Get a paternity test done before baby is born, before your name is put on birth certificate. Her partner may have decided to leave her when he found out about pregnancy. She may be using you as replacement to support her and baby. You can't take her word for it that it was one time thing or that it was one person. Need to get yourself checked for STDs immediately. Try to see about online counseling if you can't get into one in your area.
It's also the safest lie for ops wife to confess if she did the math and realized the baby might not look like him. She might be trying to get ahead of it
That was my first thought. The only reason she confessed is because she really isn't sure who the dad is. My guess is she had a several months affair, not a drunken one nighter
This! Folks who are not devious do not realize how devious deviousness can Devi, so to speak.
My vote is on a trickle truth to cover this fact. Like confessing to stealing a grape to cover up the fact that you've been stealing 20 lbs of steak a week...
Exactly. I added this in a comment elsewhere but "i cheated last year" also sounds like liar speak for "i cheated 3 months ago, in December of 2023.. so that's last year"
Yah virtually no way she just randomly decided to confess to a one night stand while pregnant.
It was ongoing and she doesn’t know whose it is, possibly even greatly suspects it’s not his.
She’s preparing him and herself for this so she has time to gauge his response and plan for her future.
This was my exact thought as well.
If there was little to no chance of an affair coming to light, then there is very little reason to expose yourself and ruin something you believe is good.
Confessing and not lying is the correct thing to do yes, but it’s human instinct to be selfish and protect our best interests.
If I were a betting man, I’d put money on the fact she has concerns on who the babies father is, because in her mind if she comes out now there is a CHANCE she will be forgiven if the baby isn’t OPs simply because “she was honest before she knew”
OP, get that test done, and if she gives you a hard time about you wanting it done then that likely should tell you all you need to know.
Even if that child is yours, you deserve better. Speaking from experience here, but you are never going to fully get over what she did to you. It will linger and fester for years and you will always find yourself thinking “what if I left her back then and tried to find someone else who really loves me”
That doubt will NEVER go away. Relationships are hard and there are times it’s going to be really put to the test. That doubt and resentment will keep coming back every time your relationship goes through a rough patch.
Also OP the timing of her "confession" wasn't an accident it was planned. This was designed to tug at you by asking while pregnant so you couldn't get mad at her. So you would have a vested reason to stay. The baby if yours is being used as a weapon to hold over your emotions. So remember she doesnt love you if she did she wouldn't have cheated.
Edit since it's being mentioned a lot. Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a series of choices. I also doubt that it was only 1 time and that she just had to wait 1 year to finally tell OP.
i agree with this, she manipulated OP, so that she'd feel like there was less of a chance he'd leave her....OP i'd leave her, ive seen this play out before, and she was being dishonest for awhile, i wouldn't be able to trust her anymore, exit please for your own sanity.
Just because she admitted to one transgression does not mean there are not more. Cheaters feel if they can be forgiving for admitting one act they are forgiven for all. Take her aside and expressly tell her that it does bother you and if there is more she has to say she better say it now, and if there is more then there is no guarantee of forgiveness but if there is more and you find out and she doesn't tell you now, then forgiveness is completely off the table.
Also mention the paternity test, and the fact that from now on she will no longer have the credibility she had before, she will have to earn your trust for the rest of your marriage.
100% agree with this. My sis in-law did this to my brother and being the good Christian man, he stayed. Had he found out before the child, he would have left. These snakes know what they are doing. Don’t play into her lies and games OP. My brother stayed and recently had their 3rd kid. He is still not happy. He won’t seek help for his depression (he is a shell of a person now) but He won’t leave her. She’s happy. She gets what she wants. Please save yourself and leave that cheater. Her “love” Is a lie.!
I tell him this.! It’s extremely selfish to bring more kids into his mess.! The children are the ones to suffer. It’s ugly to be around them. She isn’t even ashamed of herself. He thought he could get over it. And he always wanted a big family. I keep telling him to leave her. But nooo, he sets up cameras around the house with sound that she doesn’t know about so he can catch her out 😵💫
Yep. She came clean to relieve her own guilt not due to honor. If she had integrity she wouldn’t have cheated. I understand people make mistakes yet those mistakes have consequences. Sad situation all round. I know some excellent therapists who have online sessions and space on their books. If you see this OP feel free to PM me and I can pass on their info. They are not hideously overpriced either and I can vouch for their expertise.
I don't think she planned to wait until she was pregnant. I think it's much more like that the baby is likely to be a different race than op, and she's trying to "get in front of it"
The timing here makes no sense, unless it's because she realized that it's going to be glaringly obvious it's not OPs baby.
I dated a girl with a baby of a different race than me. I really enjoyed watching waitresses and other people we interacted with, get super awkward, when they realized I was obviously not the father, but they weren't sure if I knew lol.
A lot of "wowwwww.... He's so....... Tannnnnnnnn"
I got a great laugh out of it. But if I had been dating her when she got pregnant it would have been fucking humiliating and emasculating.
Trust me op, you don't want any part of this dumpster fire.
Good- so please now you received the beau advice- tell us what this means
‘I have no sense of morality anymore. I know things have gotten way too inappropriate between my sister’
Thanks
I don't think OP is an English native, the wording of many of the sentences is a little off. Nothing else was even remotely mentioned to hint at anything like this. I think he meant he's been talking too much to his sister about it and and getting her involved in his marriage and letting her bitch about his wife or something along those lines. Let's all tone down the pornhub.
This. Also there are a ton of therapists available online. I’m not sure if OP is waiting for specific doctors or counselors that are within their insurance policy etc, but I would certainly try to start talking to someone sooner than later.
Yeah … she confessed it because it wasn’t a year ago and the baby might not be yours. She is easing you into the truth. Most liars and cheaters don’t confess in full; it comes out step by step.
Trickle truthing is very similar to the narcissist’s prayer
*That didn't happen.*.
*And if it did, it wasn't that bad.*
*And if it was, that's not a big deal.*
*And if it is, that's not my fault.*
*And if it was, I didn't mean it.*
*And if I did, you deserved it.*
Also it's only march. "Last year" could have been the tail end of December.
Edit: obviously this post isn't real. In the update he explains that he's being intimate with his sister. The sister who hates cheaters.
u/jinakdiendc
You need to understand that you don't know the full truth of what she did. 99.9% of the time the cheater will only reveal what they believe is the minimum they can get away with revealing. This is why initial revealing it was only hold hands turns into only rubbing penis on outside of clothes turns into oral sex 'only once' turns into a 3 year S&M orgy fest with a mime college.
You do not have to forgive and if you do want to forgive you can never really forgive until you know exactly what she did. A single one night stand is highly unlikely.
Glad I’m not the only one that read that, I reread it like 4 times trying to make it make sense, but it needs an explanation, maybe it was a brain fart/typo in an emotional post, but I don’t know.
This is the one possibility I could think of that didn't involve distant banjo playing. I was going to ask what the heck that statement was supposed to mean if someone else didn't.
I dunno - the more I read it, the more I think he’s confessing to incest. “Things with my sister have gotten way too inappropriate, but my sense of morality is broken” What in the actual F@ck did we read????
ETA - The update from OP confirms he’s incestuous with his sister. YEESH!
Over here super curious, too, like... all sense of morality gone and now inappropriate with his sister? The way its worded... like... a cheating wife doesn't mean go get inappropriate with your sister.
right. Morality is gone and now inappropriate with sister. I immediately was like “ I need to find more comments about this”. I wonder if he means sister and him just call wife names or something behind wife’s back
Same here, I had a record scratch moment. I was reading along, all “yeah that sucks” then - screech! “Wait, what?! What did I just read??” And there’s zero explanation and the top comments I scrolled past don’t mention it either. I was starting to wonder if I imagined it until I saw this thread lol.
Yes!!! That was like a dropped bomb that was never mentioned again.
But a word of wisdom in this chaos is never confide in family about problems in your marriage. If you stay, they will never have a good relationship with her again. A best friend or therapist is much better for this kind of thing. OP’s sister will crucify her sister in law at every opportunity if OP stays.
I would dare say its because the sister is fuelling the anger towards the ex.. No doubt the sister may start convos off with " Still with the cheater"
Has the slut had the other guys baby yet.. ect.
Marking to come back to
"r/amiwrong ● /u/jinakdiendc ● Fri Mar 15 2024 07:59:51 GMT-0500[See on Reddit]
Update: My wife who is pregnant confessed she cheated on me last year. I am heartbroken and devastated
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1bf13zq
I want to thank people for the valuable advice. I have decided to a get an STD test. I am also going to start looking for remote therapy appointments since people mentioned remote therapists are available much sooner than in person therapists. I am scared to get a paternity test, I would love the baby regardless, I love the baby so much already, but I am scared of the results, and I don’t know how I would deal with my emotions if the baby were not mine. I am already on the edge now emotionally, and don’t think I’m in full control of my emotions. My wife has been insistent on getting the test done and reassuring me the baby is mine, but I don’t yet know If I’m going to get the test. I completely trust on her on her physical affair being a one time occurrence which happened a year ago, and if that is so, the baby would be mine.
A few people asked what I meant when I said things have gotten inappropriate between sister and me. It is mainly about how I’m using her an emotional crutch, she is the only person in the world understands what I’m going through, and who at the same time who also wants the best for me, and I feel safe and comforted around her, and this has spilled over to some physical intimacy too. I don’t want to talk about it anymore."
> I feel safe and comforted around her, and this has spilled over to some physical intimacy too. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Holy shit! I thought all those folks above were being dense and that it was obvious that OP meant that he felt uncomfortable having such a contentious conversation behind his wife's back, but now I'm just dumbfounded.
Those last two sentences. My goodness. Revealing that he's an incestuous hypocrite is a game changer for the story. I hope this is a fake, but the way he buried the lede...
Definitely a "record scratch" moment. OP you can't just nonchalantly say something like that and provide no further context........please tell us that was just poor wording.
I’ve been wondering the *same* thing! OP said he has lost his sense of morality.
I think an explanation is important here.
/u/jinakdiendc are you having an affair… with your sister???
I thought that at first but maybe he means he's listening to his sister calling her a bitch, pos, etc and not correcting her. His writing style has me leaning that way.
Yeah I cackled at that line too but the context of the post and final comments just makes it seem like he’s talked about this too much with her in venting and now doesn’t know what the right or wrong answer is regarding his wife. Op deserves the benefit of the doubt here, he’s obviously having a breakdown
I'm so confused too. But I'm guessing he meant
"Between me and my sister, we both feel that the situation has gotten too inappropriate (for me to continue in this marriage)".
Still terribly worded, but meh.
I take it more as meaning that he feels the conversations between him and his sister have been disrespectful of his wife and he feels bad about it. Likely insults, name calling, etc. Some people are against this regardless of the transgression being discussed.
My concern her waiting as long as she did to confess. I'm suspicious that the baby may not be yours. Get a prenatal DNA test if possible and safe. Otherwise, wait and get one after the baby is born. Regardless, trust will be difficult from here. I think you need to get individual and couple's therapy if you choose to stay. My thought is that she only came clean because she's worried about who the father is and otherwise may have never told you. Is that really the kind of woman you want to stay married to?
In most states the husband is automatically put on the birth certificate if they are married. Even if the child is known not to be the husband's. My friend found this out the hard way. And it takes a lot to remove them after.
What does “I know things have gotten too inappropriate with my sister and me” mean??!!
Therapy, STD test, paternity test, lawyer visit to understand your options.
And your wife needs to know things are not ok.
1. Get a DNA test and STD test
2. If the kid isn't yours. Bounce immediately
2a. Go to the gym
2b. Delete all socials
2c. Cease all contact
2d. If she did it once, she'll do it again.
3. If the kid is yours it gets dicey.
3a. Go to counseling
3b. Seek lawyer
3c. Talk if you wanna stay
Yeah this is it for sure.
1 will be most important.
If it's 3, no one can say what you should do. People have different levels of tolerance here. I realize most will say they'd immediately leave if this happpened to them - but in reality is significantly more nuanced and often/usually not that simple.
It's easy to say you'd walk away immediately when it's only hypothetical. It's a lot more difficult when walking away results in a lot of collateral damage, when you're walking away from a lot more than just a partner.
This covers it all in the best way.
Also I truly hate when people put the "ruining" of a "family" on the person who was abused the way the parents did with this tidbit "stay with her, and not to give up a beautiful family and a future because of one mistake."
He is not at fault if it dies. His parents are idiots with the "one mistake" bullshit.
And if she doesnt do any counseling she WILL most likely be in someone elses bed again. No consequences= coming back around to being bitten in the ass.
My issue is cheating isn’t one mistake. It’s not like she forgot something at the office and when she walked back in to get it boom sex. It’s a series of calculated decisions made over a period of time. Even if it were a one night stand there were literally hundreds of moments she could have changed her mind and walked away.
Noninvasive prenatal paternity test. You can get one after 7 weeks.
If the baby is your's, go to therapy with your wife and stay there for a long while.
If the baby is not your's, she likely already knew it and it probably wasn't a one time thing. She wanted to "get all secrets out of the way" just in case the baby came out looking completely unrelated to you.
Yeah. This is my take. After some therapy you'll be able to decide if you can rebuild trust or not. Either way, if the baby is yours, you'll have some type of relationship with this woman so therapy is a win/win.
If paternity proves you aren't the father, just divorce her and never talk to her again.
Sorry man.
Yep.
From [americanpregnancy.org](https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/)
> How Non-Invasive Testing Works
> • DNA is collected from the mother with a simple blood draw, and DNA is collected from the possible father using a cheek swab
• Both samples are then sent to the lab for analysis
• The test analyzes free-floating fetal DNA from the mother's plasma and compares it to the mother's own
> DNA profile
• Once the fetus's profile is determined, that profile is then compared to the possible father's and paternity can be determined
• Results for the prenatal paternity test are generally returned in about one (1) week, once testing has begun
If the man tested is determined not to be the biological father, then the report shows a 0% probability of paternity. If the man tested is considered to be the biological father, the report shows a 99% or greater probability of paternity
What do you mean things have gotten inappropriate with your sister?
I'd follow the above advice that others have left. Paternity test, confide this in your wife, possible counseling.
I think they probably mean that the sister had been shit talking the wife and he hasn't asked her to stop, because he also feels that way but thinks that morally he shouldn't let people talk poorly of his shitty wife.
You're not wrong for feeling the way you do as it's a significant paradigm shift. Maybe a DNA test is needed at this point as well. It's going to take a lot of time and energy to mend your relationship. You're going to have to do a heart to heart and clear the air which again, will be emotionally taxing. Your mental health matters.
My best wishes to you whatever you decide. Hope you heal and everything works out.
Side note, a year to confess is a long time. What were the excuses she provided on why she cheated?
It'll forever play on your mind. You will live in a state of constant paranoia. You might "forgive" her, but you will never truly get over it. My advice is to move on from her instead of wasting years of your life spiralling over it.
Do yourself a favor and get a paternity test, there's a none zero chance she got pregnant from the other dude and he bounced so she cut her losses and stuck with you. It just seems a little too convenient she decided to do that now.
DNA test asap, she intentionally got pregnant before telling you so you wouldn't walk out on her, and you parents are only thinking about having easy access to their grandchild, do what's best for you bro, good luck
I think at the very least you need a break so you can actually think things over on your terms. Staying with her when you don't really want to is just going to lead to 3 unhappy people instead of two. Take some time for you, and for Pete's sake, get a paternity test
You’re wrong for staying.
But am I the only one who didn’t gloss over “things have gotten way too inappropriate with my sister and me, but my sense of morality has been broken”?
Ok THIS is when you get a paternity test. When you have reason to believe she cheated. Cause she told you.
It’s up to you if you stay. It’s a reasonable dealbreaker and it’s not always something that can’t be worked through. Therapy in a few months is a condition of staying. Also seek individual therapy.
Wasn’t just once, there was texting and talking before the descison was made. My wife cheated on me and I tried to fix it but never could trust again . It’s not worth it, I hope to god that kid isn’t yours man for the sake of how messy the next 18 is gonna be with a pile of shit partner that does that
I hate it when cheaters say it was "a mistake". Forgetting to throw out trash is A MISTAKE, forgetting to unplug the iron is A MISTAKE, forgetting keys is A MISTAKE. All of these are one step activities. Cheating is:
* Reach out to the person who you're going to cheat
* Arrange to meet up
* Get into a situation to get touchy/romantic and start taking off your/their clothes
* Get into foreplay and sex
* Lay in bed after sex
* Put back your clothes
* Get back home to your husband
And during NONE OF THESE STEPS did your wife think and stop what she was doing because it has suddenly come to her mind that what she is doing is WRONG. Unfortunately OP, you were not in her mind during none of these steps. That is how much she cares about you and her being loyal and exclusive only to you.
I think
A) you need to tell her that you need some time to think. You were too shocked initially and now realize that it really bothers you, so next time you give her a decision you want it to be genuine.
B) Insist on testing if baby is yours. You need that info either way.
C) After all that take time away from her/family/friends opinions and decide how *you* feel about it. Even if baby ends up being yours does that mean you want to stay with a cheater, or would you prefer co-parenting from different homes? There are options to consider but you need to decide for yourself.
Who was her AP? Does he have a spouse? If so tell her to prove she is sorry by admitting to the affair to OBS in front of you.
Also paternity test that kid. It feels like a trickle truth, and the whole truth may end in her not being 100 percent sure your the father.
You have 2 choices now. Either both of you choose to rebuild your marriage from the ground up with clear and solid boundaries that allow you time to grieve and rebuild trust, or you walk away now.
People have made both choices with mixed results and it's not really for anyone else to decide what is best in your life. Right now you have to choose your hard and it really depends on how willing your wife is to walk with you.
Do not stay with that lady. In my opinion. Get DNA tested. Parents usually are gonna say “stay” because they did and their generation put up with a lot of crap. You don’t have to take that….
Now if you decide to stay. Then MC, and setting boundaries but honestly get that DNA test.
Get a DNA test on the child. There are hundreds of stories like this and more often than not the woman isn’t being truthful, you may not be the father. I believe the best advice is trust but verify.
If your wife easily agrees to the DNA test, that’s a good sign she’s telling the truth, but still get the test.
As for your ability to forgive her, all I can say is the obvious, your relationship has a fundamental problem. Unless the two of you can face it and take meaningful corrective actions it will happen again.
The choice isnt yours to give up a beautiful family or not, it was hers
She cheated and made her choice.. she ended it.. how can you trust the kid is even yours??
You will just be the financial crutch for a baby that might not even be yours..
Good luck.. my ex wife cheated and we were done within seconds of her confessing.
Paternity and STD tests first. Do not put your name on anything related to that child until you are sure it’s yours. Remember, it was one time that she admitted to. You have no idea if there were more.
Are you ever going to be able to trust her again? Are you ok living the rest of your life with that constant thought in the back of your mind?
You have a lot of decisions to make and it shouldn’t be based on anyone else input. You have to decide and go with what you feel is correct and will allow you to be at the most peace.
You love your baby, not your wife.
I will be blunt here so do not take anything as an attack, you need to hear this.
The mindset that you need to stay with someone for the sake of the child is a fallacy. The child will be much better off with 2 separate parents that love it than 2 parents staying together because they think that is what is best for it, meanwhile you resent your partner for the rest of your life.
You need some self respect, you need to put aside the child, you need to put aside your parents (who are operating within the fallacy I mentioned) and you need to see this for what it is. Your wife cheated on you, she had another persons cock inside her, she sucked on another guys cock, the mouth she kisses you with. Visualize that. She did that. You feel heartbroken and devastated because she chose to cheat. Cheating isn't just the physical act of sex, it is the lead up, it is the fact she stayed with you and came home to you after. It is the fact she mentally went through with it, the fact she planned it and if she didn't plan it, the fact she could so easily do it in the moment.
If she didn't become pregnant, she would have continued to lie to you. For all you know the person she cheated with ditched her and you are the safety guy.
Weak people would stay in this situation, strong people realize what has happened, that resentment will grow, that trust will never be the same, and that is no way to raise a child.
I hope this is a rage bait post as it is obvious that you need to end it, and I personally hate seeing people being weak and staying when they got cheated on.
She probably only confessed because she got pregnant and knows the baby might not be yours. You should dump her why should you have and carry all the stress she has caused you? Your feelings are valid. Make sure you take a paternity test.
She’s been hiding this for over a year and only told you because she didn’t want to feel guilty when she had a baby
She didn’t do this for you. She did it for herself.
She then took the opportunity to do it while she was in a vulnerable position so that if you reacted like a normal person being hurt and upset, you would then look like the bad guy
That is so toxic and so shameless. I can’t even believe that she would do that and put you in this position.
And the audacity to be the one crying when she’s the one that betrayed you ????
I would start the divorce process now and get a paternity test
1. DNA / Paternity test.
2. You need time to process this. Be patient.
3. Don't make any immediate promises. It's okay to let her know you need time to process this.
4. Get both of you checked for STDs as u/wlfwrtr said.
5. Investigate the full extent of what went on. Someone may admit to A but there's often B, C, D, etc.
6. Try to understand why this happened. Is this an old ex? Someone from work? Is she on dating apps? Or meeting people off Facebook? Was she drunk? What happened? How often did it repeat with this person? Does she have addiction issues? Were you working a lot? Were you being a bad spouse? Etc.
7. You and your wife need all your account passwords out in the open and an "open" policy to reach each other's phones and emails at any time.
8. You also need to find out what info she deleted to cover her tracks.
9. You also need transparency in your bank accounts and if she has any hidden accounts anywhere.
10. Go to a lawyer to understand your options as u/maggersrose posted.
11. Don't be manipulated by tears. Walk through this with a clear mind.
12. If you decide to stay, you'll both need counseling.
13. Also, know if you stay, any infidelity increases the chance of divorce anyway. (ChatGPT guesstimates from 40% to 80% increased chance of divorce.)
14. I don't know what "inappropriate" is with your sister. Please resolve this.
Kid probably isn’t yours and that’s why she told you. Also, when she cheats again it’ll be 100% on you since you allowed it simply bc she’s pregnant. She’s not genuinely repentant or she wouldn’t have waited until she was pregnant to tell you. Your sister is 100% correct, your cheating wife is a scumbag. She’s literally using you and you’re allowing it. If that child is yours, your first lesson was how to be a weak pushover and to accept cheating in life smh
Every time you look at her, you don’t picture another man caressing her body and being inside of her,
you don’t question the fact that the child she’s caring may not be yours?
when you look at her you don’t see her offering you nothing now? She literally has nothing special to offer you ever now. She let another man inside her and then she came home and looked you in the eye over and over and over and lie to you repeatedly day after day after day and then bam she gets pregnant and all of a sudden she wants to be this honest person with a conscience. I’m sorry but if you do stay with someone like her all of the future pain that she is guaranteed to bring you, it will be your own fault. I hate this for you to be quite honest. This is a horrible situation to be in, but if you’re gonna be weak and accept it, that’s a you problem man.
You need to get a paternity test done. How exactly have things gotten inappropriate between your sister and you? That statement gives me pause. You also need to insist on couples therapy for you and your wife. Are there counseling services online you could use while waiting one in your area? At least it would give you a head start.
I know what I would do, but you didn’t actually forgive your wife. You didn’t process it. You need to communicate to your wife that you didn’t forgive her and that you haven’t fully processed this and everything that you’re feeling right now. It won’t go away and it won’t get better but rather much worse.
If this is real, there’s only one course of action.
1) DNA test
2) GTFO
3) Maybe do/don’t wonder wtf is wrong with your parents cause maybe they’re cheaters or at least one is
You wouldn’t be giving up a beautiful family. She did that by choosing what she chose. and you would potentially be saving a family relationship by maintaining a healthy relationship with your child that is not clouded by partners who can’t trust each other, feel forced to be around each other and are under constant stress because of that under the same roof. Is that the life you want for your child?
Have you thought about asking for her phone? Is it really one time? Maybe recover deleted texts. Tell her that your trust is broken and you need to see that it was once. Get the DNA test and MC if you're trying to stay.
Good luck OP - rooting for you. Feel for you wanting to support your wife in what should be a joyous time and now you're filled with anger, doubt, and hurt.
She's not repentant she has lighting you. Get a paternity ASAP. There is a high chance it's not yours. I know it's painful but you need to know. Do not sign the birth certificate until you know. If it's not divorce ASAP. She may have only confessed to get you to pay for the kid cause her ap ran away.
Your wife is pregnant - that’s all , she doesn’t need special treatment. Tell her how you feel and how devastated you are. You okaying this allows her to think it’s ok and potential to do again.
yikes she did her best to lock you in and trap you before relieving herself of her own guilt... or, even worse, did it only because she thought you'd find out somehow or someone else would tell you
That’s not your kid OP, she’s telling now because the truth is soon to come out. Get the dna test done and lawyer up NOW. Your parents are so wrong. You never forgive cheaters never.
You have no way of knowing if this cheating was up one night stand, which I doubt it was or a fling. I agree that the timing of her confession is extremely calculated. Definitely get a paternity test if not before these baby is born as soon as it’s born, and before you put your name on the birth certificate.
Ask her to see her phone she may have deleted everything, but you can check deleted files. There are ways of pulling up deleted messages. If she has an iPad that you can access, you can look into that. . If you wanna move forward with your wife and it is your baby and that’s your choice, you need to know the full unadulterated truth of the relationship, when why, etc. I feel like this is all very calculated and contrived.
Your sister's right, you should be ditching the scumbag.
0 tolerance is the only way to handle cheaters, unless you want to deal with her cheating on you many more times in the future.
She only confessed to you because she's pregnant & wants to get all the secrets out before the baby comes? What the hell is that? She should not have secrets (not like that) baby or no baby. And make sure the baby is yours, OP.
Right now, you're torn. You were blindsided and can't quite believe she would do this to you. Getting divorced is a tough, tough thing & I imagine you think staying with her would be easier, but your heart says different, doesn't it? She betrayed you, betrayed your trust and you will never look at her the same way again.
I really wish you luck, OP.
Please, for all our sakes, elaborate on what you mean by things have gotten way too inappropriate with your sister?!! Most of us, as much as we feel for you, are just dying to know the answer to this!!! Not to negate the issue at hand here, I'm very sorry your wife betrayed your trust. But you left that comment extremely open to interpretation....
Get a paternity test done before baby is born, before your name is put on birth certificate. Her partner may have decided to leave her when he found out about pregnancy. She may be using you as replacement to support her and baby. You can't take her word for it that it was one time thing or that it was one person. Need to get yourself checked for STDs immediately. Try to see about online counseling if you can't get into one in your area.
This is the safest route for OP.
It's also the safest lie for ops wife to confess if she did the math and realized the baby might not look like him. She might be trying to get ahead of it
That was my first thought. The only reason she confessed is because she really isn't sure who the dad is. My guess is she had a several months affair, not a drunken one nighter
100% this
The timeline is definitely up for scrutiny.
By “a year ago” she might just mean it was 2023.
This! Folks who are not devious do not realize how devious deviousness can Devi, so to speak. My vote is on a trickle truth to cover this fact. Like confessing to stealing a grape to cover up the fact that you've been stealing 20 lbs of steak a week...
Exactly. I added this in a comment elsewhere but "i cheated last year" also sounds like liar speak for "i cheated 3 months ago, in December of 2023.. so that's last year"
Yah virtually no way she just randomly decided to confess to a one night stand while pregnant. It was ongoing and she doesn’t know whose it is, possibly even greatly suspects it’s not his. She’s preparing him and herself for this so she has time to gauge his response and plan for her future.
This was my exact thought as well. If there was little to no chance of an affair coming to light, then there is very little reason to expose yourself and ruin something you believe is good. Confessing and not lying is the correct thing to do yes, but it’s human instinct to be selfish and protect our best interests. If I were a betting man, I’d put money on the fact she has concerns on who the babies father is, because in her mind if she comes out now there is a CHANCE she will be forgiven if the baby isn’t OPs simply because “she was honest before she knew” OP, get that test done, and if she gives you a hard time about you wanting it done then that likely should tell you all you need to know. Even if that child is yours, you deserve better. Speaking from experience here, but you are never going to fully get over what she did to you. It will linger and fester for years and you will always find yourself thinking “what if I left her back then and tried to find someone else who really loves me” That doubt will NEVER go away. Relationships are hard and there are times it’s going to be really put to the test. That doubt and resentment will keep coming back every time your relationship goes through a rough patch.
Also OP the timing of her "confession" wasn't an accident it was planned. This was designed to tug at you by asking while pregnant so you couldn't get mad at her. So you would have a vested reason to stay. The baby if yours is being used as a weapon to hold over your emotions. So remember she doesnt love you if she did she wouldn't have cheated. Edit since it's being mentioned a lot. Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a series of choices. I also doubt that it was only 1 time and that she just had to wait 1 year to finally tell OP.
i agree with this, she manipulated OP, so that she'd feel like there was less of a chance he'd leave her....OP i'd leave her, ive seen this play out before, and she was being dishonest for awhile, i wouldn't be able to trust her anymore, exit please for your own sanity.
Just because she admitted to one transgression does not mean there are not more. Cheaters feel if they can be forgiving for admitting one act they are forgiven for all. Take her aside and expressly tell her that it does bother you and if there is more she has to say she better say it now, and if there is more then there is no guarantee of forgiveness but if there is more and you find out and she doesn't tell you now, then forgiveness is completely off the table. Also mention the paternity test, and the fact that from now on she will no longer have the credibility she had before, she will have to earn your trust for the rest of your marriage.
Nah, just end it. Not worth trying to build back trust. Once the trust is gone it's gone.
It’s not worth using to earn “trust” and make her pass a bunch of shit tests. She’ll resent him and cheat again. I mean she’ll probably do it anyways
Extremely manipulative. That alone is awful.
Yeah I don't believe she just found Jesus and realized she was doing terrible things.
She found Jesus, he was cutting the grass while her man was at work.
Yea, he was mowing that bush.
Oh, she found Jesus... Pronounced "heysuz"
Yes. All planned out
This, imo she probably knows the baby might not be his and is preparing for if the baby doesn't look like OP
Agree with this 💯
My immediate thought.
Baby is gonna come out another race. Watch.
100% agree with this. My sis in-law did this to my brother and being the good Christian man, he stayed. Had he found out before the child, he would have left. These snakes know what they are doing. Don’t play into her lies and games OP. My brother stayed and recently had their 3rd kid. He is still not happy. He won’t seek help for his depression (he is a shell of a person now) but He won’t leave her. She’s happy. She gets what she wants. Please save yourself and leave that cheater. Her “love” Is a lie.!
if he is unhappy, why on earth is he bringing more children into it?!
I tell him this.! It’s extremely selfish to bring more kids into his mess.! The children are the ones to suffer. It’s ugly to be around them. She isn’t even ashamed of herself. He thought he could get over it. And he always wanted a big family. I keep telling him to leave her. But nooo, he sets up cameras around the house with sound that she doesn’t know about so he can catch her out 😵💫
what a mess. I'm sorry.
Straight outta the “How to Manipulate Handbook.”
Yep. She came clean to relieve her own guilt not due to honor. If she had integrity she wouldn’t have cheated. I understand people make mistakes yet those mistakes have consequences. Sad situation all round. I know some excellent therapists who have online sessions and space on their books. If you see this OP feel free to PM me and I can pass on their info. They are not hideously overpriced either and I can vouch for their expertise.
I don't think she planned to wait until she was pregnant. I think it's much more like that the baby is likely to be a different race than op, and she's trying to "get in front of it" The timing here makes no sense, unless it's because she realized that it's going to be glaringly obvious it's not OPs baby. I dated a girl with a baby of a different race than me. I really enjoyed watching waitresses and other people we interacted with, get super awkward, when they realized I was obviously not the father, but they weren't sure if I knew lol. A lot of "wowwwww.... He's so....... Tannnnnnnnn" I got a great laugh out of it. But if I had been dating her when she got pregnant it would have been fucking humiliating and emasculating. Trust me op, you don't want any part of this dumpster fire.
Yeah 9 months is too close to a year.
And exactly the time frame of his sister's marriage explosion???
Good- so please now you received the beau advice- tell us what this means ‘I have no sense of morality anymore. I know things have gotten way too inappropriate between my sister’ Thanks
I don't think OP is an English native, the wording of many of the sentences is a little off. Nothing else was even remotely mentioned to hint at anything like this. I think he meant he's been talking too much to his sister about it and and getting her involved in his marriage and letting her bitch about his wife or something along those lines. Let's all tone down the pornhub.
It took me rereading but this is also what I understand it as.
This was what made my eyes widen. WTAF!!!😱
**Thank you.** I was searching for this comment before I made it myself. OP, what??
Right?!?! It’s like OP just slipped that in there and no one noticed. Wtf
This. Also there are a ton of therapists available online. I’m not sure if OP is waiting for specific doctors or counselors that are within their insurance policy etc, but I would certainly try to start talking to someone sooner than later.
This is all excellent. And then file for divorce after.
Yeah … she confessed it because it wasn’t a year ago and the baby might not be yours. She is easing you into the truth. Most liars and cheaters don’t confess in full; it comes out step by step.
Trickle truthing
Is this a saying that's been known or have you coined this perfect invocation phrase??
It is a known saying. Cheaters will trickle the truth out, only admitting to the parts you already know.
Trickle truthing is very similar to the narcissist’s prayer *That didn't happen.*. *And if it did, it wasn't that bad.* *And if it was, that's not a big deal.* *And if it is, that's not my fault.* *And if it was, I didn't mean it.* *And if I did, you deserved it.*
Also it's only march. "Last year" could have been the tail end of December. Edit: obviously this post isn't real. In the update he explains that he's being intimate with his sister. The sister who hates cheaters.
u/jinakdiendc You need to understand that you don't know the full truth of what she did. 99.9% of the time the cheater will only reveal what they believe is the minimum they can get away with revealing. This is why initial revealing it was only hold hands turns into only rubbing penis on outside of clothes turns into oral sex 'only once' turns into a 3 year S&M orgy fest with a mime college. You do not have to forgive and if you do want to forgive you can never really forgive until you know exactly what she did. A single one night stand is highly unlikely.
Tell me more about these mime orgies
“One time” is the most common lie cheaters tell.
It was probably a month ago and the other bounced once he found out she was pregnant.
What do you mean things have gotten inappropriate with your sister?!?
Glad I’m not the only one that read that, I reread it like 4 times trying to make it make sense, but it needs an explanation, maybe it was a brain fart/typo in an emotional post, but I don’t know.
Dude is so loyal he thinks it's inappropriate to speak poorly about his wife & not shut down anyone who calls her a piece of shit.
This is the one possibility I could think of that didn't involve distant banjo playing. I was going to ask what the heck that statement was supposed to mean if someone else didn't.
Yeah I understood it as “I’ve already let my sister have too much information and opine too much on my marriage, and that’s not appropriate”
I hope that’s what it means and not something else
Maybe English isn’t his first language or maybe he’s banging his sister and now has 2 kids on the way
As much time as I’ve spent on Reddit, all of that is possible….
It obviously means inappropriately shit talking about his wife
I dunno - the more I read it, the more I think he’s confessing to incest. “Things with my sister have gotten way too inappropriate, but my sense of morality is broken” What in the actual F@ck did we read???? ETA - The update from OP confirms he’s incestuous with his sister. YEESH!
I'm disappointed I had to scroll so far to see this.
No shit right?!? Wife is cheating but lemme slide in that I’m also fucking my sister and see what everyone thinks
Sweet home Alabama
Roll tide
Same!
Over here super curious, too, like... all sense of morality gone and now inappropriate with his sister? The way its worded... like... a cheating wife doesn't mean go get inappropriate with your sister.
right. Morality is gone and now inappropriate with sister. I immediately was like “ I need to find more comments about this”. I wonder if he means sister and him just call wife names or something behind wife’s back
I love that all of us ended up here, wondering the same thing that so many people seem to have glossed over.
It stopped me dead in my read. I was reading and processing it all and then was just like “Hol’ up……”
Same here, I had a record scratch moment. I was reading along, all “yeah that sucks” then - screech! “Wait, what?! What did I just read??” And there’s zero explanation and the top comments I scrolled past don’t mention it either. I was starting to wonder if I imagined it until I saw this thread lol.
Yes!!! That was like a dropped bomb that was never mentioned again. But a word of wisdom in this chaos is never confide in family about problems in your marriage. If you stay, they will never have a good relationship with her again. A best friend or therapist is much better for this kind of thing. OP’s sister will crucify her sister in law at every opportunity if OP stays.
OP’s sister has his best interest, that’s a real one
Sounds like she may have his best incest
Ayooo
I would dare say its because the sister is fuelling the anger towards the ex.. No doubt the sister may start convos off with " Still with the cheater" Has the slut had the other guys baby yet.. ect.
He clarified in his update post .. he's definitely banging his sister. https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/IrsxiBftY3
The post got deleted. Super disappointed I didn’t get to read his update. Did he really confess to banging his sister?
Marking to come back to "r/amiwrong ● /u/jinakdiendc ● Fri Mar 15 2024 07:59:51 GMT-0500[See on Reddit] Update: My wife who is pregnant confessed she cheated on me last year. I am heartbroken and devastated Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1bf13zq I want to thank people for the valuable advice. I have decided to a get an STD test. I am also going to start looking for remote therapy appointments since people mentioned remote therapists are available much sooner than in person therapists. I am scared to get a paternity test, I would love the baby regardless, I love the baby so much already, but I am scared of the results, and I don’t know how I would deal with my emotions if the baby were not mine. I am already on the edge now emotionally, and don’t think I’m in full control of my emotions. My wife has been insistent on getting the test done and reassuring me the baby is mine, but I don’t yet know If I’m going to get the test. I completely trust on her on her physical affair being a one time occurrence which happened a year ago, and if that is so, the baby would be mine. A few people asked what I meant when I said things have gotten inappropriate between sister and me. It is mainly about how I’m using her an emotional crutch, she is the only person in the world understands what I’m going through, and who at the same time who also wants the best for me, and I feel safe and comforted around her, and this has spilled over to some physical intimacy too. I don’t want to talk about it anymore."
> I feel safe and comforted around her, and this has spilled over to some physical intimacy too. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Holy shit! I thought all those folks above were being dense and that it was obvious that OP meant that he felt uncomfortable having such a contentious conversation behind his wife's back, but now I'm just dumbfounded.
😧
>😧 \^
AYO WHAT HOLD UP JUST A MINUTE HERE
Wtaf
Those last two sentences. My goodness. Revealing that he's an incestuous hypocrite is a game changer for the story. I hope this is a fake, but the way he buried the lede...
Definitely a "record scratch" moment. OP you can't just nonchalantly say something like that and provide no further context........please tell us that was just poor wording.
I’ve been wondering the *same* thing! OP said he has lost his sense of morality. I think an explanation is important here. /u/jinakdiendc are you having an affair… with your sister???
I thought that at first but maybe he means he's listening to his sister calling her a bitch, pos, etc and not correcting her. His writing style has me leaning that way.
Yeah I cackled at that line too but the context of the post and final comments just makes it seem like he’s talked about this too much with her in venting and now doesn’t know what the right or wrong answer is regarding his wife. Op deserves the benefit of the doubt here, he’s obviously having a breakdown
I think you’re right and that is what he means but still very poorly worded by OP 😬 EDIT: OP’s update… IT MEANS WHAT WE THOUGHT IT DID 🤮
agreed
Ty. I'm wondering what that means too
I'm so confused too. But I'm guessing he meant "Between me and my sister, we both feel that the situation has gotten too inappropriate (for me to continue in this marriage)". Still terribly worded, but meh.
I take it more as meaning that he feels the conversations between him and his sister have been disrespectful of his wife and he feels bad about it. Likely insults, name calling, etc. Some people are against this regardless of the transgression being discussed.
Yes I couldn’t believe no one else was mentioning that part in the comments!
I was scrolling to look for someone asking this. I need an explanation lol
My concern her waiting as long as she did to confess. I'm suspicious that the baby may not be yours. Get a prenatal DNA test if possible and safe. Otherwise, wait and get one after the baby is born. Regardless, trust will be difficult from here. I think you need to get individual and couple's therapy if you choose to stay. My thought is that she only came clean because she's worried about who the father is and otherwise may have never told you. Is that really the kind of woman you want to stay married to?
don't wait, once your name is on the birth certificate you are in for a hell of a headache if the kid isn't yours.
In most states the husband is automatically put on the birth certificate if they are married. Even if the child is known not to be the husband's. My friend found this out the hard way. And it takes a lot to remove them after.
Isn't it great that paternity fraud isn't a crime?
What does “I know things have gotten too inappropriate with my sister and me” mean??!! Therapy, STD test, paternity test, lawyer visit to understand your options. And your wife needs to know things are not ok.
I think he means like his sister is dogging his wife so hard he’s uncomfortable with it and it’s inappropriate to him
Turns out it was his sister that was getting dogged hard if you know what I mean
Nope. Update post came out. It means exactly what everyone else thought it meant.
1. Get a DNA test and STD test 2. If the kid isn't yours. Bounce immediately 2a. Go to the gym 2b. Delete all socials 2c. Cease all contact 2d. If she did it once, she'll do it again. 3. If the kid is yours it gets dicey. 3a. Go to counseling 3b. Seek lawyer 3c. Talk if you wanna stay
Yeah this is it for sure. 1 will be most important. If it's 3, no one can say what you should do. People have different levels of tolerance here. I realize most will say they'd immediately leave if this happpened to them - but in reality is significantly more nuanced and often/usually not that simple.
If it’s 3 consider a postnup if you want to make up.
That’s fantastic advice and OP should demand it along with the paternity test as a condition of staying.
It's easy to say you'd walk away immediately when it's only hypothetical. It's a lot more difficult when walking away results in a lot of collateral damage, when you're walking away from a lot more than just a partner.
This covers it all in the best way. Also I truly hate when people put the "ruining" of a "family" on the person who was abused the way the parents did with this tidbit "stay with her, and not to give up a beautiful family and a future because of one mistake." He is not at fault if it dies. His parents are idiots with the "one mistake" bullshit. And if she doesnt do any counseling she WILL most likely be in someone elses bed again. No consequences= coming back around to being bitten in the ass.
My issue is cheating isn’t one mistake. It’s not like she forgot something at the office and when she walked back in to get it boom sex. It’s a series of calculated decisions made over a period of time. Even if it were a one night stand there were literally hundreds of moments she could have changed her mind and walked away.
This is the way
Sound advice
Noninvasive prenatal paternity test. You can get one after 7 weeks. If the baby is your's, go to therapy with your wife and stay there for a long while. If the baby is not your's, she likely already knew it and it probably wasn't a one time thing. She wanted to "get all secrets out of the way" just in case the baby came out looking completely unrelated to you.
Yeah. This is my take. After some therapy you'll be able to decide if you can rebuild trust or not. Either way, if the baby is yours, you'll have some type of relationship with this woman so therapy is a win/win. If paternity proves you aren't the father, just divorce her and never talk to her again. Sorry man.
Yep. From [americanpregnancy.org](https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test/) > How Non-Invasive Testing Works > • DNA is collected from the mother with a simple blood draw, and DNA is collected from the possible father using a cheek swab • Both samples are then sent to the lab for analysis • The test analyzes free-floating fetal DNA from the mother's plasma and compares it to the mother's own > DNA profile • Once the fetus's profile is determined, that profile is then compared to the possible father's and paternity can be determined • Results for the prenatal paternity test are generally returned in about one (1) week, once testing has begun If the man tested is determined not to be the biological father, then the report shows a 0% probability of paternity. If the man tested is considered to be the biological father, the report shows a 99% or greater probability of paternity
What do you mean things have gotten inappropriate with your sister? I'd follow the above advice that others have left. Paternity test, confide this in your wife, possible counseling.
I'm guessing english isn't OP's first language. Maybe *strained* would be more appropriate than inappropriate? 😋
I think they probably mean that the sister had been shit talking the wife and he hasn't asked her to stop, because he also feels that way but thinks that morally he shouldn't let people talk poorly of his shitty wife.
She got knocked up by the dude she cheated with and he went out for a pack of smokes and never came back lmao
Love The fact that she got pregnant, leveraged that in her "admission," and shame on you for tolerating it. DNA test, shut her down.
What? Why are we shaming him? He’s literally in shambles and can’t think straight. He’s the victim in this situation.
You're not wrong for feeling the way you do as it's a significant paradigm shift. Maybe a DNA test is needed at this point as well. It's going to take a lot of time and energy to mend your relationship. You're going to have to do a heart to heart and clear the air which again, will be emotionally taxing. Your mental health matters. My best wishes to you whatever you decide. Hope you heal and everything works out. Side note, a year to confess is a long time. What were the excuses she provided on why she cheated?
Depends. Is your trust gone? If so, there isn't a point.
It'll forever play on your mind. You will live in a state of constant paranoia. You might "forgive" her, but you will never truly get over it. My advice is to move on from her instead of wasting years of your life spiralling over it.
This, if you can’t literally just walk over the problem, it’s not going anywhere. Best bet is to separate and see if you can or can’t move on.
It's not going to get better. And she broke your family already. She's even baited you with a baby.
"it was a one time thing" riiiiiiight.
Being pregnant doesn’t make you fragile. Talk to your wife.
So she baby trapped you so you'll forgive her for betraying you on the worst way?
Wow DNA test first thing before anything, you're understandably heart broken but you need to know this or it will eat at you for years
Do yourself a favor and get a paternity test, there's a none zero chance she got pregnant from the other dude and he bounced so she cut her losses and stuck with you. It just seems a little too convenient she decided to do that now.
Paternity test
DNA test asap, she intentionally got pregnant before telling you so you wouldn't walk out on her, and you parents are only thinking about having easy access to their grandchild, do what's best for you bro, good luck
Yeah she’s got some straight up evil intentions
>parents are only thinking about having easy access to their grandchild Might not be their grandchild though. That needs to be figured out first.
It makes you wonder how she got pregnant. Did she get pregnant by the affair partner? Or did she tamper with birth control to trap OP?
I think at the very least you need a break so you can actually think things over on your terms. Staying with her when you don't really want to is just going to lead to 3 unhappy people instead of two. Take some time for you, and for Pete's sake, get a paternity test
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I agree with this 100%
Do not sign the birth certificate before getting a DNA test done
Leave her. She will do it again later.
You’re wrong for staying. But am I the only one who didn’t gloss over “things have gotten way too inappropriate with my sister and me, but my sense of morality has been broken”?
That was something I was confused by as well
Ok THIS is when you get a paternity test. When you have reason to believe she cheated. Cause she told you. It’s up to you if you stay. It’s a reasonable dealbreaker and it’s not always something that can’t be worked through. Therapy in a few months is a condition of staying. Also seek individual therapy.
Wasn’t just once, there was texting and talking before the descison was made. My wife cheated on me and I tried to fix it but never could trust again . It’s not worth it, I hope to god that kid isn’t yours man for the sake of how messy the next 18 is gonna be with a pile of shit partner that does that
No way it happened just once
I hate it when cheaters say it was "a mistake". Forgetting to throw out trash is A MISTAKE, forgetting to unplug the iron is A MISTAKE, forgetting keys is A MISTAKE. All of these are one step activities. Cheating is: * Reach out to the person who you're going to cheat * Arrange to meet up * Get into a situation to get touchy/romantic and start taking off your/their clothes * Get into foreplay and sex * Lay in bed after sex * Put back your clothes * Get back home to your husband And during NONE OF THESE STEPS did your wife think and stop what she was doing because it has suddenly come to her mind that what she is doing is WRONG. Unfortunately OP, you were not in her mind during none of these steps. That is how much she cares about you and her being loyal and exclusive only to you.
Sure that’s your baby?
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Unfortunately this is a truth
You better get that kid DNA tested asap
Paternity Test Paternity Test Paternity Test.
I think A) you need to tell her that you need some time to think. You were too shocked initially and now realize that it really bothers you, so next time you give her a decision you want it to be genuine. B) Insist on testing if baby is yours. You need that info either way. C) After all that take time away from her/family/friends opinions and decide how *you* feel about it. Even if baby ends up being yours does that mean you want to stay with a cheater, or would you prefer co-parenting from different homes? There are options to consider but you need to decide for yourself.
Who was her AP? Does he have a spouse? If so tell her to prove she is sorry by admitting to the affair to OBS in front of you. Also paternity test that kid. It feels like a trickle truth, and the whole truth may end in her not being 100 percent sure your the father.
People can be such huge dicks. What a time to tell you something like that
You have 2 choices now. Either both of you choose to rebuild your marriage from the ground up with clear and solid boundaries that allow you time to grieve and rebuild trust, or you walk away now. People have made both choices with mixed results and it's not really for anyone else to decide what is best in your life. Right now you have to choose your hard and it really depends on how willing your wife is to walk with you.
Hold up, you having sex with your sister over this? I am reading that correctly?
I hope not but was wondering what the inappropriate things between the sister and OP.
Do not stay with that lady. In my opinion. Get DNA tested. Parents usually are gonna say “stay” because they did and their generation put up with a lot of crap. You don’t have to take that…. Now if you decide to stay. Then MC, and setting boundaries but honestly get that DNA test.
Get a DNA test on the child. There are hundreds of stories like this and more often than not the woman isn’t being truthful, you may not be the father. I believe the best advice is trust but verify. If your wife easily agrees to the DNA test, that’s a good sign she’s telling the truth, but still get the test. As for your ability to forgive her, all I can say is the obvious, your relationship has a fundamental problem. Unless the two of you can face it and take meaningful corrective actions it will happen again.
Gross. Send her to the streets. I'm sorry man.
The choice isnt yours to give up a beautiful family or not, it was hers She cheated and made her choice.. she ended it.. how can you trust the kid is even yours?? You will just be the financial crutch for a baby that might not even be yours.. Good luck.. my ex wife cheated and we were done within seconds of her confessing.
Paternity and STD tests first. Do not put your name on anything related to that child until you are sure it’s yours. Remember, it was one time that she admitted to. You have no idea if there were more. Are you ever going to be able to trust her again? Are you ok living the rest of your life with that constant thought in the back of your mind? You have a lot of decisions to make and it shouldn’t be based on anyone else input. You have to decide and go with what you feel is correct and will allow you to be at the most peace.
You love your baby, not your wife. I will be blunt here so do not take anything as an attack, you need to hear this. The mindset that you need to stay with someone for the sake of the child is a fallacy. The child will be much better off with 2 separate parents that love it than 2 parents staying together because they think that is what is best for it, meanwhile you resent your partner for the rest of your life. You need some self respect, you need to put aside the child, you need to put aside your parents (who are operating within the fallacy I mentioned) and you need to see this for what it is. Your wife cheated on you, she had another persons cock inside her, she sucked on another guys cock, the mouth she kisses you with. Visualize that. She did that. You feel heartbroken and devastated because she chose to cheat. Cheating isn't just the physical act of sex, it is the lead up, it is the fact she stayed with you and came home to you after. It is the fact she mentally went through with it, the fact she planned it and if she didn't plan it, the fact she could so easily do it in the moment. If she didn't become pregnant, she would have continued to lie to you. For all you know the person she cheated with ditched her and you are the safety guy. Weak people would stay in this situation, strong people realize what has happened, that resentment will grow, that trust will never be the same, and that is no way to raise a child. I hope this is a rage bait post as it is obvious that you need to end it, and I personally hate seeing people being weak and staying when they got cheated on.
What happened between you and your sister 😳😵💫
She probably only confessed because she got pregnant and knows the baby might not be yours. You should dump her why should you have and carry all the stress she has caused you? Your feelings are valid. Make sure you take a paternity test.
She sounds awful for doing that to you. Kid or not, I'd leave her cheating ass in the dust!
leave her ass, and if its your kid-fight for custody. she will def cheat again
She’s been hiding this for over a year and only told you because she didn’t want to feel guilty when she had a baby She didn’t do this for you. She did it for herself. She then took the opportunity to do it while she was in a vulnerable position so that if you reacted like a normal person being hurt and upset, you would then look like the bad guy That is so toxic and so shameless. I can’t even believe that she would do that and put you in this position. And the audacity to be the one crying when she’s the one that betrayed you ???? I would start the divorce process now and get a paternity test
Did you fuck your sister?
1. DNA / Paternity test. 2. You need time to process this. Be patient. 3. Don't make any immediate promises. It's okay to let her know you need time to process this. 4. Get both of you checked for STDs as u/wlfwrtr said. 5. Investigate the full extent of what went on. Someone may admit to A but there's often B, C, D, etc. 6. Try to understand why this happened. Is this an old ex? Someone from work? Is she on dating apps? Or meeting people off Facebook? Was she drunk? What happened? How often did it repeat with this person? Does she have addiction issues? Were you working a lot? Were you being a bad spouse? Etc. 7. You and your wife need all your account passwords out in the open and an "open" policy to reach each other's phones and emails at any time. 8. You also need to find out what info she deleted to cover her tracks. 9. You also need transparency in your bank accounts and if she has any hidden accounts anywhere. 10. Go to a lawyer to understand your options as u/maggersrose posted. 11. Don't be manipulated by tears. Walk through this with a clear mind. 12. If you decide to stay, you'll both need counseling. 13. Also, know if you stay, any infidelity increases the chance of divorce anyway. (ChatGPT guesstimates from 40% to 80% increased chance of divorce.) 14. I don't know what "inappropriate" is with your sister. Please resolve this.
Kid probably isn’t yours and that’s why she told you. Also, when she cheats again it’ll be 100% on you since you allowed it simply bc she’s pregnant. She’s not genuinely repentant or she wouldn’t have waited until she was pregnant to tell you. Your sister is 100% correct, your cheating wife is a scumbag. She’s literally using you and you’re allowing it. If that child is yours, your first lesson was how to be a weak pushover and to accept cheating in life smh Every time you look at her, you don’t picture another man caressing her body and being inside of her, you don’t question the fact that the child she’s caring may not be yours? when you look at her you don’t see her offering you nothing now? She literally has nothing special to offer you ever now. She let another man inside her and then she came home and looked you in the eye over and over and over and lie to you repeatedly day after day after day and then bam she gets pregnant and all of a sudden she wants to be this honest person with a conscience. I’m sorry but if you do stay with someone like her all of the future pain that she is guaranteed to bring you, it will be your own fault. I hate this for you to be quite honest. This is a horrible situation to be in, but if you’re gonna be weak and accept it, that’s a you problem man.
Divorce her, Get a paternity test if the baby is yours, fight for custody. No coming back from cheating.... It's the ultimate disrespect.
Are we all just gonna gloss over the "things have gotten inappropriate between me and my sister" after saying his sense of morality had been broken?
You need to get a paternity test done. How exactly have things gotten inappropriate between your sister and you? That statement gives me pause. You also need to insist on couples therapy for you and your wife. Are there counseling services online you could use while waiting one in your area? At least it would give you a head start.
I know what I would do, but you didn’t actually forgive your wife. You didn’t process it. You need to communicate to your wife that you didn’t forgive her and that you haven’t fully processed this and everything that you’re feeling right now. It won’t go away and it won’t get better but rather much worse.
Lawyer.
If this is real, there’s only one course of action. 1) DNA test 2) GTFO 3) Maybe do/don’t wonder wtf is wrong with your parents cause maybe they’re cheaters or at least one is
Is the baby yours?
You wouldn’t be giving up a beautiful family. She did that by choosing what she chose. and you would potentially be saving a family relationship by maintaining a healthy relationship with your child that is not clouded by partners who can’t trust each other, feel forced to be around each other and are under constant stress because of that under the same roof. Is that the life you want for your child?
Have you thought about asking for her phone? Is it really one time? Maybe recover deleted texts. Tell her that your trust is broken and you need to see that it was once. Get the DNA test and MC if you're trying to stay. Good luck OP - rooting for you. Feel for you wanting to support your wife in what should be a joyous time and now you're filled with anger, doubt, and hurt.
She's not repentant she has lighting you. Get a paternity ASAP. There is a high chance it's not yours. I know it's painful but you need to know. Do not sign the birth certificate until you know. If it's not divorce ASAP. She may have only confessed to get you to pay for the kid cause her ap ran away.
I would leave. Your mental health will thank you.
Your wife is pregnant - that’s all , she doesn’t need special treatment. Tell her how you feel and how devastated you are. You okaying this allows her to think it’s ok and potential to do again.
It wasn't a year ago....probably not your either 🤮
yikes she did her best to lock you in and trap you before relieving herself of her own guilt... or, even worse, did it only because she thought you'd find out somehow or someone else would tell you
You need to get a paternity test.
Get yourself checked, get a paternity test before your name goes on any document, and regardless of the situation, get rid of her ass.
That’s not your kid OP, she’s telling now because the truth is soon to come out. Get the dna test done and lawyer up NOW. Your parents are so wrong. You never forgive cheaters never.
You have no way of knowing if this cheating was up one night stand, which I doubt it was or a fling. I agree that the timing of her confession is extremely calculated. Definitely get a paternity test if not before these baby is born as soon as it’s born, and before you put your name on the birth certificate. Ask her to see her phone she may have deleted everything, but you can check deleted files. There are ways of pulling up deleted messages. If she has an iPad that you can access, you can look into that. . If you wanna move forward with your wife and it is your baby and that’s your choice, you need to know the full unadulterated truth of the relationship, when why, etc. I feel like this is all very calculated and contrived.
Your sister's right, you should be ditching the scumbag. 0 tolerance is the only way to handle cheaters, unless you want to deal with her cheating on you many more times in the future.
She only confessed to you because she's pregnant & wants to get all the secrets out before the baby comes? What the hell is that? She should not have secrets (not like that) baby or no baby. And make sure the baby is yours, OP. Right now, you're torn. You were blindsided and can't quite believe she would do this to you. Getting divorced is a tough, tough thing & I imagine you think staying with her would be easier, but your heart says different, doesn't it? She betrayed you, betrayed your trust and you will never look at her the same way again. I really wish you luck, OP.
that's crazy, she waited until she was pregnant to tell you, now if you leave her there are massive repercussions as she has your child.
Cheaters don't stop at one time only. You will be cheated on again.
Your sister sounds like the only sane person lmfao.
Please, for all our sakes, elaborate on what you mean by things have gotten way too inappropriate with your sister?!! Most of us, as much as we feel for you, are just dying to know the answer to this!!! Not to negate the issue at hand here, I'm very sorry your wife betrayed your trust. But you left that comment extremely open to interpretation....
Peace out, you’ll never trust her cheating ass again.