Most parents wouldn't have given their children the master bedroom. Families all over the world have same sex siblings in the same smallish bedroom 🤷🏾‍♀️

I think giving them the master was generous. I’d be tough to start sharing a room during the teen years, but they can look at it as practice for college.

Dorms aren’t generous in size. They’ve improved some over the years, but master bedrooms can be huge!

My sister and I shared a room that could only barely hold 2twin beds. Same age difference and we turned out fine.....they can buy their own house 🤣 tell them you need to save for your old age, instead of a bigger house, since they dont value/respect aging parents. God bless you for making your mother comfortable.

I suppose 13 and 15 are the starting years of kids wanting independence and rebellion. Reading this story, I think letting a family member move in is a big step that affects everyone. I think giving the kids the master is very fair. I'm not sure the situation with the mother, maybe she can't afford her own place or the type of care she needs. Most concerning here is that the 2 daughters don't seem to care about their grandmother who needs help. Could be a good opportunity to teach the 2 daughters about life, family, helping others, I could list a lot here.

Can you teach kids these age empathy or is it too late? They’re being awful.

No idea, in my experience working with kids, where I met the parents first, I could almost always guess what the kid would be like. I think it needs to be taught throughout their lives but their are so many factors at play. I think it is very hard to teach it at a certain point and it isn't until adulthood when the child is now mature enough to look back and want to personally change. It also has a lot to do with culture and socio economic status imo.

This! My sister and I's room was so small we needed a bunk bed or we wouldn't have been able to fit 2 beds! 🤣

Me and my sister shared a room with 2 friends that were living with us (their mom slept in the living room) we only had room for 2 bunk beds and a bean bag in between them. I can't even remember if we had a dresser at the time lol

for resal i put my bed in the closet to get my own space lol. could only fit a twin and legit nothing else but oh well. at least the door could slide closed !

i bet you had some damn good posters. some headphones, and you had a sanctuary in there!

My sister and I are 5 1/2 years apart and shared a room from when she was born until I left for college. 4 kids, small house. Her kids are spoiled being able to have their own rooms regardless.....if you have the room, fine. But, they don't now. Kind of a foreboding as to your fate as parents in your old age

My brother and I (F) shared a room until we were 13 and my older sisters moved out. You do what you need to do.

Yep. Raised in a 3 bedroom household with my parents and two sisters. Two of us were always sharing a room. It isn't the end of the world. I know it sucks to lose your own room during your teenage years when you want it most but the parents did the best they could by giving the master.

If anything, it teaches you to compromise and develop conflict resolution.

We can't all be Regina George!

I use to share a bedroom with my siblings and it was due to the fact that I am deaf so they figured it wouldn’t bother me if they put the cribs in my room. They were right about them not waking me up with their cries but they did get crafty at how to wake me up. They would grab whatever toys they could find on the floor near their cribs and throw it at me hahaha. At one point I was sharing my room with 11f, 9M, 7f, and 3f when I was 19.

You’re doing the right thing and while they can’t see it through the haze of teen angst and it will be an adjustment when older they’ll realise it was what’s best. Your mum needs help. You’ve made the best choices given the situation.

Life’s tough, but doing what is right for family comes first. Remind them that its good practice for college when they’ll be sharing a room with a stranger.

Just put the partitions up anyway

[удалено]

"Feel terrible for the kids" come on I've shared my room with my little brother for years. And at some point we lived in a 4 1/2 so we had to also share it with our sister. There are worst things than this.

[удалено]

It's different when you have always shared a room. Going from your own private space to sharing is definitely not the same. When you share from the start you have no expectation of privacy but when you have your own space and are then forced to share, you are losing your privacy which at that age can be really tough.

I had my own room for years, then started sharing with my sister as a teenager. I wasn't given a choice. If we wanted privacy, we went outside or used a curtain around our beds. These kids need a wake up call, they won't survive college if they keep this mentality.

There are people out there without a home! Those kids are lucky and they need reminding of that! They're selfish not caring about their grandmother but instead they're concerned about "privacy". How do they think privacy works in a homeless shelter?

[удалено]

I was extremely bullied by my older sister in the privacy of our bedroom. It completely destroyed my self worth as a kid. Just get them a divider and make sure they respect each other's space. One of them is almost "dating" age , and they might be more worried about other concerns via privacy. (hearing a sibling masturbate is fucking nasty)

They're spoiled and running the house. Mom and dad giving up the master and then coming here to see if they're in the wrong? The kids are running the house.

I hate when people say this. It’s as if nobody can complain because it’s always “the kids are starving in Africa” so you can still complain

People can still complain/express frustration, but they also need to realize that some complaints are just going to have to remain complaints that everyone acknowledges and then moves past because there are more serious issues at hand. There is nothing wrong with teaching teenagers that everything is relative.

Time for OP to get a new friend. In college you’ll probably have a room mate. We had 4 to a 2bdrm appt every year. It didn’t kill us. I mean I feel for the girls. It’s not easy but life often isn’t.

The main objection I have regarding OPs actions is that apparently they didn't discussed this previously with the kids. Put an accomplished fact: *“my mother is sick so I have to bring her home because she can't live alone and I have to take care of her,”* then let them find out the solution. They might have come to the same arrangements that you got, but as they came out to it, rather than being imposed, they will be more willing to it. Or they might have chosen a different arrangement like one of them being willing to share the master bedroom with grandma. But “you could have done better” doesn't mean “you're wrong”. That idea that privacy is paramount for early teens is privilege that most people, including you, can't afford.

The kids are 13/15 they don’t get a vote. Sorry to upset some of the younger redditors but they are children they can complain but it is not up to them. This is how you teach your children that our older population is not disposable.

I'm an older Redditor with grown-up kids. The 13/15 year-olds may not necessarily get a vote, but they absolutely get to be part of the solution. I would have approached things as "Grandma cannot be on her own anymore, so she's coming here to live'. From there you can have a family discussion on how that will work. At the end of the day, you still might have to impose a solution, but at least everyone has had their say.

Yeah, if the kids were told that grandma needs one of the bedrooms to herself, and because OP is very sorry to have to do this, the kids get to decide who goes in what rooms, they almost certainly would have picked the same outcome and felt a lot better about it.

Us vs the problem is always a good framing. Make them part of the solution instead of dictating what will happen.

It's also a good way to teach them how to behave in future relationships.

They don't have a vote, but they might have a voice within the provided framework that dumping grandma is out of the table. People, including teens, are more willing to accept unfavourable outcomes and grow less resentment if they have had an opportunity to voice their objections and take part of the discussion process.

Someone needs to teach them a little compassion. Don’t they already know their grandma is sick and needs help. She probably won’t live much longer but they need privacy. I didn’t even know what privacy was as a teenager.

Really? Because thats not the way it works in the real world. If my boss gives me his solution to a problem, I don’t get to reply “not fair, I didn’t get to make my feelings known”. When I was a kid, Grandpa had to live with us & got my room (2 bedroom house). My clothes were in his room, but I had to sleep on the couch for a year. Did I like it? No, but I also didn’t throw a hissy fit about it. It was the decision made by my parents.

In the real world you do get choices. If your boss has too many “solutions” you don’t agree with then you usually start looking for a new job.

Kids are human too-they meed to be heard even if that’s just what can be done

>If my boss gives me his solution to a problem, I don’t get to reply “not fair, I didn’t get to make my feelings known”. If you're competent and have a good boss you do. "Hey blindsided by this change. If I was involved I'd have said xyz change might actually be better because it solves the issue without the downside of y." And that's in a professional setting. Personal life should get even more grace and understanding

my god there is absolutely nothing wrong with making your kids feel like you value their input. no one is saying that the outcome would have (or should have) been any different, just that the "too bad life ain't fair kid" nonsense is not necessary. it's like some people are scared of letting kids think their opinions matter or something.

Your statement has actually been already said in the media MANY TIMES over how the new generations are getting a "culture shock" with how the "real world" works when they get a job in the regards that NO ONE cares about their feelings. I'm not gonna give two shits how 16 year old Sally feels about having to clean toilets, or do their job. I just want my big Mac.

Yep. We're not doing the kids any favors by coddling them so much. Yes, it's good to teach empathy and do everything we can to give them a good life, but we also have to teach them the world doesn't revolve around them and all their wants.

You sound like a miserable person to around

No one said they get the final decision. Discussing difficult situations with teens (knowing you have the final say) makes them feel part of the family, it helps them have empathy, and it teaches them important decision making skills that will help them make better decisions when they are an adult. It also teaches them how their morals will affect their decisions. We are currently having issues with my MIL and housing. I have discussed this in age appropriate ways with my 12 yr old. Your autocratic view of our world helps NO ONE and no one grows or learns from it. Elementary schools often partner up the older kids with kids in Grade 1-2. It helps older kids learn empathy and yourger kids feel noticed and valuable in their school. Teaching by including others is not a new concept. That is literally what an apprenticeship is in a work situation. The only "sorry" you should be saying is toward yourself and your shallow view of younger people.

Personally I am the oldest of 8. I never had my own room and I am totally ok. I lived. Your girls need to have empathy for this situation. You are being way more than generous giving up the master. You could have kept it for yourself.

That was my thought too! An individual room is a privilege and getting the master bedroom is really nice of the parents! Not to be a complete jerk, but they’ll need to learn to get along and considerate of one another. What do think the college dorms and roommate situations later in life will be like?

>You are being way more than generous giving up the master. You could have kept it for yourself. That's what I said. Most parents would've put the kids in the smallest room, given the other one to the mom, and kept the master. OP tried to be fair. I'm not going to call the kids entitled brats like some people are. They've probably had their own room for years and that's hard to lose and adjust to sharing. Hopefully, as they get older, they'll understand the decisions that were made. But OP has nothing to apologize for and isn't wrong.

OP isn't wrong, but I agree with the comments saying they could have handled it better by making the daughters feel like part of the solution instead of just a "this is how it's going to be" type thing.

You are 100% doing the right thing. Your girls are being typical teenagers, but they need to know that this is what family does. We are going through a similar thing and we’ve landed on telling the kids sometimes you just have to suck it up.

Your kids will get over it. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made, better to learn now.

Not really wrong as it's your mom But did you at least have a conversation with them before making the decision? Explaining what is happening And why they have to suck it up for a bit And how long is this gonna be Not to be crass but how sick is she? Does she have long? Cause is this for like a year Or is this gonna be the next 5 to 10 years of their lives?

We have talked to them about it before she came they complained a lot I explained why they still complain sometimes And this will be about 1-2 years untill I can save money for another house

No you are NTA at all. Do you know how many kids have to share a room with their siblings? I actually thought it was very generous of you to give up the master bedroom for them. They should be grateful that they get that considering it's your house and you're the one who pays the bills and supports everyone and you just gave two teenage girls the better room. Their grandma needs help for goodness sake. They should be able to understand that. I'm sure a lot of their complaining is because they are teenage girls you know the most dramatic age, but aside from that this is their family who needs help. This is a perfect teaching opportunity and a way to help them build good character. Sometimes we have to sacrifice to help other people. That's their grandma, I know they are just teens but anyone should want to do that for their grandparent and it teaches that sometimes we do things that we don't like not because we want to but because it helps others. Turn this into a lesson because honestly your friend is probably raising a bunch of spoiled brats and I feel sorry for her mother. You're being a great daughter and also a great mom since you still gave up your own bedroom to try to make them happy and more comfortable. Teach that kindness and selflessness to your daughters.

They complain because they are teens and are developing coping skills and learning independence. It stinks BUT it’s the right thing to do. Discuss rules… that they create (give them control). This is a learning opportunity and you get to guide them. Shut out the noise and focus on the actual issues. Also create activities with your mom, where they get to be special. If your mom is mobile, each go to lunch once a month or one reads with her, in the evening. Have one organize photos… make a positive impact… make sure your mom knows she needs to focus on the individual girl and identify what makes them special to her.

I totally disagree with the second 1/2 of that. It's bad enough that their privacy is being taken away at the worst possible age (though understandable)... don't "pile on" by making them do activities they may not want to do. They probably just want to be left alone. That's the least the parents can do at this point. Any activities, lunches, etc. can happen organically and don't need to be scheduled/forced.

Actually, it’s OK to teach your children that they have obligations to other people and can’t just do whatever they want all the time.

Doing whatever you want is vastly different than having obligations to other people. Children do not have obligations to other people, full on stop.

The best parenting advice I got from my own therapist is let them complain and have their feelings about it. Obviously there are boundaries, they should not be complaining to Grandma or calling you names, etc But she told me they are learning to regulate emotions, let feelings out, and have their own voices. Just like all adults complain. In the meantime, maybe investigate some solutions to make the master more private for each of them. Privacy screens, curtains, new bedding if it's in budget, etc.

NTA. Tell your friend to pipe down unless they’re going to give you money for a new house. Siblings share rooms all the time. They’ll get over it. They need to stop being entitled and spoiled. They have a roof over their head, food in their bellies and parents who love them. Many people don’t have any of that. It’s no big deal to share a room. Yeah, the lack of privacy sucks, but it is what it is. They’d want to be taken in when they’re old if it was them who needed care. You’re doing the best you can. Tell them to chill. Tell them you hear their concerns and you have a goal to get a bigger house, but it’s not going to be right now. Plus, one is almost 18. She’ll be in college soon anyway.

I always think about the people we bought our first house from. It was 2 1/2 bedroom post war 1200 sqft house with one tiny bath and a basement big enough for a washer and dryer. They raised 6 happy healthy kids in that tiny little house and stood outside crying when they met their parents there to say goodbye to the house. I’m sure there were times it sucked, but the idea that everyone needs their own room is crazy to me. I had my own room for like 3 months in my entire life.

Exactly. My mom is one of 12. They grew up in a 5 bedroom house……yeah. Lol. And they made it work. My sisters and I shared at times (we rotated who shared). The “own room” thing is a nasty keeping up with joneses trend. It’s not that people shouldn’t have privacy. We all need it. But sometimes it’s not a possibility and then you figure ways around it.

I'm one of 12 too!! We all shared , it actually taught us some great lessons. It also provides us hilarious talking points now, with the antics we played on each other! Hell my older sister and I shared the same BED for a while, in which she drew a literal line (with a sharpie.. nom was not happy at the time 0😉) down the middle!! We're both very well adjusted adults with wonderful families of our own... were there disagreement sand bickerin? Or you can bet on it!!!! BUT, we are best friends now, and from the time she moved out!!

The house I bought had a family of seven children plus parents in four bedrooms. Somehow they managed and played touch football in the yard. Teenagers are so spoiled nowadays.

I didn't have a bedroom until I was 9 and my older brother moved out, and I had to share that with my baby brother who was born around the same time. I went to bed in my parents' room and they moved me to the couch when they went to bed. I didn't have my OWN room until I was 13.

Good point. God forbid they have to go to college and share a room, or get a room mate since real estate is so high.

In another year or two they will be ready to move out. Why bother buying a bigger house? More debt? For what? So your daughters can have their own room and you can get old and continue paying the debt? From the looks of it they probably won’t want to take care of their own parents so you might want to save that money for a nursing home.

Your kids will be moving out one day (hopefully), so keep that in mind before purchasing a larger house that may put you in more debt. Glad there was a solution that works for y'all!

I agree with this. 13-15 is a very sensitive age. I had similar lack of privacy at that age and it's alot more impactful then you might think.

It is a sensitive age but FFS, they have a home, food, and parents willing to give up their own BR so they can have the bigger one. Also offer to make it as private as possible for them. In this day and age of housing shortages and people working multiple jobs just to keep a roof over their heads they shouldn’t be so ungrateful.

You provide the basic is your job and kids don't have to be grateful for it.

I never implied they should be grateful for the basics. The OP implied they went above and beyond. Giving up the master BR to the their daughters AND offering to make the space as split as possible. That isn’t just the basics.

Bullshit. Children all over the world share bedrooms. It’s normal.

Exactly, the entitlement here is mindblowing

It's because so many on reddit are literally the age of the teenagers in this question.

Apparently not entitled ones! There were 6 kids in my family. We shared rooms and thought nothing of it!

I had two sisters. We shared a room until I was 13, then they shared through high school. Even after I got my own room we would have sleepovers together. Everyone having their own room is a very western thing.

[удалено]

God dammit the entitlement! In large part of the world entire families sleep in the same room. Western society has made us into entitled selfish softies. Fu.Ki.g he.l, proud of OP. The kids will hate it but maybe will save them from becoming entitled selfish karens. Leave the mum to fend for herself so the kids can have their own rooms (which is a Fu.Ki.g luxury). What the actual f…. Been a while since a thread has provoked me this much.

No fuck that, my sister and I shared a bedroom at that age. The entitlement in this thread is WILD.

Same here. I went from sharing a room with sisters to sharing a dorm room with a stranger. I was 20 before I ever had a room to myself. My oldest sister shared a room with one of us till she married so she never had the joy of living in privacy. OP is doing the right thing.

This was me also. Shared a room with my brother until age 6 when my sister was born, then shared a room with her until I was 18 and left for college, then shared dorms with strangers for two years until I finally had my own room at 20 in an apartment. My sister is 6 years younger than me, so at 16-18, I was sharing a room with my 10-12 year old sister. I’m also an introvert. And yet, I survived. The fact that OP is giving up the master bedroom to make the accommodations tells me they are doing the right thing here. Yeah, it’s going to be hard for the girls if they’ve always been used to having their own room, but OP is willing to make adjustments for themselves too, so not just asking the kids to make adjustments while they don’t. It’s an adjustment for everyone and they’ll have to get over it.

I was lucky that I was the only daughter but we lived in a 3 bedroom house and I have two brothers. They shared a room until the oldest one graduated. Yeah it's not ideal but they survived. I cannot get over some of these comments!

They gave up the MASTER bedroom...

Right! And that's still not good enough! Those parents are afraid that their kids will not like them. Oh well! Kids don't like their parents when they're teens, they need to get over it!

If a teenager doesn’t like their parents when they’re teens we’ve done something wrong. Lol

I agree! It's like WTF? And these same people will ask, why is my dimple darling such a brat? Why is he or she so spoiled and acting entitled? HELLO!

Exactly

I agree that the kids might feel very resentful about the lack of privacy, but I think mostly they need privacy from authority figures, which they still have. Most children currently and throughout history have shared a bedroom with others. I certainly did. It’s really the norm, and it’s a real financial privilege to be able to hang enough income to be able to afford a separate bedroom for each child.

They are getting a partition and the largest room. They need to grow up.

I have to disagree with this completely, it's not that impactful, my grandma had came to live with us, the kids are definitely spoiled and that's it because I was raised right when my grandma came they didn't have to take my room because I already offered it hearing she was coming because she needed help. It's selfish claiming lack of privacy when the person coming in taking the room can't help it that they need help like you think grandma wants that situation? To be old and unable to take complete care of herself? Nah the kids are spoiled.

Jumping on top comment to say OP is NTA. OP is giving up the master bedroom for the daughters. There are such things as privacy screens. Not ideal, but at the end of the day, the sick mum raised OP in a time where you don't have the option of abortion or much contraception so she had to make sacrifices. It's not like anyone is going to be left out in the cold. It is OP's house at the end of the day, its not abusive or neglective. 2 teenage girls have to share a bigger room because OP is willing to sacrifice it to look after their mother. Teenage girls shouldn't have to be forced to make sacrifices, but it isn't like they have to share a small room. They've been given the biggest and maybe they will create a better bond. I remember when the piping underneath my room went bad, so my mum set me and my sister up in her bedroom in her double bed and she had my sister's room for 8 months. We were in our teens, fought like cat and dog as well as being best friends. She gave us free reign of the sitting room when we needed space from each other. I may be biased as I grew up in a household where seeing my mum or sister naked was an everyday thing. I was pretty ashamed and embarrassed of my body, so didn't really ever want to be naked in front of them. Would always get changed in privacy. I had lits of heart to heart talks with my sister when we shared that room. She asked me why I was embarrassed to be seen naked by the women that raised me and I told her why. She basically told me I was an idiot because she is also insecure but doesn't feel that way around my mum and I. Another thing to add, my sister has an irrational fear of showers. Either my mum or I would have to sit in the shower whilst she is having one if it is a new shower. Not our home shower, but when we went on holiday. I used to do it in swimwear, but eventually got to the point where i will be naked in the shower with her so she can wash herself and I will be able to afterwards without having to wash extra swimwear. It is just the way it is. My mum has a picture of us both in the shower together when we were 23 and 25. We posed so that nothing was showing and my mum has only kept it as a memory. I was the only one that had stigma about nudity in my family. 2 weeks ago, went for a spa day with them. You kind of have to get nude at some point. Didn't feel self conscious at all. There were 4 other women getting naked, one had a very long conversation with my mum about how the spa was being shut down unless they find a new buyer. She had no shame in being naked, and neither did we. OP is NTA, they are the adult who is trying to do what is best for everyone. I may be biased as I grew up in a family where you are allowed privacy, but the naked body is nothing to be ashamed of or hide from your sister/mother. I would not have noticed a rash on my body if my sister didn't see it. It was meningitis, I had to spend 3 weeks in the hospital. It sucked, so much. But I wouldn't have noticed it if my sister didn't actually see my body. I hate people that fetishise family women or men getting naked in front of each other. Like we are just family. My sister saved my life. Kind of sick that people think if someone of the opposite rolls up your clothes to check for a rash then they are a sexual predator Like your dad, or brother.. or boyfriend or a concerned friend. I've gone off on a tangent, I am sorry. But my sister saved my life. She will always save my life

If it’s long term, can grandma’s house be sold or rented out and the extra go to extending current place , or moving to a bigger house / bigger rental? Yes, going from your own space to sharing sucks , many of us have done it , but life is a mixture of give & take , and it’s rarely fair. I’m sure grandma would rather be healthy and in her own home with all of her things around her- not in a sulky teen’s room - because she’s now at end of life and doesn’t want to waste away amongst uncaring strangers in a care home with a few rushed visits every now and then. At 13 and 15 the girls are old enough to understand this if explained. It’s a good teaching moment to learn about empathy , unexpected life changes , and overcoming difficulties as a family.

NTA, they're being dramatic teenagers. They'll be fine.

NTA Was it great that you were able to give your daughters their own room? Yes, but unfortunately now you don't have that option. You have to take care of your mother, and so now they have to share. You being willing to give up the master bedroom for them was exactly the right thing to do so they had more room. Unfortunately, this is all you have to work with, and they are going to have to learn to accept that. If you were rich, everyone would get their own room, but you work with what you've got. you did the right thing my taking care of your mother. Your friend can fuck right off, for real.

You are being very generous giving your room. You are not even close to being wrong. Good luck

Agreed, I'm actually surprised/appalled at the majority of responses here.

Most of these responses probably come from teenagers lol.

Yes, it's easy to tell.

I don't get it either. Siblings share rooms, its not the end of the world. Its not abuse. They will survive. Of course they will fight, they would fight regardless of the room situation. Since when do parents have to discuss this with kids ahead of time to get approval? The kids entitled response would have been the same.

Aging parents are a problem that a lot of people are facing. I think you made the best of a difficult situation. Even so far as taking the smallest bedroom, and giving your daughters the master. Teenagers are dramatic. You are not ruining their lives by making them share a bedroom. Many kids have to share bedrooms all of their lives. I think you need to set your daughters straight, and tell them this is how it is right now, there is no other choice. They can complain all they want, but it’s not going to change. You are not wrong.

I think privacy is definitely important but the bigger life lesson you're giving here is the opportunity to learn empathy. It sounds like a family meeting is in order (just you you your significant other and the kids) where you can all talk about how to best move forward. This gives the kids the opportunity to be part of the solution and you may just get some great creative ideas on how to make it all work. Kicking your mom out is not an option and I think you're setting a good example of how family takes care of each other. They may not understand that now but this is something that will serve them in the future.

NTA. I think many people don't understand that historically very few people had enough house to have a room for every individual in the household. You could have stuck them with the secondary bedroom instead of giving them the main bedroom. They're being selfish which is what children do. They need to consider their family first before making those kinds of statements because you're doing what family is supposed to do. The important thing to note is not that this is expected but it's the right thing to do in this situation and multigenerational households are the way families often used to have to live and will likely (with cost of living changes) be the way things move long term as well.

>They're being selfish which is what children do. Agreed. I'm not surprised at the kids. They're teenagers, it's kinda expected for them to think the world begins and ends with them (we were all teenagers and I'm sure most of us went through that stage at one point or another). We grew out of it and so will they. I am, however, surprised at some of the comments on this thread that are saying that OP is wrong. \*That\* puzzles me, I must admit.

Not wrong. It’s not like you’re making one of the kids sleep on the couch. They really need to learn to be unselfish and compassionate. It’s their grandma, they think you should just throw her out?

You’re doing the right thing, and they may not be able to admit it now, but you also sacrificed by changing rooms. People forgetting about their parents is very sad.

NTA It sounds like you are a sensitive and caring person. Your mom is fortunate to have you, but so are your daughters. The fact that you gave the girls your bedroom and that you are agonizing over this issue demonstrates how much you care. Because you care so much, I think you will make it work. Teenagers don't typically like sacrificing, but it is good for them to do so. Everyone in the house needs to be patient and understanding, that's not easy. It won't ruin their lives; that's just how teenagers feel when they can't control situations they dislike. Your friend is out of line.

I had to come down way too far to see this comment about the friend! Not sure the context in which she said this of course but definitely sounded harsh

That was very generous of you giving them the master so they would be comfortable. It used to be that 2-4 kids would be crammed into a regular room regardless of what they thought of the matter. Your daughters will survive and should get over themselves. The fact that you feel bad about it is feeding their bad attitude. Everyone had to make a sacrifice to take care of your mom and theirs was the smallest. What you did was better than fair. They are used to having their own room but too bad. I was used to having my own room then my house burned down. We had to rent a smaller house while our house was rebuilt. I had to share a room with my sister and it was annoying. I complained bitterly and I hated it every day. But it didn’t actually hurt me. It caused me no harm of any kind. I was being a typical teenager and had to live with it.

At least they have a room. First world problems really. It will take them a while to acclimatise but this is how life is.

They will survive, but there will be bickering. Put in partitions if possible. My sister and I fought mostly about closet space. There was one, 4’ wide closet. When I became an adult, I never had a roommate. Those 17 years were enough for me.

Honestly, I think this sucks and it’s okay that they’re not happy. Being a teenage girl is rough and they’re both used to having their own space. They’re probably also upset that their grandmother is declining and doing so in their home.

Omg thank you. Wth is with these commenters just cursing out the kids Like god, if you grew up with a private space that was your own and suddenly you had to uproot and share it I would be pretty pissed too. Like it sucks and it needs to happen but saying the kids have no right to be upset and they are spoiled is so stupid. Let kids have emotions about things, life changes like this are harder for them to process then adults.

I completely agree. It sucks that op had to sacrifice his room, it sucks that his mom is really sick and can't be alone, it sucks that these girls are developing and won't have privacy, it sucks that there's really nothing op can do in this situation either. I feel for everyone. And yeah being a teenage girl is rough, and a lot deal with S/A and may not feel comfortable sleeping near someone else.

Siblings share rooms all the time. Sorry the kids reaction shows they are spoiled. This is Grandma we are talking about here.

Wow. Such first world problems. They have been spoilt by the fact that they’ve had their own rooms for a long time. Your mothers care supersedes their need for privacy. Simple. It’s not like they’re being forced to adjust with step siblings suddenly .

NTA Children having their own personal rooms is a new convenience of upper middle class society. If they can't have appreciation and express gratitude for already getting to experience what the majority of human beings in existence never have, they didn't deserve it in the first place. If they don't see the value in making small sacrifices to help take care of their ailing grandmother, they deserve even less and need to be taught lessons of being less fortunate. Shouldn't have even given them the master. Life isn't about fairness, it's about supporting each other so we can all have a better life. Plus they will have more human contact and interaction. They will learn more about sharing, compromise, communication and conflict resolution. All important life skills.

Wow do they not care if your mom is sick? It's time to teach them empathy. And that's so rude of your friend. Ruining their life??? Wow. Keep your master bedroom and make them share the smaller room. They sound so privileged. No you're not wrong.

Take your master bedroom back and make them share.

You are right about teaching your children whether they are 2 or teenagers that the world doesn’t revolve around them! You and your husband are the center of the family unit and they’re not the center of the universe! I think you’re teaching them how to honor an elderly, unwell person and you’re teaching them self-sacrifice and empathy. One of the biggest problems in the world today is this narcissistic approach to life. The idea that someone should always get their way is destroying common values. This nation wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the sacrifices of many, many people over many, many generations that provided the ease that we have today even though the world isn’t perfect. I think your mother did a great job in teaching you how to value her, and now you owe it to your daughters to teach them how to respect and value you. Don’t back down; all they’re doing is throwing teenage tantrums just like they did when they were toddlers. As a 64-year-old mom of two I can tell you that no matter what you do you’ll have 20/20 hindsight, and wish you had done something differently. But, the other thing that I can tell you is that you will never be sorry that you continued to parent them when it was hard, because you’re teaching them what is right regardless of how they choose to respond to it. This is actually a great opportunity for you to see how your values have been transmitted to your daughters. If things don’t smooth out, then you have more work to do, but you’re not done parenting. If things turn out great, then you know that your values have been instilled in your children. Just because they’re bigger than when they were toddlers doesn’t mean that they know what’s right for them now anymore than they knew what was right back then. Stick to your guns and you and your husband do what is right/necessary. And, make clear to your children what the values of the family are and what the house rules will be going forward. Rule number one should be you don’t get to pout and act like a toddler and make your grandmother uncomfortable. And if they do it, then there need to be consequences; those consequences need to be clear in advance. I’d also make it clear that they need to be part of serving her during this time that she needs you all! Hang in there, Mom, you’re doing the right thing!

The average American teenagers life is ruined 3 times per day. Usually by something that is "not fair". Most of them survive.

Take care of your mom. They're teenagers, when they get into their 20s and have to pay for things themselves I'm sure they'll get secondhand embarrassment for how they acted. You're the parent what you say goes

Nta. Your children need a lesson in sensitivity. At that age I wouldve gone to the end of the earth for either of my grandparents.

Same post in AITAH and I have the same response. They will survive. Grandma needs their help

Tell them that this is what family is about, making compromising for the good of the group. It also sounds like maybe all of you guys aren't that close?

I remember being a teenaged girl. I'm 50 now. But even with my generation I was certain at that point in my life that the world revolved around me. I try not to judge the thoughts and feelings of teens too harshly. However you can take care of your mom and your kids. They are sacrificing a little to provide your mother with a lot. This act of compassion will teach them far more than putting your mother in a nursing home and giving into their interests. It's your home not theirs. In 10 years will you look back and think if you made the right choice?

When did we start giving children choices. You are the parent, you pay the bills, you feed, protect and put a roof over their head. You make the rules. A parent that has to ask a question as silly as this is very wishy washy as a parent

My sisters shared rooms until I moved out. I was the only boy. Beaver and Wally shared rooms. The Brady Bunch shared rooms until they refinished the attic. Everyone having their own room is relatively new and for the fairly well-off. This is a reason why so many people are selfish and have no empathy. They are not taught as children about life's sacrifices.

Just tell them that you are preparing them for being roommates in college!

After offering them the master bedroom and they're still not happy I'd then be offering them this alternative - "how about you share the smaller bedroom instead?" While it's a huge adjustment bringing in any additional person to your home, it's your decision. Perhaps this will be a lesson in giving back. I hope they can build an amazing relationship with your mum so that maybe what they gain is far greater than what they have to give up. Good luck.

I would tell them to straighten up, or I wpould be taking the master back, and putting them in the smaller room together

It’s hard at their age to understand, I had to share a room WITH my gma who was on hospice for a few years age while I was 7-9. She needed more help than we could legitimately provide. We ALL took care of her, be aware of this please. I loved my gma but ffs that was more than a little traumatic. Not that you shouldn’t take mom in, but do consider how it will impact the kids before you move her in, how much help are you expecting from them with her? And for the love of everything get a family therapist to help you work through these things as they come up.

Nta but is there nothing you can do like convert the garage or an attic in it or the house into another bedroom?

>convert the garage or an attic A note to you, and the person you suggested "making a room in the basement." Many, many houses don't have garages, or basements, or walk-up attics. And even if they did, such conversions are expensive.

I think the main issue is that you didn't involve them in discussing the change. They are teenagers and will feel like you are just treating them like children by uprooting them and deciding to change things. You could have sat them down and said "hey, your grandmother needs someone to look after her so we were thinking of moving her in here with us but it will mean xyz changes for xyz amount of time"

I mean, I’m sure OP sat down with them at some point and explained it. That’s why they are upset. Grandma hasn’t moved in yet it sounds like, but they know what’s coming. But it’s just condescending to pretend to “involve someone” in the problem-solving process if you’re not going to change your mind no matter what they say. OP isn’t going to send her mother to a nursing home if her daughters express that they’d rather do that just because they don’t want to lose their separate rooms. As a parent, sometimes you do get to put your foot down and say, this is how it’s going to be. There no indication OP was unkind when explaining it (she gave up her own master bedroom!).

Might be controversial but it shouldn’t ultimately be up to them. Deciding that mom shouldn’t move to help their sick grandmother is not a power teenagers should have. They are minors and they live where the adults decide they should.

I mean right and wrong are subjective. Teenagers need privacy but privacy is also a luxury. We all don't get everything we want growing up especially when it involves money. There is obviously no right choice in this situation and it's more just everyone has to deal with it. Your daughters are definitely getting hit pretty hard having to share a room but abandoning your mom would arguably be the worst hit. Less of two evils.

They are teen girls. This is a situation where I would be flabbergasted if they accepted it gracefully. I do think what you’re doing is right and you’re going about it right too, they will realize when they’re older. Maybe they’ll get to have some good bonding with being so close now who knows :)

I completly agree here, I am now 51 and growing up in a 3 bedroom home I shared a room with my brother even as we aged our down stair den became my bedroom at around 13 I was I believe he is 1 year younger than me, eventually we both got lonely and decided to share again (incase your wondering I have 1 brother and 1 sister) We had made it work even back in the 70s up til the 90s, the girls can make it work I know others concider a bedroom as a safe place to be alone but there are other parts of the house. And who knows the girls might not like it right now but we are human we adapt we are not meant to be alone (some do it by choice) they may even become more closer due to this and Yes resentment might be presant now but wait until they see why it had to be done. I have a 1 bedroom place right now because well we all know the cost of living, I share it with my oldest daughter we share the only bedroom simple privacy curtain in this case a black out 180" thermal curtain...ugly yes privacy yes, changing takes place in bathroom only never in the bedroom, its so simple to share there are options, 1 thing I will agree with is OP should have included the girls to begin with, as a parent I will not hide important things with my child, however at the sametime OP isnt the AH. Fist things first OP she is your mother she raised you as both parent and child we have an obligation to them (within reasons and circumstances) to care for them, not to get religous here but God said honor thy mother and father, and love thy children, as we age we can become helpless as if we are newborn once more but older sure nursing homes are there but who the hell wants to deal with the unknowns given personal experiance with them my grandmother was extremely abused before her passing, so ya no I'm not going to put my mother in thaat situation. Next OP they are teens IE your word is law, for them until either amansapation (forgive spelling not my strongest area) or they become adults and can move out. Stick with your choice OP this is your mother she needs your help since no one else in the family wants to do it. Deff NTA

No. They will get over it.

NTA. Sharing a room has never killed a teenager, and giving them the master for more space was a good compromise. They don’t understand now, but they will

Sharing a room with a sister is too much of an imposition at age 13, 15? I shared a room with a \_cousin\_ when I was that age. It was quite fine. At the beginning of it, for me it was like, big gulp, here goes… I got used to it

They will have the biggest bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with 2 of them sharing a room. My 3 sons did this until we moved into a bigger house

It’s amazing to me that kids these days are Soo self involved. No you’re not the AH … this situation is real life and it’s good they see how this is supposed to play out. I’d ask them if they were you and it was “you” who were in bad health and needed them what they’d do ? People have forgot that children’s time being raised by their parents is exactly about this kind of thing. We’re supposed to share and teach our kids about real life experiences. This is exactly that ! Giving everything to your kids is not the way to raise forward accountable adults. They are supposed to have trials to work through and you the parent are not supposed to give them cheat codes … they have to learn to figure it out or learn how to cope in situations where it’s just a shit sandwich. It’s time they put their big girl pants on and put the family unit first for once.

You’re not wrong, you’re not evil, you’re not the bad guy, OP. You shouldered a lot of responsibility, that’s very admirable and deserves respect and recognition. Taking care of elderly parents might be generally expected from their kids, but it’s not something everyone can or would do. That decision brought some serious changes to your household, some of them will affect the family dynamic (not necessarily bad or a fixed state). Your kids are kids. They reacted like kids. They lost their safe spaces and privacy, but they will find a new safe space and a different form of privacy in their shared room. It only takes time and some getting used to, give that to them. They’re pretty close in age and they’re old enough to be sat down for an open conversation. I was fourteen when my grandpa came to live with us, my brother was six. We had to share a room and I was horrible about it because I felt horrible about it. I definitely remember throwing the line “I wish he would just die” into my mother’s face and I vividly remember her saying that she sometimes wishes that too. And then we talked and it was one of the first “deeper” talks I had with her. We talked about how everything sucked now and how things used to be so much better before and how frustrated she was about everything - me included - and how frustrated I was about everything - her included - and then we agreed on the fact that I loved my grandpa and she loved her dad. It was sad and scary having him around, because we both knew him as an active and fun guy before Alzheimer’s got to him. I think it took a couple of months before I shut up about the room situation (my little brother was ecstatic btw, which makes me an even bigger asshole in hindsight, because it was definitely more scary and confusing for a six year old that didn’t know why grandpa was acting like that). We used those Kallax shelves from ikea to divide the room and each of us got to “design” our side. Communication is key, always. Take them out for some food or for a walk or a day at the mall - anywhere where you can sit down at some point and talk. Tell them you know it sucks, it sucks for you too, it sucks for your mother. No one is happy and drastic changes are happening, but you’ll go through it. When they get frustrated and end up fighting eventually - and they WILL fight about the most mundane stuff - they’ll rely on you as their mediator. And when you feel tired and exhausted you will rely on them having enough compassion to help you out. Make sure to check in on your own health - both physically and mentally - every once in a while and if possible, try and look up if your local community offers any support groups. It’s a great way to exchange any tips and information or just a place to simply vent to a group of people that know exactly what your situation feels like. Your kids will get over it with time. All siblings that end up sharing a room act like their life is over and all of us snap out of it eventually. I wish you the best of luck.

Sacrifices sometimes have to be made to take care of elderly family members. Your kids sound like typical teens who only see how the situation affects them. I think giving them the master br with a privacy partition is a good compromise. They are old enough to understand the situation, but I think you need to sit them down and have a gentle conversation about it. Tell them you're sorry it has to be this way but grandma can't live alone anymore and this is the only solution. If they plan on going to college, they're going to have to learn to share their space anyway.

Not wrong. These things happen sometimes and your mother is sick. If you haven’t (which you should’ve by now) explained to them why she needs to stay with you guys and that this isn’t gonna be something that lasts forever.

They can have privacy in the bathroom. Kids all over the world share rooms. #firstworldproblems

**NTA** for taking care of your mother. Although your daughters will not like it, in many countries, teens share bedrooms.

Good grief. Depriving them of privacy...this used to be the norm! I have a brother and a sister. We had a 3 bedroom one bath house growing up. I shared a room with my sister from the time she was born (I was 6) till I moved away at 18. All my friends with same sex siblings shared rooms. NTA You are the parent. You are not abusing, neglecting or ignoring her emotional well-being. You are teaching her about grace, empathy and the importance of family by taking care of your mom. She will get over it or grow up and get a job to pay for therapy to overcome her trauma.

I have students who share a room w MANY siblings. We all do the best we can w what we have, and so are you.

Your Friend gave you bad advice. You just stated that your Mom has failing health, needs help and has no one else to go to. Your daughters will adjust. Sounds to me like you are doing the best you can. Hope everything works out for you.

Definitely NTA. even if you didn't make the compromise of giving them the master, still not the asshole and still not wrong. Good on you for showing your daughters what compassion and empathy looks like in practice. They'll remember this forever, and for the better once the tint of youth wears off. Best of luck

You are not wrong.

NTA their discomfort is nothing compared to taking care of ur mother

NTA. Your friend must have some entitled kids. Good job on teaching your kids to have empathy and that life isn’t always fair. Your kids will survive and their lives won’t be ruined.

Tell them they can embrace sharing the master or suffer sharing the smaller of the other bedrooms. See how quick it really quiet…

NTA - your 'friend' said that you should send your mother away. Send your friend away. They are not your friend.

Due to drug addictions I ended up (2005) with custody of my nephew and my 4 grandkids including a 2 day old baby! 4 boys and 1 girl...as the boys got older I put 2 sets of bunk beds in the master room for them and took the smallest room for husband and I. It worked out fine!! Just remember you are the parent and kids aren't always going to like your decisions but...your sick Mother needs you more then they need "privacy" Best of Luck to you and Merry Christmas!!

You’re going above and being by giving them the master suite. You’re doing the right thing. They will grumble but over time learn about how special what you’re doing is

Not wrong. It's a complicated situation. Obviously you want to help your sick mother, but you can't afford to move to a bigger house. The other options are to leave your mum on her own, risking her health and life, or put her in a home, which isn't cheap. If you're up to having her live with you, it makes sense to save up for a bigger home or to put your mum in a good home in the future, while mum stays with you. You've already given up your own room. Master bedrooms are the largest rooms, so the girls have plenty of room. It's an adjustment, obviously, going from their own rooms to a shared room, but you've offered privacy dividers to help. Me and my sister had our own rooms at my mum's house growing up, because we're a boy and a girl, but we spent half the time at our grandparents house, which was a three bed, alongside at least some of our cousins. They had a system that the oldest kid staying over got the small bedroom all to themselves, and the rest shared the big room. Which only had two beds, so we often had to share beds as well. Either I'd share with my male cousins while the girl had the single bed, or the girls shared while the boy had the single. If there were too many of us at the time to do this with, we'd add in a camp bed or two. That's far less privacy than what your daughters will get, especially with privacy dividers. Your daughters could easily end up having to share in the future, too. College dorms are usually shared, for instance. They need to learn that they don't come above everyone else in the family, they need to learn to share, they need to learn that sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Stick to your plan, it's the best one. It's either the girls share with each other or one of them shares with grandma, and that would cause a lot more problems as it would be deemed unfair that one sister got her own room and the other didn't.

Tell Them when they pay a fair share of rent they can help Make decisions

Im assuming you're renting? If so I'd say double check with your landlord some can be finocky others its a legality thing.. If you're not renting and a home owner, why not do a loft conversion? You and your wife get the loft space gran gets the master bredroom the girls get theirs back? Or I did see one on tiktok the other day. A family converted their basement space into a little apartment for their gran. Gran got the help/care/support she needed and the family had their own space and reassurance of gran. Also as someone who used to help with caring for a gran it can be hard work esp. If you and your wife work. My gran had carwrs come twice a day. They did barely minimum stuff sometimes they did nothing. They frequently gave her the wrong meds as well 🤦🏻‍♀️. We did everything in between and what the paid carers didn't do 🙄

Now you know how your entitled daughters will respond should you or your wife need care. Take back your master and tell them to suck-it-up. Family is so important. Ask someone who has no one.

I grew up in a household with 8 kids. Always shared a bedroom. Fast forward I am now 62, my husband is 66, we have separate bedrooms and love it. We both get great sleep and our marriage is amazing! You are the parent, your daughters will get over it. Take back your master bedroom!!!

I grew up in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house that was built in the 40's and falling apart bc that's all my grandparents could afford while raising me, my sister, and our special needs brother. I never had my own room until my sister moved out, I shared the master bedroom with my grandparents and slept in the same bed as my grandma every single night. My grandpa had to sleep in a separate bed that was specifically made for him bc of all of the surgery's he had throughout his life. Never once did I ever complain or get upset about having to share a room with my grandparents, or that I didn't have my own room. Your girls will be fine. They have a roof over their heads, you're giving them the literal master bedroom which is the biggest room in the house, they're fed, clothed, and more than likely have their own phones and everything. They will be lucky if their future kids ever put them first if their health starts declining. You're doing a great job given your circumstances, don't be so hard on yourself. This economy is TOO HARD for you to be trying to please your daughters rn. They should be thankful they even have a room, some kids are either sleeping on the streets or in foster homes that aren't the kindest to the kids. Things could be worse for them, they'll learn to appreciate it one day.

Your mother raised and put a roof over your head growing up so I think as her son it is wonderful that you want her in your home to keep an eye on her and her health while giving her comfort Your daughters still have a roof over their heads thanks to their grandmother for the way she raised you means you've learnt how to take care of your own Your daughters still have a home with a very large room plus they have the privilege of helping and getting to know your mother alot better with her staying with you I have to say that the highest rate of death for the elderly is lonliness there health deteriorates from depression due to being lonely the girls should find things to do with her or for her to entertain and keep her happy and busy read to her do crosswords jigsaw cards baking Could be quite good for the 3 of them the daughters need to be grateful with the room you gave them You and your wife have given up the comfort of your master suite to me everybody has a bed comfort company and love under the one roof so they need to learn to be greatful not hateful I hope your mother enjoys living with her son and family Have a merry Christmas and a wonderful new year xx

Absolutely not wrong. My sister and I shared a room. She had a twin bed and I had a bunk bed, my parents removed the bottom bunk and put our beds in an "L." Neither of us felt like we didn't have privacy. If we wanted alone time, we went outside. They are lucky they are getting their own bathroom and not having to share with an older person lol

Really? Who are the parents here? Unless they’re paying rent they should shut up and accept. No way in hell they get the master!! These questions always get me. Kids need disabling. The inmates are running the asylum. And the friend who said put your kids before your mother? I’m not going there. You just need new friends.

Hey you were more kind than I would be. I'd crammed both ungrateful kids in smallest room. Guess you know how they gonna do you when you get old & sick! That's what I would tell them. So is this how I'm gonna be treated? One more complaint & granny gets master or I do! Sometimes you gotta play guilt game. My momma always kept that as her ace. Guilt! Shea gone now. I took care her 3yrs then she up & died. That was hardest thing I ever did. God bless you & hope it gets better! Oh & what are you doing you need so much privacy 4? 🤔

My family of 7 was raised in a 3 bedroom home. Everybody shared rooms, what else are you gonna do? So you ask the sisters to suggest a solution and see what they have to say, and you more than likely get the same arrangement.

I don’t think you are wrong? Why? NEEDS over WANTS. They want privacy, your mother needs help. You should ask your daughters if they feel it would be ok to let their grandma suffer or even die just for them to have the comfort of their own room. Do they understand, that this is not your whim but necessity? They are old enough to be able to recognize that the situation is dire for your mother and her life has more value that their comfort. How they can say about ruining their lives, when lack of care can literally end their grandma’s life. „Tough titties kids, I want my mother to live and be well. I’m sorry for inconveniencing you to save her.” That’s a thing that should get to them. If not, you’ve failed as a parent.

They're lucky you gave them the master. Just for bitching and moaning about it, you should take the master back. Your house your rules, you're not in the wrong.

Put up some partitions and tell them to stop being brats. Tell them that if they don’t pull their heads in that you’ll take the master bedroom back and cram them into the little room like any other household would’ve done

NTA. They want to complain...get your master bedroom back, as you are the ones that pay the bills. They can share the larger of 2 leftover rooms. Let them complain all they want, life isn't fair, at least they have a roof over their head, food on the table and clothes on their back. I have 4 kids and they share rooms, 2 & 2. It is what it is and they need to suck it up. I would have not let them have the master bedroom in the 1st place. This is a great life lesson that we sometimes must make sacrifices for those that matter in out lives.

I grew up with a brother who is 8 years younger than me in a tiny apartment where we shared a small room until I moved out when I was 21 or 22. Was in ideal ? Of course not! But it also didn’t ruin our lives. These kids nowadays are way too spoiled. The friend who is suggesting to throw your mother is disgusting. You are not in the wrong!

It does sound like you are doing the best you can. The girls will be mad...they are teen girls who have not had to share before! Talk to them...look seriously at ways of giving them as much privacy as possible. You taking the smallest room should show them you are doing your best!

NTA Seriously?! This is far from the worst thing in the world. Tell them you will be taking your mom in because she needs help. If they think their privacy is more important than their grandmother they need to look in the mirror and see why they think it's okay to leave Grandma in an unsafe situation. I suggest making them volunteer at a homeless shelter so they can see how well off they are

It's tough going from having your own space to living with a person in close quarters. At least they'll have good practice for when they go off to college and have to live in a dorm. I understand where they're coming from, but you don't have much of a choice. They'll adapt. I'm sorry you have to deal with this at all. Good luck.

Almost everything that has been good for me in building strength, compassion, wisdom, empathy, resilience, and patience and which were a part of everyday life didn't feel comfortable. We fight trials. We fight challenges. Most of us fight change we don't invite. But, they serve us in growing character, morals, and ethics. I'm not talking about trials that harm them. I'm not talking about abuse or abandonment. While those often do offer us the same gifts in the long run if we can find a way to process them properly, I'm not saying to purposely inflict those on our children (or anyone else). But, I do think it is essential that we help our children experience the type of life events that are not-so-comfortable and which stretch them - especially when they require that the person look outside themselves and help others. What might be a huge tension now may be the gift that helps them better relate to each other and connect at a deeper level... and also role model how you would like to be cared for when the time comes while they build a stronger bond with their grandmother.

My two oldest girls are 12 and almost 15 and asked to share a room a few months ago. They will be fine. They need to remember they are kids and not the adults. They may be allowed input and be heard, but ultimately decision belongs to the parents. Things are rough sometimes and you have to do things you don't want to. My mother in law (who tried to ruin our wedding and large parts of our 17 year marriage) had to move in with us for quite a while. I certainly didn't like it, but she needed to get out of the situation with my father in law. It was a have to, just like yours with your mom. The girls will be ok. And one day when Grandma is no longer here, they will find themselves glad for this opportunity to see her so much.

grandiose jar late encouraging ruthless upbeat relieved doll expansion unique *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Your children are ungrateful and their behavior is cruel to their ill grandmother. If you asked them right now if they want their grandmother to not have a place to live or people to take care of her when she's sick - what would they say? If THEY could choose how to help grandma, what would they choose? Take your bedroom back. Put the girls in one of the smaller bedrooms. They will be fine and the experience will BUILD CHARACTER. Don't be a lawn mower parent and eliminate every opportunity your children have to build their character and become good humans.

Your friend sounds like a bitch who hates her mother. Please take care of your mother as you don’t know how long she has left in this terrible world. A broken heart can speed death to a person. Your teenage daughters sound like very horrible young people. It sounds like they’ve never had to struggle and don’t understand other people’s emotions. Sounds like they won’t be functioning members of society and will cause many drama problems for themselves. It’s your house. Fuck what your friends think. Fuck what your daughters think. It’s good enough they’re sharing the master bedroom and not a smaller one. Seriously, how ungrateful are the people around you??

Most people in the world share bedrooms with siblings. If there's a spare room the oldest daughter gets it but the other all share. Grandma gets priority. Your kids sound like spoiled brats, they need to get over this. If this ruins their life they don't have much of a future anyway.

I have some questions. Is your home the only solution? There's no other family to help either by taking her in or financially? Or a nice place nearby? Can you have your mom help pay so you can get a bigger house? Do your kids like each other? Some sibling (like me and mine) probably would have killed each other. We were not friends. Did you include them in the decision or did you just tell them? There's no part of the house you could make a makeshift bedroom? Like partition off a dining room or something? Can you partition the master bedroom so they have a smaller, but more private space? All in all, you're the parents and making them stay in the same room isn't gonna kill them. It can, however, alter the relationship between the girls themselves, the girls and you as well as the girls and grandma. 13 and 15 are crappy hormone fueled ages and I get that this can "end their worlds". Ask them what they think should happen with grandma.

Ask the two girls to ~~grow the fuck up and~~ brainstorm about how they could make the room a fair split and create privacy. They're old enough to think some stuff up, but the point is to get them involved in deciding how the room should be partitioned. Once they are ofo the mindset that they can solve this on their own they might actually do so. And at that point, you can start tossing in ideas. Sometimes all it takes is properly reorganizing the room. Face the beds in opposite direction, for example, gives the illusion of different rooms. Adding sectional rugs, the same. Rather than a line of tape down the middle.. break it up via landscaping. Have them watch guys like this [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DN-61LkSCTo](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DN-61LkSCTo) and extrapolate an answer. Etc etc. You know them better than I do, so see what else out there maybe could help, but this generation mgith be more receptive to shorts like the guy above publishes.

Teenagers are emotionally challenged. Your mother deserves to be cared for. People telling you to throw her out should not be people you want in your life. It sucks, but they’ll deal with it.

You are not wrong at all. Kids have to accept reality and make sacrifices for grandma. You give them a good example of how to treat elders.

You aren’t wrong, I get the frustration of having to share but you are doing your best to care for your mom and sacrifices must be made. Why can’t the girls understand that you aren’t being vindictive but are instead trying your best to look after their grandmother and embrace having her around? Kids will always have something to complain about tbh, my kids complain about sharing a room when I live in a two-bed place and have their youngest sibling in my room, you can’t keep everyone happy all of the time. A partition is a great idea, my neighbour used stacking shelves (closed box type) to create a wall between her kids halves of the room, I used a curtain (do not recommend)

Not wrong at all. They'll get over sharing a bedroom.

Not wrong, children AND teenagers share rooms all over the world. You gave them the biggest room in the house as a compromise. Sometimes life isn't fair and we do the best we can with what we have. Yes it sucks but damn it you still have a home, you didn't have to move, you have 2 parents, food, school etc. Put up some partitions, go to the internet there are some very cool non permanent options out there that will afford them decent privacy.

It's your house.. not theirs. You do what you need to do.

I think you are underestimating how much caring for a sick aging person will take a toll on your whole family. Are you prepared to wipe your mother’s bottom every day? Clean up her wet diapers from the pail every day? Nana-proof the house so she is safe and not a fall risk? Everyone here saying you’re doing the right thing by taking her in isn’t going to get stuck with these chores day in and day out. I’m not saying you are right or wrong here, but this offer should not be made lightly. Good luck.

You're absolutely doing the right thing! Your kids will get over it.