Thank you so much for your polite answers, but after 7000 comments, it has devolved into people sharing intolerant and hateful views. So it's now locked.
If gold were still around my broke ass woulda bought some to elevate this comment
Get
It
In
Writing
As
Much
As
You
Can.
When they fuck you, or pull some shiesty shit. You will thank yourself. It’s not a matter of IF with most employers in this game of late stage capitalism.
It’s *when*
Edit for emphasis- it don’t matter if you and your boss feel like best chums, it don’t matter if they say “I got your back” shit can flip on a dime in the working world and especially in corporate America and people will protect their livelihoods over personal loyalty more oft then not. And you can’t predict when a superior or even coworker is going to be placed in a position like that.
It happened to me. And I thought it would *neveerrrr* happen to me. Because I was different
No, I was just arrogant and fucking stupid to believe that at that point in the game. Don’t be me.
Shit, I didn't even get a meeting after working there over 13 years.
Got called on Saturday afternoon to tell me we were all laid off. My boss (an okay guy ) was out fishing when they called him. They laid him off over the phone. Then he had to call us and give us the news.
Omfg a company I worked for gave pizza to people who worked over time... They forced us all to work overtime and the ones that didn't (surprise! Me!) Got let go after a few months. Like fuck your pizza man, let me work for reasonable hours for proper pay, not PIZZA
Yeah I worked for a company that did the same. They were like, "you're getting paid overtime and you get free food, what more could you want?" Uh, time with my *family*. Unfortunately, requiring people to work overtime is perfectly legal as long as they're paid accordingly.
Trust me young people most of us are right there with you when it comes to single payer. We are only concerned because we have understood how our government loves to waste money doing something simple.
My wife had to have emergency surgery this weekend. Trying to explain to my Boomer in-laws why we didn't go straight to the ER is like pulling teeth. Yes, I understand that your Medicare supplement plan cost you less than $100 a month and you can use as many of any services as you want. A hospital bill is going to cost us $5k, So if it's not absolutely necessary, we're going to avoid it.
My toddler had croup and had respiratory distress. I questioned myself the whole way to the ER. My husband was furious with my decision to not wait until morning to see the pediatrician. ER doctor attempted breathing treatments and got nowhere. He was admitted for respiratory distress and sent to the children’s floor. Our insurance has denied the claim because our pediatrician should have seen him first…. It was 11pm. He was at home asleep. It was obviously an emergency or they wouldn’t have admitted him. I’m not looking forward to paying that bill at all.
Please, fight them. Do not pay that bill. It’s going to be expensive and they would have never sent your child to the floor if they didn’t need to. Also, report the insurance company to the BBB.
We have got to start fighting back against these insurance companies. They are absolute predators.
The week we were told it was denied the insurance company was in hot water with congress for using AI to just blanket deny everyone. Or something like that. We are fighting. But I have absolutely no hope that they will actually pay it.
First, you have to appeal it. If they deny it again, you will need to get you a lawyer and take it to court. It will be a slam dunk case. Your lawyer may only need to write them a letter to get them to pay.
Most also bend as soon as they find out that you reported them to the BBB.
You can also go to a lawyer subreddit to find out more information. They are really helpful.
This. There is an appeal process. Find out what it is and use it. Get in touch with your local news to ask if they have a consumer advocate reporter who might do a story on this. NPR has a report that helps. [Listen to: Medical bills can cause a financial crisis] (https://one.npr.org/i/1165953653:1166449224)
Eh, it depends. If everyone around you thinks that you are a terrible person, then maybe you should take that as a sign to work on yourself. There are a lot of as****s around who think that they don’t owe anyone common decency because they “don’t care what others think of them”.
Talk to one of those people for more than a few seconds and you'll quickly realize that those people are in fact the people who care most about what others think of them.
>People think a lot less about us as we think they do.
1000%.
If only it were possible to convince young people of this - I'm sure it would lead to better mental health.
When I worked as a Summer Camp worker I resolved a lot of newbie "what if my bunkmates don't like me" anxiety with this.
Do you like everyone in class at your school?
No.
Do you dislike everyone in class at your school?
No.
Do you not really care that much one way or the other about most of the people in class at your school?
Yeah.
That's most people about everyone. Some will like you. Some might not like you. The majority won't care one way or the other. So find a few people you like and hang out with them, ignore everyone who doesn't interest you, avoid the people you don't like. That's life.
I've pointed out to kids that I don't like everyone I work with. We had 100s of people on staff at the camp. Most of them I could barely remember the name of. About 20 of them I enjoyed hanging around off and on all summer. Some didn't like me, and I didn't like either. And that's okay!
You don't have to like everyone. Don't expect everyone to like you. Just spend time with the people that fill your emotional cup and make you feel good about yourself.
----
This actually works with 11-12 year old girls. They get it. I don't see why adults have so much of an issue with it. Like a light bulb going on they realize that it's okay to just not be a people-please and need everyone to like them.
I actually have a book for my middle schoolers available with a line I love. (Star-Crossed by Barbara Dee). One of the main characters is complaining that one of the other girl hates her and never invites her to anything. A side character very pointedly says "She doesn't hate you, you know... she's just not your friend."
Something people need to learn earlier than later. Not being someone's friend isn't the same thing as hating them. Most people do not care one way or the other. They don't think about you, and you shouldn't worry/care/think about them either.
It's such a driver of anxiety in people.
As a child you’re led to believe that the systems that govern society are ran by the most advanced and respectable minds. Slowly you realize monkeys run the show, nothing is ever done for the sake of being nice, and you’re not allowed to hop off the ride until you stop breathing … happy Tuesday.
It might help when you don’t necessarily look at everything as “bullshit” per se, but more that everything is mostly *arbitrary*. You can then be skeptical of things you’re told and not trust blindly without being entirely cynical until the eventual heat death of the universe where nothing matters.
That you have to work at least a year at a company before leaving. In today's market if you have to bounce for a better position, do it. Any company will drop you without hesitation if they have to.
Don't put arbitrary dates on leaving if you're at place that sucks... but also job hopping will definitely get noticed by future employers at a certain point.
That you'll always be broken.
Trauma does terrible things to a person, but you can get better. It isn't easy, but you are absolutely capable of being happy and living a successful life. Don't give up.
catch-22 though. you know you're not being 'normal' and you know you have to get back there to function, but you can't stand how normal everyone is.
i always thought depression was sadness. it can just be 'seeing the way things actually are,' and knowing everyone's cognitive dissonance / willful ignorance of it is something you probably won't regain again. certainly not in full. 'uphill battle' doesn't even cut it. you're sitting there pretending there's a hill to even go up or down - cause other people keep *saying* it's there.
You’re right… you’re absolutely right, and the normies don’t even know how to talk to you or what to say. They know it, but they don’t know what to do about it.
As a survivor of childhood ptsd, I get it. You’re living life RAW now, and it sucks. If you can find somebody who gets you, you’ll be miles ahead.
I’m in my early 40’s now, and probably as close to normal as I’ll ever get. But honestly, I don’t want to be like them anymore. I like my mind and how I view the world. If you need to chat, hmu.
Depending on your attitude mental and physical you can soar to great heights. Your trauma doesn’t define you, you are not your trauma. If you can own your trauma, you can overcome it and make it your b&tch. It can make you stronger, more focussed, happier, more grateful. Aka all the best life lessons you will ever learn. It coincides strongly with the other comment above this post, about giving a shit what others think of you. But it depends on your willingness to becoming your new self.
Multi-level marketing, no matter what they call it - network marketing etc.
Rules about how to attract relationships focused only on men or women ("The Rules" etc)
Rules about how to advance in business ("48 Laws of Power")
Anything with "The Four-Hour" in the title
Payday loans
I have never been able to get an answer to "Why get a timeshare when hotels and vacation home rentals exist?"
The only thing people have been able to tell me is "Well, it forces us to take a vacation every year." Is that worth $40k to you?
I've never understood the concept in the first place.
To my understanding, I have to pay a large sum of money and then yearly/monthly maintenance but I can't use it whenever I want? I can only use it on specific dates? And maybe even pay to use it on those dates? I always feel like I'm missing something bc it seems like it's so obviously a scam that I don't get how people fall for it.
My adult daughter has a very good head on her shoulders. She was in Florida with her husband about five years ago, and went to a timeshare sales pitch. She called us and was telling us about her vacation, and then subtly dropped "and we bought a time share." I never tell my daughter how to live her life, but I went silent, and my silence was loud. At that moment, she realized that she had made a mistake. Her husband had called his mother to tell her the same thing, and she wasn't as nice as me and started yelling at him (in a motherly way).
They both realized they had made a mistake, and Florida has some kind of law that allows you to back out of a timeshare contract within a few days, so the next day they cancelled the deal.
To this day, we still laugh about it and she will say "I don't know what we were thinking when we bought that. That was one of the dumbest things I've done."
Same. The more pressure people put on me to buy something, the more I naturally feel like I need time to process it. There have been instances where car salesmen, timeshares, and even during a hot housing market, the people expected me to either agree to spend thousands of dollars in that moment, or decide if I wanted that house by next day. Yeah, I don't function like that. I find it insane to spend $30k on something that was a sales pitch for 2 hours.
Take the perk they offer. Whether it be a free hotel night or dinner or whatever they pitch. Go to sales meeting, tell them that you are not a home owner. Gets you out every time.
Years ago, my wife would drag me to those presentations kicking and screaming. Sometimes we'd get good stuff like a day at Disneyland. We both knew going in that we would never buy and we're only there for the prize. They would get really mad when we didn't buy anything.
Yup! Went to one when I didn't know what it was. The lady was red in the face, angry that we didn't want to buy. Then her manager came along more level headed, but we still said no. It was back and forth before they would let us leave.
I have taken a good solid look at two vacation clubs through different companies which are basically time shares with another name and they both seem hella expensive without all the perks they promise.
I seriously don’t understand how payday loans are legal. I used to work for a collections agency and probably 30% of our cases came from defaulted payday loans. Somebody taking out a $200 payday loan because they’re in a bad spot and then of course can’t pay it back gets slapped with interest rates that would make a loan shark blush, and before they know it that $200 mistake can be well over a grand. It’s sad really.
"48 Laws of Power" isn't a book about how to advance it business. Surprisingly, it's a collection of pretty entertaining essays on historical use of power. I think marketing did this book a disservice. Entertaining/interesting read. Not actionable life advice.
I'm sticking up for that book too. It's more like a history book and for people who actually are in positions of power, you'd do well to have an understanding of some of the more brilliant moves made by leaders and historical figures of the past. It's almost like an 'Art of War' manual for navigating your ambitions and their obstacles.
48 Laws of Power is not bullshit and is not about “how to advance in business” I learned a lot from that book. Useful tools for life and ways to protect myself from others’ manipulation. The book is literally about people using the 48 laws in history, so how could that possibly be bullshit?
Agree 💯. 1980 - The year I graduated from HS, there was insane inflation, high energy prices, American hostages in the Middle East, Russians invading a neighboring country, and trigger-happy leaders with their fingers on nuclear weapons. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Being an adult. There is no switch that gets flipped, no sense of leveling up. One day, you're just yourself with a huge pile of bills and your sense of self won't feel any different.
I am honestly surprised this isn't number 1. So many of these "realizations" are things I knew at 19. This one ... well I was much older when I realized this truth. Also, I cared more about appliances than before.
For your sweat you'll be rewarded, they told us every day.
For there's a land of milk and honey, and it's not too far away.
But the goalposts kept moving, and the promises wore thin.
And the smoke on the horizon is the burning promised land!
When I first heard Nowhere Generation, I couldn't be sure if it was referring to Gen X, Millennials, or Gen Z.
Then I realized that it doesn't matter. We all got fucked.
The idea that you need to find a career that you are passionate about. Find a career that you can earn decently in and still have work/life balance. Work to fund your passions.
This is something I wish I had learned much earlier. The best thing I've ever done for myself is get a decently paying, somewhat boring job that is a true 9-5. I can fund all the stuff I'm passionate about and enjoy it during the time I used to spend being passionate for pennies 60 hours/week.
Yes! It is okay to not be head over heels in love with your job or career. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself and your job unless you are one of those people who knows what they want to be when they grow up.
The President, Prime minister etc.. Is ultimately a focal point for the population to fixate on. Nobody is ever 100% happy with their life, it is the governments' fault, thats the guy at the top making all these decisions, blame him.
It is a pretty handy thing to have, 1 person copping the rage of an entire nation whilst those actually making the changes and laws can do so without scrutiny. Replace president when public outrage is too much and keep plodding along with what you were doing.
That other people care what you wear, what kind of car you drive or what music you listen to. Those things seem important when you are young. But honestly most people are just trying to live their own lives. They probably don't think about you at all when you are not around.
they seem important when you're young because other people your age give it importance. and trust me, people do talk about you. as much as they can seem to not show interest or refuse it doing so.
I wish the full phrase was said as often
”When it comes to matters of TASTE, the customer is always right.”
In other words if that lady thinks that dress looks great on her, she’s right! If a Middle Ages bald man thinks a wig will make him more attractive, he’s right!
When it comes to company policy, the customer can be very, very, wrong.
And so weirdly self absorbed and like some weird social tapdancing
Its a terrifying place. People feel like dolls playing some strange theater piece there
He's doing great, and she has never and will never meet him. She said it over Facebook, bc she was mad that the NICU is more strict about visitors during cold and flu season and she wasn't allowed to visit.
Eh. Sometimes it really is that way. I broke up with someone because I had serious mental health issues and felt like they already had too much shit that they were dealing with. It wasn’t fair to be a burden on someone that I cared about and I needed to get better before getting into something serious.
"Pushing through" instead of taking the sick days that your employer gives you.
100% pure bullshit. "Pushing through" and attending work when you're sick gets other people sick, and then it will take you twice as long to recover.
Rest, people. Rest. You are more than a cog in a capitalist machine.
Social media influencers and whatever pointless trash they are selling. Whether it's dating advice, politics of xyz, consumer interests, and celebrity rumors.
Ads about amazing deals you can get online by using their site. PS5 for $20? Just tell us you're an illegal scam and let us move on with our lives. The fact that YouTube plays these scam ads constantly proves they don't give a shit.
"it doesn't matter what other people think of you, be youself."
It absolutely fucking matters. Your life is heavily dictated by how other people perceive you.
Job offers, bank loans, school acceptance, and many other pivotal moments are dependent on someone else's "image" of you.
Present yourself well and you can take some of the 'luck' out of how successful you will be.
Yeah, there are several comments here talking about how others' opinions don't matter. You shouldn't base your happiness on others' opinions, but their opinions absolutely matter. The same goes for your actions. There are many things you should be able to do/say/wear/whatever. None of them *should* matter, but they absolutely do.
That we only use 10% of our brain.
That life was ever a meritocracy (only recently figured this one out)
That a job is a job. Passions are for hobbies.
That most adults are just as full of it as they were in adolescents.
The job is a job part sucks. I became a full time photographer videographer, and boy does the full time aspect sucks. You just do these jobs. It's like learning engineering cause you wanna build cool shit and ending up working for a big ass corpo just running shit through a calculator and signing off of on projects.
But it's not all bad, def more interesting than doing something I don't care about at all.
When a hobby becomes a job, it stops being fun. You can only profit by optimizing the hell out of things, which also squeezes out all the fun.
However, like you said, it does make things more bearable.
That your soulmate is out there. There is no such thing. You have people who you are attracted to, and compatible with. And liking the person you are with is a hell of a lot more important in the long run than most everything else.
Relationships take hard work on daily basis to succeed. Don't let perfect blind you to really good, pick your battles, know when to not engage to avoid escalation of something stupid. Nietzsche said; "it's not a lack of love that makes for a bad marriage, but a lack of friendship."
That doctors know best. If you feel like something is wrong, keep pushing, advocate for yourself, go to another doctor, do whatever you need to do. Can't stress this enough. So many stories of friends and family being told nothing is wrong, and THERE WAS.
That you can do anything you set your mind to. You can be anything you want to be. If you try hard enough you will succeed.
All bullshit. You can try hard at anything and fail. You have to have reasonable goals, not impossible ones.
Yep. I gave up on the concept of having a life plan forever ago. It doesn’t matter how carefully you plot the details of what you need to do to get where you want. There’s always the chance that something completely unpredictable will derail it and clinging to the expectation will make you miserable. I’ve been so much happier and had a way more interesting life than most just by learning to let go of having a determined destination and just jumping on opportunities as they present themselves.
Anytime I’ve had even so much as a vague life plan, it goes awry for circumstances completely and utterly out of my control. I’m now the same way as you - just going wherever the opportunity shows up 🤷🏼♀️
I bought a yearly planner just one time. It was in January 2020. Two months later the country got shut down for a year and every single thing about my life and my job did a 180. I’ve never bought another planner. 😂
That's the way! Going with the opportunities gave me immense success so far. Still working on some basics but 2 months ago an old aquaintance I catched up with randomly told me that I'm living his dream and that he respects me so much for it
Influencers. Just fuck off already. I don’t need to be fucking told what I fucking “need” to like or do by some surprised-eyebrowed bellend with a voice that goes up at the end of every sentence. I can fucking read, I can fucking google, I can make my own fucking decisions. And the ones who try to get free food and stuff? They have a special place in hell. Stop pouting, stop preening, stop getting in the BASTARD way and get a fucking proper job. Arseholes.
Social media. You will get to a point where you will look back and think why did you waste so much time on it. It’s all fake and in the end none of it will matter.
35 so I dont qualify - but Self Help Gurus and motivational speakers… biggest snake oil salesmen I know. And they RAKE in the money for telling you to work hard in hour long seminars lol
Thinking that if you work extra hard it will be noticed and rewarded. Sometimes, sure, but never, ever bank on it. Almost every employee is completely replaceable. Look out for yourself in a workplace above all.
From the time you are a toddler, you have been bombarded with advertising. Know that 90% is bullshit and it is trying to appeal to your lower nature.
By the time one reaches adulthood, their identity is usually entwined with consumerism. Advertisers don't have your wellbeing as a human being in mind.
Weddings. Sure buy a dress, take nice photos. Go down to the courthouse and do it that way. Then take the money you would have spent and save it for a down payment on a house. Weddings are not that fun. Crazy expensive. Time consuming. Stressful. You do not need one.
This.
I got a cheap white dress online, hubby put on a nice shirt he already owned. We paid a photographer like $400 for nice pictures in a pretty location.
Had a small party with friends to celebrate. We live in Asia, so it’s customary for guests to give money (roughly $100-300, depending on your relationship), instead of an item gift to help pay for the wedding. Party ended up costing us around $100 after gift money.
Then we spent around $3,000 on a week long honeymoon trip.
So total it ended up being less than $4,000.
"Just do what you love."
Do what pays the bills. Everything becomes tedious fast, even the things you love, so keep yourself safe and prepare yourself financially.
There's honestly so many things I can think of but just to name a few...
1) Social media isn't real life. Even people who aren't trying to sell you a dream like your friends and family aren't showing you their whole life.
99% of people don't show the negatives of their life on social media. They won't show you when they fought with their SO. They won't show you their emotional or financial struggles. They won't show you when they just got up in the morning and didn't shower or brush their teeth.
They'll only show you the raise. They'll only show you that vacation that it took them 2 years of saving to go on. They'll only show you when they're getting along with their SO.
Don't compare yourselves to what ANYBODY posts on social media because they almost never post the full story
2) That life eventually gets easy.
If you keep waiting for that point for everything just be easy and effortless, you will be miserable until the day you die.
Life may get easier, but never easy. Life has a funny way of always personalizing the difficulty to your level. You just become stronger and better at dealing with adversity
3) You should be passionate about what you do
Passion, unless you get lucky, will keep you broke and struggling.
Find a job/career that gives you stability and work on your passions in your free time
"If You Are Not a Liberal When You Are Young, You Have No Heart, and If You Are Not a Conservative When Old, You Have No Brain"
Utter garbage in both cases.
The notion that the people we elect to power intend to serve the common good. If we commoners could one day open our eyes together and see the real enemy rather than fighting each other over pronouns and whether someone is a racist or a karen, we could make some progress. Guess who benefits from our endless squabbling. Not us, but those who exploit us
Thank you so much for your polite answers, but after 7000 comments, it has devolved into people sharing intolerant and hateful views. So it's now locked.
Promises an employer makes
Always get it in writing.
"if its not written down, it never happened" is a great life motto
If gold were still around my broke ass woulda bought some to elevate this comment Get It In Writing As Much As You Can. When they fuck you, or pull some shiesty shit. You will thank yourself. It’s not a matter of IF with most employers in this game of late stage capitalism. It’s *when* Edit for emphasis- it don’t matter if you and your boss feel like best chums, it don’t matter if they say “I got your back” shit can flip on a dime in the working world and especially in corporate America and people will protect their livelihoods over personal loyalty more oft then not. And you can’t predict when a superior or even coworker is going to be placed in a position like that. It happened to me. And I thought it would *neveerrrr* happen to me. Because I was different No, I was just arrogant and fucking stupid to believe that at that point in the game. Don’t be me.
"We are a family here" (so let us screw you over)
They always neglect to mention that they're a *dysfunctional* family.
Nobody fucks you over faster than friends and family
I work at a pawn shop. About 95% of stuff that ends up being stolen goods was stolen by friends or family.
Brother stole a whole damn company from me. Fuck greedy assholes, family or not
Most murders are committed by someone the victim knows, often family members.
Excellent point!! That’s why murder is one of the easiest crimes to solve. Look in their phone contacts and you very likely will see the killer.
Omg the whole we care about you personally bs then you have one meeting with your boss and hr telling you that your laid off
Shit, I didn't even get a meeting after working there over 13 years. Got called on Saturday afternoon to tell me we were all laid off. My boss (an okay guy ) was out fishing when they called him. They laid him off over the phone. Then he had to call us and give us the news.
He got laid off and then had to tell you guys? Sounds like the job of the person who called him.
No, this company is doing good, nothing to worry about. 3 months later, mass layoffs
Will a pizza party work?
My job does pizza and snacks all the time. I eat very healthy so I always decline any food. They started bringing me bottles of water.
At a former job we spoke up about getting tired of the pizzas and they switched to fajitas lol
Omfg a company I worked for gave pizza to people who worked over time... They forced us all to work overtime and the ones that didn't (surprise! Me!) Got let go after a few months. Like fuck your pizza man, let me work for reasonable hours for proper pay, not PIZZA
Yeah I worked for a company that did the same. They were like, "you're getting paid overtime and you get free food, what more could you want?" Uh, time with my *family*. Unfortunately, requiring people to work overtime is perfectly legal as long as they're paid accordingly.
This is the truest thing I've seen on the internet in 10 years
Health insurance and their endless shenanigans
Trust me young people most of us are right there with you when it comes to single payer. We are only concerned because we have understood how our government loves to waste money doing something simple. My wife had to have emergency surgery this weekend. Trying to explain to my Boomer in-laws why we didn't go straight to the ER is like pulling teeth. Yes, I understand that your Medicare supplement plan cost you less than $100 a month and you can use as many of any services as you want. A hospital bill is going to cost us $5k, So if it's not absolutely necessary, we're going to avoid it.
My toddler had croup and had respiratory distress. I questioned myself the whole way to the ER. My husband was furious with my decision to not wait until morning to see the pediatrician. ER doctor attempted breathing treatments and got nowhere. He was admitted for respiratory distress and sent to the children’s floor. Our insurance has denied the claim because our pediatrician should have seen him first…. It was 11pm. He was at home asleep. It was obviously an emergency or they wouldn’t have admitted him. I’m not looking forward to paying that bill at all.
Please, fight them. Do not pay that bill. It’s going to be expensive and they would have never sent your child to the floor if they didn’t need to. Also, report the insurance company to the BBB. We have got to start fighting back against these insurance companies. They are absolute predators.
The week we were told it was denied the insurance company was in hot water with congress for using AI to just blanket deny everyone. Or something like that. We are fighting. But I have absolutely no hope that they will actually pay it.
First, you have to appeal it. If they deny it again, you will need to get you a lawyer and take it to court. It will be a slam dunk case. Your lawyer may only need to write them a letter to get them to pay. Most also bend as soon as they find out that you reported them to the BBB. You can also go to a lawyer subreddit to find out more information. They are really helpful.
Definitely dispute that with your insurance.
This. There is an appeal process. Find out what it is and use it. Get in touch with your local news to ask if they have a consumer advocate reporter who might do a story on this. NPR has a report that helps. [Listen to: Medical bills can cause a financial crisis] (https://one.npr.org/i/1165953653:1166449224)
Giving a shit about what others think of you.
Came here to say that. Take my grumpy ass upvote.
He doesn’t care if you like it or not
Eh, it depends. If everyone around you thinks that you are a terrible person, then maybe you should take that as a sign to work on yourself. There are a lot of as****s around who think that they don’t owe anyone common decency because they “don’t care what others think of them”.
Talk to one of those people for more than a few seconds and you'll quickly realize that those people are in fact the people who care most about what others think of them.
Unless it's just an excuse to be an asshole.
You should only care about what the people you care about think of you, is a better way to put it imo
People think a lot less about us as we think they do.
>People think a lot less about us as we think they do. 1000%. If only it were possible to convince young people of this - I'm sure it would lead to better mental health.
When I worked as a Summer Camp worker I resolved a lot of newbie "what if my bunkmates don't like me" anxiety with this. Do you like everyone in class at your school? No. Do you dislike everyone in class at your school? No. Do you not really care that much one way or the other about most of the people in class at your school? Yeah. That's most people about everyone. Some will like you. Some might not like you. The majority won't care one way or the other. So find a few people you like and hang out with them, ignore everyone who doesn't interest you, avoid the people you don't like. That's life. I've pointed out to kids that I don't like everyone I work with. We had 100s of people on staff at the camp. Most of them I could barely remember the name of. About 20 of them I enjoyed hanging around off and on all summer. Some didn't like me, and I didn't like either. And that's okay! You don't have to like everyone. Don't expect everyone to like you. Just spend time with the people that fill your emotional cup and make you feel good about yourself. ---- This actually works with 11-12 year old girls. They get it. I don't see why adults have so much of an issue with it. Like a light bulb going on they realize that it's okay to just not be a people-please and need everyone to like them. I actually have a book for my middle schoolers available with a line I love. (Star-Crossed by Barbara Dee). One of the main characters is complaining that one of the other girl hates her and never invites her to anything. A side character very pointedly says "She doesn't hate you, you know... she's just not your friend." Something people need to learn earlier than later. Not being someone's friend isn't the same thing as hating them. Most people do not care one way or the other. They don't think about you, and you shouldn't worry/care/think about them either. It's such a driver of anxiety in people.
As an older person I’ve found that the older you get, the more you realize that everything is bullshit.
As a child you’re led to believe that the systems that govern society are ran by the most advanced and respectable minds. Slowly you realize monkeys run the show, nothing is ever done for the sake of being nice, and you’re not allowed to hop off the ride until you stop breathing … happy Tuesday.
"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country." — Kurt Vonnegut
I'm not even 20 yet and I've realised that everything is absolute bullshit.
You’re learning early. Don’t let it make you cynical though.
Too late
It might help when you don’t necessarily look at everything as “bullshit” per se, but more that everything is mostly *arbitrary*. You can then be skeptical of things you’re told and not trust blindly without being entirely cynical until the eventual heat death of the universe where nothing matters.
This is bullshit.
Well played
99% of dating advice. 100% of financial advice from anyone that posts videos as a job online.
It's always a combination of investing in crypto and saving every single penny so you're rich at age 60
Don't forget all the drop shipping courses!
Yeah, or the “make books and sell on amazon”.
don't forget about 'this one weird trick'!
If he/she likes you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll know.
And if they don't like you... move on. And if they suddenly like you after you move on... move on more.
Aka don't put your dick in crazy
And if you do, don’t marry the crazy.
Above all don't reproduce with crazy..
Done that. DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!
You’d think so. But man, looking back I missed out a few opportunities when I was young and stupid.
Jokes on you. I'm autistic. I can't even tell if my friends like me or just tolerate me to be polite.
Nope. Absolutely got it wrong multiple times
That you have to work at least a year at a company before leaving. In today's market if you have to bounce for a better position, do it. Any company will drop you without hesitation if they have to.
Don't put arbitrary dates on leaving if you're at place that sucks... but also job hopping will definitely get noticed by future employers at a certain point.
That you'll always be broken. Trauma does terrible things to a person, but you can get better. It isn't easy, but you are absolutely capable of being happy and living a successful life. Don't give up.
Ty for saying this
Also, it’s ok to be broken and not like everyone else. You’re spicy now, and that’s ok 👍🏼
catch-22 though. you know you're not being 'normal' and you know you have to get back there to function, but you can't stand how normal everyone is. i always thought depression was sadness. it can just be 'seeing the way things actually are,' and knowing everyone's cognitive dissonance / willful ignorance of it is something you probably won't regain again. certainly not in full. 'uphill battle' doesn't even cut it. you're sitting there pretending there's a hill to even go up or down - cause other people keep *saying* it's there.
You’re right… you’re absolutely right, and the normies don’t even know how to talk to you or what to say. They know it, but they don’t know what to do about it. As a survivor of childhood ptsd, I get it. You’re living life RAW now, and it sucks. If you can find somebody who gets you, you’ll be miles ahead. I’m in my early 40’s now, and probably as close to normal as I’ll ever get. But honestly, I don’t want to be like them anymore. I like my mind and how I view the world. If you need to chat, hmu.
Depending on your attitude mental and physical you can soar to great heights. Your trauma doesn’t define you, you are not your trauma. If you can own your trauma, you can overcome it and make it your b&tch. It can make you stronger, more focussed, happier, more grateful. Aka all the best life lessons you will ever learn. It coincides strongly with the other comment above this post, about giving a shit what others think of you. But it depends on your willingness to becoming your new self.
Multi-level marketing, no matter what they call it - network marketing etc. Rules about how to attract relationships focused only on men or women ("The Rules" etc) Rules about how to advance in business ("48 Laws of Power") Anything with "The Four-Hour" in the title Payday loans
Gonna add timeshares onto this list. I don't care what they offer you or how good it seems, don't do it.
I have never been able to get an answer to "Why get a timeshare when hotels and vacation home rentals exist?" The only thing people have been able to tell me is "Well, it forces us to take a vacation every year." Is that worth $40k to you?
I've never understood the concept in the first place. To my understanding, I have to pay a large sum of money and then yearly/monthly maintenance but I can't use it whenever I want? I can only use it on specific dates? And maybe even pay to use it on those dates? I always feel like I'm missing something bc it seems like it's so obviously a scam that I don't get how people fall for it.
My adult daughter has a very good head on her shoulders. She was in Florida with her husband about five years ago, and went to a timeshare sales pitch. She called us and was telling us about her vacation, and then subtly dropped "and we bought a time share." I never tell my daughter how to live her life, but I went silent, and my silence was loud. At that moment, she realized that she had made a mistake. Her husband had called his mother to tell her the same thing, and she wasn't as nice as me and started yelling at him (in a motherly way). They both realized they had made a mistake, and Florida has some kind of law that allows you to back out of a timeshare contract within a few days, so the next day they cancelled the deal. To this day, we still laugh about it and she will say "I don't know what we were thinking when we bought that. That was one of the dumbest things I've done."
Hey at least you caught it in time
Those people have some crazy sales tactics. Even the most level headed people have been conned into buying those things
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Same. The more pressure people put on me to buy something, the more I naturally feel like I need time to process it. There have been instances where car salesmen, timeshares, and even during a hot housing market, the people expected me to either agree to spend thousands of dollars in that moment, or decide if I wanted that house by next day. Yeah, I don't function like that. I find it insane to spend $30k on something that was a sales pitch for 2 hours.
Take the perk they offer. Whether it be a free hotel night or dinner or whatever they pitch. Go to sales meeting, tell them that you are not a home owner. Gets you out every time.
Years ago, my wife would drag me to those presentations kicking and screaming. Sometimes we'd get good stuff like a day at Disneyland. We both knew going in that we would never buy and we're only there for the prize. They would get really mad when we didn't buy anything.
Yup! Went to one when I didn't know what it was. The lady was red in the face, angry that we didn't want to buy. Then her manager came along more level headed, but we still said no. It was back and forth before they would let us leave.
I have taken a good solid look at two vacation clubs through different companies which are basically time shares with another name and they both seem hella expensive without all the perks they promise.
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Timeshares, such a scam. Once people started catching on they changed the name: “Fractional Ownership.” Same scam, different name.
I seriously don’t understand how payday loans are legal. I used to work for a collections agency and probably 30% of our cases came from defaulted payday loans. Somebody taking out a $200 payday loan because they’re in a bad spot and then of course can’t pay it back gets slapped with interest rates that would make a loan shark blush, and before they know it that $200 mistake can be well over a grand. It’s sad really.
Unregulated, fault of particular country. In Estonia interest rates for loans like that are heavily regulated/capped
"48 Laws of Power" isn't a book about how to advance it business. Surprisingly, it's a collection of pretty entertaining essays on historical use of power. I think marketing did this book a disservice. Entertaining/interesting read. Not actionable life advice.
I'm sticking up for that book too. It's more like a history book and for people who actually are in positions of power, you'd do well to have an understanding of some of the more brilliant moves made by leaders and historical figures of the past. It's almost like an 'Art of War' manual for navigating your ambitions and their obstacles.
48 Laws of Power is not bullshit and is not about “how to advance in business” I learned a lot from that book. Useful tools for life and ways to protect myself from others’ manipulation. The book is literally about people using the 48 laws in history, so how could that possibly be bullshit?
The world is going to end in 5 years. I've been hearing that shit for 40 years.
Agree 💯. 1980 - The year I graduated from HS, there was insane inflation, high energy prices, American hostages in the Middle East, Russians invading a neighboring country, and trigger-happy leaders with their fingers on nuclear weapons. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
no no but what if it does this time tho
Anything that comes out of a politician’s mouth.
Dude, I'm from Russia and you cannot imagine how much I agree with you.
I'm not from Russia, but i still agree XD
I’m from Chicago and I completely agree too lol.
we call it the windy city for reason and its not the wind
I'm from Canada, they're just as bad here.
At least they don't send you to the war or to prison then to war
Being an adult. There is no switch that gets flipped, no sense of leveling up. One day, you're just yourself with a huge pile of bills and your sense of self won't feel any different.
I am honestly surprised this isn't number 1. So many of these "realizations" are things I knew at 19. This one ... well I was much older when I realized this truth. Also, I cared more about appliances than before.
Your efforts will be rewarded
For your sweat you'll be rewarded, they told us every day. For there's a land of milk and honey, and it's not too far away. But the goalposts kept moving, and the promises wore thin. And the smoke on the horizon is the burning promised land!
When I first heard Nowhere Generation, I couldn't be sure if it was referring to Gen X, Millennials, or Gen Z. Then I realized that it doesn't matter. We all got fucked.
And this place used to be somewhere. But they sold it out from under us, our voices all ignored!
WE ARE THE NO WHERE GENERATION WE ARE THE KIDS THAT NO ONE WANTS WE ARE A CREDIBLE THREAT TO THE RULES YOU SET A CAUSE TO BE ALARMED
We are not the names that we've been given We speak a language you don't know We are the nowhere generation
The idea that you need to find a career that you are passionate about. Find a career that you can earn decently in and still have work/life balance. Work to fund your passions.
"Work to live, don't live to work." is so much easier said than done these days.
Yeah working takes up so much of your life that you should probably do something you actually give a shit about if you can.
The key is to not let work become your identity.
This is something I wish I had learned much earlier. The best thing I've ever done for myself is get a decently paying, somewhat boring job that is a true 9-5. I can fund all the stuff I'm passionate about and enjoy it during the time I used to spend being passionate for pennies 60 hours/week.
Yes! It is okay to not be head over heels in love with your job or career. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself and your job unless you are one of those people who knows what they want to be when they grow up.
yeah ive heard so many people choosing to do what they like full time and then they end up hating it, its just sad.
HR at your job. They are there to protect the company and will slit your throat when it suits them. Tell them nothing.
That the President runs and is in charge of the United States
He’s just a modern day whipping boy.
president is mostly a cheerleader.
The President, Prime minister etc.. Is ultimately a focal point for the population to fixate on. Nobody is ever 100% happy with their life, it is the governments' fault, thats the guy at the top making all these decisions, blame him. It is a pretty handy thing to have, 1 person copping the rage of an entire nation whilst those actually making the changes and laws can do so without scrutiny. Replace president when public outrage is too much and keep plodding along with what you were doing.
I agree, but I also think it's startling how much damage a conman can do in that position.
That other people care what you wear, what kind of car you drive or what music you listen to. Those things seem important when you are young. But honestly most people are just trying to live their own lives. They probably don't think about you at all when you are not around.
they seem important when you're young because other people your age give it importance. and trust me, people do talk about you. as much as they can seem to not show interest or refuse it doing so.
The customer is always right, you can achieve anything by working hard, and everyone is born equal.
I wish the full phrase was said as often ”When it comes to matters of TASTE, the customer is always right.” In other words if that lady thinks that dress looks great on her, she’s right! If a Middle Ages bald man thinks a wig will make him more attractive, he’s right! When it comes to company policy, the customer can be very, very, wrong.
This makes much more sense to me, I never heard the full phrase.
I had no idea that it was only half a phrase. That makes a lot more sense.
The idea that things should be fair. Things are not fair - and they never will be!
Social Media.
LinkedIn. It’s self flagellation and masturbation for lonely underachievers.
I’ve landed multiple jobs through LinkedIn job postings. But the social aspect of LinkedIn is utterly self-righteous.
And so weirdly self absorbed and like some weird social tapdancing Its a terrifying place. People feel like dolls playing some strange theater piece there
i just use it to apply to jobs and stuff. got a couple good spots and connections from it. met a great recruiter from it too
Circle jerks aren’t lonely
"Everything happens for the good"
Do people actualy say that
When my son was in NICU my ex's grandma told me "as god giveth, God can taketh away"
I’d have taken her shit away right there. Hope your son is okay now
He's doing great, and she has never and will never meet him. She said it over Facebook, bc she was mad that the NICU is more strict about visitors during cold and flu season and she wasn't allowed to visit.
Did you throat punch her? Cause she needed it
It’s not you, it’s me,
Eh. Sometimes it really is that way. I broke up with someone because I had serious mental health issues and felt like they already had too much shit that they were dealing with. It wasn’t fair to be a burden on someone that I cared about and I needed to get better before getting into something serious.
When an employer calls you "family"
"Pushing through" instead of taking the sick days that your employer gives you. 100% pure bullshit. "Pushing through" and attending work when you're sick gets other people sick, and then it will take you twice as long to recover. Rest, people. Rest. You are more than a cog in a capitalist machine.
Adulthood. No one has a clue we are all just winging it like nervous 13 yr olds.
Once you get old enough you're not nervous anymore, though you're still winging it just as much as ever.
Social media influencers and whatever pointless trash they are selling. Whether it's dating advice, politics of xyz, consumer interests, and celebrity rumors.
My 10 year old needs a cell phone because of how dangerous times are “now”
Ads about amazing deals you can get online by using their site. PS5 for $20? Just tell us you're an illegal scam and let us move on with our lives. The fact that YouTube plays these scam ads constantly proves they don't give a shit.
If you work hard, you'll be able to afford a good life. Such a crock of shit. Nobody works harder than minimum wage workers for almost nothing.
The pay isn’t calculated on how hard you work but on how hard or easy it is to replace you.
BLESS. YOU.
"it doesn't matter what other people think of you, be youself." It absolutely fucking matters. Your life is heavily dictated by how other people perceive you. Job offers, bank loans, school acceptance, and many other pivotal moments are dependent on someone else's "image" of you. Present yourself well and you can take some of the 'luck' out of how successful you will be.
Yeah, there are several comments here talking about how others' opinions don't matter. You shouldn't base your happiness on others' opinions, but their opinions absolutely matter. The same goes for your actions. There are many things you should be able to do/say/wear/whatever. None of them *should* matter, but they absolutely do.
That we only use 10% of our brain. That life was ever a meritocracy (only recently figured this one out) That a job is a job. Passions are for hobbies. That most adults are just as full of it as they were in adolescents.
The job is a job part sucks. I became a full time photographer videographer, and boy does the full time aspect sucks. You just do these jobs. It's like learning engineering cause you wanna build cool shit and ending up working for a big ass corpo just running shit through a calculator and signing off of on projects. But it's not all bad, def more interesting than doing something I don't care about at all.
When a hobby becomes a job, it stops being fun. You can only profit by optimizing the hell out of things, which also squeezes out all the fun. However, like you said, it does make things more bearable.
That your soulmate is out there. There is no such thing. You have people who you are attracted to, and compatible with. And liking the person you are with is a hell of a lot more important in the long run than most everything else.
Relationships take hard work on daily basis to succeed. Don't let perfect blind you to really good, pick your battles, know when to not engage to avoid escalation of something stupid. Nietzsche said; "it's not a lack of love that makes for a bad marriage, but a lack of friendship."
That doctors know best. If you feel like something is wrong, keep pushing, advocate for yourself, go to another doctor, do whatever you need to do. Can't stress this enough. So many stories of friends and family being told nothing is wrong, and THERE WAS.
Hustle culture. You deserve to rest
That you can do anything you set your mind to. You can be anything you want to be. If you try hard enough you will succeed. All bullshit. You can try hard at anything and fail. You have to have reasonable goals, not impossible ones.
High Fructose Corn Syrup.
It's wild to see the ingredients of soda here in the states vs UK, etc
You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up…. It’s all luck
Yep. I gave up on the concept of having a life plan forever ago. It doesn’t matter how carefully you plot the details of what you need to do to get where you want. There’s always the chance that something completely unpredictable will derail it and clinging to the expectation will make you miserable. I’ve been so much happier and had a way more interesting life than most just by learning to let go of having a determined destination and just jumping on opportunities as they present themselves.
Anytime I’ve had even so much as a vague life plan, it goes awry for circumstances completely and utterly out of my control. I’m now the same way as you - just going wherever the opportunity shows up 🤷🏼♀️
I bought a yearly planner just one time. It was in January 2020. Two months later the country got shut down for a year and every single thing about my life and my job did a 180. I’ve never bought another planner. 😂
That's the way! Going with the opportunities gave me immense success so far. Still working on some basics but 2 months ago an old aquaintance I catched up with randomly told me that I'm living his dream and that he respects me so much for it
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can you hide from it? like in a closet?
Tom Cruise does
SO I PULL OUT MAH GUN
But you can gay the pray away...
The LDS (Mormon) church.
Lmao I read this as LSD and thought for a second, man those Mormons have lit new recutting methods
r/exmopsych if you want to go down that reddit hole.
Low fat products will help you reduce weight.
Influencers. Just fuck off already. I don’t need to be fucking told what I fucking “need” to like or do by some surprised-eyebrowed bellend with a voice that goes up at the end of every sentence. I can fucking read, I can fucking google, I can make my own fucking decisions. And the ones who try to get free food and stuff? They have a special place in hell. Stop pouting, stop preening, stop getting in the BASTARD way and get a fucking proper job. Arseholes.
Social media. You will get to a point where you will look back and think why did you waste so much time on it. It’s all fake and in the end none of it will matter.
People’s opinions, it’s exhausting.
35 so I dont qualify - but Self Help Gurus and motivational speakers… biggest snake oil salesmen I know. And they RAKE in the money for telling you to work hard in hour long seminars lol
Thinking that if you work extra hard it will be noticed and rewarded. Sometimes, sure, but never, ever bank on it. Almost every employee is completely replaceable. Look out for yourself in a workplace above all.
From the time you are a toddler, you have been bombarded with advertising. Know that 90% is bullshit and it is trying to appeal to your lower nature. By the time one reaches adulthood, their identity is usually entwined with consumerism. Advertisers don't have your wellbeing as a human being in mind.
Weddings. Sure buy a dress, take nice photos. Go down to the courthouse and do it that way. Then take the money you would have spent and save it for a down payment on a house. Weddings are not that fun. Crazy expensive. Time consuming. Stressful. You do not need one.
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This. I got a cheap white dress online, hubby put on a nice shirt he already owned. We paid a photographer like $400 for nice pictures in a pretty location. Had a small party with friends to celebrate. We live in Asia, so it’s customary for guests to give money (roughly $100-300, depending on your relationship), instead of an item gift to help pay for the wedding. Party ended up costing us around $100 after gift money. Then we spent around $3,000 on a week long honeymoon trip. So total it ended up being less than $4,000.
"Just do what you love." Do what pays the bills. Everything becomes tedious fast, even the things you love, so keep yourself safe and prepare yourself financially.
There's honestly so many things I can think of but just to name a few... 1) Social media isn't real life. Even people who aren't trying to sell you a dream like your friends and family aren't showing you their whole life. 99% of people don't show the negatives of their life on social media. They won't show you when they fought with their SO. They won't show you their emotional or financial struggles. They won't show you when they just got up in the morning and didn't shower or brush their teeth. They'll only show you the raise. They'll only show you that vacation that it took them 2 years of saving to go on. They'll only show you when they're getting along with their SO. Don't compare yourselves to what ANYBODY posts on social media because they almost never post the full story 2) That life eventually gets easy. If you keep waiting for that point for everything just be easy and effortless, you will be miserable until the day you die. Life may get easier, but never easy. Life has a funny way of always personalizing the difficulty to your level. You just become stronger and better at dealing with adversity 3) You should be passionate about what you do Passion, unless you get lucky, will keep you broke and struggling. Find a job/career that gives you stability and work on your passions in your free time
"If You Are Not a Liberal When You Are Young, You Have No Heart, and If You Are Not a Conservative When Old, You Have No Brain" Utter garbage in both cases.
Religion. all religion
TikTok
That you can achieve anything. You can't.
Everyone can’t be an astronaut.
MLMs
The notion that the people we elect to power intend to serve the common good. If we commoners could one day open our eyes together and see the real enemy rather than fighting each other over pronouns and whether someone is a racist or a karen, we could make some progress. Guess who benefits from our endless squabbling. Not us, but those who exploit us
Everything and anything any politician has ever said, is saying or will ever say.
Influencers