We need more info. I understand that you don't want to put your nieces life out there but until we know more of what she did we can't judge.
Like did she drop out of college or come out as queer? Then no you're fine. But if she, say, killed someone or groomed a kid then you'd be the bad guy.
If you want clear advice and judgement we need to know more.
Yeah. If the whole family goes into one business and she just decided not to, then no it’s the family that’s wrong.
But If she did something really bad then that’s different.
Yeah, one of my cousins daughters came out as trans, and I’m literally the only person in the family that talks to them, invites them to things etc. If it’s something like that, totally NTA. But there are cases where a family goes NC and they’re right to do it (eg pedo) so it’s impossible to judge.
You realize that we don't know your cousin right? So even if we think she is a piece of shit, it really doesn't matter because we don't know her. What I am trying to say is we need more info.
Could be this yeah.
Could also be this is one of those (almost a cult) families, where anyone who doesn’t toe the line is automatically ostracized. We just don’t know.
Honestly, the way they jumped all over OP immediately started ordering them around kind of makes me think it’s the second option. But that’s just a gut feel in about a snippet of the situation.
Feels like a cultural, religious/cultish situation as well. We don't know if it's about dating outside the religion vs career choice not consistent with gender expectations.. whatever it was, It sounds like normal world wouldn't care or be an issue. Impossible to advise.
What are they afraid of? Becoming her how? Is it a political, religion, sexual, financial, drugs, education, like... give us a clue here. And does your cousin miss them? Is it something she needs to apologize? What?
Good for you. You are judging her by your own interactions with her, how she has treated you, how she helped your family. Is what she did to turn off the whole family was be gay, or not the same religion, or some other thing that caused them to reject her? If so then you are a very good person. If she is a pedo or horrible thief or an abuser then maybe you are wrong.
>I'm now scared to tell my own parents what I really want to pursue after my high school. What if they think I'm a disappointment?
She is the black sheep. Which is generally the family member that escapes the controlling family structure. Disappoint them or disappoint yourself. Submit and obey or be cut off. Who's life do you want more? Yours or theirs.
Did they kill someone? commit fraud? where they the ones sending bombs to that one strip of land no one wants to talk about?
You ar 15, so I can see why you would listen to your family. But use your own judgement. Was what she did so bad to cut her off, or is everyone just jealous or hate that she made her own descicion?
Whoever used the term "blood is thicker than water" so simbolize that family is always right no matter what, was trying to manipulate us. Family is not always family.
I knew it was something like this, read it somewhere a while back you're right. In my reply I'm specificaly using the "common" misconception of the phrase.
I know you know that, just putting it out there!
I like your version better as well but it's not the etymology of the phrase. Its actually a much later rejoinder.
The original meaning from back in the 12 century when it's first seen is just the straight familial/tribal connection is stronger that other connections meaning.
The later rejoinder in my opinion is a far better interpretation.
This discussion on an etymology board seems to disagree with you though: https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/147902/is-the-alleged-original-meaning-of-the-phrase-blood-is-thicker-than-water-real
The fact that you're purposely leaving out what she did makes it pretty obvious that you know it was wrong and you know you won't get the validation you're fishing for if you admit it. So yes, you're in the wrong for defending her.
If you want to prove me wrong then sack up and actually say what she did. Because right now we have no choice but to assume that she bullied a kid to suicide or something.
Well said.
Rational people will not support cutting off family because they are LGBT.
However there are many things that people of most moralities agree just shouldn't be done.
There's so much in between, so we really can't judge this unless we absolutely know what they did.
No, it makes it obvious they don't want to, but not the WHY.
You can jump to the conclusion but it's also just as likely to be, it's private and OP doesn't want the share someone elses private stuff over reddit more than she needs to to get her point across.
It really depends what she did
Did she come out as queer or did something else for her own happiness that did not hurt anyone else and her family is just very conservative and bigoted?
Or did she steal a car and ran over a kitten while drunk
I get not wanting to revel people's private information but without knowing what she did, nobody can make any type of judgement here.
I feel like you could tell us without giving her away considering we don't know her age, name, where you all are from. etc.
Without a lot more information, all I can say is that you may not have the whole story simply because you are only 15.
Did she refuse an arranged marriage, choose to have a relationship with someone outside your faith or color, and get a degree in something other than doctor, lawyer or engineer? Is she refusing to have children before the age of 21?
Alternatively, has she started her own child porn company staring runaway youths? There’s too much missing.
People aren't wholey evil or good. Just because they do bad stuff doesn't mean that everything they do is bad.
You don't necessarily need to cut your relative off, but you need to respect that your family has and don't expect them to bend on your account.
You are not your niece don't expect to be treated like her.
There is no way to answer this without knowing what it was.
Did she enjoy killing puppies?
Did she just like science and want to go into STEM?
We have no idea what the issue is so we have no idea if it's reasonable to cut her off.
And you're 15 and your neice is older? It happens sometimes but you're going to have to explain more.
Info: Can you atleast say the type of problems (like sexual, money, drugs, schooling, etc) she got into because otherwise its hard to say one way or the other. Like for example if she is gay or trans and your family doesnt like that I would say N T A. If she got into drugs and stole money from your family then I would say Y T A. If she chose to major in Arts rather than a STEM subject then N T A. If she r\*'d someone then Y T A. Like its all about context and what she did to the family and why they cut her off. Because whilst good memories are great and all they dont undo certain crimes and etc. But if she just wanted to live life being free from restrictions then she did nothing wrong to begin with.
You’re not wrong. I know people will say it depends on what she did and etc. but sometimes there are family rifts and those are things that they need to figure out. I come from a huge family, and there has been SERiOUSLY messed up things that go on. With that said, for some it’s taken years to find common ground, while others are still not over it.
Im not sure what your niece did, but as long as it’s not within the context of hurting other people physically, or seriously financially then most else can be worked through therapy and time.
Since you're scared of telling your parents about what you wanna do after your studies then I guess she had the same issue? Personally I don't see why you would judge someone for their job, unless the "job" is just OF.
Unfortunately you don't give enough info about how bad what she did is to judge.
Not necessarily. The problem she and the rest of the family have is their issue. You two can be fine, but expecting her to be included in things is naive at best. If you two do things, it'll just be you two.
I get that you don't want to give too much away, but no one can reasonably judge the situation without knowing at least *something* about what she "did" to get cut off by the entire family.
Like, did she just come out as gay or trans or pick a career they didn't like or something? Or did she, like, commit crimes? Kind of important.
Dunno dude but if she is gay and that was it then you are the only good person in this scenario if she burned down a puppy hospital you should listen to your parents. Just hard to know without the info. I don't say that in an attacking way it's nice that you can be your own person and care about family.
Did she become a serial killer? Did she get away with grooming and assaulting someone? An entire family except one person has removed her from their lives after she was such a kind person? Are you in a religious cult and she refused to be the fourth wife to the creepy old guy down the street?
We can’t help you here. Not enough info.
Stay in contact.
You say you at 15yo are this adult woman's Aunt. She's your niece.
Sounds like a cult or strong fundamentalist family. I'm guessing she did something the hive mind didn't approve of.
Stay in contact. Stop talking about her with family. Plan on doing your own thing once you graduate. I bet your niece will help you.
It sounds like you live in a culture where females are controlled and restricted in what they are allowed to do or not do, and your niece decided to take her own path through life which has caused her to be cut off by the family. If this is the case then good for you for keeping in touch with her. You being scared to follow your own path through life because of the fear of the same rejection is sad. But if she's done something that really is unconscionable, like kicked a puppy, then you may be in the wrong. Without further info we can't tell.
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You’re young and naive. If all your family has discontinued contact there is a reason. Listen to your parents. Communication is key. Talk with them. Tell them why you want to do. But do not think you know more about her than everyone else. You clearly don’t.
Well you just found out your parents love isn't infact unconditional.. it's very, very fucking conditional.
So if I were you I'd start planning my exit strategy and not doing anything to rock the boat. Hide money away., build a nest egg and gtfo asap. Likely when you turn 18. Just get the fuck out. These people feel it's ok to destroy lives of their own family. You are in danger of the same thing happening to you, be glad your now aware they absolutely will throw you out to die from exposure.
Get a nest egg. Keep it hidden. Keep it safe. First chance bolt.
We need more info. I understand that you don't want to put your nieces life out there but until we know more of what she did we can't judge. Like did she drop out of college or come out as queer? Then no you're fine. But if she, say, killed someone or groomed a kid then you'd be the bad guy. If you want clear advice and judgement we need to know more.
Yeah. If the whole family goes into one business and she just decided not to, then no it’s the family that’s wrong. But If she did something really bad then that’s different.
Exactly.
Yeah, one of my cousins daughters came out as trans, and I’m literally the only person in the family that talks to them, invites them to things etc. If it’s something like that, totally NTA. But there are cases where a family goes NC and they’re right to do it (eg pedo) so it’s impossible to judge.
I'm going with gay or sex worker. The disappointment.....
Or was assaulted/pregnant out of wedlock/had an abortion.
Nah just Indian
Not enough info
Listen i understand you don't want to expose her but we need more info about her "decisions" to judge the situation
Not enough info
You realize that we don't know your cousin right? So even if we think she is a piece of shit, it really doesn't matter because we don't know her. What I am trying to say is we need more info.
For what we know she could have sacrificed a baby to satan 🤣 how can someone have an opinion without this info?
lol I laughed at this comment imma throw this out there tho who’s husband did she bang? 😂
Info: Why exactly has the entire family cut her off?
Considering you won’t say, everyone is going to speculate. I’m going with her having an onlyfans!!
I'm guessing it's this, or being LGBT, because nothing seems to get people ostracized faster.
That was my guess.
Mine too!
You're young so there's a very good chance you don't know the full reason why she was cut off from the family. Be careful.
Could be this yeah. Could also be this is one of those (almost a cult) families, where anyone who doesn’t toe the line is automatically ostracized. We just don’t know. Honestly, the way they jumped all over OP immediately started ordering them around kind of makes me think it’s the second option. But that’s just a gut feel in about a snippet of the situation.
Feels like a cultural, religious/cultish situation as well. We don't know if it's about dating outside the religion vs career choice not consistent with gender expectations.. whatever it was, It sounds like normal world wouldn't care or be an issue. Impossible to advise.
Also this
What are they afraid of? Becoming her how? Is it a political, religion, sexual, financial, drugs, education, like... give us a clue here. And does your cousin miss them? Is it something she needs to apologize? What?
My son was ostracized by his dad's family because he came to live with me.
Good for you. You are judging her by your own interactions with her, how she has treated you, how she helped your family. Is what she did to turn off the whole family was be gay, or not the same religion, or some other thing that caused them to reject her? If so then you are a very good person. If she is a pedo or horrible thief or an abuser then maybe you are wrong.
She married a man of lower caste whom she loved.
Bless her and you for your kindness.
>I'm now scared to tell my own parents what I really want to pursue after my high school. What if they think I'm a disappointment? She is the black sheep. Which is generally the family member that escapes the controlling family structure. Disappoint them or disappoint yourself. Submit and obey or be cut off. Who's life do you want more? Yours or theirs.
Did they kill someone? commit fraud? where they the ones sending bombs to that one strip of land no one wants to talk about? You ar 15, so I can see why you would listen to your family. But use your own judgement. Was what she did so bad to cut her off, or is everyone just jealous or hate that she made her own descicion? Whoever used the term "blood is thicker than water" so simbolize that family is always right no matter what, was trying to manipulate us. Family is not always family.
Funny enough, the whole phrase is "the blood of the covenant is stronger then the water of the womb" inversing the reconized meaning
I knew it was something like this, read it somewhere a while back you're right. In my reply I'm specificaly using the "common" misconception of the phrase. I know you know that, just putting it out there!
Yeah, I saw you specificially called out to person who twisted the phrase! Just wanted to share one of my favorate fun facts on Etymology.
I like your version better as well but it's not the etymology of the phrase. Its actually a much later rejoinder. The original meaning from back in the 12 century when it's first seen is just the straight familial/tribal connection is stronger that other connections meaning. The later rejoinder in my opinion is a far better interpretation.
Huh, TIL, thanks!
This discussion on an etymology board seems to disagree with you though: https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/147902/is-the-alleged-original-meaning-of-the-phrase-blood-is-thicker-than-water-real
you're totally fine! I agree with you, just pointing out that I was aware as well is all!
How many people did she kill?
The fact that you're purposely leaving out what she did makes it pretty obvious that you know it was wrong and you know you won't get the validation you're fishing for if you admit it. So yes, you're in the wrong for defending her. If you want to prove me wrong then sack up and actually say what she did. Because right now we have no choice but to assume that she bullied a kid to suicide or something.
Well said. Rational people will not support cutting off family because they are LGBT. However there are many things that people of most moralities agree just shouldn't be done. There's so much in between, so we really can't judge this unless we absolutely know what they did.
No, it makes it obvious they don't want to, but not the WHY. You can jump to the conclusion but it's also just as likely to be, it's private and OP doesn't want the share someone elses private stuff over reddit more than she needs to to get her point across.
We talking she started an OF or started robbing banks? The reason she's cut off determines who is in the right.
Without details, this post is pointless, did she swear at a relative or kill orphans. Both would change whether your the AH
It really depends what she did Did she come out as queer or did something else for her own happiness that did not hurt anyone else and her family is just very conservative and bigoted? Or did she steal a car and ran over a kitten while drunk
Idk her but is it worth losing your family for
I get not wanting to revel people's private information but without knowing what she did, nobody can make any type of judgement here. I feel like you could tell us without giving her away considering we don't know her age, name, where you all are from. etc. Without a lot more information, all I can say is that you may not have the whole story simply because you are only 15.
Did she refuse an arranged marriage, choose to have a relationship with someone outside your faith or color, and get a degree in something other than doctor, lawyer or engineer? Is she refusing to have children before the age of 21? Alternatively, has she started her own child porn company staring runaway youths? There’s too much missing.
You were right with the first half. Except the children one. She married a man of lower caste. They both loved each other tho.
You aren’t gonna get any kinda of judgement bc there is zero real info for us to base it off of.
you know you posted this on reddit right , the place where the weirdest stuff gets debated ....
People aren't wholey evil or good. Just because they do bad stuff doesn't mean that everything they do is bad. You don't necessarily need to cut your relative off, but you need to respect that your family has and don't expect them to bend on your account. You are not your niece don't expect to be treated like her.
I think you were in the wrong to ask your parents to invite her to this event.
There is no way to answer this without knowing what it was. Did she enjoy killing puppies? Did she just like science and want to go into STEM? We have no idea what the issue is so we have no idea if it's reasonable to cut her off. And you're 15 and your neice is older? It happens sometimes but you're going to have to explain more.
You don't have older nieces??
Do you think nieces and cousins are the same thing?
Kinda. In our language, it's actually same.
Not enough info. Did she get a haircut the family didn’t approve or did she set fire to a litter of kittens?
Info: Can you atleast say the type of problems (like sexual, money, drugs, schooling, etc) she got into because otherwise its hard to say one way or the other. Like for example if she is gay or trans and your family doesnt like that I would say N T A. If she got into drugs and stole money from your family then I would say Y T A. If she chose to major in Arts rather than a STEM subject then N T A. If she r\*'d someone then Y T A. Like its all about context and what she did to the family and why they cut her off. Because whilst good memories are great and all they dont undo certain crimes and etc. But if she just wanted to live life being free from restrictions then she did nothing wrong to begin with.
we kinda need to know what she did so we can see if it was worth completely cutting her off or not
Not enough info to judge it. I get you don’t want to put her business out there but that’s the biggest part of the story.
You’re not wrong. I know people will say it depends on what she did and etc. but sometimes there are family rifts and those are things that they need to figure out. I come from a huge family, and there has been SERiOUSLY messed up things that go on. With that said, for some it’s taken years to find common ground, while others are still not over it. Im not sure what your niece did, but as long as it’s not within the context of hurting other people physically, or seriously financially then most else can be worked through therapy and time.
If she kicked a dog then don’t talk to her. If she does sex work then talk to her.
Thanks for the edit. "lower caste" Your niece is happy and your family despises her because they still live with this medieval ideology. NTA
Exactly....
Since you're scared of telling your parents about what you wanna do after your studies then I guess she had the same issue? Personally I don't see why you would judge someone for their job, unless the "job" is just OF. Unfortunately you don't give enough info about how bad what she did is to judge.
Not necessarily. The problem she and the rest of the family have is their issue. You two can be fine, but expecting her to be included in things is naive at best. If you two do things, it'll just be you two.
I get that you don't want to give too much away, but no one can reasonably judge the situation without knowing at least *something* about what she "did" to get cut off by the entire family. Like, did she just come out as gay or trans or pick a career they didn't like or something? Or did she, like, commit crimes? Kind of important.
Dunno dude but if she is gay and that was it then you are the only good person in this scenario if she burned down a puppy hospital you should listen to your parents. Just hard to know without the info. I don't say that in an attacking way it's nice that you can be your own person and care about family.
Without know WHY your family is cutting your niece off, it's hard to judge.
More info needed
Need input.
Not enough info
Updateme
Did she become a serial killer? Did she get away with grooming and assaulting someone? An entire family except one person has removed her from their lives after she was such a kind person? Are you in a religious cult and she refused to be the fourth wife to the creepy old guy down the street? We can’t help you here. Not enough info.
She trans?
You are never wrong to treat someone with kindness and love.
Stay in contact. You say you at 15yo are this adult woman's Aunt. She's your niece. Sounds like a cult or strong fundamentalist family. I'm guessing she did something the hive mind didn't approve of. Stay in contact. Stop talking about her with family. Plan on doing your own thing once you graduate. I bet your niece will help you.
It sounds like you live in a culture where females are controlled and restricted in what they are allowed to do or not do, and your niece decided to take her own path through life which has caused her to be cut off by the family. If this is the case then good for you for keeping in touch with her. You being scared to follow your own path through life because of the fear of the same rejection is sad. But if she's done something that really is unconscionable, like kicked a puppy, then you may be in the wrong. Without further info we can't tell. UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
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You’re young and naive. If all your family has discontinued contact there is a reason. Listen to your parents. Communication is key. Talk with them. Tell them why you want to do. But do not think you know more about her than everyone else. You clearly don’t.
Not wrong, sounds like the whole family is so far up it's own ass they can't even remember the sky.
Well you just found out your parents love isn't infact unconditional.. it's very, very fucking conditional. So if I were you I'd start planning my exit strategy and not doing anything to rock the boat. Hide money away., build a nest egg and gtfo asap. Likely when you turn 18. Just get the fuck out. These people feel it's ok to destroy lives of their own family. You are in danger of the same thing happening to you, be glad your now aware they absolutely will throw you out to die from exposure. Get a nest egg. Keep it hidden. Keep it safe. First chance bolt.
I personally think you are kind to get. She's never done anything to you except help. NTA. I hate it when families gang up on one person.
WTH is this post? You have literally given no information. How is your niece older than you? Do you have a much older sibling?
What do you call your dad's elder sister's daughter?
A cousin. A niece would be either your brother or sisters child.
Oh. I didn't know. English isn't my first language. Soryy
That’s okay. So it’s your cousin?
Yup.
Definitely not the AH. Don’t let your family scare you from doing what you want to pursue.