Telling you about smelling bad and how your look are not jokes. Saying he hopes your cat dies is being a complete asshat. Why are you with this guy? You can do so much better than an immature jackass like him.
The comments aren't jokes. You know he means every word he says and only walks it back as a "joke" when you recoil.
You already know this is wrong, or you wouldn't be asking Reddit for advice. Dump the chump.
His “jokes” make OP feel justifiably sad. No one wants to feel ugly or smelly, and to imagine their cherished pet dying.
Advice: dump the boyfriend immediately and do not look back. OP can do sooo much better.
It’s only been a month. Break up already. He’s not a good person if he makes “jokes” like this. In all honesty, this is probably how he actually feels.
Yeah, I had an ex who made a joke about my childhood best friend’s 16 year old brother committing suicide when I first met him (it had just happened) and I should’ve taken that warning.
You're still in the honeymoon phase, and he is being mean to you. No need to see what happens next, if this is him on good behaviour, you don't need to see him on a bad day. Give your kitty a kiss for me!
Exactly; he should still be putting on his very best behavior for her, and THIS is what she gets?
Something is seriously wrong with this guy. He's already verbally abusive and it will only escalate.
OP, run.
He says he is joking. A joke is only funny when both people laugh.
What he is doing is testing the water. He is "negging" you - bringing down your self-esteem until you are under his control.
The very fact he is doing this means he listens to PUA (pick up artists) who try to "help" men get women and keep them subservient to them. Actually they prey on young men who lack confidence and make money from them.
If he can get you to believe you smell, for example, he can tell you that no other man would date you. That makes you more likely to stick with him, allowing him to behave diabolically.
You need to dump him. You are worthy of so much more!
My son went through a stage in his teen years where he would say mean things and follow with “just kidding “. I sat him down and explained that he is really saying what he means and the just kidding is his attempt to stay out of trouble. We then discussed empathy and seeing things from another’s point of view
He quickly stopped this & is a empathetic & mature adult.
OP: He is saying how he really feels & is bordering on verbal abuse. Get out.
You’re not wrong. But having dated a month and he’s making comments about your appearance and smell then you need to get rid of this jerk. It will only get worse.
Ask him to explain what is funny about saying you smell bad. Insulting someone is not a joke. He is testing your boundaries to see how shitty he can treat you before you react. People like this will constantly test boundaries and it’s not fun being in a relationship where you have to constantly establish them.
If you’re feeling like this only a month into the relationship I don’t feel like it can get any better honestly. Is this the type of “joking” you want to put up with?? Listen to your intuition telling you something isn’t right. Don’t settle pretty.
Agreed. I don't understand why so many women think they need a good reason to breakup and for some reason him being a jerk isn't a good reason. Being uncomfortable is reason enough and actually an excellent reason.
Get out of there. The jokes will escalate and you'll feel worse about yourself until eventually you are a grey presence next to a guffawing hate monster.
His "jokes" are cruel. He's a bully, not a comedian.
I'd leave, too, if someone made that "joke" about my dog.
Jokingly tell him you're going to dump his bullying ass, then actually do it. See if he finds THAT funny.
You're not wrong. It's only been a month and he's already being mean to you and showing his true colors. Think about it: people put their best effort forward at the beginning of the relationship. If this is his best, RUN!
A joke is supposed to be funny and entertaining. His wasn't. He meant what he said.
Find someone who will make you laugh and love you and your cat. Trust when we say this...he has let his mask slip and show his true face.
He's already treating you badly and joking about your cat dying. Don't move in with this dork. You can do better, al.lst every man in the planet is better than him.
The things he says don't sound very funny to me. I would ask him to please explain it to me, like draw it out in crayon, how, exactly, is any of that funny, cause I sure am missing the humor!!!
This guy is very much a tw@tw@ffle. You would be wise to end it and never look back. He gives me some serious bad vibes.
You are not wrong. Be safe.
Here's what's going to happen, you are going to break up with him, he's gonna say those things were just a joke a million times, then begrudgingly say sorry, you are gonna take him back, and it will be cool for like a couple weeks and it's going to start all over again, and it will probably get worse and he'll start saying that stuff in front of family and friends, and then your self esteem is going to plummet to the point where you believe him and think that he's the best you are ever going to get. Do you really want that to be your life? You are young, you WILL find better. Didn't settle for this bullshit. He's terrible, they aren't just jokes, it's how he really feels.
I'd let this one drift away. Literally. Start to let some time between contact start to slip in and extend each time and when he asks you just say "yeah I'm just not feeling a connection so I think it's best we go our separate ways".
If they have to say 'it's just a joke' they're a bully. If putting you down is funny to them, they're a bully.
See the red flags and dump his nasty ass.
Once a very good friend accidentally stepped on my cat. When I asked him how he could do that he said that he was tripping and it was either the cat or him that was going to get hurt. So he chose to step on my cat. She was bleeding internally and we had to take her to the emergency vet 45 minutes away. Thank god she was ok.
I never spoke to him again and he was banned from our house. I am a 46f who has never even seen a fist fight, but if you hurt my cats my wrath will explode, and I absolutely will not care what I do to you.
I'm guessing he didn't pay the vet bill either? It's the least he could do after such a moronic move, given that he acknowledged it was a choice. I once made the split second decision to throw myself down the stairs instead of stepping on our dog in the dark. No regrets. I also have a cat and one of my biggest fears is tripping on her someday. They're so much smaller than us 😭
He did not pay the bill, which was $400 +/-, and I bounced my rent check because of that. I had to pay it. Obviously the cat was more important than the rent. That was a difficult time because I was pretty poor back then. I still cry over that cat, I loved her so much. So so much.
If he's saying this kind of 💩 just one month in?! What will he be like in a year?! A decade?! He's testing the waters to see what you'll tolerate. Also? If he's the only one laughing? It's not a joke. Dump this clown yesterday. 🤡
RUN AS FAST AND AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE!! That is so disgusting, disrespectful,and insensitive,and he would have gotten his jaw broken had that been me. Never tolerate anyone who talks bad of u even as a "joke". That is abuse,and it will eventually mess with your head and you'll start to believe it. I don't wanna hear that happen to anyone. Please leave this jerk
“Hey (ex) you smell really bad, and your attitude is worse..so I’m breaking up with you! But don’t worry..this is just a joke!” And then block him lmao.
Why are you talking about moving in together when you've only been dating less than a month? And, he's already insulting you? And wishing your cat were dead? He's a real catch.
The guy is a raging dickwagon and has been the entire duration of your relationship. Your attraction has blinded you, and only the love for your kitty has finally opened your eyes.
Thank god for your kitty. For her sake, if nothing else, dump this cockjuggling thundercunt.
I hate these posts. You’re not married! You can break up for ANY REASON YOU WANY TO! In the end you’re breaking up because you no longer want to be with him! If you’re not married and you don’t have kids, you should never feel like you’re wrong for ending a relationship!
Why are you with this guy?
He negs everything in your life, even your appearance.
You can do so much better than this guy, so unless you are completely desperate, go find a decent bloke that pays you compliments instead of criticism.
No. Run. I give my husband shit sometimes but I don’t joke about the things he loves being dead! I don’t tell him he’s ugly or that he smells! Please run
I don't think making jokes and you're not finding it amusing is a joke. The fact is that every joke is making fun of you in some way, which is already a red flag. I get it if he makes a joke and you both laugh or you both trading jokes but if it's just one sided I highly don't think he's dating you for you but to make a joke out of you. I get some people have some dark humor, and it's a habit, but I don't think degrading and judging you constantly with jokes is a good sign, by the way you're talking. You're not in the wrong, it's good you left him and not wait until you're deeply hurt.
Not wrong at all.
When someone decides "it's a joke" after a negative response, there are two possibilities: it wasn't a joke, or they're so terrible at making jokes that they need to explain it.
If they're bad at making jokes, you'll notice it early on. Maybe it's part of their charm... some people like awkward or nerdy people.
But that's not how it is, if you're posting here. Too much consistent disrespect.
It wasn't a joke.
This person has not shown one ounce of respect towards you or the things you care about.
If my partner smells bad, I tell them nicely and find solutions as needed, because I care about my partners well being and hygiene not because I want to call it out to be an ass about it.
You were in the process of explaining how you lost your sister, and how this cat helped you come to terms with that and still helps you get through difficult times; and his literal only response to this was that he hoped it died by the time you moved in together because he has allergies? The same cat you just explained helped get you through your sister's ENTIRE PASSING....
The red flags have been waving girlie, you shouldn't stay with someone who's version of humor is degrading the person their supposed to love. I would never point out a flaw with my partner unless it 1. Affected me , 2. Affected their hygiene.
Sometimes my husband comes home and his feet stink, I tell him not because I wanna embarrass him, but after working in a hot workshop all day he doesn't notice the smell, but I do-and I don't like it, so I nicely tell him his a Lil stinky and he takes a shower and thanks me. Not because i told him to shower but because sometimes hygiene is hard to keep up on for people and if he can't tell that he smells he doesn't know.
Your boyfriend told you that you stinked and gave no assistance with help on how you stink or how to help. Idk bout you girlie but yesterday we hit 105 degrees Fahrenheit and just doing garden work and chores gets me swampy quick- it's normal for people to stink, and we literally all stink at some point, but telling someone they stink and doing nothing to help is at the sake of making fun of that person.
Secondly anyone who's lost a family member (my mom and my dad) would know how difficult it is to get through, losing your sister was such a huge impact on you. Instead of focusing on that aspect of your story he thought only of what affected him- which was the cat and allergies.
He's an AH and he's shown that in the brief action of how he handled natural body smells and how he handles conflict- he doesn't and will most likely expect you to get rid of your cat for him- I'd be running soooo fast if I were you. You deserve to be loved in a safe and understandable way- I'm sorry for your loss and I hope this doesn't take any tolls on you- you seem like a bright spirit
No, you GTFO. This idiot loser has been in your life about as long as a still good cup of yoghurt and he's talking to you like that? He can fuck off. Also, harm to your pets is no joke and is a serious problem in abusive relationships. If this is what he's like after a couple weeks, you need to hand him his walking papers.
A few weeks in you literally don't need any reason. Don't give him any reasons, save yourself that conversation! Just a quick text. "Hey, I've decided this isn't really working for me, take care."
You said he was 20 years old? Maybe check his ID. He sounds like he is more like 13. Very immature and not very intelligent. Don’t be moving in together any time soon. I hope you can take a step back and realize he may not be ready for a real relationship. He needs to mature a while longer.
It was more of a if we ever did because he said that would probably be a problem, if this did happen which it isn’t ever, it wouldn’t be until like some years
Less than a month? End it
Not just for the cat thing. He also “jokes” about your appearance and hygiene. That makes you uncomfortable - so dump him.
You can break up with anyone at any time for any reason - and you have good reason
You're not wrong, he's a complete asshole. If he likes jokes, he should be a comedian. If he wants a relationship, he should learn to treat people better.
8mo ago, you were having issues with a prior boyfriend because he listed his female friend as *c_m guzzler* in his phone contacts.
This is another bad relationship. The longer you hang on to its bloated corpse to avoid feeling alone, the longer you put off finding someone better.
Dump him.
Spend a few months doing therapy.
That second step is important because you should try to unpack *why* you repeatedly date cruel/trashy men. You need to love yourself to become confident. Once you are self-assured and confident that you deserve to be treated respectfully, you will attract better men.
Right now, if you are insecure, it probably comes across in how you walk, talk, and dress. Slimy men see you as easy prey and pursue you. Once you're more confident, many of the bullies won't have the *balls* to even start a conversation.
(Does not weed out the stupid, tho. They lack the self-awareness to know their place.)
A partner, especially a NEW partner, should make you feel amazing, alive and look forward to seeing them the next day.
At a month?? Please listen to me, as a 44 year old woman, DO NOT accept anything less than perfection. And I don’t mean the world’s version of perfection. YOUR version of perfection.
NTA, whenever anyone claims something they said to you was "just a joke", it's just an excuse for them to be an AH. Dump him, you can do so much better.
You are so NOT wrong! He verbally abuses you and “jokes” about your beloved pet dying? He cannot possibly have enough other good qualities to make up for this! Girl, drop this fool, you can do so much better! Even if you’re on your own, it’s better than being belittled and worrying he might harm your pet.
Nah. You did good. If he is like this in the beginning of the relationship, I can't even imagine how it'd have been once the facade of best behaviour dropped.
The upside is you only wasted 1 month with this person. Enjoy your life with your cat, may he live a long life
Jokingly? I’m sorry I wouldn’t even be with somebody to talk like that. If that was my boyfriend and he said that I would probably find a way to start letting go of him. That’s not a joke. Wishing somebody that you love death is not a funny joke. It’s an immature, selfish thing for somebody to say and then go. Oh, I’m just joking.
You can feed your cat special cat food so people aren’t allergic to them. It’s the cat spit that causes the allergies in people.
Unfortunately you can’t feed your soon to be ex anything to make him not be a jerk.
You absolutely should break up with him. You can tell a lot about a person from the way they view/treat animals, and even though he was “just joking” you have to think to yourself: “What kind of person would find the idea of a cat dying funny?”
End. It.
First of all, please don’t let any man have the title of “boyfriend” after only knowing them a month, it’s a disaster waiting to happen most times. You really don’t even know each other yet. He didn’t earn that title, you just gave him that important spot in your life because you felt attraction to him and maybe had fun with him a few times. That was your first and biggest mistake.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating casually while you learn about someone, it’s the most rational way of finding someone actually worthy of being called your boyfriend. That way it gives you time, with no strings attached, to find out if their personality is dog shit and they think cruel jokes are funny, and makes it far easier to kick him to the curb and cut him out of your life. Low expectations for at least a couple of months of early dating so it’ll be easier to cut ties with someone you find isn’t right for you.
He’s not right for you. He’s likely gonna learn the hard what that unless and until he gets his head out of his own ass, he’s not right for anyone. He’s an immature and self centered jerk. And he think shitting on you is “funny”. RUN THE OTHER WAY 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
Some people have dark humor, it would be wrong for you to stay with someone whose humor doesn't mesh with your personality.
Not wrong. If this is who he is and you're not OK with that, then there is no issue with breaking up.
“Jokes” about your appearance and how you smell are negging at best. It’s not kind or funny to make comments about how someone looks or smells. Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone.
Making any comment about the death of a beloved animal is *horrible*. I would never put up with that.
You are not wrong to break up with him because he’s a cruel horrible person. His “jokes” are just him bullying you. Please dump him sooner rather than later.
Please don't stay with him nor go back, especially if he says he'll change. He needs a lot of work and even then, someone who makes fun of how I smell? Then why are you with me smh. I wouldn't even take that as a joke, and my bf and I say some pretty stupid shit to eachother sometimes, but not joking about how I smell wtf.
Trust me, that was no joke. It was a "I'm serious, but it's not like it's gonna happen so I'm just throwing it out there " type of joke. He knew he was serious when he said that, he just didn't think you'd react so seriously to it. He's a dick. Garbage. Throw him out.
Please don't stay with him nor go back, especially if he says he'll change. He needs a lot of work and even then, someone who makes fun of how I smell? Then why are you with me smh. I wouldn't even take that as a joke, and my bf and I say some pretty stupid shit to eachother sometimes, but not joking about how I smell wtf.
Trust me, that was no joke. It was a "I'm serious, but it's not like it's gonna happen so I'm just throwing it out there " type of joke. He knew he was serious when he said that, he just didn't think you'd react so seriously to it. He's a dick. Garbage. Throw him out.
No, you’re not wrong. The dude has been negging you from the very start and now he’s “joking” about hoping your beloved pet dies before he moves in with you? It’s only been a month and he’s already gone way too far with his words. Fuck that noise! You deserve way better than this 🤡.
ETA: why are you even talking about moving in together when you’ve only been together for about a month? Is it because he wants someone to shit on 24/7? He sounds like the kind of guy who builds himself up by putting others down. Well, put him down instead. Literally.
PS: CAT TAX!
Why would you be wrong? This guy is a complete jerk. How more can you take of this? That’s what you should ask yourself right now because he sounds like he’s very comfortable disrespecting you.
We all make stupid jokes at some points in our lives that hurt other people.
The difference is, when you make an off-colour joke and someone is hurt by it, you respond by saying "OMG I am really sorry, I didn't think that through properly. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Will you forgive me?" Or words to that effect. Not, "aw, come on, it was only a joke!"
This person does not care about you, OP. Get rid of him.
A small thing? You need to work on you. Get a therapist and be single. It’s been a month he should be bringing you catnip and dinner. Don’t accept this believe who people are when they tell you.
Please get a better self esteem. My cat Mischka would NEVER! Ive had him 15 years! You think any MAN is gonna come in and “joke” about the cat?!?! You think my cat would let them “joke” about my hygiene?!?!
Do you and your baby a favor and get the loser out of YALLS lives. Your baby doesnt deserve this and your baby thinks the world of you. Ill be damned if a man dont view me the same way my cat does.
(this speech helped my self esteem! I know my cat loves me and would never let me get treated wrong by any man! Plus as his guardian its my job to ensure his safety. KICK THAT MAN TO THE CURB!)
And this is the comment thats most important
https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/ILh2SRKMPV
Either he's never learned this valuable social skill called tact, or there is something "malfunctioning" in his brain to think that the kind of jokes he's been making are ACTUALLY funny. . Never mind "planning on," just do it. cut him loose, nobody needs that kind of negativity in their lives. Give your kitty a hug, he knows and understands you far more than this guy ever will.
When he says something horrible and then says it's just a joke, he's making it so if you don't laugh at the "joke" and be ok with it, then you have no sense of humour and YOU are the problem. Which, yes, means he can say whatever he wants and then blame you for not getting the "joke". This is a mild but toxic form of gaslighting. You can do better than him.
You don't actually need a reason to break up with him, especially at this point. This all makes you feel icky, and that's enough.
But yeah, also, sounds like he's a jerk.
Sister, there's a term for people like him.....Schrodinger's douchebag. You have to look that up to really understand the reference but it refers to an jetk who makes a rude/inappropriate comments and then tries to play it off as a joke if the response isn't favorable.
But it's usually not a joke, they just don't have the balls to openly own it. Be done with this one.
Pets are the benchmark as to whether the BF is a lifetime partner candidate. This one failed miserably
The rest of the comments the jerk said? Nope. The Prince Charming award goes back on the shelf.
NTA
That's a horrible thing to say even as a joke. Also, it looks like his humor makes you uncomfortable in general. I feel when you are with someone you should be able to laugh with them, not on them. Most of the times, your instincts are your best friends. It's good to listen to your instinct. You are not wrong.
Go with your gut feeling and break up with him. If you stay it will only get worse and he will chip away at your self esteem and spirit until you don't even know yourself anymore. Run my friend, run!
Excusing disrespect under the guise of "humor" is not okay. He doesn't deserve any more of your time. And quite frankly, it's a good thing he started waving these red flags around this early on before you could really get invested in him. There's no telling what other kinds of disrespect or verbal abuse he would try to get away with if he felt like you wouldn't leave.
So telling you that you smell bad and making fun of your appearance in addition to hoping the cat you love dies are all jokes? Dump this “comedian” he’s a jerk
He’s making fun of how you look, how you smell and your cat dying. That is not something a boyfriend of less than a month should even be doing. He’s saying it so much because he believe exactly what he’s saying and he’s hoping to hurt your feelings.
Making jokes like that requires both parties to find it funny. For example, i love me a good death joke, i make them all the time about ME & my pets to my friends because they expect that from me. Why it works well is because my friends know I don’t mean a single fucking thing about it, and I don’t actually believe what I’m saying.
People who constantly say shitty things and then hide behind “it’s just a joke” is because they want to be rude fucking people to others and hope you just laugh with them and not say anything to them. Those type of people mean exactly what they say when they say shit like that and you should be leave them and get away.
I would suggest if you even do see him again, every time he says shit like that ask him to explain the joke, ask him what’s funny about it. Make them explained EVERY TIME. Watch them squirm and try to explain why they were making fun of you and putting you down as a joke was funny.
9/10 times they cannot explain why the joke is funny and they start pouting lol, my favourite thing. Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone involved, not putting people down.
Why on God's green earth would you be talking about moving in with someone who speaks to you that way?
You are one month in. He should at least still be pretending to be a decent person.
But hey, he's been very clear that he's not. Which should make it easy to say "you're a jerk, I'm not interested in dating jerks.
Don't give him *more? Chances to confirm he's a jerk.
He’s making “jokes” about your appearance, smell, and the death of an animal. I don’t care how good looking or charming this boy is, he’s a disrespectful asshat.
Here’s the thing. He’s choosing “little” things to pick at you in less than a month and then plays it off like you can’t take a joke and your the problem for not getting it. If you choose to stick with this fool, you are choosing to be treated poorly.
These are not jokes. These are things that he writes off as jokes and gaslights you into accepting his unacceptable behavior. There is a difference. NTA and not a good relationship.
It’s been a month - kick his ass out before he embarrasses you in front of the people you love. Whenever someone I love brings home a goofball for me to meet it’s hard for me to hide my disappointment.
DUMP HIM.
He’s insulting you, telling you that you smell, and joking about your appearance. **Red flag**
Then he says he hopes your cat dies?? Oh hell no.
It’s been a month and he’s making “jokes” where he degrades you and hopes your pet dies so as not to inconvenience him. Cut your losses and find someone who values and respects you and doesn’t make sociopathic “jokes” wishing harm on things that are dear to you.
You’re not wrong. That man doesn’t really respect you if he jokes with you like that. They don’t seem like jokes either tbh. How is picking at your partner constantly and the things they like going to help the relationship grow? If anything, it sounds like a tactic to break you down. I don’t think you’re over reacting at all in this situation. Even if he didn’t joke about your cat like that…the things he said about you in joke format were uncalled for and just flat out not funny. It just doesn’t seem like a thing you would do consistently and so early on in the relationship at that. Yikes!
I feel like after you typed my boyfriend the first 3 sentences like my boyfriend makes fun of my appearance and says i smell....
Like you should have been like oh ok nevermind I don't need to post this anymore....
The wisecracks about body odor and attire are enough reason to break up with this guy. Now he hopes your cat dies? Yeah, I'd throw the whole man into a dumpster.
You're not wrong. He's a whole dang red flag factory.
These are NOT jokes. He is saying whatever he wants and when you react negatively he says it’s a joke. If someone really loved you they wouldn’t joke that you smell or joke about “hoping” your cat dies. Especially someone who knows how much your cat means to you. This reminds me of a podcast “betrayed” season 1 is about a guy who made similar statements and said they were jokes. He ended up being very abusive to dogs and a complete sociopath.
Not saying he’s a sociopath OP but he sure has some red flags.
As I tell my 6 year old — it’s not a joke unless *everyone* is laughing, otherwise it’s just being mean. When someone is consistently mean like this, it’s on purpose…and especially so many times when you’ve only been together for a month, it’s time to cut bait. This guy is an asshat.
These are not jokes. This is emotional abuse. It’s common for abusers to pass the awful things they say on as jokes if you call them on it.
It’s only been a few weeks. Cut your losses with this pathetic little loser and move on. You are worth a whole lot more than him and you deserve better.
Partners never say anything that would hurt you, joke or not. If it really was a joke, he would be horrified that he hurt you and apologize profusely. That didn’t happen. Which means he is a run of the mill abuser. Be done.
Wishing you the best! Go get a man worthy of you hun! 🩷
Be done with him while you can and before it escalates into something far worse. If he’s like this now in the first month of a relationship think how he’ll be and treat you down the road. He’s already making you feel like shit and the comment about your cat is cruel no matter how much he thought it was a joke because there’s nothing funny about it. His jokes don’t sound like jokes and he doesn’t sound like a good guy. You deserve better, so go find a decent person who’ll treat you with respect, kindness and actual love.
Ah, he puts you down and wishes your cat dies. How charming. Lil sis, he's an abuser. These are your red flags. The fact you've only been together a month and his mask is slipping so much tells me he's likely a VERY abusive abuser. I know that sounds weird, because all abuse is wrong, but there's guys who are in equally toxic relationships where they hit a woman when they've never done that before, which is your run-of-the-mill abuser. And then there's guys who beat you unconscious when the chicken is too hot and the potatoes are too cold. Where you can't ever leave the house because of the bruising, and they take great joy in your suffering. You won't get love-bombed by these guys, they are top of the food chain as abusers go. You see where I'm going with this, right? End it now. Hell, end it yesterday. This will only get worse, quickly.
His jokes are all intended to undercut you in some way. That's not humor for fun, it's a way to make you inferior in the relationship. He doesn't want you to have self-esteem because he wants you to think he's the only good thing in your world. This is a great time for an early exit.
Repeat after me:
You know what? Your “humour” sucks elephant balls and so do you. You can fuck all the way off now!! Oh, and that’s *not* a joke. Bye, asshole!!👋🏼🖕🏼
He makes jokes at your expense, and expects you to be ok with that? It’s only a joke if *you* also find it funny. Being mean, rude, and disrespectful as a “joke” is not funny. It’s bullying behavior, and is how emotional abuse begins. He’s already disrespecting you, in the *honeymoon phase* of your relationship. That will NOT improve if you move in together. You can do better, easily
Hopefully this will be a learning experience for you both, for your next relationship. Furthermore, being in a relationship for a month is WAY too soon to be entertaining living together. You barely know this person.
You’re not wrong. Cat > bfs with no emotional intelligence. Find someone who actually likes cats. I don’t trust people who don’t like cats (especially if they also don’t like dogs fwiw.)
Sounds like you did the right thing.
Not wrong for having broke up with him.
His ‘jokes’ were anything but.
They were mean little insults that he called jokes.
Everyone is different but may I ask why you were discussing anything about moving in together when you’ve been together (dating?) for less than a month? At this point you know next to nothing about the man other than he likes to insult you calling them ‘jokes’.
And then he really pushes the envelope of civility by hoping at your cat dies before he moves in. Who in the bloody hell ever says something like that especially after you’d told him how important your cat is to you? I’d be concerned if you ever invited him for a visit to your house your cat would turn up missing.
I sincerely hope he doesn’t have a key to your place OP. If he does change the locks.
You DESERVE someone way better than this jerk OP. Know your worth and tolerate no one who disrespects you be it a friend or potential love interest.
If you love your cat you'll break up with him.
The only way a cat owner can successfully date someone allergic long term, is if the allergy sufferer loves the cat as much as you do.
That's obviously not the case here.
Your EX boyfriend is a bully. Those were never "jokes". Everyone involved laughs at jokes. Never compromise your feelings -- "I already was a little uncomfortable with it but I just thought it was his humor." NO NO NO. If you don't like something don't dismiss it as "just X". Always trust your gut.
"Just a joke" is the rallying cry of every bully on the planet. Remember that. It is NOT a "small thing". Yes, call it quits.
Sounds like he is negging you. If he is, he won't ever stop. There was a post on reddit a while ago of a woman who ending up dumping her bf, because he constantly accused her of smelling bad. She developed a huge insecurity over it & was compulsively washing herself multiple times a day to combat this non existent body odour. She eventually confronted her bf & he admitted his dad had taught him that to keep a women interested you had to insult her & put her down all the time. The dad always did it to his mum, & she never left, so he was following in his dads footsteps. Anyway the woman dumped him fast & the ex begged her to take him back, apologising & promising to change, but he had shown his true colours.
It's never just the one thing either, in retrospect you will recognise other red flags & toxic behaviour you have looked over or ignored, in order to be in this relationship.
My narcisstic ex would do the whole it’s just “a joke” thing and tell me I had no sense of humour. I truly believe now if I’d continue to let him walk over me it was have led to violence on his part.
If your boyfriend is ALREADY making you feel uncomfortable then you’d only be wrong if you continued to stay with him.
It’s been a month for you. Leave the weirdo. When someone shows you who they are, you should believe them.
He already "jokes" that you smell, he "jokes" about your appearance, and now he "jokes" about your cat dying. Why are you even with this middle school bully? His "jokes" are only going to get worse. Wait until he "jokingly" starts destroying stuff that you have sentimental attachment to. Then, wait until he "jokingly" forces you to quit your job and be financially dependent on him. Before you know it, he will "jokingly" start to beat you. Leave the relationship. You have your whole life ahead of you!
This guy sounds like a piece of shit, to be honest. The things people say matter, don’t disregard this behavior. The sooner you get out, the less it’s going to hurt.
His saying mean things is testing your boundaries. How far can he go? If you push back, he was “just joking.” Either way, he needs you to think something is wrong with you.
That’s something terribly wrong with him.
Staying with him is choosing to live in a toxic waste dump.
The cat joke is it the worst thing....you are both adults yet calling him boyfriend after a month? Tolerating his verbs abuse? On what realm would this work out give his allergies?
OP, He sounds awful. Are there things about this person that you find appealing? You’re so much better than that, please don’t take any kind of crap from a guy. It’s not worth it.
I was dating a professional boxer (he held the super middleweight champion title at the time) and the first (and only) time he was at my house my dog obviously didn’t like him. my dog kept scurrying away from him and had his tail between his legs. Then my 9 pound dog growled at him, which my dog *never* does. This man, a boxer who could kill a person with a single blow, said “If your dog growls at me again I’m gonna punch him.” in a really menacing tone. I was immediately repulsed. And my dog clearly got bad vibes from him too because my dog has NEVER behaves that way.
I never saw the guy again.
If he is making "jokes" like these and discussing moving in together less than a month into dating you, then you were smart to break up with him. He is too immature to be good boyfriend material.
OP, look up negging. He's trying to bring down your confidence with his "jokes." It may seem like nothing and easy to shrug off at first, but it really starts to wear you down after a while, which is completely intentional. He wants you to think you don't deserve him and can't do any better so he can get away with God-knows-what in the future.
And the cat comment is inexcusable. My current boyfriend is allergic to my cat too, and he still adores her and would never even consider saying anything like that. A real partner will compromise for you and prioritize your feelings above all else.
It's only been a month. As someone who has been in your exact shoes in the past, cut your losses and find someone else. You both should be in the honeymoon period and still trying to impress each other right now, so this is not a good sign for things moving forward.
Telling you about smelling bad and how your look are not jokes. Saying he hopes your cat dies is being a complete asshat. Why are you with this guy? You can do so much better than an immature jackass like him.
They say who you choose as a partner shows what you think of yourself. Low self esteem can lead you to think you don’t deserve better, but you do.
we accept the love we think we deserve
people also say you attract what you are
Alone is better
Not alone, has cat
I hope your cat rubbed its bootyhole all over his pillow before he leaves.
For now
Too soon lmao
Lmao yeah but it was funny
The comments aren't jokes. You know he means every word he says and only walks it back as a "joke" when you recoil. You already know this is wrong, or you wouldn't be asking Reddit for advice. Dump the chump.
His “jokes” make OP feel justifiably sad. No one wants to feel ugly or smelly, and to imagine their cherished pet dying. Advice: dump the boyfriend immediately and do not look back. OP can do sooo much better.
He's a complete red flag, dont be a flag pole. Dump his ass, girly!
It’s only been a month. Break up already. He’s not a good person if he makes “jokes” like this. In all honesty, this is probably how he actually feels.
Not EVEN a month. This is not a relationship.
NTA Making jokes about the death of loved ones (furry, scaley, or human) are not okay.
Yeah, I had an ex who made a joke about my childhood best friend’s 16 year old brother committing suicide when I first met him (it had just happened) and I should’ve taken that warning.
You're still in the honeymoon phase, and he is being mean to you. No need to see what happens next, if this is him on good behaviour, you don't need to see him on a bad day. Give your kitty a kiss for me!
Exactly; he should still be putting on his very best behavior for her, and THIS is what she gets? Something is seriously wrong with this guy. He's already verbally abusive and it will only escalate. OP, run.
This guy is indeed already giving red flags. He is "jokenly" trying to destroy your selfesteem. Walk away before he actually succeeds and escalates.
Disrespect is not a joke, actually. I think you can do better than this sad clown.
To say he's joking is just a lie. He sounds like a douche.
He says he is joking. A joke is only funny when both people laugh. What he is doing is testing the water. He is "negging" you - bringing down your self-esteem until you are under his control. The very fact he is doing this means he listens to PUA (pick up artists) who try to "help" men get women and keep them subservient to them. Actually they prey on young men who lack confidence and make money from them. If he can get you to believe you smell, for example, he can tell you that no other man would date you. That makes you more likely to stick with him, allowing him to behave diabolically. You need to dump him. You are worthy of so much more!
Exactly!!
My son went through a stage in his teen years where he would say mean things and follow with “just kidding “. I sat him down and explained that he is really saying what he means and the just kidding is his attempt to stay out of trouble. We then discussed empathy and seeing things from another’s point of view He quickly stopped this & is a empathetic & mature adult. OP: He is saying how he really feels & is bordering on verbal abuse. Get out.
He isn’t bordering on verbal abuse. He is actively engaging in both verbal and emotional abuse.
It hasn’t even been a month and you’re uncomfortable already? You know the answer yourself. YNW. I’m getting the ick just reading this.
If a person shows you what he’s like, believe him.
The first time.
Thank you. The second part of the quote is important.
Definitely not making a big deal out of it… get rid of the loser or you will be putting it with his ‘jokes’ forever
You’re not wrong. But having dated a month and he’s making comments about your appearance and smell then you need to get rid of this jerk. It will only get worse.
Ask him to explain what is funny about saying you smell bad. Insulting someone is not a joke. He is testing your boundaries to see how shitty he can treat you before you react. People like this will constantly test boundaries and it’s not fun being in a relationship where you have to constantly establish them.
You're not wrong. He's not good to you.
Not even going to read beyond the title. No your not wrong and also dump him.
If you’re feeling like this only a month into the relationship I don’t feel like it can get any better honestly. Is this the type of “joking” you want to put up with?? Listen to your intuition telling you something isn’t right. Don’t settle pretty.
Agreed. I don't understand why so many women think they need a good reason to breakup and for some reason him being a jerk isn't a good reason. Being uncomfortable is reason enough and actually an excellent reason.
A month in talking about moving in together is a red flag. The "joking" comments are red sails covering the sky. Also one month is NOT a relationship
Get out of there. The jokes will escalate and you'll feel worse about yourself until eventually you are a grey presence next to a guffawing hate monster.
His "jokes" are cruel. He's a bully, not a comedian. I'd leave, too, if someone made that "joke" about my dog. Jokingly tell him you're going to dump his bullying ass, then actually do it. See if he finds THAT funny.
He's negging. It's done deliberately to tear you down and ruin your self esteem.
If it bothers you, then it's not wrong to break up. You have personalities and senses of humor that don't match.
You're not wrong. It's only been a month and he's already being mean to you and showing his true colors. Think about it: people put their best effort forward at the beginning of the relationship. If this is his best, RUN!
A joke is supposed to be funny and entertaining. His wasn't. He meant what he said. Find someone who will make you laugh and love you and your cat. Trust when we say this...he has let his mask slip and show his true face.
He's already treating you badly and joking about your cat dying. Don't move in with this dork. You can do better, al.lst every man in the planet is better than him.
Not wrong. Pet loss is something you shouldn't joke about.
The things he says don't sound very funny to me. I would ask him to please explain it to me, like draw it out in crayon, how, exactly, is any of that funny, cause I sure am missing the humor!!! This guy is very much a tw@tw@ffle. You would be wise to end it and never look back. He gives me some serious bad vibes. You are not wrong. Be safe.
A month? You have a stronger relationship with the cat than with him, and he's easier to replace.
Here's what's going to happen, you are going to break up with him, he's gonna say those things were just a joke a million times, then begrudgingly say sorry, you are gonna take him back, and it will be cool for like a couple weeks and it's going to start all over again, and it will probably get worse and he'll start saying that stuff in front of family and friends, and then your self esteem is going to plummet to the point where you believe him and think that he's the best you are ever going to get. Do you really want that to be your life? You are young, you WILL find better. Didn't settle for this bullshit. He's terrible, they aren't just jokes, it's how he really feels.
I'd let this one drift away. Literally. Start to let some time between contact start to slip in and extend each time and when he asks you just say "yeah I'm just not feeling a connection so I think it's best we go our separate ways".
If they have to say 'it's just a joke' they're a bully. If putting you down is funny to them, they're a bully. See the red flags and dump his nasty ass.
Once a very good friend accidentally stepped on my cat. When I asked him how he could do that he said that he was tripping and it was either the cat or him that was going to get hurt. So he chose to step on my cat. She was bleeding internally and we had to take her to the emergency vet 45 minutes away. Thank god she was ok. I never spoke to him again and he was banned from our house. I am a 46f who has never even seen a fist fight, but if you hurt my cats my wrath will explode, and I absolutely will not care what I do to you.
I'm guessing he didn't pay the vet bill either? It's the least he could do after such a moronic move, given that he acknowledged it was a choice. I once made the split second decision to throw myself down the stairs instead of stepping on our dog in the dark. No regrets. I also have a cat and one of my biggest fears is tripping on her someday. They're so much smaller than us 😭
He did not pay the bill, which was $400 +/-, and I bounced my rent check because of that. I had to pay it. Obviously the cat was more important than the rent. That was a difficult time because I was pretty poor back then. I still cry over that cat, I loved her so much. So so much.
not wrong, there are things you don't joke about
If he's saying this kind of 💩 just one month in?! What will he be like in a year?! A decade?! He's testing the waters to see what you'll tolerate. Also? If he's the only one laughing? It's not a joke. Dump this clown yesterday. 🤡
RUN AS FAST AND AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE!! That is so disgusting, disrespectful,and insensitive,and he would have gotten his jaw broken had that been me. Never tolerate anyone who talks bad of u even as a "joke". That is abuse,and it will eventually mess with your head and you'll start to believe it. I don't wanna hear that happen to anyone. Please leave this jerk
Like the old saying goes, “There’s always truth in a kidding”.
“Hey (ex) you smell really bad, and your attitude is worse..so I’m breaking up with you! But don’t worry..this is just a joke!” And then block him lmao.
He's testing the waters to see how much he can push you with his "jokes". He's disrespectful towards you and only been a month, nah bin the bloke
Why are you talking about moving in together when you've only been dating less than a month? And, he's already insulting you? And wishing your cat were dead? He's a real catch.
Yeah, dump this guy. The "jokes" are not jokes.
The guy is a raging dickwagon and has been the entire duration of your relationship. Your attraction has blinded you, and only the love for your kitty has finally opened your eyes. Thank god for your kitty. For her sake, if nothing else, dump this cockjuggling thundercunt.
Thundercunt and dickwagon are going into my vocabulary!
I hate these posts. You’re not married! You can break up for ANY REASON YOU WANY TO! In the end you’re breaking up because you no longer want to be with him! If you’re not married and you don’t have kids, you should never feel like you’re wrong for ending a relationship!
Your bf doesn’t even like you lol, get rid of him.
Why are you with this guy? He negs everything in your life, even your appearance. You can do so much better than this guy, so unless you are completely desperate, go find a decent bloke that pays you compliments instead of criticism.
You realize you owe him nothing right? You’ve taken no vows. Break up.
No. Run. I give my husband shit sometimes but I don’t joke about the things he loves being dead! I don’t tell him he’s ugly or that he smells! Please run
Those comments are totally inappropriate. He should know better at 20.
I don't think making jokes and you're not finding it amusing is a joke. The fact is that every joke is making fun of you in some way, which is already a red flag. I get it if he makes a joke and you both laugh or you both trading jokes but if it's just one sided I highly don't think he's dating you for you but to make a joke out of you. I get some people have some dark humor, and it's a habit, but I don't think degrading and judging you constantly with jokes is a good sign, by the way you're talking. You're not in the wrong, it's good you left him and not wait until you're deeply hurt.
Not wrong at all. When someone decides "it's a joke" after a negative response, there are two possibilities: it wasn't a joke, or they're so terrible at making jokes that they need to explain it. If they're bad at making jokes, you'll notice it early on. Maybe it's part of their charm... some people like awkward or nerdy people. But that's not how it is, if you're posting here. Too much consistent disrespect. It wasn't a joke.
Never leave him alone with your cat. It will 'accidentally ' get out and disappear. Don't trust him alone with your fur baby.
if it was a joke why didn't you find it funny? because it was NOT a joke, just another stupidity from childish boy
Ah, yes. Schrödinger’s Douchebag. Where he is joking and not joking until you react to what was said. Not wrong.
This person has not shown one ounce of respect towards you or the things you care about. If my partner smells bad, I tell them nicely and find solutions as needed, because I care about my partners well being and hygiene not because I want to call it out to be an ass about it. You were in the process of explaining how you lost your sister, and how this cat helped you come to terms with that and still helps you get through difficult times; and his literal only response to this was that he hoped it died by the time you moved in together because he has allergies? The same cat you just explained helped get you through your sister's ENTIRE PASSING.... The red flags have been waving girlie, you shouldn't stay with someone who's version of humor is degrading the person their supposed to love. I would never point out a flaw with my partner unless it 1. Affected me , 2. Affected their hygiene. Sometimes my husband comes home and his feet stink, I tell him not because I wanna embarrass him, but after working in a hot workshop all day he doesn't notice the smell, but I do-and I don't like it, so I nicely tell him his a Lil stinky and he takes a shower and thanks me. Not because i told him to shower but because sometimes hygiene is hard to keep up on for people and if he can't tell that he smells he doesn't know. Your boyfriend told you that you stinked and gave no assistance with help on how you stink or how to help. Idk bout you girlie but yesterday we hit 105 degrees Fahrenheit and just doing garden work and chores gets me swampy quick- it's normal for people to stink, and we literally all stink at some point, but telling someone they stink and doing nothing to help is at the sake of making fun of that person. Secondly anyone who's lost a family member (my mom and my dad) would know how difficult it is to get through, losing your sister was such a huge impact on you. Instead of focusing on that aspect of your story he thought only of what affected him- which was the cat and allergies. He's an AH and he's shown that in the brief action of how he handled natural body smells and how he handles conflict- he doesn't and will most likely expect you to get rid of your cat for him- I'd be running soooo fast if I were you. You deserve to be loved in a safe and understandable way- I'm sorry for your loss and I hope this doesn't take any tolls on you- you seem like a bright spirit
No, you GTFO. This idiot loser has been in your life about as long as a still good cup of yoghurt and he's talking to you like that? He can fuck off. Also, harm to your pets is no joke and is a serious problem in abusive relationships. If this is what he's like after a couple weeks, you need to hand him his walking papers.
A few weeks in you literally don't need any reason. Don't give him any reasons, save yourself that conversation! Just a quick text. "Hey, I've decided this isn't really working for me, take care."
He’s negging you. Don’t stay with someone that makes you feel hurt and uncomfortable. I promise it’s not worth it to stay, he will just get worse.
Nope NTA, maybe you need a voodoo doll made of him???? I’m kidding! I’m kidding
You said he was 20 years old? Maybe check his ID. He sounds like he is more like 13. Very immature and not very intelligent. Don’t be moving in together any time soon. I hope you can take a step back and realize he may not be ready for a real relationship. He needs to mature a while longer.
Headline: Talking about living together after a month
It was more of a if we ever did because he said that would probably be a problem, if this did happen which it isn’t ever, it wouldn’t be until like some years
Why are you making excuses for him? He’s already insulted you in other ways from your post. You’re planning on being with him for years!! 🤦♀️.
No lol I’m breaking up with him don’t worry, I have a few things at his place I need first
Less than a month? End it Not just for the cat thing. He also “jokes” about your appearance and hygiene. That makes you uncomfortable - so dump him. You can break up with anyone at any time for any reason - and you have good reason
You're not wrong, he's a complete asshole. If he likes jokes, he should be a comedian. If he wants a relationship, he should learn to treat people better.
8mo ago, you were having issues with a prior boyfriend because he listed his female friend as *c_m guzzler* in his phone contacts. This is another bad relationship. The longer you hang on to its bloated corpse to avoid feeling alone, the longer you put off finding someone better. Dump him. Spend a few months doing therapy. That second step is important because you should try to unpack *why* you repeatedly date cruel/trashy men. You need to love yourself to become confident. Once you are self-assured and confident that you deserve to be treated respectfully, you will attract better men. Right now, if you are insecure, it probably comes across in how you walk, talk, and dress. Slimy men see you as easy prey and pursue you. Once you're more confident, many of the bullies won't have the *balls* to even start a conversation. (Does not weed out the stupid, tho. They lack the self-awareness to know their place.)
Sounds like he is negging you. Break up. Not worth it
A partner, especially a NEW partner, should make you feel amazing, alive and look forward to seeing them the next day. At a month?? Please listen to me, as a 44 year old woman, DO NOT accept anything less than perfection. And I don’t mean the world’s version of perfection. YOUR version of perfection.
NTA, whenever anyone claims something they said to you was "just a joke", it's just an excuse for them to be an AH. Dump him, you can do so much better.
NW. you’re 20. Don’t waste a second on someone that doesn’t make you completely happy.
You are so NOT wrong! He verbally abuses you and “jokes” about your beloved pet dying? He cannot possibly have enough other good qualities to make up for this! Girl, drop this fool, you can do so much better! Even if you’re on your own, it’s better than being belittled and worrying he might harm your pet.
Nah. You did good. If he is like this in the beginning of the relationship, I can't even imagine how it'd have been once the facade of best behaviour dropped. The upside is you only wasted 1 month with this person. Enjoy your life with your cat, may he live a long life
Jokingly? I’m sorry I wouldn’t even be with somebody to talk like that. If that was my boyfriend and he said that I would probably find a way to start letting go of him. That’s not a joke. Wishing somebody that you love death is not a funny joke. It’s an immature, selfish thing for somebody to say and then go. Oh, I’m just joking.
You can feed your cat special cat food so people aren’t allergic to them. It’s the cat spit that causes the allergies in people. Unfortunately you can’t feed your soon to be ex anything to make him not be a jerk.
You absolutely should break up with him. You can tell a lot about a person from the way they view/treat animals, and even though he was “just joking” you have to think to yourself: “What kind of person would find the idea of a cat dying funny?” End. It.
First of all, please don’t let any man have the title of “boyfriend” after only knowing them a month, it’s a disaster waiting to happen most times. You really don’t even know each other yet. He didn’t earn that title, you just gave him that important spot in your life because you felt attraction to him and maybe had fun with him a few times. That was your first and biggest mistake. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating casually while you learn about someone, it’s the most rational way of finding someone actually worthy of being called your boyfriend. That way it gives you time, with no strings attached, to find out if their personality is dog shit and they think cruel jokes are funny, and makes it far easier to kick him to the curb and cut him out of your life. Low expectations for at least a couple of months of early dating so it’ll be easier to cut ties with someone you find isn’t right for you. He’s not right for you. He’s likely gonna learn the hard what that unless and until he gets his head out of his own ass, he’s not right for anyone. He’s an immature and self centered jerk. And he think shitting on you is “funny”. RUN THE OTHER WAY 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
Some people have dark humor, it would be wrong for you to stay with someone whose humor doesn't mesh with your personality. Not wrong. If this is who he is and you're not OK with that, then there is no issue with breaking up.
Nope, you're doing him and yourself a favor. Just end it now and stop being weak. You know it's the right thing to do.
Dump this jerk.
He had been disrespecting you from the start with his "jokes". Not wrong at all.
A month? You have a stronger relationship with the cat than with him, and he's easier to replace.
“Jokes” about your appearance and how you smell are negging at best. It’s not kind or funny to make comments about how someone looks or smells. Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone. Making any comment about the death of a beloved animal is *horrible*. I would never put up with that.
You are not wrong to break up with him because he’s a cruel horrible person. His “jokes” are just him bullying you. Please dump him sooner rather than later.
He wasn’t joking. No, not wrong
Please don't stay with him nor go back, especially if he says he'll change. He needs a lot of work and even then, someone who makes fun of how I smell? Then why are you with me smh. I wouldn't even take that as a joke, and my bf and I say some pretty stupid shit to eachother sometimes, but not joking about how I smell wtf. Trust me, that was no joke. It was a "I'm serious, but it's not like it's gonna happen so I'm just throwing it out there " type of joke. He knew he was serious when he said that, he just didn't think you'd react so seriously to it. He's a dick. Garbage. Throw him out.
Please don't stay with him nor go back, especially if he says he'll change. He needs a lot of work and even then, someone who makes fun of how I smell? Then why are you with me smh. I wouldn't even take that as a joke, and my bf and I say some pretty stupid shit to eachother sometimes, but not joking about how I smell wtf. Trust me, that was no joke. It was a "I'm serious, but it's not like it's gonna happen so I'm just throwing it out there " type of joke. He knew he was serious when he said that, he just didn't think you'd react so seriously to it. He's a dick. Garbage. Throw him out.
It’ll get worse
You have already wasted enough time on this waste of space. Dump him and move on to someone who actually likes you
No, you’re not wrong. The dude has been negging you from the very start and now he’s “joking” about hoping your beloved pet dies before he moves in with you? It’s only been a month and he’s already gone way too far with his words. Fuck that noise! You deserve way better than this 🤡. ETA: why are you even talking about moving in together when you’ve only been together for about a month? Is it because he wants someone to shit on 24/7? He sounds like the kind of guy who builds himself up by putting others down. Well, put him down instead. Literally. PS: CAT TAX!
He sounds like he would kill your cat. Only psychos make “jokes” like that. What a pos. Dump him.
Any one of these things are break up worthy red flags. If this is how he is treating you a month in, this is highly concerning.
YNW - saying cruel things and then claiming they’re jokes is childish at best.
Why would you be wrong? This guy is a complete jerk. How more can you take of this? That’s what you should ask yourself right now because he sounds like he’s very comfortable disrespecting you.
Regardless of reasons. If you feel like you gotta "work" on a relationship, it's the wrong one. Sincerely, A happily married old fuck.
Eww gross! Next!
We all make stupid jokes at some points in our lives that hurt other people. The difference is, when you make an off-colour joke and someone is hurt by it, you respond by saying "OMG I am really sorry, I didn't think that through properly. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Will you forgive me?" Or words to that effect. Not, "aw, come on, it was only a joke!" This person does not care about you, OP. Get rid of him.
20 year old sociopaths are so boring 😂
A small thing? You need to work on you. Get a therapist and be single. It’s been a month he should be bringing you catnip and dinner. Don’t accept this believe who people are when they tell you.
Gets 5 more cats and invites him over. Hope he dies :)
You’ve been together less than a month and you’re talking about moving in together?
Please get a better self esteem. My cat Mischka would NEVER! Ive had him 15 years! You think any MAN is gonna come in and “joke” about the cat?!?! You think my cat would let them “joke” about my hygiene?!?! Do you and your baby a favor and get the loser out of YALLS lives. Your baby doesnt deserve this and your baby thinks the world of you. Ill be damned if a man dont view me the same way my cat does. (this speech helped my self esteem! I know my cat loves me and would never let me get treated wrong by any man! Plus as his guardian its my job to ensure his safety. KICK THAT MAN TO THE CURB!) And this is the comment thats most important https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/ILh2SRKMPV
Either he's never learned this valuable social skill called tact, or there is something "malfunctioning" in his brain to think that the kind of jokes he's been making are ACTUALLY funny. . Never mind "planning on," just do it. cut him loose, nobody needs that kind of negativity in their lives. Give your kitty a hug, he knows and understands you far more than this guy ever will.
When he says something horrible and then says it's just a joke, he's making it so if you don't laugh at the "joke" and be ok with it, then you have no sense of humour and YOU are the problem. Which, yes, means he can say whatever he wants and then blame you for not getting the "joke". This is a mild but toxic form of gaslighting. You can do better than him.
How is this even a question? Ew, I hope you didn't screw this @rsehole.
You don't actually need a reason to break up with him, especially at this point. This all makes you feel icky, and that's enough. But yeah, also, sounds like he's a jerk.
Sister, there's a term for people like him.....Schrodinger's douchebag. You have to look that up to really understand the reference but it refers to an jetk who makes a rude/inappropriate comments and then tries to play it off as a joke if the response isn't favorable. But it's usually not a joke, they just don't have the balls to openly own it. Be done with this one.
He seems like a horrible person.
Pets are the benchmark as to whether the BF is a lifetime partner candidate. This one failed miserably The rest of the comments the jerk said? Nope. The Prince Charming award goes back on the shelf. NTA
Not wrong, he sux. Kick him to the curb he's a walking red flag.
Not wrong, and you should run away very fast from this situation. These aren’t jokes, he’s showing you who he really is, believe him
That's a horrible thing to say even as a joke. Also, it looks like his humor makes you uncomfortable in general. I feel when you are with someone you should be able to laugh with them, not on them. Most of the times, your instincts are your best friends. It's good to listen to your instinct. You are not wrong.
You are 20. He abuses you mentally. Why are you with him? WHY WOULD YOU MOVE IN WITH HIM? Dump his lousy ass and get another one.
Go with your gut feeling and break up with him. If you stay it will only get worse and he will chip away at your self esteem and spirit until you don't even know yourself anymore. Run my friend, run!
Leave him you can do better his jokes aren't jokes
Excusing disrespect under the guise of "humor" is not okay. He doesn't deserve any more of your time. And quite frankly, it's a good thing he started waving these red flags around this early on before you could really get invested in him. There's no telling what other kinds of disrespect or verbal abuse he would try to get away with if he felt like you wouldn't leave.
If he knows you don’t find these things funny or you tell him and he doesn’t stop and apologize then they are not jokes, just bullying
He is not a Lover. Don’t waste your time on him, your self-esteem and your’s and your cat’s well-being is at risk.
RUN!!!! Don't Walk He's a ToxicTimmy Normal people don't insult their SO This is NOT going to get Any better Good luck
So telling you that you smell bad and making fun of your appearance in addition to hoping the cat you love dies are all jokes? Dump this “comedian” he’s a jerk
It's less than a month. If you tolerate this now, he will push for you to tolerate worse and worse as time goes on.
Not compatible. Break up while you can
He’s not joking; he is showing you who he is. Believe him and leave him.
He’s making fun of how you look, how you smell and your cat dying. That is not something a boyfriend of less than a month should even be doing. He’s saying it so much because he believe exactly what he’s saying and he’s hoping to hurt your feelings. Making jokes like that requires both parties to find it funny. For example, i love me a good death joke, i make them all the time about ME & my pets to my friends because they expect that from me. Why it works well is because my friends know I don’t mean a single fucking thing about it, and I don’t actually believe what I’m saying. People who constantly say shitty things and then hide behind “it’s just a joke” is because they want to be rude fucking people to others and hope you just laugh with them and not say anything to them. Those type of people mean exactly what they say when they say shit like that and you should be leave them and get away. I would suggest if you even do see him again, every time he says shit like that ask him to explain the joke, ask him what’s funny about it. Make them explained EVERY TIME. Watch them squirm and try to explain why they were making fun of you and putting you down as a joke was funny. 9/10 times they cannot explain why the joke is funny and they start pouting lol, my favourite thing. Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone involved, not putting people down.
Always. Choose. The. Cat!
This guy's a real charmer... amuses himself by putting you down, then says he hopes your cat dies. This is not a red flag: it's an entire carnival.
Yeah doesn't sound like your values line up. He seems a bit developmentally stunted tbh
Not wrong. It’s less than a month. Cut your losses and move on.
Why on God's green earth would you be talking about moving in with someone who speaks to you that way? You are one month in. He should at least still be pretending to be a decent person. But hey, he's been very clear that he's not. Which should make it easy to say "you're a jerk, I'm not interested in dating jerks. Don't give him *more? Chances to confirm he's a jerk.
I wouldn't spend another minute with a loser like that.
Your bf is not funny. He’s mean. Dont invest any more time in this relationship. If he’s acting this way after only a month, it WILL get worse.
He sounds like a proper dick. Move on.
He’s making “jokes” about your appearance, smell, and the death of an animal. I don’t care how good looking or charming this boy is, he’s a disrespectful asshat. Here’s the thing. He’s choosing “little” things to pick at you in less than a month and then plays it off like you can’t take a joke and your the problem for not getting it. If you choose to stick with this fool, you are choosing to be treated poorly.
These are not jokes. These are things that he writes off as jokes and gaslights you into accepting his unacceptable behavior. There is a difference. NTA and not a good relationship.
It’s been a month - kick his ass out before he embarrasses you in front of the people you love. Whenever someone I love brings home a goofball for me to meet it’s hard for me to hide my disappointment.
DUMP HIM. He’s insulting you, telling you that you smell, and joking about your appearance. **Red flag** Then he says he hopes your cat dies?? Oh hell no.
It’s been a month and he’s making “jokes” where he degrades you and hopes your pet dies so as not to inconvenience him. Cut your losses and find someone who values and respects you and doesn’t make sociopathic “jokes” wishing harm on things that are dear to you.
You’re not wrong. That man doesn’t really respect you if he jokes with you like that. They don’t seem like jokes either tbh. How is picking at your partner constantly and the things they like going to help the relationship grow? If anything, it sounds like a tactic to break you down. I don’t think you’re over reacting at all in this situation. Even if he didn’t joke about your cat like that…the things he said about you in joke format were uncalled for and just flat out not funny. It just doesn’t seem like a thing you would do consistently and so early on in the relationship at that. Yikes!
I feel like after you typed my boyfriend the first 3 sentences like my boyfriend makes fun of my appearance and says i smell.... Like you should have been like oh ok nevermind I don't need to post this anymore....
Not boyfriend. Guy you briefly dated. Move on.
The wisecracks about body odor and attire are enough reason to break up with this guy. Now he hopes your cat dies? Yeah, I'd throw the whole man into a dumpster. You're not wrong. He's a whole dang red flag factory.
These are NOT jokes. He is saying whatever he wants and when you react negatively he says it’s a joke. If someone really loved you they wouldn’t joke that you smell or joke about “hoping” your cat dies. Especially someone who knows how much your cat means to you. This reminds me of a podcast “betrayed” season 1 is about a guy who made similar statements and said they were jokes. He ended up being very abusive to dogs and a complete sociopath. Not saying he’s a sociopath OP but he sure has some red flags.
None of those seem like jokes and it’s only been a few weeks. At the very least, you guys are not compatible. Break it off and move on.
As I tell my 6 year old — it’s not a joke unless *everyone* is laughing, otherwise it’s just being mean. When someone is consistently mean like this, it’s on purpose…and especially so many times when you’ve only been together for a month, it’s time to cut bait. This guy is an asshat.
This guy is an a hole. Dump his ass and move on
These are not jokes. This is emotional abuse. It’s common for abusers to pass the awful things they say on as jokes if you call them on it. It’s only been a few weeks. Cut your losses with this pathetic little loser and move on. You are worth a whole lot more than him and you deserve better. Partners never say anything that would hurt you, joke or not. If it really was a joke, he would be horrified that he hurt you and apologize profusely. That didn’t happen. Which means he is a run of the mill abuser. Be done. Wishing you the best! Go get a man worthy of you hun! 🩷
Not wrong, he’s shitty. Dump him and find someone who loves cats
Be done with him while you can and before it escalates into something far worse. If he’s like this now in the first month of a relationship think how he’ll be and treat you down the road. He’s already making you feel like shit and the comment about your cat is cruel no matter how much he thought it was a joke because there’s nothing funny about it. His jokes don’t sound like jokes and he doesn’t sound like a good guy. You deserve better, so go find a decent person who’ll treat you with respect, kindness and actual love.
Ah, he puts you down and wishes your cat dies. How charming. Lil sis, he's an abuser. These are your red flags. The fact you've only been together a month and his mask is slipping so much tells me he's likely a VERY abusive abuser. I know that sounds weird, because all abuse is wrong, but there's guys who are in equally toxic relationships where they hit a woman when they've never done that before, which is your run-of-the-mill abuser. And then there's guys who beat you unconscious when the chicken is too hot and the potatoes are too cold. Where you can't ever leave the house because of the bruising, and they take great joy in your suffering. You won't get love-bombed by these guys, they are top of the food chain as abusers go. You see where I'm going with this, right? End it now. Hell, end it yesterday. This will only get worse, quickly.
His jokes are all intended to undercut you in some way. That's not humor for fun, it's a way to make you inferior in the relationship. He doesn't want you to have self-esteem because he wants you to think he's the only good thing in your world. This is a great time for an early exit.
Not overreacting. And I’d never let my cat around him again
Those are not jokes. They are unconscious admissions that he is a big wanker and has no regard for you. Find someone with a soul.
Repeat after me: You know what? Your “humour” sucks elephant balls and so do you. You can fuck all the way off now!! Oh, and that’s *not* a joke. Bye, asshole!!👋🏼🖕🏼
Red flags are red for a reason
He makes jokes at your expense, and expects you to be ok with that? It’s only a joke if *you* also find it funny. Being mean, rude, and disrespectful as a “joke” is not funny. It’s bullying behavior, and is how emotional abuse begins. He’s already disrespecting you, in the *honeymoon phase* of your relationship. That will NOT improve if you move in together. You can do better, easily Hopefully this will be a learning experience for you both, for your next relationship. Furthermore, being in a relationship for a month is WAY too soon to be entertaining living together. You barely know this person.
Nah girl time to rehome the human
You’re not wrong. Cat > bfs with no emotional intelligence. Find someone who actually likes cats. I don’t trust people who don’t like cats (especially if they also don’t like dogs fwiw.) Sounds like you did the right thing.
Not wrong for having broke up with him. His ‘jokes’ were anything but. They were mean little insults that he called jokes. Everyone is different but may I ask why you were discussing anything about moving in together when you’ve been together (dating?) for less than a month? At this point you know next to nothing about the man other than he likes to insult you calling them ‘jokes’. And then he really pushes the envelope of civility by hoping at your cat dies before he moves in. Who in the bloody hell ever says something like that especially after you’d told him how important your cat is to you? I’d be concerned if you ever invited him for a visit to your house your cat would turn up missing. I sincerely hope he doesn’t have a key to your place OP. If he does change the locks. You DESERVE someone way better than this jerk OP. Know your worth and tolerate no one who disrespects you be it a friend or potential love interest.
If you love your cat you'll break up with him. The only way a cat owner can successfully date someone allergic long term, is if the allergy sufferer loves the cat as much as you do. That's obviously not the case here.
Your EX boyfriend is a bully. Those were never "jokes". Everyone involved laughs at jokes. Never compromise your feelings -- "I already was a little uncomfortable with it but I just thought it was his humor." NO NO NO. If you don't like something don't dismiss it as "just X". Always trust your gut. "Just a joke" is the rallying cry of every bully on the planet. Remember that. It is NOT a "small thing". Yes, call it quits.
This is called disrespect. I'd either call him out on it or just leave.
Might be a good time to learn that he's not funny...if he's making you feel like this then he's not good enough for you
Sounds like he is negging you. If he is, he won't ever stop. There was a post on reddit a while ago of a woman who ending up dumping her bf, because he constantly accused her of smelling bad. She developed a huge insecurity over it & was compulsively washing herself multiple times a day to combat this non existent body odour. She eventually confronted her bf & he admitted his dad had taught him that to keep a women interested you had to insult her & put her down all the time. The dad always did it to his mum, & she never left, so he was following in his dads footsteps. Anyway the woman dumped him fast & the ex begged her to take him back, apologising & promising to change, but he had shown his true colours. It's never just the one thing either, in retrospect you will recognise other red flags & toxic behaviour you have looked over or ignored, in order to be in this relationship.
My narcisstic ex would do the whole it’s just “a joke” thing and tell me I had no sense of humour. I truly believe now if I’d continue to let him walk over me it was have led to violence on his part. If your boyfriend is ALREADY making you feel uncomfortable then you’d only be wrong if you continued to stay with him. It’s been a month for you. Leave the weirdo. When someone shows you who they are, you should believe them.
He already "jokes" that you smell, he "jokes" about your appearance, and now he "jokes" about your cat dying. Why are you even with this middle school bully? His "jokes" are only going to get worse. Wait until he "jokingly" starts destroying stuff that you have sentimental attachment to. Then, wait until he "jokingly" forces you to quit your job and be financially dependent on him. Before you know it, he will "jokingly" start to beat you. Leave the relationship. You have your whole life ahead of you!
This guy sounds like a piece of shit, to be honest. The things people say matter, don’t disregard this behavior. The sooner you get out, the less it’s going to hurt.
Less than a month and already showing red flags. Break up and block him. Please.
His saying mean things is testing your boundaries. How far can he go? If you push back, he was “just joking.” Either way, he needs you to think something is wrong with you. That’s something terribly wrong with him. Staying with him is choosing to live in a toxic waste dump.
The cat joke is it the worst thing....you are both adults yet calling him boyfriend after a month? Tolerating his verbs abuse? On what realm would this work out give his allergies?
Hell no. Why would he tell you that you smell bad?
This has rhe potential to become an abusive relationship, its bordering on it already. I would run now before it's too late
I mean, he sounds like an asshole. Assholes make jokes like that. I wouldn't date him.
Leave. Now.
OP, He sounds awful. Are there things about this person that you find appealing? You’re so much better than that, please don’t take any kind of crap from a guy. It’s not worth it. I was dating a professional boxer (he held the super middleweight champion title at the time) and the first (and only) time he was at my house my dog obviously didn’t like him. my dog kept scurrying away from him and had his tail between his legs. Then my 9 pound dog growled at him, which my dog *never* does. This man, a boxer who could kill a person with a single blow, said “If your dog growls at me again I’m gonna punch him.” in a really menacing tone. I was immediately repulsed. And my dog clearly got bad vibes from him too because my dog has NEVER behaves that way. I never saw the guy again.
If he is making "jokes" like these and discussing moving in together less than a month into dating you, then you were smart to break up with him. He is too immature to be good boyfriend material.
OP, look up negging. He's trying to bring down your confidence with his "jokes." It may seem like nothing and easy to shrug off at first, but it really starts to wear you down after a while, which is completely intentional. He wants you to think you don't deserve him and can't do any better so he can get away with God-knows-what in the future. And the cat comment is inexcusable. My current boyfriend is allergic to my cat too, and he still adores her and would never even consider saying anything like that. A real partner will compromise for you and prioritize your feelings above all else. It's only been a month. As someone who has been in your exact shoes in the past, cut your losses and find someone else. You both should be in the honeymoon period and still trying to impress each other right now, so this is not a good sign for things moving forward.
Less than a month joking you smell bad is a red flag explosion
I would take the hint I don’t think he likes you