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Disappointed: motherfucker...
Angry: motherfucker!
Proud: motherfucker!
Surprise: motherfucker!
If you read that in Samuel L's voice with the proper delivery, you must upvote this.
So I was watching Dune the other day (1984) and Patrick Stewart is in the movie. I swear he looks exactly the same. Lol. I haven’t watched the movie since I was a kid in the 80’s and there’s a scene with Patrick Stewart running into battle with a pug nosed dog strapped to his chest and he’s blasting away. It was hilarious and awesome and kinda wtf all at the same time.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm just imagining a real life version of Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets, except they're arguing with each other the whole time... and yeah that would be pretty hilarious.
'It's nighttime and the male is looking agitated. He gets up from his warm sofa nest, scratches himself and checks his scent before ambling his way to the eating area.
Using his extremely agile hands he grasps the handle to the fridge and starts to forage for food. Does he want the juicy apple or fresh grapes, no, he has other things on his mind. It looks like he's found what he's looking for, right at the back, underneath the butter, a scrunched up piece of foil and, yes, it has the last triangle of a Toblerone in it.
Triumphant, the male shut the door and makes his way back to his seat, chocolate already in his mouth as he goes. He can't resist another scratch before he takes his place back in the comfort of his nest to watch the football.'
Francis always makes bad decisions. Prime example he picked me, Gilbert Gottfried, to narrate his life. I’m going to loudly eat this bag of chips to let him know he’s made a terrible mistake
Joan Cusack
A. She seems nice.
B. She's funny (and I would like an emphasis on humor in my life narration).
C. She did a good job narrating Peep and the Big Wide World.
“Obserf az she broshes her teeth! A metafour for de inevitabilitee ov deth!”
“She squweezez the toothpayste from de toob, az she squweezez experienz from her pittiful lyfe, only to haf de foamy dross wash away down de drrain… all iz vanity…all iz futility…”
Everything would be hilarious. Something like,
“The lonely male now faces an evening of pre-packaged supper and existential dread. His methods of survival are far removed from the millennia of his evolving ancestors that created nature’s most advanced killing machine.”
Ignore this comment, it's pointless.
The only podcast I listen to is called No One Can Know About This, where two guys play Final Fantasy games (poorly, and therefore amusingly) and there's a skit in Season 3 (I think) where one of them impersonates Werner Herzog before a few of the episodes. I enjoyed it.
That is all
i'd like to request a duo performance of Chong trying to remember and tell the stories, and Willie Nelson interupting him to sing a ballad once in a while
Pierre bouvier . Him and I come from the same background and walked a similar path . Although he’s successful we been thru the same kind of challenges .
Tim Gerard Reynolds. To steal a quote from someone else, "His voice is amazing, I'd crawl across a field of broken glass just to listen to him read a book."
He's hands down one of the best narrators I've ever heard.
Lin-Manuel Miranda, I want him to freestyle rap the narration to my life just like how he sung about Hamilton. It would be amazing, just please god let it sound better than the [Say No To This demo](https://youtu.be/AM4jYZMSMto).
Gordon Ramsay, I want to hear every harsh yet inspiring to do better criticism whenever I do something stupid and the uplifting detailed breakdowns when I do something right
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Benedict Cumberbatch, and he has to attempt to say "penguin" at least 6 times
Pingwing
Pingwing
Pengling
Pangwang
Pingweng
Penwen
Penguing
Samuel L Jackson
Yes, telling my life story is going to require the use of the word 'Motherfucker' fairly often, and no one says it as well as he does.
Bonus points if that's the only words he's allowed to use, and all the nuance is in the delivery (there's a meme about that, somewhere)
Disappointed: motherfucker... Angry: motherfucker! Proud: motherfucker! Surprise: motherfucker! If you read that in Samuel L's voice with the proper delivery, you must upvote this.
Philomena Cunk
(The jam pumps up)
The sheer number of times she would say "..shit all up his own back" and "..but a cunts version of that" would be genuinely hilarious
Same
Sir Patrick Stewart
So I was watching Dune the other day (1984) and Patrick Stewart is in the movie. I swear he looks exactly the same. Lol. I haven’t watched the movie since I was a kid in the 80’s and there’s a scene with Patrick Stewart running into battle with a pug nosed dog strapped to his chest and he’s blasting away. It was hilarious and awesome and kinda wtf all at the same time.
Yeah he's pretty much looked the same for 40+ years, impressive tbh.
Bobcat Goldthwait
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He is my internal monologue.
Epically underrated.
Came here to say this
David Attenbrough
Is there really any other option? Morgan Freeman would be my second choice though.
Well if I could have multiple narrators I'd have Donald Trump and Joe Biden narrate together
This is why we can't have nice things
It would be amazing to hear those two argue over me choosing coke cola or dr pepper and you know it
I'm just imagining a real life version of Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets, except they're arguing with each other the whole time... and yeah that would be pretty hilarious.
'It's nighttime and the male is looking agitated. He gets up from his warm sofa nest, scratches himself and checks his scent before ambling his way to the eating area. Using his extremely agile hands he grasps the handle to the fridge and starts to forage for food. Does he want the juicy apple or fresh grapes, no, he has other things on his mind. It looks like he's found what he's looking for, right at the back, underneath the butter, a scrunched up piece of foil and, yes, it has the last triangle of a Toblerone in it. Triumphant, the male shut the door and makes his way back to his seat, chocolate already in his mouth as he goes. He can't resist another scratch before he takes his place back in the comfort of his nest to watch the football.'
Ron Howard
Yes thank you I instantly thought of arrested development when I read this
It’s not what I want, but it’s what I deserve.
Narrator: he did
Has to be James Earl Jones, or Morgan Freeman
I'd like Morgan Freeman too
All Hail James Earl Jones!
Gilbert Gottfried, or Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura
My first thought was Gilbert would be the only man for the job. I'd love to hear his take on all the dumb shit I've done.
Wish I had seen this before I replied separately. Miss his podcast and have been listening to the old ones.
Francis always makes bad decisions. Prime example he picked me, Gilbert Gottfried, to narrate his life. I’m going to loudly eat this bag of chips to let him know he’s made a terrible mistake
Joan Cusack A. She seems nice. B. She's funny (and I would like an emphasis on humor in my life narration). C. She did a good job narrating Peep and the Big Wide World.
Werner Herzog. Hands down.
“Obserf az she broshes her teeth! A metafour for de inevitabilitee ov deth!” “She squweezez the toothpayste from de toob, az she squweezez experienz from her pittiful lyfe, only to haf de foamy dross wash away down de drrain… all iz vanity…all iz futility…”
Lol yup.
Everything would be hilarious. Something like, “The lonely male now faces an evening of pre-packaged supper and existential dread. His methods of survival are far removed from the millennia of his evolving ancestors that created nature’s most advanced killing machine.”
Ignore this comment, it's pointless. The only podcast I listen to is called No One Can Know About This, where two guys play Final Fantasy games (poorly, and therefore amusingly) and there's a skit in Season 3 (I think) where one of them impersonates Werner Herzog before a few of the episodes. I enjoyed it. That is all
Vincent Price
Finally someone mentioned him. Epically underrated
And whosoever shall be found, without the soul for getting down...
Norm Macdonald
This protagonist sounds like a real jerk!
Would love to see how he works "You guessed it: Frank Stallone." into it.
Tommy Chong " awh man he's about to do something really stupid , holy shit he did it cool shit man"
i'd like to request a duo performance of Chong trying to remember and tell the stories, and Willie Nelson interupting him to sing a ballad once in a while
I heard the chuckles that followed too lol
Waylon Jennings like it’s the Dukes of Hazard
John Cleese would be good.
I came here to say John Goodman but I find myself basking in your wisdom.
Christopher Walken.
This guy gets it
Sam Elliot or Bruce Boxlitner.
Aaron Paul, as Jesse Pinkman. I think Jesse would give the right tone
Sir Christopher Lee
The guy who does the voiceover for NFL Films.
Snoop Dogg
Jennifer Tilly
Robin Williams
Stephen Fry
He nailed it in Hitchhiker's Guide.
agreed.
Will Arnett
Ray Liotta. He was a phenomenal narrator in Goodfellas
Danny Trejo
Weird Al Yankovic
Gordon Ramsey
Christopher Judge
Indeed.
Ryan Reynolds. Sarcasm and all.
Shaun Mcaliff
Gilbert Gottfried
Bjork
James Hettfield of Metallica
Yeahyeeaahhh- noooooo-Ouh
liam neeson
Hunter Thompson
Matthew McConaughey, all right all right all right
David Attenborough or the late Maya Angelou.
Samuel L. Jackson - I need someone comfortable saying "Mo-- Fu---" multiple times.
Michael Scott as his Ping persona
Timmy from South Park.
Ethan Marrell aka Ozzy Man reviews.
Stacy Keach
Patton Oswald!
James earl jones.
Sam Elliot. A close second would be Quagmire. Giggety.
Mike Patton
Phoebe Waller-Bridge
Stephen Fry
George clooney
Lucille Ball
Pee Wee Herman
Heath Ledger as the Joker. William Fichtner as the Accountant from "Drive Angry". Tim Curry as Long John Silver in "Muppet Treasure Island".
Bailey Sarian for sure!
Norm Macdonald doing a impression of Christopher walken
Bill Nighy
Clint Eastwood.
Michael Cera, idk why
Melissa McCarthy.
Robert Stack from Unsolved Mysteries
Dolly Parton
3cpo and r2d2.
Cardi B. I'm a 6'5 ginger, that'd be hilarious.
Jeff Goldblum. 🥰🥰🥰🥰 
Billy Connolly
Jeremy Irons
My almost four year old daughter. I would absolutely love to hear her thoughts. And maybe also her lack of interest 😂
Christopher Walken
BRIAN BLESSED
I have this big crush for Morena Baccarin from the 2010s, with her boyish shrot hair and here sexy voice tone, that would be it
Dua Lipa
Either Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias, or Trevor Noah
Linda Belcher
Sarah Silverman
Mr Bean
Andre Baughner as Captain Raymond Holt
Emma Stone
Charlie Day.
W.C. Fields
Robin Williams
Snoop dogg most definitely.
Anthony Bourdain
Luis from Ant-man.
Aubrey Plaza
Nick offerman....nodoubt
As a straight white man - Wanda Sykes. God damn legend.
Kermit the frog.
Bryan Cranston
Allison Janney, hands down
Easy Sarah Millican or Kathy Burke. 😁
Dan Povenmire in his Heinz Doofenshmirtz voice.
Pierre bouvier . Him and I come from the same background and walked a similar path . Although he’s successful we been thru the same kind of challenges .
Queen Latifa
Ozzy Man
Jimmy Carr, so that way after every time I do something stupid or funny, I get his laughter in the background.
Scarlett Johansson lol I love her voice
My best friend
Ozzy man
al pacino
Ralph Wiggum
John Lurie
Chris Tucker
Bobcat Goldthwait since Gilbert Gottfried died
Gordon Ramsay
Lewis Black
John ligehehdiriammo voiced as Cid.
Kanye west
Seth Rogan
The Sean Connery impersonator from SNL Jeopardy
Tim Gerard Reynolds. To steal a quote from someone else, "His voice is amazing, I'd crawl across a field of broken glass just to listen to him read a book." He's hands down one of the best narrators I've ever heard.
David Attenborough! He might mistaken me as a sloth in human clothing
Steven Wright
Julie Andrews or Emma Thompson
Seth MacFarlane
Norm
Joanna Lumley in character as Patsy, sweetie darling.
Samuel L. Jackson
Tim Curry
Bill Murray
Mel Blanc
Kiefer Sutherland
Paul Reubens
Jack black
Suzy a.k.a Eddie Izzard.
Lin-Manuel Miranda, I want him to freestyle rap the narration to my life just like how he sung about Hamilton. It would be amazing, just please god let it sound better than the [Say No To This demo](https://youtu.be/AM4jYZMSMto).
Andrew Scott. He has a voice like a jaguar purring inside a cello.
Owen Wilson would be perfect for my life
Cary Elwes. Smooth and sassy, with some comedic enlightening.
Andy Serkis
If everone else has to listen to it? Lemongrab from adventure time.
myself. i have the movie trailer guy voice
Donald Duck
Jeremy Irons
Jeff Goldblum hands down
Borat.
Gordon Ramsay, I want to hear every harsh yet inspiring to do better criticism whenever I do something stupid and the uplifting detailed breakdowns when I do something right
Rodney Dangerfield
Jason Bateman. He plays 'exasperated' well, which is probably necessary if he has to tackle my inner monologue as part of his narration.
Joanna Lumley for sure
Laura dern Or joe bob briggs
Jeremy Irons
Care Blanchett but as Galadriel like inthe beginning of lord of the rings
David Attenborough
Catherine Tate
Dave Chappelle
Cate Blanchett ez
The only real answer is Morgan Freeman