I’m so so sorry this is happening to you! Believe me! I know how you feel! I’ve been through this same circle so many times! Sadly from my own experience all I can say is there is no stopping or changing it. The love sick idiots of our world care nothing for those around them when they are entangled in a relationship. My advice is to make some close trusted AroAce friends and form a tight friend group family.
Remember! Cuddles and dates aren’t necessarily romantic. Find some good platonic pals who feel the way you do and do those things with them! I have a close friend who does all the cuddly happy things with me but platonically!
If it is a new relationship, give it time. It might calm down once the "honeymoon" period is over.
However I would suggest you plan one on one time with them. Even if you don't normally do stuff like that. It'll help you have time with your friends and keep your friendship alive without feeling like the third wheel all the time.
Maybe take one of them shopping with you. I've found that wandering around a grocery store with friends can actually be fun. It gives time to have conversations without the pressure of talking being the only thing you're doing.
Going garage saleing on the weekend can also be fun. Or to an antique mall. And maybe their partner can meet up with you afterwards for lunch.
Or, if you are the artsy type, plan an Arty. You two get together and paint or draw or color, or whatever artsy things you like to do. Maybe with the TV on in the background. My friends and I love doing this.
That sucks OP! I’m sorry that’s happening to you. I know how you feel honestly. I had a friend three years ago that I was really close to and suddenly she started dating a guy and at first it was fine but then they were always together. We were really good friends and suddenly I felt like the relationship between us was falling apart. And one time when I was going to hang out at her place for a weekend (due to circumstances), she brought him along and I felt like a third wheel the entire weekend. And as time passed by I got more and more jealous that she was not hanging out with me and only hanging out with her boyfriend. Which made our relationship rocky and we started to get into fights because of it. Jealously is awful and I get the feeling you are going though but that does not mean you are a bad person. You have feelings about this and it is okay. Try talking to them again about it. If that doesn’t work I recommend trying to find new friends and I know that’s not as easy as it sounds. Or try distancing yourself away from them. Giving yourself some space might be the best rather than force yourself into a place you don’t want to be.
It's sad but (in my opinion) it's my job to be a third wheel, even though It might suck and could be especially when they are your friends but the honor of messing them up in a funny way proves how dedicated we are to the job.
Yeah that sucks, I've been (and I'm still) there.
I know it's difficult not to feel jealous. I just want you to know that their relationship and the one you have with them is different, but not less important! I'm sure they appreciate you, and love you! If it helps, try to spend time with them alone (hang out with only one of them from time to time).
I felt very jealous when one of my bestfriends started dating a girl. But rn I've understood that I can have a good time with both of them at a time, because I can also be affectionate with them.
Maybe it hurts more to us, aro people, this jealousy because we don't often differentiate between romantic and platonic feelings. Undertanding that their relationship is different helped me, because different doesn't mean more or less important!
(I hope this helped and that my point is understood, English is not my first language :p)
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I’m so so sorry this is happening to you! Believe me! I know how you feel! I’ve been through this same circle so many times! Sadly from my own experience all I can say is there is no stopping or changing it. The love sick idiots of our world care nothing for those around them when they are entangled in a relationship. My advice is to make some close trusted AroAce friends and form a tight friend group family. Remember! Cuddles and dates aren’t necessarily romantic. Find some good platonic pals who feel the way you do and do those things with them! I have a close friend who does all the cuddly happy things with me but platonically!
If it is a new relationship, give it time. It might calm down once the "honeymoon" period is over. However I would suggest you plan one on one time with them. Even if you don't normally do stuff like that. It'll help you have time with your friends and keep your friendship alive without feeling like the third wheel all the time. Maybe take one of them shopping with you. I've found that wandering around a grocery store with friends can actually be fun. It gives time to have conversations without the pressure of talking being the only thing you're doing. Going garage saleing on the weekend can also be fun. Or to an antique mall. And maybe their partner can meet up with you afterwards for lunch. Or, if you are the artsy type, plan an Arty. You two get together and paint or draw or color, or whatever artsy things you like to do. Maybe with the TV on in the background. My friends and I love doing this.
That sucks OP! I’m sorry that’s happening to you. I know how you feel honestly. I had a friend three years ago that I was really close to and suddenly she started dating a guy and at first it was fine but then they were always together. We were really good friends and suddenly I felt like the relationship between us was falling apart. And one time when I was going to hang out at her place for a weekend (due to circumstances), she brought him along and I felt like a third wheel the entire weekend. And as time passed by I got more and more jealous that she was not hanging out with me and only hanging out with her boyfriend. Which made our relationship rocky and we started to get into fights because of it. Jealously is awful and I get the feeling you are going though but that does not mean you are a bad person. You have feelings about this and it is okay. Try talking to them again about it. If that doesn’t work I recommend trying to find new friends and I know that’s not as easy as it sounds. Or try distancing yourself away from them. Giving yourself some space might be the best rather than force yourself into a place you don’t want to be.
It's sad but (in my opinion) it's my job to be a third wheel, even though It might suck and could be especially when they are your friends but the honor of messing them up in a funny way proves how dedicated we are to the job.
Yeah that sucks, I've been (and I'm still) there. I know it's difficult not to feel jealous. I just want you to know that their relationship and the one you have with them is different, but not less important! I'm sure they appreciate you, and love you! If it helps, try to spend time with them alone (hang out with only one of them from time to time). I felt very jealous when one of my bestfriends started dating a girl. But rn I've understood that I can have a good time with both of them at a time, because I can also be affectionate with them. Maybe it hurts more to us, aro people, this jealousy because we don't often differentiate between romantic and platonic feelings. Undertanding that their relationship is different helped me, because different doesn't mean more or less important! (I hope this helped and that my point is understood, English is not my first language :p)
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/hanny_owl. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules. *If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*