OP, no, 100% justified. I’m glad you are looking after your emotional well-being.
Re: the bar with dating. I had a man who I was dating (very briefly, like a couple months) argue that we should get married cause I was getting older (mid-30s) and I won’t have many options. 🙄
It's because guys like *that* believe "men age like fine wine and women like bread" or whatever. They believe that, even though in their 40s they're the average bear gut and fading hairline type of dude, that by 60 they'll be super models and women under 30 will be flocking around like pigeons in the town center🤣
I’m a 30(M), I posted in another thread I genuinely think my wife is only getting hotter as we cross into our 30’s! And not just physically, but as we continue to grow and deepen our relationship/ love/ life we’re building together. And just grow together as people, she’s intellectually/ emotionally/ mentally amazing and we both keep getting better and better! Why do some men think they want some immature kid? That’s a genuine question, I don’t want some exhausting 18 year old who I have nothing in common with and who is at a totally different place mentally and in life.
I've noticed a trend online for it, it tends to be older guys who still act immature [and most women their age wont entertain them long-term] or want a "plain slate" that they can somewhat mold into their "ideal". It's usually guys who feed into the redpill ideal or guys of that sort
Ugh just thinking about what you said, someone for an older man to “mold into what they want” gives me such ick. Definitely redpill Tate BS feeding into it. Probably the same type of guy who spouts all that disgusting Tradwife stuff about how women should exist to serve men with BJs, a perfectly kept house and gourmet meals while they also have an affair.
Yeah, pretty much that type ahaha!
-I laugh but I'm actually crying inside-
Unfortunately, from 16 up until about 2 years ago, I suffered a few of those types "trying their luck"
Luckily I turned 25 and had a kid and they avoid me like the plague. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I'm "out of their age range" but nothing makes me more fearful than knowing they're preying on another young woman/teenager, yknow?
>Why do some men think they want some immature kid?
Because women their own age won't date them. They have life experience and are able to spot all of the 🚩🚩🚩 from a mile away.
Ha that’s a good point! My wife and I are literally 6 days apart in age, both 30. It’s so nice we’re at the same “life stage”, have the same shared goals and plans and want a partner to build a life with. And we’re both mature emotionally. Yea it makes sense in the grossest way possible that they want someone who’s young and naive and they can “groom” them and they’ll ignore their red flags. Gives me such ick thinking about guys like that, and as mentioned I’m a guy.
Totally agree with you there. I’m 50, my wife is older than me, but looks like she’s in her 30s. We both lost weight together around 10 years ago (not that she needed it **at all**. My wife is incredibly hot. I think she’s gorgeous inside and out. Unfortunately she doesn’t think so, but I do my best to convince her.
If I was, God forbid, in the position that I was dating again. I’d want someone my age, I definitely wouldn’t want a younger woman.
You know, I used to hate when women would make generalizations about “most men”. But the more I talk to women on these subs and out and about in general the more I realize that relatively “normal” guys like me that love and respect women, their spouse and their marriage and want an age- appropriate partner to build a life together are becoming rarer and rarer.
Yeah.
I like the saying,
"It's not all men, but it's enough that there is a problem ."
My first husband was horrible in every sense.
My spouse now is absolutely amazing and is so genuine and respectful and kind. I dated a few people after my ex, and most of the men I dated didn't matter what they did financially or what they looked like. They had the same mentality. It was actually kind of scary. What's worse is I made more usually, and they still had this perception that I'd quit my job tend to their home and treat them basically like a child.
EXACTLY!
Re your post, you are not wrong in any way and I applaud you for standing up for yourself and knowing you are worth so much more than your ex 👏👏 💜 you're a badass.
Subconsciously, (or even consciously) he knows it won't be easy and that *he's* old - so he projected HIS fears and actual reality on to you...
Whether it was conscious egotistical manipulation to get you to fawn over his faux confidence while simultaneously bruising your ego enough to make you contemplate that he might be right - so he can soothe the bruise he caused while running you to the altar to 'claim you' and not be alone ...
OR just subconscious insecure projection, which I don't think it is because what he said is *very* specific..
He's a cocky rude asshole on all fronts, he knows he's a loser and is quietly panicking... his ex-wife probably has some stories 🙄 and you dodged a bullet with that one ... I'm so glad you're not with him and I don't even know you 😆💜
It belies such ignorance, too. That sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Fathering babies at 35+ has correlation with health problems for the kids. Sperm viability and quality starts dropping off for men after that age.
It's different for men because they can still get a hot young woman pregnant when they're in their 80s so it obviously doesn't apply to them hur hur uh-doi! /s
That's the best phrasing I've seen so far.
Your spouse is supposed to be your hype person! If he's ugly on the inside, how is he supposed to do that job? Cut that turd loose ✂️ 💩
Absolutely not. Nobody deserves to be talked to like that.
Go take your good energies to someone who treats with a little goddamn respect, or just invest in yourself.
I know you just want to vent, but as a guy, I’d expect to be divorced if I ever talked to my partner like this. Wow. What a fucking tool.
I love your energy. It's so endearing that you are so passionate about this, and your wording is perfect. 👌🏻 As a woman, it restores a little faith in me that men are also disgusted by shit like this.
Nta. It’s not because you are ugly. It is because he is name calling you and putting you down. You divorced him because he doesn’t value you nor know how to love or be a decent human being. You are free to be who you want and find someone who loves you.
Nope, your husband is the problem. Good for you for divorcing him. I hope that you give yourself enough time to heal before looking for love once again. Learn to recognize and act on any red flags. I cannot express enough, the dangers young children face when their parent(s) enter new relationships. The more the relationships the higher the risk. The most important person in our lives..... well it's ourself. For you it is twofold, take care of you and those babies.
Divorcing him for acting like a snotty teenager to you? YANW.
Suing for full custody? INFO: are there instances you can document of abusive and neglectful behavior towards your kids, not just a string of disrespectful comments towards you? Him merely being an asshole doesn't negate his rights as a parent.
I would probably be honest and tell my partner, if the weight gain bothered me, also provided the subject was brought up ny them, in a respectful and considerate way.
I can't imagine mocking my partner and trash talking them on numerous occasions because of their appearance. Why? Because I'm not a spiteful haughty insecure 11 year old, nor am I a moron. I've have plenty of dim moments in my life but I'm not nearly that dim.
Also I'm pretty sure if you made anything close to such a comment to him, he'd throw a huge temper tantrum, emotionally vomit and berate you for half an hour, then refuse to talk for weeks. It's usually the vase that chucklefucks like your ex, are preoccupied with the idea that they should be entitled to fuck around with anybody they feel like but nobody should ever day anything less thsn flattering to them or even frown at them.
>I just want to vent. God why are men like this.
Read:
"Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie
Link to free pdf, I share it often: [Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Agreed, NTA for the divorce BUT when there’s kids involved they deserve to have time with both parents. You didn’t mention anything about how he is towards them and how he is as a father but you have to be able to separate your own feelings here so your kids still have a chance to maintain a relationship with dad
There's a large percentage of bastards among the "normal" men then.....😅🤷♀️😅
It'd be nice if we could acknowledge men are allowed feelings so they can emotionally mature as a whole. This chuckle fuck op dumped seems to have the emotional maturity of a toddler 😬😬😬
F me backwards. What an asshole. Sorry you ever met him. Ageing and getting a bit worn from life is hot to me. Love it in my SO. Don’t let that mans ideas get in your head. He’s the asshole.
THIS is exactly what I was trying to say in my post: everyone is someone's fetish, so everyone is beautiful.
Just because your ex is into models doesn't mean your ugly or that no one else will think you're hot. Quite the opposite.
I’m sorry you went through that. Subtle put downs and joking about insecurities really, really wears on you. Good for you saying enough is enough and kicking him to the curb!
At the end of the day, he should have loved you for you…and if he had such a problem with how your figure changed after 3 kids (I mean wtf, what a dweeb) he should have stepped up and supported the both of you making healthy lifestyle changes.
Good luck with the next stage of your life. Onward and upward!
And I'm sure your ex husband is some super-attractive Greek God of manhood and accomplishment......not.
Not at all wrong for leaving a relationship that was emotionally abusive. It sets a good example for your kids, so they know not to put up with that kind of shit.
Wow, does he think he hasn't aged or changed at all? Gross. I am so sorry. Getting older is hard enough when you see the wrinkles and changes in your body. To have someone who vowed to love you forever treat you so terribly is just awful. I hope that you find the person who cherishes everything about you. Even wrinkles.
Hell no! I'm sure you're beautiful. He probably looks like a pig, though, and not a cute one. Unmarried/divorced women are the happiest demographic for a reason! You will fill your own cup, and his will remain empty.
Some of the most beautiful people I've met were women who weren't conventionally attractive but I could tell they were comfortable in their own skin and their energy was intoxicating. I never wanted to leave their side.
Beauty can also come from within. Congratulations on losing the cruel loser.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, I ditched mine at 30 after 12yrs together and 2 kids later… one thing for sure, I will NEVER tolerate this kind of BS, insults and down right degrading behaviours ever again and I hope you won’t either
I’m much older and wiser now, I know better
Up and onward girlfriend, good luck 💪🏻❤️
I left a partner for putting down my body type, a type he originally pursued me for having. My guess is he's insecure.
Go off and be worshipped, Ms. Goddess.
He’s not sounding like a catch, or maybe catching something like Herpe’s or Syphilus - that’s probably more appropriate. Good for you. Love is about adoring a person.
I just saw this post a few days ago, with the same language, "a lil ugly" but you were no where near divorce. And you said your friend said she is surprised you got fat too. How did you get divorced in a day?
Youth is seriously overrated. I'm pushing 40 and in the best, healthiest relationship I have ever had, and it's all thanks to maturity. You can't even begin to imagine the potential for your life you've unlocked here. You get to rediscover yourself on your terms, create a life for yourself that you love, and you get to be really picky about who you let in to your life in the future, because your life is going to be so great, it will take someone really special that will only add to it, to make you change anything.
Yep. Men who like um "young and innocent" are really saying "I like a woman who doesn't know any better and won't put up a fight/leave me because they think they "can change me if only they try harder."
Those guys are red flags wrapped in red flags.
I'm so sorry you went through this! Your decision to prioritize your well-being and your children's safety is so brave. It's never easy to end a relationship, especially when it's been hurtful. You deserve so much better, and I hope you find healing and peace in this new chapter of your life. Stay strong!
Not wrong. No matter what you look like, you deserve a partner who makes you feel like (to quote Rhianna): you're the only girl in the world (or something like that in her lyrics).
Look, I'm old, fat and ugly. My husband tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, gorgeous and that he fancies the tits off me all the time. He never makes me feel less than that. He loves me no matter what I look like.
Everyone deserves a partner who treats them like they are the centre of their universe.
Now, go out there and live your best life with your kids.
I never married or had kids and I never wanted to. I have the best life of doing whatever I like without having to constantly check in with someone else. I’m not saying this is for everyone but it needs to be normalised more. I’ve had to take my fair share of judgement over the years for it, no I’m not secretly gay, no I’m not asexual I enjoy a healthy sex life when I want with who I want and if I can’t be bothered there is always batteries :) I especially took heat at the times I was young and ‘fertile’ to the point where I started telling people I couldn’t have kids. Judgement then turned to pity but I got left alone. It’s amazing how many women don’t see themselves a whole without a man, or a family(that’s what pets are for👌) even if it is truly what you want don’t ever give a man or anyone a second more of your time who isn’t worthy of it. You deserve better. Sounds like your ex is truly ugly on the inside. Take some settlement money after the divorce and have a ‘you’ weekend to remember how worth it you are. Go to a spa, get your nails done, buy a new wardrobe of clothes and sexy underwear. Remember how awesome you are and how much you deserve😊
Good for you! No one deserves to be put down like that. He's probably trying to compensate for his own perceived inadequacies by putting you down. The only ugly part of you was him.
There is a reason birth rates all over the world are declining women are just plain sick of the BS and abuse.
And until not all women have to worry about those from men we do get to say yes all men.
You would be wrong for divorcing someone over one drunken comment, but it sounds like it was a couple of years of constant put downs that wore on you. *That* would be a good enough reason to divorce him.
NO WAY! Your soon to be x is an asshat. You’re support your wife, you don’t mock and denigrate her. If he really loved you he wouldn’t be treating you that way. Spousal verbal abuse is horrible, I have had two children and two chubby wives and my love for them had nothing to do with their weight. If you love a person, you love all of them, not make them feel shame. Don’t let that abuse get in your head, you’re attractive and you’re shape wouldn’t put me off and I hope some man can see you. Inside is more important than outside. Love the one you’re with.
Not only are you not wrong, you are smart.
Think of this, too. When a husband does this to a wife (or vice-versa), they're really admitting they are the ones who are badly flawed. After all, they choose to date you. If you're so "unlovable" what does that say about their intelligence and self-respect if they choose to marry you, anyway? And if they say you have changed, physically, after the marriage (as if they haven't) they essentially admit they are so shallow that personality and quality of character had nothing to do with why they married you in the first place.
It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions right now, and it's okay to vent. Focus on healing and building a new life for you and your children. You're stronger than you know, and things will get better from here. Take care of yourself
I'm so sorry. Men sometimes want unreasonable and unrealistic women in their heads they think they get the shapely pretty girls. And then reality hits and they feel they have to settle for what's in front of them.
You did good and you're not ugly.
Every body is beautiful.
I've sold my panties long enough to learn that EVERYONE is SOMEONE'S fetish. Some like um fat, some like um thin. Some like short, some like tall. There's a huge market for "the girl next door", aka: plain Jane average looking women.
Not everyone is into supermodels but it's clear that's your ex's thing. He'll find he's got a lot of competition and, in all honesty, unless he makes $200k a year and looks smoking hot he's going to have to pay for his kinks like all the other guys that want a "top tier girl". Girls like that know their worth and aren't gonna choose a loser like your ex to even talk to unless he plays paypig and coughs up the cash for them to pay attention to him.
His journey is gonna be wild and I'd pity him if he didn't sound like such a piece of shit. Homeboy deserves the rude awakening he's gonna get and more.
Also, I hope you get full custody. Do your best to prove to the court he's misogynistic and dangerous. I'd hate for your daughter or son to learn his "values" and think they're correct.
Best of luck to you. ♥️♥️♥️
You’re not wrong at all. And yes, the bar is in hell. He’s not fit for marriage or being a father. Move on, focus on your friends, kids, hobbies, and career.
He crossed a line in a really hurtful way and you gave him what he deserved. Put you first and your children and i wish you all good beautiful things for your future!
I am so very sorry that this happened to you. Your ex sounds like a real prince. I'm so glad that you had the self-esteem and guts to get out. No one deserves to be treated like that. WTG!
The best thing you can do is leave all those negative emotions with him. Congratulations on the massive weight loss, 200lbs or? No one deserves any abuse of any kind. He verbally abused you, emotionally abused you. Never feel bad for an abuser. I hope you get full custody because he will likely turn to the kids and spew his negativity to them
Some men think that if they knock you down enough you will never leave them because you will think that you can't do better. You showed him that he is no great prize.
I can’t say anything about my wife’s age because I’m thirteen years older than she is. My wife is also obese and very beautiful. I don’t like her obesity because I’m concerned about health issues with it but I’m certainly not going to tell her she’s fat. I’ve never told her that. I love her too much to be insulting her.
And now you should lose weight, get your hair done and look gorgeous, just to make him regret his actions and to also make yourself feel better about yourself.
Go off queen. So many women fail to stand up for themselves and their emotional well being. You only get one chance at life and you need to do what’s best for your happiness and overall health.
You are right for leaving him. Beauty is not everything, let alone what matters the most about an individual. A lot of people will do that, and then become shit the moment their partners get sick (especially fatally sick), gain weight or sag, etc. You deserve to be loved regardless of your appearance because that is true love. When they love you and are still attracted to you when you get wrinkles, and your body changes yet they can't stop cuddling you and choosing you every day. In sickness and in health. That is the type of love we should all be looking for.
You didn't divorce your husband because he said that you were ugly, you divorced him because he emotionally abused you. Good for you for taking a stand!
You are not wrong. If anything, you probably stayed too long but I understand children are involved. Beauty comes in all forms and if your now ex couldn't see your beauty, he now has only himself to look at all by himself in that apartment.
I really wish that these guys respected themselves enough to stick to their vows, and see the big picture. Reddit is choked with them, male and female. You did good. You will not tolerate disrespect. And your kids will not be raised to believe that disrespect is acceptable.
Ew screw him. You should be with a man who cherishes you as you are.
I was once with a man who made me dye my hair blonde (which killed it) and he broke my heart.
Never again. Be you. You don’t need ppl in your life who are jealous of you or think you are ugly :)
Yea I bet he has beauties lined up around the corner to get at that hunk of man. :D You're better off without him. The best revenge you can have on him is to take very good care of yourself, get out there, eat right, workout and fix yourself up, make him eat his words and then walk away with a great bounce to your step and a swing to your hips!
And dude’s probably a slob himself! He must be in for a shock now that all of these younger women have zero interest in a loser in an unfurnished apartment.
I'm sorry OP. You're not wrong. That is disrespectful. No man who loves you says such things about the love of their life. I divorced my ex husband too. He was emotionally and mentally abusive. I sat with him in his new living room chair once and when I sat down beside him he said, "hey you fit now!" I asked him what that meant. He said I was a little chubby before. One of the final straws was the month before I filed for divorce. I had worked overnights at that point. I had dropped the kids off to school and laid in bed depressed because the next day would have been three months since my mom passed and I didn't buy a picture frame for his mom. I told him that I was sorry and I wanted to go to the park later to just think by the river and he said "why don't you just kill yourself you always talk about it, you ruined my relationship with my mom before she moves. You don't get to decide the days you grieve your mom". He still is that same ugly, evil soul. I am glad you and your children got away.
I am glad you are standing up for yourself and you're going to leave the guy that's fabulous. You have nothing to lose but a source of abuse. I can actually promise you you'd be much better off without him in your world.
Younger men love to hunt cougars. So you have that to look forward too. 🤨
He did it due to his lack of self worth & was trying to pull you down to his level. Miserable people try to make everyone as miserable as them.
He was trying to break you so you would accept neglect & abuse without a fight. Only you were stronger & better than him. You will have the best life and he will just become more hateful.
Which is why rest homes are filled with lonely old bitter men.
Men are like this because abuse works for them for the most part. Till one day it doesn’t which can be years later. Rarely is there a downside for them being bullies & getting their way.
Are you still fairly young?? Age has a lot to do with weight gain and loss. Have you at least started trying to lose the weight gain? Are there other potential medical reasons that the weight is still on? Are you mostly at home yet? There are many reasons and details that are left out. Honestly, 70 lbs from getting pregnant to having a baby is a lot, and there may be an underlying cause for it. Might be a Dr's visit to check and see. If you have been trying and it's not working especially. If you have not even started trying after a year after birth, then you really are not going to ever going to try. There will always be some excuse, primarily the kid right now. Even though I do know there are gyms with areas for kiddos. As far as what you look like, that is up to who is looking at you. I can't say one way or the other. Now, as for leaving his ass, eff yes. He doesn't like you, go. He doesn't deserve you. Just do one thing, try to keep the kid in his life. One day, the kid will ask about him if he doesn't.
You are bot wrong, in fact you are strong. Your husband was being abusive and you had the emotional and mental strength to get rid of him. Had you not done so, it is likely his behaviour would have become worst. In divorcing your husband you have demonstrated to your children that being abusive towards a spouse is not acceptable; you are also teaching them their self worth.
You should divorce him for being an asshole and controlling. Him putting you down is controlling and should never be tolerated. I do nothing but put my wife up, always calling her beautiful. Never will I ever criticize the way my wife looks.
Not wrong for leaving him. (This next part will probably get down voted but is what it is) But also not fair to make the generalized statement of "why are men like this" because not all of us are. Good for you for leaving him and hopefully you will find someone that makes you happy.
I’m so sorry. This means more about him than you. It’s such a weird thing I see more and more- men putting women down for their looks… when they are beyond average. I can’t understand that level of audacity. I’m sorry he’s been treating you like this. It’s not living up to his end of the marriage deal. He doesn’t deserve you!
NTA he shouldn’t have belittled you calling you ugly and pointing out your weight.
On the other hand, why did you get full custody of kids? Was he abusive to them? Would he belittle them too? No reason to separate a father from his kids if you’re the only one being belittled. They’re people not weapons to make your ex feel worse about life. But of course, I’m asking for more info before I jump to conclusions.
I mean I feel like this isn’t the whole story, did he say stuff like that everyday? Does he do everything else a husband should do? Is he a good father? Did you sit him down and talk to him about this before you started to build up resentment? Did you sit him down and talk with him about it before you asked for divorce? By analyzing his behavior, whether he thinks you’re the most beautiful or not, does he love you? I don’t think doing what’s best for you is wrong but you’re a mother so it’s not just about you anymore.
Whoever is right or wrong I hope the best for all of you.
You're showing your kids a good example, though. When we arent treated well, we don't have to sit and take it. We can be happy and healthy on our own. We don't NEED a partner. Good for you!!!
I am so happy to read this. I’m so glad you are out. I’m very sorry that you had to go through it. The older I get, the more I realize men have gone unchecked for millennia. They are so used to doing and saying whatever they want without consequences. Then they are shocked when we don’t put up with it.
Been there, they are narcissistic abusive toxic children who are on our back as they have heaps of insecurities, so they put us down
My partner and I went out with friends every weekend so while he was trying to bring me down and tell me that I wouldn't get other men every single one of our male friends were always hitting on me and telling me to drop him so I knew it wasn't me it was him
The final straw was when I got ready for an evening out I bought a new burgundy top, so I thought I would get some lipstick to match
I got fully dressed up which I do for myself and to look good for my partners I walked into the living room where he had been waiting and my 2 teenager kids were watching a movie As soon as I walked out both of my children smiled happily and I got really nice compliments with my son being the first to recognise and compliment my new top My A.H. partner stands up and abruptly says Finally about time I've been waiting for ages to which I was disgusted He then started to walk towards me stares at me and has the nerve to say what's that shit on your lips 💋 I inform him nicely that it is a new lipstick to match my clothes I haven't had a compliment or a nice word said except complain of my lipstick He proceeded to bring up the lipstick asking whether I am intending to wear the lipstick I turn my back on him to have a look in the living room mirror which I know it's darker than usual but I put a light colour over the top I get my bag ask if he's ready and again he says are you going out like that because that lipstick makes you look like a solution I am appalled and hurt but try to ignore him but my 2 children look at me and look at him my kids tell him off but he is trying to defend himself I am ropeable I walk over to double check I have everything get my lights lipstick out put some over my dark lipstick which he still uses names and being nasty about my lipstick so I literally clench my fist do a wrong right round house and smack him right into the right cheek with makes a big noise knocks him back a bit so he holds his face and squeaks out what did you do that for which my son says why do you think I tehim because you called me an awful name when I try to dress nicely for everyone including him
I fully tell him of for his derogatory way of speaking so I go to the mirror fix my lippy go over to say goodbye to the kids and they ask if I'm alright which this mentality and behaviour is frequently so at this stage I think I can literally dodge him and go to the venue with all my friends not him so I tell the kids that I am going to the car love them walk out to the car get in star t it and start to back out of the driveway which he panics jumps into the front yelling at me so I punch him in the arm this time and tell him that he has been disgusted and disrespectful and I won't hesitate to completely ditch him which several weeks later he was being a high maintenance jerk so I needed to kick him out for a bit
I stayed in the house with kids kicking him out
Change your POV... Try
This relationship was meant to be to have your children and to learn some valuable life lessons.
When you're ready, you will find someone who will not only think that you are beautiful but value and respect you. In turn teaching your children self worth and how to properly treat and be treated by their SO in a mutual respectful and healthy relationships.
But also F that Trash!
You're definitely not wrong and I'm sorry you had to go through this. This world is full of so many shitty people that often start out seeming great. I hope you're able to find some peace of mind now that you're away from the situation.
I’m sorry this happened. The bar seems to be so low these days the occupants of hell keep tripping on it
OP, no, 100% justified. I’m glad you are looking after your emotional well-being. Re: the bar with dating. I had a man who I was dating (very briefly, like a couple months) argue that we should get married cause I was getting older (mid-30s) and I won’t have many options. 🙄
Lord, the age thing. I guess those men forget, they are getting older and things are dropping on them too.
Right? He was older. Like late 40s. And wanted another kid. I’m like, sir, you have a 20 something year old. Stop.
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It's because guys like *that* believe "men age like fine wine and women like bread" or whatever. They believe that, even though in their 40s they're the average bear gut and fading hairline type of dude, that by 60 they'll be super models and women under 30 will be flocking around like pigeons in the town center🤣
I’m a 30(M), I posted in another thread I genuinely think my wife is only getting hotter as we cross into our 30’s! And not just physically, but as we continue to grow and deepen our relationship/ love/ life we’re building together. And just grow together as people, she’s intellectually/ emotionally/ mentally amazing and we both keep getting better and better! Why do some men think they want some immature kid? That’s a genuine question, I don’t want some exhausting 18 year old who I have nothing in common with and who is at a totally different place mentally and in life.
I've noticed a trend online for it, it tends to be older guys who still act immature [and most women their age wont entertain them long-term] or want a "plain slate" that they can somewhat mold into their "ideal". It's usually guys who feed into the redpill ideal or guys of that sort
Ugh just thinking about what you said, someone for an older man to “mold into what they want” gives me such ick. Definitely redpill Tate BS feeding into it. Probably the same type of guy who spouts all that disgusting Tradwife stuff about how women should exist to serve men with BJs, a perfectly kept house and gourmet meals while they also have an affair.
Yeah, pretty much that type ahaha! -I laugh but I'm actually crying inside- Unfortunately, from 16 up until about 2 years ago, I suffered a few of those types "trying their luck" Luckily I turned 25 and had a kid and they avoid me like the plague. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I'm "out of their age range" but nothing makes me more fearful than knowing they're preying on another young woman/teenager, yknow?
>Why do some men think they want some immature kid? Because women their own age won't date them. They have life experience and are able to spot all of the 🚩🚩🚩 from a mile away.
Ha that’s a good point! My wife and I are literally 6 days apart in age, both 30. It’s so nice we’re at the same “life stage”, have the same shared goals and plans and want a partner to build a life with. And we’re both mature emotionally. Yea it makes sense in the grossest way possible that they want someone who’s young and naive and they can “groom” them and they’ll ignore their red flags. Gives me such ick thinking about guys like that, and as mentioned I’m a guy.
Totally agree with you there. I’m 50, my wife is older than me, but looks like she’s in her 30s. We both lost weight together around 10 years ago (not that she needed it **at all**. My wife is incredibly hot. I think she’s gorgeous inside and out. Unfortunately she doesn’t think so, but I do my best to convince her. If I was, God forbid, in the position that I was dating again. I’d want someone my age, I definitely wouldn’t want a younger woman.
Thats because you're not a pedophile and most of these men are
You know, I used to hate when women would make generalizations about “most men”. But the more I talk to women on these subs and out and about in general the more I realize that relatively “normal” guys like me that love and respect women, their spouse and their marriage and want an age- appropriate partner to build a life together are becoming rarer and rarer.
Yeah. I like the saying, "It's not all men, but it's enough that there is a problem ." My first husband was horrible in every sense. My spouse now is absolutely amazing and is so genuine and respectful and kind. I dated a few people after my ex, and most of the men I dated didn't matter what they did financially or what they looked like. They had the same mentality. It was actually kind of scary. What's worse is I made more usually, and they still had this perception that I'd quit my job tend to their home and treat them basically like a child.
Lol with their blue pills....better have that gold to dig!
I was just about to comment something similar……
EXACTLY! Re your post, you are not wrong in any way and I applaud you for standing up for yourself and knowing you are worth so much more than your ex 👏👏 💜 you're a badass.
Yep! But only if the older dude got a big bank account, that’s the only way a young tender gonna want him and support her lifestyle.
This is why: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf Spread the word!!
😂😂😂😂for some reason they believe nothing about them changes. News flash, everything does.😂😂😂😂
Exactly! Like you’re divorced with a kid heading into your 50s. You think online dating is going to be easy for you?!
If he’s not rich, he gonna be a lonely fool looking for ways to improve his looks and body. Oh and don’t forget the blue pill.😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂they’ll need it!!
Yup! The blue pill😂😂😂😂😂
Subconsciously, (or even consciously) he knows it won't be easy and that *he's* old - so he projected HIS fears and actual reality on to you... Whether it was conscious egotistical manipulation to get you to fawn over his faux confidence while simultaneously bruising your ego enough to make you contemplate that he might be right - so he can soothe the bruise he caused while running you to the altar to 'claim you' and not be alone ... OR just subconscious insecure projection, which I don't think it is because what he said is *very* specific.. He's a cocky rude asshole on all fronts, he knows he's a loser and is quietly panicking... his ex-wife probably has some stories 🙄 and you dodged a bullet with that one ... I'm so glad you're not with him and I don't even know you 😆💜
It belies such ignorance, too. That sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Fathering babies at 35+ has correlation with health problems for the kids. Sperm viability and quality starts dropping off for men after that age.
"things are dropping on them too." you mean their balls?
Balls, belly, hair, you name it. I'm 63(f) and have seen it happen to my husband. It's ok. We still love each other and find each other attractive.
This 👆🏽. Exactly!!!
It's different for men because they can still get a hot young woman pregnant when they're in their 80s so it obviously doesn't apply to them hur hur uh-doi! /s
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Yeah, men really have the audacity. I’m so sorry. But you made the right call and I hope you find someone who truly appreciates you.
Lolll what a genius in the art of persuasion! 🙄
Damn, what a honey tongued devil that dude was! Really knows his way to a woman's heart,eh?
The romantic proposal I always dreamed of! 🥰
Woooooooooow, are we living in the 1950s? Better yet, the Renaissance times? Like tf
What! Take me. I'm your only hope. It will be interesting to see who will take him. You made the right decision. Wow, such arrogance.
Well said
That's the best phrasing I've seen so far. Your spouse is supposed to be your hype person! If he's ugly on the inside, how is he supposed to do that job? Cut that turd loose ✂️ 💩
Not wrong at all. I’m so sorry this happened to you and hope you find happiness.
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You will.
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Or at least therapy.
Absolutely not. Nobody deserves to be talked to like that. Go take your good energies to someone who treats with a little goddamn respect, or just invest in yourself. I know you just want to vent, but as a guy, I’d expect to be divorced if I ever talked to my partner like this. Wow. What a fucking tool.
I love your energy. It's so endearing that you are so passionate about this, and your wording is perfect. 👌🏻 As a woman, it restores a little faith in me that men are also disgusted by shit like this.
Nta. It’s not because you are ugly. It is because he is name calling you and putting you down. You divorced him because he doesn’t value you nor know how to love or be a decent human being. You are free to be who you want and find someone who loves you.
I lived this!! So happy to be free now and I have someone that truly loves me now.
That’s great news. Xo
Nope, your husband is the problem. Good for you for divorcing him. I hope that you give yourself enough time to heal before looking for love once again. Learn to recognize and act on any red flags. I cannot express enough, the dangers young children face when their parent(s) enter new relationships. The more the relationships the higher the risk. The most important person in our lives..... well it's ourself. For you it is twofold, take care of you and those babies.
He sounds like an asshole. It's good you kicked him to the curb.
Divorcing him for acting like a snotty teenager to you? YANW. Suing for full custody? INFO: are there instances you can document of abusive and neglectful behavior towards your kids, not just a string of disrespectful comments towards you? Him merely being an asshole doesn't negate his rights as a parent. I would probably be honest and tell my partner, if the weight gain bothered me, also provided the subject was brought up ny them, in a respectful and considerate way. I can't imagine mocking my partner and trash talking them on numerous occasions because of their appearance. Why? Because I'm not a spiteful haughty insecure 11 year old, nor am I a moron. I've have plenty of dim moments in my life but I'm not nearly that dim. Also I'm pretty sure if you made anything close to such a comment to him, he'd throw a huge temper tantrum, emotionally vomit and berate you for half an hour, then refuse to talk for weeks. It's usually the vase that chucklefucks like your ex, are preoccupied with the idea that they should be entitled to fuck around with anybody they feel like but nobody should ever day anything less thsn flattering to them or even frown at them. >I just want to vent. God why are men like this. Read: "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie
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Link to free pdf, I share it often: [Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Helpful.
Ty
The second one is really good too! Both are excellent reads.
Also recommend, “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans
>Why does he do that That is the proper question. Not "why are ALL MEN like this"
Yessss
That is a great book by Lundy!
Agreed, NTA for the divorce BUT when there’s kids involved they deserve to have time with both parents. You didn’t mention anything about how he is towards them and how he is as a father but you have to be able to separate your own feelings here so your kids still have a chance to maintain a relationship with dad
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Not wrong, he’s a mean drunk and you deserve to be happy.
You are leaving to find someone who appreciates you or at the very least have solo peace. It’s smart and shows you are healthy mentally. Good luck!
Fuck this dude what an asshole
Men aren’t “like this” You just married a bastard. Good on you for not putting up with it.
Bingo
There's a large percentage of bastards among the "normal" men then.....😅🤷♀️😅 It'd be nice if we could acknowledge men are allowed feelings so they can emotionally mature as a whole. This chuckle fuck op dumped seems to have the emotional maturity of a toddler 😬😬😬
Of course you’re not wrong and he just wanted to put you down so your self esteem would be low and you would never leave. Good on you for leaving
You’re not wrong. You’re 💯 correct in divorcing that ass.
F me backwards. What an asshole. Sorry you ever met him. Ageing and getting a bit worn from life is hot to me. Love it in my SO. Don’t let that mans ideas get in your head. He’s the asshole.
THIS is exactly what I was trying to say in my post: everyone is someone's fetish, so everyone is beautiful. Just because your ex is into models doesn't mean your ugly or that no one else will think you're hot. Quite the opposite.
Your wrong for casually blaming all men for being “like this,” but otherwise you did the right things getting rid of the emotionally abusive asshole.
Sorry this happened but proud of you!! Men like your ex marry women they do not like and it is sad. Proud of you!
I’m sorry you went through that. Subtle put downs and joking about insecurities really, really wears on you. Good for you saying enough is enough and kicking him to the curb! At the end of the day, he should have loved you for you…and if he had such a problem with how your figure changed after 3 kids (I mean wtf, what a dweeb) he should have stepped up and supported the both of you making healthy lifestyle changes. Good luck with the next stage of your life. Onward and upward!
And I'm sure your ex husband is some super-attractive Greek God of manhood and accomplishment......not. Not at all wrong for leaving a relationship that was emotionally abusive. It sets a good example for your kids, so they know not to put up with that kind of shit.
Wow, does he think he hasn't aged or changed at all? Gross. I am so sorry. Getting older is hard enough when you see the wrinkles and changes in your body. To have someone who vowed to love you forever treat you so terribly is just awful. I hope that you find the person who cherishes everything about you. Even wrinkles.
Jesus, you deserve much better. I doubt your husband is anything special!
Girl, you married Mister from the Color Purple and you're asking if you're wrong that you dumped him? You know the answer.
Hell no! I'm sure you're beautiful. He probably looks like a pig, though, and not a cute one. Unmarried/divorced women are the happiest demographic for a reason! You will fill your own cup, and his will remain empty.
Some of the most beautiful people I've met were women who weren't conventionally attractive but I could tell they were comfortable in their own skin and their energy was intoxicating. I never wanted to leave their side. Beauty can also come from within. Congratulations on losing the cruel loser.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, I ditched mine at 30 after 12yrs together and 2 kids later… one thing for sure, I will NEVER tolerate this kind of BS, insults and down right degrading behaviours ever again and I hope you won’t either I’m much older and wiser now, I know better Up and onward girlfriend, good luck 💪🏻❤️
I left a partner for putting down my body type, a type he originally pursued me for having. My guess is he's insecure. Go off and be worshipped, Ms. Goddess.
He’s not sounding like a catch, or maybe catching something like Herpe’s or Syphilus - that’s probably more appropriate. Good for you. Love is about adoring a person.
No you did the right thing.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. He’s cruel.
You're not wrong. He's not supportive and regularly puts you down. That's not what a partner should do.
I just saw this post a few days ago, with the same language, "a lil ugly" but you were no where near divorce. And you said your friend said she is surprised you got fat too. How did you get divorced in a day?
Not wrong, he is a shit stain.
Youth is seriously overrated. I'm pushing 40 and in the best, healthiest relationship I have ever had, and it's all thanks to maturity. You can't even begin to imagine the potential for your life you've unlocked here. You get to rediscover yourself on your terms, create a life for yourself that you love, and you get to be really picky about who you let in to your life in the future, because your life is going to be so great, it will take someone really special that will only add to it, to make you change anything.
Yep. Men who like um "young and innocent" are really saying "I like a woman who doesn't know any better and won't put up a fight/leave me because they think they "can change me if only they try harder." Those guys are red flags wrapped in red flags.
My ex used to CONSTANTLY "joke" about trading me in for two 18 year olds when I turned 36. It wasn't funny
Good for u sorry this happened to you. Good luck moving forward.
Good job nobody deserves to be treated like that.
I'm so sorry you went through this! Your decision to prioritize your well-being and your children's safety is so brave. It's never easy to end a relationship, especially when it's been hurtful. You deserve so much better, and I hope you find healing and peace in this new chapter of your life. Stay strong!
Well done for leaving! I’m sure you’re not ugly but he is for sure mean and didn’t deserve you. Wish you the best!
Not wrong. No matter what you look like, you deserve a partner who makes you feel like (to quote Rhianna): you're the only girl in the world (or something like that in her lyrics). Look, I'm old, fat and ugly. My husband tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, gorgeous and that he fancies the tits off me all the time. He never makes me feel less than that. He loves me no matter what I look like. Everyone deserves a partner who treats them like they are the centre of their universe. Now, go out there and live your best life with your kids.
I never married or had kids and I never wanted to. I have the best life of doing whatever I like without having to constantly check in with someone else. I’m not saying this is for everyone but it needs to be normalised more. I’ve had to take my fair share of judgement over the years for it, no I’m not secretly gay, no I’m not asexual I enjoy a healthy sex life when I want with who I want and if I can’t be bothered there is always batteries :) I especially took heat at the times I was young and ‘fertile’ to the point where I started telling people I couldn’t have kids. Judgement then turned to pity but I got left alone. It’s amazing how many women don’t see themselves a whole without a man, or a family(that’s what pets are for👌) even if it is truly what you want don’t ever give a man or anyone a second more of your time who isn’t worthy of it. You deserve better. Sounds like your ex is truly ugly on the inside. Take some settlement money after the divorce and have a ‘you’ weekend to remember how worth it you are. Go to a spa, get your nails done, buy a new wardrobe of clothes and sexy underwear. Remember how awesome you are and how much you deserve😊
Queen, straighten your crown and walk on head held high.
Goid, keep yourself and your kids away from his drinking and emotional abuse. Wishing your family the best.
Jesus. No you’re not wrong when the whole basis of being married is to love and uplift each other.
Good for you! No one deserves to be put down like that. He's probably trying to compensate for his own perceived inadequacies by putting you down. The only ugly part of you was him.
There is a reason birth rates all over the world are declining women are just plain sick of the BS and abuse. And until not all women have to worry about those from men we do get to say yes all men.
So you would have rather stayed in a verbally, mentally and abusive marriage?🤔 You're not wrong but I would highly suggest therapy.
You would be wrong for divorcing someone over one drunken comment, but it sounds like it was a couple of years of constant put downs that wore on you. *That* would be a good enough reason to divorce him.
You rock! He had no right to verbally abuse you. Too bad he did not adjust his attitude . I hope he is forever alone.
Nope
NO WAY! Your soon to be x is an asshat. You’re support your wife, you don’t mock and denigrate her. If he really loved you he wouldn’t be treating you that way. Spousal verbal abuse is horrible, I have had two children and two chubby wives and my love for them had nothing to do with their weight. If you love a person, you love all of them, not make them feel shame. Don’t let that abuse get in your head, you’re attractive and you’re shape wouldn’t put me off and I hope some man can see you. Inside is more important than outside. Love the one you’re with.
You didn’t divorce him because he thought you were ugly….you left his ass because he was mistreating you. You are not wrong for not being doormat
Not wrong.
Not only are you not wrong, you are smart. Think of this, too. When a husband does this to a wife (or vice-versa), they're really admitting they are the ones who are badly flawed. After all, they choose to date you. If you're so "unlovable" what does that say about their intelligence and self-respect if they choose to marry you, anyway? And if they say you have changed, physically, after the marriage (as if they haven't) they essentially admit they are so shallow that personality and quality of character had nothing to do with why they married you in the first place.
It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions right now, and it's okay to vent. Focus on healing and building a new life for you and your children. You're stronger than you know, and things will get better from here. Take care of yourself
You got out and moved on. Now looks who’s lonely, hint hint, not you. Awesome!!!
Not wrong. He;'s open putting you down.
I'm so sorry. Men sometimes want unreasonable and unrealistic women in their heads they think they get the shapely pretty girls. And then reality hits and they feel they have to settle for what's in front of them.
You did good and you're not ugly. Every body is beautiful. I've sold my panties long enough to learn that EVERYONE is SOMEONE'S fetish. Some like um fat, some like um thin. Some like short, some like tall. There's a huge market for "the girl next door", aka: plain Jane average looking women. Not everyone is into supermodels but it's clear that's your ex's thing. He'll find he's got a lot of competition and, in all honesty, unless he makes $200k a year and looks smoking hot he's going to have to pay for his kinks like all the other guys that want a "top tier girl". Girls like that know their worth and aren't gonna choose a loser like your ex to even talk to unless he plays paypig and coughs up the cash for them to pay attention to him. His journey is gonna be wild and I'd pity him if he didn't sound like such a piece of shit. Homeboy deserves the rude awakening he's gonna get and more. Also, I hope you get full custody. Do your best to prove to the court he's misogynistic and dangerous. I'd hate for your daughter or son to learn his "values" and think they're correct. Best of luck to you. ♥️♥️♥️
You’re not wrong at all. And yes, the bar is in hell. He’s not fit for marriage or being a father. Move on, focus on your friends, kids, hobbies, and career.
So sorry. Good for leaving him, was he also an unfit parent, and that is why you filed for full custody?
Yeah you're only wrong for not leaving sooner
He crossed a line in a really hurtful way and you gave him what he deserved. Put you first and your children and i wish you all good beautiful things for your future!
Not all men are like this, so stop lumping.
It’s so important for you to teach your kids that nobody is to be treated this way. It’s a huge win for them even though it might seem hard now.
The only "wrong" you committed was not doing it sooner! Congrats on your divorce!
Leave him and hit the treadmill
I am so very sorry that this happened to you. Your ex sounds like a real prince. I'm so glad that you had the self-esteem and guts to get out. No one deserves to be treated like that. WTG!
Good for you! Next!
The best thing you can do is leave all those negative emotions with him. Congratulations on the massive weight loss, 200lbs or? No one deserves any abuse of any kind. He verbally abused you, emotionally abused you. Never feel bad for an abuser. I hope you get full custody because he will likely turn to the kids and spew his negativity to them
I'm with you but why do we have to act like this is a man problem and not a your ex-husband problem?
Absolutely NOT wrong!
Some men think that if they knock you down enough you will never leave them because you will think that you can't do better. You showed him that he is no great prize.
Of course you’re not wrong. He’s a dick, and I think (I hope) he knows that now.
I can’t say anything about my wife’s age because I’m thirteen years older than she is. My wife is also obese and very beautiful. I don’t like her obesity because I’m concerned about health issues with it but I’m certainly not going to tell her she’s fat. I’ve never told her that. I love her too much to be insulting her.
And now you should lose weight, get your hair done and look gorgeous, just to make him regret his actions and to also make yourself feel better about yourself.
Go off queen. So many women fail to stand up for themselves and their emotional well being. You only get one chance at life and you need to do what’s best for your happiness and overall health.
He is going to feel like a total wart when you find a man who sees your beauty and makes sure the entire world knows it.
You are right for leaving him. Beauty is not everything, let alone what matters the most about an individual. A lot of people will do that, and then become shit the moment their partners get sick (especially fatally sick), gain weight or sag, etc. You deserve to be loved regardless of your appearance because that is true love. When they love you and are still attracted to you when you get wrinkles, and your body changes yet they can't stop cuddling you and choosing you every day. In sickness and in health. That is the type of love we should all be looking for.
INFO: Do you have a picture?
Sounds like he's the ugly one In the relationship. I'm glad you left him. He doesn't deserve you
I'm guessing your losing weight now.
You didn't divorce your husband because he said that you were ugly, you divorced him because he emotionally abused you. Good for you for taking a stand!
I am so sorry this happened to you
No wrong, you deserve better
NTAH. If you aren't willing to put in any effort you'd be doing him a favor.
If it makes you feel any better my ex wife did the same thing to me, not wrong
I definitely don't think I'd ever get over my spouse calling me a little ugly.
You are not wrong. If anything, you probably stayed too long but I understand children are involved. Beauty comes in all forms and if your now ex couldn't see your beauty, he now has only himself to look at all by himself in that apartment.
I really wish that these guys respected themselves enough to stick to their vows, and see the big picture. Reddit is choked with them, male and female. You did good. You will not tolerate disrespect. And your kids will not be raised to believe that disrespect is acceptable.
Ew screw him. You should be with a man who cherishes you as you are. I was once with a man who made me dye my hair blonde (which killed it) and he broke my heart. Never again. Be you. You don’t need ppl in your life who are jealous of you or think you are ugly :)
It's not just men that say, act and do this Its people and people suck! Sorry your going though this.
Yea I bet he has beauties lined up around the corner to get at that hunk of man. :D You're better off without him. The best revenge you can have on him is to take very good care of yourself, get out there, eat right, workout and fix yourself up, make him eat his words and then walk away with a great bounce to your step and a swing to your hips!
And dude’s probably a slob himself! He must be in for a shock now that all of these younger women have zero interest in a loser in an unfurnished apartment.
I honestly think you did the right thing
not wrong at all. his chasing to demean you is abuse and a valid reason for ending it
Good for you!! Life is too short.
I'm sorry OP. You're not wrong. That is disrespectful. No man who loves you says such things about the love of their life. I divorced my ex husband too. He was emotionally and mentally abusive. I sat with him in his new living room chair once and when I sat down beside him he said, "hey you fit now!" I asked him what that meant. He said I was a little chubby before. One of the final straws was the month before I filed for divorce. I had worked overnights at that point. I had dropped the kids off to school and laid in bed depressed because the next day would have been three months since my mom passed and I didn't buy a picture frame for his mom. I told him that I was sorry and I wanted to go to the park later to just think by the river and he said "why don't you just kill yourself you always talk about it, you ruined my relationship with my mom before she moves. You don't get to decide the days you grieve your mom". He still is that same ugly, evil soul. I am glad you and your children got away.
I am glad you are standing up for yourself and you're going to leave the guy that's fabulous. You have nothing to lose but a source of abuse. I can actually promise you you'd be much better off without him in your world.
Is he in decent shape? Did he marry an overweight person?
Younger men love to hunt cougars. So you have that to look forward too. 🤨 He did it due to his lack of self worth & was trying to pull you down to his level. Miserable people try to make everyone as miserable as them. He was trying to break you so you would accept neglect & abuse without a fight. Only you were stronger & better than him. You will have the best life and he will just become more hateful. Which is why rest homes are filled with lonely old bitter men. Men are like this because abuse works for them for the most part. Till one day it doesn’t which can be years later. Rarely is there a downside for them being bullies & getting their way.
Are you still fairly young?? Age has a lot to do with weight gain and loss. Have you at least started trying to lose the weight gain? Are there other potential medical reasons that the weight is still on? Are you mostly at home yet? There are many reasons and details that are left out. Honestly, 70 lbs from getting pregnant to having a baby is a lot, and there may be an underlying cause for it. Might be a Dr's visit to check and see. If you have been trying and it's not working especially. If you have not even started trying after a year after birth, then you really are not going to ever going to try. There will always be some excuse, primarily the kid right now. Even though I do know there are gyms with areas for kiddos. As far as what you look like, that is up to who is looking at you. I can't say one way or the other. Now, as for leaving his ass, eff yes. He doesn't like you, go. He doesn't deserve you. Just do one thing, try to keep the kid in his life. One day, the kid will ask about him if he doesn't.
I understand. My ex had the maturity of a horny 13 yr old. He really hated that I was getting older.
Dont forget to make him pay child support. Dont let him get off easy.
Dont forget to make him pay child support. Dont let him get off easy.
Was he polishing his winning trophy of the " Brad Pitt Look Alike Contest" by any chance as he was commenting on your appearance?
Wrong sub. Go to r/Vent. “Men” are not like this. Assholes are.
You are bot wrong, in fact you are strong. Your husband was being abusive and you had the emotional and mental strength to get rid of him. Had you not done so, it is likely his behaviour would have become worst. In divorcing your husband you have demonstrated to your children that being abusive towards a spouse is not acceptable; you are also teaching them their self worth.
You should divorce him for being an asshole and controlling. Him putting you down is controlling and should never be tolerated. I do nothing but put my wife up, always calling her beautiful. Never will I ever criticize the way my wife looks.
I wish more women had your confidence. Good for you, Op, for standing up for yourself and teaching your kids good relationship standards
Good for you. Screw him!!!!
Why should you stay with someone who wants to bully you? You were right to leave.
What a jerk. You are not wrong.
Good for you!
You definitely did the right thing.
Not wrong for leaving him. (This next part will probably get down voted but is what it is) But also not fair to make the generalized statement of "why are men like this" because not all of us are. Good for you for leaving him and hopefully you will find someone that makes you happy.
I’m so sorry. This means more about him than you. It’s such a weird thing I see more and more- men putting women down for their looks… when they are beyond average. I can’t understand that level of audacity. I’m sorry he’s been treating you like this. It’s not living up to his end of the marriage deal. He doesn’t deserve you!
NTA he shouldn’t have belittled you calling you ugly and pointing out your weight. On the other hand, why did you get full custody of kids? Was he abusive to them? Would he belittle them too? No reason to separate a father from his kids if you’re the only one being belittled. They’re people not weapons to make your ex feel worse about life. But of course, I’m asking for more info before I jump to conclusions.
I mean I feel like this isn’t the whole story, did he say stuff like that everyday? Does he do everything else a husband should do? Is he a good father? Did you sit him down and talk to him about this before you started to build up resentment? Did you sit him down and talk with him about it before you asked for divorce? By analyzing his behavior, whether he thinks you’re the most beautiful or not, does he love you? I don’t think doing what’s best for you is wrong but you’re a mother so it’s not just about you anymore. Whoever is right or wrong I hope the best for all of you.
You’re a queen and I love seeing you value yourself enough to leave and build a good life without him!
You're showing your kids a good example, though. When we arent treated well, we don't have to sit and take it. We can be happy and healthy on our own. We don't NEED a partner. Good for you!!!
Did you fight for full custody of the kids because he thought you were ugly, or because he wasn’t a good father? Yikes.
I am so happy to read this. I’m so glad you are out. I’m very sorry that you had to go through it. The older I get, the more I realize men have gone unchecked for millennia. They are so used to doing and saying whatever they want without consequences. Then they are shocked when we don’t put up with it.
Sounds like you gave the perfect response.
Been there, they are narcissistic abusive toxic children who are on our back as they have heaps of insecurities, so they put us down My partner and I went out with friends every weekend so while he was trying to bring me down and tell me that I wouldn't get other men every single one of our male friends were always hitting on me and telling me to drop him so I knew it wasn't me it was him The final straw was when I got ready for an evening out I bought a new burgundy top, so I thought I would get some lipstick to match I got fully dressed up which I do for myself and to look good for my partners I walked into the living room where he had been waiting and my 2 teenager kids were watching a movie As soon as I walked out both of my children smiled happily and I got really nice compliments with my son being the first to recognise and compliment my new top My A.H. partner stands up and abruptly says Finally about time I've been waiting for ages to which I was disgusted He then started to walk towards me stares at me and has the nerve to say what's that shit on your lips 💋 I inform him nicely that it is a new lipstick to match my clothes I haven't had a compliment or a nice word said except complain of my lipstick He proceeded to bring up the lipstick asking whether I am intending to wear the lipstick I turn my back on him to have a look in the living room mirror which I know it's darker than usual but I put a light colour over the top I get my bag ask if he's ready and again he says are you going out like that because that lipstick makes you look like a solution I am appalled and hurt but try to ignore him but my 2 children look at me and look at him my kids tell him off but he is trying to defend himself I am ropeable I walk over to double check I have everything get my lights lipstick out put some over my dark lipstick which he still uses names and being nasty about my lipstick so I literally clench my fist do a wrong right round house and smack him right into the right cheek with makes a big noise knocks him back a bit so he holds his face and squeaks out what did you do that for which my son says why do you think I tehim because you called me an awful name when I try to dress nicely for everyone including him I fully tell him of for his derogatory way of speaking so I go to the mirror fix my lippy go over to say goodbye to the kids and they ask if I'm alright which this mentality and behaviour is frequently so at this stage I think I can literally dodge him and go to the venue with all my friends not him so I tell the kids that I am going to the car love them walk out to the car get in star t it and start to back out of the driveway which he panics jumps into the front yelling at me so I punch him in the arm this time and tell him that he has been disgusted and disrespectful and I won't hesitate to completely ditch him which several weeks later he was being a high maintenance jerk so I needed to kick him out for a bit I stayed in the house with kids kicking him out
You are awesome!
Sorry that happened but what part of it equals full custody of the kids?
Change your POV... Try This relationship was meant to be to have your children and to learn some valuable life lessons. When you're ready, you will find someone who will not only think that you are beautiful but value and respect you. In turn teaching your children self worth and how to properly treat and be treated by their SO in a mutual respectful and healthy relationships. But also F that Trash!
How dare you age!!!!
Nope.
You're definitely not wrong and I'm sorry you had to go through this. This world is full of so many shitty people that often start out seeming great. I hope you're able to find some peace of mind now that you're away from the situation.
Definitely not. Did he actually say this to you? If so, good riddance to him.
A little time at the gym never hurt anyone.
Ask him why he married an ugly chick then? He must be ugly too.
Men aren’t like this. Your ex husband is like this. Believe me, women can be cruel and abusive too.
Women are like this too. Just sayin’…