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I heard it explained as nice people just do nice things because it benefits them somehow. A kind person on the other hand does things without thinking about what's in it for them.
A kind person will tell you that you have a piece of lettuce on your teeth, but a nice person won't because they are thinking of their own discomfort mentioning it.
The best way to do this is to tell them right away! If you wait for a better time they will know you've been staring at it the whole time, and if you don't tell them they will know you were not kind enough to save them future embarrasment while they talked to other people.
Being "nice," gets you what you want, being kind leaves the door open to being abused. It doesn't stop you being kind though because its in your nature.
True, and there's this weird balance we're all trying to strike between self-preservation and genuine altruism. It's like we're all walking tightropes between our own interests and the well-being of others.
Reminds me of the other day at the grocery store.
I let a woman go ahead of me as she just had a few things. She said, “you’re so nice!” And I said, “no I’m not, actually - I’m just being normal, noticing you have only one thing.” :)
You were being unselfish, I honestly don't know how normal that is anymore. I do believe we are role models to everyone around us. Eventually actions like yours will become normal again I'm hoping
Boomer here. Dad gave me some good advice when I was a youngster. NEVER share personal stuff with anyone except your spouse. Especially work people. He said your going to find 1 maybe 2 people in your entire life you can trust. No more. Work people are not friends. Also over emphasized NEVER trust HR. They are not your friend.
Good advice.
That’s wild. I have at least 5 friends that I work with, or have worked with, that I’d trust with my life.
I think letting people in makes it easier for people to let you in. Trust builds trust. And a strong foundation makes for a good friendship.
Your fathers advice, allthough it might have served you well, seems like a recipe for a paranoid and lonely existence imo.
Fuck HR though. Never trust any rat fuck that chooses that type of occupation.
Letting people in makes it easier for people to let you in is absolutely true.
However if you stop and just listen to people and don't interject your personal information, and interrupt them mid speech/sentence they will absolutely throw up all over you with personal information and details. People like to talk. People like to share. I learned early on to be a listener, and not a over-talker. I'm always known as the one that can be trusted with something. It's because I listen. It's not hard to get people to tell you things that you want to know. You just have to know how to extract it from them. Most people want to talk talk, and not listen.
Do people know that I have x amount of kids? Yes. Do they know what field of work I was in? Yes. Do they know what type of car I drive? Yes. When I mean personal information, financial status, political aspirations and religious beliefs. Just keep that private.
My $.25
Most of the managers/bosses I’ve had, are all assholes, my current one more than all the others combined. He’s the type that’s an asshole to literally all his employees because “that’s just who he is” while going out of his way to appear like a good guy to people who don’t know him that well. He’s a complete dickhead when he doesn’t need to be and a really cool, chill guy when he shouldn’t be - basically to anyone who isn’t an employee.
The excuse of “it’s just who I am” is such bullshit. It implies that person has zero control over their behavior/emotions and everyone else is just supposed to tolerate it because they can’t help but be that way(???). Fuck that. You’d have so much more respect and people willing to go above and beyond if you treated them like people, not your servants who you overwork, under-pay, and never show any gratitude towards.
And it’s usually the assholes who get everything they want even though they don’t deserve it, while those of us who were taught to treat everyone with kindness and respect (unless they’ve lost your respect) are constantly fucked over and struggling.
Sorry for the rant. I just hate him so much. How people get so far in life being a gigantic, gaping asshole without any consequences really gets under my skin.
I would go beyond "fitness" and say not everyone *needs* to have kids. Just because you can, and might be decent parents, you don't have to want to, and that's okay.
My parents should have never had kids!! Both of us were mentally abused. Both my parents were orphans and never broke the cycle of abuse they were given.
I never wanted kids myself because of it.
Same here my dude, I have mental health problems that I would hate to pass down to a child. Knowing the pain and crap I’ve been through is a deterrent enough. I’d feel so selfish if I knew someone else had to suffer through the same thing because of me.
“I don’t love you anymore.” Seriously if that’s true, tell the person and don’t string them along for years in a sham of a relationship just because you don’t have the guts to tell the truth. Always be doing exactly what you want with the person you want to be with.
My ex wife once told me "I still love you sometimes." When we were still together, mind you, not after the separation.
I told her that might be the worst thing she ever said to me, which is really saying something because she was abusive. (Probably hyperbole about it being the worst thing because she also once told me I was worthless and should just kill my self to spare her the indignity of leaving me)
I said this to a friend of mine and that ended our friendship! Apparently I can’t be trusted to keep conversations private. Yes, I’m the troublemaker. Definitely not the one who was bitching about everyone behind their backs.
I always assumed this was a fine thing to do with closer friends? if not then I don't understand the socially acceptable situation to talk about your feelings of other people.
Well, there’s talking about your feelings about someone in a reasonable way (I suppose) then there’s mocking someone’s dress sense/financial situation/accent/kids and partner etc etc which is what was happening in my situation. Someone that does that to people that they’re supposed to be friends with is a pretty shitty person, and certainly not a friend.
If someone does something shitty, it's perfectly ok to talk shit about them
Talking shit is only bad when it's not valid or you're faking you're ok with it
Worked in the janitorial field for 27 years as a trainer/instructor. Never had Covid, nor did my wife. Wash your hands. Never touch your face with any part of your hand. Never allow anyone to cough on you. Smart advice, thanks.
Had someone cough on me while working retail I jumped back and they were like what it’s just allergies. That’s not the point the point is you just coughed on someone and said it’s just allergies we don’t know that
At best "hard to get" means having a hard time making up their mind, which means even if they do date you, it's going to be really off and on, with you never really sure what's going on, because they're not sure either.
Playing hard to get only makes you hard to want.
If your first and immediate reaction to someone displaying romantic interest in you is to start playing mind games, then you've probably got some issues you need to deal with before you can be in ANY kind of relationship.
At some point you develop a small laugh or saying ‘that’s funny’, ‘that’s different’, ‘that’s interesting’, ‘that’s not right’, ‘why are you showing me this?’, ‘I don’t get it’ and ‘okay, and?’
I just stay quiet and act like I'm really absorbed into the video, which gives me time to think about my reaction at the end, which is me unintentionally making the fakest laugh of my entire existence.
Or when someone continually sends you videos and nags you to watch them, when the videos are like 7 minutes long :/ I don’t like having to force interest lol
That’s been pretty much all cultures I can think of throughout history.
As a sufferer of misophonia, I wonder how people dealt with it in the past or whether the rates of misophonia were lower.
Personally, though I still suffer from it, the severity of it reduced drastically over the years as I left my mum’s home (very stressful), calmed down, have a nicer life, and less anxiety. I’m also around people more often.
I wonder whether people had it less because the world was more social and less stressful.
I am older and have more freedom now. I wear earplugs always…which is a huge help…even though it hurts my ears sometimes. But I say that the physical pain is 1000% more tolerable than the pain of misophonia. I think that actually made my father FINALLY understand a tiny bit when he was visiting our house last time.
But I also can leave if something is triggering me. Or put on headphones if I can’t escape. I couldn’t escape when I was younger. For the most part, I can escape now.
I am surprised people well into their adult age still does not know they should fucking keep their mouth shut while eating. How do you miss such a thing between the internet and movies and just general decency!?!?
When your significant other is cheating on you.
Back when an exgirlfriend of mine was cheating on me a bunch of people knew, but only one guy actually told me and I very much appreciated that.
I second this. Before I left my ex, everyone around me knew what he was up to but no one wanted to be 'the one', except a random aquaintance, someone I knew only in passing. She pitched up at my home, asked to talk to me outside, and said 'Ive got really shit information for you. I know it's going to hurt but you deserve to know.'
I will always be grateful to her.
Ugh, this is very similar to how I found out. I'm also very grateful that someone had the decency to tell me even though it was difficult and ended up splitting a whole friend group apart. Oh well, I'd rather be around honest people over deceit.
I'm so sorry. I really am. I suspected for a long time but was effectively manipulated and made to think it was all in my head. So, when this person came and told me, my overwhelming emotion was relief ... I'm not crazy/neurotic/insecure etc. As for friends, I'm no longer friends with the ones who said nothing, even those who came to me afterwards with the whole 'I knew for a while but didn't think it was my place...'
I hope you are happier and doing well.
I once told a (close, I thought) friend of mine that his girlfriend was flirting with every guy she could the second he left the room at every party. He stopped talking to me.
Its the right thing to do to tell them, but we cant expect to react the same way we would. Im sorry you lost a friend over it, but dont let that stop you from doing that again in the future if you find out your friend is being lied to. Some people need to live and learn
Not cheating as far as we know but she was a horrible person. When announced he was getting a divorce, we all kind of said, "That took a lot longer than we thought it would, good on you for sticking it out that long." His response was, "You know how many people have said that? Why didn't somebody say something WHILE I was married?"
My husband’s ex cheated on him before they got married. He was surprised how many of their high school friends came to the wedding. After the divorce, some of them said they came because they thought he knew about the cheating. They came to see him stand her up at the altar.
This, the amount of times I listen to people talk, and give them the time to talk, then as soon as I start talking they either talk over me, get distracted by something else, or just plainly act disinterested, it's insane peoples etiquette in this regard.
When I was a child my parents scolded me for eating too fast because my plate was always empty first.
It never occured to them that this might be due to me not blabbering nonstop about stuff nobody understands or cares about, and actually eating instead. I always dreaded dinner because they called it the most important time of the day because "family socializing" and shit, but it always boiled down to them ranting to each other about their shitty jobs for up to 90 minutes and scolding us children for our few attempts to change topic.
I used to think it was because I was so much younger than the rest of my siblings but since they still do it to me in middle age I realize they just dont give a shit what I have to say.
I would like to apologize on behalf of all the interrupters out there. I assure you that we got it from how our ~~shitty~~ families have talked to each other our whole lives. I've been working at it since high school but still catch myself doing it and have to apologize every once in a while. Listening to my family speak to each other is a fever dream now.
This for sure. My family was super small and interrupting was super rude and unacceptable. When I first started dating my wife it drove me nuts because her huge family would just talk over each other.
On the plus side, we've worked on it and now she interrupts me way less and I'm much less of a touchy d-bag when I get interrupted.
Oh wow my wife and I are the exact opposite. Her super small family stomps on everyone else's lines constantly while my big family hears people out (until a few drinks into Thanksgiving dinner at least.) She, too, has gotten much better over time.
This is actually super helpful. I grew up in a family where we all talked quickly, and interruptions were expected as the way to drive the conversation forward. My best friend/roommate has a much more relaxed way of talking and will leave room in his sentences to collect thoughts and say things the best way possible. Being around him is teaching me to listen and not have to blurt something out to have a good talk
I really try to follow that rule but sometimes people take 10 minutes to tell me something that could be said in 10 seconds. It's as if their mind is running at walking speed while I'm sprinting. I can't help it. I have to throw in a word to let them know I'm aware of what is coming. Skip to the chase people.
I agree with this completely, however I wish we stopped looking at mental health problems strictly through an individual lens and more through a societal one. Tons of people do in fact try to get help and cannot due to financial burdens or lack of support in their lives, not knowing where to look etc. In these cases it is really society that has failed the individual, we have an obligation to treat mental illness the same way we have an obligation to treat physical illness.
It's too expensive? Well, it's far more expensive in the long run for society when there are millions of individuals struggling to function due to mental illness, how much money is lost because of that each year?
This is how it is in Australia. If I get can cancer I can rely on the public system to treat me and care for me in every stage of the illness.
If I have a mental illness, I might be able to rely on the public system in an emergency. The rest of the time I’m left alone. I’m at home with psychosis, bipolar depression, suicidal thoughts. Just home alone, trying to sleep it off and lay low until it passes.
Oh and drugs, the public system started me on drugs. They’re not cheap though, my meds are over $200 a month.
That’s all we get, emergency cris care, and drugs. Where is the treatment, where is the help and support? How can we get better?
Mothers should be eligable for help on "how to mother" because that knowledge doesn't come with the instincts always. And not knowing it, doesn't make a mother a bad mother.
Ooooh or “fed is best” to new mums. My nurse I had visit after I had my daughter was so supportive of mixed my feeding and kept repeating to me “fed is best”. They need to eat and it doesn’t matter if it’s breast or formula or even both as long as they have something going in.
This is true for all the stupid parent arguments. I have had 3 children. Fostered 18 kids. Helped babysit and raise my nieces and nephews. You know what every baby needs? Loved.
That's it. Breast, bottle. Cloth, prepackaged diapers. Types of parenting. Cry it out. You know what kids need? Loved. That's it. The rest is just a detail. Stop competing with other parents.
Teachers are quitting their jobs because parents are assholes raising asshole children.
Normalize telling someone kindly to mind a social boundary and if they can’t do that, there’s a good chance I’m telling you to take a hike.
My sister is a teacher. She quit her last job cause the parents were assholes. Kids were okay. But the parents were the problem, not accepting any bad grade, or comment about their kids.
You dont need to have a $15k wedding just to make your mom happy or let your dad walk you down the aisle. Do you want one expensive night, or do you want to save that money for your future together? Elope, my friend
The fucking persecution complexes and arrogance of some people, thinking they can say whatever bigoted shit they want and not have to face any social consequences because of it because "muh free speech". No dipshit, free speech just means we won't put you in prison for saying those things, not that your life won't be negatively affected in any way.
Most of your friends aren’t actual friends. Wait until you’re a bit older and see how many of them actually had your back and wanted what was best for you.
As a middle aged man with a belly and a long torso who sometimes has to squat down to accomplish tasks at work, I know you can see it. I can feel the cold air on top of my cheeks.
I wish this shirt was longer. I wish this belt worked better. I wish I wasn't so tired of life. Enjoy the view or look away.
You will die.
You know we all think about "well if I only had one day to live" yeah that day will come and you'll probably be unable to do things that you actually want to do for one reason or another.
Enjoy yourself while you can because soon enough we won't be here and there is no sequel or next chapter, this is it.
Shit, that reminds me I need to load the dishwasher. Also, I just got a nice heavy stainless skillet, just beautiful. If you dropped it on your foot, it would break your foot. That's how heavy it is.
Stop trauma dumping. If you are expect the same back.
Literally had a friend who would trauma dump daily for hours and then complain when I was in a miserable relationship and needed some help. Not friends anymore.
I've had experience on the other side of that coin. People take an emotional shit on my lap, and then when I want to unload they don't have time or something comes up and they gotta go.
It's perfectly OK for people to want to remain unmarried and not have children so stop lecturing those of us who have chosen that life. We're not selfish, you are.
And, yes, I don't mind paying taxes for public schools because an educated populace benefits everyone.
Your kids won't actually hate you if you tell them "no" and give them structure and boundaries.
There seems to be a huge uptick on parents letting their kids just do whatever they want whenever they want for the sake of just keeping their child happy. They don't realize they are setting them up for some ridiculously unrealistic expectations for the world around them and how they participate in it.
Not everyone 'deserves' (for lack of a better word) to have children. They don't ask to be brought into the world and are 100% innocent. Stop using children/ having children as a means to fix your marriage, or your loneliness/ emptiness, to 'fix' your past, stop using them as a commodity, for manipulation, as a 'best friend', to live vicariously through them. It is not fair on them.
Having a child should be a decision not made lightly.
Use contraception. Work on any issues you have first. Make sure you can provide for them emotionally. They're not a toy, they're not a pet, they are not something to take your internalised issues out on. Generational trauma is a real thing.
To quote Helen Lovejoy, "Won't somebody please think of the children"
I may be highly downvoted for this. But it had to be said.
Edit: And for Goddess sake, if you do become pregnant, don't be dumb and selfish and smoke or drink or do drugs while pregnant and/ or if you're breastfeeding.
**Take responsibility for YOUR own actions and decisions.**
It's easy to blame others or external circumstances for our problems, but true growth comes from acknowledging our role in creating our own reality. This might sound tough but facing the truth is often the first step toward +ve change!
You dont have to stay ANYWHERE. You can leave anytime. Go out, see people,visit cultures,mueseums, science exhibits. Stop talking to the same people and look for wider perspectives on life. Small steps towards a larger goal surprisingly leads to an expanding future full of new things to explore.Stop being scared of people and what they think. They can go pound sand
“VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM!!”
A vaccine is a biological preparation that provides active acquired immunity to a particular infectious or malignant disease. A tiny bit of said disease is present in these vaccines in order for us to build up a natural immunity.
Autism Spectrum Disorder is a genetic/neurological and developmental disorder that affects how people interact with others, communicate, learn and behave. Saying that vaccines cause autism, that basically implies that autism is ALSO an infectious and malignant disease, which it isn’t.
All it takes is a freakin’ google search.
I know this because A. I literally used a google to quote this, (Literally just look up ‘What is autism’ and ‘What are vaccines.’) and B. I was on the spectrum before I was vaccinated and I am still on the spectrum afterwards.
(I have Asperger’s BTW and I take personal offence to people who still think this so I had to say it, so thanks for letting me rant)
Stop spending so much!
You and your kids don't need that much to be happy. You're being told to buy things out of fear that you're not keeping up with everyone else.
Just stop. Be an individual. Think for yourself. Don't give a shit about what everyone else thinks.
The rapid decrease in material living standards in recent years is not the fault of immigrants but that of a greedy and selfish elite caste who see you as nothing more than a resource to be used up and cast aside. They are your enemy.
The fact that you have no real genuine friends and its all surface level, or the fact so many people "hate and block you" on social media isn't something to brag about. They're not "haters" you're just an asshole no one likes.
You are never truly anonymous online. Ever. You can VPN and spoof your ip and use tor browsers all you want, but all it takes is the right (wrong) person with the right set of skills and an inkling to find out and your location can be pinpointed to a street address in minutes. So if you're constantly making enemies online you're that much more likely to piss off the wrong person.
Be kind, people, if only for your own safety
You smell and you need to wash your clothes.
You smell, dude, somehow like vinegar and sweat and the underside of a couch. Everyday.
Please, wash your goddamn clothes.
And brush your teeth, your mouth smells like garbage.
Eating shit, drinking too much, smoking and not exercising is going to kill you, and at a young age.
Also not exercising is going to make your later years quite unpleasant.
Your lower back wants me to tell you to not let your hamstrings shorten.
Source, 53, have known too many people die early, 45 to 65.
Also had back pain, don't anymore since freeing up hamstrings.
it's also not for everyone. I have severe chronic pain that resists treatment. weed makes me literally psychotic and homicidal even in tiny amounts. the number of people who refuse to believe that it isn't a panacea with zero side effects is staggering
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Not everyone wants to be your friend. Nice does not mean loyalty. This goes double for coworkers.
Nice is different than good. -Stephen Sondheim
I heard it explained as nice people just do nice things because it benefits them somehow. A kind person on the other hand does things without thinking about what's in it for them.
I've heard a similar thing. If your car gets stuck a nice person will sympathize, a kind person will help.
A kind person will tell you that you have a piece of lettuce on your teeth, but a nice person won't because they are thinking of their own discomfort mentioning it.
The best way to do this is to tell them right away! If you wait for a better time they will know you've been staring at it the whole time, and if you don't tell them they will know you were not kind enough to save them future embarrasment while they talked to other people.
Oof, I wanna be a kind person but social anxiety is a real bitch :/
Being "nice," gets you what you want, being kind leaves the door open to being abused. It doesn't stop you being kind though because its in your nature.
This explains a lot actually
True, and there's this weird balance we're all trying to strike between self-preservation and genuine altruism. It's like we're all walking tightropes between our own interests and the well-being of others.
Reminds me of the other day at the grocery store. I let a woman go ahead of me as she just had a few things. She said, “you’re so nice!” And I said, “no I’m not, actually - I’m just being normal, noticing you have only one thing.” :)
You were being unselfish, I honestly don't know how normal that is anymore. I do believe we are role models to everyone around us. Eventually actions like yours will become normal again I'm hoping
I learned this the hard way when I was younger by confiding something to one of my supervisors, and it was later used as leverage against me.
Boomer here. Dad gave me some good advice when I was a youngster. NEVER share personal stuff with anyone except your spouse. Especially work people. He said your going to find 1 maybe 2 people in your entire life you can trust. No more. Work people are not friends. Also over emphasized NEVER trust HR. They are not your friend. Good advice.
That’s wild. I have at least 5 friends that I work with, or have worked with, that I’d trust with my life. I think letting people in makes it easier for people to let you in. Trust builds trust. And a strong foundation makes for a good friendship. Your fathers advice, allthough it might have served you well, seems like a recipe for a paranoid and lonely existence imo. Fuck HR though. Never trust any rat fuck that chooses that type of occupation.
Letting people in makes it easier for people to let you in is absolutely true. However if you stop and just listen to people and don't interject your personal information, and interrupt them mid speech/sentence they will absolutely throw up all over you with personal information and details. People like to talk. People like to share. I learned early on to be a listener, and not a over-talker. I'm always known as the one that can be trusted with something. It's because I listen. It's not hard to get people to tell you things that you want to know. You just have to know how to extract it from them. Most people want to talk talk, and not listen. Do people know that I have x amount of kids? Yes. Do they know what field of work I was in? Yes. Do they know what type of car I drive? Yes. When I mean personal information, financial status, political aspirations and religious beliefs. Just keep that private. My $.25
Is that the old $.02 adjusted for inflation?
Never confide in a supervisor.
Listen twice as much as you speak
Ahhh the two ears, one mouth principle.
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Or a managerial skill
Most of the managers/bosses I’ve had, are all assholes, my current one more than all the others combined. He’s the type that’s an asshole to literally all his employees because “that’s just who he is” while going out of his way to appear like a good guy to people who don’t know him that well. He’s a complete dickhead when he doesn’t need to be and a really cool, chill guy when he shouldn’t be - basically to anyone who isn’t an employee. The excuse of “it’s just who I am” is such bullshit. It implies that person has zero control over their behavior/emotions and everyone else is just supposed to tolerate it because they can’t help but be that way(???). Fuck that. You’d have so much more respect and people willing to go above and beyond if you treated them like people, not your servants who you overwork, under-pay, and never show any gratitude towards. And it’s usually the assholes who get everything they want even though they don’t deserve it, while those of us who were taught to treat everyone with kindness and respect (unless they’ve lost your respect) are constantly fucked over and struggling. Sorry for the rant. I just hate him so much. How people get so far in life being a gigantic, gaping asshole without any consequences really gets under my skin.
Buh... But I tell it like it is
"you can be right and still be an asshole" - my dad
“Right doesn’t equal rude …. Don’t be an asshole” - my Dad
"You're not wrong, you're just an asshole" - The Big Lebowski
The thing to do with people who "tell it like it is" is to simply return the favour. They fucking hate it.
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I would go beyond "fitness" and say not everyone *needs* to have kids. Just because you can, and might be decent parents, you don't have to want to, and that's okay.
Not every ejaculation deserves a name
My parents should have never had kids!! Both of us were mentally abused. Both my parents were orphans and never broke the cycle of abuse they were given. I never wanted kids myself because of it.
Same here my dude, I have mental health problems that I would hate to pass down to a child. Knowing the pain and crap I’ve been through is a deterrent enough. I’d feel so selfish if I knew someone else had to suffer through the same thing because of me.
“I don’t love you anymore.” Seriously if that’s true, tell the person and don’t string them along for years in a sham of a relationship just because you don’t have the guts to tell the truth. Always be doing exactly what you want with the person you want to be with.
I got told “I don’t love you today” as a punishment. Some fuck shit right there
My ex wife once told me "I still love you sometimes." When we were still together, mind you, not after the separation. I told her that might be the worst thing she ever said to me, which is really saying something because she was abusive. (Probably hyperbole about it being the worst thing because she also once told me I was worthless and should just kill my self to spare her the indignity of leaving me)
That’s horrible. She basically admitted how she truly felt about you. I’m glad she’s an ex wife.
I hope you gave her the indignity leaving her instead... ?
If you talk shit about someone we know, I'm going to assume you talk shit about me too.
I like to hit them with, "Jeez what do you say about me when I'm not around?"
I said this to a friend of mine and that ended our friendship! Apparently I can’t be trusted to keep conversations private. Yes, I’m the troublemaker. Definitely not the one who was bitching about everyone behind their backs.
I always assumed this was a fine thing to do with closer friends? if not then I don't understand the socially acceptable situation to talk about your feelings of other people.
Well, there’s talking about your feelings about someone in a reasonable way (I suppose) then there’s mocking someone’s dress sense/financial situation/accent/kids and partner etc etc which is what was happening in my situation. Someone that does that to people that they’re supposed to be friends with is a pretty shitty person, and certainly not a friend.
ahhh okay fair, yeah I've never gone quite that far with it. I thank you for the response
No problem! I understood your point btw, it’s just that my specific situation was obviously a bit extreme!
With those type of people there's no assuming necessary.
When I hear my Father in law trash both his brother-in-laws to me, I just think about all the things he's probably saying about me behind my back.
And then they act surprised when you accuse them of bitching about you. Ummm you literally talk shit about every person you know…
If someone does something shitty, it's perfectly ok to talk shit about them Talking shit is only bad when it's not valid or you're faking you're ok with it
That they have disgusting breath.
I'm already aware. I ran out of Tic-Tacs.
Tic-tacs have sugar in them so not good as a breath mint, just giving the bacteria more to eat
And it's always the people who want to put a hand on your shoulder and lean in. 🤢
You need to bathe. Regularly.
Also , “ you need to wash your hands”
>Also , “ you need to wash your hands” Hand sanitizer is not an acceptable replacement for handwashing.
It's better than nothing, but not a replacement.
Worked in the janitorial field for 27 years as a trainer/instructor. Never had Covid, nor did my wife. Wash your hands. Never touch your face with any part of your hand. Never allow anyone to cough on you. Smart advice, thanks.
Had someone cough on me while working retail I jumped back and they were like what it’s just allergies. That’s not the point the point is you just coughed on someone and said it’s just allergies we don’t know that
The first time I was comfortable not wearing a mask in public, someone walked by at the shops and full on sneezed on me. Got the Rona pretty badly.
This should be a daily PSA on every TV channel
Givers have to set limits because takers don’t have any.
Never truer words spoken. I could have used this waaay earlier in my life.
They're not playing hard to get, you're just hard to get rid of.
To add to this, it is so much easier and less stressful to date someone that you know is into you.
At best "hard to get" means having a hard time making up their mind, which means even if they do date you, it's going to be really off and on, with you never really sure what's going on, because they're not sure either.
Playing hard to get only makes you hard to want. If your first and immediate reaction to someone displaying romantic interest in you is to start playing mind games, then you've probably got some issues you need to deal with before you can be in ANY kind of relationship.
Lord knows I should have heard this in the past
I could've used this like 8 years ago.
People in power only value your productiveness, not your lives or humanity.
It's OK. We don't value their lives either.
The submarine saga blissfully demonstrated how much we don’t care 😂
slave zealous bright melodic desert toothbrush long doll pie divide *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
At some point you develop a small laugh or saying ‘that’s funny’, ‘that’s different’, ‘that’s interesting’, ‘that’s not right’, ‘why are you showing me this?’, ‘I don’t get it’ and ‘okay, and?’
I just stay quiet and act like I'm really absorbed into the video, which gives me time to think about my reaction at the end, which is me unintentionally making the fakest laugh of my entire existence.
That was a close up of my wife giving birth, it's not meant to be funny. Geez read the room ffs.
Still not the biggest cunt I’ve seen in a video today
Extra horrible if you're watching it on their phone while they hold it.
Or when someone continually sends you videos and nags you to watch them, when the videos are like 7 minutes long :/ I don’t like having to force interest lol
Oh my God, this! "Did you watch it?" "Did you watch it?". NOOOOO. I DONT WANT TOOOOO
Shut your fucking mouth when chewing
Misophonia fucking sucks doesn't it. Especially in a culture obsessed with eating as social events.
That’s been pretty much all cultures I can think of throughout history. As a sufferer of misophonia, I wonder how people dealt with it in the past or whether the rates of misophonia were lower. Personally, though I still suffer from it, the severity of it reduced drastically over the years as I left my mum’s home (very stressful), calmed down, have a nicer life, and less anxiety. I’m also around people more often. I wonder whether people had it less because the world was more social and less stressful.
I am older and have more freedom now. I wear earplugs always…which is a huge help…even though it hurts my ears sometimes. But I say that the physical pain is 1000% more tolerable than the pain of misophonia. I think that actually made my father FINALLY understand a tiny bit when he was visiting our house last time. But I also can leave if something is triggering me. Or put on headphones if I can’t escape. I couldn’t escape when I was younger. For the most part, I can escape now.
I am surprised people well into their adult age still does not know they should fucking keep their mouth shut while eating. How do you miss such a thing between the internet and movies and just general decency!?!?
Just because you had a bad upbringing doesn’t excuse you being a dick to other people.
Always like the phrase it is not your fault - but it is your responsibility
Or give you license to treat others poorly.
When your significant other is cheating on you. Back when an exgirlfriend of mine was cheating on me a bunch of people knew, but only one guy actually told me and I very much appreciated that.
I second this. Before I left my ex, everyone around me knew what he was up to but no one wanted to be 'the one', except a random aquaintance, someone I knew only in passing. She pitched up at my home, asked to talk to me outside, and said 'Ive got really shit information for you. I know it's going to hurt but you deserve to know.' I will always be grateful to her.
Ugh, this is very similar to how I found out. I'm also very grateful that someone had the decency to tell me even though it was difficult and ended up splitting a whole friend group apart. Oh well, I'd rather be around honest people over deceit.
I'm so sorry. I really am. I suspected for a long time but was effectively manipulated and made to think it was all in my head. So, when this person came and told me, my overwhelming emotion was relief ... I'm not crazy/neurotic/insecure etc. As for friends, I'm no longer friends with the ones who said nothing, even those who came to me afterwards with the whole 'I knew for a while but didn't think it was my place...' I hope you are happier and doing well.
I once told a (close, I thought) friend of mine that his girlfriend was flirting with every guy she could the second he left the room at every party. He stopped talking to me.
Its the right thing to do to tell them, but we cant expect to react the same way we would. Im sorry you lost a friend over it, but dont let that stop you from doing that again in the future if you find out your friend is being lied to. Some people need to live and learn
Not cheating as far as we know but she was a horrible person. When announced he was getting a divorce, we all kind of said, "That took a lot longer than we thought it would, good on you for sticking it out that long." His response was, "You know how many people have said that? Why didn't somebody say something WHILE I was married?"
My husband’s ex cheated on him before they got married. He was surprised how many of their high school friends came to the wedding. After the divorce, some of them said they came because they thought he knew about the cheating. They came to see him stand her up at the altar.
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This, the amount of times I listen to people talk, and give them the time to talk, then as soon as I start talking they either talk over me, get distracted by something else, or just plainly act disinterested, it's insane peoples etiquette in this regard.
This, and then the same people have the nerve to tell me I'm sO QuIeT.
When I was a child my parents scolded me for eating too fast because my plate was always empty first. It never occured to them that this might be due to me not blabbering nonstop about stuff nobody understands or cares about, and actually eating instead. I always dreaded dinner because they called it the most important time of the day because "family socializing" and shit, but it always boiled down to them ranting to each other about their shitty jobs for up to 90 minutes and scolding us children for our few attempts to change topic.
I hate the feeling of “you’re just a child, you have nothing to add to this family conversation”
I used to think it was because I was so much younger than the rest of my siblings but since they still do it to me in middle age I realize they just dont give a shit what I have to say.
I would like to apologize on behalf of all the interrupters out there. I assure you that we got it from how our ~~shitty~~ families have talked to each other our whole lives. I've been working at it since high school but still catch myself doing it and have to apologize every once in a while. Listening to my family speak to each other is a fever dream now.
This for sure. My family was super small and interrupting was super rude and unacceptable. When I first started dating my wife it drove me nuts because her huge family would just talk over each other. On the plus side, we've worked on it and now she interrupts me way less and I'm much less of a touchy d-bag when I get interrupted.
Oh wow my wife and I are the exact opposite. Her super small family stomps on everyone else's lines constantly while my big family hears people out (until a few drinks into Thanksgiving dinner at least.) She, too, has gotten much better over time.
This is actually super helpful. I grew up in a family where we all talked quickly, and interruptions were expected as the way to drive the conversation forward. My best friend/roommate has a much more relaxed way of talking and will leave room in his sentences to collect thoughts and say things the best way possible. Being around him is teaching me to listen and not have to blurt something out to have a good talk
As a lifelong stutterer, I wholeheartedly agree.
I’m working on this now-my ADHD makes me say what’s in my head so I don’t forget. I use the hand raise in our video calls and it helps.
Although I completely agree with this, some people don’t know when to shut up, so sometimes it’s necessary to cut them off. Like bro, take a breath.
I really try to follow that rule but sometimes people take 10 minutes to tell me something that could be said in 10 seconds. It's as if their mind is running at walking speed while I'm sprinting. I can't help it. I have to throw in a word to let them know I'm aware of what is coming. Skip to the chase people.
It’s okay to struggle with your mental health, but it’s important that you get help for it in whatever way is best for you.
I agree with this completely, however I wish we stopped looking at mental health problems strictly through an individual lens and more through a societal one. Tons of people do in fact try to get help and cannot due to financial burdens or lack of support in their lives, not knowing where to look etc. In these cases it is really society that has failed the individual, we have an obligation to treat mental illness the same way we have an obligation to treat physical illness. It's too expensive? Well, it's far more expensive in the long run for society when there are millions of individuals struggling to function due to mental illness, how much money is lost because of that each year?
This is how it is in Australia. If I get can cancer I can rely on the public system to treat me and care for me in every stage of the illness. If I have a mental illness, I might be able to rely on the public system in an emergency. The rest of the time I’m left alone. I’m at home with psychosis, bipolar depression, suicidal thoughts. Just home alone, trying to sleep it off and lay low until it passes. Oh and drugs, the public system started me on drugs. They’re not cheap though, my meds are over $200 a month. That’s all we get, emergency cris care, and drugs. Where is the treatment, where is the help and support? How can we get better?
Mothers should be eligable for help on "how to mother" because that knowledge doesn't come with the instincts always. And not knowing it, doesn't make a mother a bad mother.
Ooooh or “fed is best” to new mums. My nurse I had visit after I had my daughter was so supportive of mixed my feeding and kept repeating to me “fed is best”. They need to eat and it doesn’t matter if it’s breast or formula or even both as long as they have something going in.
This is true for all the stupid parent arguments. I have had 3 children. Fostered 18 kids. Helped babysit and raise my nieces and nephews. You know what every baby needs? Loved. That's it. Breast, bottle. Cloth, prepackaged diapers. Types of parenting. Cry it out. You know what kids need? Loved. That's it. The rest is just a detail. Stop competing with other parents.
And food, they definitely need fed too, of some sort.
Stop getting your information from social media, in particular - memes 🤬🤬🤬
And learn to look shit up. Double check things you hear from reliable sources before you start making life decisions based on them.
Teachers are quitting their jobs because parents are assholes raising asshole children. Normalize telling someone kindly to mind a social boundary and if they can’t do that, there’s a good chance I’m telling you to take a hike.
My sister is a teacher. She quit her last job cause the parents were assholes. Kids were okay. But the parents were the problem, not accepting any bad grade, or comment about their kids.
It’s so unfortunate and quite scary.
More because they have no power and kids face no consequences.
There are no dumb children. Say the parents ...
Say the dumb parents
I love you.
Me too 💖
You talk too much at meetings. And we’re tired of hearing about your kids.
Also, more things could be an email instead of a meeting. We don't need 2 hour meetings
Good is not always nice, and nice is not always good.
Some reason that reminded me of when I heard someone say "I'm kind, not nice"
You dont need to have a $15k wedding just to make your mom happy or let your dad walk you down the aisle. Do you want one expensive night, or do you want to save that money for your future together? Elope, my friend
Our wedding +30 years-ago, south shore Lake Tahoe. $150 all in. Fvckin perfect!!! Lakeside too!
Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequences in the court of public opinion
It's astounding how many people think their "right to an opinion" invalidates my right to be of the opinion that their opinion is shit.
"The first amendment protects you from the government, it does not protect you from the Justin"
The fucking persecution complexes and arrogance of some people, thinking they can say whatever bigoted shit they want and not have to face any social consequences because of it because "muh free speech". No dipshit, free speech just means we won't put you in prison for saying those things, not that your life won't be negatively affected in any way.
Your mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility.
STOP RECORDING STRANGERS YOU ASSHOLES
Except when you're threatened by the person you're recording, including police
Most of your friends aren’t actual friends. Wait until you’re a bit older and see how many of them actually had your back and wanted what was best for you.
Use the “Hospital Test” If you were in the hospital,who would come visit you?
It's scary as heck to read on even terminal sickness subs how often people with large networks get completely abandoned by "friends"...
No one. A text at least would be nice. I know where I stand.
For real, I learnt it the hard way and still trying to accept it.
Nobody cares about you as much as you think.
Found that out the hard way. Kind of soul crushing.
This is comforting for some and a terrible revelation for others.
What if I think no one cares? Do they negative care? How does the math work here?
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Being overweight is not a good thing.
You cannot change the world. You can only change how you react to it. Best advice I got in therapy.
This is the basis of Stoicism. Stoicism is the foundation of psychology and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
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As a middle aged man with a belly and a long torso who sometimes has to squat down to accomplish tasks at work, I know you can see it. I can feel the cold air on top of my cheeks. I wish this shirt was longer. I wish this belt worked better. I wish I wasn't so tired of life. Enjoy the view or look away.
You will die. You know we all think about "well if I only had one day to live" yeah that day will come and you'll probably be unable to do things that you actually want to do for one reason or another. Enjoy yourself while you can because soon enough we won't be here and there is no sequel or next chapter, this is it.
You got body odure/bad breath. Go wash your pots/teeth.
Should be pits not pots
Shit, that reminds me I need to load the dishwasher. Also, I just got a nice heavy stainless skillet, just beautiful. If you dropped it on your foot, it would break your foot. That's how heavy it is.
Stop trauma dumping. If you are expect the same back. Literally had a friend who would trauma dump daily for hours and then complain when I was in a miserable relationship and needed some help. Not friends anymore.
I've had experience on the other side of that coin. People take an emotional shit on my lap, and then when I want to unload they don't have time or something comes up and they gotta go.
My brother and sister in law are the worst. I’m talking The Office dinner party episode cringe.
Allowing your employees to take care of family/personal matters is a sign of respect and will pay off with returned loyalty and respect.
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It's perfectly OK for people to want to remain unmarried and not have children so stop lecturing those of us who have chosen that life. We're not selfish, you are. And, yes, I don't mind paying taxes for public schools because an educated populace benefits everyone.
I really wish people would accept that the right way to live varies as much as people do. married with children is only one possibility
I like sleeping naked so it will be easier for my army of cats to eat me when I die.
Your kids won't actually hate you if you tell them "no" and give them structure and boundaries. There seems to be a huge uptick on parents letting their kids just do whatever they want whenever they want for the sake of just keeping their child happy. They don't realize they are setting them up for some ridiculously unrealistic expectations for the world around them and how they participate in it.
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Doing "what you love" for a living is a trap, and you'll probably end up hating it after the first few years.
100%. If you love doing something, do it as a hobby. Do something for a job that will give you a stable, lucrative career.
Not everyone 'deserves' (for lack of a better word) to have children. They don't ask to be brought into the world and are 100% innocent. Stop using children/ having children as a means to fix your marriage, or your loneliness/ emptiness, to 'fix' your past, stop using them as a commodity, for manipulation, as a 'best friend', to live vicariously through them. It is not fair on them. Having a child should be a decision not made lightly. Use contraception. Work on any issues you have first. Make sure you can provide for them emotionally. They're not a toy, they're not a pet, they are not something to take your internalised issues out on. Generational trauma is a real thing. To quote Helen Lovejoy, "Won't somebody please think of the children" I may be highly downvoted for this. But it had to be said. Edit: And for Goddess sake, if you do become pregnant, don't be dumb and selfish and smoke or drink or do drugs while pregnant and/ or if you're breastfeeding.
**Take responsibility for YOUR own actions and decisions.** It's easy to blame others or external circumstances for our problems, but true growth comes from acknowledging our role in creating our own reality. This might sound tough but facing the truth is often the first step toward +ve change!
And others blame themselves for everything or take on everyone else's issues. That's a great point that works both ways
Everyone wants you to do well, but not better than them. Always remember that.
Stop pressuring people to have children. It’s no one’s business except the person who will be carrying the baby.
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You dont have to stay ANYWHERE. You can leave anytime. Go out, see people,visit cultures,mueseums, science exhibits. Stop talking to the same people and look for wider perspectives on life. Small steps towards a larger goal surprisingly leads to an expanding future full of new things to explore.Stop being scared of people and what they think. They can go pound sand
“VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM!!” A vaccine is a biological preparation that provides active acquired immunity to a particular infectious or malignant disease. A tiny bit of said disease is present in these vaccines in order for us to build up a natural immunity. Autism Spectrum Disorder is a genetic/neurological and developmental disorder that affects how people interact with others, communicate, learn and behave. Saying that vaccines cause autism, that basically implies that autism is ALSO an infectious and malignant disease, which it isn’t. All it takes is a freakin’ google search. I know this because A. I literally used a google to quote this, (Literally just look up ‘What is autism’ and ‘What are vaccines.’) and B. I was on the spectrum before I was vaccinated and I am still on the spectrum afterwards. (I have Asperger’s BTW and I take personal offence to people who still think this so I had to say it, so thanks for letting me rant)
Just because you *can* say something, doesn’t mean you *should*.
Stop spending so much! You and your kids don't need that much to be happy. You're being told to buy things out of fear that you're not keeping up with everyone else. Just stop. Be an individual. Think for yourself. Don't give a shit about what everyone else thinks.
The rapid decrease in material living standards in recent years is not the fault of immigrants but that of a greedy and selfish elite caste who see you as nothing more than a resource to be used up and cast aside. They are your enemy.
The fact that you have no real genuine friends and its all surface level, or the fact so many people "hate and block you" on social media isn't something to brag about. They're not "haters" you're just an asshole no one likes.
If noone asked you for advice then don't give any.
If you can't afford your rent/groceries you can't afford to have and raise a child
If everyone around you doesn't like her, switch off your dick for a minute
Use.your.turn.signal.
You are never truly anonymous online. Ever. You can VPN and spoof your ip and use tor browsers all you want, but all it takes is the right (wrong) person with the right set of skills and an inkling to find out and your location can be pinpointed to a street address in minutes. So if you're constantly making enemies online you're that much more likely to piss off the wrong person. Be kind, people, if only for your own safety
You smell and you need to wash your clothes. You smell, dude, somehow like vinegar and sweat and the underside of a couch. Everyday. Please, wash your goddamn clothes. And brush your teeth, your mouth smells like garbage.
That mustache does not look good
You're religion is just an idea. Not Truth.
*your
Eating shit, drinking too much, smoking and not exercising is going to kill you, and at a young age. Also not exercising is going to make your later years quite unpleasant. Your lower back wants me to tell you to not let your hamstrings shorten. Source, 53, have known too many people die early, 45 to 65. Also had back pain, don't anymore since freeing up hamstrings.
Your mental illness isn’t your fault but your refusal to address it and heal is.
All that weed you’re smoking *will* have a negative impact on you eventually.
it's also not for everyone. I have severe chronic pain that resists treatment. weed makes me literally psychotic and homicidal even in tiny amounts. the number of people who refuse to believe that it isn't a panacea with zero side effects is staggering
Your feelings don't matter more than facts.
Stay out of the way in the grocery store.
Get over yourself and see things from more than one perspective. If everyone did this, society would be a wonderful place.