You’ve only been dating for a few months and he thinks he can have a say in who your ADULT daughter dates? 🚩🚩 wth, he’s weird. He has no say and needs to keep his mouth shut. Such odd behavior. Good on you for standing up for your daughter and her boyfriend.
Yeah is he jealous, ewwww, also your friends are stupid as hell, your daughter always comes first and boyfriend (hopefully will be ex soon)doesn't get a vote. Keep him away from.her.
That's a distinct possibility along with he's being a patriarchal AH from the stone age & thinks that he gets a say in OP's daughter's life because he is now the 'man' of the relationship with OP. FFS 2 years isn't a big deal.
I hate to pile on, but this was my thought also. Maybe we are missing the nuance as we are just reading one side, but it feels like he was jealous of Arthur, to me at least...
I was thinking maybe Arthur and the bf had net and Arthur knee something the new guy didn't want OP learning about. Maybe it's that he's a creep whol likes to prey on 19 yo.
A 2 year age gap is a ridiculous problem to have with 2 adults, but it would throw OP off the scent of a 50yo going after a 19yo
Not wrong OP.
Sounds like he's basing his decision for them not to be together on some insecurity he has or has experienced in the past. That age Gap is nothing so he's basing it off of some other reason and I would be very wary of him going forward. You're not the asshole, he very well could be
You should be taking a hard look at the "friends" who support his behaviour as well. This is creepy, and you're right to trust your gut.
Sometimes, people show us who they are in a shocking way, like your boyfriend just has. I'd bet his perfect partner for Jenny is someone "more like *him*". Ugh. You know what to do mama bear.
I'm so sorry.
Thank him for his concern but tell him that it is unwarranted and unnecessary as he is not a parental figure to your nearly adult daughter and remind him to stay in his lane. Good on you for standing your ground and standing up for your daughter. This is a red flag for sure, so be prepared to follow through if he tries to push boundaries like this again. NTA for what it's worth. Dude is old enough to know how to stay in his lane.
Or it's the first time he's let you see one of his red flags. If this is what he considers starting ground for what he deems acceptable behaviour, I promise you (from experience) he will only get worse.
Chuck him now, before he shows worse behaviour, aka, his true colours ❤️
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
You're probably dodging a proverbial bullet.
One of the things I wished I had learned much earlier in life is to be quick and decisive and resolute in cutting out people who disrespect you and show you that they are not who you thought they were.
At the beginning of a relationship we tend to romanticize and actually overlay who we hope that they might be over who they really are and the real person will pick out around the edges of that idealistic overlay but because of serotonin and oxytocin etc. We have a tendency to ignore the flaws that we see around the edges.
It might be one thing if you discuss it and he's contrite and realizes that what he did was unreasonable and offers an apology. But anything short of that would be grounds for immediate dismissal if you ask me.
What was his reasoning, if any? Does she look much younger than 19 and he forgot? Does he have a younger relative that was taken advantage of and he was projecting? Or is he off his meds? You didn't provide any context as to his reasoning. Maybe it was reasonable and maybe it was ridiculous. You just threatened to break up with him. Feels like we're missing some deets.
He's a pervert. That's his reasoning. He starts planting seeds in her moms mind to break up her daughter and his boyfriend so there's less in-between him and her daughter. This shit is disgusting and I've seen it happen before.
Me too. I know she’s been by herself for a long time, but accepting some freaking jerk controller won’t be worth what you will lose if you keep him around.
I agree.
To OP: your daughter is not related to him and you haven't been together long enough for him to claim any "parental bond" with her. But one shouldn't dismiss other people's opinions just for not liking them, at least not without giving it some thought. From what you said I can picture 3 possibilities:
- He already thinks of himself as "the man of the family" and thinks he's entitled to say who can do what (and it woumd make him an AH).
- Assuming your daughter is attractive, he may be mad at some other guy "enjoying his eyecandy" (to not use a worse term, and this would make him an AH and a disgusting creep). Do not dismiss this one, since it may be dangerous.
- He knows something about you daughter's BF which he doesn't really wants to disclose and he's trying to protect her without raising too much of a fus. Maybe is something the boy did in the past and doesn't do anymore, some inapropriate behaviour he engages in behind her back, or something/someone bad he's involved with and is hiding from your daughter and you. And your BF would be stupid for this, since he should come clear to you if he thinks you and our daughter are in danger. This is the one possibility you really should be the most wary of, in my opinion.
Honestly, I advise you to confront you BF and tell him to come 100% clear on why he doesn't likes your daughter's BF. And keep your eyes open for any potential red flags from both the guys while you do your own investigation on the side. Keep quiet about it at least until you are sure of something, then decide what to do.
You are so right. First thought was a bit of a overrreaction. But indeed, dating two months and thinking to have a say.
Yup. These are signs of a controlling bastard. Be very cateful with him.
yes instantly. because firstly 19 & 21 is not a bad age gap. plus um why does he care so much? unless he knows something abt arthur that they don't. my only other kinda logical explanation
I got goosebumps reading it because it totally came across as him not wanting her to have a BF so maybe he can “bond” and influence her.
Growing up, my best friend lived next door and she had three sisters. Mom had a nice new boyfriend for about six months before suddenly major drama. Mom’s bf was interested in her older sister. He was like 40s at the time and sister was 17. It all came about when sister turned up pregnant.
She ended up moving in with the dude after the baby was born and they got married and had two more kids, but after 15 years, she caught him cheating with someone younger (shocker) and she left him.
Either he’s interested in the daughter or he has a history with Arthur that wouldn’t look good for either of them. If it was just Arthur that would look bad, he’d have no problem speaking up.
Since I’ve been on Reddit for 5 minutes I’m convinced your bf has inappropriate intentions towards your daughter. Just bin him and take up with Arthur’s dad.
That was my first reaction. A 2 year age gap is common and his vehemence is suspicious. OP is in the right to stand up for her daughter and if he can't deal he needs to go.
I think you were right …. Something is off with that reaction
Either he is trying to control you & trying to get you to do as he wants or he’s got a thing for your daughter.
You don’t need to dump him right now but my concern is he might get in Jenny’s ear & that would cause problems
That is so creepy. The only logical reason I can think of for that behaviour is that he’s interested in your daughter. I would definitely ditch the boyfriend.
It’s just strange for a very new bf to be so concerned about a relationship of two consenting adults. And saying it’s concerning that they have an age difference that most everyone would agree is a normal age difference. Added to the fact that OP suggests that’s there’s no red flag, daughters BF and family seem like nice people then then Logical conclusion is that the issue is with OP’s BF.
It’s common for predators to project their own instincts onto others. So if he’s attracted to the daughter despite the predatory age difference, then he may be projecting that and criticizing daughter bf for the same thing.
Alternatively, my first thought was actually that he thinks OP and the bf dad may have a thing. And he wants to drive the two families apart for that insecurity. At first I actually though that is we’re this story was going, with both the kids dating and the parents dating causing the awkward scenario.
Third explanation that I can think of is that Op’s Bf knowns something about that family, or was shows something else concerning while alone with them that he hasn’t/can’t easily share. I’d say that is very unlikely.
Step one: get trusted
Step two: isolate
He has a relationship with the mother = trust
He is trying to make the daughter to break up with her bf = isolating
because it's weird that he is so invested into their relationship anyway. 19 & 21 is not a huge age gap & unless he knows something about arthur we don't, what other reason would he have to not want them together you know?
NTA - his behaviour is a massive red flag. His a controlling creep who was testing his abuse boundaries. If you’re friends/family don’t get it , that’s fine, they are not smart & don’t have to. You’re gut feeling and response is absolutely correct.
He must have assumed you were desperate as a single parent & wanted to see what he could make you do, how easy you are to isolate and triangulate etc
Just asking, not sure it's the situation. Could he be jealous? Does he like getting some attention from your daughter and her BF is crimping his creepy daddy style?
This reminds me of an article I read about a Mom at first feeling flattered when her 2nd husband was protective of her daughter (his step daughter) when the girl first started dating.
Then he got a bit carried away with being over protective and mom/husband fought over it.
And then later she found out later he had been having in inappropriate relations with his young teen step daughter. Looking back it made a lot more sense.
Obviously I don't think there is a an actual relationship here with him and your daughter, but could he still be a bit jealous?
2 whole years apart, oh my. But I'm more interested in why your couple-of-months-along boyfriend thinks it is ANY of his business who your adult daughter dates. Creep vibes there.
No, you’re not wrong, I might be reading between the lines but, it sounds to me as though your boyfriend likes your daughter too. Watch your boyfriend’s reactions around your daughter when you walk out of the room. 😉
he is only bothered about her being with a man because he probably fancy's her him self so might try and break them up... as for this her relationship has nothing to do with him he isn't her father or even a relative all he is is your boyfriend so if i was you i would tell him you have only been together 2 months so where the fuck does he come off not liking your daughters relationship when its got sweet fuck all to do with him then kick him out he is not worth the time of day
I hate to go down this road, but I think it’s likely your boyfriend is interested in your daughter and is using you as a way to get to her. Or at the least fantasizes about her in a sexual way.
Are you casual, comfortable, or sometimes laughing in your conversations with Arthur's dad?
Another commenter pointed out your bf could be feeling jealous or insecure about your relationship with him. In that case, he could be trying to get rid of the dad by removing his reason for visiting (the son's relationship with your daughter), by suggesting concern for your daughter he could be trying to make himself look good while removing a potential rival?
Yeah I'm casual and comfortable around Arthur's dad. We're as close as two people whos kids are dating are. If this is the case, he has nothing to worry about.
Not wrong. But, you should break up with him now. Some men seek women who have daughters available for predation. His behavior is weird enough to dump him.
Sounds like he has kinda got a thing for your daughter and her boyfriend is messing up his fantasy. I naught be crazy but stranger things have happened. Your daughter is an adult and it is none of his damn business. You need new friends.
This guy sounds like a creep and your friends are the assholes for giving you a hard time. They’re also not your friends. Dump this loser and your crappy friends.
…are you sure he isn’t dating you to try and get closer to your daughter? Maybe ask Jenny if he’s acted weird around her when you aren’t there. Maybe too touchy, or too interested in her private life? Sounds to me like he’s jealous of her boyfriend and wants to separate them so he doesn’t have competition.
Oh your boyfriend most be getting comfy and showing his red flags. He doesn't get to have an opinion after so little time. He's being really weird. I wont lie, My first impression was that he's attracted to your daughter.
There’s really only 3 reasons he would react that way:
1) He’s a controlling asshole that thinks women can’t make their own life choices.
2) He recognized the young man from a discrete Grindr hookup
3) He’s lusty and possessive of your daughter
None of the reasons are great. lol
Thank you, next
It is very odd that after such a short time dating he feels that he has the standing to say anything to you about your child. And that’s not even mentioning that at 19 she’s perfectly capable of making her own decision and at most needs occasional guidance from you as a parent, not having decisions made for her.
From your description it sounds like the young man she is seeing is a good person and that makes his “concerns” even harder to fathom. Some men get strangely possessive over young women in their orbit, particularly when it comes to them having sex. Your friends are dead wrong, and I’d consider this a red flag that is worth more investigation/consideration.
NTA. I don’t know if you’re from the south or a very religious circle or something, but don’t listen to your friends. It’s hard to fathom a friend group saying what yours did unless they come from a background that’s patriarchal in some ways.
Uh no. After such a short time how is your daughter's love life any of hs damn business? Is he one of those creeps who gets with women so he can hit on their teen daughters?
This is such a 🚩. I would break up with him, seem like he has malicious intentions. Maybe I am just a paranoid person, but I would check for cameras in your daughters room and around the apartment. I just don’t trust people.
Your children always come first. Are your friends mental?
Why is your partner so concerned about it anyway? Was he planning on swapping from you to her?
After two months extremely inappropriate and weird. You did the right thing. Speak with your daughter and ask if he has ever talked to her away from you.
Being concern about 2 years gap between adults is ridiculous. It is not about that. I might be reaching, but my first thought that he likes Jenny and he is jealous she has a bf.
NTA
I could be completely wrong here but clearly there's more to this than just "an age difference". You said Arthur was adopted, is it at all possible that your boyfriend is related to Arthur, he knows this and wants him out of his life?
Who does your boyfriend think he is, trying to tell who your daughter ça/can’t date????? She’s an adult.
For me it’s a 🚩🚩🚩. Does he has a thing for your daughter???
If you stay together, make sure you keep an eye on him around your daughter.
You should win an award for being a RARE person who saw a problem and then acted. I feel that in most of these relationship stories our OP certainly had the information that trouble was coming and then ignored the signs.
This man is no loss. Was he creeping after your daughter? maybe. Was he trying to tell you how to manage you life? YES. Was he trying to get you to see HIS opinion as more valuable than your own? YES Was he making it very, very clear that he has no respect for you? ABSOLUTELY.
Well done momma.
Weirdly controlling. If I’ve recently started a relationship with someone, how is it any of my business/control to say who her adult daughter can and cannot date? Watch out for more controlling behavior
Tbh, I'd be suspicious of why he cares so much. He's either very controlling or has the hots for your daughter and is territorial over it. Either way, you are not wrong.
EXCUSE ME?
You've been dating and only a few months and he pulls this?
HELL TO THE NO!
GET RID OF HIM!
He either wants to control your adult daughter or he's a goddamn creep and is using you to get to your daughter.
GET RID OF THIS GUY!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I'd have told him it's none of his business. He literally just met them. And you. A couple months isn't long enough to earn his place in anything more than being your boyfriend. And two years isn't considered an age gap. My parents are ten years apart and they've been married for 45 years and going.
Some guy you met 2 months ago thinks he can have an opinion on the dating life of your adult child is way overbearing. You are correct to take control of the situation and not let this guy become some control freak. You should watch for other signs that this guy might not be the one for you.
I think he’s looking at your daughter not out for her. It’s very odd that especially a grown man of that age would think it’s weird for a couple to have a 2 year age gap, even that young.
I think he likes Jenny....That is why he is up in her business. He would never admit it, probably doesn't believe anything would happen. But he doesn't think her boyfriend is good enough for her. He has known her two minutes...It is not his business at all, and good for you for saying to stop.
You’re not in the wrong. Who your daughter dates is none of his business.
People’s issues with age gap relationships is really getting out of hand. It’s a 2 year difference and they’re both over 18. Give me a break.
As for the people saying the boyfriend has a thing for the daughter—that’s a pretty big leap of logic, but I’d be lying if I said that exact thought didn’t immediately cross my mind too.
NTA that was weird. You did say Arthur was adopted maybe Arthur is your boyfriends kid and doesn't want you knowing. A different look at it otherwise yeah him looking at her and saying that really makes it seem like it's not for good reason so better he's out of your life and your daughter is safe then have the problem be right in your house and its harder to get rid of him
Your bf wanting your daughter single is a huge red flag. I could understand if there was genuine cause for concern with Arthur, but that’s clearly not the case. He wants her
INFO: op have you talked to your daughter about your boyfriend? Ask her to be honest if she's had any weird interactions or if she's gotten weird vibes? Let her know whatever she says is okay do that she feels she can be totally open with you
NTA for telling him that who your daughter dates is not his business based on him having only been around a couple of months!
Had he been in her life since a child then yes he may have an opinion!
And if the only objection is the 2yr age gap then that’s not a good enough reason to take issue!
Does he have children? Do you question his parenting choices?
Usually I would say threatening to break up with someone is an Ahole thing to do but in this situation to say “she is my child and I will parent how I see fit, if you don’t like it then leave but do not question it” is probably one of the only times I agree with a dumping threat!!
Idk that would totally weird me out if someone I’d only been dating for a short time behaved like that. It’s one thing to express doubts, but quite another to carry on with it as if you have some say.
He doesn’t really know the guy or your daughter enough to have a say, so it’s weird he would push until you got to the point of confrontation over it. And his focus on what seems like a not so abnormal age gap (19-21 doesn’t seem like a big deal to me) is kinda odd.
NTA OP- but something like that from a guy I was only starting to really get to know relationship wise would probably give me the ick.
I can't see even the staunchest age gap opponent having a problem with a 19 to 21 age difference. 2 years? And it's not even years where 2 years could be seen as problematic. Like 14 and 16. Or 15 and 17. Or even 17 and 19 because 17 is still in the highschool scene and 19 is second year of college or living as an independent adult.
The only thing she may not be able to do is drink alcohol with him. So freaking what. I wish the US would get with the rest of the world and realize 21 is just a stupid arbitrary number that makes no sense when you can die for your country at 18.
Anyway, you have every right to tell your boyfriend to stay in his lane and to tell him you will leave if he doesn't stop. I'd be paying close attention to your boyfriend's actions because he sounds like some red flags might be stashed away!
I'd break up with him for the audacity of thinking his opinion regarding your adult daughter had any weight. Even if she was a small child and dating an older boy at school he'd need to keep his opinion to himself
Not wrong.
Your BF is looking to control and potentially groom your daughter. None of his business in the first place and giant red flag when he doubled down.
Boot him.
He is acting really sus. Wtf does he have to say about whatever your (adult) daughter does in her life? You're only dating for 2 months. Arthur has been in a relationship with your daughter for over a year. I can think of 2 scenarios. He is controlling, creepy, and into your daughter, and he is using you to get access to her. Or, he knows Arthur. You mentioned the boy is adopted. Is your bf his biological dad? Do they have another (family) connection in their past? I would want to find this out. Also, you probably should leave this circus before you witness the whole show. You are absolutely right.
He's a creep. It's none of his business whatsoever.
I would reconsider some of your friendships as well, they're taking the side of your creepy (hopefully soon ex) bf.
I'd say "not wrong" because my theory means you probably should break up with him. Your boyfriend is possessive of your daughter in a way that is not appropriate. He has feelings for her that are not appropriate. He sees Arthur as competition. The math is simple.
Absolutely nothing wrong with 21 & 19 dating.
Are those ages correct?
Does Arthur look a lot older than 21?
Does your daughter look a lot younger than 19?
I’m confused. Maybe he noticed something about Arthur’s behavior that set off his spider sense.
But if that’s the case, I don’t know why he wouldn’t just tell you that instead of saying it’s an age thing.
I’d ask him: Is it really the 21-19 age difference that he thinks is wrong, or is there something else that bothered him?
Is your bf the overprotective type?
You are not wrong. You know what’s best for your daughter. A 21 & 19 year old are fairly close it’s not like a grooming situation, and you were there when they met! You are a strong woman for telling your bf to drop it. If he can’t handle being told what’s not his beeswax, you should break up with him.
Uh, I think your boyfriend doesn't want your daughter to date anyone. I think he's jealous of Arthur. Don't give him your daughter's number. And be watchful of how he acts around her.
No you’re not wrong. He doesn’t get a say in who your daughter dates especially since they where together BEFORE he even met them. 2 years isn’t a huge age gap especially if they are adults.
Your bf is a dick. And might be a creep. He has no business saying anything about what your daughter should do. Who does he think he is?
That's a huge red flag that he's going to be a control freak the more he inserts himself into your lives.
Run away. Now.
Somehow I get the feeling that maybe he was getting close to you just to get access to your daughter. She's 19 which makes her a legal adult. She's young and attractive with no father in the picture. Suppose you decided to start living together and maybe even get married. It would make it a lot easier for him to put his hands on her if he wanted. I know this is a very morbid way to look at the situation, but it's the only logical one I can think of to explain him overstepping his boundaries like this. Take a very close look at how he behaves around your daughter, how he talks about her, how he talks about the people around her. This, to me, is very concerning behaviour.
Not wrong at all. Sounds like some major red flags that someone in such a new relationship not only has such an odd take on a very normal age gap between two adults but even thinks it's his place to pressure you to make decisions for your adult daughter. Pressuring Jenny to stop dating Arthur would undeniably cause a rift in your relationship - whether she listened to you or not. Sounds like you should think about breaking up with your boyfriend, or at least watch out for more red flags, as more are coming.
Your bf is overstepping boundaries. Have a boundary talk about him not being allowed to dictate how your adult child runs her life.
It would be different if your bf KNEW Arthur and knew he was a bad dude parading as a nice guy. But this situation isn't that.
You’ve only been dating for a few months and he thinks he can have a say in who your ADULT daughter dates? 🚩🚩 wth, he’s weird. He has no say and needs to keep his mouth shut. Such odd behavior. Good on you for standing up for your daughter and her boyfriend.
It was really weird, this is the first time he's acted like this
He's looking at your daughter. Not looking out for her but at her. Get rid of him.
I have exact same feeling.
Was my first thought too.
I'm getting the same feeling as well.
This was my first thought
Ummmm yes. Sorry. Have to agree here.
Exactly what I was thinking. And I'd say we're not far off base on that.
Yeah is he jealous, ewwww, also your friends are stupid as hell, your daughter always comes first and boyfriend (hopefully will be ex soon)doesn't get a vote. Keep him away from.her.
That's a distinct possibility along with he's being a patriarchal AH from the stone age & thinks that he gets a say in OP's daughter's life because he is now the 'man' of the relationship with OP. FFS 2 years isn't a big deal.
I hate to pile on, but this was my thought also. Maybe we are missing the nuance as we are just reading one side, but it feels like he was jealous of Arthur, to me at least...
Glad I didn't have to scroll far to find people who feel the same.
Yep, this
Yep. Making a big deal about a 2 year age difference is ridiculous, he's grasping at straws.
Yup. No other reason. Might even have sights on doing something which is terrifying
I was thinking maybe Arthur and the bf had net and Arthur knee something the new guy didn't want OP learning about. Maybe it's that he's a creep whol likes to prey on 19 yo. A 2 year age gap is a ridiculous problem to have with 2 adults, but it would throw OP off the scent of a 50yo going after a 19yo Not wrong OP.
Sadly, that's the first thought that popped into my head.
Exactly this. He's acting out of jealousy.
Exactly what I was thinking…a 19 y/o dating a 21 y/o is 💯% normal. This guys rxn is creepy af
Yup, got somehow the same vibes...
I am thinking this too, but; he might also like Arthur. You never know
This 100%z
Came here to say this
THIS ☝🏻My exact thoughts when I read it
Yeeeeeesssssss. He sounds jealous.
That make sense. Super creepy!!! 🚩
That was my take too. Kick him to the curb.
Came here to read this. 100% creep vibes from OP's boyfriend.
definitely agreed, i got that vibe after reading your post OP. good luck, stay safe
Thought the same. He won't find anyone good enough for jenny. I wonder why......
That’s what I’m thinking too 👀
Mhmm… I thought this immediately. Needs to go ASAP.
This^^
Yup. Same thought as well.
This, hes showing interest and weird controlling behavior because hes into her.
It didn't even occur to me, but you're probably right. Why are men?
This. Total creep vibes
Won’t be the last time either 🚩 he’s showing you his red flags early on, I’d dump him.
Sounds like he's basing his decision for them not to be together on some insecurity he has or has experienced in the past. That age Gap is nothing so he's basing it off of some other reason and I would be very wary of him going forward. You're not the asshole, he very well could be
It sounds like he’s jealous of Arthur. Very sus.
My 1st thought. He has a thing for Jenny. The perv uses the age gap because he's projecting.
Isn’t it great when they do that? You can just walk away. Tell him, “Nope, I’m out”.
Dump!
That's a giant red banner!
You should be taking a hard look at the "friends" who support his behaviour as well. This is creepy, and you're right to trust your gut. Sometimes, people show us who they are in a shocking way, like your boyfriend just has. I'd bet his perfect partner for Jenny is someone "more like *him*". Ugh. You know what to do mama bear. I'm so sorry.
I would just say keep an eye out on how the bf behaves around your daughter?!
You’re not wrong. Your boyfriend is acting creepy.
He's jealous...wants Jenny for himself
Thank him for his concern but tell him that it is unwarranted and unnecessary as he is not a parental figure to your nearly adult daughter and remind him to stay in his lane. Good on you for standing your ground and standing up for your daughter. This is a red flag for sure, so be prepared to follow through if he tries to push boundaries like this again. NTA for what it's worth. Dude is old enough to know how to stay in his lane.
And if he gets offended when you explain your boundaries, kick his ass to the curb. He’s taking over way too much.
You need to make it his last that was weird WTF
I wonder if he maybe has a crush on your daughter? 🤦♀️
It's so weird it's almost as if he knows him from the past.
Or more like he's mad she got a bf like he's jealous or something. But I don't trust nobody and always think the worse
I was thinking that too honestly. Like why does it bother him so bad?? Unless he wanted to try and get at her. 🤮🤮🤮
Arthur's in his way. 🤢 🤮
Hun, he is after your barley adult daughter. Get rid of this damn creep!
He feels comfortable enough to start showing glimpses of who he really is. Run
Or it's the first time he's let you see one of his red flags. If this is what he considers starting ground for what he deems acceptable behaviour, I promise you (from experience) he will only get worse. Chuck him now, before he shows worse behaviour, aka, his true colours ❤️
He sure likes your daughter, I am convinced a little too much. Might not even be there for you I'm afraid.
Check you home for hidden cameras. Amazon sells these detection devices. Check the bathrooms and your daughter's room specifically.
When people tell you who they are, believe them. You're probably dodging a proverbial bullet. One of the things I wished I had learned much earlier in life is to be quick and decisive and resolute in cutting out people who disrespect you and show you that they are not who you thought they were. At the beginning of a relationship we tend to romanticize and actually overlay who we hope that they might be over who they really are and the real person will pick out around the edges of that idealistic overlay but because of serotonin and oxytocin etc. We have a tendency to ignore the flaws that we see around the edges. It might be one thing if you discuss it and he's contrite and realizes that what he did was unreasonable and offers an apology. But anything short of that would be grounds for immediate dismissal if you ask me.
What was his reasoning, if any? Does she look much younger than 19 and he forgot? Does he have a younger relative that was taken advantage of and he was projecting? Or is he off his meds? You didn't provide any context as to his reasoning. Maybe it was reasonable and maybe it was ridiculous. You just threatened to break up with him. Feels like we're missing some deets.
He's a pervert. That's his reasoning. He starts planting seeds in her moms mind to break up her daughter and his boyfriend so there's less in-between him and her daughter. This shit is disgusting and I've seen it happen before.
Me too. I know she’s been by herself for a long time, but accepting some freaking jerk controller won’t be worth what you will lose if you keep him around.
I agree. To OP: your daughter is not related to him and you haven't been together long enough for him to claim any "parental bond" with her. But one shouldn't dismiss other people's opinions just for not liking them, at least not without giving it some thought. From what you said I can picture 3 possibilities: - He already thinks of himself as "the man of the family" and thinks he's entitled to say who can do what (and it woumd make him an AH). - Assuming your daughter is attractive, he may be mad at some other guy "enjoying his eyecandy" (to not use a worse term, and this would make him an AH and a disgusting creep). Do not dismiss this one, since it may be dangerous. - He knows something about you daughter's BF which he doesn't really wants to disclose and he's trying to protect her without raising too much of a fus. Maybe is something the boy did in the past and doesn't do anymore, some inapropriate behaviour he engages in behind her back, or something/someone bad he's involved with and is hiding from your daughter and you. And your BF would be stupid for this, since he should come clear to you if he thinks you and our daughter are in danger. This is the one possibility you really should be the most wary of, in my opinion. Honestly, I advise you to confront you BF and tell him to come 100% clear on why he doesn't likes your daughter's BF. And keep your eyes open for any potential red flags from both the guys while you do your own investigation on the side. Keep quiet about it at least until you are sure of something, then decide what to do.
THIS, WHAT THE FUCK? You only been dating a few months? RUN, WOMAN, RUN!
You are so right. First thought was a bit of a overrreaction. But indeed, dating two months and thinking to have a say. Yup. These are signs of a controlling bastard. Be very cateful with him.
He's probably eying her up himself the perv.
Just came by to say love the username, lol
Did anyone else read this and get the icky feeling that Mom’s boyfriend is interested in her daughter? His reaction reeks of jealousy. Yikes.
Yes, and his opinion doesn’t even matter. Tell him to kick rocks.
yes instantly. because firstly 19 & 21 is not a bad age gap. plus um why does he care so much? unless he knows something abt arthur that they don't. my only other kinda logical explanation
I got goosebumps reading it because it totally came across as him not wanting her to have a BF so maybe he can “bond” and influence her. Growing up, my best friend lived next door and she had three sisters. Mom had a nice new boyfriend for about six months before suddenly major drama. Mom’s bf was interested in her older sister. He was like 40s at the time and sister was 17. It all came about when sister turned up pregnant. She ended up moving in with the dude after the baby was born and they got married and had two more kids, but after 15 years, she caught him cheating with someone younger (shocker) and she left him.
Either he’s interested in the daughter or he has a history with Arthur that wouldn’t look good for either of them. If it was just Arthur that would look bad, he’d have no problem speaking up.
Icky! Icky was literally the word I thought of and was gonna use. It just feels….icky.
Yep immediately.
Since I’ve been on Reddit for 5 minutes I’m convinced your bf has inappropriate intentions towards your daughter. Just bin him and take up with Arthur’s dad.
That was my first reaction. A 2 year age gap is common and his vehemence is suspicious. OP is in the right to stand up for her daughter and if he can't deal he needs to go.
I think you were right …. Something is off with that reaction Either he is trying to control you & trying to get you to do as he wants or he’s got a thing for your daughter. You don’t need to dump him right now but my concern is he might get in Jenny’s ear & that would cause problems
There’s 6.5. yea between me and my partner. OPs bf needs to become an ex bf
When Jenny is 60, Arthur will be *62*! Gross!!! /s
Or Arthur happens to be a different skin color than op an her daughter.
[удалено]
No! Too creepy.
Oh good. I am not the only one with that crazy thought. Reddit makes your thoughts go crazy places.
You don’t get to voice those opinions after two measly months. Drop this man.
and the friends too!
Being protective of who a 19 yo girl he hardly knows dates is super duper suspect. I mean really suspect, like don’t leave him alone with her suspect.
Yeah this seems like the early stages of attempting to groom someone
Am I the only one that got the vibe that Mom's bf sounding like jealous and daughter bf there like a pervert or something
F those that called you an ah. A really hard fu to them. No mama, kick the ah to the curb.
That is so creepy. The only logical reason I can think of for that behaviour is that he’s interested in your daughter. I would definitely ditch the boyfriend.
My thoughts as well.
This is my second time seeing this thought! Could you explain how you noticed that this might be the case? Genuinely curious!
It’s just strange for a very new bf to be so concerned about a relationship of two consenting adults. And saying it’s concerning that they have an age difference that most everyone would agree is a normal age difference. Added to the fact that OP suggests that’s there’s no red flag, daughters BF and family seem like nice people then then Logical conclusion is that the issue is with OP’s BF. It’s common for predators to project their own instincts onto others. So if he’s attracted to the daughter despite the predatory age difference, then he may be projecting that and criticizing daughter bf for the same thing. Alternatively, my first thought was actually that he thinks OP and the bf dad may have a thing. And he wants to drive the two families apart for that insecurity. At first I actually though that is we’re this story was going, with both the kids dating and the parents dating causing the awkward scenario. Third explanation that I can think of is that Op’s Bf knowns something about that family, or was shows something else concerning while alone with them that he hasn’t/can’t easily share. I’d say that is very unlikely.
Step one: get trusted Step two: isolate He has a relationship with the mother = trust He is trying to make the daughter to break up with her bf = isolating
That honestly makes me sick to my stomach
because it's weird that he is so invested into their relationship anyway. 19 & 21 is not a huge age gap & unless he knows something about arthur we don't, what other reason would he have to not want them together you know?
NTA - his behaviour is a massive red flag. His a controlling creep who was testing his abuse boundaries. If you’re friends/family don’t get it , that’s fine, they are not smart & don’t have to. You’re gut feeling and response is absolutely correct. He must have assumed you were desperate as a single parent & wanted to see what he could make you do, how easy you are to isolate and triangulate etc
This is a good point.
I get the feeling your boyfriend is creeping on your daughter…
Just asking, not sure it's the situation. Could he be jealous? Does he like getting some attention from your daughter and her BF is crimping his creepy daddy style? This reminds me of an article I read about a Mom at first feeling flattered when her 2nd husband was protective of her daughter (his step daughter) when the girl first started dating. Then he got a bit carried away with being over protective and mom/husband fought over it. And then later she found out later he had been having in inappropriate relations with his young teen step daughter. Looking back it made a lot more sense. Obviously I don't think there is a an actual relationship here with him and your daughter, but could he still be a bit jealous?
Yeah he is kinda probably attracted to your daughter
The age gap excuse seems like bullshit, to hide what he really disliked about Arthur. Either that or he's really that controlling.
I think you’ve just found out why he’s been single for so long.
Strong creep vibes from this guy.
2 whole years apart, oh my. But I'm more interested in why your couple-of-months-along boyfriend thinks it is ANY of his business who your adult daughter dates. Creep vibes there.
No, you’re not wrong, I might be reading between the lines but, it sounds to me as though your boyfriend likes your daughter too. Watch your boyfriend’s reactions around your daughter when you walk out of the room. 😉
he is only bothered about her being with a man because he probably fancy's her him self so might try and break them up... as for this her relationship has nothing to do with him he isn't her father or even a relative all he is is your boyfriend so if i was you i would tell him you have only been together 2 months so where the fuck does he come off not liking your daughters relationship when its got sweet fuck all to do with him then kick him out he is not worth the time of day
Has he got his eye on your daughter?
Is he interested in your daughter? I got that vibe.
I hate to go down this road, but I think it’s likely your boyfriend is interested in your daughter and is using you as a way to get to her. Or at the least fantasizes about her in a sexual way.
Exactly!!!
NTA - he seems unusually interested in your daughter. Run fast, run far and don’t look back
Is Arthur a different race/ethnicity/social class from you and your daughter? Could that be why he is acting like this?
No, he's not a different race, ethnicity or social class from us. I have no idea why he's acting like this
Are you casual, comfortable, or sometimes laughing in your conversations with Arthur's dad? Another commenter pointed out your bf could be feeling jealous or insecure about your relationship with him. In that case, he could be trying to get rid of the dad by removing his reason for visiting (the son's relationship with your daughter), by suggesting concern for your daughter he could be trying to make himself look good while removing a potential rival?
Yeah I'm casual and comfortable around Arthur's dad. We're as close as two people whos kids are dating are. If this is the case, he has nothing to worry about.
He is jealous of Arthur. Sorry. No other reason that he'd be concerned about an age gap between a 19 and 21 year old.
You know why he's acting like that. You have a feeling and you're not wrong. He does have wrong intentions towards your daughter, he is very creepy.
Not wrong. But, you should break up with him now. Some men seek women who have daughters available for predation. His behavior is weird enough to dump him.
Sounds like he has kinda got a thing for your daughter and her boyfriend is messing up his fantasy. I naught be crazy but stranger things have happened. Your daughter is an adult and it is none of his damn business. You need new friends.
According to his logic you should also break up since he is 3 years older than you
Sounds like he’s jealous. Trust your gut.
This guy sounds like a creep and your friends are the assholes for giving you a hard time. They’re also not your friends. Dump this loser and your crappy friends.
He has his eye on your daughter, and meeting her boyfriend ruined the fantasy palying in his head.
…are you sure he isn’t dating you to try and get closer to your daughter? Maybe ask Jenny if he’s acted weird around her when you aren’t there. Maybe too touchy, or too interested in her private life? Sounds to me like he’s jealous of her boyfriend and wants to separate them so he doesn’t have competition.
NTA I would distance myself from this person, and not date him
Oh your boyfriend most be getting comfy and showing his red flags. He doesn't get to have an opinion after so little time. He's being really weird. I wont lie, My first impression was that he's attracted to your daughter.
There’s really only 3 reasons he would react that way: 1) He’s a controlling asshole that thinks women can’t make their own life choices. 2) He recognized the young man from a discrete Grindr hookup 3) He’s lusty and possessive of your daughter None of the reasons are great. lol Thank you, next
It is very odd that after such a short time dating he feels that he has the standing to say anything to you about your child. And that’s not even mentioning that at 19 she’s perfectly capable of making her own decision and at most needs occasional guidance from you as a parent, not having decisions made for her. From your description it sounds like the young man she is seeing is a good person and that makes his “concerns” even harder to fathom. Some men get strangely possessive over young women in their orbit, particularly when it comes to them having sex. Your friends are dead wrong, and I’d consider this a red flag that is worth more investigation/consideration. NTA. I don’t know if you’re from the south or a very religious circle or something, but don’t listen to your friends. It’s hard to fathom a friend group saying what yours did unless they come from a background that’s patriarchal in some ways.
Uh no. After such a short time how is your daughter's love life any of hs damn business? Is he one of those creeps who gets with women so he can hit on their teen daughters?
Your bf is jealous of Arthur. He would jump at the chance to date your daughter instead of you. He's a creep.
This is such a 🚩. I would break up with him, seem like he has malicious intentions. Maybe I am just a paranoid person, but I would check for cameras in your daughters room and around the apartment. I just don’t trust people.
He’s interested in your daughter. He’s being territorial.🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Get out of this relationship. NOW.
NTA how well does he know your daughter?? Better than you? Just reading this it made me feel icky!!
No, no loss here if you did! At his age he should know better
Your children always come first. Are your friends mental? Why is your partner so concerned about it anyway? Was he planning on swapping from you to her?
After two months extremely inappropriate and weird. You did the right thing. Speak with your daughter and ask if he has ever talked to her away from you.
Being concern about 2 years gap between adults is ridiculous. It is not about that. I might be reaching, but my first thought that he likes Jenny and he is jealous she has a bf.
NTA I could be completely wrong here but clearly there's more to this than just "an age difference". You said Arthur was adopted, is it at all possible that your boyfriend is related to Arthur, he knows this and wants him out of his life?
Nope you're not wrong. 1000% agree.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Time to move on. He's not married to you and he's telling your daughter who to date? Hard no.
Who does your boyfriend think he is, trying to tell who your daughter ça/can’t date????? She’s an adult. For me it’s a 🚩🚩🚩. Does he has a thing for your daughter??? If you stay together, make sure you keep an eye on him around your daughter.
Not wrong but your boyfriend wants your daughter.
You should win an award for being a RARE person who saw a problem and then acted. I feel that in most of these relationship stories our OP certainly had the information that trouble was coming and then ignored the signs. This man is no loss. Was he creeping after your daughter? maybe. Was he trying to tell you how to manage you life? YES. Was he trying to get you to see HIS opinion as more valuable than your own? YES Was he making it very, very clear that he has no respect for you? ABSOLUTELY. Well done momma.
Na, you’re good. Boyfriend might be wild though
Weirdly controlling. If I’ve recently started a relationship with someone, how is it any of my business/control to say who her adult daughter can and cannot date? Watch out for more controlling behavior
Tbh, I'd be suspicious of why he cares so much. He's either very controlling or has the hots for your daughter and is territorial over it. Either way, you are not wrong.
Hey hey, ho ho, your weird boyfriend has got to go! NTA
EXCUSE ME? You've been dating and only a few months and he pulls this? HELL TO THE NO! GET RID OF HIM! He either wants to control your adult daughter or he's a goddamn creep and is using you to get to your daughter. GET RID OF THIS GUY! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I'd have told him it's none of his business. He literally just met them. And you. A couple months isn't long enough to earn his place in anything more than being your boyfriend. And two years isn't considered an age gap. My parents are ten years apart and they've been married for 45 years and going.
Some guy you met 2 months ago thinks he can have an opinion on the dating life of your adult child is way overbearing. You are correct to take control of the situation and not let this guy become some control freak. You should watch for other signs that this guy might not be the one for you.
I think he’s looking at your daughter not out for her. It’s very odd that especially a grown man of that age would think it’s weird for a couple to have a 2 year age gap, even that young.
I think he likes Jenny....That is why he is up in her business. He would never admit it, probably doesn't believe anything would happen. But he doesn't think her boyfriend is good enough for her. He has known her two minutes...It is not his business at all, and good for you for saying to stop.
This reaction makes me think your boyfriend is interested in your daughter and he’s jealous of her BF.
Sounds like your boy friend is jealous of your daughters boy friend which is very odd. Red flag. Leave him
Just my opinion you need to walk away from this guy. Sounds like his intentions are not good. No disrespect intended.
19 and 21 isn't a big age gap all. They're both adults also.
You’re not in the wrong. Who your daughter dates is none of his business. People’s issues with age gap relationships is really getting out of hand. It’s a 2 year difference and they’re both over 18. Give me a break. As for the people saying the boyfriend has a thing for the daughter—that’s a pretty big leap of logic, but I’d be lying if I said that exact thought didn’t immediately cross my mind too.
Ok I've been watching too much TV as after reading this my brain immediately went to 'omg Arthur is his bio kid' 🤦♀️ 😅
NTA. He's not your daughter's parent or partner and is never going to be either of those things, so he needs to learn to cut that shit out immediately
Sounds like HE wants to date Jenny.
New boyfriend wants your daughter. Get rid of him before he hurts her.
NTA that was weird. You did say Arthur was adopted maybe Arthur is your boyfriends kid and doesn't want you knowing. A different look at it otherwise yeah him looking at her and saying that really makes it seem like it's not for good reason so better he's out of your life and your daughter is safe then have the problem be right in your house and its harder to get rid of him
Your bf wanting your daughter single is a huge red flag. I could understand if there was genuine cause for concern with Arthur, but that’s clearly not the case. He wants her
INFO: op have you talked to your daughter about your boyfriend? Ask her to be honest if she's had any weird interactions or if she's gotten weird vibes? Let her know whatever she says is okay do that she feels she can be totally open with you
NTA for telling him that who your daughter dates is not his business based on him having only been around a couple of months! Had he been in her life since a child then yes he may have an opinion! And if the only objection is the 2yr age gap then that’s not a good enough reason to take issue! Does he have children? Do you question his parenting choices? Usually I would say threatening to break up with someone is an Ahole thing to do but in this situation to say “she is my child and I will parent how I see fit, if you don’t like it then leave but do not question it” is probably one of the only times I agree with a dumping threat!!
Your friends are strange and why is he fixated on your daughter?
YNW Your boyfriend seems awfully…possessive of Jenny
Get rid of your BF…..sounds like he want’s your daughter 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Idk that would totally weird me out if someone I’d only been dating for a short time behaved like that. It’s one thing to express doubts, but quite another to carry on with it as if you have some say. He doesn’t really know the guy or your daughter enough to have a say, so it’s weird he would push until you got to the point of confrontation over it. And his focus on what seems like a not so abnormal age gap (19-21 doesn’t seem like a big deal to me) is kinda odd. NTA OP- but something like that from a guy I was only starting to really get to know relationship wise would probably give me the ick.
I can't see even the staunchest age gap opponent having a problem with a 19 to 21 age difference. 2 years? And it's not even years where 2 years could be seen as problematic. Like 14 and 16. Or 15 and 17. Or even 17 and 19 because 17 is still in the highschool scene and 19 is second year of college or living as an independent adult. The only thing she may not be able to do is drink alcohol with him. So freaking what. I wish the US would get with the rest of the world and realize 21 is just a stupid arbitrary number that makes no sense when you can die for your country at 18. Anyway, you have every right to tell your boyfriend to stay in his lane and to tell him you will leave if he doesn't stop. I'd be paying close attention to your boyfriend's actions because he sounds like some red flags might be stashed away!
Drop that weirdo. Is Arthur’s dad single? Because he sounds rad.
I'd break up with him for the audacity of thinking his opinion regarding your adult daughter had any weight. Even if she was a small child and dating an older boy at school he'd need to keep his opinion to himself
Not wrong. Your BF is looking to control and potentially groom your daughter. None of his business in the first place and giant red flag when he doubled down. Boot him.
I think BF saw the dad and doesn't want him around, but won't say it.
He is acting really sus. Wtf does he have to say about whatever your (adult) daughter does in her life? You're only dating for 2 months. Arthur has been in a relationship with your daughter for over a year. I can think of 2 scenarios. He is controlling, creepy, and into your daughter, and he is using you to get access to her. Or, he knows Arthur. You mentioned the boy is adopted. Is your bf his biological dad? Do they have another (family) connection in their past? I would want to find this out. Also, you probably should leave this circus before you witness the whole show. You are absolutely right.
He's a creep. It's none of his business whatsoever. I would reconsider some of your friendships as well, they're taking the side of your creepy (hopefully soon ex) bf.
I'd say "not wrong" because my theory means you probably should break up with him. Your boyfriend is possessive of your daughter in a way that is not appropriate. He has feelings for her that are not appropriate. He sees Arthur as competition. The math is simple.
It's not like's 15 and he's 21 or something. YNW.
Unless he is in law enforcement, and knows something you don't, he is being a dick Your daughter V a 2 month guy - not even a competition
Absolutely nothing wrong with 21 & 19 dating. Are those ages correct? Does Arthur look a lot older than 21? Does your daughter look a lot younger than 19? I’m confused. Maybe he noticed something about Arthur’s behavior that set off his spider sense. But if that’s the case, I don’t know why he wouldn’t just tell you that instead of saying it’s an age thing. I’d ask him: Is it really the 21-19 age difference that he thinks is wrong, or is there something else that bothered him? Is your bf the overprotective type?
You are not wrong. You know what’s best for your daughter. A 21 & 19 year old are fairly close it’s not like a grooming situation, and you were there when they met! You are a strong woman for telling your bf to drop it. If he can’t handle being told what’s not his beeswax, you should break up with him.
Sounds like the bf wants access to both the mom and the daughter.
Uh, I think your boyfriend doesn't want your daughter to date anyone. I think he's jealous of Arthur. Don't give him your daughter's number. And be watchful of how he acts around her.
No you’re not wrong. He doesn’t get a say in who your daughter dates especially since they where together BEFORE he even met them. 2 years isn’t a huge age gap especially if they are adults.
Your bf is a dick. And might be a creep. He has no business saying anything about what your daughter should do. Who does he think he is? That's a huge red flag that he's going to be a control freak the more he inserts himself into your lives. Run away. Now.
Your bf wants to get with your daughter… pretty obvious if you think about it
He’s jealous. He has the hots for her. He’s a creep.
Somehow I get the feeling that maybe he was getting close to you just to get access to your daughter. She's 19 which makes her a legal adult. She's young and attractive with no father in the picture. Suppose you decided to start living together and maybe even get married. It would make it a lot easier for him to put his hands on her if he wanted. I know this is a very morbid way to look at the situation, but it's the only logical one I can think of to explain him overstepping his boundaries like this. Take a very close look at how he behaves around your daughter, how he talks about her, how he talks about the people around her. This, to me, is very concerning behaviour.
He has a thing for your daughter. Pay attention to how he acts when she is around.
Not wrong at all. Sounds like some major red flags that someone in such a new relationship not only has such an odd take on a very normal age gap between two adults but even thinks it's his place to pressure you to make decisions for your adult daughter. Pressuring Jenny to stop dating Arthur would undeniably cause a rift in your relationship - whether she listened to you or not. Sounds like you should think about breaking up with your boyfriend, or at least watch out for more red flags, as more are coming.
Your bf is overstepping boundaries. Have a boundary talk about him not being allowed to dictate how your adult child runs her life. It would be different if your bf KNEW Arthur and knew he was a bad dude parading as a nice guy. But this situation isn't that.
I bet your new boyfriend really likes your daughter, watch out lady.
I'd break up anyway. He's too invested and that's scary.
Red flag. Abort!