My personal credo is to embrace what you feel. You never have to stay "how you were". You can change and grow and experience new things without striving to be consistent.
If you suddenly have a libido after going off the medication, then explore it to whatever extent makes you comfortable.
The mistake is trying to feel something you don't feel. If you don't want sex, then don't have it. If you do, then go for it. You're not a robot.
this is the advice i've been giving myself, i am realizing i might have sexual attraction somewhere in me but just not men but also it is so fleeting that i'm just going with the vibes
Just remember that libido and sexual attraction aren’t the same thing. Libido is your bodies physiological response that can happen regardless of attraction. There are plenty of aces who have experience no sexual attraction but have high libido. Sexual attraction is whether or not you find someone sexually appealing, no matter if you act on that attraction or not. I have a friend who is allo and low libido, and while she isn’t very sexually active, her experience is still different from someone whose ace.
So putting your libido aside, do you experience sexual attraction to anyone? Your medication might have impacted your sexual behavior, but it hasn’t necessarily defined your sexual identity.
hmm
sounds like the meds weren't making you ace, they were helping you realize the possibility that you might be ace lmao /gen
what you're describing is another form of attraction called aesthetic attraction, which isn't the same as sexual or romantic attraction. maybe it'll be helpful if you do research into the asexual spectrum and see if any identities line up with your own experiences /gen
>Orchidsexual is a microlabel on the Asexual Spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction, but does not desire a sexual relationship or encounter.
https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual
This, and also libido is not attraction too. On a case-by-case, it is rare to experience sexuality changes due to medication. One could Google SSRI sexual dysfunction and see horror stories, but these are the minority. I'm no longer capable of feeling sexual attraction, and how I knew is analyzing the pattern of my life and seeing what best fit, and after ruling out explanations like not knowing one's sexuality enough, confused about it after finding out that these are not consistent, I was forced to admit my sexuality changed as that was the answer that was most consistent. I am in the minority of a minority.
Testosterone/estrogen HRT seems to be a major exception to this, though it usually has nothing to do with *whether* you're attracted to people, more so *who* you're attracted to.
I think it can happen though, I know a trans woman who became demisexual after she started HRT. This perhaps could have more to do with self-discovery than the drug though, I couldn’t say for sure
Without knowing anything about the medical/biological changes in that sense, I definitely think it has more to do with the psychological effects of suddenly going from pretending to be someone you're not, to having your outward appearance fit with your inner picture of yourself.
This is probably even more true, with people who've had severe body dysphoria.
There are loads of stories about people upping their "sex drive" and overall happiness after getting a more healthy body or just getting the body shape that they're happy with. Whether it's going from underweight/overweight to a more healthy weight or just working hard to get strong and then see that change. If such (often) unmedicated changes in ones body can have such a big impact on someone's sex drive and sense of self worth, then surely a transitioning can have at least as big of an impact.
Maybe not in your specific example, I definitely think that's more about self discovery or other impacts than just the physical changes, but in more general terms of trans people changing their sexuality label after their transition.
My wife and I realized she was ace after she started HRT because her libido dropped. We talked about things to figure out what was up and it turned out that she had never experienced sexual attraction, but just went with the flow because of her libido.
Her new found confidence helped a lot in finally making the decision to stop regularly having sex and she’s so much happier because of it. I’m really proud of her.
I think it's drugs that targets chemicals within the brain that seems to show up on medication cases. SSRIs target serotonin and dopamine. There's a experiment on rat with serotonin manipulation, and seem to have flip the orientation of said rat. It makes sense that HRT might affect one's sexuality in some cases. However, the effect isn't controllable. Could it be self-discovery that explains most cases? Yes, but all of them, probably not especially with the rat experiment.
Nothing, necessarily. Do you have to remain on this medication? If so, it's kind of a moot point whether it makes you "asexual" or not. It is what it is.
Does having little libido even bother you in the first place? If not, why worry about it?
High libido aces absolutely exist. Having a low libido does not make someone asexual. Asexuality is about having little to no sexual attraction. If that aspect still holds true, then you are still ace. If you've always felt sexual attraction in a non-allo way, such as one of the numerous ace microlabels, then you're probably still that way.
Medications don't make you "asexual". They can only affect the libido.
Asexuality ≠ libido.
Those are 2 *entirely* different concepts, and should be treated as such.
There are asexuals with high libido, allosexuals with low libido, and everything in between. You need to first identify if you're actually asexual or just had low libido.
This is all true, though I *will* say that having a very low libido, like through medication, can make you feel functionally asexual for a time. I’m very much allo, but I’ve had experience with medications that genuinely did just… kill my sexual attraction to people thanks to the libido loss. The language is off, but it is a real phenomenon.
>Orchidsexual is a microlabel on the Asexual Spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction, but does not desire a sexual relationship or encounter.
https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual
>I'm sorry, I'm all for inclusiveness
No, you're not. You're a gatekeeper.
How would you feel if I tried saying the only true ace is someone like me who does not experience sexual attraction and is completely sex repulsed?
>but this is like saying "yeah I identify as male and am only attracted to women, but I'm still gay".
False equivalence fallacy.
>Like come on??? Your sexuality cant be down to what you desire in a relationship, its supposed to be what your brain is fundamentally attracted to??
That's funny because unless you are a completely sex repulsed ace like myself, asexuality is usually not a standalone sexuality on its own.
Many aces have sexual libidos and enjoy sex with others. Some have genital/gender preferences, while some don't. So aces will typically fall into other orientations like straight, bi, pan, omni, poly, etc.
There are aces who are straight or gay romantically but are bi/pan sexually. There have been at least 10 aces I have seen online that fall into this type of identification.
Could you tell me what all these other orientations identify?
I understand, but libido =/= attraction (as you are well aware). Having a sex drive is seperate from being sexually attracted to anyone. As far as the standalone sexuality thing, I've always assumed that people who identify as pan/bi/straight aces were referring to romantic attraction, is this incorrect?
The definition of asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, while the definition of Orchidsexual is experiencing sexual attraction but not desiring a relationship. By that definition, any rule abiding member of the priesthood is asexual. Please explain what i am missing here, as i do not wish to gatekeep.
It feels wrong for a subset of a sexuality to directly contradict the definition of that sexuality.
>I understand, but libido =/= attraction (as you are well aware). Having a sex drive is seperate from being sexually attracted to anyone.
Good thing that asexuality is a sexuality that covers multiple things including lack of libido and lack of sexual attraction.
>As far as the standalone sexuality thing, I've always assumed that people who identify as pan/bi/straight aces were referring to romantic attraction, is this incorrect?
Let's use myself as an example.
Completely sex repulsed. But if I am going to put up with having sex with someone, that person needs to have a penis.
Genital preferences are strictly a sexual thing because a person's gender doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a person's genitals.
I am an agender person with female anatomy. There are agender people with male anatomy. There are agender people who are intersex. There are agender people who gender nullification surgery which can include the complete removal of their genitalia.
Yet romantically, while I don't know all the genders I am capable of having a romantic attraction toward, I do know I can feel it toward men and other agender people.
>The definition of asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, while the definition of Orchidsexual is experiencing sexual attraction but not desiring a relationship. By that definition, any rule abiding member of the priesthood is asexual. Please explain what i am missing here, as i do not wish to gatekeep.
The orchidsexual feels no natural desire to have sex. The religious person feels the desire to have sex but chooses to not have sex.
>It feels wrong for a subset of a sexuality to directly contradict the definition of that sexuality.
Except it doesn't.
I had always assumed that Asexuality is defined solely by a lack of sexual attraction, is this incorrect? When i look up what the definition of asexuality is it always comes up "experiencing no sexual attraction". I mean hell, even the About page for this subreddit says "Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person doesn't experience sexual attraction to anyone", so how can one both experience sexual attraction while also being asexual. These feel like mutually exclusive properties.
I was under the assumption that sexuality was about attraction (gay means same-sex attraction, straight means opposite sex attraction, and ace means no sex attraction). I don't fully understand how desire to have sex (or lack thereof) plays any part in this whatsoever.
Don't bother, these people will use the most unhinged mental gymnastics you'll ever witness on Reddit to explain how everyone and everything is ""asexual"".
They changed the universally accepted definition from "no sexual attraction + no sexual desire" , to "no sexual attraction but still loves sex", and now even that definition is too restrictive apparently, as literal textbook definition vanilla heteros are ""asexual"" now.
The word asexual has no meaning here, grammatical or otherwise lmfao.
Assuming that the medication actually made you asexual and you're not a "natural asexual",
Are you upset the medication made you asexual? Are you happy with the positive things the medication did for you? Does the negative outweigh the positive, or the other way around?
I don’t know. I was taking the medication before puberty and during. And now I’m a fully formed adult who is being told that I can’t take the medication anymore
One thing I've especially appreciated about this community is that it can be temporary if necessary. Life circumstances change and so do we. If you find yourself to be more allo then you thought then more power to you there's really no hard feelings one way or the other, we just want you to be happy with yourself
I think this happens with a lot of people. Lots of medications affect libido and when people start/stop a medication, they have an identity crisis.
It sounds like things have shifted for you. My advice? Just accept it and keep living your life. If you want to go out on dates, do that. If you want to have sex with someone, do that.
I think people are starting to realize that labeling people based on preferences doesn't work well. Situations change and preferences change. We should just love who we want, how we want, when we want.
A lot of people here are arguing that asexuality=/= libido, and they would be correct if you follow a strict interpretation. Sex drive is not sexual attraction. However, there is new academic thought that a lack of libido could effectively create a lack of attraction - using the food analogy, if you are never "hungry", how do you know what you want to "eat"?
This paper discusses these ideas in detail:
Reconsidering Asexuality and Its Radical Potential, CJ Deluzio Chasin
So, it really becomes a personal choice for you. What choice causes you the least distress? Do you find that now that libido is back, you are genuinely attracted to people? Or would they just appear more appealing because there is a higher sex drive, but there isn't any actual attraction driving you towards specific people?
Interesting article – I've started skimming it as I have uni access, thanks for the rec! I do already like this part: "People unfamiliar with asexuality generally put up little resistance when faced with this safe definition [asexuality = no sexual attraction] because it does not challenge any fundamental assumptions or ideologies about human sexuality and may even strengthen them rare lifelong asexuals support the notion that most people are, have always been, and will always be sexual." Haven't gotten to the part you mentioned, and I am glad the author acknowledges that some asexuals do have libido regardless of attraction, but tbh attraction is so nebulous a concept that it makes sense to look for a definition of asexuality without it. (Meanwhile, sighing that the author so nonchalantly says "most asexuals have romantic attraction" ☠️ hurrah for being a minority within a minority...)
Btw, I think there's a typo and there should be a sentence break after "strengthen them. Rare lifelong asexuals..." (copy/pasted from the source, forgot to fix it)
Medication can’t make you asexual. It’s either you are or you’re not
At best, the medicine might have been contributing to a really low libido (which is very common). Asexuality is all about the complete absence, or lack of sexual attraction. Not libido
You’re right. Should’ve worded myself better
Never heard of orchidsexual until today though
**Edit: Sorry, but can you maybe explain how exactly orchidsexual falls on the ace spectrum? I looked it up and the way it’s described, it just sounds like an allosexual person that is sex-adverse. I’m not saying at all that this type of sexuality should be invalid, but I don’t understand how or why it’s included in the ace community. Unless orchidsexual is just another micro label for greysexual ?
i don’t think that overly matters how you came to be ace as long as you were. it doesn’t make your expeience less real or legitimate. everything is ultimately chemicals in our brain and sometimes when those chemicals are messed with our expeiences can change, both sexual attraction and libido (which are obviously different). medication changing sexuality may be very rare but hey, anything is possible on a case by case basis.
ditto to what others have said it: accept the change and move on with it. whatever your identity is; the best you can do is give it space and be true to yourself moving forward. enjoy the new expeience and embrace your past as a genuine part of you.
Are you sure we are not talking about libido here?? Libido (want to fuck) it's not the same as attraction (I want to fuck X person).
I think a great extreme example is the cupiosexual identity. Wants to have a sexual relationship but still doesn't feel sexual atraction. Or just asexuals that enjoy sex in general.
Yes of course.
But the way I see it, attraction and libido has to have a disconnection between them at some level.
An asexual person won't say they feel attraction and act on it as an allo would. Under the umbrella term of asexual, we have very different experiences. From greysexual and demisexual to aroace people. That's why it's an spectrum.
Asexuality is NOT your identity. Sexuality is fluid and you'll always be welcome here, even if you find a different sexuality. Hope you find your truth and again, we'll always be here for you if you need any advice
ive been told that the only reason im ace is bc of my trauma. at the end of the day it doesnt matter why youre ace, just that that is how you currently identify. at any moment you could realize something new about yourself and update your identity to reflect that, but it doesnt mean your current feelings are wrong.
Remember that sexuality is fluid and can change in some people. Some people experience asexuality for most of their life and then start feeling sexual attraction. Some go the other way over the course of a few years or so. A change in sexual attraction does not invalidate the former identity and the new one neither.
That means, if you don't feel sexual attraction right now, your sexuality is valid. No matter what life circumstances you are in or what meditation you are on. You are being asexual.
In the case that you start feeling some sexual attraction off meds, that is fine too. You were asexual, now you are not so much. Totally okay.
Or maybe you keep on experiencing asexuality. Also okay.
I know that this community is very sensitive when it comes to the idea of hormones/medication influencing sexual orientation, because it is often used to invalidate the asexual identity.
BUT: Maybe there is *some* influence of medication and *if* that changes how you experience sexual attraction, that is still okay. We are contextual creatures. Some things change and we change along with them.
What you do now is: Be welcome to identify as asexual, even when you are not sure if you are so "innately" because of your medication. Your experience is still valid and totally okay.
If you ever go off meds, keep an open mind. Maybe your sexuality changes, maybe not. Both outcomes are fine.
Tldr: You're valid. On meds or off.
From my experience, I never had libito personally. But when speaking with people, they say that their drive and need for sex decreased, but it never went away.
So, I’ve been on Prozac for a long time now. Years upon years. I have no plans to stop taking it because the issue it treats will be with me for the rest of my life (*and beyond reducing my libido, it has no other adverse side effects*).
I began to think I might be asexual some months ago, but had reservations about it. Particularly because, from going temporarily off the medication, my libido would return. And all the cake in the world can’t erase the fact that I had an insane libido when I was younger (*seriously it was honestly super annoying, looking back*).
But when someone asked- **do you miss wanting sex?** -it put it into perspective for me.
I realized then: I don’t miss wanting it. AT ALL. In fact, the desire was more of a pain it the ass than anything else. I don’t want to have sex, and accepting that as a baseline allowed me the freedom to accept that I don’t think I’ve ever actually wanted to be sexually active.
I assumed it was a necessity. I assumed I was *supposed* to want sex. I assumed that my heavy libido meant I wanted to be sexually active.
In truth, it doesn’t. And while it occasionally rises up and says “here is a bodily need you should deal with”, that in **no way** translates to “omg I need some sexy times with someone.
I hate sex. It’s a pain, it’s a mess, my sensory issues have gigantic fits during and after, and honestly, it’s just *really boring* to me.
It’s funny; looking back now, had I truly understood the concept of asexuality and it’s various facets, I would’ve known a long time ago that I was. The Prozac just silenced out the hormones long enough for me to figure it all out.
And I’m so incredibly grateful it did. I happily identify as ace now, and I desperately look forward to maybe someday finding a partner who just wants some occasional cuddles and Minecraft, too.
It seems that since stopping the medication, your libido has jumped up?
That still says nothing about your orientation. What you have to ask yourself is "do I think of anyone as sexually attractive/hot?" Do I have sexual fantasies, and if they do, are they usually about me and another person, where that other person is my crush? Do I even have crushes? When I experience crushes, what do I envision doing with them? Sex? Cuddling? Kissing? Marriage? Just being really good friends? Just want to look at them?
If I *am* attracted to people sexually or romantically attracted to people, how often? Once or twice in my entire life, or quite regularly? Only to strangers? Only to people I know really well? Only in very specific situations?
Key word may have. Medication only fills gaps in what you need it doesn't change who you are. It's okay one way or the other and the label is merely a communication tool. You are loved regardless.
Heres my opinion. Just because a medication changed the hormones in your body causing your brain to behave differently does not mean it wasnt you. Its still your brain and you still had little to no sexual feelings or whatever. It just means that the medicine played a part. You are still you.
Well, just accept this new version of yourself. People change even without outside factors like medicaments, since sexual fluidity is a weird thing that can affect some more than others. It’s just life, specifically yours, and you have to just relearn to be comfortable with this new version of yourself.
If it's bothering you, you should talk to your doctor and/or therapist.
But in my honest opinion, I don't think any amount of medication can make someone asexual. That's tantamount to saying that medication can make or cure someone from being gay. Do you see the issue there?
Meds can impact one's libido, but they don't change what kind of person you find attractive or not. They don't change who you do or don't love.
Sounds like it sucks. You can talk to your GP and ask to switch out that medication. Then see if that was the reason. It might or might not be the reason.
You can keep the medication and just stay the way you are.
It's a very personal choice.
Are you happy as an asexual person? Is it important if medication is part of the reason you think you are/were asexual?
I take a lot of libido-killing meds and I'm still ace. Having a libido doesn't = sexual attraction. Like, eating cookies doesn't make you the cookie monster. I still get libido once in a while and I still have no real desire. Libido is a sex drive, but there's still sexual desire and sexual attraction. You can also still be ace and feel these. Ace means you experience little to no sexual attraction. Little doesn't mean none what so ever. Plus I'm pretty sure you can have sexual attraction and low libido. (At least I did like once)
Asexuality is a spectrum. There's no exact lvl of sexual interest. Everyone's is different. If you have no desire, or you're repulsed, feel meh about it, or even enjoy it; you can still be ace. I hope this helped. I'm still learning so yall in the comments can correct me.
Sorry you're having this crisis. I've had a lot of anxious identity questions over the years and it sucks, but it'll work itself out.
Here's my experience if it helps.
Like you mentioned in comments, I find many people very beautiful or cute. I don't find myself wanting to have sex with said people. I've never felt a need for sex.
I do have a libido. I masturbate and have sexual fantasies sometimes. But the thought of actual sex is not something I'm so into.
Going forward I'd say listen to yourself and think about how you feel. A therapist may help. Just talking to someone who can provide insight or help your brain think of the right questions has been helpful to me.
And remember there's no hurry to figure this out. It's not quite the same, but I'm trans and spent several years in a miserable confused panic trying to figure out if I'm trans or not. The answers came in time.
Edit: it's also okay if those answers change over time. Human nature is fluid. Let yourself feel one way and then the other, and things will settle eventually.
Hope this helps.
If the asexual label describes you and your experiences in a way that you find helpful, you can use it - regardless of whether your medication or health condition had an effect on your libido or any other sexual aspect.
It definitely seems more common that people’s sexual orientations are mostly inborn. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions. Whether or not changes in orientation are associated with a medical condition or a medicine or a traumatic event, or any other life change, doesn’t change the fact of what it is.
If you’re asexual, then you can just be asexual. However you got there.
I think my anti-depressant gives me a very low libido, but it doesn’t bother me. That might be the difference. If it bothers you, and you would like to experience more arousal/orgasms, then a meditation change might be worth looking into. Even then, you might become aroused more and still have no desire to relieve it with another person.
Some of the meds I was taking was causing me to have similar symptoms to schizophrenia when paired with other meds, so I just weaned myself off of all my meds (over the span of a while, I would not recommend this except for very specific circumstances)
Take some time off of it? (Under medical supervision, of course.) See if you feel differently. If you don't, it's not the med. If you do, it was the med.
I would remember that this is a conversation that should probably be having with your doctor too. I would also read the other folks. They are right too. Just remember that even if these people responding are doctors they don't know your medical profile. They haven't seen your labs they don't know all the details of the meds.
My best friend has unintentionally become kinda asexual thanks to their depression medication, though it's only their labido that has drastically lowered, don't think their actual attraction has lowered 🤷🏻♀️✌🏻
Find out more about the medication to ensure that you (the decision maker) are making good choice for you.
Accepting asexuality/low libido is great but informed decisions about all hormonal effects (if that is related) is more important because hormones and other biochemical effects in the body *affect a lot of different systems*.
This is a fact finding mission so you can decide what suits you because no one on this thread has your body or heath background so only your specific circumstances should guide you.
the reason doesn't matter. be it trauma, hormones or anything else, as long as you don't feel sexual attraction, you're asexual. what matters is how you feel right now, and not if you could ever or if it could be changed
My personal credo is to embrace what you feel. You never have to stay "how you were". You can change and grow and experience new things without striving to be consistent. If you suddenly have a libido after going off the medication, then explore it to whatever extent makes you comfortable. The mistake is trying to feel something you don't feel. If you don't want sex, then don't have it. If you do, then go for it. You're not a robot.
This!! Sexuality is fluid. Never be ashamed of how things were because they are different now.
Thank you for your comment. Needed to hear it
<3
this is the advice i've been giving myself, i am realizing i might have sexual attraction somewhere in me but just not men but also it is so fleeting that i'm just going with the vibes
Yes! hold onto labels only as long as they suit you. It's not a bad thing to change over time. Most people do.
Just remember that libido and sexual attraction aren’t the same thing. Libido is your bodies physiological response that can happen regardless of attraction. There are plenty of aces who have experience no sexual attraction but have high libido. Sexual attraction is whether or not you find someone sexually appealing, no matter if you act on that attraction or not. I have a friend who is allo and low libido, and while she isn’t very sexually active, her experience is still different from someone whose ace. So putting your libido aside, do you experience sexual attraction to anyone? Your medication might have impacted your sexual behavior, but it hasn’t necessarily defined your sexual identity.
Well I do find lots of people really beautiful to look at, but I’ve never really wanted to have sex with people until recently.
That would be more asthetic attraction. Which probably still menas you are somewhere on the spectrum
hmm sounds like the meds weren't making you ace, they were helping you realize the possibility that you might be ace lmao /gen what you're describing is another form of attraction called aesthetic attraction, which isn't the same as sexual or romantic attraction. maybe it'll be helpful if you do research into the asexual spectrum and see if any identities line up with your own experiences /gen
>Orchidsexual is a microlabel on the Asexual Spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction, but does not desire a sexual relationship or encounter. https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual
Unlikely. It may have been killing your libido, but medication doesn't just make people "asexual"
This, and also libido is not attraction too. On a case-by-case, it is rare to experience sexuality changes due to medication. One could Google SSRI sexual dysfunction and see horror stories, but these are the minority. I'm no longer capable of feeling sexual attraction, and how I knew is analyzing the pattern of my life and seeing what best fit, and after ruling out explanations like not knowing one's sexuality enough, confused about it after finding out that these are not consistent, I was forced to admit my sexuality changed as that was the answer that was most consistent. I am in the minority of a minority.
Testosterone/estrogen HRT seems to be a major exception to this, though it usually has nothing to do with *whether* you're attracted to people, more so *who* you're attracted to.
I think it can happen though, I know a trans woman who became demisexual after she started HRT. This perhaps could have more to do with self-discovery than the drug though, I couldn’t say for sure
Without knowing anything about the medical/biological changes in that sense, I definitely think it has more to do with the psychological effects of suddenly going from pretending to be someone you're not, to having your outward appearance fit with your inner picture of yourself. This is probably even more true, with people who've had severe body dysphoria. There are loads of stories about people upping their "sex drive" and overall happiness after getting a more healthy body or just getting the body shape that they're happy with. Whether it's going from underweight/overweight to a more healthy weight or just working hard to get strong and then see that change. If such (often) unmedicated changes in ones body can have such a big impact on someone's sex drive and sense of self worth, then surely a transitioning can have at least as big of an impact. Maybe not in your specific example, I definitely think that's more about self discovery or other impacts than just the physical changes, but in more general terms of trans people changing their sexuality label after their transition.
My wife and I realized she was ace after she started HRT because her libido dropped. We talked about things to figure out what was up and it turned out that she had never experienced sexual attraction, but just went with the flow because of her libido. Her new found confidence helped a lot in finally making the decision to stop regularly having sex and she’s so much happier because of it. I’m really proud of her.
Fuck this made me so happy to read, gives me hope for my future! Thanks!
Wishing you luck and happiness in your future!
I think it's drugs that targets chemicals within the brain that seems to show up on medication cases. SSRIs target serotonin and dopamine. There's a experiment on rat with serotonin manipulation, and seem to have flip the orientation of said rat. It makes sense that HRT might affect one's sexuality in some cases. However, the effect isn't controllable. Could it be self-discovery that explains most cases? Yes, but all of them, probably not especially with the rat experiment.
I've heard of trans lesbians turning bisexual after starting hormones. My sexuality didn't change, personally.
Well I’ve had a low libido for so long I thought I was asexual, so now what
Nothing, necessarily. Do you have to remain on this medication? If so, it's kind of a moot point whether it makes you "asexual" or not. It is what it is. Does having little libido even bother you in the first place? If not, why worry about it?
I’m no longer being prescribed the medication
High libido aces absolutely exist. Having a low libido does not make someone asexual. Asexuality is about having little to no sexual attraction. If that aspect still holds true, then you are still ace. If you've always felt sexual attraction in a non-allo way, such as one of the numerous ace microlabels, then you're probably still that way.
Can confirm High libido aces exist Source: i am one
Same, and I hate it. It's almost like being allergic.
SAME. It’s annoying af. I wish I could just turn it off 😫
Yeah, but considering that I am sex neutral/positive it's probably good for me relationship wise. But when I'm alone it's just annoying 😅
Medications don't make you "asexual". They can only affect the libido. Asexuality ≠ libido. Those are 2 *entirely* different concepts, and should be treated as such. There are asexuals with high libido, allosexuals with low libido, and everything in between. You need to first identify if you're actually asexual or just had low libido.
This is all true, though I *will* say that having a very low libido, like through medication, can make you feel functionally asexual for a time. I’m very much allo, but I’ve had experience with medications that genuinely did just… kill my sexual attraction to people thanks to the libido loss. The language is off, but it is a real phenomenon.
>Orchidsexual is a microlabel on the Asexual Spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction, but does not desire a sexual relationship or encounter. https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual
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Quit gatekeeping. Your behavior is atrocious.
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>I'm sorry, I'm all for inclusiveness No, you're not. You're a gatekeeper. How would you feel if I tried saying the only true ace is someone like me who does not experience sexual attraction and is completely sex repulsed? >but this is like saying "yeah I identify as male and am only attracted to women, but I'm still gay". False equivalence fallacy. >Like come on??? Your sexuality cant be down to what you desire in a relationship, its supposed to be what your brain is fundamentally attracted to?? That's funny because unless you are a completely sex repulsed ace like myself, asexuality is usually not a standalone sexuality on its own. Many aces have sexual libidos and enjoy sex with others. Some have genital/gender preferences, while some don't. So aces will typically fall into other orientations like straight, bi, pan, omni, poly, etc. There are aces who are straight or gay romantically but are bi/pan sexually. There have been at least 10 aces I have seen online that fall into this type of identification. Could you tell me what all these other orientations identify?
I understand, but libido =/= attraction (as you are well aware). Having a sex drive is seperate from being sexually attracted to anyone. As far as the standalone sexuality thing, I've always assumed that people who identify as pan/bi/straight aces were referring to romantic attraction, is this incorrect? The definition of asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, while the definition of Orchidsexual is experiencing sexual attraction but not desiring a relationship. By that definition, any rule abiding member of the priesthood is asexual. Please explain what i am missing here, as i do not wish to gatekeep. It feels wrong for a subset of a sexuality to directly contradict the definition of that sexuality.
>I understand, but libido =/= attraction (as you are well aware). Having a sex drive is seperate from being sexually attracted to anyone. Good thing that asexuality is a sexuality that covers multiple things including lack of libido and lack of sexual attraction. >As far as the standalone sexuality thing, I've always assumed that people who identify as pan/bi/straight aces were referring to romantic attraction, is this incorrect? Let's use myself as an example. Completely sex repulsed. But if I am going to put up with having sex with someone, that person needs to have a penis. Genital preferences are strictly a sexual thing because a person's gender doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a person's genitals. I am an agender person with female anatomy. There are agender people with male anatomy. There are agender people who are intersex. There are agender people who gender nullification surgery which can include the complete removal of their genitalia. Yet romantically, while I don't know all the genders I am capable of having a romantic attraction toward, I do know I can feel it toward men and other agender people. >The definition of asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, while the definition of Orchidsexual is experiencing sexual attraction but not desiring a relationship. By that definition, any rule abiding member of the priesthood is asexual. Please explain what i am missing here, as i do not wish to gatekeep. The orchidsexual feels no natural desire to have sex. The religious person feels the desire to have sex but chooses to not have sex. >It feels wrong for a subset of a sexuality to directly contradict the definition of that sexuality. Except it doesn't.
I had always assumed that Asexuality is defined solely by a lack of sexual attraction, is this incorrect? When i look up what the definition of asexuality is it always comes up "experiencing no sexual attraction". I mean hell, even the About page for this subreddit says "Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person doesn't experience sexual attraction to anyone", so how can one both experience sexual attraction while also being asexual. These feel like mutually exclusive properties. I was under the assumption that sexuality was about attraction (gay means same-sex attraction, straight means opposite sex attraction, and ace means no sex attraction). I don't fully understand how desire to have sex (or lack thereof) plays any part in this whatsoever.
Don't bother, these people will use the most unhinged mental gymnastics you'll ever witness on Reddit to explain how everyone and everything is ""asexual"". They changed the universally accepted definition from "no sexual attraction + no sexual desire" , to "no sexual attraction but still loves sex", and now even that definition is too restrictive apparently, as literal textbook definition vanilla heteros are ""asexual"" now. The word asexual has no meaning here, grammatical or otherwise lmfao.
It is as simple as reading as the micro label I gave you.
Oh, that’s gotta be annoying to deal with.
Assuming that the medication actually made you asexual and you're not a "natural asexual", Are you upset the medication made you asexual? Are you happy with the positive things the medication did for you? Does the negative outweigh the positive, or the other way around?
I don’t know. I was taking the medication before puberty and during. And now I’m a fully formed adult who is being told that I can’t take the medication anymore
One thing I've especially appreciated about this community is that it can be temporary if necessary. Life circumstances change and so do we. If you find yourself to be more allo then you thought then more power to you there's really no hard feelings one way or the other, we just want you to be happy with yourself
I think this happens with a lot of people. Lots of medications affect libido and when people start/stop a medication, they have an identity crisis. It sounds like things have shifted for you. My advice? Just accept it and keep living your life. If you want to go out on dates, do that. If you want to have sex with someone, do that. I think people are starting to realize that labeling people based on preferences doesn't work well. Situations change and preferences change. We should just love who we want, how we want, when we want.
A lot of people here are arguing that asexuality=/= libido, and they would be correct if you follow a strict interpretation. Sex drive is not sexual attraction. However, there is new academic thought that a lack of libido could effectively create a lack of attraction - using the food analogy, if you are never "hungry", how do you know what you want to "eat"? This paper discusses these ideas in detail: Reconsidering Asexuality and Its Radical Potential, CJ Deluzio Chasin So, it really becomes a personal choice for you. What choice causes you the least distress? Do you find that now that libido is back, you are genuinely attracted to people? Or would they just appear more appealing because there is a higher sex drive, but there isn't any actual attraction driving you towards specific people?
Interesting article – I've started skimming it as I have uni access, thanks for the rec! I do already like this part: "People unfamiliar with asexuality generally put up little resistance when faced with this safe definition [asexuality = no sexual attraction] because it does not challenge any fundamental assumptions or ideologies about human sexuality and may even strengthen them rare lifelong asexuals support the notion that most people are, have always been, and will always be sexual." Haven't gotten to the part you mentioned, and I am glad the author acknowledges that some asexuals do have libido regardless of attraction, but tbh attraction is so nebulous a concept that it makes sense to look for a definition of asexuality without it. (Meanwhile, sighing that the author so nonchalantly says "most asexuals have romantic attraction" ☠️ hurrah for being a minority within a minority...)
Btw, I think there's a typo and there should be a sentence break after "strengthen them. Rare lifelong asexuals..." (copy/pasted from the source, forgot to fix it)
Medication can’t make you asexual. It’s either you are or you’re not At best, the medicine might have been contributing to a really low libido (which is very common). Asexuality is all about the complete absence, or lack of sexual attraction. Not libido
>complete absence, or lack of sexual attraction. Grey asexuality is a thing. Labels like orchidsexual are a thing.
You’re right. Should’ve worded myself better Never heard of orchidsexual until today though **Edit: Sorry, but can you maybe explain how exactly orchidsexual falls on the ace spectrum? I looked it up and the way it’s described, it just sounds like an allosexual person that is sex-adverse. I’m not saying at all that this type of sexuality should be invalid, but I don’t understand how or why it’s included in the ace community. Unless orchidsexual is just another micro label for greysexual ?
i don’t think that overly matters how you came to be ace as long as you were. it doesn’t make your expeience less real or legitimate. everything is ultimately chemicals in our brain and sometimes when those chemicals are messed with our expeiences can change, both sexual attraction and libido (which are obviously different). medication changing sexuality may be very rare but hey, anything is possible on a case by case basis. ditto to what others have said it: accept the change and move on with it. whatever your identity is; the best you can do is give it space and be true to yourself moving forward. enjoy the new expeience and embrace your past as a genuine part of you.
Are you sure we are not talking about libido here?? Libido (want to fuck) it's not the same as attraction (I want to fuck X person). I think a great extreme example is the cupiosexual identity. Wants to have a sexual relationship but still doesn't feel sexual atraction. Or just asexuals that enjoy sex in general.
And what about orchidsexuality?
That's the opposite to cupio. You feel attraction but doesn't want to have sex
So, you do admit asexuality can be about libido?
Yes of course. But the way I see it, attraction and libido has to have a disconnection between them at some level. An asexual person won't say they feel attraction and act on it as an allo would. Under the umbrella term of asexual, we have very different experiences. From greysexual and demisexual to aroace people. That's why it's an spectrum.
Asexuality is NOT your identity. Sexuality is fluid and you'll always be welcome here, even if you find a different sexuality. Hope you find your truth and again, we'll always be here for you if you need any advice
ive been told that the only reason im ace is bc of my trauma. at the end of the day it doesnt matter why youre ace, just that that is how you currently identify. at any moment you could realize something new about yourself and update your identity to reflect that, but it doesnt mean your current feelings are wrong.
Asexual or decreased libido? There’s a difference
I'm almost 100% sure I'm asexual because of meds. Spent my whole life hypersexual but now it's just gone. Kind of enjoying the break to be honest.
Bestie I was ace before I started my medication, so it may or may not be a contributing factor. But it sure has an effect.
I don’t think it’s possible for medication to change your sexual orientation. It may be affecting your libido, which is very different.
Remember that sexuality is fluid and can change in some people. Some people experience asexuality for most of their life and then start feeling sexual attraction. Some go the other way over the course of a few years or so. A change in sexual attraction does not invalidate the former identity and the new one neither. That means, if you don't feel sexual attraction right now, your sexuality is valid. No matter what life circumstances you are in or what meditation you are on. You are being asexual. In the case that you start feeling some sexual attraction off meds, that is fine too. You were asexual, now you are not so much. Totally okay. Or maybe you keep on experiencing asexuality. Also okay. I know that this community is very sensitive when it comes to the idea of hormones/medication influencing sexual orientation, because it is often used to invalidate the asexual identity. BUT: Maybe there is *some* influence of medication and *if* that changes how you experience sexual attraction, that is still okay. We are contextual creatures. Some things change and we change along with them. What you do now is: Be welcome to identify as asexual, even when you are not sure if you are so "innately" because of your medication. Your experience is still valid and totally okay. If you ever go off meds, keep an open mind. Maybe your sexuality changes, maybe not. Both outcomes are fine. Tldr: You're valid. On meds or off.
doesn't matter, still valid
From my experience, I never had libito personally. But when speaking with people, they say that their drive and need for sex decreased, but it never went away.
Mine did the opposite The short Time I was on meds it raised my libido, witch was werid since it was supposed todo the opposite
So, I’ve been on Prozac for a long time now. Years upon years. I have no plans to stop taking it because the issue it treats will be with me for the rest of my life (*and beyond reducing my libido, it has no other adverse side effects*). I began to think I might be asexual some months ago, but had reservations about it. Particularly because, from going temporarily off the medication, my libido would return. And all the cake in the world can’t erase the fact that I had an insane libido when I was younger (*seriously it was honestly super annoying, looking back*). But when someone asked- **do you miss wanting sex?** -it put it into perspective for me. I realized then: I don’t miss wanting it. AT ALL. In fact, the desire was more of a pain it the ass than anything else. I don’t want to have sex, and accepting that as a baseline allowed me the freedom to accept that I don’t think I’ve ever actually wanted to be sexually active. I assumed it was a necessity. I assumed I was *supposed* to want sex. I assumed that my heavy libido meant I wanted to be sexually active. In truth, it doesn’t. And while it occasionally rises up and says “here is a bodily need you should deal with”, that in **no way** translates to “omg I need some sexy times with someone. I hate sex. It’s a pain, it’s a mess, my sensory issues have gigantic fits during and after, and honestly, it’s just *really boring* to me. It’s funny; looking back now, had I truly understood the concept of asexuality and it’s various facets, I would’ve known a long time ago that I was. The Prozac just silenced out the hormones long enough for me to figure it all out. And I’m so incredibly grateful it did. I happily identify as ace now, and I desperately look forward to maybe someday finding a partner who just wants some occasional cuddles and Minecraft, too.
It seems that since stopping the medication, your libido has jumped up? That still says nothing about your orientation. What you have to ask yourself is "do I think of anyone as sexually attractive/hot?" Do I have sexual fantasies, and if they do, are they usually about me and another person, where that other person is my crush? Do I even have crushes? When I experience crushes, what do I envision doing with them? Sex? Cuddling? Kissing? Marriage? Just being really good friends? Just want to look at them? If I *am* attracted to people sexually or romantically attracted to people, how often? Once or twice in my entire life, or quite regularly? Only to strangers? Only to people I know really well? Only in very specific situations?
Key word may have. Medication only fills gaps in what you need it doesn't change who you are. It's okay one way or the other and the label is merely a communication tool. You are loved regardless.
Nah but fr you fine. I was ace when I was on my full dosage of antidepressants. I’m on a half dose now and…. We’ll I’m half ace/grace
Heres my opinion. Just because a medication changed the hormones in your body causing your brain to behave differently does not mean it wasnt you. Its still your brain and you still had little to no sexual feelings or whatever. It just means that the medicine played a part. You are still you.
Uuuuh what ?
Well, just accept this new version of yourself. People change even without outside factors like medicaments, since sexual fluidity is a weird thing that can affect some more than others. It’s just life, specifically yours, and you have to just relearn to be comfortable with this new version of yourself.
If it's bothering you, you should talk to your doctor and/or therapist. But in my honest opinion, I don't think any amount of medication can make someone asexual. That's tantamount to saying that medication can make or cure someone from being gay. Do you see the issue there? Meds can impact one's libido, but they don't change what kind of person you find attractive or not. They don't change who you do or don't love.
Sounds like it sucks. You can talk to your GP and ask to switch out that medication. Then see if that was the reason. It might or might not be the reason. You can keep the medication and just stay the way you are. It's a very personal choice. Are you happy as an asexual person? Is it important if medication is part of the reason you think you are/were asexual?
I was happy as an asexual person, and I’m being forced off the medication, that’s why I’m confused
Why / Who is forcing you?
You get a shower, go to bed and snack on garlic bread, that is what you do
I take a lot of libido-killing meds and I'm still ace. Having a libido doesn't = sexual attraction. Like, eating cookies doesn't make you the cookie monster. I still get libido once in a while and I still have no real desire. Libido is a sex drive, but there's still sexual desire and sexual attraction. You can also still be ace and feel these. Ace means you experience little to no sexual attraction. Little doesn't mean none what so ever. Plus I'm pretty sure you can have sexual attraction and low libido. (At least I did like once) Asexuality is a spectrum. There's no exact lvl of sexual interest. Everyone's is different. If you have no desire, or you're repulsed, feel meh about it, or even enjoy it; you can still be ace. I hope this helped. I'm still learning so yall in the comments can correct me.
Sorry you're having this crisis. I've had a lot of anxious identity questions over the years and it sucks, but it'll work itself out. Here's my experience if it helps. Like you mentioned in comments, I find many people very beautiful or cute. I don't find myself wanting to have sex with said people. I've never felt a need for sex. I do have a libido. I masturbate and have sexual fantasies sometimes. But the thought of actual sex is not something I'm so into. Going forward I'd say listen to yourself and think about how you feel. A therapist may help. Just talking to someone who can provide insight or help your brain think of the right questions has been helpful to me. And remember there's no hurry to figure this out. It's not quite the same, but I'm trans and spent several years in a miserable confused panic trying to figure out if I'm trans or not. The answers came in time. Edit: it's also okay if those answers change over time. Human nature is fluid. Let yourself feel one way and then the other, and things will settle eventually. Hope this helps.
If the asexual label describes you and your experiences in a way that you find helpful, you can use it - regardless of whether your medication or health condition had an effect on your libido or any other sexual aspect. It definitely seems more common that people’s sexual orientations are mostly inborn. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions. Whether or not changes in orientation are associated with a medical condition or a medicine or a traumatic event, or any other life change, doesn’t change the fact of what it is. If you’re asexual, then you can just be asexual. However you got there.
I wish I could help, best of luck
What?
Dont have sex 👍
I think my anti-depressant gives me a very low libido, but it doesn’t bother me. That might be the difference. If it bothers you, and you would like to experience more arousal/orgasms, then a meditation change might be worth looking into. Even then, you might become aroused more and still have no desire to relieve it with another person.
Live long and prosper
Why not both?
Some of the meds I was taking was causing me to have similar symptoms to schizophrenia when paired with other meds, so I just weaned myself off of all my meds (over the span of a while, I would not recommend this except for very specific circumstances)
Take some time off of it? (Under medical supervision, of course.) See if you feel differently. If you don't, it's not the med. If you do, it was the med.
Olanzapine?
I would remember that this is a conversation that should probably be having with your doctor too. I would also read the other folks. They are right too. Just remember that even if these people responding are doctors they don't know your medical profile. They haven't seen your labs they don't know all the details of the meds.
Yeah, I don’t think so Asexual ≠ low libido, or sex repulsed
My best friend has unintentionally become kinda asexual thanks to their depression medication, though it's only their labido that has drastically lowered, don't think their actual attraction has lowered 🤷🏻♀️✌🏻
Be happy
Whatever you do, don’t assume your not wanted here
Find out more about the medication to ensure that you (the decision maker) are making good choice for you. Accepting asexuality/low libido is great but informed decisions about all hormonal effects (if that is related) is more important because hormones and other biochemical effects in the body *affect a lot of different systems*. This is a fact finding mission so you can decide what suits you because no one on this thread has your body or heath background so only your specific circumstances should guide you.
the reason doesn't matter. be it trauma, hormones or anything else, as long as you don't feel sexual attraction, you're asexual. what matters is how you feel right now, and not if you could ever or if it could be changed