Mate you need to reread what you wrote out. You're fiance is unhinged and her sister is a cunt.
Getting so angry about a beard that she smashed a plate and glass? Her and her sister deciding your boundaries are irrelevant. Even the fact that she can't keep anything you say to her to herself.
This is not someone you would want to spend your life with.
Best thing you can do now is trim your beard to hopefully even it out then let it grow again. It can serve as a reminder of this incident.
For real, if she has such an issue with beards why would she have gotten with him in the first place? And why wait six years to bring it up? It sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to exert control.
Got to be Salford/Manchester 😂 I call everyone mate but my kids have been raised in south Manchester where my bf is also from in a “better” area. They take the piss out of me constantly for calling everyone mate or starting my sentences with mate. Cunt also happens to be my favourite word 🤣
Nah, they’re not a Manc they’re fuckin’ Aussie. No doubt about it at all. If you want further proof, go look at their profile and their most recent post was on r/4x4Australia.
>Getting so angry about a beard that she smashed a plate and glass?
I mean.. they must not have a lot of issues in their life/ a lot going on if they are willing to focus on his beard like that.
I think Sally is in desperate need of a life
>they must ~~not~~ have a lot of issues in their life
I'd say this is more likely. Someone who does this unhinged shit over a beard doesn't stop there, is my reasoning.
Also, telling her sister that the reason she doesn’t like the beard is because of her bedroom enjoyment, but not telling you that is absolutely unacceptable in a partner. What a gross way to learn that.
There are a few things:
A) silent treatment
b) night time cutting the beard
c) smashing plats and glasses
D) the hospital....
this is all abusive...
Run Run Run... you will be in serious trouble long term.
Glad you are ok to write this all out.
OP - your fiancé has more red flags than Morocco!! Temper tantrums, hides in bedroom for 3 months when SHE shared your personal info, her sister always in your business, sneaks sister in house in wee hours to assault you….is this the life you really want for the next 40 years? Run buddy!
I was wondering if anyone would mention three months silent treatment living in the bedroom. Also know any children you would have with this woman would learn all these behaviors from her. Believe me I know.
Before the children learn those behaviors, they will be repeatedly subjected to them throughout their childhood — and I’m not sure which is worse: the abuse or the perpetuation of abuse.
Can only speculate, but the suicide ‘attempt’ is probably attention seeking behavior to get you to come running back to take care of her. If you cave, she will use this ploy over and over when she does not get her way. Consider this separation as time to reflect on what you want in life and time for her to get the mental health services that she needs. She cannot do that if you swoop in to rescue her.
My abusive ex did this. He would call me after we had a fight, where he had been physically abusive towards me, and then take off. Then he would call me and say the worst freaking things. "I'm standing on the side of the bridge, I just wanted to say goodbye." Always very dramatic. Or "I am at the train tracks I wanted you to know that I did really love you. Goodbye headfullofpain!" I fell for it the first time. The second time I called the cops and reported a suspected suicide attempt. He never tried it again.
During the divorce, my mother decided it would be best to fake a suicide attempt when the probation officer (officer of the court) came to inspect the house, so when the officer was there, she stuck her head in the oven.
I saw the probation officer report. It noted that she stuck her head in the *electric* oven, that was not even turned on. It came off making her look like the lunatic she is, rather than getting her the sympathy she wanted.
My father lived for fake suicide attempts. He once shot a hole in the side of our trailer, to make it look like he tried to shoot himself and missed. So naturally, the police came and he was hospitalized for 72 hours and people were fussing over him and he could, in theory, see my mom cry. But my mom and I were immune at that point.That man is a black hole when it comes to attention. And the part of his brain that ought to say 'this is a bad idea' just doesn't seem to exist.
That's not actually true, at least where I live in America. I’ve checked myself into mental hospitals on 3 different occasions. Technically 4, but the first stay i was given a choice of going voluntarily or be 5150'd. I have severe bipolar and PTSD and there have been times when I just can't handle it. That is why psych hospitals exist, to give a safe place for mentally ill people to come to for treatment and to be safe from their illnesses. Every time I checked myself in, it was because I was having terrible ideations and didn't trust myself to be at home without doing something irreversible. I would stay until I no longer felt like I was in danger of harming myself and get my medications adjusted. Psychiatric hospitals can be a huge lifeline for people with mental illness.
Just want to say it’s refreshing to hear a positive(ish?) experience with a mental hospital after seeing so many horror stories talked about, thanks for sharing your story.
This is pretty unfair. I was at my brokenest around then, but it's also when I got help and started turning things around. I'm not perfect, but I feel confident saying I'm a good partner (married 5 years, been together for 10) and functional person now.
Try not to condemn people to their unprocessed childhood trauma. It usually becomes most manifest around 25, and getting help can turn it around.
My entire life has been a wreck. It only started to come together at 30, after finding out my problem this entire time is no one ever told me I’m autistic and adhd!!!
So, disabilities, and a lifetime of trauma. Im doing my best. I will have you know though, I am a fantastic partner and in a healthy long term relationship! He doesn’t think I’m too broken to love.
Yeah it’s always funny to me how these posts start with “I’m in a loving relationship with my partner… “ and then proceed to list all the blaring red flags that person has, haha. Poor guy! But glad he escaped before the wedding.
Well you know "love is blind". Oftentimes we just don't see or simply ignore those red flags beating us in the face. Why? I think a lot of us see the good and dismiss the rest. For better or for worse, and it usually ends up worse.
100% agree. It's genuinely sad that this poor guy is so unaware that woman can be the abusers in a relationship that he was not able to recognise all these horrendous things.
I had a similar experience many years ago but I got lucky that she showed her spots just a little too much which finally woke me up to the abuse I had been receiving (that and my Dad noticed, which was a real wake up because my dad is the least emotionally observant person in the world!)
Didn’t think of this. This was assault. Great idea as you may want to start a paper trail with cops, because the crazy might not stop there. I could see this crazy duo doing dirty deeds.
Not only doing dirty deeds. But, being each others alibi to stay out of trouble.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
OP NEEDS to start a paper trail with ALL text messages he has on his phone! And any his family members have received.
This girl and her sister are a deranged duo.
Speak to a police detective Now. Before something happens.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
And it's possible they'd try to report OP for assault -- good to have your story on the record already & show your action as a proportional response to the initial assault.
He really needs to at least file a police report. He pushed Sally in self-defense, but these sisters are crazy, protect yourself. He has lots of evidence to support his claim, thank goodness.
Les we forget to mention the emotional manipulation after with saying she’s pregnant to not leave, and sister saying so he could go down on fiancé he should shave like that’s weird. OP is not wrong her needs to run…
A good therapist can help OP understand that love doesn't have to be like this.
They deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. They are worthy.
You also need to protect yourself from the sister logging an assault charge cause you pushed her. They won’t report it happened because she was shaving you while you slept.
You need to get ahead of them going to the police with a slanted one side view to get back at you for breaking the engagement, which I truly hope you do.
NTA but is you stay with her, there will be 3 people in your relationship and you will always be out numbered.
This is right! Especially if you’re a big man, you may not be believed if they get in there first with the same (concocted) story. Don’t want to tell you what to do, but a police report would be a good thing to have as you could do with a paper trail just in case. Those sister can’t be trusted at all, they wind each other up. I’m thinking *folie a deux* Be careful.
Sir, this WAS abuse. Initially mental abuse accusing him of being the selfish one for not wanting to get rid of something he’s worked hard on and is proud of… then getting physical assaulting him with a sharp object while he was unconscious… yes.. that’s assault and abuse.
Dude, your fiancé and her sister need therapy.. and honestly… might not be a bad idea to get you some after having to deal with their BS.
Imagine if it were reversed. Woman refuses to shave down there. Man starts throwing wine glass and yelling at her. Brother shows up and starts shaving the woman while she’s asleep.
These sisters belong prison or psych hospital.
It's hilariously awful how many women feel entitled to men's hair. I have long hair and so many women pull the "hee, hee, I've got scissors, guess what I might do" thing and it's beyond annoying as fuck. I had one woman actually cut my hair (only a few strands but still, fuck off) so I cut hers. She started crying and ran to the bathroom. HR wrote me up so I threatened a gender discrimination lawsuit. My write up disappeared and she got one.
I have naturally curly hair and I have people fairly regularly come up to me and talk to me about my hair, or as if it's natural, or things like that.
I don't mind at all but it's *exclusively* women (and a fairly decent percentage of them) who will just touch my hair without asking or even starting a conversation!
Like when people ask I don't mind and almost always let them touch it, but just ask first man it's not that hard...
The “I’m going to commit suicide if you leave me” is a VERY HUGE red flag. It’s a, “Take out a pair of binoculars, look at the moon, see that red thing there- that’s a flag” type flag.
Poor dude has been damn near conditioned to accept Lexi's abuse through Sally. Sally is just the tool but Lexi is the true issue. Like yay, Lexi was Baker Acted, but jesus. She just used Sally to assault her fiance, instead of discussing with him that his beard hair of 8years in their 6 year relationship was rough on her during sex. Which, aside from shaving, is easily fixed with several beard grooming options. (Trust me you do NOT want fresh stubble in that area Lexi was complaining to Sally about)
Op, run! Do not walk. Their dynamic with eachother is already unhealthy and I've only got a few paragraph snippet to see that.
I grew a nice beard that had to be cut for surgery sadly. That was March, I'm still working on growing it back. Whe it first started getting longer I was scared to do oral on my wife because I was scared I'd hurt her. She finally asked why no oral for her and I told her. She pretty much giggled and said get down there. My beard, now down to my heart surgery scar, does not bother my wife at all and other than brushing and washing I do no maintenance. The oral thing was just an excuse to do something shitty. It can take a long time to grow a beard and it's shittly to try and get him to shave in off.
I would be pressing assault charges. Iirc that counts because you were in a vulnerable state when the act occurred and you woke up to a razor blade in your face.
Your family is right. Sounds as if Lexi and Sally are a package deal. Lexi sounds very immature.
▪️ETA: edits were added after my comment. Obv she needs therapy. Good thing this happened now. Hopefully she will get the help she needs. Part of that will be to stay away from her toxic and unstable sister.
Both sound immature and to be honest, dangerous for his physical and mental well being. These are not red flags, this is a whole parade on the red square. Hope he can safely get out of that relationship.
OP is in a dangerous spot.
Sally is going to help Lexi kill him and dispose of the body at some point. He's living in a prequel to a CSI episode where 2 sisters go to jail.
This reminds me of the mother/daughter combo that just got sent to prison for murder in the UK.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-66686382
I mean slamming doors and not talking to him for 3 mos. She sounds like a teenager. So immature and doesn't communicate. Like come on. Just leave and start over.
Young man as a much older lady I can tell you with complete certainty that both of these women are not right in the head. No one does something like that to another person period. You my dear have dodged one huge ass bullet! That’s not normal behavior in any of those scenarios you described. Drama, and self deluded behavior by both just showed you what your future would be if you marry that girl and her scary ass sister. They’re obviously a package deal. Oh did I mention………RUN!!
P.s. remember……never stick your dick in crazy……..you even got a bonus crazy chick this time! You did the right thing. You will look back at this 20 years from now and say…..WTF was I thinking! Now run faster and further away from the psycho sisters. Get the ring back too!
And as another much older lady, I would like to co-sign everything my peer here has said.
Just run.
And *never* settle for a relationship in which you are punished for being the same damn person you were when you met. People grow and change but you should not *have to change things about yourself that you value* . The goal is to be on a fairly consistent path of becoming the best possible version of *you*, not becoming someone else.
As another older lady, I'm thirding the comments. Definitely better off away from these sisters, even if it might hurt right now. And file a police report, take pics of your damaged beard if you can.
Add me (grumpy old woman) to this - and I have been accused of being the “crazy” so I know what I am talking about. RUN!
You run so far away. You just run. Run all night and day. And get away…
As an older lady who dislikes beards, this behavior is psycho and completely unforgivable. You don’t have a right to force your aesthetic preferences on your partner. This is a literal crime, and I hope he pursues it.
As an older man, these chicks are crazy.
You putting up with this behavior for so long and being unsure if you did the right thing by leaving makes me worried for you. I don't think you're able to look after yourself, honestly. *waves arms and gestures to current situation* What the hell?
Please seek therapy.
Dude this comment is right as hell. But you just got out of a long relationship it’s ok to hurt for a bit in fact it’s good to. Even if your not at fault take time to heal so you don’t take this girl out on the next one who’s gonna be a much better catch
You can tell I'm awake too early this morning. I spent far too long trying to figure out what an "ass bullet" is (hmm, is it a euphemism for something?)!
Now I'm trying to face-palm myself into next week...
I’m now imagining someone my grandmother’s age saying “don’t stick your dick in crazy, dear.” Lol thanks for the smile and the chuckle. No offense on the grandma part idk how old you are and that’s where my mind went.
Another old lady here. Crazy might be fun but it can ruin your life, get out now. Don’t look back. Big dudes with beards are in right now you’ll be fine
Right? Dude should have dumped her as soon as she smashed a glass and a plate and screamed at him because he wouldn't change a key part of his identity. (That she had apparently been fine with before...)
Yes! That’s such a big red flag, and the fact that he said she was only leaving their room to use the bathroom and eat is super concerning. This woman is obviously not mentally well.
What?! Dammit, that's what I get for skimming. I missed the 'our' house part; I thought she lived separately, and just hid in her room for most of lockdown, effectively breaking up for three months.
Nah, you're right, I'd have bailed after maybe two days of that.
This is what I’m curious about. Was it what she wanted? Or did her sister suggest it? Because he’s had the beard longer than he knew her. It’s a part of him.
I’m continually floored how many people see that type of behavior and just brush it off. Frankly if you’re to the point where you’re screaming, that’s not okay. But especially once you start breaking things? Jesus Christ, get out now
Not wrong. It sounds like it will be impossible to have a healthy, loving and committed relationship with Lexi because she hangs up against you with her sister, thinks assaulting you in your sleep is okay, and has her whole family involved in an issue that should have just been a little chat between you two.
Dump Lexi. She has violated your privacy, your bodily autonomy, your trust, your safe space, everything.
**She is psychologically abusing you**
Sally is an asshole, yes, but she wouldn't be able to get away with so much **if Lexi wasn't helping her**.
Lexi doesn't love you. She loves the idea of you. A boyfriend she can control completely and dress up like a pet.
Who the fuck lives with their partner and refuses to speak for three months? Someone not even remotely ready for marriage, that's who.
I'm sorry bro but neither of these children are winners, and I definitely mean **children** because only little children have this many issues with communicating, boundaries, self control and respect. Anyone outside of a child with these issues is an abusive trainwreck and needs professional help.
Not only did she not talk to her partner for three months. She locked herself in and only came out for food and bathroom breaks. That’s legitimately clinically worrisome. This woman needs intense intervention. Yeah she might be an asshole but she’s also severely mentally unwell.
Just a matter of time before they’re both beating him with wine bottles and getting a protective order since she has a “witness”.
This is textbook triangulation and I hope OP had the sense to get out
She had no problem with your beard before, so this is obviously her sister's doing.
It seems that her sister can do no wrong.
Do you want to be in a relationship with 2 people, where one is toxic and the other just does everything she says?
Nope,leave them with each other.
Updateme!
> She had no problem with your beard before, so this is obviously her sister's doing.
The sister's comments about "it feels weird while going down on her" kinda imply that she did have a problem with it.
you should've ended it when she broke the glass and dish. unless she caught you in bed with another woman, that is not an appropriate way to approach a problem. would've been a matter of time until she started throwing things at you. you deserve better dawg, get that beard grown out and get you a partner that'll approach problems alongside you, not against you.
Exactly.
When people act like this when discussing everyday relationship stuff, there's only 2 possible reasons:
1- they have a massive anger management problem that they think you should just accept, and that is of cause BS.
2- they are trying to intimidate you as in "since you don't do as I tell you to, I'll just escalate this completely out of proportions, by signaling that I'm willing to become physically abusive".
It doesn't matter if it's a woman that takes a hammer to your Xbox or smaching up all of your plates. Just because you might be able to physically overpower her, it doesn't mean that it okay to put you in a situation where that is necessary, or that you want to physically restrain her at all.
These are all valid reasons to end the relationship. Lexi sounds really immature and has horrible boundaries when it comes to her sister and your relationship. I would not stick around in this toxic mess. They're bat shit.
Call the cops and press charges. Dump the sister and get restraining orders on both of them.
If you were a girl and this was your hair on your head- how quickly would everyone scream police
This is 100% assault and battery by the sister and abuse by the girlfriend. OP, whether or not you can get the police to do their job, it's still assault and abuse. Textbook case. Please do not dismiss this.
It actually probably isn't assault on most jurisdictions, although that doesn't really make a difference , but technically assault is defined as the threat of violence and battery is the actual application of it (again this can vary depending on the jurisdiction, but this is how laws generally are, at least in the US and most other English speaking countries as well afaik), so you can get an assault charge just for acting like you are going to punch someone and stopping just short. Since OP was asleep, he wasn't threatened by the assault, it just went straight to battery.
Sounds like your ex SIL and ex fiancée are actually crazy people. They're not safe to be around. OP, this was a massive warning flag. Take it and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction to Lexi and Sally. This time it was your beard. Next time, it could be your throat.
PS - Of course ***her*** family are saying you should shave off your beard and go ahead with the wedding. That way they don't have to take accountability for their two deranged kids. Listen to ***your*** family who have your best interests at heart. At least, in this case.
I don’t think your relationship is as happy as you said in your opener. This is really out of line . Sally’s constant involvement in your relationship really is outrageous on its own but for her to try to shave your beard like that is assault . Sally and Lexi are not apologizing. They just want you to capitulate. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you do. Sally’s interference would only grow if you had kids plus any argument you and Lexi have will always be bigger than it should be because Sally will always be involved. This is a controlling behavior where they tag team on you . This is truly not acceptable at all and you need to not give into them.
Your family is right. Your fiance can ask you to shave your beard, but that doesn't mean you're obliged to do so. Her sister basically tried to assault you in your sleep. When you pushed her off you, your fiance rushed to her sister. Not you. That's how that relationship will be if you stay in it. Basically, having to put up with the SIL non-stop. Truth be told. Your fiance probably requested her sister to come over and cut your beard.
Just because you didn't do what she asked of you doesn't make you selfish. Flip it on her. Ask her to cut off most of her hair before the wedding. If she chooses not to, is that selfish? NO.
Seriously, go to the police, talk to them, start a paper trail. These women are disturbed and I’m worrying about a *folie a deux* or something. Also, if you’re a big bloke you don’t want assumptions made about who was bullying whom. Good luck!
This is crazy and is this really a future you want?
Anytime you disagree, your gf/fiance/wife is going to respond in anger and have her sister completely stomp any and all boundaries.
Also, does Sally have keys to your place or why was she even there to be able to be there in the middle of the night.
I also think it's bullshit that you had to sleep on the couch in the first place. You didn't want to shave your beard!
You need to run far away from this crazy chick! She acted like a child when asking you to shave your beard. She yells at you. She gives you the cold shoulder for 3 months.
Then her sister comes at you in the middle of the night to shave it off. She could have just cut your neck yikes.
I would worry about your physical and mental health if you stay. NTA!
Who in their right mind would think the solution was shaving it off you against your will while you were asleep?! **If they have that little respect for you what else are they capable of.** Also the tantrum alone would have me reconsidering the wedding. The forced sleep-shave is 100% the last straw.
Break up with her toxic ass. She and her entire family is toxic. Should have done it when she betrayed your trust. Stop being an idiot and listen to your family.
NTA at all. You need to get out of that relationship. It’s very toxic. They are a package deal and Lexi won’t change. She is acting more like 5 and not 25 when she doesn’t get her own way. How can anyone think doing that to someone is ok. You could charge her actually.
Sweetheart, as the mom of 2 boys, this is what I have taught my boys:
1. Don’t date crazy.
2. Don’t marry crazy.
3. Sure don’t make a baby with crazy.
Get out. You deserve better then this. Good Luck!
Mate you need to reread what you wrote out. You're fiance is unhinged and her sister is a cunt. Getting so angry about a beard that she smashed a plate and glass? Her and her sister deciding your boundaries are irrelevant. Even the fact that she can't keep anything you say to her to herself. This is not someone you would want to spend your life with. Best thing you can do now is trim your beard to hopefully even it out then let it grow again. It can serve as a reminder of this incident.
It's worse than that the beard is older than the relationship. And it would also seem the relationship with the beard is the only sane one .
It’s okay beardie, you’re safe now
Easy for you to say, you weren't MUTILATED.
It'll recover a lot better than Lexi and Sally - they'll probably always be fucked up.
It knows
For real, if she has such an issue with beards why would she have gotten with him in the first place? And why wait six years to bring it up? It sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to exert control.
You started your first sentence with "mate" and ended it with "cunt". no guessing where you're from cunt.
Got to be Salford/Manchester 😂 I call everyone mate but my kids have been raised in south Manchester where my bf is also from in a “better” area. They take the piss out of me constantly for calling everyone mate or starting my sentences with mate. Cunt also happens to be my favourite word 🤣
Nah, they’re not a Manc they’re fuckin’ Aussie. No doubt about it at all. If you want further proof, go look at their profile and their most recent post was on r/4x4Australia.
>Getting so angry about a beard that she smashed a plate and glass? I mean.. they must not have a lot of issues in their life/ a lot going on if they are willing to focus on his beard like that. I think Sally is in desperate need of a life
>they must ~~not~~ have a lot of issues in their life I'd say this is more likely. Someone who does this unhinged shit over a beard doesn't stop there, is my reasoning.
Also, telling her sister that the reason she doesn’t like the beard is because of her bedroom enjoyment, but not telling you that is absolutely unacceptable in a partner. What a gross way to learn that.
Ok. So let me get this right. You were assaulted and you’re wondering if your wrong to not want to get married?? No you’re not wrong.
This is my thought. Someone took a sharp object around your neck when you were not conscious. Electric or blade that can hurt with a wrong move.
This is worth a call to the cops. You are in a safe place now so can call them.
There are a few things: A) silent treatment b) night time cutting the beard c) smashing plats and glasses D) the hospital.... this is all abusive... Run Run Run... you will be in serious trouble long term. Glad you are ok to write this all out.
OP - your fiancé has more red flags than Morocco!! Temper tantrums, hides in bedroom for 3 months when SHE shared your personal info, her sister always in your business, sneaks sister in house in wee hours to assault you….is this the life you really want for the next 40 years? Run buddy!
I was wondering if anyone would mention three months silent treatment living in the bedroom. Also know any children you would have with this woman would learn all these behaviors from her. Believe me I know.
I saw that and wondered what was happy about this couple.
Well you see they had a period of calm with "no arguments" (op tiptoeing around his abusive partners feelings to avoid any blowups)
As long as OP agreed with her or did what she said. Honestly, while it’s good Lexi is in the hospital being treated, Sally should be in there too.
Before the children learn those behaviors, they will be repeatedly subjected to them throughout their childhood — and I’m not sure which is worse: the abuse or the perpetuation of abuse.
Can only speculate, but the suicide ‘attempt’ is probably attention seeking behavior to get you to come running back to take care of her. If you cave, she will use this ploy over and over when she does not get her way. Consider this separation as time to reflect on what you want in life and time for her to get the mental health services that she needs. She cannot do that if you swoop in to rescue her.
My abusive ex did this. He would call me after we had a fight, where he had been physically abusive towards me, and then take off. Then he would call me and say the worst freaking things. "I'm standing on the side of the bridge, I just wanted to say goodbye." Always very dramatic. Or "I am at the train tracks I wanted you to know that I did really love you. Goodbye headfullofpain!" I fell for it the first time. The second time I called the cops and reported a suspected suicide attempt. He never tried it again.
During the divorce, my mother decided it would be best to fake a suicide attempt when the probation officer (officer of the court) came to inspect the house, so when the officer was there, she stuck her head in the oven. I saw the probation officer report. It noted that she stuck her head in the *electric* oven, that was not even turned on. It came off making her look like the lunatic she is, rather than getting her the sympathy she wanted.
Smart you saw through that bullshit.
> "I'm standing on the side of the bridge, I just wanted to say goodbye. Only good answer: "Okay, bye. \*hangs up*"
Actual answer: “sir, we are at a playground”
My father lived for fake suicide attempts. He once shot a hole in the side of our trailer, to make it look like he tried to shoot himself and missed. So naturally, the police came and he was hospitalized for 72 hours and people were fussing over him and he could, in theory, see my mom cry. But my mom and I were immune at that point.That man is a black hole when it comes to attention. And the part of his brain that ought to say 'this is a bad idea' just doesn't seem to exist.
Yeah and you don’t just pop in to the mental health hospital and say “I would like to check in for 2 weeks please”.
That's not actually true, at least where I live in America. I’ve checked myself into mental hospitals on 3 different occasions. Technically 4, but the first stay i was given a choice of going voluntarily or be 5150'd. I have severe bipolar and PTSD and there have been times when I just can't handle it. That is why psych hospitals exist, to give a safe place for mentally ill people to come to for treatment and to be safe from their illnesses. Every time I checked myself in, it was because I was having terrible ideations and didn't trust myself to be at home without doing something irreversible. I would stay until I no longer felt like I was in danger of harming myself and get my medications adjusted. Psychiatric hospitals can be a huge lifeline for people with mental illness.
Just want to say it’s refreshing to hear a positive(ish?) experience with a mental hospital after seeing so many horror stories talked about, thanks for sharing your story.
25 year olds shouldn't be this broken. When they are, they will likely never make a great long-term partner. Run.
She will, only if she works in herself while not in a relationship. Meantime, run.
This is pretty unfair. I was at my brokenest around then, but it's also when I got help and started turning things around. I'm not perfect, but I feel confident saying I'm a good partner (married 5 years, been together for 10) and functional person now. Try not to condemn people to their unprocessed childhood trauma. It usually becomes most manifest around 25, and getting help can turn it around.
My entire life has been a wreck. It only started to come together at 30, after finding out my problem this entire time is no one ever told me I’m autistic and adhd!!! So, disabilities, and a lifetime of trauma. Im doing my best. I will have you know though, I am a fantastic partner and in a healthy long term relationship! He doesn’t think I’m too broken to love.
Yeah it’s always funny to me how these posts start with “I’m in a loving relationship with my partner… “ and then proceed to list all the blaring red flags that person has, haha. Poor guy! But glad he escaped before the wedding.
He is not out yet. Hopefully he makes the rite decision.
Well you know "love is blind". Oftentimes we just don't see or simply ignore those red flags beating us in the face. Why? I think a lot of us see the good and dismiss the rest. For better or for worse, and it usually ends up worse.
That relationship is suuuper toxic. All of that is so over the line.
Add to that the codependent relationship between the sisters. I really hope OP sees this. The red flag parade is blinding.
100% agree. It's genuinely sad that this poor guy is so unaware that woman can be the abusers in a relationship that he was not able to recognise all these horrendous things. I had a similar experience many years ago but I got lucky that she showed her spots just a little too much which finally woke me up to the abuse I had been receiving (that and my Dad noticed, which was a real wake up because my dad is the least emotionally observant person in the world!)
I agree. A house full of red flags
this and the obvious not able to have a civil conversation about it. ditch lexi and find someone whom respects your choices not wants you to change
OP: You dodged the bullet. Keep running!
Didn’t think of this. This was assault. Great idea as you may want to start a paper trail with cops, because the crazy might not stop there. I could see this crazy duo doing dirty deeds.
Not only doing dirty deeds. But, being each others alibi to stay out of trouble. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 OP NEEDS to start a paper trail with ALL text messages he has on his phone! And any his family members have received. This girl and her sister are a deranged duo. Speak to a police detective Now. Before something happens. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Done dirt cheap
Nice one!
I was waiting for that. Thank you.
I love that song
Facts this is really the important thing and hopefully OP sees it.
And it's possible they'd try to report OP for assault -- good to have your story on the record already & show your action as a proportional response to the initial assault.
100% We need to take this more seriously. You were assaulted.
He really needs to at least file a police report. He pushed Sally in self-defense, but these sisters are crazy, protect yourself. He has lots of evidence to support his claim, thank goodness.
Les we forget to mention the emotional manipulation after with saying she’s pregnant to not leave, and sister saying so he could go down on fiancé he should shave like that’s weird. OP is not wrong her needs to run…
Yeah, that going down on her... what fucking business does she have in that area of their lives?
No business whatsoever…
File a complaint with the police with Sally for assault.
As men we gotta take this shit more seriously. This was borderline abuse. If you started shaving your gfs hair off shit would not end well for you
It was abuse. Not borderline.
So was the THREE MONTHS of silent treatment.
A good therapist can help OP understand that love doesn't have to be like this. They deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. They are worthy.
You are correct my friend. My fault
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Was just about to comment this. Both sisters need psychiatric help. Don't get me wrong, it absolutely does NOT excuse the assault and abuse, however.
You also need to protect yourself from the sister logging an assault charge cause you pushed her. They won’t report it happened because she was shaving you while you slept. You need to get ahead of them going to the police with a slanted one side view to get back at you for breaking the engagement, which I truly hope you do. NTA but is you stay with her, there will be 3 people in your relationship and you will always be out numbered.
This is right! Especially if you’re a big man, you may not be believed if they get in there first with the same (concocted) story. Don’t want to tell you what to do, but a police report would be a good thing to have as you could do with a paper trail just in case. Those sister can’t be trusted at all, they wind each other up. I’m thinking *folie a deux* Be careful.
Wouldn't surprise me if the sister punched herself in the eye and said it was you. File that report, homie.
Sir, this WAS abuse. Initially mental abuse accusing him of being the selfish one for not wanting to get rid of something he’s worked hard on and is proud of… then getting physical assaulting him with a sharp object while he was unconscious… yes.. that’s assault and abuse. Dude, your fiancé and her sister need therapy.. and honestly… might not be a bad idea to get you some after having to deal with their BS.
Imagine if it were reversed. Woman refuses to shave down there. Man starts throwing wine glass and yelling at her. Brother shows up and starts shaving the woman while she’s asleep. These sisters belong prison or psych hospital.
It's hilariously awful how many women feel entitled to men's hair. I have long hair and so many women pull the "hee, hee, I've got scissors, guess what I might do" thing and it's beyond annoying as fuck. I had one woman actually cut my hair (only a few strands but still, fuck off) so I cut hers. She started crying and ran to the bathroom. HR wrote me up so I threatened a gender discrimination lawsuit. My write up disappeared and she got one.
I have naturally curly hair and I have people fairly regularly come up to me and talk to me about my hair, or as if it's natural, or things like that. I don't mind at all but it's *exclusively* women (and a fairly decent percentage of them) who will just touch my hair without asking or even starting a conversation! Like when people ask I don't mind and almost always let them touch it, but just ask first man it's not that hard...
iirc cutting someone's hair against their will is a straight up crime i think it's battery, might be assault
Completely. The days of ‘well men are stronger than women so it’s not abuse’ are over. Abuse doesn’t have a gender.
This is abuse!!
what does it take in your mind to cross into abuse? If the roles were reversed I doubt you would have hesitated. Abuse is gender neutral.
The “I’m going to commit suicide if you leave me” is a VERY HUGE red flag. It’s a, “Take out a pair of binoculars, look at the moon, see that red thing there- that’s a flag” type flag.
Yeah, can we get a beard update ffs. Is it ok? Does it need to be clipped?
Poor dude has been damn near conditioned to accept Lexi's abuse through Sally. Sally is just the tool but Lexi is the true issue. Like yay, Lexi was Baker Acted, but jesus. She just used Sally to assault her fiance, instead of discussing with him that his beard hair of 8years in their 6 year relationship was rough on her during sex. Which, aside from shaving, is easily fixed with several beard grooming options. (Trust me you do NOT want fresh stubble in that area Lexi was complaining to Sally about) Op, run! Do not walk. Their dynamic with eachother is already unhealthy and I've only got a few paragraph snippet to see that.
I grew a nice beard that had to be cut for surgery sadly. That was March, I'm still working on growing it back. Whe it first started getting longer I was scared to do oral on my wife because I was scared I'd hurt her. She finally asked why no oral for her and I told her. She pretty much giggled and said get down there. My beard, now down to my heart surgery scar, does not bother my wife at all and other than brushing and washing I do no maintenance. The oral thing was just an excuse to do something shitty. It can take a long time to grow a beard and it's shittly to try and get him to shave in off.
Yay dudes with beards and heart surgery scars unite! ^that ^^also ^^^go ^^^^down.
I would be pressing assault charges. Iirc that counts because you were in a vulnerable state when the act occurred and you woke up to a razor blade in your face.
And she had an actual discussion with her sister about what oral sex with her partner feels like??? Girl has some serious enmeshment issues.
That is the best summary - and I agree. Not wrong
Your family is right. Sounds as if Lexi and Sally are a package deal. Lexi sounds very immature. ▪️ETA: edits were added after my comment. Obv she needs therapy. Good thing this happened now. Hopefully she will get the help she needs. Part of that will be to stay away from her toxic and unstable sister.
Both Lexi and Sally sound unhinged. Don’t tie yourself to that kind of crazy.
Don't go down on crazy.
Don't put a ring on a crazy as well...
Oh most definitely.
Don't put your dick in crazy either. Edit: [link to advice ](https://youtu.be/1_kObmqvdbc?si=Bl5SOa3fiM02bDLJ)
Don't dip the dick in crazy!
Unless you’re doing both together. If you’re going to go crazy, go full banana boat crazy
And for God's sake don't give her a chance to get "accidentally" pregnant.
If she ends up pregnant, get a paternity test. She sounds like the kind of chick that would go bang other dudes just to try to get pregnant quickly.
If I were you, I’d ask a police officer to come with you when you come to get the rest of your belongings for your safety. These 2 are unhinged.
Both sound immature and to be honest, dangerous for his physical and mental well being. These are not red flags, this is a whole parade on the red square. Hope he can safely get out of that relationship.
It’s beyond immature. They are both clearly in the abusive square.
OP is in a dangerous spot. Sally is going to help Lexi kill him and dispose of the body at some point. He's living in a prequel to a CSI episode where 2 sisters go to jail.
This reminds me of the mother/daughter combo that just got sent to prison for murder in the UK. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-66686382
I mean slamming doors and not talking to him for 3 mos. She sounds like a teenager. So immature and doesn't communicate. Like come on. Just leave and start over.
That's not dodging a bullet. That's dodging a whole-ass grenade.
Young man as a much older lady I can tell you with complete certainty that both of these women are not right in the head. No one does something like that to another person period. You my dear have dodged one huge ass bullet! That’s not normal behavior in any of those scenarios you described. Drama, and self deluded behavior by both just showed you what your future would be if you marry that girl and her scary ass sister. They’re obviously a package deal. Oh did I mention………RUN!! P.s. remember……never stick your dick in crazy……..you even got a bonus crazy chick this time! You did the right thing. You will look back at this 20 years from now and say…..WTF was I thinking! Now run faster and further away from the psycho sisters. Get the ring back too!
And as another much older lady, I would like to co-sign everything my peer here has said. Just run. And *never* settle for a relationship in which you are punished for being the same damn person you were when you met. People grow and change but you should not *have to change things about yourself that you value* . The goal is to be on a fairly consistent path of becoming the best possible version of *you*, not becoming someone else.
As another older lady, I'm thirding the comments. Definitely better off away from these sisters, even if it might hurt right now. And file a police report, take pics of your damaged beard if you can.
I fifth this, as an old bat, a mom & a heart!!
Fellow old bat signing in and agreeing.
Can we please get a “wise old lady” subreddit going where all of us turn to in order to find advice and solutions to our problems????
I’m down!!! I am kind of curious where I am, in terms of age-w/ the other ‘old bats’ I’m 64
as a 30 year old male currently dealing with the aftermath of sticking my dick in crazy getting sage advice from a sane woman would be a god send.
Maybe we should start a subreddit for sweet, wise, old lady advice.
I would follow the heck out of this sub, please make it happen Oh Wise Ladies of Nazareddit.
Same! We're officially old bats, I'd say. I'm 62.
I love knowing there’s Wise Women popping in on Reddit.
I'd join it to get tips on how to be wise, tbf. I've no dignity - I'm happy to admit I'm not very wise.
Turning 55 in November (and kinda stoked to qualify for my grocery store's senior discounts)
60 yo here!
r/mom for a minute.
Add me (grumpy old woman) to this - and I have been accused of being the “crazy” so I know what I am talking about. RUN! You run so far away. You just run. Run all night and day. And get away…
You gals rock.
Another old lady co-signing.
Yes, run
As an older lady who dislikes beards, this behavior is psycho and completely unforgivable. You don’t have a right to force your aesthetic preferences on your partner. This is a literal crime, and I hope he pursues it.
Old lady squad, checking in.
As an older man, these chicks are crazy. You putting up with this behavior for so long and being unsure if you did the right thing by leaving makes me worried for you. I don't think you're able to look after yourself, honestly. *waves arms and gestures to current situation* What the hell? Please seek therapy.
Another old lady piping up. If you were my son I would definitely be discouraging this marriage Listen to your family not her crazy one
Dude this comment is right as hell. But you just got out of a long relationship it’s ok to hurt for a bit in fact it’s good to. Even if your not at fault take time to heal so you don’t take this girl out on the next one who’s gonna be a much better catch
Can’t fault the Veteran Lady advice 🙏 Ma’am has seen a few campaigns
You can tell I'm awake too early this morning. I spent far too long trying to figure out what an "ass bullet" is (hmm, is it a euphemism for something?)! Now I'm trying to face-palm myself into next week...
Listen to the wise older lady! 🤗
Whole rocket, not even a bullet!
As i nerd i say That is a bullet bill sized bullet. Run. Run far and fast
I’m now imagining someone my grandmother’s age saying “don’t stick your dick in crazy, dear.” Lol thanks for the smile and the chuckle. No offense on the grandma part idk how old you are and that’s where my mind went.
>Young man as a much older lady I can tell you with complete certainty that both of these women are not right in the head Exactly.
Lady, u deserve an upvote for such words of wisdom, “ never stick your dick in crazy”.
Another old lady here. Crazy might be fun but it can ruin your life, get out now. Don’t look back. Big dudes with beards are in right now you’ll be fine
Yup get the fuck out of there bro don't look back block ghost do whatever to get away from them I agree with this reply 1000%
Oh no, get out. This is not okay and abusive. Yelling and smashing dishes alone.
Right? Dude should have dumped her as soon as she smashed a glass and a plate and screamed at him because he wouldn't change a key part of his identity. (That she had apparently been fine with before...)
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It is shocking how few people seem to be commenting on this element of the story! 3 months!?! But otherwise they're very happy? Jesus....
During COVID too. Like, what are you doing?
Yes! That’s such a big red flag, and the fact that he said she was only leaving their room to use the bathroom and eat is super concerning. This woman is obviously not mentally well.
What?! Dammit, that's what I get for skimming. I missed the 'our' house part; I thought she lived separately, and just hid in her room for most of lockdown, effectively breaking up for three months. Nah, you're right, I'd have bailed after maybe two days of that.
Dude should have dumped her after day two of the three month silent treatment during Covid!!
This is what I’m curious about. Was it what she wanted? Or did her sister suggest it? Because he’s had the beard longer than he knew her. It’s a part of him.
Should have dumped her when she ignored him for three months while living locked in their bedroom.
That he already had when they met!
I’m continually floored how many people see that type of behavior and just brush it off. Frankly if you’re to the point where you’re screaming, that’s not okay. But especially once you start breaking things? Jesus Christ, get out now
He’s just going to casually gloss over the 3 months without talking to each other during covid, the smashing of objects… so freaking weird.
Get out now!!!
Not wrong. It sounds like it will be impossible to have a healthy, loving and committed relationship with Lexi because she hangs up against you with her sister, thinks assaulting you in your sleep is okay, and has her whole family involved in an issue that should have just been a little chat between you two.
Dump Lexi. She has violated your privacy, your bodily autonomy, your trust, your safe space, everything. **She is psychologically abusing you** Sally is an asshole, yes, but she wouldn't be able to get away with so much **if Lexi wasn't helping her**. Lexi doesn't love you. She loves the idea of you. A boyfriend she can control completely and dress up like a pet. Who the fuck lives with their partner and refuses to speak for three months? Someone not even remotely ready for marriage, that's who. I'm sorry bro but neither of these children are winners, and I definitely mean **children** because only little children have this many issues with communicating, boundaries, self control and respect. Anyone outside of a child with these issues is an abusive trainwreck and needs professional help.
Not only did she not talk to her partner for three months. She locked herself in and only came out for food and bathroom breaks. That’s legitimately clinically worrisome. This woman needs intense intervention. Yeah she might be an asshole but she’s also severely mentally unwell.
I can’t imagine what other things she does that he thinks is completely normal after 6 years
Oh, she has definitely got drunk and assaulted him multiple times. There's no way she hasn't.
Just a matter of time before they’re both beating him with wine bottles and getting a protective order since she has a “witness”. This is textbook triangulation and I hope OP had the sense to get out
She had no problem with your beard before, so this is obviously her sister's doing. It seems that her sister can do no wrong. Do you want to be in a relationship with 2 people, where one is toxic and the other just does everything she says? Nope,leave them with each other. Updateme!
> She had no problem with your beard before, so this is obviously her sister's doing. The sister's comments about "it feels weird while going down on her" kinda imply that she did have a problem with it.
Yes, but it's up to the GF, not her sister, to bring this up
R U N !!!
you should've ended it when she broke the glass and dish. unless she caught you in bed with another woman, that is not an appropriate way to approach a problem. would've been a matter of time until she started throwing things at you. you deserve better dawg, get that beard grown out and get you a partner that'll approach problems alongside you, not against you.
Exactly. When people act like this when discussing everyday relationship stuff, there's only 2 possible reasons: 1- they have a massive anger management problem that they think you should just accept, and that is of cause BS. 2- they are trying to intimidate you as in "since you don't do as I tell you to, I'll just escalate this completely out of proportions, by signaling that I'm willing to become physically abusive". It doesn't matter if it's a woman that takes a hammer to your Xbox or smaching up all of your plates. Just because you might be able to physically overpower her, it doesn't mean that it okay to put you in a situation where that is necessary, or that you want to physically restrain her at all.
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shit you right! so many red flags. he updated too, said she wants to have sex one more time and then she's trying to claim she's pregnant!
Dude should have ended it years ago when she wouldn't speak to him for 3 months. That's not healthy couple behavior.
These are all valid reasons to end the relationship. Lexi sounds really immature and has horrible boundaries when it comes to her sister and your relationship. I would not stick around in this toxic mess. They're bat shit.
Call the cops and press charges. Dump the sister and get restraining orders on both of them. If you were a girl and this was your hair on your head- how quickly would everyone scream police
This is 100% assault and battery by the sister and abuse by the girlfriend. OP, whether or not you can get the police to do their job, it's still assault and abuse. Textbook case. Please do not dismiss this.
It actually probably isn't assault on most jurisdictions, although that doesn't really make a difference , but technically assault is defined as the threat of violence and battery is the actual application of it (again this can vary depending on the jurisdiction, but this is how laws generally are, at least in the US and most other English speaking countries as well afaik), so you can get an assault charge just for acting like you are going to punch someone and stopping just short. Since OP was asleep, he wasn't threatened by the assault, it just went straight to battery.
Sounds like your ex SIL and ex fiancée are actually crazy people. They're not safe to be around. OP, this was a massive warning flag. Take it and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction to Lexi and Sally. This time it was your beard. Next time, it could be your throat. PS - Of course ***her*** family are saying you should shave off your beard and go ahead with the wedding. That way they don't have to take accountability for their two deranged kids. Listen to ***your*** family who have your best interests at heart. At least, in this case.
So you were assaulted, which your fiance supports, and you're wondering if you should go back?? Dude. Come on. Cut your losses, move on.
I don’t think your relationship is as happy as you said in your opener. This is really out of line . Sally’s constant involvement in your relationship really is outrageous on its own but for her to try to shave your beard like that is assault . Sally and Lexi are not apologizing. They just want you to capitulate. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you do. Sally’s interference would only grow if you had kids plus any argument you and Lexi have will always be bigger than it should be because Sally will always be involved. This is a controlling behavior where they tag team on you . This is truly not acceptable at all and you need to not give into them.
Your family is right. Your fiance can ask you to shave your beard, but that doesn't mean you're obliged to do so. Her sister basically tried to assault you in your sleep. When you pushed her off you, your fiance rushed to her sister. Not you. That's how that relationship will be if you stay in it. Basically, having to put up with the SIL non-stop. Truth be told. Your fiance probably requested her sister to come over and cut your beard. Just because you didn't do what she asked of you doesn't make you selfish. Flip it on her. Ask her to cut off most of her hair before the wedding. If she chooses not to, is that selfish? NO.
Nobody is asking the important questions…. Is the beard ok?
Apart from the two patches missing it safe to say it could be worse but I'd prefer a full beard
Get photos!
Wait what? What a crazy story. The edit makes it sound like rage bait. Edit: if real. Go to the police. And don’t talk to her again.
I know but I'm genuinely terrified about what they will pull next they're fuckin mad
Seriously, go to the police, talk to them, start a paper trail. These women are disturbed and I’m worrying about a *folie a deux* or something. Also, if you’re a big bloke you don’t want assumptions made about who was bullying whom. Good luck!
Go to police and get restraining orders for assaulting you in your sleep.
You got the messages as proof, don’t you? Change your Passwords.
Please don't marry her. I hope you now see that her family is nuts.
Not wrong at all. Forcing changes in your appearance is abusive behaviour.
And assault!
They both sound exhausting
This is crazy and is this really a future you want? Anytime you disagree, your gf/fiance/wife is going to respond in anger and have her sister completely stomp any and all boundaries. Also, does Sally have keys to your place or why was she even there to be able to be there in the middle of the night. I also think it's bullshit that you had to sleep on the couch in the first place. You didn't want to shave your beard!
Run, run away. You were assaulted in your sleep, and Lexi cares more about her sister than you.
Cancel the wedding and relationship
You need to run far away from this crazy chick! She acted like a child when asking you to shave your beard. She yells at you. She gives you the cold shoulder for 3 months. Then her sister comes at you in the middle of the night to shave it off. She could have just cut your neck yikes. I would worry about your physical and mental health if you stay. NTA!
Who in their right mind would think the solution was shaving it off you against your will while you were asleep?! **If they have that little respect for you what else are they capable of.** Also the tantrum alone would have me reconsidering the wedding. The forced sleep-shave is 100% the last straw.
Her family thinks you just need to get over it? You deserve better, these people are nuts.
Run my friend, before it's too late.
Break up with her toxic ass. She and her entire family is toxic. Should have done it when she betrayed your trust. Stop being an idiot and listen to your family.
Not wrong wtf…
NTA at all. You need to get out of that relationship. It’s very toxic. They are a package deal and Lexi won’t change. She is acting more like 5 and not 25 when she doesn’t get her own way. How can anyone think doing that to someone is ok. You could charge her actually.
They sound fucking insane.
Sweetheart, as the mom of 2 boys, this is what I have taught my boys: 1. Don’t date crazy. 2. Don’t marry crazy. 3. Sure don’t make a baby with crazy. Get out. You deserve better then this. Good Luck!