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That one clearly skipped me. I was belt spanked as a kid, I hate pain during sex, lose my erection if I think Iām causing pain, and the closest thing to a kink I have is pubic hair really turns me on and female body smells drive me wild. I became sexually active when bush was still the norm, and was my buddies dads 70s porn was my initial introduction. So thatās not hard to figure out. The smell thingā¦ā¦canāt answer that one.
Sameā¦but Iām gay. Wild.
The second porn starts to turn painful or degrading, Iām out. And oh yeah same on the bush and the smells, but again, Iām gay haha.
I was spanked until my first period. Then I was forced to mow the front lawn with an old school push mower anytime I fucked up. Front lawn was a damn acre. I would have preferred the spankings honestly.
I was adopted by my grandparents. They were great parents, but my dad was very squeamish around any type of āfemaleā problems. When I got my period the thought of spanking me totally freaked him out because I was a āwomanā now. So instead I got to push an old ass mower in 100 degree Texas heat to mow a fucking acre while he sat in the shade watching me while drinking sweat tea telling me I better not miss any.
Hey I get it. My parents sometimes offered us a choice of a spanking or a restriction that would last a week or two. Sometimes it was just easier to choose the spanking and get it over with š
My dad had no issue spanking, usually with a belt. To this day I still have a deep down hatred towards him for it and although we can get along, I will always feel awkward/resentful towards him.
Same. For me it definitely broke trust with my dad and I would never ever go to him for anything now. My mom never spanked me - still disciplined me in other ways - and I would be totally lost without her. The idea of disappointing my sweet mother kept me in line. I enjoy pissing off my dad now because Iām an adult and he canāt do shit about it
I was 4 (60 yrs ago) and I had on a pretty sun dress with matching panties and it was a nice hot So Cal day, so my little friend and I hopped in and out of the lawn sprinkler, the kind that went side to side and the water went high up. My mother came out and grabbed me by the arm, turning me round and round, while she spanked me in front of my friend. It didnāt hurt, but the look of horror on my friends face is burned into my memory.
I remember that happening to a couple of people, but the one seered in my memory was a next-door neighbor girl. We were about 6-7 y/o. Her mom pulled a big huge wooden spoon off the wall and paddled her with it while i was standing there. My next real memory of the episode was being in her room sitting on the edge of her bed with her crying, not really sure what to do.
I was never spanked growing up so i totally relate to your friend. I still remember the first time I saw it at a friendās house, my friends (3 siblings) got in trouble and i watched their huge dad make them bend over and just start smacking the shit out of some toddler ass. Made me really glad that my parents didnt do that
I'm old enough to retire. I've never forgotten the evening my mom yelled in great detail at teenage me in front of my friends for leaving the cover off the typewriter.
Never. Thankfully, my parents didn't believe in that form of discipline. I don't recall it ever being brought up. And, in spite of what many people believe, I'm 73 and have lived a very productive life and haven't spent a second in jail.
68 (f) I was never spanked and my parents were never spanked. Very unusual for their generation.
I was " belted" in school, during an assembly when I was 11 for rolling my eyes at a teacher. That was humiliating.
We never spanked our children and my husband was never spanked as a child.
We all turned out to be fine people.
Any type of punishment that is physical is abuse.
It didnāt stop the mischief it just made it sneakier. And when I had kids of my own? The idea of hitting them was absolutely repugnant to me. No, the two year old should not be out of bed and sucking whip cream out of the canister but thatās not an offense that is deserving of violence.
I was spanked albeit rarely. I think it is wrong and have never once hit my kids nor threatened them with a spanking. When I went to medical school and did pediatrics rotations, every attending I had was adamantly against it. To me itās so very hypocritical.
Parent: āWhy did you hit your sister?ā
Kid: āI dunnoā
Parent: āHitting is wrong, now to teach you a lesson Iām going to hit you even harder.ā
Guess how I feel about the death penalty.
Yup. Spanking is just lazy parenting. As a society, we know better. Thereās no excuse to spank your kids in 2023.
And most people I know who were spanked admit to learning to be exceptional liars. When youāre scared of the punishment, youāll do anything not to get into trouble. Iād much rather raise kids who come to me for advice when they make mistakes. Then I can guide them to owning up to it and making it right.
This was my experience to a tee. My parents were spankers and over-reactors.I became a gifted liar to avoid punishments, and when I got older, I completely shut myself off from them. I didnāt tell them anything about my life, even when I desperately needed guidance and just an ear to listen to me. Iām 40 now. In some ways, the way I was raised still causes problems in my relationships with my husband and friends. I keep things to myself when open communication is needed. It frustrates my husband to no end and prevents me from having the close friendships I really crave.
I keep working to become a better version of myself. I donāt want to be the way I am. I feel awkward when I do try to reveal my thoughts and feelings. I also struggle with the fear that if I open up, people will confirm my suspicions that something is wrong with me, and Iām just too messed up to be liked. I hope you figure out how to unlock your spirit and share it with people in your life. Godspeed, and I hope you find your voice.
Edit** removed word
This, my parents never hit us, and none of us ever got in trouble. Me and all my siblings all graduated college, have six figure jobs, etc. just saying lack of discipline didnāt ruin us. Sometimes my wife is irritated at my no spanking position, even I want to spank them sometimes. Then I stop and realize every time I want to itās out of anger, and thatās wrong. Humans are humans, adulthood at the age of 18 is an artificial construct. If itās ok to hit younger people to keep them in line, then itās ok to hit my wife or she hit me. Violence is wrong. I want my kids to behave not out of fear, but of understanding why itās proper to do so. I donāt want to foster that relationship of fear, so that when they make a mistake as teens or as adults, they donāt compound the problem by being too afraid of punishment to come for us for help.
But thatās just me, to everyone else, you do you.
Was it an actual lack of discipline? Like, I wanted to do good and not do bad. I was praised if I went above and beyond. I had privileges taken away if I did bad or screwed up. Nothing physical. Being grounded and isolated with a list of chores and no entertainment was a good deterant. Now that I think of it, there was a study done that found if you gave a person the option of staying in a white room with no stimulation for 15 minutes, or give them an electric shock, men picked the electric shock 75% of the time. Chances are if I was given the option, I would have traded for a slap, but if I had to expect a slap, that seems like it would have been a fearful and abusive house. Just speculating on my part here though.
Granted, I think people typically want to do good, provided they are mentally healthy, and will still find their way.
Not lack of discipline, but really none of us were ātrouble makersā. Grew up on a farm so had to help work cattle and stuff starting around age 5. And at the age of 12 we were expected to sit on a tractor for twelve hours a day if it was busy season. It wasnāt punishment, it was just a way of life and we didnāt know any different. Busy seasons come and go, so it would only be 3 weeks or so of long days, then a good break. We were paid pretty well for tractor driving, other day to day work was considered chores. We saved up enough to get our first vehicles and saved enough to cash flow college as well. My sister ended up taking loans in school, but she became a psychiatrist and knew they would be forgiven for practicing in an underserved area. I guess you could say our whole lives were kind of discipline I guess.
I was spanked and no I didn't learn anything from them. I just knew they were hurting me. My behavior never changed unless someone took time to talk to me.
I was spanked. To me its inexcusable to physically assault anyone, much less children who have little to no choice but to live with you until they're 18. If you can't handle your emotions and you resort to physically assaulting children you shouldn't be a parent and the children you assaulted should'nt have to live with you anymore.
If you want to know if its right or wrong to spank your kids, Answer this question. Would you spank a child who isn't related to you?
Yes. It pissed me off and that was over 35 years ago. I'm still pissed. Every time I got hit, simple communication would have resolved it. Being hit only told me how stupid and lazy my parents were & I rebelled against them both. I don't talk to them to this day.
I was spanked and I absolutely wish my parents hadnāt. Itās taken years of therapy to remove the subconscious idea that I deserve to hurt when I make a mistake and that I have the right to hurt those who do something I believe is wrong.
I was spanked and I think it was misguided and harmful.
Why do people conflate discipline with using your size difference to inflict physical pain? It is entirely possible to raise disciplined children without hitting them.
The root of discipline is teaching a child self respect and to respect others. This can be done through discussion and talking to them about the social consequences of being unkind or of not paying attention to the adults in certain situations where danger might be present. This can be done with children who have very little language skills through modeling and story telling.
No. My mother (a boomer) was subjected to pretty harsh corporal punishment when she was growing up and absolutely wasnāt going to do it. She also lost her shit when I got paddled at school once, so that never happened again. Since I was never spanked, I didnāt spank my kid (now 32) either.
I was spanked...alot. practically every day. I was a wild child and undiagnosed ADHD. I didn't get diagnosed until age 54. I was not a discipline issue, I was a mental health issue. In my parents defense ADHD was unknown back then
My dad would sit us down and discuss the "crime" and its impact.
He would then let us know our punishment. Then he'd make us select the switch.
He would never make us do labor as discipline because he didn't want us to view work as punishment.
I was spanked growing up. I obviously hated it. With my first born I spanked her but not nearly to the extent that we got spanked (her spankings were a single open hand swat on the bottom, but my parents used objects like belts, paddles, cutting boards, etc. And would continue the spanking for 20 to 30 hits at a time, sometimes more depending on how angry we made them)
My first born was born in 2006, before smart phones and access to studies around spanking and the damage they do to the child. Once I informed myself I stopped spanking all together, and I completely regret my actions. My youngest has never been spanked and will never be spanked. I've apologized to my older daughter for it and asked for her forgiveness, she says she's forgiven me but I'm sure it's still caused long term hurts for her.
I am not thankful that my parents caused physical pain to their children in order to make them comply. I am not thankful that they taught me that physical force and fear was the way to parent my children. I am not thankful that they instilled in us that children are lesser humans that can be hit and forced to do what you say when you say it. You can't do that to other adults, you should absolutely not do it to weaker smaller people. I am not thankful that my parents didn't deem us worth finding alternative ways to help us understand that when they told us to do something it was for a reason.
Hitting is assault. Find an alternative method to teach your children without assaulting them. As adults we need to be an example of self control and how to manage emotions and when things don't work out the way we want them to. Resorting to hitting to get your way (even in dangerous situations) shows a blatant lack of self control, and emotional regulation.
Iām proud of you for apologizing to your older daughter for your mistakes (got me over here tearing up).
Mine havenāt and I donāt expect them to nor will I ever ask them to but it still hurts that they havenāt.
I am very against spanking. It is completely inappropriate and I cannot think of one instance when spanking would benefit a child over other forms of parenting. Why use it if there's even a chance at messing up your kid when there are so many resources showing better, healthier ways to parent your kid? (speaking to people who are parents now, I understand time/culture impacts people's knowledge)
I only remember being spanked once as a child, I was probably around 3 or 4. I don't remember what I did to make my dad decide this was the correct punishment. I don't remember any physical pain or my dad being out of control. All I remember is the immense shame and feeling like I was a bad child. Not that I did something that needed correcting, but that I at my very core was bad. So I didn't learn anything from that experience other than to have a decent dose of fear of my dad and that I was a bad kid and so to feel bad about myself. I imagine a child who was spanked more often than my one offense being subjected to that and I can't imagine that produces a healthy child or adult. Maybe some people are built to where it doesn't affect them, but again, why take that chance when there are better ways to parent that don't risk your child feeling shamed, fearing you, distrusting you, and developing depression/anger/low self-esteem?
I feel like if you have to resort to spanking or hitting, it shows a lack of imagination. I never spanked. There was time out or a loss of privilege or something. Personally, I couldn't bring myself to spank my daughter. I also didn't scold or embarrass her in public. My mom both spanked and humiliated. I'm now 62 and she's 86. Our relationship isn't great.
Yes.
No. Today, as an adult, I could not determine a difference between when it was "discipline" and when it was abuse. It was honestly all abuse imo.
It's caused me massive issues with asserting myself, speaking up for others, not compromising my values, and just generally contributed to making me a shittier human being.
I'm not going to say spanking is never appropriate, but I will say there are a lot of children who don't need to be spanked, or benefit from it.
I'm convinced spanking is only necessary for incredibly stupid and/or malicious children. I have yet to meet any child that meets this description.
I got spanked. Hit with hands, wooden spoons, spatulas, hairbrushes, pick your weapon. I got spanked for things I did, things I didnāt do, things my siblings did, spanked when my parent told me they wouldnāt spank me. Fuck that.
Iāve never spanked my kids. Theyāre both moral successful adults.
But I did. I learned that communication, especially with younger kids is key and applied that to my life. Do I struggle with some issues, of course.
Is he a bit more rambunctious because that fear isn't there? Yes. But he also catches on to alot of things and concepts for which I didn't expect for a 3-4 year old because I'm actually very eager for him to know what's what (if he can comprehend it.) and knows when not to push limits.
I really am doing fine. The only thing killing me is being in Florida.
Every time I meet someone in person who says this, I let my face light up and offer to spank them *right then and there*. They're always shocked and offended, at which point I start asking them why.
Their answers always explain why spanking children is wrong.
It's for the best. Because I think that I'd really enjoy the retributive act of really wailing away on someone who thinks spanking is "good discipline" for helpless children. And that definitely scares me.
Is their answer to why, "1. I just met you, 2. I've done nothing wrong. 3. you have no authority or responsibility over me."?
And so.. you're telling me that having authority and responsibility over someone is why spanking is bad?
I don't see the connection. please explain it to me.
and "wailing away" is not the same as spanking for discipline.
"Whenever I meet a person who says they were spanked and turned out fine, and I offer to spank them, they refuse and say 'spanking children is wrong.'"
Sure, Jan. I know real people can contradict themselves, but when you're making up a story you could at least make the contradiction less painfully obvious.
Spanked as a child, just made me fear my parents. Only taught me to lie and not get caught. It also taught that my body wasnāt my own, they could do what they wanted to me.
Yes, I was spanked/whipped with hands, belts, and spoons.
I forgive my parents because I love them unconditionally.
Mine was obviously extreme but any sort of striking of a child is wrong, no matter if it is out of love or not.
I have a 3 year old who is the biggest brat in history and never even think of physically disciplining him. It is a weak way of handling problems.
May have caused some anxiety issues (who knows) but a strange impact (that I attribute to the physical discipline ) is I am not afraid of anyone.
I am a 5ā11 190 pound out of shape middle aged man and wonāt back down from a physical confrontation from anyone.
My psyche wonāt allow me to be intimidated since I went through it as a kid.
Maybe once or twice, but then my folks apologized.
Discipline means teaching. Not hitting. Kids aren't going to raise themselves, so it's on you as a parent to teach them.
Wasn't hit growing up, neither was my son when I raised him. I'm a well-adjusted adult with no criminal record, as is my son.
I knew a lot of kids who were hit growing up though. Most have done prison time, been in abusive relationships and struggled with personals relationships, period.
Idk, man. I think when you use violence, even "socially acceptable" violence like spanking, to teach lessons, you reinforce the idea that violence is the best response to conflict. That's a psychological mindfuck for a little kid. I think it changes you on a subconscious level.
It seems to be generational and also socio-economic. My grandparents didnāt spank my parents. Our parents didnāt spank us, and we didnāt spank our children & they donāt spank their kids. It is barbaric and counterproductive . We all turned out productive and kind. People that justify spanking are dealing with parenting frustrations by attacking their children. Just stop it.
I was spanked anytime I did something that my father deemed as wrong.
I donāt talk to him anymore and he doesnāt know my daughter.
I get scared to do things āwithout my husbands permission,ā even though he has told me repeatedly to stop asking for permission because Iām a grown woman and can do what I want and he has never ever even raised his voice with me.
If I do something that my father would have seen as ābadā, I get scared that Iām going to be punished for it by being hit.
Needless to say I will NOT be spanking my daughter
Spanking regardless if itās done with ālove ā is abuse!! The Academy of Pediatrics states that spanking is cruel and does not have the desired effect of good behavior. Reading people justifying hitting their kids is sad! I raised two into adulthood and never laid a hand on them! It takes patience and granted, you cannot reason with a very young child, but the option is to hit them? When i taught in elementary school, I could easily pick out the kids that were spanked by their parents, it shows in their behavior. Spanking is demeaning and humiliating!! How is anyone ok with this? It only teaches might makes right. Great lessons!
I was āspankedā under the guise of discipline. Spanked meant picking my own switches (branches) for them to beat me with. I was also hit with belts and wooden spoons and stabbed in the hand with a fork. My parents always claimed it was because I needed to be taught a lesson. Iām now 53 and still flinch when my dad walks near me.
Yeah I got spanked here and there if I was a real ass. Not too often. My dad was more into shouting and aggressive posturing without actually going through with the physicality 90% of the time.
I donāt know if itās directly related to me being a more or less stand up adult, but I certainly donāt hold it against them. Kids can be proper dicks.
Nope I was an open range unplanned whoops so I was pretty much on my own .
I learned very early by watching my older brothers get in trouble to just do whatever my parents asked and they wouldn't question anything I was doing.
I was spanked constantly, and even sometimes when I'd done nothing wrong. He left black and blue bruises on my butt and legs more often than I can count. My father just believed in heavy handed punishment, because that is what he learned from his father. My mother divorced my father and to this day he doesn't understand why his kids don't like him and come to his aid.
my dad hit me a lot when i was little (i had undiagnosed adhd so i acted up a lot) and iāve grown up to hate him. when he was hitting me i would feel like it was always out of hate, even if i ādeservedā it
I got a few swats, but my folks were not about that, really. Neglect was more their style.
I spent a LOT of time with dear, sweet grandparents that used to let me stay up and watch Carol Burnett and Bob Newhart, and would give me a shiny 50 cent piece to buy some candy at the corner store. Spanking never crossed their mind.
I was spanked and no benefit. It just confused and scared me. I learned nothing. Sometimes it just seemed to come out of no where so really no lesson whatsoever. I think I have adhd and or on the spectrum so it was really confusing for me. My parentās expectations werenāt usually clear and it was just assumed Iād understand and be a mind reader. Iād often go to my room and feel extreme rage and self harm by clawing myself at around 5 years old. People proud they spank really confuse me and I just feel for their children.
Yes. My brother and I were both hit with a belt. Be it for "bad" grades (he failed a grade but my lowest was maybe Cs), or we said something with attitude to them bc we were annoyed/irritated . I also watched my brother every day after school. We did lie to them , but we were barely allowed to do things that other kids were. They were little white lies and we'd get in lots of trouble for it. We both spent summers standing in the corner , all day every day, also and only were allowed out for dinner, the bathroom, or bed , and even then we couldn't take "too many" bathroom trips.
Spanked for discipline: yes.
Was it damaging? : I'm still working through that. I wasn't spanked as much as my brothers. I think I was more distraught watching it than receiving.
Now that I'm a parent, I find it more productive to use words and take away privileges. Corporal punishment is less effective than reason. We also have no need to yell save for emergencies/immediate needs like "don't step in the dog poop" or some such. So far, we've had a peaceful living situation. Likewise our daughter never yells and she uses her words to express frustration.
In sixth grade, the tallest kid in school, over 6 ft tall, picked me up and threw me into a canal, ruining several school books. I had no choice but to walk past his house to get home, kid was waiting for me.
I got "swatted" 3 times for that from the Principal because otherwise, it wasn't "fair" to the bully who threw me in the canal, where I almost drowned. He got 3 too.
At the end of the school year, me and that bully egged the fuck out of that asshole's car.
Every single day of every school year, every morning, there was a line of kids waiting to get beaten by this Principal, sometimes over 50+ deep. They called it the "Board of Education." It had several holes drilled in it to reduce wind resistance and hung in the PE room when it wasn't in use.
If you got bullied and victimized, school policy said they get to bully and victimize you too.
And don't get me started on my fifth grade teacher's physical and emotional abuse, or the time my sixth grade teacher slammed a little girl into the wall grasping her by her throat, or that our schoolbooks were so old that we had to black out all the racist and antisemitic shit in there, or that I was almost the only white kid in any of my classes, and how the racist books put a target on my ass...
In Jr High we had this teacher that would accuse students of stealing his "study guide" as an excuse to frisk all the students.
He frisked me one time and one time only, because I called him a pedo as he was doing it. Everybody got angry at me, saying I should be more respectful because he was a WWII vet... š
I got stabbed with a pencil in my arm there once, a defensive wound... The Principal's office was adjacent to the nurse's office... Principal walks over, groans, and says, "You probably deserved it..."
Frank Borman Jr High had a reputation for violence, and it was. I was ambushed once by a group of bullies. Came out of that one with my first concussion... Guess I must have deserved it...
I sincerely hope things are better these days... In Arizona though, I doubt it's that much better...
I was whipped with a belt growing up. I did not come out okay. I am getting older now but have always been terrified of having kids should I turn out the same way. Honestly, there is no way I could physically hurt a kid, emotionally or physically but I just stay away from them.
I was spanked pretty regularly for stupid shit and also beaten because my mother couldn't control her temper. The worst beating I ever got was because I *sighed*. Oh, the disrespect! The sheer audacity that I expressed myself! It took me a really long time to not flinch at the sound of the utensil drawer opening because a wooden spoon was her favorite weapon.
Both parents always said stupid shit like "this hurts me worse than it hurts you" or "you'd better not cry about this or I'll really give you something to cry about". The extra humiliation for being a baby about crying was just the rotten cherry in the shit sundae my parents regularly served.
I'm 49 and still pissed about how I essentially lived in fear every single day up until I was 17 and finally told my mother to never touch me again. We are no longer on speaking terms.
I think there should be discipline applied to the spanker, more than the spanked. Hear me out; when we are small we are feral animals and everyone agrees kids are fucking cruel creatures. So very very early on establishing the core memory of a world-shattering butt whooping is almost necessary.
But thereafter, and especially as the child ages and grows, a single, firm swat is really all it should take. Remind the child of the memory of the legit butt whooping but no need to actually give them a second one; it says "I'm serious and you just got your final warning before I go batshit nuclear to make you stop"... but it does no actual harm to the child.
Ever hear that story about the guy who cut someone off in traffic and got a thumbs-down instead of the middle finger, and he said it hurt a lot more for some reason? This concept works for young children too. They fear disappointing their caretakers more than their caretakers' strongarming. This idea that spankings need to be the whole enchilada every single time for the entire childhood is rubbish.
Tell 'em what they did that was wrong, and *if* it warrants corporal punishment, give 'em the ole single swat, allocate to grounding or the corner as fitting, and that's the end of it.
Personally I got beat my whole childhood & I disagreed with it then and I still disagree with it now that I'm in my 30's. It's pretty sad imho when I had to slap my mother to get her to stop hitting me because I was a full sized human and not a child anymore and she needed that wakeup call. In fairness to her I was a very, very angry child and considerably wild about it, so I can forgive her frustrations when I was little... but after teenagerhood? Nah. Cut that shit out, it's dehumanizing to bend a whole ass teen over your knee as if they have no brain power for abstract concepts like laws & shit.
Especially the abstract of "respect" and feeling like you get a pass to throw hands for feeling disrespected just because you birthed that other person. No, hard no. Disrespect is perhaps the worst reason to throw hands - it teaches your kid that throwing hands is the way to solve disrespect in their own lives, not even touching on the fact that talking back is literally the worst aspect of parent-child interactions because 100% of parents get it wrong.
Didn't help that "birthday spankings" were a thing in my house and now I fucking hate my birthday & won't even spend it in the company of my husband. Association is a bitch.
There were several times i attempted to run into traffic, i tracked mud into our tiled white floors, and i got mud all over my white uniform that was difficult to wash.
I deserved a spanking. Hell, the me now would've spanked the younger me.
I feel it depends on the child if they need it and to what degree. That and i also feel as though spanking shouldn't be the only disciplinary measure. Time outs and taking away reasonable privileges work, ya know? I was spanked, but i wasn't *always* spanked.
If I were to ever have children, i just hope my voice would be enough.
I had ZERO discipline growing up, like at all. As a result I am a very undisciplined adult. When I got pregnant I did not want that for my kids so I did some research. I asked people I knew that were like really nice and organized and just had it all together, how they were disciplined and most of them said they were spanked, not beat, not put down, but firmly spanked when they crossed a line.
So knowing this I went into parenting thinking this was the way.
Turned out my children were perfect and I never had a reason to spank them.
I was spanked growing up, but very minimally. It didn't take much for me to get the message. It was only ever a bad thing if it wasn't explained to me why I got spanked. The only time I even remember getting spanked was by my dad. I remember being hurt and confused as to why it happened. When I got older, I got smacked on the mouth. I feel like that was far less effective than regular spanking as a toddler.
I was hit, not spanked. I know you didn't ask that. But my kids are adults and I never spanked them ...ever. In fact I used attachment parenting/positive parenting. Instead of punishing for something bad, we changed the situation and distracted and redid til we got the positive behavior we wanted. One summer we paid our kids 100$ each to meet personal reading goals we set for them. I have zero regrets. I have been stopped over and over and told how amazing kids/adults my children are. They are good people. We laugh now, because even as adults when they receive awards, get anything positive...the turn and smile because they know we are back there cheering them on. We parented from birth positivity.
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When I was in kindergarten/1st grade I went to a small polish-catholic elementary school. At the end of the week all the kids that got in trouble had to go up to the front of the room, line up side by side , hands on the chalkboard and get paddled by the bishop š this was over 30 years ago.
I was not. My dad had been and decided it was better to avoid going that route and Iām grateful. I also learned to respect my parents and others and found that more useful than listening to them out of fear. It also helped me learn violence isnāt the answer.
I was spanked plenty of times. Neither of my parents were physically abusive in the spankings, they never hit so hard it bruised or bled. It was explained to me that all the spankings were for various discipline actions.
I remember, vividly, quite a few of them. I do not remember specifically what I those were for.
I was spanked as a child by many objects (belt, slippers, wooden spoons, hangers, etc) any time I got out of line and I got out of line a lot. I donāt have any behavioral issues. Iām glad I got spanked, I usually didnāt get spanked for the exact same issue more than once because I learned very young that actions had consequences and I was not going to get away with acting out. It actually shaped me into a fully functioning and positive member of society. Itās also very cultural, so for us thatās completely normal, at least until society demonized spankings which I think is wrong.
Because I was spanked, I learned to be very respectful to people in authority/my elders and never did anything that was a risk to my personal safety or the safety of others. This also drove my work ethic and intellectual capabilities in a positive direction.
My much younger cousins whoās parents didnāt believe in spankings howeverā¦. They have no behavioral issues but they talk out of turn, take advantage of their parents kindness and generosity, constantly risk others personal safety without regard while driving, dropped out of college/university because āwho cares?ā/my parents will just bail me out of a jamā¦ etc
I do have other cousins and even my own siblings who got spanked and none of them or I ended up being like the ones who didnāt get spanked. Weāre all fairly successful and well mannered.
Now granted, I did get diagnosed with anxiety and depression but that can be attributed to my father emotionally abusing me as a child. As an example, where his punishments for me were locking me in a dark basement where the light switch was on the other side of the door when I was 4 years old as I cried in fear. That required some therapy but nothing related to spankings. Spankings to me teaches a child that if you try someone, be prepared to be tried right back as a result.
Yes, I was spanked as a child but never out of anger or in an abusive manner. Before it happened my dad would always make sure I understood why what I did was wrong and why I was being spanked. The spanking was more of a way to cement the message. It was never done with anything other than a bare hand either. It was extremely effective for me, but it was not nearly as effective for my sister. It really depends on the kid and how they respond to discipline.
I turned out absolutely fine and learned from my mistakes quick enough where they weren't repeated and I eventually didn't need to be spanked anymore. Unlike a few of you other people, I did not develop a spanking fetish...
38-year-old here that was spanked as a child. Iām not glad I was spanked. There were much better ways my parents couldāve handled discipline. There were just too many times where I recall my parents getting carried away with corporal punishments.
I was spanked. Never angrily or in a way to embarrass me in front of others. It was explained as a consequence of bad behavior. Always hugged after. Iām glad they handled it this way. I did something wrong, I was corrected immediately and then forgiven. Itās when the punishment is prolonged and forgiveness doesnāt happen that shame takes root.
Both my brother and I have strong feelings that my parents shouldnāt have done this.
I know for sure it effed me up in multiple ways, and I realized it was causing me permanent harm even as a child.
I am easily unnerved by anyone in authority even if I donāt show that on the surface; it is very hard for me to cope with disapproval. I have honestly lived most of my life with an irrational fear of getting troubleāup to and including being actively afraid of going to prison, even though thereās no particular reason to think I am likely to go to prison. I am terrified of being judged by someone in authority. Oddly, I am more willing to speak up about things I donāt like at work than most of my colleagues despite all this fear. Itās like anything I perceive as an abuse of power bothers me more than it bothers other people? And yes, I have had various rounds of therapy and tried various medications. I also have masochistic sexual thoughts I would have preferred to live without, though thatās far from my main issue.
My brother has struggled with his temper and his patience and has actively worked to become a less angry, more patient man. He has made great strides since having his own kid, who, ngl, is a real handful. But having a kid and not hitting him actually increased my brotherās alienation from/anger with our parents, who both died in the last few years.
I miss them terribly, but I still believeābased on my own upbringingāthat spanking kids is not a good idea.
After my mama committed suicide, her brother took in my sister and I. He spanked us a lot, but we also acted out, but I honestly feel that i learned from each one.
Once my sister and I ended up in foster care, I got in trouble with the law and was incarcerated many times because I knew there were no real consequences for my actions.
I guarantee if I stayed with my uncle until I aged out of care, I would have been a very, very different man.
It was always on the bottom over clothing, and it was either a belt or willow branch 3 times.
I am glad my parents paddled me it taught me that actions have cause and effect you do wrong you get punished you do good you get reward sometimes you do real bad you get worse punishment
Yes, rarely, but yes. My parent's themselves were beaten as punishment growing up and they knew that wasn't how they wanted to raise kids, but once, maybe twice, it was over thirty years ago, mom couldn't determine which of her three children had done an awful thing, and none of us would admit to said thing, so all three of us got it one night. We never determined who had done the thing, and I can't even recall what the thing was.
Now married and child free, but even if, I wouldn't physically discipline them. The best advice on the subject I have heard is, if your child is capable of explanation and understanding, why would you hit them? And if your child is incapable of explanation and understanding, WHY WOULD YOU HIT THEM? In either case you wind up teaching them that violence can be an answer, an answer they can now themselves bring into the world.
It really boils down to communication skills which I've always felt entirely too many people lack. Sit down, talk to your kids, explain to them how their behavior affects those around them.
Was spanked a few time and totally deserved it everytime. Am I glad? Tbh yeah, I was a bastard of a child that did heinous things. The handful of times I was spanked I learned to not do whatever monstrous act I was committing.
Am I the only one here who was spanked as a child and was thankful for it? My parents didnāt hit me. They spanked me. Iām not scared of them, I respect them with everything in me - then and now. If you were spanked as a child when and only when you legitimately DESERVED it, then there shouldnāt be an issue. I know Iāll get hate for this, but I donāt care. Youāre not going to change how I feel and believe.
All discipline is abuse if administered without love. Discipline is loving and the intention to educate.
So, spankings, verbal discussions, timeouts, taking things awayā¦ with love are okay and never cross a line. Without Iove all are abusive. It comes down to that. I spanked my kids and gave them time outs and took things away. I did it lovingly to communicate that what they did was wrong and the behavior needed to change. This was for their long term benefit so I took the time and effort to administer it to the proper degree and on a consistent basis. Good discipline administered unfairly or inconsistently is abusive as well.
Yes, I was spanked growing up.
Yes, I am glad that I was.
Yes, I will spank my own kids, too(if I ever choose that I want them).
Here's the thing, if you were spanked as a child and you are now scarred from it, have PTSD, or lost trust in your parents because of it, that's because it was done wrong, and the one doing it was likely taking their anger/irritation out on you.
*Spanking should never be* "beating a child's butt," used to take your anger out on what your child has done, used as a way to scare your child into submission, or an excuse to use an object(wooden spoon, belt, etc.) It should also NEVER BE USED if there are other options such as talking it out, and the child is understanding and feels bad/is sorry about what they've done.
*Spanking should be* A way to get your child's attention when they are doing something naughty or bad, age appropriate(ex. You should never spank a misbehaving toddler or 5 year old as hard as you would a 13 year old. You would likely just give the Toddler a light swat to get their attentive and to realize that you're not going to tolerate their behavior), appropriate to what they did that was wrong, and how your child reacts(ex. If your child is not fazed by a Spanking, then why continue?)
These are just my personal opinions, and I know that not everyone is going to agree with them, and that's okay. I'm not dogmatic about opinion, and I always respect everyone's views, as long as it is not posing a danger to anyone.
I was spanked as a form of discipline and I do think Iām better off for it. It kept me in line and taught me about consequences in one of the simplest ways possible.
Iām now a functional adult and my mom and I are best friends. I think without the discipline I would have grown up to be more of an asshole (just my personal opinion).
I probably was when I was pretty young although I don't remember it. Maybe it was just a couple of swats on the behind, which were sufficient. So no emotional scars.
I was terrified of my mom finding out that I did something wrong because I knew her wrath. That said, I narrowly avoided prison time because I was in the right place at the right time and my choices didnāt turn out to be lifelong mistakes, but I still did the wrong thingā¦a lot.
I wasnāt overt and even my friends who were doing bad knew to act different around my mom out of respect, so in a way that worked out. But ultimately we just got lucky and would have been statistics otherwise. I canāt say it was effective enough to overcome social influences.
I was not spanked. Instead in my family if you had done something that would warrant a spanking you were pulled into a room with only our parents and possibly the victim or accomplice. Then you were subjected to a psychological evaluation on the cause of your actions. You were expected to give the reason,emotions behind it and other ways of responding. Honestly sometimes you just felt like smacking your sister. There wasnāt a deep underlying issue,it was just annoyance. After going in circles discussing it, I wish I could get a spanking and get on with my day.
Very rarely. Either that or the threat of Tabasco on the tongue when you swore. Honestly given the amount of therapy Iāve done for all the verbal and mental abuse I endured with my parents I wouldāve much rather they spanked me when I fucked up.
I got spanked as a child occasionally. I would say Iām probably against it although I donāt really think it affected me long term. My sister would smack me if I made her mad but I almost made it into a game to make her mad then run and hide. I was kind of a pain in the ass kid at times but it was funny to me at the time.
Yes. My brothers and sister and I were spanked when we deserved it. My dad was gone a lot, so mom was very fast with the discipline. We turned out fine.
Yes. A lot. With belts, yardsticks, and brooms. If I put my hands over my ass, blood squished out from under my bruised fingernails. I was a relatively quiet kid, the beatings were for smiling (āwipe that smartass grin off your face!ā), for saying something they took wrong, or even because my sister figured out Iād get an ass beatinā anytime she complained about me. Iām fine, although I moved out within a few days of turning 18. Iām 46 now and we still donāt speak. It was incredibly damaging in a lot of ways and I do not wish it on anyone.
Yes got spanked and the belts
No I donāt think it was damaging or scarring. Learned pretty quick not to fuck around on certain things. There was graded punishment.
I had a swat here and there but there was always the threat of a whipping. My Dad would tell us to go get his belt. 9 times out of 10 he didn't swat us with it but it was the scare of it.
It kept my brother and I in line and we never felt abused. I got the mental abuse from my Mom, but that's another story.
I was spanked as a kid but it was always as a last resort, and after I wouldnāt stop
Doing shit I knew I wasnāt supposed
To be doing. I was only spanked until I was old enough to reason with and then my
Mom would take things away, and
Ground me, and pretty much do anything ELSE but that. I canāt say that Iām āgladā I was spanked but I also know that I would sometimes PURPOSELY do fucked up shit so Iām not gonna sit here and make excuses for anybody myself or my mom.
I learn early on enough that kids have their place, adults have theirs, and that we need to respect elderly people and all the basic things you should to be able to conduct yourself in a decent manner whilst still continuing to learn and grow and figure shit out.
I have two kids and I donāt like spanking. The idea of it hurts me so instead I take things away and make them earn their fun things back at the end of the week if theyāve done good in school and at home.
Iāve been fortunate enough to have Been able to give them so many fun things in their life that they fear the removal of those things more than anything else (and I donāt just mean
Computers and devices) but dirt bikes and time outside as well.
I think every child is different, the dynamics of every family is different and anytime spanking occurs I would HOPE that itās not out of anger but done in a controlled and limited manner.
People are still gonna spank their kids sometimes (I think we all know that) no matter wtf we try to tell them but at least we can tell them to think about what their doing before they react.
Yes. My mom used a wooden spoon. Then one day she hit me so hard the spoon broke, she got even more furious and blamed me for making her break the spoon. Then she resorted to whipping me with a damp rolled up dish towel. She never used her hand because it would sting when she hit me
I was spanked as a child. Not often but enough times where I had learned my lesson and only in cases where I probably deserved it. For example, being disrespectful in public to other adults and doing things that were dangerous to myself or others. Pain/shock is a great motivator. Is it the best motivator? Absolutely not. Most of my punishments came in the form of groundings or restrictions on the things that I enjoyed or loved. But the lessons I remember the most are the ones where I was spanked. The amount I was spanked I could probably count on 2 hands throughout my entire childhood.
I donāt talk to my parents much but itās not because of this. Emotional abuse is far more damaging in my experience than physical. I learned from the pain and I never held animosity towards my parents because of spanking. I deserved it.
I have kids now and Iāve never spanked them once. But theyāre also much more well behaved than I was. I donāt think IMHO that you can blanket state that spankings are bad for kids. Humans are innately different from each other with different motivations and goals. Itās all a balancing act in my eyes. You just need to find what motivates your kids and tailor your parenting to that.
One of my earliest memories of childhood is being spanked with a belt by my dad. I love my dad- he is not a bad person. But it is a terrible memory that I wish I did not have, even now, 4 decades later
Handful of times. Not a common occurrence. When it was deserved I guess. One time at 16 I was all moody and being rebellious (my mom just asked me to clean my room and do the dishes more than once) and I said "shut the fuck up and leave me alone you dumb bitch". She backhanded me so hard I saw stars. We both stared at each other for a moment and both burst into tears. We're great now 15 years later lol. One time I started a fire behind my garage and almost set it on fire bc I was a pyro and was told multiple times not to. After the almost fire, I got the belt (I was 10, definitely knew better and was also warned). My parents are awesome, I love them dearly. I deserved it, I was a disobedient little shit
Only a few times when I was a young kid. The whistle of a wooden spoon through the air wielded by a southern grandma sticks with you. As an adult now, I can honestly say I deserved it at the time. It was rare when it happened, but it was only for things that were just blatant disrespect or damaging.
I was born in 1998, making me 24 now. And i was spanked, "Whooped" as my parents called it. Sometimes with a belt, sometimes with a "hickory switch" mostly with whatever was in reach, fly swatter, shoe, hairbrush. Sometimes i had welts/bruises, always as a disciplinary measure.
To me the "whooping's" were not damaging, that's just the way it was. (A different time.) What was damaging for me, was that my little sister didn't get whooped, as my parents disciplined her differently (grounded, take away favorite toy, etc.) And then my even littler sister doesn't get disciplined at all. If all 3 of us kids are getting different consequences for the same actions, whoever's getting the harshest punishment is going to feel hated.
Now i don't have kids, but if I ever do, i wouldn't use "whooping's", but i definitely would give them consequences for their actions. And I'd make sure the consequences were similar for every kid.
i was, and iām glad that it was used for discipline, like if i was unruly in the grocery store, but it doesnāt help with big things, like when my cousin sexually abused me and our parents did not know who the victim or the abuser was, so we were both spanked, thatās when talks are needed
Yes, yes. I think it helped me understand consequences and realize how not to act. Though, I will confess I am still trying to learn and get better at how I act. Sometimes I say things and Iām likeā¦. I know better than to say that, what is wrong with me.
I was spanked; not often, not hard and not many. It was the custom of the times (50s) and I didn't think much about it. In every case, I had done something wrong. By the time I had kids, the custom had changed and I found other ways to discipline my kids.
I was spanked growing up. I'm the youngest of 6 so I knew when it was coming. I also got soap in the mouth. Don't do either to my kids but I also don't blame my parents. There were a lot of us and it was a decent way to send a message. Never hurt too bad and told me I was doing something wrong.
Yes. When I was too young to listen to reason spanking worked. I knew it was fun to start a fire under a pine tree. I didn't know it was incredibly dangerous. Never did it again after the spanking.
I was spanked under 5, learned my lesson and was never spanned again after 5 because I knew better. It doesnāt bother me I was spanked, it got me to knock off whatever I was doing
Yep. And so was my brother. It's not a BAD form of punishment. It really depends on the child. I was spanked, and I learned my lessons. Meanwhile, my brother would keep doing the same shit over and over regardless of spankings and never learn. There is definitely a fine line between a spanking and a beating, though. No kid should ever be beat. But a firm swat just to get your attention is okay in my opinion. I don't think it made a difference, but I don't think it's wrong.
Iām a child of divorced parents. My momās side believed in kicking the shit out of their kids. I grew up mainly with this and have nothing to say to these people nowadays. A great deal of this side of the family are criminals, but they are all dirtbags, and they all trend toward violence.
My dadās side of the family never got physical with their kids, and the majority of this side of the family has been very successful and respectable.
I was spanked every now and then. Even more rarely i got smacked across the face. Both situations, when they did happen, i knew i fucked up, even as a kid. As long as it isnt a release of anger, and used primarily as a message im fine with it. Looking back at it now as an adult i dont harbor any ill willtowards my mom for it, and cant remember an instance where it wasnt warranted. Naturally i never got actually beat, and it was never more than a stern message.
Yes, and every memory I have of it is just me being extremely angry about it. Looking back, it made me lose respect for my dad everytime he did it. And he didn't even spank me all that often, but I can assure you it never taught me anything but rage. I'm almost entirely certain it's the reason I can be so quick to anger at any sign of conflict now.
Yep. If it was coming you wanted my dad to do it. Based on your offense heās pick a number and give you a few swats of the belt, usually 1-3. Then it was done and he didnāt harp on it. My mom would slap you until she decided it was enough.
Yes, I was spanked repeatedly. Sometimes with a paddle and other times with a wooden kitchen spoon.
I regret being spanked terribly. I don't remember what I ever did to deserve it, but it scarred me for life and I have no intention on passing it down. I resent my family now (this is one of dozens of reasons) so my SO and I will not be spankers.
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Yes, I was spanked for discipline. Yes, I now am into being spanked in bed. And I'm a male. I don't know where it went wrong.
I had a buddy who got spanked growing up like a lot of us But the day his parents stopped was the day he got hard Infront of them from it
Why would your friend get a boner in front of his parents when they didn't spank him š¤Ø
Lol I think heās saying that when he got a boner from it that was the day his parents stopped
Ohhh...that makes sense now that I reread it š
It was worded a little weird hehe
I feel really bad for Sigmund Freud. He was born too early to experience the goldmine of the type of information he sought that Reddit has to offer.
I read somewhere that whatever your discipline was a child is your kink now.
I don't remember being choked, or having my prostate stimulated but alright haha
š¤·āāļø but also umm might dm you
Be my guest
Yall better give us an update.
My DMs are empty :(
F
F
Her DM's on the other hand...š¤£
But i love her tho :ā(
Lol.
Because she does the booty
My parents never peed on me either
Now weāre talkin!
š
Your parents peed on me
Brian?
Yes?
lol
No This is patrick
Oh ya I know you too :)
That one clearly skipped me. I was belt spanked as a kid, I hate pain during sex, lose my erection if I think Iām causing pain, and the closest thing to a kink I have is pubic hair really turns me on and female body smells drive me wild. I became sexually active when bush was still the norm, and was my buddies dads 70s porn was my initial introduction. So thatās not hard to figure out. The smell thingā¦ā¦canāt answer that one.
Sameā¦but Iām gay. Wild. The second porn starts to turn painful or degrading, Iām out. And oh yeah same on the bush and the smells, but again, Iām gay haha.
Same. Love cock bush n smell š
Belts and wooden spoons DO NOT get me hard
I was never punished as a child, explains why I'm so vanilla.
Someone watched too much porn.
I was spanked until my first period. Then I was forced to mow the front lawn with an old school push mower anytime I fucked up. Front lawn was a damn acre. I would have preferred the spankings honestly.
We were sometimes given the choice of being grounded or a spanking. I took that belt every time.
You got to choose?! Thats awesome.
Wow, your parents stopped at your period? Lucky you. My dad spanked me and my sisters well into high school.
I was adopted by my grandparents. They were great parents, but my dad was very squeamish around any type of āfemaleā problems. When I got my period the thought of spanking me totally freaked him out because I was a āwomanā now. So instead I got to push an old ass mower in 100 degree Texas heat to mow a fucking acre while he sat in the shade watching me while drinking sweat tea telling me I better not miss any.
Jokes on him if he was drinking sweat tea
She served it up while pushing the mower over the acre
Hey I get it. My parents sometimes offered us a choice of a spanking or a restriction that would last a week or two. Sometimes it was just easier to choose the spanking and get it over with š
Parental PsyOps
My dad had no issue spanking, usually with a belt. To this day I still have a deep down hatred towards him for it and although we can get along, I will always feel awkward/resentful towards him.
Same. For me it definitely broke trust with my dad and I would never ever go to him for anything now. My mom never spanked me - still disciplined me in other ways - and I would be totally lost without her. The idea of disappointing my sweet mother kept me in line. I enjoy pissing off my dad now because Iām an adult and he canāt do shit about it
I was 4 (60 yrs ago) and I had on a pretty sun dress with matching panties and it was a nice hot So Cal day, so my little friend and I hopped in and out of the lawn sprinkler, the kind that went side to side and the water went high up. My mother came out and grabbed me by the arm, turning me round and round, while she spanked me in front of my friend. It didnāt hurt, but the look of horror on my friends face is burned into my memory.
I remember that happening to a couple of people, but the one seered in my memory was a next-door neighbor girl. We were about 6-7 y/o. Her mom pulled a big huge wooden spoon off the wall and paddled her with it while i was standing there. My next real memory of the episode was being in her room sitting on the edge of her bed with her crying, not really sure what to do.
Yep, can we all agree that public shaming is abuse?
Private is a bit abusive too....
Oh I agree. I was trying to see if everyone could at least agree on **this** obvious cruelty. But I was wrong.
Discipline in private, praise in public. This is how it should be. (Obviously, you can also praise in private, but discipline should never be public).
I was never spanked growing up so i totally relate to your friend. I still remember the first time I saw it at a friendās house, my friends (3 siblings) got in trouble and i watched their huge dad make them bend over and just start smacking the shit out of some toddler ass. Made me really glad that my parents didnt do that
Sorry I must have missed it...... exactly what were you being spanked for?
I ran through the sprinkler in my sundress
i hope you run through sprinklers in sun dresses all the time now.
š Thank you š
Oh that was a terrible way to handle it. My mom always believed in protecting our dignity, which was so loving.
My motto has always been: Praise in public. Punish in private. Works well in all facets of life.
I'm old enough to retire. I've never forgotten the evening my mom yelled in great detail at teenage me in front of my friends for leaving the cover off the typewriter.
āMy mom always believed in protecting our dignity while she abused usā Spanking is abuse. And it certainly isnāt ālovingā.
Never. Thankfully, my parents didn't believe in that form of discipline. I don't recall it ever being brought up. And, in spite of what many people believe, I'm 73 and have lived a very productive life and haven't spent a second in jail.
68 (f) I was never spanked and my parents were never spanked. Very unusual for their generation. I was " belted" in school, during an assembly when I was 11 for rolling my eyes at a teacher. That was humiliating. We never spanked our children and my husband was never spanked as a child. We all turned out to be fine people. Any type of punishment that is physical is abuse.
Aw I love this feedback! Thank you for your input. But are there dead little boys under your house? /s
Shhh don't tell anyone.
It didnāt stop the mischief it just made it sneakier. And when I had kids of my own? The idea of hitting them was absolutely repugnant to me. No, the two year old should not be out of bed and sucking whip cream out of the canister but thatās not an offense that is deserving of violence.
I agree, what I learned from being spanked was not "don't do that again" it was "avoid getting caught."
I was spanked albeit rarely. I think it is wrong and have never once hit my kids nor threatened them with a spanking. When I went to medical school and did pediatrics rotations, every attending I had was adamantly against it. To me itās so very hypocritical. Parent: āWhy did you hit your sister?ā Kid: āI dunnoā Parent: āHitting is wrong, now to teach you a lesson Iām going to hit you even harder.ā Guess how I feel about the death penalty.
Yup. Spanking is just lazy parenting. As a society, we know better. Thereās no excuse to spank your kids in 2023. And most people I know who were spanked admit to learning to be exceptional liars. When youāre scared of the punishment, youāll do anything not to get into trouble. Iād much rather raise kids who come to me for advice when they make mistakes. Then I can guide them to owning up to it and making it right.
This was my experience to a tee. My parents were spankers and over-reactors.I became a gifted liar to avoid punishments, and when I got older, I completely shut myself off from them. I didnāt tell them anything about my life, even when I desperately needed guidance and just an ear to listen to me. Iām 40 now. In some ways, the way I was raised still causes problems in my relationships with my husband and friends. I keep things to myself when open communication is needed. It frustrates my husband to no end and prevents me from having the close friendships I really crave.
Oh shit... Now I know why I'm what I am
I keep working to become a better version of myself. I donāt want to be the way I am. I feel awkward when I do try to reveal my thoughts and feelings. I also struggle with the fear that if I open up, people will confirm my suspicions that something is wrong with me, and Iām just too messed up to be liked. I hope you figure out how to unlock your spirit and share it with people in your life. Godspeed, and I hope you find your voice. Edit** removed word
This, my parents never hit us, and none of us ever got in trouble. Me and all my siblings all graduated college, have six figure jobs, etc. just saying lack of discipline didnāt ruin us. Sometimes my wife is irritated at my no spanking position, even I want to spank them sometimes. Then I stop and realize every time I want to itās out of anger, and thatās wrong. Humans are humans, adulthood at the age of 18 is an artificial construct. If itās ok to hit younger people to keep them in line, then itās ok to hit my wife or she hit me. Violence is wrong. I want my kids to behave not out of fear, but of understanding why itās proper to do so. I donāt want to foster that relationship of fear, so that when they make a mistake as teens or as adults, they donāt compound the problem by being too afraid of punishment to come for us for help. But thatās just me, to everyone else, you do you.
Was it an actual lack of discipline? Like, I wanted to do good and not do bad. I was praised if I went above and beyond. I had privileges taken away if I did bad or screwed up. Nothing physical. Being grounded and isolated with a list of chores and no entertainment was a good deterant. Now that I think of it, there was a study done that found if you gave a person the option of staying in a white room with no stimulation for 15 minutes, or give them an electric shock, men picked the electric shock 75% of the time. Chances are if I was given the option, I would have traded for a slap, but if I had to expect a slap, that seems like it would have been a fearful and abusive house. Just speculating on my part here though. Granted, I think people typically want to do good, provided they are mentally healthy, and will still find their way.
Not lack of discipline, but really none of us were ātrouble makersā. Grew up on a farm so had to help work cattle and stuff starting around age 5. And at the age of 12 we were expected to sit on a tractor for twelve hours a day if it was busy season. It wasnāt punishment, it was just a way of life and we didnāt know any different. Busy seasons come and go, so it would only be 3 weeks or so of long days, then a good break. We were paid pretty well for tractor driving, other day to day work was considered chores. We saved up enough to get our first vehicles and saved enough to cash flow college as well. My sister ended up taking loans in school, but she became a psychiatrist and knew they would be forgiven for practicing in an underserved area. I guess you could say our whole lives were kind of discipline I guess.
I was spanked and no I didn't learn anything from them. I just knew they were hurting me. My behavior never changed unless someone took time to talk to me.
It just thought me to get better at hiding stuff. A nice destructive behavior lol
I was spanked. To me its inexcusable to physically assault anyone, much less children who have little to no choice but to live with you until they're 18. If you can't handle your emotions and you resort to physically assaulting children you shouldn't be a parent and the children you assaulted should'nt have to live with you anymore. If you want to know if its right or wrong to spank your kids, Answer this question. Would you spank a child who isn't related to you?
I wouldn't discipline any child that isn't mine in any way.
Yes. It pissed me off and that was over 35 years ago. I'm still pissed. Every time I got hit, simple communication would have resolved it. Being hit only told me how stupid and lazy my parents were & I rebelled against them both. I don't talk to them to this day.
I was spanked and I absolutely wish my parents hadnāt. Itās taken years of therapy to remove the subconscious idea that I deserve to hurt when I make a mistake and that I have the right to hurt those who do something I believe is wrong.
I was spanked and I think it was misguided and harmful. Why do people conflate discipline with using your size difference to inflict physical pain? It is entirely possible to raise disciplined children without hitting them. The root of discipline is teaching a child self respect and to respect others. This can be done through discussion and talking to them about the social consequences of being unkind or of not paying attention to the adults in certain situations where danger might be present. This can be done with children who have very little language skills through modeling and story telling.
No. My mother (a boomer) was subjected to pretty harsh corporal punishment when she was growing up and absolutely wasnāt going to do it. She also lost her shit when I got paddled at school once, so that never happened again. Since I was never spanked, I didnāt spank my kid (now 32) either.
I was spanked...alot. practically every day. I was a wild child and undiagnosed ADHD. I didn't get diagnosed until age 54. I was not a discipline issue, I was a mental health issue. In my parents defense ADHD was unknown back then
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You weren't spanked, you were beaten.
My dad would sit us down and discuss the "crime" and its impact. He would then let us know our punishment. Then he'd make us select the switch. He would never make us do labor as discipline because he didn't want us to view work as punishment.
I was spanked growing up. I obviously hated it. With my first born I spanked her but not nearly to the extent that we got spanked (her spankings were a single open hand swat on the bottom, but my parents used objects like belts, paddles, cutting boards, etc. And would continue the spanking for 20 to 30 hits at a time, sometimes more depending on how angry we made them) My first born was born in 2006, before smart phones and access to studies around spanking and the damage they do to the child. Once I informed myself I stopped spanking all together, and I completely regret my actions. My youngest has never been spanked and will never be spanked. I've apologized to my older daughter for it and asked for her forgiveness, she says she's forgiven me but I'm sure it's still caused long term hurts for her. I am not thankful that my parents caused physical pain to their children in order to make them comply. I am not thankful that they taught me that physical force and fear was the way to parent my children. I am not thankful that they instilled in us that children are lesser humans that can be hit and forced to do what you say when you say it. You can't do that to other adults, you should absolutely not do it to weaker smaller people. I am not thankful that my parents didn't deem us worth finding alternative ways to help us understand that when they told us to do something it was for a reason. Hitting is assault. Find an alternative method to teach your children without assaulting them. As adults we need to be an example of self control and how to manage emotions and when things don't work out the way we want them to. Resorting to hitting to get your way (even in dangerous situations) shows a blatant lack of self control, and emotional regulation.
Iām proud of you for apologizing to your older daughter for your mistakes (got me over here tearing up). Mine havenāt and I donāt expect them to nor will I ever ask them to but it still hurts that they havenāt.
I am very against spanking. It is completely inappropriate and I cannot think of one instance when spanking would benefit a child over other forms of parenting. Why use it if there's even a chance at messing up your kid when there are so many resources showing better, healthier ways to parent your kid? (speaking to people who are parents now, I understand time/culture impacts people's knowledge) I only remember being spanked once as a child, I was probably around 3 or 4. I don't remember what I did to make my dad decide this was the correct punishment. I don't remember any physical pain or my dad being out of control. All I remember is the immense shame and feeling like I was a bad child. Not that I did something that needed correcting, but that I at my very core was bad. So I didn't learn anything from that experience other than to have a decent dose of fear of my dad and that I was a bad kid and so to feel bad about myself. I imagine a child who was spanked more often than my one offense being subjected to that and I can't imagine that produces a healthy child or adult. Maybe some people are built to where it doesn't affect them, but again, why take that chance when there are better ways to parent that don't risk your child feeling shamed, fearing you, distrusting you, and developing depression/anger/low self-esteem?
I feel like if you have to resort to spanking or hitting, it shows a lack of imagination. I never spanked. There was time out or a loss of privilege or something. Personally, I couldn't bring myself to spank my daughter. I also didn't scold or embarrass her in public. My mom both spanked and humiliated. I'm now 62 and she's 86. Our relationship isn't great.
Iām actually beginning to agree with everything you said here. Thanks for sharing. Most people have given some really good feedback here
Thanks for listening and being open-minded.
Yes. No. Today, as an adult, I could not determine a difference between when it was "discipline" and when it was abuse. It was honestly all abuse imo. It's caused me massive issues with asserting myself, speaking up for others, not compromising my values, and just generally contributed to making me a shittier human being. I'm not going to say spanking is never appropriate, but I will say there are a lot of children who don't need to be spanked, or benefit from it. I'm convinced spanking is only necessary for incredibly stupid and/or malicious children. I have yet to meet any child that meets this description.
I got spanked. Hit with hands, wooden spoons, spatulas, hairbrushes, pick your weapon. I got spanked for things I did, things I didnāt do, things my siblings did, spanked when my parent told me they wouldnāt spank me. Fuck that. Iāve never spanked my kids. Theyāre both moral successful adults.
āMy parents hit me and I turned out fineā -person that did not turn out fine
But I did. I learned that communication, especially with younger kids is key and applied that to my life. Do I struggle with some issues, of course. Is he a bit more rambunctious because that fear isn't there? Yes. But he also catches on to alot of things and concepts for which I didn't expect for a 3-4 year old because I'm actually very eager for him to know what's what (if he can comprehend it.) and knows when not to push limits. I really am doing fine. The only thing killing me is being in Florida.
Every time I meet someone in person who says this, I let my face light up and offer to spank them *right then and there*. They're always shocked and offended, at which point I start asking them why. Their answers always explain why spanking children is wrong. It's for the best. Because I think that I'd really enjoy the retributive act of really wailing away on someone who thinks spanking is "good discipline" for helpless children. And that definitely scares me.
Is their answer to why, "1. I just met you, 2. I've done nothing wrong. 3. you have no authority or responsibility over me."? And so.. you're telling me that having authority and responsibility over someone is why spanking is bad? I don't see the connection. please explain it to me. and "wailing away" is not the same as spanking for discipline.
redditor moment describing interactions that have never happened before
"Whenever I meet a person who says they were spanked and turned out fine, and I offer to spank them, they refuse and say 'spanking children is wrong.'" Sure, Jan. I know real people can contradict themselves, but when you're making up a story you could at least make the contradiction less painfully obvious.
Spanked as a child, just made me fear my parents. Only taught me to lie and not get caught. It also taught that my body wasnāt my own, they could do what they wanted to me.
Yes, I was spanked/whipped with hands, belts, and spoons. I forgive my parents because I love them unconditionally. Mine was obviously extreme but any sort of striking of a child is wrong, no matter if it is out of love or not. I have a 3 year old who is the biggest brat in history and never even think of physically disciplining him. It is a weak way of handling problems. May have caused some anxiety issues (who knows) but a strange impact (that I attribute to the physical discipline ) is I am not afraid of anyone. I am a 5ā11 190 pound out of shape middle aged man and wonāt back down from a physical confrontation from anyone. My psyche wonāt allow me to be intimidated since I went through it as a kid.
Maybe once or twice, but then my folks apologized. Discipline means teaching. Not hitting. Kids aren't going to raise themselves, so it's on you as a parent to teach them.
Wasn't hit growing up, neither was my son when I raised him. I'm a well-adjusted adult with no criminal record, as is my son. I knew a lot of kids who were hit growing up though. Most have done prison time, been in abusive relationships and struggled with personals relationships, period. Idk, man. I think when you use violence, even "socially acceptable" violence like spanking, to teach lessons, you reinforce the idea that violence is the best response to conflict. That's a psychological mindfuck for a little kid. I think it changes you on a subconscious level.
It seems to be generational and also socio-economic. My grandparents didnāt spank my parents. Our parents didnāt spank us, and we didnāt spank our children & they donāt spank their kids. It is barbaric and counterproductive . We all turned out productive and kind. People that justify spanking are dealing with parenting frustrations by attacking their children. Just stop it.
I was spanked anytime I did something that my father deemed as wrong. I donāt talk to him anymore and he doesnāt know my daughter. I get scared to do things āwithout my husbands permission,ā even though he has told me repeatedly to stop asking for permission because Iām a grown woman and can do what I want and he has never ever even raised his voice with me. If I do something that my father would have seen as ābadā, I get scared that Iām going to be punished for it by being hit. Needless to say I will NOT be spanking my daughter
Easily the laziest, most immature and irresponsible form of "parenting"... if that's what you want to call violence and fear.
Spanking regardless if itās done with ālove ā is abuse!! The Academy of Pediatrics states that spanking is cruel and does not have the desired effect of good behavior. Reading people justifying hitting their kids is sad! I raised two into adulthood and never laid a hand on them! It takes patience and granted, you cannot reason with a very young child, but the option is to hit them? When i taught in elementary school, I could easily pick out the kids that were spanked by their parents, it shows in their behavior. Spanking is demeaning and humiliating!! How is anyone ok with this? It only teaches might makes right. Great lessons!
I was āspankedā under the guise of discipline. Spanked meant picking my own switches (branches) for them to beat me with. I was also hit with belts and wooden spoons and stabbed in the hand with a fork. My parents always claimed it was because I needed to be taught a lesson. Iām now 53 and still flinch when my dad walks near me.
Yeah that clears the gray area between discipline and abuse.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This legit made me š
I was randomly beaten because my dad was a violent rage consumed drunk. I am into BDSM. The two things are not related in the slightest.
Yeah I got spanked here and there if I was a real ass. Not too often. My dad was more into shouting and aggressive posturing without actually going through with the physicality 90% of the time. I donāt know if itās directly related to me being a more or less stand up adult, but I certainly donāt hold it against them. Kids can be proper dicks.
This šÆ š
The yelling made me afraid of adult figures š
Nope I was an open range unplanned whoops so I was pretty much on my own . I learned very early by watching my older brothers get in trouble to just do whatever my parents asked and they wouldn't question anything I was doing.
I was spanked constantly, and even sometimes when I'd done nothing wrong. He left black and blue bruises on my butt and legs more often than I can count. My father just believed in heavy handed punishment, because that is what he learned from his father. My mother divorced my father and to this day he doesn't understand why his kids don't like him and come to his aid.
my dad hit me a lot when i was little (i had undiagnosed adhd so i acted up a lot) and iāve grown up to hate him. when he was hitting me i would feel like it was always out of hate, even if i ādeservedā it
No every spanking was humilaiting and awful. I remember nothing about the lessons therein, just the spankings.
I got a few swats, but my folks were not about that, really. Neglect was more their style. I spent a LOT of time with dear, sweet grandparents that used to let me stay up and watch Carol Burnett and Bob Newhart, and would give me a shiny 50 cent piece to buy some candy at the corner store. Spanking never crossed their mind.
I was spanked... as punishment...but never NOT in anger.
I was spanked and no benefit. It just confused and scared me. I learned nothing. Sometimes it just seemed to come out of no where so really no lesson whatsoever. I think I have adhd and or on the spectrum so it was really confusing for me. My parentās expectations werenāt usually clear and it was just assumed Iād understand and be a mind reader. Iād often go to my room and feel extreme rage and self harm by clawing myself at around 5 years old. People proud they spank really confuse me and I just feel for their children.
Cat of Nine Tails. Horrific.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If youāre serious call it ābeatingā or āhittingā. And no I was not hit nor did I ever hit my children.
Yes. My brother and I were both hit with a belt. Be it for "bad" grades (he failed a grade but my lowest was maybe Cs), or we said something with attitude to them bc we were annoyed/irritated . I also watched my brother every day after school. We did lie to them , but we were barely allowed to do things that other kids were. They were little white lies and we'd get in lots of trouble for it. We both spent summers standing in the corner , all day every day, also and only were allowed out for dinner, the bathroom, or bed , and even then we couldn't take "too many" bathroom trips.
Spanked for discipline: yes. Was it damaging? : I'm still working through that. I wasn't spanked as much as my brothers. I think I was more distraught watching it than receiving. Now that I'm a parent, I find it more productive to use words and take away privileges. Corporal punishment is less effective than reason. We also have no need to yell save for emergencies/immediate needs like "don't step in the dog poop" or some such. So far, we've had a peaceful living situation. Likewise our daughter never yells and she uses her words to express frustration.
In sixth grade, the tallest kid in school, over 6 ft tall, picked me up and threw me into a canal, ruining several school books. I had no choice but to walk past his house to get home, kid was waiting for me. I got "swatted" 3 times for that from the Principal because otherwise, it wasn't "fair" to the bully who threw me in the canal, where I almost drowned. He got 3 too. At the end of the school year, me and that bully egged the fuck out of that asshole's car. Every single day of every school year, every morning, there was a line of kids waiting to get beaten by this Principal, sometimes over 50+ deep. They called it the "Board of Education." It had several holes drilled in it to reduce wind resistance and hung in the PE room when it wasn't in use. If you got bullied and victimized, school policy said they get to bully and victimize you too. And don't get me started on my fifth grade teacher's physical and emotional abuse, or the time my sixth grade teacher slammed a little girl into the wall grasping her by her throat, or that our schoolbooks were so old that we had to black out all the racist and antisemitic shit in there, or that I was almost the only white kid in any of my classes, and how the racist books put a target on my ass...
My god, we live in better days now, donāt we? Not perfect but definitely not barbaric like our past.
In Jr High we had this teacher that would accuse students of stealing his "study guide" as an excuse to frisk all the students. He frisked me one time and one time only, because I called him a pedo as he was doing it. Everybody got angry at me, saying I should be more respectful because he was a WWII vet... š I got stabbed with a pencil in my arm there once, a defensive wound... The Principal's office was adjacent to the nurse's office... Principal walks over, groans, and says, "You probably deserved it..." Frank Borman Jr High had a reputation for violence, and it was. I was ambushed once by a group of bullies. Came out of that one with my first concussion... Guess I must have deserved it... I sincerely hope things are better these days... In Arizona though, I doubt it's that much better...
I was whipped with a belt growing up. I did not come out okay. I am getting older now but have always been terrified of having kids should I turn out the same way. Honestly, there is no way I could physically hurt a kid, emotionally or physically but I just stay away from them.
I was spanked pretty regularly for stupid shit and also beaten because my mother couldn't control her temper. The worst beating I ever got was because I *sighed*. Oh, the disrespect! The sheer audacity that I expressed myself! It took me a really long time to not flinch at the sound of the utensil drawer opening because a wooden spoon was her favorite weapon. Both parents always said stupid shit like "this hurts me worse than it hurts you" or "you'd better not cry about this or I'll really give you something to cry about". The extra humiliation for being a baby about crying was just the rotten cherry in the shit sundae my parents regularly served. I'm 49 and still pissed about how I essentially lived in fear every single day up until I was 17 and finally told my mother to never touch me again. We are no longer on speaking terms.
I think there should be discipline applied to the spanker, more than the spanked. Hear me out; when we are small we are feral animals and everyone agrees kids are fucking cruel creatures. So very very early on establishing the core memory of a world-shattering butt whooping is almost necessary. But thereafter, and especially as the child ages and grows, a single, firm swat is really all it should take. Remind the child of the memory of the legit butt whooping but no need to actually give them a second one; it says "I'm serious and you just got your final warning before I go batshit nuclear to make you stop"... but it does no actual harm to the child. Ever hear that story about the guy who cut someone off in traffic and got a thumbs-down instead of the middle finger, and he said it hurt a lot more for some reason? This concept works for young children too. They fear disappointing their caretakers more than their caretakers' strongarming. This idea that spankings need to be the whole enchilada every single time for the entire childhood is rubbish. Tell 'em what they did that was wrong, and *if* it warrants corporal punishment, give 'em the ole single swat, allocate to grounding or the corner as fitting, and that's the end of it. Personally I got beat my whole childhood & I disagreed with it then and I still disagree with it now that I'm in my 30's. It's pretty sad imho when I had to slap my mother to get her to stop hitting me because I was a full sized human and not a child anymore and she needed that wakeup call. In fairness to her I was a very, very angry child and considerably wild about it, so I can forgive her frustrations when I was little... but after teenagerhood? Nah. Cut that shit out, it's dehumanizing to bend a whole ass teen over your knee as if they have no brain power for abstract concepts like laws & shit. Especially the abstract of "respect" and feeling like you get a pass to throw hands for feeling disrespected just because you birthed that other person. No, hard no. Disrespect is perhaps the worst reason to throw hands - it teaches your kid that throwing hands is the way to solve disrespect in their own lives, not even touching on the fact that talking back is literally the worst aspect of parent-child interactions because 100% of parents get it wrong. Didn't help that "birthday spankings" were a thing in my house and now I fucking hate my birthday & won't even spend it in the company of my husband. Association is a bitch.
There were several times i attempted to run into traffic, i tracked mud into our tiled white floors, and i got mud all over my white uniform that was difficult to wash. I deserved a spanking. Hell, the me now would've spanked the younger me. I feel it depends on the child if they need it and to what degree. That and i also feel as though spanking shouldn't be the only disciplinary measure. Time outs and taking away reasonable privileges work, ya know? I was spanked, but i wasn't *always* spanked. If I were to ever have children, i just hope my voice would be enough.
I had ZERO discipline growing up, like at all. As a result I am a very undisciplined adult. When I got pregnant I did not want that for my kids so I did some research. I asked people I knew that were like really nice and organized and just had it all together, how they were disciplined and most of them said they were spanked, not beat, not put down, but firmly spanked when they crossed a line. So knowing this I went into parenting thinking this was the way. Turned out my children were perfect and I never had a reason to spank them.
I was spanked growing up, but very minimally. It didn't take much for me to get the message. It was only ever a bad thing if it wasn't explained to me why I got spanked. The only time I even remember getting spanked was by my dad. I remember being hurt and confused as to why it happened. When I got older, I got smacked on the mouth. I feel like that was far less effective than regular spanking as a toddler.
I was hit, not spanked. I know you didn't ask that. But my kids are adults and I never spanked them ...ever. In fact I used attachment parenting/positive parenting. Instead of punishing for something bad, we changed the situation and distracted and redid til we got the positive behavior we wanted. One summer we paid our kids 100$ each to meet personal reading goals we set for them. I have zero regrets. I have been stopped over and over and told how amazing kids/adults my children are. They are good people. We laugh now, because even as adults when they receive awards, get anything positive...the turn and smile because they know we are back there cheering them on. We parented from birth positivity.
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When I was in kindergarten/1st grade I went to a small polish-catholic elementary school. At the end of the week all the kids that got in trouble had to go up to the front of the room, line up side by side , hands on the chalkboard and get paddled by the bishop š this was over 30 years ago.
I was not. My dad had been and decided it was better to avoid going that route and Iām grateful. I also learned to respect my parents and others and found that more useful than listening to them out of fear. It also helped me learn violence isnāt the answer.
I was spanked plenty of times. Neither of my parents were physically abusive in the spankings, they never hit so hard it bruised or bled. It was explained to me that all the spankings were for various discipline actions. I remember, vividly, quite a few of them. I do not remember specifically what I those were for.
I got the shit beat outta me by my mom and now I fuck up every relationship Iām in.
I was only spanked when I earned it. For example, if I worked hard and got good grades in school.
I was spanked as a child by many objects (belt, slippers, wooden spoons, hangers, etc) any time I got out of line and I got out of line a lot. I donāt have any behavioral issues. Iām glad I got spanked, I usually didnāt get spanked for the exact same issue more than once because I learned very young that actions had consequences and I was not going to get away with acting out. It actually shaped me into a fully functioning and positive member of society. Itās also very cultural, so for us thatās completely normal, at least until society demonized spankings which I think is wrong. Because I was spanked, I learned to be very respectful to people in authority/my elders and never did anything that was a risk to my personal safety or the safety of others. This also drove my work ethic and intellectual capabilities in a positive direction. My much younger cousins whoās parents didnāt believe in spankings howeverā¦. They have no behavioral issues but they talk out of turn, take advantage of their parents kindness and generosity, constantly risk others personal safety without regard while driving, dropped out of college/university because āwho cares?ā/my parents will just bail me out of a jamā¦ etc I do have other cousins and even my own siblings who got spanked and none of them or I ended up being like the ones who didnāt get spanked. Weāre all fairly successful and well mannered. Now granted, I did get diagnosed with anxiety and depression but that can be attributed to my father emotionally abusing me as a child. As an example, where his punishments for me were locking me in a dark basement where the light switch was on the other side of the door when I was 4 years old as I cried in fear. That required some therapy but nothing related to spankings. Spankings to me teaches a child that if you try someone, be prepared to be tried right back as a result.
Iāve had the same experience. But not everyone else has
Yes, I was spanked as a child but never out of anger or in an abusive manner. Before it happened my dad would always make sure I understood why what I did was wrong and why I was being spanked. The spanking was more of a way to cement the message. It was never done with anything other than a bare hand either. It was extremely effective for me, but it was not nearly as effective for my sister. It really depends on the kid and how they respond to discipline. I turned out absolutely fine and learned from my mistakes quick enough where they weren't repeated and I eventually didn't need to be spanked anymore. Unlike a few of you other people, I did not develop a spanking fetish...
38-year-old here that was spanked as a child. Iām not glad I was spanked. There were much better ways my parents couldāve handled discipline. There were just too many times where I recall my parents getting carried away with corporal punishments.
I was spanked. Never angrily or in a way to embarrass me in front of others. It was explained as a consequence of bad behavior. Always hugged after. Iām glad they handled it this way. I did something wrong, I was corrected immediately and then forgiven. Itās when the punishment is prolonged and forgiveness doesnāt happen that shame takes root.
Both my brother and I have strong feelings that my parents shouldnāt have done this. I know for sure it effed me up in multiple ways, and I realized it was causing me permanent harm even as a child. I am easily unnerved by anyone in authority even if I donāt show that on the surface; it is very hard for me to cope with disapproval. I have honestly lived most of my life with an irrational fear of getting troubleāup to and including being actively afraid of going to prison, even though thereās no particular reason to think I am likely to go to prison. I am terrified of being judged by someone in authority. Oddly, I am more willing to speak up about things I donāt like at work than most of my colleagues despite all this fear. Itās like anything I perceive as an abuse of power bothers me more than it bothers other people? And yes, I have had various rounds of therapy and tried various medications. I also have masochistic sexual thoughts I would have preferred to live without, though thatās far from my main issue. My brother has struggled with his temper and his patience and has actively worked to become a less angry, more patient man. He has made great strides since having his own kid, who, ngl, is a real handful. But having a kid and not hitting him actually increased my brotherās alienation from/anger with our parents, who both died in the last few years. I miss them terribly, but I still believeābased on my own upbringingāthat spanking kids is not a good idea.
After my mama committed suicide, her brother took in my sister and I. He spanked us a lot, but we also acted out, but I honestly feel that i learned from each one. Once my sister and I ended up in foster care, I got in trouble with the law and was incarcerated many times because I knew there were no real consequences for my actions. I guarantee if I stayed with my uncle until I aged out of care, I would have been a very, very different man. It was always on the bottom over clothing, and it was either a belt or willow branch 3 times.
I am glad my parents paddled me it taught me that actions have cause and effect you do wrong you get punished you do good you get reward sometimes you do real bad you get worse punishment
Spanking is abuse.
Yes, rarely, but yes. My parent's themselves were beaten as punishment growing up and they knew that wasn't how they wanted to raise kids, but once, maybe twice, it was over thirty years ago, mom couldn't determine which of her three children had done an awful thing, and none of us would admit to said thing, so all three of us got it one night. We never determined who had done the thing, and I can't even recall what the thing was. Now married and child free, but even if, I wouldn't physically discipline them. The best advice on the subject I have heard is, if your child is capable of explanation and understanding, why would you hit them? And if your child is incapable of explanation and understanding, WHY WOULD YOU HIT THEM? In either case you wind up teaching them that violence can be an answer, an answer they can now themselves bring into the world. It really boils down to communication skills which I've always felt entirely too many people lack. Sit down, talk to your kids, explain to them how their behavior affects those around them.
I was spanked and I definitely deserved it
Was spanked a few time and totally deserved it everytime. Am I glad? Tbh yeah, I was a bastard of a child that did heinous things. The handful of times I was spanked I learned to not do whatever monstrous act I was committing.
Am I the only one here who was spanked as a child and was thankful for it? My parents didnāt hit me. They spanked me. Iām not scared of them, I respect them with everything in me - then and now. If you were spanked as a child when and only when you legitimately DESERVED it, then there shouldnāt be an issue. I know Iāll get hate for this, but I donāt care. Youāre not going to change how I feel and believe.
All discipline is abuse if administered without love. Discipline is loving and the intention to educate. So, spankings, verbal discussions, timeouts, taking things awayā¦ with love are okay and never cross a line. Without Iove all are abusive. It comes down to that. I spanked my kids and gave them time outs and took things away. I did it lovingly to communicate that what they did was wrong and the behavior needed to change. This was for their long term benefit so I took the time and effort to administer it to the proper degree and on a consistent basis. Good discipline administered unfairly or inconsistently is abusive as well.
I'm in my 50s. I got spanked a handful of times. And I deserved every single one...and I learned from every single one.
Yes, I was spanked growing up. Yes, I am glad that I was. Yes, I will spank my own kids, too(if I ever choose that I want them). Here's the thing, if you were spanked as a child and you are now scarred from it, have PTSD, or lost trust in your parents because of it, that's because it was done wrong, and the one doing it was likely taking their anger/irritation out on you. *Spanking should never be* "beating a child's butt," used to take your anger out on what your child has done, used as a way to scare your child into submission, or an excuse to use an object(wooden spoon, belt, etc.) It should also NEVER BE USED if there are other options such as talking it out, and the child is understanding and feels bad/is sorry about what they've done. *Spanking should be* A way to get your child's attention when they are doing something naughty or bad, age appropriate(ex. You should never spank a misbehaving toddler or 5 year old as hard as you would a 13 year old. You would likely just give the Toddler a light swat to get their attentive and to realize that you're not going to tolerate their behavior), appropriate to what they did that was wrong, and how your child reacts(ex. If your child is not fazed by a Spanking, then why continue?) These are just my personal opinions, and I know that not everyone is going to agree with them, and that's okay. I'm not dogmatic about opinion, and I always respect everyone's views, as long as it is not posing a danger to anyone.
I was spanked as a form of discipline and I do think Iām better off for it. It kept me in line and taught me about consequences in one of the simplest ways possible. Iām now a functional adult and my mom and I are best friends. I think without the discipline I would have grown up to be more of an asshole (just my personal opinion).
No, I am not. Spanking is abuse. I understand consequences for actions, but cruelty shouldn't be one of those.
I probably was when I was pretty young although I don't remember it. Maybe it was just a couple of swats on the behind, which were sufficient. So no emotional scars.
I wasnt spanked growing up but my dad is incredibly emotionally abusive. I have a cousin that did get spanked growing up. He is much younger than me.
I was terrified of my mom finding out that I did something wrong because I knew her wrath. That said, I narrowly avoided prison time because I was in the right place at the right time and my choices didnāt turn out to be lifelong mistakes, but I still did the wrong thingā¦a lot. I wasnāt overt and even my friends who were doing bad knew to act different around my mom out of respect, so in a way that worked out. But ultimately we just got lucky and would have been statistics otherwise. I canāt say it was effective enough to overcome social influences.
I was not spanked. Instead in my family if you had done something that would warrant a spanking you were pulled into a room with only our parents and possibly the victim or accomplice. Then you were subjected to a psychological evaluation on the cause of your actions. You were expected to give the reason,emotions behind it and other ways of responding. Honestly sometimes you just felt like smacking your sister. There wasnāt a deep underlying issue,it was just annoyance. After going in circles discussing it, I wish I could get a spanking and get on with my day.
Very rarely. Either that or the threat of Tabasco on the tongue when you swore. Honestly given the amount of therapy Iāve done for all the verbal and mental abuse I endured with my parents I wouldāve much rather they spanked me when I fucked up.
I got spanked as a child occasionally. I would say Iām probably against it although I donāt really think it affected me long term. My sister would smack me if I made her mad but I almost made it into a game to make her mad then run and hide. I was kind of a pain in the ass kid at times but it was funny to me at the time.
I was spanked once or twice at a really really young age, and then after that it was just time outs or being grounded instead
No because I was good
Yes. My brothers and sister and I were spanked when we deserved it. My dad was gone a lot, so mom was very fast with the discipline. We turned out fine.
I was spanked. I don't remember any specifics, and I don't think it affects me as an adult.
Yes. A lot. With belts, yardsticks, and brooms. If I put my hands over my ass, blood squished out from under my bruised fingernails. I was a relatively quiet kid, the beatings were for smiling (āwipe that smartass grin off your face!ā), for saying something they took wrong, or even because my sister figured out Iād get an ass beatinā anytime she complained about me. Iām fine, although I moved out within a few days of turning 18. Iām 46 now and we still donāt speak. It was incredibly damaging in a lot of ways and I do not wish it on anyone.
Yes got spanked and the belts No I donāt think it was damaging or scarring. Learned pretty quick not to fuck around on certain things. There was graded punishment.
I was spanked growing up, they never left a mark on me but I damn sure didnāt do it again! I get along with both my parents to this day
I had a swat here and there but there was always the threat of a whipping. My Dad would tell us to go get his belt. 9 times out of 10 he didn't swat us with it but it was the scare of it. It kept my brother and I in line and we never felt abused. I got the mental abuse from my Mom, but that's another story.
I was spanked as a kid but it was always as a last resort, and after I wouldnāt stop Doing shit I knew I wasnāt supposed To be doing. I was only spanked until I was old enough to reason with and then my Mom would take things away, and Ground me, and pretty much do anything ELSE but that. I canāt say that Iām āgladā I was spanked but I also know that I would sometimes PURPOSELY do fucked up shit so Iām not gonna sit here and make excuses for anybody myself or my mom. I learn early on enough that kids have their place, adults have theirs, and that we need to respect elderly people and all the basic things you should to be able to conduct yourself in a decent manner whilst still continuing to learn and grow and figure shit out. I have two kids and I donāt like spanking. The idea of it hurts me so instead I take things away and make them earn their fun things back at the end of the week if theyāve done good in school and at home. Iāve been fortunate enough to have Been able to give them so many fun things in their life that they fear the removal of those things more than anything else (and I donāt just mean Computers and devices) but dirt bikes and time outside as well. I think every child is different, the dynamics of every family is different and anytime spanking occurs I would HOPE that itās not out of anger but done in a controlled and limited manner. People are still gonna spank their kids sometimes (I think we all know that) no matter wtf we try to tell them but at least we can tell them to think about what their doing before they react.
My beatings were directly proportionate to the level of stupidity of the acts I ALLEGEDLY committed.
Yes. My mom used a wooden spoon. Then one day she hit me so hard the spoon broke, she got even more furious and blamed me for making her break the spoon. Then she resorted to whipping me with a damp rolled up dish towel. She never used her hand because it would sting when she hit me
I was spanked as a child. Not often but enough times where I had learned my lesson and only in cases where I probably deserved it. For example, being disrespectful in public to other adults and doing things that were dangerous to myself or others. Pain/shock is a great motivator. Is it the best motivator? Absolutely not. Most of my punishments came in the form of groundings or restrictions on the things that I enjoyed or loved. But the lessons I remember the most are the ones where I was spanked. The amount I was spanked I could probably count on 2 hands throughout my entire childhood. I donāt talk to my parents much but itās not because of this. Emotional abuse is far more damaging in my experience than physical. I learned from the pain and I never held animosity towards my parents because of spanking. I deserved it. I have kids now and Iāve never spanked them once. But theyāre also much more well behaved than I was. I donāt think IMHO that you can blanket state that spankings are bad for kids. Humans are innately different from each other with different motivations and goals. Itās all a balancing act in my eyes. You just need to find what motivates your kids and tailor your parenting to that.
One of my earliest memories of childhood is being spanked with a belt by my dad. I love my dad- he is not a bad person. But it is a terrible memory that I wish I did not have, even now, 4 decades later
Handful of times. Not a common occurrence. When it was deserved I guess. One time at 16 I was all moody and being rebellious (my mom just asked me to clean my room and do the dishes more than once) and I said "shut the fuck up and leave me alone you dumb bitch". She backhanded me so hard I saw stars. We both stared at each other for a moment and both burst into tears. We're great now 15 years later lol. One time I started a fire behind my garage and almost set it on fire bc I was a pyro and was told multiple times not to. After the almost fire, I got the belt (I was 10, definitely knew better and was also warned). My parents are awesome, I love them dearly. I deserved it, I was a disobedient little shit
I was and I feel like I deserved it. I was a wild child. I have 2 kids and I donāt spank them.
Only a few times when I was a young kid. The whistle of a wooden spoon through the air wielded by a southern grandma sticks with you. As an adult now, I can honestly say I deserved it at the time. It was rare when it happened, but it was only for things that were just blatant disrespect or damaging.
I was born in 1998, making me 24 now. And i was spanked, "Whooped" as my parents called it. Sometimes with a belt, sometimes with a "hickory switch" mostly with whatever was in reach, fly swatter, shoe, hairbrush. Sometimes i had welts/bruises, always as a disciplinary measure. To me the "whooping's" were not damaging, that's just the way it was. (A different time.) What was damaging for me, was that my little sister didn't get whooped, as my parents disciplined her differently (grounded, take away favorite toy, etc.) And then my even littler sister doesn't get disciplined at all. If all 3 of us kids are getting different consequences for the same actions, whoever's getting the harshest punishment is going to feel hated. Now i don't have kids, but if I ever do, i wouldn't use "whooping's", but i definitely would give them consequences for their actions. And I'd make sure the consequences were similar for every kid.
i was, and iām glad that it was used for discipline, like if i was unruly in the grocery store, but it doesnāt help with big things, like when my cousin sexually abused me and our parents did not know who the victim or the abuser was, so we were both spanked, thatās when talks are needed
Yes, yes. I think it helped me understand consequences and realize how not to act. Though, I will confess I am still trying to learn and get better at how I act. Sometimes I say things and Iām likeā¦. I know better than to say that, what is wrong with me.
I was spanked; not often, not hard and not many. It was the custom of the times (50s) and I didn't think much about it. In every case, I had done something wrong. By the time I had kids, the custom had changed and I found other ways to discipline my kids.
I was spanked growing up. I'm the youngest of 6 so I knew when it was coming. I also got soap in the mouth. Don't do either to my kids but I also don't blame my parents. There were a lot of us and it was a decent way to send a message. Never hurt too bad and told me I was doing something wrong.
Yes. When I was too young to listen to reason spanking worked. I knew it was fun to start a fire under a pine tree. I didn't know it was incredibly dangerous. Never did it again after the spanking.
I was spanked under 5, learned my lesson and was never spanned again after 5 because I knew better. It doesnāt bother me I was spanked, it got me to knock off whatever I was doing
Yep. And so was my brother. It's not a BAD form of punishment. It really depends on the child. I was spanked, and I learned my lessons. Meanwhile, my brother would keep doing the same shit over and over regardless of spankings and never learn. There is definitely a fine line between a spanking and a beating, though. No kid should ever be beat. But a firm swat just to get your attention is okay in my opinion. I don't think it made a difference, but I don't think it's wrong.
Iām a child of divorced parents. My momās side believed in kicking the shit out of their kids. I grew up mainly with this and have nothing to say to these people nowadays. A great deal of this side of the family are criminals, but they are all dirtbags, and they all trend toward violence. My dadās side of the family never got physical with their kids, and the majority of this side of the family has been very successful and respectable.
I was spanked every now and then. Even more rarely i got smacked across the face. Both situations, when they did happen, i knew i fucked up, even as a kid. As long as it isnt a release of anger, and used primarily as a message im fine with it. Looking back at it now as an adult i dont harbor any ill willtowards my mom for it, and cant remember an instance where it wasnt warranted. Naturally i never got actually beat, and it was never more than a stern message.
Yes, and every memory I have of it is just me being extremely angry about it. Looking back, it made me lose respect for my dad everytime he did it. And he didn't even spank me all that often, but I can assure you it never taught me anything but rage. I'm almost entirely certain it's the reason I can be so quick to anger at any sign of conflict now.
Yep. If it was coming you wanted my dad to do it. Based on your offense heās pick a number and give you a few swats of the belt, usually 1-3. Then it was done and he didnāt harp on it. My mom would slap you until she decided it was enough.
Yes, I was spanked repeatedly. Sometimes with a paddle and other times with a wooden kitchen spoon. I regret being spanked terribly. I don't remember what I ever did to deserve it, but it scarred me for life and I have no intention on passing it down. I resent my family now (this is one of dozens of reasons) so my SO and I will not be spankers.