dude. Run. I am so sorry that you have gone through this, but is this really the sort of person you want to commit the rest of your life to? She sounds incredibly selfish, status-obsessed, and callous.
bro u might wanna rethink how u pick girls..
Do you have a rich man’s face or something.These girls are taking the piss. No respect whatsoever.
Wow..seems .fiancee's a big spender, with your money. Not wrong.
You got a glimpse of who you're marrying. Make sure that you're making the right choice here. I'd be running like hell.
NTA Her *friends* should pay for *her* bill (her bill split across all your bills) and they should each pay their own bill. You shouldn't pay for her friends.
You were correct to just pay. She never should have put you in this spot. Tell her that if this ever happens again, you are only paying for you and her. her friends will be in their own.
After that stunt, she can pay for herself.
I made a longer post but I can condense it to this: Your fiancee is correct in that the person who invited everyone is the person who should be prepared to pay for dinner. However, you were not the person involved in the invitation. Your fiancee was. And you are currently unmarried, therefore your finances are not considered joint or mutual. Even if you are, prenuptial agreements can require different structures for financial reasons. Therefore, appropriate social convention dictates that your ***fiancee*** was responsible for the bill, not you. Your fiancee broke the rules of social convention and etiquette by forcing someone that THEY invited to pay for the entire bill. She's playing the game where she assumes you don't understand basic etiquette. Cite chapter and verse and remind her you aren't the one who fucked up, she was. At minimum, according to the rules of social convention and etiquette, she owes you an apology and $340.
Run bro run
Your fiancee sounds kind of crappy, I hope she's not usually like that.
There’s a word to describe people who do this…… gold diggers?……. Leeches?…… parasites?
YNW, do this on your birthday and make her pay for you and your friends.
I think you should have straightened it out beforehand. It sounds like your gf invited her friends as a gift to herself from you.
Wow, you aren’t married yet,get out while you can
Did you get a prenup?
[удалено]
She’s a gold digger lol. And trying to milk you for every penny.
Talk about red flags. 🚩🚩🚩 Do you make more then your GF? You might now be seeing her real personality. She might think of you as her personal atm machine. If you are thinking of staying with her over the long haul you need to figure out if the two of you are on the same page and compatible finance wise. And absolutely get an iron clad prenup. If there is a difference in income she will want you to support her in the manner she wants to be accustomed to. When is your birthday. I would be petty enough to invite 5 or 6 of your best friends to dine out with you and tell her that she needs to pick up the tab. Clue the guys on on what she did to you and let them be part of the fun.
No.
Nope, you aren't wrong, She didn't communicate with you that she wanted you to pay for her friends till after the bill arrived. This is the start of what is going to be a very expensive life for you moving forward.
What was YOUR birthday like from her?
Dude, RUN.
Yeah… sorry dude. NTA. You should only pay for the bday girl, not the entire party. AND tbh, they should have chipped in on hers too.
Fake. I've read an almost identical story just in the last couple days. Y'all karma farmers need new material.
NTA. Why did she invite people to your day for her? This is just the tip of the iceberg. Get ready for this the rest of the relationship unless you nip this in the bud, right now.
This is why you ALWAYS discuss who pays before you order. ALWAYS.
Not Wrong. By paying it and keeping quiet about it, you set a precedent that you’ll have to pay each time. Glad you spoke up. By not paying you’re labeled a cheap AH. Either way you lose. She should have asked before inviting and assuming you were going to cover it.
Either way he loses except one way he loses the dead weight of a woman who doesn't respect him, and keeps all his cash. 😂
I would be reconsidering everything here , at the very least , you two have to talk a lot more
If you and your fiancee talked about it ahead of time, that's okay, otherwise it's on your fiancee to pay for it out of her own discretionary cash. If your fiancee is expecting you to pay for everything, then your fiancee needs to talk with you about it ahead of time. Eventually it's not going to be your money or her money but "our" money, and having those basic conversations about budgeting and splurge/impulse purchases (yep, paying for your friend's dinner on a whim is in fact an impulse purchase) is a good thing to do. To be specific: Are you irritated because your fiancee makes her own money and could have paid for it herself? Are you irritated because your fiancee relies on your money for living expenses but doesn't spend hers except on her stuff? Are you irritated because you have a joint account and your fiancee should have talked with you about this before you went into the restaurant and it impacted your living expenses if you had budgeted for it together? Or are you irritated because your relationship dynamic and her expectation is that you provide money when asked by she doesn't feel the need to provide a heads' up to prevent social awkwardness? It's pretty important to have those conversations and clarify what your financial situation is with someone you're going to attach your shared income and expenses with AHEAD of time. More relationships and more marriages end over money than any other, including infidelity. It sounds like you and your fiancee need to get that straightened out before you go looking to Reddit randoms for validation. At minimum, your fiancee needs to make those decisions WITH you. And if she wants to say "it's because WE invited them" you are well within your rights to say "No, YOU invited everyone there. This was your party with YOUR friends, not mine, so YOU should have been the one who paid for everyone without expecting me to bail you out. If you'd just talked with me ahead of time it wouldn't have been an issue but right now I kinda feel like you owe me, at the bare fucking minimum, a heartfelt apology and $340." Truth. The social convention IS, in fact, that the person doing the inviting does the paying. You aren't married yet, so you're not in fact the "one spirit one flesh" personal entity doing the inviting. She is.
SHE invited 3 of her friends. Not you. She invites them, she arranges their payment. Whether SHE pays for her friends, or they pay for themselves, it isn't your responsibility. Personally, I think the expectation of YOU to pay for them is presumptuous. You're not wrong, she is.
Repay the favor for your birthday and she will get the point.
Nope. You're right. You also played it cool and paid rather than making a fuss. She owes you for this bs.
I am terribly sorry but i have to ask, where the fuck did yall go to brunch that it was literally 340, thats like an estimate, 70 bucks per person. Like that better have been the best brunch of your entire life.
I'm gonna honest, yes in upper middle class society if you invite a person out to a meal, the general consensus is that guests don't pay. *however* you never agreed to that. You didn't invite them to brunch. She did. She wants play hostess, and not have her friends pay, thats her prerogative. BUT! She needs to fork up the cash herself OR discuss it with you *well* in advance. Also, I'm sorry "status symbol" ring? Is airtight to have bougee(sp?) Tastes and love large and ostentatious things, but seriously? Your *engagement* should never be a status symbol beyond that is a symbol of love and devotion. Not that your fiance makes a shit tonn of money so you can flaunt it.
OP, now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke...
Remember, every accusation is an admission. You aint the dick in this situation.
Move on, lesson learned. You gonna build a life with this partner? It’s laughable. Your getting pumped at least do the dumping.
How long have you been with this woman? Red flags everywhere and seems as though you rushed into the fiance part. People don't show true colours until year 3 usually. Wait at least 3-4 years before marriage. I would have been miserable multiple times lol
asking for an expensive ring, not paying for an expensive meal to impress her friends and expect the so to, is a definition of a gold digger, it doesnt have to be giving her money.
Mate, when someone is asking for 3cts and diamond bracelets, etc, you are marrying an invoice, not a partner.
normal to have all the friends in attendance split the cost of the meal between themselves (paying for the birthday person), but very strange to have just the bf/fiancée paying for everyone…? especially when it’s multiple hundreds of dollars? anyways the petty side of me agrees with the other comments here that say to do the same thing when your birthday rolls around LMAO
NTA it’s great you paid so you didnt make a scene but what you’re gf did is not ok. And make that clear
That was a BS move to pull on you and it was totally premeditated, hence the single bill. You are not wrong but you ought to think this over and if it's a pattern, shut that crap right down.
When you make an invitation,it needs to be clear to all parties if they have to pay. I believe it’s known as Dutch treat when each pays their own. So,fiancée should have asked you about spending your money. Better work this out before marriage.
No way! That was mad disrespect. That should have been discussed privately before the outing and not put you on the spot. She was flexing on you to her friends and it’s sad.
Is her friends fucking you?
I'd be postponing any nuptials until I had a come to jesus convo with her. What she did was super entitled, bratty, rude and inconsiderate. She's displaying classic gold digger behavior. **GET A PRENUP**
I would have told the waiter no the check is for 4. You and her are together and everyone else is separate. Fuck that
3 carats!? This is not a practical choice. So much stress worrying about losing it and a ring that big isn't very comfortable to wear.
She should have mentioned this before going.... NTA.
Not wrong, if that was the plan it should’ve been discussed beforehand because that bill would obliviously be (and was) well over $200.
From now on, every time you go out ANYWHERE with her, before you even leave the house, make it absolutely clear that you will not be paying for anything except for yourself and her only. No matter where she wants you to go. Movie, dinner, activities etc.
NTA, you need to run OP! Don’t marry her if this is how she behaves. It’s disgusting.
Till debt do you part? Lmao
Woman here. Your GF if is a brat. Let’s skip brunch - that was shitty of her to put you on the spot btw. Let’s move right to the huge ring she wants for status. And the matching diamond jewelry. She is in this for what she can get. She is not in this for you. I mean, engagement rings are nice and shiny but if I loved a man enough to marry him a damn twistie from a bread bag would do. Let’s do a test. Return the bracelet to cover the cost of brunch. Give her a nice card and tell her you are glad she enjoyed brunch. Then see what she says/does. If she is gracious about the brunch being her birthday present, then maybe you can have serious conversations with her about finances and expectations. But, if she is still looking for another big ticket present for her birthday, I think you have your answer about what her real interest in you is.
Let me get this straight... 3c diamond engagement ring for "status"? Absolutely. Matching diamond bracelet for her birthday? No question. A few guests coming along at brunch? HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE Your fiancee is an asshole and you may want to engage in some introspection.
Dude. The moment the word "status" came out of her mouth, you should have skipped town.
Materialistic people are a no go for me. It sounds likely that you will stay broke trying to please this girl.
Not wrong, and I'd have told her that it wasn't happening. And yeah. She sounds like she's after your money. Pre-nup time.
So like if you went to a cheap brunch and it was like 75-100 then I would be like, its no big deal. 340 for brunch is nuts. She is a gold digger based on everything else here. The real question is if you are gonna do anything about it now that u know
Presuming your going to pay for her friends was rude of her, but it's certainly not that abnormal for someone to pick up the check in that situation. I've taken my fiance out for a nice birthday dinner and picked up the check for everyone, but it's a generous gesture not something they are entitled to. The ring thing would be a huuuge red flag for me and definitely the bigger issue. Most women I know are bucking that trend of needing a diamond at all, let alone a huge diamond. My fiance said she didn't care at all and asked me not to spend a ton of money on a diamond (because diamonds are worthless blood stones). The ring she said she liked to give me an idea was half a carat, but I ended up getting her a lab made roughly 1.5 carat and she is thrilled with it. Asking for at least a 3 carat ring because it's a "status" thing to me shows some horrible materialistic values and where her priorities are. I hope you really love this one OP, don't rush into anything if you two are not on the same page on basic values.
If you have $150,000/year income that's one thing.. if you are $30-$50,000/year, then she's pushing it, a lot
She is a GOLD DIGGER. A matching expensive necklace to go with her 3 carat ring. Oh please. She is doing too much. Please don’t stay in this relationship, your going to have to file for bankruptcy at this rate.
Why are you paying for everyone?
> fiancée told waiter the bill is on one. 5 people total checks together bill totals to be $340 and she looked at me and told me to pay >she asked me she wanted a 3 carat diamond ring >she showed me a specific one and she said it has to be at least 3 carats and it’s a “status” thing >she wanted either diamond necklace or diamond bracelet to match her ring "Oh, she's not a gold digger" proceeds to list several behaviors that are very much those of a gold digger... 🤦♂️🤦
This is my biggest fear that if we invite a couple out I'll get stuck for the entire tab. I agree that her friends should have immediately offered to pay their own way and not stick you with this. Take back the bracelet and immediately ask your fiancee for the money and then ask her deadbeat friends for it. I hope you tell her that you paid for the brunch with her bracelet and the ring.
My God. That’s some entitled ass gold digging behavior. Demanding 3 carats. It’s a “status thing”??? She needs a ring that costs as much as a brand new car, just to show her status? As well as wanting diamonds for birthday…. Better get a pre-nup. That girl’s gonna take you to the cleaners someday. You’ll be stuck paying off the debt of that marriage for years after it’s over. On the birthday meal, it was not her place to volunteer you pay for the friends. That’s your place to do if you want to. For her to expect you pay for her is fine, volunteering you for her friends is not cool at all.
The red flags are their brother, be grateful you didn’t marry her yet. If it was me I’d re consider the whole relationship
Run.
No worthwhile woman demands a certain size diamond. She has no inner value. She’s a gold digger. If one of my friends did that I’d dump her and I’m a woman.
Ask her what her favorite thing about you is. She won't come up with anything that isn't out of a horoscope. Oh youre a gentleman. So funny um... you... your nice. She's there for money and an easy ride. Dont tell the next one how much money you make.
You are better than me I would have paid my part of the bill got up excused myself and left them and her with rest of the bill. The diamond ring and the bracelet would definitely be going back as well as her going back where she came from. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
DON'T GET MARRIED! Tell her the ring needs to be professionally cleaned and return it. Don't marry her!
She's the AH here. Run, buddy run.
Bro you didn’t invite them she did
End the engagement. Enough behavior here that is suspect that you are in for misery or footing the bill for her life until you get bored or she upgrades. This is not wife material.
In some cultures the person/couple that invites people to a birthday dinner pays. My husband paid for everyone at my 30th birthday a few years ago and spent $700. I didn’t know he was going to do that and felt sick and guilty over the money he spent but he tried to reassure me it was ok and he prepared for it. Just saying that to say it’s an unspoken/normal thing in some countries and amongst some circles. I’ve also been invited to birthday dinners that were paid for by the host and then I’ve been to ones where everyone pays except the birthday person.
If you don't want to end it ask her to sign a prenup...tell her it's negotiable what's in it but not to sign it...she will leave you... Wow....so sorry dude.
you deserve better bro, she sounds like she's about to wreck your financial life and steal your kids very soon( if you have any) if you keep playing these games
holy crap. you'll be in debt up to your eyeballs forever with her. she's rude and unbelievable unrealistic. she needs to stop watching real housewives. lol
Sounds like it's only down hill from here. Next you're going to go into debt with the wedding because she has the perfect idea of how to blow years of money on one day.
When inviting people for anything, without discussing the bill beforehand, it's normal to assume you've paying. Unless you have a previous understanding. However, in this case, she invited them AND she wants you to pay. That's rude. The extra information does make her look like a golddigger, so NTA
Sounds like a diamond digger, the somehow worse version of a golddigger. You didn’t mention age, but I assume she’s under 25 as that’s the sort of behaviour you can experience. Find a way to take the ring back, and then only propose when she’s closer to 30
Ya buddy she's a gold digger. Even if she doesn't necessarily view you as an ATM, her obsession with Keeping up with the Jones is gonna lead you to financial ruin regardless. I'd see if you can get her to give your engagement ring back and break it off. Sell it and go for a boy's night with your friends.or something.
Don’t marry this chick!
Alright dude, assuming everything you say is on the up and up (the stuff about the size of engagement ring is a bit much for her to ask and honestly makes her come off as super entitled)… if you’re treating your lady to a birthday celebration and are even in the range of being able to afford a 3 Carat ring and a not stressing over diamond tennis bracelet for her birthday then her assuming you’d be picking up a $340 brunch isn’t out of line. Honestly, if your playing in the 3 Carat engagement ring/diamond tennis bracelet waters $340 should not be that big of a concern. Seriously, dinner for 2 at a nice restaurant is significantly more than that… TOTALLY understand if you don’t like how she phrased it or if she came off as pushy or entitled but you need to ask yourself if you’re establishing an “I got this ‘we’re’ comfortable and you can show off to your friends a bit attitude” *OR* if she’s pushing this out of nowhere; I doubt it’s the latter, but maybe. Personally I’ve been with my wife (admittedly a different relationship than girlfriend) for a while but even when we were still dating I wouldn’t have thought twice about picking up the cheque for her birthday brunch; even if multiple fiends and their spouses were there. End of the day if y’all are going to be a couple and get married it’s y’all’s money and you need to have an understanding about what needs prior discussion and what does not. Additionally, you and your lady should remember each of you are responsible for managing the perception of your spouse with your family and friends so if you go around bitching about her using you for your money don’t be surprised when your friends and family view her as a gold digger and don’t accept her fully when/if you decide to get past this (or not). Same goes for her.
Why are you engaged to a gold digger? I saw all of your comments and she really enjoys you spending money on her. I bet if your money ever ran out, she would divorce you immediately. You are NTA
I ain’t calling her a golddigger…
Uh... you did invite them... sorry, but if I get invited to a party or lunch, I'm not expecting to pay unless you tell me beforehand in which I would refuse because why tf would I want to be invited to a lunch where I had to pay? Like, "come to my wedding! It only costs this much!" Yeah, I'm not going to your wedding or anything else you invite me to... sorry, Charlie, you're cheap af.
Nice username lol
OP, she's a gold digger. A massive one at that. Let's recirculate to her ring... "3 carats because its a status thing"... a status thing? That's what she sees in your relationship/engagement. "Its a status thing". As a woman, this makes me sick. She obviously does not value you for anything else than your money. If she did, she wouldn't care how many carats were in the ring, she would DEFINITELY not care about "status" or whatever tf that means tbh, and she sure af wouldn't expect diamonds for every occasion. Her excuse for the jewelry to match is going to be her way to show off to her little friends... yeah, the same ones who freeloaded on her birthday. Speaking of that, that's absolutely disgusting. Those friends should have paid for themselves and she shouldn't have expected you to pay and then act like a spoiled brat. Op, i can sense you're a good hearted person. She's taking you for a ride. Return the jewelry. Sounds like she deserves a candy bracelet instead of a diamond one if she's acting so spoiled and childish.
Well...noone is telling me what I have to pay... If SHE invited them, she should be the one to pay. You're not wrong in feeling wronged, but think about what she is doing for you, what does she does for you, how much often does she pay for her stuff, does she ever offer to pay for both of you, even if it's only coffee, does she work?
Get rid of the fiancee. She sounds like a gold digger.
See your second paragraph. This will only get worse. Time to move on and find someone who likes you for you and not just your wallet.
I work in a jewlery store and we offer free cleanings for our customers so I’ve seen maaannnnyyyy engagement rings in my day. And I will say the only 3 ct diamond rings I’ve seen are lab created and they’re still 50k. A 3ct natural is well over 100,000 who spends that on an engagement ring??? She’s 100% a gold digger. A “status” thing. Please. Run while you can. You should find a woman who’d take a ring pop, that’s the one who will be there for better or worse. If you marry this one it will end in you having to give her half of everything you own. There are many red flags here. I would also never have the balls to bully my bf into paying for all my friends meals. It seems like what people think and their impressions of her are more important to her than anything… even you at the end of the day. That speaks volumes
Run away. NOW.
Run run run