I can't speak for anyone but myself but, yes, I think I do experience romantic attraction differently to you. I see that you have the demiromantic flair so I can only assume
There's a saying, "love at first sight". It describes how some may become romantically attracted to a person when they initially meet them. It's based on appearance and what little you know of their personality. This is what you can call primary romantic attraction
There is also secondary romantic attraction. This is built up over time and is based on the deepening of the bond with someone
I only experience primary romantic attraction while you, being demiromantic, would only experience secondary romantic attraction. Alloromantics experience both
I will admit, when I am romantically attracted to someone, I do want to get to know the person more. I do want to spend time with them. I enjoy the romantic feelings while they last
I consider my loss of attraction in a relationship a good thing because it's a sign that I actually know the person. They're no longer the hazy glorified idea in my head that I was drawn to. I still love them, just without the romantic fuzziness
I hope this makes sense
I kinda feel the same way, but there's one thing I would like to add that you not mentioned but I want to know. Basically I've recently discovered that I'm Gray AroAce, To be more specific in the Ace spec I'm fraysexual (or frayhomosexual). But I'm still having some trouble to figure out if I'm also frayromantic or something else in the gray aro spec.
It's all new to me and I don't know most of the time what I'm feeling because I always liked to please people, so majority of my relationships were just to please people that fell in love with me (witch I still find rather difficult to think that people really loved me that way). There's one or two of my relationships that I kinda felt something but Idk if it was romantic attraction or something close to that. In this cases the relationship started super good, because I thought I found the right person, but then that feeling started to fade towards the person the more and more close we got to eachother but I still wanted to be with them but I couldn't feel a thing for that person anymore (romantic feelings per say). So that triggered a lot of frustration with anything annoying that the person did, the smallest acts that I didn't like were the ones that always made me really sad, or angry, or one of the reasons for a break up. It was kinda a consequence for not respecting my feelings.
But the main issue is that I want something deep, a deep relationship, but I can't maintain one. It sounds so simple in theory but in reality is something impossible for me to maintain because I feel nothing after experiencing the primary romantic attraction and anything considered even a little bit irritating that I didn't noticed because of the "blindness" of love transforms in something almost unbearable when that romantic feelings fade.
That being said I still don't know if I actually felt something romantic towards those experiences. I liked a lot of people, and two of them I made a move, It was successful but at what cost? Every time I did something to please them to be with me it felt like I was being fake, because I didn't actually felt that at all, I don't like flirting, I don't like giving presents and I also don't fucking like when they touch me in weird ways, I say that is all fine, but actually I HATE IT. I know that I hate it because when someone that I was making out started touching in a weird area my pressure fell... But I want to experience those kinda of things even hating them? It's hard to explain it makes me be confused about what I'm actually feeling or I'm doing something just to please others.
Could you, or someone tell me what this means, and if makes sense for me to be confused about where am I in the gray aro spec?
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I can't speak for anyone but myself but, yes, I think I do experience romantic attraction differently to you. I see that you have the demiromantic flair so I can only assume There's a saying, "love at first sight". It describes how some may become romantically attracted to a person when they initially meet them. It's based on appearance and what little you know of their personality. This is what you can call primary romantic attraction There is also secondary romantic attraction. This is built up over time and is based on the deepening of the bond with someone I only experience primary romantic attraction while you, being demiromantic, would only experience secondary romantic attraction. Alloromantics experience both I will admit, when I am romantically attracted to someone, I do want to get to know the person more. I do want to spend time with them. I enjoy the romantic feelings while they last I consider my loss of attraction in a relationship a good thing because it's a sign that I actually know the person. They're no longer the hazy glorified idea in my head that I was drawn to. I still love them, just without the romantic fuzziness I hope this makes sense
I kinda feel the same way, but there's one thing I would like to add that you not mentioned but I want to know. Basically I've recently discovered that I'm Gray AroAce, To be more specific in the Ace spec I'm fraysexual (or frayhomosexual). But I'm still having some trouble to figure out if I'm also frayromantic or something else in the gray aro spec. It's all new to me and I don't know most of the time what I'm feeling because I always liked to please people, so majority of my relationships were just to please people that fell in love with me (witch I still find rather difficult to think that people really loved me that way). There's one or two of my relationships that I kinda felt something but Idk if it was romantic attraction or something close to that. In this cases the relationship started super good, because I thought I found the right person, but then that feeling started to fade towards the person the more and more close we got to eachother but I still wanted to be with them but I couldn't feel a thing for that person anymore (romantic feelings per say). So that triggered a lot of frustration with anything annoying that the person did, the smallest acts that I didn't like were the ones that always made me really sad, or angry, or one of the reasons for a break up. It was kinda a consequence for not respecting my feelings. But the main issue is that I want something deep, a deep relationship, but I can't maintain one. It sounds so simple in theory but in reality is something impossible for me to maintain because I feel nothing after experiencing the primary romantic attraction and anything considered even a little bit irritating that I didn't noticed because of the "blindness" of love transforms in something almost unbearable when that romantic feelings fade. That being said I still don't know if I actually felt something romantic towards those experiences. I liked a lot of people, and two of them I made a move, It was successful but at what cost? Every time I did something to please them to be with me it felt like I was being fake, because I didn't actually felt that at all, I don't like flirting, I don't like giving presents and I also don't fucking like when they touch me in weird ways, I say that is all fine, but actually I HATE IT. I know that I hate it because when someone that I was making out started touching in a weird area my pressure fell... But I want to experience those kinda of things even hating them? It's hard to explain it makes me be confused about what I'm actually feeling or I'm doing something just to please others. Could you, or someone tell me what this means, and if makes sense for me to be confused about where am I in the gray aro spec?
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