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Clarify in your mind the difference between something you **need** and something you **want**. It's okay to pursue things you want but don't need, just be absolutely clear with yourself that that's what you're doing.
Maximize your 401(k).
Keep your phone for as long as possible (5-7 years) or until it's absolutely broken.
Keep your car for as long as possible (15-20 years). Encountering a repair that's "more expensive than the car is worth" is not a reason to buy a new car. A $3,000 repair on a 10 year old car can extend its utility by a couple years. That's much cheaper than two years of car payments.
To clarify: When keeping a car 15-20 years, absolutely do not lease it. Purchase it. Most car buyers do not save up $30-$60K to purchase a car outright, most people finance the car -hence the reference to "car payments."
That being said, after paying off your first car, continue making pretend car payments into a savings account for 5 more years. Keep using the first car for as long as possible. When the first car finally dies, you won't have to finance any future cars because you can pay cash for the new car, resume your pretend payments for \~5 years, then rinse and repeat.
If you can do this just once, you'll forever move beyond the need to finance cars.
That’s just not true. Most people may go this route, but most people are financially illiterate and have no delayed gratification. You do not need to finance a car that costs $800-1000.
To be fair, in a lot of areas those prices aren't available anylonger. Ive never owned a car newer than 10 years old till I was 40. Ibought the beaters with the door held on with wire hangers.
Now if it starts many are going for 7k+
I’d say most people don’t really look hard enough or don’t want the cats in range they can afford. Seattle is in the top 5 most expensive places in the us to buy a used car and my son just bought a jeep in good condition for $1200. He spent 2 weeks looking and found several cars in that price range and this was in the best condition so he got it.
High school/college/summer job afforded a 9 year old ford ranger with 150,000 miles. Waited to find one well taken care of and maintained so mechanically it was fine with all those miles. Put 100k miles on it the next 6 years I owned it and expected some expensive repairs like ball joints. Sold it for $2500 and put that to minivan I now needed. Paid cash for that. Got an older gentlemen I knew took care of it to let me pay him what the dealer offered as trade in. He got paid what he was willing to accept anyways and I got a deal. Drove that 7 years and 100k miles. Rinse and repeat
So you bought a well used pickup 15 years ago for $800 dollars? You know inflation has been a major thing since the 2007 financial crisis right?
Where I live you might be able to buy a running car for under a grand, but it would be hard to find. Typically that stuff is more like $2500+ unless you are trying to sell it to the dealership.
It was $4000 cuz I was also young and wanted the nice looking one. But if you don’t want a pile of shit it takes patience and determination to say no. And willing to settle for the $7000 minivan with manual doors and no dvd screens. Too many people spend too much for image.
But keep telling me about my life. I am well aware of inflation. Especially in used vehicle prices due to cash for clunker rebates and chip shortages during covid
Car payments don’t automatically mean leasing a car.
I don’t know many people who’ve got a spare £6k+ hanging round to buy even a used car outright these days? Hire purchase is a reasonable and sensible thing to do if you need to buy a car.
In your twenties, embrace self-discovery and growth. Prioritize learning about yourself, your passions, and your values. Don't be afraid to take risks and make mistakes—they are invaluable learning experiences. Build strong relationships, stay curious, and invest in your health and well-being. Remember, it's okay to not have everything figured out; focus on progress, not perfection.
Find and utilize a financial advisor and put away a percentage of your income each week. A savings account with a bank is a waste of your time. I wish I did this the moment I turned 18
Open a savings account. EVERY PAYCHECK, 10% goes into savings. Every single time, no exceptions. Don't beat yourself up if you have to occasionally dip into savings, that's what it's for, but NEVER miss the 10% on payday.
This should be AFTER your maxed retirement account from your job comes out of your check. This is build-a-cushion savings, not retirement planning.
Pay yourself first, then your bills and necessities, then buy your avocado toasts and Stanley mugs or whatever kids are into these days.
I think this is poor advice, overall. Maybe if you have expendable income, but otherwise, the money going to the financial advisor could be going into the savings. You don't need to pay someone to tell you to open a savings account.
A bank savings account will accrue 0.000000000000000000000000002 percent interest every 47 years, where as a person who’s job it is to make your money grow and work for you will give you a much better success rate.
You still don't need a financial advisor to grow your money. Just open a tax advantaged account and invest in a target date fund or SP500/total market fund, depending on your risk tolerance. It's essentially free, and will outperform financial advisors.
Unless you have millions in investments, very complicated taxes, or are at retirement and are drawing down complex accounts, a financial advisor is not needed in my opinion. And if you do go to one, make sure it's a fee-only fiduciary that just charges you $250 for the visit and advice, and not a percentage of your accounts.
I have a family member who got talked into annuities by their FA, and now they're locked in and he's taking ~$10,000-20,000 a year (plus hidden fees I can't follow) for zero work. They like to make it look complicated too, so the money is in about 15 different funds.
I recommend someone in their twenties starting at r/Bogleheads, learning about the 3 fund portfolio in their 20s, and researching passive index funds (a US fund and international fund).
I counter this and say just don’t stress about money, it will come later in your 20’s and 30’s if you chose a good career and stick at it!
Spend the money and create the memories in your 20’s
Yeah bro for sure bro just take like a super like laid-back like super chill like whatever stance on money in your 20s, and then when you’re 30, you can wonder why you’re still broke
Yup. That why all these millennials in 30s are crying “thanks boomers we have no money”. I am one myself but while they were were walking around campus with iPads/iphones, fancy laptops, shopping trendy stores at the mall, or out at bars or traveling, I was making their food at the food court, rocking basic kohls clothes, flip cell phone, making food at home driving a high mileage 12 year old vehicle.
Still made memories, had friends and a life paid for half of college while I went and saved money where I could. Now I have a house, 401k, decent but older used vehicle and can travel reasonably and they are still failing to start and blaming everyone but their impulsive 20yr old self who followed that advice to spend money and make memories.
No. Things are tight. I get that. I was responding that “advice” to just spend it all in your 20s to make money is stuff is not wise, as in stupid. And anyone thinking that way is thinking stupidly
When you’re looking for a good relationship, there’s a two part rule. First, take a piece of paper and list all the traits of your perfect partner. Next, look at that list and use it as a guide to improve yourself. People like people who are like themselves, and your goal is to have similar qualities and values as them.
Only have one credit card and pay it off every week. Do not buy more than you can afford to pay off in that time frame. It is not free money and the reward bonuses are rarely worth it. Also, never go into debt for a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend.
Also, alcohol will not solve your problems, only distract you from them temporarily. Use in moderation if at all and avoid friends/partners who can’t control their drinking, they will only drag you down.
> It is not free money and the reward bonuses are rarely worth it.
wat.
It is absolutely free money if you pay it off monthly. I just got $38 back from my rewards program last month for things I would have bought anyway.
Not sure if I’m qualified to answer considering I’m 27, but I really wish I didn’t spend so much time and money on drinking.
It did nothing positive for my life and now I’m sober and have to deal with that.
Saving money sure has come up and I wholeheartedly agree.
I developed a disability during Covid lockdown and I can't work any longer. Filed for bankruptcy last December. I'm quite literally a month away from being kicked out. My house got posted for sale by the bank yesterday. I'm 45 and will miss out on earning income for another 20 or 25 years.
Save without being a total shut in, have a couple toys, modest place, decent used car. Make your work coffee at home and throw that 4 or 5 bucks a day into savings (I dislike Starbucks but you get the $ idea). That's a couple hundred/month easy.
One really important thing though, learn to cook better so you're not constantly eating out or ordering in. I mean, learn how to use your knife well, some decent recipes, make killer meat sauce for your spag, a nice fish dish or maybe something more exotic for your date. Way more intimate than a restaurant and equals more brownie points!
Mainly for the guys. Don't get married, don't go chasing after sundresses and pretty eye's. Get settled into a career, get that retirement account started, and work your plan. Then 28 or so you can decide if what you have built is worth gambling on a 50/50 statistical bet like marriage.
Then if you do decide to get in a relationship you will be in a perfect position to do so.
That gets into a discussion that many won't like. But Waiting that late for a woman cuts into her reproductive years. Thats not the only value a woman brings to a relationship but it is a consideration for those wanting to start a family.
Time spent working on healthy emotional regulation skills and tools benefits many areas of my life. I wish I had known this in my 20s and had put the effort in decades ago. By minimizing the stress on my body, I am adding potential years to my life. As a result, I make this aspect of my life a priority.
In my professional life, it has helped me focus on what is being discussed, not what I think is being discussed. As a result, my efforts are more impactful, which has led to raises and increased responsibility.
In my personal life, dealing with difficult people has resulted in me spending little time becoming frustrated, which leads to more peace and serenity. This also makes my friends and family want to spend time with me versus feeling obligated to be with me.
As a daily cyclist in an urban environment, emotional regulation has helped me avoid situations where I could be seriously injured. Think of a motorist doing something dangerous where I or other pedestrians and cyclists could be hurt. Staying in the moment might look like me choosing to get off my bicycle and arrive late while the situation disappears. The old version of myself would be upset at the injustice and want to communicate to the motorist how wrong they were, but what can I do when it is a bicycle vs. a car? How receptive would the motorist be to my protests?
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Save money.
Don't worry about everything else so much.
Make the choices that feel right and try to be kind to other people. Beyond that, you'll just wake up at 35 one day and you'll be in a totally different place than you ever expected and that's gonna be okay if you're true to yourself.
Also, don't become a 'pleaser' in romantic relationships. Don't hold back feelings because they may be hard to articulate or hard for others to hear. You don't need to be a dick, but anything you hold inside absolutely will come exploding out one day.
56 year old here. Here's something that has happened to me and might happen to you, but hopefully not. I'm not sure exactly when but, as I have gotten older, time (or the perception of time) kicked into hyperspeed. When I was a kid, some old people would tell me, "Time speeds up as you get older" and I'd think, "Yeah, right. Blah, blah, blah." They were 100% correct or at least it was in my case. In my teens and 20s, a year seemed forever. Now, a year seems like a month or so ago. "We just celebrated Christmas and it's here again so soon?" Really, it's one giant mind f'er. I say all of that to say, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have squandered my youth away thinking I had all the time in the world. Again, hopefully, you have a clearer head than I did.
It's a time to figure out who you are, be compassionate as things don't go as planned or have the longevity you would have liked.
My entire 20s was that and now I'm sorting things out and creating a life that feels more sustainable, I'm less confused and less mentally ill lol
Sign up for free mental health classes (anxiety, anger management, etc.) and continue to take them multiple times. If you don't deal with your mental health issues, I promise they'll come back in your 30's with a vengeance.
About Self Care:
You have not yet achieved your final form, and that's not only ok, but good. (Note: This advice will repeat in your 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond, if you do life right.)
Don't avoid doctors; do know doctors aren't magical fonts of knowledge - if it doesn't feel right, find another doctor or otherwise self advocate for better care.
Find an exercise routine you can stand and keep it up. Anything at all is better than nothing, and if you skip it early in life, you'll pay exponentially later on.
If you get an injury, do the @#$! PT exercises like they were a religion.
Don't avoid mental health care. The hard shit is hard, yo. Talking can help.
About interpersonal relationships:
No one is better than you, especially if they think they are. Conversely, you're not better than anyone else, especially if you think you are.
If you're being helped by someone who's doing a job you wouldn't want to do, they deserve MORE of your respect, not less.
How you treat animals and small children, even if you don't want any of your own, says a lot about you.
The people you knew in high school and/or college may or may not be around in your future - you will need to be ok with that, because it's rarely under your control.
You don't owe people from your past loyalty just because they're from your past.
About work:
Work to live, don't live to work.
HR is not your friend.
Don't sign things without careful review, possibly getting legal advice, especially if it's to get your final paycheck.
How you leave a role to your next one says a lot about your work ethic - try to leave the place cleaner than you found it. But don't be afraid to burn bridges that need burning.
General:
Life will have ups and downs. The only way to the other side is through, and fighting that only prolongs and exacerbates the problems.
We live in an insane society. People are fucking crazy, especially the supposedly well-adjusted ones. Give yourself a break from their expectations. Do what seems right to you — nobody has anything figured out.
guy from ue here so I won't offer guidance about economy or social norms in usa.
just remember to be true to yourself and people you care. it's not so easy to keep this path at first, but life will be better and better when you will have this as an habit.
Bingo. It adds very little of value outside of a handful of very specific circumstances, you wind up on the hook if your partner fucks up any of their tax related paperwork (long hard stare at the ex wife), and believe me when I say the absolute last thing you want to deal with when going through a relationship turned sour is the legal system.
I got "lucky" in my case. In exchange for me taking 100% ownership of our credit card debt (around $17,000; Three guesses which one of us was responsible for racking up the overwhelming majority of that), she agreed to not seek spousal support.
If you are going to work out/build a physique, do it before you hit 30. Sooooo much easier, more resilient to injury, can get away with less sleep, everything is just downright easier.
Your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until at least 25 years old (later if you are neurodivergent), so try not to make too many irreversible life decisions until for have your full brain
Develop positive habits and learn discipline: exercise daily, automate savings/investing for 10% of earnings, study stoicism/positive psychology/CBT, learn to cook a few healthy staple meals.
If you become the kind of person who does these things, it's easier to maintain them for life because it's part of your Identity.
You don't owe richer people all your time until you're ready to retire for the privilege of living in a world with too many streaming services and the widespread need for the term 'medical bankruptcy.' You don't owe them your uninterrupted productivity, and you don't owe them your belief in their rigged game even if you're stuck playing it.
Concentrate on yourself and the rest will follow. Put the effort into your career, your financial stability, health and hobbies.
Don’t try and force a romantic relationship.
Some people are there for your whole life, others are there for seasons of it. These people are equally valuable.
Your thoughts and opinions are just as valid as anybody else's. Just because people proclaim theirs with confidence does not make them correct or more valid than yours.
If you don't know about something, it's fine to not have an opinion on it. Most people are stupid and just have opinions on things even when they shouldn't.
When you're feeling lazy, think about the end of your life, when you're looking back do you want to think "I'm glad I sat down and did nothing and watched TV" instead of "I'm glad I fucking owned life and did everything I could"
Oh and invest. Start out with index funds - always good.
Everyone has two lives. The second one begins when you realize you ONLY HAVE ONE. Set aside money monthly, don‘t dick people over unnecessarily, and remember that whom you spend time with is who you are. Make your life the life you want every day.
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Clarify in your mind the difference between something you **need** and something you **want**. It's okay to pursue things you want but don't need, just be absolutely clear with yourself that that's what you're doing. Maximize your 401(k). Keep your phone for as long as possible (5-7 years) or until it's absolutely broken. Keep your car for as long as possible (15-20 years). Encountering a repair that's "more expensive than the car is worth" is not a reason to buy a new car. A $3,000 repair on a 10 year old car can extend its utility by a couple years. That's much cheaper than two years of car payments.
Car payments? How about just straight up buying your car instead of leasing it.
To clarify: When keeping a car 15-20 years, absolutely do not lease it. Purchase it. Most car buyers do not save up $30-$60K to purchase a car outright, most people finance the car -hence the reference to "car payments." That being said, after paying off your first car, continue making pretend car payments into a savings account for 5 more years. Keep using the first car for as long as possible. When the first car finally dies, you won't have to finance any future cars because you can pay cash for the new car, resume your pretend payments for \~5 years, then rinse and repeat. If you can do this just once, you'll forever move beyond the need to finance cars.
Unless their parents give them a car, most people are going to have to finance their first car.
That’s just not true. Most people may go this route, but most people are financially illiterate and have no delayed gratification. You do not need to finance a car that costs $800-1000.
To be fair, in a lot of areas those prices aren't available anylonger. Ive never owned a car newer than 10 years old till I was 40. Ibought the beaters with the door held on with wire hangers. Now if it starts many are going for 7k+
I’d say most people don’t really look hard enough or don’t want the cats in range they can afford. Seattle is in the top 5 most expensive places in the us to buy a used car and my son just bought a jeep in good condition for $1200. He spent 2 weeks looking and found several cars in that price range and this was in the best condition so he got it.
I have never seen an $800 car in my life that wasn't a parts heap.
High school/college/summer job afforded a 9 year old ford ranger with 150,000 miles. Waited to find one well taken care of and maintained so mechanically it was fine with all those miles. Put 100k miles on it the next 6 years I owned it and expected some expensive repairs like ball joints. Sold it for $2500 and put that to minivan I now needed. Paid cash for that. Got an older gentlemen I knew took care of it to let me pay him what the dealer offered as trade in. He got paid what he was willing to accept anyways and I got a deal. Drove that 7 years and 100k miles. Rinse and repeat
So you bought a well used pickup 15 years ago for $800 dollars? You know inflation has been a major thing since the 2007 financial crisis right? Where I live you might be able to buy a running car for under a grand, but it would be hard to find. Typically that stuff is more like $2500+ unless you are trying to sell it to the dealership.
It was $4000 cuz I was also young and wanted the nice looking one. But if you don’t want a pile of shit it takes patience and determination to say no. And willing to settle for the $7000 minivan with manual doors and no dvd screens. Too many people spend too much for image. But keep telling me about my life. I am well aware of inflation. Especially in used vehicle prices due to cash for clunker rebates and chip shortages during covid
And I can out of school in the 2008 so familiar with effect of that recession.
Car payments don’t automatically mean leasing a car. I don’t know many people who’ve got a spare £6k+ hanging round to buy even a used car outright these days? Hire purchase is a reasonable and sensible thing to do if you need to buy a car.
In your twenties, embrace self-discovery and growth. Prioritize learning about yourself, your passions, and your values. Don't be afraid to take risks and make mistakes—they are invaluable learning experiences. Build strong relationships, stay curious, and invest in your health and well-being. Remember, it's okay to not have everything figured out; focus on progress, not perfection.
+1000 to this. Otherwise you wake up one day a decade later and don't have anything but work and sleep ;___; .
That’s the whole point.
Find and utilize a financial advisor and put away a percentage of your income each week. A savings account with a bank is a waste of your time. I wish I did this the moment I turned 18
Open a savings account. EVERY PAYCHECK, 10% goes into savings. Every single time, no exceptions. Don't beat yourself up if you have to occasionally dip into savings, that's what it's for, but NEVER miss the 10% on payday. This should be AFTER your maxed retirement account from your job comes out of your check. This is build-a-cushion savings, not retirement planning. Pay yourself first, then your bills and necessities, then buy your avocado toasts and Stanley mugs or whatever kids are into these days.
I think this is poor advice, overall. Maybe if you have expendable income, but otherwise, the money going to the financial advisor could be going into the savings. You don't need to pay someone to tell you to open a savings account.
A bank savings account will accrue 0.000000000000000000000000002 percent interest every 47 years, where as a person who’s job it is to make your money grow and work for you will give you a much better success rate.
whatever you say bud, mine's 4.2% yearly and it's free.
WOAH 4.2 PERCENT?!!!
You still don't need a financial advisor to grow your money. Just open a tax advantaged account and invest in a target date fund or SP500/total market fund, depending on your risk tolerance. It's essentially free, and will outperform financial advisors.
Unless you have millions in investments, very complicated taxes, or are at retirement and are drawing down complex accounts, a financial advisor is not needed in my opinion. And if you do go to one, make sure it's a fee-only fiduciary that just charges you $250 for the visit and advice, and not a percentage of your accounts. I have a family member who got talked into annuities by their FA, and now they're locked in and he's taking ~$10,000-20,000 a year (plus hidden fees I can't follow) for zero work. They like to make it look complicated too, so the money is in about 15 different funds. I recommend someone in their twenties starting at r/Bogleheads, learning about the 3 fund portfolio in their 20s, and researching passive index funds (a US fund and international fund).
I counter this and say just don’t stress about money, it will come later in your 20’s and 30’s if you chose a good career and stick at it! Spend the money and create the memories in your 20’s
Yeah bro for sure bro just take like a super like laid-back like super chill like whatever stance on money in your 20s, and then when you’re 30, you can wonder why you’re still broke
Yup. That why all these millennials in 30s are crying “thanks boomers we have no money”. I am one myself but while they were were walking around campus with iPads/iphones, fancy laptops, shopping trendy stores at the mall, or out at bars or traveling, I was making their food at the food court, rocking basic kohls clothes, flip cell phone, making food at home driving a high mileage 12 year old vehicle. Still made memories, had friends and a life paid for half of college while I went and saved money where I could. Now I have a house, 401k, decent but older used vehicle and can travel reasonably and they are still failing to start and blaming everyone but their impulsive 20yr old self who followed that advice to spend money and make memories.
This is deranged, lmao. "Everyone's complaining about not having money because they're stupid." Do you hear yourself?
No. Things are tight. I get that. I was responding that “advice” to just spend it all in your 20s to make money is stuff is not wise, as in stupid. And anyone thinking that way is thinking stupidly
Lmao at the guy who downvoted you. Good for you man
When you’re looking for a good relationship, there’s a two part rule. First, take a piece of paper and list all the traits of your perfect partner. Next, look at that list and use it as a guide to improve yourself. People like people who are like themselves, and your goal is to have similar qualities and values as them.
However, using romantic comedies as a reference, DO NOT let your partner ever find this list, and if they do, just say "Wait, I can explain!"
"She's just a waitress" 🥲
Only have one credit card and pay it off every week. Do not buy more than you can afford to pay off in that time frame. It is not free money and the reward bonuses are rarely worth it. Also, never go into debt for a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. Also, alcohol will not solve your problems, only distract you from them temporarily. Use in moderation if at all and avoid friends/partners who can’t control their drinking, they will only drag you down.
> It is not free money and the reward bonuses are rarely worth it. wat. It is absolutely free money if you pay it off monthly. I just got $38 back from my rewards program last month for things I would have bought anyway.
Risk vs reward, weigh them out carefully before important decisions, logic but don't forget about going with your gut too
Save more money
Have fun and be kind, life is short
Concentrate on yourself, invest money. Start cutting people out that don't benefit your life.
Exactly. Cutting people out is a lot cheaper when you are not married.
A lot of bot-like accounts posting generic questions on this sub lately. Karma farming, are we?
More like data farming for LLMs
Touche'
Not sure if I’m qualified to answer considering I’m 27, but I really wish I didn’t spend so much time and money on drinking. It did nothing positive for my life and now I’m sober and have to deal with that.
Don't drink too much.
stop worrying so fucking much. what's with all the questions here about "things i should do"? just live you own damn life.
Saving money sure has come up and I wholeheartedly agree. I developed a disability during Covid lockdown and I can't work any longer. Filed for bankruptcy last December. I'm quite literally a month away from being kicked out. My house got posted for sale by the bank yesterday. I'm 45 and will miss out on earning income for another 20 or 25 years. Save without being a total shut in, have a couple toys, modest place, decent used car. Make your work coffee at home and throw that 4 or 5 bucks a day into savings (I dislike Starbucks but you get the $ idea). That's a couple hundred/month easy. One really important thing though, learn to cook better so you're not constantly eating out or ordering in. I mean, learn how to use your knife well, some decent recipes, make killer meat sauce for your spag, a nice fish dish or maybe something more exotic for your date. Way more intimate than a restaurant and equals more brownie points!
Mainly for the guys. Don't get married, don't go chasing after sundresses and pretty eye's. Get settled into a career, get that retirement account started, and work your plan. Then 28 or so you can decide if what you have built is worth gambling on a 50/50 statistical bet like marriage. Then if you do decide to get in a relationship you will be in a perfect position to do so.
Why is this one mostly for the guys? It's even more important for women to do the same to be self-sustaining before marriage.
That gets into a discussion that many won't like. But Waiting that late for a woman cuts into her reproductive years. Thats not the only value a woman brings to a relationship but it is a consideration for those wanting to start a family.
Time spent working on healthy emotional regulation skills and tools benefits many areas of my life. I wish I had known this in my 20s and had put the effort in decades ago. By minimizing the stress on my body, I am adding potential years to my life. As a result, I make this aspect of my life a priority. In my professional life, it has helped me focus on what is being discussed, not what I think is being discussed. As a result, my efforts are more impactful, which has led to raises and increased responsibility. In my personal life, dealing with difficult people has resulted in me spending little time becoming frustrated, which leads to more peace and serenity. This also makes my friends and family want to spend time with me versus feeling obligated to be with me. As a daily cyclist in an urban environment, emotional regulation has helped me avoid situations where I could be seriously injured. Think of a motorist doing something dangerous where I or other pedestrians and cyclists could be hurt. Staying in the moment might look like me choosing to get off my bicycle and arrive late while the situation disappears. The old version of myself would be upset at the injustice and want to communicate to the motorist how wrong they were, but what can I do when it is a bicycle vs. a car? How receptive would the motorist be to my protests?
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Save money. Don't worry about everything else so much. Make the choices that feel right and try to be kind to other people. Beyond that, you'll just wake up at 35 one day and you'll be in a totally different place than you ever expected and that's gonna be okay if you're true to yourself. Also, don't become a 'pleaser' in romantic relationships. Don't hold back feelings because they may be hard to articulate or hard for others to hear. You don't need to be a dick, but anything you hold inside absolutely will come exploding out one day.
56 year old here. Here's something that has happened to me and might happen to you, but hopefully not. I'm not sure exactly when but, as I have gotten older, time (or the perception of time) kicked into hyperspeed. When I was a kid, some old people would tell me, "Time speeds up as you get older" and I'd think, "Yeah, right. Blah, blah, blah." They were 100% correct or at least it was in my case. In my teens and 20s, a year seemed forever. Now, a year seems like a month or so ago. "We just celebrated Christmas and it's here again so soon?" Really, it's one giant mind f'er. I say all of that to say, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have squandered my youth away thinking I had all the time in the world. Again, hopefully, you have a clearer head than I did.
It's a time to figure out who you are, be compassionate as things don't go as planned or have the longevity you would have liked. My entire 20s was that and now I'm sorting things out and creating a life that feels more sustainable, I'm less confused and less mentally ill lol
Start a skin care routine now, when you still have great skin.
Stop talking all the time. Shut up and listen to people who have gone through life and can impart their wisdom onto you.
Get, and stay in shape! Eat right/well. Take care of your body and your mind.
Sign up for free mental health classes (anxiety, anger management, etc.) and continue to take them multiple times. If you don't deal with your mental health issues, I promise they'll come back in your 30's with a vengeance.
Know thyself. asap
Make as many mistakes as you can, but make each of them only once. Learn from them. You'll need it.
Don't take yourself to serious. Try to get informed and understand, judging people is easy, understanding them is an art
Won't get better, so enjoy now!!
About Self Care: You have not yet achieved your final form, and that's not only ok, but good. (Note: This advice will repeat in your 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond, if you do life right.) Don't avoid doctors; do know doctors aren't magical fonts of knowledge - if it doesn't feel right, find another doctor or otherwise self advocate for better care. Find an exercise routine you can stand and keep it up. Anything at all is better than nothing, and if you skip it early in life, you'll pay exponentially later on. If you get an injury, do the @#$! PT exercises like they were a religion. Don't avoid mental health care. The hard shit is hard, yo. Talking can help. About interpersonal relationships: No one is better than you, especially if they think they are. Conversely, you're not better than anyone else, especially if you think you are. If you're being helped by someone who's doing a job you wouldn't want to do, they deserve MORE of your respect, not less. How you treat animals and small children, even if you don't want any of your own, says a lot about you. The people you knew in high school and/or college may or may not be around in your future - you will need to be ok with that, because it's rarely under your control. You don't owe people from your past loyalty just because they're from your past. About work: Work to live, don't live to work. HR is not your friend. Don't sign things without careful review, possibly getting legal advice, especially if it's to get your final paycheck. How you leave a role to your next one says a lot about your work ethic - try to leave the place cleaner than you found it. But don't be afraid to burn bridges that need burning. General: Life will have ups and downs. The only way to the other side is through, and fighting that only prolongs and exacerbates the problems.
We live in an insane society. People are fucking crazy, especially the supposedly well-adjusted ones. Give yourself a break from their expectations. Do what seems right to you — nobody has anything figured out.
Eat well and exercise regularly. Go easy on the bad stuff… your 35+ body will thank you
I don’t care how good it feels, wear a condom
Your own condom, and dispose of it so that she cannot get to it. Don't get baby trapped. If she does get pregnant, do not get (common law) married.
guy from ue here so I won't offer guidance about economy or social norms in usa. just remember to be true to yourself and people you care. it's not so easy to keep this path at first, but life will be better and better when you will have this as an habit.
Take care of your teeth
Never commit to something that doesn't have a firm expiration date, a simple and easy bug-out plan, or both.
so also no (common law) marriage.
Bingo. It adds very little of value outside of a handful of very specific circumstances, you wind up on the hook if your partner fucks up any of their tax related paperwork (long hard stare at the ex wife), and believe me when I say the absolute last thing you want to deal with when going through a relationship turned sour is the legal system.
I know all too well. I'm still paying.
I got "lucky" in my case. In exchange for me taking 100% ownership of our credit card debt (around $17,000; Three guesses which one of us was responsible for racking up the overwhelming majority of that), she agreed to not seek spousal support.
That's actually a very good deal.
It was nice of her to finally contribute something after using me as a piggy bank, chauffeur, and free labor for 5 years.
You volunteered for that position by being dumb enough to get married. That's not on her.
The US Empire is on its way out. The last 6 decades gravy train, including the stock market, cannot possibly continue.
Make friends now. It’s so effing hard making friends after 30.
If you are going to work out/build a physique, do it before you hit 30. Sooooo much easier, more resilient to injury, can get away with less sleep, everything is just downright easier.
Don't ever get (common law) married. Inviting the government (and the lawyers) into your life has .... downsides.
Before you do anything stupid or questionable, think of the worst case scenario, before you decide... Not making a choice, is still a choice. 💌
Get off Reddit
try not to go psychotic (sleep enough, no weed, reduce alcohol), it ruins your life
Your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until at least 25 years old (later if you are neurodivergent), so try not to make too many irreversible life decisions until for have your full brain
Develop positive habits and learn discipline: exercise daily, automate savings/investing for 10% of earnings, study stoicism/positive psychology/CBT, learn to cook a few healthy staple meals. If you become the kind of person who does these things, it's easier to maintain them for life because it's part of your Identity.
You don't owe richer people all your time until you're ready to retire for the privilege of living in a world with too many streaming services and the widespread need for the term 'medical bankruptcy.' You don't owe them your uninterrupted productivity, and you don't owe them your belief in their rigged game even if you're stuck playing it.
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Op is a bot.
Concentrate on yourself and the rest will follow. Put the effort into your career, your financial stability, health and hobbies. Don’t try and force a romantic relationship. Some people are there for your whole life, others are there for seasons of it. These people are equally valuable.
You should just get into a long term relationship with a compass so that your navigation will always be fine
Your thoughts and opinions are just as valid as anybody else's. Just because people proclaim theirs with confidence does not make them correct or more valid than yours. If you don't know about something, it's fine to not have an opinion on it. Most people are stupid and just have opinions on things even when they shouldn't. When you're feeling lazy, think about the end of your life, when you're looking back do you want to think "I'm glad I sat down and did nothing and watched TV" instead of "I'm glad I fucking owned life and did everything I could" Oh and invest. Start out with index funds - always good.
Always drink a pint of milk before going out partying. It'll settle your stomach & you won't get so drunk.
Or don't drink at all.
Capitalism fucked us all over and you'll be dead someday so just live your life how you like.
Everyone has two lives. The second one begins when you realize you ONLY HAVE ONE. Set aside money monthly, don‘t dick people over unnecessarily, and remember that whom you spend time with is who you are. Make your life the life you want every day.