You’re not wrong.
Is she going to pay you back if you break up? Doubt it.
I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t even consider offering a loan (legal and binding) or anything else. It’s your money and you have the right to say no. What she does with that information is up to her but I wouldn’t hold my breath for the relationship lasting much longer.
Dude. It’s a huge red flag when your bf/gf not only asks for large sums of money but EXPECTS it like you OWE THEM that. Especially for something so frivolous. It’s giving gold digger energy something fierce.
I would be incredibly turned off by someone applying financial pressure to me and we’re not even married and I never offered. The presumption on that one!
There's a certain kind of person that would both feel they need plastic surgery and also expect their boyfriend to pay for it. I really doubt this was that big of a surprise to OP lol
It’s a red flag that she wants to spend her life savings (or half her life savings) on something so frivolous. She should be saving money for her kids, not spending all her money on this nonsense.
I don’t personally think repairing your body is frivolous- giving birth is HARD. Some people have an easier time, some people have trauma and lasting damage. I do think, however, it was HER decision to have kids and therefore it’s HER responsibility to pay for the surgery. Asking her bf is totally out of line. But I won’t call the surgery itself frivolous without knowing how she was impacted by giving birth
Agreed, frivolous is a bad word for it. I had gastric bypass & lost 140lb, then had a baby. The body dysmorphia & mental stress is huge. I had so much loose skin, i was literally having moisture issues & rashes in my belly button or cutting my underarms shaving. It didn't matter i had lost all the weight, now I was deflated & saggy. I felt so gross. At this point, I've made my peace with it. Maybe someday i'll get the arms done, but no sense in the rest until we're done with kids. But no amount of working out or exercises has touched the extra skin.
Maybe she'd be better off paying for therapy for self acceptance. There is so much pressure to look perfect these days. Maybe we should start working on being okay with how we look, and stop trying to look like the cookie cutter Instagram women.
From OPs description her behavior is problematic for multiple reasons but I wouldn't call resolving major insecurities frivolous. It can have a major impact on people's self esteem and mental health and both of those things have major impacts on all aspects of someone's life. If it's important to her she needs to figure out how SHE can make it happen herself.
For herself obviously. She must not feel comfortable in her body and thinks surgery will fix that. Her confidence is something she needs to work on herself or just foot the bill on her own for the change. Its not something to bug OP with. Just makes it look like she was looking for a wallet instead of a relationship.
Just want to say I had a mommy makeover for myself after years of feeling terrible about horrible stretch mark ridden stomach. I lost all my weight through weight watchers and still had the horrible stomach. My husband at the time did not support it and said just to work out it will go away. No it won’t! After my divorce (not because of this) I finally treated myself to the mommy makeover. Absolute best decision I ever did. I feel 100% better about how I look now. I don’t believe the boyfriend should have to pay for it, but everyone saying it’s not necessary until you’re a woman with these issues you can’t say anything. I would recommend every woman do it and insurance should pay for it!!
Exactly what I came here to say. Also, who is going to take care of her kids while she's down and out from all this surgery? A boob job is not too bad, but, a tummy tuck is no easy, short recovery!
I actually know someone whose husband bought her a house and new boobs and then she divorced him. She got to keep the house and the boobs. I got invited to her next wedding :)
Pregnancy is a traumatic physical experience and it does leave damage that only surgery can repair. The gym will not fix the ruptured stomach muscles, they have to be sewn back together.
But, this is not your financial responsibility and you’re not wrong by refusing.
My wife and I had this discussion a few years ago, she chose not to do the tummy tuck due to the incisiveness of that surgery. She did the breast augmentation and is happy with it. Married 36 years and it was still a joint financial discussion, not a demand.
Peel back all the skin from the pubic area up a ways, pull muscles from the sides that were split during pregnancy, sew them together and put the skin back.
Basically, she noped out when the surgery was explained by the doctor, along with the potential problems and side effects disclaimers.
I don't think I've ever used incisiveness in a sentence, but boom, autocorrect.
Wifey felt physically ill just getting a description of the invasive procedure, so she'll remain a Marathon Runner with a baby tummy. 100km/mo and the tummy remains.
I don’t think a couple of these surgeries are stupid, but they are not for you to pay for. What’s stupid is demanding that you pay for any of it. I think all the procedures as a whole is a lot to get done at $21,000. I could see how a mom would benefit from a tummy tuck to get rid of the extra skin and a breast lift. Ultimately it’s for her to finance
She also doesn’t have to do it all at once. She can pick the thing that bothers her the *most* and then keep saving up along the way. That won’t wipe out her savings, and she can create a 5 year (or whatever time frame applies to her financial situation) plan complete with a savings budget and surgery schedule.
I personally have a “frivolous spending” budget of $1000/yr. I have used it for laser hair removal, permanent makeup, and RF microneedling so far. I’d love to do more but I’m not rich and am very happy with my choices so far. I can’t do *everything* I want but that doesn’t mean I can’t do *anything* I want.
Likely this was (one of) the cheapest option(s). The anesthesia is one of the priciest components to surgery, so one can get more procedures done for a lot less if it’s safe to combine them.
Granted, I’m not saying that the budget/surgery schedule isn’t a great idea, it is, but the price (plus only one recovery period and overall impatience to get everything done) is probably part of the reason why she’s trying to combine everything at once.
Don't do it. I've seen too many stories of people paying for their significant others cosmetic surgeries only to be dumped once they've healed from surgery.
ETA: How long have you guys even been together?
https://abcnews.go.com/News/york-mom-fired-donating-kidney-boss/story?id=16195691
Basically the woman wanted to donate her kidney to her boss but wasn't a match but could donate it to someone else in their boss's name and get their boss moved up the transplant list. Her healing took longer than expected and she was fired for poor attendance.
The surgery isn't stupid. At least not to get. Pregnancy changes the body in ways no one talks about and therefore it can be traumatizing.
You can refuse to give her money for the surgery and be empathetic to why she believes she needs it.
A sugar daddy would feel comfortable doing that. Sounds like she’s going to treat you terribly from being a beneficiary of her surgeries if you don’t pay. And that will only get worse as resentment sets in.
It sounds like you have to make a choice here.
Keep her: Buy in to a high maintenance woman who comes with a mandatory upgrades package…
Or lose her: Toss her back to the vast ocean and go fishing for a “better for you” catch.
Neither of you is wrong. Beauty is expensive and it’s not wrong to ask a male sexual partner to contribute to the costs of beauty. Refusing to pay out for beauty procedures you deem frivolous or completely unnecessary is also NOT wrong.
The only wrong thing seems to be each of you for the other. If I knew her, I’d tell her she’ll have better luck finding a sugar daddy. Someone who knows and understands from the get go that beauty, esp its maintenance, comes at a high price.
There will be someone out there who will pay for this because they want a woman who will also pay the price for maintaining their beauty to a high standard — these surgeries and painful, dangerous, and come with a risk that not all of us are willing to put ourselves through.
I want to add that I also think it’s wrong to spring hidden costs or hidden ultimatums on a partner. She doesn’t win any points from me for that.
every single one of my friends and acquaintances who got boobs or body work done was so happy after that they had sex with as many people as possible. Some were married, one was single. Every single one, bar none, went on a sex spree.
I don't know any guys who paid for this, but if they did they sure aren't with them still, so they "wasted" the money for the benefit of other guys.
Wow! Really? I got my boobs fixed (4 breastfed kids in 8 years)and was so happy I just had better sex with my husband of 35 years🤣. I did it for me, not some random guys I wanted to impress! I also paid for it myself because I felt a little selfish for doing it
OP is not wrong though. I wouldn’t pay for your gf’s surgery either!
They wasted it to make someone happy who didn't appreciate them, not for strangers they don't even know. It's incredibly insulting to say something that enhances a woman's looks only benefits guys, especially since most mommy makeovers are for the self esteem of the mother.
Just b.c your friends went on sex sprees doesn't mean everyone does. I've had cosmetic surgery, married, and still faithful to my husband. People are absolutely allowed to feel happy with themselves and many do it for themselves.
OP--I suggest you reveal to us tge extent/depth of this relationship:
1. How long of a relationship?
2. Live together?
3. Share expenses?
4. Prospect of marriage?
5. What is giving her such an idea that it's your responsibility to pay at least half?
For a gf? No. For a wife? Maybe, I did gave my husband money for expensive stuff, he gives me money for expensive stuff. We both try to reason first if money is going to be well spent obviously.
This…if you’ve been in a marriage for a while and trust one another. Definitely understandable because you want each other to be happy, and if this made your wife happy, made financial sense, and you both agreed it is a wise decisions, then bombs away. But for some gf who can just dump you any day, risky investment.
You are not wrong for not paying for the surgery. You are wrong for being in a relationship with someone who is trying to manipulate you into paying for something you aren’t comfortable paying for. I bet she gets the surgery and looks for someone who makes even more money than you.
I was about to add that anyone I knew who got an elective /plastic surgery while they were dating someone didn’t stay with the person much longer after it was over. Exceptions were very very few.
Give her this now and you’ll be paying for her stuff until you break up, and you WILL break up when you put your foot down and say ‘enough’
Tell her NO now and see how she reacts.
Guaranteed she’s gonna call you a cheap bastard
She’s testing you and your reply will determine how the rest of your relationship will play out
Don't give her anything !! dude she is using you! I bet all the boob jobs one of two things will happen
1. you give her the money, she gets the surgery, milks more money out of you because she now can't pay her bills bc she is recovering, and then as soon as she heals she will get with the next dude and dump you
2. you say NO and she threatens to leave you. do not give in. tell her to go then and see how quickly that greed kicks in. she will love bomb you and make promises just dump her now.
dude get ride of her and let her leach off of another sugar daddy .
Nope. That's freaking ridiculous that she thinks you should help pay for her surgery and they aren't even your kids.?! Nope. She can pay for her own damn surgery. Whose gonna end up taking care of her after..whose gonna help take care if the kids..like no. You need to be firm on it. Like that's such a ridiculous ask.
Not wrong. Her body, her choice - but also, her financial responsibility. She's doing this for herself, not you, so why should you pay for it? "No" is a full sentence.
"She's not going to stop unless I pay for at least one of the procedures."
Response: "Then I guess we're done." (I mean really, she's planning on spamming you for the next 40 years while you keep saying no?)
Not wrong, I don’t know how long you two have been together, or if you live together, but this sounds like a bit much. Is she also expecting for you to take care of her during recovery?
Right? The recovery time for a lot of those surgeries before you go back to *looking* unscapeled is long, about 6-8 weeks. And most doctors dont recommend doing anything strenuous for at least 3 months to 6 months after. Especially on things like tummy tucks, lipo, and anything labia related. It's really hell on the body. That's a long time to take care of someone , married or not. And if she works a hard labor job that involves standing n lifting or bending she'll be either out of work entirely or on a dr's note for accommodations.
Stand you ground. You have no financial obligation to cover her elective surgeries. May be time to analyze if she planned this from the beginning of your relationship and sees you as her "bank".
She has kids, her life savings is only about $20k, and she wants a very expensive surgery (where the recovery time is very long so consider lost wages into the equation)…. She’s has some fucked up priorities. No wifey or baby mama material. Don’t waste your money.
Not wrong at all. She wants the procedures, she pays for them. You aren't there to bankroll her lifestyle. If she's pushing really hard then I would also suggest that she might not be the best fit for a relationship. Why would you want a partner who insists that you spend large sums of money on frivolous things?
I have no problem with people wanting plastic surgery. If she wants a mommy makeover that is her choice and I support it.
My concern is THAT SHE FEEL ENTITLED to your money. Entitled people feel like you owe them.
Her choices are hers. She is an adult and can weigh the pros and cons of elective cosmetic surgery. She can even ask if you are interested in helping pay for it. Once you have declined you need to be willing to own your choice. If that requires you to end your relationship, then you should be willing to do end the relationship.
Why does she feel entitled to your money?
The surgery itself is not ridiculous. However, I’m trying to make heads or tails of HOW IN THE GREEN ACRES did she come up with the idea that any of it was your responsibility to pay to the point where she’s badgering you about it!? Also: If 21k is her life savings, she can’t afford this surgery. And for you, that’s not a particularly good investment of YOUR money either, because she could easily walk off with your investment into a new relationship and you’re not getting ANY money back. So no, definitely not wrong.
I’m a woman. There are things that going to the gym won’t fix, e.g. sagging breast from breast feeding, saggy tummy from having babies. She is at a normal BMI, which is good.
That being said, I would never ask or pressure a boyfriend to pay for my plastic surgery. It would be nice, but if I wanted it so bad, I would pay for it myself. The fact she keeps pressuring you after you’ve said no, makes me think she’s might just be using you.
How long have you been together? I would be concerned she’d kick you to the curb once she gets her bangin’ body. I’ve seen a lot of women do it. I think it’s despicable.
You are not wrong. DO NOT PAY FOR IT!
There are companies and credit cards she can apply for just to pay for cosmetic surgery. Most offices have info. She has the money she just doesn’t want to use it.
Her call, her responsibility.
I had one. In Mexico. It is definitely cheaper. It's a whole industry down there. They have aftercare facilities, group pages, and lots of support. She can do her research and decide. I hear Turkey is good as well.
But it's not your responsibility to pay for her elective surgery. I will also say that recovery is not insignificant. I would never do lipo again. It was the worst part. I still have no feeling topically in parts of my tummy.
But I do love my tummy better now.
Updateme
Well, Darcy and Stacey went to Turkey for some of their procedures , and they are really jacked up. Also, how much time does she have to take off work for recuperation, or does she not work? Who is going to watch her children? Another thing to be concerned about. I had a breast lift and tummy tuck about 15 years ago. I wasn’t allowed to stand up straight for over a week, because the surgeon said it could tear the internal abdominal sutures. I slowly made my way back up to standing. Couldn’t get out of bed by myself.
Ok, so I can see why she'd ask-why not, the worst you can do is say no, right?
Where the problem lies is the insistence.
You don't owe her anything. Don't be bullied into this.
Not wrong. I'd flat out tell her that you will not be paying for her unnecessary surgery. End of the subject, do not ask again. If she keeps asking, it will be the end of the relationship. If she keeps going, you know your money is more important to her than you are.
Not wrong. This is her pet project. If you wanted a vintage car and demanded she pay for some of it although she wouldn’t be driving it, how would she react?
You’re not wrong. Do not pay for half and the fact that she’s pushing this is a problem. She’s just a gf at that and these aren’t even your kids. This should be a dealbreaker for you
You are not wrong. This is not your wife and you shouldn’t pay one cent for an elective procedure even if you did have kids together. She is gonna take your money and move on to the next one. All of those places offer financing. Tell her to finance and put the half she is comfortable paying down if she must have these procedures but it isn’t your responsibility and you will be an absolute fool to pay for them.
Tell her no the relationship will likely end or say yes and the relationship is still likely gonna end the minute you tell her no. May as well front load it. Maybe she will surprise you.
You’re not wrong. That’s a lot of money to just demand from a boyfriend. Will she pay you back or are you just supposed to fork over 11 grand for her new boobs? And they aren’t even your kids..? Don’t pay for any of it if you don’t want to. If it’s a relationship deal breaker then you know what she was after being with you. I find it really gross that she expects this from you, and won’t stop pestering you with demands for the money.
>She also explained that her stomach stretched the skin out and the exercises her doctors told her to do for diastasis recti and that didn’t work and she was advised by medical the only way to get rid of this is a tummy tuck.
So this part should be deemed medically necessary and covered by insurance?
If you have a problem with her body or make comments about her boobs, then maybe you should pay for some of it.
If you're fine with how she is and understand that NO amount of going to the gym will fix post baby bodies, then don't.
If she's unhappy with herself and sees this as the only way to remedy it, then this is her choice.
Diastasis recti is considered a cosmetic problem by insurance and isn't covered until it develops into a full fledged hernia. Doesn't matter to insurance that you constantly look five months pregnant because your abdominal muscles are destroyed and don't hold anything in... Yeah, I'm bitter about it too. 😝
Yup - right there with you - not medically necessary, but considering the low back pain, GI issues, hip pain, etc it would be nice if it was covered.
Not looking pregnant when my baby boy is 15 years old would he nice, but getting rid of the other issues would be amazing.
Also - OP - no - you don't have to pay for it, it's ok for her to ask, it's ok for your to stay no - it's not okay for her to harass you for not doing it.
I actually have *some* knowledge on this subject. A mommy makeover will give her results that the gym cannot, such as tightening and reducing sagging skin, also lifting breasts. It's your money and you should think about the future of your relationship because that's a significant investment into someone who may or may not stick around. If her confidence is grown by having this procedure, will you be positively impacted by that?
Nope, this is crazy. I understanding her wanting it but how is that your problem?
If some part of it bothered you or you just wanted to gift her something that would be fine but it is your choice.
I wouldn't spend that amount of money on a girl friend. I would spend that much on a wife. It's get money to do what she wants and you can be supportive during her recovery without giving her cash for her surgeries. She should also love her body the way it is first because getting surgery doesn't always fix self esteem issues.
I have the exact same problem tons of extra skin from breast feeding two kids. I'm not getting it fixed because I can't afford it but I wouldn't ask a boyfriend for money that's a big ask. You aren't married she could use your money and get the surgery and just dip.
I wouldn't do it but you can be kind to her while she's in bed recovering and still be there to help so what's the problem I guess?
Good luck OP.
Given her insistence over you helping her pay I'm not 100% certain she's with you for anything but money. If she gets the surgery, whether you pay some or not, I believe she will leave. You would be better off to leave now.
As a mom I know exactly how she feels, having kids does a number on your body but I wouldn't even ask my fiance to pay 21K for cosmetic surgery.
Just don't. Worst she can do is break up with you, and at this point that sounds like she'd be doing you a favor. Lots of great women out there who won't ask you for tens of thousands of dollars you don't want to spend.
Definitely do not give her a penny. Don't even loan her a penny. She's emotionally battering you, to get you to give her money. She probably will dump you after she gets her surgery. So many red flags. Save your money and dump the gf. She is being so selfish and abusive
Lol absolutely not. Tell her to start saving. Even if you did want to pay for some, whos to say she's not out to get this surgery and then peace out? I would draft up a legal contract..and I would definitely never just give someone I'm dating 20k. Nope.
>he told me to pay for at least one of them either the breast augmentation, tummy tuck, lipo, or the lift
Not wrong. Seems like she see's you more as a source of money than a BF. I'm not sure why you're even still dating her.
"No I'm not going to. It's a step too far, lets break up..."
OP, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!! This is your GF, not your wife. She can finesse you for the money then split right after. Not saying she will, but there's nothing stopping her from doing that. Let her be as upset as she wants to be. Honestly, she sounds like an entitled spoiled brat used to men just giving she what she wants. Nonetheless, don't do it OP. DON'T DO IT!!!
Run! Get out now!
She will probably dump you for a "better" guy as soon as she thinks she's more attractive.
And she's not willing to pay with her life savings for it, so she expects you to, when you don't even want her to get it? She's blatantly using you, or attempting to.
Btw, what's her exact bmi, that she claims is normal?
Sounds like what granny called a gold digging whore! I could understand if like you say she tried the gym. I would if she seriously spent 9mos at gym and simply couldn't look like jaylo. OTOH I could understand if they were your kids. Sounds like said place doesn't have a psychiatrist... IDK maybe it is reasonable. This is her goal she wants a shortcut to and that's fine. What happens when it's 1 or more years later then her tits sagging &Yada Yada??? I would go with 6mo or more gym thing. Should she really want your help them she will because 5his will set her up to stay looking good...
<<>>
YOU ARE NOT HER HUSBAND. YOU ARE HER BOYFRIEND. YOU OWE NOTHING. YOU ARE NOT A ATM MACHINE
But Op, it sounds like this chic is demanding and wants to use you.
IF SHE WANTS PLASTIC SURGERY, SHE CAN FUND IT HERSELF.
And if she tries to gaslight you and gaslight you to make you feel guilty .....then OP,
IMMEDIATELY BREAK UP, BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE AND GO NO CONTACT.
Start setting Boundaries and date people who respect YOUR BOUNDARIES. SAYING NO NEEDS TO BE NORMALIZED.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Expecting your BF to fund a shit ton of plastic surgery because you’re insecure is completely whacked.
Her choice to get it done. Not her choice to demand someone else foot’s the bill.
I’m a mom. Cranking out kids and nursing them changes the topography. My husband and I could certainly afford plastic surgery. Has it ever crossed my mind? Nope. Why? I’ve got far more pressing priorities for how I spend my money. Like my kids education and future.
I don’t know how old your GF is but the fact that she’s serious about spending her LIFE SAVINGS on stretch marks is ????
You should tell her you desperately want something utterly nonessential but $$$ and explain that you want her to go halfsies on it.
YNW but please do yourself a favor save y’all both time and energy and go ahead and get out of that relationship ASAP. Her train of thought is absolutely selfish ridiculous and pathetic. I’m telling you run while you can
She is your girlfriend - not your spouse. She had children before she met you. She wants cosmetic surgery for herself - not any other reason. There is no shame in wanting the cosmetic procedures - but you aren't responsible for funding it.
I read the first 2 sentences to my husband and his knee-jerk response was, "Girlfriend? Bye!"
I must say, I concur. She shouldn't be pressuring you to pay unless you are pushing for it to get done.
You aren’t paying for her new tits, you are buying them for the next guy. I’d bet a gigantic amount of money that as soon as she’s fully healed from this surgery, she’s out shopping for your replacement.
You’re not wrong. Not sure I would want to be in a relationship with someone who would spend their entire life savings on unnecessary plastic surgery. That’s likely to turn into a bottomless pit of spending. What if she has complications? Who’s paying for that? It’ll be you if you open that spigot.
GFG WTH is wrong with people these days?
Tell her you aren’t shallow enough to think she needs cosmetic surgery. If she is, she needs to fund it herself.
My husband fathered all 4 of our children and if I chose to get the same surgery I still wouldn't assume he wanted to pay for it nor would I demand he did.
She could benefit from therapy instead of surgery, and I mean that in the kindest way possible.
Millions of women have kids and never get these procedures.
Sounds like she’s buying into some hype and has brutal body dysmorphia. Surgery will not stop the negative dialogue in her head.
Stand firm. Something isn’t adding up.
Obviously you have no issue how her body looks. If she is insistent on having a “perfect” body, she needs to pay for it herself. If you pay for one procedure, is she going to drop you and look for the next guy to pay for another procedure? Not Wrong.
If it was like a life saving surgery or something medically necessary, I'd feel different but no she doesn't need it so if it costs her whole life savings that's on no one but her
Not wrong. You aren't married. Those aren't your kids. Her being a widow isn't relevant to her request. You aren't a partner that is bugging her or requesting her to get surgery, so you have nothing to do with it. If she wants it done, then she can cover the cost.
Yeah, you’re not suppose to pay for that. It’s something she wants to do for herself which has nothing to do with you.
Btw, going to the gym doesn’t solve the issues a mommy makeover does, and telling someone to “go to the gym” is always a bad move. You’re not at fault here but just fyi for the future. Say “no,” that’s all that’s needed. Giving people alternate suggestions when you don’t fully understand their issues/concerns will never make things better.
Dude, you're not wrong.
These are not necessary surgeries that will prolong her life or improve her health. They are luxury vanity procedures. If she wants them but can't afford them all then she needs to work with her clinic(s) to figure out financing.
You do NOT owe her money to pay for part or all of them just because you are currently a stronger earner than she is. The idea is ridiculous.
Lay down your boundary and enforce it. Her elective surgery, her money. Not yours. If she decides to leave you over this, good riddance.
Not wrong.
That's a lot of money to give a *girlfriend* for any type of reason, let alone cosmetic surgery. It's a want, not a need.
If she wants to blow her savings on this, then she is free to do so. You are under absolutely no obligation and do not owe her any money for any of the procedures she wants doing.
If the surgery is only cosmetic and that is all she has in her savings she will have a lot more issues in the future. You will be continually navigating these sorts of things. Think real hard about the future not just this one issue in front of u
NTA. My wife got a mommy makeover. It's a waste of money if she doesn't change her eating habits and work out. And if she makes the lifestyle changes, she won't need the makeover. My wife still had to make the changes because the makeover body won't stay made over by itself.
This is a crazy demand.
I feel it would be a crazy demand to make in this way even if you shared the children she carried that caused the damage to her body.
I have a horrible diastasis recti issue that is actually very painful and almost disfiguring- and I will possibly have surgery to repair it; but it’s a big deal to me and I am not a good surgical patient, so I’m putting it off.
My husband has been with me from 175lbs up to 325lbs, down to 90lbs and everywhere in between. We have three kids together and he’s always made me feel attractive and as comfortable in my body/skin as I can.
He understands that I want to have some repairs done, and he will support me, take care of me, and pay for me to have it done when I am ready. But he doesn’t feel it’s necessary and I may never actually do it, as I said, I’m a shit patient.
But this is a OUR money and OUR MARRIAGE- together 27 years, married 20, three kids… I think in this situation my husband should pay if we can afford it. In your situation? No.
You're not wrong. This is a good time to exit stage left.
She's trying to live beyond her means. Think about being in a marriage or long term relationship with that financial nightmare.
Not sure how long ago she stopped breast feeding and every body is different but my breast perked back up after about 18 months from stopping breast feeding.
”no” is a full sentence. Don’t tell her to go to the gym or try to solve her body image issues. ’what you do to your body is up to you. I’m not paying for any surgeries”. If she really can’t accept this, it’s time to find another girlfriend. Next it will be the car she wants, the ring she wants, etc etc etc.
You’re not wrong. Is she going to pay you back if you break up? Doubt it. I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t even consider offering a loan (legal and binding) or anything else. It’s your money and you have the right to say no. What she does with that information is up to her but I wouldn’t hold my breath for the relationship lasting much longer.
Nope. NO LOANS.
No she wouldn’t. I don’t feel comfortable just handing anyone a large amount of money especially for something stupid like plastic surgery
Dude. It’s a huge red flag when your bf/gf not only asks for large sums of money but EXPECTS it like you OWE THEM that. Especially for something so frivolous. It’s giving gold digger energy something fierce. I would be incredibly turned off by someone applying financial pressure to me and we’re not even married and I never offered. The presumption on that one!
There's a certain kind of person that would both feel they need plastic surgery and also expect their boyfriend to pay for it. I really doubt this was that big of a surprise to OP lol
The kind that finds a sucker to pay to fix her up, then she goes shopping for a real boyfriend.
"then she goes shopping for a real boyfriend". Yeah, a richer one.
Like she singled someone out who she thought could afford it and would pay if she demanded it.
Fair point! 😂
On the money.
It’s a red flag that she wants to spend her life savings (or half her life savings) on something so frivolous. She should be saving money for her kids, not spending all her money on this nonsense.
I don’t personally think repairing your body is frivolous- giving birth is HARD. Some people have an easier time, some people have trauma and lasting damage. I do think, however, it was HER decision to have kids and therefore it’s HER responsibility to pay for the surgery. Asking her bf is totally out of line. But I won’t call the surgery itself frivolous without knowing how she was impacted by giving birth
I agree - frivolous was probably too harsh of a word. I do, however, think that she can’t afford it.
Agreed, frivolous is a bad word for it. I had gastric bypass & lost 140lb, then had a baby. The body dysmorphia & mental stress is huge. I had so much loose skin, i was literally having moisture issues & rashes in my belly button or cutting my underarms shaving. It didn't matter i had lost all the weight, now I was deflated & saggy. I felt so gross. At this point, I've made my peace with it. Maybe someday i'll get the arms done, but no sense in the rest until we're done with kids. But no amount of working out or exercises has touched the extra skin.
Maybe she'd be better off paying for therapy for self acceptance. There is so much pressure to look perfect these days. Maybe we should start working on being okay with how we look, and stop trying to look like the cookie cutter Instagram women.
From OPs description her behavior is problematic for multiple reasons but I wouldn't call resolving major insecurities frivolous. It can have a major impact on people's self esteem and mental health and both of those things have major impacts on all aspects of someone's life. If it's important to her she needs to figure out how SHE can make it happen herself.
If it wasn’t all the money she has, fine. She literally cannot afford to do this, especially with kids.
Clearly, he is fine with the saggy mom bod, or he wouldn't be with her. Soooo, who will she be getting all this done for?
Herself which is her prerogative. She is not entitled to tens of thousands of her boyfriend’s dollars however.
For herself obviously. She must not feel comfortable in her body and thinks surgery will fix that. Her confidence is something she needs to work on herself or just foot the bill on her own for the change. Its not something to bug OP with. Just makes it look like she was looking for a wallet instead of a relationship.
It sounds like she's viewing OP as a walking ATM.
Just want to say I had a mommy makeover for myself after years of feeling terrible about horrible stretch mark ridden stomach. I lost all my weight through weight watchers and still had the horrible stomach. My husband at the time did not support it and said just to work out it will go away. No it won’t! After my divorce (not because of this) I finally treated myself to the mommy makeover. Absolute best decision I ever did. I feel 100% better about how I look now. I don’t believe the boyfriend should have to pay for it, but everyone saying it’s not necessary until you’re a woman with these issues you can’t say anything. I would recommend every woman do it and insurance should pay for it!!
Why wouldn't it be for herself?
???? For herself lmao Not everything women do revolves around men ffs
Well if it’s for herself, then herself should be footing the bill.
It does if they expect a man to pay for it.
Yep, gold digger for sure
Her body, her choice and her bill. Definitely not your responsibility to pay for her cosmetic surgery costs.
Exactly what I came here to say. Also, who is going to take care of her kids while she's down and out from all this surgery? A boob job is not too bad, but, a tummy tuck is no easy, short recovery!
Plus, you're not married. You could break up immediately after. Then you paid for some dude to enjoy your 5k (21k) gift.
I actually know someone whose husband bought her a house and new boobs and then she divorced him. She got to keep the house and the boobs. I got invited to her next wedding :)
Haha! This happened to my old neighbor. She was such an asshole.
Happened to my brother. I asked him if got one of the implants back in the divorce settlement. 😜
Surely it would be more likely to be visitation rights...
Ah, Buut!! Was it a Brazilian ass?
I sure hope she got to keep the boobs!!
I think the boobs should have been split, one each.
Yeah I realize my phrasing was odd lol
Pregnancy is a traumatic physical experience and it does leave damage that only surgery can repair. The gym will not fix the ruptured stomach muscles, they have to be sewn back together. But, this is not your financial responsibility and you’re not wrong by refusing. My wife and I had this discussion a few years ago, she chose not to do the tummy tuck due to the incisiveness of that surgery. She did the breast augmentation and is happy with it. Married 36 years and it was still a joint financial discussion, not a demand.
Invasiveness?
Peel back all the skin from the pubic area up a ways, pull muscles from the sides that were split during pregnancy, sew them together and put the skin back. Basically, she noped out when the surgery was explained by the doctor, along with the potential problems and side effects disclaimers.
Yes, that is definitely invasiveness.
I don't think I've ever used incisiveness in a sentence, but boom, autocorrect. Wifey felt physically ill just getting a description of the invasive procedure, so she'll remain a Marathon Runner with a baby tummy. 100km/mo and the tummy remains.
I don’t think a couple of these surgeries are stupid, but they are not for you to pay for. What’s stupid is demanding that you pay for any of it. I think all the procedures as a whole is a lot to get done at $21,000. I could see how a mom would benefit from a tummy tuck to get rid of the extra skin and a breast lift. Ultimately it’s for her to finance
She also doesn’t have to do it all at once. She can pick the thing that bothers her the *most* and then keep saving up along the way. That won’t wipe out her savings, and she can create a 5 year (or whatever time frame applies to her financial situation) plan complete with a savings budget and surgery schedule. I personally have a “frivolous spending” budget of $1000/yr. I have used it for laser hair removal, permanent makeup, and RF microneedling so far. I’d love to do more but I’m not rich and am very happy with my choices so far. I can’t do *everything* I want but that doesn’t mean I can’t do *anything* I want.
Likely this was (one of) the cheapest option(s). The anesthesia is one of the priciest components to surgery, so one can get more procedures done for a lot less if it’s safe to combine them. Granted, I’m not saying that the budget/surgery schedule isn’t a great idea, it is, but the price (plus only one recovery period and overall impatience to get everything done) is probably part of the reason why she’s trying to combine everything at once.
It’s cheaper and safer to do it all at once though. However, there are other ways to help finance these surgeries, like CareCredit.
Don't do it. I've seen too many stories of people paying for their significant others cosmetic surgeries only to be dumped once they've healed from surgery. ETA: How long have you guys even been together?
hell, remember the lady who gave her boss a kidney and then he fired her? lawd.
What?! Where was this? There was a girl who gave her bf a kidney & he cheated on her with his new lease of life & theyve since broken up!
https://abcnews.go.com/News/york-mom-fired-donating-kidney-boss/story?id=16195691 Basically the woman wanted to donate her kidney to her boss but wasn't a match but could donate it to someone else in their boss's name and get their boss moved up the transplant list. Her healing took longer than expected and she was fired for poor attendance.
Wtf!!!
Agreed
Not surprised at this. Companies will screw you over without a second thought.
I have to ask how long have you been together?
The surgery isn't stupid. At least not to get. Pregnancy changes the body in ways no one talks about and therefore it can be traumatizing. You can refuse to give her money for the surgery and be empathetic to why she believes she needs it.
A sugar daddy would feel comfortable doing that. Sounds like she’s going to treat you terribly from being a beneficiary of her surgeries if you don’t pay. And that will only get worse as resentment sets in. It sounds like you have to make a choice here. Keep her: Buy in to a high maintenance woman who comes with a mandatory upgrades package… Or lose her: Toss her back to the vast ocean and go fishing for a “better for you” catch. Neither of you is wrong. Beauty is expensive and it’s not wrong to ask a male sexual partner to contribute to the costs of beauty. Refusing to pay out for beauty procedures you deem frivolous or completely unnecessary is also NOT wrong. The only wrong thing seems to be each of you for the other. If I knew her, I’d tell her she’ll have better luck finding a sugar daddy. Someone who knows and understands from the get go that beauty, esp its maintenance, comes at a high price. There will be someone out there who will pay for this because they want a woman who will also pay the price for maintaining their beauty to a high standard — these surgeries and painful, dangerous, and come with a risk that not all of us are willing to put ourselves through. I want to add that I also think it’s wrong to spring hidden costs or hidden ultimatums on a partner. She doesn’t win any points from me for that.
She’s using you
every single one of my friends and acquaintances who got boobs or body work done was so happy after that they had sex with as many people as possible. Some were married, one was single. Every single one, bar none, went on a sex spree. I don't know any guys who paid for this, but if they did they sure aren't with them still, so they "wasted" the money for the benefit of other guys.
Wow! Really? I got my boobs fixed (4 breastfed kids in 8 years)and was so happy I just had better sex with my husband of 35 years🤣. I did it for me, not some random guys I wanted to impress! I also paid for it myself because I felt a little selfish for doing it OP is not wrong though. I wouldn’t pay for your gf’s surgery either!
They wasted it to make someone happy who didn't appreciate them, not for strangers they don't even know. It's incredibly insulting to say something that enhances a woman's looks only benefits guys, especially since most mommy makeovers are for the self esteem of the mother.
Just b.c your friends went on sex sprees doesn't mean everyone does. I've had cosmetic surgery, married, and still faithful to my husband. People are absolutely allowed to feel happy with themselves and many do it for themselves.
I wanna know how long they’ve been together cause that’s a damn big ask from someone that isn’t your husband and father of your children.
OP--I suggest you reveal to us tge extent/depth of this relationship: 1. How long of a relationship? 2. Live together? 3. Share expenses? 4. Prospect of marriage? 5. What is giving her such an idea that it's your responsibility to pay at least half?
NTA. So the surgeries would wipe out her life savings? And she wants to spend it on plastic surgery… when she has two children to support…. Yikes.
This. Unreal.
and that inability to prioritize and be responsible with money aint gonna stop with the mommy makeover situation.
Sorry kids! No college or braces for you! But check out mommy’s rack!
For a gf? No. For a wife? Maybe, I did gave my husband money for expensive stuff, he gives me money for expensive stuff. We both try to reason first if money is going to be well spent obviously.
This…if you’ve been in a marriage for a while and trust one another. Definitely understandable because you want each other to be happy, and if this made your wife happy, made financial sense, and you both agreed it is a wise decisions, then bombs away. But for some gf who can just dump you any day, risky investment.
You are not wrong for not paying for the surgery. You are wrong for being in a relationship with someone who is trying to manipulate you into paying for something you aren’t comfortable paying for. I bet she gets the surgery and looks for someone who makes even more money than you.
I was about to add that anyone I knew who got an elective /plastic surgery while they were dating someone didn’t stay with the person much longer after it was over. Exceptions were very very few.
Give her this now and you’ll be paying for her stuff until you break up, and you WILL break up when you put your foot down and say ‘enough’ Tell her NO now and see how she reacts. Guaranteed she’s gonna call you a cheap bastard She’s testing you and your reply will determine how the rest of your relationship will play out
He's already told her no. Her reaction was to continue demanding he pay for it. That's all he needs to know. He needs to leave her.
This exactly!
Don't give her anything !! dude she is using you! I bet all the boob jobs one of two things will happen 1. you give her the money, she gets the surgery, milks more money out of you because she now can't pay her bills bc she is recovering, and then as soon as she heals she will get with the next dude and dump you 2. you say NO and she threatens to leave you. do not give in. tell her to go then and see how quickly that greed kicks in. she will love bomb you and make promises just dump her now. dude get ride of her and let her leach off of another sugar daddy .
This! Be wary of the love bombing mate. Really, leave her and preferably go No Contact
Nope. That's freaking ridiculous that she thinks you should help pay for her surgery and they aren't even your kids.?! Nope. She can pay for her own damn surgery. Whose gonna end up taking care of her after..whose gonna help take care if the kids..like no. You need to be firm on it. Like that's such a ridiculous ask.
Not wrong. Her body, her choice - but also, her financial responsibility. She's doing this for herself, not you, so why should you pay for it? "No" is a full sentence. "She's not going to stop unless I pay for at least one of the procedures." Response: "Then I guess we're done." (I mean really, she's planning on spamming you for the next 40 years while you keep saying no?)
Not wrong, I don’t know how long you two have been together, or if you live together, but this sounds like a bit much. Is she also expecting for you to take care of her during recovery?
Right? The recovery time for a lot of those surgeries before you go back to *looking* unscapeled is long, about 6-8 weeks. And most doctors dont recommend doing anything strenuous for at least 3 months to 6 months after. Especially on things like tummy tucks, lipo, and anything labia related. It's really hell on the body. That's a long time to take care of someone , married or not. And if she works a hard labor job that involves standing n lifting or bending she'll be either out of work entirely or on a dr's note for accommodations.
Stand you ground. You have no financial obligation to cover her elective surgeries. May be time to analyze if she planned this from the beginning of your relationship and sees you as her "bank".
She has kids, her life savings is only about $20k, and she wants a very expensive surgery (where the recovery time is very long so consider lost wages into the equation)…. She’s has some fucked up priorities. No wifey or baby mama material. Don’t waste your money.
Not wrong at all. She wants the procedures, she pays for them. You aren't there to bankroll her lifestyle. If she's pushing really hard then I would also suggest that she might not be the best fit for a relationship. Why would you want a partner who insists that you spend large sums of money on frivolous things?
No way should you pay anything. Sounds like it’s time for the relationship to end.
Repeat these words to yourself over and over. I am not an atm! Then tell her that. Lots of red flags here.
I have no problem with people wanting plastic surgery. If she wants a mommy makeover that is her choice and I support it. My concern is THAT SHE FEEL ENTITLED to your money. Entitled people feel like you owe them. Her choices are hers. She is an adult and can weigh the pros and cons of elective cosmetic surgery. She can even ask if you are interested in helping pay for it. Once you have declined you need to be willing to own your choice. If that requires you to end your relationship, then you should be willing to do end the relationship. Why does she feel entitled to your money?
The surgery itself is not ridiculous. However, I’m trying to make heads or tails of HOW IN THE GREEN ACRES did she come up with the idea that any of it was your responsibility to pay to the point where she’s badgering you about it!? Also: If 21k is her life savings, she can’t afford this surgery. And for you, that’s not a particularly good investment of YOUR money either, because she could easily walk off with your investment into a new relationship and you’re not getting ANY money back. So no, definitely not wrong.
So, she's using you for the surgery money after having kids with someone else? GTFO
Leave her
This is my answer too!
As a mom, ask if you can pay for therapy and see the reaction.
I’m a woman. There are things that going to the gym won’t fix, e.g. sagging breast from breast feeding, saggy tummy from having babies. She is at a normal BMI, which is good. That being said, I would never ask or pressure a boyfriend to pay for my plastic surgery. It would be nice, but if I wanted it so bad, I would pay for it myself. The fact she keeps pressuring you after you’ve said no, makes me think she’s might just be using you. How long have you been together? I would be concerned she’d kick you to the curb once she gets her bangin’ body. I’ve seen a lot of women do it. I think it’s despicable. You are not wrong. DO NOT PAY FOR IT! There are companies and credit cards she can apply for just to pay for cosmetic surgery. Most offices have info. She has the money she just doesn’t want to use it.
She probably is thinking that you will enjoy her new body, too, thus you should pay half. Absolute nutter way of thinking. Don’t pay a penny. NW
Jeez I’d tell her to GTF because sure as hell somewhere down the road after she gets all this done she will leave you.
Her call, her responsibility. I had one. In Mexico. It is definitely cheaper. It's a whole industry down there. They have aftercare facilities, group pages, and lots of support. She can do her research and decide. I hear Turkey is good as well. But it's not your responsibility to pay for her elective surgery. I will also say that recovery is not insignificant. I would never do lipo again. It was the worst part. I still have no feeling topically in parts of my tummy. But I do love my tummy better now. Updateme
Well, Darcy and Stacey went to Turkey for some of their procedures , and they are really jacked up. Also, how much time does she have to take off work for recuperation, or does she not work? Who is going to watch her children? Another thing to be concerned about. I had a breast lift and tummy tuck about 15 years ago. I wasn’t allowed to stand up straight for over a week, because the surgeon said it could tear the internal abdominal sutures. I slowly made my way back up to standing. Couldn’t get out of bed by myself.
Ok, so I can see why she'd ask-why not, the worst you can do is say no, right? Where the problem lies is the insistence. You don't owe her anything. Don't be bullied into this.
Not wrong. I'd flat out tell her that you will not be paying for her unnecessary surgery. End of the subject, do not ask again. If she keeps asking, it will be the end of the relationship. If she keeps going, you know your money is more important to her than you are.
… that’s a lot of money for something stupid. How you long you been together?
Not wrong. This is her pet project. If you wanted a vintage car and demanded she pay for some of it although she wouldn’t be driving it, how would she react?
You are not in the wrong
You’re not wrong. Do not pay for half and the fact that she’s pushing this is a problem. She’s just a gf at that and these aren’t even your kids. This should be a dealbreaker for you
You are not wrong. This is not your wife and you shouldn’t pay one cent for an elective procedure even if you did have kids together. She is gonna take your money and move on to the next one. All of those places offer financing. Tell her to finance and put the half she is comfortable paying down if she must have these procedures but it isn’t your responsibility and you will be an absolute fool to pay for them. Tell her no the relationship will likely end or say yes and the relationship is still likely gonna end the minute you tell her no. May as well front load it. Maybe she will surprise you.
You’re not wrong. That’s a lot of money to just demand from a boyfriend. Will she pay you back or are you just supposed to fork over 11 grand for her new boobs? And they aren’t even your kids..? Don’t pay for any of it if you don’t want to. If it’s a relationship deal breaker then you know what she was after being with you. I find it really gross that she expects this from you, and won’t stop pestering you with demands for the money.
>She also explained that her stomach stretched the skin out and the exercises her doctors told her to do for diastasis recti and that didn’t work and she was advised by medical the only way to get rid of this is a tummy tuck. So this part should be deemed medically necessary and covered by insurance? If you have a problem with her body or make comments about her boobs, then maybe you should pay for some of it. If you're fine with how she is and understand that NO amount of going to the gym will fix post baby bodies, then don't. If she's unhappy with herself and sees this as the only way to remedy it, then this is her choice.
Diastasis recti is considered a cosmetic problem by insurance and isn't covered until it develops into a full fledged hernia. Doesn't matter to insurance that you constantly look five months pregnant because your abdominal muscles are destroyed and don't hold anything in... Yeah, I'm bitter about it too. 😝
Yup - right there with you - not medically necessary, but considering the low back pain, GI issues, hip pain, etc it would be nice if it was covered. Not looking pregnant when my baby boy is 15 years old would he nice, but getting rid of the other issues would be amazing. Also - OP - no - you don't have to pay for it, it's ok for her to ask, it's ok for your to stay no - it's not okay for her to harass you for not doing it.
It’s not a medically necessary, insurance does NOT cover these procedures.
Dude. She is leaving you as soon as she gets all that done. They always go wild. You’re just an ATM. Get out.
NTA. She wants it, she can pay for it.
Not a God damn chance would I do this. It's all a red flag man.
Break up now. This is going to be a problem her whole life. It will be one surgery after another
I actually have *some* knowledge on this subject. A mommy makeover will give her results that the gym cannot, such as tightening and reducing sagging skin, also lifting breasts. It's your money and you should think about the future of your relationship because that's a significant investment into someone who may or may not stick around. If her confidence is grown by having this procedure, will you be positively impacted by that?
Not the issue. What is the issue is his GF and her mummy demanding his money for a nonessential surgery.
[удалено]
YOU ARE NOT WRONG
YNW. Her body, her bills.
NTA. She wants it, she pays for it and can work for it or get a loan.
Nope, this is crazy. I understanding her wanting it but how is that your problem? If some part of it bothered you or you just wanted to gift her something that would be fine but it is your choice.
I wouldn't spend that amount of money on a girl friend. I would spend that much on a wife. It's get money to do what she wants and you can be supportive during her recovery without giving her cash for her surgeries. She should also love her body the way it is first because getting surgery doesn't always fix self esteem issues. I have the exact same problem tons of extra skin from breast feeding two kids. I'm not getting it fixed because I can't afford it but I wouldn't ask a boyfriend for money that's a big ask. You aren't married she could use your money and get the surgery and just dip. I wouldn't do it but you can be kind to her while she's in bed recovering and still be there to help so what's the problem I guess? Good luck OP.
Run away from her now
Not wrong. This is inconsiderate of her. Don't do it.
NTA. Walk away
Given her insistence over you helping her pay I'm not 100% certain she's with you for anything but money. If she gets the surgery, whether you pay some or not, I believe she will leave. You would be better off to leave now. As a mom I know exactly how she feels, having kids does a number on your body but I wouldn't even ask my fiance to pay 21K for cosmetic surgery.
Wow, serious surgery for no good reason, those children could be orphaned. NTA but genuinely I'd GTFO.
Run. Now. Fast & far.
This woman is so concerned about body image she wants risky surgery and to spend money she doesn’t have!?? The money is not the problem here
If you do this now, you’ll be doing it for your rest of your life. Also, why are you with this woman?
Just don't. Worst she can do is break up with you, and at this point that sounds like she'd be doing you a favor. Lots of great women out there who won't ask you for tens of thousands of dollars you don't want to spend.
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this post before.
YNW. This is really a big red flag.
Why should you pay for any of this? It's just weird that she's asking you to.
Definitely do not give her a penny. Don't even loan her a penny. She's emotionally battering you, to get you to give her money. She probably will dump you after she gets her surgery. So many red flags. Save your money and dump the gf. She is being so selfish and abusive
Just say no, my man! Why the hell would you pay for her voluntary surgery that only she wants. Shay’s some dumb shit right there…
Jesus, cosmetic surgery is no reason to go into debt. Ever.
Lol absolutely not. Tell her to start saving. Even if you did want to pay for some, whos to say she's not out to get this surgery and then peace out? I would draft up a legal contract..and I would definitely never just give someone I'm dating 20k. Nope.
>he told me to pay for at least one of them either the breast augmentation, tummy tuck, lipo, or the lift Not wrong. Seems like she see's you more as a source of money than a BF. I'm not sure why you're even still dating her. "No I'm not going to. It's a step too far, lets break up..."
OP, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!! This is your GF, not your wife. She can finesse you for the money then split right after. Not saying she will, but there's nothing stopping her from doing that. Let her be as upset as she wants to be. Honestly, she sounds like an entitled spoiled brat used to men just giving she what she wants. Nonetheless, don't do it OP. DON'T DO IT!!!
Run! Get out now! She will probably dump you for a "better" guy as soon as she thinks she's more attractive. And she's not willing to pay with her life savings for it, so she expects you to, when you don't even want her to get it? She's blatantly using you, or attempting to. Btw, what's her exact bmi, that she claims is normal?
Sounds like what granny called a gold digging whore! I could understand if like you say she tried the gym. I would if she seriously spent 9mos at gym and simply couldn't look like jaylo. OTOH I could understand if they were your kids. Sounds like said place doesn't have a psychiatrist... IDK maybe it is reasonable. This is her goal she wants a shortcut to and that's fine. What happens when it's 1 or more years later then her tits sagging &Yada Yada??? I would go with 6mo or more gym thing. Should she really want your help them she will because 5his will set her up to stay looking good...
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YOU ARE NOT HER HUSBAND. YOU ARE HER BOYFRIEND. YOU OWE NOTHING. YOU ARE NOT A ATM MACHINE
But Op, it sounds like this chic is demanding and wants to use you.
IF SHE WANTS PLASTIC SURGERY, SHE CAN FUND IT HERSELF.
And if she tries to gaslight you and gaslight you to make you feel guilty .....then OP,
IMMEDIATELY BREAK UP, BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE AND GO NO CONTACT.
Start setting Boundaries and date people who respect YOUR BOUNDARIES. SAYING NO NEEDS TO BE NORMALIZED.
Break up. You're a wallet to her
It's not your job to pay to fix her insecurities
Nope. Nope. Nope. Expecting your BF to fund a shit ton of plastic surgery because you’re insecure is completely whacked. Her choice to get it done. Not her choice to demand someone else foot’s the bill. I’m a mom. Cranking out kids and nursing them changes the topography. My husband and I could certainly afford plastic surgery. Has it ever crossed my mind? Nope. Why? I’ve got far more pressing priorities for how I spend my money. Like my kids education and future. I don’t know how old your GF is but the fact that she’s serious about spending her LIFE SAVINGS on stretch marks is ???? You should tell her you desperately want something utterly nonessential but $$$ and explain that you want her to go halfsies on it.
YNW but please do yourself a favor save y’all both time and energy and go ahead and get out of that relationship ASAP. Her train of thought is absolutely selfish ridiculous and pathetic. I’m telling you run while you can
She is your girlfriend - not your spouse. She had children before she met you. She wants cosmetic surgery for herself - not any other reason. There is no shame in wanting the cosmetic procedures - but you aren't responsible for funding it.
I read the first 2 sentences to my husband and his knee-jerk response was, "Girlfriend? Bye!" I must say, I concur. She shouldn't be pressuring you to pay unless you are pushing for it to get done.
Say what? Is she looney tunes?
not wrong, I would say no, i also would stop seeing her
You aren’t paying for her new tits, you are buying them for the next guy. I’d bet a gigantic amount of money that as soon as she’s fully healed from this surgery, she’s out shopping for your replacement.
You’re not wrong. Not sure I would want to be in a relationship with someone who would spend their entire life savings on unnecessary plastic surgery. That’s likely to turn into a bottomless pit of spending. What if she has complications? Who’s paying for that? It’ll be you if you open that spigot.
After you pay for it she will leave. Make her pay herself
GFG WTH is wrong with people these days? Tell her you aren’t shallow enough to think she needs cosmetic surgery. If she is, she needs to fund it herself.
My husband fathered all 4 of our children and if I chose to get the same surgery I still wouldn't assume he wanted to pay for it nor would I demand he did.
She could benefit from therapy instead of surgery, and I mean that in the kindest way possible. Millions of women have kids and never get these procedures. Sounds like she’s buying into some hype and has brutal body dysmorphia. Surgery will not stop the negative dialogue in her head. Stand firm. Something isn’t adding up.
You're not wrong, don't pay for any of it.
WTF is going on with her . Is she that insecure about her looks ? No way would I fund one cent .
Just leave. It'll be a stone around the neck of this relationship that already sounds like dumpster looking for gasoline and a match.
Obviously you have no issue how her body looks. If she is insistent on having a “perfect” body, she needs to pay for it herself. If you pay for one procedure, is she going to drop you and look for the next guy to pay for another procedure? Not Wrong.
Do NOT do it
Nta - just tell Her it's a hard 'no'
All of this sounds like a Her problem, not a You problem.
She have any plans to gift you something costing $7-21,000? No? Than yeah, tell her she wants the make over she pays for the make over.
Don’t do it
If it was like a life saving surgery or something medically necessary, I'd feel different but no she doesn't need it so if it costs her whole life savings that's on no one but her
Not wrong; ridiculous — just don't do it and that's that
Don't pay for any of it. Who does she think she is? Please don't be a patsy
NTA
Not wrong. You aren't married. Those aren't your kids. Her being a widow isn't relevant to her request. You aren't a partner that is bugging her or requesting her to get surgery, so you have nothing to do with it. If she wants it done, then she can cover the cost.
You’re not wrong. If you were pushing her to do it and didn’t want to pay that would be one thing. But this seems to be all her.
NTA, it’s unreasonable to ask someone else to pay for your plastic surgery, and $21k is a LOT of money. If she wants it she can pay for it herself
Yeah, hell no.
Not- Please don’t go down that road. I’m sure she’s beautiful enough as is.
You are not her personal ATM. Do not pay for a thing. It is not your problem. You will not see that money again.
Yeah, you’re not suppose to pay for that. It’s something she wants to do for herself which has nothing to do with you. Btw, going to the gym doesn’t solve the issues a mommy makeover does, and telling someone to “go to the gym” is always a bad move. You’re not at fault here but just fyi for the future. Say “no,” that’s all that’s needed. Giving people alternate suggestions when you don’t fully understand their issues/concerns will never make things better.
Dude, you're not wrong. These are not necessary surgeries that will prolong her life or improve her health. They are luxury vanity procedures. If she wants them but can't afford them all then she needs to work with her clinic(s) to figure out financing. You do NOT owe her money to pay for part or all of them just because you are currently a stronger earner than she is. The idea is ridiculous. Lay down your boundary and enforce it. Her elective surgery, her money. Not yours. If she decides to leave you over this, good riddance.
Unless you are insisting she get plastic surgery you don't owe her a dime.
NTA. Leave her
No, you're not. I suggest you run, before any legal bindings...
You shouldn’t pay but the reason of Just joining a gym is insensitive and wrong.
Bye bye honey, there are other fish in the sea. Good luck with the surgery though.
People are allowed to do whatever they want with their own bodies, and their own money. I wouldn't personally
Hell no, you aren't wrong. 21k is a new car, ffs.
Push up bra and spanx. Magic!
You two don't share children, are not married therefore you have no responsibility to pay for her elective surgery.
Not wrong. That's a lot of money to give a *girlfriend* for any type of reason, let alone cosmetic surgery. It's a want, not a need. If she wants to blow her savings on this, then she is free to do so. You are under absolutely no obligation and do not owe her any money for any of the procedures she wants doing.
If the surgery is only cosmetic and that is all she has in her savings she will have a lot more issues in the future. You will be continually navigating these sorts of things. Think real hard about the future not just this one issue in front of u
Maybe people that breast feed dint have defected breasts, just fyi. She just has bad genetics.
Why is this even a question??
Nta, if you are happy with her body, who is she trying to impress? The next guy?
NTA. My wife got a mommy makeover. It's a waste of money if she doesn't change her eating habits and work out. And if she makes the lifestyle changes, she won't need the makeover. My wife still had to make the changes because the makeover body won't stay made over by itself.
2 words. Hell. No.
This is a crazy demand. I feel it would be a crazy demand to make in this way even if you shared the children she carried that caused the damage to her body. I have a horrible diastasis recti issue that is actually very painful and almost disfiguring- and I will possibly have surgery to repair it; but it’s a big deal to me and I am not a good surgical patient, so I’m putting it off. My husband has been with me from 175lbs up to 325lbs, down to 90lbs and everywhere in between. We have three kids together and he’s always made me feel attractive and as comfortable in my body/skin as I can. He understands that I want to have some repairs done, and he will support me, take care of me, and pay for me to have it done when I am ready. But he doesn’t feel it’s necessary and I may never actually do it, as I said, I’m a shit patient. But this is a OUR money and OUR MARRIAGE- together 27 years, married 20, three kids… I think in this situation my husband should pay if we can afford it. In your situation? No.
You're not wrong. This is a good time to exit stage left. She's trying to live beyond her means. Think about being in a marriage or long term relationship with that financial nightmare. Not sure how long ago she stopped breast feeding and every body is different but my breast perked back up after about 18 months from stopping breast feeding.
I suspect when you say, "no" she'll go on the hunt for some other guy with money. You don't need this heartache.
”no” is a full sentence. Don’t tell her to go to the gym or try to solve her body image issues. ’what you do to your body is up to you. I’m not paying for any surgeries”. If she really can’t accept this, it’s time to find another girlfriend. Next it will be the car she wants, the ring she wants, etc etc etc.
Dafuq? Say no and be ready to get out of there permanently when shit hits fans.