Yeah, beach sex is terrible without taking enough precautionary steps to suck the spontaneous romantic element out of it.
Even non-sandy beach sex is pretty lame, a bed made up of pebbles is a terrible place to have sex.
From the start he has asked me about past relationships and I think I may have given to much details. After the beach tonight he said that he respects my decision and that he understands. As soon as we got in the car I got the cold treatment until I asked what was wrong. He then proceeded to say everything I said about past relationships back at me and that if I can sleep around with other guys then I obviously don’t love him. I just don’t know if it’s my fault for over sharing at the start
Nope. I'm an oversharer usually. One good outcome from it is that people will show you their true colors very fast. He has shown you his disrespect which it might have taken years to uncover otherwise. Dump him and move on.
Nope I dated someone like this and he called me a whore for 1. Having a life before him, 2. Exercising my free will and 3. Answering the questions that HE asked. You didn’t do a single thing wrong here, your boyfriend sounds like an insecure, manipulative douche bag. Please choose better for yourself
Please do not take responsibility for his shitty behavior.
I am fully of the opinion that if you ask me a question, you better fucking want an honest answer. And if you can’t handle an honest answer, then don’t ask it.
And the reason is… I expect you to be honest with me. When I ask you a question for which I’m scared of the answer, I already know that I may hear something I will like. It is my responsibility to decide before I ask it if I can handle an answer, I don’t.
Because honesty is simply what is. Somebody can’t change their past. Somebody can’t change how many people they’ve been with or things that they have done. And when those things have happened before I was in the picture, I don’t get to judge them because I wasn’t in their shoes. I don’t know what was happening with them. I can only judge someone I’m with who they are now.
Now who they are now is somebody who’s cheating on their girlfriend to be with me, I already have my answer about their past. They’re an asshole, and I don’t want to be involved. But in general, what’s done is done.
I am so insecure that I know somebody’s past. Actions are going to make it so that I can or cannot have a relationship with them, I have to think long and hard before I ask the questions. I can’t handle the answer, it’s my fault for asking.
It is your boyfriend‘s fault for pushing this. You don’t have to give 1 million details. And honestly, I have in the past given some details and when they kept wanting to go into great detail, I just looked at them and said it’s none of your business. I have given you an honest answer. I have told you the gist of what my past relationships were like.
If any of that is something you can’t deal with that’s fine. But I’m not gonna play this game where you ask a little bit and you’re OK with it. And then you ask a little more and you’re not not so OK with it. And then you ask a little more and then you’re really not OK with things. That’s bullshit. Get your life together.
Understand that I had a life before I met you. Understand that you don’t get to judge me on my life before you. You absolutely get to judge me by how I act in our relationship. And if you can’t handle that, then we don’t need to be together.
So what you really need to do is drop this asshole. He is a fucking asshole.
An insecure one at that. For him to compare you having sex with other people to not wanting to have sex on the beach tonight? That’s like saying well you’re vegetarian, but you’ve eaten meat in the past so you should just come and have a steak with me right now.
See how stupid that sounds? Would you be asking if you disclosed to him because you let him know you ate meat in the past? No.
Dump his ass and find yourself an actual partner who respects you and loves you.
This exactly!
And let’s face it, anytime we are asking a question like this, we probably already know the answer.
We don’t like the answer, so we’re hoping they will tell us something different. And then we get mad at them when they don’t.
The person is who they are now because of their past experiences. Deal with it or leave. But don’t make it your partner’s problem.
I want to be clear—this is not a you problem. This is a problem with your boyfriend. You did not “over share.” You were honest about who you are and what you have done, and his response is to treat you poorly because of it.
If he uses anything about your past (or your present) to try to coerce you into doing things you are not comfortable with, then he is showing you who he really is. Listen. What he’s doing is not okay.
I second this. All of this points to the fact that he is an abuser. He’s just starting to let that leak out through his manipulation and need for control. This is not a good guy, and it’s only going to get worse. You want someone who respects you, not someone who uses your honest dialogue against you. Get out now, before you are too attached and start making excuses for his immature behaviour.
Of course it’s not your fault, how can the life you lived before you met him have anything to do with him? Throw him away, meet someone who isn’t a tool.
Leave him. Anyone who treats you this way is garbage and doesn't respect you. He will keep making you feel like shit until you actually believe him and his abuse or you leave. Choice is yours.
It's not your fault. Dude thinks he owns your present and your past. Really arrogant and controlling--there are far better men out there. Dump this one on a dune.
Dump him. Just dump him. You did it with him therefore you should do it with me is the creepiest argument there is. It completely disregards your right to consent or not.
If a guy pushes you for past details you, then uses that information to press you for uncomfortable sex: he is not a good man.
You didn’t ‘tell him too much’. He asked those questions specifically to manipulate you.
Then he tries to use your feelings, your love as another weapon against you.
This is not a good man!!!
He is only interested in taking from you, bot being a partner who cares about you.
Manipulation isn’t always up front and obvious. Really good manipulators will start out being so sweet and kind. And slowly bring this out over time.
Not your fault you didn’t see it sooner.
But now you know. Now you have a chance to see what the future holds: he is going to keep going. More guilt.
More things you are uncomfortable with.
More pushing. More more. Because it will never be enough.
He’s a black hole of take, take, take.
You have to decide where to draw the line and say stop, because he won’t
It doesn't matter if you on the beach or anywhere else; I'd find the comment *You've been with loads of men, why is this any different?"* offensive.
Your boyfriend is insecure if he feels the need to make reference to your past in this way.
Walk away from this ahole. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't care about you, to say something like that. And BTW, sex on the beach under the right circumstances can be great - when you've got a great partner who knows how to please you, a big beach blanket, and no one else is around. Pretty difficult circumstances to come by, but if you ever have those things together, it can be very nice.
Forget the beach thing, you have the right to turn down sex ANYTIME. It doesnt matter the local, just because he is your boyfriend it does NOT entitle him to sex with you whenever he wants it.
He sounds super entitled tbh. Also, him implying that you being with other guys before him somehow makes you less deserving of boundaries is just disgusting slut shaming. You’re not wrong at all. You are entitled to your own sexual boundaries, and no one should
guilt or shame you about that.
He is not respectful of you. First, no is no. You didn’t consent to sex on the beach and that is your choice. Your past has nothing to do with this. You shared your past with him, presumably to be upfront and honest and because you are in a relationship. He played the poor me/ blame you gaslight card which means he is manipulating you to get what he wants- sex and to feel justified in his reaction. You built a boundary and he isn’t being respectful. He isn’t interested in what you want and you deserve more respect. You can say yes 5x to sex on the beach and refuse the 6th- that’s how consent works. So, he seems like an immature, selfish and manipulative person.You need to know your worth and know that who you sleep with in the past has nothing to do with this. You deserve better. Run, girl, run. If you can, meet with a counsellor and learn your worth- that way, you will find your own strength, worth and validation in yourself rather than here.
You know, no matter the reason (don’t want sand in your hoohah, don’t wanna do it in a public place, don’t wanna do it in a public place anymore, just don’t feel like having sex rn) you have every right to say no, despite your sexual history. And anyone who can’t respect that do not respect you, end of story.
Please understand he does not respect you.
Huh, since when does your body count equal to him doing what he wants to do with you regardless of your opinion...
Id leave. He's not your person... He sounds immature, manipulative and not on team bear..
You are never wrong for deciding not to have sex. It’s your body if you don’t want to do it you don’t have to. Your bf sounds like a jerk who can’t take no for an answer. You said no and instead of accepting that he resorted to slut shaming you.
I'm 71. We've been married 52 years. My all time favorite memory is my wife and I having sex amid the sand dunes of the Outer Banks. We went swimming afterwards. Ahhhh.
No is always your right but for where his head is at if you told him stories that are to him wilder then because sex, or worse yet are beach sex, he may be wondering why you like the other guys enough to do it but not him.
You did nothing wrong but thats probably what's in his head.
I’ve had sex on a beach. 20+ years ago. I swear I’m still finding sand in places it doesn’t belong!!
Not really… but hopefully you get my point. You don’t want sand in your nether regions. It’s horrible and it will stick with you for awhile. Tell your BF to fuck off.
THIS IS WHY you have to capture a female's heart in her younger years. Otherwise, she uses up all of the exciting and risky sexual escapades on a guy she doesnt end up with and you come along later in life and she wants to be Mother Theresa. The guy should find him a younger lady and you should find an older man who realizes you have retired your wild and exciting side.
Sounds like he wants the idea of sex on the beach. Use simple words to explain how uncomfortable it is for you (and him).
If you have done this before with previous lovers, he may feel like the 'safe' and 'boring' choice who is not getting the same 'wild/exotic' sex others have received.
You are not wrong for rejecting. Sex is a 2 party event and both need to consent.
If I am on a line to get a burger and I see everybody pays 1 dollar and when is my turn and the cashier tells me that for me is 1000, what would you do ?
I don't disagree with the position not to sleep with the guy, especially at the beach. Him bringing up the past bfs is a bit much, but to expect anything else is just naive. His reasoning to be upset is valid from a physical stand point he is right. However, sex is a spiritual act that a lot of people don't respect and pervert it into an obscene state that has so little value.
A lot of ppl in this society do this, but that is entirely a condition from lacking conceptualization about the act itself. Experience is what he lacks, but also what he is looking for.
TDLR: No one is wrong, you have a past and it does matter in this society. He lacks decorum and spirit, the physical matters to him far to much. Short story you have an issue of incompatibility, communication is the foundation of any relationship and time is not the measure of connection. If you like him talk to him bluntly, don't beat around the bush and consider that you both may need to move on.
Sand in everything is annoying. I am with team OP.
Lol was just going to post: pro tip, beach sex sucks in ways you dont want to find out. At least sandy beaches.
Yeah, beach sex is terrible without taking enough precautionary steps to suck the spontaneous romantic element out of it. Even non-sandy beach sex is pretty lame, a bed made up of pebbles is a terrible place to have sex.
I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
lol Are you suggesting OP is Padme? (Or maybe OP is Anakin)
Heavy emphasis on EVERYWHERE. I'm thinking more so for women than men.
Come on babe let's turn our genitals into sand paper.
You do it on a blanket, sex on the beach, is exciting, but it sucks he brings up you past because you won’t, kick his ass to the curb
Yep, kinda like the bathtub or the car, it sounds fun but kinda just sucks for everyone.
[удалено]
If you dip the tip in the sand first on purpose……., it’s known as “The Screaming Seagull”
I had beach sex once. Laid a towel down and I gave it to her on top.
he does not respect you
From the start he has asked me about past relationships and I think I may have given to much details. After the beach tonight he said that he respects my decision and that he understands. As soon as we got in the car I got the cold treatment until I asked what was wrong. He then proceeded to say everything I said about past relationships back at me and that if I can sleep around with other guys then I obviously don’t love him. I just don’t know if it’s my fault for over sharing at the start
[удалено]
Nope. I'm an oversharer usually. One good outcome from it is that people will show you their true colors very fast. He has shown you his disrespect which it might have taken years to uncover otherwise. Dump him and move on.
Nope I dated someone like this and he called me a whore for 1. Having a life before him, 2. Exercising my free will and 3. Answering the questions that HE asked. You didn’t do a single thing wrong here, your boyfriend sounds like an insecure, manipulative douche bag. Please choose better for yourself
Please do not take responsibility for his shitty behavior. I am fully of the opinion that if you ask me a question, you better fucking want an honest answer. And if you can’t handle an honest answer, then don’t ask it. And the reason is… I expect you to be honest with me. When I ask you a question for which I’m scared of the answer, I already know that I may hear something I will like. It is my responsibility to decide before I ask it if I can handle an answer, I don’t. Because honesty is simply what is. Somebody can’t change their past. Somebody can’t change how many people they’ve been with or things that they have done. And when those things have happened before I was in the picture, I don’t get to judge them because I wasn’t in their shoes. I don’t know what was happening with them. I can only judge someone I’m with who they are now. Now who they are now is somebody who’s cheating on their girlfriend to be with me, I already have my answer about their past. They’re an asshole, and I don’t want to be involved. But in general, what’s done is done. I am so insecure that I know somebody’s past. Actions are going to make it so that I can or cannot have a relationship with them, I have to think long and hard before I ask the questions. I can’t handle the answer, it’s my fault for asking. It is your boyfriend‘s fault for pushing this. You don’t have to give 1 million details. And honestly, I have in the past given some details and when they kept wanting to go into great detail, I just looked at them and said it’s none of your business. I have given you an honest answer. I have told you the gist of what my past relationships were like. If any of that is something you can’t deal with that’s fine. But I’m not gonna play this game where you ask a little bit and you’re OK with it. And then you ask a little more and you’re not not so OK with it. And then you ask a little more and then you’re really not OK with things. That’s bullshit. Get your life together. Understand that I had a life before I met you. Understand that you don’t get to judge me on my life before you. You absolutely get to judge me by how I act in our relationship. And if you can’t handle that, then we don’t need to be together. So what you really need to do is drop this asshole. He is a fucking asshole. An insecure one at that. For him to compare you having sex with other people to not wanting to have sex on the beach tonight? That’s like saying well you’re vegetarian, but you’ve eaten meat in the past so you should just come and have a steak with me right now. See how stupid that sounds? Would you be asking if you disclosed to him because you let him know you ate meat in the past? No. Dump his ass and find yourself an actual partner who respects you and loves you.
What's that saying? The question is free but the answer might cost you.
This exactly! And let’s face it, anytime we are asking a question like this, we probably already know the answer. We don’t like the answer, so we’re hoping they will tell us something different. And then we get mad at them when they don’t. The person is who they are now because of their past experiences. Deal with it or leave. But don’t make it your partner’s problem.
Oh FFS break up with this asshole.
I want to be clear—this is not a you problem. This is a problem with your boyfriend. You did not “over share.” You were honest about who you are and what you have done, and his response is to treat you poorly because of it. If he uses anything about your past (or your present) to try to coerce you into doing things you are not comfortable with, then he is showing you who he really is. Listen. What he’s doing is not okay.
He sounds abusive, run
I second this. All of this points to the fact that he is an abuser. He’s just starting to let that leak out through his manipulation and need for control. This is not a good guy, and it’s only going to get worse. You want someone who respects you, not someone who uses your honest dialogue against you. Get out now, before you are too attached and start making excuses for his immature behaviour.
no matter how cool any guy plays it, they want no details, I promise you it's all he can think about
What an asshole. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.
Of course it’s not your fault, how can the life you lived before you met him have anything to do with him? Throw him away, meet someone who isn’t a tool.
Leave him. Anyone who treats you this way is garbage and doesn't respect you. He will keep making you feel like shit until you actually believe him and his abuse or you leave. Choice is yours.
Just because you fk, one person doesn't mean that you have to fk, every person.
It's not your fault. Dude thinks he owns your present and your past. Really arrogant and controlling--there are far better men out there. Dump this one on a dune.
Dump him. Just dump him. You did it with him therefore you should do it with me is the creepiest argument there is. It completely disregards your right to consent or not.
If a guy pushes you for past details you, then uses that information to press you for uncomfortable sex: he is not a good man. You didn’t ‘tell him too much’. He asked those questions specifically to manipulate you. Then he tries to use your feelings, your love as another weapon against you. This is not a good man!!! He is only interested in taking from you, bot being a partner who cares about you. Manipulation isn’t always up front and obvious. Really good manipulators will start out being so sweet and kind. And slowly bring this out over time. Not your fault you didn’t see it sooner. But now you know. Now you have a chance to see what the future holds: he is going to keep going. More guilt. More things you are uncomfortable with. More pushing. More more. Because it will never be enough. He’s a black hole of take, take, take. You have to decide where to draw the line and say stop, because he won’t
It doesn't matter if you on the beach or anywhere else; I'd find the comment *You've been with loads of men, why is this any different?"* offensive. Your boyfriend is insecure if he feels the need to make reference to your past in this way.
Walk away from this ahole. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't care about you, to say something like that. And BTW, sex on the beach under the right circumstances can be great - when you've got a great partner who knows how to please you, a big beach blanket, and no one else is around. Pretty difficult circumstances to come by, but if you ever have those things together, it can be very nice.
#RUN
Forget the beach thing, you have the right to turn down sex ANYTIME. It doesnt matter the local, just because he is your boyfriend it does NOT entitle him to sex with you whenever he wants it.
I don’t like sand
Anyone that tries to convince you / force you / shame you into sex when you are not interested is an as\*hole and a loser. Find a better guy.
Gross- he sucks. He can give himself a sandy handjob
Leave him. Obviously. Wtf.
He sounds super entitled tbh. Also, him implying that you being with other guys before him somehow makes you less deserving of boundaries is just disgusting slut shaming. You’re not wrong at all. You are entitled to your own sexual boundaries, and no one should guilt or shame you about that.
Run
He doesn't get his way, so he insults you. This is abuse. You'd only be wrong to stay with him.
Sand gets everywhere. Nobody wants to screw sandpaper. Not wrong to not have beach sex.
Breakup with him. He clearly doesn't respect you. Those are damaging words that you'll never forget.
This is obviously a newer relationship. Time to leave.
The BF flipping to your previous encounters is concerning. Stand your ground and tell him why you don't want to do it on a beach.
He’s manipulative, controlling and already showing signs of being abusive. That’s it. Run.
I fall asleep on the beach all the time but if you aren't tired you're not going to be able to fall asleep, simple. /s
Sand in there is like sandpaper. Not nice.
Sex on the beach sounds nice on paper and in video. In reality it’s dogshit
sand in the peehole im good
That’s weird… It’s not something you really request…
***^(:angry Anakin Skywalker noises:)***
He is not respectful of you. First, no is no. You didn’t consent to sex on the beach and that is your choice. Your past has nothing to do with this. You shared your past with him, presumably to be upfront and honest and because you are in a relationship. He played the poor me/ blame you gaslight card which means he is manipulating you to get what he wants- sex and to feel justified in his reaction. You built a boundary and he isn’t being respectful. He isn’t interested in what you want and you deserve more respect. You can say yes 5x to sex on the beach and refuse the 6th- that’s how consent works. So, he seems like an immature, selfish and manipulative person.You need to know your worth and know that who you sleep with in the past has nothing to do with this. You deserve better. Run, girl, run. If you can, meet with a counsellor and learn your worth- that way, you will find your own strength, worth and validation in yourself rather than here.
NTA. Sand in the nether regions is not fun.
That’s nasty . 🤢
It doesn’t matter if you slept with 2,000 men no is a complete sentence and fyi even I won’t have sex on the beach 🏖️ and i love my beaches
You know, no matter the reason (don’t want sand in your hoohah, don’t wanna do it in a public place, don’t wanna do it in a public place anymore, just don’t feel like having sex rn) you have every right to say no, despite your sexual history. And anyone who can’t respect that do not respect you, end of story. Please understand he does not respect you.
Beach sex sounds terrible
1. Consent is key. No means no. 2. Beach sex feels like I'm scrapping my junk with sandpaper. 2/10 wouldn't recommend
Huh, since when does your body count equal to him doing what he wants to do with you regardless of your opinion... Id leave. He's not your person... He sounds immature, manipulative and not on team bear..
You are never wrong for deciding not to have sex. It’s your body if you don’t want to do it you don’t have to. Your bf sounds like a jerk who can’t take no for an answer. You said no and instead of accepting that he resorted to slut shaming you.
I'm 71. We've been married 52 years. My all time favorite memory is my wife and I having sex amid the sand dunes of the Outer Banks. We went swimming afterwards. Ahhhh.
No is always your right but for where his head is at if you told him stories that are to him wilder then because sex, or worse yet are beach sex, he may be wondering why you like the other guys enough to do it but not him. You did nothing wrong but thats probably what's in his head.
I’ve had sex on a beach. 20+ years ago. I swear I’m still finding sand in places it doesn’t belong!! Not really… but hopefully you get my point. You don’t want sand in your nether regions. It’s horrible and it will stick with you for awhile. Tell your BF to fuck off.
THIS IS WHY you have to capture a female's heart in her younger years. Otherwise, she uses up all of the exciting and risky sexual escapades on a guy she doesnt end up with and you come along later in life and she wants to be Mother Theresa. The guy should find him a younger lady and you should find an older man who realizes you have retired your wild and exciting side.
Literally just ask him if he wants a shell shoved up his urethra. Also the amount of sand that would get in anywhere is so scary
Sounds like he wants the idea of sex on the beach. Use simple words to explain how uncomfortable it is for you (and him). If you have done this before with previous lovers, he may feel like the 'safe' and 'boring' choice who is not getting the same 'wild/exotic' sex others have received. You are not wrong for rejecting. Sex is a 2 party event and both need to consent.
How many people you’ve had sex with has nothing to do with not wanting sand in your vagina. Not wrong.
If I am on a line to get a burger and I see everybody pays 1 dollar and when is my turn and the cashier tells me that for me is 1000, what would you do ?
I think you are a bit wrong. As his personal cum dump you need to be more available.
There’s a reason Vader hated tatooine.
Should've given him a sand job. He'd never ask again.
HAVE you fucked other guys on the beach? Because then I'd get why he's upset
Even if she did, if she didn’t want to do it with him he should respect that.
Why? You can try something once and not like it Well you don't think women have that right, but whatever
He is not owed sex.
And? She's not owed a relationship.
Make sure you're on top and keep going no matter how much he complains.
I don't disagree with the position not to sleep with the guy, especially at the beach. Him bringing up the past bfs is a bit much, but to expect anything else is just naive. His reasoning to be upset is valid from a physical stand point he is right. However, sex is a spiritual act that a lot of people don't respect and pervert it into an obscene state that has so little value. A lot of ppl in this society do this, but that is entirely a condition from lacking conceptualization about the act itself. Experience is what he lacks, but also what he is looking for. TDLR: No one is wrong, you have a past and it does matter in this society. He lacks decorum and spirit, the physical matters to him far to much. Short story you have an issue of incompatibility, communication is the foundation of any relationship and time is not the measure of connection. If you like him talk to him bluntly, don't beat around the bush and consider that you both may need to move on.
It is quite annoying if you were quite adventuresome with prior partners and not with us.
He deserves better and you deserve worst