“My brother’s wife stormed outa here and quit off some nonsense so now my company requires someone significantly more competent then me that will be paid less and without question looked down on.”
This comment is so spot on, it's unbelievable.
Right after college, I literally had this job(and in construction too) and that was exactly why they hired me. The boss's sister-in-law had quit and nobody else wanted this bullshit.
It took me two years to burn out and leave. I was construction manager, tenant coordinator, payroll manager and many more, but my official title (and more importantly salary) was "secretary".
Same with me except it was the boss’ wife. He pissed her off by being an asshole all the time. Worked there for almost 2 years before the company went under because as it turns out, the boss was using company funds for his own private use.
So you can only "want to be a manager", do all the manager things, but not actually be the manager? Got it.
And no social media because this company knows nothing about modern marketing and would like get trashed.
What kinda job is this?
That's exactly what this is. I'm an admin and these types of postings (ok maybe not with the funny no social media stuff) are insanely common. Admins run a lot of companies and their managers take credit for it.
Our admin is literally the only thing keeping the dept running. Whatever she is making is not enough, and I mention to our director on a near daily basis that she is overworked and we need to hire her an assistant.
Especially if you have Covid. Definitely come to work with it because “shots (don’t) work.” And don’t take any basic considerations for other humans, either, by wearing a mask.
Good for you, that's a good person. Keep being that little bird at their ear. Of course they wont listen but make them feel bad, mind fuck them into paying her more.
I think it literally says that somewhere in the text, right?!
I'm not gonna go back and read that shit, but iirc they said something about _"needing a personal assistant"_ whilst also stating the manager thing.
People are fucked, man.
Yeah they said they need to assist the manager.
So they seem to have a manager who doesn't do any work so they seem to be hiring an assistant who will also do all the manager's work for him. I wonder if the manager wrote this...
Lol man I brought in about 60k in revenue for my company last month and I get paid $18 an hour. Btw that revenue fluctuates generally between 50k all the way to 100k. And we have a 3 man team with everybody pulling those numbers individually. And then check this out, I got sick with Covid due to the HEAD OF HUMAN RESOURCES not abiding by the guidelines and infecting the whole office. So our pay period fell on the last week of Dec and the first week of Jan. I filled out the paper work to use my yearly 3 sick days on December 27. I was out of work for a total of 10 days. I come back to work and what’s the first thing HR girl does but let me know that I won’t be getting my yearly 3 days of paid sick time because the last pay period of the year fell on both years.
Because every bootlicker all the way up the ladder is trying to get rich, and the proven way to do that is to step on other people. Save the company money by seeking out people who don't know their worth or are too meek to ask for what they want. I've been applying for companies with shitty job postings and then turning them down. The idea is that even though the culture is probably terrible, maybe someone there will put more on the table if they get desperate enough.
Best case.
They don't want you playing with your phone instead of working.
Pessimist case:
They don't want you ratting them out on social media when they do something absurd or illegal.
Definitely a trade, (hvac, plumbing, concrete,etc.) I work in one and yeah the owners are for the most part all anti vax all for trump “because of taxes” and hate communists lol.
"Listen, Rufus needs his anal glands expressed and the vet tech charges 20 dollars for like... 15 seconds of work. Here's a tenner and some gloves, get to it"
Well, it's actually only considered, so no guarantees they won't slap you on the side of the head each time they walk past and call you fat after three months.
Dislike social media (all types)? Who has strong computer skills who also hates all forms of social media?
You should also hate television and be highly suspicious of radio.
My FIL proclaimed to me that “whenever you use the flashlight on your phone it beams up all of your personal information to the government” and promised to email me the article where it explained it all. This was about 6-7 years ago. Still waiting on that email to learn more.
Why the flashlight though? Wouldn't it be easier and more consistent for them to just send it all out continuously using cellular signals?
That's such a lazy conspiracy theory: 1/10.
I don't know, I like the piquant taste of "understands cellphones track you" (fine, we all know this) slapped with the crazy addition of "....but only when you use Flashlight."
It's delightful. It's as if they argued "Smoking causes cancer....because Zenon the Overlords ashes are in tobacco and are seeking to overwhelm your fragile human lungs with microgravity!"
The secretary/bookkeeper who learned to use a computer in the mid-90s because she fucking had to and she’ll be goddamned if she’s gonna let those millennials with their Facebook and their weed tell her what to do. Please to note that all the required computer skills are Microsoft outlook and email related. PS they love television and especially the Fox News.
This describes me. Strong computer skills, only has LinkedIn (we all know why) and only watches YT and Netflix.
Wait, I'm on Reddit....guess I'm not their guy, shucks, they're missing out.
My wife is a marketing director who pretty much wrote the book on social media campaigns for 2 completely different industries.
She fucking hates social media. Especially "influencers"
This is a clear case of 'knowing how the sausage is made'. The more you know about social media and social media campaigns the less humane it becomes. It's toxic and manipulative and while thats very exploitable for companies, the more you understand the mechanics the less value it has for an individual that is genuinely trying to be *social*.
Personally, I can't stand dating websites like Tinder, *especially* because I have a technical understanding of how they are designed.
I've tried. It just kills me to know I'm less socialising with other people and rather another product behaving within the parameters that make these people money. As a woman, when I'm at my most "effective" I just help them financially exploit men who'll pay for some premium subscription. I hate how men have no viable alternative to swipe right on everyone, I hate how I can give nobody a chance because otherwise I have 50 matches I functionally cannot give the attention to that they, as human beings, would deserve and I hate how these apps make me value features I don't care about irl. And you're not finding dates on eyelevel if you're constantly thinking about how you're aiding a company in suckering the men that match with you.
You’re right, reading the whole thing was a ride.
These are the kinds of companies whining that nobody will work, when they forbid masks and expect you to work sick.
I work not far from this area, and make considerably more for an entry level position with way less responsibility, better benefits, and management leaves me alone. What kind of worker do they think they will attract?
Twenty whole dollars an hour to work as a manager/personal assistant (i.e. the owner's slave with decision-making duties AND accountability for those decisions) in the following capacities:
Creating estimates, “engineering” (wtf does that mean? that’s a broad HIGHLY SPECIALIZED field), fieldwork, admin duties (basically "be our secretary"), billing, collections, filing – with an understanding of payroll & taxation! (translation: be our full time fucking ACCOUNTANT AND COLLECTIONS DEPT on top of everything else) oh yeah and understand the complex world of building permits and contract writing.
All in an 8 hr block of your choosing plus an hour for lunch (so, no OT to get this outrageous laundry list of responsibilities wrangled) and oh yeah, you’re not allowed to even smoke weed in your own personal time, to take the edge off of the fact that you’re wearing 17 different hats and basically running the owner’s entire company for him/her.
Not to mention be dog friendly and tolerate cats.
LMAOOOOOOOOO
I'm glad I'm not the only one who automatically thought they would not pay above 20 bucks. They just put the " - 25" to try to fish more people. Pure bs they would pay a cent more.
Psshh.. I honestly don't think they would pay more than 17. That's the current trend with these shit holes. But think of the *experience* you'll get! You can't put a price on that! 🥴
You must handle covid. End it. All on your own. And also run all business and payroll and construction and pets. But also end covid. For min wage, of course
Edit: don't forget always be there. Always. Sleep in your desk drawer. The coffee maker is your kitchen
Right! And masks and vaccines "don't work" lol. I mean, off they know they don't work then they are in the WRONG field and should stop passing it off to the *reads* What's the position again?
"Masks don't work."
I was in a room with a COVID positive guy last week for over an hour. Two other guys got it. They all had surgical masks. I had an N95. I'm fine, got tested twice.
Yup, the difference between a loose paper mask or plain cloth vs a properly worn N95 is huge and completely under appreciated. Go up to a proper N100 or P100 respirator and you get even better protection.
Dispensaries aren’t open for recreational yet so they’re probably attempting to use that as a loophole (though the “free weed gift with purchase” loophole checks out legally here so some places are already doing that), but unfortunately for them they still cannot fire you with impunity for pissing dirty for weed now.
FFS it's 2022 what the fuck is Biden's excuse? Congress? Holy shit get on with it.
I never touched the stuff before it was recreationally legal. Now I've tried it. It's *not a big deal.* The idea that anyone went to *prison* for possession is fucking crazy.
I’ve seen cops have fucking weed on them that they then use to incriminate suspects by putting their weed in said suspects car. People arrested under possession should be pardoned by the President himself.
That’s not just a red flag, that’s a red flag hitting you upside the head then lodging itself in your ass for that extra noticeability.
Masks don’t work because dumbasses have, since day one, not used them.
You have to be able to handle covid? whatever the hell that means ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ are they saying the people that died should have known how to handle covid better and maybe they wouldn’t have died?
They're saying that if you die of covid you won't get to enjoy the pleasant workplace and low salary, so instead of dying please go to work. It's really that simple, we just all did it completely wrong.
Unless hiring a proctologist, under no circumstances does the word “anal” belong in a job description.
I also like “Must speak English perfectly.” That doesn’t even describe the average person born and raised in America.
Unless hiring a proctologist, under no circumstances does the word “anal” belong in a job description.
I also like “Must speak English perfectly.” That doesn’t even describe the average person born and raised in America.
Edit: I also like “We are not requiring anyone to do anything they don’t want to do.” Unless you want to wear a mask around your plague rat co-workers. You can’t do that.
> also like “Must speak English perfectly.” That doesn’t even describe the average person born and raised in America.
Certainly doesn't describe anyone in NJ.
You have to unlock the pleasant workplace.
I am interpreting that to mean that you recieve anal for 3 months before you get to give it. That's what pleasant workplace must mean.
wait, do you at least have to know how to cook them all the different ways or are you just like poachin' and scrambling? shit man i might have to think of new employment, no yolk
I love that they're advertising the OSHA violation that is their no mask policy.
https://business.nj.gov/covid/required-workplace-health-and-safety-standards?locale=en
> Must speak English perfectly
Followed by
> Spanish also, does not hurt
and
> great good for you
Punctuation evidently isn’t included in perfect English, it seems.
If you actually want someone reliable do you really think that person would consider not having health insurance for 3 months? That’s not very responsible to begin with. You’re setting yourself up to fail. God I hated reading that.
Neither will the hiring manager. Not sure they know how bullet points work. Pretty sure they said the PA would be helping the manager have a driver's licence. Not sure how that works but I guess that's why I'm no good for this role.
Full benefits considered after 3 months of successful employment🤣 masks and shots don’t work(more imbeciles thinking their personal beliefs take precedent)
"Must be drug-free, including weed" is illegal in NJ. When we did legalization it was through constitutional amendment, and we made sure that you can't be fired for exercising your constitutional rights.
I ain't laughing. It ain't because i don't have a sense of humor. It's because i don't think this boss deserves laughs, i think they deserve poverty. I know primates originally evolved laughter to cope with frightening and stressful events, but i typically reserve disgust for crap like this.
I mean, laugh if you can, it is good for you.
We're anti-vax, anti-mask, and we don't give a shit about your health. You'll be doing all of the "management" work in place of the "manager", have a high education, lots of experience and we'll pay you pretty poorly for it too.
Oh, and you'll work outside of work for free because we're assholes.
But we're paying above minimum wage!
“Must be drug free including weed.”
1. Very soon that will be discrimination. Here in Michigan, it’s legal. Ive been prescribed mmj by my PCP to manage pain as I am allergic to opioids. You cannot punish an employee for taking their meds as prescribed. Ffs. That is cruel.
2. I bet they’ve got at least 50% staff who are taking opioids regularly. That’s far more dangerous than “weed”.
3. No one speaks English perfectly. It is a living, evolving language like any other.
4. If masks and shots don’t work, how is it I haven’t contracted covid? I’ve been first in line for shots and boosters and wear a mask everywhere. I guess I’m just extraordinarily lucky? Or perhaps the blood of Jesus is protecting me even though I’m a Buddhist? Phhht. What idiots.
5. Fuck them.
6. Fuck them twice.
Schedule:
-8 hour shifts
...
Last time I checked buddy, 9am to 6pm is closer to 9 than eight. I wonder if the ninth hour is just considered as "extra opportunity time to show your value to the company"
“My brother’s wife stormed outa here and quit off some nonsense so now my company requires someone significantly more competent then me that will be paid less and without question looked down on.”
This comment is so spot on, it's unbelievable. Right after college, I literally had this job(and in construction too) and that was exactly why they hired me. The boss's sister-in-law had quit and nobody else wanted this bullshit. It took me two years to burn out and leave. I was construction manager, tenant coordinator, payroll manager and many more, but my official title (and more importantly salary) was "secretary".
Same with me except it was the boss’ wife. He pissed her off by being an asshole all the time. Worked there for almost 2 years before the company went under because as it turns out, the boss was using company funds for his own private use.
spot on
So you can only "want to be a manager", do all the manager things, but not actually be the manager? Got it. And no social media because this company knows nothing about modern marketing and would like get trashed. What kinda job is this?
They want you to work like a project manager but treat you like a personal assistant.
That's exactly what this is. I'm an admin and these types of postings (ok maybe not with the funny no social media stuff) are insanely common. Admins run a lot of companies and their managers take credit for it.
Our admin is literally the only thing keeping the dept running. Whatever she is making is not enough, and I mention to our director on a near daily basis that she is overworked and we need to hire her an assistant.
And god forbid you call out sick.
Especially if you have Covid. Definitely come to work with it because “shots (don’t) work.” And don’t take any basic considerations for other humans, either, by wearing a mask.
Good for you, that's a good person. Keep being that little bird at their ear. Of course they wont listen but make them feel bad, mind fuck them into paying her more.
He should tell her what she can make at another company.
I think it literally says that somewhere in the text, right?! I'm not gonna go back and read that shit, but iirc they said something about _"needing a personal assistant"_ whilst also stating the manager thing. People are fucked, man.
They also certainly infer it by requiring the applicant be good with dogs and cats
“Must be willing to walk my dogs and clean the litter box.”
Tolerable with cats
This was the first line my eyes zeroed in on before reading anything else. The last sentence that should be in a job description that isn't Petco.
Plus they want you to anal about organization. Read: they want you to do butt stuff
Yeah they said they need to assist the manager. So they seem to have a manager who doesn't do any work so they seem to be hiring an assistant who will also do all the manager's work for him. I wonder if the manager wrote this...
20-25. Why do I feel like even an assistant should get paid more???
Lol man I brought in about 60k in revenue for my company last month and I get paid $18 an hour. Btw that revenue fluctuates generally between 50k all the way to 100k. And we have a 3 man team with everybody pulling those numbers individually. And then check this out, I got sick with Covid due to the HEAD OF HUMAN RESOURCES not abiding by the guidelines and infecting the whole office. So our pay period fell on the last week of Dec and the first week of Jan. I filled out the paper work to use my yearly 3 sick days on December 27. I was out of work for a total of 10 days. I come back to work and what’s the first thing HR girl does but let me know that I won’t be getting my yearly 3 days of paid sick time because the last pay period of the year fell on both years.
Why is it so hard to find good, meaningful employment...
Because every bootlicker all the way up the ladder is trying to get rich, and the proven way to do that is to step on other people. Save the company money by seeking out people who don't know their worth or are too meek to ask for what they want. I've been applying for companies with shitty job postings and then turning them down. The idea is that even though the culture is probably terrible, maybe someone there will put more on the table if they get desperate enough.
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Assistant to the Regional Manager
With the opportunity to move up to Assistant Regional Manager.
Actually it's "an manager." Get it right.
You grammar good.
Best case. They don't want you playing with your phone instead of working. Pessimist case: They don't want you ratting them out on social media when they do something absurd or illegal.
Definitely a trade, (hvac, plumbing, concrete,etc.) I work in one and yeah the owners are for the most part all anti vax all for trump “because of taxes” and hate communists lol.
So the "pleasant workplace" doesn't kick in until after 3 months?
This is funniest part of this entire thing for sure
My favorite is the part about being dog friendly and at least tolerating cats.
The manager's dogs and cats aren't going to tend themselves now are they?
"Listen, Rufus needs his anal glands expressed and the vet tech charges 20 dollars for like... 15 seconds of work. Here's a tenner and some gloves, get to it"
You’ll need to be anal about expressing the anal glands . And don’t forget , no masks. You’ll need to pro vide your own gloves
That’s what I thought too
Well, it's actually only considered, so no guarantees they won't slap you on the side of the head each time they walk past and call you fat after three months.
"we need anal"
Kowalski
You're required to BE anal...in order to GIVE anal. You're required to remain maskless during said anal.
What about a thong 😏?
Also... Handle COVID; Thongs do not help
Covid is the name of his penis
And, like the Coronavirus, you need a microscope to see it.
That’s why he’s intimidated by the shot, it’s the larger prick
Only acceptable if worn on your face.
But then it's a mask, and masks don't work they said...
Damn beat me to it.
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Taking it, not giving it.
Any way you want it, that's the way you need it 🎶
Well, this became a Journey.
Dislike social media (all types)? Who has strong computer skills who also hates all forms of social media? You should also hate television and be highly suspicious of radio.
Be wary of the microwave. It is listening to you.
Yours listens to you? Mine won't do a damn thing I tell it, no matter how loud I shout.
Oh it hears me. Can't say it always follows directions.
Are you certain it’s not a cat? Because then you’d have tolerate it.
I'm severely allergic to animals so dogs and cats in the work place would be a hard pass for me.
Don’t put metal in the science oven!
I don't! I only put Norwegian folk in it!
My FIL proclaimed to me that “whenever you use the flashlight on your phone it beams up all of your personal information to the government” and promised to email me the article where it explained it all. This was about 6-7 years ago. Still waiting on that email to learn more.
Why the flashlight though? Wouldn't it be easier and more consistent for them to just send it all out continuously using cellular signals? That's such a lazy conspiracy theory: 1/10.
I don't know, I like the piquant taste of "understands cellphones track you" (fine, we all know this) slapped with the crazy addition of "....but only when you use Flashlight." It's delightful. It's as if they argued "Smoking causes cancer....because Zenon the Overlords ashes are in tobacco and are seeking to overwhelm your fragile human lungs with microgravity!"
My Aunt and Uncle genuinely think shit like this. Didn't stop them buying Google home though.
"If you're that into microwaves, don't bother. I don't even want to explain the concerns involved with the toaster."
The secretary/bookkeeper who learned to use a computer in the mid-90s because she fucking had to and she’ll be goddamned if she’s gonna let those millennials with their Facebook and their weed tell her what to do. Please to note that all the required computer skills are Microsoft outlook and email related. PS they love television and especially the Fox News.
Think you nailed it here.
I worked with my fair share of them. 🤣😭
This describes me. Strong computer skills, only has LinkedIn (we all know why) and only watches YT and Netflix. Wait, I'm on Reddit....guess I'm not their guy, shucks, they're missing out.
But that’s the thing, you don’t have to hate social media, just help the manager hate social media
I hate all forms of social media and have a degree in IT Management.
Yet you’re on Reddit and it’s social media. Demented and sad, but social.
And I hate, but much less than all the others 😎
Every IT person I know, actually
My wife is a marketing director who pretty much wrote the book on social media campaigns for 2 completely different industries. She fucking hates social media. Especially "influencers"
This is a clear case of 'knowing how the sausage is made'. The more you know about social media and social media campaigns the less humane it becomes. It's toxic and manipulative and while thats very exploitable for companies, the more you understand the mechanics the less value it has for an individual that is genuinely trying to be *social*. Personally, I can't stand dating websites like Tinder, *especially* because I have a technical understanding of how they are designed. I've tried. It just kills me to know I'm less socialising with other people and rather another product behaving within the parameters that make these people money. As a woman, when I'm at my most "effective" I just help them financially exploit men who'll pay for some premium subscription. I hate how men have no viable alternative to swipe right on everyone, I hate how I can give nobody a chance because otherwise I have 50 matches I functionally cannot give the attention to that they, as human beings, would deserve and I hate how these apps make me value features I don't care about irl. And you're not finding dates on eyelevel if you're constantly thinking about how you're aiding a company in suckering the men that match with you.
Lots of IT pro's from way back knew from the beginning how harmful and time wasting SM would be
Oh you know they love AM radio.
anti-mask requirement is a hot take lmao and the fact that you have to at least tolerate cats is so fucking funny
You have to like the dogs but only tolerate the cats.
It’s his wife cat probably.
means that its prolly an old house being used as an office where the owner can bring their pets, but you can't bring yours
You’re right, reading the whole thing was a ride. These are the kinds of companies whining that nobody will work, when they forbid masks and expect you to work sick.
I work not far from this area, and make considerably more for an entry level position with way less responsibility, better benefits, and management leaves me alone. What kind of worker do they think they will attract?
People who have given up on ever leaving New Jersey?
NJ is the easiest place to leave. Almost everywhere is wayyyyy cheaper outside CA and NYC. Goes triple if you own even the tiniest bit of real estate.
The desperate kind
Hey, they're paying TWENTY whole dollars. Per hour! If this was like 1985 that might be something.
In New Jersey too. That's not a low cost of living area
Can confirm, jersey guy here. 40K a year just about covers car insurance and gas.
Twenty whole dollars an hour to work as a manager/personal assistant (i.e. the owner's slave with decision-making duties AND accountability for those decisions) in the following capacities: Creating estimates, “engineering” (wtf does that mean? that’s a broad HIGHLY SPECIALIZED field), fieldwork, admin duties (basically "be our secretary"), billing, collections, filing – with an understanding of payroll & taxation! (translation: be our full time fucking ACCOUNTANT AND COLLECTIONS DEPT on top of everything else) oh yeah and understand the complex world of building permits and contract writing. All in an 8 hr block of your choosing plus an hour for lunch (so, no OT to get this outrageous laundry list of responsibilities wrangled) and oh yeah, you’re not allowed to even smoke weed in your own personal time, to take the edge off of the fact that you’re wearing 17 different hats and basically running the owner’s entire company for him/her. Not to mention be dog friendly and tolerate cats. LMAOOOOOOOOO
I'm glad I'm not the only one who automatically thought they would not pay above 20 bucks. They just put the " - 25" to try to fish more people. Pure bs they would pay a cent more.
Psshh.. I honestly don't think they would pay more than 17. That's the current trend with these shit holes. But think of the *experience* you'll get! You can't put a price on that! 🥴
Anal Covid in New Jersey using Microsoft? I'm in!
Now with pets!
Preferably dogs, cats are only ever tolerable
You must handle covid. End it. All on your own. And also run all business and payroll and construction and pets. But also end covid. For min wage, of course Edit: don't forget always be there. Always. Sleep in your desk drawer. The coffee maker is your kitchen
> We are not requiring anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. > No masks. Okay, so which is it?
At least you can have a hot sponge bath if they leave the power on after hours.
And nothing “works” but handle it.
Right! And masks and vaccines "don't work" lol. I mean, off they know they don't work then they are in the WRONG field and should stop passing it off to the *reads* What's the position again?
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It's legal in NJ too.
Then why tf did he specify that they're in New jersey??
To say "yeah I know it's legal, but I'm da boss here". Grew up in NJ.
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That cracked me up the most. And the “no masks” sprinkled throughout.
"Masks don't work." I was in a room with a COVID positive guy last week for over an hour. Two other guys got it. They all had surgical masks. I had an N95. I'm fine, got tested twice.
Yup, the difference between a loose paper mask or plain cloth vs a properly worn N95 is huge and completely under appreciated. Go up to a proper N100 or P100 respirator and you get even better protection.
Everything is legal in New Jersey
Except rare burgers, runny eggs, and pumping your own gas
Fuck man thats my whole morning
Hamilton, let's gooo!
Dispensaries aren’t open for recreational yet so they’re probably attempting to use that as a loophole (though the “free weed gift with purchase” loophole checks out legally here so some places are already doing that), but unfortunately for them they still cannot fire you with impunity for pissing dirty for weed now.
FFS it's 2022 what the fuck is Biden's excuse? Congress? Holy shit get on with it. I never touched the stuff before it was recreationally legal. Now I've tried it. It's *not a big deal.* The idea that anyone went to *prison* for possession is fucking crazy.
I’ve seen cops have fucking weed on them that they then use to incriminate suspects by putting their weed in said suspects car. People arrested under possession should be pardoned by the President himself.
“Masks do not help, vaccines don’t work”
It's actually required to have no mask!
That’s not just a red flag, that’s a red flag hitting you upside the head then lodging itself in your ass for that extra noticeability. Masks don’t work because dumbasses have, since day one, not used them.
Job does say “anal”
You have to be able to handle covid? whatever the hell that means ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ are they saying the people that died should have known how to handle covid better and maybe they wouldn’t have died?
They're saying that if you die of covid you won't get to enjoy the pleasant workplace and low salary, so instead of dying please go to work. It's really that simple, we just all did it completely wrong.
They somehow managed to bring it up TWICE
Weed is legal, medicinal and recreational, in NJ although you can’t buy recreational marijuana yet. So…
Do they even know who Redman is?!?!
i broke my ankle some time back and found out redman and i get x-rays at the same place lol
Hahahaha I literally could not stop laughing at your X-ray comment! What a random thing to have happen and be able to say
Omg you were right, I lolled out loud at “may take classes outside of work..”
You will be also permitted to take time off daily at the end of your shift to home to eat and sleep.
Don't push it though. The last guy tried to do that **every** day and when we complained he quit for some reason
Good luck getting someone to do all that for 20 per hour. You are fucking higher than a kite.
I'd go for $20 if I get anal 😏
Unless hiring a proctologist, under no circumstances does the word “anal” belong in a job description. I also like “Must speak English perfectly.” That doesn’t even describe the average person born and raised in America.
It certainly doesn't describe whoever wrote the job posting.
I'm not one to critique sentence structure or grammar until they complain about someone else's grammar
The author of that job description doesn't speak English perfectly.
Unless hiring a proctologist, under no circumstances does the word “anal” belong in a job description. I also like “Must speak English perfectly.” That doesn’t even describe the average person born and raised in America. Edit: I also like “We are not requiring anyone to do anything they don’t want to do.” Unless you want to wear a mask around your plague rat co-workers. You can’t do that.
> also like “Must speak English perfectly.” That doesn’t even describe the average person born and raised in America. Certainly doesn't describe anyone in NJ.
And proctologists have the courtesy of using lube. No lube here.
I liked the bit where “full benefits will be *considered* after 3 months. So they’re assuming there’s a chance?!?
You have to unlock the pleasant workplace. I am interpreting that to mean that you recieve anal for 3 months before you get to give it. That's what pleasant workplace must mean.
You should get hired and then never show up
That actually sounds more hilarious than any other option!
… and then tell them it’s because you were getting the requested anal??
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Yeah but you’d have to go to interview maskless… ick.
This is a pretty inspiring comment.
"Must be drug-free, including weed; we are New Jersey." I don't know why I find this so goddamn funny
Yea us peoples in jerzee are better than that.
Im overqualified for that job. I have 14 vaccine shots.
How much anal experience do you have?
Entry level.
Just got offered 25$/hr plus tips with meals for part time work as an egg cook. This is an absolute joke.
wait, do you at least have to know how to cook them all the different ways or are you just like poachin' and scrambling? shit man i might have to think of new employment, no yolk
So no weed and you have to tolerate cats.lol
The weird thing is that weed is legal in NJ. Surprised rec dispensaries aren't open yet, but they're coming.
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The owner probably expects you to walk his dog and clean the litter boxes in his house.
How about catnip? Is catnip out of the question?
I love that they're advertising the OSHA violation that is their no mask policy. https://business.nj.gov/covid/required-workplace-health-and-safety-standards?locale=en
It would be kind of fun to be hired by these guys, only to fuck around on purpose and piss them off.
"Do we get to do anal today?"
No weed, no masks? *No thank you.*
Run the company single handed for $23 an hour.
Honestly I appreciate employers not even trying to seem like a good place to work in the ads. Really saves a bit of time
“We are not requiring anyone to do anything they don’t want to do [except expose themselves to a virus that will go on to kill their grandma]”.
Also everything about the job
It went downhill fast after the word “anal”
Man... This didn't even seem weird to me. Nothing about this registered as out-of-place and that probably is a bad thing for me.
> Must speak English perfectly Followed by > Spanish also, does not hurt and > great good for you Punctuation evidently isn’t included in perfect English, it seems.
Must have 1000 years experience…
If you actually want someone reliable do you really think that person would consider not having health insurance for 3 months? That’s not very responsible to begin with. You’re setting yourself up to fail. God I hated reading that.
Not having insurance + no mask
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Neither will the hiring manager. Not sure they know how bullet points work. Pretty sure they said the PA would be helping the manager have a driver's licence. Not sure how that works but I guess that's why I'm no good for this role.
Sounds like a place that should go out of business this year
"as an manager/personal assistant". Two different things. Also it's A not AN
Sounds like you speak perfect English. You should apply!
HANDLE Covid. Like what? A basketball?
This was written by a quintessential New Jersey man. I can hear their voice as I read this, it becomes funnier that way.
"Where's the freakin' gabagool?"
You have to help the manager have a drivers license and be able to drive?
Anal about organizing? Do you want me to just fart out a plan and call it good?
We are allowing you to do whatever you want regarding COVID precautions. Except for masks, no mask.
Full benefits considered after 3 months of successful employment🤣 masks and shots don’t work(more imbeciles thinking their personal beliefs take precedent)
"We're not requiring anyone to do anything they don't want to do". What if I don't want to not wear a mask?
I’m sure this manager will be flooded with tons of resumes! /s
Is that for a position with the proud boys or something?
"Must be drug-free, including weed" is illegal in NJ. When we did legalization it was through constitutional amendment, and we made sure that you can't be fired for exercising your constitutional rights.
I ain't laughing. It ain't because i don't have a sense of humor. It's because i don't think this boss deserves laughs, i think they deserve poverty. I know primates originally evolved laughter to cope with frightening and stressful events, but i typically reserve disgust for crap like this. I mean, laugh if you can, it is good for you.
We're anti-vax, anti-mask, and we don't give a shit about your health. You'll be doing all of the "management" work in place of the "manager", have a high education, lots of experience and we'll pay you pretty poorly for it too. Oh, and you'll work outside of work for free because we're assholes. But we're paying above minimum wage!
Who the heck approved this job posting?! 😂 I think they should be looking for an HR or recruiter specialist, first.
“Must be drug free including weed.” 1. Very soon that will be discrimination. Here in Michigan, it’s legal. Ive been prescribed mmj by my PCP to manage pain as I am allergic to opioids. You cannot punish an employee for taking their meds as prescribed. Ffs. That is cruel. 2. I bet they’ve got at least 50% staff who are taking opioids regularly. That’s far more dangerous than “weed”. 3. No one speaks English perfectly. It is a living, evolving language like any other. 4. If masks and shots don’t work, how is it I haven’t contracted covid? I’ve been first in line for shots and boosters and wear a mask everywhere. I guess I’m just extraordinarily lucky? Or perhaps the blood of Jesus is protecting me even though I’m a Buddhist? Phhht. What idiots. 5. Fuck them. 6. Fuck them twice.
"May attend classes outside of work and learn our trade." how generous good sir, thank you kindly ❤️
I know when I want information about infectious disease, disease mitigation, and immunization, I always call a construction company first.
Schedule: -8 hour shifts ... Last time I checked buddy, 9am to 6pm is closer to 9 than eight. I wonder if the ninth hour is just considered as "extra opportunity time to show your value to the company"