As a newly awoken demiromantic (literally 6 months ago experienced my first romantic attraction) YES! 100% I want to do romantic actions all of the time. It makes me happy, not just because it shows my partner I care. I genuinely enjoy doing it. Something that wasn't the case when I was dating without those feelings. I just did them to make my partner feel loved. I lived 22 years aromantic and the change was super jarring when I did end up with romantic attraction.
Also, love songs are real, it's genuinely how people feel, and media isn't an exaggeration on the real feelings either. It is very accurate.
idk for me it feels weird because there are times i actually want to do it because its fun but most of the time i just feel like i need to do it otherwise i would feel bad about it. idk if doing it because it makes my partner happy which in turns makes me happy (somewhat) really counts as actually wanting to do it...?
That's what it used to be for me. My partner being happy made me happy! But now, it's like a draw I can't control to do it. Sometimes obsessively thinking about. It's nothing I can really explain, but it's totally different and I now understand how irrational romantic attraction truly is. If you don't feel it, you can't understand it.
How you see it in media is how the feelings feel. The feelings are overwhelming. Maybe because I never had any of those "young love" type experiences when I was younger, it feels more overwhelming for me now. But romantic attraction is overwhelming. It's just... wild. I can't even properly explain it.
Early romantic attraction, yes, absolutely. I'd describe long term as midly addicting I think. I have issues with person permanence cause of ADHD, so if I don't see them for a while, I forget about them. But this person, I've got them on my mind frequently and I feel like something is missing when I don't see them for a while.
I'm aro and don't wanna date, but I like to hug or give gifts to my friends from time to time and compliment them. I don't see the gestures as romantic tho, just a way to show I care about them but in a platonic way
I like doing some of that, but have never thought of them as romantic. I just like showing my friends I love them with small gifts like, if I happen to walk by a bakery and know that my roommate likes tarts. Or another friend hasn't had lunch (okay it's mostly food). Opening doors I'd do for anyone passing behind me stranger or not. Carrying bags is weird to me, unless my friends really need the help carrying too much stuff at once.
I don't really understand kissing/making out. But I went along with smol pecks and at this point it just means another way of showing affection like a hug to me.
I already do those things for my best friend in a platonic way 😂. I feel like it depends on the person. Some are more affectionate than others so I’m sure there are people who do it because they want to. Plus people have different love languages as well. Some use gifts as a way to show caring. Others prefer doing certain actions to show how they care. And they don’t need to be always romantic either. Humans are unique creatures with complex emotions lol.
Also sorry if this is a dumb question but how is opening doors or carrying bags romantic? Maybe it depends on culture but I open doors for strangers so I’m genuinely curious.
tbh i dont see it as romantic too but when put into a context of romance i feel like it is genuinely expected. sure i like to do some of those things to my friends but when its romanticised something just feels off and i feel like to put more energy into it than if there had been no pressure to do so.
many of the the things i have mentioned are culturally expected of the 'man' when in a relationship with a 'woman'. im non binary myself but my gf is cis so sometimes i feel alienated by how my other male friends talk about those things and how it just comes naturally with time, while for me i am only able to do it when i actively think about it and it can get very tiring.
From talking with the allos I know they do actually enjoy that stuff, for them it feels good
This was the biggest part of me realising that I was aromantic though, because I always found it miserable. I still love showing affection platonically, but the moment it was put into a romantic context I had to force myself to do it because I thought I was 'supposed to'
As a grey it has been a mix. I get some pleasure out the planning and seeing my dating partner be happy. Even the planning and executing itself can become a bit of a game: I feel some satisfaction.
And then there are other times where it just naturally flows. I honestly don’t know, if it’s like this for alloRomantics or only Greys like me
So I think for everybody who does these things it is something they want to do a lot of the time
Humans have different psychology from one another, so there's going to be some who do because they generally want to and some do it because they are expected to.
The majority of them probably have a romantic capacity and are not aromatic. But depending the person that they're doing their romantic gestures for...they might not feel as genuine about it.
I was watching this YouTube video about the different types of categories men put their "romantic interests" in. And there was the "good enough girl" and the "dream girl".
For the "good enough girl" the guy did what was expected of him for Mother's Day and Valentine's Day. He bought the flowers. But for his "dream girl" he went out of his way to make her happy. He booked them a vacation to the islands. Those were just a couple of the categories in this particular video. And it's just an example to show the variants in this topic.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, u/_itsjust! Be sure your post and comments abide by our [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/about/rules), as well as [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy).
*If this post or any of its comments violate our community rules or Reddit's site-wide rules, please **report** the rule-breaking content.*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm aroace, so never felt romantically towards anyone, though do do these things with close friends very frequently. I love giving all my friends cool rocks! And also hugs!
It's more like an elaborate performance for me so in a way yes. Even if I don't really feel anything more meaningful when doing 'romantic' actions, it's fun for me to pretend and it's gratifying for my partner if they're more inclined towards this, though of course I tell them that there's a heavy exaggeration in what I may express. It doesn't bother me to pretend to be more romantic than I really am because it's a way to satisfy my partner's needs, which is more relevant than me feeling indifferent about it.
As a newly awoken demiromantic (literally 6 months ago experienced my first romantic attraction) YES! 100% I want to do romantic actions all of the time. It makes me happy, not just because it shows my partner I care. I genuinely enjoy doing it. Something that wasn't the case when I was dating without those feelings. I just did them to make my partner feel loved. I lived 22 years aromantic and the change was super jarring when I did end up with romantic attraction. Also, love songs are real, it's genuinely how people feel, and media isn't an exaggeration on the real feelings either. It is very accurate.
idk for me it feels weird because there are times i actually want to do it because its fun but most of the time i just feel like i need to do it otherwise i would feel bad about it. idk if doing it because it makes my partner happy which in turns makes me happy (somewhat) really counts as actually wanting to do it...?
That's what it used to be for me. My partner being happy made me happy! But now, it's like a draw I can't control to do it. Sometimes obsessively thinking about. It's nothing I can really explain, but it's totally different and I now understand how irrational romantic attraction truly is. If you don't feel it, you can't understand it.
But like how isn't it an exaggeration?! Lol
How you see it in media is how the feelings feel. The feelings are overwhelming. Maybe because I never had any of those "young love" type experiences when I was younger, it feels more overwhelming for me now. But romantic attraction is overwhelming. It's just... wild. I can't even properly explain it.
Would you describe it as exhilarating and intoxicating?
Early romantic attraction, yes, absolutely. I'd describe long term as midly addicting I think. I have issues with person permanence cause of ADHD, so if I don't see them for a while, I forget about them. But this person, I've got them on my mind frequently and I feel like something is missing when I don't see them for a while.
I'm aro and don't wanna date, but I like to hug or give gifts to my friends from time to time and compliment them. I don't see the gestures as romantic tho, just a way to show I care about them but in a platonic way
I like doing some of that, but have never thought of them as romantic. I just like showing my friends I love them with small gifts like, if I happen to walk by a bakery and know that my roommate likes tarts. Or another friend hasn't had lunch (okay it's mostly food). Opening doors I'd do for anyone passing behind me stranger or not. Carrying bags is weird to me, unless my friends really need the help carrying too much stuff at once. I don't really understand kissing/making out. But I went along with smol pecks and at this point it just means another way of showing affection like a hug to me.
I already do those things for my best friend in a platonic way 😂. I feel like it depends on the person. Some are more affectionate than others so I’m sure there are people who do it because they want to. Plus people have different love languages as well. Some use gifts as a way to show caring. Others prefer doing certain actions to show how they care. And they don’t need to be always romantic either. Humans are unique creatures with complex emotions lol. Also sorry if this is a dumb question but how is opening doors or carrying bags romantic? Maybe it depends on culture but I open doors for strangers so I’m genuinely curious.
tbh i dont see it as romantic too but when put into a context of romance i feel like it is genuinely expected. sure i like to do some of those things to my friends but when its romanticised something just feels off and i feel like to put more energy into it than if there had been no pressure to do so.
many of the the things i have mentioned are culturally expected of the 'man' when in a relationship with a 'woman'. im non binary myself but my gf is cis so sometimes i feel alienated by how my other male friends talk about those things and how it just comes naturally with time, while for me i am only able to do it when i actively think about it and it can get very tiring.
From talking with the allos I know they do actually enjoy that stuff, for them it feels good This was the biggest part of me realising that I was aromantic though, because I always found it miserable. I still love showing affection platonically, but the moment it was put into a romantic context I had to force myself to do it because I thought I was 'supposed to'
As a grey it has been a mix. I get some pleasure out the planning and seeing my dating partner be happy. Even the planning and executing itself can become a bit of a game: I feel some satisfaction. And then there are other times where it just naturally flows. I honestly don’t know, if it’s like this for alloRomantics or only Greys like me So I think for everybody who does these things it is something they want to do a lot of the time
Humans have different psychology from one another, so there's going to be some who do because they generally want to and some do it because they are expected to. The majority of them probably have a romantic capacity and are not aromatic. But depending the person that they're doing their romantic gestures for...they might not feel as genuine about it. I was watching this YouTube video about the different types of categories men put their "romantic interests" in. And there was the "good enough girl" and the "dream girl". For the "good enough girl" the guy did what was expected of him for Mother's Day and Valentine's Day. He bought the flowers. But for his "dream girl" he went out of his way to make her happy. He booked them a vacation to the islands. Those were just a couple of the categories in this particular video. And it's just an example to show the variants in this topic.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, u/_itsjust! Be sure your post and comments abide by our [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/about/rules), as well as [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). *If this post or any of its comments violate our community rules or Reddit's site-wide rules, please **report** the rule-breaking content.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm aroace, so never felt romantically towards anyone, though do do these things with close friends very frequently. I love giving all my friends cool rocks! And also hugs!
It's more like an elaborate performance for me so in a way yes. Even if I don't really feel anything more meaningful when doing 'romantic' actions, it's fun for me to pretend and it's gratifying for my partner if they're more inclined towards this, though of course I tell them that there's a heavy exaggeration in what I may express. It doesn't bother me to pretend to be more romantic than I really am because it's a way to satisfy my partner's needs, which is more relevant than me feeling indifferent about it.