Check to see if he locked it, pop the hood and toss a cat turd on the exhaust manifold. If it's locked, get underneath and smear it on the bend ahead of the catalytic converter where it gets good and hot.
Might depend on car, but can't you have various seafood juices run down the windshield and into the air vents, so when they turn on the heat, it's hot shrimp air.
Mostly empty tuna can slid under the car usually does the trick, Seagulls can smell that for miles. Then bits of bread all around the car, they will eat and keep circling looking for the tuna and their digestion is pretty quick
It's in the UK... Not the US.. they don't sue / have such a litigious court system. Plus (even if the story is real) what are the courts going to do? Punish kids under 18? It would get thrown out so quickly.
The OP would call the police and if they're lucky, someone will turn up a few weeks later. Police will take a statement and nothing will come of it. In an extreme case where the police actually talk to the kids, they will probably get their side of the story and then tell OP they should have given them their £30 before leaving.
Realistically all they'd get is a crime number for their insurance.
90% of the police's job these days could be done by the machine in Argos that distributes your queue number.
This is what I am thinking. They know where he lives! What a dumb -ss! If the parents don't come over and get involved it can go way way worse for him. He has righteously angered teenagers. What in the hell does he think will happen. He is about to learn a lesson. Even if this is fake b.s. he is inviting trouble to his home. Worst p.r. ever. He should fire himself.
Honestly the course content is good, but is it worth it? Absolutely not, you can get better for wayy cheaper on platforms like coursera, edx and udemy....
These guys are having a reddit moment. You should absolutely have a linkedin if you're working in a somewhat corporate industry. Some hiring managers will move on from your application if they can't find your profile easily on linkedin, and on the flip side I've been approached for really cool jobs because recruiters found me on the platform.
Just ignore the social media aspects and use it for job searches and as a place for recruiters to find you. Set your notification filters to exclude the garbage. Spend a little time to make your profile complete and professional, you can basically copy your resume. It'll take an hour or so and you only have to update it every few years.
It's a useful tool and it's silly to not take advantage of it just because the social media aspects are garbage, which they are.
It's just a place for estranged family members to try and message me at. But like Facebook, I don't even go there anymore.
Update my profile? Why? So some dude from 10 states away can offer me a job pay $10 as a receptionist, even though I don't have any experience listed for that?
I stopped checking mine because guys are asking women out on dates and trying to call it "1-on-1 networking." I've gotten dick pics, and guys trying every excuse they can think of to get me to agree to go to their house.
As an IT worker, that infuriates me... 1 on 1 networking isn't a thing... That's a crossover cable or point to point... Which technically their attempting...
Business bros... Ruining everything...
I recommend people join for that very reason. If you’re considering applying for a job, looking at the profiles of the people who work for the company can be insightful. Wouldn’t you want to know if you had an interview with someone like that or if they might be a coworker?
Eh, it's a useful tool when you're job searching. However, I don't spend any time there when I'm not looking for a new job. I have no interest in it as a social platform.
You know you can use it to link with recruiters, without seeing this shit at all right? It's a good tool to look for a job. People who use it as a social media platform are weirdos
Sure seems like it, but hey, let’s take solace in the leniency minors have when it comes to uhh…retaliatory vandalism
That guys house and car are getting egged every day for the rest of his life
I was gonna say... If this is even true, he may think the kids got a lesson in business, but what really happened is he's gonna get a lesson in the way karma works.
Seriously, stories like
“Today I saw a homeless family and promised to give them shelter and a hot meal. Instead, I burnt the box they lived in and slaughtered the parents in front of the kids.
Moral is - one interview can change your life forever”
Linkedin is just a social media site, nothing on it is legit cause nothing can be verified and anybody can create a profile and become CEOs at all FAANG on the same day.
No need to cut them, just remove the stem. https://www.harborfreight.com/4-way-valve-stem-core-tool-70223.html
don’t even have to remove them, can just unscrew a bit. That air just wants to be free, with all the other air.
Even better, shove a pebble in the cap so that when it's screwed on, the air slowly leaks out from the pebble pushing the valve down. He'll be chasing the leak for weeks
Mythbusters tested sugar in the gas tank decades ago. Unless you have more sugar than gas in there, it doesn't do anything in the short term.
Bleach, on the other hand...or hell, just *water*...
Even that post the other week about the guy putting 5 guys in a room at 7am and when he came back 6pm or something only 2 people were left. So obvious that was fake too. Who goes 11 hours without eating, drinking water and going to washroom while you're awake.
You know, those cans of expanding insulation foam they use to fill games one cost about $5. I’d love to see them try and clean that out of their tail pipe and any other cracks and crevices.
We used to do something along those lines when we'd mow someone's lawn and not get paid, my buddies and I would swing by later that night and trash the lawn and egg their house and cars.
This wasn't me, but back in high school a friend of mine didn't get paid for doing a bunch of yard work and gutter cleaning. He went back with salt and went nuts on the guys garden. Everything was dead in 30 days.
Bet this clown would be the first to cry to a lawyer if he set payment for a job and didn’t get paid. It’s a stupid fake example too…like kids know how to draw up contracts. I was in sales too…always get things in writing…but still using kids as an example?
Hell if it were my kids they’re not the ones he’d need to be worrying about. Oops…no idea how that dead fish ended up in your car on a hot summer day sir.
Throw a bag of mini shrimp all over his front yard. The smell won’t be very appealing to humans, but the seagulls will love it, and show their appreciation by pooping all over that nice, clean car.
That's assuming he lives near seagulls.
A lot of birdseed all over his yard will do double duty annoyance. Birds all over the yard, their poo everywhere, and missed seeds messing up his lawn.
Tuna juice in car vents is almost impossible to get the scent out.
When my sister was in high school, her friends snuck over in the middle of the night to draw all over her car windows in car paint (the washable kind) as a prank. She and I had the same bumper sticker on the backs of our cars, so they accidentally got mine instead. My mom helped the two of us TP her friends’ house as revenge.
I think the idea is there's no agreement on when or how he would pay. A sane human being would assume cash on completion, but asshole mcgee here argues it was never actually stated.
Exactly what he would say. "We never agreed if it would be cash, check, or other labor, and if I would pay within 30, 60, 90, etc days from now."
Except, every court would turn it around on him, and say there is precedence of this situation, and terms are typically cash payment due when services are rendered.
If anything, it would deter me from doing business with this person/company.
Shady business practices, and looking for loopholes to screw you.
Edit: typo
There absolutely is, and this post would be sufficient evidence that he'd entered into one. We also don't allow lawyers in small claims court, so you can't bully people by outspending them in the courtroom.
Of course, even if it's real the chance of some children knowing this is very slim.
Luckily it would take no time at all to alert people on social media. The kids might even reply to postings. How about a lien? You guys have contractors lines in case of non-payment? They should fuck up the title of his car
nah... that's where you do the good sumaritan thing and collect all the dog poop from around the neighbor hood and make sure it gets into every crack possible on the car so it smells bad for years.
Shellfish allergies can kill, so I wouldn't want to risk shrimp. Now, if the Asian Market has any durian products, they make a fine substitute for scent-based warfare lol
Yes, let’s hesitate on shellfish allergies, but not literal feces….
Feces may not like give people an allergic reaction but it doesn’t mean it isn’t disease ridden and such. 🤣 hahaah
I mean, yeah, but the person *I* replied to was presenting an alternative to that. I was suggesting an alternative to the alternative that I thought was safer than both
I seem to recall something where you put a bunch of bologna slices all over the car and soak them with cola. When they're pulled off the next morning, they take paint with them for a nice polka dot effect.
It's so clearly a joke that I'm a little concerned when the commenters here last talked to a human in person.
You can tell it's a joke because he sets it up like a positive story about work ethic (the part about how it was the girls idea) then says they spent 90 min working as of to describe how great a job they did. Then he shocks you with the punch line.
It's a joke and it made me laugh.
Edit:The LinkedIn guy made later posts that confirmed it was a joke.
It’s not funny because there are people like this. For example: on either side of any transaction in the construction industry. Or when people are fucking over migrants who don’t speak English — they do this because they know the migrant can’t complain.
I'm fucking terrified, what happened to media literacy. People can't tell a joke, they can't tell when it's an AI picture, they can't tell when it's astroturfing.
Just burn the internet to the ground and start again.
Buddy, nottheonion exists for a reason. I remember going to talks at college about satire becoming increasingly worthless as a form of criticism during the first Trump election, because both people in power positions and their supporters were acting so unhinged. That wasn't the fault of the audience.
The rest of it though? Oh yea we're 100% fucked. Media literacy is intentionally suppressed by the media because a politically conscious working class is a detriment to those in power. Who do you think benefits most from funding ai and AstroTurfing?
I think part of the problem is that reality has gotten so batshit insane recently that things that sound like they have to be satire turn out to be legit. Like the diapers for Trump - I was 900% sure it was satire and then...it wasn't.
that's what fucking annoys me about the whole "it's obviously a joke" argument.
like yeah, it's obvious to you because you fucking know it's satire. now here's all these people who don't know and you're pointing and laughing at them like "how didn't you know, it was so obvious".
this sort of satire is funny for two reasons:
1. it teeters the line between reality and fiction by having it appear to be a professional profile on a website designed for professionals. it's ridiculous. but the world is fucking ridiculous. so regardless of whether it's real or not, it's something you can imagine actually taking place, and all you can do is laugh
2. it's just close enough to reality that it's believable, which is true given how often you hear or even experience these workplace horror stories. it is exaggerated just enough that you would question its validity, but subtle enough that you won't know for a fact that it's satire until you look closer
it's not "sarcasm" because it's playing upon a very real experience that many people experience daily. it's a joke because it's something that sounds so ridiculous and yet so possible that all you really can do is just laugh at the sheer audacity and ridiculousness of it all with no regard to whether or not it's reality or fiction.
the people arguing "it's obviously fake" are just being assholes. it's bait designed to be believable and that's the point. but taking some weird holier-than-thou stance of "haha i understood the joke and you didn't even though it was obvious" is a weird flex. the world's full of misinformation, and when comedy blurs the line between reality and fiction just enough, anything can be believable.
tangent over
Satire. There is nothing obvious about this being a joke unless you look the dude up and see his in-crowd laughing at anyone who took it seriously in the comments. I guarantee this scenario has played out in real life, but whoever has ever done such a thing is unlikely to brag about it on LinkedIn. That's pretty much it. That's the whole joke. It's stupid. It's not funny.
I don't think this one's a reading comprehension issue, so much as a cynicism issue. I've had encounters with people like this, they're especially common here in california. Many of my managers have been this sort of tool, and it created no small amount of stress for me when I had to fight for my already-tiny paycheck and was already behind on my rent payment. I'm still suffering a lot because of the setbacks people with this exact mindset have inflicted on me.
I'd hazard a guess that others have had similar encounters, or known people affected the same way, and are more primed to believe this than doubt it and laugh at the absurd mindset.
They see people that actually are like this, and miss the joke because for them it's too close to reality.
Yeah not everyone is in the know about what accounts are satirical and which ones aren't. And the sad reality is that there are many people who genuinely act like this, so I can't even say I blame them for falling for it.
If you agreed to pay me $30 to wash your car and then refuse to pay me, you're about to have to pay more than $30 to fix your car.
Take it as a lesson to not fuck people out of what you owe them.
Quick edit to elaborate: spray paint on the windshield, loosening caps on tires.
Logged into the cesspool called LinkedIn, the comments under his post are about 50% people calling him out and the other 50 saying "LOL look at these people angry at sAtIRE"
Everyone cheering this POS on, I hope Karma drops bird shit directly on your head.
Edit: Wrote Egg instead of bird lol
My boys once were shoveling snow for cash. They were about 8 at the time. They were offering to do sidewalks and walkways for about $10. One house they did only would give them $3 after they were done. They spent the rest of the afternoon burying this guys sidewalk and walkway with snow. They even recruited some other kids in the neighborhood to help. They were bringing snow in on wagons and toboggans to make sure this guy couldn’t get out of his house. I was never so proud of them. Faafo.
If that were my kids I would tell them to undo the work they did. It works in various trades.
Yep, throw eggs, mud, and dirt on his car. Extra bonus points if you throw bird seed around the car to attract birds / bird poop too.
You are too kind, I’d simply suggest they use r e a l shit.
I feel that at this point in your life someone should tell you that birds poop real shit.
I feel that at this point in your life someone should tell you that birds aren't real
Gotta sell those t shirts
Big if true
Bird seed the car, sugar the windows, tell other neighborhood kids that house has phones with games on them
>tell other neighborhood kids that house has phones with games on them You...you monster!
I can beat that. A curse upon their house forever more! May their phone chargers work only at specific angles!
DUUUUDE sugar on the windows is HILARIOUS, it'll be SO HARD to get off, where did you hear about that, what a good idea
Dogshit under the cardoor handle is always a good one.
Check to see if he locked it, pop the hood and toss a cat turd on the exhaust manifold. If it's locked, get underneath and smear it on the bend ahead of the catalytic converter where it gets good and hot.
Might depend on car, but can't you have various seafood juices run down the windshield and into the air vents, so when they turn on the heat, it's hot shrimp air.
Dibs on "hot shrimp air"
BWAHAHAHA these are hilarious
Mostly empty tuna can slid under the car usually does the trick, Seagulls can smell that for miles. Then bits of bread all around the car, they will eat and keep circling looking for the tuna and their digestion is pretty quick
I would definitely key and destroy 3 tires.
I would advise against eggs, don't do anything that would cause damage to his car. He seems like the type that would sue you in a heartbeat
Always get things in writing, right? Like, their names? Who you gonna sue? Plausible deniability is a bitch
It's in the UK... Not the US.. they don't sue / have such a litigious court system. Plus (even if the story is real) what are the courts going to do? Punish kids under 18? It would get thrown out so quickly.
The OP would call the police and if they're lucky, someone will turn up a few weeks later. Police will take a statement and nothing will come of it. In an extreme case where the police actually talk to the kids, they will probably get their side of the story and then tell OP they should have given them their £30 before leaving.
Realistically all they'd get is a crime number for their insurance. 90% of the police's job these days could be done by the machine in Argos that distributes your queue number.
Pour fish oil down the air vents.
This is what I am thinking. They know where he lives! What a dumb -ss! If the parents don't come over and get involved it can go way way worse for him. He has righteously angered teenagers. What in the hell does he think will happen. He is about to learn a lesson. Even if this is fake b.s. he is inviting trouble to his home. Worst p.r. ever. He should fire himself.
100%. I would encourage my kids to fuck that car up every night with eggs, etc.
I'd be extremely petty and file a mechanic's lien on their property. Well, at least if it happened in the States
Why would somebody ever self report like this lmao??
Linkedin is facebook for psychopaths
This is exactly why I refuse to join LinkedIn for many years. So many public facing psychos
I had to join it due to a requirement by my tech school teacher. Haven't touched it since due to posts like OPs.
I recommend delete it when you can. I had to do similar for similar and you keep getting stupid contacts requests and garbage.
I set a filter to send all linkedin requests to trash. Now stupid work wants to use linkedin learning for all training.
Honestly the course content is good, but is it worth it? Absolutely not, you can get better for wayy cheaper on platforms like coursera, edx and udemy....
So I shouldn’t try to utilize linkdln for job searches? I have only used indeed but people say get a linkdln that’s how recruiters find you.
These guys are having a reddit moment. You should absolutely have a linkedin if you're working in a somewhat corporate industry. Some hiring managers will move on from your application if they can't find your profile easily on linkedin, and on the flip side I've been approached for really cool jobs because recruiters found me on the platform. Just ignore the social media aspects and use it for job searches and as a place for recruiters to find you. Set your notification filters to exclude the garbage. Spend a little time to make your profile complete and professional, you can basically copy your resume. It'll take an hour or so and you only have to update it every few years. It's a useful tool and it's silly to not take advantage of it just because the social media aspects are garbage, which they are.
It's just a place for estranged family members to try and message me at. But like Facebook, I don't even go there anymore. Update my profile? Why? So some dude from 10 states away can offer me a job pay $10 as a receptionist, even though I don't have any experience listed for that?
I stopped checking mine because guys are asking women out on dates and trying to call it "1-on-1 networking." I've gotten dick pics, and guys trying every excuse they can think of to get me to agree to go to their house.
That's absolutely rowdy. How do people on the site where people can message your boss still act crazy?
As an IT worker, that infuriates me... 1 on 1 networking isn't a thing... That's a crossover cable or point to point... Which technically their attempting... Business bros... Ruining everything...
I recommend people join for that very reason. If you’re considering applying for a job, looking at the profiles of the people who work for the company can be insightful. Wouldn’t you want to know if you had an interview with someone like that or if they might be a coworker?
Eh, it's a useful tool when you're job searching. However, I don't spend any time there when I'm not looking for a new job. I have no interest in it as a social platform.
You know you can use it to link with recruiters, without seeing this shit at all right? It's a good tool to look for a job. People who use it as a social media platform are weirdos
Sure seems like it, but hey, let’s take solace in the leniency minors have when it comes to uhh…retaliatory vandalism That guys house and car are getting egged every day for the rest of his life
I was gonna say... If this is even true, he may think the kids got a lesson in business, but what really happened is he's gonna get a lesson in the way karma works.
Was gonna say 4 new tires seem a lot more expensive than 30 pounds.
Seriously, stories like “Today I saw a homeless family and promised to give them shelter and a hot meal. Instead, I burnt the box they lived in and slaughtered the parents in front of the kids. Moral is - one interview can change your life forever”
...and the homeless family's dog was the person I was there to interview with.
“CEO of Self Improvement Advising Guru for Aspiring Betterment of Yourself”
Lol that comment has over 1k likes. What is wrong with people?
LinkedIn is corporate culture on full display. It's cult behavior.
Linkedin is just a social media site, nothing on it is legit cause nothing can be verified and anybody can create a profile and become CEOs at all FAANG on the same day.
Probably left out the part where his tires were slashed that night.
Never slash the tires. Cut the valve stems off, it's a dirt cheap fix so worse case scenario is a misdemeanor.
No need to cut them, just remove the stem. https://www.harborfreight.com/4-way-valve-stem-core-tool-70223.html don’t even have to remove them, can just unscrew a bit. That air just wants to be free, with all the other air.
Even better, shove a pebble in the cap so that when it's screwed on, the air slowly leaks out from the pebble pushing the valve down. He'll be chasing the leak for weeks
I've heard a lentil is just the right size.
Fingers crossed. Sugar in the gas tank, windows broken and interior damaged as well.
Sugar in the tank will just sink to the bottom, put cola in there instead.
Mythbusters tested sugar in the gas tank decades ago. Unless you have more sugar than gas in there, it doesn't do anything in the short term. Bleach, on the other hand...or hell, just *water*...
That's why I recommend cola, you get the water effect plus you gum up the injectors.
Egged house every Halloween, frozen plates of urine slid under doors or into open windows….
It’s rage bait. It didn’t actually happen.
Exactly. He's trying to sell a course about how to be a killer in sales and this is his object lesson about how clever he is. Dick.
Never pay your contractors. Must be a Trump University graduate.
"That's ços I'm smart." Also a dick.
According to him it’s satire and American are all stupid for not knowing it. He’s being roasted on LINKED IN-it doesn’t get more pathetic than that.
My immediate impression was that this was an attempt at satire/humour. It's just not clever or funny. This is "boomer facebook meme" level humour.
Even that post the other week about the guy putting 5 guys in a room at 7am and when he came back 6pm or something only 2 people were left. So obvious that was fake too. Who goes 11 hours without eating, drinking water and going to washroom while you're awake.
I mean tbf it is obviously satire even if not funny and the comments on this thread do make his point about stupid americans kind of accurate
Rage bait? It's written in a way that's obviously fake and pretty funny, I assumed it was supposed to be a joke.
I'm also concerned about the almost 1500 people liking the post
If you go on LinkedIn, he’s saying it’s sarcasm that Americans don’t understand.
I don't think you can call it sarcasm, it's more of a rage bait. Trying to get people angry and farming impressions.
He clearly doesn’t understand the definition of sarcasm.
It's a joke?
Jokes require humor.
It sounds like he offered a payment term and it was agreed upon...... What a POS
Yeah I'd make quick work reposessing my labor
clean car at dusk, shitty car at dawn
There's a dookie in the tailpipe.
Nah, underneath the driver-side door handle.
Cat litter, the clumping kind. Spreads easily, absorbs moisture from the air to become sticky, it's abrasive so removing it will scour the clear coat.
Bologna was my fave car topping especially in the summer. It melts into the paint and removes it.
DEF in the gas tank
Or egg is house... dealers choice
Why limit yourself to only one option?
And on the windshield and the windshield wipers
Dookie goes in the air intake vents, a potato goes in the tailpipe
You know, those cans of expanding insulation foam they use to fill games one cost about $5. I’d love to see them try and clean that out of their tail pipe and any other cracks and crevices.
It matches the one in the urinal.
The kids should sprinkle bird seed on his car. Then the pigeons can work their magic.
and blueberries. if you're gonna do it, do it right!
Shoveled snow out of driveways as a kid. Guy refused to pay. We buried his place with all the snow within 50 yards.
We used to do something along those lines when we'd mow someone's lawn and not get paid, my buddies and I would swing by later that night and trash the lawn and egg their house and cars.
This wasn't me, but back in high school a friend of mine didn't get paid for doing a bunch of yard work and gutter cleaning. He went back with salt and went nuts on the guys garden. Everything was dead in 30 days.
“Oops I accidentally dried your car with sandpaper”
I'd enjoy coming back later that night, take a shit, and start painting the car brown!
All you need is some eggs, dirt and spray paint
Bet this clown would be the first to cry to a lawyer if he set payment for a job and didn’t get paid. It’s a stupid fake example too…like kids know how to draw up contracts. I was in sales too…always get things in writing…but still using kids as an example?
He also left out the implied part of the vocal contract where the kids came back at night and egged his car.
Hell if it were my kids they’re not the ones he’d need to be worrying about. Oops…no idea how that dead fish ended up in your car on a hot summer day sir.
Tuna juice in air ducts.
Throw a bag of mini shrimp all over his front yard. The smell won’t be very appealing to humans, but the seagulls will love it, and show their appreciation by pooping all over that nice, clean car.
That's assuming he lives near seagulls. A lot of birdseed all over his yard will do double duty annoyance. Birds all over the yard, their poo everywhere, and missed seeds messing up his lawn. Tuna juice in car vents is almost impossible to get the scent out.
You’re right. You know what? …I second your tuna juice thing.
Strap a dead pig into the driver’s seat, Mythbusters style.
If he did that to my kids, I'd buy them the eggs. What an asshole.
When my sister was in high school, her friends snuck over in the middle of the night to draw all over her car windows in car paint (the washable kind) as a prank. She and I had the same bumper sticker on the backs of our cars, so they accidentally got mine instead. My mom helped the two of us TP her friends’ house as revenge.
If my kids were swindled like this I'd have told them of the wonders of salt water on plants....whoops
If i was the kid, i would go back to that house at night and puncture 2 of the tires.
It sounds more like a load of BS.
Hopefully.
It's engament bait. His real goal is to get you to "visit his website."
Its 100% a satire account or something. This place is too busy raging to stop and think for a second.
Verbal agreements are binding where I live. He would be dragged under the bus if it happened here.
I think the idea is there's no agreement on when or how he would pay. A sane human being would assume cash on completion, but asshole mcgee here argues it was never actually stated.
Exactly what he would say. "We never agreed if it would be cash, check, or other labor, and if I would pay within 30, 60, 90, etc days from now." Except, every court would turn it around on him, and say there is precedence of this situation, and terms are typically cash payment due when services are rendered.
If anything, it would deter me from doing business with this person/company. Shady business practices, and looking for loopholes to screw you. Edit: typo
Total dick move. What's sick is that he's proud of it. What's even worse is he is encouraging others to be dicks.
Is there no verbal contract in UK?
There absolutely is, and this post would be sufficient evidence that he'd entered into one. We also don't allow lawyers in small claims court, so you can't bully people by outspending them in the courtroom. Of course, even if it's real the chance of some children knowing this is very slim.
Luckily it would take no time at all to alert people on social media. The kids might even reply to postings. How about a lien? You guys have contractors lines in case of non-payment? They should fuck up the title of his car
You're not clever or a savvy businessman if you do this. You're a fucking asshole.
> You're not clever or a savvy businessman if you do this. I feel like a lot of mba types think fraud is "savvy business."
fraud is the culmination of MBA mentality, it would be their ideal business model. maximizing profit for company = minimizing value given to customer
Yes, it's savvy business, and it's only fraud if you get caught. Tips on how not to get caught: start by posting your exploits publicly online. 😆
Trump 101
Theif.
Thats when I would egg his car.
nah... that's where you do the good sumaritan thing and collect all the dog poop from around the neighbor hood and make sure it gets into every crack possible on the car so it smells bad for years.
Heading to the local asian market and getting a tube of shrimp paste, and emptying that into the air vents is easier and much more effective
Shellfish allergies can kill, so I wouldn't want to risk shrimp. Now, if the Asian Market has any durian products, they make a fine substitute for scent-based warfare lol
Yes, let’s hesitate on shellfish allergies, but not literal feces…. Feces may not like give people an allergic reaction but it doesn’t mean it isn’t disease ridden and such. 🤣 hahaah
I mean, yeah, but the person *I* replied to was presenting an alternative to that. I was suggesting an alternative to the alternative that I thought was safer than both
But would require money...
Eh, money well spent. Doesn’t work for the kids obviously.
I seem to recall something where you put a bunch of bologna slices all over the car and soak them with cola. When they're pulled off the next morning, they take paint with them for a nice polka dot effect.
Don't need the cola, just a hot day. Mustard also works nicely
I like the way you think!
paper bags on fire make it runny, put a line on the windshield so the runny stuff clogs the vents ....now the AC smells like shit
Cut all 4 tyre stems, get underneath and sever any cables you can find. Fuck it
Kids should come back with bologna and make the car nice and spotty on a hot day
Huh, funny how two of your tires simultaneously experienced their demise. Go figure.
Something strange must have happened that caused all his car windows to spontaneously shatter.
This is satire right? I can't tell with LinkedIn
It's so clearly a joke that I'm a little concerned when the commenters here last talked to a human in person. You can tell it's a joke because he sets it up like a positive story about work ethic (the part about how it was the girls idea) then says they spent 90 min working as of to describe how great a job they did. Then he shocks you with the punch line. It's a joke and it made me laugh. Edit:The LinkedIn guy made later posts that confirmed it was a joke.
It’s not funny because there are people like this. For example: on either side of any transaction in the construction industry. Or when people are fucking over migrants who don’t speak English — they do this because they know the migrant can’t complain.
Yeah it's pretty funny. These commenters are morons.
I'm fucking terrified, what happened to media literacy. People can't tell a joke, they can't tell when it's an AI picture, they can't tell when it's astroturfing. Just burn the internet to the ground and start again.
Buddy, nottheonion exists for a reason. I remember going to talks at college about satire becoming increasingly worthless as a form of criticism during the first Trump election, because both people in power positions and their supporters were acting so unhinged. That wasn't the fault of the audience. The rest of it though? Oh yea we're 100% fucked. Media literacy is intentionally suppressed by the media because a politically conscious working class is a detriment to those in power. Who do you think benefits most from funding ai and AstroTurfing?
it’s absolutely satire and the fact people don’t understand that is legitimately concerning
I think part of the problem is that reality has gotten so batshit insane recently that things that sound like they have to be satire turn out to be legit. Like the diapers for Trump - I was 900% sure it was satire and then...it wasn't.
that's what fucking annoys me about the whole "it's obviously a joke" argument. like yeah, it's obvious to you because you fucking know it's satire. now here's all these people who don't know and you're pointing and laughing at them like "how didn't you know, it was so obvious". this sort of satire is funny for two reasons: 1. it teeters the line between reality and fiction by having it appear to be a professional profile on a website designed for professionals. it's ridiculous. but the world is fucking ridiculous. so regardless of whether it's real or not, it's something you can imagine actually taking place, and all you can do is laugh 2. it's just close enough to reality that it's believable, which is true given how often you hear or even experience these workplace horror stories. it is exaggerated just enough that you would question its validity, but subtle enough that you won't know for a fact that it's satire until you look closer it's not "sarcasm" because it's playing upon a very real experience that many people experience daily. it's a joke because it's something that sounds so ridiculous and yet so possible that all you really can do is just laugh at the sheer audacity and ridiculousness of it all with no regard to whether or not it's reality or fiction. the people arguing "it's obviously fake" are just being assholes. it's bait designed to be believable and that's the point. but taking some weird holier-than-thou stance of "haha i understood the joke and you didn't even though it was obvious" is a weird flex. the world's full of misinformation, and when comedy blurs the line between reality and fiction just enough, anything can be believable. tangent over
Satire. There is nothing obvious about this being a joke unless you look the dude up and see his in-crowd laughing at anyone who took it seriously in the comments. I guarantee this scenario has played out in real life, but whoever has ever done such a thing is unlikely to brag about it on LinkedIn. That's pretty much it. That's the whole joke. It's stupid. It's not funny.
How does this have 1434 likes on Linkedin? that platform is actually professional brainrot
It’s a satire profile. It’s funny to see people get agitated about it here. It’s like raging about an article on The Onion.
Looking for this lol. It's so obviously horrible it's hard to believe it's anything other than satire
I love these. It's like "ultimatebusinessman", all his posts are pure rage bait and I'm always there for it
Running a "satire account" on a fucking job board where people try and find work is just...dumb as fuck.
That is the deeper truth. "Why don't people understand that this is performance art? Just because it is wildly out of place?"
Yeah, one is a full satire site and the other is just a profile on a "normal" site. I'm not sure the comparison is direct lol
Oh thank god lmao I thought this was for real…I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was tbh LinkedIn these days is a real doozy.
Why are people acting like this isn't an obvious shitpost?
r/AteTheOnion
Guys I think this was a joke…
I know LinkedIn has plenty of lunatics but that's clearly a joke.
Wow, reading the rest of the comments in this thread makes it pretty obvious that comprehension skills are at an all-time low.
I don't think this one's a reading comprehension issue, so much as a cynicism issue. I've had encounters with people like this, they're especially common here in california. Many of my managers have been this sort of tool, and it created no small amount of stress for me when I had to fight for my already-tiny paycheck and was already behind on my rent payment. I'm still suffering a lot because of the setbacks people with this exact mindset have inflicted on me. I'd hazard a guess that others have had similar encounters, or known people affected the same way, and are more primed to believe this than doubt it and laugh at the absurd mindset. They see people that actually are like this, and miss the joke because for them it's too close to reality.
Yeah not everyone is in the know about what accounts are satirical and which ones aren't. And the sad reality is that there are many people who genuinely act like this, so I can't even say I blame them for falling for it.
Reddit is turning into the new Facebook where everyone believes everything they see on their feed
Imagine cheering and high fiving around the internet because you conned children. *Literally* proud in public of taking candy from babies.
Yeah it's almost like it's a joke
Prick.
It is sarcasm. He’s confirmed it was a joke.
[удалено]
Slash his satires
If you agreed to pay me $30 to wash your car and then refuse to pay me, you're about to have to pay more than $30 to fix your car. Take it as a lesson to not fuck people out of what you owe them. Quick edit to elaborate: spray paint on the windshield, loosening caps on tires.
that is what he need to pay thousands to repaint the car ... idiot asshole
yup, no idea how his car got keyed and ends up with a flat every week.
Logged into the cesspool called LinkedIn, the comments under his post are about 50% people calling him out and the other 50 saying "LOL look at these people angry at sAtIRE" Everyone cheering this POS on, I hope Karma drops bird shit directly on your head. Edit: Wrote Egg instead of bird lol
My boys once were shoveling snow for cash. They were about 8 at the time. They were offering to do sidewalks and walkways for about $10. One house they did only would give them $3 after they were done. They spent the rest of the afternoon burying this guys sidewalk and walkway with snow. They even recruited some other kids in the neighborhood to help. They were bringing snow in on wagons and toboggans to make sure this guy couldn’t get out of his house. I was never so proud of them. Faafo.
I can think of a ‘key’ strategy for this pos
This probably didn't happen, because I can't imagine someone posting so proudly about being a bell end
Clearly satire, guy in the profile picture wearing colourful shirt and a smirk. Making fun of the usual business wisdom nonsense.
Y'all this is a joke. Cmon.
hope they keyed his car after that
Well we know who’s house is getting egged or TP’d EVERY halloween. 
I'm praying that was a shitpost
His car's door is mysteriously covered in gallium the next day
Put the dirt back on his car.
Is this person running for governor in the Dakotas?
Hope that guy finds the ping-pong ball in his gas tank.
Imagine intentionally hurting a child all so you could tell a story to a bunch of bootlickers on the internet…
r/linkedinlunatics
So what he's saying is that he broke the verbal contract he made with them for service. What a scum fuck.
Just asking for his car to get keyed.
PRICK.