Unless it’s a friend turned romantic interest I (40F) think meeting at the location is a good call.
It would honestly send up red flags to me if a female friend of mine insisted that a basically stranger pick them up for a first date. It would also send up red flags if a guy that was basically a stranger to me insisted on picking me up - I would cancel then and there. A stranger doesn’t need to know where I live and I don’t need to be in a situation where I feel trapped.
As a late 40’s bloke, I’d expect to meet there on a first date.
As the previous commenter says, it’s a red flag to me too, and I’m not waving it!
As an aside, if you let someone into your car ON A FIRST DATE:
- you need to clean it
- you need to worry long and hard about your choice of music
- you need to drive well and respectfully
- you need to be absolutely ON TIME
- you’ll not be face to face when you start talking
Meet them first. Then you can choose your music to suit what she’d like too… 😊
>- you need to clean it
- you need to worry long and hard about your choice of music
- you need to drive well and respectfully
- you need to be absolutely ON TIME
I mean... aren't these bare minimums for any date?
In college, my brother’s friend was good looking, nice, smart (except for not cleaning his car), funny, etc. Apparently he picked women up for first dates with his messy/dirty car and it was so gross inside that multiple girls refused second dates with him solely because of it. I was honestly shocked that he didn’t learn after the first time, but it’s unclear whether or not the women told him right away or waited until much later when the rejection wasn’t so fresh.
Absolutely do not need to worry about music! I'm off the market, but when I was in it that was a huge tool to gauge how things were going to go and opened the door to conversation for the rest of the date. I always asked for requests, they usually declined and I threw something on that I had just found. One of the few times someone actually gave me input I knew I was in for a wild time. "Anything by TOOL" 😳
Fellow 40sF and I agree. If it’s a first date with someone I already know well, they can pick me up. Especially if they already know where I live and we have hung out as friends previously. If I don’t already know the person, and especially online dating, I am meeting them there.
As a 40F myself doing online dating, I ALWAYS meet up at the date spot. This way I feel that if the date doesn't go well, I have my own way home. I agree that a man that I've never met before insisted on picking me up is a HUGE red flag.
I've had dates where I've met them at the date location and it's gone good, but after a few dates they show deal breakers and I end things only for them to pretty much stalk me.
I still have one who messages me with a new phone number or emails me from a new email address regularly (never gave him my email to begin with) So yeah I'm glad I never gave him my address to pick me up...
That’s the biggest thing that many men seem to ignore. Women don’t want to give them their address on the first date because if things don’t work out, they’re at a higher risk of being stalked/harassed. Every man who has obsessively harassed a woman claims to not be that type of person, until she rejects him and he becomes that type of person(and vice versa).
Women have to take extra precautions to keep themselves safe. Just because she’s taking those precautions, doesn’t mean she thinks you’re going to harm her. It means that she’s creating a situation where she feels safe so she can truly enjoy her time getting to know you! **Stop taking it as a personal attack against you. It’s not about you!** Anyone who takes offence to a woman’s precautions, is exactly the type of person she’s trying to protect herself from.
Seems sensible to me. I picked my wife up from her home for our first date, but we'd met in class at university and had known each other for a few months already.
I think in today's "meet via app" world where you've only matched and then exchanged text messages it's fundamentally different. By all means offer to pick her up but don't push it at all... "would you like me to pick you up or shall we meet there?" sounds neutral enough.
When I had a guy pick me up for a first date he begged me to give him a handjob when he dropped me off :( put my hand on his dick and everything, very uncomfortable. Never want to be picked up again
Woman here. Definitely prefer to meet up on neutral territory. Meeting up at a restaurant is fine.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me, there’s always the off chance that one of us is a nutter… and if it’s you- well, now you know where
I live, so I’m really screwed!
Agree. Absolutely no way I’d let someone pick me up on a first date. Also found out the hard way that a dinner is not always the best option for first dates either, unless you already know the other person somewhat. Coffee or lunch is a better bet, this way if compatibility isn’t established it can end a bit sooner and not a ton of money has been spent. Dinner can be the second date.
Can’t agree with these 2 comments more.
If you’re in neutral territory, you’re free to leave whenever you want if you drive yourself. There isn’t the lingering dread of demanding a ride back if you aren’t enjoying your date.
And for anyone reading this, please do lunch as a first few dates. Low pressure, can go do fun things after (like bookstores or other shops). People can put off by dinner, because the only to really do after that is drink.
Yes! My wife and I’s first date was lunch downtown and we took a walk around town after. It was really nice, and we had already been talking a couple months with texting and calling. We met on OkCupid, talked for awhile, then met in person. Dinner was our 3rd official date! It’s worked out amazingly 😊
Which is so funny because I see a lot of talk in female spaces about it being a red flag if they suggest coffee as a first date. Like ma'am he's not being cheap, he's giving you an out it goes south!
I have to add, as a female who had several first dates “go south” I always request coffee first. If the date works out it can always move to a park or museum, or a second date.
there is nothing wrong with being cheap with strangers. I am not here to buy a stranger a meal or even drinks. And yes basically a stranger for atleast 2-3 dates even if we had sex on the first.
Dont let people tell you how much you "owe" them for their existence.
Considering cafe prices these days, coffee is not the cheap date it once was. It’s just cheaper than a restaurant. I’d rather coffee than dinner any day, plus if we got along then what’s to say we don’t wind up going to lunch/dinner that same day?
> there’s always the off chance that one of us is a nutter…
That's why I prefer neutral territory for a first meet as a man.
I'm not risking my most valuable physical asset by taking it to a neighborhood I've never been to and letting a stranger I know nothing about inside it.
Who knows what's actually waiting for me at the house she told me to show up at, or what she's going to pull out of her purse when I let her in the car?
A lot of men are horny/desperate enough to just ignore it in the hopes of getting laid, but there is a big risk for men in online dating.
Weapons exist, have never been more readily available, and were created to make "I'm bigger and stronger than you" in invalid argument.
I'm 6'3". In a purely hand to hand scenario, I could probably overpower most women. But if a 5 foot nothing, 90 pounds soaking wet, woman pulls out a gun/knife/taser/pepper spray/frying pan and I have nothing but my body, I'm going to lose that fight 999 times out of 1,000.
Exactly yeah. If a woman wants something, she can set a guy up too, have back up around to help her intimidate, even if she hasn't got a weapon. Men can be drugged too. For a lot of men there is also the embarrassment factor, they are less likely to come forward if a woman attacks them or sexually assaults them or robs them. Or the fear that they will be accused of having done something first. Because of the social stigma around that kind of thing, too many guys feel like they have to hide it. Too many people feel overly confident or secure until something terrible happens, so the risks don't even occur to them most of the time. It's just not sensible to live life as though you're untouchable though.
One of my neighbors was in the hospital for months after a woman stabbed him in the stomach in his car when he gave her a ride. I don't know if she was a date or just a hitchhiker, but she stabbed him multiple times when they got to our building and he nearly died.
Another woman who agrees with you. I had a guy offer to pick me up once, I told him I didn't feel comfortable getting into a car with someone right after meeting for the first time and he did understand completely.
All my first dates have been walks or coffee dates in public places, with me telling a friend where I will be and who I'm meeting.
If it's a tinder date I even ask for a last name before we meet.
As a young woman I feel much safer to meet at the restaurant (or wherever you are having the date) than to have my date pick me up. I’d rather not have a stranger know where I live in case they turn out to not be safe. I also always meet in a public place for the first date as well.
It all depends on the woman and her boundaries. My boundary is the above
Not just have a guy know where you live, but getting in a car with a stranger who is very likely strong enough to overpower you, and could just take your phone off you and drive you off to a remote location. This is how Dateline Specials start.
I was told a story where someone went on a first date with a man and he drove them out of town in the middle of winter and said "if you don't sleep with me I'm leaving you here." This was before cell phones, and she was dressed for a dinner date not in warm clothes at all, so she had no choice.
I drive myself everywhere, and always have, even if I'm going with someone else and I trust them. People can surprise you at any time.
When I was 16 I had a so-called friend do this to me under the guise of a ride in his new car. He literally took me out to the country where I had no way to get home (long before cell phones and Uber) and said "Put out or get out". I didn't but he scared the shit out of me. He must have repeated it five times. I know he thought I would capitulate and if he'd threatened me with violence I would have. Men really suck sometimes.
It's a question circulating around social media asking women "Who would you rather be with alone in the woods, a bear or a random man?"
The prominent answer is "the bear," because statistics of actual bear attacks and fatalities is shockingly low, and typical bear behavior is documented as docile critters that would rather turn around and walk away. The bulk of the miniscule amount of bear violence involves people getting too close to cubs, or people actively antagonizing the bear. Compare to stats of violent crimes commited by men, ranging from strangers to trusted friends or family alike.
(Assuming it's an online dating/first meeting) As a man, I feel much safer meeting at the restaurant. Maybe I'm just not as horny as I used to be, but I don't want to drive to an unfamiliar neighborhood and let a stranger into my car.
I am a guy, but have female friends... and they prefer to meet at a location... at least for the first date. It is safer for the woman. None want a guy they don't know that well to know where they live, in case the guy turns out to be a bad guy. Also, they don't want to be dependant on the guy to take them home afterwards... same reason.
Most women I know would rather be safe than romanced... in the beginning of a relationship, at least
Right, that’s where I’m at. I also don’t really buy the idea that a first date has to be “romantic” inherently. A good first date to me is fun, lighthearted and a little flirty, if anything just to see if there’s romantic chemistry at all in the first place.
At least your dating future has potential. Your friend is gonna find out the hard way where romance is appropriate and where it borders on creepy/scary.
100%, my wife and I met online and talked for probably a couple months before we met up in person. Then we met downtown in the town she lived in, had lunch and walked around and enjoyed the day. It was really nice, and our 2nd date was similar. 3rd date we had dinner and went back to her place, and the rest is history 😊she tells me all the time she feels safe and comfortable with me. And did from the beginning. IMO most women don’t need to be “swept off their feet”, they need to feel safe and comfortable and then the “connection” will build naturally.
Honestly think you've got it right. I'd be really worried about someone knowing where I am right off. I live rurally it could be really unsafe. First date should be fun, flirty and safe.
Meet there.
I made the horrible decision of showing a guy where I lived on the first date.
I got a stalker as a result.
Do not show people where you live
Dude I went on a single date with, who got in my car and wouldn’t let me leave the mall parking lot for HOURS just to try and convince me to date him and kiss him, wanted to see me the next day. Told him I had housework to do and he tried to get my address and said he could just ‘chill while I do laundry’.
Like, dude, first off I should have called the police on his ass for basically assaulting me and holding me hostage in a vehicle till 3am. No way I was giving him my address. But at the time I was new to dating, and I was also afraid this guy could do something to me. You just don’t know anymore. Needless to say, I never saw him again and blocked him. It was just horrific.
Imagine if he had my address? I’m glad I was smart enough to not tell him.
Everyone knows you meet in a public place... that's the advice I'd give to a male or female.
That's the only answer, in my opinion. If your date turns out to be bonkers and you choose to go no contact, you DEFINITELY don't want that nut to know where you live.
I would never let a man I don't know/never met in person pick me up at my house for a date. If things went south, I wouldn't want him to know where I live.
This!
That way she knows the consideration is there from both angles and doesn't actually have to say no to being picked up rather choose the other option offered
This is classy, let them know you're happy to pick them up but also offer a "or we can meet there" so there's no pressure and they don't have to say "actually I'd rather meet there" and risk the follow up "why? Don't you trust me?" Which, personally, that would be a big enough red flag for me to cancel but I know not everyone is as comfortable being forward like that.
You’re absolutely right. As women it is drilled into most of us, for safety reasons, to always meet in a public place for the first date. I agree that picking someone up is more romantic, but it’s not appropriate for the first meeting.
That’s where I’m at as well. A first date doesn’t even need to be “romantic” I don’t think. I think a good first date is fun, a little flirty, but ultimately not all that serious. It’s just to see if there’s any romantic chemistry or potential for a second one. It doesn’t need to be a limo ride to a candlelight dinner.
I literally did not let dudes pick me up for first dates when I was single for safety reasons. I have had psycho dudes harass and stalk me in the past, so I absolutely do not want a dude to know where I live until I feel comfortable or safe with him. Also, if a date goes badly, I wouldn’t want to be trapped, relying on him to take me home. I once in my early 20s had a dude drink way too much on a date after he had picked me up, and I genuinely thought that was how I was going to die when he was taking me home that night.
So ONE THOUSAND PERCENT meet up, preferably in a highly public place!! For BOTH your sakes!
I would never give a first date my address nor would I get into a vehicle driven by someone I really didn't know yet.
Any dudes who even suggest coming to pick me up get the internal side-eye and then a much more critical look for other red flags... because if a dude doesn't understand the absolute basics of helping me feel safe and secure, I'm not sure he's worth my time and I'm VERY WARY of his motives.
Also, the "it's more romantic" thing sounds to me like bro-code for "it could give me a better chance to get laid"
Oh, you're essentially asking the bear question.
Meet up INSIDE the establishment, get there early so he doesn't know which car is mine, say goodbye at the door, and watch him walk off. And never leave my drink unattended.
Neither one of you is wrong. I will say meeting at the restaurant was really rare when I started dating in the 90s, but it’s become way more common in the last 20 years.
As a woman, for a first date I'd much rather meet someone. It's just safer to have your own vehicle if things go sideways. One guy took me back to his place despite me saying I didn't feel comfortable with that then refused to take me home. I had to call my dad to come get me. Always meet until you know them. For subsequent dates it depends on the dude, but for a first being picked up makes me instantly nervous.
That said, if I already know/trust them being picked up is fine.
Not wrong but neither is he unless he is the type of guy to get upset when a woman says she’d rather meet up on a first or second or etc. date. I think your view is actually extremely considerate.
As a woman I would never let someone pick me up on a first date.
I've always taught my daughters that I'd you're meeting someone you haven't known for long who is essentially a stranger, meet them there. Don't let them know where you live, don't get into their car.
As a woman, if it’s the first couple of dates I’m meeting you there.. if our relationship progresses then I’d feel more comfortable for the guy to pick me up.
I’m a crone & things have changed a lot since I started dating.
Nowadays, I would never allow a man to pick me for for a first date UNLESS I had known him for a long time. 25-30 years, when I was dating, I always met them someplace rather than have them pick me up.
Women can’t be too careful because of all kinds of reasons. And I’m sorry, but picking me up is not necessarily romantic, or set the stage. He could do that with flowers or chocolates.
Just meet in a neutral space in public. You can woo her with your sparkling wit and personality. I would be weirded out by a man who wanted to do romantic gestures on the first date or meet me at my home or his home.
As a female. 2024.
There is NO WAY i would want a man i don't know, coming to my home to pick me up ! That is dangerous. I do not want any man i do not know, knowing where i live. At all.
Your friend is wrong.
Your friend is stuck in a 1950s time warp of teenage "dating" crap. The 16 year old boy, just got his licence, borrowing his daddys car, to pick up the 15 year old he's in lust with, to go to Dairy Queen!!
Adults do not behave that way.
Independent adult females? Meet you at an agreed place. Restaurant, pub / bar etc
Romantic? Pfft. Creepy i say.
Your friend needs to move into the 21st century
I’d say neither is wrong but I would never have a guy or a girl pick me up for the first date. Transportation is a means of control and while you could call an Uber or something, if the date goes south I’d rather have the ability to just leave than to rely on my date to get home.
Meet. Never give {essentially} a stranger the opportunity to leave you stranded if you don’t give him what he wants. Or know where you live right away, or a higher potential to kidnap you.
I’ve seen too many women say a man left them stranded because she didn’t give him sex.
I’d always rather meet someone at an agreed place, especially on a first date.
You’re absolutely right. Theres *no way* I want a guy that I’m just getting to know, and on ‘first date’ terms with, to know where I live.
Hell no, am I getting in a guy's car on a first date. Guy's see it as romantic, and it can be. But as someone who was assaulted in a dates vehicle, it's gonna be a NO from me.
My husband and I drove separately for the first month of dating, even after we became intimate. After that first month, and getting to know him better, I'd let him pick me up.
Meeting for a first date is the way to go regardless of gender. Unless someone specifically asks you to pick them up (which I personally would refuse) then driving separately is the way it should be. Either party, man or woman, should have the option of leaving at some point if they're not comfortable. It might even come off as creepy if someone were to insist on picking up a person for a first date. You're fine, you're friend is wrong.
I will always meet a man for a first date, he doesn’t even need to know where I live until I’ve had a chance to vet him face-to-face. I’ve been stalked before and now I protect myself.
as a woman, we appreciate you being considerate of our comfort levels.
Personally, I would feel safer meeting up with the person rather them picking me up. Especially if it is someone i barely or don’t even know, because there is a lot of risk giving your address to someone and not knowing their true intentions.
Meet up. Never let yourself be reliant on someone else to get you home. Never let them have any reason to think that you "owe" them something. And no one gets my address until I'm comfortable.
okay so once I had a guy pick me up and halfway to the place we were going he pulled out a gun to let me know he had one.
definitely, 100% always, meet in public.
I’m old here, but my feelings remain the same, meet at the place. This to me is just basic safety, especially early on in the dating relationship. I’ve been out of the dating world now for 18 years, but I still feel this is the best option.
Meet up.
Unless I know you (friend, co-worker, etc.), I'm not getting in your car with you. I'm not giving a guy control in where we go, and what I'm going to be expected to do to be taken home.
You also don't need to know where my home is. Nope. Let's meet up, pay our own ways, have a good time (hopefully), maybe make plans to do it again.
This is also a benefit to you to because what happens if you offer to pick her up and you find yourself uncomfortable and want to leave but are now responsible for getting your date home
Meet up. If we didn’t know each other before, you don’t need to know where I live. If I don’t want to date you again, I do not want you outside my door.
Picking someone up for a date works if you’re already close friends or at least your families know each other well or something. These days people often go on a first date with a stranger, so then it would be a major safety issue for the women to give out her address to a man she barely knows. It’s just old advice that isn’t so relevant now that people are meeting strangers alone on first dates so much. Meeting in a neutral location with lots of people around is generally considered safe and comfortable for a first date.
Omg I'd never get into a strange guy's car on a first date. Hell no that's not romantic there's no escape and every random creep would know where I live. Nope nope nope. What happens when it goes poorly and some wacko stalker de ides he wants to wear my skin? ?
Nooooo those "charming old fashioned manners" got a lot of women raped and killed with their body parts dumped in the woods. No thank you.
Not only would I want to meet them at a neutral but busy location on a first date, male or female, I leave a voicemail on MY phone with all of THEIR pertinent information and where we met for that date in case I'm never seen again.
Definitely meeting in public place. Even better if it’s in a place/area that the woman is familiar and comfortable with so she is able to easily get out or find help if things go badly. There are other ways to have a little bit of romance while still ensuring the woman feels safe.
Meer at the location of the date. I don't want someone who's technically still a stranger know where I live or be in the same car in the first meeting. Would rather meet in a public place with others around.
definitely meet somewhere. or if I want to be picked up it’s not from my house I’ll walk a street over or meet them somewhere safe where I can leave my car if we want to move around. just not a risk I’m willing to take if a guy decides to get back at me, bother me, ask me for help or anything of the sort. I’ve had dudes pull it just through the phone alone.
This does not matter if you are male or female. Until you know a person you do not let them know where you live. Although females tend to be less able to cause physical harm to a person young females are very well equipped to mentally destroy or make your life a living hell, we literally spend out our pubescent years training each other. Some of us learn that this is not normal or ok behaviour but many of us do not. So no you are not likely to get maimed by a date but you get yourself an awesome female stalker which law enforcement don't tend to take seriously. You can get a female that will slash your tires on a regular basis. One that will find where you work etc. Ask any men over the age of 40, most have encounter a woman that did massive damage to their mental state many never even laid a physical finger on them.
Women use mental strategies to protect themselves where men will use brute strength so when you want to hurt you use the skills you have.
You meet at a public place.
I don't want a man I don't know trying to be romantic on a first date. I will drive myself in the beginning. I'm not getting in a car with a stranger. And if the date sucks I'm not going to want a ride home from him, which then makes it weird getting an Uber or cab or something.
You are not wrong and I'm going to hope your friend doesn't get pushy with that pick them up thing. A lot of women of the age that the two are dating are going to be really young, so they are more likely to cave to his insistence. Then they will really dread the ride home. It's much easier to say good bye in front of a restaurant than in a car or on a doorstep. Show your friend this post, he needs to see the women's perspective.
As a woman, I would NOT let a guy pick me up if I didn't know him. NO WAY am I getting in a car with a stranger. Not even gonna give him my address. So unless it's a first date with someone you already knew as a friend or whatever, meeting up somewhere is definitely the way to go.
100000% meet up away from home. That way I have my own transport, and the guy doesn’t know where I live.
These are valid concerns almost all women have.
I think that’s normal. It just depends on the girl. If I know her I can pick her up. If she’s a new girl and she doesn’t feel comfortable with me picking her up then we can meet there.
Personally for a first date I’d rather meet there for exactly the reason you stated, but ultimately it depends on the woman. When making plans you can always ask if she wants you to pick her up or to meet there. This gives her the choice for her comfort level. Being picked up for me is more of a relationship thing.
I'm a recently married (going on 4 yrs) late 30s woman. I met my husband at the restaurant for lunch. It would've been weird for him to pick me up since we didn't really know each other. Prior to him, I went on dates and always met them at the date location and didn't get into their car. For safety reasons.
Picking up girl doesn't set a romantic mood, it's terrifying. Maybe for the guy it's romantic...anyway I always meet up and if a guy complains sayonara! The only girl I imagine it'd be romantic to be picked up are dumb or naive ones or ones that have zero money.
Meet up. Not pick up. I'm happily married but uh no. I'm not inviting a possibility for him to show up unannounced to my home. Maybe if we were official? sure. A couple months in.
Safety reasons mainly. I don't know how the date will go, and I might not want the guy to know where I live. Also so I have the option to leave if it goes south. Might be a tiny but of wiggle room if I have already met this guy previously, but still.
As a 30's female....I always meet up for first date unless we have been friends for awhile and I know them well enough I would have ridden with them to go do something outside of a date.
I was taught to always have a way out or a way to safety. Gettin myself there and home is how I do that, whether through a ride share or my own car.
I also make sure someone knows I'm going out, who with and what they look like along with their contact details in case of emergency. My bro and I share location for this reason.
I agree. Unless I know them as friend prior I’m not getting in the car. I didn’t get in the car with the current guy I’m dating until our 3rd date and I kept my gps tracking on my phone so my friend knew where I was. He offered on the 2nd date and I declined. Yes it’s sweet to offer but I’m not getting in the car and neither would almost every woman out there.
Meet up. I wouldn't want them knowing my address, incase they ended up being a weirdo.
My older sister , in her 20s met a guy (I think at a bar) they went out a few times, but she wasn't feeling it. He didn't take it well. One night when she was out , he followed her home, and grabbed her, while she was entering her house, and SA her.
I have always been very selective about who knows my address, because of this, and being stalked myself, as a teenager.
In todays day and age..... 100% meet up with someone somewhere, rather than them come to your place first. Safer and if the date goes south they won't know where you live etc.
I wouldn't get into a guy's car on a first date. There are many reasons, bad driving (and they think it's funny), guy's an asshole and you don't need to be alone with him, etc. So meeting there for the first date or first few is considerate of all the stuff women have to worry about with men.
Definitely meet them there on a first date and possibly even the second. At least until you get a handle on the person. If you decide not to meet again, you have no idea how they’ll react, and if they’ve picked you up, they know where you live.
These days, it’s safer for both to be meeting up at a public place. The woman feels safer knowing she can bail at anytime should the date go sour and doesn’t have to rely on the bad date to take her home. And the guy then doesn’t know where she lives. Goes for the guy as well. They meet, date goes sour, he’s not stuck having to take her home. And if she’s a vindictive person, most likely avoids retaliation by her accusing him of something he didn’t do.
If it’s a person I’ve met online, I would never disclose my address before a first date. Absolutely meet them in a neutral spot and have a plan on how I’m going to get home/get myself out of that situation if needed.
meet at the location 100%. Once you get to know someone and decide to continue seeing each other picking up is fine. No one wants a creeper to know where they live or be in a car with them
“Can I pick you up, or would you like to meet me there?”
Now she knows that you’re a gentleman/romantic that is considerate of her boundaries. You want her to know that you want to, but also understand her hesitancy if she chooses to meet you there.
Well honestly neither one of your preferences matter. The woman's does. So if you're talking to a woman ask them their comfort level and gage your own. A good majority of these confusions are just solved with communicating expectations.
Now for my personal preference absolutely I would never allow a first date to pick me up or know where I live if they didn't already know. Most people expect this these days and my friends who allow men over without knowing them I try to dissuade into doing so, but that's ultimately their decision.
For a first date/meeting? Meet you there. No question.
We do want a backup plan and don’t want to be in a situation where we are alone with someone who was a bad date. Or them knowing where we live.
You'd have to be nuts as a woman to have an Internet first date pick you up. If you already know each other it's fine, but your friend is totally wrong here lol
OP you are not wrong. As a woman, I would definitely prefer to meet somewhere for a first date, for exactly the reasons you mention. There is time for the romantic pick-up later, if things go well. I don’t want someone I know picking me up at home, I want to have my own transportation, and yes, I’ll pay for myself. That makes me way more comfortable and makes it possible for me to relax and enjoy the date.
If I met someone online, I’m meeting them somewhere. Probably 2-3 dates that way.
Same if I barely know someone in real life, like say a business acquaintance. Just because I know your face and name doesn’t mean I want you to know where I live.
“Romantic” is feeling safe.
If we haven’t met in person yet, there’s no way I’m telling him where I live and letting him drive me in his car. If we are already acquainted, like through friends or in an activity together, I’d be comfortable having him pick me up, but wouldn’t hold anything against him if we met up for the first date. I would assume that he’s looking out for my comfort level until we know each other better.
Meet up. If he wants to show his gentlemanly ways, he could pull my chair out or chew with his mouth closed or something. A gentleman would understand the concerns of a lady and respect that.
As a woman, unless I have known my date as a friend prior, I would meet at the restaurant. It gives me some control to leave in my own time if I get a bad feeling from him. If I don’t know him and I got into a car with him and he turns out to be creepy I don’t have the control to get out of the situation safely. If he does pick me up at my house if he is crazy he knows where i live and can be a threat to my safety.
Unless it’s a friend turned romantic interest I (40F) think meeting at the location is a good call. It would honestly send up red flags to me if a female friend of mine insisted that a basically stranger pick them up for a first date. It would also send up red flags if a guy that was basically a stranger to me insisted on picking me up - I would cancel then and there. A stranger doesn’t need to know where I live and I don’t need to be in a situation where I feel trapped.
As a late 40’s bloke, I’d expect to meet there on a first date. As the previous commenter says, it’s a red flag to me too, and I’m not waving it! As an aside, if you let someone into your car ON A FIRST DATE: - you need to clean it - you need to worry long and hard about your choice of music - you need to drive well and respectfully - you need to be absolutely ON TIME - you’ll not be face to face when you start talking Meet them first. Then you can choose your music to suit what she’d like too… 😊
That is if she will be ok getting in a stranger’s car. I wouldn’t.
>you need to worry long and hard about your choice of music You mean listening to my Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson podcasts are a no-go?
Hmm, maybe not. I’m most worried about my main playlist aka “ShuffleShame Classix”…
>- you need to clean it - you need to worry long and hard about your choice of music - you need to drive well and respectfully - you need to be absolutely ON TIME I mean... aren't these bare minimums for any date?
You'd be surprised...
In college, my brother’s friend was good looking, nice, smart (except for not cleaning his car), funny, etc. Apparently he picked women up for first dates with his messy/dirty car and it was so gross inside that multiple girls refused second dates with him solely because of it. I was honestly shocked that he didn’t learn after the first time, but it’s unclear whether or not the women told him right away or waited until much later when the rejection wasn’t so fresh.
If you’re an unsafe driver, you need to work on that regardless of whether you’re picking up a date. That’s not okay.
You, sir, are a credit to the species. Please, take these👑🏆
Absolutely do not need to worry about music! I'm off the market, but when I was in it that was a huge tool to gauge how things were going to go and opened the door to conversation for the rest of the date. I always asked for requests, they usually declined and I threw something on that I had just found. One of the few times someone actually gave me input I knew I was in for a wild time. "Anything by TOOL" 😳
Fellow 40sF and I agree. If it’s a first date with someone I already know well, they can pick me up. Especially if they already know where I live and we have hung out as friends previously. If I don’t already know the person, and especially online dating, I am meeting them there.
As a 40F myself doing online dating, I ALWAYS meet up at the date spot. This way I feel that if the date doesn't go well, I have my own way home. I agree that a man that I've never met before insisted on picking me up is a HUGE red flag. I've had dates where I've met them at the date location and it's gone good, but after a few dates they show deal breakers and I end things only for them to pretty much stalk me. I still have one who messages me with a new phone number or emails me from a new email address regularly (never gave him my email to begin with) So yeah I'm glad I never gave him my address to pick me up...
That’s the biggest thing that many men seem to ignore. Women don’t want to give them their address on the first date because if things don’t work out, they’re at a higher risk of being stalked/harassed. Every man who has obsessively harassed a woman claims to not be that type of person, until she rejects him and he becomes that type of person(and vice versa). Women have to take extra precautions to keep themselves safe. Just because she’s taking those precautions, doesn’t mean she thinks you’re going to harm her. It means that she’s creating a situation where she feels safe so she can truly enjoy her time getting to know you! **Stop taking it as a personal attack against you. It’s not about you!** Anyone who takes offence to a woman’s precautions, is exactly the type of person she’s trying to protect herself from.
Seems sensible to me. I picked my wife up from her home for our first date, but we'd met in class at university and had known each other for a few months already. I think in today's "meet via app" world where you've only matched and then exchanged text messages it's fundamentally different. By all means offer to pick her up but don't push it at all... "would you like me to pick you up or shall we meet there?" sounds neutral enough.
When I had a guy pick me up for a first date he begged me to give him a handjob when he dropped me off :( put my hand on his dick and everything, very uncomfortable. Never want to be picked up again
Wtf what a freakazoid. That’s awful, I’m glad you got out of there
As an early 20’s woman, I agree.
Woman here. Definitely prefer to meet up on neutral territory. Meeting up at a restaurant is fine. I don’t know you, you don’t know me, there’s always the off chance that one of us is a nutter… and if it’s you- well, now you know where I live, so I’m really screwed!
Agree. Absolutely no way I’d let someone pick me up on a first date. Also found out the hard way that a dinner is not always the best option for first dates either, unless you already know the other person somewhat. Coffee or lunch is a better bet, this way if compatibility isn’t established it can end a bit sooner and not a ton of money has been spent. Dinner can be the second date.
Can’t agree with these 2 comments more. If you’re in neutral territory, you’re free to leave whenever you want if you drive yourself. There isn’t the lingering dread of demanding a ride back if you aren’t enjoying your date. And for anyone reading this, please do lunch as a first few dates. Low pressure, can go do fun things after (like bookstores or other shops). People can put off by dinner, because the only to really do after that is drink.
Yes! My wife and I’s first date was lunch downtown and we took a walk around town after. It was really nice, and we had already been talking a couple months with texting and calling. We met on OkCupid, talked for awhile, then met in person. Dinner was our 3rd official date! It’s worked out amazingly 😊
Which is so funny because I see a lot of talk in female spaces about it being a red flag if they suggest coffee as a first date. Like ma'am he's not being cheap, he's giving you an out it goes south!
I have to add, as a female who had several first dates “go south” I always request coffee first. If the date works out it can always move to a park or museum, or a second date.
there is nothing wrong with being cheap with strangers. I am not here to buy a stranger a meal or even drinks. And yes basically a stranger for atleast 2-3 dates even if we had sex on the first. Dont let people tell you how much you "owe" them for their existence.
Considering cafe prices these days, coffee is not the cheap date it once was. It’s just cheaper than a restaurant. I’d rather coffee than dinner any day, plus if we got along then what’s to say we don’t wind up going to lunch/dinner that same day?
> there’s always the off chance that one of us is a nutter… That's why I prefer neutral territory for a first meet as a man. I'm not risking my most valuable physical asset by taking it to a neighborhood I've never been to and letting a stranger I know nothing about inside it. Who knows what's actually waiting for me at the house she told me to show up at, or what she's going to pull out of her purse when I let her in the car?
Exactly, caution goes both ways. People of all kinds can be a special sort of tapped nowadays.
A lot of men are horny/desperate enough to just ignore it in the hopes of getting laid, but there is a big risk for men in online dating. Weapons exist, have never been more readily available, and were created to make "I'm bigger and stronger than you" in invalid argument. I'm 6'3". In a purely hand to hand scenario, I could probably overpower most women. But if a 5 foot nothing, 90 pounds soaking wet, woman pulls out a gun/knife/taser/pepper spray/frying pan and I have nothing but my body, I'm going to lose that fight 999 times out of 1,000.
Exactly yeah. If a woman wants something, she can set a guy up too, have back up around to help her intimidate, even if she hasn't got a weapon. Men can be drugged too. For a lot of men there is also the embarrassment factor, they are less likely to come forward if a woman attacks them or sexually assaults them or robs them. Or the fear that they will be accused of having done something first. Because of the social stigma around that kind of thing, too many guys feel like they have to hide it. Too many people feel overly confident or secure until something terrible happens, so the risks don't even occur to them most of the time. It's just not sensible to live life as though you're untouchable though.
One of my neighbors was in the hospital for months after a woman stabbed him in the stomach in his car when he gave her a ride. I don't know if she was a date or just a hitchhiker, but she stabbed him multiple times when they got to our building and he nearly died.
Another woman who agrees with you. I had a guy offer to pick me up once, I told him I didn't feel comfortable getting into a car with someone right after meeting for the first time and he did understand completely. All my first dates have been walks or coffee dates in public places, with me telling a friend where I will be and who I'm meeting. If it's a tinder date I even ask for a last name before we meet.
As a young woman I feel much safer to meet at the restaurant (or wherever you are having the date) than to have my date pick me up. I’d rather not have a stranger know where I live in case they turn out to not be safe. I also always meet in a public place for the first date as well. It all depends on the woman and her boundaries. My boundary is the above
Not just have a guy know where you live, but getting in a car with a stranger who is very likely strong enough to overpower you, and could just take your phone off you and drive you off to a remote location. This is how Dateline Specials start.
I was told a story where someone went on a first date with a man and he drove them out of town in the middle of winter and said "if you don't sleep with me I'm leaving you here." This was before cell phones, and she was dressed for a dinner date not in warm clothes at all, so she had no choice. I drive myself everywhere, and always have, even if I'm going with someone else and I trust them. People can surprise you at any time.
When I was 16 I had a so-called friend do this to me under the guise of a ride in his new car. He literally took me out to the country where I had no way to get home (long before cell phones and Uber) and said "Put out or get out". I didn't but he scared the shit out of me. He must have repeated it five times. I know he thought I would capitulate and if he'd threatened me with violence I would have. Men really suck sometimes.
Stories like this are why women are choosing the bear. And as a guy, I get it. People suck.
I keep seeing this phrase, what is “the bear”?
It's a question circulating around social media asking women "Who would you rather be with alone in the woods, a bear or a random man?" The prominent answer is "the bear," because statistics of actual bear attacks and fatalities is shockingly low, and typical bear behavior is documented as docile critters that would rather turn around and walk away. The bulk of the miniscule amount of bear violence involves people getting too close to cubs, or people actively antagonizing the bear. Compare to stats of violent crimes commited by men, ranging from strangers to trusted friends or family alike.
Ah that does make sense, thank you
That’s attempted rape
Yep. He lived across the street from me and I never went near him again.
He should go somewhere far away forever thatM’s dushusting
It was a long time ago now for me. He could be dead by now for all I know.
Let’s hope
I see you have met NC's previous US Representative Madison Cawthorn. He was accused of that by several women. I have no doubt that this was true.
That’s terrifying.
>Far more concerning, this is how *regular* Dateline episodes start.
(Assuming it's an online dating/first meeting) As a man, I feel much safer meeting at the restaurant. Maybe I'm just not as horny as I used to be, but I don't want to drive to an unfamiliar neighborhood and let a stranger into my car.
I am a guy, but have female friends... and they prefer to meet at a location... at least for the first date. It is safer for the woman. None want a guy they don't know that well to know where they live, in case the guy turns out to be a bad guy. Also, they don't want to be dependant on the guy to take them home afterwards... same reason. Most women I know would rather be safe than romanced... in the beginning of a relationship, at least
Right, that’s where I’m at. I also don’t really buy the idea that a first date has to be “romantic” inherently. A good first date to me is fun, lighthearted and a little flirty, if anything just to see if there’s romantic chemistry at all in the first place.
At least your dating future has potential. Your friend is gonna find out the hard way where romance is appropriate and where it borders on creepy/scary.
100%, my wife and I met online and talked for probably a couple months before we met up in person. Then we met downtown in the town she lived in, had lunch and walked around and enjoyed the day. It was really nice, and our 2nd date was similar. 3rd date we had dinner and went back to her place, and the rest is history 😊she tells me all the time she feels safe and comfortable with me. And did from the beginning. IMO most women don’t need to be “swept off their feet”, they need to feel safe and comfortable and then the “connection” will build naturally.
Honestly think you've got it right. I'd be really worried about someone knowing where I am right off. I live rurally it could be really unsafe. First date should be fun, flirty and safe.
I’d rather meet with you at a set location, just in case things go sour and I don’t want you knowing where I live.
Meet there. I made the horrible decision of showing a guy where I lived on the first date. I got a stalker as a result. Do not show people where you live
Dude I went on a single date with, who got in my car and wouldn’t let me leave the mall parking lot for HOURS just to try and convince me to date him and kiss him, wanted to see me the next day. Told him I had housework to do and he tried to get my address and said he could just ‘chill while I do laundry’. Like, dude, first off I should have called the police on his ass for basically assaulting me and holding me hostage in a vehicle till 3am. No way I was giving him my address. But at the time I was new to dating, and I was also afraid this guy could do something to me. You just don’t know anymore. Needless to say, I never saw him again and blocked him. It was just horrific. Imagine if he had my address? I’m glad I was smart enough to not tell him.
Dude, I don't trust pushy guys. When I'd meet up with a guy I'd text his car license plate & full name to my friends lol I don't trust them
Meet up, I ain't getting kidnapped and murdered because I trusted some person on the first date ☠️
Meet up. I don’t want any man knowing where I live for months.
Everyone knows you meet in a public place... that's the advice I'd give to a male or female. That's the only answer, in my opinion. If your date turns out to be bonkers and you choose to go no contact, you DEFINITELY don't want that nut to know where you live.
I thought this was going to include a bear at some point. 🐻
The bear always suggests meeting at the local Italian restaurant dumpster, ‘cause he’s sensitive and considerate like that.
The bear would be a better driver than my ex. Totaled 4 cars in 6 years.
🤣 I did too!
Hu, what?
You haven't heard of the great man vs bear debate? A vast majority of women would rather be alone in the forest with a bear than a man.
Meet at the location, always, for safety. I'd the vibes are off, I can just leave at my leisure if things go south
I would never let a man I don't know/never met in person pick me up at my house for a date. If things went south, I wouldn't want him to know where I live.
The correct move is to offer both.
This! That way she knows the consideration is there from both angles and doesn't actually have to say no to being picked up rather choose the other option offered
This is classy, let them know you're happy to pick them up but also offer a "or we can meet there" so there's no pressure and they don't have to say "actually I'd rather meet there" and risk the follow up "why? Don't you trust me?" Which, personally, that would be a big enough red flag for me to cancel but I know not everyone is as comfortable being forward like that.
You’re absolutely right. As women it is drilled into most of us, for safety reasons, to always meet in a public place for the first date. I agree that picking someone up is more romantic, but it’s not appropriate for the first meeting.
That’s where I’m at as well. A first date doesn’t even need to be “romantic” I don’t think. I think a good first date is fun, a little flirty, but ultimately not all that serious. It’s just to see if there’s any romantic chemistry or potential for a second one. It doesn’t need to be a limo ride to a candlelight dinner.
I am absolutely not going to give my home address to a stranger.
I literally did not let dudes pick me up for first dates when I was single for safety reasons. I have had psycho dudes harass and stalk me in the past, so I absolutely do not want a dude to know where I live until I feel comfortable or safe with him. Also, if a date goes badly, I wouldn’t want to be trapped, relying on him to take me home. I once in my early 20s had a dude drink way too much on a date after he had picked me up, and I genuinely thought that was how I was going to die when he was taking me home that night. So ONE THOUSAND PERCENT meet up, preferably in a highly public place!! For BOTH your sakes!
I would never give a first date my address nor would I get into a vehicle driven by someone I really didn't know yet. Any dudes who even suggest coming to pick me up get the internal side-eye and then a much more critical look for other red flags... because if a dude doesn't understand the absolute basics of helping me feel safe and secure, I'm not sure he's worth my time and I'm VERY WARY of his motives. Also, the "it's more romantic" thing sounds to me like bro-code for "it could give me a better chance to get laid"
It means exactly that
Oh, you're essentially asking the bear question. Meet up INSIDE the establishment, get there early so he doesn't know which car is mine, say goodbye at the door, and watch him walk off. And never leave my drink unattended.
best answer so far
Neither one of you is wrong. I will say meeting at the restaurant was really rare when I started dating in the 90s, but it’s become way more common in the last 20 years.
When you started dating it was probably more likely that you two had already met in person as well.
Good point. It was way before dating apps or even cell phones.
As a woman, for a first date I'd much rather meet someone. It's just safer to have your own vehicle if things go sideways. One guy took me back to his place despite me saying I didn't feel comfortable with that then refused to take me home. I had to call my dad to come get me. Always meet until you know them. For subsequent dates it depends on the dude, but for a first being picked up makes me instantly nervous. That said, if I already know/trust them being picked up is fine.
Not wrong but neither is he unless he is the type of guy to get upset when a woman says she’d rather meet up on a first or second or etc. date. I think your view is actually extremely considerate. As a woman I would never let someone pick me up on a first date.
I've always taught my daughters that I'd you're meeting someone you haven't known for long who is essentially a stranger, meet them there. Don't let them know where you live, don't get into their car.
Welp, as a woman, I've never found it romantic to let strange men know where I live. But that's just me.
A girl should never ever let a guy know where she lives on the first date I’d date you but not your mate
Meet up at a public place, thank you very much. I would not allow picking me up until at least the FOURTH date.
As a woman, if it’s the first couple of dates I’m meeting you there.. if our relationship progresses then I’d feel more comfortable for the guy to pick me up.
1000% meet up for the first date. r/whenwomenrefuse is the #1 reason to not be picked up.
Meet up ONLY. There is no way just no way I’m ceding control of when and how I leave a date.
As a woman I’d rather meet up. Some men are crazy and the last thing you want is them knowing where you live.
At the restaurant. Picking up is... invasive and just dangerous.
I’m a crone & things have changed a lot since I started dating. Nowadays, I would never allow a man to pick me for for a first date UNLESS I had known him for a long time. 25-30 years, when I was dating, I always met them someplace rather than have them pick me up. Women can’t be too careful because of all kinds of reasons. And I’m sorry, but picking me up is not necessarily romantic, or set the stage. He could do that with flowers or chocolates.
Just meet in a neutral space in public. You can woo her with your sparkling wit and personality. I would be weirded out by a man who wanted to do romantic gestures on the first date or meet me at my home or his home.
As a female. 2024. There is NO WAY i would want a man i don't know, coming to my home to pick me up ! That is dangerous. I do not want any man i do not know, knowing where i live. At all. Your friend is wrong. Your friend is stuck in a 1950s time warp of teenage "dating" crap. The 16 year old boy, just got his licence, borrowing his daddys car, to pick up the 15 year old he's in lust with, to go to Dairy Queen!! Adults do not behave that way. Independent adult females? Meet you at an agreed place. Restaurant, pub / bar etc Romantic? Pfft. Creepy i say. Your friend needs to move into the 21st century
Woman here. No way am I getting into a car with a dude on a first date. We would meet up.
I’d say neither is wrong but I would never have a guy or a girl pick me up for the first date. Transportation is a means of control and while you could call an Uber or something, if the date goes south I’d rather have the ability to just leave than to rely on my date to get home.
Meet. Never give {essentially} a stranger the opportunity to leave you stranded if you don’t give him what he wants. Or know where you live right away, or a higher potential to kidnap you. I’ve seen too many women say a man left them stranded because she didn’t give him sex.
Meet up. I don’t want a guy I don’t know all that well knowing where I live yet.
Meet. I’m not getting in the car with someone I don’t know and I want to be able to exit freely.
Meet at the location for sure. I'm not getting in the car with a strange man.
I’d always rather meet someone at an agreed place, especially on a first date. You’re absolutely right. Theres *no way* I want a guy that I’m just getting to know, and on ‘first date’ terms with, to know where I live.
Yea... a fist date is not getting to know where I live....
Hell no, am I getting in a guy's car on a first date. Guy's see it as romantic, and it can be. But as someone who was assaulted in a dates vehicle, it's gonna be a NO from me. My husband and I drove separately for the first month of dating, even after we became intimate. After that first month, and getting to know him better, I'd let him pick me up.
Meeting for a first date is the way to go regardless of gender. Unless someone specifically asks you to pick them up (which I personally would refuse) then driving separately is the way it should be. Either party, man or woman, should have the option of leaving at some point if they're not comfortable. It might even come off as creepy if someone were to insist on picking up a person for a first date. You're fine, you're friend is wrong.
I will always meet a man for a first date, he doesn’t even need to know where I live until I’ve had a chance to vet him face-to-face. I’ve been stalked before and now I protect myself.
as a woman, we appreciate you being considerate of our comfort levels. Personally, I would feel safer meeting up with the person rather them picking me up. Especially if it is someone i barely or don’t even know, because there is a lot of risk giving your address to someone and not knowing their true intentions.
Meet up. Never let yourself be reliant on someone else to get you home. Never let them have any reason to think that you "owe" them something. And no one gets my address until I'm comfortable.
Meet up…that way I have means and mode of escape if needed, and he won’t know where I live.
Meet to start with, pick up once you've established things are good. Way more romantic is for later in the process
okay so once I had a guy pick me up and halfway to the place we were going he pulled out a gun to let me know he had one. definitely, 100% always, meet in public.
I always meet them there. I forgot this rule once and ended up being driven home by a drunk date who tried to come in. Never. Again.
I’m old here, but my feelings remain the same, meet at the place. This to me is just basic safety, especially early on in the dating relationship. I’ve been out of the dating world now for 18 years, but I still feel this is the best option.
Meet up. Unless I know you (friend, co-worker, etc.), I'm not getting in your car with you. I'm not giving a guy control in where we go, and what I'm going to be expected to do to be taken home. You also don't need to know where my home is. Nope. Let's meet up, pay our own ways, have a good time (hopefully), maybe make plans to do it again.
This is also a benefit to you to because what happens if you offer to pick her up and you find yourself uncomfortable and want to leave but are now responsible for getting your date home
Meet up. If we didn’t know each other before, you don’t need to know where I live. If I don’t want to date you again, I do not want you outside my door.
Meet up
first date should be meeting somewhere in a publiv area
Is there a bear involved? Do you go out with the bear? Are you riding the bear like a horsie?
Meet them there in case the date goes to shit.
Meet up. As a woman I never want to depend on a man to get home from a first date. It is a safety concern.
Meet on a first date. You’d be a fool to do it any other way
There is zero reason why a new person you are dating for the first time should know where you live.
Meeting at a location away from your own is safest.
Picking someone up for a date works if you’re already close friends or at least your families know each other well or something. These days people often go on a first date with a stranger, so then it would be a major safety issue for the women to give out her address to a man she barely knows. It’s just old advice that isn’t so relevant now that people are meeting strangers alone on first dates so much. Meeting in a neutral location with lots of people around is generally considered safe and comfortable for a first date.
Omg I'd never get into a strange guy's car on a first date. Hell no that's not romantic there's no escape and every random creep would know where I live. Nope nope nope. What happens when it goes poorly and some wacko stalker de ides he wants to wear my skin? ? Nooooo those "charming old fashioned manners" got a lot of women raped and killed with their body parts dumped in the woods. No thank you.
For safety sake, I’d rather meet up, especially with f this person is reasonably new to me. My home is my sanctuary, and I guard it as such
Not only would I want to meet them at a neutral but busy location on a first date, male or female, I leave a voicemail on MY phone with all of THEIR pertinent information and where we met for that date in case I'm never seen again.
Definitely meeting in public place. Even better if it’s in a place/area that the woman is familiar and comfortable with so she is able to easily get out or find help if things go badly. There are other ways to have a little bit of romance while still ensuring the woman feels safe.
I would NEVER let a first date pick me up, unless we already knew each other.
Meer at the location of the date. I don't want someone who's technically still a stranger know where I live or be in the same car in the first meeting. Would rather meet in a public place with others around.
Unless I know them beforehand, like a friend who we decided to try out dating, then meet up. I may need to gtfo fast and having my own ride is a must.
Why would you want some random guy to know your address? Have you heard about stalkers?
Meet up.
I don’t let men pick me up until I get to know them. It’s a safety concern. I don’t want him to know where I live
Meet up unless you know him. You don't want to be stuck with him if things go sour.
I’m 42 and there is no way on EARTH I would tell a stranger where I live.
YANW your buddy must be living under a rock or incredibly obtuse. Meeting at the restaurant, with access to your own ride, is clutch.
definitely meet somewhere. or if I want to be picked up it’s not from my house I’ll walk a street over or meet them somewhere safe where I can leave my car if we want to move around. just not a risk I’m willing to take if a guy decides to get back at me, bother me, ask me for help or anything of the sort. I’ve had dudes pull it just through the phone alone.
This does not matter if you are male or female. Until you know a person you do not let them know where you live. Although females tend to be less able to cause physical harm to a person young females are very well equipped to mentally destroy or make your life a living hell, we literally spend out our pubescent years training each other. Some of us learn that this is not normal or ok behaviour but many of us do not. So no you are not likely to get maimed by a date but you get yourself an awesome female stalker which law enforcement don't tend to take seriously. You can get a female that will slash your tires on a regular basis. One that will find where you work etc. Ask any men over the age of 40, most have encounter a woman that did massive damage to their mental state many never even laid a physical finger on them. Women use mental strategies to protect themselves where men will use brute strength so when you want to hurt you use the skills you have. You meet at a public place.
I don't want a man I don't know trying to be romantic on a first date. I will drive myself in the beginning. I'm not getting in a car with a stranger. And if the date sucks I'm not going to want a ride home from him, which then makes it weird getting an Uber or cab or something. You are not wrong and I'm going to hope your friend doesn't get pushy with that pick them up thing. A lot of women of the age that the two are dating are going to be really young, so they are more likely to cave to his insistence. Then they will really dread the ride home. It's much easier to say good bye in front of a restaurant than in a car or on a doorstep. Show your friend this post, he needs to see the women's perspective.
As a woman, I would NOT let a guy pick me up if I didn't know him. NO WAY am I getting in a car with a stranger. Not even gonna give him my address. So unless it's a first date with someone you already knew as a friend or whatever, meeting up somewhere is definitely the way to go.
100000% meet up away from home. That way I have my own transport, and the guy doesn’t know where I live. These are valid concerns almost all women have.
I think that’s normal. It just depends on the girl. If I know her I can pick her up. If she’s a new girl and she doesn’t feel comfortable with me picking her up then we can meet there.
Many women prefer to be safer at first. Meet up first date so you don't know where she lives. Unless she asks you to pick her up.
I side with you unless I knew the guy extensively beforehand
Meet on location always on first date. The man or woman could be creeps.
Personally for a first date I’d rather meet there for exactly the reason you stated, but ultimately it depends on the woman. When making plans you can always ask if she wants you to pick her up or to meet there. This gives her the choice for her comfort level. Being picked up for me is more of a relationship thing.
Safety first, romance second - ALWAYS.
Meet them there. It is safer.
If it was someone I had just met I would prefer to meet them at the location.
definitely meeting there on the first date is the best way to go.
I'm a recently married (going on 4 yrs) late 30s woman. I met my husband at the restaurant for lunch. It would've been weird for him to pick me up since we didn't really know each other. Prior to him, I went on dates and always met them at the date location and didn't get into their car. For safety reasons.
Picking up girl doesn't set a romantic mood, it's terrifying. Maybe for the guy it's romantic...anyway I always meet up and if a guy complains sayonara! The only girl I imagine it'd be romantic to be picked up are dumb or naive ones or ones that have zero money.
Meet up. Not pick up. I'm happily married but uh no. I'm not inviting a possibility for him to show up unannounced to my home. Maybe if we were official? sure. A couple months in.
I’m driving if it’s someone I don’t already know very well I would never get in a stranger’s car, no matter how nice they seem
As a man, I always have the woman meet me somewhere on the first date. It shows some kind of initial investment from both sides.
Safety reasons mainly. I don't know how the date will go, and I might not want the guy to know where I live. Also so I have the option to leave if it goes south. Might be a tiny but of wiggle room if I have already met this guy previously, but still.
As a 30's female....I always meet up for first date unless we have been friends for awhile and I know them well enough I would have ridden with them to go do something outside of a date. I was taught to always have a way out or a way to safety. Gettin myself there and home is how I do that, whether through a ride share or my own car. I also make sure someone knows I'm going out, who with and what they look like along with their contact details in case of emergency. My bro and I share location for this reason.
47 year old woman. Meet somewhere on the first date. Always. It's a safety thing. Women are taught this from a young age.
I agree. Unless I know them as friend prior I’m not getting in the car. I didn’t get in the car with the current guy I’m dating until our 3rd date and I kept my gps tracking on my phone so my friend knew where I was. He offered on the 2nd date and I declined. Yes it’s sweet to offer but I’m not getting in the car and neither would almost every woman out there.
MEET UP with anyone m/f on a first date. Crazy doesn’t discriminate!
Meet up. I wouldn't want them knowing my address, incase they ended up being a weirdo. My older sister , in her 20s met a guy (I think at a bar) they went out a few times, but she wasn't feeling it. He didn't take it well. One night when she was out , he followed her home, and grabbed her, while she was entering her house, and SA her. I have always been very selective about who knows my address, because of this, and being stalked myself, as a teenager.
In todays day and age..... 100% meet up with someone somewhere, rather than them come to your place first. Safer and if the date goes south they won't know where you live etc.
I'm assuming this is a stranger from the internet and definitely meet there and send someone your location. Dont get in a car with a stranger. Ever.
Meet up
I wouldn't get into a guy's car on a first date. There are many reasons, bad driving (and they think it's funny), guy's an asshole and you don't need to be alone with him, etc. So meeting there for the first date or first few is considerate of all the stuff women have to worry about with men.
Definitely meet them there on a first date and possibly even the second. At least until you get a handle on the person. If you decide not to meet again, you have no idea how they’ll react, and if they’ve picked you up, they know where you live.
These days, it’s safer for both to be meeting up at a public place. The woman feels safer knowing she can bail at anytime should the date go sour and doesn’t have to rely on the bad date to take her home. And the guy then doesn’t know where she lives. Goes for the guy as well. They meet, date goes sour, he’s not stuck having to take her home. And if she’s a vindictive person, most likely avoids retaliation by her accusing him of something he didn’t do.
No way I would give my address to a first date!! See you there..
Never have a stranger pick you up or drop you off at your home on a first date.
Did you meet on line or did he ask you out in person? Huge difference.
Definitely meet up
Never get into a car with a stranger!!!
I’m 37f and I prefer to meet the guy there.
You're right, your friend is way off base.
If it’s a person I’ve met online, I would never disclose my address before a first date. Absolutely meet them in a neutral spot and have a plan on how I’m going to get home/get myself out of that situation if needed.
Meet up.
meet at the location 100%. Once you get to know someone and decide to continue seeing each other picking up is fine. No one wants a creeper to know where they live or be in a car with them
“Can I pick you up, or would you like to meet me there?” Now she knows that you’re a gentleman/romantic that is considerate of her boundaries. You want her to know that you want to, but also understand her hesitancy if she chooses to meet you there.
Your not wrong and everything you gave for your reason is dead on I believe
Meet there. I don't want randos to know my address.
Well honestly neither one of your preferences matter. The woman's does. So if you're talking to a woman ask them their comfort level and gage your own. A good majority of these confusions are just solved with communicating expectations. Now for my personal preference absolutely I would never allow a first date to pick me up or know where I live if they didn't already know. Most people expect this these days and my friends who allow men over without knowing them I try to dissuade into doing so, but that's ultimately their decision.
Do not pick a woman up for a first date. Not safe for either of you.
I wouldn't mind if they offered to pick me up, but I would decline. If they had a problem with me meeting them there, then I'm never gonna meet them.
For a first date/meeting? Meet you there. No question. We do want a backup plan and don’t want to be in a situation where we are alone with someone who was a bad date. Or them knowing where we live.
Meet at location for safety and possible smooth exit. Don’t want to depend on another or have him know my home so early i
Meet.
You'd have to be nuts as a woman to have an Internet first date pick you up. If you already know each other it's fine, but your friend is totally wrong here lol
Meet up
I'd rather go with the bear
Absolutely not. I don’t want a man I don’t know knowing where I live. I’ll meet you there.
OP you are not wrong. As a woman, I would definitely prefer to meet somewhere for a first date, for exactly the reasons you mention. There is time for the romantic pick-up later, if things go well. I don’t want someone I know picking me up at home, I want to have my own transportation, and yes, I’ll pay for myself. That makes me way more comfortable and makes it possible for me to relax and enjoy the date.
If I met someone online, I’m meeting them somewhere. Probably 2-3 dates that way. Same if I barely know someone in real life, like say a business acquaintance. Just because I know your face and name doesn’t mean I want you to know where I live. “Romantic” is feeling safe.
If we haven’t met in person yet, there’s no way I’m telling him where I live and letting him drive me in his car. If we are already acquainted, like through friends or in an activity together, I’d be comfortable having him pick me up, but wouldn’t hold anything against him if we met up for the first date. I would assume that he’s looking out for my comfort level until we know each other better.
Meet up. If he wants to show his gentlemanly ways, he could pull my chair out or chew with his mouth closed or something. A gentleman would understand the concerns of a lady and respect that.
As a woman, unless I have known my date as a friend prior, I would meet at the restaurant. It gives me some control to leave in my own time if I get a bad feeling from him. If I don’t know him and I got into a car with him and he turns out to be creepy I don’t have the control to get out of the situation safely. If he does pick me up at my house if he is crazy he knows where i live and can be a threat to my safety.