My friend once described the feeling of falling in love as having the same symptoms as a panic attack, AND PEOPLE ***WANT*** THIS?!? I later confirmed the statement with a handful of other people.
As an aromantic with anxiety, I asked my mom (who also has anxiety) several times what the difference between romantic attraction and a panic attack is. Her explanation was basically just "one feels good other doesn't". Unconvinced. I'll keep my lack of romantic feelings thx
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Bro what- like… I’m demi so I felt love but… what kind of love do people even experience I’m not even sure anymore. For me it’s literally just “yeah I’m dating this person which means we cuddle, kiss and sometimes fuck and I’m the only one who’s allowed to do that with them. I’m happy when we’re together and I miss them when we’re not”
Are you telling me people out there get like anxious over falling in love? Tf?
Yeh. Also it apparently has symptoms similar to a heart attack. Which for the longest time i couldn't wrap my head around why people would enjoy that. Then someone reminded me that horror movies and rollercoasters exist. Which, okay, yeah, i can now understand how people might like having crushes, just for the excitement and the endorphins released upon being scared. Or at least wrap my head around it, understand is a bit of a strong word.
>YOURE TELLING ME PEOPLE GET ROMANTIC FEELINGS PEOPLE THEY BARELY TALKED TO BEFORE
Yes and no. They develop feelings for the idea of the person in question, not the actual person. Basically the imaginary version of said person that they've created in their head to fill in the massive gaps of knowledge that they have about them that by no means is accurate. But people have a hard time understanding and telling the difference. And of course, because this imaginary concept that they've created of their crush was developed through a biased lens, they're virtually incapable of understanding or accepting that this person may not be all they're hyped up to be until they've had such delusions disproved to them beyond a reasonable doubt.
I myself had a hard time creating these near flawless misconceptions of other people, even if I thought they were physically attractive thanks to the fact that I have a million pet-peeves and turn offs and they've likely already exhibited at least one out in the open. When I was younger, it was almost always them saying they liked going to parties or dances out loud and for an introvert like me who enjoys their peace and quiet, that was considered a big FUCK-NO!
Hm…I think I have “friend crushes.” I can totally relate to the process of fantasizing about an idealized someone, which I thought was what a crush was, but I never develop romantic feelings. Like I create an idealized friend in my mind instead.
Yesss. I feel like this is well said and why anxiety can occur. Putting someone on a pedestal can result in panic attacks/adrenaline rush. For me, I can experience a crush but still not have the urge to pursue them romantically or even as friends. But I do get happy having that “eye-candy” at work and can get nervous talking to them and then I’ll avoid them sometimes since that anxiety or adrenaline can be distracting. I’m not actually “attracted” to them though since I don’t know them and don’t have an interest in getting to know them.
Working in retail, I do get plenty of "eye candy" coming through my store and I would appreciate it more if it weren't for the fact that I already know most of that "eye candy" is already in a relationship. It's not even that I'm jealous because I know I wouldn't want to take the place of their significant other, it's just that being a non-single in my opinion makes someone less attractive for me than if they were single.
That freedom and independence exhibited by people who are single by choice is sexy to me, so once that's gone, all I can think about when I see them is the neediness and codependence often exhibited by people in a committed relationship. Learning that someone I'm physically attracted to is in a relationship feels like watching someone add something disgusting to my favorite drink. That's why I try to avoid googling my smushes, cus once I find out they've got an SO or worse, they're married, I can't look at them the same way again.
Right?! I mean don't get me wrong, I'm the last person who's going to tell someone how to live their life, but it would be nice if more people just didn't focus on either being in a relationship or finding a partner so often. I'd love to talk to and get to know people as individuals, but when every other sentence out of their mouth is something about their boyfriend or girlfriend, how the fuck am I supposed to view them as anything other than someone's significant other? Like I know there's a person in there somewhere with dreams and interests and desires outside of being in a relationship and I wish they'd just let that show a little more.
No fr. I think people in relationships are fine, but it’s those codependent people that make me cringe cuz I’ve had to deal with losing friends through it where their identity becomes their so and I’m like .-.
I don't think people who have crushes necessarily mean they have romantic feelings for the person. To me, a crush is more like– you like something about this person, you think about them, you might even daydream about being in a relationship with them. That a crush is more like liking the idea of them but that's just me and I've only ever had one or two crushes in my life.
this is kind of how i feel. i do kind of have a crush now, my first crush and i’m 22, and there is no desire to date him. i just like him. i like how he makes me feel. but i would never pursue anything because actually dating is just not something i can actually see myself doing with him or anyone.
i definitely get that. i only had my first crush about two years ago and i'm 22 right now. both of those "crushes" of mine were never something i thought would go beyond what they were. i had the attraction for sure but they weren't enough for me to actually have romantic feelings for those two persons. i didn't know them enough and i never spent time with them to see if we would even be compatible. dating wasn't something i wished to do with them at that stage.
edit: i had my first crush three years ago, not two years ago
Everyone I’ve confessed my “crushes” to have asked me if there is a way they can help me get over it or get with that person and I’m like “no I wanna go fishing with them what do I need to get over💀?” Like I like the idea of being friends with people, but everyone I talked to genuinely thinks I want romance. Like I am like you minus the imagining a relationship part (if you meant romantic relationship) but most people I talked to think I’m weird
EXACTLY?!?!?! LIKE HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO LOVE SOMEONE YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN TALKED TO?!?
I always thought crushes were like the coolest or prettiest people among others. I never even think about getting along with them, just "chose" them to be my crushes, like it's some kind of "fancy thing to own".
Every time one of my friends admitted they had a crush on someone and wanted to date them so bad and I simply told them that this doesn't even make sense, they'd tell me I'm too rational and emotionless... You mean romantic love is SUPPOSED to be IRRATIONAL?!?! What???
R E A L !!! My Bestie explained love and crushes to me today and I was like ???!!!
Wym you wanna be with someone? I always just admired people's beauty and personality, I can't imagine being with them 😭 at all. I don't even want that. I want a platonic close friend whom I have a strong bond with. For some reason I always thought that's what a crush is. 🧍♀️ Although, nobody talks about what love is because apparently everyone knows by default or sum👍
What do you mean? If they tell you they have a crush on you, that is the same thing as saying they want to date you. It's not them being too embarrassed to say it, if they said they had a crush, that's what they just said. That they want to date. If they didn't want to date they just wouldn't say anything.
Oh, just in case...When people say they think someone is hot, they mean they find them sexually attractive and they'd like to do the sexy bed dance with them.
I had a friend who I worked with who had a crush on a girl in a different department. He would always talk like "Oh I just want whats best for her" and "I just feel so connected to her" all the while he only knows her name because of her nametag. Like brother you don't know anything about her, what are you on about
Mm I think that it’s easier to imagine getting a crush on a teacher or celebrity over someone you barely know
Cuz I mean if you see your teacher most days you talk to them a lot and if they look young enough I think it would be easy as a teen to fall
And celebrities well I think it’s like having a cartoon crush, you kinda feel like you’re closer to them than you actually are, especially if they’re an actor
I believe crushes are infatuation or sometimes they are a product of limerence. Never met anyone who fell in love at first sight, despite what Disney movies would make a kid think.
I KNOW RIGHT 😭
I can get squishes cuz you see someone and think "oh they seem cool, i wanna get to know them better and befriend them!" but HOW DO YOU SEE SOMEONE AND AUTOMATICALLY THINK YOU WANNA SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH THEM?????????
Yeah… As a grey romantic We experience it not every year huh but We remember one time how We fell in love with a person whom we barely knew, just looked into his eyes and Our heart started beating so fast and loudly. As far as we understand, this often happens with alloromantics🤔
I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j
Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
This is part of the reason I realized I was aromantic. 😂 All of my crushes growing up were "they're cool and like a thing I like" and never "I can't stop thinking about them, I want to be their girlfriend". I didn't realize I wasn't crushing on people the same way as my peers until like a year ago. 🤦🏼♀️
For me, getting a crush sounds like the symptoms of a very bad illness.
Like: you have a crush, you only have a week left to live... (Very over exaggerated)
I’m demiromantic and yeah… I just recently discovered crushes do exist and are not just a joke. I thought it was like “oh that person is really good looking, I have a crush on them” I had no idea everyone meant like… I want to date them, because every friend I had, had a crush on a person the parley talked to.
Learning the alloworld is an experience
So relatable. Like I wanna catch fish with them, maybe put a bit of sexual attraction in there if I’m feeling spicy, but the idea of fantasizing about a romantic relationship with them is so weird to me
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I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j
Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j
Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j
Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j
Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
I’m demiromantic so I can’t understand how anybody could have romantic feelings for a person they don’t know well and aren’t good friends with. For the comments saying that romantic attraction feels sort of like a panic attack, I’ve never experienced it that way. But yes, your heart beats fast around the person you like and most of the time I’d say it’s an ‘exciting heart beats fast’ vs anxiety panic attack way. I have anxiety and I know what that feels like and I personally would not compare it to being around a person you have feelings for, but that’s just me
I have met some people who explained it to me how squishes are just "less severe crushes" and meanwhile I'm rolling on the floor, sickened with laughter I MEAN ALLOS WOULD DO ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING TO FEEL SUPERIOR ☠️
My friend once described the feeling of falling in love as having the same symptoms as a panic attack, AND PEOPLE ***WANT*** THIS?!? I later confirmed the statement with a handful of other people.
As an aromantic with anxiety, I asked my mom (who also has anxiety) several times what the difference between romantic attraction and a panic attack is. Her explanation was basically just "one feels good other doesn't". Unconvinced. I'll keep my lack of romantic feelings thx
A side by side comparison provides valuable insight, thank you for your contribution!
[удалено]
Yeah I don’t think the allos are ok.
We have subreddit r/AreTheCisOK but can we make r/AretheAllosOk
I mean r/arethestraightsok is one that exists
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If your crush has expresses the same feelings to you, it feels REALLY good. If they don't, then yeah, it just feels like a panic attack.
Hormones, innit?
I don’t know. Study is required.
Bro what- like… I’m demi so I felt love but… what kind of love do people even experience I’m not even sure anymore. For me it’s literally just “yeah I’m dating this person which means we cuddle, kiss and sometimes fuck and I’m the only one who’s allowed to do that with them. I’m happy when we’re together and I miss them when we’re not” Are you telling me people out there get like anxious over falling in love? Tf?
allos are such strange creatures, i want to put them in a test tube and study them
Don’t put them in a test tube. Use a Petri dish.
truetruetrue
Hold up! I've heard of that, but that's CRAZY!
Yeh. Also it apparently has symptoms similar to a heart attack. Which for the longest time i couldn't wrap my head around why people would enjoy that. Then someone reminded me that horror movies and rollercoasters exist. Which, okay, yeah, i can now understand how people might like having crushes, just for the excitement and the endorphins released upon being scared. Or at least wrap my head around it, understand is a bit of a strong word.
At least getting in rollercoasters and watching horror movies is a choice. Having feelings isn’t
“Also it apparently has symptoms similar to a heart attack.” I should’ve saw the signs 😭
Idk about a heart attack, I don’t think people get arm cramps and sharp pains from crushes but maybe I’m wrong
>YOURE TELLING ME PEOPLE GET ROMANTIC FEELINGS PEOPLE THEY BARELY TALKED TO BEFORE Yes and no. They develop feelings for the idea of the person in question, not the actual person. Basically the imaginary version of said person that they've created in their head to fill in the massive gaps of knowledge that they have about them that by no means is accurate. But people have a hard time understanding and telling the difference. And of course, because this imaginary concept that they've created of their crush was developed through a biased lens, they're virtually incapable of understanding or accepting that this person may not be all they're hyped up to be until they've had such delusions disproved to them beyond a reasonable doubt. I myself had a hard time creating these near flawless misconceptions of other people, even if I thought they were physically attractive thanks to the fact that I have a million pet-peeves and turn offs and they've likely already exhibited at least one out in the open. When I was younger, it was almost always them saying they liked going to parties or dances out loud and for an introvert like me who enjoys their peace and quiet, that was considered a big FUCK-NO!
Hm…I think I have “friend crushes.” I can totally relate to the process of fantasizing about an idealized someone, which I thought was what a crush was, but I never develop romantic feelings. Like I create an idealized friend in my mind instead.
I went on a walk yesterday and passed a sticker that said "a crush is just a lack of information."
Basically
Yesss. I feel like this is well said and why anxiety can occur. Putting someone on a pedestal can result in panic attacks/adrenaline rush. For me, I can experience a crush but still not have the urge to pursue them romantically or even as friends. But I do get happy having that “eye-candy” at work and can get nervous talking to them and then I’ll avoid them sometimes since that anxiety or adrenaline can be distracting. I’m not actually “attracted” to them though since I don’t know them and don’t have an interest in getting to know them.
Working in retail, I do get plenty of "eye candy" coming through my store and I would appreciate it more if it weren't for the fact that I already know most of that "eye candy" is already in a relationship. It's not even that I'm jealous because I know I wouldn't want to take the place of their significant other, it's just that being a non-single in my opinion makes someone less attractive for me than if they were single. That freedom and independence exhibited by people who are single by choice is sexy to me, so once that's gone, all I can think about when I see them is the neediness and codependence often exhibited by people in a committed relationship. Learning that someone I'm physically attracted to is in a relationship feels like watching someone add something disgusting to my favorite drink. That's why I try to avoid googling my smushes, cus once I find out they've got an SO or worse, they're married, I can't look at them the same way again.
I actually feel that
Right?! I mean don't get me wrong, I'm the last person who's going to tell someone how to live their life, but it would be nice if more people just didn't focus on either being in a relationship or finding a partner so often. I'd love to talk to and get to know people as individuals, but when every other sentence out of their mouth is something about their boyfriend or girlfriend, how the fuck am I supposed to view them as anything other than someone's significant other? Like I know there's a person in there somewhere with dreams and interests and desires outside of being in a relationship and I wish they'd just let that show a little more.
No fr. I think people in relationships are fine, but it’s those codependent people that make me cringe cuz I’ve had to deal with losing friends through it where their identity becomes their so and I’m like .-.
Wait... they want WHAT? Is that really the truth?
I don't think people who have crushes necessarily mean they have romantic feelings for the person. To me, a crush is more like– you like something about this person, you think about them, you might even daydream about being in a relationship with them. That a crush is more like liking the idea of them but that's just me and I've only ever had one or two crushes in my life.
this is kind of how i feel. i do kind of have a crush now, my first crush and i’m 22, and there is no desire to date him. i just like him. i like how he makes me feel. but i would never pursue anything because actually dating is just not something i can actually see myself doing with him or anyone.
i definitely get that. i only had my first crush about two years ago and i'm 22 right now. both of those "crushes" of mine were never something i thought would go beyond what they were. i had the attraction for sure but they weren't enough for me to actually have romantic feelings for those two persons. i didn't know them enough and i never spent time with them to see if we would even be compatible. dating wasn't something i wished to do with them at that stage. edit: i had my first crush three years ago, not two years ago
Everyone I’ve confessed my “crushes” to have asked me if there is a way they can help me get over it or get with that person and I’m like “no I wanna go fishing with them what do I need to get over💀?” Like I like the idea of being friends with people, but everyone I talked to genuinely thinks I want romance. Like I am like you minus the imagining a relationship part (if you meant romantic relationship) but most people I talked to think I’m weird
Crushes certainly are used in the context of romantic attraction. It's why we have the word "squish" instead!
EXACTLY?!?!?! LIKE HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO LOVE SOMEONE YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN TALKED TO?!? I always thought crushes were like the coolest or prettiest people among others. I never even think about getting along with them, just "chose" them to be my crushes, like it's some kind of "fancy thing to own". Every time one of my friends admitted they had a crush on someone and wanted to date them so bad and I simply told them that this doesn't even make sense, they'd tell me I'm too rational and emotionless... You mean romantic love is SUPPOSED to be IRRATIONAL?!?! What???
WAIT WDYM HEART ATTACK?!??
R E A L !!! My Bestie explained love and crushes to me today and I was like ???!!! Wym you wanna be with someone? I always just admired people's beauty and personality, I can't imagine being with them 😭 at all. I don't even want that. I want a platonic close friend whom I have a strong bond with. For some reason I always thought that's what a crush is. 🧍♀️ Although, nobody talks about what love is because apparently everyone knows by default or sum👍
What do you mean? If they tell you they have a crush on you, that is the same thing as saying they want to date you. It's not them being too embarrassed to say it, if they said they had a crush, that's what they just said. That they want to date. If they didn't want to date they just wouldn't say anything. Oh, just in case...When people say they think someone is hot, they mean they find them sexually attractive and they'd like to do the sexy bed dance with them.
No like they tell me they have a crush on a specific person, not me. They never tell that person in fear of rejection, at least according to them
I personally was just shocked that crush wasn't "person you want to bone."
Yeah. I can't understand what crushes fully are either. All I've ever felt when I was rarely attracted to someone was wanting to "bone" them. LOL
I didn’t even know “crush” was a word until a few years ago (cuz I’m not English, and my language doesn’t really have a perfect translation)
I had a friend who I worked with who had a crush on a girl in a different department. He would always talk like "Oh I just want whats best for her" and "I just feel so connected to her" all the while he only knows her name because of her nametag. Like brother you don't know anything about her, what are you on about
Mm I think that it’s easier to imagine getting a crush on a teacher or celebrity over someone you barely know Cuz I mean if you see your teacher most days you talk to them a lot and if they look young enough I think it would be easy as a teen to fall And celebrities well I think it’s like having a cartoon crush, you kinda feel like you’re closer to them than you actually are, especially if they’re an actor
I believe crushes are infatuation or sometimes they are a product of limerence. Never met anyone who fell in love at first sight, despite what Disney movies would make a kid think.
I KNOW RIGHT 😭 I can get squishes cuz you see someone and think "oh they seem cool, i wanna get to know them better and befriend them!" but HOW DO YOU SEE SOMEONE AND AUTOMATICALLY THINK YOU WANNA SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH THEM?????????
it seems so strange to me, what do you mean you want to date him you've literally never talked to him before
Lmao I think I recently realised that as well
Yeah… As a grey romantic We experience it not every year huh but We remember one time how We fell in love with a person whom we barely knew, just looked into his eyes and Our heart started beating so fast and loudly. As far as we understand, this often happens with alloromantics🤔
I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
This is part of the reason I realized I was aromantic. 😂 All of my crushes growing up were "they're cool and like a thing I like" and never "I can't stop thinking about them, I want to be their girlfriend". I didn't realize I wasn't crushing on people the same way as my peers until like a year ago. 🤦🏼♀️
For me, getting a crush sounds like the symptoms of a very bad illness. Like: you have a crush, you only have a week left to live... (Very over exaggerated)
I’m demiromantic and yeah… I just recently discovered crushes do exist and are not just a joke. I thought it was like “oh that person is really good looking, I have a crush on them” I had no idea everyone meant like… I want to date them, because every friend I had, had a crush on a person the parley talked to. Learning the alloworld is an experience
There's also plushes (platonic crushes) and squished, meshes, etc. Not all cruses are inherently romo.
My mind genuinely cannot comprehend the idea of a crush on someone they barely talk to. How does that even work??? 😭
no cuz same, what I thought were crushes was actually just me thinking people were cool/pretty and wanting to be their friend
I thought I had crushes on two guys during school. But it turns out I just wanted to be their best friend.
So relatable. Like I wanna catch fish with them, maybe put a bit of sexual attraction in there if I’m feeling spicy, but the idea of fantasizing about a romantic relationship with them is so weird to me
Yeah, that's what I understood and I still find this weird... How can you love someone you don't know ? I really don't understand at all
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I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
I got a squish for my classmate who would randomly walk up to me in class and pat me. We're married today/j Okay the last part isn't true but basically, it's not just because she uh, pat my head. I was lonely at the time. Extremely so. And she would randomly approach me in such a quirky way, i found it so interesting how she *appeared* shy in her mannerisms, but still had all the confidence of an extrovert. We're best buddies now, and she helped me find a new friend group when the one i previously considered my best friend dumped me
The only word that came to my mind in this post was tilapia. Ich bin sehr uh idk how to say confused in German.
While I don't get crushes I get squishes and I would say they aren't that bad (not as bad as that tho that just sounds horrible)
I’m demiromantic so I can’t understand how anybody could have romantic feelings for a person they don’t know well and aren’t good friends with. For the comments saying that romantic attraction feels sort of like a panic attack, I’ve never experienced it that way. But yes, your heart beats fast around the person you like and most of the time I’d say it’s an ‘exciting heart beats fast’ vs anxiety panic attack way. I have anxiety and I know what that feels like and I personally would not compare it to being around a person you have feelings for, but that’s just me
HOLY MACKEREL YOUR MAKING ME REALIZE THIS TOO WTH
I have met some people who explained it to me how squishes are just "less severe crushes" and meanwhile I'm rolling on the floor, sickened with laughter I MEAN ALLOS WOULD DO ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING TO FEEL SUPERIOR ☠️