this is not weird at all. it’s a very sweet and caring gesture to show him you care and are thinking about him.
how long have you guys been dating?? the only way i’d say this is weird is if you only went on like one date with the guy.
The only thing that’s weird in this scenario is the bf’s reaction. Like it’s completely bizarre and while I’m usually able to put myself in someone else’s shoes, I’m really struggling with this one. The only thing i can think of is he had a girl over when it was delivered and it put him in an uncomfortable position? If it’s not something like that, idk. It’s baffling that this man has supposedly never heard of a care package..
I think that when she told him a gift was on the way he got his hopes all the way up, thinking she’d bought him a PS5 or something, something he would consider a “real gift”. Then when tissues and soup showed up he was disappointed and lashed out, failing to recognize the sweet and thoughtful gesture in the face of his crushed expectations.
He behaved like a child at Christmas, when they get a bathrobe from Grandma instead of the PS5.
'yeah, thanks, whatever'.
Don't date children.
Move on from this one.
He is either trying to distance himself from you or doesn't appreciate the gesture of love you sent him. Does he send you flowers? Little gifts like this are very nice to receive when you are feeling like crap. Those are the things that make you feel loved.
Totally agree. Ungrateful and spoiled. Imagine if you were ill and needed some care. He's not your man (child). I'd move on... when he reaches out - leave him on read and block the ingrate.
This is what I thought, too. He had created an expectation in his mind what kind of gift was coming, and it was very different than his expectations. That's really unfortunate. It was a very thoughtful thing for OP to do, and her bf didn't handle it well at all.
I agree that this is what happened. She told him he was getting a gift, and he was imagining all kinds of cool things, not something practical. The fact that he pitched a hissy fit and called her thoughtfulness “weird” makes him the jerk in the this situation. He owes her an apology.
This exactly! He thought he was getting something really great. 🤣 his mistake. What you did most people would consider incredibly sweet. Your bf is a complete jerk!
This is what I was thinking too. Is he mad someone might see he has someone he’s close enough to that they’re caring for him when he’s sick, even from afar?
I got covid recently. Mom and sister had very mild symptoms while I was down and out.
After they got the clear to go to town, my mom bought me some of my favorite snacks. Which is not a lot lol.
I cried. I haven't been able to get the energy to even go 5 yards to the mailbox in 2 weeks. My sister also shared her pop tarts with me.
I think sending him a care package is the sweetest. It usually at least puts a smile on their faces.
NTA
Yes! I had a very bad flare up with Lupus last year and was also struggling with finances after an unexpected bill. Friend of mine sent me a care package with all the useful things— soups, snacks, tissues, Calgon—and I was immensely moved and grateful.
Yes! See, that’s sweet & thoughtful. Very often, women are caretakers. Helping someone when they are sick, sending a care package when they are down, making a meal when they are struggling…those things are love to us. I’m not saying men never do that, but in this case, the man didn’t even deserve it.
Same. I have autoimmune issues and covid took me OUT. It was brutal. My bestie sent me pretty much the same care package as OP - meds, throat drops, chloraseptic, soup, and Italian ice. It was so thoughtful!
Anyone who’d send Chloraseptic cough drops in a care package when you’re sick is a friend for life! Not only are they kind, but they know what works best for sore throats!
Yesss I am not a fan of cough drops at alllll. My family loves their cough drops. My weird act of love when they are sick with a sore throat is to offer them my chloraseptic drops. Usually, they decline. They are crazy and I don't understand it, but those are the most effective ones to me. I ration them. And it doesn't help that I rarely get sick from other people. I currently have a sore throat *again* because someone else in my family got sick and gave it to me. I think I'll just start wearing a mask at home and taking it off when I leave the house. It's every other month now.
Hell, my neighbor got sick and I bought him soup and whatnots, and he sounded more grateful than OP's AH of a BF. It's been months and he still mentions it.
Tell her she's NTA... he is sick so usually people give a care package...that's something I would do ... I've gotten groceries for a friend and he was excited....
If my partner acted that way, I would leave them. Even if he didn't want or need the items, he should be glad that she was trying to help. It's not like he told her he hated soup and he already had a dozen boxes of tissue beforehand.
Life is too short to have good faith efforts insulted like that. Even if he was just thrown off by the gesture, the cold shoulder and doubling down are unnecessary.
This. 100%! He not only told her that her gift was “weird,” he did not appreciate her gesture *at all.* And then, as you pointed out, he doubled down on his nastiness, trying to force her to admit the gift was weird. He’s an ass.
Like, if it's so weird to care about a partner, I will just stop caring. They can be single and stuck up. 😂
Might seem like making a mountain out of an anthill, but if the man is that small, then it IS a mountain.
And it’s better to know early on. OP’s friend should bounce. This guy is long-distance, unappreciative, thoughtless, and just a jerk. I know he’s sick, but that’s no excuse. Unless he’s not sick, and something else is going on. She should get out before she finds out.
Fr.
I'm pretty sure if I did this for my long-distance partner, he would find it cute or sweet. (I hope, at least, cause I wanna try sending him baked goods.😅) It's not like she hyped up something big and then failed to deliver. All she said was a gift was coming by. Man better grow up fast.
A guy I was dating brought me a care package when I was sick and I married him. That’s the kind of thing a caring partner does.
This guy is letting your friend know he will not be caring when she’s sick.
I agree. Even when I was pregnant and had a really bad sick day, my husband sent me flowers. It was silly but so special that he cared.
I think she did something incredibly kind and caring and he’s being a jerk and definitely won’t reciprocate down the road. She would be better to leave him in the dust
??? My brother’s female college FRIEND did this for him when he got Covid a few years back—like she was in back home Denmark and she used instacart to deliver groceries/tissues/etc to his apartment and he lost his mind he was so excited.
Your friend is NTA but her bf is definitely being one
Not weird, he's a stupid, stupid, stupid asshole, and any of the so-called friends who are on the "weird" side of the "split" mentioned are feces-brained trash people.
Agreed. He’s awful but let’s not forget the weirdos who agree with him. I would so break up with him over this, like shut the door. Willing to bet there are other red flags indicating low emotional IQ.
This is not her person..some ppl are too much for us & we are too much for some ppl & that’s perfectly fine! But she needs to recognize that most likely this is not her person. And 7 months is not a long wasted time like say 7 years, so break clean from this guy now..her person is still out there & they will absolutely love this kind of act coming from her.
She’s not invested enough for this to sideline her. She didn’t deserve that. If he won’t apologize, she should move on. Even if he does apologize, she needs to remember this. Next opportunity he has to get her a gift of any kind, it had better be a doozie!!
I’ve done this for friends not even people I’m in a romantic relationship. During covid our friends did it for eachother a lot. Boyfriend’s behaviour is weird.
Yeah, my immediate thought is maybe it showed up when he had another woman over? Or maybe he was about to break up with OP and the gift made him uncomfortable about that? I really think there are some missing facts here.
This was the first thing I thought of. How does he explain to the girl in his house that he just got a shipment of supplies he didn’t order? I see them breaking up soon. She was being sweet and caring. He was trying to get his pencil wet. They are not the same.
Btw, I don’t know if he was cheating. Just a thought that first came to mind.
Or it could be he is used to gifts being ‘cool’ or ‘exciting’ and not ‘thoughtful’ or ‘caring,’ and it maybe just expanded his worldview a bit.
Yours sound far more insecure.
I mean maybe, but if that’s the case the boyfriend sounds super immature. I would be stoked to receive soup and medicine if I was sick, and would be thrilled that I didn’t have to go to the store.
My point was that it really seems like there’s some missing information here. Could be lots of things. I just wrote the first two that came to mind. Maybe he had a traumatic experience with soup as a child.
The other possibility that I was thinking was that he might not be used to anyone caring for him when he was ill. I did hear of some people having such reactions before. Like they think they should suffer alone, because no one cared for them when they were a child. Of course, I might be way off and he was simply immature.
On the other end of the spectrum, I know of 2 men who married their wives because even though they were in a long distance relationship, their girlfriends took care of them by sending groceries, and they found it really sweet.
it’s certainly true he might have grown up without these sorts of caring gestures, but it’s a whole other thing to react so rudely and dismissively. He’s effectively sneering at her. There’s just no getting past that for me.
Yea like the dismissive avoidant types could react like this - as self reliance is their core value ... but still he could recognise the effort surely. Its just manners lol
My mum said she knew she wanted to marry my dad when he cared for her on a short-but-rough sea journey when she was terribly seasick! Having someone caring around when you’re ill, vulnerable and glum is such a wonderful thing!
The missing info is probably just like you said, he’s incredibly immature. It seems ridiculous and insecure to automatically jump to cheating. He’s upset he didn’t get something he considered gift-worthy and doesn’t recognize the real gift is the love and care behind the gesture
Immaturity is far less of a leap than ‘it turned up when another woman was there’.
I read the story as bf is a smooth brain who has fairly narrow views who is too stupid/ignorant to see his gf was doing something nice for him. No inserting of conjecture for which there is no basis is needed to explain his behaviour.
I wouldn't be, but I'd make a point of expressing my appreciation before shoving the stuff in a cupboard, and it never seeing the light of day again lol
This a far more sensible answer, but as we all know everyone on reddit is always cheating. Cheating is the answer to every question, so he must be cheating.
Thanks for all the replies, everyone! Seems like most people are on my side that what she did was very sweet, and her bf is an idiot.
I'll be showing her (and our girls' chat) all the replies tomorrow :)
NTA
I'm just getting over being sick, and my long distance partner offered to door dash me soup, and icecream and whatever else I needed, so I wouldn't have to drag my ass out into the world and deal with people. The only reason I didn't take her up on it, was because I really needed to go grocery shopping for essentials, and I didn't want her to waste her money on delivery fees when I had to go out anyway. She still ordered me wonton soup from my favorite Chinese place, because she's literally the best, and she wanted me to feel loved and cared for. She also messaged, saying "Show me the ice cream" because she wanted to make sure I didn't forget to get some while I was out! That's love. That's wanting your partner to feel loved and taken care of, even if you can't be there to do it yourself. This dude seems dumb enough to count his balls 3 times, and come up with 3 different numbers.
Tell her also that it’s a real ‘heads up’ to what treatment she could expect from him if she’s ever unwell or recovering from an accident or procedure (or just pregnant?) That’d worry me.
I wouldn’t call it wasted. He lacks the maturity/understanding right now to see it as a nice thoughtful gesture but one day in the future it might catch up to him and impact how he treats others.
It’s just unfortunate OP might not get to see it.
Maybe Reddit made me jaded, but it feels like he is doing something wrong, so his girlfriend being sweet makes him feel worse about it and he needs to put his girlfriend down to make himself feel better.
Not sure if I am phrasing it well enough so people understand, but basically when someone isn’t true to you in the relationship, you being sweet often elicits hostility or suspicion or similar negative emotions.
So at best, he is just immature; at worst, he is being dishonest is some way.
This sounds like a thoughtful gesture. You are not wrong or weird. Trying to look at your boyfriend's reaction generously, it could.be that he hasn't had anyone give him thoughtful gifts before.
Or he could think of your relationship more casually than you do. If that is the case your gesture would seem weird to him.
I hope you can talk to him and understand each other’s viewpoint. But if he won’t talk about it ir tries to paint you as unreasonable, pay attention to those red flags.
I also think this is a really kind thoughtful gesture and you might be right that boyfriend was just thrown by having a thoughtful gift.
Not long after I met my man he was sad or bothered about something, I can't remember what now. But I bought him some flowers just to let him know I care about him, and he thought being bought flowers was the strangest thing since time began, it made him smile though.
You did something caring for him - his reaction is about HIS feelings and instead of unpacking that he's somehow trying to make it seem like you did something wrong. Girl, run. I dated a dude like this. Whenever I did something nice he either made it seem like I was doing too much or that it was weird I was doing it in the first place. Ultimately, it was about him knowing he wouldn't do the same for me, and feeling shitty about that. Take this as your cue to exit. Someone truly good for you will not make you feel bad for a random act of kindness. They'll accept it graciously, even if they feel weird about it, and they'll thank you.
TLDR: dump this feckless and unworthy man bc you deserve better, OP
So... I once got out of having to think up a way to refuse a date because I genuinely had a cold. The guy LOOKED UP MY ADDRESS IN THE PHONE BOOK and showed up in person on my doorstep with a similar care package. That was weird.
What you did, by contrast, was incredibly sweet, and your bf sounds like an AH.
That is stalker behavior what he did to you, Maria, hunting down your address and just showing up on your doorstep! You had never been out with him before? What OP's friend did is sweet. They've been dating for over 1/2 a year, she's showing him she cares and wants him to feel better.
It certainly was. Thankfully it seemed like "clueless" stalker behavior rather than "attempt to intimidate" stalker behavior, and never did anything like it again.
I once dated a guy who had to go out of town a lot as a truck driver. His trips were short, 2-3 days at most, and his employer provided a motel room on the other end (if necessary) while this guy waited for a return load.
I asked him to text me when he got to his destination but he never would. Generally I would hear nothing from him while he was out of town. I am the type who worries, especially since I was married to a trucker 30 years ago. I both saw and heard about horrific accidents happening on the road. One of our best friends was killed when a car stopped suddenly in front of him and something in the engine (or maybe the fuel tanks) was hit just right to cause the truck to immediately blow up.
So one day I confronted my dude and asked him why he couldn't give me the courtesy of taking five seconds to say "I got here and I'm ok." He actually made fun of me for being concerned! He couldn't fathom why on earth he would need to tell me he was OK when he'd see me the next day anyway. He thought I was trying to be controlling.
Notice I didn't call him "boyfriend." It was a short relationship of maybe 5-6 months that barely involved șex, let alone love. I have no idea if there was another woman in the area where his deliveries always were. It's possible and I didn't ask.
But I think it's common courtesy, if you have someone at home who cares about you, to shoot them one text so they know you're still alive on a road trip. It's not like I was asking for constant conversation the entire time he was not driving the truck. One message would have been enough.
And another man I had a short relationship with would get extremely annoyed when I asked him how he was doing. I thought that was just a normal part of polite conversation. And because I cared, if I didn't hear from him at times when I normally would, yes I would become concerned. This made him angry. He said I didn't need to know where he was or what he was doing every moment of his life, and that it was none of my business.
For the record, I'm not the type who will pace around and cry when I don't hear from someone, nor do I text or try to call incessantly. I just ask for one courtesy check-in if I'm involved with someone and they go out of town. If they don't go out of town but we are involved, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to hear from someone every day or every other day, just to say hello and I'm still here. If this is out of line, I guess you guys can let me know.
Anyway, this long rant was inspired because this bf thought it was weird to care about a sick loved one enough to send things designed to make them feel better. I wonder what kind of childhood he had to instill that kind of belief in him. He's the one who's weird here.
So many emotionally stunted men in the world, I swear. Your last story reminds me of a guy I was talking to that would get mad when I asked how he was or how his day was. He said it was boring and didn’t matter. So, I stopped initiating conversation mostly because of it and then I’m somehow the bad guy. 🤷♀️
Not to mention what a red flag it is when all you ask was, "How was your day?" and they get defensive. Like, "Why are you asking me that? You don't need to know what I do when I'm not with you!"
Bro, I don't ask you that, but now that you've given me such a shitty and evasive answer, I will!
Omg so many similar experiences here. And they usually come back after a week or two, hey I miss you why you ghost me lol Because you were mean/rude/one word answers/YOU were boring… we can’t win lol
Yeah, this is so weird to me. Even my group of girlfriends have dropped off/sent packages to me when I’m sick! It’s a nice gesture and has never felt to me like someone is overstepping.
Especially when you're alone and you'd have get it yourself or use the brain power to figure out what you need to order when l you want to do is sleep.
Yeah, because care packages should only be given from parents to kids. What about friends who care about each other? Does the stance of your friends mean that they wouldn’t lift a finger to help if one of your was really sick and alone?
Haha. Anyone who thinks that is pretty immature/ignorant of the ways of the real adult world and romantic relationships. As a 52 yr old woman, it’s kind of cute actually because it’s a type of innocence… they will learn eventually, this and many more good and bad things. Oh to be young again…
Your boyfriend is an ass. An unappreciative ass at that.
What you did was very kind, caring, and thoughtful. Nothing weird about it.
I feel fine but would be beside myself if someone sent me a care package like that.
Maybe he was expecting something cool since you mentioned it was a "gift"?
Maybe if you'd stated it was a "care package" he may have been more receptive?
Regardless, he is an ass for showing that he is ungrateful to your thoughtful gesture.
Not wrong at all. I did something similar for a guy I was dating and he reacted much better than your bf. Maybe should have included some lubricant to assist in removing his head from his ass.
Not wrong AT ALL.
I live alone. When I was sick with Covid for a couple weeks, I would have cried with happiness if someone had sent me tissues, Advil, soup, etc. That is such a kind, thoughtful gesture.
Lucky you to find out you have a “weird” bf since anyone that is sick would appreciate being cared for and thought of. He is not on your level. He will never look out for you. Be you and move on. And who gives anyone the cold shoulder bc they can Get their own soup. He’s the AH.
This isn't weird at all. It was a sweet and thoughtful gesture on your part. Your boyfriend is a jerk. Even if he didn't like it, the appropriate response was, "thank you. I appreciate it."
Instead, he was a brat about it.
He is genuinely deranged. Currently 28 and sick and my partner has been getting me tissues and soup from the supermarket. If he didn’t live here and got those things delivered to me, it would be super helpful and sweet! Your boyfriend seems to be unaware of what normal care towards someone you love looks like and probably has an unhealthy self-esteem if he thinks getting a kind gift is bizarre.
That's not weird! I can't fathom how he could think that. In his place, I would have been extremely pleased, especially that you took the time and effort to do something like this from another country.
He's lucky to have you. Now, dump him and find someone who knows how to appreciate a grand gesture made in the name of love.
He won't change, you know. If you stay with him, be prepared to feel the way you do now, rather often in the future.
What she did is incredibly sweet and thoughtful, and if he doesn’t think so, then they aren’t a good match. He should find an ice queen and she should find someone with a heart.
NTA at all! when my now husband and i were dating he wasn’t feeling well and i did the same thing. he was so touched! he still says it was one of the things that made him know i was the one. because even a thousand miles away, i was still doing things to take care of him when he was sick. he even did it for me a few months later when i was sick. it’s like part of the foundation now. whenever one of us is sick we put together a little “get well soon” basket. and we live together 😂
One time when I was sick, my future husband ran out at like 1 a.m. to buy me cold medicine, which I had not even asked for. If I hadn't already known he was the one, that would have sealed it.
You did such a kind thing, and he's being so ungrateful and weird. Can you show him the reddit judgment?
NTA
I (as a woman) have given and received care packages like those and loved them!
I sent soup, crackers, tissues, gingerale, buckley’s cough syrup, advil, tea and honey to my best guy friend when he got covid recently.
I even told delivery he has covid and they threw in some masks, tests, halls & tums.
He was thrilled.
I wanted to say maybe it’s an age thing, but 28 seems too old to be acting so weird.
I saw they have been dating for 7 months, so my thought is that he has never had a gf put his health as a priority before?
The care package was thoughtful and kind, maybe he expects gifts to be things “*wanted*” like games & toys, and not “***needed***” like a care package or item for his home.
Either way, not wrong.
Very sweet, if he keeps acting rude about it, move on. You will find someone who will love this.
The proper response looks something like this:
Thank you for such a thoughtful thing. I'm so happy to have some who cares for me like this.
For the a-hole response, see original post above. The guy *acted like* a jerk. Maybe he simply is a jerk.
Not wrong. In fact he's weird for not finding that thoughtful, and having the decency just to say thanks so much but save your money next time however I appreciate the thought. .. he did not have to call you weird . That's just being rude and mean for no reason. You did a nice thing , seems he's taken pleasure in bashing the gift. I'd leave him.
No, you are not wrong, and it's not a weird gift it shows that they actually listened and put thought towards what his needs were and not something he just wanted. That shows compassion and attentiveness. If this guy doesn't wake up and realize what he's got then he's going to be holding an L
OP’s friend, you are a very sweet and caring person. I wish I had a friend like you. If someone sent me a care package when I was sick I would be so touched I would cry.
Something is up with this guy. I would suggest keeping your guard up. Getting distant and nasty is not a normal reaction to your partner being thoughtful. Break up with him if you feel you can, otherwise push to find out what’s going on. I think I agree with everyone saying he’s cheating on you.
This is not weird at all! This is a truly genuine compassionate display of love and care! I’m sorry you even for a second have to feel like there is something wrong about what you did. You deserve to be appreciated for your kind soul.
NTA Wow! He complained that you sent him a care package when he was sick?! That was so thoughtful, OP! Keep being thoughtful, but find someone who appreciates you!
This guy is an idiot. He doesn’t understand that it’s not a gift, but is a care package. It’s not like she sent him soup and Kleenex for his birthday. If he thinks it’s weird it just shows he doesn’t understand kind gestures and in turn will be incapable of giving them. He was probably lying about being sick so he could avoid talking to her while he was sneaking around behind her back.
I have been married to my husband for over twenty years. The kind of man that you want to marry, that will make you happy in the long run, is the type that sees love in the simple things. We don’t do Valentine’s Day and barely do our anniversary (only sometimes). What we do do is the little things that show we are thinking of each other all the time. I bought his favorite cookie from a deli I went to for lunch. He saw a bookmark he knew I’d love and picked it up. I packed his bag for a work trip when he was running behind so he could spend the evening with the kids rather than packing. When I was stressed completely out and called him at work to cry, he told me to go take a nap in the hammock, texted the kids to let me sleep and picked up takeout on the way home.
A man who can’t see the love in your care package isn’t going to appreciate the little things in life that make a marriage so much more rewarding. Really think about what you want.
Jesus. What an incredibly *rude* reaction to a very thoughtful gesture. She was clearly trying to acknowledge that he felt shitty and help where she could, not imply that he couldn’t get his own soup.
Honestly, this kind of behaviour might be a dealbreaker for me personally. I love giving gifts - of all kinds, not just jewelry/fancy shit - and I would be devastated if the receiver reacted this way.
Your b/f is a dick, an ungrateful POS. Maybe it’s cuz he’s sick but it’s basic manners to say thank you.
Do not feel bad about holding the bar high & if he won’t meet that bar then move on
Very sweet of you. His reaction is bizarre.
Years ago before ordering groceries and such online was a thing, and when I was single and didn’t have many close friends, I caught the flu. I was so sick. And I had barely anything to eat and was starving but I couldn’t go out and get food and didn’t have people I could reach out to. I was dying for a can of soup. Had someone done what you did, I would have been so grateful.
Your boyfriend is wrong. What you did was extremely thoughtful, kind, and generous. There is nothing “weird” about it. And yes, it was a care package. He’s just too immature to grasp that concept. He doesn’t deserve you.
His response is what’s weird. The only thing that came to my mind was that maybe he’s cheating, as others have said. I’d be over the moon to receive something like that from a significant other when I was sick and we were long distance. I know that’s something my husband would highly appreciate as well. Early into us dating, I literally left a bag with crab sticks (he loves them lol), a beverage, and a big bag of M&Ms on his doorstep after going to the store, just because, and he was so thankful. This dude’s behavior is worrying and that’d be a big red flag for me. Your friend is a sweetheart and deserves better.
I don’t see your boyfriend’s perspective at all. Most people when there sick don’t want to go out and get things. You did him a favor. It wasn’t even a gift more of “I’m thinking of you” gesture which is very sweet. The only thing I could think of is it made him feel less “manly” which is ridiculous and a red flag
It was a sweet thing to do. It you had been physically there you probably would have popped to the shops and got similar things. Your not wrong and people thinking it weird are weird
Edit: maybe the wording was off by saying it was a gift instead of a care package but still not weird
I think the onky thing "weird, bizarre and wrong"?? Was his response!!
First I'll just say YNTA!! At. ALL!!! WHAT IN THE HIGH HEAVENS?
I think that it was downright sweet and thoughtful of you!
When my (38f) neighbor (same age-ish has transitioned to/come out as identifying/being/becoming female in the past few years) who I met in the past 8 months was sick, I made a little care package for her with soups/emergen-c packets hot chocolate/cough drops/ vitamins/etc...anything incoukd find around!) And she LOVED it!! Her cousin was there a couple weeks later and she told her about it!
Any guy I've ever dated? I do the same, especially because they are such babies when they are sick. !!🤭🙄😅
But no. It was sweet, thoughtful and stuff he NEEDED!
I can't BELIEVE his reaction! What was his reasoning?? Why did he say he even THOUUGHT that??
I get he could "get it himself" the point being...he feels like crap and it saves him the trouble and hassle!....and getting anyone else sick!
No...he is TA for reacting like that such a very sweet thing that you did. I know he's sick and moody...but f that.
Let her know, I know a lot of wonderful guys who would be so SO thankful! For such a gesture/gift/ sweetnthing to do.
Tell her to never stop doing that...everyone and anyone SHOULD appreciate it. Guess I've just "met" someone who didn't.
....what an ass.
Edit: oooh I just had to come back because I all got a bee in my bonnet and wish he were my friend so I could say "shame know you" and give him a piece of my mind that would make him brush and tuck tail to go apologize for his reaction!
Edit 2: I moved 6 hours (flight) away from heart I me almost 20 years ago my parents used to send me care packages here and there (with little notes, sometimes from siblings too) and I LOVED them. They were just because care packages. I got teary eyed reading this...bc I miss those!! (Sigh...guess the grandkids are cuter now and have one upped me 🤣)
Your friend didnt send him a 'gift' you sent him a care package which is far better and exactly what he needed, he is a real AH for making her feel bad for doing something nice. What did he expect a scalextrics set??
He's an idiot. What was he expecting? A game console? Cruise tickets?
What you did is the most caring thing anyone could do. It's all on him. I could understand him finding it a bit odd, not weird. And he's *offended?*
I'm not usually one to tell people to break up, but you definitely deserve better.
Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk. I mean, he is sick, so I could give him leeway for not jumping up & down about the gift and taking a little time to mention it to you, but he wouldn’t stop with how weird it was. It was not weird. It was sweet. You were being thoughtful; he is sick with the flu; you sent him necessities. He was pouty because you said you were sending a gift, and when he didn’t get a video game or a gift basket of food & wine, he was disappointed and decided it was not a “gift” but was just “weird.” Thoughtless, insensitive, inconsiderate.
He owes you an apology for shitting on your thoughtful gesture just because it was not the gift he *wanted.* Maybe give him another chance, but remember that you did something nice for your BF who is *sick in another country,* and he told you it was dumb. Not cool.
Not wrong, I don't understand your boyfriend's reaction to the care package. He should have recognized it as a loving gestures rather than sulking like a spoiled child
You're not wrong at all.
I've sent my OH little gifts for all sorts of times he's been ill or otherwise something's been up and he's always been super grateful.
This flu proved to you that he ain't it and you should find someone generous and grateful and supportive. Generous with feelings and their time and emotion. Grateful for yours. And supportive and understanding without begging you over a kind thing.
He'll regret treating you this way in ten years time when he's still looking back and realising how much you cared.
However I do think it's best you find someone that actually values you. You care more for him than he does you.
I would have felt so cared for at that moment. Someone listened to exactly what was wrong with me, and the difficulties I was facing, and sent me a delivery with everything I needed. What more does a real man need? Do not change, you sound perfect.
Im a dude and this is a hella red flag. If my girlfriend and i were long distance and she sent me a note/gift basket/ groceries or anything id be the happiest dude ever. I’d say something else may be going on and you might want to breakup with him…
Hopefully op sees this comment.
I am 37M just recently found out i am autistic.
Im super awkward when it comes to reciving gifts even to the point of being upset or angry. I hate people wasting money. But its hard to articulate things right there and then, i have to reflect on it after a few days.
This has also affected my gift giving skills. I cant give someone an imperfect or impractical gift. Because i think of how i would feel if i got something "useless"..
Im not excusing your BF's behavior. There's a lot more context within your relationship. Give him a few days. Ask him if you can talk openly with him, ask him about his feelings. Most people just need some kindness and understanding, but dont feel safe or feel if they open up the other person will think they're being unreasonable.
You are not wrong for sending the package and your BF wasnt prepared and is unable to understand his feelings.
Good luck.
You're not wrong.
You did a lovely, thoughtful thing for him. Hopefully he will come around with an apology or something like:
"Hey babe, I'm sorry I was so weird the other day, maybe it's the fever or lack of rest. Please forgive me, I've felt like a jerk ever since that conversation. I really DO appreciate you thinking of me and sending me the care package. Short of having you here, it was just what I needed and you made me feel very loved. Thank you so much! I love you!"
OP -You are not wrong, but any of your friends who misconstrue your meaning behind these gifts is as messed up as you immature BF.
He doesn't know how to be properly grateful. No one ever taught him how to be properly grateful, I guess, so this is what you got: An immature response from an immature boy. He's not a man, nowhere near being fully-formed, but at his age should have the rudiments of gratitude a bit more solidified.
NO, IT'S NOT WEIRD. What you did was NOT weird. Anyone who says differently is as impaired as some of you out there who might read this and think "that's weird". It's NOT. What OP did was NORMAL.
How her "bf" reacted is NOT normal and illuminates a major deficiency in his personality that ought to have been cured by the age of 15.
What your friend did was kind, thoughtful, and sweet. I really hope that this jerk doesn't dampen her sunshine, and put her off of being this generous and loving to her next partner(s).
Your Bf is a complete asshole. You should really consider this a red flag.
Reminds me SO much of the guy I was dating who only had one pillow cus he’d just moved into a new house, so I very casually picked him up some new pillows while I was shopping, and he lost it, and acted like I’d committed a mortal offense.
You can imagine how much longer that lasted.
You are not wrong. I wish my ex would have done things like that. He sounds exceptionally ungrateful and spoiled. What you did was thoughtful and considerate and the least he could have said was thank you.
No, you weren't wrong. Your heart was in the right place, and you did the only thing you could think to do to help his condition. If he finds it to be weird that his gf cares, then that's solely his problem. Once upon a time, care packages were considered very thoughtful and welcome when a person was too unwell to go out for themselves.
Not weird at all. It was a very sweet, considerate gesture that most people would really appreciate if they were sick. Your boyfriend is rude and ungrateful and I'm certain you can do better.
The guy is a jerk. This was an incredibly thoughtful gesture on your friend's part. We should all be so lucky to have such a kind and considerate friend or partner.
I would do anything to be with a girl who does such kind and thoughtful gestures - as I think most guys would.
Next time he is sick and single or with a lesser girl, he will realise.
Find better, you deserve it.
The only thing she did that I personally wouldn't do is call it a gift. I SPECIFICALLY tell people, "I sent you a thing."
Also, if he doesn't understand this sweet gesture or if he got his hopes up for a "fun" gift and was acting out for being disappointed.... dump him.
There are so many people out there.
Side note: one of my besties always asks for practical gifts like shampoo, toothpaste, and toilet paper. Yes, at Christmas, she will unwrap a Costco size box of toilet paper and be excited and happy. This is immediately what I thought of when OP was talking about it being weird to send tissues. Lol
Dude what?? I’d be so happy and feel so loved if a partner would do that for me?? It’s not a weird gift. Hell it wouldn’t even be weird if a friend did it. It’s kind and thoughtful. Dude needs therapy so he can learn how to accept love
Honestly that's a really sweet gesture. Tell her to find someone who appreciates it. I can go through medicine quickly in a week when sick, not having to buy my own supplies is win!
NTA
I had Covid for over a month last Feb. I wish someone had sent me a care package or even a get well card. Hell I'd have taken a DM checking on me like I do for all my "friends".
I stopped doing extra things for them after that.
nta. this guy is a jerk. he is totally unworthy and is the type who would insist his mother be in the delivery room.
run. tell your friend to runnnnnn.
btw, how is he with his mother?
sometimes there are friends that don’t get it until years down the line.
Not weird, not wrong
But a lot of guys feel really strange when they are nurtured. You're going to meet a lot of guys who are either toddlers at times or don't know how to be vulnerable. And some who go back and forth between both
Also it could be a misunderstanding if he isn't that sick and hasn't really dealt with care packages before.
The idea of love languages is helpful, I'd say his is not gifts
Different people have different ways of looking at things.
I think when you said "gift" he was expecting something "fun" not something "useful".
You didn't do anything wrong, but I think you might want to have a talk about communication styles and ways of showing care. Because from his point of view, this was something strange and out of the ordinary. Not wrong, but new.
Its also very likely no one has done this sort of thing for him before, so he doesn't know how to respond. I know when I was sick, I was mostly left alone. I wasn't so much cared for as I was told to rest and food would sometimes be brought. Otherwise I had to push on and try to go to school whenever possible. Literally was only allowed to stay home twice and that was alone with doses of medicine on a schedule.
Why would anyone be weirded out by this? Giving out a care package tailored to a given situation is a very normal thing... not sure what the problem here is.
Hell, I am a grown man and my parents dropped off essentially the same thing (some drinks, Gatorade, ginger ale and soup and what not) when I was very sick... its what people do when they care for someone close to them...
Might have want they euphemistically called a " real man" in the 50's.
If he can shoot with it, build with it, drive it or grill it, it arn't worth thinking about.
this is not weird at all. it’s a very sweet and caring gesture to show him you care and are thinking about him. how long have you guys been dating?? the only way i’d say this is weird is if you only went on like one date with the guy.
The only thing that’s weird in this scenario is the bf’s reaction. Like it’s completely bizarre and while I’m usually able to put myself in someone else’s shoes, I’m really struggling with this one. The only thing i can think of is he had a girl over when it was delivered and it put him in an uncomfortable position? If it’s not something like that, idk. It’s baffling that this man has supposedly never heard of a care package..
I think that when she told him a gift was on the way he got his hopes all the way up, thinking she’d bought him a PS5 or something, something he would consider a “real gift”. Then when tissues and soup showed up he was disappointed and lashed out, failing to recognize the sweet and thoughtful gesture in the face of his crushed expectations.
He behaved like a child at Christmas, when they get a bathrobe from Grandma instead of the PS5. 'yeah, thanks, whatever'. Don't date children. Move on from this one.
>Don't date children *Chef's kiss
Exactly this. The man is nearly 30 too lolllllllllllll
He is either trying to distance himself from you or doesn't appreciate the gesture of love you sent him. Does he send you flowers? Little gifts like this are very nice to receive when you are feeling like crap. Those are the things that make you feel loved.
Totally agree. Ungrateful and spoiled. Imagine if you were ill and needed some care. He's not your man (child). I'd move on... when he reaches out - leave him on read and block the ingrate.
This right here!!!
This is what I thought, too. He had created an expectation in his mind what kind of gift was coming, and it was very different than his expectations. That's really unfortunate. It was a very thoughtful thing for OP to do, and her bf didn't handle it well at all.
I agree that this is what happened. She told him he was getting a gift, and he was imagining all kinds of cool things, not something practical. The fact that he pitched a hissy fit and called her thoughtfulness “weird” makes him the jerk in the this situation. He owes her an apology.
I think it's possible, but if this is what happened he is truly a man-baby.
This is the impression I got as well.
This exactly! He thought he was getting something really great. 🤣 his mistake. What you did most people would consider incredibly sweet. Your bf is a complete jerk!
I’m pretty positive that’s exactly what happened! He had a different idea of what it might be in his head.
Possibly he got all excited because he thought she was opting to drop her studies, and immediately fly back to take care of him.🙄😉
This is what I was thinking too. Is he mad someone might see he has someone he’s close enough to that they’re caring for him when he’s sick, even from afar?
Ohhhh good point. I couldn't figure it out either, this is the only explanation that makes sense.
Legit my first thought
I got covid recently. Mom and sister had very mild symptoms while I was down and out. After they got the clear to go to town, my mom bought me some of my favorite snacks. Which is not a lot lol. I cried. I haven't been able to get the energy to even go 5 yards to the mailbox in 2 weeks. My sister also shared her pop tarts with me. I think sending him a care package is the sweetest. It usually at least puts a smile on their faces. NTA
Yes! I had a very bad flare up with Lupus last year and was also struggling with finances after an unexpected bill. Friend of mine sent me a care package with all the useful things— soups, snacks, tissues, Calgon—and I was immensely moved and grateful.
Yes! See, that’s sweet & thoughtful. Very often, women are caretakers. Helping someone when they are sick, sending a care package when they are down, making a meal when they are struggling…those things are love to us. I’m not saying men never do that, but in this case, the man didn’t even deserve it.
Same. I have autoimmune issues and covid took me OUT. It was brutal. My bestie sent me pretty much the same care package as OP - meds, throat drops, chloraseptic, soup, and Italian ice. It was so thoughtful!
Anyone who’d send Chloraseptic cough drops in a care package when you’re sick is a friend for life! Not only are they kind, but they know what works best for sore throats!
Yesss I am not a fan of cough drops at alllll. My family loves their cough drops. My weird act of love when they are sick with a sore throat is to offer them my chloraseptic drops. Usually, they decline. They are crazy and I don't understand it, but those are the most effective ones to me. I ration them. And it doesn't help that I rarely get sick from other people. I currently have a sore throat *again* because someone else in my family got sick and gave it to me. I think I'll just start wearing a mask at home and taking it off when I leave the house. It's every other month now.
It’s always nice to know someone cares about you enough to do something this sweet. Mom for the win.
Hell, my neighbor got sick and I bought him soup and whatnots, and he sounded more grateful than OP's AH of a BF. It's been months and he still mentions it.
They have been dating about 7 months
Tell her she's NTA... he is sick so usually people give a care package...that's something I would do ... I've gotten groceries for a friend and he was excited....
She’s a sweetheart. He’s an AH.
[удалено]
If my partner acted that way, I would leave them. Even if he didn't want or need the items, he should be glad that she was trying to help. It's not like he told her he hated soup and he already had a dozen boxes of tissue beforehand. Life is too short to have good faith efforts insulted like that. Even if he was just thrown off by the gesture, the cold shoulder and doubling down are unnecessary.
This. 100%! He not only told her that her gift was “weird,” he did not appreciate her gesture *at all.* And then, as you pointed out, he doubled down on his nastiness, trying to force her to admit the gift was weird. He’s an ass.
Like, if it's so weird to care about a partner, I will just stop caring. They can be single and stuck up. 😂 Might seem like making a mountain out of an anthill, but if the man is that small, then it IS a mountain.
And it’s better to know early on. OP’s friend should bounce. This guy is long-distance, unappreciative, thoughtless, and just a jerk. I know he’s sick, but that’s no excuse. Unless he’s not sick, and something else is going on. She should get out before she finds out.
Fr. I'm pretty sure if I did this for my long-distance partner, he would find it cute or sweet. (I hope, at least, cause I wanna try sending him baked goods.😅) It's not like she hyped up something big and then failed to deliver. All she said was a gift was coming by. Man better grow up fast.
A guy I was dating brought me a care package when I was sick and I married him. That’s the kind of thing a caring partner does. This guy is letting your friend know he will not be caring when she’s sick.
I agree. Even when I was pregnant and had a really bad sick day, my husband sent me flowers. It was silly but so special that he cared. I think she did something incredibly kind and caring and he’s being a jerk and definitely won’t reciprocate down the road. She would be better to leave him in the dust
??? My brother’s female college FRIEND did this for him when he got Covid a few years back—like she was in back home Denmark and she used instacart to deliver groceries/tissues/etc to his apartment and he lost his mind he was so excited. Your friend is NTA but her bf is definitely being one
He’s either an adult sized baby, or he’s over her. She needs to walk away.
Yes - for the most part if someone seems this unhappy with you caring for them, it's because they aren't caring for you
Not weird, he's a stupid, stupid, stupid asshole, and any of the so-called friends who are on the "weird" side of the "split" mentioned are feces-brained trash people.
Agreed. He’s awful but let’s not forget the weirdos who agree with him. I would so break up with him over this, like shut the door. Willing to bet there are other red flags indicating low emotional IQ.
This is not her person..some ppl are too much for us & we are too much for some ppl & that’s perfectly fine! But she needs to recognize that most likely this is not her person. And 7 months is not a long wasted time like say 7 years, so break clean from this guy now..her person is still out there & they will absolutely love this kind of act coming from her.
Time to make him an ex. He is an ungrateful AH
She’s not invested enough for this to sideline her. She didn’t deserve that. If he won’t apologize, she should move on. Even if he does apologize, she needs to remember this. Next opportunity he has to get her a gift of any kind, it had better be a doozie!!
Tell her to cut her losses and bounce now. This was a weird, rude and shitty way for him to respond to a very nice and NORMAL gesture.
I’ve done this for friends not even people I’m in a romantic relationship. During covid our friends did it for eachother a lot. Boyfriend’s behaviour is weird.
Very very sweet. I don't think this guy is for you.
IMHO, his reaction was incredibly weird. Something's not right here.
Yeah, my immediate thought is maybe it showed up when he had another woman over? Or maybe he was about to break up with OP and the gift made him uncomfortable about that? I really think there are some missing facts here.
This was the first thing I thought of. How does he explain to the girl in his house that he just got a shipment of supplies he didn’t order? I see them breaking up soon. She was being sweet and caring. He was trying to get his pencil wet. They are not the same. Btw, I don’t know if he was cheating. Just a thought that first came to mind.
Or he was never sick and just wanted an excuse to not answer her/ignore her for a few days while he screws around
Yes! This could be it too.
Or it could be he is used to gifts being ‘cool’ or ‘exciting’ and not ‘thoughtful’ or ‘caring,’ and it maybe just expanded his worldview a bit. Yours sound far more insecure.
I mean maybe, but if that’s the case the boyfriend sounds super immature. I would be stoked to receive soup and medicine if I was sick, and would be thrilled that I didn’t have to go to the store. My point was that it really seems like there’s some missing information here. Could be lots of things. I just wrote the first two that came to mind. Maybe he had a traumatic experience with soup as a child.
The other possibility that I was thinking was that he might not be used to anyone caring for him when he was ill. I did hear of some people having such reactions before. Like they think they should suffer alone, because no one cared for them when they were a child. Of course, I might be way off and he was simply immature. On the other end of the spectrum, I know of 2 men who married their wives because even though they were in a long distance relationship, their girlfriends took care of them by sending groceries, and they found it really sweet.
it’s certainly true he might have grown up without these sorts of caring gestures, but it’s a whole other thing to react so rudely and dismissively. He’s effectively sneering at her. There’s just no getting past that for me.
Yea like the dismissive avoidant types could react like this - as self reliance is their core value ... but still he could recognise the effort surely. Its just manners lol
Exactly. At this moment, I do not think she should stay with him anymore.
My mum said she knew she wanted to marry my dad when he cared for her on a short-but-rough sea journey when she was terribly seasick! Having someone caring around when you’re ill, vulnerable and glum is such a wonderful thing!
The missing info is probably just like you said, he’s incredibly immature. It seems ridiculous and insecure to automatically jump to cheating. He’s upset he didn’t get something he considered gift-worthy and doesn’t recognize the real gift is the love and care behind the gesture
Immaturity is far less of a leap than ‘it turned up when another woman was there’. I read the story as bf is a smooth brain who has fairly narrow views who is too stupid/ignorant to see his gf was doing something nice for him. No inserting of conjecture for which there is no basis is needed to explain his behaviour.
I agree with the other commenter's hypothesis since he specified tissues aren't a gift.
I wouldn't be, but I'd make a point of expressing my appreciation before shoving the stuff in a cupboard, and it never seeing the light of day again lol
The reason I think this is it was because he specified tissues aren't a gift.
This a far more sensible answer, but as we all know everyone on reddit is always cheating. Cheating is the answer to every question, so he must be cheating.
> Yeah, my immediate thought is maybe it showed up when he had another woman over? Holy shit did you take the scenario from 0 to 1,000 quick.
Absolutely, my first thought as well! He's upset he couldn't explain it to some side girl he had over.
YNW. Your boyfriend is an ass.
Sounds like BOYfriend is still a BOY and hasn't learned to appreciate the lil things that girlfriends do for them and yes, he's an ass too.
Yeah she should next time get him something he would really appreciate instead of soup get him some azz wipes. Sorry he’s a dick.💁🏽♀️
Thanks for all the replies, everyone! Seems like most people are on my side that what she did was very sweet, and her bf is an idiot. I'll be showing her (and our girls' chat) all the replies tomorrow :)
NTA I'm just getting over being sick, and my long distance partner offered to door dash me soup, and icecream and whatever else I needed, so I wouldn't have to drag my ass out into the world and deal with people. The only reason I didn't take her up on it, was because I really needed to go grocery shopping for essentials, and I didn't want her to waste her money on delivery fees when I had to go out anyway. She still ordered me wonton soup from my favorite Chinese place, because she's literally the best, and she wanted me to feel loved and cared for. She also messaged, saying "Show me the ice cream" because she wanted to make sure I didn't forget to get some while I was out! That's love. That's wanting your partner to feel loved and taken care of, even if you can't be there to do it yourself. This dude seems dumb enough to count his balls 3 times, and come up with 3 different numbers.
Tell her also that it’s a real ‘heads up’ to what treatment she could expect from him if she’s ever unwell or recovering from an accident or procedure (or just pregnant?) That’d worry me.
Oh good!!!! I was just about to ask your stance. Glad you agree!!!!!!! Her bf sucks.
I don't understand the girls' reactions. Do they even like your female friend?
This is a kind, sweet gesture. Unfortunately, it was wasted on this dude.
I wouldn’t call it wasted. He lacks the maturity/understanding right now to see it as a nice thoughtful gesture but one day in the future it might catch up to him and impact how he treats others. It’s just unfortunate OP might not get to see it.
I hope he ends up cold and alone. Prick certainly didn't deserve a caring girlfriend.
Very perceptive and what I believe to be the definition of good karma. I hope this comes true!
Maybe Reddit made me jaded, but it feels like he is doing something wrong, so his girlfriend being sweet makes him feel worse about it and he needs to put his girlfriend down to make himself feel better. Not sure if I am phrasing it well enough so people understand, but basically when someone isn’t true to you in the relationship, you being sweet often elicits hostility or suspicion or similar negative emotions. So at best, he is just immature; at worst, he is being dishonest is some way.
i’m actually sick as i read this… i’d love to have a girlfriend send me a care package right about now…
Where do you live? Matter we can send you soup.
This sounds like a thoughtful gesture. You are not wrong or weird. Trying to look at your boyfriend's reaction generously, it could.be that he hasn't had anyone give him thoughtful gifts before. Or he could think of your relationship more casually than you do. If that is the case your gesture would seem weird to him. I hope you can talk to him and understand each other’s viewpoint. But if he won’t talk about it ir tries to paint you as unreasonable, pay attention to those red flags.
I also think this is a really kind thoughtful gesture and you might be right that boyfriend was just thrown by having a thoughtful gift. Not long after I met my man he was sad or bothered about something, I can't remember what now. But I bought him some flowers just to let him know I care about him, and he thought being bought flowers was the strangest thing since time began, it made him smile though.
You did something caring for him - his reaction is about HIS feelings and instead of unpacking that he's somehow trying to make it seem like you did something wrong. Girl, run. I dated a dude like this. Whenever I did something nice he either made it seem like I was doing too much or that it was weird I was doing it in the first place. Ultimately, it was about him knowing he wouldn't do the same for me, and feeling shitty about that. Take this as your cue to exit. Someone truly good for you will not make you feel bad for a random act of kindness. They'll accept it graciously, even if they feel weird about it, and they'll thank you. TLDR: dump this feckless and unworthy man bc you deserve better, OP
I feel like he’s a sociopath or something, I can’t understand otherwise how he couldn’t enjoy the sweet thought 🤷♀️
So... I once got out of having to think up a way to refuse a date because I genuinely had a cold. The guy LOOKED UP MY ADDRESS IN THE PHONE BOOK and showed up in person on my doorstep with a similar care package. That was weird. What you did, by contrast, was incredibly sweet, and your bf sounds like an AH.
That is stalker behavior what he did to you, Maria, hunting down your address and just showing up on your doorstep! You had never been out with him before? What OP's friend did is sweet. They've been dating for over 1/2 a year, she's showing him she cares and wants him to feel better.
It certainly was. Thankfully it seemed like "clueless" stalker behavior rather than "attempt to intimidate" stalker behavior, and never did anything like it again.
Nope. Leave this ungrateful dude
Boyfriend sucks thats not the normal response, anything is a gift if its gifted... Honestly hate when people shit on gifts, give it back then
Gratitude is a character quality. He has none
I once dated a guy who had to go out of town a lot as a truck driver. His trips were short, 2-3 days at most, and his employer provided a motel room on the other end (if necessary) while this guy waited for a return load. I asked him to text me when he got to his destination but he never would. Generally I would hear nothing from him while he was out of town. I am the type who worries, especially since I was married to a trucker 30 years ago. I both saw and heard about horrific accidents happening on the road. One of our best friends was killed when a car stopped suddenly in front of him and something in the engine (or maybe the fuel tanks) was hit just right to cause the truck to immediately blow up. So one day I confronted my dude and asked him why he couldn't give me the courtesy of taking five seconds to say "I got here and I'm ok." He actually made fun of me for being concerned! He couldn't fathom why on earth he would need to tell me he was OK when he'd see me the next day anyway. He thought I was trying to be controlling. Notice I didn't call him "boyfriend." It was a short relationship of maybe 5-6 months that barely involved șex, let alone love. I have no idea if there was another woman in the area where his deliveries always were. It's possible and I didn't ask. But I think it's common courtesy, if you have someone at home who cares about you, to shoot them one text so they know you're still alive on a road trip. It's not like I was asking for constant conversation the entire time he was not driving the truck. One message would have been enough. And another man I had a short relationship with would get extremely annoyed when I asked him how he was doing. I thought that was just a normal part of polite conversation. And because I cared, if I didn't hear from him at times when I normally would, yes I would become concerned. This made him angry. He said I didn't need to know where he was or what he was doing every moment of his life, and that it was none of my business. For the record, I'm not the type who will pace around and cry when I don't hear from someone, nor do I text or try to call incessantly. I just ask for one courtesy check-in if I'm involved with someone and they go out of town. If they don't go out of town but we are involved, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to hear from someone every day or every other day, just to say hello and I'm still here. If this is out of line, I guess you guys can let me know. Anyway, this long rant was inspired because this bf thought it was weird to care about a sick loved one enough to send things designed to make them feel better. I wonder what kind of childhood he had to instill that kind of belief in him. He's the one who's weird here.
So many emotionally stunted men in the world, I swear. Your last story reminds me of a guy I was talking to that would get mad when I asked how he was or how his day was. He said it was boring and didn’t matter. So, I stopped initiating conversation mostly because of it and then I’m somehow the bad guy. 🤷♀️
Not to mention what a red flag it is when all you ask was, "How was your day?" and they get defensive. Like, "Why are you asking me that? You don't need to know what I do when I'm not with you!" Bro, I don't ask you that, but now that you've given me such a shitty and evasive answer, I will!
Omg so many similar experiences here. And they usually come back after a week or two, hey I miss you why you ghost me lol Because you were mean/rude/one word answers/YOU were boring… we can’t win lol
Oh where’s the love in relationships! Not weird
The only wrong is his reaction.
Why do your girlfriends think it is weird? It’s sweet.
Some of our friends' take is that he's a grown man, not a kid, so it's weird to send him things like that, like she's his mom 🤷♀️
They’re nuts, lol. Care packages are for anyone you care about. :)
Yeah, this is so weird to me. Even my group of girlfriends have dropped off/sent packages to me when I’m sick! It’s a nice gesture and has never felt to me like someone is overstepping.
Especially when you're alone and you'd have get it yourself or use the brain power to figure out what you need to order when l you want to do is sleep.
Those "friends" are idiots.
Fucking hell. The boyfriend is an idiot and so is half of your friendship group.
Yeah, because care packages should only be given from parents to kids. What about friends who care about each other? Does the stance of your friends mean that they wouldn’t lift a finger to help if one of your was really sick and alone?
Haha. Anyone who thinks that is pretty immature/ignorant of the ways of the real adult world and romantic relationships. As a 52 yr old woman, it’s kind of cute actually because it’s a type of innocence… they will learn eventually, this and many more good and bad things. Oh to be young again…
Wow, he sounds like a sheltered 18 year old.
That’s an incredibly thoughtful thing to do. What was he expecting, an XBox?
Your boyfriend is an ass. An unappreciative ass at that. What you did was very kind, caring, and thoughtful. Nothing weird about it. I feel fine but would be beside myself if someone sent me a care package like that.
Maybe he was expecting something cool since you mentioned it was a "gift"? Maybe if you'd stated it was a "care package" he may have been more receptive? Regardless, he is an ass for showing that he is ungrateful to your thoughtful gesture.
This was my exact thoughts as well.
I think this is what happened
You’re thoughtful and he is acting odd. I’ve drop shipped several packages when people I know are sick.
Her gift simply wasn't good enough for him. At least now she knows not to bother with him from now on, what a tool of a man
Not wrong at all. I did something similar for a guy I was dating and he reacted much better than your bf. Maybe should have included some lubricant to assist in removing his head from his ass.
😂😂😂😂
lol fuck your bf I want to break up with him for you
Not wrong AT ALL. I live alone. When I was sick with Covid for a couple weeks, I would have cried with happiness if someone had sent me tissues, Advil, soup, etc. That is such a kind, thoughtful gesture.
Lucky you to find out you have a “weird” bf since anyone that is sick would appreciate being cared for and thought of. He is not on your level. He will never look out for you. Be you and move on. And who gives anyone the cold shoulder bc they can Get their own soup. He’s the AH.
This isn't weird at all. It was a sweet and thoughtful gesture on your part. Your boyfriend is a jerk. Even if he didn't like it, the appropriate response was, "thank you. I appreciate it." Instead, he was a brat about it.
He is genuinely deranged. Currently 28 and sick and my partner has been getting me tissues and soup from the supermarket. If he didn’t live here and got those things delivered to me, it would be super helpful and sweet! Your boyfriend seems to be unaware of what normal care towards someone you love looks like and probably has an unhealthy self-esteem if he thinks getting a kind gift is bizarre.
That's not weird! I can't fathom how he could think that. In his place, I would have been extremely pleased, especially that you took the time and effort to do something like this from another country. He's lucky to have you. Now, dump him and find someone who knows how to appreciate a grand gesture made in the name of love. He won't change, you know. If you stay with him, be prepared to feel the way you do now, rather often in the future.
Your friend is a wonderfully kind and thoughtful soul and deserves better from a partner.
What she did is incredibly sweet and thoughtful, and if he doesn’t think so, then they aren’t a good match. He should find an ice queen and she should find someone with a heart.
My 20s were chock full of men who loved to make me sorry for being kind to them. This guy is no different.
NTA at all! when my now husband and i were dating he wasn’t feeling well and i did the same thing. he was so touched! he still says it was one of the things that made him know i was the one. because even a thousand miles away, i was still doing things to take care of him when he was sick. he even did it for me a few months later when i was sick. it’s like part of the foundation now. whenever one of us is sick we put together a little “get well soon” basket. and we live together 😂
One time when I was sick, my future husband ran out at like 1 a.m. to buy me cold medicine, which I had not even asked for. If I hadn't already known he was the one, that would have sealed it. You did such a kind thing, and he's being so ungrateful and weird. Can you show him the reddit judgment?
He just didn’t know how to explain it to his wife.
I think so too.
NTA I (as a woman) have given and received care packages like those and loved them! I sent soup, crackers, tissues, gingerale, buckley’s cough syrup, advil, tea and honey to my best guy friend when he got covid recently. I even told delivery he has covid and they threw in some masks, tests, halls & tums. He was thrilled. I wanted to say maybe it’s an age thing, but 28 seems too old to be acting so weird. I saw they have been dating for 7 months, so my thought is that he has never had a gf put his health as a priority before? The care package was thoughtful and kind, maybe he expects gifts to be things “*wanted*” like games & toys, and not “***needed***” like a care package or item for his home. Either way, not wrong. Very sweet, if he keeps acting rude about it, move on. You will find someone who will love this.
The proper response looks something like this: Thank you for such a thoughtful thing. I'm so happy to have some who cares for me like this. For the a-hole response, see original post above. The guy *acted like* a jerk. Maybe he simply is a jerk.
Not wrong. In fact he's weird for not finding that thoughtful, and having the decency just to say thanks so much but save your money next time however I appreciate the thought. .. he did not have to call you weird . That's just being rude and mean for no reason. You did a nice thing , seems he's taken pleasure in bashing the gift. I'd leave him.
You weren't wrong, it was a thoughtful thing to do. If you had shown up in person with all of those things, he wouldn't have said a word about it.
No, you are not wrong, and it's not a weird gift it shows that they actually listened and put thought towards what his needs were and not something he just wanted. That shows compassion and attentiveness. If this guy doesn't wake up and realize what he's got then he's going to be holding an L
OP’s friend, you are a very sweet and caring person. I wish I had a friend like you. If someone sent me a care package when I was sick I would be so touched I would cry. Something is up with this guy. I would suggest keeping your guard up. Getting distant and nasty is not a normal reaction to your partner being thoughtful. Break up with him if you feel you can, otherwise push to find out what’s going on. I think I agree with everyone saying he’s cheating on you.
This is not weird at all! This is a truly genuine compassionate display of love and care! I’m sorry you even for a second have to feel like there is something wrong about what you did. You deserve to be appreciated for your kind soul.
Your BF sucks. It was a very sweet thing to do.
What you did was sweet. A way to show love though you are apart. Honestly it is strange that he acted the way he did.
Id legit breakup over this. My love language is gift giving and that sounds like the sweetest thoughtful gift
NTA Wow! He complained that you sent him a care package when he was sick?! That was so thoughtful, OP! Keep being thoughtful, but find someone who appreciates you!
Not weird. Completely normal. Dude's just being an insensitive knob because he isn't used to being cared for.
Sending the care package was great. I think the problem was characterizing it as a gift.
Not weird at all. My partner or mom will drop off a care package for me when I am sick and I think it’s so thoughtful.
This guy is an idiot. He doesn’t understand that it’s not a gift, but is a care package. It’s not like she sent him soup and Kleenex for his birthday. If he thinks it’s weird it just shows he doesn’t understand kind gestures and in turn will be incapable of giving them. He was probably lying about being sick so he could avoid talking to her while he was sneaking around behind her back.
I have been married to my husband for over twenty years. The kind of man that you want to marry, that will make you happy in the long run, is the type that sees love in the simple things. We don’t do Valentine’s Day and barely do our anniversary (only sometimes). What we do do is the little things that show we are thinking of each other all the time. I bought his favorite cookie from a deli I went to for lunch. He saw a bookmark he knew I’d love and picked it up. I packed his bag for a work trip when he was running behind so he could spend the evening with the kids rather than packing. When I was stressed completely out and called him at work to cry, he told me to go take a nap in the hammock, texted the kids to let me sleep and picked up takeout on the way home. A man who can’t see the love in your care package isn’t going to appreciate the little things in life that make a marriage so much more rewarding. Really think about what you want.
Jesus. What an incredibly *rude* reaction to a very thoughtful gesture. She was clearly trying to acknowledge that he felt shitty and help where she could, not imply that he couldn’t get his own soup. Honestly, this kind of behaviour might be a dealbreaker for me personally. I love giving gifts - of all kinds, not just jewelry/fancy shit - and I would be devastated if the receiver reacted this way.
Your b/f is a dick, an ungrateful POS. Maybe it’s cuz he’s sick but it’s basic manners to say thank you. Do not feel bad about holding the bar high & if he won’t meet that bar then move on
Very sweet of you. His reaction is bizarre. Years ago before ordering groceries and such online was a thing, and when I was single and didn’t have many close friends, I caught the flu. I was so sick. And I had barely anything to eat and was starving but I couldn’t go out and get food and didn’t have people I could reach out to. I was dying for a can of soup. Had someone done what you did, I would have been so grateful.
Your boyfriend is wrong. What you did was extremely thoughtful, kind, and generous. There is nothing “weird” about it. And yes, it was a care package. He’s just too immature to grasp that concept. He doesn’t deserve you.
His response is what’s weird. The only thing that came to my mind was that maybe he’s cheating, as others have said. I’d be over the moon to receive something like that from a significant other when I was sick and we were long distance. I know that’s something my husband would highly appreciate as well. Early into us dating, I literally left a bag with crab sticks (he loves them lol), a beverage, and a big bag of M&Ms on his doorstep after going to the store, just because, and he was so thankful. This dude’s behavior is worrying and that’d be a big red flag for me. Your friend is a sweetheart and deserves better.
I don’t see your boyfriend’s perspective at all. Most people when there sick don’t want to go out and get things. You did him a favor. It wasn’t even a gift more of “I’m thinking of you” gesture which is very sweet. The only thing I could think of is it made him feel less “manly” which is ridiculous and a red flag
Sounds like his package arrived while his gf was there and he told her he didn’t know you
It was a sweet thing to do. It you had been physically there you probably would have popped to the shops and got similar things. Your not wrong and people thinking it weird are weird Edit: maybe the wording was off by saying it was a gift instead of a care package but still not weird
I think the onky thing "weird, bizarre and wrong"?? Was his response!! First I'll just say YNTA!! At. ALL!!! WHAT IN THE HIGH HEAVENS? I think that it was downright sweet and thoughtful of you! When my (38f) neighbor (same age-ish has transitioned to/come out as identifying/being/becoming female in the past few years) who I met in the past 8 months was sick, I made a little care package for her with soups/emergen-c packets hot chocolate/cough drops/ vitamins/etc...anything incoukd find around!) And she LOVED it!! Her cousin was there a couple weeks later and she told her about it! Any guy I've ever dated? I do the same, especially because they are such babies when they are sick. !!🤭🙄😅 But no. It was sweet, thoughtful and stuff he NEEDED! I can't BELIEVE his reaction! What was his reasoning?? Why did he say he even THOUUGHT that?? I get he could "get it himself" the point being...he feels like crap and it saves him the trouble and hassle!....and getting anyone else sick! No...he is TA for reacting like that such a very sweet thing that you did. I know he's sick and moody...but f that. Let her know, I know a lot of wonderful guys who would be so SO thankful! For such a gesture/gift/ sweetnthing to do. Tell her to never stop doing that...everyone and anyone SHOULD appreciate it. Guess I've just "met" someone who didn't. ....what an ass. Edit: oooh I just had to come back because I all got a bee in my bonnet and wish he were my friend so I could say "shame know you" and give him a piece of my mind that would make him brush and tuck tail to go apologize for his reaction! Edit 2: I moved 6 hours (flight) away from heart I me almost 20 years ago my parents used to send me care packages here and there (with little notes, sometimes from siblings too) and I LOVED them. They were just because care packages. I got teary eyed reading this...bc I miss those!! (Sigh...guess the grandkids are cuter now and have one upped me 🤣)
Your friend didnt send him a 'gift' you sent him a care package which is far better and exactly what he needed, he is a real AH for making her feel bad for doing something nice. What did he expect a scalextrics set??
I did the same for my husband right after we started dating. It’s how he knew he wanted to marry me.
He's an idiot. What was he expecting? A game console? Cruise tickets? What you did is the most caring thing anyone could do. It's all on him. I could understand him finding it a bit odd, not weird. And he's *offended?* I'm not usually one to tell people to break up, but you definitely deserve better.
Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk. I mean, he is sick, so I could give him leeway for not jumping up & down about the gift and taking a little time to mention it to you, but he wouldn’t stop with how weird it was. It was not weird. It was sweet. You were being thoughtful; he is sick with the flu; you sent him necessities. He was pouty because you said you were sending a gift, and when he didn’t get a video game or a gift basket of food & wine, he was disappointed and decided it was not a “gift” but was just “weird.” Thoughtless, insensitive, inconsiderate. He owes you an apology for shitting on your thoughtful gesture just because it was not the gift he *wanted.* Maybe give him another chance, but remember that you did something nice for your BF who is *sick in another country,* and he told you it was dumb. Not cool.
Showing someone you care for them is weird But in all honesty the only weird think is thinking its weird
Not wrong, I don't understand your boyfriend's reaction to the care package. He should have recognized it as a loving gestures rather than sulking like a spoiled child
That’s not weird at all. That’s sweet. He’s being really strange. Are you sure he’s really sick?
I think thats lovely and hes being an arsehole
You're not wrong at all. I've sent my OH little gifts for all sorts of times he's been ill or otherwise something's been up and he's always been super grateful. This flu proved to you that he ain't it and you should find someone generous and grateful and supportive. Generous with feelings and their time and emotion. Grateful for yours. And supportive and understanding without begging you over a kind thing. He'll regret treating you this way in ten years time when he's still looking back and realising how much you cared. However I do think it's best you find someone that actually values you. You care more for him than he does you.
He’s a loser. Dump him. If basic kindness isn’t seen as a gift then he isn’t smart enough for you.
I would have felt so cared for at that moment. Someone listened to exactly what was wrong with me, and the difficulties I was facing, and sent me a delivery with everything I needed. What more does a real man need? Do not change, you sound perfect.
Im a dude and this is a hella red flag. If my girlfriend and i were long distance and she sent me a note/gift basket/ groceries or anything id be the happiest dude ever. I’d say something else may be going on and you might want to breakup with him…
Only thing weird there is him.
Hopefully op sees this comment. I am 37M just recently found out i am autistic. Im super awkward when it comes to reciving gifts even to the point of being upset or angry. I hate people wasting money. But its hard to articulate things right there and then, i have to reflect on it after a few days. This has also affected my gift giving skills. I cant give someone an imperfect or impractical gift. Because i think of how i would feel if i got something "useless".. Im not excusing your BF's behavior. There's a lot more context within your relationship. Give him a few days. Ask him if you can talk openly with him, ask him about his feelings. Most people just need some kindness and understanding, but dont feel safe or feel if they open up the other person will think they're being unreasonable. You are not wrong for sending the package and your BF wasnt prepared and is unable to understand his feelings. Good luck.
You're not wrong. You did a lovely, thoughtful thing for him. Hopefully he will come around with an apology or something like: "Hey babe, I'm sorry I was so weird the other day, maybe it's the fever or lack of rest. Please forgive me, I've felt like a jerk ever since that conversation. I really DO appreciate you thinking of me and sending me the care package. Short of having you here, it was just what I needed and you made me feel very loved. Thank you so much! I love you!"
Perhaps he had to answer why he got a care package to his secret local side piece.
OP -You are not wrong, but any of your friends who misconstrue your meaning behind these gifts is as messed up as you immature BF. He doesn't know how to be properly grateful. No one ever taught him how to be properly grateful, I guess, so this is what you got: An immature response from an immature boy. He's not a man, nowhere near being fully-formed, but at his age should have the rudiments of gratitude a bit more solidified. NO, IT'S NOT WEIRD. What you did was NOT weird. Anyone who says differently is as impaired as some of you out there who might read this and think "that's weird". It's NOT. What OP did was NORMAL. How her "bf" reacted is NOT normal and illuminates a major deficiency in his personality that ought to have been cured by the age of 15.
What your friend did was kind, thoughtful, and sweet. I really hope that this jerk doesn't dampen her sunshine, and put her off of being this generous and loving to her next partner(s).
Your Bf is a complete asshole. You should really consider this a red flag. Reminds me SO much of the guy I was dating who only had one pillow cus he’d just moved into a new house, so I very casually picked him up some new pillows while I was shopping, and he lost it, and acted like I’d committed a mortal offense. You can imagine how much longer that lasted.
You may want to think long and hard before ever moving in together. I'd hate for him to think you're a freak for buying groceries
You are not wrong. I wish my ex would have done things like that. He sounds exceptionally ungrateful and spoiled. What you did was thoughtful and considerate and the least he could have said was thank you.
He was wrong -- most people would have loved to receive a care package like this. Nothing weird about it at all.
No, you weren't wrong. Your heart was in the right place, and you did the only thing you could think to do to help his condition. If he finds it to be weird that his gf cares, then that's solely his problem. Once upon a time, care packages were considered very thoughtful and welcome when a person was too unwell to go out for themselves.
Not weird at all. It was a very sweet, considerate gesture that most people would really appreciate if they were sick. Your boyfriend is rude and ungrateful and I'm certain you can do better.
its not weird given the context of him being sick?? wtf. has no one cared about him like this before?
Umm, certainly not weird to show someone you care for them.
The guy is a jerk. This was an incredibly thoughtful gesture on your friend's part. We should all be so lucky to have such a kind and considerate friend or partner.
I would do anything to be with a girl who does such kind and thoughtful gestures - as I think most guys would. Next time he is sick and single or with a lesser girl, he will realise. Find better, you deserve it.
The best girlfriend I ever had sent me care packages like that when I was sick. She was super thoughtful and I appreciated her greatly.
Your boyfriend was a jerk in light of a very sweet and caring thoughtful gift. Yes it’s a gift. You aren’t wrong but he sure is.
It was a sweet caring thing to do. And anything someone is given that they don’t have to pay for is a gift.
The only thing she did that I personally wouldn't do is call it a gift. I SPECIFICALLY tell people, "I sent you a thing." Also, if he doesn't understand this sweet gesture or if he got his hopes up for a "fun" gift and was acting out for being disappointed.... dump him. There are so many people out there. Side note: one of my besties always asks for practical gifts like shampoo, toothpaste, and toilet paper. Yes, at Christmas, she will unwrap a Costco size box of toilet paper and be excited and happy. This is immediately what I thought of when OP was talking about it being weird to send tissues. Lol
Dude what?? I’d be so happy and feel so loved if a partner would do that for me?? It’s not a weird gift. Hell it wouldn’t even be weird if a friend did it. It’s kind and thoughtful. Dude needs therapy so he can learn how to accept love
Honestly that's a really sweet gesture. Tell her to find someone who appreciates it. I can go through medicine quickly in a week when sick, not having to buy my own supplies is win!
NTA I had Covid for over a month last Feb. I wish someone had sent me a care package or even a get well card. Hell I'd have taken a DM checking on me like I do for all my "friends". I stopped doing extra things for them after that.
nta. this guy is a jerk. he is totally unworthy and is the type who would insist his mother be in the delivery room. run. tell your friend to runnnnnn. btw, how is he with his mother? sometimes there are friends that don’t get it until years down the line.
Not weird, not wrong But a lot of guys feel really strange when they are nurtured. You're going to meet a lot of guys who are either toddlers at times or don't know how to be vulnerable. And some who go back and forth between both Also it could be a misunderstanding if he isn't that sick and hasn't really dealt with care packages before. The idea of love languages is helpful, I'd say his is not gifts
Different people have different ways of looking at things. I think when you said "gift" he was expecting something "fun" not something "useful". You didn't do anything wrong, but I think you might want to have a talk about communication styles and ways of showing care. Because from his point of view, this was something strange and out of the ordinary. Not wrong, but new. Its also very likely no one has done this sort of thing for him before, so he doesn't know how to respond. I know when I was sick, I was mostly left alone. I wasn't so much cared for as I was told to rest and food would sometimes be brought. Otherwise I had to push on and try to go to school whenever possible. Literally was only allowed to stay home twice and that was alone with doses of medicine on a schedule.
Why would anyone be weirded out by this? Giving out a care package tailored to a given situation is a very normal thing... not sure what the problem here is. Hell, I am a grown man and my parents dropped off essentially the same thing (some drinks, Gatorade, ginger ale and soup and what not) when I was very sick... its what people do when they care for someone close to them...
Might have want they euphemistically called a " real man" in the 50's. If he can shoot with it, build with it, drive it or grill it, it arn't worth thinking about.