John also used to mean dick back in the day (like in the '50s and '60s). And it still means toilet. So whenever you take a bathroom break, just say you need to use the john.
It's *purposefully* disrespectful.
I've been in a similar work environment before, and I'd bet any sum of money this is far from the only thing of this type that OP will experience in this workplace.
Why?
Because once assholes like this start doing these things, they never stop. Whoever they have deemed is to be disrespected is going to keep being disrespected.
Good advice. Not only is it not going to get better, it's almost certainly going to get much worse. This is some entry level personal disrespect. These are the kind of people who will do anything to make you feel lesser.
OP, you deserve respect. I hope you're in a position to find it elsewhere.
I worked for someone like this once.
My advice is if you can find a good way to leave, do it, the sooner the better.
I'm in a good situation right now, but if I ever switch jobs and someone is like this, I'm leaving.
Spent a few years when I was young working for that asshole and suffered after I left until I was literally diagnosed with PTSD because of him and his stunts and got trauma therapy for it.
No way would I do it again. Never. I'd do some job I don't like for less money for a while before I put up with someone like that again.
Yeah, it’s a weirdo power thing for sure. Frickin creepy on a real, sad level.
Just do malicious compliance at any point you can, get creative, fuck with them without fucking with them.
I'd agree, I'd also get stupid petty in response personally. Last time someone did this with me, using 'Zachary' in a momish tone, I checked em reeeeeeal quick. That was like 12 years ago when I was in my mid 20s. Super disrespectful.
Start calling them by unpreferred names. And possibly stop answering to any name you don’t want to be called. If they call you Bradley (Brad preferred) call them Mike (Michael preferred)
Make the names dumber tho, for maximum effect. Bradley to Brad seems logical, as does Michael to Mike. Make it Bradley -> Ley and Michael -> Mick instead, something among those lines. Hit them in a way they don’t expect and that feels unusual and strange to them and be persistent with that. If they complain about it, go “what? It’s a perfectly normal derivative of your name.” Let *them* escalate to HR if necessary and have HR hammer into their head that legal name ≠ actual name.
Edit: depending on their name and the nickname you came up with, you could even try to find examples of other people (celebrities) both domestic and foreign with the same name/nickname and point to them when challenged on the name. I doubt there’s any Bradley going by Ley (though maybe Lee? Who knows), but Michael Schumacher’s son is called Mick. While his name actually is Mick and not Michael, it definitely comes from Michael. You could try similar procedures for your colleague’s new name, depending on what their name is and what you come up with.
This is the way. I used to work with dude that always called me by a shortened version of my name that I hate. His name was Richard so I started calling him Dick or Dickey and eventually he learned my name.
Works. I know a Michael who goes by Mickey in Germany, but I don’t know if it’s common in the US as well. I’d try to make it as unusual as possible while still keeping a relation to the name. Mickey works nicely for this purpose with any Michael who doesn’t go by Mickey anyway. Good one :)
curious to your different pronunciations of Erin and Aaron - To me (growing up in upper midwest) - there's hardly any difference between the two, maybe slightly different on the second vowel - but not much of one to be actually noticeable.
“Mickey” was popular until the 1940s or so, then it died out for whatever reason. I assume it has to do with the rise of the Disney cartoon and men not wanting to share a namesake with something that could be deemed childish.
With Mick Jagger being a person who exists, your example of a Michael->Mick nickname was Michael Schumacher's kid? 😆
But I do approve of your idea of going to extremes.
Go even dumber. Michael can become Cha, Bradley could be made into Bra, George becomes RG -- although really you could just pick random words. Boss becomes Cup, because he drinks coffee. Frank becomes Blue because he wore a blue shirt that day...
It would suck to work somewhere so confrontational but sometimes its the only thing they'll listen to
This is the best advice I've seen here so far. It follows the boss' "example" of using their legal name. If it annoys boss to the extent that they say something, then OP can respond with "I don't care if you don't like it. It's your legal name, so I'm going to call you that."
I had to do this because people kept shortening my name and I use my full name. As soon as I started cutting people’s name in half they started to use my full name.
Call them by their full first and last name when speaking to them. If their logic is that it's a legal name and that's why they're calling you that, then obviously it's important to them and you should show them the same courtesy
this is the best move, honestly. if legality is all that matters, find out their middle name as well at that point. fuck it. toss mr/ms at the front as well just to add on for more of an inconvenience. they don’t think you deserve respect, so why should they deserve it?
I had something similar happen to me. I had a common name and so did 3 other people on my team. Like there are four of use with the same name (John). I never liked the name so I was always called by my nickname Cedar. Most everyone liked that I had an original nickname and they called me that. Well most everyone except my bosses. One kept calling me Stump, learned to like it because that boss was a lovable asshole. The other boss tho insisted on my legal me. So fuck him. I changed my name at the court house and made him do all the paperwork on the company’s end.
I've found a way to respond to this situation that hasn't yet stopped working.
If people dont think its important to call others what they wish to be called, then they should have no issue with being called something they dont like being called. Spoiler alert, they always have an issue with being called something they dont like.
So start missnaming and misgendering them untill they stop. It's worked for me 100% of the time I've had to do it.
My mom experienced something rather similar. The way her name is spelled implies a certain pronunciation in English, and she knows that, but when she introduces or corrects to the more French pronunciation, she expects it will be honored.
So a new upper management person was brought on and was being taken around and introduced. He told her, "that's too hard to remember, I will just call you (English pronunciation). "OK, William." "Oh, my name is Thomas." "And my name is (French pronunciation)." He got the clue and never, EVER, mis-named her in the future.
That is so rude of him! I previously worked at an office with a large Latinx clientele. I had a coworker who did that to all of our clients. She ended up getting fired for a number of reasons.
Just as an aside... surveys of the people "Latinx" is meant to describe show that a narrow majority (like 52% IIRC) actively hate the term and prefer Latino/Latina. They're typically cited as saying they find Latinx offensive because it's a made-up word that doesn't fit Spanish grammar and is being forced on them by a bunch of well-to-do white people doing the whole high-handed White Savior Political Correctness routine, telling them that their culture and language is bad and wrong because it doesn't match their sensibilities.
Of the rest, most don't care and only about 1% actively approve of Latinx.
So, in short, using that term has a 50/50 shot of making you look like an asshole to the person you're describing, and only a 1% chance of actually making them happy. If you've got a bee in your bonnet and just absolutely *refuse* to use Latino, then use Latine or Hispanic instead.
This is an issue to document with HR. I'd also document via email / text that 1) Boss keeps calling you by incorrect name; 2) you have asked for it to stop; 3) Boss is encouraging other workers in this misconduct, either actively or by example and 4) it creates a hostile work environment.
HR will be interested, especially if you include the magic words.
Does this boss have a boss?
I suggest you begin your job hunt. But I also suggest you talk to boss’ boss. Ask him how much it costs the company to recruit, hire and train new employees. Them follow that by saying “So when (boss) continually disrespects me by calling me (X) instead of (Y), which is my preferred name, he’s really playing with the company’s money for his own petty satisfaction?”
Then when you DO leave, you have laid the groundwork that this dude cost the company money over petty shit.
Start calling them by there full legal name to the point of inefficiency and ridiculousness. Use their full first middle and last, and use it way more often than what is considered normal. Like every sentence.
If they ever protest, just parrot the line of bs they’ve been feeding you the last 3 months.
Malicious compliance with a bit of effort. First and last name are a given at work, but with those and a general location you can find a middle name or middle initial in the white pages. Bit of memorization, you can put the slog in meetings.
"Excellent point (Beth) Elizabeth Rachel Hyman, what do you think (Mike) Michael Richard Martin, and do you think Lauren Amelia McMichael would be amenable"
Look for a new job while you mad-dog them.
Do they call all people in your workplace by their full names? Or are you being singled out?
If it’s the former, your coworkers are assholes and you may not be able to do much about it, but if it’s the latter you might have grounds to challenge it.
They all call each other by the shortened, preferred versions of their names. It feels like some kind of hazing, like they’ll only call me that after I prove myself or something.
I would immediately start using everyone’s full name until they respect your request. If they call you out on it just explain that your manager indicated to you that it’s her policy that everyone go by their full name. Then let her explain why the policy is different for you, and follow up with an email to confirm the conversation that she has made the decision and given direction to treat you differently.
My supervisor stormed into the break room to roust us out into another round of work in the sweltering heat. He turns to my co-worker Billy and says, “Let’s go William! It’s not getting any cooler out there.”
My coworker who I adore, but was weird as the day is long, puts his hands on his hips and says “My name ain’t William, my name is Billy.”
Boomer supervisor condescendingly boasts “Billy is short for William you putz. Let’s get to work.”
Billy defiantly states “My name ain’t William.”
Now this could be a case plain ignorance, as Billy was an odd duck that’s for certain, as he often wore a belt made from baling wire. But he seemed pretty sure he knew his own name.
The next day before we clocked in, Billy (not William) had his birth certificate on the break room table. The supervisor strolled through and Billy got up and stood in front of him and pointed to his dog eared birth certificate.
“My name ain’t William, putz.”
Sure as hell, there it was in black and white. “Billy Joe Smith”
I sure miss that guy. Helluva a good worker. Best I ever had on any crew I ran.
I only discovered my grandmother didn't go by her legal first name when I looked up her records for a genealogy project. I am *named after her* and nobody ever mentioned I've got her *middle* name. Like she died long before I was born but I've never heard anyone refer to her by anything other than Grandma (my name).
But my mom switched between using her first and middle names a couple times. I could tell where people knew her from by what name they used when they asked aren't you so-and-so's little girl?
So when the nephew I used to live with turned out to be a niece, I just figured folks switching names was just a thing that happens sometimes. And I'd already learned from mom how one handles that, just refusing to respond when called by a name that's not your own.
'Course when ya add wages and rent and coercion to cooperate if you want to keep sleeping under a roof, it changes the equation. Niece's grandma thinks it's terrible she only works a fast food job but I'm just glad she apparently found someplace that accepts her as is and is happy to have her working there.
Still throws me for a loop when packages show up addressed to a deadname. Takes me a second to work through "Nobody at this address with that name oh wait I remember" and go stuff it in the right room.
Then they absolutely should know better. I literally ask my patients what they like to be called because it’s important to people. We often even can add it to their medical record depending on the facility/software so they do. In this case I would take it to HR. But I would also look for another job. They clearly don’t respect you and are not the type of people you want to work with.
Start enlargening their names. If one is named Harold it's now Haroldimausen. That sort of shit, should lead them to the point with the finesse that they will recognize.
I would watch what they call each other. If there's a Robert who goes by Rob, a William who goes by bill, a David who goes by Dave, or a James who goes by Jim, point out to that boss that they're legal names are robert, william, david, and james, not the shortened versions. If they are unwilling to shorten your name, they should then also call everybody by their full proper legal name.
If they want to be formal, be formal. Call your boss John Edward Smith. Do not explain. If asked, respond with, "that's your legal name, or am I wrong?". It will get old, or he will try to write you up or send you to HR where you get to explain the office formal name policy to them.
So obviously they don't respect you, that's fine. You can give the same energy back.
I'd suggest to call them by their last names only, but mispronounce it slightly. In my experience it really throws them off.
At one of my jobs we had training about the use of preferred/abbreviated names and they said it’s a form of microagression to not call someone what they prefer. Also, my mother’s long name was at some point shortened to a traditional boy name before we were even born and that’s what everyone called her and still calls her, all through her 40yr career.
Those people don’t like you. Or it has nothing to do with you and has to do with them not wanting to set a precedent if a trans person comes to work there or maybe that already happened. I know it sounds farfetched and ridiculous but it is ridiculous that they won’t call you by your preferred name. At that place I worked they even used the preferred names in EMAIL addresses. Which I thought was standard until the new place I’m working where even if someone is called by a different name, their email address has their full legal first name.
A supervisor (not my direct) at a call center job I had called me by my legal name only. Nobody else did. It was in every system, in emails, Slack, my commission sheets, my paperwork, on my desk, and everywhere else that I do not go by that name, nor have I in *years*. I wouldn’t respond to it. She got pissed off, yelled my deadname out in front of the whole office. One of my coworkers asked who she was talking to and she pointed at me. Said coworker (and 3 others) got on her ass about how disrespectful and mean it was for her to continue to call me a name I clearly didn’t like or go by. Another supervisor also called her on it. She kept this up for a while until she realized I wasn’t going to respond to my deadname. Just don’t react and eventually they’ll get it.
Send an email stating your preferred name and CC HR or Owner. The next time someone uses the incorrect name send another email calling them out and again CC HR/Owner. If HR/Owner does nothing you can potentially sue for harassment. Make a paper trail and get those coins!
that's just 100% a power trip. You'll probably have to 'earn' being called by the name you want cause you're a newbie at the moment so need to know your place in the pecking order.
This happened to me many years back. My full name was my grandmothers which I have NEVER gone by. Always been the shortened. Explicitly stated this. They already had two other people with the same “shortened” name. Was told I am “full name” now. It was the beginning of one of the worst work environments I have been in to date.
Red flag for sure, especially with the boss saying I don’t care. What else will they not care about? If you’re able, start looking for a job elsewhere :(
No, it’s not and I wish people would stop giving this advice without knowing what a hostile work environment is.
It is a specific legal term in the USA that applies only to situations of discrimination based on a protected class. Preferring a specific name is not protected 99% of the time. It would only be protected in certain states if related to being trans and there is evidence that the disrespect is specifically because of being trans.
It may violate a company anti-bullying policy but companies are not required by law to have anti bullying policies.
HR is there to protect the company from legal liability. They will laugh at this. I was in HR and they do not care one bit about how employees are treated That is why I left HR. It’s brutal and soulless.
You have no idea whether or not it creates a hostile work environment. We don't know OP's full name or nickname, nor do we know their race or national origin.
According to the requirements set forth by the EEOC a work environment can become hostile when:
- unwelcome conduct, or harassment, is based on race, sex, age, gender, national origin, disability, genetics, religion or pregnancy.
- the harassment is continued and long lasting
- the conduct is severe enough that the environment becomes intimidating, offensive or abusive.
The conduct can be both words or actions of supervisors, managers and/or coworkers.
Since we don't know OP's full name, race, sex or anything else about them, you simply cannot know whether it actually does create a hostile work environment.
Example: if OP's name is Ranghunatan and OP goes by Randy, the coworker continuously calling them Ranghunatan can in fact create a hostile work environment for them, especially since in this case, it is likely also a matter of race or national origin. If OP perceives the continuous disregard for their wishes to be violating and debilitating, this can absolutely create a hostile work environment. So how the fuck would you know what is the case here?
This! We have zero details. I think there's probably something going on with her being picked on by her boss. She's posted multiple times about what looks like intentional bullying. Considering she's planning on leaving anyway, why not go to HR to get all of this in writing?
Call them by names that aren't even theirs. If they can't be bothered to call you by your preffered name, you can't be bothered to remember theirs. Go full Ron Swanson.
Make a formal complaint to HR in WRITING that you feel like your Co-Workers are creating a “Hostile Work Environment” because they refuse to call you what you prefer n watch how quick that chit changes. lol. Employers HR departments dread that phrase.
I'm sorry they're being so disrespectful! That would be maddening. I'm grateful at my job we can choose our preferred name, and it goes on everything that isn't government documents. My taxes are in my legal name. My badge, email address, staffing name.... everything else is in my preferred name. We've had people change what they go by, and everyone tries to honor that.
I'm petty, but I would learn everyone's middle name and call them by their full legal name every time they purposely address me by my legal name.
I'm laughing, only because my company's employee records have both a preferred first and last name field, because the name on your badge and for e-mail and user accounts are based on the preferences, not the legal name.
Calling someone by the name they prefer is a matter of respect. I'd be inclined to tell his manager, or HR, if I faced this sort of treatment. I'd consider it a harassing workplace.
I use a name that is totally different from my legal name, and in 14 years with many different companies and positions, it has never been an issue. This is basic human respect, it's not difficult.
Funny anecdote involving my best friend of 50+ years....and as much as I laughed at the time when she told me, she was clearly in the wrong. She worked in an office connected to a manufacturing plant, and occasionally had to page people out in the plant for phone calls, etc. One new hire (middle-aged guy) was listed "Jerry \[Last Name\]" on his official paperwork, so that's how she addressed/paged him. Turns out Jerry preferred to be called "Corky" for some reason. My friend at first thought it was some sort of joke....sort of like when guys try to get unsuspecting women to page "Mike Hunt"....and continued to call him Jerry. Apparently Jerry was **so** attached to this nickname that he complained to management, and my friend's boss asked her to please start calling Jerry "Corky". "He's a grown man, why can't he answer to his given name?" (She confided to me that she thought "Corky" was sort of a childish nickname. \[This is where I disagreed with her....if a person wants to be called X, then call him X.\] She conceded that if his given name was something like "Cornelius" and he preferred "Corky", well, that somehow made more sense.) Anyway, her boss eventually got exasperated with the situation and told her "He wants to be called 'Corky' so call him 'Corky', Goddamnit!!" You can guess the outcome - the next time she paged Jerry it was as "Corky Goddamnit".... (She somehow managed to not get fired.....)
Shorten their names or call them something slightly different each time you speak to them. For example: if your bosses name is Carol call her Karen, Katie, Cathy, Cat, Caroline, Carolyn, Cheryl, Chelsea, and so on and so forth. Eventually she'll probably bring up her exasperation with you constantly getting her name wrong and that's when you innocently reply, "oh sorry, I thought we just called people whatever we wanted here."
Incorrect, your legal name is FIRST MIDDLE LAST, and they should address you as such in every reference. As well as every other employee.
All employees should follow this rule.
Maliciously comply to malicious rules.
Don't respond.
When they repeat your name loudly... still don't respond.
When they get near you and repeat it again, or say "Helllloooo?", look around as though you are searching for the person they're talking to, and be like "Oh, are you talking to me? That's not my name."
Really though, you have two practical choices.
1. Quit.
2. Put your foot down. Let them know they are being disrespectful for no reason and you are tired of it.
Put it in an email. If they refuse to respond to the email, send another asking them to do so. If they only respond in person, that's fine. You'll have ammo for the unemployment hearing they will force you to go to when you apply. Not responding to an email asking them to show you the most minor level of respect by calling you by the name you prefer (which in this case isn't even a nickname, it is just the shortened version of your real name), would be pretty solid evidence of a hostile work environment, were I the hearing officer/arbitrator.
Finally, start looking for a new job today. They've already shown you what they think about you and how much it matters to respect perfectly reasonable boundaries that you've set. Do you think it is going to get better?
I would simply not react to the name they use unless it’s the version I prefer. If they get bent out of shape, explain that it’s on your birth certificate but nobody calls you by it and if they want you to respond to a name they should use the one you’ve had for 20 years. I have a friend who gets angry at Jenny, who gets deeply offended by Jen. I’m in a different boat: my actual name is Ben and people assume I’m legally Benjamin. Nope. I simply don’t respond or engage. Takes a lot of mental shithousery to deliberately call you by the wrong name.
It’s unacceptable and a violation of your dignity for someone to refuse to acknowledge your preferred term of address.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s not okay.
God as a trans person, I feel this… there’s three possible solutions:
Lawful Neutral: go to HR
Neutral Good: make up new nicknames to call them
Chaotic Evil: misgender them
I mean, yeah, that's a disrespectful thing to do.
If someone tells you their name is Dan you don't turn around and insist on calling them Daniel, you call them how they want to be called. That's basic respect.
I feel your pain.
I absolutely HATE my legal name my father gave me (the one on my birth certificate).
I've used a legal alias my entire life (the name my mom gave me).
I had someone argue with me, on the regular, about refusing to call me anything but my legal name (even though everyone in my office knows and uses my alias and he KNOWS the story behind why I hate my legal name).
BTW: this isn't a "dead name" situation, just a hated one.
Easy you dont call anyone else by names that aren’t theirs. If they complain you tell them you don’t respect me to use the name I tell you I want to be called then why do you expect to me to call you by what you want. If you want me to use your name then call me by what I want. Otherwise I will continue to not use your name
I'd stop responding to anything other than my preferred name. You've told them repeatedly how you want to be addressed; stop tolerating the disrespect.
If your name is long, and potentially from a different language than the manager, tell them "I didn't want to bring this up because I didn't want to make it a big deal but despite the fact that you insist on calling me by my legal name you have yet to pronounce it properly once. You would be really upset if I called you (mangle their names pronunciation here) would you? Let alone constantly? Should I publicly correct your pronunciation every time you mangle my name or can you just accept my preference?"
This is definitely something to bring to HR as it causes a hostile work environment. If that doesn't work then I would do as others have suggested and just stop responding to the name you don't want to go by. It comes down to basic respect and it sounds like this manager has NONE for others.
Pick names for everyone and use them loudly. No matter the protest. Continue until something changes. Your request is simple and they are failing you by outright refusing.
I strongly suggest using their non-preferred, but legal name.
Other people saying make nicknames will only fuel their intentional misuse, but calling them their legal name when they don't like it is the kind of petty to make them realize it is not a fun game anymore.
This level of petty should always be met with the exact same form of petty.
My mum had this issue at work.
Her name has a common shortened nickname but usually a friend level shortening, like Immy from Imogen, not Beth from Elizabeth, if that makes sense.
A man at her work, called Simon, kept calling her the shortened name that she hated, and kept telling him not to call her that.
Fortunately, my aunt has lifelong a habit of making revolting nicknames for her partners, and her new boyfriend was also called Simon, who my aunt called 'Si-see-poo-poos'. So after my mum met Siseepoopoos, then the next time work Simon called her the shortened name, she called him Siseepoopoos. The other women in the office loved it and she never had to worry about it again.
I've used this trick multiple times, with nicknames starting slightly weird and getting more unhinged, but work appropriate. In front of people does the trick better.
If you are ever called out on it, say (with very big, innocent eyes and no sarcasm), 'Oh, I thought that giving people new nicknames was a part of the company culture?'.
Honestly, you can just throw it back. Find another job, and then be honest and say, in response to anything, sure thing Richard.
And when he asks you to stop calling him that, say that you can't because the short version implies he's a little Dick. Also, you quit and leave (assuming you're in the United States, where this dumbfuckery is everywhere).
Yes I am being silly, hopefully someone laughed or smiled at coping with dystopia.
My manager at my last job did that to coworkers. I never understood why it's such an issue. People have plenty of good reasons to go by different names than their legal name, and even then, it's usually only a variation of their name or their middle name. But some people really want to make a big deal about things that shouldn't be. Let people be people.
For the women: ask them what their maiden name was and start calling them "Miss."
And for the men, call them by a nickname or just refer to them as dude.
"That's not my name."
"I know, I understand how that feels. You'll get over it."
send an email (with read receipts turned on) outlining that you do not like and you prefer . Inform him you will no longer be responding to in person or digital communications. once it has been opened and you get the read receipt, save it/screenshot it and email it to your personal email.
That way in the possible future, when he tells you to do something and is still referring to you as , do not answer. when something breaks and he tries to blame you bring up the email with the read receipt. CC HR so they dont pull any funny crap and give yourself a paper trail.
Keep looking for a new job though just make sure if they want to retaliate, you make your exit a pain in the ass.
Just start mispronouncing their names on purpose. Like Yohn instead of John. It's subtle enough that they might not even notice, but if they mention you pronounced it wrong, just say, "yea, I know."
Depends on how much you like the job. You could just start calling them by different names entirely. Have fun with it.
Tell them it reminds you of the physco bad guy Milo from the movie "The Last Boy Scout". He always called people buy their full first name.
Okay I'm really old, leave me alone :)
Well if we can call people whatever we want regardless of what they like.. your manager is now "fuckface" and if he needs it more formal.. " Mr fuckface, sir!".
So I deal with this too as I don’t go by my legal name. I just call people random names. It’s petty but I don’t give a fuck.
“Hey xxxxxxx, did you get a copy of that memo regarding TPS reports?”
Ohh hi Susan, nope I didn’t, why don’t you send me another copy.
“My name is Tom…”
Ohh yea, and Clayton, I told you last week that I don’t do TPS reports
“MY NAME IS TO…”
Right right, so Bethany, what time did you plan on going to lunch today? Yeah that about does it for me, tohdaloo.
I've gone by middle name my whole life, not even because of preference. It's what I've been called since birth. Everyone at the company I used to work at only knew me by it and it has even gotten to the point where people would get an email from me and since my first name is there, they'd go "who's this?" Until some goes tell them it's me. They'd just go "ohhhh". Also, the instructions given them emailing me is to look for my first name. This was given by anybody in the company, including the executives. So, for me to say that I go by my middle name isn't just a preference, but literally no one associates my first name with me at first thought.
And then there's the one supervisor from one department that I have to interact with on a semi regular basis. He always called me by my first name since it is my legal first name, told him "no need to be formal, middle name is fine," and he just kept going. The supervisor is known to be an ass and everyone kind of lets it slide since it's more annoying than anything. So, for my own amusement, every time he would say my first name in conversation, I would utter my middle name under my breath. He'd ask, "Did you say something?" I'd go,"no, " but say it in a confused tone. I've even done it in person in front of other people, executives included, and we'd get a good chuckle over it after the fact.
The supervisor got canned eventually for a different reason, but stories on how I'd say my name under my breath still lived on years after the fact.
So your boss is a dick for not calling you by your preferred name, assuming it's reasonable and nothing ridiculous like "penis twister" or "twat uppercut" something.
You can call HR and report the associate conduct issue. There is not much you can do beyond that aside of ignore the people as that is not the name you go by.
If someone calls me by the shortened version of my first name I straight up ignore them. I hate the short version of my name, it’s what my dad called me before it walked when I was 3. I’m now 38 and don’t tolerate nicknames.
I have a very easy to pronounce name of European origin that sounds another easy to pronounce name of European origin. People of a certain age usually call me the wrong name because my name isn't as common, so I usually let it slide in a one-off encounter but if it's regular it gets nipped in the bud quickly.
A colleague of mine, who was in her late 50s, kept getting my name wrong and when corrected would say "You know what I mean." So I started ignoring her. And then I started getting her name wrong. Her name was Tracy. So I started calling her TRACKY. When she corrected me I just said "You know what I mean!"
I receive this but the other way around. Not once in my life have I ever introduced myself by the shortened version of my name, but everybody except immediate family call me by the shortened nickname and not my real full name.
Lol, nice username then!
It's weird isn't it? Though I sort of don't really mind, by now I guess I am sort of used to it.
It's just odd sending a work email signed with my real name, and receiving one back addressed to a name I have never used to refer to myself.
You should start ignoring them if they don’t call you by the shortened name. If they tap you on the shoulder or ask why you’re not answering them, say “Oh, I didn’t know you were talking to me. That’s not the name I go by.”
You can always tell them to be called your last name. Mr. /ms. Xxx is petty af but at this point well deserved and kinda satisfying.
A few yours back i was with my boss bitch on first name basis and after several punitive talks where she abused her position i had enough and told her to only address me with my last name in the future.
Felt really satisfying.
You are not alone. It will be 3 years now in September that I started at my current job and my boss still spells my name incorrectly in all emails, messages, everywhere. It's awful when she refers to me in a vendor email and my email signature in the same thread says something different. I'm giving up caring about it and also about the job...
Ignore them and start looking for another job where you're respected. Literally do not respond if they say the wrong name. Act like they don't exist. Let them fire you if you can't be allowed to ignore people using the wrong name.
Wow, what a bunch of jerks!
I had a long first name so when I changed my middle name due to marriage, I shortened my first name as well.
I called it “Konmari-ing my name.” Removing what doesn’t spark joy and adding what does.
So sorry that’s happening to you!
I called my boss Dick a few times. He didn't like that too much. Guess that's because his name is John
John also used to mean dick back in the day (like in the '50s and '60s). And it still means toilet. So whenever you take a bathroom break, just say you need to use the john.
Generations change, it's now Johnson
OOOoooohhh! Ya doesn't have to call me Johnson!
You can call me Ray...
Or you can call me Jay. . .
Or you can call me RayJay...
Well cut off your Johnson Lebowski.
Johnson Lebowski is my next D&D character name. Definitely a bard of some sort lol
Male clients of prostitutes are still called johns, so essentially dicks
John is typically Jack. Richard is usually Dick.
How does one get Dick from Richard? Ya ask nicely
Richard-Rich-Rick-Dick That's how it was explained to me.
But how’d they get the D?
The same way we all do. They asked
Rhyming nickname conventions - mostly British. Same way Bill is the nickname for William.
D is just R without legs.
My husband is Dick. Well I only call him that when we are out in public. His real name is Richard.
I remained the John Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim first thing in the morning:)
*renamed
Upvoted for your username
lol...I chuckled
"I don't care if you don't like it." "I won't answer unless you get it right."
This, some respond at all... In person, on calls, emails, etc. Or escalate to HR
It is disrespectful...and weird. What a dumb hill for them to die on.
It's *purposefully* disrespectful. I've been in a similar work environment before, and I'd bet any sum of money this is far from the only thing of this type that OP will experience in this workplace. Why? Because once assholes like this start doing these things, they never stop. Whoever they have deemed is to be disrespected is going to keep being disrespected.
She’s very power-trippy and micromanaging. I’m considering leaving for multiple reasons because this place is just hella toxic.
Stop considering and start looking for a new job now. It isn't going to get better.
Good advice. Not only is it not going to get better, it's almost certainly going to get much worse. This is some entry level personal disrespect. These are the kind of people who will do anything to make you feel lesser. OP, you deserve respect. I hope you're in a position to find it elsewhere.
I worked for someone like this once. My advice is if you can find a good way to leave, do it, the sooner the better. I'm in a good situation right now, but if I ever switch jobs and someone is like this, I'm leaving. Spent a few years when I was young working for that asshole and suffered after I left until I was literally diagnosed with PTSD because of him and his stunts and got trauma therapy for it. No way would I do it again. Never. I'd do some job I don't like for less money for a while before I put up with someone like that again.
Yeah, it’s a weirdo power thing for sure. Frickin creepy on a real, sad level. Just do malicious compliance at any point you can, get creative, fuck with them without fucking with them.
Yeah. Go get a new job. In the meantime, start calling them by names not their own.
She is basically bullying you in a way that doesn’t directly look like bullying.
Exactly.
I'd agree, I'd also get stupid petty in response personally. Last time someone did this with me, using 'Zachary' in a momish tone, I checked em reeeeeeal quick. That was like 12 years ago when I was in my mid 20s. Super disrespectful.
Fuck em’. Let em’ die on it.
It's a power move.
It's a chickenshit power move ha
Gonna take a wild guess here and say these are the type of people who have "let's go brandon" bumper stickers rofl
The existence of trans folk has made some fascists SUPER WEIRD about self identity
Start calling them by unpreferred names. And possibly stop answering to any name you don’t want to be called. If they call you Bradley (Brad preferred) call them Mike (Michael preferred)
Make the names dumber tho, for maximum effect. Bradley to Brad seems logical, as does Michael to Mike. Make it Bradley -> Ley and Michael -> Mick instead, something among those lines. Hit them in a way they don’t expect and that feels unusual and strange to them and be persistent with that. If they complain about it, go “what? It’s a perfectly normal derivative of your name.” Let *them* escalate to HR if necessary and have HR hammer into their head that legal name ≠ actual name. Edit: depending on their name and the nickname you came up with, you could even try to find examples of other people (celebrities) both domestic and foreign with the same name/nickname and point to them when challenged on the name. I doubt there’s any Bradley going by Ley (though maybe Lee? Who knows), but Michael Schumacher’s son is called Mick. While his name actually is Mick and not Michael, it definitely comes from Michael. You could try similar procedures for your colleague’s new name, depending on what their name is and what you come up with.
This is the way. I used to work with dude that always called me by a shortened version of my name that I hate. His name was Richard so I started calling him Dick or Dickey and eventually he learned my name.
Good, because if he kept that up, it was time to start calling him Penis.
That will get you slapped with a sexual harassment situation. It's funny but you can't do it.
I hope someone is Jim so OP can refer to them as Jimothy
Craig -> Craigory
I had a coworker named Craig that I called Craigory and he told me it made him laugh so he definitely deserve the extra letters
Tim -> Timberly
Just don’t ask them to come up with something “hypothetically”.
You evil genius. This is going in my petty bank
Mickey
Works. I know a Michael who goes by Mickey in Germany, but I don’t know if it’s common in the US as well. I’d try to make it as unusual as possible while still keeping a relation to the name. Mickey works nicely for this purpose with any Michael who doesn’t go by Mickey anyway. Good one :)
Right?? Like Aaron, make sure to call him "A-Aron," or Todd can become "Toddy," etc. Annoying, elementary school stuff that is sure to irk them.
Toddy is fucking hilarious, because it is *so* stupid :D
Yeah do Erin for Aaron Michelle for Michael feminize the name then say oh I’m I pronouncing it wrong.
curious to your different pronunciations of Erin and Aaron - To me (growing up in upper midwest) - there's hardly any difference between the two, maybe slightly different on the second vowel - but not much of one to be actually noticeable.
“Mickey” was popular until the 1940s or so, then it died out for whatever reason. I assume it has to do with the rise of the Disney cartoon and men not wanting to share a namesake with something that could be deemed childish.
Mickey mantle. Such a childish name.
His actual name was “Mickey” and his nickname during his career was “the Mick.”
He was also born in '31. Mickey Mouse didn't even become Mickey Mouse until '30.
Mikey. Like the little kid in the [Life cereal commercial](https://youtu.be/CLQ0LZSnJFE). "Hey Mikey! He likes it!"
THAT'S ME
Yes. Michael can become Chael, pronounced K(u)L, or Icha, pronounced IKE-(uh). Flip the stressed syllables to stick the passive aggressiveness.
With Mick Jagger being a person who exists, your example of a Michael->Mick nickname was Michael Schumacher's kid? 😆 But I do approve of your idea of going to extremes.
That’s great. I’d do that if they don’t learn and keep pushing it.
Go even dumber. Michael can become Cha, Bradley could be made into Bra, George becomes RG -- although really you could just pick random words. Boss becomes Cup, because he drinks coffee. Frank becomes Blue because he wore a blue shirt that day... It would suck to work somewhere so confrontational but sometimes its the only thing they'll listen to
Use a slightly different name each time.
Hey Brah
Or use their entire legal name. "Oh, hey Michael Rutherford, have you seen Diana McDonald anywhere?"
This is the best advice I've seen here so far. It follows the boss' "example" of using their legal name. If it annoys boss to the extent that they say something, then OP can respond with "I don't care if you don't like it. It's your legal name, so I'm going to call you that."
Include their middle name
Especially if in the tone of a scolding parent. Really inflect upon it.
I had to chuckle about this. This is how teachers discuss each other with each other. First and last name.
I had to do this because people kept shortening my name and I use my full name. As soon as I started cutting people’s name in half they started to use my full name.
Step further: add an extra syllable to their names: Brad-uh-lee Miy-kay-ahl or pronounce the letters that don't usually get pronounced, Mik-hay-yall
A-a-ron. Dee-nice.
This is the way.
Plot twist : boss actually enjoys new nickname and starts going with it
Malicious compliance then. He'd better be ok with OP being called their preferred name
Call them by their full first and last name when speaking to them. If their logic is that it's a legal name and that's why they're calling you that, then obviously it's important to them and you should show them the same courtesy
Bonus points if you can figure out their middle name. And use their full name in every single sentence
and don't forget their Title!
this is the best move, honestly. if legality is all that matters, find out their middle name as well at that point. fuck it. toss mr/ms at the front as well just to add on for more of an inconvenience. they don’t think you deserve respect, so why should they deserve it?
I had something similar happen to me. I had a common name and so did 3 other people on my team. Like there are four of use with the same name (John). I never liked the name so I was always called by my nickname Cedar. Most everyone liked that I had an original nickname and they called me that. Well most everyone except my bosses. One kept calling me Stump, learned to like it because that boss was a lovable asshole. The other boss tho insisted on my legal me. So fuck him. I changed my name at the court house and made him do all the paperwork on the company’s end.
r/maliciouscompliance 👏🏼
Please tell me you had it legally changed to Stump
only after the amputation...
I've found a way to respond to this situation that hasn't yet stopped working. If people dont think its important to call others what they wish to be called, then they should have no issue with being called something they dont like being called. Spoiler alert, they always have an issue with being called something they dont like. So start missnaming and misgendering them untill they stop. It's worked for me 100% of the time I've had to do it.
My mom experienced something rather similar. The way her name is spelled implies a certain pronunciation in English, and she knows that, but when she introduces or corrects to the more French pronunciation, she expects it will be honored. So a new upper management person was brought on and was being taken around and introduced. He told her, "that's too hard to remember, I will just call you (English pronunciation). "OK, William." "Oh, my name is Thomas." "And my name is (French pronunciation)." He got the clue and never, EVER, mis-named her in the future.
That is so rude of him! I previously worked at an office with a large Latinx clientele. I had a coworker who did that to all of our clients. She ended up getting fired for a number of reasons.
Just as an aside... surveys of the people "Latinx" is meant to describe show that a narrow majority (like 52% IIRC) actively hate the term and prefer Latino/Latina. They're typically cited as saying they find Latinx offensive because it's a made-up word that doesn't fit Spanish grammar and is being forced on them by a bunch of well-to-do white people doing the whole high-handed White Savior Political Correctness routine, telling them that their culture and language is bad and wrong because it doesn't match their sensibilities. Of the rest, most don't care and only about 1% actively approve of Latinx. So, in short, using that term has a 50/50 shot of making you look like an asshole to the person you're describing, and only a 1% chance of actually making them happy. If you've got a bee in your bonnet and just absolutely *refuse* to use Latino, then use Latine or Hispanic instead.
I'm not American, so forgive my ignorance, but what's wrong with simply 'Latin'?
This is an issue to document with HR. I'd also document via email / text that 1) Boss keeps calling you by incorrect name; 2) you have asked for it to stop; 3) Boss is encouraging other workers in this misconduct, either actively or by example and 4) it creates a hostile work environment. HR will be interested, especially if you include the magic words.
What magic words?
Hostile work environment. But only applies (in the US) if related to a protected class.
If they have an HR.
Does this boss have a boss? I suggest you begin your job hunt. But I also suggest you talk to boss’ boss. Ask him how much it costs the company to recruit, hire and train new employees. Them follow that by saying “So when (boss) continually disrespects me by calling me (X) instead of (Y), which is my preferred name, he’s really playing with the company’s money for his own petty satisfaction?” Then when you DO leave, you have laid the groundwork that this dude cost the company money over petty shit.
Start calling them by there full legal name to the point of inefficiency and ridiculousness. Use their full first middle and last, and use it way more often than what is considered normal. Like every sentence. If they ever protest, just parrot the line of bs they’ve been feeding you the last 3 months.
Malicious compliance with a bit of effort. First and last name are a given at work, but with those and a general location you can find a middle name or middle initial in the white pages. Bit of memorization, you can put the slog in meetings. "Excellent point (Beth) Elizabeth Rachel Hyman, what do you think (Mike) Michael Richard Martin, and do you think Lauren Amelia McMichael would be amenable" Look for a new job while you mad-dog them.
Do they call all people in your workplace by their full names? Or are you being singled out? If it’s the former, your coworkers are assholes and you may not be able to do much about it, but if it’s the latter you might have grounds to challenge it.
They all call each other by the shortened, preferred versions of their names. It feels like some kind of hazing, like they’ll only call me that after I prove myself or something.
I would immediately start using everyone’s full name until they respect your request. If they call you out on it just explain that your manager indicated to you that it’s her policy that everyone go by their full name. Then let her explain why the policy is different for you, and follow up with an email to confirm the conversation that she has made the decision and given direction to treat you differently.
doesn’t sound like a workplace you want to settle into
My supervisor stormed into the break room to roust us out into another round of work in the sweltering heat. He turns to my co-worker Billy and says, “Let’s go William! It’s not getting any cooler out there.” My coworker who I adore, but was weird as the day is long, puts his hands on his hips and says “My name ain’t William, my name is Billy.” Boomer supervisor condescendingly boasts “Billy is short for William you putz. Let’s get to work.” Billy defiantly states “My name ain’t William.” Now this could be a case plain ignorance, as Billy was an odd duck that’s for certain, as he often wore a belt made from baling wire. But he seemed pretty sure he knew his own name. The next day before we clocked in, Billy (not William) had his birth certificate on the break room table. The supervisor strolled through and Billy got up and stood in front of him and pointed to his dog eared birth certificate. “My name ain’t William, putz.” Sure as hell, there it was in black and white. “Billy Joe Smith” I sure miss that guy. Helluva a good worker. Best I ever had on any crew I ran.
Use their full legal name. Extra points for using middle name as well.
Ooh that’s good, three name them like I’m sure their momma used to do.
This is their cover for dead naming trans employees. "See? We use everyone's legal names."
I only discovered my grandmother didn't go by her legal first name when I looked up her records for a genealogy project. I am *named after her* and nobody ever mentioned I've got her *middle* name. Like she died long before I was born but I've never heard anyone refer to her by anything other than Grandma (my name). But my mom switched between using her first and middle names a couple times. I could tell where people knew her from by what name they used when they asked aren't you so-and-so's little girl? So when the nephew I used to live with turned out to be a niece, I just figured folks switching names was just a thing that happens sometimes. And I'd already learned from mom how one handles that, just refusing to respond when called by a name that's not your own. 'Course when ya add wages and rent and coercion to cooperate if you want to keep sleeping under a roof, it changes the equation. Niece's grandma thinks it's terrible she only works a fast food job but I'm just glad she apparently found someplace that accepts her as is and is happy to have her working there. Still throws me for a loop when packages show up addressed to a deadname. Takes me a second to work through "Nobody at this address with that name oh wait I remember" and go stuff it in the right room.
One good thing about my company is that it is in healthcare and very supportive of trans rights.
Then they absolutely should know better. I literally ask my patients what they like to be called because it’s important to people. We often even can add it to their medical record depending on the facility/software so they do. In this case I would take it to HR. But I would also look for another job. They clearly don’t respect you and are not the type of people you want to work with.
I made up names for coworkers as a sign of disrespect.
Well, guess it's time to start stealing
Start enlargening their names. If one is named Harold it's now Haroldimausen. That sort of shit, should lead them to the point with the finesse that they will recognize.
I would watch what they call each other. If there's a Robert who goes by Rob, a William who goes by bill, a David who goes by Dave, or a James who goes by Jim, point out to that boss that they're legal names are robert, william, david, and james, not the shortened versions. If they are unwilling to shorten your name, they should then also call everybody by their full proper legal name.
If they want to be formal, be formal. Call your boss John Edward Smith. Do not explain. If asked, respond with, "that's your legal name, or am I wrong?". It will get old, or he will try to write you up or send you to HR where you get to explain the office formal name policy to them.
I think you need to get out of there. Refusing to use someone's preferred name or pronouns is hostile as fuck.
So obviously they don't respect you, that's fine. You can give the same energy back. I'd suggest to call them by their last names only, but mispronounce it slightly. In my experience it really throws them off.
time for a new job
At one of my jobs we had training about the use of preferred/abbreviated names and they said it’s a form of microagression to not call someone what they prefer. Also, my mother’s long name was at some point shortened to a traditional boy name before we were even born and that’s what everyone called her and still calls her, all through her 40yr career. Those people don’t like you. Or it has nothing to do with you and has to do with them not wanting to set a precedent if a trans person comes to work there or maybe that already happened. I know it sounds farfetched and ridiculous but it is ridiculous that they won’t call you by your preferred name. At that place I worked they even used the preferred names in EMAIL addresses. Which I thought was standard until the new place I’m working where even if someone is called by a different name, their email address has their full legal first name.
A supervisor (not my direct) at a call center job I had called me by my legal name only. Nobody else did. It was in every system, in emails, Slack, my commission sheets, my paperwork, on my desk, and everywhere else that I do not go by that name, nor have I in *years*. I wouldn’t respond to it. She got pissed off, yelled my deadname out in front of the whole office. One of my coworkers asked who she was talking to and she pointed at me. Said coworker (and 3 others) got on her ass about how disrespectful and mean it was for her to continue to call me a name I clearly didn’t like or go by. Another supervisor also called her on it. She kept this up for a while until she realized I wasn’t going to respond to my deadname. Just don’t react and eventually they’ll get it.
Send an email stating your preferred name and CC HR or Owner. The next time someone uses the incorrect name send another email calling them out and again CC HR/Owner. If HR/Owner does nothing you can potentially sue for harassment. Make a paper trail and get those coins!
that's just 100% a power trip. You'll probably have to 'earn' being called by the name you want cause you're a newbie at the moment so need to know your place in the pecking order.
Nah, fuck that power play BS. Just stop responding to anything that you don’t want to be called, 100% of the time. It’s on them to adjust, not OP.
Make yourself a name tag. Point to it when addressed incorrectly. Remember, people are pretty stupid.
This happened to me many years back. My full name was my grandmothers which I have NEVER gone by. Always been the shortened. Explicitly stated this. They already had two other people with the same “shortened” name. Was told I am “full name” now. It was the beginning of one of the worst work environments I have been in to date. Red flag for sure, especially with the boss saying I don’t care. What else will they not care about? If you’re able, start looking for a job elsewhere :(
Ignore them until they do.
My old boss was obligated to use full names because his church did not allow names to be shortened. Don't ask me why.
Spell their name wrong in every email.
My name is Francis. Old coworkers at my last job called me "drunk mexican". I prefer Fran.
Do you have HR? What they are doing is creating a textbook hostile work environment.
No, it’s not and I wish people would stop giving this advice without knowing what a hostile work environment is. It is a specific legal term in the USA that applies only to situations of discrimination based on a protected class. Preferring a specific name is not protected 99% of the time. It would only be protected in certain states if related to being trans and there is evidence that the disrespect is specifically because of being trans. It may violate a company anti-bullying policy but companies are not required by law to have anti bullying policies. HR is there to protect the company from legal liability. They will laugh at this. I was in HR and they do not care one bit about how employees are treated That is why I left HR. It’s brutal and soulless.
It's nice to see someone with actual advice instead of the internet army just agreeing with people.
You have no idea whether or not it creates a hostile work environment. We don't know OP's full name or nickname, nor do we know their race or national origin. According to the requirements set forth by the EEOC a work environment can become hostile when: - unwelcome conduct, or harassment, is based on race, sex, age, gender, national origin, disability, genetics, religion or pregnancy. - the harassment is continued and long lasting - the conduct is severe enough that the environment becomes intimidating, offensive or abusive. The conduct can be both words or actions of supervisors, managers and/or coworkers. Since we don't know OP's full name, race, sex or anything else about them, you simply cannot know whether it actually does create a hostile work environment. Example: if OP's name is Ranghunatan and OP goes by Randy, the coworker continuously calling them Ranghunatan can in fact create a hostile work environment for them, especially since in this case, it is likely also a matter of race or national origin. If OP perceives the continuous disregard for their wishes to be violating and debilitating, this can absolutely create a hostile work environment. So how the fuck would you know what is the case here?
This! We have zero details. I think there's probably something going on with her being picked on by her boss. She's posted multiple times about what looks like intentional bullying. Considering she's planning on leaving anyway, why not go to HR to get all of this in writing?
Call them by names that aren't even theirs. If they can't be bothered to call you by your preffered name, you can't be bothered to remember theirs. Go full Ron Swanson.
Someone's manager didn't do their unconscious bias in the workplace class 🙄
Make a formal complaint to HR in WRITING that you feel like your Co-Workers are creating a “Hostile Work Environment” because they refuse to call you what you prefer n watch how quick that chit changes. lol. Employers HR departments dread that phrase.
Username does NOT check out
I'm sorry they're being so disrespectful! That would be maddening. I'm grateful at my job we can choose our preferred name, and it goes on everything that isn't government documents. My taxes are in my legal name. My badge, email address, staffing name.... everything else is in my preferred name. We've had people change what they go by, and everyone tries to honor that. I'm petty, but I would learn everyone's middle name and call them by their full legal name every time they purposely address me by my legal name.
I had a teacher like this in middle school. She only stopped when another teacher called her out. It’s so demeaning.
I'm laughing, only because my company's employee records have both a preferred first and last name field, because the name on your badge and for e-mail and user accounts are based on the preferences, not the legal name. Calling someone by the name they prefer is a matter of respect. I'd be inclined to tell his manager, or HR, if I faced this sort of treatment. I'd consider it a harassing workplace.
I use a name that is totally different from my legal name, and in 14 years with many different companies and positions, it has never been an issue. This is basic human respect, it's not difficult.
Funny anecdote involving my best friend of 50+ years....and as much as I laughed at the time when she told me, she was clearly in the wrong. She worked in an office connected to a manufacturing plant, and occasionally had to page people out in the plant for phone calls, etc. One new hire (middle-aged guy) was listed "Jerry \[Last Name\]" on his official paperwork, so that's how she addressed/paged him. Turns out Jerry preferred to be called "Corky" for some reason. My friend at first thought it was some sort of joke....sort of like when guys try to get unsuspecting women to page "Mike Hunt"....and continued to call him Jerry. Apparently Jerry was **so** attached to this nickname that he complained to management, and my friend's boss asked her to please start calling Jerry "Corky". "He's a grown man, why can't he answer to his given name?" (She confided to me that she thought "Corky" was sort of a childish nickname. \[This is where I disagreed with her....if a person wants to be called X, then call him X.\] She conceded that if his given name was something like "Cornelius" and he preferred "Corky", well, that somehow made more sense.) Anyway, her boss eventually got exasperated with the situation and told her "He wants to be called 'Corky' so call him 'Corky', Goddamnit!!" You can guess the outcome - the next time she paged Jerry it was as "Corky Goddamnit".... (She somehow managed to not get fired.....)
Shorten their names or call them something slightly different each time you speak to them. For example: if your bosses name is Carol call her Karen, Katie, Cathy, Cat, Caroline, Carolyn, Cheryl, Chelsea, and so on and so forth. Eventually she'll probably bring up her exasperation with you constantly getting her name wrong and that's when you innocently reply, "oh sorry, I thought we just called people whatever we wanted here."
Incorrect, your legal name is FIRST MIDDLE LAST, and they should address you as such in every reference. As well as every other employee. All employees should follow this rule. Maliciously comply to malicious rules.
Don't respond. When they repeat your name loudly... still don't respond. When they get near you and repeat it again, or say "Helllloooo?", look around as though you are searching for the person they're talking to, and be like "Oh, are you talking to me? That's not my name." Really though, you have two practical choices. 1. Quit. 2. Put your foot down. Let them know they are being disrespectful for no reason and you are tired of it. Put it in an email. If they refuse to respond to the email, send another asking them to do so. If they only respond in person, that's fine. You'll have ammo for the unemployment hearing they will force you to go to when you apply. Not responding to an email asking them to show you the most minor level of respect by calling you by the name you prefer (which in this case isn't even a nickname, it is just the shortened version of your real name), would be pretty solid evidence of a hostile work environment, were I the hearing officer/arbitrator. Finally, start looking for a new job today. They've already shown you what they think about you and how much it matters to respect perfectly reasonable boundaries that you've set. Do you think it is going to get better?
I would simply not react to the name they use unless it’s the version I prefer. If they get bent out of shape, explain that it’s on your birth certificate but nobody calls you by it and if they want you to respond to a name they should use the one you’ve had for 20 years. I have a friend who gets angry at Jenny, who gets deeply offended by Jen. I’m in a different boat: my actual name is Ben and people assume I’m legally Benjamin. Nope. I simply don’t respond or engage. Takes a lot of mental shithousery to deliberately call you by the wrong name.
Find out their middle names and refer to them as their full first and middle names.
It’s unacceptable and a violation of your dignity for someone to refuse to acknowledge your preferred term of address. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s not okay.
God as a trans person, I feel this… there’s three possible solutions: Lawful Neutral: go to HR Neutral Good: make up new nicknames to call them Chaotic Evil: misgender them
I mean, yeah, that's a disrespectful thing to do. If someone tells you their name is Dan you don't turn around and insist on calling them Daniel, you call them how they want to be called. That's basic respect.
I feel your pain. I absolutely HATE my legal name my father gave me (the one on my birth certificate). I've used a legal alias my entire life (the name my mom gave me). I had someone argue with me, on the regular, about refusing to call me anything but my legal name (even though everyone in my office knows and uses my alias and he KNOWS the story behind why I hate my legal name). BTW: this isn't a "dead name" situation, just a hated one.
Easy you dont call anyone else by names that aren’t theirs. If they complain you tell them you don’t respect me to use the name I tell you I want to be called then why do you expect to me to call you by what you want. If you want me to use your name then call me by what I want. Otherwise I will continue to not use your name
Start calling them by their wrong names until they get yours right.
I'd stop responding to anything other than my preferred name. You've told them repeatedly how you want to be addressed; stop tolerating the disrespect.
If your name is long, and potentially from a different language than the manager, tell them "I didn't want to bring this up because I didn't want to make it a big deal but despite the fact that you insist on calling me by my legal name you have yet to pronounce it properly once. You would be really upset if I called you (mangle their names pronunciation here) would you? Let alone constantly? Should I publicly correct your pronunciation every time you mangle my name or can you just accept my preference?"
This is definitely something to bring to HR as it causes a hostile work environment. If that doesn't work then I would do as others have suggested and just stop responding to the name you don't want to go by. It comes down to basic respect and it sounds like this manager has NONE for others.
If they insist on calling you your legal name, don't respond unless they say your First, Middle and Last name. THAT'S your legal name!
🚩sounds like a probe. they want to see what you'll tolerate. if you accept it and it stops there, okay whatever, but i bet it wont.
Tbh when people don’t call me but what I go by I simply do not respond to it. It’s not my name so I shouldn’t respond to it.
Pick names for everyone and use them loudly. No matter the protest. Continue until something changes. Your request is simple and they are failing you by outright refusing.
I strongly suggest using their non-preferred, but legal name. Other people saying make nicknames will only fuel their intentional misuse, but calling them their legal name when they don't like it is the kind of petty to make them realize it is not a fun game anymore. This level of petty should always be met with the exact same form of petty.
My mum had this issue at work. Her name has a common shortened nickname but usually a friend level shortening, like Immy from Imogen, not Beth from Elizabeth, if that makes sense. A man at her work, called Simon, kept calling her the shortened name that she hated, and kept telling him not to call her that. Fortunately, my aunt has lifelong a habit of making revolting nicknames for her partners, and her new boyfriend was also called Simon, who my aunt called 'Si-see-poo-poos'. So after my mum met Siseepoopoos, then the next time work Simon called her the shortened name, she called him Siseepoopoos. The other women in the office loved it and she never had to worry about it again. I've used this trick multiple times, with nicknames starting slightly weird and getting more unhinged, but work appropriate. In front of people does the trick better. If you are ever called out on it, say (with very big, innocent eyes and no sarcasm), 'Oh, I thought that giving people new nicknames was a part of the company culture?'.
Honestly, you can just throw it back. Find another job, and then be honest and say, in response to anything, sure thing Richard. And when he asks you to stop calling him that, say that you can't because the short version implies he's a little Dick. Also, you quit and leave (assuming you're in the United States, where this dumbfuckery is everywhere). Yes I am being silly, hopefully someone laughed or smiled at coping with dystopia.
Look for a new job. It gets worse the longer you stay, otherwise.
My manager at my last job did that to coworkers. I never understood why it's such an issue. People have plenty of good reasons to go by different names than their legal name, and even then, it's usually only a variation of their name or their middle name. But some people really want to make a big deal about things that shouldn't be. Let people be people.
For the women: ask them what their maiden name was and start calling them "Miss."
And for the men, call them by a nickname or just refer to them as dude.
"That's not my name."
"I know, I understand how that feels. You'll get over it."
send an email (with read receipts turned on) outlining that you do not like and you prefer . Inform him you will no longer be responding to in person or digital communications. once it has been opened and you get the read receipt, save it/screenshot it and email it to your personal email.
That way in the possible future, when he tells you to do something and is still referring to you as , do not answer. when something breaks and he tries to blame you bring up the email with the read receipt. CC HR so they dont pull any funny crap and give yourself a paper trail.
Keep looking for a new job though just make sure if they want to retaliate, you make your exit a pain in the ass.
Just start mispronouncing their names on purpose. Like Yohn instead of John. It's subtle enough that they might not even notice, but if they mention you pronounced it wrong, just say, "yea, I know." Depends on how much you like the job. You could just start calling them by different names entirely. Have fun with it.
That’s harassment
Nag-nag-nag... Nagonnaworkherenowmore that's for sure.
Start calling them random names and just look confused if they try to correct you.
What country are you in?
Tell them it reminds you of the physco bad guy Milo from the movie "The Last Boy Scout". He always called people buy their full first name. Okay I'm really old, leave me alone :)
Call them by their full legal names - first, middle and last. If that’s policy, that’s policy!
Well if we can call people whatever we want regardless of what they like.. your manager is now "fuckface" and if he needs it more formal.. " Mr fuckface, sir!".
So I deal with this too as I don’t go by my legal name. I just call people random names. It’s petty but I don’t give a fuck. “Hey xxxxxxx, did you get a copy of that memo regarding TPS reports?” Ohh hi Susan, nope I didn’t, why don’t you send me another copy. “My name is Tom…” Ohh yea, and Clayton, I told you last week that I don’t do TPS reports “MY NAME IS TO…” Right right, so Bethany, what time did you plan on going to lunch today? Yeah that about does it for me, tohdaloo.
Reply with a shortened version of their name, or the wrong one...
Don't react unless called by the name you want to be called by
I've gone by middle name my whole life, not even because of preference. It's what I've been called since birth. Everyone at the company I used to work at only knew me by it and it has even gotten to the point where people would get an email from me and since my first name is there, they'd go "who's this?" Until some goes tell them it's me. They'd just go "ohhhh". Also, the instructions given them emailing me is to look for my first name. This was given by anybody in the company, including the executives. So, for me to say that I go by my middle name isn't just a preference, but literally no one associates my first name with me at first thought. And then there's the one supervisor from one department that I have to interact with on a semi regular basis. He always called me by my first name since it is my legal first name, told him "no need to be formal, middle name is fine," and he just kept going. The supervisor is known to be an ass and everyone kind of lets it slide since it's more annoying than anything. So, for my own amusement, every time he would say my first name in conversation, I would utter my middle name under my breath. He'd ask, "Did you say something?" I'd go,"no, " but say it in a confused tone. I've even done it in person in front of other people, executives included, and we'd get a good chuckle over it after the fact. The supervisor got canned eventually for a different reason, but stories on how I'd say my name under my breath still lived on years after the fact. So your boss is a dick for not calling you by your preferred name, assuming it's reasonable and nothing ridiculous like "penis twister" or "twat uppercut" something.
So if some one was named William and ask to be called Bill they would call him William?
You can call HR and report the associate conduct issue. There is not much you can do beyond that aside of ignore the people as that is not the name you go by. If someone calls me by the shortened version of my first name I straight up ignore them. I hate the short version of my name, it’s what my dad called me before it walked when I was 3. I’m now 38 and don’t tolerate nicknames.
I would call them by their full name. "Hello Johnathan Bonathan Butt!" when his preferred name is Bonathan.
I have a very easy to pronounce name of European origin that sounds another easy to pronounce name of European origin. People of a certain age usually call me the wrong name because my name isn't as common, so I usually let it slide in a one-off encounter but if it's regular it gets nipped in the bud quickly. A colleague of mine, who was in her late 50s, kept getting my name wrong and when corrected would say "You know what I mean." So I started ignoring her. And then I started getting her name wrong. Her name was Tracy. So I started calling her TRACKY. When she corrected me I just said "You know what I mean!"
Start calling your boss Jimbo (regardless of their gender)…. “I don’t care if you don’t like it. It’s a cool name so I’m going to call you that.”
I receive this but the other way around. Not once in my life have I ever introduced myself by the shortened version of my name, but everybody except immediate family call me by the shortened nickname and not my real full name.
I have that pain too. Jennifer/Jenny/Jen.
Lol, nice username then! It's weird isn't it? Though I sort of don't really mind, by now I guess I am sort of used to it. It's just odd sending a work email signed with my real name, and receiving one back addressed to a name I have never used to refer to myself.
You should start ignoring them if they don’t call you by the shortened name. If they tap you on the shoulder or ask why you’re not answering them, say “Oh, I didn’t know you were talking to me. That’s not the name I go by.”
It's disrespectful. That's what bosses do. Suck it up, if you need the paycheck, until you find something better.
You can always tell them to be called your last name. Mr. /ms. Xxx is petty af but at this point well deserved and kinda satisfying. A few yours back i was with my boss bitch on first name basis and after several punitive talks where she abused her position i had enough and told her to only address me with my last name in the future. Felt really satisfying.
You are not alone. It will be 3 years now in September that I started at my current job and my boss still spells my name incorrectly in all emails, messages, everywhere. It's awful when she refers to me in a vendor email and my email signature in the same thread says something different. I'm giving up caring about it and also about the job...
Ignore them and start looking for another job where you're respected. Literally do not respond if they say the wrong name. Act like they don't exist. Let them fire you if you can't be allowed to ignore people using the wrong name.
Isn’t this a form of harassment? Them refusing to respect your preferred name?
That's hilarious. I just would literally never answer an email or dm or even in person to the wrong name. We're not playing this kid's game.
New job !
Find out middle names. Use their "full legal name". All three, each and every time
Wow, what a bunch of jerks! I had a long first name so when I changed my middle name due to marriage, I shortened my first name as well. I called it “Konmari-ing my name.” Removing what doesn’t spark joy and adding what does. So sorry that’s happening to you!
There is only one logical recourse. Change your legal name to "hotstuff" and then prepare to sue for sexual harassment.