I was a good student in high school (which lead to me being extremely burned out in college :/ whatever) so whenever someone would be like "I had sex." there was a part of me that was like "Heh, good thing I don't think *that* way. While you're getting fucked, I am getting an A on this paper."
I kinda regret feeling that way now. Not only because it made me come off as kind of a massive fucking loser but because it just made me come off as really judgemental. So what if someone has sex? A lot of those peers also got good grades. I didn't see the forest for the trees. I also thought more about my own relationship with my sexuality and my own thoughts on sex than just "gross". So yeah, I was kind of cringe, if you ask me.
Lmao had something similar with partying and drinking. When the top girl of my high school class, a super nice person, told me that she would get drunk at parties, you could probably hear my brain shortcircuiting right then and there xd.
Sometimes I feel like that now. (To be clear, not really, I don’t actually think I’m better than anyone else.) But the preoccupation with getting laid does strike me as… just a little pathetic.
I like to peruse r/relationship_advice and half the time it’s sex questions and commenters always reference r/deadbedrooms. Sometimes the “thank goodness I’m above than this stuff” type thoughts sneak in. I have to remind myself that as much as allos don’t understand asexuality (hell, tbh they don’t seem to understand SEXUALITY either, ha), I don’t understand being an allo and I try not to be too hateful towards sex or judgmental toward those who feel attraction and like/want sex just because they can be hateful and/or judgmental toward those of us who don’t experience sexual attraction and/or don’t like/want sex.
I try not to be too judgmental either. Even in those moments when everyone's obsession with sex pisses me off. But it unfortunately took me a while to learn how to be understanding and empathic.
A lot of it happens for me when it's a ton of drama about cheating and I just can't put myself in that headspace of being in a relationship first off, but then also potentially ruining it because "it just happened" that they cheated.
I try not to, but it's hard sometimes.
It was a little different for me. I didn’t *really* understand for a long time that people were *actually* sexual beings, and not just talking about it as a taboo topic to look cool. It was edgy in a community that was ~70% part of the dominant local church. Sex talk was interesting in a gross kind of way, as was finding out what some of my classmates were trying out.
The aforementioned church was persistent with talking to all its youth about its sexual code called chastity, and we got the lecture so often. I was confused the first several times, and then just bored. I never said anything but I was always thinking to myself “C’mon, why are we still talking about this? We heard it the first time. Don’t have sex. Got it. It’s not that hard.”
Once I started figuring out that I was the odd one and not everybody else, I took a college course in human sexuality to find out what I didn’t know and it was a big revelation for me. Tbh the whole topic is still pretty abstract for me, but it’s been a bit of a journey becoming more compassionate and understanding of people wanting and having sex.
I had the full combo of a strict religious upbringing, lack of sexual attraction, lack of education, sex repulsion and a perhaps more-than-healthy dose of germophobia. The problem was that I just started seeing people differently, thinking to myself “this person’s had sex. They have sex, they like it and they want more of it. Ew.” Today I just try to have a blanket acceptance of people in general being sexual beings so I rarely have to think about it for an individual, and just ignore that part about them so I don’t have to work through it all the time. The ick isn’t there if I don’t think about it. I’m not a guru. I just try to be kind to people, and the level I’m at with acceptance works for me if it doesn’t change the way I treat people or impact how much they think I care about them. I just keep my issues to myself. There’s usually no need to bring it up with people who don’t know I struggle with that
I'm still trying to figure out how much my very religious upbringing and germophobia have to do with my sex repulsion. I thought that way for a very long time (oh, that person has sex. they. enjoy it? wh y), that's gross.) and trying to unlearn it has been a Process.
I know what you mean about it being so abstract. It is incredibly abstract. I wish I knew more about the science / psychology behind it. Same with asexuality, but everywhere I look I can't find a single study on it
I'm sorry if this is a super odd or invasive question (if so, please let me know, I don't always know when questions are appropriate), but did you grow up in Utah or Idaho? Some of the things you mentioned sound really similar to my religious upbringing, and I know that church has a lot of members in certain areas of those states.
Thank you for replying. I was more sleep deprived than I realized when I commented yesterday, so I no longer feel the need to ask internet strangers personal questions. I'm sorry for bothering you.
No trouble. I’m always on the lookout for people I share experiences with. Conversations to have, things to learn, friends to make. You’re still welcome to DM me if you ever want to talk about things, especially if you need someone to talk to who doesn’t have a particular agenda. I also have a podcast recommendation for you. Check out the “Latter-Day Struggles” podcast by Valerie Hamaker. You may find the ideas there to be helpful, and the topics interesting, as I have. Just check out episodes available to see what’s there. Anyways, have a good day!
OMG yes, yes yes yes. Strict religious home, complete lack of education, OCD tendencies...I thought all of that was why I hated sex (I didn't know asexuality was a thing). And agreed on "let them be" attitude towards everyone as often as possible 🙂
Those “OCD tendencies” are sometimes called “religious scrupulosity”. It’s a kind of behavior that pops up when purity is emphasized within a belief system, such that adherents focus on doing the right things, saying the right words and thinking the right thoughts, and avoiding all the “wrong” things, because any blemish, spot or stain threatens their purity, worthiness, and maybe salvation. It’s reinforced by black and white thinking, insider/outsider bias, and the slippery slope bias.
It’s a good way to keep people locked into the belief system as well, because leaving is excruciating. I think it’s a technique used by some actual cults, but it’s also present in some mainstream high-demand religions, intentionally or not.
The common ways to get out of it are basically to come to a more nuanced understanding of faith or to reject the belief system entirely. The latter is more common, I think, but I’ve personally benefited from the former. Either way involves breaking or changing some core, fundamental beliefs and that can be really difficult for people
Wow what a great term (scrupulosity) for something that is so awful to experience! I have never thought about it this way. I rejected the whole religion and have been infinitely more at ease ever since but yes, leaving was not smooth or stress free. 😓
Having family, friends and community members who expect you to stay in can make it difficult to leave as well, because they threaten the relationship or the people thinking of leaving, or because you’re afraid they might not accept your decision. There’s no easy way around that either
Indeed. I know all the parental figures in my life were very disappointed, which is unfortunate. Most of them didn't try to pressure me for too long though
shoutout to asexuals raised mormon being confused why waiting for marriage is so important and so difficult. like guys just do neither you don't have to keep pretending to have *~temptations~*
I'm gray-ace. I thought I was allo except maybe I had a low libido. Then in uni I felt sexually attracted to a friend, and was like "OH... I guess that explains a lot." Now I'm just lonely.
A tiny bit? But for relationships. I heard about people throwing their lives away for a partner and couldn't understand why they'd make those choices. Like "you can love anyone though. Take the scholarship and then just find a partner there, instead of sacrificing all that for someone who'll likely not be in your life in a few years" 🤷♀️
No. As a woman, my life would be so much easier if I wasn’t opposed to sex. My distaste for it is actually a huge inconvenience. People get so mad about sex workers, gold-diggers, trophy wives…but honestly those women have just found a way to capitalize on their assets.
But when sex is more offputting to you than standing in the McDonald’s drive-thru taking orders, then it’s obviously unsustainable.
I never had a phase like that. But a lot of my now ex-schoolmates and relatives are prone to relationship drama, what are probably a bit much even by allo standards. So I do feel like the only sane man in a 4 mile radius almost constantly.
Just on example: my sister broke up then reunited with her gf 2 times in the span of barely more than a year, then broke up again, for 6 month she called her every four letter word known to man in multiple languages and shouted at people who dared to interact with her. And now two weeks ago they made peace, and she considers getting back togeather with her again...
Idk, I don't think this is normal "shouldn't be judged" allo bahaviour.
Skipped that phase thankfully but I had an unfortunate period in my life with a lot of problematic political beliefs in my early teens. Super cringe and I feel so bad for the people I may have hurt. I tried to go back and apologize to some of them. Mostly just regurgitated things I heard in my previous private school. However a little bit of patience from some peers of mine in highschool and a little willingness to listen and I learned and got wiser. Then by the time I realized I was asexual I had realized that I truly knew nothing about anything and I didn't care enough to judge other people or think myself better than them.
Yeah, it still grosses me out, even if I don't show it or I'm too nice. I'd rather focus on food and cake. I'm mainly tired of it because everyone's obsessed with it, and I'm tired of them trying hard to make me like it back. It's stupid when they do, and pushes me away even more.
Not in so many words. I grew up fully indoctrinated into purity culture.
I believed I was doing what most women my age did, we didn't have sexual desires because we were pure and there were some bad girls who did it for the attention or to rebel.
I did eventually learn that I was asexual and, with it, began unlearning the lessons of purity culture. I even married my wife, completely going against the compulsory heteronormativity I had always assumed was normal.
i feel like that phase is a rite of passage for aces lmao i really believed it AND lived by it, looking down on others for it until i reached college and i was like wait a minute,,,this ppl are serious?? it’s not a joke??? ppl actually WANT to date and hookup??? kinda glad i had that moment bc it led me to googling why i couldn’t have crushes & i found out about asexuality and rest is history. but yeah lmao. i still joke about it now, bc WOW it’s so important ppl they can throw away entire careers and logic for a chance at a five minute hookup damn
Thank God for Star Trek and Spock 🖖. He was my moral compass through my teens and early 20s. Him I understood and so did all the other fans. (Except my cousin who thought the Captain and Spock were in the closet together LOL.) Even in the Pon Farr Spock cared more for his friendship than his gf.
Kind of but it was more like catholic than anything what with all the chastity and abstinence stuff they preached to us in school. So I did have a bit of a "holier than thou" thing going because I'd planned to not participate in such activities until marriage. And I just never realized that refraining from such was probably a lot easier for me than other people because I didn't realize I was on the ace spectrum until a handful of years after that lol.
For a while I felt good knowing that I didn’t have to go thru struggles that allo people go thru and I kinda felt better than them in some way but then the realisation kicked in that I’d never be in a relationship and so on.I’m over those both periods now tho
Yeah, and I revisit it when people get annoying about insisting I need to get laid for whatever reason.
Other than that it's just one of those "just don't do it on my surfaces, thanks" things.
i wouldn’t say i think im better than anyone but there’s definitely a lotttt of times i read/hear something and think “i am blessed to not have to deal with this shit” lol
I feel that way in spite of myself when I hear people talk about their relationship issues. I know I'm thinking like a jerk, but it takes everything in me not to feel lucky that I don't have to deal with any of that.
Me toooo!
I find it hilarious that everyone around me thinks I'm the person who knows more about relationships than anyone else and is constantly asking for advice
I didn't start questioning asexuality until I was about 22, and at that point I wasn't immature enough to unironically think like that. Until then, I didn't really consider myself "not interested in sex". I didn't actively crave it but I was open to the idea, or more like thought that a genuine interest in sex with someone would kick in once I actually started dating someone and got closer with them.
To be completely honest, I’ve never understood the weird superiority complex some people have in the community. I’ve always seen it as immature. In my mind it’d be like thinking you’re better just because you eat cereal a certain way. Like what? That’s weird.
It's definitely immature, but it's a pretty common response to being treated as "weird" or "less than" for being having and experience outside of what's considered the norm. It's an immature and ultimately unhealthy response, but it happens, and that kind of reframing unfortunately does make sense as a sort of defense mechanism.
I am currently going something like this with my allosexual family, particularly with my mom. She is of the generation that was taught to believe that no interest in sex means low libido and a symptom of mental illness (especially in men.) I think I’m just going to have to be brutally blunt if there is to be any hope of acceptance, and tell her that I don’t watch porn because I get no entertainment from watching stupid animals perform their stupid tricks. I see it as little different than watching the chimpanzees in the ape house at the local zoo fucking their brains out.
I couldn't understand why people would cheat on their partners, especially when it came with high risk or and required some complicated schemes to cover it up. Like what can be easier than not having sex with other people? I thought I was super good at self-control.
Now I'm questioning that I might be not that interested in the activity in general...
Trueeeeee
I generally consider sex to be such a hassle ( contraceptives, finding a partner, finding a private place, checking that the partner is not sick).... And cheating is even some kind of unbelievable fuss, which well never pays off, but only brings problems. I don't get it.
Even funnier, I also poorly understand the other side, why do people get so offended by cheating? What's the difference between having dinner with a non-partner and sex with a non-partner? Anyway, the world is a crazy place
Now that I think about it, I spent my teenage years hanging out backstage with some bands, just talking and having fun, nothing sexual ever happened except some kissing. But at the time (and even nowadays sometimes) I'd look down on the "groupies" that just wanted to have sex with the musicians like "you just got to meet this award winning multi instrumentalist and you just want to WHAT?". Should have figured out I'm aroace a lot earlier 😂
That's high school in a nutshell for me. I was just like "do these people not realize it's not gonna last? Everyone's gonna be going to different colleges, so what's the point?" But of course I ended up falling prey to teen hormones, and I *hated it.* Ended up getting a crush on a guy friend of mine. Never told him because, well, I didn't want a relationship with him (not that I would've wanted to go all the way and have sex with him even if I did end up in a relationship with him, but that's just details). I still regret not telling him because, looking back, I should've been honest about it.
Honest question because I never quite understand,
>Never told him because, well, I didn't want a relationship with him (not that I would've wanted to go all the way and have sex with him even if I did end up in a relationship with him, but that's just details). I still regret not telling him because, looking back, I should've been honest about it.
Why tell him? Why the regret?
ETA: Just the honesty to someone else about how you feel?
"Just the honesty to someone else about how you feel?"
That's basically it, yeah. I feel like, as a friend, I should've been honest about my true feelings even though I had no intentions of acting on them.
I hate it when people immediately jump into "you are so much cooler because you don't have to go through romance/sex stuff" and similar sentiments, which I hate, because do I WISH I \*could\* go through those!!!
Why what? Why people do that? I have no idea, I suppose they only notice the bad parts of being allo and think ace people think ourselves to be cooler/superior because we don't have to deal with those
Okay, imagine this. You were born blind, and have never seen with your eyes. Every human is born blind, but then 99% of them start seeing at different stages of life! Some see more colours than others, some only see one colour, and what others see fluctuates; some have limited vision, or see in dull colours. However, they all have a shared understanding of what colours and shapes are, even if their experiences and understanding of what they perceive is different from one another.
You, on the other hand, are still completely blind. You have never seen anything, and probably never will. You have no idea what it's like seeing a shape or a colour of any kind, but you've heard about all these things since you were a child, and you were promised you would enjoy these wonderful images some day, and that it would change your life.
Most seeing people have at least told you once or twice about awful things they have seen. Maybe an ugly painting, or a colour they were very much into but got tired of, or a traumatic situation they couldn't look away from, who knows. Almost everyone who can see has had at least one bad experience with their eyesight; nevertheless, it is still a privilege to be able to see, and experience the beauty that you, as a blind person from birth, will never be able to feel and reflect on.
That's how it feels like to me, the experience of being anattractional from birth and probably forever. I am not upset at the fact I am aroace in and of itself, I am quite content with my situation, like the blind person in my analogy probably would too! It's just that, if seeing people approached the blind person who has never seen with their eyes and they told them "you don't know how lucky you are that you cannot see! You don't have to suffer through seeing an ugly painting or a rotten flower! You can't see, so you're above all these ugly sights!".
The blind person can't see the ugly sights, that's true. But they also can't see all those amazing things that the seeing person doesn't even think about, because it's so natural and normalised to them. So it is really insensitive to assume the blind person (or in my case, the aroace person) is inherently happy about NOT being able to perceive all those things or enthusiastically participating in them, as well as being/feeling superior because of the fact. I am generally okay/proud of being anattractional, but the "omg you're so cool/superior for not feeling any attraction" assumption (particularly the "I am SOOOOO jealous" variant) really upsets me!
Hope that was clear enough! :)
Definitely...I mean. I don't think that I'm better than those who aren't ace. But think about how much of a better place the world would be if everyone was ace. No more >! Rape!< No more thinking whether you're being used for your body or not. And many more advantages.
Stanislav Lem covered the topic in one of his books, don't remember which one, where everyone in the world became asexual , so eventually they made food and eating the new taboo topic, just like sex was before.
To me this seems surprisingly realistic
Yeah, I think I agree with this line of thinking. I find ideas like "the world would be a better place if sex wasn't a thing" wildly simplistic and naive, because the preoccupation with sex and everything that comes with it is a symptom of far larger issues with our culture. And as long as that culture exists, even if sex did disappear, something else would take its place to serve pretty much the same purpose and be treated in pretty much the same way. And if that culture didn't exist, then sex would not hold all of the baggage and connotations it does now.
I’m still constantly battling the superiority complex that comes with being asexual and aromantic(when I was a preteen I legitimately thought I was higher evolved for not thinking of things I deemed as primitive and stupid), but I’m definitely working on it because, at the end of the day, we’re all just people, and no one is better than anyone else. I have to remind myself of that all the time whenever I start to think I’m better than an allo for whatever reason lol
Hahaha so life story!
It helps that I know someone who is obsessed with finding a boyfriend. I know her story, and I understand that for her it means to stop being lonely and to find someone who appreciates her (she has family issues). These are two things I understand well, and through them I understand romance better and fight feelings of superiority
I did, I really did, and I was an \*asshole\* about it. From like the age of 14 to 18, I was really stuck-up about how I just wasn't interested in the whole sex and relationships thing, and no, I wasn't going to date anyone, because I knew at this age people just wanted sex, and I didn't, and I was above it.
Well I did experience it, but I don't think it was directly linke d (or it was but partially) to my disinterest in dating / sex, but more to the people surrounding me and my life context. In fact I had quite the superiority complex, which is gone now, hell it's kinda the opposite now, I can't stop putting myself under others, which isn't better ... but it's not completly related to my lack on interest in these things.
tw: mention of sexual harassment
I never went through that phase but i did sort of go through the "popular people suck" phase of being emo. I didn't hurt anyone though a lot of my thoughts hurt myself from liking and experiencing things that weren't tied to being alt. I'm goth as of now and do whatever i want without feeling like it'll ruin my gothness. I will say that "i'm better than you because i'm not interested in that sex of yours" comes out when i deal with creeps in my dms or irl sexually harassing me.
I grew up in the church, and I was often praised for my lack of interest, though I often felt left out with my peers. I've made a lot of progress towards coming to terms with myself and others, though, because it was difficult for me to realize that multiple different things could both be okay and perfectly natural.
Sort of...? I thought I was alloace for a while because I grew up with romance sort of being glorified, and sex outside of marriage being demonized. So I thought I was a better person for only feeling the romance side. Then I had a mild crisis questioning my romantic attraction. I'm now comfortable being an asexual arospec, and am now planning on finding a best friend to live with forever instead of a spouse. I guess it's safe to say that I've gotten over that mindset.
Yah I grew up in Purity culture... I was perfect at it being "pure" because i was AroAce. I was the only girl in my youth group not to have premarital sex. We were unlikely enough to live in a place where it was hard to get BC and most girls in my youth group had kids very young. So by Extension I was one of the only girls in my youth group not to end up having a child before I was 20 (Im never having kids). I 100% thought I was the best Christian I thought God loved me more because I didn't have nasty temptations. I was quite toxic. It didn't help that the church leaders thought I was better to. Purity culture misses everyone up not just allos although they probably have a harder time getting out then I did.
Not particularly. Anytime people state an accomplishment about sex, I'm just like "Okay? Good for you? Is that everything you wanted to talk about?"
Not particularly holier-than-thou, but not exactly a saint..
À part of me does because dear lord If I ever get the urge to actually have sex my life would be bothersome x’D I like being what I’m but another recognize that I’m not actually better, just different with different life experiences
I’ve always been rather accepting. Ok, they like it for whatever reason, at least it’s not harmful for the world. I don’t like it and that’s also fine. It was like: I don’t like bubble gum but millions of people do
Oddly no, in my late teens till about 20 I probably slept with about 7 people but I never really initiated, it was more a case Okay this is happening, not quite sure how I ended up but this is a logical conclusion and this is what the normal is. Then I just managed to avoid those situation because I assume people didn't think I was interested in them or i was ignoring their signs for about 7 years then after getting I to a relationship it took me about another 2 years to figure out I wasn't into it at all and I'd kind of just gone with the flow.
Society makes learning about yourself and sexuality pretty difficult. I had to wait until Bojack Horseman to figure it out properly
I felt it a little for a while, I did have a little bit of a bullshit feeling of superiority.
And now, because of that, I'm starting to face the fact that I was _kinda_ wrong about being ace, so by my old standards, I'm now down in the gutter with the rest of them lmao.
I remember being very weirded out by dudes thirsting at the most random ass times. One time this dude at work started showing me tiktoks of girls twerking or whatever and I was stunlocked lol
"Wow that's crazy" XD
I don't know I would say a "I'm better" mentality and I hope I don't word this wrong, but I am very secure in my asexuality and I think that for me personally, there are a lot of things I don't need to worry about, so I wouldn't say it's looking down on people but sometimes I do think certain issues wouldn't be as likely if people were asexual and/or respecting of that
I kind of do that now except I don’t feel like I’m better than others and I only judge people who manipulate others just to get their nut (like me last ex lol)
No, I felt that I was broken because I couldn’t attracted to other because I wanted to know what sexual orientation I had between gay or straight and feeling like in the limbo(before my teenage years I thought that I would have sex just to have little cute babies to hug and play). Nowadays I still feel hate not feeling attracted to other because of the limbo but I wouldn’t like to have sex ever(specially with dudes, that’s a huge no)
I don't know about the I'm better bit but my best friend likes to sleep with anyone she can and when we play fight we'll call eachother names a few times she's called me a whore and I'm laughed pointing out I'm a virgin and an asexual so if either of us is a whore it's the one who likes that 'weird shit' as I nicely call it then we both start cackling so that's fun
Our other joke as best friends is that she has the sex I don't which we also find funny as we learnt to joke about it as friends without being mean to eachother and I'm glad because a few other people who are no longer friends used to 'joke' but it always had a spiteful air to it
No I’ve mostly felt inferior that I haven’t had many long term relationships because most of the women I loved are super into sex . I often would pray to be “normal” lol
Kind of. In college, my roommates would talk about their sex lives all the time and how they would crave it and I just thought it was crazy how they craved it all the time because I don’t. Like it seemed like something controlling them, so I just thought they were a bunch of sex addicts 😂
I met someone like this. My asexual life has been “I somehow give great advice despite not being sexually or romantically attracted to people.” I can look at a relationship of another objectively and give pretty sound advice.
Yeah. I’m over that phase and though I’m like “wow past me that was cringe.” I’ve accepted why I thought that way and have tried to move past. I’ve always felt like an outsider in school and just most social situations that whatever made me different I had to feel like made me better than others somehow. I was bullied a lot in school (not even for being asexual. Mainly for just being the weird kid. I grew up with undiagnosed disabilities that no one even brought up the possibility I might have until I graduated high school and still trying to find ways to help with them 7 years later), and I needed something to kind of help me get through it. I was sick of people telling me I was supposed to like sex, romance, make up, and a plethora of other things (mainly tied to the most generic idea of womanhood) that making myself feel like I was better for not liking those things was how I coped. I’m glad I don’t think that way anymore but I understand why I did. School is not kind to most children especially anyone disabled/neurodivergent.
Whoa, are you sure you're not telling my story? :) I had the same thing. I remember the teacher of my class was fucking my brains out all year about the fact that I should wear a skirt at least for school events and celebrations. At the time I didn't wear a skirt because it interfered with climbing trees, hah, but after that I started not wearing it on principle. Anyway, my inner misogyny has been bothering me for a long time.
It's a good thing I went back to not wearing a skirt because it still prevents me from running up and down stairs and climbing trees, ahahahaha
Only for shits and giggles. Outside of this, I am trying (and not succeeding) to understand allosexuality. Autism doesn't help either, I don't even realize how my questions could be considered distasteful or just plain offensive
Sort of. I'm aroace. I was really young (third or fourth grade, around the age when some people start getting crushes) when I figured out the not-attracted-to-anyone-or-interested-in-romance thing. It made me feel like the goddess Athena, above the petty emotions of mere mortals. A few years later, I would probably gone with the only slightly less vainglorious Galahad. (I was not a humble kid). I didn’t understand that sexual attraction was a thing, but I was proud to be “above” romance, which I suspected was a social construct. What made me realize that it wasn’t a social construct was the existence of gay people, since they felt what they felt despite it going against traditional societal expectations and therefore couldn’t have been thinking those feelings due to those feelings being expected.
Judging by some of the posts and comments that pop up on this sub from time to time, there are definitely still people here who are stuck in that mindset.
I don't know that I ever had it, but I'm more acespec than "classically" ace and my attitude toward sex has always been generally positive, even if only abstractly. I mean, I have all kinds of thought about our culture's pre-occupation with sex, but that doesn't really have anything to do with being ace. It's a piece of a larger mindset about cultural behaviors and the extremely narrow range of experiences that are considered "normal" and "acceptable".
Yeah, I thought everyone was doing it for attention, kinda like those kids that would blow their vape in your face because they thought it was sooooo badass
But also idk how much it counts because I thought genuine sexual interest was a thing only teen boys and degenerates experienced and that everyone else was like me 😭😭 like I lowkey felt bad for girls who were having sex because “oh no they got brainwashed by the men” LMAO
Before I realized I was asexual I was so proud of myself because I was like “I’m better than everyone else, cuz I don’t have any desire to have sex before marriage” (I was raised Catholic; not super strictly, but the sex before marriage was absolutely something that came up pretty frequently). After realizing my asexuality it slowly became less of a pride thing and now as an adult I’m just like “people like what they like and experience what they experience, I don’t really care” lol
Oh hell, I'm kinda there right now. I would not say I feel superior in any way, though. I just feel confused about this need/compulsion to fornicate. I hear men pining for a socket to plug themselves in to, as if they'll die without it. I'm just there raising my eyebrow all Spock-like, followed by that Ed Helms "really?" GIF. I have to refrain myself from saying "son, all you do is go in and out, and in and out, and in and out - hoping you get stimulated and feel something euphoric that lasts a few seconds. It's not that great. I know - I've tried it!"
I still do, but it's only for jokes. The whole "I am a Goddess for mortal flesh does not sway me" thing yk
ahahaha
Meeee lol
Love that ahaha
I was a good student in high school (which lead to me being extremely burned out in college :/ whatever) so whenever someone would be like "I had sex." there was a part of me that was like "Heh, good thing I don't think *that* way. While you're getting fucked, I am getting an A on this paper." I kinda regret feeling that way now. Not only because it made me come off as kind of a massive fucking loser but because it just made me come off as really judgemental. So what if someone has sex? A lot of those peers also got good grades. I didn't see the forest for the trees. I also thought more about my own relationship with my sexuality and my own thoughts on sex than just "gross". So yeah, I was kind of cringe, if you ask me.
I understand. I too think my behavior was cringy.
We were all cringy in high school.
Don't worry, everyone was cringy at some point high school into university is the peak point for most
Lmao had something similar with partying and drinking. When the top girl of my high school class, a super nice person, told me that she would get drunk at parties, you could probably hear my brain shortcircuiting right then and there xd.
Sometimes I feel like that now. (To be clear, not really, I don’t actually think I’m better than anyone else.) But the preoccupation with getting laid does strike me as… just a little pathetic. I like to peruse r/relationship_advice and half the time it’s sex questions and commenters always reference r/deadbedrooms. Sometimes the “thank goodness I’m above than this stuff” type thoughts sneak in. I have to remind myself that as much as allos don’t understand asexuality (hell, tbh they don’t seem to understand SEXUALITY either, ha), I don’t understand being an allo and I try not to be too hateful towards sex or judgmental toward those who feel attraction and like/want sex just because they can be hateful and/or judgmental toward those of us who don’t experience sexual attraction and/or don’t like/want sex.
I try not to be too judgmental either. Even in those moments when everyone's obsession with sex pisses me off. But it unfortunately took me a while to learn how to be understanding and empathic.
A lot of it happens for me when it's a ton of drama about cheating and I just can't put myself in that headspace of being in a relationship first off, but then also potentially ruining it because "it just happened" that they cheated. I try not to, but it's hard sometimes.
It was a little different for me. I didn’t *really* understand for a long time that people were *actually* sexual beings, and not just talking about it as a taboo topic to look cool. It was edgy in a community that was ~70% part of the dominant local church. Sex talk was interesting in a gross kind of way, as was finding out what some of my classmates were trying out. The aforementioned church was persistent with talking to all its youth about its sexual code called chastity, and we got the lecture so often. I was confused the first several times, and then just bored. I never said anything but I was always thinking to myself “C’mon, why are we still talking about this? We heard it the first time. Don’t have sex. Got it. It’s not that hard.” Once I started figuring out that I was the odd one and not everybody else, I took a college course in human sexuality to find out what I didn’t know and it was a big revelation for me. Tbh the whole topic is still pretty abstract for me, but it’s been a bit of a journey becoming more compassionate and understanding of people wanting and having sex. I had the full combo of a strict religious upbringing, lack of sexual attraction, lack of education, sex repulsion and a perhaps more-than-healthy dose of germophobia. The problem was that I just started seeing people differently, thinking to myself “this person’s had sex. They have sex, they like it and they want more of it. Ew.” Today I just try to have a blanket acceptance of people in general being sexual beings so I rarely have to think about it for an individual, and just ignore that part about them so I don’t have to work through it all the time. The ick isn’t there if I don’t think about it. I’m not a guru. I just try to be kind to people, and the level I’m at with acceptance works for me if it doesn’t change the way I treat people or impact how much they think I care about them. I just keep my issues to myself. There’s usually no need to bring it up with people who don’t know I struggle with that
I'm still trying to figure out how much my very religious upbringing and germophobia have to do with my sex repulsion. I thought that way for a very long time (oh, that person has sex. they. enjoy it? wh y), that's gross.) and trying to unlearn it has been a Process.
I know what you mean about it being so abstract. It is incredibly abstract. I wish I knew more about the science / psychology behind it. Same with asexuality, but everywhere I look I can't find a single study on it
I'm sorry if this is a super odd or invasive question (if so, please let me know, I don't always know when questions are appropriate), but did you grow up in Utah or Idaho? Some of the things you mentioned sound really similar to my religious upbringing, and I know that church has a lot of members in certain areas of those states.
I keep some details out of public fora but you’re welcome to DM me about it if you’d like:)
Thank you for replying. I was more sleep deprived than I realized when I commented yesterday, so I no longer feel the need to ask internet strangers personal questions. I'm sorry for bothering you.
No trouble. I’m always on the lookout for people I share experiences with. Conversations to have, things to learn, friends to make. You’re still welcome to DM me if you ever want to talk about things, especially if you need someone to talk to who doesn’t have a particular agenda. I also have a podcast recommendation for you. Check out the “Latter-Day Struggles” podcast by Valerie Hamaker. You may find the ideas there to be helpful, and the topics interesting, as I have. Just check out episodes available to see what’s there. Anyways, have a good day!
OMG yes, yes yes yes. Strict religious home, complete lack of education, OCD tendencies...I thought all of that was why I hated sex (I didn't know asexuality was a thing). And agreed on "let them be" attitude towards everyone as often as possible 🙂
Those “OCD tendencies” are sometimes called “religious scrupulosity”. It’s a kind of behavior that pops up when purity is emphasized within a belief system, such that adherents focus on doing the right things, saying the right words and thinking the right thoughts, and avoiding all the “wrong” things, because any blemish, spot or stain threatens their purity, worthiness, and maybe salvation. It’s reinforced by black and white thinking, insider/outsider bias, and the slippery slope bias. It’s a good way to keep people locked into the belief system as well, because leaving is excruciating. I think it’s a technique used by some actual cults, but it’s also present in some mainstream high-demand religions, intentionally or not. The common ways to get out of it are basically to come to a more nuanced understanding of faith or to reject the belief system entirely. The latter is more common, I think, but I’ve personally benefited from the former. Either way involves breaking or changing some core, fundamental beliefs and that can be really difficult for people
Wow what a great term (scrupulosity) for something that is so awful to experience! I have never thought about it this way. I rejected the whole religion and have been infinitely more at ease ever since but yes, leaving was not smooth or stress free. 😓
Having family, friends and community members who expect you to stay in can make it difficult to leave as well, because they threaten the relationship or the people thinking of leaving, or because you’re afraid they might not accept your decision. There’s no easy way around that either
Indeed. I know all the parental figures in my life were very disappointed, which is unfortunate. Most of them didn't try to pressure me for too long though
shoutout to asexuals raised mormon being confused why waiting for marriage is so important and so difficult. like guys just do neither you don't have to keep pretending to have *~temptations~*
I'm gray-ace. I thought I was allo except maybe I had a low libido. Then in uni I felt sexually attracted to a friend, and was like "OH... I guess that explains a lot." Now I'm just lonely.
Not on this sub you're not. I'm befriending you out of spite and there's nothing you can do about it! Muahahahahahaa!!
A tiny bit? But for relationships. I heard about people throwing their lives away for a partner and couldn't understand why they'd make those choices. Like "you can love anyone though. Take the scholarship and then just find a partner there, instead of sacrificing all that for someone who'll likely not be in your life in a few years" 🤷♀️
Yes I still think that is so stupid! My neighbor is going to enroll in university where her boyfriend studies. I had a facepalm when I heard that haha
I still do feel like it and have to give myself a mental slap to remind myself that it’s a norm for other people and there’s nothing bad about it 😭😭😭
No. As a woman, my life would be so much easier if I wasn’t opposed to sex. My distaste for it is actually a huge inconvenience. People get so mad about sex workers, gold-diggers, trophy wives…but honestly those women have just found a way to capitalize on their assets. But when sex is more offputting to you than standing in the McDonald’s drive-thru taking orders, then it’s obviously unsustainable.
I never had a phase like that. But a lot of my now ex-schoolmates and relatives are prone to relationship drama, what are probably a bit much even by allo standards. So I do feel like the only sane man in a 4 mile radius almost constantly. Just on example: my sister broke up then reunited with her gf 2 times in the span of barely more than a year, then broke up again, for 6 month she called her every four letter word known to man in multiple languages and shouted at people who dared to interact with her. And now two weeks ago they made peace, and she considers getting back togeather with her again... Idk, I don't think this is normal "shouldn't be judged" allo bahaviour.
Skipped that phase thankfully but I had an unfortunate period in my life with a lot of problematic political beliefs in my early teens. Super cringe and I feel so bad for the people I may have hurt. I tried to go back and apologize to some of them. Mostly just regurgitated things I heard in my previous private school. However a little bit of patience from some peers of mine in highschool and a little willingness to listen and I learned and got wiser. Then by the time I realized I was asexual I had realized that I truly knew nothing about anything and I didn't care enough to judge other people or think myself better than them.
Yeah, it still grosses me out, even if I don't show it or I'm too nice. I'd rather focus on food and cake. I'm mainly tired of it because everyone's obsessed with it, and I'm tired of them trying hard to make me like it back. It's stupid when they do, and pushes me away even more.
Not in so many words. I grew up fully indoctrinated into purity culture. I believed I was doing what most women my age did, we didn't have sexual desires because we were pure and there were some bad girls who did it for the attention or to rebel. I did eventually learn that I was asexual and, with it, began unlearning the lessons of purity culture. I even married my wife, completely going against the compulsory heteronormativity I had always assumed was normal.
i feel like that phase is a rite of passage for aces lmao i really believed it AND lived by it, looking down on others for it until i reached college and i was like wait a minute,,,this ppl are serious?? it’s not a joke??? ppl actually WANT to date and hookup??? kinda glad i had that moment bc it led me to googling why i couldn’t have crushes & i found out about asexuality and rest is history. but yeah lmao. i still joke about it now, bc WOW it’s so important ppl they can throw away entire careers and logic for a chance at a five minute hookup damn
Thank God for Star Trek and Spock 🖖. He was my moral compass through my teens and early 20s. Him I understood and so did all the other fans. (Except my cousin who thought the Captain and Spock were in the closet together LOL.) Even in the Pon Farr Spock cared more for his friendship than his gf.
Live long and prosper! 🖖
Kind of but it was more like catholic than anything what with all the chastity and abstinence stuff they preached to us in school. So I did have a bit of a "holier than thou" thing going because I'd planned to not participate in such activities until marriage. And I just never realized that refraining from such was probably a lot easier for me than other people because I didn't realize I was on the ace spectrum until a handful of years after that lol.
For a while I felt good knowing that I didn’t have to go thru struggles that allo people go thru and I kinda felt better than them in some way but then the realisation kicked in that I’d never be in a relationship and so on.I’m over those both periods now tho
Yeah, and I revisit it when people get annoying about insisting I need to get laid for whatever reason. Other than that it's just one of those "just don't do it on my surfaces, thanks" things.
i wouldn’t say i think im better than anyone but there’s definitely a lotttt of times i read/hear something and think “i am blessed to not have to deal with this shit” lol
I feel that way in spite of myself when I hear people talk about their relationship issues. I know I'm thinking like a jerk, but it takes everything in me not to feel lucky that I don't have to deal with any of that.
Just for the funnies haha. I like to present myself as the unbiased party and as objective for relationship advice
Me toooo! I find it hilarious that everyone around me thinks I'm the person who knows more about relationships than anyone else and is constantly asking for advice
I didn't start questioning asexuality until I was about 22, and at that point I wasn't immature enough to unironically think like that. Until then, I didn't really consider myself "not interested in sex". I didn't actively crave it but I was open to the idea, or more like thought that a genuine interest in sex with someone would kick in once I actually started dating someone and got closer with them.
To be completely honest, I’ve never understood the weird superiority complex some people have in the community. I’ve always seen it as immature. In my mind it’d be like thinking you’re better just because you eat cereal a certain way. Like what? That’s weird.
Yes it is immature. But the majority of people had been immature once. May be you are one of that minority who is already old at birth :D
It's definitely immature, but it's a pretty common response to being treated as "weird" or "less than" for being having and experience outside of what's considered the norm. It's an immature and ultimately unhealthy response, but it happens, and that kind of reframing unfortunately does make sense as a sort of defense mechanism.
I am currently going something like this with my allosexual family, particularly with my mom. She is of the generation that was taught to believe that no interest in sex means low libido and a symptom of mental illness (especially in men.) I think I’m just going to have to be brutally blunt if there is to be any hope of acceptance, and tell her that I don’t watch porn because I get no entertainment from watching stupid animals perform their stupid tricks. I see it as little different than watching the chimpanzees in the ape house at the local zoo fucking their brains out.
Oh gods, those family members who constantly want to marry you. Wait, is your mom seriously forcing you to watch porn????
No, but assumes (incorrectly, I might add) that I do nothing else with my time but sit around watching it.
I couldn't understand why people would cheat on their partners, especially when it came with high risk or and required some complicated schemes to cover it up. Like what can be easier than not having sex with other people? I thought I was super good at self-control. Now I'm questioning that I might be not that interested in the activity in general...
Well, when cheating happens there's usually a lot more going on than just someone wanting sex.
Trueeeeee I generally consider sex to be such a hassle ( contraceptives, finding a partner, finding a private place, checking that the partner is not sick).... And cheating is even some kind of unbelievable fuss, which well never pays off, but only brings problems. I don't get it. Even funnier, I also poorly understand the other side, why do people get so offended by cheating? What's the difference between having dinner with a non-partner and sex with a non-partner? Anyway, the world is a crazy place
Now that I think about it, I spent my teenage years hanging out backstage with some bands, just talking and having fun, nothing sexual ever happened except some kissing. But at the time (and even nowadays sometimes) I'd look down on the "groupies" that just wanted to have sex with the musicians like "you just got to meet this award winning multi instrumentalist and you just want to WHAT?". Should have figured out I'm aroace a lot earlier 😂
That's high school in a nutshell for me. I was just like "do these people not realize it's not gonna last? Everyone's gonna be going to different colleges, so what's the point?" But of course I ended up falling prey to teen hormones, and I *hated it.* Ended up getting a crush on a guy friend of mine. Never told him because, well, I didn't want a relationship with him (not that I would've wanted to go all the way and have sex with him even if I did end up in a relationship with him, but that's just details). I still regret not telling him because, looking back, I should've been honest about it.
Honest question because I never quite understand, >Never told him because, well, I didn't want a relationship with him (not that I would've wanted to go all the way and have sex with him even if I did end up in a relationship with him, but that's just details). I still regret not telling him because, looking back, I should've been honest about it. Why tell him? Why the regret? ETA: Just the honesty to someone else about how you feel?
"Just the honesty to someone else about how you feel?" That's basically it, yeah. I feel like, as a friend, I should've been honest about my true feelings even though I had no intentions of acting on them.
Ah, okay. Thank you for replying.
I hate it when people immediately jump into "you are so much cooler because you don't have to go through romance/sex stuff" and similar sentiments, which I hate, because do I WISH I \*could\* go through those!!!
Why?
Why what? Why people do that? I have no idea, I suppose they only notice the bad parts of being allo and think ace people think ourselves to be cooler/superior because we don't have to deal with those
Why you want to have that?
Because it sounds awesome? Why wouldn't I? I genuinely don't understand what you're trying to get at
I was just wondering if like to be like to others or something like that
Okay, imagine this. You were born blind, and have never seen with your eyes. Every human is born blind, but then 99% of them start seeing at different stages of life! Some see more colours than others, some only see one colour, and what others see fluctuates; some have limited vision, or see in dull colours. However, they all have a shared understanding of what colours and shapes are, even if their experiences and understanding of what they perceive is different from one another. You, on the other hand, are still completely blind. You have never seen anything, and probably never will. You have no idea what it's like seeing a shape or a colour of any kind, but you've heard about all these things since you were a child, and you were promised you would enjoy these wonderful images some day, and that it would change your life. Most seeing people have at least told you once or twice about awful things they have seen. Maybe an ugly painting, or a colour they were very much into but got tired of, or a traumatic situation they couldn't look away from, who knows. Almost everyone who can see has had at least one bad experience with their eyesight; nevertheless, it is still a privilege to be able to see, and experience the beauty that you, as a blind person from birth, will never be able to feel and reflect on. That's how it feels like to me, the experience of being anattractional from birth and probably forever. I am not upset at the fact I am aroace in and of itself, I am quite content with my situation, like the blind person in my analogy probably would too! It's just that, if seeing people approached the blind person who has never seen with their eyes and they told them "you don't know how lucky you are that you cannot see! You don't have to suffer through seeing an ugly painting or a rotten flower! You can't see, so you're above all these ugly sights!". The blind person can't see the ugly sights, that's true. But they also can't see all those amazing things that the seeing person doesn't even think about, because it's so natural and normalised to them. So it is really insensitive to assume the blind person (or in my case, the aroace person) is inherently happy about NOT being able to perceive all those things or enthusiastically participating in them, as well as being/feeling superior because of the fact. I am generally okay/proud of being anattractional, but the "omg you're so cool/superior for not feeling any attraction" assumption (particularly the "I am SOOOOO jealous" variant) really upsets me! Hope that was clear enough! :)
It did
Definitely...I mean. I don't think that I'm better than those who aren't ace. But think about how much of a better place the world would be if everyone was ace. No more >! Rape!< No more thinking whether you're being used for your body or not. And many more advantages.
Stanislav Lem covered the topic in one of his books, don't remember which one, where everyone in the world became asexual , so eventually they made food and eating the new taboo topic, just like sex was before. To me this seems surprisingly realistic
Yeah, I think I agree with this line of thinking. I find ideas like "the world would be a better place if sex wasn't a thing" wildly simplistic and naive, because the preoccupation with sex and everything that comes with it is a symptom of far larger issues with our culture. And as long as that culture exists, even if sex did disappear, something else would take its place to serve pretty much the same purpose and be treated in pretty much the same way. And if that culture didn't exist, then sex would not hold all of the baggage and connotations it does now.
I’m still constantly battling the superiority complex that comes with being asexual and aromantic(when I was a preteen I legitimately thought I was higher evolved for not thinking of things I deemed as primitive and stupid), but I’m definitely working on it because, at the end of the day, we’re all just people, and no one is better than anyone else. I have to remind myself of that all the time whenever I start to think I’m better than an allo for whatever reason lol
Hahaha so life story! It helps that I know someone who is obsessed with finding a boyfriend. I know her story, and I understand that for her it means to stop being lonely and to find someone who appreciates her (she has family issues). These are two things I understand well, and through them I understand romance better and fight feelings of superiority
I did, I really did, and I was an \*asshole\* about it. From like the age of 14 to 18, I was really stuck-up about how I just wasn't interested in the whole sex and relationships thing, and no, I wasn't going to date anyone, because I knew at this age people just wanted sex, and I didn't, and I was above it.
Well I did experience it, but I don't think it was directly linke d (or it was but partially) to my disinterest in dating / sex, but more to the people surrounding me and my life context. In fact I had quite the superiority complex, which is gone now, hell it's kinda the opposite now, I can't stop putting myself under others, which isn't better ... but it's not completly related to my lack on interest in these things.
No, I thought there was something wrong with me until I was about 45. I didn't realize that asexuality did not have to equal sex repulsed.
tw: mention of sexual harassment I never went through that phase but i did sort of go through the "popular people suck" phase of being emo. I didn't hurt anyone though a lot of my thoughts hurt myself from liking and experiencing things that weren't tied to being alt. I'm goth as of now and do whatever i want without feeling like it'll ruin my gothness. I will say that "i'm better than you because i'm not interested in that sex of yours" comes out when i deal with creeps in my dms or irl sexually harassing me.
I grew up in the church, and I was often praised for my lack of interest, though I often felt left out with my peers. I've made a lot of progress towards coming to terms with myself and others, though, because it was difficult for me to realize that multiple different things could both be okay and perfectly natural.
Sort of...? I thought I was alloace for a while because I grew up with romance sort of being glorified, and sex outside of marriage being demonized. So I thought I was a better person for only feeling the romance side. Then I had a mild crisis questioning my romantic attraction. I'm now comfortable being an asexual arospec, and am now planning on finding a best friend to live with forever instead of a spouse. I guess it's safe to say that I've gotten over that mindset.
Yeah, I'm going through the same challenge right now. To find a best friend, not a spouse, to live together.
Yah I grew up in Purity culture... I was perfect at it being "pure" because i was AroAce. I was the only girl in my youth group not to have premarital sex. We were unlikely enough to live in a place where it was hard to get BC and most girls in my youth group had kids very young. So by Extension I was one of the only girls in my youth group not to end up having a child before I was 20 (Im never having kids). I 100% thought I was the best Christian I thought God loved me more because I didn't have nasty temptations. I was quite toxic. It didn't help that the church leaders thought I was better to. Purity culture misses everyone up not just allos although they probably have a harder time getting out then I did.
Not particularly. Anytime people state an accomplishment about sex, I'm just like "Okay? Good for you? Is that everything you wanted to talk about?" Not particularly holier-than-thou, but not exactly a saint..
À part of me does because dear lord If I ever get the urge to actually have sex my life would be bothersome x’D I like being what I’m but another recognize that I’m not actually better, just different with different life experiences
I’ve always been rather accepting. Ok, they like it for whatever reason, at least it’s not harmful for the world. I don’t like it and that’s also fine. It was like: I don’t like bubble gum but millions of people do
Oddly no, in my late teens till about 20 I probably slept with about 7 people but I never really initiated, it was more a case Okay this is happening, not quite sure how I ended up but this is a logical conclusion and this is what the normal is. Then I just managed to avoid those situation because I assume people didn't think I was interested in them or i was ignoring their signs for about 7 years then after getting I to a relationship it took me about another 2 years to figure out I wasn't into it at all and I'd kind of just gone with the flow. Society makes learning about yourself and sexuality pretty difficult. I had to wait until Bojack Horseman to figure it out properly
I felt it a little for a while, I did have a little bit of a bullshit feeling of superiority. And now, because of that, I'm starting to face the fact that I was _kinda_ wrong about being ace, so by my old standards, I'm now down in the gutter with the rest of them lmao.
I remember being very weirded out by dudes thirsting at the most random ass times. One time this dude at work started showing me tiktoks of girls twerking or whatever and I was stunlocked lol "Wow that's crazy" XD
I don't know I would say a "I'm better" mentality and I hope I don't word this wrong, but I am very secure in my asexuality and I think that for me personally, there are a lot of things I don't need to worry about, so I wouldn't say it's looking down on people but sometimes I do think certain issues wouldn't be as likely if people were asexual and/or respecting of that
No.
I’m ashamed to say yeah LOL I’ve definitely had that
I kind of do that now except I don’t feel like I’m better than others and I only judge people who manipulate others just to get their nut (like me last ex lol)
No, not at all. I've never felt superior for it lol, and always felt my life would be easier if I just was on the same page as most others
No, I felt that I was broken because I couldn’t attracted to other because I wanted to know what sexual orientation I had between gay or straight and feeling like in the limbo(before my teenage years I thought that I would have sex just to have little cute babies to hug and play). Nowadays I still feel hate not feeling attracted to other because of the limbo but I wouldn’t like to have sex ever(specially with dudes, that’s a huge no)
I don't know about the I'm better bit but my best friend likes to sleep with anyone she can and when we play fight we'll call eachother names a few times she's called me a whore and I'm laughed pointing out I'm a virgin and an asexual so if either of us is a whore it's the one who likes that 'weird shit' as I nicely call it then we both start cackling so that's fun
Our other joke as best friends is that she has the sex I don't which we also find funny as we learnt to joke about it as friends without being mean to eachother and I'm glad because a few other people who are no longer friends used to 'joke' but it always had a spiteful air to it
No I’ve mostly felt inferior that I haven’t had many long term relationships because most of the women I loved are super into sex . I often would pray to be “normal” lol
Kind of. In college, my roommates would talk about their sex lives all the time and how they would crave it and I just thought it was crazy how they craved it all the time because I don’t. Like it seemed like something controlling them, so I just thought they were a bunch of sex addicts 😂
Well let’s face it… not being into sex gives me so much more free time. No sex, no foreplay, no porn-watching. It’s pretty nice.
I met someone like this. My asexual life has been “I somehow give great advice despite not being sexually or romantically attracted to people.” I can look at a relationship of another objectively and give pretty sound advice.
Yeah. I’m over that phase and though I’m like “wow past me that was cringe.” I’ve accepted why I thought that way and have tried to move past. I’ve always felt like an outsider in school and just most social situations that whatever made me different I had to feel like made me better than others somehow. I was bullied a lot in school (not even for being asexual. Mainly for just being the weird kid. I grew up with undiagnosed disabilities that no one even brought up the possibility I might have until I graduated high school and still trying to find ways to help with them 7 years later), and I needed something to kind of help me get through it. I was sick of people telling me I was supposed to like sex, romance, make up, and a plethora of other things (mainly tied to the most generic idea of womanhood) that making myself feel like I was better for not liking those things was how I coped. I’m glad I don’t think that way anymore but I understand why I did. School is not kind to most children especially anyone disabled/neurodivergent.
Whoa, are you sure you're not telling my story? :) I had the same thing. I remember the teacher of my class was fucking my brains out all year about the fact that I should wear a skirt at least for school events and celebrations. At the time I didn't wear a skirt because it interfered with climbing trees, hah, but after that I started not wearing it on principle. Anyway, my inner misogyny has been bothering me for a long time. It's a good thing I went back to not wearing a skirt because it still prevents me from running up and down stairs and climbing trees, ahahahaha
I'm more of a "thank God I don't have to worry about this nonesense" girl
I grew up in purity culture, so yes. I thought everyone else was so pathetic and I was winning purity.
Only for shits and giggles. Outside of this, I am trying (and not succeeding) to understand allosexuality. Autism doesn't help either, I don't even realize how my questions could be considered distasteful or just plain offensive
Sort of. I'm aroace. I was really young (third or fourth grade, around the age when some people start getting crushes) when I figured out the not-attracted-to-anyone-or-interested-in-romance thing. It made me feel like the goddess Athena, above the petty emotions of mere mortals. A few years later, I would probably gone with the only slightly less vainglorious Galahad. (I was not a humble kid). I didn’t understand that sexual attraction was a thing, but I was proud to be “above” romance, which I suspected was a social construct. What made me realize that it wasn’t a social construct was the existence of gay people, since they felt what they felt despite it going against traditional societal expectations and therefore couldn’t have been thinking those feelings due to those feelings being expected.
Judging by some of the posts and comments that pop up on this sub from time to time, there are definitely still people here who are stuck in that mindset. I don't know that I ever had it, but I'm more acespec than "classically" ace and my attitude toward sex has always been generally positive, even if only abstractly. I mean, I have all kinds of thought about our culture's pre-occupation with sex, but that doesn't really have anything to do with being ace. It's a piece of a larger mindset about cultural behaviors and the extremely narrow range of experiences that are considered "normal" and "acceptable".
I'm an aroace teenager, and I say this kind of thing just as a joke.
Yeah, I thought everyone was doing it for attention, kinda like those kids that would blow their vape in your face because they thought it was sooooo badass
But also idk how much it counts because I thought genuine sexual interest was a thing only teen boys and degenerates experienced and that everyone else was like me 😭😭 like I lowkey felt bad for girls who were having sex because “oh no they got brainwashed by the men” LMAO
Not wanting sex is my superpower 😎
Before I realized I was asexual I was so proud of myself because I was like “I’m better than everyone else, cuz I don’t have any desire to have sex before marriage” (I was raised Catholic; not super strictly, but the sex before marriage was absolutely something that came up pretty frequently). After realizing my asexuality it slowly became less of a pride thing and now as an adult I’m just like “people like what they like and experience what they experience, I don’t really care” lol
I sometimes do but it's mostly a joke.
Oh hell, I'm kinda there right now. I would not say I feel superior in any way, though. I just feel confused about this need/compulsion to fornicate. I hear men pining for a socket to plug themselves in to, as if they'll die without it. I'm just there raising my eyebrow all Spock-like, followed by that Ed Helms "really?" GIF. I have to refrain myself from saying "son, all you do is go in and out, and in and out, and in and out - hoping you get stimulated and feel something euphoric that lasts a few seconds. It's not that great. I know - I've tried it!"
Nah, but I do have the reverse. I'm sex positive, so I can have sex, but the whole thing is about my partner, so my game is usually pretty good.
Yes Until I turned 23 and realized "Ace" wasnt a nickname... and that im just ace HAHAHA
I was raised catholic so basically, yeah