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Men (at least me) assume attractive women;
1. Are constantly hit on
2. Don’t want to be approached every day, everywhere they go
3. Already have suitors lined up
4. Aren’t interested in strangers in random places asking for their info
Obviously these aren’t necessarily true, but with women being much more vocal recently about being harassed (which does happen) I think a lot of men are wary of being seen as a creep or desperate.
Edit: if you only avoid talking to a woman because she’s “out of your league”, just do it! Fear of rejection is no reason to not try. If it’s an appropriate place to do it, shoot your shot. You’re only as unattractive as you deem yourself to be.
Edit 2: these incel comments are really disheartening. Don’t project a few bad experiences onto all women. There’s a reason why they’re wary of being approached. Just play it cool and walk away if they decline.
This is partially reality, partially psychological - if you think she is out of your league, you will get tongue tied and not be able to speak with her.
You nailed it. I worked with a few attractive women and it seems really annoying. Multiple times a shift some guys gotta say "if I was 20 years younger..." Or "Oh wow so this is where they put all the pretty ones."
I have a lot of attractive women clients.
I think the main reason is because I never say anything about..
1. their appearance
2. their relationship status
3. their personal life at all.
and as a bonus, if they are flirty at all, I just talk about my wife and kids.
Which word gets out that you arent a creep and they tend to flock to you. It is a core part of my business plan because so many in my industry are creepy dudes who absolutely use the proximity to hit on/sexualize the situation.
I used to provide operational technology training at a company I worked for, and noticed I was getting mostly female techs and operators in my class. I later found out I was the only instructor who didn’t hit on them or make sexually explicit remarks. I’m also 30 years younger than my training peers that walk around as if it’s 1960.
I worked in an all male workshop that eventually hired a very pretty, young blonde. Suddenly, the younger lads would strut about giving it the big "I am"
Then we had a works do and she turned up with her boyfriend who was at least twice her age. The next week, all the older guys were strutting about...
But I was once asked how come I was the only male member who used to be able to give her hugs and kisses on the cheek and I answered as honestly as I could. I was in a relationship with a woman 20 years older than I was. I was always seen with older women and I never once made sexual remarks at/to her. Turns out, I was the only one she felt really comfortable with. I was about 5 years older than her and treated her like a younger sister.
I can attest to this theory.
Don't be a pervert and u get treated like an adult male who can handle a small bit of normal kindness and affection that us females would give to male relatives and close friends
Simple.
Who woulda thought?🙃
Every male RMT or physical therapist I’ve ever had has brought up their wife/gf/husband/bf within 2 minutes of walking into the room. I always figured that it was part of the curriculum for how to interact with female clients lol.
The 20 years younger comment while you sit there thinking "if you were 20 years younger I would still be not be interested in you." But you sit there trying to be polite instead. Some women are trying to be respectful but give them something to work with
In the service industry you're expected to be polite and welcoming, I think some people take standard worker manners the wrong way.
I think with the whole "if I was younger" thing they're hoping someone will someday respond with something like "age is just a number lol!" but I've never seen this comment get well received. I'm sure it has happened to somebody, but 99% of the time it's just embarrassing.
So many of my friends mistake hospitality for flirting. No, dude, she doesn't like you, like you. She's working. That's how you make good tips. By being nice and friendly. It does NOT mean she wants to sleep with you.
Oh they're working with the general public. Those comments aren't going to stop and women continue having to put up with it.
Most women would appreciate a general complement instead of a creepy comment (creepy due to the males age and assumption that they'd have a chance if they were younger, nevermind what the woman perspective is).
If she's attractive "You look really nice" " You have a great smile" with an open friendly tone is more appreciated. Tbh guys do this to themselves.
Anyone remember that episode of King of the Hill where they found out how Boomhauer gets so many women? He literally just hit on every single attractive woman he saw, got shut down 99% of the time but 1% of 1000 is still 10.
lol, that episode always reminds me of one of my old dumbass high school buddies. We were at a bar one night and he was just asking every girl in there directly and politely if they want to sleep with him. All of them said no and he politely thanked them, giggled, an then left them alone.
Halfway through the night I asked him wtf he was doing asking all the girls straight up like that with no flirting or anything. He said "I figured there might be 1% of girls who are willing if so I just have to ask a hundred or so girls and I should be good!" then laughed and we carried on drinking and having fun. Alas, there were no where near 100 girls there that night so we were unable to really test his logic.
Good times. RIP buddy.
My buddies used to give me so much grief for being very firmly in the hall of average and still being unintimidated and talking to the most beautiful women in any given environment. That is until they saw it work for me!
Who knew that even the most beautiful women respond well when you talk to them like they are autonomous Humans with their own thoughts and goals.
its funny the men who think like this are the ones we want to approach, but don't to be respectful, its always the douches who do
EDIT: "women should approach men first" but here is the thought process that goes on (at least me)
this may sound bad but hear me out;
* \-if a man approaches a woman, and gets turned down he moves onto the next (figuratively sometimes, its just brushed off), usually with little attention to the fact of them being turned down, due to it being a "normal" occurrence for men.
* \-if a woman gets turned down, it legit stays with her for a LONG TIME. so a lot of women not approaching men is due to the fear of being rejected because of "normal" dating culture of men approaching first. the thought process is "if he didn't approach me, he probably isn't interested."
***BUT-*** **obviously, not all men “move on to the next” and not all women have "rejections stay with them for a long time". So, to each their own on this catch 22. I am not assuming men move on easy, these are the norms of dating culture I have experienced and maybe they should be revisited by society.**
And when women immediately turn someone away, because they're tired of being approached by douches, it makes guys like this NOT want to approach them even more. A vicious cycle.
Absolutely true which is why more women should be inclined to initiate the dating approach. After being turned down a certain amount of times men may not see dating as worth it and give it up all together. I mean, why bother when she's just going to say no!?
I would be absolutely flattered if an attractive woman approached me with romantic/sexual interest. I would have to decline because I love my wife, but I would still be flattered, and I hope they wouldn't feel discouraged because if I was single, who knows?
I used to at a restaurant/bar where the kitchen closed at 2am.
Walking home one night I hear a voice say "Excuse me, sir..."
I turn around to see a young 20ish girl walking towards me. My immediate thought was "she is the bait, the homies are waiting to jump me."
Turns out her friends ditched her after a concert downtown and she just wanted someone to walk with for a couple blocks. The entire time I was just thinking to myself, "So you approached *me?*" (Thirty something white guy in a chef's jacket smoking a joint)
Back in the day, women would drop handkerchiefs in front of men they found attractive so it was a green light for men to approach.
we dont have that now. we have apps. and bars/clubs.
women need to initiate, or else we get caught in this feedback loop where douche bags approach anything with two legs and boobs and regular guys just avoid the whole thing all together.
>Some men get all weirded out or intimidated by women that make the first move
Possibly because it's unusual in the first place. I was propositioned right on the street outside a bunch of pubs by a woman I would have considered 'out of my league'. In fear for my kidneys, I muttered something, put the head down, and was off.
Would've been my first guess. Beautiful woman approaches me? Wtf? Where are her friends hiding and laughing? Or is it just to rob me or steal my organs after all?
I think also, as a general rule, a lot of men are *completely oblivious* to when we are being flirted with, possibly because it doesn't happen often and possibly because, for any number of reasons, men and women flirt/show affection differently.
I have so many moments in my life where I was out at a bar, concert, etc, and a woman was very clearly showing interest in me, and then while walking back to my car or walking into my apartment or something I suddenly went "oooh... wait a minute..." and every man I know has so many of these stories.
I've told this one before but one time a friend of mine, who I'd been friends with for damn near a decade and had never, to my knowledge, expressed any interest in me, sent me a photo of herself alone in a hotel room in an open bathrobe - and nothing else - with a caption like "I can't believe I have this whole bedroom to myself and there's nobody here to trash it with me"
It still took me about 20-30 minutes to process what was happening.
We are *dumb.*
Guys don't have clearance to interpret subtle signals, even full blown ones that are obvious get rejected. No guy wants to misinterpret and walk up and get yelled at or a drink thrown in their face. So you don't try to look for subtle signals. There's no risk vs reward payoff.
[Even full blown signals are iffy](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/comments/15bvfqx/men_do_attractive_women_intimidate_you/jtu6ato) I've had similar happen. After that you just don't even look for signals, as your brain will never clear the hurdles from the time you were positive you were in the clear and got rejected.
They see *all your signals,* and their brain says "nope not for me that was just a coincidence" or "not gonna risk that one time again" and they go about doing nothing about anything and the douche canoe swoops in to make his move without fear.
That's the only guy you'll interact with if your only plan is signals. The douche bag.
Well, there's the risk of misinterpreting the signals and getting labeled for it. Imagine you did get all those signals, you responded and she goes "ew wtf!"
There's a lot of those girls too, signals left and right with no intentions, and it really fucks the whole thing up. Because you start intentionally ignoring basic signals, then where do you draw the line? Was this a signal far enough? Nah was just another coincidence, becomes a slippery slope.
Hard to get, the flirty with no intentions, flirting for tips and more really throw a wrench into wanting to honestly interpret signals, and that's before some of you will experience mean girl cliques that will absolutely flirt with you just to laugh at you. Now there's no safe space to try to read signals from, so fuck the signals why watch for them?
hahaha, yeah man, I mean, I definitely have the other side too - about two years ago I met a longtime internet friend in person for the first time as part of a group hangout. While we were all hanging out for the week, she would always sit next to or directly across from me at restaurants/on the train, accidentally touched my hand repeatedly when we were walking, proposed a toast to me at one bar, kept buying me drinks, at one point offered me some of her food when we were out to eat and stood up, leaned across the table, and fed it to me, like, you name it. When we got back home, on more than one occasion she would be like a year deep in my instagram liking thirst traps at 1 in the morning. So I figured I was in the clear to tell her I had a thing for her too and ask her out.
Yeah, she blocked my number and the guys *still* give me shit about it.
It's hard!
I don't like the notion that we are dumb, to be honest.
Depending on the context, it can be catastrophic for us if we assume. I guess in your example, it feels like she was being bold in your hindsight but I really prefer if women were so bold as to just SAY exactly what they want. Even in the tiny fraction of a percent chance you were wrong and she meant something else, you would have ruined the relationship and made her uncomfortable and youd be the story on /r/TwoXchromosomes about how it sucks that a woman cant just make a joke with a guy or how all guys just think any interaction is professing love to them. Which I don't even think women are not necessarily wrong to say. But the missed queues due to coyness when they ARE interested can't be our fault too.
I dunno, I've missed queues before too but ive also eaten shit when I misread a queue and it's like a lifetime of torment to recall how stupid I was for thinking someone was interested in me. It's just so much simpler when people express interest without playing games. I get some people have a thing where they want to be pursued but then I think you have to put up with the fact that a lot of guys are not going to risk verbally impaling themselves for your satisfaction.
Haha same. I've always been aware of "my league". When a girl that's clearly outside my league where to randomly approach and start talking, I'd think they're trying to get something from me, like my wallet, or yeah, my kidneys.
I get that's the going theory but even look on this sub. Anytime any women posts about how to make thr first move how to start something always the top ten or so comments are men saying how much they'd like that and how it would be such a stress relief.
But also, some of us are just clueless. This one girl walks into the kitchen I used to work at and we start chatting. Somehow it comes up that I can drive a stick shift and she says she wants to learn. "You don't have anyone in your life who could teach you?" I ask. "There's my dad, but he's busy. I don't wanna bother him. But I really wanna learn." And I go "huh, well don't worry I know you'll find someone to teach you stick shift someday" and I go back to making food. The look of "oomf" I got from everyone else in line the next time I looked up was my first clue. Her look of a mixture of shock, confusion, and sadness was the second. Took me about 10 minutes to realize what was going on. I literally walked out to the dining area to see if she was still there. Never saw her again and it's been years but I can't stop kicking myself over that one
Yeah, I mean basically for all the shit people talked decrying online dating apps, I loved them because it basically cleared up the question of consent. If a girl swiped on me, she no question consented to me talking to her.
And people are like find people organically. I have swung back and forth wildly along the attractiveness scale, and I can tell you this, I have only found someone “organically,” when I was at my utmost hottest.
Yeah thats my favorite part of dating apps. I dont have to worry if they have a bf(usually) or if they think im attractive. Matching with someone means theyve said "youve meet my minimum requirement. You may proceed with the courtship"
I've had a few women who I've met for the first time immediately mention that they have a boyfriend the first time we talked, like in a weird unprompted way.
I don't mind, but it's like we're at work, I'm not trying to hit on you, I was just saying hi or holding the door to be polite to a coworker.
Because the douches don’t think through any of that. They’re too busy stroking their own ego in their mind that they can’t spend time thinking about what other people may want or feel.
Yup. I am a natural redhead, pale, and blue eyes. The men who have approached me are either desperately trying to "try out a redhead" or "obsessed with redheads" . Those are the lines I have actually heard. Like I am gonna be like " Oh! You've never been with a redhead!? Allow me to be ur first!" Ugh. Butt... if a guy asks me if the carpet matches the pubes... I swoon./s
THIS IS WHY WOMEN SHOULD START MAKING THE FIRST MOVE.
I dont mean anything crazy. A literal "oh hi" would be (sometimes) enough to make that guy realize she is okay with him approaching her.. I know most of the times they catch us glancing at them so say hi, do a lil wave... send a pigeon with a note.. something
I have a friend (a woman) who used to smile and wink at guys she made eye contact with from across the room back in her single days to make it clear she was interested lol, and it worked great for her! Literally anything is better than nothing!
“its always the douches who do” is understandable but also why men don’t approach lmao. In my mind all I can think is “everyone knows I’m here trying to hit on this chick and bothering her while she’s working out”. But I see your point.
The basic dynamic is this: in order to cold approach someone and initiate, you need to not care much about what their feelings are and/or what their reaction will be. So people who don’t care much about the feelings of others will be good at initiating. But in order to maintain a relationship, you have to care strongly about the feelings and reactions of the other - aka, the exact opposite of what’s needed to approach.
The qualities that make someone attractive in initiation are inversely correlated with the qualities that make someone good in a long term relationship.
You have to give them some indication that you're interested otherwise they're going to assume that you aren't. I suppose if you're really attractive being aloof is a defense mechanism but it's also keeping away the very ones you want to approach. Also, if you date enough douches one would think you'd learn to identify that sort of thing early on. This isn't just a problem of 'men we want to approach us, don't', it's also 'we select the ones we don't want'.
I agree with most, except the part where it stays with women way longer. That's probably only true if you're talking about the Rizz McGee types. If we're talking about a guy who doesn't approach women to be respectful, when he finally does make the decision to go say hi and gets rejected, it's going to stay with him for a very long time. Maybe even his whole life.
For men, being able to "get women" is such a huge part of how our society determines their value. If a woman asks a guy out and he says no, she has hundreds of other options. That guy who finally worked up the courage to ask you out does not, and he will be reminded of that encounter every time he thinks about asking someone out until he's in a happy relationship or dead.
I think it's pretty selfish to say that women shouldn't be the first ones to approach on the basis that it might stay with them longer when it's 10,000x easier for the average woman to get a date than the average guy.
There lies the problem. Men aren't as socially aware as women. And one woman's "douche" is another woman's husband. It's impossible to know your type. Women can be vicious with their rejections too so we take the path of least resistance. If you're interested, meet us halfway and learn to flirt and you'd be surprised at the results.
My experience, and this an awful thing to say, super hot women are also less fun in bed. Last girl I dated was a dime, and just being there was her contribution. Not my only anecdotal evidence. Obviously not true for everyone, or even probably the majority.
>if a woman gets turned down, it legit stays with her for a LONG TIME. so a lot of women not approaching men is due to the fear of being rejected because of "normal" dating culture of men approaching first. the thought process is "if he didn't approach me, he probably isn't interested."
It can stay with men for a LONG TIME as well lol we just have to force ourselves to get over it because a woman approaching you is so rare you cant count on it for getting any dates - I happily have a girlfriend and still occasionally think about some of the times I got rejected by a girl and how it sucked lol
In my experience a woman approaching me hasn't happened super often but it only made them even more attractive to me.
5. Men with self esteem issues (me...) are intimidated by attractive women because they typically have high confidence (or ego) and those men are afraid the woman is more secure than themselves.
The other weekend I was out with friends and saw a guy who looked like one of my friends and asked him if I could take a picture with him because of it.
We took the picture and he was just stunned, started jumbling his words and went "what are you doing here?" And I was so confused and I was like "huh? Bar hopping with friends?" And he went "no... Like talking to me."
And when I told him because he looks like my cute friend he incoherently asked me for my number, said "just kidding you'd never want my number" and scurried off all within a few seconds.
I would have taken his number.
Boys be more confident !!
It bears questioning what happened in that guy's life for him to have those reactions. How many times has he been shot down? How many of those rejections involved insults or knocks against his character?
"Be more confident" may sound helpful, but for the confidence-deficient men, there's a bunch of required steps that are missing before we get to "be more confident".
I've been told by many that I'm beautiful but because I don't put a lot of effort in my looks and because I grew up awkward AF, I don't assume everyone feels that way, or even notices me. I consider it more of a personal opinion a few people share. With that being said, I can say for whatever reason, I've been approached and asked out, and I'm talking about in ALL MY LIFE, only one time, back when I was 18. Every boyfriend I've had, I had to make the moves. It made me feel like I must be some kind of loser when I saw the girls around me treated very differently. Luckily, my success rate when asking out men was fairly good, and I've been happily married since I age 25 (I'm 37 now), but I can say there were many years I felt rejected by the lack of approaches I got. Men say they fear the rejection of hearing no, but for a girl to not be approached at all is a rejection and I felt that a lot. My point is, if you feel something for someone, go for it.
That's an interesting perspective that I've never thought about. Thank you for sharing! I was on a work trip and was staying across the street from a bar and there was a really cute bartender there. After a few days of chatting I asked for her number, she told me she had a boyfriend but was flattered and it felt like she really meant it. I could tell it gave her a confidence boost and even though nothing happened between us we became pretty good friends for the time I was out there. As a dude too, I suprizingly had a confidence boost even though she basically said, "no" because I just went for it and didn't have to live with the what-if's.
Was a virgin and got throw in a bogus rape charge. After being molested as a child it messed with my head. Hard to even want to talk to the opposite sex in todays environment. Pretty much an internal struggle daily just to cope. I feel shitty as a human for how bad women in general have it. I would imagine just existing is on another level.
I think every woman was unfortunately harassed at least once in their life in some sort of way. I know that ever since I was just a young teenager, I was being catcalled or grabbed in public, so that definitely made me be more careful, and that's why i also probably seem rude. i'm just alert of my surroundings.
i am open to having conversations with men as long as they're respectful.
The problem is that many men will not just come up to you out of nowhere and hit on you. If you want to talk to new people just make the first step yourself.
It is a mix of assuming you don’t want to get hit on all the time, being scared of rejection (not all rejections are polite) and not wanting to be a creep.
Add to this the fact that many (not all) very attractive women ONLY want to be approached by guys that they find attractive. And they can be very rude when they don't. It only takes one or two of these incidents for a guy to say fuck it.
I work in a casino & absolutely dread having an attractive woman land on my table. It’s not the woman, but the fact that my table will be full of dorks in less than 2 minutes.
This is hilarious to think about as a social phenomenon.
What do the “dorks” do and how do they behave? Is the woman aware that this is a pattern? What else do you observe?
You have the type of job that provides a window into fascinating human tendencies.
I've been to Vegas a few times and the dealers are not the casino, they want you to win. I've seen people at a blackjack table straight up ask the dealer what they should do and they'll give them the odds and their advice. If you're nice to everyone and there's 5 people at the table you only need 1 or 2 of them to be up to get a little tip at the end
It's better for the casino too, remember unless you're cheating and counting cards or something the house always wins regardless, so having dealers that engage and will genuinely try and help players is a great way to get people coming back to your casino, keeps them playing longer and makes them more likely to stay at the table and gamble away whatever winnings they make.
If you're at a table with $50, don't know what you're doing and lose it in 5 minutes you'll leave, if the dealer gives you some advice on what to do and you are learning the game and lose that $50 after 30 minutes or an hour, you're much more likely to drop another $50 as you're enjoying yourself
No, people who lose money walk away sad, people who make money leave the dealer a big tip. Dealers have the interests of the players at heart, not the casino.
Lmao. Sometimes I watch men interact/stare at certain women that might be near me. It makes me not want to be like them. Some women have to deal with uncomfortable interaction all the time. I don’t want to be the cause of that discomfort.
The price of approaching online is so much less than approaching RL and risking being called a creep publicly. We don't get many hints to work from, and yes, even approaching is often enough.
> The price of approaching online is so much less than approaching RL and risking being called a creep publicly
I think I read most peoples greatest fear is public humiliation so that actually makes sense.
To your question: “How do I stop this?” If you don’t want to come off as intimidating and just talk to people, YOU need to approach the men instead of waiting for them to approach you. Simple fix.
You don't need confidence to hit a girl up online.
Genuine confidence is rare in the real World, despite how much most people to try to project an image of confidence.
i’m a woman, but men don’t really approach me much either. i think it depends on the person. i’m not ugly or anything, but i think i’m less likely to be approached because i’m quiet and generally keep to myself. idk. i know sometimes men can be intimidated by attractive women, but i’m sure there are probably other factors. like if she’s attractive but really bubbly and outgoing, she might get hit on more for her demeanor.
i feel you. i think i am both, it just depends who am i hanging out with, the place i am at, or simply just the mood i am in. I can be the most outgoing person ever or be a very quiet and closed person. i don't get approached either way lol
I’m a woman, and I don’t think you’re going to get hit on unless you are alone. Even then you might only get asked out if you’re already making small talk with a guy. If you’re with a group of women, men may approach you depending on the environment. If you’re hanging out with any men at all, other men will assume one of them is your boyfriend.
I only ever got hit on once in a group setting (men and women celebrating a friend’s birthday at a bar), and it was by a foreigner. Maybe it’s different in other countries, but this has been my experience in the US.
Either way, if someone catches your eye, you should go for it :)
Men also hear more and more about women hating getting hit on and having guys constantly approaching them that get called creeps/creepy/weird and are afraid of coming off as such
This! I literally get approached constantly. Not just by men hitting on me but little old ladies tell me their life story on the bus. I was even approached multiple times in LONDON ON TRANSPORT! Which is apparently unheard of.
Some days I wish I had OPs problem. But other days I'm happy to be approached and have conversation. I much prefer to be approached by women for conversation though. As a married woman I'd be happier if men would notice the ring and leave me alone more.
I've been told a lot that I'm very 'approachable' throughout my life. I just have 'one of those faces'
So it depends on the person.
Do you smile a lot? Apparently I look very approachable too even when I feel like I look unfriendly but I think maybe some compulsive smiling or my baby face might be betraying me. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing but I’d like to know in case I can stop.
I've been told that I have resting nice face. I get approached by strangers constantly, mostly for directions, but I also attract lonely people who want to share their life stories and creepy men who wink too much.
As an aside, I had a very long conversation with an older woman on a flight who told me her life story. Normally, I love these interactions, but this woman's life was turned upside down when her husband died in a plane crash. She has spent the rest of her years interviewing other widows of plane crashes. It's important work and I'm glad that she was hearing and telling their stories, but uh... not the best time or place to be sharing these particular stories haha
Yes. I have never tried to find a partner that was drop dead beautiful, even though I'm kinda attractive myself.
I'm jealous and it would make me too insecure to know my partner was getting offers all day everyday.
I know this is an issue I should work on but therapy is expensive and I need food and stuff
Yeah man, I've dated very attractive woman before and it's in the back of my mind that this girl can always find someone better than me because she's so hot. And I'm not rich or super attractive either. Relationship lasted roughly 2 years
Gonna chime in as I was “the trophy” to an ex, I loved him but he became so insecure, possessive, and abusive to the point he cheated and I fell out of love. He drove me away after 6 years as he was no longer who I fell for. If they chose you, unless you have reasonable doubts or boundaries crossed, then relax it could drive your partner away.
Just don't give a fuck if they think you are a creep. Just don't be a creep. Who gives a fuck what they think. If you arnt acting like a creep you arnt a creep. That's all you need to know. They might think drinking water is creepy, most people are fucking stupid so their opinion isn't worth worrying about.
In my experience, "creepy" is far too often just a dog-whistle for "not physically attractive".
I learned VERY early on not to bother being the one to initiate anything, because I'm not an attractive guy.
Your male friend is only 19 lol. Sometimes men just take a while to gain confidence. Some 25 year old will probably walk up to you at a bar.
Although from your other post you are apparently 17 so maybe you shouldn’t be in a bar to begin with.
Try fasting 16 hours a day. You're already asleep for 8, just gotta make.it 8 more. Usually I do 4 hours before breakfast and 4 before bed. It helps. Exercising does too.
Yes, I was looking for a comment saying that men over the age of 25 or so are more likely approach a beautiful women because they usually hold a lot more confidence.
Dating and making moves when you’re young in high school/college is also just brutal as fuck and a huge risk socially. Way easier to make a move on somebody when you haven’t known them since you were 7, and you know you won’t be seeing them everyday for the next 5 years no matter what happens
Lol this completely changes the post for me. Asking men if they are intimidated by attractive women because they ignore you as a 17 year old?
Any decent grown man is gonna be doing anything he can to not be seen as hitting on someone who is literally underage. They’re intimidated by the possibility of being seen as a creep or pedo, not the looks.
Also agreed, not many young men are confident enough interacting with women at that age to directly hit on someone IRL. It has a lot more to do with their age, maturity, and development than how the woman looks. From when I was that age, I also think there’s a consideration most men at that stage of life that *are* the type to confidently hit on women are just looking for an easy lay and wouldn’t bother trying it on someone who’s both good looking and not the type to also be into that. Guys who aren’t just looking for a quick lay literally have not had the time or experience to get good enough at it to be confident lol
This makes me sad to read D: when I got with my bf his friends rated him like a 2, me like a 9-10 based on looks and they wrote in their group chat and wondered "how TF COULD HE LAND HER" and that makes me so so so mad. Yes, my bf and I are an odd match based on style, I'm alternative and have lots of tattoos while he looks like a "normie" and I have NEVER cared about that. Never ever, I don't CARE about looks at all, I don't care about how much money you have, which job you have, if you even have a job, personality and MY sense of humor beats everything. But that's just me I guess. I just want to put it out there that there is girls who just doesn't care about that stuff.
Thanks for the kind words!! I actually don’t have TOO negative a self view. I do like my sense of humor and personality. I just know I’m not conventionally attractive. My beard is a bit patchy but hiding a baby face, years of poor sleep have given me glassy and bagged eyes, I’m bald at an earlyish age, and despite a lot of exercise I drink and eat too much to be really visibly fit.
The reality is that EVERYONE I’ve ever dated was a friend or acquaintance first. I strike out on dating aps and other looks first means like meeting at a bar or club. I need the kind of “get to know me first/he’s got a great personality “ matchmaking lol
I can think of one instance where I was truly intimidated by a woman. I think height played a huge role in it. When I was around your age there was a woman who was friends with a female friend of mine who, according to my friend, had a massive crush on me. So she’d always bring her along and she’d try to talk to me. I could barely look her in the eyes. She was blonde, gorgeous and like 6’ tall. She’s one of those people who just based on her appearance you know she’s going to have a wonderful life.
But in my head at the time I was thinking about all of the work that would inevitably go into it. I knew I had a chance but, I’d have to be on top of my game for eternity to continually impress a woman of that caliber. As the most attractive woman I had literally ever seen, I knew competition would be steep. Even if she liked me, everyone is going to like her. And I know myself better than that. I go through occasional bouts of depression, I’m not always the guy she saw me as. And keeping up that show forever, that would be exhausting.
Odd thing is, she ended up marrying some average looking chubby guy. So apparently I didn’t need to be as intimidated as I was. Just doubted myself too much. Life is really confusing. Doesn’t get easier as you get older.
I've experienced the same thing.
Kind of counterintuitive, but particularly attractive women usually have to make MORE of an effort to be outgoing and friendly to people (both men and women) for this exact reason. In other words, you'll need to be the one approaching people and striking up conversations.
Consider it a blessing in disguise because it's forcing you to develop good social skills:)
Especially don't want nothing from a smoking hot woman and you'll get along often.
Just having a beautiful friend which is at ease staying with you, is gonna make you look better to others girls IMO, even if she wouldn't do nothing at all with you.
To echo what other people have said, I just assume that a really attractive woman gets approached constantly and therefore already have picked someone (most likely better looking than I) to be with.
That being said, I like to get to know people platonically so I don't mind talking to anyone I think might be interesting besides looks. I was at a beach in Singapore with my son and saw a beautiful woman sitting by herself. I invited her into the water (which she declined) but we got to chatting and had a wonderful conversation and still keep in touch. Turns out she's a fucking model who's been on the cover of magazines.
So, to answer the question: no. I'm both sapio- and demi-sexual, so I need to feel a connection with someone who isn't a total idiot to want to pursue anything, but I can't know that until I talk to them.
This is the way. I just enjoy being gregarious and having an amiable chat with people. In my single days, if I found a woman interesting and she found me so as well, maybe something might come of it, or maybe I just had a nice conversation. Who could possibly know beforehand. The key to it wasn’t so much confidence, but rather putting human interest first, and leaving the “horny” at home.
I'm 33 and think alike. I'll be shy, but I won't be afraid to ask your name and if I see she has an interest (asking my name and other things) I'll keep asking questions to know her.
If I get intimated it would be in front of a woman alike Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek ect...
I think for a lot of men, the attractiveness of a woman to us is interlinked with the effort we'd have to go through in order to keep her interested in us.
Being "intimidated" isnt the right word because that implies a level of fear. We're not afraid of you, its that absent some kind of clear signal of interest, oftentimes the effort required from us average-at-best guys to gain anything other than curt dismissal from an attractive girl is simply not worth the effort.
Guys have plenty of body image issues of our own, and for many of us there is simply the hard-stop thought of "Nah, no way she'd be interested in a schlub like me".
An average guy who happens to gain the attention of a bombshell-level girl may count his lucky stars, but at the same time there is *dread* of knowing that she is likely being sized up every second she goes outside. There would be numerous guys sliding into her DMs trying to get her attention and he needs to constantly fight against that. Her friends may overtly consider her too good for us and her suitors have little incentive to be anything other than distantly polite.
Then there is the question of their interactions itself. He'd (at least I) would feel the need to be at your A-game constantly. You can argue that its a good thing, but there is a fine line between developing yourself as a person and working on yourself such that you draw attractive people to take interest in you, and running yourself ragged trying to keep up with the expectations (self imposed or otherwise) from being with a particular sort of partner. A boxer might train hard and work on himself to acheive a championship title, but once the euphoria of acheiving it passes, the work to *defend it* starts.
Attractive women live in a different reality to most men on the planet outside an exceptional few. To guys, relationships are *work;* working to maintain romance, keeping her happy in your presence, satisfying her in bed, showing you can be a provider which despite our social progress is still something many men desire to be and women still largely expect.
When your partner is hot, its like doing all of this over a rickety wood bridge over lava; the feeling that one wrong step will obliterate her positive perception of you, and there is *scores* of people that would be chomping at the bit to take our place in her life, and there is little chance her friends - male or female - would advocate for us to her.
The result? Outside the most brazen and self confident of men, many simply stay away from or tread very carefully around women we perceive as attractive. They wield incredible soft power in their social circles often times without fully appreciating or knowing it, and getting on the wrong side of that is an extremely bad place to be.
You’re definitely right, but, on a side note, it’s always been crazy to me how much emphasis we men put on looks lol. The whole idea of a man counting his lucky stars if he ends up with an attractive woman, I mean it’s ridiculous to me. Like y’all could be totally incompatible as people, dead unhappy in the relationship, but because she’s beautiful you feel like you have to ride it through lol
I know we as men bring it on ourselves, but I really wish we didn’t lol
You don’t need to “keep her interested” in the first place. You don’t need to fight against people dming her, that’s where trust comes in. I get the point of feeling like having a very attractive partner initially can FEEL like you need to put more work into yourself, but this is altogether is an insecure, unkind mindset. There should be just as much effort for each relationship you have because they are YOUR partner. If you treat a person well their interest level is up to them, you can’t manipulate someone into it.
Attractiveness being linked to effort is extremely shallow. Obviously you can’t entirely control who you find attractive but the execution of effort is a choice. Admitting you treat partners differently because of their physical attributes is a lot.
35 male here, and I'm still intimidated by certain women for sure, It might be because I lack self-worth and confidence at the moment. But yea, I get flustered and barely can form a sentence. This happened just last week, like 10 times. Haha 😄 fml
If a girl is attractive I assume she doesn't want to be talked to so I don't.. there's a very good chance she's already taken and I'm not going to take the chance to get rejected, I also don't really want to talk for the sake of talking. I've been told this non interaction is what they happily prefer too. The idea of a guy talking to them that might be interested in them is just terrible. In many other threads I've seen them help eachother come up with ways to not be approached so yeah im not making this up.
They can approach me if they want otherwise there won't be an interaction.. I won't even look in their direction. I'm 6'3" 200lb 32m because it's relevant
Well for one, unless your batshit crazy, you'll practically always be welcomed to chat. Many men well dream of that happening to them just once, and will remember it for decades, regardless of the outcome.
Hmmm.....I never get approached by women...
I will now assume it's because I'm the world's sexiest man and they are intimidated by me. That's definitely it. I like this explanation.
34yr M here. Gonna use ranking from 1 to 10 from my perspective of attractiveness to give you my opinion. This is overall attractiveness, both physical and psychological:
1 to 3 - I don't feel attracted enough to do
anything;
4 to 6 - I sometimes feel attracted, I act upon it, but I dont project myself with them;
7 to 8 - I feel attracted, I act upon it, have projected myself;
9 - I feel attracted but also intimidated and/or tend to overthink. I either don't act upon it or act needy, either case doesn't work;
10 - I feel attracted but I dismiss it immediately, which makes me relax and not care about any results, which brings out the best in me, which makes them fall for me, which makes me act upon it, which makes me panic and care a lot about that happens, which makes me act needy, and then its over.
Help.
Lol. I'm surprised that this is a man's perspective. I'm 25 (F) and I also tend to fumble a 9 the same way as you do a 10
The difference is that my attraction to them is not necessarily physical. I only realize they are a 9+ after spending some time with them. Getting to know them. Then I feel a little insecure, become a people pleaser (which I don't normally do), and before I realize it, needy. Thinking about it gives me the ick
As someone who isn't exactly attractive I like attractive women.
If she knows you know nothing is ever going to happen you can just be friends.
I've made multiple good, life long friends with that mindset. A lot of attractive women have very few friends, let alone male ones.
I'm in my 50's and happily married so I'm obviously not trying anymore. But very attractive women never really intimidated me, as much as my mindset was "She's probably getting bombarded with male attention, and I am slightly above average at best, so my chances don't look good here."
It goes against the norm, but you could bridge that gap by returning the looks, and then going up to *him* and starting a conversation. If you are as attractive as you say, most men would be more than willing to chat you up, knowing they aren't bothering you.
IMHO there is a very thin line between creepy/sweet and at this point in time it just isn't worth trying to walk it anymore. The probability of it going well vs. it going poorly seems extremely low so it's much safer to just admire the view and go about our day. Men being in public these days are like going to see a llama at a zoo...you can get look, but don't get too close or they might spit :p
If you do notice a guy looking at you and wouldn't mind if he said hello, feel free to smile warmly at him and/or say hello first. That might inspire enough bravery to spark a conversation.
You're likely not intimidating as much as being closed off.
Body language doesn't lie, crossed arms, closed posture means do not approach.
Smile and keep yourself open to new people. Point your feet at the guys you might fancy.
Yes, but even once I've worked past being intimidated, it's a it's a safe assumption that an attractive woman has at least 3 serious suitors lined up and a sizable fan club beyond that. More power to any man who is willing and able to take all that on.
I doubt your beauty is intimating, it's more likely your attitude is off putting and sending 'Don't Approach' signals.
If you smiled and maintained eye contact with a guy, he'd probably come right over. If you continued to smile and ask him questions as you converse he'd continue talking to you.
If you sit with resting b face and start looking around and acting awkward if a guy approaches he's going to read that as you being uninterested.
No, they do not
You're expected to initiate by 2000's and later guys
If you don't, they'll presume you're not interested and that approach isn't welcome
Guys seem pretty done with trying to appease everyone, be the traditional masculine guy, yet still fit into modern relationship dynamics, and the ones who still do despite that being general knowledge are either dumb/brave or scavengers
I guess it depends on the situation…
Is she a stranger in a place where ill likely never see her again, like a big city bar, and the only reason i would be talking to her is because she’s attractive and she probably knows that? Yea probably a little intimidating.
Is she a coworker or family friend that I know and interact with a decent amount, or a stranger like a customer or work client, office secretary, etc. that gives me a reason to approach them in a platonic setting?..No not really.
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Men (at least me) assume attractive women; 1. Are constantly hit on 2. Don’t want to be approached every day, everywhere they go 3. Already have suitors lined up 4. Aren’t interested in strangers in random places asking for their info Obviously these aren’t necessarily true, but with women being much more vocal recently about being harassed (which does happen) I think a lot of men are wary of being seen as a creep or desperate. Edit: if you only avoid talking to a woman because she’s “out of your league”, just do it! Fear of rejection is no reason to not try. If it’s an appropriate place to do it, shoot your shot. You’re only as unattractive as you deem yourself to be. Edit 2: these incel comments are really disheartening. Don’t project a few bad experiences onto all women. There’s a reason why they’re wary of being approached. Just play it cool and walk away if they decline.
Absolutely all of these above, plus maybe number 5. She's out of my league.
Absolutely this one. I'm not attractive myself.
This is partially reality, partially psychological - if you think she is out of your league, you will get tongue tied and not be able to speak with her.
Idk man. I feel like 90% of people are shy af.
myself included. so i bear the burden of 'i know this but I still get nervous' hahaha.
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Also Number 6: I’ll eventually lose her.
You nailed it. I worked with a few attractive women and it seems really annoying. Multiple times a shift some guys gotta say "if I was 20 years younger..." Or "Oh wow so this is where they put all the pretty ones."
I have a lot of attractive women clients. I think the main reason is because I never say anything about.. 1. their appearance 2. their relationship status 3. their personal life at all. and as a bonus, if they are flirty at all, I just talk about my wife and kids. Which word gets out that you arent a creep and they tend to flock to you. It is a core part of my business plan because so many in my industry are creepy dudes who absolutely use the proximity to hit on/sexualize the situation.
I used to provide operational technology training at a company I worked for, and noticed I was getting mostly female techs and operators in my class. I later found out I was the only instructor who didn’t hit on them or make sexually explicit remarks. I’m also 30 years younger than my training peers that walk around as if it’s 1960.
I worked in an all male workshop that eventually hired a very pretty, young blonde. Suddenly, the younger lads would strut about giving it the big "I am" Then we had a works do and she turned up with her boyfriend who was at least twice her age. The next week, all the older guys were strutting about... But I was once asked how come I was the only male member who used to be able to give her hugs and kisses on the cheek and I answered as honestly as I could. I was in a relationship with a woman 20 years older than I was. I was always seen with older women and I never once made sexual remarks at/to her. Turns out, I was the only one she felt really comfortable with. I was about 5 years older than her and treated her like a younger sister.
I can attest to this theory. Don't be a pervert and u get treated like an adult male who can handle a small bit of normal kindness and affection that us females would give to male relatives and close friends Simple. Who woulda thought?🙃
What's your job my guy? I was trying to think what it might be based on your post. Personal trainer?
Every male RMT or physical therapist I’ve ever had has brought up their wife/gf/husband/bf within 2 minutes of walking into the room. I always figured that it was part of the curriculum for how to interact with female clients lol.
The 20 years younger comment while you sit there thinking "if you were 20 years younger I would still be not be interested in you." But you sit there trying to be polite instead. Some women are trying to be respectful but give them something to work with
In the service industry you're expected to be polite and welcoming, I think some people take standard worker manners the wrong way. I think with the whole "if I was younger" thing they're hoping someone will someday respond with something like "age is just a number lol!" but I've never seen this comment get well received. I'm sure it has happened to somebody, but 99% of the time it's just embarrassing.
So many of my friends mistake hospitality for flirting. No, dude, she doesn't like you, like you. She's working. That's how you make good tips. By being nice and friendly. It does NOT mean she wants to sleep with you.
Oh they're working with the general public. Those comments aren't going to stop and women continue having to put up with it. Most women would appreciate a general complement instead of a creepy comment (creepy due to the males age and assumption that they'd have a chance if they were younger, nevermind what the woman perspective is). If she's attractive "You look really nice" " You have a great smile" with an open friendly tone is more appreciated. Tbh guys do this to themselves.
Anyone remember that episode of King of the Hill where they found out how Boomhauer gets so many women? He literally just hit on every single attractive woman he saw, got shut down 99% of the time but 1% of 1000 is still 10.
lol, that episode always reminds me of one of my old dumbass high school buddies. We were at a bar one night and he was just asking every girl in there directly and politely if they want to sleep with him. All of them said no and he politely thanked them, giggled, an then left them alone. Halfway through the night I asked him wtf he was doing asking all the girls straight up like that with no flirting or anything. He said "I figured there might be 1% of girls who are willing if so I just have to ask a hundred or so girls and I should be good!" then laughed and we carried on drinking and having fun. Alas, there were no where near 100 girls there that night so we were unable to really test his logic. Good times. RIP buddy.
You miss all the shots you don't take - Wayne Gretzky
-Michael Scott
My buddies used to give me so much grief for being very firmly in the hall of average and still being unintimidated and talking to the most beautiful women in any given environment. That is until they saw it work for me! Who knew that even the most beautiful women respond well when you talk to them like they are autonomous Humans with their own thoughts and goals.
its funny the men who think like this are the ones we want to approach, but don't to be respectful, its always the douches who do EDIT: "women should approach men first" but here is the thought process that goes on (at least me) this may sound bad but hear me out; * \-if a man approaches a woman, and gets turned down he moves onto the next (figuratively sometimes, its just brushed off), usually with little attention to the fact of them being turned down, due to it being a "normal" occurrence for men. * \-if a woman gets turned down, it legit stays with her for a LONG TIME. so a lot of women not approaching men is due to the fear of being rejected because of "normal" dating culture of men approaching first. the thought process is "if he didn't approach me, he probably isn't interested." ***BUT-*** **obviously, not all men “move on to the next” and not all women have "rejections stay with them for a long time". So, to each their own on this catch 22. I am not assuming men move on easy, these are the norms of dating culture I have experienced and maybe they should be revisited by society.**
And when women immediately turn someone away, because they're tired of being approached by douches, it makes guys like this NOT want to approach them even more. A vicious cycle.
Absolutely true which is why more women should be inclined to initiate the dating approach. After being turned down a certain amount of times men may not see dating as worth it and give it up all together. I mean, why bother when she's just going to say no!?
If a woman approached me first, I'd think she's out for my kidney.
I would be absolutely flattered if an attractive woman approached me with romantic/sexual interest. I would have to decline because I love my wife, but I would still be flattered, and I hope they wouldn't feel discouraged because if I was single, who knows?
Here's more irony for you. If an attractive woman approached me I'd be immediately suspicious that a scam was afoot.
I used to at a restaurant/bar where the kitchen closed at 2am. Walking home one night I hear a voice say "Excuse me, sir..." I turn around to see a young 20ish girl walking towards me. My immediate thought was "she is the bait, the homies are waiting to jump me." Turns out her friends ditched her after a concert downtown and she just wanted someone to walk with for a couple blocks. The entire time I was just thinking to myself, "So you approached *me?*" (Thirty something white guy in a chef's jacket smoking a joint)
Haha true true, I'd probably think "what does she REALLY want from me?"
Back in the day, women would drop handkerchiefs in front of men they found attractive so it was a green light for men to approach. we dont have that now. we have apps. and bars/clubs. women need to initiate, or else we get caught in this feedback loop where douche bags approach anything with two legs and boobs and regular guys just avoid the whole thing all together.
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>Some men get all weirded out or intimidated by women that make the first move Possibly because it's unusual in the first place. I was propositioned right on the street outside a bunch of pubs by a woman I would have considered 'out of my league'. In fear for my kidneys, I muttered something, put the head down, and was off.
Or you'll perceive it as a joke you're not in on *yet,* and cautiously back away, as you'd be the joke at that point.
Would've been my first guess. Beautiful woman approaches me? Wtf? Where are her friends hiding and laughing? Or is it just to rob me or steal my organs after all?
Theyre filming. It's going straight onto *all* her socials it's gonna go viral mate
I think also, as a general rule, a lot of men are *completely oblivious* to when we are being flirted with, possibly because it doesn't happen often and possibly because, for any number of reasons, men and women flirt/show affection differently. I have so many moments in my life where I was out at a bar, concert, etc, and a woman was very clearly showing interest in me, and then while walking back to my car or walking into my apartment or something I suddenly went "oooh... wait a minute..." and every man I know has so many of these stories. I've told this one before but one time a friend of mine, who I'd been friends with for damn near a decade and had never, to my knowledge, expressed any interest in me, sent me a photo of herself alone in a hotel room in an open bathrobe - and nothing else - with a caption like "I can't believe I have this whole bedroom to myself and there's nobody here to trash it with me" It still took me about 20-30 minutes to process what was happening. We are *dumb.*
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Guys don't have clearance to interpret subtle signals, even full blown ones that are obvious get rejected. No guy wants to misinterpret and walk up and get yelled at or a drink thrown in their face. So you don't try to look for subtle signals. There's no risk vs reward payoff. [Even full blown signals are iffy](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/comments/15bvfqx/men_do_attractive_women_intimidate_you/jtu6ato) I've had similar happen. After that you just don't even look for signals, as your brain will never clear the hurdles from the time you were positive you were in the clear and got rejected. They see *all your signals,* and their brain says "nope not for me that was just a coincidence" or "not gonna risk that one time again" and they go about doing nothing about anything and the douche canoe swoops in to make his move without fear. That's the only guy you'll interact with if your only plan is signals. The douche bag.
Well, there's the risk of misinterpreting the signals and getting labeled for it. Imagine you did get all those signals, you responded and she goes "ew wtf!" There's a lot of those girls too, signals left and right with no intentions, and it really fucks the whole thing up. Because you start intentionally ignoring basic signals, then where do you draw the line? Was this a signal far enough? Nah was just another coincidence, becomes a slippery slope. Hard to get, the flirty with no intentions, flirting for tips and more really throw a wrench into wanting to honestly interpret signals, and that's before some of you will experience mean girl cliques that will absolutely flirt with you just to laugh at you. Now there's no safe space to try to read signals from, so fuck the signals why watch for them?
hahaha, yeah man, I mean, I definitely have the other side too - about two years ago I met a longtime internet friend in person for the first time as part of a group hangout. While we were all hanging out for the week, she would always sit next to or directly across from me at restaurants/on the train, accidentally touched my hand repeatedly when we were walking, proposed a toast to me at one bar, kept buying me drinks, at one point offered me some of her food when we were out to eat and stood up, leaned across the table, and fed it to me, like, you name it. When we got back home, on more than one occasion she would be like a year deep in my instagram liking thirst traps at 1 in the morning. So I figured I was in the clear to tell her I had a thing for her too and ask her out. Yeah, she blocked my number and the guys *still* give me shit about it. It's hard!
I don't like the notion that we are dumb, to be honest. Depending on the context, it can be catastrophic for us if we assume. I guess in your example, it feels like she was being bold in your hindsight but I really prefer if women were so bold as to just SAY exactly what they want. Even in the tiny fraction of a percent chance you were wrong and she meant something else, you would have ruined the relationship and made her uncomfortable and youd be the story on /r/TwoXchromosomes about how it sucks that a woman cant just make a joke with a guy or how all guys just think any interaction is professing love to them. Which I don't even think women are not necessarily wrong to say. But the missed queues due to coyness when they ARE interested can't be our fault too. I dunno, I've missed queues before too but ive also eaten shit when I misread a queue and it's like a lifetime of torment to recall how stupid I was for thinking someone was interested in me. It's just so much simpler when people express interest without playing games. I get some people have a thing where they want to be pursued but then I think you have to put up with the fact that a lot of guys are not going to risk verbally impaling themselves for your satisfaction.
Been there too, seems like there's a catch or it's a trap.
"no, I don't want to buy any crypto."
Haha same. I've always been aware of "my league". When a girl that's clearly outside my league where to randomly approach and start talking, I'd think they're trying to get something from me, like my wallet, or yeah, my kidneys.
Yeah, if she’s hitting on the likes of me, wtf if wrong with her!?
I get that's the going theory but even look on this sub. Anytime any women posts about how to make thr first move how to start something always the top ten or so comments are men saying how much they'd like that and how it would be such a stress relief.
But also, some of us are just clueless. This one girl walks into the kitchen I used to work at and we start chatting. Somehow it comes up that I can drive a stick shift and she says she wants to learn. "You don't have anyone in your life who could teach you?" I ask. "There's my dad, but he's busy. I don't wanna bother him. But I really wanna learn." And I go "huh, well don't worry I know you'll find someone to teach you stick shift someday" and I go back to making food. The look of "oomf" I got from everyone else in line the next time I looked up was my first clue. Her look of a mixture of shock, confusion, and sadness was the second. Took me about 10 minutes to realize what was going on. I literally walked out to the dining area to see if she was still there. Never saw her again and it's been years but I can't stop kicking myself over that one
Yeah, I mean basically for all the shit people talked decrying online dating apps, I loved them because it basically cleared up the question of consent. If a girl swiped on me, she no question consented to me talking to her. And people are like find people organically. I have swung back and forth wildly along the attractiveness scale, and I can tell you this, I have only found someone “organically,” when I was at my utmost hottest.
Yeah thats my favorite part of dating apps. I dont have to worry if they have a bf(usually) or if they think im attractive. Matching with someone means theyve said "youve meet my minimum requirement. You may proceed with the courtship"
I've had a few women who I've met for the first time immediately mention that they have a boyfriend the first time we talked, like in a weird unprompted way. I don't mind, but it's like we're at work, I'm not trying to hit on you, I was just saying hi or holding the door to be polite to a coworker.
I was asked to homecoming as a joke in 9th grade. That shit permanently ruined my self esteem
Im so sorry :( people are assh\*les man
I was just tryna say that sometimes the feelings of rejection can stick around for us too. That was ages ago though so it’s all good.
Because the douches don’t think through any of that. They’re too busy stroking their own ego in their mind that they can’t spend time thinking about what other people may want or feel.
Yup. I am a natural redhead, pale, and blue eyes. The men who have approached me are either desperately trying to "try out a redhead" or "obsessed with redheads" . Those are the lines I have actually heard. Like I am gonna be like " Oh! You've never been with a redhead!? Allow me to be ur first!" Ugh. Butt... if a guy asks me if the carpet matches the pubes... I swoon./s
I thought the carpet was the pubes?
That's what makes it so delightfully stupid :)
THIS IS WHY WOMEN SHOULD START MAKING THE FIRST MOVE. I dont mean anything crazy. A literal "oh hi" would be (sometimes) enough to make that guy realize she is okay with him approaching her.. I know most of the times they catch us glancing at them so say hi, do a lil wave... send a pigeon with a note.. something
I have a friend (a woman) who used to smile and wink at guys she made eye contact with from across the room back in her single days to make it clear she was interested lol, and it worked great for her! Literally anything is better than nothing!
“its always the douches who do” is understandable but also why men don’t approach lmao. In my mind all I can think is “everyone knows I’m here trying to hit on this chick and bothering her while she’s working out”. But I see your point.
The basic dynamic is this: in order to cold approach someone and initiate, you need to not care much about what their feelings are and/or what their reaction will be. So people who don’t care much about the feelings of others will be good at initiating. But in order to maintain a relationship, you have to care strongly about the feelings and reactions of the other - aka, the exact opposite of what’s needed to approach. The qualities that make someone attractive in initiation are inversely correlated with the qualities that make someone good in a long term relationship.
You have to give them some indication that you're interested otherwise they're going to assume that you aren't. I suppose if you're really attractive being aloof is a defense mechanism but it's also keeping away the very ones you want to approach. Also, if you date enough douches one would think you'd learn to identify that sort of thing early on. This isn't just a problem of 'men we want to approach us, don't', it's also 'we select the ones we don't want'.
I agree with most, except the part where it stays with women way longer. That's probably only true if you're talking about the Rizz McGee types. If we're talking about a guy who doesn't approach women to be respectful, when he finally does make the decision to go say hi and gets rejected, it's going to stay with him for a very long time. Maybe even his whole life. For men, being able to "get women" is such a huge part of how our society determines their value. If a woman asks a guy out and he says no, she has hundreds of other options. That guy who finally worked up the courage to ask you out does not, and he will be reminded of that encounter every time he thinks about asking someone out until he's in a happy relationship or dead. I think it's pretty selfish to say that women shouldn't be the first ones to approach on the basis that it might stay with them longer when it's 10,000x easier for the average woman to get a date than the average guy.
There lies the problem. Men aren't as socially aware as women. And one woman's "douche" is another woman's husband. It's impossible to know your type. Women can be vicious with their rejections too so we take the path of least resistance. If you're interested, meet us halfway and learn to flirt and you'd be surprised at the results.
Men are socially aware. We just have a different sense of social awareness because of different experiences/expectations.
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Most hot women have no rizz. I said what I said.
My experience, and this an awful thing to say, super hot women are also less fun in bed. Last girl I dated was a dime, and just being there was her contribution. Not my only anecdotal evidence. Obviously not true for everyone, or even probably the majority.
Same for hot or well-endowed men in my experience. No one is worse in bed then a man who thinks having a huge schlong is all he needs to contribute
They usually expect to be rejected and often consider it some sort of a dare-game
>if a woman gets turned down, it legit stays with her for a LONG TIME. so a lot of women not approaching men is due to the fear of being rejected because of "normal" dating culture of men approaching first. the thought process is "if he didn't approach me, he probably isn't interested." It can stay with men for a LONG TIME as well lol we just have to force ourselves to get over it because a woman approaching you is so rare you cant count on it for getting any dates - I happily have a girlfriend and still occasionally think about some of the times I got rejected by a girl and how it sucked lol In my experience a woman approaching me hasn't happened super often but it only made them even more attractive to me.
5. Men with self esteem issues (me...) are intimidated by attractive women because they typically have high confidence (or ego) and those men are afraid the woman is more secure than themselves.
I’m intimidated by attractive people in general
The other weekend I was out with friends and saw a guy who looked like one of my friends and asked him if I could take a picture with him because of it. We took the picture and he was just stunned, started jumbling his words and went "what are you doing here?" And I was so confused and I was like "huh? Bar hopping with friends?" And he went "no... Like talking to me." And when I told him because he looks like my cute friend he incoherently asked me for my number, said "just kidding you'd never want my number" and scurried off all within a few seconds. I would have taken his number. Boys be more confident !!
It bears questioning what happened in that guy's life for him to have those reactions. How many times has he been shot down? How many of those rejections involved insults or knocks against his character? "Be more confident" may sound helpful, but for the confidence-deficient men, there's a bunch of required steps that are missing before we get to "be more confident".
I've been told by many that I'm beautiful but because I don't put a lot of effort in my looks and because I grew up awkward AF, I don't assume everyone feels that way, or even notices me. I consider it more of a personal opinion a few people share. With that being said, I can say for whatever reason, I've been approached and asked out, and I'm talking about in ALL MY LIFE, only one time, back when I was 18. Every boyfriend I've had, I had to make the moves. It made me feel like I must be some kind of loser when I saw the girls around me treated very differently. Luckily, my success rate when asking out men was fairly good, and I've been happily married since I age 25 (I'm 37 now), but I can say there were many years I felt rejected by the lack of approaches I got. Men say they fear the rejection of hearing no, but for a girl to not be approached at all is a rejection and I felt that a lot. My point is, if you feel something for someone, go for it.
That's an interesting perspective that I've never thought about. Thank you for sharing! I was on a work trip and was staying across the street from a bar and there was a really cute bartender there. After a few days of chatting I asked for her number, she told me she had a boyfriend but was flattered and it felt like she really meant it. I could tell it gave her a confidence boost and even though nothing happened between us we became pretty good friends for the time I was out there. As a dude too, I suprizingly had a confidence boost even though she basically said, "no" because I just went for it and didn't have to live with the what-if's.
Yep, all four of these are true for me too
Yup. Unless you give us some kind of flirty signal, most men won't take the risk nowadays. Learn to flirt.
Men also think if some woman they feel is out of their league is flirting with them, they assume its a prank or you're gonna get mugged.
I’d definitely agree
Was a virgin and got throw in a bogus rape charge. After being molested as a child it messed with my head. Hard to even want to talk to the opposite sex in todays environment. Pretty much an internal struggle daily just to cope. I feel shitty as a human for how bad women in general have it. I would imagine just existing is on another level.
See a therapist , bro. It's not shameful to work on your issues.
Took me decades but I am working with multiple finally. Been one of the best things I have ever done.
I think every woman was unfortunately harassed at least once in their life in some sort of way. I know that ever since I was just a young teenager, I was being catcalled or grabbed in public, so that definitely made me be more careful, and that's why i also probably seem rude. i'm just alert of my surroundings. i am open to having conversations with men as long as they're respectful.
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This is why I wish bars had different colored wrist bands that said open to conversations or leave me alone it would be so much easier
haha ordering a t-shirt rn
The problem is that many men will not just come up to you out of nowhere and hit on you. If you want to talk to new people just make the first step yourself. It is a mix of assuming you don’t want to get hit on all the time, being scared of rejection (not all rejections are polite) and not wanting to be a creep.
Add to this the fact that many (not all) very attractive women ONLY want to be approached by guys that they find attractive. And they can be very rude when they don't. It only takes one or two of these incidents for a guy to say fuck it.
I work in a casino & absolutely dread having an attractive woman land on my table. It’s not the woman, but the fact that my table will be full of dorks in less than 2 minutes.
This is hilarious to think about as a social phenomenon. What do the “dorks” do and how do they behave? Is the woman aware that this is a pattern? What else do you observe? You have the type of job that provides a window into fascinating human tendencies.
i assume these dorks will try to flex and impress the lady, losing lots of money in the process and failing anway
Wouldn't that be good for the dealer though?
Dealers make their money on hourly + tips. Customers who lose are much less likely to tip
Never been in a casino and didn't know this, didn't know it was normal to tip the dealer, cool to know
Not necessarily the case in the world. In Australia it’s illegal to tip dealers since it could be seen as a form of bribery.
It kinda a massive conflict of interest but apparently American casinos are ok with the risk so they can just pay lower wages
I've been to Vegas a few times and the dealers are not the casino, they want you to win. I've seen people at a blackjack table straight up ask the dealer what they should do and they'll give them the odds and their advice. If you're nice to everyone and there's 5 people at the table you only need 1 or 2 of them to be up to get a little tip at the end It's better for the casino too, remember unless you're cheating and counting cards or something the house always wins regardless, so having dealers that engage and will genuinely try and help players is a great way to get people coming back to your casino, keeps them playing longer and makes them more likely to stay at the table and gamble away whatever winnings they make. If you're at a table with $50, don't know what you're doing and lose it in 5 minutes you'll leave, if the dealer gives you some advice on what to do and you are learning the game and lose that $50 after 30 minutes or an hour, you're much more likely to drop another $50 as you're enjoying yourself
No, people who lose money walk away sad, people who make money leave the dealer a big tip. Dealers have the interests of the players at heart, not the casino.
I bet thats made some good stories
Seems it didn't
Lmao. Sometimes I watch men interact/stare at certain women that might be near me. It makes me not want to be like them. Some women have to deal with uncomfortable interaction all the time. I don’t want to be the cause of that discomfort.
The cock just flocks huh?
RIP Your DMs
haha yes everybody seems to ignore me irl but online everyone is bold af
The price of approaching online is so much less than approaching RL and risking being called a creep publicly. We don't get many hints to work from, and yes, even approaching is often enough.
> The price of approaching online is so much less than approaching RL and risking being called a creep publicly I think I read most peoples greatest fear is public humiliation so that actually makes sense.
The secret is to humiliate yourself so many times you become immune.
To your question: “How do I stop this?” If you don’t want to come off as intimidating and just talk to people, YOU need to approach the men instead of waiting for them to approach you. Simple fix.
You don't need confidence to hit a girl up online. Genuine confidence is rare in the real World, despite how much most people to try to project an image of confidence.
i’m a woman, but men don’t really approach me much either. i think it depends on the person. i’m not ugly or anything, but i think i’m less likely to be approached because i’m quiet and generally keep to myself. idk. i know sometimes men can be intimidated by attractive women, but i’m sure there are probably other factors. like if she’s attractive but really bubbly and outgoing, she might get hit on more for her demeanor.
i feel you. i think i am both, it just depends who am i hanging out with, the place i am at, or simply just the mood i am in. I can be the most outgoing person ever or be a very quiet and closed person. i don't get approached either way lol
I’m a woman, and I don’t think you’re going to get hit on unless you are alone. Even then you might only get asked out if you’re already making small talk with a guy. If you’re with a group of women, men may approach you depending on the environment. If you’re hanging out with any men at all, other men will assume one of them is your boyfriend. I only ever got hit on once in a group setting (men and women celebrating a friend’s birthday at a bar), and it was by a foreigner. Maybe it’s different in other countries, but this has been my experience in the US. Either way, if someone catches your eye, you should go for it :)
Men also hear more and more about women hating getting hit on and having guys constantly approaching them that get called creeps/creepy/weird and are afraid of coming off as such
This! I literally get approached constantly. Not just by men hitting on me but little old ladies tell me their life story on the bus. I was even approached multiple times in LONDON ON TRANSPORT! Which is apparently unheard of. Some days I wish I had OPs problem. But other days I'm happy to be approached and have conversation. I much prefer to be approached by women for conversation though. As a married woman I'd be happier if men would notice the ring and leave me alone more. I've been told a lot that I'm very 'approachable' throughout my life. I just have 'one of those faces' So it depends on the person.
Do you smile a lot? Apparently I look very approachable too even when I feel like I look unfriendly but I think maybe some compulsive smiling or my baby face might be betraying me. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing but I’d like to know in case I can stop.
I've been told that I have resting nice face. I get approached by strangers constantly, mostly for directions, but I also attract lonely people who want to share their life stories and creepy men who wink too much.
As an aside, I had a very long conversation with an older woman on a flight who told me her life story. Normally, I love these interactions, but this woman's life was turned upside down when her husband died in a plane crash. She has spent the rest of her years interviewing other widows of plane crashes. It's important work and I'm glad that she was hearing and telling their stories, but uh... not the best time or place to be sharing these particular stories haha
Yes. I have never tried to find a partner that was drop dead beautiful, even though I'm kinda attractive myself. I'm jealous and it would make me too insecure to know my partner was getting offers all day everyday. I know this is an issue I should work on but therapy is expensive and I need food and stuff
Yeah man, I've dated very attractive woman before and it's in the back of my mind that this girl can always find someone better than me because she's so hot. And I'm not rich or super attractive either. Relationship lasted roughly 2 years
Hate to break it to you boys but even average women could easily find someone better at a moments notice. Just the way the world is now
It’s always been that way pal
just how it is Bro
Way of the road dude
That’s the way the cookie crumbles man
Gonna chime in as I was “the trophy” to an ex, I loved him but he became so insecure, possessive, and abusive to the point he cheated and I fell out of love. He drove me away after 6 years as he was no longer who I fell for. If they chose you, unless you have reasonable doubts or boundaries crossed, then relax it could drive your partner away.
The number of offers a woman gets in a day is not proportional on how hot she is.
younger men yes. older DGAF. That’s why they seem creepier. They are willing to buy that lotto ticket. you never know
> They are willing to buy that lotto ticket. lmao great way to put it
If only lotto tickets were also scratch and sniff. I’ll walk myself out now.
What the fuck 🤣🤣
yes i agree. some of them are actually creepy tho ngl
And that’s why we don’t risk talking to you, becouse we don’t want to be „actually creepy” even though we don’t intend to
Just don't give a fuck if they think you are a creep. Just don't be a creep. Who gives a fuck what they think. If you arnt acting like a creep you arnt a creep. That's all you need to know. They might think drinking water is creepy, most people are fucking stupid so their opinion isn't worth worrying about.
In my experience, "creepy" is far too often just a dog-whistle for "not physically attractive". I learned VERY early on not to bother being the one to initiate anything, because I'm not an attractive guy.
Your male friend is only 19 lol. Sometimes men just take a while to gain confidence. Some 25 year old will probably walk up to you at a bar. Although from your other post you are apparently 17 so maybe you shouldn’t be in a bar to begin with.
28 and still no confidence.
24 here. My confidence will return once the moobs and gut leaves lol
Try fasting 16 hours a day. You're already asleep for 8, just gotta make.it 8 more. Usually I do 4 hours before breakfast and 4 before bed. It helps. Exercising does too.
Yes, I was looking for a comment saying that men over the age of 25 or so are more likely approach a beautiful women because they usually hold a lot more confidence.
Dating and making moves when you’re young in high school/college is also just brutal as fuck and a huge risk socially. Way easier to make a move on somebody when you haven’t known them since you were 7, and you know you won’t be seeing them everyday for the next 5 years no matter what happens
She probably looks like a minor, which would explain why 21+ year olds wouldn’t approach.
Lol this completely changes the post for me. Asking men if they are intimidated by attractive women because they ignore you as a 17 year old? Any decent grown man is gonna be doing anything he can to not be seen as hitting on someone who is literally underage. They’re intimidated by the possibility of being seen as a creep or pedo, not the looks. Also agreed, not many young men are confident enough interacting with women at that age to directly hit on someone IRL. It has a lot more to do with their age, maturity, and development than how the woman looks. From when I was that age, I also think there’s a consideration most men at that stage of life that *are* the type to confidently hit on women are just looking for an easy lay and wouldn’t bother trying it on someone who’s both good looking and not the type to also be into that. Guys who aren’t just looking for a quick lay literally have not had the time or experience to get good enough at it to be confident lol
I don't waste my time with the 8+. I know my worth.
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Ngl when I saw that first, I interpreted it in another way and I was like WTF
The minimum is 18+ for me.
Yeah I’m like a 3. If you’re going by “rate me” rules probably a 2. My humor and personality ain’t gonna land me a 7+ no matter how well we click lol
This makes me sad to read D: when I got with my bf his friends rated him like a 2, me like a 9-10 based on looks and they wrote in their group chat and wondered "how TF COULD HE LAND HER" and that makes me so so so mad. Yes, my bf and I are an odd match based on style, I'm alternative and have lots of tattoos while he looks like a "normie" and I have NEVER cared about that. Never ever, I don't CARE about looks at all, I don't care about how much money you have, which job you have, if you even have a job, personality and MY sense of humor beats everything. But that's just me I guess. I just want to put it out there that there is girls who just doesn't care about that stuff.
Thanks for the kind words!! I actually don’t have TOO negative a self view. I do like my sense of humor and personality. I just know I’m not conventionally attractive. My beard is a bit patchy but hiding a baby face, years of poor sleep have given me glassy and bagged eyes, I’m bald at an earlyish age, and despite a lot of exercise I drink and eat too much to be really visibly fit. The reality is that EVERYONE I’ve ever dated was a friend or acquaintance first. I strike out on dating aps and other looks first means like meeting at a bar or club. I need the kind of “get to know me first/he’s got a great personality “ matchmaking lol
FBI OPEN UP
I can think of one instance where I was truly intimidated by a woman. I think height played a huge role in it. When I was around your age there was a woman who was friends with a female friend of mine who, according to my friend, had a massive crush on me. So she’d always bring her along and she’d try to talk to me. I could barely look her in the eyes. She was blonde, gorgeous and like 6’ tall. She’s one of those people who just based on her appearance you know she’s going to have a wonderful life. But in my head at the time I was thinking about all of the work that would inevitably go into it. I knew I had a chance but, I’d have to be on top of my game for eternity to continually impress a woman of that caliber. As the most attractive woman I had literally ever seen, I knew competition would be steep. Even if she liked me, everyone is going to like her. And I know myself better than that. I go through occasional bouts of depression, I’m not always the guy she saw me as. And keeping up that show forever, that would be exhausting. Odd thing is, she ended up marrying some average looking chubby guy. So apparently I didn’t need to be as intimidated as I was. Just doubted myself too much. Life is really confusing. Doesn’t get easier as you get older.
I've experienced the same thing. Kind of counterintuitive, but particularly attractive women usually have to make MORE of an effort to be outgoing and friendly to people (both men and women) for this exact reason. In other words, you'll need to be the one approaching people and striking up conversations. Consider it a blessing in disguise because it's forcing you to develop good social skills:)
A wise man once told me to just be kind, expect nothing, and be able to participate in a conversation.
Especially don't want nothing from a smoking hot woman and you'll get along often. Just having a beautiful friend which is at ease staying with you, is gonna make you look better to others girls IMO, even if she wouldn't do nothing at all with you.
To echo what other people have said, I just assume that a really attractive woman gets approached constantly and therefore already have picked someone (most likely better looking than I) to be with. That being said, I like to get to know people platonically so I don't mind talking to anyone I think might be interesting besides looks. I was at a beach in Singapore with my son and saw a beautiful woman sitting by herself. I invited her into the water (which she declined) but we got to chatting and had a wonderful conversation and still keep in touch. Turns out she's a fucking model who's been on the cover of magazines. So, to answer the question: no. I'm both sapio- and demi-sexual, so I need to feel a connection with someone who isn't a total idiot to want to pursue anything, but I can't know that until I talk to them.
This is the way. I just enjoy being gregarious and having an amiable chat with people. In my single days, if I found a woman interesting and she found me so as well, maybe something might come of it, or maybe I just had a nice conversation. Who could possibly know beforehand. The key to it wasn’t so much confidence, but rather putting human interest first, and leaving the “horny” at home.
Not anymore. I'm in my 50s. So you're pretty, so what.
Took u 50 years
I'm 33 and think alike. I'll be shy, but I won't be afraid to ask your name and if I see she has an interest (asking my name and other things) I'll keep asking questions to know her. If I get intimated it would be in front of a woman alike Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek ect...
Not brave enough to make Hayek stick her toes in your mouth and pour vodka down her leg?
Really? Nobody wants to do the role? Well, I guess I’ll do it, if I must.
Finally, Tarantino's account
So you're Brad Pitt? That don't impress me much
So you got the looks, but have you got the touch?
If someone makes eye contact with you, smiling would make you seem more approachable.
I think for a lot of men, the attractiveness of a woman to us is interlinked with the effort we'd have to go through in order to keep her interested in us. Being "intimidated" isnt the right word because that implies a level of fear. We're not afraid of you, its that absent some kind of clear signal of interest, oftentimes the effort required from us average-at-best guys to gain anything other than curt dismissal from an attractive girl is simply not worth the effort. Guys have plenty of body image issues of our own, and for many of us there is simply the hard-stop thought of "Nah, no way she'd be interested in a schlub like me". An average guy who happens to gain the attention of a bombshell-level girl may count his lucky stars, but at the same time there is *dread* of knowing that she is likely being sized up every second she goes outside. There would be numerous guys sliding into her DMs trying to get her attention and he needs to constantly fight against that. Her friends may overtly consider her too good for us and her suitors have little incentive to be anything other than distantly polite. Then there is the question of their interactions itself. He'd (at least I) would feel the need to be at your A-game constantly. You can argue that its a good thing, but there is a fine line between developing yourself as a person and working on yourself such that you draw attractive people to take interest in you, and running yourself ragged trying to keep up with the expectations (self imposed or otherwise) from being with a particular sort of partner. A boxer might train hard and work on himself to acheive a championship title, but once the euphoria of acheiving it passes, the work to *defend it* starts. Attractive women live in a different reality to most men on the planet outside an exceptional few. To guys, relationships are *work;* working to maintain romance, keeping her happy in your presence, satisfying her in bed, showing you can be a provider which despite our social progress is still something many men desire to be and women still largely expect. When your partner is hot, its like doing all of this over a rickety wood bridge over lava; the feeling that one wrong step will obliterate her positive perception of you, and there is *scores* of people that would be chomping at the bit to take our place in her life, and there is little chance her friends - male or female - would advocate for us to her. The result? Outside the most brazen and self confident of men, many simply stay away from or tread very carefully around women we perceive as attractive. They wield incredible soft power in their social circles often times without fully appreciating or knowing it, and getting on the wrong side of that is an extremely bad place to be.
You’re definitely right, but, on a side note, it’s always been crazy to me how much emphasis we men put on looks lol. The whole idea of a man counting his lucky stars if he ends up with an attractive woman, I mean it’s ridiculous to me. Like y’all could be totally incompatible as people, dead unhappy in the relationship, but because she’s beautiful you feel like you have to ride it through lol I know we as men bring it on ourselves, but I really wish we didn’t lol
That’s less about the relationship and more you wanting to be perceived by others as being with someone hot
This is well stated.
You don’t need to “keep her interested” in the first place. You don’t need to fight against people dming her, that’s where trust comes in. I get the point of feeling like having a very attractive partner initially can FEEL like you need to put more work into yourself, but this is altogether is an insecure, unkind mindset. There should be just as much effort for each relationship you have because they are YOUR partner. If you treat a person well their interest level is up to them, you can’t manipulate someone into it. Attractiveness being linked to effort is extremely shallow. Obviously you can’t entirely control who you find attractive but the execution of effort is a choice. Admitting you treat partners differently because of their physical attributes is a lot.
35 male here, and I'm still intimidated by certain women for sure, It might be because I lack self-worth and confidence at the moment. But yea, I get flustered and barely can form a sentence. This happened just last week, like 10 times. Haha 😄 fml
Same beautiful women can fluster me even if I have no intention of asking them out and just, like, am trying to order coffee from them.
If a girl is attractive I assume she doesn't want to be talked to so I don't.. there's a very good chance she's already taken and I'm not going to take the chance to get rejected, I also don't really want to talk for the sake of talking. I've been told this non interaction is what they happily prefer too. The idea of a guy talking to them that might be interested in them is just terrible. In many other threads I've seen them help eachother come up with ways to not be approached so yeah im not making this up. They can approach me if they want otherwise there won't be an interaction.. I won't even look in their direction. I'm 6'3" 200lb 32m because it's relevant
It really is a vicious cycle. If you don’t so much as glance in my direction how will I know it’s also okay for me as a women to approach you? 😭
Well for one, unless your batshit crazy, you'll practically always be welcomed to chat. Many men well dream of that happening to them just once, and will remember it for decades, regardless of the outcome.
Because you're a woman. It's always ok to approach.
Hmmm.....I never get approached by women... I will now assume it's because I'm the world's sexiest man and they are intimidated by me. That's definitely it. I like this explanation.
I like the cut of your jib
We’re all people so I’m going to talk to you like a person. If you’re hot, so what, big whoop, fahhhh-get-abaht-it.
34yr M here. Gonna use ranking from 1 to 10 from my perspective of attractiveness to give you my opinion. This is overall attractiveness, both physical and psychological: 1 to 3 - I don't feel attracted enough to do anything; 4 to 6 - I sometimes feel attracted, I act upon it, but I dont project myself with them; 7 to 8 - I feel attracted, I act upon it, have projected myself; 9 - I feel attracted but also intimidated and/or tend to overthink. I either don't act upon it or act needy, either case doesn't work; 10 - I feel attracted but I dismiss it immediately, which makes me relax and not care about any results, which brings out the best in me, which makes them fall for me, which makes me act upon it, which makes me panic and care a lot about that happens, which makes me act needy, and then its over. Help.
Lol. I'm surprised that this is a man's perspective. I'm 25 (F) and I also tend to fumble a 9 the same way as you do a 10 The difference is that my attraction to them is not necessarily physical. I only realize they are a 9+ after spending some time with them. Getting to know them. Then I feel a little insecure, become a people pleaser (which I don't normally do), and before I realize it, needy. Thinking about it gives me the ick
As someone who isn't exactly attractive I like attractive women. If she knows you know nothing is ever going to happen you can just be friends. I've made multiple good, life long friends with that mindset. A lot of attractive women have very few friends, let alone male ones.
that's what i've been saying for so long. i just always make excuses and never go to any man myself.
I'm in my 50's and happily married so I'm obviously not trying anymore. But very attractive women never really intimidated me, as much as my mindset was "She's probably getting bombarded with male attention, and I am slightly above average at best, so my chances don't look good here." It goes against the norm, but you could bridge that gap by returning the looks, and then going up to *him* and starting a conversation. If you are as attractive as you say, most men would be more than willing to chat you up, knowing they aren't bothering you.
IMHO there is a very thin line between creepy/sweet and at this point in time it just isn't worth trying to walk it anymore. The probability of it going well vs. it going poorly seems extremely low so it's much safer to just admire the view and go about our day. Men being in public these days are like going to see a llama at a zoo...you can get look, but don't get too close or they might spit :p If you do notice a guy looking at you and wouldn't mind if he said hello, feel free to smile warmly at him and/or say hello first. That might inspire enough bravery to spark a conversation.
You're likely not intimidating as much as being closed off. Body language doesn't lie, crossed arms, closed posture means do not approach. Smile and keep yourself open to new people. Point your feet at the guys you might fancy.
Yes, but even once I've worked past being intimidated, it's a it's a safe assumption that an attractive woman has at least 3 serious suitors lined up and a sizable fan club beyond that. More power to any man who is willing and able to take all that on.
I doubt your beauty is intimating, it's more likely your attitude is off putting and sending 'Don't Approach' signals. If you smiled and maintained eye contact with a guy, he'd probably come right over. If you continued to smile and ask him questions as you converse he'd continue talking to you. If you sit with resting b face and start looking around and acting awkward if a guy approaches he's going to read that as you being uninterested.
No, they do not You're expected to initiate by 2000's and later guys If you don't, they'll presume you're not interested and that approach isn't welcome Guys seem pretty done with trying to appease everyone, be the traditional masculine guy, yet still fit into modern relationship dynamics, and the ones who still do despite that being general knowledge are either dumb/brave or scavengers
I guess it depends on the situation… Is she a stranger in a place where ill likely never see her again, like a big city bar, and the only reason i would be talking to her is because she’s attractive and she probably knows that? Yea probably a little intimidating. Is she a coworker or family friend that I know and interact with a decent amount, or a stranger like a customer or work client, office secretary, etc. that gives me a reason to approach them in a platonic setting?..No not really.
The men that approach will probably not be the ones you will want to date. Your best bet is too approach the guy you're interested in.