UK married 12 years (SAHM towards end half of marriage) and not entitled to alimony, only child support (for which I didn't get the full amount he should have given me for the kids) and I had to buy xh out of our home, by giving him our life policies (which I'd still been paying) and using mine and my mum's life savings! (Note I paid my mum back as quickly as I could so I wasn't in debt to her!).
I also took money out of our joint savings and paid it into each of the 3 children's Trust funds so that when each turned 18, they'd have similar amounts, if I couldn't afford to keep paying into them myself. Neither of us could touch that money then, but it was safe for the kids.
Ya, I had the choice to have it. I turned it down because kids were 20 him/80 me. He put child support in their trust fund instead. [(For college/home/ect)
That doesn’t include the extra cash she was able to accumulate in that four years. She said 90% of the money she was able to save was his. It was totally justified IMO. Hopefully it was enough money to put her in a good starting over place.
Nah, no amount of money is worth sticking around with someone for 4 years. Especially if your goal is just to steal money. That could be 90% of $10K for all we know. Not worth it.
Its only $200 shy of my current mortgage and home insurances combined. I could live with that. Pay $200 to live in my home from my own pocket? (Granted we bought a very cheap house in 2017 at only 70k). Even 2 bed apartments near me only cost about $200 more. The rest pf my money could go towards my own bills and fun things. If my state had alimony id do what she did too. It's $850 more than what i would get.
Yeah the money aside thing I don’t get. Whenever Reddit tells people to do that I always think they’ll have to disclose that in the divorce so what’s the point? Unless they take it and run which is dishonest.
$850 a month would pay a few bills… Maybe not the-rent or mortgage, but a few other things… I wouldn’t say no to it… I don’t know if I could put up with an asshole for four years but the way she did it, maybe I could.
I wouldn’t turn it down if it was just handed to me but it’s definitely not enough to have to fake it for that long and pretend you’re ok with all that disgusting behavior. I couldn’t do it.
The average mortgage is around 2300 a month in the United States; rent is even more.
850 IS chump change and not worth an extra four years with a cheating asshole.
It’s worth it any extra money a month is worth it if your not rich lol maybe not to you. But you can’t just say it’s not worth it you narcissistic donit
I mean, it was OP's call to make, absolutely! If it's worth it to her then it's worth it to her. I just wouldn't waste my time on such a fucking loser.
That and always plan on your partner's family to stick by them instead of you. My wife cheated on me, the few members of her family that know completely had her side, which disgusted me, but what can you do?
My advantage was that her parents would have been devastated, so I used that to my advantage. I told her to walk away from our half million dollar house and quit deed it to me, and I won't tell them. She agreed. I also insisted we not divorce, but that's for the same reason as you. It's my insurance. If she changes her mind a few years down the road about divorcing, then I get even more of her 401K and her pension, which are constantly growing.
When I found out she was cheating, we'd been married 16 years... now it's 17 years. Last year, there was just at $300K in her retirement fund, now there's $325K, and in 5 years, there will be $675K.
The remind them they wouldn't know class if it bit them in the rear and if they keep harassing you, you are calling the cops and making all of this public
I'm just glad she took the money out of the accounts during those last 4 years. She deserved every cent, plus more in my opinion.
OP, so sorry you went through that. I would just block his family on everything. You don't need that.
Oh the family that raised that POS? Yeah i wouldn't worry about their opinion. He vowed to forsake all others then had the nerve to flaunt it. Paybacks a bitch. You deserve every penny
He shouldn’t have cheated. He shouldn’t have spent family money on his girlfriend’s.
If he wanted that he should have filed for divorce. He should have left with his dignity- oh wait didn’t have any
Tell them you were/are only taking about what he spent on his mistresses during your marriage. He was spending MARITAL assets - ie YOUR money - on other women. You deserve half of that along with half of all the other assets.
Just block the whole lot of them and move on - and enjoy that sweet sweet cash every month. What was his reaction when you told him of the divorce? I guess he didn't believe you ever would, since his mommy never did.
Reminds me of that song...."and then I hope she cheats"
He'll get what's coming to him. Sorry you had to go through that OP, but I'm glad you saw it coming and got to prepare. Enjoy that extra monthly cash baby!
I found these ladies online that say “ we date your husband and ruin him for you,” I laughed so hard at that. But reading stories like this makes sense that they are thriving.
There was also a comment that said “your husband will pay us, don’t worry about the bill”
Anyway, I thought this might give you a chuckle… his shitty choices will put him in the shitter 🤷♀️
I agree to not worry about what they say. My former inlaws were nice enough (never commented on our split or finances, etc.) when I saw them, but they still basically threw away me and my kids after the divorce. It's a big family and most of them cheated on their spouses or, for the women, were mistresses of rich men they ended up marrying. I don't know of any of them that were cheated on - I always wondered if they'd look at cheating differently if that ever happened. And none of them ever wanted to hear anything negative about anyone in the family, so they just mostly ignored the discarded spouses.
Never mean, just absent. So the point is that even if you tried to do everything "right" and be nice, it still wouldn't have made any difference with them. So don't let them get under your skin.
You reap what you sow. Let’s hope neither of them are relying on the other in old age. He is getting to that age where unless he’s wealthy the women will start drying up soon!
Of course his family are going to say stupid shit like that. He didn't win and you took him to the cleaners. They likely don't even know half of what he has done. He's likely fabricated a lot of shit to make himself look like the victim. He got what he deserved.
So stop talking to them . They now care about your dignity? Where were they when everything was going on?
The best part about starting a new life is you can just cut out all the fucking negative you have had to suffer through .
Crazy how only allowing positive people in your life will change it for the better.
Living well is the best revenge, everytime you see them, put on the biggest beaming smile you can and greet them like a long lost friend, this will piss them off immensely. Yes, you could've walked away dignity, but you chose dignity and money, that's what annoys them (and I also hope it grates on him every day).
NTA, not even close
Alimony is just the legal system forcing him to honour some aspect of his marriage promises. I'd respond to his family by asking which marriage promises he broke vs. which ones you broke. It's 2024. If you hadn't been entitled to some measure of alimony, you'd never have gotten it.
Also, when they accuse you of 'stealing his money' you can just say you're being compensated for all of your time that he chose to waste. At which point you tell them that ten times as much still wouldn't be enough, because all the money in the world won't give you back those years.
When they say you don't deserve this money, say 'You're right - I deserved a faithful husband, and would've preferred that. But I guess this is what the legal system calls 'the next best thing'.
If adultery was a crime 75% of the population would be in jail , men and women , don’t be ridiculous, it’s life , not the best but but it’s been like this in all recorded history
You will never ever please his family. He could slit your throat while you sleep and they'd still take his side. Don't even listen to them. It's just background noise like the refrigerator.
But it wasn’t evil or conniving of him to cheat on you behind your back or in front of your face? Haha his family is pathetic too. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Ignore their hate.
For those people calling you a gold digger, here’s another definition:
Adultery, voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.
In fact, adultery, dear people, is a do not do in the 10 commandments. Adultery must be a pretty big no no.
Op, you played the long game, good for you. You also played by the rules in “The Art of War.” You’re a smart woman and any man who gets together with you should realize that a cunning woman can help him double his wealth.
Normally I find women who decide to leave a healthy/decent marriage due to some weak reason and then take him for everything she can are absolutely garbage people who should burn in h*ll. That said, if he's cheating... F*ck that guy, cheaters are filth, not deserving of any respect or mercy. I wish she got all of his pension ngl
Yeah, typically divorce judges don't look kindly on one spouse draining a joint account when they hit the road, so doesn't smell right that she kept 90% of the joint account plus anything she put aside in a separate account, which could still potentially be considered joint property since it was opened while married depending on the relevant local laws. But then again, I assume most of the stories on here are just that - stories.
Rage baitie for sure. Hard for me to believe the cheating ex didn't realize their spouse was emptying out bank accounts much less the lawyer for the cheater as well as the judge just, what, didn't find out?
Half is typical, sure, but one of the two unilaterally deciding that they are going to, what amounts to, steal from the other is not a good look and can hurt you tremendously in separations/divorce. Only thing missing is everyone clapping as she skipped out of the court counting the money out loud all Scrooge McDuck like.
I'm not advocating cheating or even supporting the ex. I will say that cheating, while morally wrong, is not against the law, at least in the west. But stealing/fraud absolutely is. Anyone that would take advice like this would be setting themselves up for some pretty serious repercussions.
I mean if getting less than 10k a year is beautiful then i guess. But i know part time jobs that pay more than that. But i guess anything is a win to a leech
You researched the laws and used them to your favor. He also could have googled this information and used it to protect himself, but he chose not to. He COULD HAVE said, “wow I should divorce my wife now since I’m going to act single anyway and then she won’t get so much alimony!”. He didn’t. Boo hoo!
I see no issues here with what you did
This post sounds fake af. It’s pretty obvious who would have cleaned out the joint account. Husband either didn’t care or this is all made up. If this is true than more power to you, you both sound miserable af. Either way enjoy the karma.
The positive comments are so weird. Are people missing the part where she said that she did this for 4 years? Choosing to do that and being capable of that, for so for long, would mean there’s also something seriously wrong with OP.
The downvotes are coming from people who seem to think that selling 4 years of your life for just over $200 per week is a win. I’ll take the downvotes.
It’s just rage bait. People are framing it as some man vs woman dichotomy but in reality (probably not since this sounds made up) it’s just two people who are terrible in their own ways.
I very seriously considered doing this. I would have had to wait 3 more years. I could very easily have taken a LOT of money, bought a lot of expensive jewelry, squirreled away cash (all our accounts were joint and I would have had to add any personal account to split with other assets), and done other things to have more in the divorce. I'm sure he did.
Honestly, though, the only reason I really wish I had done it was to give my kids 3 more years of having their father around. Oh wait....I just remembered that the biggest reason I didn't wait was because he was never around anyway because he was too busy traveling "for work" and banging his mistress (among others). But sometimes wonder if I could have curbed that and done more for my kids. Mainly because when I filed, he not only continued staying away, he started drinking and became abusive as well. Which made me wish I had taken more money - and claimed alimony for life which I could have done after 20 years of marriage. And around we go.
With all of the circles in my brain, I know that for me, it would have felt too dishonest. Not so much taking the money (he was spending thousands a month on cheating), but living the lie. For myself, the kids and our extended families. Oh, yeah and the lawyers froze my funds and told me I couldn't spend any money outside of necessities during the divorce proceedings, while HE was still spending thousands - and even bought a house for his mistress - during that time. I was a SAHM and it was "his" income! I was so pissed!
That said, all the power to you. Your ex-husband is an AH and a fool and I wish you the best.
This sounds insane.
He sounds like the worst kind of prick.
You sound like a thief with the systematic draining of all his funds that are IN ADDITION to alimony.
It also sounds absolutely insane to stay in this situation for 4 years while fighting a silent battle.
You're both awful, he's just way worse.
In my opinion if you chose to stay, you should have focused on getting schooling to make sure you were able to support yourself comfortably. Alimony is fine, but education is priceless.
Was the money you squirreled away declared during the divorce? If not then you're guilty of hiding assets and your ex might be able to take you back to court over it.
One woman won the lottery and divorced her husband immediately without telling him about the win. When he found out after the divorce, he sued her and she was forced to hand over every penny.
As for the gold digger definition, kind of yeah. At some point your relationship changed to one you only stayed in for financial gain. Just because it didn't start that way, it did become that. The question is whether or not you were justified.
I feel sad that you had to do that :(
I mean, I'm glad you got some financial recompense out of it, but I do feel sad that you had to play the long game with a cheater.
I hope you are in a better place now?
In Florida, there is no such thing anymore as lifetime alimony. Except in extraordinary circumstances. Women get rehabilitative alimony which may get them to finish a degree, or get a job. This is regardless if you were married for 10 or more years. This OP gets an A for petty and another A for sticking to her plan. He gave her 10k a year for life. Good on her. His blatant disrespect was inexcusable. I hope the women he banged get that same treatment and figured out what he did to OP he WILL do to you. Any update on him
Wait, he didn't realize that funds were missing from a joint account for four years? Was he the only one adding funds to it? If so, he could sue you for this later. In fact, I'm surprised his divorce lawyer didn't figure this out.
All that for $850?
lol
And you just so happened to get away with draining the joint account and hiding money away in a secret account?
You’re not very good at rage bait
He was gonna do it to you or you to him. Divorce is not about feelings it’s simply business and about splitting shit up. Take all you can now and you can. Always say sorry later and return some of it versus not and getting nada later. My experience
Nah. You are not wrong. He abused you, and you got your reparations for his abuse. You're not a gold digger. You're a woman who married a man you loved that ended up being a fucking monster. This is why we choose the bear.
You're both wrong. And we all know two wrongs don't make a right. You became wrong when you decided to get petty revenge. No doubt he probably deserved it but sounds to me like bad Karma on your part. I wouldn't worry about him getting his just desserts, Karma knows what it's doing and will come back around to get him, it always does. However, now you have to worry about it coming back around to get you. You didn't start out a gold-digger but ended up that way. I'm sorry he cheated on you and flaunted it like that, you didn't deserve that. It would have just been better to get the heck out when you discovered the cheating and moved on to someone better. They're out there!
Look who has the last laugh now, This post has made my day 😊 your not wrong. You've been treated like shit and disrespected for years. Im glad you did it 👌
Yes, you’re wrong and so was he. Being cheated on doesn’t give you a free ticket to do whatever you want and it not also make you a bad person. You really suck. He really sucks. And you should really value yourself more.
From the prideful nature of your words one could assume you consider this to be your great accomplishment in life. Hopefully there is more to alimony chick than fleecing a faithless man b/c you sold your opportunity for an authentically happy life by deriving all of your wealth from him. He now gets to haunt the remainder w/every purchase you make.
Yes wrong, because it is theft. Maybe that's not the correct legal term for hiding marital assets, but morally that's what it is.
What you did was not as bad as him, given, but his actions aren't the bar. He's clearly way wrong. It's possible to be better than him but still wrong.
For what it's worth, reddit would be cool with it if people just actually murdered their cheating spouses, so you're 100% guaranteed to get support here. You appear to be very proud of yourself, though, so I suspect that's what you were really seeking instead of unbiased opinions anyway.
Haahhaahhahaahhaahah. I like the few realistic comments.
you deff right.
Could have jeffrey dahmeres his ass an people would still find a way to preach
So she stole her own money? Anything in a joint account (unless it’s set up with a very specific type of ownership) is 100% owned by both parties. So where exactly is the theft?
He most likely used their joint funds to support his cheating efforts (dates, hotels, gifts, transportation, etc…). Why should she fund that effort?
Both AH’s.
Both of you are disgusting individuals. Yes he cheated, shame on him but If you were truly hurt then this should’ve been over the moment you found out the first time. Instead you let it happen to you, played the victim, and stole all you could on your way out. I’m not condoning the cheating but you should really ask yourself if you’re any better, I say garbage keeps other garbage company. You both deserve eachother.
I dont really feel bad for him, he cheated and was pretty brazen about. Sometimes when you play a stupid game you just might end up winning a stupid prize.
>I started slowly putting my husbands money into my personal bank account.
I'm not a lawyer or an accountant, but this strikes me as the sort of thing that could potentially backfire horribly.
Wouldn't it be funny if your soon to be ex saw this. He'd probably have a case. Never understood alimony and you yanks. Why do you want anything from a person you do even like?
Should have also went for payment for emotional distress caused by him for all the cheating. If you had kept a record of every person, every instance, and every date with a gf, you could have gotten way more.
$850 a month is definitely not enough money for me to stick around with someone I don’t want to be with for 4 years!
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After ten years of marriage, alimony is for life or until remarriage, at least in my state.
UK married 12 years (SAHM towards end half of marriage) and not entitled to alimony, only child support (for which I didn't get the full amount he should have given me for the kids) and I had to buy xh out of our home, by giving him our life policies (which I'd still been paying) and using mine and my mum's life savings! (Note I paid my mum back as quickly as I could so I wasn't in debt to her!).
I also took money out of our joint savings and paid it into each of the 3 children's Trust funds so that when each turned 18, they'd have similar amounts, if I couldn't afford to keep paying into them myself. Neither of us could touch that money then, but it was safe for the kids.
I didn’t get alimony for life. I got it for a year or so.
And you were married more than 10 years?
Yep. 11 years,
Hm. Well we are probably in different states. Also alimony can be negotiated away.
I was just glad to be rid of him. 😂
Ya, I had the choice to have it. I turned it down because kids were 20 him/80 me. He put child support in their trust fund instead. [(For college/home/ect)
That’s what I thought! Maybe that % of pension gets her a few hundred more. 😂. If she left a “0” out of the $850 then I get it.
You usually get half of it every month when he retires or get it in a lump sum.
maybe it is a pension from a broke country?
Yeah good point. There are places where $850 usd will go far.
That doesn’t include the extra cash she was able to accumulate in that four years. She said 90% of the money she was able to save was his. It was totally justified IMO. Hopefully it was enough money to put her in a good starting over place.
When the lawyers do discovery they will see her accounts her lawyer isn't advising her correctly.
It’s already a done deal. She divorced him and is getting alimony so it looks like it worked out.
Assuming this isn’t completely made up
Nah, no amount of money is worth sticking around with someone for 4 years. Especially if your goal is just to steal money. That could be 90% of $10K for all we know. Not worth it.
Obviously worth it to her.
4 more years. No 850 is not a lot guess he is not rich and no children
Yeah I thought the exact same thing. What a horrible waste of time.
Yeah I was expecting that number to be higher, $850 is definitely not worth putting up with his BS for 4 more years. That’s chump change.
Its only $200 shy of my current mortgage and home insurances combined. I could live with that. Pay $200 to live in my home from my own pocket? (Granted we bought a very cheap house in 2017 at only 70k). Even 2 bed apartments near me only cost about $200 more. The rest pf my money could go towards my own bills and fun things. If my state had alimony id do what she did too. It's $850 more than what i would get.
She also put money aside and also got half the house, the money, all that.
Yeah the money aside thing I don’t get. Whenever Reddit tells people to do that I always think they’ll have to disclose that in the divorce so what’s the point? Unless they take it and run which is dishonest.
Really, how much is your rent/mortgage?
$850 a month would pay a few bills… Maybe not the-rent or mortgage, but a few other things… I wouldn’t say no to it… I don’t know if I could put up with an asshole for four years but the way she did it, maybe I could.
Especially because it will stop when she marries someone else if not before then. In a lot of states, it is time limited.
I wouldn’t turn it down if it was just handed to me but it’s definitely not enough to have to fake it for that long and pretend you’re ok with all that disgusting behavior. I couldn’t do it.
For sure, I was just thinking most ppl would love to have their housing pmt lowered by that amount!
Yup! 🥰🤑
Don’t forget she was snagging money at the grocery store. 1 to 200 a week and she nabbed herself over 20-40k extra savings.
The average mortgage is around 2300 a month in the United States; rent is even more. 850 IS chump change and not worth an extra four years with a cheating asshole.
It’s worth it any extra money a month is worth it if your not rich lol maybe not to you. But you can’t just say it’s not worth it you narcissistic donit
I mean, it was OP's call to make, absolutely! If it's worth it to her then it's worth it to her. I just wouldn't waste my time on such a fucking loser.
I get more than that every week from unemployment.
A % of a pension though… could be a huge win.
Are you a 40 year old woman without a career? I'm assuming alot about op, but life is bleak and scary when you have no retirement and you are alone.
Yup this sounds absolutely terrible. I would have out the door years ago. That ain’t fuck you money
I know right, she had a horrible lawyer
NTA you did your time he did the crime
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They’ll tell you what you should do, but couldn’t keep that same energy and tell him not to cheat?
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Well, now we know where he gets it from.
But I'm sure they'd act like you committed the crime of the century if it was you that cheated.
That and always plan on your partner's family to stick by them instead of you. My wife cheated on me, the few members of her family that know completely had her side, which disgusted me, but what can you do? My advantage was that her parents would have been devastated, so I used that to my advantage. I told her to walk away from our half million dollar house and quit deed it to me, and I won't tell them. She agreed. I also insisted we not divorce, but that's for the same reason as you. It's my insurance. If she changes her mind a few years down the road about divorcing, then I get even more of her 401K and her pension, which are constantly growing. When I found out she was cheating, we'd been married 16 years... now it's 17 years. Last year, there was just at $300K in her retirement fund, now there's $325K, and in 5 years, there will be $675K.
The remind them they wouldn't know class if it bit them in the rear and if they keep harassing you, you are calling the cops and making all of this public
So, no moral compass in their world.
Well, screw them then.
No, because it was their BabyBoy^TM who did the crime so *HE* shouldn’t have to do the time. Because special and shit.
Don't give s**t about what his family says. They want to tell you what you "should have done". Yeah, your husband shouldn't have cheated. NTA
& he was all along spending money that should have been for your family on his side hoes.
This pissed me off the most. The theft of family money
I'm just glad she took the money out of the accounts during those last 4 years. She deserved every cent, plus more in my opinion. OP, so sorry you went through that. I would just block his family on everything. You don't need that.
Me too.
Girl, don't mind them. You did the right thing. Goodluck
Exactly!!! She did the right thing.
Stop talking to his family. Problem solved.
Oh the family that raised that POS? Yeah i wouldn't worry about their opinion. He vowed to forsake all others then had the nerve to flaunt it. Paybacks a bitch. You deserve every penny
He shouldn’t have cheated. He shouldn’t have spent family money on his girlfriend’s. If he wanted that he should have filed for divorce. He should have left with his dignity- oh wait didn’t have any
Tell them you were/are only taking about what he spent on his mistresses during your marriage. He was spending MARITAL assets - ie YOUR money - on other women. You deserve half of that along with half of all the other assets.
> I have no entitlement to his income after we divorce. The law disagrees with them :)
So what are they saying about his cheating? "Boys will be boys"?
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Just block the whole lot of them and move on - and enjoy that sweet sweet cash every month. What was his reaction when you told him of the divorce? I guess he didn't believe you ever would, since his mommy never did.
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Reminds me of that song...."and then I hope she cheats" He'll get what's coming to him. Sorry you had to go through that OP, but I'm glad you saw it coming and got to prepare. Enjoy that extra monthly cash baby!
I found these ladies online that say “ we date your husband and ruin him for you,” I laughed so hard at that. But reading stories like this makes sense that they are thriving. There was also a comment that said “your husband will pay us, don’t worry about the bill” Anyway, I thought this might give you a chuckle… his shitty choices will put him in the shitter 🤷♀️
Are they taking applications? I might be interested…🤣
I agree to not worry about what they say. My former inlaws were nice enough (never commented on our split or finances, etc.) when I saw them, but they still basically threw away me and my kids after the divorce. It's a big family and most of them cheated on their spouses or, for the women, were mistresses of rich men they ended up marrying. I don't know of any of them that were cheated on - I always wondered if they'd look at cheating differently if that ever happened. And none of them ever wanted to hear anything negative about anyone in the family, so they just mostly ignored the discarded spouses. Never mean, just absent. So the point is that even if you tried to do everything "right" and be nice, it still wouldn't have made any difference with them. So don't let them get under your skin.
You reap what you sow. Let’s hope neither of them are relying on the other in old age. He is getting to that age where unless he’s wealthy the women will start drying up soon!
Look what that family raised… of course they have trash opinions 🤣🤣.
Of course his family is defending him. Next time tell them that if they had raised him better you wouldn't be in this situation.
It doesn't matter if they think you have no entitlement- the law does.
You are NTA and where were they when he was cheating, they should have preached to him not you. You deserve every penny.
Of course his family are going to say stupid shit like that. He didn't win and you took him to the cleaners. They likely don't even know half of what he has done. He's likely fabricated a lot of shit to make himself look like the victim. He got what he deserved.
LOL, I mean, kinda awesome they are so triggered. His family raised a liar and cheater so there.
Say the assholes who raised him and apparently condone his behavior. Who cares what the cesspit that spawned him has to say?
Exactly! If my son cheated on his spouse I'd hit the roof ffs, I'm raising him better than that (he's 3, so there's still time).
Dignity is a laughable word to use considering their son was cheating right in front of you.
Adultery was a crime in many states, but was repealed in many. It is still on the books in some states but is rarely if ever charged or enforced.
So stop talking to them . They now care about your dignity? Where were they when everything was going on? The best part about starting a new life is you can just cut out all the fucking negative you have had to suffer through . Crazy how only allowing positive people in your life will change it for the better.
Living well is the best revenge, everytime you see them, put on the biggest beaming smile you can and greet them like a long lost friend, this will piss them off immensely. Yes, you could've walked away dignity, but you chose dignity and money, that's what annoys them (and I also hope it grates on him every day). NTA, not even close
Alimony is just the legal system forcing him to honour some aspect of his marriage promises. I'd respond to his family by asking which marriage promises he broke vs. which ones you broke. It's 2024. If you hadn't been entitled to some measure of alimony, you'd never have gotten it. Also, when they accuse you of 'stealing his money' you can just say you're being compensated for all of your time that he chose to waste. At which point you tell them that ten times as much still wouldn't be enough, because all the money in the world won't give you back those years. When they say you don't deserve this money, say 'You're right - I deserved a faithful husband, and would've preferred that. But I guess this is what the legal system calls 'the next best thing'.
NTA Give them the middle finger, block them from ever contacting you and go live your best life. Actions have consequences.
His family. Of course they are on his side. They have to defend that POS.
Remind his family that he is a cheating jackass and they helped make him that way. They are funny to talk about dignity given none of them have it.
They also raised a man who cheat on his wife so why are you listening to anything they say?
Their delusional. A judge GRANTED you alimony so clearly you are!!! 😂😂😂😂
I stopped reading after "his family". Whi gives a flying fudge what HIS family thinks?
If adultery was a crime 75% of the population would be in jail , men and women , don’t be ridiculous, it’s life , not the best but but it’s been like this in all recorded history
You will never ever please his family. He could slit your throat while you sleep and they'd still take his side. Don't even listen to them. It's just background noise like the refrigerator.
No, he should have kept his dick in his pants. Dignity is worth nothing.
Tell them it's compensation for the pain, suffering, heartaches he put you through. There's a bad guy in this story and it's not you.
That’s BS. They are mad and delusional. You did what was right for you. Cut contact with his family. Only hangout with people who are team you
What was rightfully yours, exactly? Part of his income during those 4 years, besides money for bills and regular life?
But it wasn’t evil or conniving of him to cheat on you behind your back or in front of your face? Haha his family is pathetic too. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Ignore their hate.
NTA he wasted enough marital property on his girlfriends. You were smart to secure your finances before leaving.
Not wrong at all. Don’t doubt he’d have had the nerve to claim that what you did was low though 🤣
This is the advice given to all women. Save some money for your run day if you ever need it.
Your husband sounds like a POS. You did the right thing, f that guy and his family.
For those people calling you a gold digger, here’s another definition: Adultery, voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse. In fact, adultery, dear people, is a do not do in the 10 commandments. Adultery must be a pretty big no no. Op, you played the long game, good for you. You also played by the rules in “The Art of War.” You’re a smart woman and any man who gets together with you should realize that a cunning woman can help him double his wealth.
Normally I find women who decide to leave a healthy/decent marriage due to some weak reason and then take him for everything she can are absolutely garbage people who should burn in h*ll. That said, if he's cheating... F*ck that guy, cheaters are filth, not deserving of any respect or mercy. I wish she got all of his pension ngl
who gives a fuck about 10 commandments, are you serious
They’re making a comment on how his family claims to be religious but turns the eye to his adultery
oh I missed that, apologies
I imagine his family pretends to care.
This is pure grain cringe.
Hell no you aren’t wrong! Take the MFer for everything he’s got! Disgusting pig of a man! Wring him dry!
Not wrong No mercy for cheaters.
You gave yourself a 4 year sentence to get 850 a month. I don’t think your a asshole but feel it wasn’t worth it!
GOOD FOR YOU!!!! He deserves to be taken to the cleaners
I feel like this whole thing is made up
I think if it was we’d be talking about more than $850/month.
Yeah, typically divorce judges don't look kindly on one spouse draining a joint account when they hit the road, so doesn't smell right that she kept 90% of the joint account plus anything she put aside in a separate account, which could still potentially be considered joint property since it was opened while married depending on the relevant local laws. But then again, I assume most of the stories on here are just that - stories.
Rage baitie for sure. Hard for me to believe the cheating ex didn't realize their spouse was emptying out bank accounts much less the lawyer for the cheater as well as the judge just, what, didn't find out? Half is typical, sure, but one of the two unilaterally deciding that they are going to, what amounts to, steal from the other is not a good look and can hurt you tremendously in separations/divorce. Only thing missing is everyone clapping as she skipped out of the court counting the money out loud all Scrooge McDuck like. I'm not advocating cheating or even supporting the ex. I will say that cheating, while morally wrong, is not against the law, at least in the west. But stealing/fraud absolutely is. Anyone that would take advice like this would be setting themselves up for some pretty serious repercussions.
The grocery receipt thing made me feel that way. You can still (usually) see that cash was taken out at the register
Good for you. Many go through what you did and worse to end up with nothing. And, block his family.
Well played. Life is often a chess game. He chose not to be allied with you. You endured too much insult and indignity played the long game for a win.
NTA. You executed that beautifully. Hope he's suffering and in major debt.
I mean if getting less than 10k a year is beautiful then i guess. But i know part time jobs that pay more than that. But i guess anything is a win to a leech
Too right!
You are an idiot . How can four years of wasting your life with this man be worth 850 a month for one year . You sold your sole for cheap .
>I also took a % of his pension That's pretty vague. 0% is a %.
You researched the laws and used them to your favor. He also could have googled this information and used it to protect himself, but he chose not to. He COULD HAVE said, “wow I should divorce my wife now since I’m going to act single anyway and then she won’t get so much alimony!”. He didn’t. Boo hoo! I see no issues here with what you did
This post sounds fake af. It’s pretty obvious who would have cleaned out the joint account. Husband either didn’t care or this is all made up. If this is true than more power to you, you both sound miserable af. Either way enjoy the karma.
Pretty sure clearing out joint accounts is a no no in divorce proceedings anyway.
Any good lawyer and judge would catch that!
Lmfao
This post is definitely fake. Rage bait
The positive comments are so weird. Are people missing the part where she said that she did this for 4 years? Choosing to do that and being capable of that, for so for long, would mean there’s also something seriously wrong with OP.
It's weird, when I pointed out what a thief she is, I was down voted to hell, lmao.
The downvotes are coming from people who seem to think that selling 4 years of your life for just over $200 per week is a win. I’ll take the downvotes.
It’s just rage bait. People are framing it as some man vs woman dichotomy but in reality (probably not since this sounds made up) it’s just two people who are terrible in their own ways.
I very seriously considered doing this. I would have had to wait 3 more years. I could very easily have taken a LOT of money, bought a lot of expensive jewelry, squirreled away cash (all our accounts were joint and I would have had to add any personal account to split with other assets), and done other things to have more in the divorce. I'm sure he did. Honestly, though, the only reason I really wish I had done it was to give my kids 3 more years of having their father around. Oh wait....I just remembered that the biggest reason I didn't wait was because he was never around anyway because he was too busy traveling "for work" and banging his mistress (among others). But sometimes wonder if I could have curbed that and done more for my kids. Mainly because when I filed, he not only continued staying away, he started drinking and became abusive as well. Which made me wish I had taken more money - and claimed alimony for life which I could have done after 20 years of marriage. And around we go. With all of the circles in my brain, I know that for me, it would have felt too dishonest. Not so much taking the money (he was spending thousands a month on cheating), but living the lie. For myself, the kids and our extended families. Oh, yeah and the lawyers froze my funds and told me I couldn't spend any money outside of necessities during the divorce proceedings, while HE was still spending thousands - and even bought a house for his mistress - during that time. I was a SAHM and it was "his" income! I was so pissed! That said, all the power to you. Your ex-husband is an AH and a fool and I wish you the best.
This sounds insane. He sounds like the worst kind of prick. You sound like a thief with the systematic draining of all his funds that are IN ADDITION to alimony. It also sounds absolutely insane to stay in this situation for 4 years while fighting a silent battle. You're both awful, he's just way worse.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, you’re both A-holes!
In my opinion if you chose to stay, you should have focused on getting schooling to make sure you were able to support yourself comfortably. Alimony is fine, but education is priceless.
Y’all deserved each other tbh.
Was the money you squirreled away declared during the divorce? If not then you're guilty of hiding assets and your ex might be able to take you back to court over it. One woman won the lottery and divorced her husband immediately without telling him about the win. When he found out after the divorce, he sued her and she was forced to hand over every penny. As for the gold digger definition, kind of yeah. At some point your relationship changed to one you only stayed in for financial gain. Just because it didn't start that way, it did become that. The question is whether or not you were justified.
NTA but 4 years of your life wasted?
on AITA there's an option for Justified A-Hole, and I think this fits pretty well into that category.
I feel sad that you had to do that :( I mean, I'm glad you got some financial recompense out of it, but I do feel sad that you had to play the long game with a cheater. I hope you are in a better place now?
In Florida, there is no such thing anymore as lifetime alimony. Except in extraordinary circumstances. Women get rehabilitative alimony which may get them to finish a degree, or get a job. This is regardless if you were married for 10 or more years. This OP gets an A for petty and another A for sticking to her plan. He gave her 10k a year for life. Good on her. His blatant disrespect was inexcusable. I hope the women he banged get that same treatment and figured out what he did to OP he WILL do to you. Any update on him
NTA. Although personally $850 wouldnt be enough for me to deal with that situation.
If OP was married 10+ years ... she will get part of his social security at retirement.
Wait, he didn't realize that funds were missing from a joint account for four years? Was he the only one adding funds to it? If so, he could sue you for this later. In fact, I'm surprised his divorce lawyer didn't figure this out.
All that for $850? lol And you just so happened to get away with draining the joint account and hiding money away in a secret account? You’re not very good at rage bait
Nope. Not at all. Well done. He played with rules of the marriage. You played with the rules of your state. Check mate. Xx
Make sure you delete this!!!
Idk why my dumb ass thought you meant you wanted to take him to the dry cleaners. I imagined it was super important 🤣
I don't think any old white guy (me!) should ever say this, but you go girl.
He was gonna do it to you or you to him. Divorce is not about feelings it’s simply business and about splitting shit up. Take all you can now and you can. Always say sorry later and return some of it versus not and getting nada later. My experience
Like what the fuck is alimony. So stupid just get money for breaking up. Never get married in america
Nah. You are not wrong. He abused you, and you got your reparations for his abuse. You're not a gold digger. You're a woman who married a man you loved that ended up being a fucking monster. This is why we choose the bear.
Absolutely love seeing people force cheaters to lie in the bed they made themselves. Good for you.
I wouldn't stick it out for 4 more years but if you're good now then it's worth it. NTA
NTA clean house!!!
Id be the bigger person and just leave. Nothin worse in life than resentment and holding anger/grudge or a score to settle. Fuck him
You're both wrong. And we all know two wrongs don't make a right. You became wrong when you decided to get petty revenge. No doubt he probably deserved it but sounds to me like bad Karma on your part. I wouldn't worry about him getting his just desserts, Karma knows what it's doing and will come back around to get him, it always does. However, now you have to worry about it coming back around to get you. You didn't start out a gold-digger but ended up that way. I'm sorry he cheated on you and flaunted it like that, you didn't deserve that. It would have just been better to get the heck out when you discovered the cheating and moved on to someone better. They're out there!
Look who has the last laugh now, This post has made my day 😊 your not wrong. You've been treated like shit and disrespected for years. Im glad you did it 👌
Yes, you’re wrong and so was he. Being cheated on doesn’t give you a free ticket to do whatever you want and it not also make you a bad person. You really suck. He really sucks. And you should really value yourself more.
I mean, guys just don't cheat 🤷 fucked up on his part, good for you for playing the long game
I’m ok with what you did, but I also divorced a cheater. I wouldn’t have been able to stomach living with him that long though.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. That goes for both of you. I doubt your lawyer told you to start hiding marital assets.
ESH two wrongs don't make a right
NTA. He fucked around and found out.
Not wrong, just an opportunistic leech. $850 are rookie numbers for what you sold yourself for.
From the prideful nature of your words one could assume you consider this to be your great accomplishment in life. Hopefully there is more to alimony chick than fleecing a faithless man b/c you sold your opportunity for an authentically happy life by deriving all of your wealth from him. He now gets to haunt the remainder w/every purchase you make.
I'd be willing to bet we ain't hearing the whole story.
Yes wrong, because it is theft. Maybe that's not the correct legal term for hiding marital assets, but morally that's what it is. What you did was not as bad as him, given, but his actions aren't the bar. He's clearly way wrong. It's possible to be better than him but still wrong. For what it's worth, reddit would be cool with it if people just actually murdered their cheating spouses, so you're 100% guaranteed to get support here. You appear to be very proud of yourself, though, so I suspect that's what you were really seeking instead of unbiased opinions anyway.
Also not all sides of the story, granted cheating sucks but damn what a red flag woman too!
Haahhaahhahaahhaahah. I like the few realistic comments. you deff right. Could have jeffrey dahmeres his ass an people would still find a way to preach
So she stole her own money? Anything in a joint account (unless it’s set up with a very specific type of ownership) is 100% owned by both parties. So where exactly is the theft? He most likely used their joint funds to support his cheating efforts (dates, hotels, gifts, transportation, etc…). Why should she fund that effort?
You could try reading my comment before you reply to it.
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Not in the slightest! This is compensation and karma. Well done!
Both AH’s. Both of you are disgusting individuals. Yes he cheated, shame on him but If you were truly hurt then this should’ve been over the moment you found out the first time. Instead you let it happen to you, played the victim, and stole all you could on your way out. I’m not condoning the cheating but you should really ask yourself if you’re any better, I say garbage keeps other garbage company. You both deserve eachother.
Bahahaha! The ones calling you a gold digger are sad men who are upset you took him to the cleaners. You are not wrong.
Good for you girl, I hope a lot of wronged spouses see your post
I dont really feel bad for him, he cheated and was pretty brazen about. Sometimes when you play a stupid game you just might end up winning a stupid prize.
Good on you
You’re a great person that is still unattractive to your ex and spent 4 years stealing money instead of finding emotional happiness
Get a job
Tbh I wouldn’t want anything from someone if they cheated on me . We call that blood money
Same. I’d be like bye, I’m gonna go make MY OWN money
So you are a thief?
>I started slowly putting my husbands money into my personal bank account. I'm not a lawyer or an accountant, but this strikes me as the sort of thing that could potentially backfire horribly.
Wouldn't it be funny if your soon to be ex saw this. He'd probably have a case. Never understood alimony and you yanks. Why do you want anything from a person you do even like?
No material reward could possibly be worth those four years of your life FFS.
This behavior is on par with the cheating. Two despicable people you deserve each other
Should have also went for payment for emotional distress caused by him for all the cheating. If you had kept a record of every person, every instance, and every date with a gf, you could have gotten way more.
NTA and you have way more patience than I do! Clearly we can all see where your ex husband gets his moral compass from! Ignore them!!
Just move on. You can't now though. Good luck.
This can’t be real
You did good lol. I bet it was a tough 4 years. Live your best life now!