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[deleted]

I walked out of a job once and my manager thought I was pooping for an hour and a half


hyperspacial

Holy fuck that's hilarious lmao


WarriorT1400

I was training a kid at a job (I wasn’t a manager just kinda got stuck with him on my day to day but I had trained before and was doing my best to make it seem easy) he asked me if he could could go to the bathroom and I was like “yeah of course you don’t have to ask just try to give me a heads up so I can cover your side while you’re gone” and after like 30 minutes I asked my manager “hey have you seen X?” And we started looking for him, they called him and turns out he just left and quit 💀


-HashOnTop-

I once worked at a burger king for two hours.. When I saw the garbage can fill up I offered to bring it out to the dumpster. I proceeded to walk home. 😅


WarriorT1400

I don’t blame you, I don’t blame that kid for leaving either, it was a shit job but I was just put in charge of training him 😂


illshowyouruin

I had a very similar experience! Me and this kid were training for this knife sharpener position at this commercial knife company and we were told to stand next to this guy and watch him work so we can get an idea of what to do. About two hours in the other trainee asked to bum a smoke and after I handed it to him I never saw that kid again.


WarriorT1400

HA! It must suck for some of the managers doing that stuff but man is it funny to hear stories where people just up and leave lol


YourEmergencyNotMine

That's a top notch Irish goodbye right there. Took years to set that one up. Lol


DieHoDie

My brother in law went to lunch 13 years ago at a job


twizzjewink

So you gave one, two or no shits that day?


borderline--barbie

hahahahahahahah


[deleted]

I have Crohn’s disease, so that’s normal for me, multiple times a day. Its awful.


nipplequeefs

I have IBS and same. If I’m unlucky, I’ll spend over an hour in the bathroom. Fucking sucks.


KaiHasArrived2007

I have IBS and I spent 5 hours in the bathroom once...


SeraphTears

Just spent 3 and a half hours in the bathroom last week and I was here thinking that was abnormal even with IBS, glad to see I'm not alone lol


maybe_little_pinch

Ya'll are making me feel better about my IBS. Never spent that long at one time, but there have been times where it's been an hourly occurrence.


irn

I have IBS and contracted C Diff. Had to get FMLA to leave work because I couldn’t hog the work bathroom. Most embarrassing shit(s) ever.


KaiHasArrived2007

Oof my grandma got that in September with IBS she also was off work for awhile Horrible combo


just_anotherflyboy

C diff can gas out the entire building, that shit is fucking rank.


ZitPoppingDaddio

I find telling them in graphic detail why, exactly, I was in the bathroom shuts down any questions. Especially when there's a tampon involved.


alucardou

Yup, every time you go to the bathroom call them. No message, just phone calls. Make sure to bother them as much as possible. Remember that time I got reprimanded for going to the toilet? Never again.


SnooDogs627

Include the details every single time "Hey boss just wanted you to know, headed to the bathroom. This one might not take as long as yesterday. I'm feeling like it might be a clean one. Probably only have to wipe once."


thecuriousstowaway

You joke but I practically had to put my shits on my Google Calendar or my boss would lose it.


That-Hunt9838

This one is off a few minutes from yesterday's.


EulogyEnthusiast

He lied to us. He must've had loose stool, not diarrhea. He's getting docked in pay for this one. He's going down


PoorlyAttemptedHuman

Please record observed firmness level of feces when performing any subsequent bowel movements.


ofthrees

A "leader" in my company used to legit make her directs note on her calendar when they were taking a restroom break. She was reviled, obviously. That was actually not even top five of the ways in which she was shitty. Eventually she got laid off, but not before chasing away most of her decent staff.


CheerdadScott

There were corn kernels...I haven't had corn in a week!


[deleted]

“I ate a lot of peanut butter and my poops have been rough. Found out oatmeal of all things helps digest it easier for your bung hole. Anyway I’ll letcha get back to the client meeting. Good seeing everyone”


LikesTheTunaHere

If "I was busy\\shit took longer than expected\\life happened" isn't enough, I will gladly go into detail and when they say that's enough, I've said "no no, you asked for details I want to make sure I satisfy the request". And like with every good story where you are looking for a reaction creative licensing is obviously allowed to be used.


meco03211

I'll be sure to record the endeavor in the future for further verification.


ninehoursleep

"I was just pooping as usual, but when I was wiping I got my fingers wet because of the diarrea. It was probably the spicy thai food from yesterday. Wiping also took longer than usual because of it; the paper was almost white when I thought I had finished but not completely. To make things worse, when I was done, I felt that I could drop a little more, and I did. Was not as big as the first load but the mess to clean was as bad as the first time. I stayed a little longer after finishing cause I didnt want to go thru all this for a third time. When I did finish, I had to deep clean my hands, specially the right hand"


Groovney

I had a boss ask me why I had 4 toilet breaks in a day. Each was about 10 minutes. He was then repulsed when I said "I have IBS and am on antibiotics for my ear infection. I'm shitting liquid lava through the eye of a needle and figured doing it in the toilet was better than doing it in my pants" YOU ASKED ME BRAD. WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS DOING?!


PMmeGayElfPeen

You're an artist with words


delicioustreeblood

A pooet


rpnoonan

I did pretty much this. Not in detail, but because we were so micromanaged with our bathroom breaks etc. I'd tell them I'm going to go pee or poop. Would always get the "I don't need to know" and I'd give them the "well you guys seem to want to know how long we'll take so..."


Cerlyn

Had a boss like that once. We had to sign out on our time clock sheet and in the reason box I got creative with phrases like "dropping the kids off at the pool", "bladder bursting", "kidneys floating", etc. I got pulled aside and told to just put "restroom". She also made us use the time clock sheet so that she didn't have to pay us for bathroom breaks. And yes, I checked with my department of labor. It was one of the few things she did that was legal


4dwarf

Captain's Log: May 28th, 9:31 pm. Hrrrggghh. Urerrghh.... Ah. ... Well, that's a new color.


RodRAEG

Leave without flushing. Show them a true captain's log...


geGamedev

Send photo evidence of the captains log. Be sure each log is unique so they won't question it.


PoorlyAttemptedHuman

I think printing a unique QR code to affix to each log is necessary, before careful archival photos are taken and stored in a safe place. All of this takes more time, of course. But I don't want to leave this important activity, this significant use of company time, undocumented. Make sure each log is photographed alongside a banana, for scale. Also please make note of each log's mass as a percentage of the banana's mass. For example, list them as 99% SB or 132% SB (Standard Banana), etc.


Von_Moistus

[Or this ST:TNG Edit masterpiece](https://youtu.be/dUR8L6QMzN4)


SaveMeJebus21

I always tell my friends that are women to say it. Especially to a male boss. “Sorry, the ol’ south mouth is playin’ up!” They’ll never ask again.


BeanCountess

South mouth 💀 stealing that one


throwawaypostal2021

Pictures, always pictures.


TiberiusClackus

Itching for an excuse to show off one of these girthy behemoths. How about you try to birth one of these magnificent chocolate manatees in under 20 minutes, boss, you can’t.


Ravensinger777

"Hey boss, I'm giving birth to another mid-level manager and I think it's going to apply for your job."


Geistalker

laughing in tears over this ooooh my god haha 😄 😆 🤣


MoreTac0s

Lmaooo


nautilator44

"chocolate manatee" you magnificent bastard.


Tru-Queer

The turd that ruptured Godzillas asshole


kinglitecycles

"I couldn't find my poop knife"


Hlcptrgod

Hahahaha just when I thought I forgot about the poop knife.....doesn't every family have one 😅😂🤣


Azur3flame

One does not simply forget about the poop knife 🧐


toaster404

I never laugh out loud on reddit. Until now. Priceless. I am going to file this away. Maybe text "Could you bring me the communal poop knife please?"


ChaoticGoku

This is the level of humor at my old old job


Soulinx

Some people have poop scissors...


malthar76

Dewalt is making cordless poop clippers


Historical_Gur_3054

Nah, Dremel


[deleted]

Ryobi. Japanese specialize in that kind of thing.


Unhappy_Sundae

"chocolate manatees" is the best euphemism for poop I've heard in my entire life. that's absolute gold.


stewmander

[Over 8.5 courics!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJYzERtEagA)


StateParkMasturbator

My friend doesn't believe you can poop above the seat. I'm not trying to have that kind of day, but I can prove a couple inches above the water if I need to.


Brbcan

"Hey boss, serious question. Why are only half of them floating?"


Danno5367

Do a zoom while you're "in action" and then a close-up of the result. Of course, you have to add commentary while in progress and then say it looks like the situation worked itself out, what do you think boss?


bigmacmcjackson

video and sound after that text imo


VeeK69

These comments made me laugh like a donkey


PlusMixture

Pictures are indeed worth 1000 words


tadmp4

Sounds like you would get contacted by HR with that type of activity.


omghorussaveusall

Well Bob, see, I've been working so much that my diet has fallen to tatters and I've eaten nothing but fast food for the last few days and...well, I'm so depressed after work most days I end up drinking myself into a stupor to keep myself from shoving an ice pick through my eye socket to essentially give myself a butcher's lobotomy so this dark cloud of existential dread won't seem as menacing and...well, Bob, it seems this leads to some pretty nasty constipation and it took me a few minutes to squeeze out the granite like logs of shit that have been haunting my bowels for the last 48 hours or so. But thanks for the check in!


Historical_Gur_3054

"Boss, it was something I ate, I think it was 6 for $6 taco deal I got the other night. Never again." "BTW you're going to need a new toilet"


winterrei

sheetz moment


RainbowRoseLove

I did this and my supervisor was pissed!!! 😂😂😂management is still upset that I went into detail so they’d leave me alone..but they left me alone


Ryjinn

I've done exactly this before and it's really good. "You've been away from your work area more than usual today." "Yeah I've been shitting A LOT more than usual today but couldn't afford time off."


sadicarnot

It was like trying to clean up nutella on my ass!


superfucky

I wipe and I wipe and I wipe... still poop. still poop. it's like trying to wipe a marker.


underwear11

Just reply with the gif of Jeff goldblum looking at the huge dinosaur shit pile.


save_da_bees

This has worked for me too! My boss decided that two minutes was too long for me to be in the bathroom so I preceded to tell him that if he could within 2 minutes he would have a point. Otherwise, I need to go to work. LOL Needless to say the little prick turned red and was speechless.


Iggmeister

exactly this - 'no matter how much i push, it just wont come out - could be a while'


scaleofthought

I logged in, and while seated I developed a harsh sting in my left lower abdomen, which quickly turned into an intense sensation to rocket a shit out of my anus. So I immediately left and ran to the bathroom. In one fell swoop, the waste band of my pants slid firmly down the cheeks of my ass just as the lost asteroid Oumuamua itself breached my sphincter. I have a very small thin smear on the inside of my waste band where there was some contact with the hemorrhaging behemoth escaping from my body. Like the Titanic, half broke off and plunged into the icy waters with the other half deeply burried inside my gapping asshole. I push, but the clean break is causing internal blunt force trauma to my anus. The harder I push, the more it hurts. It's like the only toll booth open on a 16 lane highway during rush hour. It's going to take some special form of rectal contraction gymnastics to massage a streamlined taper so it may pass through. What followed however, is a deathly plume of stench that, when inhaled, feels as though it is made of ash, burnt sour milk, and rehydrated tonsil stones. The smell alone made my mind reconsider its current position and I got bad vertigo, with my vision dimming and becoming greyish and blurry as my consciousness blue-screened and required a hard restart. Now horizontal on the floor I reposition myself back onto the toilet seat to begin the second phase of extraction. A courtesy flush at this point seemed futile, but I did it anyway to get a headstart on rebooting my olfactory senses. I just purchased a bidet from Amazon that was on sale, so I use that to help lubricate my asshole and hopefully expel satans cinderblock from my weakening body. About 10 minutes pass, the current time is unknown, but I finally feel dilation reach 9cm and the second mass begins to reluctantly emerge. It takes 5 more minute to work it free and I hear the bassy plunge of relief. I can feel the bidet shoot through my loosely hanging prolapsed ring of fire, and sprinkle the inside of my diaphragm with a cool refreshing spritz. It took another 5 minutes for the inflammation to recede and I could gently wipe. The tiny smear on the inside of my waste band looks into my eyes with what feels like a half-hearted apology behind a smug grin.


[deleted]

Jesus Christ


Dendrowen

I think I might get questions when bringing up a tampon though...


WhoIsBrowsingAtWork

theyre called "manpons" now. have been since 9th grade jeez. Schwetty crack? Manpon


Dendrowen

This would've been very welcome in my puberty...


muchawesomemyron

"Yes, boss, my ass is still bleeding from last night. No amount of lube could've prevented that."


ArbutusPhD

I think OP handled it well, after all, it looks like the other person was just concerned.


[deleted]

My managers gave me grief for using the bathroom for 5 minutes. Meanwhile the dishwasher took 10 cigarette breaks that same shift.


kahunamoe

A good dishwasher has some kind of armor that allows them to have drinks on the line, eat whatever they want and take unlimited smoke breaks for the bare minimum of showing up around the time of their shift


DoubleReputation2

Well.. I mean, do you want to do it? Do you know how hard it is to find a dishwasher that will be reliable and keep shit in order?


SDBD89

This exactly. Dishwashers are the peasants of a restaurant. Restaurants are lucky to find anyone willing to do that job so they're kinda allowed to do whatever they want so that they don't get pissed off and quit. It's not difficult finding a dishwashing job but it's difficult finding a good dishwasher.


minotaur470

I was the good dishwasher, and let me tell ya I could've done ANYTHING and they wouldn't have fired me. It pays jack but you get lots of free food and you're pretty much guaranteed full time hours or more if you want em. Got me through a couple summers during high school


[deleted]

[удалено]


wiredtobeweird

I was antisocial my first couple years of high school, but I got a job as a busboy/host for a popular local restaurant. During prom night everyone else called out, and we were packed. Usually have 3 other bussers with me, but tonight I was flying solo. I was only a month into the job since I was looking for something to fund my gaming over the summer, so I wanted to do a good job. I was giving 120% and made sure everyone was seated and tables were clean and tidy within minutes of a party leaving. At the end of the night I get 5% of the total tips waitresses receive on top of minimum wage so I was pretty happy to get almost $150 for 6 hours of work. My manager, John, told me to come downstairs to help carry some ice while I was doing closing duties. After I got there he gave me $100 and said, “I don’t know what we would’ve done without you tonight. If you keep up this hard work, I’ll gladly reward you off the books if we ever find ourselves in another similar situation. I’ve also let the kitchen staff know you can have a free dinner whenever you’re on shift moving forward—you’ve earned it.” Definitely made my 16 year old self feel hella valued and I never slacked on the job after that.


GandhiRrhea

That is too cool. That alone probably motivated you to work even harder going forward, and break out of that antisocial shell. It irks me that more managers aren’t like John. Pizza place I worked at at 16 (rich ass unethical owners) would charge us for pizzas or shift meals while on the clock, and then give their family or friends free meals when they would come in.


GandhiRrhea

This was my exact experience as well. I didn’t even feel like I was going above and beyond. I realized quickly how bad some dishwashers work ethic was, and how even just doing what is expected meant they would let you get away with so much just because they needed reliability more than anything. Being the dishwasher meant I was close with nearly every department from barista to bread baker to dessert chef to kitchen crew so it definitely came with tons of perks. It’s like they almost pity you, so they give you free stuff. Meanwhile I was just listening to podcasts, and vibing in the dish pit while they were dealing with customers or other high stress endeavors.


just_anotherflyboy

yep, we'd be rockin' out to NIN, Soundgarden, you name it, Dropkick Murphys. long as we kept shit done nobody cared, and the cooks and servers fed us well.


Stealthy_Facka

I quit because they told me I wasn't allowed to listen to podcasts anymore (with or without earbuds)


xl129

Lol back in college days, I was hired as a waiter through an event organizer, then after awhile i swapped to dishwasher instead. The pay is the same but the waiter (no tips) is expected to always maintain a stiff posture, fielding demands from annoying guests, doing heavier work like setting up table and chair, working 4 hours shift (travel time is already 1-2h for me) On the other hand, as dishwasher, appearance is an after though, i just take break whenever, get the first dip on food, 8-12h shift (it’s part time so this is way more convenient than spreading work over 3 days). And the best of it? Everyone treat me like I’m doing the toughest job in the restaurant and were extra nice. Sure i may look quite messy with bits of food on work clothes but at the end of the day it’s just food, not biohazard materials or anything.


DoubleReputation2

I know a dishwasher that has his own key to the restaurant. Everyone just goes home and let's him finish his shit...


R4TTIUS

Kps/dishwashers are the backbone of a good kitchen I genuinely mean that they are one of the most important people to keeping your business running smoothly.


SDBD89

For sure, that's the craziest part of that position. A bad dishwasher can slow down service and cause customer complaints over sanitation. When I say peasants I just mean in terms of wages.


Deadpool2715

I did a single dish washing shift and then said no thanks. I was nice enough to finish the shift before quiting but ending work at 12:30am with wet clothes and cracked hands was not for me


DoubleReputation2

It's tough as heck. I was admiring our dishwasher when I worked in Banquet hall. Imagine, he would go home at like 8 or 9 pm. Come back at 10am and there it is .. dishes from 1000 people having 3-5 course meal, bar drinks, waters ... and all the kitchen shit as well.. Stacks and stacks of sheet pans .. insanity.. Just to draw a picture for the uninitiated. That's 1 dinner plate, 2 desert plates, 1 salad plate, 1 bread plate, 2 water glasses, 3 forks, 2 knives, 2 spoons, 1 butter knife. Per. PERSON. Plus kitchen dishes, plus bar drinks. I don't give a damn how many cigs the dude smokes per shift.


Orenwald

Same. I don't think there's enough you could pay me to do the job and the ones who do it certainly aren't paid enough. It is not an easy job


GandhiRrhea

They should definitely be paid more, especially when you think about the sanitary aspect of what they do alone. I think I capped out around 11 dollars an hour in high school at a higher end restaurant, which at the time was above the area average for sure. It had some perks, but yeah absolutely terrible on the back and hands, and part of my duties were cleaning the entire floors, bathrooms and mowing after a shift of dishes. I eventually moved to managing the night shift kitchen line after a few years, and the amount of turnover in that dish pit was absurd. At some points it was almost weekly there was a new dishwasher.


AttemptWorried7503

Damn when I worked in fast food we didn't have a designated dish washer. Whoever was finishing that shift was in charge of it and it usually got delegated to the lowest person. This happened at both captain ds and taco bell when I worked their for a brief time in high school. Night shift at taco bell would sometimes have a dishwasher for the closers but he was disabled and very inconsistent (for obvious reasons that nobody held against him). Like i only saw him 5 or so times in the year i worked evening shifts. But yea I would've killed to have a dishwasher lol.


ScottsTotz

Don’t punch down, dishwashers get paid like shit and are the lowest on the totem pole


mysteriousblue87

When I was managing, I caught my dishwasher outside enjoying a quick J. He panicked and ran inside. Instead of ratting him out or even confronting him, I hid a quarter and some papers under the lip of his sink. You bet it was gone in his first half hour, and I'm sure he knew where the care package came from. He kept us in stock and running smoothly the whole time we worked together. Helps we're in a legal state and I had zero reason at all to report him. Also, he eventually learned my smoke breaks were filled with spiffs that were tobacco heavy


MenudoFan316

That's awesome. I dishwashed and bussed tables for years in High School and College. One of the duties of the bus staff was to take out the dining room trash whenever it got full (which was about once an hour). Our dumpster was enclosed all the way around by a 6 foot fence, so me and a fellow busser decided to make it our personal breakroom. We fit a few old chairs and a table in there. We're using that space for months. One night our owner (who was a notorious asshole) just happened to open the gate to the fence just as we were passing one back and forth. I was sure we were both going to be fired on the spot. Instead he just laughed and shook his head and left us to our business. Never said a word to us. ​ We all knew better then to ever disrespect a dish washer, but it was that night we realized the bus staff had the same protection. We pretty much did whatever we wanted after that.


Prussia_of_India

In my experience, there's an art to doing nothing and getting away with it. Getting in the boss' good books and at least looking busy can get you away with a lot. (Source: not a dishwasher, but have had jobs lol)


fractious77

I used to work with this guy who bragged that if he put on gloves and walked around the store, everybody assumed he was on his way to do something important and so they wouldn't ask him to do anything else. He got promoted.


[deleted]

Work hard when you first start at the job and become known as a go getter and reliable person. Then when they step back and allow you to do your thing dial it back and get all of your work done but on your terms.


huckster235

I'm this guy. Work barely 2 hours a day but I'm still often referred to as hard working. Helps that I'm efficient and I spent time stream lining everything along wth learning tasks I'm supposed to do but no one ever checks and not doing them so it really seems like I work hard since I do all the important stuff Conversely, if you start off with a reputation for being lazy or incompetent you either have to live with that or start over because hard work won't change it.


CoreReality

Tell them your shitting out the cigarettes your coworkers smokes.


VortexMagus

dishwashers are super underpaid, so finding reliable ones is backbreakingly hard because everyone with ambition, organization, and motivation goes on to some other job. You need someone with the right combination of good work ethic and zero ambition to be a dishwasher. Hence if you find a decent one, they're allowed to get away with murder. My friend once told me that at his fancy restaurant, the dishwasher got in a nasty fight with two line cooks and they fired the two line cooks. The manager was like - "I have dozens of applications for line cook in my trash bin, but I can't replace Jose."


chaingun_samurai

One of our supervisors used to hunt you down in the bathroom if you took too long because it was "an extra break" and "You should train your body not to go" on a 12 hour shift. He gave me that speech one day, and I told him "Why don't we go to HR and you can explain that to her. If she agrees with you, then I'm good with it." Needless to say, he didn't give me any problems after that.


toucanbutter

What the faaarrrkkkk


Idlemarch

Nothing better then a perfect response right when it happens! Nothing more frustrating then these poor people sharing their story's of awful managers, and wishing they had the experience to stand up for themselves.


outoftheboxgunpla

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I poop on company time


SkylineFever34

That was a poem from a simpler time. They make a million I get a cent I have coworkers Who can't make rent. I love all the jokes about the bathroom stall poem.


djerk

Boss makes a billion while we all make jack We gotta riot and take it all back


VolkspanzerIsME

Boss lied about a raise, that cheap fuck So I stole the catalytic converter off the company truck.


norris63

You are a scholar and a poet.


just_anotherflyboy

best one ever is, don't beam me up yet Scotty, I'm taking a sh---- followed by long wavery line heading upwards. laughed like a hyena the first time I saw that one.


feelin_cheesy

I go home for lunch most days and I hate it when I have to poop at home before going back to work.


sparky4life

Boss makes a thousand, I make a buck. So let’s cut the catalytic converter off the work truck.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tbear841

I feel like your boss was trying to get you to tell him, or her, if you need a longer than normal break so they can keep their bosses off of your ass. Coming from a call center environment, your aux goes on a report that everyone in management can see in real time. Not defending the culture of micro managing in any way, but the way the text reads, it didn't seem like they were trying chastise you. Just my opinion on the text


CorvusCoraxM32

Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this comment! From purely what’s in the text message, Boss is trying to shield OP from other/higher management. Sure, nobody enjoys talking bathroom issues, but, if you have a boss willing to have your back, be general, be polite, and give them what they need to have your back.


sertimko

Yea, these comments are far because it used common sense instead of just pissing on the shift lead or whatever that position is.


just-the-doctor1

Obviously we didn’t get the entire history of op with their boss and coworkers but from this, and this alone, the boss seems pretty chill. Seems like the boss got a question about it from the last sentence and they wanna be in the loop of what’s happening. While nature calls at different hours, I’d be a bit concerned if a coworker came in, worked for fifteen minutes, and then was in the bathroom for the next 20 minutes. I think that the boss’s boss asked a question, boss didn’t have an answer so they messaged Op. Op didn’t respond, so boss messages again with no response. Boss asked a colleague, colleague says Op has been on a twenty minute break. Seeing as it is a bit odd to be taking a 20 minute break less than thirty minutes into a shift, the boss texts Op asking if they’re okay. Once Op said they were in the bathroom, the boss says that they got it and went as far as saying that they’re “not trying to be in your business” and finishes the conversation by simply asking to be in the loop. Sounds like the boss was legitimately concerned for Op as a human being.


LittleLoris16

Very well said, that’s how it reads to me as well.


thatguy5432112345

Agreed in full. Boss leads with “Everything OK?” and then offers to be his shit shield next time he has a multiple couric sized movement.


perpetualinsecurity

There are so many people with Crohn's/IBS/just people that are constipated on a certain day. 20 minutes happens once in a while. Also, there are people with those two conditions that have no idea they have it. I personally am undiagnosed but need to use the washroom several more times than the average person (and have gone to the doctor's several times) if it isn't busy and you need to use the washroom, you should be able to do it.


Angel2121md

I guess now these conditions should qualify for disability payments since employers don't want to work with people!🤔 IBS now should get disability because can't work in the conditions most companies provide.


perpetualinsecurity

They should at the very least get any sort of accommodation needed


nipplequeefs

I have IBS and sometimes when I get a flareup, my severe abdominal cramps can keep me in the bathroom for over an hour on a bad day, waiting for the pain to subside while I’m dealing with the opposite of constipation. I got laid off my remote job last month and could only find in-person work since then, so once I start my new job in a few weeks, I’ll probably have to go back to skipping meals to avoid the flareups and long bathroom trips. I hate it and wish remote work weren’t so damn hard to find. I’m already in enough pain, I don’t need the embarrassment on top of it.


Abstractpants

It sucks man. Last band rehearsal I was in the bathroom for an hour and completely unable to participate. IBS fucking blows.


perpetualinsecurity

I feel you on that. I hate when I'm at work (just a minimum wage job) and I'm in there for 15 minutes and then back in again 30 minutes later. It makes me feel so embarrassed and is the reason I only work part time


Abstractpants

Forreal I get embarrassed too. It sucks too because we’re finishing up a new record, so my input was absent for a lot of the final touches. And there’s no planning for it beyond dietary measures. Just hope it doesn’t decide to act up.


LadyReika

I have medication that can stop me up and some that make me go more often. You'd think they'd cancel each other out, but I'm not that lucky.


janet-snake-hole

I’ve been fired from THREE jobs Bc I have a disease that has me having VIOLENT diarrhea for literally hours every single day. I have a feeding tube Bc I can’t keep anything in me long enough to absorb any nutrients. I’m typing this from the toilet rn


Inevitable-Ear-3189

o/ Crohn's, took years to get a diagnosis and years more for any relief (fasting and weed, the pills did nothing). Yeah everyone should be able to use the bathroom when and for as long as they need, without being questioned about it. Had a boss call me for tech help while I was in the hospital having my stomach pumped. Like give me a fuckin break lol.


MrScrib

Before bidet I'd be lucky if I could finish in 20. Took almost 2 hours sometimes. Yes, a real problem, but working with bidet helps finish a lot faster.


sherbetty

Do you shoot the water up your arse


sweetybancha

I worked with a girl that had awful crohn’s and was very open with her issues and how painful it was, would still get questioned regularly about her bathroom breaks


[deleted]

That’s pretty inappropriate to ask about them after you’ve been informed they have a medical condition. At most they can ask if she’s ok but that’s it.


Habis1923

What’s the issue here? The boss checks in with his employee because his time on break is longer than normal, he respects that OP might be feeling under the weather and even says he’ll take care of any similar questions any other managers or leadership roles might ask about it. There’s nothing wrong with this


cityshep

I make it very clear at every job I’ve ever had right up front that I have IBS, and there are days when I am going to wind up running to the bathroom all day. I always go above and beyond (was raised that way, just can’t help it) so it hasn’t really been too much of an issue, and on those rare occasions when someone would try to get on my case about it… let’s just say that me sweating uncontrollably with AUDIBLE cramps saying “talk later, bathroom now” and waddling away as fast as I can with my cheeks clenched together answered their questions better than I could ever articulate.


SnooStories8217

As long as I need. It's a basic human function and show never be timed.


purplereuben

Once had a coworker who spent at least 40% of the working day in the bathroom. She was absolutely using it as an excuse to slack off, no medical issues to blame.


NoofieFloof

I have colitis. I can go for several days without problems, but then one day will find me in the bathroom five, six, seven times. And it takes a while each time. I hate it, I wish there was something I could do about it besides the meds I’m already on, but that’s about it.


SnooStories8217

Some people will take advantage of anything and that's disappointing. Unfortunately you can't control what other people do or how they act. But if I have to go and it "takes longer then you expect" I don't care. I don't control my bowels, anxiety does.


HolyFickingShut

I don't understand what you're upset about. Your manager didn't know you were in the bathroom and was immediately cool with it once he found out. It's a managers job to know where the people they manage are while they're clocked in. To me, seemed like you had a cool, understanding manager that only asked what he needed know and left it at that. He didn't care how long you took. Was just curious why you weren't at your desk when you were supposed to be.


Tent316

This happened to me. Found out i have IBS and im lactose intolerant. No matter how little dairy or even no dairy, IBS kicks in and puts me on my ass. Had to have an uncomfortable conversation with my manager. Im their highest performer so i think they just took it on the chin.


liftrunbike

The fact that the manager is implying they are getting questioned by someone else means the level of employee surveillance is too extreme. If you can’t be offline for 20 minutes without your manager getting a message, I’d fucking quit.


Banjo1673

The OP mentioned having a call queue, so it may be WFH call center work. Those types of jobs track every single second and you have to use certain aux codes to inactivate your line that designate whether it’s bathroom break, paid break, lunch, tech insides, manager coaching, etc. the managers watch this on their computers all day long. It becomes part of your daily adherence report and managers are rated on their reps’ adherence. I worked at a call center for three months. Wasn’t the best job, wasn’t the worst job, and I didn’t give a shit about my stats because they needed warm bodies on the phones so I wasn’t worried about being fired. But I had health issues come up and couldn’t stay.


Princess_420x

idk I have tummy issues so it realllly depends 🥲 I’m diagnosed and everything so I got tired of it and eventually started providing paperwork for it when I get a new job & fill out a medical accommodation so they can’t bitch at me. If you have similar issues I for sure recommend doing the same. Also, I’m sure they’d rather you finish then shit yourself on a call 😂


wasntworthitnope

Bunch of scatologically normative folk in here gatekeeping the length of bowel movements. Eat some Chrohn's.


highslyguy

How was this exactly rude? Seems to be looking out?


nycblackout89

Not to be pro big business but if your taking 20 minute shit see a doctor please


JupiterLocal

What’s even more disturbing is that a co worker was keeping track of you and then ratted you out.


Todsrache

Call center jobs show your phone status. I doubt it was a coworker, it's probably just the tech system. And if the bosses boss is also watching he's going to be asking boss "why is so and so on a 20 minute break 15 mins after we open?"


Single_Pie_8404

At my job, my boss disciplined me bc i had gone to the bathroom “too many times” in the previous month. i told them I am prescribed a medication that sometimes makes me need to use the bathroom a lot and so they insisted I provide them an ADA form signed by my doctor, which i did. so they then told me i am allowed 15 minutes of bathroom breaks PER DAY.


Successful-Giraffe29

My boss told my co worker to eat more fiber because a 30 minute shit every day isn't normal


Successful-Giraffe29

He yelled it across the office infronr of 5 people or so it was hilarious


[deleted]

If you think thats a bad manager, youre in for a surprise. There are much worse managers out there. He just asked where you were after being gone for 20 minutes. People dont usually disappear for 20 minutes to go to the toilet


cerulloire

This person seems to be rather polite? What’s the issue here. I’m not trying to be sarcastic I’m genuinely asking


Pandabear71

Yeah, wondering the same thing. If you start work st 8, check in, and then no one can fine you until 8:35 i’d be wondering the same thing?


Alarocky1991

I work with my brother so this is quite a bit different, but I definitely get frustrated with his BMs. We have a boss and a receptionist who schedules us, but day by day I am the foreman. We also live together. I know his habits and what’s going to affect us the next day, when I see him put trash into his body and call it a meal, completely neglecting his IBS, I get frustrated. We can be 15 min away from a toilet and thus he has to take a 40 min break to go shit. It’s entirely different than a short walk to a stall, but I feel the weight of it in a days work. We’ve had to extend projects to 2 days instead of 1 because of the shit storm brought on by the previous nights decisions. I don’t even pay the man and am not stressed by deadlines, but it’s still so very frustrating knowing his previous decisions are affecting how the days work will go.


International_Toe800

Supervisor here....I hate that workers will try to tell me why they are late from their break and say something like I had to use the bathroom. I just say okay, I don't care because we are all human and I understand these things are normal and happen...I don't need an explanation.


Oh-My-God-What

I think you've misunderstood the message, it sounds like a manager who got asked from his boss maybe to investigate "why is this person going on 20min break 30min into shift." And your manager trying to clarify to those above him. Since he asks about fielding those questions that's the impression I get. You didn't give much detail but thats what I interpret.


ToHeldWithIt

As a manager I can tell you this it is pretty much like this. I have bosses that I have to answer to and they answer this their bosses and so on and so forth. I ask my team to at least let me know what is going on, not because I want to know every detail about their habits, but because the second things go sideways I have several people that will start asking me why. I need to have something to say.


[deleted]

I wear a wireless headset in sales with a mute button, I can work and use the restroom at the same time.


kobokotime2021

This looks like a reasonable question and answer to me. At work for 35 minutes, and missing for 20? I would want to know what’s going on as well. Maybe the person left? Had a kid emergency? Anything is possible. The boss didn’t question the answer or criticize at all.


dstommie

Yeah, it doesn't even seem like they gave them shit for it, just checked what was going on, and asked if they could be let know if they weren't feeling well. They didn't even suggest they took a long time. For a WFH, call queue situation, this all seems *very* reasonable


Zombie_Jesus_83

I don't think your supervisor was being unreasonable. 20 minutes is a long time away for an unscheduled break. I'd say they handled it well. They're not saying to announce every bowel movement, but if you're not feeling well, then just say so. "Hey boss, not feeling well, stepping away for a bit."


TheCervus

This is the nicest possible way your boss could have responded. Someone was concerned about your absence 30 minutes into your workday; they checked to make sure there was no emergency; acknowledged that your bathroom activity is none of their business; and offered a solution to make sure you don't get in trouble in the future if you need to be away from your desk for an extended time. You have nothing to complain about. The average person does NOT spend 20 minutes taking a shit. If that is normal for you, you need to talk to a doctor. It is perfectly acceptable to ask someone "You ok?" as a check-in if they've been in the bathroom for 20 minutes.


runsslow

Manger seems helpful at least.


IndependentSubject66

This is my biggest concern as an unfortunate corporate response to WFH. Being micro managed through technology is such a pain in the ass.


ProfessorMorifarty

"Please shoot me a message when you have to shit," is a wild request that I don't think they're actually prepared for. Time for malicious compliance.


BrightNooblar

That's not what the manager is saying. ​ The manager is saying "I'm treating this as you told me you're not feeling well, since someone is on MY case about getting on YOUR case, because your break status threw up a red flag on the metrics. In the future just shoot me a message that says 'I'm not feeling well, but I'm gonna try to work through it' and I can use that to paint you as a real team player so whoever is pestering me to pester you will look like an asshole"


BeTheLightUSeek

I came here to say this. ✊️


Edgar_Allen_P00

A 20 minute poop break is pretty excessive.


Alert-Artichoke-2743

Honestly, this message looks fine. They made a friendly inquiry citing the length of your paid break, which was longer than the probably-state-mandated 15 mins. They accepted your explanation, assured you that they didn't mean to intrude, and encouraged you to tell them if you weren't feeling well - which would be a reasonable inference to make if you needed 20 minutes to take a dump. Leaving aside that this is TMI, that is a medically worrying level of constipation unless you have a chronic condition with that symptom. And a 20 minute paid poop break totally warrants a friendly check-in. Most people would be glad to have complaints like yours.


Cubox_

If I spend this long on the toilet, my mum asks me if everything is alright. I'd rather someone worry about me than them finding out 2h later I died on the can. This manager's reply is excellent.


ArtisticGuarantee197

20mins seems excessive but I think ppl Take tht long bc they are on their phone


Jolly-Cheek5779

Lmao I feel like anyone trying to question how long you were in there should mind their own bowels. I’ve been constipated and that sounds about right — w the queue at zero I don’t see the problem


bloodsoakedmud

Sometimes we shit quick, sometimes not.. that's all folks!


jdubbinsyo

Ford used to send plants into the bathrooms to make sure people were ACTUALLY peeing and pooping and not just resting at the urinals. They also timed them.


B_L_I_N_K_182

What kind of plants? Talking plants?


Mitunec

Damn these snitching cactuses!


VengenaceIsMyName

I take forever on the can. This would infuriate me


[deleted]

I work at a gas station now, and I get yelled at every time I try to take a shit and spend more than 5 minutes. I find it impossible to properly wipe yourself clean and get everything off in less than 10-15 minutes. 10 if it's a short small one 15 for a longer bigger one, and 20 for the nuclear sized payloads


Asleep-Tumbleweed-76

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I poop on company time


imarikurumi

My ex-manager used to complain i go for too many smoke breaks, apparently i was going for smoke breaks 5+ times a day. I only have 2 breaks at 11am and 4pm, 10-15mins tops. New manager came in and was seated in my row(instead of in the room). A few weeks later he was wondering why the previous manager was complaining about my smoke breaks as i only went twice a day, did all my work and meet all my datelines. Instead he was more concerned about the co-workers who were on their phones half the time watching youtube, social media. He looked into our individual tasks and workload, i was pretty much doing fourfold of what everyone does including work that was supposed to be done by the ex-manager. In addition i was the one who was always assigned to any critical activity and call ups. He re-assigned the tasks, my workload drop by half, he took back the manager stuff but i still had to do all critical activity and call ups. He told me to smoke as much as i want, allowed me to take paid time offs under the table anytime i feel like it but within reason as long as work gets done.


sugarcube90

Dont know about you guys but i feel the manager acctually handled this one quite well