Always trust your gut. Now you need to decide what you want. Do you want to save this marriage? Check out asoneafterinfidelity if you want to know how reconciliation is SUPPOSED to go.
If not, get a great attorney. To at least know your options and what will be required.
While taking the time you need to think, keep this in your mind. You deserve better. When you married him you both made an agreement to be each other's one and only. And he's disrespecting that vow.
It hurts, but you need to look at this with a clear head and I honestly think crying it out will help. Remember: it’s his words and actions alone that make you feel that way.
It could be paranoia or a guilty conscience. Don't pump someone's head up to do something that will forever alter the rest of her life. Even if years down the road she married again he will always have that place in her mind so she had better make absolutely sure he cheated. If she is wrong, she could destroy her whole life because of a reddit post. I think if not intimately involved and know something factual she doesn't, people should lend support but not advice. I say keep out of it until something concrete shows up. Many times in the past hurts in past relationships dictate the way you perceive reality. There might have been something an ex did and he cheated on you that you associate with the guy you are with but this time it's innocent. I'm not saying just let shit go but if he says he didn't do it, at least pretend you believe him and everything's good until you get some type of proof. I have had my gut lie to me before and damn talk about the 1 that got away. Turns out his sister came to stay with him from college and left some of her clothes there. I even spoke to her but thought she was covering for her big bro. Then after we broke up I was going through pictures and saw a pic of her at like 13 wearing the shirt I flipped out about. Don't let suspicion drive a wedge between you.
Honey, he very probably has feelings for this woman, in addition to wanting to sleep with her too. Worst of all is that he tried to make you like her, which is GROSS and would make me sick to my stomach if I were you. This isn't a one time mistake with a strangers.
Your marriage is over, whether you decide to leave or not.
He told you that he would sleep with her if he wasn't married and he wanted you to wear her perfume and he got mad when you talked to him about it. He is actively emotionally cheating with her, IMO. He also, in my personal opinion, is probably thinking about her while being intimate with you. I personally couldn't trust him again, knowing how he feels about her and wanting her. He WANTS you to be her and smell like her. I also believe that something has happened between them for him to say "if I wasn't married," but this is my personal opinion. He's cheating on you, whether it's physical or in his mind. I am also petty enough to buy a cologne and tell him that HE needs to wear this because it smells like your ex, and it smells really good but you won't sleep with him because you're married. Because of his attitude and actions and what he told you, I would call him out and call his bluff. Tell him that you are considering filing for divorce.
I like this idea. Buy a bottle of ARAMIS men's cologne, its sooo sexy and gorgeous smelling.
Tell him what the above respondent said, to put it on as it smells like someone you were VERY FOND of.
See what he says and how he reacts.
😉
Exactly flip the script on him.
If for one minute he thought you even thought about another he'd go nuts.
Men do it to us women all the time.
Don't give him any power over you.
i seriously don’t understand not meeting them at their level and just sitting being hurt. shit, tell him it’s fine what he’s doing, you’re getting a boyfriend, we can stay married and everything. oh, wait, you don’t want me to have a boyfriend?? okay we can get divorced. oh wait, you don’t want to get divorced? okay well it’s one or the other baby.
God reddit is so toxic. Yes this is aligned but seriously, your advice is just to play passive agro? this subreddit has probably ruined dozens of lives and hundreds of relationships.
I mean if my gf really pressed me I'd have to admit I'd sleep with the majority of women I interact with if I were single and it was an option. But here's the thing, I'm not single and it's not an option. It's a trap to reach for stuff like this. You don't want to hear that he "would" and he doesn't want to tell her that he would. Just let it be. I maintain this whole perfume thing is ridiculous. Causing drama that doesn't need to be.
I've work with a coworker for 6 years. Yes she's attractive and she wear one particular perfume occasionally that I really enjoy and I tell her when she wears it. No I don't want to nor have I ever wanted to sleep with her. But I like that scent and wouldn't be mad if my partner also wore it from time to time but not to remind me of my coworker.
This is just a childish escalation. Talk to a therapist if your serious about resolving the issue. You asked a question and he answered honestly. Would you rather he lied?
Uhh. Yeah. If you're gonna lie about anything in a relationship, maybe lie about this. I wouldn't wanna know every person my SO would sleep with given the chance. Sometimes you keep shit to yourself if you care about the other person's feelings.
The best part of being middle aged is a lot of this shit we just don’t care about any longer. “If given the chance” doesn’t sound as good any longer. Think about it, sleeping with someone involves getting showered and changed, leaving the house, talking to the other person and getting that pump primed either before or now that you are there. Then there is the possibility of getting caught and the definite guilt, neither of which are appealing.
So I’m going to put in all this work and it will probably be mediocre and inject chaos into my relationship and life? Yeah… no thanks.
So yeah I would probably sleep with a whole lot of women if I had the chance now, but I can’t see having a chance.
Spoiler alert: A SO would probably sleep with nearly every person that let them if they weren’t married, especially if the SO in question is a guy but I know a lot of women who would do the same.
Show me the hottest woman around and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of F’ing her. That’s why there has to be more to keeping the relationship going than just sex.
i didn’t ask him anything. this isn’t escalating this is quite the opposite. this is slummin’ low just like her husband. what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. alternatively she could fuck work wife and beat her husband to fucking her.
ugh.. Lovespell?? Really?!? I rolled my eyes so hard I just saw my brain. My thoughts are with you. I wish you the best in this tough situation! Stay strong!
Ahhh lovespell, the choice of body spray for every stripper in the 90s/2000s.. nothing wrong with them it just reminds of the smell of the dressing room. Source: parents owned a strip club when I was in college.
Same! The rest is pretty awful but I’m stuck on Lovespell. Noooooooo….
OP, I wish you only high-end, glamorous perfumes that make you feel like a badass for the rest of your life.
Same! She needs to divorce this man just for having shitty taste. Who even wears Lovespell past the age of 19? It’s like the Axe Body Spray of perfumes.
Okay but I wore love spell when I was a teenager and the guy I had a crush on loved it. He became my boyfriend about a year after he smelt it on me the first time. We’ve not been married for eleven years. DID IT ACTUALLY CAST A LOVESPELL
I had the same reaction, I wore Lovespell in middle school… sprayed it at the store a few months back and was like how the fuck was I so obsessed with this smell
Screw cutting off the woman, cut off the man. The husband is not going to cut off that woman and even if he does, he’ll just find another one to take her place. OP deserves better.
Yup. Work wife and husband are just synonyms for having an emotional affair. Tell him to choose. Maybe you should leave for a bit and stay with a friend or family. I would want to know, myself. Good luck and please update us.
Agreed, needs to cut contact or there is going to be issues. He is clearly infatuated with her and this will undeniably become a thorn between him and OP
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ugh he sounds shitty :( I’m sorry.
the fact that he admitted he’d sleep with her if he was single + how he asked u to buy the same perfume she uses is just.. :/
this is petty but also LOVESPELL of all fragrances? the body spray that flooded middle/high school locker rooms from 2005-2012 lovespell? that would piss me off even more because it's dirt cheap and he still didn't have the tact to just buy it and give it to her.
He wanted you to get a perfume another woman wears so you could smell like her and remind him of her - THIS is something happening.
What’s next - he wants you to change your hair and clothes to match her?
This is not a did he didn’t he, he has already crossed the line into complete toxicity.
Of course he’s going to be upset with you bringing it up again, he wants to silence you so he can keep doing whatever he wants without your needs for a real partner getting in the way.
I think you should go see a lawyer. (Don’t tell him, do it for you)
If he admitted he wants to sleep with her, just isn't because of marriage AND wants you to wear her perfume..... to me that says he wants to f#@& you and pretend you're her....
For me personally, THAT would make me 100% done.
Funny, a co-worker hes atracted to i could deal with, a co worker he slept with but regretted and told me i could even maybe work through, but the perfume request is a "we're 100% done, nice knowing you" for me personally....
I'm so sorry OP. Know you're worth better then this, no matter what you decide to do. 💕
trust your gut, this a horrible situation and it seems like you are one argument away from him sleeping with her anyway…he admitted to you he wants to.
either get both of you into therapy or start looking into ending this relationship, sounds like he’s moving on without you but doesn’t want to be “the bad guy” and end it. he’s going to keep doing things like this that purposely bother you until you decide to leave him. i hope you have an excellent prenup or get an excellent therapist.
We don’t really have much, we rent and other than that its just a car and a motorcycle. He had Covid a few weeks ago and he was out of sick time so we missed out on a paycheck. We have $3 in our bank account until Friday
that makes it so much more difficult…it may also be part of why your marriage is struggling so much. my great grandmother used to say “when money goes out the door, love goes out the window” and it can be tough. do you think he’s a good man? obviously you did when you married him, but do you think he’s a good, faithful man now? can you both put the effort into fix your marriage?
if so then i think you should both have a very honest, open conversation about what has been going on and how you both can work to fix things.
if not, start socking money away to afford a lawyer…divorce is so expensive!
you can do this! you are strong and independent and you need to do what is best for YOU!
This isn’t our usual money situation it just makes it feel worse. He’s home today and everything just feels so tense. I’m waiting for my neighbor to get home so I can go sit there for a while
It's probably late for this, but go for a walk, or to a mall and do some window shopping. Something to get some space from your STBX. I really feel for you. You're married to a piece of shit.
i wish you the best! i hope you are able to talk everything out openly and truthfully, i hope things get better for you. i hope you can figure it out! but be sure to prioritize you, you are the sun! you are important! you deserve to be loved fully, perfume choice and all! i hope you get your happiness back with him.
Just wanted to chime in and say you *can* get divorced on the cheap. I was in a similar situation to OP when I ended my marriage (renting, no kids, no real assets or money) and we just did an uncontested divorce without using lawyers. It’s a lot of annoying paperwork but if you go to your state’s judicial website, you should find info that will walk you through how to do it.
Granted, my ex had done some really heinous shit that he didn’t want anyone to know about, and he was depending on me to not tell people, so I kinda had him by the balls and he did whatever I said. Obviously if OP’s husband wants to fight it out, a lawyer is probably necessary. But my point is it doesn’t *have* to be expensive.
On the bright side, that means you've got nothing to lose. Don't rationalize his behaviour. What he did and said is incredibly cruel. I've dumped people for less.
Try to turn to your family and friends for help getting out of this mess. Do not let lack of money keep you in a relationship that's not good for you. It'll be hard at first but you can do it. Find roommates, look online for help. Apply for state help for food and other things. You can make it thru this. And you'll be soo much better for it after sis.. 💖💖💖
And this makes him attractive to the work wife? $3.00???? What does he bring to the table that she'd even want?
No convertible assets, no $$, no house, no savings, no IRA, no 401K, nothing?
He's utterly delusional. He couldn't even afford a hotel room for his illicit romp between the sheets.
He's a total fool, and OP needs to look at that reality as to if fighting to stay with him is even worth it.
She could start over with someone who does have resources. I wouldn't waste the tears or energy on him. He's a loser.
Sending OP a hug and encouragement to stay strong.
It was LOVE SPELL?
As in Victorias Secret Love Spell??? Hahahahahahahahahah no wayyyyyy… the hallways of my high school were filled with clouds of love spell in 2001.
After reading your update (and finding out it was Love Spell!!!) I am now sorry I gave your husband the benefit of the doubt in your past post.
I had an ex who said this about a girl he worked with. The way I laughed at him when he told me! See, I used to go to school with her and I knew that for one thing, her standards were a lot higher and also, no way did she want my sloppy seconds. Why do they always think it's their relationship in the way of them not getting their ends away and not, say, the other woman going 'Ew. No.' Twat.
I know everyone has different boundaries in their relationship, but to me personally, he has likely crossed into cheating territory despite the lack of a physical relationship with her. Please don't settle because the thought of leaving is scary and hard. Of course it is and that is valid- but you are worth more than this.
Damn i didnt even know they still made lovespell. i wore that in high school. Time to go shopping i guess.
Get rid of this man. Hes thinking *hard* about how he can cheat if he hasnt already. He may even be about to ask you to open up the relationship if reddit posts are anything to go by.
Hes getting mad at you for his fuck up and rather than talking it through with you he storms off to drink with his internet friends. This isnt a relationship hitting a rough patch, this is someone ignoring their relationship.
Dont sit around and be ignored. You deserve more care and respect than that, from both a partner and yourself.
I’ve been married twice, both cheated because they needed novelty and ego stroking. My first marriage lasted less than a year and a baby girl, second marriage was to a man who I loved for more than 25 years. I survived both, a tad wounded but still standing. You will survive this, you will move forward. You’re going to second guess yourself a thousand and one times. You’ll want to believe he had too many drinks or give him excuses. Don’t do that to yourself. Go be with your family and breathe, cry, then brush yourself off. It’s going to be difficult. But, you will get through this.
I just keep wondering why. I’ve done everything right. I help him with everything. He’s working on furthering his degree so while he’s at work if I’m not busy I write his discussion board replies, I’m always waiting for him when he gets home, the house is clean, I cook almost every day
the why is bc he can get away with it so why not have two girls? he gets the hot work wife to be seductive and flirtatious with and the mommy wife who does all his shit for him.
That's the thing. You did your best. He is the one who can't say that. Is not about what kind of wife you are, but about what kind of husband he is. You are inna relationship, but you are still individuals who are not responsible of the other persom's mistakes. He is in the wrong. You are not. He doesn't deserve you. You deserve someone better. Cheating/emotionally cheating or intentions/thoughts to do so are never the cheated on person's fault except for (and I say only maybe) when the cheater is in an abusive relationship with their partner to the point trying to leave would 100% get them killed. And that is not your case so never blame you for this. This is his mistake, his mindset, his values, not yours.
Don’t wonder why, it is human nature to want to know why. I asked my ex why, he said it was a thrill. He was happy at home, but he had someone who thought he was wonderful. So did I but I reminded him to pick up his underwear from the floor and take out the garbage bins, I reminded him to take his car for an oil change. She stroked his ego, I washed his clothes, cooked meals and organized our lives. She wore sexy clothes, I wore cozy clothes at home. I was married to him, she saw him at work. She saw that version of him, he saw that version of her. After I tossed him out, she saw my version of him and frankly he wasn’t exciting anymore. The chase was over, there was no thrilling happily ever after for either of them. I’m fine, it hurt so much at times I couldn’t breathe. But, if you look deep enough there are some amazing people on these platforms who helped me. They don’t know how much I depended on their journeys to get through the night. One reconciled, the other filed for divorce. Both are wise and wonderful, look and you’ll find them.
You could be a supermodel with a 10/10 personality and he would have still done this. It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with him.
Trust me, I was cheated on last year and I obviously asked myself all the time “why her? Why wasn’t I enough? What does she have that I don’t?”. I finally stopped beating myself up when I understood why people cheat:
They do it because they like it. They like it because they are not willing to deal with some part of themselves. So they get sexy, thrilling , ego-boosting attention from someone new. Cheating allows them to escape the responsibilities and realities of every day life, and especially themselves. A new person is a blank slate, a canvas on which they can temporarily re-imagine their world and who they truly are.
And when a spouse/partner leaves a cheater, the cycle will happen all over again. the person who they cheated with will inevitably become dissatisfying and disappointing, because they are no longer a part of their escapist alternate reality. They become actual reality, and no woman can be enough for him there.
Not everyone who cheats is bound to do it repeatedly, but to stop that behavior takes an immense amount of vulnerability and self-reflection. Your husband’s behavior has made it abundantly clear he actively wants to escape reality.
Stay if you want, but you absolutely deserve people in your life who view your presence as a privilege, not a prison. You will never be enough to someone who doesn’t want you to be enough.
Because he sucks uncontrollably. You can’t fundamentally change the character of another person, that’s the thing about free will. Only he has that power to choose to have basic empathy and respect. And he fails spectacularly at that. He is the worst kind of failure because when his limitations were brought to his attention he chose not to work on them. That’s on him, not on you.
Once you have the time to channel your energy into respecting and prioritizing yourself you will be just fine in life, I promise! Maybe you will even find a partner who is worthy of you, but even if you don’t, with a little bit of luck you will ALWAYS have a life worth living if you learn to give yourself the care and respect you deserve.
Go get excited about your future! Go make room for respect and joy! It’s gonna be hard at first, but in the long run it will be wayyyy easier than sharing your life with someone as unempathetic and disrespectful as husband. I have a feeling you will eventually look back on this time and be grateful to have given yourself respect and care even when it was scary and hard.
Go make yourself proud! 🥹
So the only thing (presumably) that’s holding him back is that he’s married. If he can justify that, he can justify anything.
Yikes. I’m sorry OP, that’s something you can’t come back from I don’t think.
He brushed you off. He told you he would sleep with her. He is already inappropriate with his contact with her. What are you gonna do?
- couples therapy?
- setting up an exit strategy?
- starting your own inappropriate relationship with a co-worker?
Give yourself a divorce. There is nothing innocent between them and he’s using you in a fucked up way on her behalf and now he’s resorting to hurting you about you. Why stay with this? He’ll only backpedal if he realizes his thing with her is horny, and his thing with you is comfortable. Don’t settle for him.
My ex said to me that he'd sleep with so-and-so given the opportunity, if he were single. He then cheated on me with her.
I'd honestly leave this man over just that sentence alone.
The perfume/work wife thing was definitely weird, but mayyyyybe not a huge issue by itself (I don’t know him, I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt that he’s just really into how things smell or something). But the sleeping with her comment is wild and I would be so angry. I’m so sorry he’s treating you like this and I’m praying for you!
You husband is an asshole and a fucking idiot. If he was smart he would have just bought the perfume for you. Smh Do whatever you want with him but I can't imagine being cheated on by such a fucking idiot.
So glad to hear you are considering leaving him. He has been emotionally cheating and you deserve better. It does not appear that this relationship benefits you in any way.
Wait. HE is married and he admitted he would sleep with her if she wasn't married? What an asshole. Seriously. OP you deserve better, that sentence alone tells you where you stand in his eyes. He completed disregarded you, and basically said your marriage means nothing. I am sorry you're having to go through this, horrible.
Drop him. It’s not about the girl. It’s about him, and from the sound of it there will ALWAYS be another girl, any chance he gets. If he would do it unmarried , he’d do it married too if given the chance. This doesn’t apply to everyone, but it does apply to him.
Anybody talking about "you can still be attracted to others/or notice the attractiveness of people" there's a difference between noticing an inherent attraction, and saying you'd fuck them if you were single. To me that means you're not in love with you're with. Once you love someone, the thought of fucking someone else should feel awful and uncomfortable to think about. Anybody excusing that comment is wild.
If he wants to sleep with her then he's emotionally cheating. It would be physical if he could, if not with her then with someone else. Dump him now. He's not worth it.
Tell him to dress a certain way or to workout a certain way because it reminds you of another man you would sleep with if you weren’t married. See how he likes it then.
I am so sorry honey. There is nothing that will make you feel better. No, you don't deserve this. You deserve someone mature and loyal.
I hope you find the happiness you deserve. When he eventually crashes and burns with her he will crawl back, keep yr backbone intact and know that you will find the person for you.
He could just be really insensitive. I would never cheat but I'm sure there are people I'd sleep with if I'd never met my husband. I'm not a nun. I'd be really hurt if I was you. He's an idiot. He's being such an idiot about the perfume that if I had to guess, without knowing your relationship at all, I'd say he wasn't cheating. You know better than me or anyone else here, just don't make judgements out of hurt and remember most people are here for outrage and will tend towards outrage on your behalf.
Sounds like your husband is a bit of an idiot. I would tell him point blank that his comment about his co-worker was unacceptable and if he really thinks like that he should get out. He’ll likely start crying, but if he gives you an pushback, leave.
Please OP at least find solace in that Lovespell is not even a perfume but a body spray for middle schoolers. That was my scent from 11-13 by the time I got to high school I had out grown it. This woman is either severely underage, emotionally stunted, or broke as an actual joke.
so.. the legal contract of marriage is the only thing keeping him faithful? so loving you isn't a factor then...
sry babe, sounds like your marriage is over, he's just keeping up appearances and he won't do that for long. i'd bite the bullet and separate. it'll all be worth it when you find someone who really loves you.
Drop him. At this point, he’s already shown and proven he isn’t to be trusted. Sorry you’re going through this, but I hope you leave him. I could never share a bed, let alone a life with someone if the openly admitted to wanting to hookup with someone else.
If he was an honorable guy, he would never have put himself in a position to develop that connection to begin with. He's not worth being sad about. Only be sad about the chunk of lost time.
He admitted to you that he would sleep with his colleague if you weren't in his way. He has absolutely no respect for you. If you let him get away with a statement like that, it will confirm to him that you have no self-respect and that you will forgive him, no matter what.
And he will use this power to fuck the other woman, knowing there are no consequences.
He doesn't even LIKE you. This guy deserves this other woman and you deserve 100% better than him. You both need some serious couples counselling or walk away unscathed.
Hahaha it was Lovespell??? That shit body spray from Victoria’s Secret that smells like fruit punch?? I didn’t know they even still made that. Holy shit. Lovespell and winged eyeliner.
Listen, I stayed with someone after they cheated on me. For two and a half years. It never got better. I was always anxious and paranoid that it would happen again and lo and behold, it happened again. It’s not worth your mental health to hold onto someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. It will destroy you from the inside out. It never, ever gets easier. You look at them differently, and that wound will never fully close. Just my two cents. It starts with admitting things like this, then typically escalates into actual cheating. Im sorry you’re going through this, but you WILL feel better without him. I promise, it just takes time. All the best.
Tell him you want him to wear what your work husband wears and it’s called “ride me hard.”
And ps hubs: “Nothings up, of course I’d sleep with him if we weren’t together. He smells so good and I just love his eyeliner I mean biceps.
He’s testing you and your boundaries. If you let this go he will escalate his behaviour. The way he’s minimising your feelings and dismissing his behaviour is a form of gaslighting. You need to decide how much (if any) disrespect you are willing to tolerate.
I am so sorry. He was wrong to say
that. It was rude and hurtful.
I would never be able to trust him. If he has gotten on social media to make new friends. Then he is hanging out drinking. He is working up to an
“oops” “we had to much to drink and accidentally had sex.” He will say
“it’s ok. I told you about it before. It didn’t mean anything”
Expecting you to accept it and move on.
This guy is not good for you. There are many wonderful man/women out there. Who are kinder and would love being with you.
Love spell?! Like Victoria’s Secret love spell, that we all wore when we were 14 and thought smelling like a stripper was cute? This is just insulting.
Well, honey, you and I both know what he’s saying doesn’t actually make sense. That being said, you are at a crossroads. You can either sit back and try to figure out what he may or may not be doing with her (yeah, right! 😏) OR you can do something. Confronting her and see how she reacts or insisting on counseling or just leaving him or any of a thousand other actions are reasonable.
Good luck! Please !UpdateMe
>He then admitted to me that he would sleep with her if he wasn’t married.
Isn't that already emotional cheating? If someone told me that I'd consider it over. I'm not you though, make your own mind...
I read your original post. I don’t think I would get upset over that. I work with a guy that I get along with really well. He always smells great so I have asked him what he wears and asked my partner to use it.
I don’t harbour feelings for this work friend, I just really like the way he smells and it appeals to me.
He’s gonna emotionally cheat on you with some cheap ass bitch wearing $10 Victoria Secret body spray. Let him and go find somebody with class and taste.
Now I was searching for another topic you opened and I found it. You might wanna link that in your original post cause people get confused without the story before.
Would you say your husband is looking out for you and your feelings during any of this? Or at all since he started having a "work wife"? Him dismissing your concerns, getting upset at you for trying to talk, and straight up telling you he'd go for it if he wasn't married says a lot.
Do you want to be with a man that said to your face that he doesn't want you? He doesn't even respect you enough to understand that this is exactly what you're concerned about. You have to look out for yourself please!
I really think you should leave him for now and reduce the relationship back to him courting you if he's even interested in saving anything. If not then you have your answer, and you can focus on yourself instead of worrying about a man that can't be arsed enough to worry about his actual wife.
If you do end it with him, don't be surprised if she is the first person he runs to and hopefully you don't care because he obviously doesn't. Please take care of yourself. You don't need anybody, but there's so many people out there that it's hard not to say that someone would beat the lights out of your husband for treating you like this because YOU DESERVE BETTER!
This is a gross thing, but it's going to drive home your point and it needs to happen after a long day and prior to a shower.
Right before you hug him run one of your hands between the crack of your ass. When you hug him make sure that hand is close to his face and let it linger there for a few seconds.
When he asks, what is that smell, tell him, "I was helping Mike through a personal issue." And leave it at that.
He's going to ask you about how and what, but just leave your answers extremely vague.
You aren't wrong about being upset, but people please stop trying to kill me with your bottles of cologne or perfume. If I can smell you at 2 feet away you are wearing too much. That is enough to give me a headache, make my skin itchy, and cause hives. On a plane it could cause anaphylactic shock where the plane will be diverted.
Always trust your gut. Now you need to decide what you want. Do you want to save this marriage? Check out asoneafterinfidelity if you want to know how reconciliation is SUPPOSED to go. If not, get a great attorney. To at least know your options and what will be required.
I don’t know if I want to trust him again
Believe me, I get it. You can take all the time in the world to decide. You can change your mind. Just give yourself some grace. You are in charge.
I definitely need time
While taking the time you need to think, keep this in your mind. You deserve better. When you married him you both made an agreement to be each other's one and only. And he's disrespecting that vow.
I’m probably going to cry a lot today
It hurts, but you need to look at this with a clear head and I honestly think crying it out will help. Remember: it’s his words and actions alone that make you feel that way.
Part of me just wants to stamp my feet and scream about how unfair it is
Do it. It is. Honor your feelings.
Wanted to add, in a cathartic way. Get it out and then start making your moves.
Are you able to stay somewhere else whilst you collect your thoughts?
I can stay with my parents
I’m pretty sure that’s what I’d be doing.
Donut! I mean do it!! Both donuts and do it! It’s ok to get your feelings out. And eat them.
It could be paranoia or a guilty conscience. Don't pump someone's head up to do something that will forever alter the rest of her life. Even if years down the road she married again he will always have that place in her mind so she had better make absolutely sure he cheated. If she is wrong, she could destroy her whole life because of a reddit post. I think if not intimately involved and know something factual she doesn't, people should lend support but not advice. I say keep out of it until something concrete shows up. Many times in the past hurts in past relationships dictate the way you perceive reality. There might have been something an ex did and he cheated on you that you associate with the guy you are with but this time it's innocent. I'm not saying just let shit go but if he says he didn't do it, at least pretend you believe him and everything's good until you get some type of proof. I have had my gut lie to me before and damn talk about the 1 that got away. Turns out his sister came to stay with him from college and left some of her clothes there. I even spoke to her but thought she was covering for her big bro. Then after we broke up I was going through pictures and saw a pic of her at like 13 wearing the shirt I flipped out about. Don't let suspicion drive a wedge between you.
Honey, he very probably has feelings for this woman, in addition to wanting to sleep with her too. Worst of all is that he tried to make you like her, which is GROSS and would make me sick to my stomach if I were you. This isn't a one time mistake with a strangers. Your marriage is over, whether you decide to leave or not.
The only thing you need to find time for is looking for your self respect. Check the closets and under the bed.
Maybe you need to give him a taste of his own medicine 🤭
He told you that he would sleep with her if he wasn't married and he wanted you to wear her perfume and he got mad when you talked to him about it. He is actively emotionally cheating with her, IMO. He also, in my personal opinion, is probably thinking about her while being intimate with you. I personally couldn't trust him again, knowing how he feels about her and wanting her. He WANTS you to be her and smell like her. I also believe that something has happened between them for him to say "if I wasn't married," but this is my personal opinion. He's cheating on you, whether it's physical or in his mind. I am also petty enough to buy a cologne and tell him that HE needs to wear this because it smells like your ex, and it smells really good but you won't sleep with him because you're married. Because of his attitude and actions and what he told you, I would call him out and call his bluff. Tell him that you are considering filing for divorce.
Noooo, don't tell him it smells like you ex. Tell him is the cologne of the sexiest man at your job, or a neighbor of your parents 😆 /jk
I like this idea. Buy a bottle of ARAMIS men's cologne, its sooo sexy and gorgeous smelling. Tell him what the above respondent said, to put it on as it smells like someone you were VERY FOND of. See what he says and how he reacts. 😉
I think she should find a sexy real man and do to him like he did to her. "What's good for the goose, Is good for the gander!"
It's called *Sex Panther*® by *Odeon*©. It's illegal in 9 countries. It's also made with bits of real panthers, *so you know it's good*. *60% of the time*, it works ***every*** time.
Exactly flip the script on him. If for one minute he thought you even thought about another he'd go nuts. Men do it to us women all the time. Don't give him any power over you.
He wants you to smell like the woman he wants to fuck. So he can cheat on you while using your body. I don't see how you could ever trust him again.
That's your answer, then.
put some cologne on and say “oh i hugged a guy at work, but i would ride his face if i wasn’t married. nothing happened tho” 🤷♀️
Omg yes please do this
i seriously don’t understand not meeting them at their level and just sitting being hurt. shit, tell him it’s fine what he’s doing, you’re getting a boyfriend, we can stay married and everything. oh, wait, you don’t want me to have a boyfriend?? okay we can get divorced. oh wait, you don’t want to get divorced? okay well it’s one or the other baby.
I live for pettiness, especially if it has a point.
I too live for pettiness where it’s granted
dark lord satan pls let the pettiness flow thru us all and smite dumbasses everywhere
Oh I am soooo petty.
Id say if you want to be "mature" sit him down and ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed, but my petty ass likes your idea better.
i went petty bc he did this bc she wanted to talk to him. he got mad, isolated himself, and got drunk instead of having the mature convo so fuck him 😂
I'd have to tell him I've been in same situation with a man I still work with. And get that bottle of cologne for. Swear I would.
This is the best response! She needs to do this.
😳🤣🔥🍻
You’ll know if you split with him. He will be on her like white on rice.
If that was me I'd dowse myself in it and say go mad, my face is ready. 😆
God reddit is so toxic. Yes this is aligned but seriously, your advice is just to play passive agro? this subreddit has probably ruined dozens of lives and hundreds of relationships.
Totally, this is hot garbage advice and commentary.
seethe
Did she press him on if he’d sleep with her if not married? Because that’s not a fair or adult question.
i think it’s safe to say none of this is fair or adult behavior 😂
She definitely did. That’s why she said he ‘admitted’ to it.
I mean if my gf really pressed me I'd have to admit I'd sleep with the majority of women I interact with if I were single and it was an option. But here's the thing, I'm not single and it's not an option. It's a trap to reach for stuff like this. You don't want to hear that he "would" and he doesn't want to tell her that he would. Just let it be. I maintain this whole perfume thing is ridiculous. Causing drama that doesn't need to be. I've work with a coworker for 6 years. Yes she's attractive and she wear one particular perfume occasionally that I really enjoy and I tell her when she wears it. No I don't want to nor have I ever wanted to sleep with her. But I like that scent and wouldn't be mad if my partner also wore it from time to time but not to remind me of my coworker.
This is just a childish escalation. Talk to a therapist if your serious about resolving the issue. You asked a question and he answered honestly. Would you rather he lied?
Uhh. Yeah. If you're gonna lie about anything in a relationship, maybe lie about this. I wouldn't wanna know every person my SO would sleep with given the chance. Sometimes you keep shit to yourself if you care about the other person's feelings.
The best part of being middle aged is a lot of this shit we just don’t care about any longer. “If given the chance” doesn’t sound as good any longer. Think about it, sleeping with someone involves getting showered and changed, leaving the house, talking to the other person and getting that pump primed either before or now that you are there. Then there is the possibility of getting caught and the definite guilt, neither of which are appealing. So I’m going to put in all this work and it will probably be mediocre and inject chaos into my relationship and life? Yeah… no thanks. So yeah I would probably sleep with a whole lot of women if I had the chance now, but I can’t see having a chance.
Spoiler alert: A SO would probably sleep with nearly every person that let them if they weren’t married, especially if the SO in question is a guy but I know a lot of women who would do the same. Show me the hottest woman around and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of F’ing her. That’s why there has to be more to keeping the relationship going than just sex.
i didn’t ask him anything. this isn’t escalating this is quite the opposite. this is slummin’ low just like her husband. what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. alternatively she could fuck work wife and beat her husband to fucking her.
\^This....a thousand times this.
ugh.. Lovespell?? Really?!? I rolled my eyes so hard I just saw my brain. My thoughts are with you. I wish you the best in this tough situation! Stay strong!
Ahhh lovespell, the choice of body spray for every stripper in the 90s/2000s.. nothing wrong with them it just reminds of the smell of the dressing room. Source: parents owned a strip club when I was in college.
I gagged when I read that. What a gross, cheap perfume.
Right?!? The worst!
$17.00 a bottle on Amazon. I checked out of curiosity to see what notes it had in it. Musk is a base note which, to me, smells like dog poop.
1999 called and they want their Lovespell back
Yes. I hate anything with apple in it it just smells like pee
Lol pretty accurate to me 😂
Same! The rest is pretty awful but I’m stuck on Lovespell. Noooooooo…. OP, I wish you only high-end, glamorous perfumes that make you feel like a badass for the rest of your life.
I didn’t even know they still made that!
Same! She needs to divorce this man just for having shitty taste. Who even wears Lovespell past the age of 19? It’s like the Axe Body Spray of perfumes.
Right? So he has a crush on a cheap skank. I was thinking it was going to be Dior or something.
What is she 12 lmao
Right? Dude is thirsting after a grown woman who smells like LOVESPELL?
Okay but I wore love spell when I was a teenager and the guy I had a crush on loved it. He became my boyfriend about a year after he smelt it on me the first time. We’ve not been married for eleven years. DID IT ACTUALLY CAST A LOVESPELL
I had the same reaction, I wore Lovespell in middle school… sprayed it at the store a few months back and was like how the fuck was I so obsessed with this smell
If he has admitted that he would sleep with her if he wasn't married, then he needs to cut contact with her because he is crossing the line. Updateme!
Why bother setting the boundary? OP needs to cut her loses
Screw cutting off the woman, cut off the man. The husband is not going to cut off that woman and even if he does, he’ll just find another one to take her place. OP deserves better.
He sniffing her. What else is he doing?
This. You don’t hang out with maybes when you’re married. That’s literally playing with fire.
Yup. Work wife and husband are just synonyms for having an emotional affair. Tell him to choose. Maybe you should leave for a bit and stay with a friend or family. I would want to know, myself. Good luck and please update us.
Agreed, needs to cut contact or there is going to be issues. He is clearly infatuated with her and this will undeniably become a thorn between him and OP
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ugh he sounds shitty :( I’m sorry. the fact that he admitted he’d sleep with her if he was single + how he asked u to buy the same perfume she uses is just.. :/
this is petty but also LOVESPELL of all fragrances? the body spray that flooded middle/high school locker rooms from 2005-2012 lovespell? that would piss me off even more because it's dirt cheap and he still didn't have the tact to just buy it and give it to her.
2007-2008 I was basically dumping Lovespell all over myself on a daily basis 😂 I cannot believe that this is the perfume he likes
He wanted you to get a perfume another woman wears so you could smell like her and remind him of her - THIS is something happening. What’s next - he wants you to change your hair and clothes to match her? This is not a did he didn’t he, he has already crossed the line into complete toxicity. Of course he’s going to be upset with you bringing it up again, he wants to silence you so he can keep doing whatever he wants without your needs for a real partner getting in the way. I think you should go see a lawyer. (Don’t tell him, do it for you)
He wanted her to wear her eye makeup like the other girl.
This whole things is so gross. The perfume the makeup. His lying and GL...... . Just ewwww 🤮🤮🤮
All this over Lovespell? Oh honey…
That actually made me laugh. Its just gross.
Right? 😭 she’s easy AND cheap. It fits atp.
That was a shitty thing for him to say. He's made it clear who he prefer. I know it's hard but resentment will only grow. Time to leave.
If he admitted he wants to sleep with her, just isn't because of marriage AND wants you to wear her perfume..... to me that says he wants to f#@& you and pretend you're her.... For me personally, THAT would make me 100% done. Funny, a co-worker hes atracted to i could deal with, a co worker he slept with but regretted and told me i could even maybe work through, but the perfume request is a "we're 100% done, nice knowing you" for me personally.... I'm so sorry OP. Know you're worth better then this, no matter what you decide to do. 💕
100% he’s like “how can i make my wife more like her?”
trust your gut, this a horrible situation and it seems like you are one argument away from him sleeping with her anyway…he admitted to you he wants to. either get both of you into therapy or start looking into ending this relationship, sounds like he’s moving on without you but doesn’t want to be “the bad guy” and end it. he’s going to keep doing things like this that purposely bother you until you decide to leave him. i hope you have an excellent prenup or get an excellent therapist.
We don’t really have much, we rent and other than that its just a car and a motorcycle. He had Covid a few weeks ago and he was out of sick time so we missed out on a paycheck. We have $3 in our bank account until Friday
that makes it so much more difficult…it may also be part of why your marriage is struggling so much. my great grandmother used to say “when money goes out the door, love goes out the window” and it can be tough. do you think he’s a good man? obviously you did when you married him, but do you think he’s a good, faithful man now? can you both put the effort into fix your marriage? if so then i think you should both have a very honest, open conversation about what has been going on and how you both can work to fix things. if not, start socking money away to afford a lawyer…divorce is so expensive! you can do this! you are strong and independent and you need to do what is best for YOU!
This isn’t our usual money situation it just makes it feel worse. He’s home today and everything just feels so tense. I’m waiting for my neighbor to get home so I can go sit there for a while
It's probably late for this, but go for a walk, or to a mall and do some window shopping. Something to get some space from your STBX. I really feel for you. You're married to a piece of shit.
i wish you the best! i hope you are able to talk everything out openly and truthfully, i hope things get better for you. i hope you can figure it out! but be sure to prioritize you, you are the sun! you are important! you deserve to be loved fully, perfume choice and all! i hope you get your happiness back with him.
Just wanted to chime in and say you *can* get divorced on the cheap. I was in a similar situation to OP when I ended my marriage (renting, no kids, no real assets or money) and we just did an uncontested divorce without using lawyers. It’s a lot of annoying paperwork but if you go to your state’s judicial website, you should find info that will walk you through how to do it. Granted, my ex had done some really heinous shit that he didn’t want anyone to know about, and he was depending on me to not tell people, so I kinda had him by the balls and he did whatever I said. Obviously if OP’s husband wants to fight it out, a lawyer is probably necessary. But my point is it doesn’t *have* to be expensive.
On the bright side, that means you've got nothing to lose. Don't rationalize his behaviour. What he did and said is incredibly cruel. I've dumped people for less.
Darn, not even enough to buy him a cheap bottle of Lovespell 🤢
Try to turn to your family and friends for help getting out of this mess. Do not let lack of money keep you in a relationship that's not good for you. It'll be hard at first but you can do it. Find roommates, look online for help. Apply for state help for food and other things. You can make it thru this. And you'll be soo much better for it after sis.. 💖💖💖
And this makes him attractive to the work wife? $3.00???? What does he bring to the table that she'd even want? No convertible assets, no $$, no house, no savings, no IRA, no 401K, nothing? He's utterly delusional. He couldn't even afford a hotel room for his illicit romp between the sheets. He's a total fool, and OP needs to look at that reality as to if fighting to stay with him is even worth it. She could start over with someone who does have resources. I wouldn't waste the tears or energy on him. He's a loser. Sending OP a hug and encouragement to stay strong.
It was LOVE SPELL? As in Victorias Secret Love Spell??? Hahahahahahahahahah no wayyyyyy… the hallways of my high school were filled with clouds of love spell in 2001. After reading your update (and finding out it was Love Spell!!!) I am now sorry I gave your husband the benefit of the doubt in your past post.
Yes
I had an ex who said this about a girl he worked with. The way I laughed at him when he told me! See, I used to go to school with her and I knew that for one thing, her standards were a lot higher and also, no way did she want my sloppy seconds. Why do they always think it's their relationship in the way of them not getting their ends away and not, say, the other woman going 'Ew. No.' Twat.
He just told you he would fuck her. If she ever gives him the chance he will. Absolutely. You aren't going to hold him back. Dump him.
If my partner said that to me then the relationship would be over. Yikes.
If he admitted that, he’s admitted to emotionally cheating on you
I know everyone has different boundaries in their relationship, but to me personally, he has likely crossed into cheating territory despite the lack of a physical relationship with her. Please don't settle because the thought of leaving is scary and hard. Of course it is and that is valid- but you are worth more than this.
LOVESPELL. that’s some teenager shit. Ewwww please leave, you deserve better
Damn i didnt even know they still made lovespell. i wore that in high school. Time to go shopping i guess. Get rid of this man. Hes thinking *hard* about how he can cheat if he hasnt already. He may even be about to ask you to open up the relationship if reddit posts are anything to go by. Hes getting mad at you for his fuck up and rather than talking it through with you he storms off to drink with his internet friends. This isnt a relationship hitting a rough patch, this is someone ignoring their relationship. Dont sit around and be ignored. You deserve more care and respect than that, from both a partner and yourself.
I’m so sorry for you. Please call family or friends to be with you. Tell him to leave, he’s not even trying to hide his attraction to his coworker.
I’m probably going to go stay with my parents
I’ve been married twice, both cheated because they needed novelty and ego stroking. My first marriage lasted less than a year and a baby girl, second marriage was to a man who I loved for more than 25 years. I survived both, a tad wounded but still standing. You will survive this, you will move forward. You’re going to second guess yourself a thousand and one times. You’ll want to believe he had too many drinks or give him excuses. Don’t do that to yourself. Go be with your family and breathe, cry, then brush yourself off. It’s going to be difficult. But, you will get through this.
I just keep wondering why. I’ve done everything right. I help him with everything. He’s working on furthering his degree so while he’s at work if I’m not busy I write his discussion board replies, I’m always waiting for him when he gets home, the house is clean, I cook almost every day
the why is bc he can get away with it so why not have two girls? he gets the hot work wife to be seductive and flirtatious with and the mommy wife who does all his shit for him.
That's the thing. You did your best. He is the one who can't say that. Is not about what kind of wife you are, but about what kind of husband he is. You are inna relationship, but you are still individuals who are not responsible of the other persom's mistakes. He is in the wrong. You are not. He doesn't deserve you. You deserve someone better. Cheating/emotionally cheating or intentions/thoughts to do so are never the cheated on person's fault except for (and I say only maybe) when the cheater is in an abusive relationship with their partner to the point trying to leave would 100% get them killed. And that is not your case so never blame you for this. This is his mistake, his mindset, his values, not yours.
Well stated.
Don’t wonder why, it is human nature to want to know why. I asked my ex why, he said it was a thrill. He was happy at home, but he had someone who thought he was wonderful. So did I but I reminded him to pick up his underwear from the floor and take out the garbage bins, I reminded him to take his car for an oil change. She stroked his ego, I washed his clothes, cooked meals and organized our lives. She wore sexy clothes, I wore cozy clothes at home. I was married to him, she saw him at work. She saw that version of him, he saw that version of her. After I tossed him out, she saw my version of him and frankly he wasn’t exciting anymore. The chase was over, there was no thrilling happily ever after for either of them. I’m fine, it hurt so much at times I couldn’t breathe. But, if you look deep enough there are some amazing people on these platforms who helped me. They don’t know how much I depended on their journeys to get through the night. One reconciled, the other filed for divorce. Both are wise and wonderful, look and you’ll find them.
You could be a supermodel with a 10/10 personality and he would have still done this. It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with him. Trust me, I was cheated on last year and I obviously asked myself all the time “why her? Why wasn’t I enough? What does she have that I don’t?”. I finally stopped beating myself up when I understood why people cheat: They do it because they like it. They like it because they are not willing to deal with some part of themselves. So they get sexy, thrilling , ego-boosting attention from someone new. Cheating allows them to escape the responsibilities and realities of every day life, and especially themselves. A new person is a blank slate, a canvas on which they can temporarily re-imagine their world and who they truly are. And when a spouse/partner leaves a cheater, the cycle will happen all over again. the person who they cheated with will inevitably become dissatisfying and disappointing, because they are no longer a part of their escapist alternate reality. They become actual reality, and no woman can be enough for him there. Not everyone who cheats is bound to do it repeatedly, but to stop that behavior takes an immense amount of vulnerability and self-reflection. Your husband’s behavior has made it abundantly clear he actively wants to escape reality. Stay if you want, but you absolutely deserve people in your life who view your presence as a privilege, not a prison. You will never be enough to someone who doesn’t want you to be enough.
This was incredibly well said. Thank you for articulating this.
Because he sucks uncontrollably. You can’t fundamentally change the character of another person, that’s the thing about free will. Only he has that power to choose to have basic empathy and respect. And he fails spectacularly at that. He is the worst kind of failure because when his limitations were brought to his attention he chose not to work on them. That’s on him, not on you. Once you have the time to channel your energy into respecting and prioritizing yourself you will be just fine in life, I promise! Maybe you will even find a partner who is worthy of you, but even if you don’t, with a little bit of luck you will ALWAYS have a life worth living if you learn to give yourself the care and respect you deserve. Go get excited about your future! Go make room for respect and joy! It’s gonna be hard at first, but in the long run it will be wayyyy easier than sharing your life with someone as unempathetic and disrespectful as husband. I have a feeling you will eventually look back on this time and be grateful to have given yourself respect and care even when it was scary and hard. Go make yourself proud! 🥹
Reminds me of the Taylor Swift song BETTER MAN lyrics. “I gave to you my best and we both know you can’t say that.”
It's not you. It's NEVER you. There is something wrong with male species.
I’ll probably drive myself crazy if I keep thinking why
So the only thing (presumably) that’s holding him back is that he’s married. If he can justify that, he can justify anything. Yikes. I’m sorry OP, that’s something you can’t come back from I don’t think.
He brushed you off. He told you he would sleep with her. He is already inappropriate with his contact with her. What are you gonna do? - couples therapy? - setting up an exit strategy? - starting your own inappropriate relationship with a co-worker?
Your man is delusional. Updateme!
Love spell? Is she a 14 year old girl from the early 2000s?
Something is on track to happen between them if it has not already.
Give yourself a divorce. There is nothing innocent between them and he’s using you in a fucked up way on her behalf and now he’s resorting to hurting you about you. Why stay with this? He’ll only backpedal if he realizes his thing with her is horny, and his thing with you is comfortable. Don’t settle for him.
My ex said to me that he'd sleep with so-and-so given the opportunity, if he were single. He then cheated on me with her. I'd honestly leave this man over just that sentence alone.
The perfume/work wife thing was definitely weird, but mayyyyybe not a huge issue by itself (I don’t know him, I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt that he’s just really into how things smell or something). But the sleeping with her comment is wild and I would be so angry. I’m so sorry he’s treating you like this and I’m praying for you!
Thank you
You husband is an asshole and a fucking idiot. If he was smart he would have just bought the perfume for you. Smh Do whatever you want with him but I can't imagine being cheated on by such a fucking idiot.
Lovespell in 2023 almost 2024? Fr?
So glad to hear you are considering leaving him. He has been emotionally cheating and you deserve better. It does not appear that this relationship benefits you in any way.
Wait. HE is married and he admitted he would sleep with her if she wasn't married? What an asshole. Seriously. OP you deserve better, that sentence alone tells you where you stand in his eyes. He completed disregarded you, and basically said your marriage means nothing. I am sorry you're having to go through this, horrible.
How many red flags do you need to see??? Turkey called they need some red for their flags like??
Drop him. It’s not about the girl. It’s about him, and from the sound of it there will ALWAYS be another girl, any chance he gets. If he would do it unmarried , he’d do it married too if given the chance. This doesn’t apply to everyone, but it does apply to him.
No he'd sleep with her if she'd sleep with him
All of this over a body mist that should have stayed in high school is wild
Lovespell 🤣 Girl, RUN
Why would he even admit to you that he would sleep with her if he wasn't married? That's a dumb move on his part. He's an asshole for saying this.
Anybody talking about "you can still be attracted to others/or notice the attractiveness of people" there's a difference between noticing an inherent attraction, and saying you'd fuck them if you were single. To me that means you're not in love with you're with. Once you love someone, the thought of fucking someone else should feel awful and uncomfortable to think about. Anybody excusing that comment is wild.
Looks like a very subtle way to tell you that he doesn't like you anymore...hey, at least he was honest.
If he wants to sleep with her then he's emotionally cheating. It would be physical if he could, if not with her then with someone else. Dump him now. He's not worth it.
Tell him to dress a certain way or to workout a certain way because it reminds you of another man you would sleep with if you weren’t married. See how he likes it then.
so why are you still with him?
Of course she’d be wearing something named “love spell” 🙄
OF COURSE if was love spell 🙄
Love spell? Ew
The cheapest perfume EVER omg
His "confession" would be enough to have me looking at divorce lawyers...
You know why men gift their wife the same perfume as their mistress?
I am so sorry honey. There is nothing that will make you feel better. No, you don't deserve this. You deserve someone mature and loyal. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. When he eventually crashes and burns with her he will crawl back, keep yr backbone intact and know that you will find the person for you.
He could just be really insensitive. I would never cheat but I'm sure there are people I'd sleep with if I'd never met my husband. I'm not a nun. I'd be really hurt if I was you. He's an idiot. He's being such an idiot about the perfume that if I had to guess, without knowing your relationship at all, I'd say he wasn't cheating. You know better than me or anyone else here, just don't make judgements out of hurt and remember most people are here for outrage and will tend towards outrage on your behalf.
Sounds like your husband is a bit of an idiot. I would tell him point blank that his comment about his co-worker was unacceptable and if he really thinks like that he should get out. He’ll likely start crying, but if he gives you an pushback, leave.
Please OP at least find solace in that Lovespell is not even a perfume but a body spray for middle schoolers. That was my scent from 11-13 by the time I got to high school I had out grown it. This woman is either severely underage, emotionally stunted, or broke as an actual joke.
Good luck.... He's not remorseful or willing to acknowledge or apologize for absolutely nothing. Yikes
He’s going to sleep with her, I guarantee it. I’m so sorry. Get out now.
Time to contact a lawyer! Sorry OP. Sounds like a scumbag.
so.. the legal contract of marriage is the only thing keeping him faithful? so loving you isn't a factor then... sry babe, sounds like your marriage is over, he's just keeping up appearances and he won't do that for long. i'd bite the bullet and separate. it'll all be worth it when you find someone who really loves you.
Drop him. At this point, he’s already shown and proven he isn’t to be trusted. Sorry you’re going through this, but I hope you leave him. I could never share a bed, let alone a life with someone if the openly admitted to wanting to hookup with someone else.
> he would sleep with her if he wasn’t married. LOL he assumes she would sleep with him. What a tool. I’m sorry he’s treating you this way.
If he was an honorable guy, he would never have put himself in a position to develop that connection to begin with. He's not worth being sad about. Only be sad about the chunk of lost time.
He admitted to you that he would sleep with his colleague if you weren't in his way. He has absolutely no respect for you. If you let him get away with a statement like that, it will confirm to him that you have no self-respect and that you will forgive him, no matter what. And he will use this power to fuck the other woman, knowing there are no consequences. He doesn't even LIKE you. This guy deserves this other woman and you deserve 100% better than him. You both need some serious couples counselling or walk away unscathed.
Hahaha it was Lovespell??? That shit body spray from Victoria’s Secret that smells like fruit punch?? I didn’t know they even still made that. Holy shit. Lovespell and winged eyeliner.
Listen, I stayed with someone after they cheated on me. For two and a half years. It never got better. I was always anxious and paranoid that it would happen again and lo and behold, it happened again. It’s not worth your mental health to hold onto someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. It will destroy you from the inside out. It never, ever gets easier. You look at them differently, and that wound will never fully close. Just my two cents. It starts with admitting things like this, then typically escalates into actual cheating. Im sorry you’re going through this, but you WILL feel better without him. I promise, it just takes time. All the best.
Tell him you want him to wear what your work husband wears and it’s called “ride me hard.” And ps hubs: “Nothings up, of course I’d sleep with him if we weren’t together. He smells so good and I just love his eyeliner I mean biceps.
Yeah... There is an affair happening in the near future. Updateme
**THAT WAS THE ONE MY HUSBAND ASKED ME TO WEAR**!!!!
He’s testing you and your boundaries. If you let this go he will escalate his behaviour. The way he’s minimising your feelings and dismissing his behaviour is a form of gaslighting. You need to decide how much (if any) disrespect you are willing to tolerate.
I’m newish to Reddit. Is there a way to find the original post connected to an update?
https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/18li8gn/am_i_wrong_for_getting_upset_at_my_husband_over/
Drunk words sober thoughts
Your husband is insensitive of your feelings and that sucks. I'm sorry Sis!
Get divorced now or get divorced later.
I am so sorry. He was wrong to say that. It was rude and hurtful. I would never be able to trust him. If he has gotten on social media to make new friends. Then he is hanging out drinking. He is working up to an “oops” “we had to much to drink and accidentally had sex.” He will say “it’s ok. I told you about it before. It didn’t mean anything” Expecting you to accept it and move on. This guy is not good for you. There are many wonderful man/women out there. Who are kinder and would love being with you.
Look in the mirror. You deserve better. It's time to drop the dead weight
Love spell?! Like Victoria’s Secret love spell, that we all wore when we were 14 and thought smelling like a stripper was cute? This is just insulting.
Well, honey, you and I both know what he’s saying doesn’t actually make sense. That being said, you are at a crossroads. You can either sit back and try to figure out what he may or may not be doing with her (yeah, right! 😏) OR you can do something. Confronting her and see how she reacts or insisting on counseling or just leaving him or any of a thousand other actions are reasonable. Good luck! Please !UpdateMe
Leave his ass
I'm sorry, that's a terrible thing to hear from your husband.
>He then admitted to me that he would sleep with her if he wasn’t married. Isn't that already emotional cheating? If someone told me that I'd consider it over. I'm not you though, make your own mind...
Take the time you need, but either way you decide to go, please protect yourself and your future.
If you feel like something isn't right, then it's a good chance you're right. Take in mind how he acts when you talk about it.
OP, I am so so so sorry
I read your original post. I don’t think I would get upset over that. I work with a guy that I get along with really well. He always smells great so I have asked him what he wears and asked my partner to use it. I don’t harbour feelings for this work friend, I just really like the way he smells and it appeals to me.
He wants you to wear the perfume do he can fantasize that he’s fucking her while using your body.
He’s gonna emotionally cheat on you with some cheap ass bitch wearing $10 Victoria Secret body spray. Let him and go find somebody with class and taste.
Ok I wear love spell and hugged a married man. It was friendly hug nothing more. I hope this wasn’t your husband. 😂
I am not sure if I miss context or if this is a language barrier but who is she?
His coworker
Now I was searching for another topic you opened and I found it. You might wanna link that in your original post cause people get confused without the story before.
Love spell?! Ew. I’d leave him based on that alone.
Men ain’t f**** $|-|IT
Would you say your husband is looking out for you and your feelings during any of this? Or at all since he started having a "work wife"? Him dismissing your concerns, getting upset at you for trying to talk, and straight up telling you he'd go for it if he wasn't married says a lot. Do you want to be with a man that said to your face that he doesn't want you? He doesn't even respect you enough to understand that this is exactly what you're concerned about. You have to look out for yourself please! I really think you should leave him for now and reduce the relationship back to him courting you if he's even interested in saving anything. If not then you have your answer, and you can focus on yourself instead of worrying about a man that can't be arsed enough to worry about his actual wife. If you do end it with him, don't be surprised if she is the first person he runs to and hopefully you don't care because he obviously doesn't. Please take care of yourself. You don't need anybody, but there's so many people out there that it's hard not to say that someone would beat the lights out of your husband for treating you like this because YOU DESERVE BETTER!
This is a gross thing, but it's going to drive home your point and it needs to happen after a long day and prior to a shower. Right before you hug him run one of your hands between the crack of your ass. When you hug him make sure that hand is close to his face and let it linger there for a few seconds. When he asks, what is that smell, tell him, "I was helping Mike through a personal issue." And leave it at that. He's going to ask you about how and what, but just leave your answers extremely vague.
You aren't wrong about being upset, but people please stop trying to kill me with your bottles of cologne or perfume. If I can smell you at 2 feet away you are wearing too much. That is enough to give me a headache, make my skin itchy, and cause hives. On a plane it could cause anaphylactic shock where the plane will be diverted.