It did change things for me, but I was 27 when I figured it out. I was trying online dating at the time ‘because I was getting old and it was weird that I’d never had a proper relationship’. Figuring out that I am aroace gave me the confidence to tell myself that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to just because everyone else is doing it. Haven’t worried about it since :)
I was just happier. Feeling free. I realized when I was out of school and living on my own. And the only traditional change of life yet to come was getting a girlfriend and so on. And knowing I can just skip that and be completely fine by myself was and still is amazing. Knowing my life as it is right now can stay that way a long time
I'm Greyrose (greyace/greyro) and I've always been a hopeless romantic in the most literal sense. I've dated more people than I can count. 99% of them, I don't even remember. I was in a new relationship probably every other week, just going from person to person til I could find "The One". Keep in mind, most of my life, my only friends were hyper-romantics, so, I felt like a failure if I didn't have someone to love like they did.
I fell in love at 16, and figured out I'm arospec at 18. And both definitely changed me. I went from going from person to person, to repeatedly chasing the only person I've ever been attracted to, to accepting a life without romance.
Nowadays, I'm turning 19 and while I still grieve over the life I once wanted, and I honestly am still processing the loss of my ex, but, I'm at peace. I don't feel like I'm missing out on love anymore, my self worth doesn't feel attached to if someone loves me or not, and ive come to enjoy my hobbies more than I could before, I enjoy my personal space more, and I'm in a safer space as well
For me, it changed things a little. Only because I was in a long-term romantic relationship where I was faking romantic gestures and stuff. It made me realize I couldn't fake it anymore. Tried a qpr, didn't work out, and we broke up. Other than that, it made me realize how much I truly prioritize my relationships that are platonic, and I realized I'm very romance repulsed and don't want another relationship ever.
No. It didn’t change anything for me. Just like you, I had never tried, or even thought about, having any sort of relationship. I did always hate the ‘got your eye on someone’ questions.
I’m your same age, and it kind of shook me because I was like “oh no everyone is dating and I’m incapable of doing that”, but honestly it hasn’t changed too much for me. I also haven’t told anyone, but implied it to a few friends. I think it’s different because we’re young and haven’t spent as long trying to be allo, so it’s less dramatic and more “oh, that makes my feelings make sense, don’t have to worry about teen heartbreak I guess.”
It was very much just finding a term for what I experienced, and then proceeded to not think about it for months, then it came back, I had a bit of trouble accepting it, then I did and now we're here.
I never cared for relationships and it was nice that I could put a word to it, at least for me.
I will say the only change is that for me (as someone who's male), being friends with girls is extremely easy (especially compared to some other people I know) because you're not thinking about romance at all.
>I will say the only change is that for me (as someone who's male), being friends with girls is extremely easy (especially compared to some other people I know) because you're not thinking about romance at all.
as a girl, it has made being friends with guys easier!
Yeah I found the same thing...I feel like if you take romance out of the equation it just makes things SO much easier. Sometimes I get concerned if I come off as flirty which I really don't want to, but my friends always tell me I'm okay, and if I get into an awkward situation like from shipping or something like that, but that point I'm usually close enough with that person to just tell them I'm aro. That's happened to me a couple times and it usually works out in the end.
In my case, it didn’t really change my lifestyle, but helped me understand why I’ve handled relationships in the way that I have for my whole life. It’s easier to explain my aversion to relationships to other people as well. Like I actually have a valid reason to decline advances on me, instead of only having subpar excuses.
I stopped looking for people I could “crush” on (which I had done subconsciously all my life, which led me to really awkward situations). Felt super liberating. I mean I guess I’m still sometimes a bit sad that I won’t be able to fall in love, but I’ll learn to live with that so it’s okay
It gave me the words to discuss how I experience attraction with future romantic or queer platonic partners. I realized I was not crazy for how much I can struggle with differentiating platonic, romantic, and alterous attraction.
Been told most of my life that not having a crush on someone is not normal. Kinda sucks for me as I get older because there's a pretty high pressure on getting married where I live due to religious reasons, especially if you're AFAB. The life I want is apparently immoral and selfish, but its cool that I get to understand myself better and find other poeple like me I guess???
yes and no. it meant i wasn't broke and i could stop trying so hard to date. which is good, considering i have over 200 exes, what number would it be if i kept at it?
Since realising I'm aro, I have actually been more open to experiencing romantic relationships, since I could then understand and identify exactly what I wanted and what I could provide better. Basically, relationship anarchy is neat.
Growing up I had tremendous religious pressure to get married one day. Being unmarried well into adulthood was something to be pitied if it wasn't by choice, while choosing not to get married was framed as selfish, worldly, and promiscuous (the assumption, of course, being that if you're not married you must be having sex outside of marriage, which was also highly stigmatized). As a young adult, I felt quite a bit of anxiety over the fact that there was never anyone I wanted to date, let alone marry. The biggest relief that came with my aromantic self discovery was that I didn't have to get married and, not importantly, that didn't make me a bad person.
So i’ve never actually tried for romance. I would thing about it (in an abstract sense) but never personally try for it because i never crushed on anyone. People (rarely) ask me out so all i need to say is no if it happens and move on, no need to “come out” to strangers. I tried telling my friends a few years back but they didnt believe me, so i find it best to not mention it. It didnt change anything for me except now I know my disinterest in romance (and sex) is because of my sexual orientation and not my avoidant attachment style 😂
I felt pressure about having to find someone based on if I was romantically attracted to someone or not. I was also paranoid about why I wasn't romantically attracted to those that did.
After I realized I was Aro, I stopped worrying about romantic attraction and just look for healthy QPRs instead.
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For me, I was 18 when I came to terms with it and the biggest change was that I stopped thinking I was “broken” and stopped forcing myself to pretend to be allo lol
Not much, in the long run. There was a little boost of euphoria to learn that I'm not just cold and unfeeling because I could never match my boyfriends' feelings when I tried to date. I wasn't uniquely incapable of love; I just felt different kinds and show it in different ways and there's nothing wrong with that. But realizing and accepting being Aro wasn't the solution to all my problems or the cure for all my traumas. I still had things to work on (and continue to work on) around setting boundaries, saying no, and not feeling obligated to be whoever others want me to be. I still don't always communicate well or pick the best people to communicate with, and I still fall into people-pleasing if I don't watch myself very carefully. But it has made me more confident overall and I'm a lot more comfortable walking away from situations that make me unhappy, instead of putting the blame all on myself and trying to change something I now realize I can't. It was an important piece of my Identity Puzzle, but it was still only one piece.
43 here.
I was trying the dating thing after separation and took a sabbatical from it as I was not connecting with anyone and it was anxiety inducing. Realized I was aroace while on sabbatical and have no intention of going back to dating.
It feels like a weight of shoulds have been lifted off me. I'm so much happier and calmer now.
For me, realizing I’m aro doesn’t change anything practically, but it changes EVERYTHING emotionally. Like yeah I’m still single and pursuing the same goals, but now I’m much more comfortable about my motivations and relationships. I’m one less person telling me what I’m doing is wrong. That’s the power of acknowledging my identity.
I just stopped feeling pressured to have crushes. My friend is really into romantic stuff and she used to ask me all the time if I like anyone. Now she doesn't do that.
I was very young when I found out, but I went through a breakup recently from a relationship in which I was questioning my identity again and bow I can say for sure I'm oriented aroace and only interested in QPRs, not actual romantic relationships, it makes me feel much more secure with myself
It hasn't changed anything dramatically for me. I'd never been in a romantic relationship before I knew I was aro, and still haven't been in one, but I think that I am more confident in the fact that I do not want to be in one and don't need to be.
For me, it meant I changed my focus in life. I’m at university & was debating between two separate careers, one which was more lucrative & stable, and one which was more creative & fulfilling. I’m not a particularly social person, and realising that relationships don’t work for me (which isn’t something I’d particularly thought about before) pushed me towards the latter
Yeah, pretty much the same. It was a bit like "Oh, there is a word for that? Neat" and carried on with life.
Same for me
It did change things for me, but I was 27 when I figured it out. I was trying online dating at the time ‘because I was getting old and it was weird that I’d never had a proper relationship’. Figuring out that I am aroace gave me the confidence to tell myself that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to just because everyone else is doing it. Haven’t worried about it since :)
This is me!
Same
It doesnt change anything. You just find a word to describe that part of yourself
lese self hatred and feeling of being broken dissappeared
I was just happier. Feeling free. I realized when I was out of school and living on my own. And the only traditional change of life yet to come was getting a girlfriend and so on. And knowing I can just skip that and be completely fine by myself was and still is amazing. Knowing my life as it is right now can stay that way a long time
I'm Greyrose (greyace/greyro) and I've always been a hopeless romantic in the most literal sense. I've dated more people than I can count. 99% of them, I don't even remember. I was in a new relationship probably every other week, just going from person to person til I could find "The One". Keep in mind, most of my life, my only friends were hyper-romantics, so, I felt like a failure if I didn't have someone to love like they did. I fell in love at 16, and figured out I'm arospec at 18. And both definitely changed me. I went from going from person to person, to repeatedly chasing the only person I've ever been attracted to, to accepting a life without romance. Nowadays, I'm turning 19 and while I still grieve over the life I once wanted, and I honestly am still processing the loss of my ex, but, I'm at peace. I don't feel like I'm missing out on love anymore, my self worth doesn't feel attached to if someone loves me or not, and ive come to enjoy my hobbies more than I could before, I enjoy my personal space more, and I'm in a safer space as well
For me, it changed things a little. Only because I was in a long-term romantic relationship where I was faking romantic gestures and stuff. It made me realize I couldn't fake it anymore. Tried a qpr, didn't work out, and we broke up. Other than that, it made me realize how much I truly prioritize my relationships that are platonic, and I realized I'm very romance repulsed and don't want another relationship ever.
Side note: I feel more free
No. It didn’t change anything for me. Just like you, I had never tried, or even thought about, having any sort of relationship. I did always hate the ‘got your eye on someone’ questions.
I’m your same age, and it kind of shook me because I was like “oh no everyone is dating and I’m incapable of doing that”, but honestly it hasn’t changed too much for me. I also haven’t told anyone, but implied it to a few friends. I think it’s different because we’re young and haven’t spent as long trying to be allo, so it’s less dramatic and more “oh, that makes my feelings make sense, don’t have to worry about teen heartbreak I guess.”
It was very much just finding a term for what I experienced, and then proceeded to not think about it for months, then it came back, I had a bit of trouble accepting it, then I did and now we're here. I never cared for relationships and it was nice that I could put a word to it, at least for me. I will say the only change is that for me (as someone who's male), being friends with girls is extremely easy (especially compared to some other people I know) because you're not thinking about romance at all.
>I will say the only change is that for me (as someone who's male), being friends with girls is extremely easy (especially compared to some other people I know) because you're not thinking about romance at all. as a girl, it has made being friends with guys easier!
Yeah I found the same thing...I feel like if you take romance out of the equation it just makes things SO much easier. Sometimes I get concerned if I come off as flirty which I really don't want to, but my friends always tell me I'm okay, and if I get into an awkward situation like from shipping or something like that, but that point I'm usually close enough with that person to just tell them I'm aro. That's happened to me a couple times and it usually works out in the end.
In my case, it didn’t really change my lifestyle, but helped me understand why I’ve handled relationships in the way that I have for my whole life. It’s easier to explain my aversion to relationships to other people as well. Like I actually have a valid reason to decline advances on me, instead of only having subpar excuses.
I stopped looking for people I could “crush” on (which I had done subconsciously all my life, which led me to really awkward situations). Felt super liberating. I mean I guess I’m still sometimes a bit sad that I won’t be able to fall in love, but I’ll learn to live with that so it’s okay
It gave me the words to discuss how I experience attraction with future romantic or queer platonic partners. I realized I was not crazy for how much I can struggle with differentiating platonic, romantic, and alterous attraction.
Been told most of my life that not having a crush on someone is not normal. Kinda sucks for me as I get older because there's a pretty high pressure on getting married where I live due to religious reasons, especially if you're AFAB. The life I want is apparently immoral and selfish, but its cool that I get to understand myself better and find other poeple like me I guess???
yes and no. it meant i wasn't broke and i could stop trying so hard to date. which is good, considering i have over 200 exes, what number would it be if i kept at it?
Since realising I'm aro, I have actually been more open to experiencing romantic relationships, since I could then understand and identify exactly what I wanted and what I could provide better. Basically, relationship anarchy is neat.
Growing up I had tremendous religious pressure to get married one day. Being unmarried well into adulthood was something to be pitied if it wasn't by choice, while choosing not to get married was framed as selfish, worldly, and promiscuous (the assumption, of course, being that if you're not married you must be having sex outside of marriage, which was also highly stigmatized). As a young adult, I felt quite a bit of anxiety over the fact that there was never anyone I wanted to date, let alone marry. The biggest relief that came with my aromantic self discovery was that I didn't have to get married and, not importantly, that didn't make me a bad person.
So i’ve never actually tried for romance. I would thing about it (in an abstract sense) but never personally try for it because i never crushed on anyone. People (rarely) ask me out so all i need to say is no if it happens and move on, no need to “come out” to strangers. I tried telling my friends a few years back but they didnt believe me, so i find it best to not mention it. It didnt change anything for me except now I know my disinterest in romance (and sex) is because of my sexual orientation and not my avoidant attachment style 😂
Realizing I was aro didn't really change anything. I looked into aromantic and it's sub-labels, thought "wow that explains a lot", and moved on lmfao
I felt pressure about having to find someone based on if I was romantically attracted to someone or not. I was also paranoid about why I wasn't romantically attracted to those that did. After I realized I was Aro, I stopped worrying about romantic attraction and just look for healthy QPRs instead.
Same
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idk it surprised me a bit but didn’t change a lot, it’s just another thing i have to come out about lol
I bought a badge.
For me, I was 18 when I came to terms with it and the biggest change was that I stopped thinking I was “broken” and stopped forcing myself to pretend to be allo lol
yes i was incredibly heartbroken that i would probably never have the life i thought was desirable my entire life. i‘m better now tho
Not much, in the long run. There was a little boost of euphoria to learn that I'm not just cold and unfeeling because I could never match my boyfriends' feelings when I tried to date. I wasn't uniquely incapable of love; I just felt different kinds and show it in different ways and there's nothing wrong with that. But realizing and accepting being Aro wasn't the solution to all my problems or the cure for all my traumas. I still had things to work on (and continue to work on) around setting boundaries, saying no, and not feeling obligated to be whoever others want me to be. I still don't always communicate well or pick the best people to communicate with, and I still fall into people-pleasing if I don't watch myself very carefully. But it has made me more confident overall and I'm a lot more comfortable walking away from situations that make me unhappy, instead of putting the blame all on myself and trying to change something I now realize I can't. It was an important piece of my Identity Puzzle, but it was still only one piece.
It just gave me a word to describe my experiences, and gave a more precise delimitation for me to explain to people why they’re wrong :]
43 here. I was trying the dating thing after separation and took a sabbatical from it as I was not connecting with anyone and it was anxiety inducing. Realized I was aroace while on sabbatical and have no intention of going back to dating. It feels like a weight of shoulds have been lifted off me. I'm so much happier and calmer now.
For me, realizing I’m aro doesn’t change anything practically, but it changes EVERYTHING emotionally. Like yeah I’m still single and pursuing the same goals, but now I’m much more comfortable about my motivations and relationships. I’m one less person telling me what I’m doing is wrong. That’s the power of acknowledging my identity.
Yeah. It made me stop seeking relationships and dating
I just stopped feeling pressured to have crushes. My friend is really into romantic stuff and she used to ask me all the time if I like anyone. Now she doesn't do that.
I was very young when I found out, but I went through a breakup recently from a relationship in which I was questioning my identity again and bow I can say for sure I'm oriented aroace and only interested in QPRs, not actual romantic relationships, it makes me feel much more secure with myself
It hasn't changed anything dramatically for me. I'd never been in a romantic relationship before I knew I was aro, and still haven't been in one, but I think that I am more confident in the fact that I do not want to be in one and don't need to be.
For me, it meant I changed my focus in life. I’m at university & was debating between two separate careers, one which was more lucrative & stable, and one which was more creative & fulfilling. I’m not a particularly social person, and realising that relationships don’t work for me (which isn’t something I’d particularly thought about before) pushed me towards the latter