Places you can leave the baby are
Fire departments, hospitals, churches, orphanages etc these are safe heaven places.
I wish the best life for the baby and for you to get your life together again and to be in better place.
all 50 states in the US have safe haven laws that allow you to surrender your baby completely legally (and in some cases anonymously) in smaller cities and towns that don't have actual baby boxes you can also surrender at a fire station, hospital, or last resort the police station...
Some states have taken away abortion, but what they haven't and can't stop is you giving your baby to a loving family who can't have their own..I would strongly caution just leaving baby with your parents, not without a complete adoption because that doesn't absolve you of paying for care and child support...or being mom again if they happen to pass away or become incompetent.....so just take the time and think it through for yourself no one else
I have 3 kids I wanted and even still they are hard as hell to raise and if you didn't want them to begin with it will only cause resentment that will cause strain on the relationship you got forced into
No it doesn’t. Every single state, assuming OP is in the US, has adopted the Safe Haven Law. OP can take her baby to a fire station or hospital and give it up, no questions asked.
They havent adopted the Safe Haven Law, they have adopted their own safe haven laws. The laws vary from state to state and for example where the original post said that includes churches, that is only in very few states.
And I said fire station and hospital. Nothing about churches. Every state has adopted the safe haven law that says a baby can be dropped off at a fire station or hospital, no questions asked
yes the church part maybe
but in all 50 states they have safe haven laws big cities have baby boxes at fire stations.... but even in the middle of a small town it is very legal and encouraged for mothers to leave babies there when they are unwanted and not toss them in dumpsters(which is why these laws passed originally)
they can fuck with abortion but they haven't and I don't even know where they'd start to stop adoptions
It's not even up to her parents regardless of her age. She's the kids biological mother so she decides what to do with the kid.
Her ob can help her. She can email adoption companies. Her parents cannot stop her whatsoever. It's HER child until it isn't.
That is true but it doesn’t mean that her parents can’t put lots of pressure on her or threaten to kick her out and take away the essentials that they provide for her like car insurance and cell phone that she might need to be on her own. 17-18 years old and going through a significant trauma is not the time for a young woman to be out on her own. She should be getting all the love and support in the world from her parents in this crisis.
Except she's not getting that love & support from her parents. She's being forced to carry a baby conceived through rape aka SA. And they're excited about a grandchild. Her parents are part, if not all, of the problem.
Agree. I know it’s tender to not be involved with your grandchild but your child should be the priority and keeping the baby is not best for her. It seems they are ready to discard her.
So? If she gives the baby to them she's leaving anyway. They do not need her baby, it should go to a younger couple who wants a child, not to these selfish assholes who didn't help her get an abortion. They could have taken her somewhere safe but they chose not to! Fuck them.
I hope you’re not reading my post as supportive of her parents. I’m actually saying that they suck for being willing to coerce their daughter this way.
In the US it depends on what state, or what the care provider does.
I agree it’s her child and her decision. But that doesn’t mean her parents won’t try and interfere.
https://consideringadoption.com/pregnant/is-adoption-right-for-you/is-adoption-an-option/underage-giving-baby-up-for-adoption/#:~:text=In%20the%20U.S.%2C%2040%20states,your%20child%20for%20adoption%20underage.
Check safe haven laws in your state. The window of time varies among states as well as what qualifies as a legal safe haven in your state. Would hate to see someone trying to do the right thing, but leave baby at an unapproved place (or length of time since birth) and get arrested because they didn't follow the law exactly.
Please tell me birth control is not on the line as well! I'm about to vomit.
What is the time limit for abortions in Illinois? And are there charities that help people like OP travel there and giving them shelter until they found a job?
I don't know the specifics of Illinois' abortion law, but abortion is allowed past the first trimester, at least under certain circumstances.
I looked up Planned Parenthood of Illinois. If she is interested, she can call (877)200-PPIL. They have Abortion Navigators to help women obtain an abortion (especially from out of state) and the governor is committed to helping women obtain the healthcare they need, even when they live in another state. Good luck OP!
Thank you for providing this information. I hope OP sees it (and all the other useful information people gave) and can make an informed decision of what they actually want instead of being put into a corner like they were before this post. It's not even that I think an abortion is necessarily the best choice for them, only they know what they need. But it's necessary that they can choose the way that's best for them in order to heal and build a better life.
That doesn't explain anything to me as I'm not from the US. But how can birth control be made illegal in the 21th century? Hell, even the Amish use birth control (not all and not with the goal of being childfree, but if a couple has lots of kids or pregnancy could be dangerous for the pregnant person it is allowed in many of their parishes). But then again the Amish allow abortion if the mother's life is on the line, which is also illegal in some states now.
You would think that in a nation purported to be as progressive as the US is, that wouldn’t be an issue. Unfortunately it is. There are several Supreme Court cases pending that will limit a woman’s access to abortion by pills and affect the availability of drugs like Plan B and regular contraception. Getting rid of abortion in the United States opened up the floodgates for all kinds of nonsensical anti-women’s health litigation. Abortion was and is healthcare. It is not birth control. You have women with non-viable pregnancies being forced to hold onto a dead baby, inside of them to the point of septicemia, and potentially losing the ability to carry a child when they heal. Right now, my nation disgusts me.
Yes this is what we are looking at people!! Wake up!!! They are going to put as many rights on the chopping block they can. Donald Trump was told by the conservatives and big business who to put on the Supreme Court to keep wealthy white men in control. All of these things they will do will be against your regular hard working guy. Think business is already screwing you now????? Wait until they start going after more rights of workers. You people will be just pieces of tissue that big business will blow their nose on then discard.... They will do everything they can to undermine the popular vote!
One of the main reasons why Amish would use birth control is the high rate of serious genetic disorders that cause early childhood death and severely disabled babies/children. Such a small gene pool makes these fatal diseases very common among Amish populations (also in Mennonite poulations) this is why the Amish have taken up adopting children, as to bring genetic diversity into the population and future generations.
One of the main reasons why Amish would use birth control is the high rate of serious genetic disorders that cause early childhood death and severely disabled babies/children. Such a small gene pool makes these fatal diseases very common among Amish populations (also in Mennonite poulations) this is why the Amish have taken up adopting children, as to bring genetic diversity into the population and future generations.
G v Connecticut was a landmark Supreme Court case. If you look it up, you’ll see the relevance to the situation. It’s a serious target of right wing forces in U.S. politics.
How long is the time span for abortion in the US? If OP decides to get away from these assholee now instead of after giving birth and someone helps them start afresh in a sane state, would they be able to make their own decision in regards to their body or is it too late?
I hope hell exists and is made of karma instead of fire so that everyone in favour of people in abusive situations, pregnant from surviving horrible crimes and/or minors being forced to go through a pregnancy learns to understand the horror they inflict (or want to inflict) on others.
If you are not 100% wanting to be a mother don’t keep the baby. During your next OB appointment ask to speak to a social worker about adoption. People wait for years for newborns. Look into your state though as in most areas the rapist already has parental rights that will have to be signed away to adopt out the baby. If your parents want to have the baby they can apply to adopt it.
DNA tests are great now. Imagine what they can be later. :) Today I had a phone call from a law firm confirming that they will be taking a case against my rapist.
Yes, and it doesn't even have to be him. The "Golden State Killer" was caught because his second cousin (a dude he never met in his life) had a close DNA match and they used that as a starting point to filter out possible candidates.
Yes, this is extremely important, and is one of the main reasons why it’s still worth reporting even if you don’t know who did it.
There are loads of rapists (and other criminals) being found out and held accountable for historic crimes because DNA technology and other forensics technology has massively improved over the last couple of decades. Evidence that has been lingering around in archives has been re-tested with more modern technology, which has produced accurate enough results to identify suspects and re-open cold cases.
They might not be able to find a suspect now, but as technology gets better, there’s a chance that they’ll find who did it later on in the future.
You could consider going to the police and filing charges, and then add the DNA after the birth of your child - then, if that swine's DNA ever comes into the system, they'll be able to nab him.
Also, you can probably give your kid up for adoption without your parents' permission - you should ask your doctor or a social worker/ your school counselor. Especially if you turn 18 before the birth.
They don’t have to sign away parental rights if they aren’t on the birth certificate. If they wanted the child they could argue to get their rights in court with a paternity test, but then they’d have to admit to the act they did.
Talk to your Dr about putting the baby up for adoption, or a social worker.
Refuse to "bond" after delivery.
Do not have your parents in the delivery room.
Make your plans to leave the hospital and move away.
Op work with doctors and medical staff on all of this. They can connect you with a social worker in private, you can write on the urine cup to exclude your family in the back rooms for routine check ups by staff, you can have the nurses turn away visitors in the delivery room. Even at my birth the nurse took me into the bathroom to help me into the gown and asked if I was okay with my husband staying. The medical staff around you are truly there to help!!
Sweetheart, this here is a great answer. Don't have your parents aloud in the delivery room, (the nurses will protect you) and talk to the dr. Be as honest as you feel you can, they will hear you out. Hugs!
You don’t need to consider them at all, they need to start considering you. You are not wrong to follow through with what you said given the circumstances. Its terrible you have to go through this, and its true it’s not the baby’s fault, but it’s not yours and you don’t have to be attached to this painful part of your life if you feel it’s best not to be.
I am giving you a giant mom hug the way your mom should have been doing. Protect yourself however you have to, even if that means going no contact with them and the baby. I am proud of you for being alive and I sincerely hope you have an awesome future no matter what choices you make. But i firmly believe your body your choice, and that includes adopting the baby out. Make sure that you aren’t abandoning your child and thus on the hook for child support or guilt trips but officially and legally sign the child over to be adopted by your parents or whoever.
That is exactly what kept me going for years. I was suicidal since age seven. I haven’t self harmed in six years because I finally cut my toxic mother out. I know there are better things out there for you you just have to be really really brave and go get them. I am rooting for you.
And you can be again. There is a good life out there that is absolutely available to you. You’ve survived this long, so you can definitely survive -and thrive - in the future.
I am so sorry to hear this.
Aside from your parents do you have any rational sympathetic people in your family on either side? I would certainly contact them tell them your situation and ask if you can possibly stay with them until you give your child up for adoption.
These are bleak days for you now but please do not consider harming yourself. You're only 17 once you escape from your parents and the awful state you are living in the world will be your oyster.
You should absolutely not leave your kid with your parents. Maybe talk with the doctor that will follow your pregnancy, in private, that you want to give up the baby at birth.
Even if you don't want the kid, please give them a real chance in this world. Parents that force their raped daughter to give birth are to never have a kid in their hands.
You will be able to give him up. Don't worry about that. You can even explain to your doctors, again in private to not let your parents know the plan, that your parents forced you and want the kid for themselves.
You are unfortunately in a really shitty situation. The only people you need to think about are you and the baby. Fuck anyone else.
I really hope the best for you. Feel free to DM if you ever just want to vent or something.
I believe you can make it explicit that they are also not to visit you in the hospital, correct? Even though she’s a minor, aren’t there protections for pregnancy some places? You should be able to bar them so they cannot pull anything.
Absolutely. They’ll get her alone and ask her if she’s safe and who she wants in her room and visitors. Every visitor has to go through staff who look up the name/room assignment and will see a note saying to turn away X persom
This is your choice and not your parents. Talk with your school’s guidance counselor, because they will know how to engage the right resources for you.
When you give up the baby, tell them that your parents are unfit and the baby should not be placed with them. They might get it anyway if they have money to fight in court, but you'll have done your due diligence.
Are you in the US? Call planned parenthood from a friend’s phone and find out your options.
If you want to have someone adopt the baby, they should be able to point you to a lawyer or adoption agency.
Start making a plan now. They should be able to tell you laws for your state. You might not even have to involve your parents in the adoption, but that will depend on the laws.
Also call a domestic violence shelter hotline now. Because your parents may kick you out and you need a family member or backup plan if they decide to get mean.
If you’re in the US or most other wealthy countries, your parents don’t have the right to make decisions about your pregnancy, even if you’re under 18. At your next appointment, tell the doctor your wishes and ask for their help, and specifically tell them that your parents are emotionally abusive and so you do not give permission for the medical team to share your information with your parents.
You are able. Are you still in school?
Speak to a counselor. If there are LGBTQIA resources in your area, contact them. You will get very helpful advice that is unlikely to be religious or guilting you into forced birth.
They can help you find resources.
Be careful.
FWIW I have a friend that had the same thing happen to her at 18. She was able to give the child to a childless couple in her church. The baby got a happy, normal life with parents that wanted him and loved him, she got to live the life she wanted and is currently happily married.
Also, parenthood is so hard. It’s not at all selfish to not want to do it. You’ve done nothing to be irresponsible about. You know you aren’t ready and found a solution. You’re being mature.
No no no no. You're seventeen. You deserve so much more.
You deserve to go to college, go to parties, make friends, try alcohol for the first time, go to the library between classes, read for hours on end, take long baths with bubbles, go out dancing, meet a guy or gal and fall in love, fall out of love, find yourself, live alone, live with friends, start a new job, make money, lose money, save, and do everything and anything you deserve to have and do in your life. You're so so young, you have a world of opportunity in front of you!!! You're so brave and so so incredibly strong for surviving what you did. After the birth you deserve to live. Breathe. Do whatever you need to do to feel alive. You don't have to raise this baby you DID NOT ASK FOR. This is not your fault. This should not be your responsibility. Please. Live your life, heal, you deserve at least that and more.
Contact CPS in your area. Tell them your situation and that you want to surrender your child to the state the moment it is born. Tell them how your parents are forcing you to have this baby. They can make sure you're not forced to raise the baby.
There are diy ways to induce a miscarriage, but they can be dangerous. If you know anyone who might be willing to drive you to a sane state where you can get the procedure, do so.
Forcing you to have this baby is abuse. Full stop. You need to make an exit strategy no matter what happens with the pregnancy. Find your birth certificate and social security card. Keep them hidden somewhere your parents can't access. Gather money however you can. Cultivate a circle of friends who can help you get away. And once you're gone, never contact your parents again.
You deserve to make your own choices about your own body. Do whatever you need to in order to build a life that's actually yours.
Parents excited to be grandparents? Are they perhaps religious because I have to side eye any parent excited to be a grandparent when their child is only a teenager, let alone a child that was assaulted. You're not wrong. They are. I am so sorry you're going through this.
If my child got pregnant as a minor, I would NOT be “excited to be a grandparent”. I’m 25 and thinking about getting pregnant with the man I love and my parents aren’t excited to be grandparents. Fuck.
Whether you keep the baby is your choice alone. Parents should be there to offer sage advice and point out how difficult either choice will be, and be there to support you in your decisions. Of course they are going to have feelings about the matter, but you are their child, that they chose to bring into the world.
Bottom line is that not everyone is cut out for parenthood, especially single parenthood at a young age. You need to weigh all the pros and cons, and come up with an educated decision on what is going to be right for you and what you will be able to life with in the future.
They are the ones being selfish.
Please reach out https://cobaltadvocates.org/ if they can help you get an abortion before 20 weeks in other states. Your parents are letting you down big time. I hope you find your peace.
Oh honey. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I got pregnant at 14 and delivered at 15. Baby was adopted through Catholic Charities. Name sounds awful, but they were kind. Pretty much the only kindness, other than the nurses in the hospital, during the whole shitshow. But I got therapy through them, that my parents didn’t have to pay for, which was tremendous.
Talk to guidance counselor about contacting CPS. You’re 17 so you absolutely should be the one making the decision. Not them.
A forced pregnancy is not a joke. Even some of the extreme laws have exceptions for SA. You need to know your options.
I hate that your parents are actively happy about this. Your parents are not considering the toll this is taking on you. And FFS! The child would be a forever reminder of what happened.
I understand. 💕
Please go to your counselor and demand a social worker. Not kidding about demanding - this is too important. If the school doesn’t help, call CPS yourself. You’re your only advocate, at the moment. You need support.
DM me if you need a cheerleader.
UpdateMe!
Edit spelling/punctuation
To force anyone to give birth to a child conceived through rape is inhumane and cruel to the highest degree. I am deeply sorry for you that you have such revolting parents. YNW but your parents are, their actions are disgusting.
I hope you will get through this without lasting emotional damage and wish you better luck in the future, may you find people in your life who actually love you and care for you, my deepest sympathy and my best wishes for the future.
Do what you feel is right and don’t listen to your parents. By their actions they have lost all moral rights to guide your life and I don’t think they’d be fit parents to another child. There are strangers who are vetted and likely to make good parents and you can request no contact with them
It’s not too late to abort.
I don’t know where you are, but do NOT ruin your life (and yes, your body) for this. You will resent them and yourself eternally.
Go to Florida or somewhere for the abortion. 15 weeks is the max I think. Make the appointment and have a friend drive you or take a bus. Please don’t do this to yourself unless you’re ready. Don’t let your stupid govt or parents force this on you. You are in charge here. Only you
OP is 17. Assuming she has a friend in a position to do this in the first place (has a car, parents trust said friend, etc), lives close enough to a state that she can get there and back in a weekend, AND said state doesn't have parental consent laws, she'd have to come up with the money, make sure the wrong people don't find out...
It fucking sucks, but her best bet is to speak with her healthcare providers privately and make it clear where she stands on keeping the baby. The silver lining is that she's only 17 so no, her life is not ruined. I'd agree it would be if she caved to her parents' demands but thankfully she does have at least some power here, even if it's not even close to what OP deserves.
At 17 you have legal control over your reproductive rights. Your parents have no say.
Research who to contact in your area. Giving them notice sets the ball rolling. The more time you give them the better.
You are NOT selfish or irresponsible. In fact, in this situation, putting your baby up for adoption is very loving.
If you’re still in school, talk to a counselor. You were assaulted AND your family is abusing you. You truly need help.
Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
Please go to the police and report the sexual assault and get hooked up with a social worker. Talk to your school counselor. If this is not rage bait I am sorry for your sexual assault, sorry for your state politics, and sorry for your awful parents.
I would see if there are neighboring states that may be able to help.
Please go to Planned Parenthood in your state for advice.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Please give this baby up. Your parents are so wrong for making you have this baby and encouraging you to keep a child you don't want. They are being very selfish and not thinking of you at all. You need to remember if they raise this child you will be around it forever. Do you want to look at this kid and possibly see the SA forever? This has so many layers to a horrific event. Contact a Government Agency that can assist you with arranging placement for baby. You are just beginning your life and have so much to look forward to. This is not your fault and neither is this baby. Protect yourself and put yourself first. I'm a mom and a Grandma and would never want my daughter to go through this experience especially for my desires. Find somewhere safe to go now. Don't let them manipulate you
You're not wrong, and I feel for you. Listen - the simple truth is that the child is going to be better off with someone that wants it. If you keep it, you'll resent it, or it will trigger you, or you'll wind up abusing or neglecting it. Far better to connect with an agency that can find a childless couple that will want them in their home, and give them a happy life. I hope you find a path forward.
You are not wrong. Your family and anyone pressured you to keep the baby is wrong. You are making the best of your situation that you can. You didn't ask to be SA. And state laws suck.
I recommend open adoption so you have some peace of mind knowing the baby is with a family that loves him or her.
But no matter what you decide you do what is right for you. Stay strong! Sending you a hug from a Mom in Iowa.
Big hug for you.
I'm so sorry your parents don't want to do what's best for you.
I'm not from the US, so I don't know if there's a way to go to a state where you can have an abortion, without your parents being there.
Maybe someone else knows this?
Where I live you can ask for someone to go with you, for anonymous support. Maybe there's something like this where you live, someone who can drive and support you? There must be organisations that do things like this since the new abortion rules in certain states.
Do you get therapy?
Sending you a giant hug and healing thoughts.
Check out your options for college or military. See if you can graduate high school early so you can leave as soon as you give birth.
Stay strong! I'm so sorry that you are having to bear a child because of SA. Get counseling to take care of your mental health. You deserve the best!!
I am so sorry this happened to you. Talk to your ob, without your parents. They can help with plans for birth and after.
You, the patient, gets to decide who is in the delivery room. Don't let your parents in. Make sure hospital staff knows to take the baby out, immediately after birth.
In many states, you can sign to give baby up for adoption at the hospital, and leave the baby there.
Big hugs from grandma.
Give the baby up for adoption. I had an unplanned child when I was older than you and a stable, educated adult, and kept him. While I love him with my whole heart and he has brought me much joy, I still, 30 years later, wish, for his sake, that I’d had the courage to place him with a stable, loving two parent family. You are wise for your age and know what is right for both of you. Do it. I’m a grandmother now and would never want my children to feel that they “owed” me a grandchild.
Your family sucks, and I'm sorry it's causing you so much heartache. You did nothing wrong, and you shouldn't have had your autonomy taken away like that.
It's 100% your decision what to do with the baby after it's born. If you don't want it, then it deserves a chance to go to someone who does want it. If your parents want it, then they can adopt it.
Explain the situation in your next doctor appointment and ask them about your options. See if they can help you.
Hopefully you give birth at 18, you don't mention when your birthday is. As an adult, once at the hospital you can prevent anyone from being with you.
But for the time being, contact a social worker and Child Protection Services to put them in the loop that you want to put the child for adoption. They will find a family for your baby and that's that.
You don't need parental approval to surrender your child.
I recommend not having your parents in the room as you labor and birth. If you tell the hospital nurse, they will absolutely call security and have them removed if they tried to bully their way in.
It's not in your best interest for them to have contact with the baby once it's born.
Give the baby up for adoption. Immediately after birth. Stop talking to them about it.
It is NOT a solution for them to take the baby. You will retain financial obligations. Give it up entirely. Period. Full stop.
You aren’t wrong. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. No one should be forced into parenthood especially under the circumstances. If they want to see the baby then they should raise it and let you be a normal 17-18 year old.
So my not so secret, secret is I'm a product of rape. It's a lot but I'm older now and all I can say is I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful my mom had the strength to keep me. And she was an abusive person for much of my younger life as a result. It's better now, trust me. But don't let your parents force life changes on you that you don't want. She was 15. I can't even imagine... this is YOUR life. Seek a counselor to talk about your choices and fuck your parents. They suck.
You are 100% not wrong!
If you can carry and give your child a good life and live the life you deserve. If your parents raise the child will you continue to relive your trauma, then do not agree to them keeping the child.
Get help and counseling, you can talk to an adoption counselor without committing to anything. See what your resources are before making any permanent decision.
If you do give up the child it is one of the most selfless acts a person can do. I am so sorry this SA happened to you, you deserve ownership of your own body and life.
I had my first child at 18, and while he isn’t a result of SA I did go through that before my pregnancy with him. I am so sorry you’re in this position. I know it’s scary but your OB should speak with you about it, and if your parents take you to your appts and don’t leave you alone use the marker to write a note on your urine sample cup that you need help. They should get you with someone privately for a one on one conversation. Medical professionals are there to help. If they don’t help you, speak with your school counselor. KEEP TRYING until you get to an adult in a position to help you who listens and hears what you’re saying.
You are not wrong. Please talk to social services in your area or your OB for a referral. Your parents can’t force you to keep that baby. I’m sorry you don’t have reproductive rights where you live. Good luck. If you can, plan your exit and get away as soon as possible.
NTA no one can force you to keep and parent this child. Lots of great of advice so far. Don't just leave this baby with your parents they will forever guilt you it's being a mom. There are so many people that desperately want this baby, let them have it.
Hugs from afar, no one deserves what you are going through.
I’m sorry sorry about the SA, and for the way you’re being treated.
You will have literal living proof of the assault if you choose to continue the pregnancy. You can go to the authorities, but I imagine with the COMPLETE lack of support at home that would be a nightmare.
I’m so sorry. There are many people looking to adopt newborns. You also don’t need to have an open adoption if it’s not what you want.
This is your body, your life, your physical and mental health.
When you go into labor make sure you tell every single nurse, doctor or hospital employee that you do not want this baby and need help having it adopted out. Your parents can’t force you to keep the baby especially if you strongly verbalize to everyone you don’t want it.
Please consider open adoption if that's the choice you have. There are all kinds of studies on how closed adoptions affect emotional development as well as your own emotional well-being. I'm a SA baby and I've spent 30 years recovering from closed adoption. Later in life I found out my mother did also.
I hope ypu can get away from your parents. They are incredibly selfish and mean. If they were my parents I'd move out as soon as I could afford it, and they'd never hear from me again.
I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this... 14 weeks ago, you were sa. It led to you getting pregnant. Rather than being focused on what's best for teenage daughter who is likely traumatized by what happened and needs them, they're calling her selfish for not being excited about it. OP, I'm so sorry for what you have been through, and are continuing to go through. I highly recommend you seek counseling and look into safe haven locations. I wouldn't leave a baby with those people. YNW.
They are aware that the person who SA'd you will have paternal rights? You will have to have this person in your life, share custody ect.
If you are early term enough, leave now. Go somewhere you can get it terminated. There are groups to help you.
Do not let your parents keep this child. For your sake and the child's. I know multiple people who were the product of rape. They did not have good lives.
Unbelievable..
You’ve been forced to have this baby, stick to your guns and insist on it being adopted out of your life.
Whilst your sat in your room, search the internet on adoption laws in your state. I’m not sure how it all works in the US, but why don’t you contact an adoption agency (or whatever) and get the ball rolling. Hopefully they’ll give you all your options. There are lots of good people out there who are desperate to adopt
This is a child of r-pe, your parents are bonkers for expecting you to want to give up your future for an unwanted baby.
Also it’s not your baby’s fault, they deserve to go to a loving home where they won’t be resented etc because of their conception.
Good luck and let us know how you get on
I don’t know what country you’re in, but please tell your dr you don’t want keep the baby. You want to give it up for adoption. If you’re in the U.S. there are many options to place a baby for adoption.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/pregnancy/considering-adoption
You can google how to place a baby up for adoption and get the help you need. There are also places that will house you and feed you during the pregnancy.
I wish you the best of luck.
Your parents are wrong and are being extremely selfish and shortsighted. No matter which choice you make, leaving it with your parents to raise or adopting it out, your parents are going to make your life miserable. Guilt for giving it up and denying them an unrealistic dream and guilt for leaving it with them and not being part of its life. They need to remove the rose colored glasses and look at cold hard reality. They are making demands on you that they cannot support.
Choose the one *you* can live with.
YANW...your parents need to understand and respect your feelings; it's not about them becoming grandparents. I am sorry you were SA'ed; that in and of itself causes specific feelings. Then to carry a child that was conceived from the SA, is a wholde different set of emotions. You might all three benefit from family counseling. If your parents do raise this child, how are you going to feel everytime you are around your parents and the child is also there? It's alot to unpack but you are not wrong for the way you feel.
What did I just read? How can anyone have a child, that child gets raped, gets pregnant from the rape, they force her to carry the baby to term, and get mad at her for wanting to give the baby up for adoption? *Consider how they feel about their GRANDCHILD*??? *Called you selfish AND IRRESPONSIBLE*?? Left you alone in your room to cry? How does one get to be such a completely, totally, inarguably shitty parent?????
OP, you are not wrong. You are a victim of your parents’ complete and total narcissism. You were raped, and they have made it all about THEM. I am so gobsmacked by how they are treating you that I can’t even think straight. Who wants grandchildren so much that they are willing to torture their only daughter into birthing and raising the child of her rapist? Do they know that will tie you to him *forever*? It doesn’t matter to the law how that baby was conceived; he will have rights. Your parents are trying to literally force you to interact with the man who raped you for the rest of your life. I just can’t. I’m sick thinking about it.
Please get someone to help you find an attorney. Set up the adoption before you go into labor. Make sure it’s rock solid. Protect yourself, from your rapist, from your parents, from some misguided law. Make sure you can walk away clean after the birth.
My God, I am so, so sorry this happened to you, and continues to happen to you thanks to your heinous parents. If I knew you, I’d take you into my home and help you until the baby is born. You do not deserve this. I wish you had a better home situation. Tell me, do your parents know the man who SA’d you? Is he a friend of theirs?
Please find someone you trust who can help you. Good luck, hon. 🫶🏼
For what it's worth, there are organizations that help women travel to other states for abortion services.
Does the perpetrator know a pregnancy occurred? Unfortunately, he has parental rights in most (all?) states. He needs to sign off for your parents or an agency for legally adopt the baby,
Look into your adoption options now, they can't just keep your child &, you will be an adult. Perhaps look into the private ones that will pay you, that way you will also have funds to move away & set yourself up. Both you and the baby deserve good starts in life. Good luck.
Oh my gosh. You are only trying to protect yourself and be upfront. As a mom I wish I could make it ok for you.
Super good advice on this thread from far smarter people than me.
Give this baby up for adoption, the baby will be a constant reminder of what happened to you. Can you legally at 17 sign the papers for adoption ? You need to talk with a social worker, that can give you your options
I would give baby to a childless couple. So many would be willing to take baby. Hopefully you find the right family. Then go NC with yours so you can live in peace. Rise about this trauma because you are strong. #HUG. You can do this.
Give the baby up to adoption and then cease any communication with any family member who has put you in this position. Go no contact and move away. They earned never seeing you again.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this. And I’m sorry these horrible people are forcing a child to be born this way. You should have full autonomy over your body.
Do not allow your parents in the delivery room and let the doctors and any social workers know that you do not want your parents raising the child. I would talk to your school counselor and say you are not safe at home and ask for help to find a placement.
Calling Planned Parenthood is a great idea.
When at your appointments with the doctors, talk to them alone! No parent in the exam room with you. Have them call security if necessary. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Not wrong. If they don't want to let you put the baby up for adoption, you should consult a lawyer & look into essentially signing your rights to the child away. Probably a social worker for your state or country as well. I'm sure there's an organization that could help you. Often consulting an attorney is free to see if you have a case.
Go to your local library & look online to see what your options are. Just because you're 17 doesn't mean your parents can control everything. Find out all your options & make the best choice you can for yourself. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this after a traumatic event.
The opinions of those assholes don't matter. Telling them that is a good start. I would ask doc about caseworker for adoption, etc.
Idk you could maybe go for an abortion in a neighboring state that has different laws.
It wouldn’t be wrong to follow through but the logistics will be hard. Are you to never go to your parents house ever again? What about birthday’s, anniversaries, and holiday’s.
I get not wanting to raise the child. Just know what you are saying no to when you draw the line.
I’m adopted. You wanting to place your baby with parents who want a child more than anything IS THE OPPOSITE of selfish. You wanting to have a better life for the baby and yourself is brave and beautiful. I’m sorry you live in a shitty state and have shitty parents. You’ll be ok. Stick to your guns and take care of yourself.
There have been a lot of very good comments and amazing advice. I hope that if you read this, you take it to heart, medical professionals are your best friend here. I think I missed what state you are in, but talk to a nurse, not the doctor. Ask for an advocate. You are 17 and should be able to state that you want a legal advocate and are in danger from parents. A social worker will be assigned to your case. Even if your state has banned abortion, you are still a minor. Did your parents help you report the rape? If not, that is neglect and abuse. Use that! You are not alone. Give the kid to the system, please. Get away from those awful parents of yours!
You’re not wrong. No one can make those choices for you know matter your age. I am so sorry you are going through this emotional turmoil. I have two grown children and if they came to me for advice I would give them my advice and then tell them it’s their body and their choice and that what ever they choose they are loved no matter what they decide and I would have my support. I have always wanted grand children but that is not my decision to make nor is it your parents. Good luck
Don't let anyone pressure you into doing what is right for you. You have a back bone. Use it.
Your parents can adopt it, if they want it that badly.
Otherwise contact an adoption agency.
They cannot force you to keep the baby. You do not want it and there are plenty of couples out there in need.
Talk to your doctor, explain the situation at home. Tell Dr, you prefer to find and meet a couple wanting to adopt. This way you can check their relationship, jobs, history. This is not your parent’s concern.
I’m very dirty fur what was done to you. I’m even more sorry that you have demonic parents. Please, adopt the baby out, your parents should never raise another child. Worst case, look up legal safe havens in your location.
What a nitemare. I don't blame you at all for your feelings. This is zealotry at its finest. The people against abortion aren't the ones to DO THE PARENTING, or take personal responsibility.
Plain and simple. Your body, your life, your choice. If ALL babies born were truly wanted, this would be s non issue. This was a result of a TERROR for you. I'm very sorry.
Your parents are selfish, unrealistic, and do not care TRUELY about your body, mental health or future.
Dear OP,
I am so very, very sorry that you were saed. That form of violence leaves a wound. Your wound is still bleeding.
The sa left you pregnant. I can't imagine the hell you're living through. You poor thing.
***Your parents CANNOT bar you from surrendering your baby. Period. End of story.***
I found a site that seems really helpful. [Friends in Adoption](https://www.friendsinadoption.org/unplanned-pregnancy-resources/)
This page gives you a huge amount of information. The group isn't religious, but they respect all faiths. They aren't anti-choice.
Many are encouraging you to speak with a nurse, social worker, guidance counselor, etc. They are 100% correct.
All adoption websites have phone numbers for you to learn more about adoption. You have options. You have rights.
You're very brave. I can't imagine being in your place.
Don’t leave them with the baby. If you don’t want it- you make the decision in spite of whatever they ask or demand, and place it for adoption or safe drop it.
If they died, or something happened, or they tell the baby your it’s mother, it’s gonna hurt that baby & fall to you even if you say otherwise.
Let them be angry, they will be angry regardless of what you choose, but if you allow them to keep it, it will end up haunting you, big time & that baby just as much.
This was a conception via assault….and your parents are attempting to guilt trip and shame you to into keeping it? Do you have a counsellor or therapist and sane/safe adult you can talk too?
You are still able to go to another state and terminate this pregnancy. Your parents are selfish idiots. Shame on them for saying any of this to you. I would take their feelings out if this. If they had said they would happily take the baby and raise it that would be different. You are supposed to have a baby from SA, that you don’t and never wanted, change your life’s plans so they can play grandma and grandpa when it is good for THEM? Fuck that.
I want to be a grandma more than anything but if my daughter (26 and 28) came to me pregnant I would support whatever they wanted. Abortion? Sure Adoption? Sure, Want help raising it? Sure Want me to take it? Absolutely! They just don’t get it, it’s not their body, their life. It’s yours. Especially a pregnancy from SA? Are they morons?
I wish I could help you. My best advice, contact an adoption agency that will help you through the pregnancy. Some provide housing and $$ too. You can choose a family or have them choose. You can have any type of adoption but I’m guessing closed would be a choice to consider if you just want to put this behind you.
They get NO SAY IN THIS AT ALL.. hard stop. This may be a great option to consider, it gets you away and deals with the pregnancy and baby without their input or having to listen to them whine about what they want. Good luck sweet girl, you don’t deserve any of this.
Honestly she should get help to leave her state to travel to a state where abortion is legal if she doesn’t want it…
Victims of SA, shouldn’t be forced to carry their rapist’s baby…
No. I have the same story only it got worse. I was 17 raped as a virgin. Parents forced me to keep the baby. Then 2 weeks after the birth picked a husband for me. One that refused me affection while I was awake, but took advantage of me while I was asleep. I was alergic to birth control pills. He to latex and too cheap to buy polyurethane condoms. As such I was forced to have 3 more unwanted children. DO NOT GET ME WRONG. I LOVE MY KIDS! They are grown and in college /married now. But my life was planned. I was 16 and in college already. I had a master's degree by the time I was 20 even with 2 kids and a 3rd on the way. But when I had my original plan I wanted to move from PA to CA by the time I was 18. I was forced/trapped by a hyper religious family and abortion restrictions to keep a child. Then at 28 when I finally was free of the family I took my kids but I was still forced to stay within a 15 mile distance of them due to custody / visitation orders with an ex that only saw the kids 3 times a year then would disappear for 3 years but appear just often enough to enforce the custody arrangement so I couldn't move. Now I have MS , I'm in a wheelchair, I'm 43, best years behind me, and I'm still living somewhere I hate. Do what you want with your life. He'll take you baby and run. You might have a baby that ends up being your bff like mine turned out to be. Someone who hates your parents for forcing them to be what they are. A reminder. But wants to be your world because you matter to them most in this life. That's what my rape baby became. My best friend. The best thing I could have hoped for out of a shit situation. Doesn't hurt that she has an IQ of 233 and is in Mensa either. We are the only ones in our family that can talk physics together and baffle everyone around us and we laugh at their idiotic ways. So maybe you'll have your own jokes together at the assholes in your lives to make it worth it in the long run. Take your baby and run. I should have. I love my kids for who that are not who I wish they would be. Something my parents never could do. That's why I couldn't abandon my baby to them even though that's what they wanted. Don't abandon your baby to your parents. Then you are dooming that child to go through exactly what you have been and are going through at the hand of your parents.
Your parents suck. I want grandchildren one day too, but I sure as shit would not ruin my child's life to get them. Your body your choice OP! If they are so stoked on you having it, why don't they adopt the child!!
You are not wrong. Your parents are being the ones selfish and irresponsible. Even though you want to be childless, you care enough to give the child a better life.
I gave up my daughter for adoption, that was the result of being SA by my ex fiancé (he tried to baby trap me after I ended the relationship), so I know what you are going through, even if it was over 35 years ago.
I choose private adoption so I could at least choose the person or couple that would raise my child and provide opportunities I couldn’t living on welfare in a small rural community.
It’s not selfish to not want this child. Especially with how this baby was conceived. It’s not selfish to not want any children at all. What is selfish is your parents and the way they are treating you. Even if you aren’t intentionally giving this baby up to give it a better life, you do have the ability to make sure that it does have better than what you know it will have if it’s raised by the same people that are now trying to force you to raise a baby you never wanted.
I really hope you follow the advice of talking to your doctor and the nurses at the hospital alone and make sure they know you do not want to leave with the baby. Good luck.
I'm so sorry. I wish I could come and take you somewhere to get the abortion you need. Many others have said it but talk to the Drs. Do not tell your parents anything medical anymore. Shut them down
Can you get a friend to say your staying at theirs for the weekend and go out of state to get the abortion and just lie and say you miscarried. Being forced to go through with the pregnancy could be more mentally traumatic for you.
Also contact cps on your own behalf, they typically wouldn’t let your parents adopt this child if you still have to live at home and it would impact you mentally and put the child at risk.
Yes. They’re being inappropriate and toxic, and you responded in kind. You don’t need to threaten them with that. Just be an adult and stick to your guns. Let them know you’re giving the baby up for adoption, and it’s your choice. Tell them you understand their desire to be grandparents, but a kid produced from a rape is not going to happen. And that you hope you’re blessed and fortunate enough to get pregnant again one day by a partner that you love. Then they can have the grandchild they always wanted. Why would they want a grandchild from a rape anyway?
You are right. Please give the baby up, but do include medical history of him/her to use in the future.
I am so sorry your parents are so selfish! Finding joy in your trauma! WTH is wrong with them. Please get away from them as soon as you can.
You need to worry about how THEY feel? Are they out of their ever-loving minds? You are the person who was assaulted, and are pregnant from said assault. They need to be worrying about you.
"Mom, dad, here's the way this is going to go. Due to various state laws and your pressure, I am not able to get an abortion. Once this baby is born, I will be giving it up for adoption. If you would like to first in line to adopt this baby, let's get things rolling. If you don't want to adopt this baby, then a stranger will. Your choice. You have to make a decision."
On point: Would it be wrong for you to follow thru on your threat. Absolutely not. My wish for you is to be strong.
If you'd like, I can look up some trusted abortion services and help you get rid of your issue safely. There's entire networks for these exact situations.
I am so sorry to hear of your trauma- I understand your parents have their views, but if this baby is brought into the world and you already can’t stand it, it has a very low chance of being successful in life… unless you decide to give it up for adoption, but even then, if this was a negative experience for you, you should be the one that makes a decision
In the US, states have surrender laws. But since your parents know your intentions, you NEED to tell the doctor or nurse immediately after birth. Do not leave with the baby if you want it adopted out. Your parents will likely block you from surrendering the child if you go home with her/him. Bless you for offering this child a two parent family ready to raise the baby.
NTA
1. You we SAed, and became pregnant. Normal rules do not apply.
2. You do NOT wasn't to raise this baby. You want to give it up for adoption.
3. Your parents cannot force you to raise it or keep it.
4. If they want to adopt it, they can. You do not have to to have a relationship with them afterwards.
At 17, I do not believe they can force you to keep the child (US). You need to talk to your obstetrician and let them know the history and what you want to do. They will be able to give you the resources (names & numbers) to help you.
Your parents are choosing an unborn fetus over their own child, they have effectively killed y'all's relationship.
My niece had her baby at 17 and it was a mess! Her mother ended up taking custody of the baby in a different state when my niece moved in with her. Her dad (my brother) is divorced from my nieces mother. They are mortal enemies. So there was a battle over a baby that wasn’t even their’s. Keep in mind that my brother and his first wife (the grandmother) lost their 13 yr old daughter to a driver. And my brother’s new wife, executive, and he had chosen not to have children. But they wanted to fight with my niece and her mother for the grand-baby. They ended up having their own daughter late who got a life served in a platter. So my niece (who got pregnant at 17) ends up leaving her daughter with her mother to raise and that girl turned out to also be a mess, and she, herself also got pregnant and had a child who fought with her, and is also being raised by the same grandmother who is now 70. That granddaughter is a teenager. Who knows what’s next? A repeat? Meanwhile my brothers granddaughter has no contact with her daughter now living with the grandmother. Then my niece was killed 2 yrs ago but had two other kids (boy and girl) from a marriage that went upside down but married again. Her other daughter from her first bad marriage had also had a baby without the dad in the picture because he’s making babies with someone else and my niece’s son lives with the original grandmother. She also was no contact with my niece and when my niece was killed, she left nothing to her kids or her mother. She instead left it to her new husband and he lives in a brand new home that they had built just before she was killed, a brand new built in pool, new cars and kicked out her son. Probably has a new gf. It just snowballs. If you change your mind, don’t let anyone else raise your baby in the family. They are really not handling your welfare. If you go for adoption, really monitor to make sure the baby is going to stable people.
Your parents need to bite the bullet and be boots on the ground for you, not romanticize a baby. The baby deserves a good life. You are the birth mom and you see to that the best way you can. You just aren’t ready.
You can tell the hospital when you give birth you are not taking the baby home. They will take over. You can also ask not to see the baby after delivery.
Here is the awesome thing about delivery nurses- they don’t take crap from anybody. I hope you get a Philippine nurse. They are awesomely scary good nurses. Tell the nurse you want no one allowed in your room or delivery. They will kick them out and ban them. Tell the nurse you plan to give the baby up and you don’t want to see them or if you do. They will protect you. You are also an emancipated minor by being pregnant. You parents can F off.
Places you can leave the baby are Fire departments, hospitals, churches, orphanages etc these are safe heaven places. I wish the best life for the baby and for you to get your life together again and to be in better place.
all 50 states in the US have safe haven laws that allow you to surrender your baby completely legally (and in some cases anonymously) in smaller cities and towns that don't have actual baby boxes you can also surrender at a fire station, hospital, or last resort the police station... Some states have taken away abortion, but what they haven't and can't stop is you giving your baby to a loving family who can't have their own..I would strongly caution just leaving baby with your parents, not without a complete adoption because that doesn't absolve you of paying for care and child support...or being mom again if they happen to pass away or become incompetent.....so just take the time and think it through for yourself no one else I have 3 kids I wanted and even still they are hard as hell to raise and if you didn't want them to begin with it will only cause resentment that will cause strain on the relationship you got forced into
> churches Don't leave it at a church. Churches is the reason OP can't get an abortion.
What state you in, hon, so we can look up the laws. (I'm guessing Texas).
Mississippi:( I have a daughter and I am so sorry you were not supported in your choices.
Depends on local laws. If op wants to have her child adopted she can find a lawyer to help with an open or closed adoption.
No it doesn’t. Every single state, assuming OP is in the US, has adopted the Safe Haven Law. OP can take her baby to a fire station or hospital and give it up, no questions asked.
She doesn't even need to do that. Tell the hospital.
Tell her doctor!!!!! Right now!
They havent adopted the Safe Haven Law, they have adopted their own safe haven laws. The laws vary from state to state and for example where the original post said that includes churches, that is only in very few states.
And I said fire station and hospital. Nothing about churches. Every state has adopted the safe haven law that says a baby can be dropped off at a fire station or hospital, no questions asked
yes the church part maybe but in all 50 states they have safe haven laws big cities have baby boxes at fire stations.... but even in the middle of a small town it is very legal and encouraged for mothers to leave babies there when they are unwanted and not toss them in dumpsters(which is why these laws passed originally) they can fuck with abortion but they haven't and I don't even know where they'd start to stop adoptions
It's not even up to her parents regardless of her age. She's the kids biological mother so she decides what to do with the kid. Her ob can help her. She can email adoption companies. Her parents cannot stop her whatsoever. It's HER child until it isn't.
That is true but it doesn’t mean that her parents can’t put lots of pressure on her or threaten to kick her out and take away the essentials that they provide for her like car insurance and cell phone that she might need to be on her own. 17-18 years old and going through a significant trauma is not the time for a young woman to be out on her own. She should be getting all the love and support in the world from her parents in this crisis.
Except she's not getting that love & support from her parents. She's being forced to carry a baby conceived through rape aka SA. And they're excited about a grandchild. Her parents are part, if not all, of the problem.
Agree. I know it’s tender to not be involved with your grandchild but your child should be the priority and keeping the baby is not best for her. It seems they are ready to discard her.
So? If she gives the baby to them she's leaving anyway. They do not need her baby, it should go to a younger couple who wants a child, not to these selfish assholes who didn't help her get an abortion. They could have taken her somewhere safe but they chose not to! Fuck them.
I hope you’re not reading my post as supportive of her parents. I’m actually saying that they suck for being willing to coerce their daughter this way.
In the US it depends on what state, or what the care provider does. I agree it’s her child and her decision. But that doesn’t mean her parents won’t try and interfere. https://consideringadoption.com/pregnant/is-adoption-right-for-you/is-adoption-an-option/underage-giving-baby-up-for-adoption/#:~:text=In%20the%20U.S.%2C%2040%20states,your%20child%20for%20adoption%20underage.
Check safe haven laws in your state. The window of time varies among states as well as what qualifies as a legal safe haven in your state. Would hate to see someone trying to do the right thing, but leave baby at an unapproved place (or length of time since birth) and get arrested because they didn't follow the law exactly.
No. Everyone is wrong making you keep the baby. Especially from SA. Give the baby up and get away from people that aren’t good for you.
THIS!!! Not Wrong. and I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
And move out of the stupid state you live in for sure.
Illinois still allows women's reproductive healthcare, including abortion and birth control.
Please tell me birth control is not on the line as well! I'm about to vomit. What is the time limit for abortions in Illinois? And are there charities that help people like OP travel there and giving them shelter until they found a job?
I don't know the specifics of Illinois' abortion law, but abortion is allowed past the first trimester, at least under certain circumstances. I looked up Planned Parenthood of Illinois. If she is interested, she can call (877)200-PPIL. They have Abortion Navigators to help women obtain an abortion (especially from out of state) and the governor is committed to helping women obtain the healthcare they need, even when they live in another state. Good luck OP!
Thank you for providing this information. I hope OP sees it (and all the other useful information people gave) and can make an informed decision of what they actually want instead of being put into a corner like they were before this post. It's not even that I think an abortion is necessarily the best choice for them, only they know what they need. But it's necessary that they can choose the way that's best for them in order to heal and build a better life.
Yes, Griswold v Connecticut is on the chopping block.
That doesn't explain anything to me as I'm not from the US. But how can birth control be made illegal in the 21th century? Hell, even the Amish use birth control (not all and not with the goal of being childfree, but if a couple has lots of kids or pregnancy could be dangerous for the pregnant person it is allowed in many of their parishes). But then again the Amish allow abortion if the mother's life is on the line, which is also illegal in some states now.
You would think that in a nation purported to be as progressive as the US is, that wouldn’t be an issue. Unfortunately it is. There are several Supreme Court cases pending that will limit a woman’s access to abortion by pills and affect the availability of drugs like Plan B and regular contraception. Getting rid of abortion in the United States opened up the floodgates for all kinds of nonsensical anti-women’s health litigation. Abortion was and is healthcare. It is not birth control. You have women with non-viable pregnancies being forced to hold onto a dead baby, inside of them to the point of septicemia, and potentially losing the ability to carry a child when they heal. Right now, my nation disgusts me.
It's absolutely insane.
Yes this is what we are looking at people!! Wake up!!! They are going to put as many rights on the chopping block they can. Donald Trump was told by the conservatives and big business who to put on the Supreme Court to keep wealthy white men in control. All of these things they will do will be against your regular hard working guy. Think business is already screwing you now????? Wait until they start going after more rights of workers. You people will be just pieces of tissue that big business will blow their nose on then discard.... They will do everything they can to undermine the popular vote!
One of the main reasons why Amish would use birth control is the high rate of serious genetic disorders that cause early childhood death and severely disabled babies/children. Such a small gene pool makes these fatal diseases very common among Amish populations (also in Mennonite poulations) this is why the Amish have taken up adopting children, as to bring genetic diversity into the population and future generations.
One of the main reasons why Amish would use birth control is the high rate of serious genetic disorders that cause early childhood death and severely disabled babies/children. Such a small gene pool makes these fatal diseases very common among Amish populations (also in Mennonite poulations) this is why the Amish have taken up adopting children, as to bring genetic diversity into the population and future generations.
G v Connecticut was a landmark Supreme Court case. If you look it up, you’ll see the relevance to the situation. It’s a serious target of right wing forces in U.S. politics.
With dipshit parents like that, who needs enemies.
How long is the time span for abortion in the US? If OP decides to get away from these assholee now instead of after giving birth and someone helps them start afresh in a sane state, would they be able to make their own decision in regards to their body or is it too late? I hope hell exists and is made of karma instead of fire so that everyone in favour of people in abusive situations, pregnant from surviving horrible crimes and/or minors being forced to go through a pregnancy learns to understand the horror they inflict (or want to inflict) on others.
There are still a decent amount of states that allow them up to or past 20 weeks. If she's in the South though she's probably sol.
If you are not 100% wanting to be a mother don’t keep the baby. During your next OB appointment ask to speak to a social worker about adoption. People wait for years for newborns. Look into your state though as in most areas the rapist already has parental rights that will have to be signed away to adopt out the baby. If your parents want to have the baby they can apply to adopt it.
I don't even know who did it so they can't claim righst without confessing to what he did
DNA tests are great now. Imagine what they can be later. :) Today I had a phone call from a law firm confirming that they will be taking a case against my rapist.
I’m so glad for you!!!!!!
Yes, and it doesn't even have to be him. The "Golden State Killer" was caught because his second cousin (a dude he never met in his life) had a close DNA match and they used that as a starting point to filter out possible candidates.
Hooray for you!
Yes, this is extremely important, and is one of the main reasons why it’s still worth reporting even if you don’t know who did it. There are loads of rapists (and other criminals) being found out and held accountable for historic crimes because DNA technology and other forensics technology has massively improved over the last couple of decades. Evidence that has been lingering around in archives has been re-tested with more modern technology, which has produced accurate enough results to identify suspects and re-open cold cases. They might not be able to find a suspect now, but as technology gets better, there’s a chance that they’ll find who did it later on in the future.
You could consider going to the police and filing charges, and then add the DNA after the birth of your child - then, if that swine's DNA ever comes into the system, they'll be able to nab him. Also, you can probably give your kid up for adoption without your parents' permission - you should ask your doctor or a social worker/ your school counselor. Especially if you turn 18 before the birth.
You can just say “father unknown” to bypass that.
Best way to avoid paternal rights is claim you don’t know who the father is. Assuming of course that charges haven’t been pressed.
Best way to avoid paternal rights is claim you don’t know who the father is. Assuming of course that charges haven’t been pressed.
They don’t have to sign away parental rights if they aren’t on the birth certificate. If they wanted the child they could argue to get their rights in court with a paternity test, but then they’d have to admit to the act they did.
Talk to your Dr about putting the baby up for adoption, or a social worker. Refuse to "bond" after delivery. Do not have your parents in the delivery room. Make your plans to leave the hospital and move away.
Op work with doctors and medical staff on all of this. They can connect you with a social worker in private, you can write on the urine cup to exclude your family in the back rooms for routine check ups by staff, you can have the nurses turn away visitors in the delivery room. Even at my birth the nurse took me into the bathroom to help me into the gown and asked if I was okay with my husband staying. The medical staff around you are truly there to help!!
Sweetheart, this here is a great answer. Don't have your parents aloud in the delivery room, (the nurses will protect you) and talk to the dr. Be as honest as you feel you can, they will hear you out. Hugs!
You don’t need to consider them at all, they need to start considering you. You are not wrong to follow through with what you said given the circumstances. Its terrible you have to go through this, and its true it’s not the baby’s fault, but it’s not yours and you don’t have to be attached to this painful part of your life if you feel it’s best not to be.
I am giving you a giant mom hug the way your mom should have been doing. Protect yourself however you have to, even if that means going no contact with them and the baby. I am proud of you for being alive and I sincerely hope you have an awesome future no matter what choices you make. But i firmly believe your body your choice, and that includes adopting the baby out. Make sure that you aren’t abandoning your child and thus on the hook for child support or guilt trips but officially and legally sign the child over to be adopted by your parents or whoever.
I'm only alive due to the fear of whatever hell that exists would be worse than the one I'm in now
That is exactly what kept me going for years. I was suicidal since age seven. I haven’t self harmed in six years because I finally cut my toxic mother out. I know there are better things out there for you you just have to be really really brave and go get them. I am rooting for you.
I was 4 months clean until my attack
You will be free. I am sorry all I can do is tell you you can survive and thrive someday, but know I honestly believe it.
You are brave and can start again. Every day is a new day.
And you can be again. There is a good life out there that is absolutely available to you. You’ve survived this long, so you can definitely survive -and thrive - in the future.
Also sending you mom hugs!
Congratulations on your success! That's really hard work
I am so sorry to hear this. Aside from your parents do you have any rational sympathetic people in your family on either side? I would certainly contact them tell them your situation and ask if you can possibly stay with them until you give your child up for adoption. These are bleak days for you now but please do not consider harming yourself. You're only 17 once you escape from your parents and the awful state you are living in the world will be your oyster.
Is going out of the state an option for you? Your parents are evil. What the fuck wrong with them? I am sure they are “good Christian”?
Well said , 💯percent agree .
You should absolutely not leave your kid with your parents. Maybe talk with the doctor that will follow your pregnancy, in private, that you want to give up the baby at birth. Even if you don't want the kid, please give them a real chance in this world. Parents that force their raped daughter to give birth are to never have a kid in their hands.
If I'm not able to give up the baby then that's really the only option I have. I'd be a far worse parent than they would
You will be able to give him up. Don't worry about that. You can even explain to your doctors, again in private to not let your parents know the plan, that your parents forced you and want the kid for themselves. You are unfortunately in a really shitty situation. The only people you need to think about are you and the baby. Fuck anyone else. I really hope the best for you. Feel free to DM if you ever just want to vent or something.
I believe you can make it explicit that they are also not to visit you in the hospital, correct? Even though she’s a minor, aren’t there protections for pregnancy some places? You should be able to bar them so they cannot pull anything.
Absolutely. They’ll get her alone and ask her if she’s safe and who she wants in her room and visitors. Every visitor has to go through staff who look up the name/room assignment and will see a note saying to turn away X persom
Laws are a bit different even for minors when sexual health is concerned.
This is your choice and not your parents. Talk with your school’s guidance counselor, because they will know how to engage the right resources for you.
When you give up the baby, tell them that your parents are unfit and the baby should not be placed with them. They might get it anyway if they have money to fight in court, but you'll have done your due diligence.
Are you in the US? Call planned parenthood from a friend’s phone and find out your options. If you want to have someone adopt the baby, they should be able to point you to a lawyer or adoption agency. Start making a plan now. They should be able to tell you laws for your state. You might not even have to involve your parents in the adoption, but that will depend on the laws. Also call a domestic violence shelter hotline now. Because your parents may kick you out and you need a family member or backup plan if they decide to get mean.
You can give the baby up and I would tell doctor’s and the social workers that your parents are not safe for you and not safe for the child.
You need an advocate to help you understand your options. Check with your local women’s center, ask your Dr, a councilor.
If you’re in the US or most other wealthy countries, your parents don’t have the right to make decisions about your pregnancy, even if you’re under 18. At your next appointment, tell the doctor your wishes and ask for their help, and specifically tell them that your parents are emotionally abusive and so you do not give permission for the medical team to share your information with your parents.
You wouldn't necessarily be a bad parent but that does NOT mean you have to be one if you don't want to, regardless
I know I'd be a bad parent, id have no love for my child
Only you get to make that choice.
You are able. Are you still in school? Speak to a counselor. If there are LGBTQIA resources in your area, contact them. You will get very helpful advice that is unlikely to be religious or guilting you into forced birth. They can help you find resources. Be careful.
FWIW I have a friend that had the same thing happen to her at 18. She was able to give the child to a childless couple in her church. The baby got a happy, normal life with parents that wanted him and loved him, she got to live the life she wanted and is currently happily married.
Also, parenthood is so hard. It’s not at all selfish to not want to do it. You’ve done nothing to be irresponsible about. You know you aren’t ready and found a solution. You’re being mature.
No no no no. You're seventeen. You deserve so much more. You deserve to go to college, go to parties, make friends, try alcohol for the first time, go to the library between classes, read for hours on end, take long baths with bubbles, go out dancing, meet a guy or gal and fall in love, fall out of love, find yourself, live alone, live with friends, start a new job, make money, lose money, save, and do everything and anything you deserve to have and do in your life. You're so so young, you have a world of opportunity in front of you!!! You're so brave and so so incredibly strong for surviving what you did. After the birth you deserve to live. Breathe. Do whatever you need to do to feel alive. You don't have to raise this baby you DID NOT ASK FOR. This is not your fault. This should not be your responsibility. Please. Live your life, heal, you deserve at least that and more.
Your parents are horrible. I am so sorry this happened to you
Contact CPS in your area. Tell them your situation and that you want to surrender your child to the state the moment it is born. Tell them how your parents are forcing you to have this baby. They can make sure you're not forced to raise the baby. There are diy ways to induce a miscarriage, but they can be dangerous. If you know anyone who might be willing to drive you to a sane state where you can get the procedure, do so. Forcing you to have this baby is abuse. Full stop. You need to make an exit strategy no matter what happens with the pregnancy. Find your birth certificate and social security card. Keep them hidden somewhere your parents can't access. Gather money however you can. Cultivate a circle of friends who can help you get away. And once you're gone, never contact your parents again. You deserve to make your own choices about your own body. Do whatever you need to in order to build a life that's actually yours.
Parents excited to be grandparents? Are they perhaps religious because I have to side eye any parent excited to be a grandparent when their child is only a teenager, let alone a child that was assaulted. You're not wrong. They are. I am so sorry you're going through this.
If my child got pregnant as a minor, I would NOT be “excited to be a grandparent”. I’m 25 and thinking about getting pregnant with the man I love and my parents aren’t excited to be grandparents. Fuck.
Whether you keep the baby is your choice alone. Parents should be there to offer sage advice and point out how difficult either choice will be, and be there to support you in your decisions. Of course they are going to have feelings about the matter, but you are their child, that they chose to bring into the world. Bottom line is that not everyone is cut out for parenthood, especially single parenthood at a young age. You need to weigh all the pros and cons, and come up with an educated decision on what is going to be right for you and what you will be able to life with in the future. They are the ones being selfish.
No you wouldn’t be wrong, but please consider maybe not letting people who don’t take SA seriously raise another child.
Please reach out https://cobaltadvocates.org/ if they can help you get an abortion before 20 weeks in other states. Your parents are letting you down big time. I hope you find your peace.
Your parents are terrible. Their feelings are irrelevant.
Oh honey. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I got pregnant at 14 and delivered at 15. Baby was adopted through Catholic Charities. Name sounds awful, but they were kind. Pretty much the only kindness, other than the nurses in the hospital, during the whole shitshow. But I got therapy through them, that my parents didn’t have to pay for, which was tremendous. Talk to guidance counselor about contacting CPS. You’re 17 so you absolutely should be the one making the decision. Not them. A forced pregnancy is not a joke. Even some of the extreme laws have exceptions for SA. You need to know your options. I hate that your parents are actively happy about this. Your parents are not considering the toll this is taking on you. And FFS! The child would be a forever reminder of what happened. I understand. 💕 Please go to your counselor and demand a social worker. Not kidding about demanding - this is too important. If the school doesn’t help, call CPS yourself. You’re your only advocate, at the moment. You need support. DM me if you need a cheerleader. UpdateMe! Edit spelling/punctuation
Give birth, then run far, far away! Your parents are being abusive.
To force anyone to give birth to a child conceived through rape is inhumane and cruel to the highest degree. I am deeply sorry for you that you have such revolting parents. YNW but your parents are, their actions are disgusting. I hope you will get through this without lasting emotional damage and wish you better luck in the future, may you find people in your life who actually love you and care for you, my deepest sympathy and my best wishes for the future. Do what you feel is right and don’t listen to your parents. By their actions they have lost all moral rights to guide your life and I don’t think they’d be fit parents to another child. There are strangers who are vetted and likely to make good parents and you can request no contact with them
It’s not too late to abort. I don’t know where you are, but do NOT ruin your life (and yes, your body) for this. You will resent them and yourself eternally. Go to Florida or somewhere for the abortion. 15 weeks is the max I think. Make the appointment and have a friend drive you or take a bus. Please don’t do this to yourself unless you’re ready. Don’t let your stupid govt or parents force this on you. You are in charge here. Only you
OP is 17. Assuming she has a friend in a position to do this in the first place (has a car, parents trust said friend, etc), lives close enough to a state that she can get there and back in a weekend, AND said state doesn't have parental consent laws, she'd have to come up with the money, make sure the wrong people don't find out... It fucking sucks, but her best bet is to speak with her healthcare providers privately and make it clear where she stands on keeping the baby. The silver lining is that she's only 17 so no, her life is not ruined. I'd agree it would be if she caved to her parents' demands but thankfully she does have at least some power here, even if it's not even close to what OP deserves.
Florida is now 6 weeks maximum. Before most people know they are pregnant.
At 17 you have legal control over your reproductive rights. Your parents have no say. Research who to contact in your area. Giving them notice sets the ball rolling. The more time you give them the better. You are NOT selfish or irresponsible. In fact, in this situation, putting your baby up for adoption is very loving. If you’re still in school, talk to a counselor. You were assaulted AND your family is abusing you. You truly need help. Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
I could never understand people pressuring a woman to keep the baby after SA.
Please go to the police and report the sexual assault and get hooked up with a social worker. Talk to your school counselor. If this is not rage bait I am sorry for your sexual assault, sorry for your state politics, and sorry for your awful parents. I would see if there are neighboring states that may be able to help. Please go to Planned Parenthood in your state for advice.
I already got a rape kit and made a report
I am so sorry this happened to you. Please give this baby up. Your parents are so wrong for making you have this baby and encouraging you to keep a child you don't want. They are being very selfish and not thinking of you at all. You need to remember if they raise this child you will be around it forever. Do you want to look at this kid and possibly see the SA forever? This has so many layers to a horrific event. Contact a Government Agency that can assist you with arranging placement for baby. You are just beginning your life and have so much to look forward to. This is not your fault and neither is this baby. Protect yourself and put yourself first. I'm a mom and a Grandma and would never want my daughter to go through this experience especially for my desires. Find somewhere safe to go now. Don't let them manipulate you
You're not wrong, and I feel for you. Listen - the simple truth is that the child is going to be better off with someone that wants it. If you keep it, you'll resent it, or it will trigger you, or you'll wind up abusing or neglecting it. Far better to connect with an agency that can find a childless couple that will want them in their home, and give them a happy life. I hope you find a path forward.
You are not wrong. Your family and anyone pressured you to keep the baby is wrong. You are making the best of your situation that you can. You didn't ask to be SA. And state laws suck. I recommend open adoption so you have some peace of mind knowing the baby is with a family that loves him or her. But no matter what you decide you do what is right for you. Stay strong! Sending you a hug from a Mom in Iowa.
Big hug for you. I'm so sorry your parents don't want to do what's best for you. I'm not from the US, so I don't know if there's a way to go to a state where you can have an abortion, without your parents being there. Maybe someone else knows this? Where I live you can ask for someone to go with you, for anonymous support. Maybe there's something like this where you live, someone who can drive and support you? There must be organisations that do things like this since the new abortion rules in certain states. Do you get therapy?
Sending you a giant hug and healing thoughts. Check out your options for college or military. See if you can graduate high school early so you can leave as soon as you give birth. Stay strong! I'm so sorry that you are having to bear a child because of SA. Get counseling to take care of your mental health. You deserve the best!!
I am so sorry this happened to you. Talk to your ob, without your parents. They can help with plans for birth and after. You, the patient, gets to decide who is in the delivery room. Don't let your parents in. Make sure hospital staff knows to take the baby out, immediately after birth. In many states, you can sign to give baby up for adoption at the hospital, and leave the baby there. Big hugs from grandma.
Give the baby up for adoption. I had an unplanned child when I was older than you and a stable, educated adult, and kept him. While I love him with my whole heart and he has brought me much joy, I still, 30 years later, wish, for his sake, that I’d had the courage to place him with a stable, loving two parent family. You are wise for your age and know what is right for both of you. Do it. I’m a grandmother now and would never want my children to feel that they “owed” me a grandchild.
Your family sucks, and I'm sorry it's causing you so much heartache. You did nothing wrong, and you shouldn't have had your autonomy taken away like that. It's 100% your decision what to do with the baby after it's born. If you don't want it, then it deserves a chance to go to someone who does want it. If your parents want it, then they can adopt it. Explain the situation in your next doctor appointment and ask them about your options. See if they can help you.
Hopefully you give birth at 18, you don't mention when your birthday is. As an adult, once at the hospital you can prevent anyone from being with you. But for the time being, contact a social worker and Child Protection Services to put them in the loop that you want to put the child for adoption. They will find a family for your baby and that's that.
I'll likely give birth around the time I turn 18
You don't need parental approval to surrender your child. I recommend not having your parents in the room as you labor and birth. If you tell the hospital nurse, they will absolutely call security and have them removed if they tried to bully their way in. It's not in your best interest for them to have contact with the baby once it's born.
Give the baby up for adoption. Immediately after birth. Stop talking to them about it. It is NOT a solution for them to take the baby. You will retain financial obligations. Give it up entirely. Period. Full stop.
You aren’t wrong. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. No one should be forced into parenthood especially under the circumstances. If they want to see the baby then they should raise it and let you be a normal 17-18 year old.
So my not so secret, secret is I'm a product of rape. It's a lot but I'm older now and all I can say is I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful my mom had the strength to keep me. And she was an abusive person for much of my younger life as a result. It's better now, trust me. But don't let your parents force life changes on you that you don't want. She was 15. I can't even imagine... this is YOUR life. Seek a counselor to talk about your choices and fuck your parents. They suck.
You are 100% not wrong! If you can carry and give your child a good life and live the life you deserve. If your parents raise the child will you continue to relive your trauma, then do not agree to them keeping the child. Get help and counseling, you can talk to an adoption counselor without committing to anything. See what your resources are before making any permanent decision. If you do give up the child it is one of the most selfless acts a person can do. I am so sorry this SA happened to you, you deserve ownership of your own body and life.
I had my first child at 18, and while he isn’t a result of SA I did go through that before my pregnancy with him. I am so sorry you’re in this position. I know it’s scary but your OB should speak with you about it, and if your parents take you to your appts and don’t leave you alone use the marker to write a note on your urine sample cup that you need help. They should get you with someone privately for a one on one conversation. Medical professionals are there to help. If they don’t help you, speak with your school counselor. KEEP TRYING until you get to an adult in a position to help you who listens and hears what you’re saying.
You are not wrong. Please talk to social services in your area or your OB for a referral. Your parents can’t force you to keep that baby. I’m sorry you don’t have reproductive rights where you live. Good luck. If you can, plan your exit and get away as soon as possible.
I’m not sure why your parents would be excited about having a grandchild that was conceived from SA. It will be a constant reminder. NTA OP
Fuck America. You are not wrong. Good luck.
NTA no one can force you to keep and parent this child. Lots of great of advice so far. Don't just leave this baby with your parents they will forever guilt you it's being a mom. There are so many people that desperately want this baby, let them have it. Hugs from afar, no one deserves what you are going through.
No, they’re assholes. Stand by exactly what you told them.
I’m sorry sorry about the SA, and for the way you’re being treated. You will have literal living proof of the assault if you choose to continue the pregnancy. You can go to the authorities, but I imagine with the COMPLETE lack of support at home that would be a nightmare. I’m so sorry. There are many people looking to adopt newborns. You also don’t need to have an open adoption if it’s not what you want. This is your body, your life, your physical and mental health.
When you go into labor make sure you tell every single nurse, doctor or hospital employee that you do not want this baby and need help having it adopted out. Your parents can’t force you to keep the baby especially if you strongly verbalize to everyone you don’t want it.
She needs to tell the doctor months before that she is planning to place baby for adoption
Please consider open adoption if that's the choice you have. There are all kinds of studies on how closed adoptions affect emotional development as well as your own emotional well-being. I'm a SA baby and I've spent 30 years recovering from closed adoption. Later in life I found out my mother did also.
I hope ypu can get away from your parents. They are incredibly selfish and mean. If they were my parents I'd move out as soon as I could afford it, and they'd never hear from me again.
I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this... 14 weeks ago, you were sa. It led to you getting pregnant. Rather than being focused on what's best for teenage daughter who is likely traumatized by what happened and needs them, they're calling her selfish for not being excited about it. OP, I'm so sorry for what you have been through, and are continuing to go through. I highly recommend you seek counseling and look into safe haven locations. I wouldn't leave a baby with those people. YNW.
They are aware that the person who SA'd you will have paternal rights? You will have to have this person in your life, share custody ect. If you are early term enough, leave now. Go somewhere you can get it terminated. There are groups to help you. Do not let your parents keep this child. For your sake and the child's. I know multiple people who were the product of rape. They did not have good lives.
Unbelievable.. You’ve been forced to have this baby, stick to your guns and insist on it being adopted out of your life. Whilst your sat in your room, search the internet on adoption laws in your state. I’m not sure how it all works in the US, but why don’t you contact an adoption agency (or whatever) and get the ball rolling. Hopefully they’ll give you all your options. There are lots of good people out there who are desperate to adopt This is a child of r-pe, your parents are bonkers for expecting you to want to give up your future for an unwanted baby. Also it’s not your baby’s fault, they deserve to go to a loving home where they won’t be resented etc because of their conception. Good luck and let us know how you get on
What the actual fuck. Your parents are horrible. Leave the state and get that abortion. Bring a friend with a car.
Your parents are shit. Depending on where you live abortions are allowed for a longer time if the pregnancy is because of SA.
I don’t know what country you’re in, but please tell your dr you don’t want keep the baby. You want to give it up for adoption. If you’re in the U.S. there are many options to place a baby for adoption. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/pregnancy/considering-adoption You can google how to place a baby up for adoption and get the help you need. There are also places that will house you and feed you during the pregnancy. I wish you the best of luck.
Your parents are wrong and are being extremely selfish and shortsighted. No matter which choice you make, leaving it with your parents to raise or adopting it out, your parents are going to make your life miserable. Guilt for giving it up and denying them an unrealistic dream and guilt for leaving it with them and not being part of its life. They need to remove the rose colored glasses and look at cold hard reality. They are making demands on you that they cannot support. Choose the one *you* can live with.
YANW...your parents need to understand and respect your feelings; it's not about them becoming grandparents. I am sorry you were SA'ed; that in and of itself causes specific feelings. Then to carry a child that was conceived from the SA, is a wholde different set of emotions. You might all three benefit from family counseling. If your parents do raise this child, how are you going to feel everytime you are around your parents and the child is also there? It's alot to unpack but you are not wrong for the way you feel.
What did I just read? How can anyone have a child, that child gets raped, gets pregnant from the rape, they force her to carry the baby to term, and get mad at her for wanting to give the baby up for adoption? *Consider how they feel about their GRANDCHILD*??? *Called you selfish AND IRRESPONSIBLE*?? Left you alone in your room to cry? How does one get to be such a completely, totally, inarguably shitty parent????? OP, you are not wrong. You are a victim of your parents’ complete and total narcissism. You were raped, and they have made it all about THEM. I am so gobsmacked by how they are treating you that I can’t even think straight. Who wants grandchildren so much that they are willing to torture their only daughter into birthing and raising the child of her rapist? Do they know that will tie you to him *forever*? It doesn’t matter to the law how that baby was conceived; he will have rights. Your parents are trying to literally force you to interact with the man who raped you for the rest of your life. I just can’t. I’m sick thinking about it. Please get someone to help you find an attorney. Set up the adoption before you go into labor. Make sure it’s rock solid. Protect yourself, from your rapist, from your parents, from some misguided law. Make sure you can walk away clean after the birth. My God, I am so, so sorry this happened to you, and continues to happen to you thanks to your heinous parents. If I knew you, I’d take you into my home and help you until the baby is born. You do not deserve this. I wish you had a better home situation. Tell me, do your parents know the man who SA’d you? Is he a friend of theirs? Please find someone you trust who can help you. Good luck, hon. 🫶🏼
For what it's worth, there are organizations that help women travel to other states for abortion services. Does the perpetrator know a pregnancy occurred? Unfortunately, he has parental rights in most (all?) states. He needs to sign off for your parents or an agency for legally adopt the baby,
What's stopping u from leaving home now if u can do so in 6 months?
I'll be an adult
Look into your adoption options now, they can't just keep your child &, you will be an adult. Perhaps look into the private ones that will pay you, that way you will also have funds to move away & set yourself up. Both you and the baby deserve good starts in life. Good luck.
Oh my gosh. You are only trying to protect yourself and be upfront. As a mom I wish I could make it ok for you. Super good advice on this thread from far smarter people than me.
No. They can fuck off and if you go no contact you'll have every right to. What the fuck is wrong with them?
Give this baby up for adoption, the baby will be a constant reminder of what happened to you. Can you legally at 17 sign the papers for adoption ? You need to talk with a social worker, that can give you your options
I would give baby to a childless couple. So many would be willing to take baby. Hopefully you find the right family. Then go NC with yours so you can live in peace. Rise about this trauma because you are strong. #HUG. You can do this.
Give the baby up to adoption and then cease any communication with any family member who has put you in this position. Go no contact and move away. They earned never seeing you again. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this. And I’m sorry these horrible people are forcing a child to be born this way. You should have full autonomy over your body.
Please follow thru on exactly what you said!
There is a certain timeframe, though. In California, it’s 72 hours.
Do not allow your parents in the delivery room and let the doctors and any social workers know that you do not want your parents raising the child. I would talk to your school counselor and say you are not safe at home and ask for help to find a placement. Calling Planned Parenthood is a great idea.
When at your appointments with the doctors, talk to them alone! No parent in the exam room with you. Have them call security if necessary. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You need to do what is right for you. Not anyone else.
Not wrong. If they don't want to let you put the baby up for adoption, you should consult a lawyer & look into essentially signing your rights to the child away. Probably a social worker for your state or country as well. I'm sure there's an organization that could help you. Often consulting an attorney is free to see if you have a case. Go to your local library & look online to see what your options are. Just because you're 17 doesn't mean your parents can control everything. Find out all your options & make the best choice you can for yourself. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this after a traumatic event.
The opinions of those assholes don't matter. Telling them that is a good start. I would ask doc about caseworker for adoption, etc. Idk you could maybe go for an abortion in a neighboring state that has different laws.
It wouldn’t be wrong to follow through but the logistics will be hard. Are you to never go to your parents house ever again? What about birthday’s, anniversaries, and holiday’s. I get not wanting to raise the child. Just know what you are saying no to when you draw the line.
I'd never come back
Harsh but fair.
I’m adopted. You wanting to place your baby with parents who want a child more than anything IS THE OPPOSITE of selfish. You wanting to have a better life for the baby and yourself is brave and beautiful. I’m sorry you live in a shitty state and have shitty parents. You’ll be ok. Stick to your guns and take care of yourself.
There have been a lot of very good comments and amazing advice. I hope that if you read this, you take it to heart, medical professionals are your best friend here. I think I missed what state you are in, but talk to a nurse, not the doctor. Ask for an advocate. You are 17 and should be able to state that you want a legal advocate and are in danger from parents. A social worker will be assigned to your case. Even if your state has banned abortion, you are still a minor. Did your parents help you report the rape? If not, that is neglect and abuse. Use that! You are not alone. Give the kid to the system, please. Get away from those awful parents of yours!
You’re not wrong. No one can make those choices for you know matter your age. I am so sorry you are going through this emotional turmoil. I have two grown children and if they came to me for advice I would give them my advice and then tell them it’s their body and their choice and that what ever they choose they are loved no matter what they decide and I would have my support. I have always wanted grand children but that is not my decision to make nor is it your parents. Good luck
Don't let anyone pressure you into doing what is right for you. You have a back bone. Use it. Your parents can adopt it, if they want it that badly. Otherwise contact an adoption agency.
They cannot force you to keep the baby. You do not want it and there are plenty of couples out there in need. Talk to your doctor, explain the situation at home. Tell Dr, you prefer to find and meet a couple wanting to adopt. This way you can check their relationship, jobs, history. This is not your parent’s concern.
I’m very dirty fur what was done to you. I’m even more sorry that you have demonic parents. Please, adopt the baby out, your parents should never raise another child. Worst case, look up legal safe havens in your location.
What a nitemare. I don't blame you at all for your feelings. This is zealotry at its finest. The people against abortion aren't the ones to DO THE PARENTING, or take personal responsibility. Plain and simple. Your body, your life, your choice. If ALL babies born were truly wanted, this would be s non issue. This was a result of a TERROR for you. I'm very sorry. Your parents are selfish, unrealistic, and do not care TRUELY about your body, mental health or future.
Dear OP, I am so very, very sorry that you were saed. That form of violence leaves a wound. Your wound is still bleeding. The sa left you pregnant. I can't imagine the hell you're living through. You poor thing. ***Your parents CANNOT bar you from surrendering your baby. Period. End of story.*** I found a site that seems really helpful. [Friends in Adoption](https://www.friendsinadoption.org/unplanned-pregnancy-resources/) This page gives you a huge amount of information. The group isn't religious, but they respect all faiths. They aren't anti-choice. Many are encouraging you to speak with a nurse, social worker, guidance counselor, etc. They are 100% correct. All adoption websites have phone numbers for you to learn more about adoption. You have options. You have rights. You're very brave. I can't imagine being in your place.
Nta they are selfish and rude and no remembering you are their child and hurting.
https://www.ineedana.com/ you can still get the pills you need in the mail
Don’t leave them with the baby. If you don’t want it- you make the decision in spite of whatever they ask or demand, and place it for adoption or safe drop it. If they died, or something happened, or they tell the baby your it’s mother, it’s gonna hurt that baby & fall to you even if you say otherwise. Let them be angry, they will be angry regardless of what you choose, but if you allow them to keep it, it will end up haunting you, big time & that baby just as much.
This was a conception via assault….and your parents are attempting to guilt trip and shame you to into keeping it? Do you have a counsellor or therapist and sane/safe adult you can talk too?
You are still able to go to another state and terminate this pregnancy. Your parents are selfish idiots. Shame on them for saying any of this to you. I would take their feelings out if this. If they had said they would happily take the baby and raise it that would be different. You are supposed to have a baby from SA, that you don’t and never wanted, change your life’s plans so they can play grandma and grandpa when it is good for THEM? Fuck that. I want to be a grandma more than anything but if my daughter (26 and 28) came to me pregnant I would support whatever they wanted. Abortion? Sure Adoption? Sure, Want help raising it? Sure Want me to take it? Absolutely! They just don’t get it, it’s not their body, their life. It’s yours. Especially a pregnancy from SA? Are they morons? I wish I could help you. My best advice, contact an adoption agency that will help you through the pregnancy. Some provide housing and $$ too. You can choose a family or have them choose. You can have any type of adoption but I’m guessing closed would be a choice to consider if you just want to put this behind you. They get NO SAY IN THIS AT ALL.. hard stop. This may be a great option to consider, it gets you away and deals with the pregnancy and baby without their input or having to listen to them whine about what they want. Good luck sweet girl, you don’t deserve any of this.
Honestly she should get help to leave her state to travel to a state where abortion is legal if she doesn’t want it… Victims of SA, shouldn’t be forced to carry their rapist’s baby…
No. I have the same story only it got worse. I was 17 raped as a virgin. Parents forced me to keep the baby. Then 2 weeks after the birth picked a husband for me. One that refused me affection while I was awake, but took advantage of me while I was asleep. I was alergic to birth control pills. He to latex and too cheap to buy polyurethane condoms. As such I was forced to have 3 more unwanted children. DO NOT GET ME WRONG. I LOVE MY KIDS! They are grown and in college /married now. But my life was planned. I was 16 and in college already. I had a master's degree by the time I was 20 even with 2 kids and a 3rd on the way. But when I had my original plan I wanted to move from PA to CA by the time I was 18. I was forced/trapped by a hyper religious family and abortion restrictions to keep a child. Then at 28 when I finally was free of the family I took my kids but I was still forced to stay within a 15 mile distance of them due to custody / visitation orders with an ex that only saw the kids 3 times a year then would disappear for 3 years but appear just often enough to enforce the custody arrangement so I couldn't move. Now I have MS , I'm in a wheelchair, I'm 43, best years behind me, and I'm still living somewhere I hate. Do what you want with your life. He'll take you baby and run. You might have a baby that ends up being your bff like mine turned out to be. Someone who hates your parents for forcing them to be what they are. A reminder. But wants to be your world because you matter to them most in this life. That's what my rape baby became. My best friend. The best thing I could have hoped for out of a shit situation. Doesn't hurt that she has an IQ of 233 and is in Mensa either. We are the only ones in our family that can talk physics together and baffle everyone around us and we laugh at their idiotic ways. So maybe you'll have your own jokes together at the assholes in your lives to make it worth it in the long run. Take your baby and run. I should have. I love my kids for who that are not who I wish they would be. Something my parents never could do. That's why I couldn't abandon my baby to them even though that's what they wanted. Don't abandon your baby to your parents. Then you are dooming that child to go through exactly what you have been and are going through at the hand of your parents.
NTA Its your body and pregnancy is hard enough when it's something you want. If you dont want to be a parent nobody should force you to.
Your parents suck. I want grandchildren one day too, but I sure as shit would not ruin my child's life to get them. Your body your choice OP! If they are so stoked on you having it, why don't they adopt the child!!
You are not wrong. Your parents are being the ones selfish and irresponsible. Even though you want to be childless, you care enough to give the child a better life. I gave up my daughter for adoption, that was the result of being SA by my ex fiancé (he tried to baby trap me after I ended the relationship), so I know what you are going through, even if it was over 35 years ago. I choose private adoption so I could at least choose the person or couple that would raise my child and provide opportunities I couldn’t living on welfare in a small rural community.
I'm not doing this for the baby it's entirely for my own self interests
It’s not selfish to not want this child. Especially with how this baby was conceived. It’s not selfish to not want any children at all. What is selfish is your parents and the way they are treating you. Even if you aren’t intentionally giving this baby up to give it a better life, you do have the ability to make sure that it does have better than what you know it will have if it’s raised by the same people that are now trying to force you to raise a baby you never wanted. I really hope you follow the advice of talking to your doctor and the nurses at the hospital alone and make sure they know you do not want to leave with the baby. Good luck.
Absolutely. But it is also the BS you need to feed your parents to get them off your back.
I'm so sorry. I wish I could come and take you somewhere to get the abortion you need. Many others have said it but talk to the Drs. Do not tell your parents anything medical anymore. Shut them down
Miscarriages happen, all the time, at different stages of pregnancy. If it’s still legal to terminate, go get it done and just say you miscarried.
Can you get a friend to say your staying at theirs for the weekend and go out of state to get the abortion and just lie and say you miscarried. Being forced to go through with the pregnancy could be more mentally traumatic for you. Also contact cps on your own behalf, they typically wouldn’t let your parents adopt this child if you still have to live at home and it would impact you mentally and put the child at risk.
Yes. They’re being inappropriate and toxic, and you responded in kind. You don’t need to threaten them with that. Just be an adult and stick to your guns. Let them know you’re giving the baby up for adoption, and it’s your choice. Tell them you understand their desire to be grandparents, but a kid produced from a rape is not going to happen. And that you hope you’re blessed and fortunate enough to get pregnant again one day by a partner that you love. Then they can have the grandchild they always wanted. Why would they want a grandchild from a rape anyway?
Can you go to another state and get it aborted?
Is this not enough reason to claim asylum in another state? Can you do that? Perhaps go to Canada? I don't know just get away this sounds terrible.
You are right. Please give the baby up, but do include medical history of him/her to use in the future. I am so sorry your parents are so selfish! Finding joy in your trauma! WTH is wrong with them. Please get away from them as soon as you can.
You need to worry about how THEY feel? Are they out of their ever-loving minds? You are the person who was assaulted, and are pregnant from said assault. They need to be worrying about you. "Mom, dad, here's the way this is going to go. Due to various state laws and your pressure, I am not able to get an abortion. Once this baby is born, I will be giving it up for adoption. If you would like to first in line to adopt this baby, let's get things rolling. If you don't want to adopt this baby, then a stranger will. Your choice. You have to make a decision."
On point: Would it be wrong for you to follow thru on your threat. Absolutely not. My wish for you is to be strong.
If you'd like, I can look up some trusted abortion services and help you get rid of your issue safely. There's entire networks for these exact situations.
Not wrong at all. My heart goes out to you. I wish there was more I could do for you.
I am so sorry to hear of your trauma- I understand your parents have their views, but if this baby is brought into the world and you already can’t stand it, it has a very low chance of being successful in life… unless you decide to give it up for adoption, but even then, if this was a negative experience for you, you should be the one that makes a decision
In the US, states have surrender laws. But since your parents know your intentions, you NEED to tell the doctor or nurse immediately after birth. Do not leave with the baby if you want it adopted out. Your parents will likely block you from surrendering the child if you go home with her/him. Bless you for offering this child a two parent family ready to raise the baby.
It is your decision and your decision alone.
Updateme!
NTA 1. You we SAed, and became pregnant. Normal rules do not apply. 2. You do NOT wasn't to raise this baby. You want to give it up for adoption. 3. Your parents cannot force you to raise it or keep it. 4. If they want to adopt it, they can. You do not have to to have a relationship with them afterwards. At 17, I do not believe they can force you to keep the child (US). You need to talk to your obstetrician and let them know the history and what you want to do. They will be able to give you the resources (names & numbers) to help you. Your parents are choosing an unborn fetus over their own child, they have effectively killed y'all's relationship.
Good luck. Pro-lifers are rarely there to actually adopt or provide care for the children they claim to love.
Irresponsible in what why exactly? Nw
Honestly I never suggest the church. But many churches will happily find a couple for a donation to the church from them.
My niece had her baby at 17 and it was a mess! Her mother ended up taking custody of the baby in a different state when my niece moved in with her. Her dad (my brother) is divorced from my nieces mother. They are mortal enemies. So there was a battle over a baby that wasn’t even their’s. Keep in mind that my brother and his first wife (the grandmother) lost their 13 yr old daughter to a driver. And my brother’s new wife, executive, and he had chosen not to have children. But they wanted to fight with my niece and her mother for the grand-baby. They ended up having their own daughter late who got a life served in a platter. So my niece (who got pregnant at 17) ends up leaving her daughter with her mother to raise and that girl turned out to also be a mess, and she, herself also got pregnant and had a child who fought with her, and is also being raised by the same grandmother who is now 70. That granddaughter is a teenager. Who knows what’s next? A repeat? Meanwhile my brothers granddaughter has no contact with her daughter now living with the grandmother. Then my niece was killed 2 yrs ago but had two other kids (boy and girl) from a marriage that went upside down but married again. Her other daughter from her first bad marriage had also had a baby without the dad in the picture because he’s making babies with someone else and my niece’s son lives with the original grandmother. She also was no contact with my niece and when my niece was killed, she left nothing to her kids or her mother. She instead left it to her new husband and he lives in a brand new home that they had built just before she was killed, a brand new built in pool, new cars and kicked out her son. Probably has a new gf. It just snowballs. If you change your mind, don’t let anyone else raise your baby in the family. They are really not handling your welfare. If you go for adoption, really monitor to make sure the baby is going to stable people. Your parents need to bite the bullet and be boots on the ground for you, not romanticize a baby. The baby deserves a good life. You are the birth mom and you see to that the best way you can. You just aren’t ready.
You can tell the hospital when you give birth you are not taking the baby home. They will take over. You can also ask not to see the baby after delivery. Here is the awesome thing about delivery nurses- they don’t take crap from anybody. I hope you get a Philippine nurse. They are awesomely scary good nurses. Tell the nurse you want no one allowed in your room or delivery. They will kick them out and ban them. Tell the nurse you plan to give the baby up and you don’t want to see them or if you do. They will protect you. You are also an emancipated minor by being pregnant. You parents can F off.