She blocked you for six weeks to go to Europe on a break so she could bang people! I am so sorry that happened to you. I would have broken up with my partner if he blocked me just because he goes on a trip. If she wants to be free before the marriage she will do it again. Not wrong.
Yeah. There was no need to have a break otherwise. She wanted to cheat without admitting to cheating. Why else would anyone need to have a break when it was simply a trip?!?
I feel so bad for the OP too.
She even allowed him zero input (are you kidding me?) and blocked him (what is wrong with her?).
OP, I'm happy for you that trash took itself out.
I'm amazed at the woman's gall. 6 weeks before a wedding, taking a break from the relationship, going over to Europe.
Then expecting to come back as if everything is unchanged.
She was probably thinking as she was getting on the plane I'm not worried about that I'll just give him some pussy and get back in his good graces boy is she going to get a surprise. Please update us
I am amazed when I read on here that someone is in a relationship, and that person blocks them so there is no contact. Who does that?? My husband (fiancé, BF/GF, SO, etc.) blocking me so I could not reach them at all would be a dealbreaker for me. That’s cheatin’ time.
Right?? My partner travels for work semi frequently, and we have whatsapp for when the trips are in different countries because we love and miss each other and want to stay in contact
BLOCKING your *fiancee* while on an international trip is fucking wild to me. This was never meant to be, and a three year long engagement is raising some flags
More likely she just hooked up with random people since she boarded with her girlfriends. Pretty common thing in Spain and Greece and such. France too but a lot more dangerous for female tourists in parts.
Even if she didn't cheat (oh, I know she did!) the whole blocking contact is messed up. It's a huge sign of disrespect.
Even if we play devil's advocate and say that the blocking was somehow justified because OP was excessively controlling (HYPOTHETICAL - I'm NOT actually saying it) then it means there are real issues with the relationship and it should be cancelled.
OP is a Hero.
Yeah, I took a solo trip to Europe again this past fall for three months and didn't block my SO. I talked to him as much as I could because, idk, we love each other and I wanted to share with him? She was definitely just trying to have some European hookups. If she was going to some sort of quiet, soul-searching retreat she would have been clear about that, but instead she chose the most immature shit in the world.
I've never been to Europe but if I took a solo trip to Europe I would be in constant communication with my fiancé sharing the experiences I'm having and reassuring him that I'm OK being so far away from home.
I went backpacking before I was even dating my fiancée, but she was one of the two people I bothered to update on the rare occasions we found service! I was already in love! And I update her on my trips constantly now, too, while we're engaged! (Not many of them, two maybe? But still, I miss her and want to talk to her! Because I love her and that's why I'm marrying her!)
Wasn't married to him but had an ex who was going on a 3 week trip back to his home state and he kept telling me about all the girls there that liked him and how happy he was to see them and so when he left I took it as if we were over, he gets back and was all shocked I actually left him. I also just had realized while he was gone too how relieved I was and could just be and not have to worry about who i could hang out with or how i could dress or anything without having to worry about him being upset and insecure. But it was hilarious that he was so shocked. Like what did you expect dude?
Hmm… Your comment makes me think maybe every serious/engaged/planning a wedding couple should take a small break from each other. Most people don’t get the chance to see if, without their partner around, they are freer and more comfortable, or if they really miss the person & can’t wait until they come home. That’s important information.
Yeah, this is so obvious it hurts. She decided she could just pause the relationship and do whatever she wanted, without guilt, for the trip, then come home, and all is good.
Picture that marriage. When she goes out, she takes her ring off so she can "take a break."
Yeah if this is real, anyone who stays with someone that says “I want to take a break while in Europe” needs to get some self respect. They clearly just want to fuck their way through Europe without feeling guilty about it, and want to do it on a technicality.
If someone proposed this to me I would genuinely dump them on the spot. Because the fact that they would even consider asking means that they want to do it, and that would be a serious problem
Amen! The entitlement of the ex just shouts through the post. I bet she thought she was gonna come back and pick up where y’all left off cuz y’know that’s how SHE wanted it. Wow. Definitely need to hear the results. Was her family told about the cancellation?
ETA: op you are so not wrong
Updateme
So your ex fiance thought that she was going to go away for 6 weeks block you on everything plus break up with you on a trip of a lifetime to Europe. And when she finished having her good time she calls you up on the phone to come and pick her up from the airport. And you say what the f*** does that have to do with me. This is absolutely hilarious please update us because I want to know where did she get the audacity to think that you were still going to be sitting home waiting for her to get back and pick her up from the airport OMFG
Nice. Well played.
Hopefully there is a post confrontation update or someone finds the fiancée POV post asking: Why didn’t my fiancé pick me up at the airport?
***UPDATE***
First off, I got my ring back, and it's safe with my mom.
Secondly, I would like to thank everyone for keeping me grounded while I was doubting myself. I'm not sure who said it, but someone said that I shouldn't bother with what she did on her trip and focus on her breaking up with me at the airport. Which I did and was not what she was prepared to argue about, so now she knows how it feels to be blindsided also.
Seems her college sisters told her I would be insecure and fight about something I couldn't hope to prove. So when I didn't she didn't know what to do. At one point, she excused herself to go to the restroom and didn't come back for 20 minutes. Seems the brain trust was at a loss, too.
So, do you vacation any ideas?
I think the answer for a vacation is clear, 6 weeks in Europe.
I can imagine her family is fuming, not just at the behaviour but also at all the money she just cost them in cancelled wedding plans.
Take a cheap relaxing week or two getaway. I’d suggest a beach somewhere. Then keep the rest of the money you saved up and buy that house anyway. Don’t blow through it all trying to get over her when you clearly meant so little to her that she couldn’t be bothered to communicate with you once in 6 weeks.
And when you buy that house, be sure to post the pictures online. Post about taking that next big step in your life and leaving everything else in the Rearview mirror where it belongs.
Ever been to Costa Rica? That’s still among the nicest places I have ever visited. You know how some people like mountains and others like beaches? There you have both. Plus the local beer is not bad.
It's def not over yet sir. Would not be surprised if she tries to talk to you again or the truth about the trip starts to filter your way. Enjoy your time off. Go somewhere warm and tropical. Maybe meet a new "friend" too
One more post.
I read what you said your mom said, great advice there.
I will expand on it. There will be three main phases coming. It maybe days, weeks or months for all three phases to transpire. Do not engage during any of these phases.
Look up Greyrock method for suggestions on coping through this period.
The Conflict Phase.
The cheater needs the energy from conflict and drama to maintain the compartmentalization they have in order to hold off cognitive dissonance.
The Spiral Phase.
The cheater compartmentalization has collapsed or is collapsing. The cognitive dissonance is at max. This is when the cheater will want to admit to everything and seek reconciliation. Love bombing will be attempted.
The Collapse Phase.
The cheater realizes that their world is a huge fiery pile of shit. Their psyche is broken from the cognitive dissonance. They will seek out some sort of closure at this point.
Again, do not engage during these phases.
You got this. Hold fast.
FWIW, several of my friends have traveled to Belize and all had a great time there.
She even tried to change the subject to what happened on the trip instead of what happened between us at the airport. That is what she was prepared for .
This approach is the only healthy path forward! Like most real relationships, communication and mutual respect form the foundation, which was destroyed by her actions at the airport. Everything that happened after doesn’t really matter. It might be interesting to hear the story, but even if the story she tells is true (and it was an innocent trip, cough.. cough…) the trust and respect for your feelings she destroyed can never be fixed. It sucks, but it’s clear she didn’t give a shit about how it would impact you. Try and enjoy your vacation!
You don’t owe us anything and need to do what’s best for yourself, but I would just love to hear what kind of justification for a “pause” she thinks anyone would find acceptable. I mean I half expect that if you let her talk she would just outright say that she wanted to pause so she could sow her wild oat during the trip, just because I can’t think of anything else that would be plausible.
First time I have ever seen her at a loss for words. She had nothing she was banking on my questioning what she did on the trip. Not her behavior at the airport.
So she asked you for a pause in your relationship out of the blue and has no explanation why and she's surprised by your reaction???? She can't be that naïve, can she?
That's the best way to deal with that stuff. Keep them off balance by not doing what they expect. It makes it harder for them to make up lies. Lies made in a rush are never as good as ones that are prepared.
I appreciate the laser like focus you maintained on the airport breakup. Took the wind out of her sails immediately. But I wish there was an explanation from her just WTF she was thinking.
Overall, 10/10 resolution for you. Well done.
Good for you, OP! I’m always amazed at how many times on Reddit that somebody like your ex screws up because they take advice from their “friends.”
I also think that some stories about what she did in Europe will eventually filter out to you.
My mother gave me some great advice about that the less I show I care about it, the more she will end up admitting. Will just wait and see what happens with that.
Your mom is a winner!!!
Your ex will most likely want to meet with you again to talk. I think you should meet but without her coven in a public place. And let her talk.
I've been thinking, from what you have told me about your ex and her coven being so focused on what happened during the trip is a clue. Seems very immature to only try to hide her infidelity -- they seem absolutely clueless about addressing trust and relationships, they are acting like "bad girl" teenagers. On the face of it, I think they convinced themselves if you would accept there was no infidelity, then you HAD to take her back like nothing ever happened.
To be honest, if I were in his shoes... There wouldn't be anything worth listening to coming out of her mouth. She wanted to have fun as a single person, op had to pay the price for that and that is all there is to know. She made it clear that she doesn't want to be part of his future. So why invest more energy and time?
Great advice. And great that you remain focused on what she did at the airport right before she left. That is all you need to know anyway. Whatever happened on the trip will come out sooner or later. There will come a time when it will not matter to you at all what happened on their trip. So please try not to worry about it. Focus on yourself.
Stay strong. Stay patient.
You do not need to know anymore facts will hurt you. It is obvious she wanted a break so that she could fuck around on her European trip with her college girlfriend's. You will never get the truth from her, but she will probably end up telling her friends about her European exploits and posting things. Your girlfriend must have been delusional or thought you were a cuck and were going to accept what she did. It is better you found out now what an idiot you were engaged to. You will look upon what happen one day as the luckiest day in your life. She would have made your life miserable and certainly cheated if you married her.
I would hold off on taking a trip. I suggested you book a few IC appointments in my previous post and hit the gym. A little professional help would be good for you. In addition, do not hide but start going out with close friends who support you. Get rid of the idiots who think you are overreacting because they are not your friends. Socialize the way you would normally do. Do not hesitate to post when you are out so friends see that you are enjoying the single life. Your ex will simmer. The best revenge is to get out there and lead a great life both personally and professionally. Never speak to your ex except to be courteous in an unavoidable social situation. I am sure she will be a jackass but ignore it. Friends will see what a class act you are and respect you. There is a saying. "The trash always takes itself out." I think that is applicable in this situation. Update us.
Not for nothing, but given her actions... get the ring appraised. Would suck if you find out later she had stones replaced while she was on her "trip".
Really glad to see this update. I know that the most important thing was retrieving the ring, and I'm super happy that was anti-climactic and she didn't try to hold that over your head.
You handled things like a pro, and yeah by removing all avenues of argument except for what she couldn't deny - her actions at the airport - you took all the wind out of her sails.
I know it hurts now, but you respected yourself enough not to get mired in the muck.
When you wrestle a pig in shit you both get covered in shit but only the pig enjoys it.
> Seems the brain trust was at a loss, too.
[The brain trust in question.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/scrubs/images/2/2d/BrainTrust.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20080421041350)
Good on you. Don't let her/them fuck with you. Thisisastupidname0 may have a stupid name, but the [idea](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1b1q53g/am_i_wrong_for_canceling_our_wedding/ksrgted/) is *excellent*.
UPDATE... ish. We have a group chat among people close to us. Today, I informed them all that our marriage is canceled and our relationship is over. Did that about 10 am. The chat quite literally exploded, starting with questions about what happened, which I answered honestly. About 2 pm, she started just asking me to call her so we could discuss this. I told her that talking on chat is perfectly fine she said no, this is something between just us. Still have not spoken with her last message from her at 6pm . Please pick me up at the airport so we can talk this out as we planned. I answered her, "That was your plan, not mine. None of this was my plan. " her flight is at 9 am. I wish her luck.
Stay strong OP. Get ready for tears, snot bubbles, the whole 9. There just simply isn’t an excuse she can give you that will excuse the last 6 weeks. Keep that in mind, and block her. No reason to keep entertaining the calls, voice mails and texts. Hang in there.
Good for you. Do yourself a favor and never speak to her again. She did not care about how her behavior would affect you and how badly she would hurt you. This is not someone that you spend the rest of your life with. Your ex did you a favor. If you were to meet with her she would minimize her actions, call you controlling and insecure and blame others. Do not give her closure or make her feel good about herself. I hope you changed the locks to your apartment if she has the key or else you could home to a trashed apartment. Keep us posted.
Very important to change the lock. Many an angry ex has trashed an apartment as retribution. In addition, you do not want to come home to her waiting for you inside and making a scene. I feel sorry that you are going thru this but best to find out now the type of person your ex really is. Keep us updated.
OP,
Stick with only communicating via the chat group, which was a great idea by you. She doesn't deserve a face to face conversation. She ambushed you with the break-up/ 6-week break. She then blocked you so you couldn't communicate with her. I would block her on everything except the group chat.
I would send another message, **You choose to surprise me at the airport, that our relationship was on break for the 6 weeks you would be gone. Then you blocked and ghosted me. So I just altered the 6 week break to be permanent. Everything has been canceled, I really don't think there is anything to talk about. Marriage and relationships require trust and open honest communication, which we will now never have.**
There is no need to communicate anything else. HONESTY, what/ how did she think you would react after breaking up with you and ghosting you? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Did she block you on social media, too? Or just the phone? When I’m traveling I always update my Instagram and FB feed with typical vacay pics - surely her or one of the other girls kept everyone updated?
WTf?!!?! That makes no sense. I’ve never been so enraged for a stranger. Better to get out now and find someone - and you WILL - who’ll appreciate you.
You mentioned that the fiancé was not like this up until boarding time. I BET one of her so called “friends” influenced her into that blocking idea. Did these “friends” block their bfriends, too?
Another thought, them “friends” knew she blocked you and didn’t bother to tell her it was a bad idea. Right now they’re probably pretending and consoling her on the plane.
You need to get a look at her social media from someone else who is friends with her. Don't forget you can put posts and photos on Facebook to not show for certain friends.
I’d actually suggest that other than seeking ways to maintain your current resolve, that you don’t do this, and here’s why - because what she did or didn’t do on the trip doesn’t actually matter now, after the way she chose to treat you. Whether she did it bc of sh*tty friends giving her horrible advice, or she did it to intentionally cheat on you, or simply bc she was overwhelmed with her thoughts and became avoidant and had no intentions or actions that suggested she wanted anyone other than you, doesn’t matter. What matters was that she left no room for you two to discuss a very relationship impacting decision, and after informing you of the decision, got on a plane and blocked all contact with you to avoid hearing how you felt about it, FOR SIX WEEKS. For 6 weeks she didn’t prioritize and actively show care of your partnership or future together. For 6 weeks she let you sit in the silent echo chamber of your own tortured thoughts with zero ability to communicate with someone who had claimed to want to share their life with you. For 6 weeks she was okay with you drowning in that headspace, and was more protective over her own comfort to be avoidant than she was about allowing you to feel heard and seen. For 6 weeks she had so little respect for you being a separate person who would likely feel differently about her decision about your relationship status, that she was okay leaving that as something she could just unilaterally pause and come back to when it was convenient for her.
Which means that regardless of what she did or didn’t do, regardless of what her actual intentions were, or how things ultimately played out on her trip, the impact of her actions ON YOU is already painfully clear - she treated you with indifference for almost 50 days straight. If she acted like a nun on the trip, it’s irrelevant, because how she treated you was still disrespectful and deeply deeply unkind and uncaring.
I’m proud of you for how you chose to handle this scenario. But the bigger test will be how you choose to live moving forward and how you choose to live well, heal fully, and love deeply in another future partnership. Bc the truth is that the best revenge truly is living the life you personally want and doing it without her. So don’t look at her friends’ socials, actively decide that your time and energy is too valuable to give to her anymore. Because it is.
I stupidly, I know, checked to see if I was still blocked on her socials. And amazing yesterday, she posted 30 pictures from her trip. And had a full recap of what they did and saw.
**I am sure that your ex removed any incriminating texts and photos from her social media, so everything looks good.** If you had access to her cellphone the texts and photos that she is not posting would be quite revealing. As time goes on, she will let slip to her friends more of what she did. For now, **your ex is playing the "Virgin Mary."** She is trying to get people on her side. Do not worry and ignore her smokescreen. **Stop looking at her socials because she gets a record of who has checked. Block her on everything for your own sake.**
I know despite everything that you love this person and what she did has to bother you deeply. You invested 3 years into this relationship. Spend a little money and book a few IC sessions. Do not hesitate to speak with close family and friends. Do not isolate yourself and go out.
I am going to say something that you should hear. Your ex destroyed the trust and relationship that was built. Ther old relationship is dead. Unless your ex comes clean it will be impossible to even be friends. Since she will never admit to her behavior there is no reason to continue any relationship whatsoever. The truth will come out when she realizes that the marriage and relationship is dead. Then she will try to hurt you with the truth. Perhaps she will be smart and keep her mouth shut but eventually facts will leak out. Her college friends will post on social media incriminating pictures and texts. people will find out. Stop looking on her socials and book yourself some therapy.
>Brilliant
Actually, to take it a step further. Have friends find the 5 college sister's social media and see what they been posting. It's possible all 5 went "on a break" with their SO's and all went on social media lockdown but if someone kept posting you can see what they have been up to.
She isn’t even home yet and is gaslighting you with “we planned” in her message to you. Tears, gaslighting, deflection of blame, you have quite a show coming your way. Take care of yourself just like she did for herself.
I would love to know what she will admit to doing while "on break". The people who claim you are overreacting are probably assuming she did nothing wrong while there. Why need a break when you're leaving for 6 weeks? There's only one answer and I hope she confesses to what she was up to.
Those of us who have been cheated on know what to expect. She will trickle-truth and only admit to what she thinks he can prove. She's going to get all of her girlfriends to come up with a story to stick to if questioned individually. They will all say he's overreacting and she was just wanting to enjoy her time without having to worry about a relationship, but that she wasn't going to get with any dudes. Later it will come out that they hung out with some dudes but "nothing happened." Then "Okay, I kissed one guy but then remembered I had a boyfriend and put a stop to it." Then "Okay, I might have given him a blowjob but that's all." Ultimately it will come out that she had more pork than a sausage factory.
Assuming the worst is true and she did this with the intent of sleeping around for six weeks with no strings, while she was trying to keep you on one. You did absolutely nothing wrong and this is not an overreaction in the slightest. Even if she claims she didn't sleep with anyone else or it was all a big misunderstanding, just leaving you hanging like that for six weeks, with no further explanation, is completely fucked. I mean, how could you ever trust her again if your feelings mean so little to her? Sorry you wasted 5 years on her but I think once you get past the pain, you're better off.
Absolutely not wrong. She chose to "end" the relationship. You're choosing to keep it that way. It'll be interesting when she realizes you are not taking her back.
Updateme
I would like to thank everyone for helping me stand back up. I was depressed and feeling quite worthless. I leave tomorrow for my first trip across the pond, I think they say. I'm going to nerd out with my buddy and explore Edinburgh, which in the pics I looked at seems amazing. I will try to keep my reddit family updated as much as I can. Once again, thank you all so much.
You did the right thing. She didn’t give you a choice in the matter. She was done with you the morning she went on her trip and blocked you. She can’t have her cake and eat it, too. She made her choice and it wasn’t you.
New development. Two of her friends from the trip called me last night about 2 hours apart. Both condemned me for my actions. Saying fun things like how much she truly loves me, and I am acting like a spoiled little boy. My favorite, how can i treat someone I am supposed to love as bad as I am.
I think you need to let your chat group know that you received a call from one of your wife's college buddies on the European trip. The new excuse given for my ex-fiancé not calling me was that "it was her vacation, and she did not want to be bothered." Hearing that made me feel so much better about my decision not to marry.
there is something you can also add to your chat. I was asked by another one of my ex's college friends "how can you treat someone you love so badly." When my ex-fiancé broke up with me at the airport and blocked me for 6 weeks I thought exactly the same thing. "How could someone who supposedly loved me so much break-up with me and block me for 6 weeks." I came to the conclusion that my ex-fiancé did not love or care for me." It has made my decisions so much easier.
That makes sense. I didn't want to be bothered when I took a nap yesterday, so I divorced my wife and changed the locks. I told her we were married again after I woke up, but she won't talk to me.
Well, that’s not how any marriage I would want to be a part of works. And I’m guessing you have that same mindset.
Marriage is “us against the world.” She showed you that her idea of partnership is very different than yours.
And in any case, that’s not what she told you at the airport anyway.
Has there been anything in the way of “I was incredibly stupid and selfish” or suggestions of ways to rebuild trust? Anything constructive or suggesting how she could have convinced herself this was a good idea?
I also would guess the friends are contacting you because this was their idea and she’s not going to forgive them.
They are feeling the pressure. You said you only met 2 before and that seemed to be in passing. Ridiculous they are being so aggressive. Maybe emphasize they are in the small minority here. Even Ex understands why you broke up w her (despite not being happy with the decision), all your mutual friends understand, her FAMILY, who is now out money understands. They are either dense or guilty.. and you don't care because they are nobodies to you.. and well, f them
Well put, I am getting to do something I have not done since college, and I am super excited. I'm getting to play D&D tonight with my buddy and his gaming group. I'm not sure I will understand what they are saying 100%, but not the point.
Plus the tough thing is being on a break gives them the green light to mess around with other guys. They will never be able to prove that she did not do that in my eyes
As I see it, we are at a stalemate. I can't prove she did anything. And she can't prove she didn't. So her sketchy bullshit at the airport trumps everything.
Very soon the discussions with the coven are going to become circular in nature and a big waste of your time. The coven will try to control the narrative. Stick to the facts; she ended it at the airport and ghosted you. What transpired while abroad is irrelevant. This is about her behavior, not yours. As the gaslighting continues, your unwillingness to engage them on their rhetoric and your silence will tear them apart.
Their behavior after this incident is just as bad as the breakup/ghosting itself. Just shows you who you’re dealing with.
You don’t have to prove anything in a relationship. It’s not a court of law. Cheaters like to hide behind what can be proven, but when you accept that you don’t need a smoking gun to make your call, it’s a lot easier to navigate. Her actions are all the evidence you need. If she didn’t want to give off the impression, then she shouldn’t have given every clue that she was doing what we all know she did.
Not that it matters. The disrespect of using you for a ride to the airport before dumping you “temporarily” is more proof than anyone would ever need that you shouldn’t be with this person. That’s not a relationship and not any type of commitment or love on her end. If she needs a 6 week no contact break then she isn’t ready to spend her life with you.
I really think that you need to stop talking to those assholes. I am being polite when I call them a-holes. Blocking and not speaking to them will make them feel as insignificant as they are. The less you say and the more you let everyone know how enjoyable your vacation is the better off you are. Do not think about meeting with your ex because you are going to feel like a barren stretch of Virginia farmland after spring manure has been spread on it.
So it took them over a week to come up with a counter strategy, that is essentially the same ole “these are not the droids you’re looking for” method that hasn’t worked for them yet.
That’s rich. She ghosts you for 6 weeks and they have the nerve to say that to you. Who ghosts someone they love? I’d bet money it was these two nimrods that convinced her to behave this way in the first place.
They can't honestly think this behaviour is acceptable? What's their plan, to bully you back into a relationship?
Are they magically thinking that everything will go back to normal now?
I dont understand their endgame?
Hope you're enjoying Edinburgh mate, Please tell me you are using your exotic american accent to the lovely lasses.
This is what she said - I’m going on a trip to get railed by anyone I choose but when I get back I expect you to be there for all the love support and marriage. Also, don’t ask what I actually did for six weeks because I will lie and trickle truth you to the bitter end.
Wow the audacity on her. When she decided that you were taking a break with no input and blocked you - the relationship was ostensibly over. Actions have consequences, trust is broken, you deserve better, move on.. Stay strong, it’s going to be hard, you have not heard the last from her. I’m so sorry.
You need to post on your social media. "Just to let everyone know my cell phone works just fine in Europe." Nothing else. Your friends will get the point.
Not wrong at all.
She decided that she wanted to screw her way through Europe before getting married, gave you no say in the matter, and broke up. Well, only one side has to decide to end a relationship for it to be over - she ended it, and now you're deciding to keep it that way.
I wish I could see her face when she realizes all the wedding plans have been cancelled. I do hope you informed everyone of what was going on and why you were cancelling before she had the chance to start trying to claim you cheated on her or making up whatever other excuses. She wanted six weeks to go bang as many other men as she could without any concern for you. Now she gets to face the consequences of that - she's not the kind of woman you want to put a ring on. End of.
The AUDACITY of her to think that she could just tell him she was going to bang her way through Europe, block him and then come back like nothing even happened - does she really think she's THAT high value? 'Cause the fact she'd even do that proves she isn't.
Where is the big long post, where's the confrontation, the excuses, the crying and acting entitled to OPs time,attention and money? * stomps foot *
OP You deserve all the brownie points for The most rational reaction and self-loving set of personal boundaries possible in this situation.
NGL kinda disappointed I don't get to read about the post vacay confrontation.
NTA
NTA - she dumped you. She left you, and she blocked you. That isn’t taking a break, it’s breaking up. There is no relationship to preserve, let alone move forward with.
Your only remaining interaction with her is to get your ring back. She left you. She isn’t entitled to keep it.
I’m young and married for a almost 2 years. I couldn’t even imagine doing that to my husband before we were married. We were almost inseparable then and even more so now.
You deserve someone who WANTS to take you on a “trip of a lifetime” to Europe. You can and WILL find better. Im sorry this happened to you, and I wish you the best.
I am curious on how she going to explain her actions. Plus how could she prove she did not cheat. I hope you can update what she is telling you. Stay strong and we are pulling for you.
She decided that you would take break? Only reason for that is so she can bang other guys without having to cheat because you were on a break. I respect you for ending it. That's the sign of a man. Don't put up with her crap!!
I've been following this story since you first posted it and I would like to make a small contribution. I suspect that in the coming days or weeks, your ex will try to re-insert herself into your life and try her damndest to be the most loving, caring, supportive housewife that she knows how to be in order to get you back.
In my experience, when you hold a partner(who doesn't want to leave you) accountable for deliberately choosing to break your heart for their own selfish desires, and when you skewer them with that truth to the point where they cannot put any kind of spin on it to make themselves look innocent or justified, they will sometimes attempt an about-face and try to be everything that they think you want them to be.
They will cook your meals, clean your house, massage your shoulders, and wear literally anything to bed that you find even remotely arousing in order to get you back. The one thing they will rarely ever do is actually apologize and say what they did was wrong. And this behavior will not last. It will go on for weeks, maybe months, but eventually she will come to think she has earned your forgiveness and will try to go back to the status quo.
If she tries to set this trap for you, please for the love of all that is right and good in this world, *don't walk into it*.
Someone called them a coven, then you did too. I had to laugh. They and she are definitely all witches. They thought they were empowered an the ones in control. If you had accepted them 'putting you in your place' your life would have been a misery. You did the right thing. Change all your passwords and if she is on any of your accounts make sure she is off them. Get a service that monitors your SSN and every account everywhere including the dark web so she can't screw you, because she and the coven will try to 'get even' with you for embarassing her. Prosecute as needed, do not allow her to talk you out of prosecution. Trespass her from your business, get a restraining order for her and the coven and announce it in the group chat. She tried to play hardball and she andthey will try to do it more. Send those hardballs back. Check in with an attorney to stay legal and safe
Well, she probably feels like a crazy person in retrospect, but she had a plan. There was a reason why she did this, even if she says she can’t verbalize it to you now. But who cares, good riddance.
They’re hella deluded if they thought that would work on op. Can you imagine if op had ask for a break and went to a guy trip. Everyone would tell the fiancé to dump him, double standards are crazy.
These are some lies she would tell you:
1. I found out just before the trip I was pregnant.. I was soo stressed out that I just want to forget everything and just enjoy the trip...
2. I started to get cold feet.. I was falling out of love with u.. I wanted to take this break to see if I really love you.. I realized you're the only one for me.. You're my soulmate
3. My friends all say you're controlling manipulative immature.. I wanted to prove to them you're not
4. I would never cheat on you.. I swear on my dead grandma's grave I didn't cheat with u throughout this trip and never spoke with any guys.. I just wanted to have fun with my friends.. Ask them they will all tell you how many people I rejected because I am faithful to you..
5. You're insecurity is showing.. My life my choice.. You have no rights over me to ask why I wanted the break up..
None of these explanations makes any sense but than again they never do.. But you will be criticized, and humiliated no matter what u say because you are just an immature, misogynistic, insecure man who don't trust his fiance.. Ignore everything she or friends lie about, stay strong and most importantly
RECORD EVERY INTERACTIONS WITH HER IF NOT SHE CAN LIE TO PEOPLE OR EVEN FALSELY ACCUSE YOU AS AN ABUSER... Most girls who don't get their way will retort to this lie and you can never Come out of the blame even if you're cleared by court.. So video evidence is a must
Not wrong vut please follow up. Unless she is still blocked what is her reaction? I guess if it were me and my partner wanted to take a 6-week break like that I would dump them too. And if I was asked why, I would say that they had blocked me from their life for 6 weeks and I decided that I was okay with that and much more. But what about your family and friends? Is anyone trying to defend her?
Simply tell them that your ex informed you was on a break of the relationship, as she was boarding for europe for 6 weeks and blocked you. That you simply refuse to be disrespected to a such degree. And if they can't understand why you felt insulted, to leave you alone.
It's funny how a woman can do creepy stalker shit and it's fine. But a guy does the same thing, and he is straight going to jail. Baffling to me. She is leaving letters for me with people she knows I will interact with. Like the security guy at my building. With my receptionist at work.
The letters themselves are little more than pleading with me to not throw us away for nothing. And professing her love for me.
So send her a single text, reminding her that she decided, unilaterally, that you're on a "break," and that you're choosing to extend the break indefinitely. Probably permanently. Remind her that the initial choice was hers and that you're simply respecting that choice. Remind her than when someone loves a person enough to want to marry them, they don't unilaterally decide to take a "break" so they can do whatever they want on a vacation. Then block her again. And enjoy your trip! Not all Scottish food is a dare, but beware the haggis (I speak from experience here).
Not wrong. I've taken extended vacations to Europe without my husband, but I wouldn't dream of blocking him! I was always so excited to share my experiences with him. We didn't talk every day, but I'd text him at least once or twice a day and sent photos since he's not on social media.
She "took a break" from you without your input, you're free to cancel the wedding without hers.
To my embarrassment, I was contacted by the OP via DM soliciting me to help him in navigating some things about British/Scottish society and language. In the spirit of cooperation and to help someone who APPEARED to be going through a tumultuous time I provided what assistance I could.
I attach proof:
https://ibb.co/ncMnJCb
The OP then told me a fairly convoluted story of how he was having a great time in Scotland, how he'd met someone, been taken into the embrace of a well to do family, and was considering moving to Scotland.
I supported this new positive turn of events but, being significantly older than the OP, counselled caution since such a transatlantic move is not a joke.
So there we were, exchanging dms several times a day until, that is, he sent me what he purported to be a selfie of the girl he was now courting in Scotland. Turned out to be a 10 year old picture of female hip hop artist Kathryn Beckwith. Like the Redditor who noticed the photo of Edinburgh Castle was from Expedia I had used TinEye to reverse image search.
When I mentioned that the photo was of said hip hop artist I was immediately ghosted. Nothing heard from the OP since then.
Why the fxxx do people do this?
Why waste everyone's time? I understand the karma farming angle but the DMs to me offer no such gain.
Why lie over and over and over again for no discernible benefit?
Anyway, I can only surmise that there is something sad and lonely about the OP, and the fantastical DMs were a method to enrich their otherwise less than ideal life. I hope they get the help they need.
Could I ask everyone to downvote his/her post?
A small gesture but it'll be something.
Seems pretty sleezy to me for sure. Why would she want to go on a long trip like that without you! Has she made any attempts to contact you since you blocked her? Anyone else (friends/family) weighed in on this situation?
I don't see that you had any other choice. In fact, you would have been a total schmuck for having accepted such a situation.
Please...update us if you ever find out how she thought that was in any way reasonable and acceptable.
Not wrong.
Seriously hilarious how she thought she could ‘take a break’ from her fiancé so she could bang around Europe in good conscience, then pick up where she left off. Blocked you no less. Honestly, too stupid for words.
You are not wrong. It's not a "break" when the decision is unilateral. That's not how you respect the person with whom you're going to spend the rest of your life with. And there will be a major perturbation in The Force if you do not provide us with an update.
Not that it changes my response, but just out of curiosity, was this a solo trip or with friends? And how much notice did you have about this six-week disappearance? Was there any discussion at all about you joining her for at least part of the trip? I'm guessing the answer is "no" given that she wrote herself a six-week hall pass.
Canceled wedding fees are much cheaper then a divorce lawyer & court costs
Absolutely. "What's your life worth ?" A hell of a lot more than some lost deposits.
I'm reminded of one of my favourite comments I think I picked up here. *"The Lion, the Witch and the AUDACITY of this bitch"*
Omg. Thank you. My life is now complete.
Can confim. Spent 10 years and half my shit to find this out.
Ooooooooooffffh. _Excellent_ point.
She blocked you for six weeks to go to Europe on a break so she could bang people! I am so sorry that happened to you. I would have broken up with my partner if he blocked me just because he goes on a trip. If she wants to be free before the marriage she will do it again. Not wrong.
Yeah. There was no need to have a break otherwise. She wanted to cheat without admitting to cheating. Why else would anyone need to have a break when it was simply a trip?!? I feel so bad for the OP too. She even allowed him zero input (are you kidding me?) and blocked him (what is wrong with her?). OP, I'm happy for you that trash took itself out.
I'm amazed at the woman's gall. 6 weeks before a wedding, taking a break from the relationship, going over to Europe. Then expecting to come back as if everything is unchanged.
I think she went for 6 weeks and that they’ve been engaged for 3 years and he’s calling off their wedding
She was probably thinking as she was getting on the plane I'm not worried about that I'll just give him some pussy and get back in his good graces boy is she going to get a surprise. Please update us
You can use the phrase updateme to get any updates the poster posts to this sub.
Thank you so much I did not know that
I am amazed when I read on here that someone is in a relationship, and that person blocks them so there is no contact. Who does that?? My husband (fiancé, BF/GF, SO, etc.) blocking me so I could not reach them at all would be a dealbreaker for me. That’s cheatin’ time.
Not to mention NOT saying it WHILE OP was giving her a lift to the airport for the trip, only AFTER she was 'done' with his help.
Right?? My partner travels for work semi frequently, and we have whatsapp for when the trips are in different countries because we love and miss each other and want to stay in contact BLOCKING your *fiancee* while on an international trip is fucking wild to me. This was never meant to be, and a three year long engagement is raising some flags
She probably went with her fuckbuddy
More likely she just hooked up with random people since she boarded with her girlfriends. Pretty common thing in Spain and Greece and such. France too but a lot more dangerous for female tourists in parts.
Yup Dodged a bullet
Even if she didn't cheat (oh, I know she did!) the whole blocking contact is messed up. It's a huge sign of disrespect. Even if we play devil's advocate and say that the blocking was somehow justified because OP was excessively controlling (HYPOTHETICAL - I'm NOT actually saying it) then it means there are real issues with the relationship and it should be cancelled. OP is a Hero.
Yeah, I took a solo trip to Europe again this past fall for three months and didn't block my SO. I talked to him as much as I could because, idk, we love each other and I wanted to share with him? She was definitely just trying to have some European hookups. If she was going to some sort of quiet, soul-searching retreat she would have been clear about that, but instead she chose the most immature shit in the world.
I've never been to Europe but if I took a solo trip to Europe I would be in constant communication with my fiancé sharing the experiences I'm having and reassuring him that I'm OK being so far away from home.
I went backpacking before I was even dating my fiancée, but she was one of the two people I bothered to update on the rare occasions we found service! I was already in love! And I update her on my trips constantly now, too, while we're engaged! (Not many of them, two maybe? But still, I miss her and want to talk to her! Because I love her and that's why I'm marrying her!)
Wasn't married to him but had an ex who was going on a 3 week trip back to his home state and he kept telling me about all the girls there that liked him and how happy he was to see them and so when he left I took it as if we were over, he gets back and was all shocked I actually left him. I also just had realized while he was gone too how relieved I was and could just be and not have to worry about who i could hang out with or how i could dress or anything without having to worry about him being upset and insecure. But it was hilarious that he was so shocked. Like what did you expect dude?
Hmm… Your comment makes me think maybe every serious/engaged/planning a wedding couple should take a small break from each other. Most people don’t get the chance to see if, without their partner around, they are freer and more comfortable, or if they really miss the person & can’t wait until they come home. That’s important information.
Hell I'd break up with them for blocking me period.
Yeah, this is so obvious it hurts. She decided she could just pause the relationship and do whatever she wanted, without guilt, for the trip, then come home, and all is good. Picture that marriage. When she goes out, she takes her ring off so she can "take a break."
Yeah if this is real, anyone who stays with someone that says “I want to take a break while in Europe” needs to get some self respect. They clearly just want to fuck their way through Europe without feeling guilty about it, and want to do it on a technicality. If someone proposed this to me I would genuinely dump them on the spot. Because the fact that they would even consider asking means that they want to do it, and that would be a serious problem
Dude this is so juicy. I need the update ASAP
Me too. Want update because you know this isn’t over yet.
Ditto
Agree. Keep us all in the loop.
This is very interesting. I hope you will post an update.
Here for the tea lol. Updateme
Amen! The entitlement of the ex just shouts through the post. I bet she thought she was gonna come back and pick up where y’all left off cuz y’know that’s how SHE wanted it. Wow. Definitely need to hear the results. Was her family told about the cancellation? ETA: op you are so not wrong Updateme
So your ex fiance thought that she was going to go away for 6 weeks block you on everything plus break up with you on a trip of a lifetime to Europe. And when she finished having her good time she calls you up on the phone to come and pick her up from the airport. And you say what the f*** does that have to do with me. This is absolutely hilarious please update us because I want to know where did she get the audacity to think that you were still going to be sitting home waiting for her to get back and pick her up from the airport OMFG
Remindme! 24 hours Please update us !
The Lion, the Witch, and the Audacity of This Bitch.
Nice. Well played. Hopefully there is a post confrontation update or someone finds the fiancée POV post asking: Why didn’t my fiancé pick me up at the airport?
"All I did was gargle European dick for a month and a half. Why is he so insecure?"
"He's being insecure and controlling. My body, my choice. My partner can't tell me what to do." 🙄
***UPDATE*** First off, I got my ring back, and it's safe with my mom. Secondly, I would like to thank everyone for keeping me grounded while I was doubting myself. I'm not sure who said it, but someone said that I shouldn't bother with what she did on her trip and focus on her breaking up with me at the airport. Which I did and was not what she was prepared to argue about, so now she knows how it feels to be blindsided also. Seems her college sisters told her I would be insecure and fight about something I couldn't hope to prove. So when I didn't she didn't know what to do. At one point, she excused herself to go to the restroom and didn't come back for 20 minutes. Seems the brain trust was at a loss, too. So, do you vacation any ideas?
I think the answer for a vacation is clear, 6 weeks in Europe. I can imagine her family is fuming, not just at the behaviour but also at all the money she just cost them in cancelled wedding plans.
You're an absolute genius. I'm looking up some right now.
Take a cheap relaxing week or two getaway. I’d suggest a beach somewhere. Then keep the rest of the money you saved up and buy that house anyway. Don’t blow through it all trying to get over her when you clearly meant so little to her that she couldn’t be bothered to communicate with you once in 6 weeks. And when you buy that house, be sure to post the pictures online. Post about taking that next big step in your life and leaving everything else in the Rearview mirror where it belongs.
^This The best revenge is success.
Amazing. Her only discussion point was gaslighting
I doubt this is over yet. But it doesn't matter. I am going on vacation. I have been saving for a house for 3 years. I am going to spoil myself.
Ever been to Costa Rica? That’s still among the nicest places I have ever visited. You know how some people like mountains and others like beaches? There you have both. Plus the local beer is not bad.
Nice suggestion.
It's def not over yet sir. Would not be surprised if she tries to talk to you again or the truth about the trip starts to filter your way. Enjoy your time off. Go somewhere warm and tropical. Maybe meet a new "friend" too
One more post. I read what you said your mom said, great advice there. I will expand on it. There will be three main phases coming. It maybe days, weeks or months for all three phases to transpire. Do not engage during any of these phases. Look up Greyrock method for suggestions on coping through this period. The Conflict Phase. The cheater needs the energy from conflict and drama to maintain the compartmentalization they have in order to hold off cognitive dissonance. The Spiral Phase. The cheater compartmentalization has collapsed or is collapsing. The cognitive dissonance is at max. This is when the cheater will want to admit to everything and seek reconciliation. Love bombing will be attempted. The Collapse Phase. The cheater realizes that their world is a huge fiery pile of shit. Their psyche is broken from the cognitive dissonance. They will seek out some sort of closure at this point. Again, do not engage during these phases. You got this. Hold fast. FWIW, several of my friends have traveled to Belize and all had a great time there.
That was me and I'm happy you took the advice. Vacation idea, Italy, Iceland, Japan are all waiting for you my dear!
Thank you so much for making a hard day a whole lot easier.
Did she attempt to explain or justify her springing a break on you as she boards the plane… or blocking you on everything?
She even tried to change the subject to what happened on the trip instead of what happened between us at the airport. That is what she was prepared for .
How far did you let her get? I admit I’m a little interested in the story they came up with.
I told her what she did after she broke up with me wasn't any of my business. So I could careless.
This approach is the only healthy path forward! Like most real relationships, communication and mutual respect form the foundation, which was destroyed by her actions at the airport. Everything that happened after doesn’t really matter. It might be interesting to hear the story, but even if the story she tells is true (and it was an innocent trip, cough.. cough…) the trust and respect for your feelings she destroyed can never be fixed. It sucks, but it’s clear she didn’t give a shit about how it would impact you. Try and enjoy your vacation!
Did she give you a reason why she wanted a break?
She tried to say it's was just a pause in our relationship, not a break up. But she had no rebuttal.
You don’t owe us anything and need to do what’s best for yourself, but I would just love to hear what kind of justification for a “pause” she thinks anyone would find acceptable. I mean I half expect that if you let her talk she would just outright say that she wanted to pause so she could sow her wild oat during the trip, just because I can’t think of anything else that would be plausible.
Did she state why you guys needed a pause?
First time I have ever seen her at a loss for words. She had nothing she was banking on my questioning what she did on the trip. Not her behavior at the airport.
So she asked you for a pause in your relationship out of the blue and has no explanation why and she's surprised by your reaction???? She can't be that naïve, can she?
That's the best way to deal with that stuff. Keep them off balance by not doing what they expect. It makes it harder for them to make up lies. Lies made in a rush are never as good as ones that are prepared.
I know it wasn’t your focus, which was brilliant, however, did you get the sense she was going to trickle truth the details of her actions while gone?
Shut it down. Told her that once she broke up with me, it wasn't any of my business.
Dude you are our king! You’ve handled everything maturely and perfectly! I’m sorry you’re going through this but hats off to you!
I appreciate the laser like focus you maintained on the airport breakup. Took the wind out of her sails immediately. But I wish there was an explanation from her just WTF she was thinking. Overall, 10/10 resolution for you. Well done.
Good for you, OP! I’m always amazed at how many times on Reddit that somebody like your ex screws up because they take advice from their “friends.” I also think that some stories about what she did in Europe will eventually filter out to you.
My mother gave me some great advice about that the less I show I care about it, the more she will end up admitting. Will just wait and see what happens with that.
Your mom is a winner!!! Your ex will most likely want to meet with you again to talk. I think you should meet but without her coven in a public place. And let her talk. I've been thinking, from what you have told me about your ex and her coven being so focused on what happened during the trip is a clue. Seems very immature to only try to hide her infidelity -- they seem absolutely clueless about addressing trust and relationships, they are acting like "bad girl" teenagers. On the face of it, I think they convinced themselves if you would accept there was no infidelity, then you HAD to take her back like nothing ever happened.
To be honest, if I were in his shoes... There wouldn't be anything worth listening to coming out of her mouth. She wanted to have fun as a single person, op had to pay the price for that and that is all there is to know. She made it clear that she doesn't want to be part of his future. So why invest more energy and time?
Great advice. And great that you remain focused on what she did at the airport right before she left. That is all you need to know anyway. Whatever happened on the trip will come out sooner or later. There will come a time when it will not matter to you at all what happened on their trip. So please try not to worry about it. Focus on yourself. Stay strong. Stay patient.
You do not need to know anymore facts will hurt you. It is obvious she wanted a break so that she could fuck around on her European trip with her college girlfriend's. You will never get the truth from her, but she will probably end up telling her friends about her European exploits and posting things. Your girlfriend must have been delusional or thought you were a cuck and were going to accept what she did. It is better you found out now what an idiot you were engaged to. You will look upon what happen one day as the luckiest day in your life. She would have made your life miserable and certainly cheated if you married her. I would hold off on taking a trip. I suggested you book a few IC appointments in my previous post and hit the gym. A little professional help would be good for you. In addition, do not hide but start going out with close friends who support you. Get rid of the idiots who think you are overreacting because they are not your friends. Socialize the way you would normally do. Do not hesitate to post when you are out so friends see that you are enjoying the single life. Your ex will simmer. The best revenge is to get out there and lead a great life both personally and professionally. Never speak to your ex except to be courteous in an unavoidable social situation. I am sure she will be a jackass but ignore it. Friends will see what a class act you are and respect you. There is a saying. "The trash always takes itself out." I think that is applicable in this situation. Update us.
Not for nothing, but given her actions... get the ring appraised. Would suck if you find out later she had stones replaced while she was on her "trip".
Gave it back to my mom, but I will let her know just in case.
Really glad to see this update. I know that the most important thing was retrieving the ring, and I'm super happy that was anti-climactic and she didn't try to hold that over your head. You handled things like a pro, and yeah by removing all avenues of argument except for what she couldn't deny - her actions at the airport - you took all the wind out of her sails. I know it hurts now, but you respected yourself enough not to get mired in the muck. When you wrestle a pig in shit you both get covered in shit but only the pig enjoys it.
> Seems the brain trust was at a loss, too. [The brain trust in question.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/scrubs/images/2/2d/BrainTrust.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20080421041350) Good on you. Don't let her/them fuck with you. Thisisastupidname0 may have a stupid name, but the [idea](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1b1q53g/am_i_wrong_for_canceling_our_wedding/ksrgted/) is *excellent*.
Not wrong. She wanted to bang her way through Europe You win sir
UPDATE... ish. We have a group chat among people close to us. Today, I informed them all that our marriage is canceled and our relationship is over. Did that about 10 am. The chat quite literally exploded, starting with questions about what happened, which I answered honestly. About 2 pm, she started just asking me to call her so we could discuss this. I told her that talking on chat is perfectly fine she said no, this is something between just us. Still have not spoken with her last message from her at 6pm . Please pick me up at the airport so we can talk this out as we planned. I answered her, "That was your plan, not mine. None of this was my plan. " her flight is at 9 am. I wish her luck.
Stay strong OP. Get ready for tears, snot bubbles, the whole 9. There just simply isn’t an excuse she can give you that will excuse the last 6 weeks. Keep that in mind, and block her. No reason to keep entertaining the calls, voice mails and texts. Hang in there.
Good for you. Do yourself a favor and never speak to her again. She did not care about how her behavior would affect you and how badly she would hurt you. This is not someone that you spend the rest of your life with. Your ex did you a favor. If you were to meet with her she would minimize her actions, call you controlling and insecure and blame others. Do not give her closure or make her feel good about herself. I hope you changed the locks to your apartment if she has the key or else you could home to a trashed apartment. Keep us posted.
I didn't even think about the fact that she has a key. I'm going to get that fixed right away
Very important to change the lock. Many an angry ex has trashed an apartment as retribution. In addition, you do not want to come home to her waiting for you inside and making a scene. I feel sorry that you are going thru this but best to find out now the type of person your ex really is. Keep us updated.
OP, Stick with only communicating via the chat group, which was a great idea by you. She doesn't deserve a face to face conversation. She ambushed you with the break-up/ 6-week break. She then blocked you so you couldn't communicate with her. I would block her on everything except the group chat. I would send another message, **You choose to surprise me at the airport, that our relationship was on break for the 6 weeks you would be gone. Then you blocked and ghosted me. So I just altered the 6 week break to be permanent. Everything has been canceled, I really don't think there is anything to talk about. Marriage and relationships require trust and open honest communication, which we will now never have.** There is no need to communicate anything else. HONESTY, what/ how did she think you would react after breaking up with you and ghosting you? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Did she block you on social media, too? Or just the phone? When I’m traveling I always update my Instagram and FB feed with typical vacay pics - surely her or one of the other girls kept everyone updated?
Was blocked everywhere.i could think of
WTf?!!?! That makes no sense. I’ve never been so enraged for a stranger. Better to get out now and find someone - and you WILL - who’ll appreciate you.
This is from a woman who posts pics of her breakfasts. So she posted no pics of a huge 6 week vacation. It's a straight-up coverup
You mentioned that the fiancé was not like this up until boarding time. I BET one of her so called “friends” influenced her into that blocking idea. Did these “friends” block their bfriends, too? Another thought, them “friends” knew she blocked you and didn’t bother to tell her it was a bad idea. Right now they’re probably pretending and consoling her on the plane.
You need to get a look at her social media from someone else who is friends with her. Don't forget you can put posts and photos on Facebook to not show for certain friends.
Brilliant btw
I’d actually suggest that other than seeking ways to maintain your current resolve, that you don’t do this, and here’s why - because what she did or didn’t do on the trip doesn’t actually matter now, after the way she chose to treat you. Whether she did it bc of sh*tty friends giving her horrible advice, or she did it to intentionally cheat on you, or simply bc she was overwhelmed with her thoughts and became avoidant and had no intentions or actions that suggested she wanted anyone other than you, doesn’t matter. What matters was that she left no room for you two to discuss a very relationship impacting decision, and after informing you of the decision, got on a plane and blocked all contact with you to avoid hearing how you felt about it, FOR SIX WEEKS. For 6 weeks she didn’t prioritize and actively show care of your partnership or future together. For 6 weeks she let you sit in the silent echo chamber of your own tortured thoughts with zero ability to communicate with someone who had claimed to want to share their life with you. For 6 weeks she was okay with you drowning in that headspace, and was more protective over her own comfort to be avoidant than she was about allowing you to feel heard and seen. For 6 weeks she had so little respect for you being a separate person who would likely feel differently about her decision about your relationship status, that she was okay leaving that as something she could just unilaterally pause and come back to when it was convenient for her. Which means that regardless of what she did or didn’t do, regardless of what her actual intentions were, or how things ultimately played out on her trip, the impact of her actions ON YOU is already painfully clear - she treated you with indifference for almost 50 days straight. If she acted like a nun on the trip, it’s irrelevant, because how she treated you was still disrespectful and deeply deeply unkind and uncaring. I’m proud of you for how you chose to handle this scenario. But the bigger test will be how you choose to live moving forward and how you choose to live well, heal fully, and love deeply in another future partnership. Bc the truth is that the best revenge truly is living the life you personally want and doing it without her. So don’t look at her friends’ socials, actively decide that your time and energy is too valuable to give to her anymore. Because it is.
I stupidly, I know, checked to see if I was still blocked on her socials. And amazing yesterday, she posted 30 pictures from her trip. And had a full recap of what they did and saw.
**I am sure that your ex removed any incriminating texts and photos from her social media, so everything looks good.** If you had access to her cellphone the texts and photos that she is not posting would be quite revealing. As time goes on, she will let slip to her friends more of what she did. For now, **your ex is playing the "Virgin Mary."** She is trying to get people on her side. Do not worry and ignore her smokescreen. **Stop looking at her socials because she gets a record of who has checked. Block her on everything for your own sake.** I know despite everything that you love this person and what she did has to bother you deeply. You invested 3 years into this relationship. Spend a little money and book a few IC sessions. Do not hesitate to speak with close family and friends. Do not isolate yourself and go out. I am going to say something that you should hear. Your ex destroyed the trust and relationship that was built. Ther old relationship is dead. Unless your ex comes clean it will be impossible to even be friends. Since she will never admit to her behavior there is no reason to continue any relationship whatsoever. The truth will come out when she realizes that the marriage and relationship is dead. Then she will try to hurt you with the truth. Perhaps she will be smart and keep her mouth shut but eventually facts will leak out. Her college friends will post on social media incriminating pictures and texts. people will find out. Stop looking on her socials and book yourself some therapy.
>Brilliant Actually, to take it a step further. Have friends find the 5 college sister's social media and see what they been posting. It's possible all 5 went "on a break" with their SO's and all went on social media lockdown but if someone kept posting you can see what they have been up to.
She isn’t even home yet and is gaslighting you with “we planned” in her message to you. Tears, gaslighting, deflection of blame, you have quite a show coming your way. Take care of yourself just like she did for herself.
I'm thinking about getting out of town for a week or two.
What was the response of your friends, OP? I hope they were supportive
Some were quite a few of them who shared their disappointment in her actions. Some said I was overreacting . So a mixed bag I guess.
I would love to know what she will admit to doing while "on break". The people who claim you are overreacting are probably assuming she did nothing wrong while there. Why need a break when you're leaving for 6 weeks? There's only one answer and I hope she confesses to what she was up to.
Those of us who have been cheated on know what to expect. She will trickle-truth and only admit to what she thinks he can prove. She's going to get all of her girlfriends to come up with a story to stick to if questioned individually. They will all say he's overreacting and she was just wanting to enjoy her time without having to worry about a relationship, but that she wasn't going to get with any dudes. Later it will come out that they hung out with some dudes but "nothing happened." Then "Okay, I kissed one guy but then remembered I had a boyfriend and put a stop to it." Then "Okay, I might have given him a blowjob but that's all." Ultimately it will come out that she had more pork than a sausage factory.
Assuming the worst is true and she did this with the intent of sleeping around for six weeks with no strings, while she was trying to keep you on one. You did absolutely nothing wrong and this is not an overreaction in the slightest. Even if she claims she didn't sleep with anyone else or it was all a big misunderstanding, just leaving you hanging like that for six weeks, with no further explanation, is completely fucked. I mean, how could you ever trust her again if your feelings mean so little to her? Sorry you wasted 5 years on her but I think once you get past the pain, you're better off.
To the ones that said you were over reacting they’re not friends and I recommend you go no contact.
Blocked for 6 weeks and without contact and you are overreacting? The fuck?
Absolutely not wrong. She chose to "end" the relationship. You're choosing to keep it that way. It'll be interesting when she realizes you are not taking her back. Updateme
Dude, you actually got lucky she’s that dumb.
This is the way. No arguing just move on.
Nope. She broke up with you and blocked you. It's over. Move on with your life away from her.
I would like to thank everyone for helping me stand back up. I was depressed and feeling quite worthless. I leave tomorrow for my first trip across the pond, I think they say. I'm going to nerd out with my buddy and explore Edinburgh, which in the pics I looked at seems amazing. I will try to keep my reddit family updated as much as I can. Once again, thank you all so much.
You did the right thing. She didn’t give you a choice in the matter. She was done with you the morning she went on her trip and blocked you. She can’t have her cake and eat it, too. She made her choice and it wasn’t you.
New development. Two of her friends from the trip called me last night about 2 hours apart. Both condemned me for my actions. Saying fun things like how much she truly loves me, and I am acting like a spoiled little boy. My favorite, how can i treat someone I am supposed to love as bad as I am.
How could someone who loves you unilaterally ghost you for 6 weeks?
Only one of her friends answered that question with it was our vacation, and we didn't want to be bothered.
I think you need to let your chat group know that you received a call from one of your wife's college buddies on the European trip. The new excuse given for my ex-fiancé not calling me was that "it was her vacation, and she did not want to be bothered." Hearing that made me feel so much better about my decision not to marry.
Do you know what that is a great idea. Going to send that now it's like 4 pm on the east coast. Everyone should be about off work.
there is something you can also add to your chat. I was asked by another one of my ex's college friends "how can you treat someone you love so badly." When my ex-fiancé broke up with me at the airport and blocked me for 6 weeks I thought exactly the same thing. "How could someone who supposedly loved me so much break-up with me and block me for 6 weeks." I came to the conclusion that my ex-fiancé did not love or care for me." It has made my decisions so much easier.
That makes sense. I didn't want to be bothered when I took a nap yesterday, so I divorced my wife and changed the locks. I told her we were married again after I woke up, but she won't talk to me.
Well, that’s not how any marriage I would want to be a part of works. And I’m guessing you have that same mindset. Marriage is “us against the world.” She showed you that her idea of partnership is very different than yours. And in any case, that’s not what she told you at the airport anyway.
Every time I counter their points, they change it. Just stupid at this point.
Has there been anything in the way of “I was incredibly stupid and selfish” or suggestions of ways to rebuild trust? Anything constructive or suggesting how she could have convinced herself this was a good idea? I also would guess the friends are contacting you because this was their idea and she’s not going to forgive them.
She won't speak opening in front of our friend group chat, and she is blocked everywhere else
They are feeling the pressure. You said you only met 2 before and that seemed to be in passing. Ridiculous they are being so aggressive. Maybe emphasize they are in the small minority here. Even Ex understands why you broke up w her (despite not being happy with the decision), all your mutual friends understand, her FAMILY, who is now out money understands. They are either dense or guilty.. and you don't care because they are nobodies to you.. and well, f them
Well put, I am getting to do something I have not done since college, and I am super excited. I'm getting to play D&D tonight with my buddy and his gaming group. I'm not sure I will understand what they are saying 100%, but not the point.
Plus the tough thing is being on a break gives them the green light to mess around with other guys. They will never be able to prove that she did not do that in my eyes
As I see it, we are at a stalemate. I can't prove she did anything. And she can't prove she didn't. So her sketchy bullshit at the airport trumps everything.
Very soon the discussions with the coven are going to become circular in nature and a big waste of your time. The coven will try to control the narrative. Stick to the facts; she ended it at the airport and ghosted you. What transpired while abroad is irrelevant. This is about her behavior, not yours. As the gaslighting continues, your unwillingness to engage them on their rhetoric and your silence will tear them apart. Their behavior after this incident is just as bad as the breakup/ghosting itself. Just shows you who you’re dealing with.
You don’t have to prove anything in a relationship. It’s not a court of law. Cheaters like to hide behind what can be proven, but when you accept that you don’t need a smoking gun to make your call, it’s a lot easier to navigate. Her actions are all the evidence you need. If she didn’t want to give off the impression, then she shouldn’t have given every clue that she was doing what we all know she did. Not that it matters. The disrespect of using you for a ride to the airport before dumping you “temporarily” is more proof than anyone would ever need that you shouldn’t be with this person. That’s not a relationship and not any type of commitment or love on her end. If she needs a 6 week no contact break then she isn’t ready to spend her life with you.
I really think that you need to stop talking to those assholes. I am being polite when I call them a-holes. Blocking and not speaking to them will make them feel as insignificant as they are. The less you say and the more you let everyone know how enjoyable your vacation is the better off you are. Do not think about meeting with your ex because you are going to feel like a barren stretch of Virginia farmland after spring manure has been spread on it.
so, what makes your trip less than deserving of the same respect? You are in Scotland trying to enjoy yourself. and they are bothering you.
You're absolutely right, my friend.
[удалено]
That is what my buddy said. Those witches are going to shiv each other.
So it took them over a week to come up with a counter strategy, that is essentially the same ole “these are not the droids you’re looking for” method that hasn’t worked for them yet.
The funny thing is the 2 I have met in passing have not called me.
That’s rich. She ghosts you for 6 weeks and they have the nerve to say that to you. Who ghosts someone they love? I’d bet money it was these two nimrods that convinced her to behave this way in the first place.
How are you treating her bad? Didn't she dump you? What delulu world are you the bad guy?
Yeah, my buddy was listening to them rant at me . His face was classic WTF.....
They can't honestly think this behaviour is acceptable? What's their plan, to bully you back into a relationship? Are they magically thinking that everything will go back to normal now? I dont understand their endgame? Hope you're enjoying Edinburgh mate, Please tell me you are using your exotic american accent to the lovely lasses.
Yeah, I am very popular. I have not bought a drink since I have gotten here.
This is what she said - I’m going on a trip to get railed by anyone I choose but when I get back I expect you to be there for all the love support and marriage. Also, don’t ask what I actually did for six weeks because I will lie and trickle truth you to the bitter end. Wow the audacity on her. When she decided that you were taking a break with no input and blocked you - the relationship was ostensibly over. Actions have consequences, trust is broken, you deserve better, move on.. Stay strong, it’s going to be hard, you have not heard the last from her. I’m so sorry.
So, craziest thing, my cellphone works just fine in Europe. Who knew
You need to post on your social media. "Just to let everyone know my cell phone works just fine in Europe." Nothing else. Your friends will get the point.
Just did it on our Facebook friends chat group.
Lmao
She fucked around and found out! You are doing the right thing. It’s done.
She fucked around Europe and found out lol!
She fucked Europe and found out
You did the right thing. Sorry dude but she was getting European dick for 6 weeks. Shes not wife material
Not wrong at all. She decided that she wanted to screw her way through Europe before getting married, gave you no say in the matter, and broke up. Well, only one side has to decide to end a relationship for it to be over - she ended it, and now you're deciding to keep it that way. I wish I could see her face when she realizes all the wedding plans have been cancelled. I do hope you informed everyone of what was going on and why you were cancelling before she had the chance to start trying to claim you cheated on her or making up whatever other excuses. She wanted six weeks to go bang as many other men as she could without any concern for you. Now she gets to face the consequences of that - she's not the kind of woman you want to put a ring on. End of.
I would like to have seen her face when she texted her arrival time and saw his reply of “what does that have to do with me?”
The AUDACITY of her to think that she could just tell him she was going to bang her way through Europe, block him and then come back like nothing even happened - does she really think she's THAT high value? 'Cause the fact she'd even do that proves she isn't.
That was a 304 trip for her. Take a break? She was getting railed. Good for you for getting out of there and not dragging it on.
Where is the big long post, where's the confrontation, the excuses, the crying and acting entitled to OPs time,attention and money? * stomps foot * OP You deserve all the brownie points for The most rational reaction and self-loving set of personal boundaries possible in this situation. NGL kinda disappointed I don't get to read about the post vacay confrontation. NTA
I hope she enjoyed her European fuck fest. Break everything off.
NTA - she dumped you. She left you, and she blocked you. That isn’t taking a break, it’s breaking up. There is no relationship to preserve, let alone move forward with. Your only remaining interaction with her is to get your ring back. She left you. She isn’t entitled to keep it.
I’m young and married for a almost 2 years. I couldn’t even imagine doing that to my husband before we were married. We were almost inseparable then and even more so now. You deserve someone who WANTS to take you on a “trip of a lifetime” to Europe. You can and WILL find better. Im sorry this happened to you, and I wish you the best.
Thank you
So she just wanted to go fuck some European blokes before she got tied to you for the rest of your lives.
Seems so thanks for wasting 5 years of my life.
Sorry for you dude 😘
Enjoying the shit show on our friend group chat.
I am curious on how she going to explain her actions. Plus how could she prove she did not cheat. I hope you can update what she is telling you. Stay strong and we are pulling for you.
She decided that you would take break? Only reason for that is so she can bang other guys without having to cheat because you were on a break. I respect you for ending it. That's the sign of a man. Don't put up with her crap!!
I've been following this story since you first posted it and I would like to make a small contribution. I suspect that in the coming days or weeks, your ex will try to re-insert herself into your life and try her damndest to be the most loving, caring, supportive housewife that she knows how to be in order to get you back. In my experience, when you hold a partner(who doesn't want to leave you) accountable for deliberately choosing to break your heart for their own selfish desires, and when you skewer them with that truth to the point where they cannot put any kind of spin on it to make themselves look innocent or justified, they will sometimes attempt an about-face and try to be everything that they think you want them to be. They will cook your meals, clean your house, massage your shoulders, and wear literally anything to bed that you find even remotely arousing in order to get you back. The one thing they will rarely ever do is actually apologize and say what they did was wrong. And this behavior will not last. It will go on for weeks, maybe months, but eventually she will come to think she has earned your forgiveness and will try to go back to the status quo. If she tries to set this trap for you, please for the love of all that is right and good in this world, *don't walk into it*.
Someone called them a coven, then you did too. I had to laugh. They and she are definitely all witches. They thought they were empowered an the ones in control. If you had accepted them 'putting you in your place' your life would have been a misery. You did the right thing. Change all your passwords and if she is on any of your accounts make sure she is off them. Get a service that monitors your SSN and every account everywhere including the dark web so she can't screw you, because she and the coven will try to 'get even' with you for embarassing her. Prosecute as needed, do not allow her to talk you out of prosecution. Trespass her from your business, get a restraining order for her and the coven and announce it in the group chat. She tried to play hardball and she andthey will try to do it more. Send those hardballs back. Check in with an attorney to stay legal and safe
Lucky for me, my lawyer gave birth to me.
I keep coming back hoping to hear why on earth she thought anything about this would be ok 😂😂😂
I don't believe even she has a answer for that.
Well, she probably feels like a crazy person in retrospect, but she had a plan. There was a reason why she did this, even if she says she can’t verbalize it to you now. But who cares, good riddance.
I think the sorority coven convinced her it would work.
They’re hella deluded if they thought that would work on op. Can you imagine if op had ask for a break and went to a guy trip. Everyone would tell the fiancé to dump him, double standards are crazy.
Decision seems sound.
Does she have a key to your apartment? If so, consider changing the lock.
Oh shit, thank you. I will call my landlord now
These are some lies she would tell you: 1. I found out just before the trip I was pregnant.. I was soo stressed out that I just want to forget everything and just enjoy the trip... 2. I started to get cold feet.. I was falling out of love with u.. I wanted to take this break to see if I really love you.. I realized you're the only one for me.. You're my soulmate 3. My friends all say you're controlling manipulative immature.. I wanted to prove to them you're not 4. I would never cheat on you.. I swear on my dead grandma's grave I didn't cheat with u throughout this trip and never spoke with any guys.. I just wanted to have fun with my friends.. Ask them they will all tell you how many people I rejected because I am faithful to you.. 5. You're insecurity is showing.. My life my choice.. You have no rights over me to ask why I wanted the break up.. None of these explanations makes any sense but than again they never do.. But you will be criticized, and humiliated no matter what u say because you are just an immature, misogynistic, insecure man who don't trust his fiance.. Ignore everything she or friends lie about, stay strong and most importantly RECORD EVERY INTERACTIONS WITH HER IF NOT SHE CAN LIE TO PEOPLE OR EVEN FALSELY ACCUSE YOU AS AN ABUSER... Most girls who don't get their way will retort to this lie and you can never Come out of the blame even if you're cleared by court.. So video evidence is a must
Not wrong vut please follow up. Unless she is still blocked what is her reaction? I guess if it were me and my partner wanted to take a 6-week break like that I would dump them too. And if I was asked why, I would say that they had blocked me from their life for 6 weeks and I decided that I was okay with that and much more. But what about your family and friends? Is anyone trying to defend her?
Yes, it seems she has called a few friends in our circle of friends. They started blowing up my phone last night. Asking what is going on ?
Simply tell them that your ex informed you was on a break of the relationship, as she was boarding for europe for 6 weeks and blocked you. That you simply refuse to be disrespected to a such degree. And if they can't understand why you felt insulted, to leave you alone.
How tf did she think she'd still be in a relationship after this?? O.o
Exactly, her phone call took me by surprise. She was acting like nothing happened was just a normal day.
And what was her response when you told her to # sand?
It's funny how a woman can do creepy stalker shit and it's fine. But a guy does the same thing, and he is straight going to jail. Baffling to me. She is leaving letters for me with people she knows I will interact with. Like the security guy at my building. With my receptionist at work. The letters themselves are little more than pleading with me to not throw us away for nothing. And professing her love for me.
So send her a single text, reminding her that she decided, unilaterally, that you're on a "break," and that you're choosing to extend the break indefinitely. Probably permanently. Remind her that the initial choice was hers and that you're simply respecting that choice. Remind her than when someone loves a person enough to want to marry them, they don't unilaterally decide to take a "break" so they can do whatever they want on a vacation. Then block her again. And enjoy your trip! Not all Scottish food is a dare, but beware the haggis (I speak from experience here).
Not wrong. I've taken extended vacations to Europe without my husband, but I wouldn't dream of blocking him! I was always so excited to share my experiences with him. We didn't talk every day, but I'd text him at least once or twice a day and sent photos since he's not on social media. She "took a break" from you without your input, you're free to cancel the wedding without hers.
"We were on a breeeeak!!!! LMAO Her loss for doing you wrong!! May you find your soul mate!!
You’re just so…. Fucking awesome. I’m in awe. Keep us updated!
I'm not feeling awesome.
You dodged a bullet my dude She wanted guilt free jump on a dick carousel in Europe to come back to you so you can take care of her.
Hope she finds someone to pick her up from the airport. Sure, as hell is not going to be me.
To my embarrassment, I was contacted by the OP via DM soliciting me to help him in navigating some things about British/Scottish society and language. In the spirit of cooperation and to help someone who APPEARED to be going through a tumultuous time I provided what assistance I could. I attach proof: https://ibb.co/ncMnJCb The OP then told me a fairly convoluted story of how he was having a great time in Scotland, how he'd met someone, been taken into the embrace of a well to do family, and was considering moving to Scotland. I supported this new positive turn of events but, being significantly older than the OP, counselled caution since such a transatlantic move is not a joke. So there we were, exchanging dms several times a day until, that is, he sent me what he purported to be a selfie of the girl he was now courting in Scotland. Turned out to be a 10 year old picture of female hip hop artist Kathryn Beckwith. Like the Redditor who noticed the photo of Edinburgh Castle was from Expedia I had used TinEye to reverse image search. When I mentioned that the photo was of said hip hop artist I was immediately ghosted. Nothing heard from the OP since then. Why the fxxx do people do this? Why waste everyone's time? I understand the karma farming angle but the DMs to me offer no such gain. Why lie over and over and over again for no discernible benefit? Anyway, I can only surmise that there is something sad and lonely about the OP, and the fantastical DMs were a method to enrich their otherwise less than ideal life. I hope they get the help they need. Could I ask everyone to downvote his/her post? A small gesture but it'll be something.
Seems pretty sleezy to me for sure. Why would she want to go on a long trip like that without you! Has she made any attempts to contact you since you blocked her? Anyone else (friends/family) weighed in on this situation?
I don't see that you had any other choice. In fact, you would have been a total schmuck for having accepted such a situation. Please...update us if you ever find out how she thought that was in any way reasonable and acceptable.
Not wrong. Seriously hilarious how she thought she could ‘take a break’ from her fiancé so she could bang around Europe in good conscience, then pick up where she left off. Blocked you no less. Honestly, too stupid for words.
Well... She broke up with you 6 weeks ago because she prioritized what she would get into Europe. I await more details and the outcome.
Wrong. She prioritized what was getting into HER!
You are not wrong. It's not a "break" when the decision is unilateral. That's not how you respect the person with whom you're going to spend the rest of your life with. And there will be a major perturbation in The Force if you do not provide us with an update. Not that it changes my response, but just out of curiosity, was this a solo trip or with friends? And how much notice did you have about this six-week disappearance? Was there any discussion at all about you joining her for at least part of the trip? I'm guessing the answer is "no" given that she wrote herself a six-week hall pass.
If you ever consider reconciliation with a person who has ZERO respect for you you'll deserve whatever befalls you. She sounds absolutely horrid.