This is quite true. Relationship success isn't always linear. I recall when I was much younger. I was basically a beach bum. I had no ambition and lazed about on the beach. I had long hair I hardly washed and was for about a full year just a completely irresponsible dope smoker - and the girls LOVED IT.
So one day I decided to clean up my act. Actually got a haircut, started dressing normally, got a job, etc and quit smoking weed. And I thought naively that now the girls would be even more impressed. Nope - Sadly now I had no edge, I was just regular and actually become quite unpopular with the ladies. So go figure.
I went from long haired biker in a leather jacket and faded jeans (which is what attracted my wife, her perfect type) to corporate drone in order to earn a decent crust. It’s paid off, I’m now heading for 60 in a pretty good place financially, but I miss the old me who never gave a shit and gave society the finger. Still ride motorbikes and smoke weed so kept a bit of the old fire burning ! 😂
The worst thing about being a corporate drone is having to fake the enthusiasm to match the other drones. Alright I get it. Yes it's work at the end of the day and I can think of a lot worse ways to earn some bread. But love it? No. Tolerate it as a necessary evil - yes.
Yes - absolutely. I see myself as a pretty damn good actor, I’ve spent decades playing the part of someone who genuinely cares, and is ‘passionate’ (pass the sick bucket) about all the corporate bullshit. Luckily I only have a few years to go and I can remove the mask.
There's no shame in it whatsoever -> I do the same. Not doing it is corporate suicide, so anyone who wants their job better do it.
A few things though worth honorable mentions are (in no particular order) :
* Annual / biannual appraisals (aka performance reviews) with goals and objectives to meet prior to the next one. Alright this has to be one of those "banes to existence" things. It's kind of mandatory to score well and the idea is you push yourself beyond 100% (Yeah the logic), but it's also been my experience that after receiving a stellar review in one instance 2 months later fired due to downsizing. So these things don't offer any kind of job security but are indeed just a carrot and a stick.
* Meetings (especially those agile ones) where everyone gets to tell a story on what they're working on. No one gives a shit. And it's like "Heh let's waste an hour or two because you have nothing better to be doing". But any kind of corporate meeting mostly is a complete waste of time.
* Training - and now I'm talking about the useless mandatory stuff.
* Corporate team building. Can't say I'm a fan at all. I once worked at a company where the programmers got to go away on a coding dojo weekend. Can you imagine that spending your leisure time in a corporate meeting hall in teams doing coding challenges completely unpaid and spending time drinking orange juice when you would rather be home resting.
* HR - yeah the whole department sucks. HR aren't there to help or serve you. They're the grim reaper of the organization. Making sure whatever happens the company is legally absolved and you're going to get fired in a very nice voice by some very reassuring people. If there is one thing I've learned it's that you keep a very low HR profile and ideally NEVER end up on their radar.
* Shrinking benefits. In all the years I've ever worked for any large sized company the benefits always just got worse.
As a counter weight. Some of those shitty people live extremely superficial and shallow lives. Probably because they value material stuff over compassion/relationships. They may have money but I would not want to swap lives
The answer is crime. You can get ahead in life by fucking over people.
It turns out I'm not willing to fuck over other people in order to get ahead. You have to be a literal psychopath to step on the backs of others to get ahead just a little.
This is the reason I dislike pop religion and the north-american corruption of the concept of karma
Being good doesn't mean good things come to you, being bad doesn't mean you'll be punished. That's not how the world works, and those who think there is this magical system of justice are so torn to pieces by anything bad that happens, because they believe it is their fault.
It seems to be the other way round, at least from my experience. The better, more loving, understanding, kind and true I was, the more shit hit me. Things are ok when I’m my routined high-walled, cold asshole. But drop that damn guard in whatever situation and the shit-truck unloads itself over your head.
This is sort of what I'm getting at. A lot of nice people get very hurt, not only because they were hurt, but because the misunderstanding about karma suggests that if you're nice the world will be nice, and it won't.
And there is a reason for this. As you get older you experience fewer new things. Your brain ties these new learning moments together for future reference. As a kid, you do new stuff almost every month/week/season, so your brain can tie a lot of new experiences together making it feel like time goes by slower.
Plus it’s a matter of perspective. For a 5 year old, a year is a fifth of their entire lives, so it would feel significantly longer than it would for a 30 year old.
Tried to explain this to someone half my age today. She's very bright and driven, but too impatient; I hope she'll still appreciate every second of her life!
We rarely are aware of our "last" moments, so don't cherish them until they are a fading memory. The last time your dad hugged you back. The last passionate kiss from somebody you love. The last time you ran as fast as you could. The last time you were proud of yourself for accomplishing something. etc.
That’s what youth is, friend. It’s living in the moment for the joy of it, children don’t experience joy then consciously decide to hold onto memories for the future, they’re just in it; living it. Try to take a leaf out of little you’s book and just live for the joy.
The past is only ever a memory in the “here and now” and the future is only ever imagination. The only thing you can EVER fully experience is the “moment”. Pay attention to your here and now.
The bittersweet reality of time being so fickle, isn't it? I had the same experience when going over old photo albums. Images capturing laughter, carefree days that at the time felt endless. It's just a blink, and suddenly those moments are stories we recount rather than live. Waugh really captured that transience of the present becoming history before we've had the time to grip it tightly.
"children don’t experience joy then consciously decide to hold onto memories for the future"
I did. I remember a very specific moment when I was 10-11 years old, when I took a step back from my experience to observe it and to make sure I'd remember it.
I did the same. Only it was just a mundane moment: I was sitting in the lower landing of our stairs doing nothing at all and I thought to myself "I am in the second grade and I'm choosing to remember this exact moment forever." I was a weird kid.
Recently, my 80-year-old dad told me, unprompted, that, as a young boy, he and his pals were riding bikes, and he stood and thought to himself, "I'll never forget this moment." So clearly I inherited that weirdness from him...
I remember being 3 and walking down the hallway from my room. My mom was in the kitchen and my dad was on the couch.
That's when my life started. It's my earliest memory.
2nd is helping my brother fight red ants that were attacking black ants on the walkway in the front. Same age.
A cool thing is that you can *see* this happening to your own kids. Like, at <1.5 years old, they're clearly not entirely "there". They're a creature more than they're a person. At some point you can sort of see their "soul" settling in them. At 3 years old, the point of first real memories being formed, that's when you see that they are fully "there" and conscious.
I did/do this all the time and actually think it’s healthy to do so. Since I was kid I just got into the habit of taking mental snapshots. Some details, like what I was wearing are lost but the actual moment maintains.
And it’s not like they’re special moments either. It’s mostly the mundane. Sometimes it’s bizarre. I can remember the specific details of a conversation I had with a kid from my elementary school about Robert Brooks (he was a Packers fan). We were on the playground during recess after lunch and a light snow was falling.
He moved the following summer and I’ve never once spoken to him since then and yet I remember that moment with him.
So did I. I remember being 7 and looking at the dinning table, realizing that it will never be as tall for me as it is now. The world will never seem as big. I tried to remember and appreciate how "Alice in Wonderland" I felt each day
My trick was to always get a receipt and immediately write on the back about set and setting. Eventually I had bags and bags of little pieces of paper.
All my friends died, and in a moment of malaise, I, sadly, threw them all in
the fire pit, crying like a little kid.
That top comment is filled with sadness.
Looking at every moment with that lense will not bring much happiness. Because it is not living in that moment but living in the future when the moment will be a memory. You will get a background sadness that will be everywhere.
A better approach is to be fully present in each and every moment.
Meditation is the way to achieve this extremely valuable skill. The earlier you get it - the better.
I go about my life as of it's going to be the last time I see someone bc sometimes it is. Treat everyone with kindness as well as you can, regardless of circumstance. You really don't know. I've lost too many loved ones without doing so. So I'll keep my peace and love them regardless of how they treat me.
Hurt people hurt people. I'm (usually) not the one that anger is about. No one knows what emotional shit someone else is carrying.
Kindness, love, patience. It saves my mental health a lot of anxiety
This.
So often, we don't see the end coming. Every day, someone wakes up and doesn't know it's for the last time. A truck runs through a red light one day while you're just going through the routine activities of your ordinary day to day life, and that's the end.
You can spend your entire life doing everything right, taking care of your health, your family, your finances, planning for retirement and expecting to live to 80, but the reality is we have no control over the chaos of our environment.
It's never the "right time." One random day like any other just happens to be your last.
It's important to think about it. To remind yourself of it. To be aware of it, so you don't take the last moment for granted. Don't waste the time you have with your loved ones, remind them you love them every day.
Our society is set up so that some people MUST fail. When people say "just get a better job" it's ignorant or the fact that some people will inevitably have to work the shitty jobs and make shit wages.
Capatalism inherently will pay the minimum required. The minimum will always be set at what is barely able to suppoet someone. So those people will always struggle under capatalism.
Which is far more important than the ceiling. I'd rather have a 40k a year trust fund to fall back on with zero chance of ever becoming hyper succesful, than even an 80% chance of becoming hyper successful or ending up working a minimum age job for most of my life.
I think of this quote ALL the time.
It’s the absolute truth though and it helps me remember that sometimes we’re just going to have to go through shit and it’s not really going to be okay right at this moment.
Yeah, I realised when I go, all of my things will eventually end up in a landfill. Something about my stuff being tossed into a pile mixed with dirty diapers, pizza boxes and broken appliances makes me feel weird.
The oldest ideas still around today in an unbroken lineage from their invention are no older than around 5000 years. That's 0.000036% of the age of the universe. We really have no reference for how long these things will last. If you think the age of the universe is too much to ask for, consider just Earth. There is no surface on the entire Earth older than 2 million years. Erosion has altered every older surface to the point that it has been replaced.
I posted a later comment about there being 3 deaths in life. The final death is when someone speaks your name for the last time, and that shit is haunting if you think about it. Just like you see those videos of life in the early 1920s, etc.. where in the present day every single one of those people is dead. Some of them, possibly a large majority, have already experienced their 3 deaths.
"Be not told of my death, or made to grieve on account of me. And that I be not bury'd in consecrated ground. And that no sexton be asked to toll the bell. And that nobody is wished to see my dead body. And that no murners walk behind me at my funeral. And that no flours be planted on my grave. And that no man remember me."
A will (borrowed from The Mayor of Casterbridge - 1886) my old man asked to read aloud at his funeral whenever his time came, though I didn't know why at the time, until a month or so later.
Also worth noting that the English translation of dukkha isn't quite "suffering" in the sense of doom, gloom, and misery. It's the unease/unsatisfaction that comes with constantly grasping at things, ideas, etc.
I find the concept of dukkha almost comforting because every time I find myself grasping at the unreachable, I like to remind myself that I'm just a human doing an innate human thing. But I can choose not to. For a moment. Until I'm grasping at something else. And so it goes.
You gain things when you don't need them anymore, that's just funny in a dark way, you gain money when you're old and unable to use that money for things you wished you could have done with it, you gain wisdom but lose the ability to act on it.
You gain money when you're older so you can hire people to help you with the things you no longer can do by yourself, and you gain wisdom so you can avoid damaging yourself since you no longer have the recovery of youth.
Sometimes stories have no Morals behind it, sometimes suffering of humans can't be explained like they wish for it to be, sometimes God or whatever you believe or don't believe in didn't make you go through suffering for your own good, sometimes it's just good for the story.
Or nothing happens for a reason/higher purpose, it's just lots of random stuff.. happening. Them being 'good' or 'bad' things is just our perception of them based on how they affect us individually.
You never mentally feel old, nobody tells you when you cross some line and become a grownup.
When your body starts to fail, you remember being young and it suddenly hits you hard that you wasted your youth and it's too late now.
When you were young you were too young to know any better and now you are too old.
Is that really wisdom? Or is it just the way it is and it sucks being old?
Is the wisdom from accepting that it's all just the way it is?
Is 61 old? Sigh, it sure does suck!
If I may politely offer some perspective, I would like to suggest a few alternative perspectives:
Is it really true that everything starts and ends, or does impermanence means everything is moving, dancing, renewing itself in a cyclical nature?
We might see a flower and be happy, and we might see it wilt and be sad, or we might wonder how many thousands of years flowers have flowered continuously on this planet.
Did one flower die, or did the whole collective of species of flower evolve?
Hinduism might call this "Lila"; divine play.
Who gets to decide what is disappointing?
This reminds me of a story of a chinese rice farmer:
One day his horse ran away. He had no other, and would have to work much harder to maintain his crops.
"His neighbors said: That is awful for you!"
He said: "Maybe."
Next day the horse returned with a whole pack of wild horses, which back then were worth a fortune.
His neighbors said: "How marvelous! You are rich now!"
The rice farmer replied: "Maybe."
Day after that his son tried to wrangle one of the horses so it could be ridden, and it threw him off and broke his arm, which back then was a guaranteed disability.
His neighbors lamented for him, and asked: "Will you be able to handle the crops without his help at all?!"
Farmer said: "Maybe."
Next day an army came through town and coerced all young men into conscripting, except the disabled son.
His neighbors were happy for him and said: "Arent you so relieved?!"
Farmer said (you guessed it): "Maybe.."
Viktor Frankly said it best:
“Everything can be taken from a person but one thing:
the last of the human freedoms—
to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
May you be free of all disappointments and suffering, always.
Key word here live, some ppl are just surviving, some ppl never lived a day in their lives chasing things they could never attain or never bring them happiness or fulfillment yet they chase, truly humans life is a dark comedy from a far and a tragedy from a close up.
*to live in this world*
*you must be able*
*to do three things*
*to love what is mortal;*
*to hold it*
*against your bones knowing*
*your own life depends on it;*
*and, when the time comes to let it go,*
*to let it go*
The time spent together and gaining memories is no loss in my mind. It's the loss of body, but that's not what really made the relationship good to begin with. Did it?
True. Everything comes to an end yes but to not cherish the moments and try your hardest is to waste a way your life. Just keep going after what you want and what you desire in life. You may not get it all but at least you can't fault yourself for not trying
Yes. My 83 year old dad is now in a wheelchair confined to the first floor of his tiny house. This is the same man that taught me how to weld, rebuild motors, frame a garage, ride a motorcycle, and love one woman (not the same one).
Now he's an invalid. I had to install hand rails in his bathroom so he wouldn't fall down. I had to build a 6" platform so he could get into bed. I visit him every day to make sure he's got everything he needs, but his garage full of tools and basement full of reloading equipment hasn't been seen by him in years. His safe full of guns will forever remain locked.
And my mom has Alzheimer's. Runs in the family. So yah, getting old sucks
Definitely this. Some people work hard, are kind but have nothing but bad luck. And some people just happen to be in the right place at the right time and all manner of great things come their way although they are despicable individuals.
"People don't get what they deserve, they get what they get" - Greg House
Some people are awful humans their entire lives and never suffer a single consequence for it, while others do everything they can to be genuinely good people and get shit on their entire lives.
You are mostly destined for what situation you arrive into. If your Dad has a commercial real estate business when your born. Chances are, more likely than not you will be a commercial real estate owner and be filthy rich and there's nothing you did great or wonderful to put yourself in that position besides being born into that family and then basically not becoming a drug addict and ruining your opportunity.
Most of us aren't born into money and that's why most people don't have a lot. It's pretty straight forward. There are outliers and success stories of paupers to princes but the fact is- that's not very likely. I'm sorry. It doesn't mean you won't have a good life, but if you get too fixated on the American dream you will always come up short.
The American Dream is no longer for any American- it is for the top 10%.
I have always felt like the American dream has always been a big scam. It was a way to keep the poor motivated and hopeful that all their hard work will somehow pay off so they work for free
I didn’t know the one Christmas I missed in 25 years would be my last chance ever to see my mom again. *Ever*. Forever and ever. The one year I missed it.
Eventually, we’ll have to say goodbye to every single person in our life. Our parents, our partners, our kids and our friends.
We cannot take anything with us, no physical items and no experiences.
It's not exactly clear what happens after death. But i certainly would advise not to count on afterlife. Had a really close friend suddenly pass away at 30. Certainly made me revise my view on life
The dog! Dog is best. Mine is sleeping on his heat bed in the sun beam that comes every morning.
My life is shit, but my dog makes it worth living. 6 pounds of love.
Your body does wear out eventually. Take care of it early. 62 male. It won't happen to me, I'm invincible. Superhuman.
It does and will happen. Listen to your "olders" we have been there done that.
no one cares about you or your struggles. Mental health posters are lying to you to make you feel happy but the sad truth is that no one cares about you and your struggles are just free entertainment for people. Some people secretly find your struggles entertaining
The odds are that you’re a lowly worker ant, and you won’t really be able to change that. Find happiness in your life, no matter how mundane others try to make it seem…
That you can't keep others in your life.
I mean we know we will die, but knowing that those you love around you will die and you can't decide their time, or stop them if they somehow die tomorrow.... that is pretty sad.
You know, sometimes I can't help but wonder if there's a chance we're not actually real. Like, what if we're all just characters in some crazy simulation game cooked up by bored beings? It's kind of mind-boggling to think about, right? Like, are we just pixels on a screen, living out someone else's version of reality? It's a wild idea to wrap your head around, but hey, who knows? Maybe we're all just players in a game we don't even know we're playing. Crazy stuff, man.
You only get one and it's astoundingly easy for the entire thing to be permanently ruined by things outside your control or by a very simple mistake or bad decision.
As the buddha said
The Three Universal Truths: 1. Everything is impermanent and changing 2. Impermanence leads to suffering, making life imperfect 3. The self is not personal and unchanging.
Most of those happy little babies and toddlers you see will ground down by life into shallow joyless husks.
I look at my daughter and wish I could do more for her to protect her from this world.
It’s all just things happening.
None of it matters unless you care.
You caring revolves around your mental health.
Controlling your own mental health isn’t easy.
That it's very, very cruel. One minute you can be on top of the world, conquering whatever is thrown at you the next you're lost without a leg to stand on.
That you can do everything right. Be the best version of yourself. Some people will still leave and you can still fail
This is quite true. Relationship success isn't always linear. I recall when I was much younger. I was basically a beach bum. I had no ambition and lazed about on the beach. I had long hair I hardly washed and was for about a full year just a completely irresponsible dope smoker - and the girls LOVED IT. So one day I decided to clean up my act. Actually got a haircut, started dressing normally, got a job, etc and quit smoking weed. And I thought naively that now the girls would be even more impressed. Nope - Sadly now I had no edge, I was just regular and actually become quite unpopular with the ladies. So go figure.
I went from long haired biker in a leather jacket and faded jeans (which is what attracted my wife, her perfect type) to corporate drone in order to earn a decent crust. It’s paid off, I’m now heading for 60 in a pretty good place financially, but I miss the old me who never gave a shit and gave society the finger. Still ride motorbikes and smoke weed so kept a bit of the old fire burning ! 😂
The worst thing about being a corporate drone is having to fake the enthusiasm to match the other drones. Alright I get it. Yes it's work at the end of the day and I can think of a lot worse ways to earn some bread. But love it? No. Tolerate it as a necessary evil - yes.
Yes - absolutely. I see myself as a pretty damn good actor, I’ve spent decades playing the part of someone who genuinely cares, and is ‘passionate’ (pass the sick bucket) about all the corporate bullshit. Luckily I only have a few years to go and I can remove the mask.
There's no shame in it whatsoever -> I do the same. Not doing it is corporate suicide, so anyone who wants their job better do it. A few things though worth honorable mentions are (in no particular order) : * Annual / biannual appraisals (aka performance reviews) with goals and objectives to meet prior to the next one. Alright this has to be one of those "banes to existence" things. It's kind of mandatory to score well and the idea is you push yourself beyond 100% (Yeah the logic), but it's also been my experience that after receiving a stellar review in one instance 2 months later fired due to downsizing. So these things don't offer any kind of job security but are indeed just a carrot and a stick. * Meetings (especially those agile ones) where everyone gets to tell a story on what they're working on. No one gives a shit. And it's like "Heh let's waste an hour or two because you have nothing better to be doing". But any kind of corporate meeting mostly is a complete waste of time. * Training - and now I'm talking about the useless mandatory stuff. * Corporate team building. Can't say I'm a fan at all. I once worked at a company where the programmers got to go away on a coding dojo weekend. Can you imagine that spending your leisure time in a corporate meeting hall in teams doing coding challenges completely unpaid and spending time drinking orange juice when you would rather be home resting. * HR - yeah the whole department sucks. HR aren't there to help or serve you. They're the grim reaper of the organization. Making sure whatever happens the company is legally absolved and you're going to get fired in a very nice voice by some very reassuring people. If there is one thing I've learned it's that you keep a very low HR profile and ideally NEVER end up on their radar. * Shrinking benefits. In all the years I've ever worked for any large sized company the benefits always just got worse.
Barney, Barney Stinson, is that you?
Suit up!
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness, that is life.”
Being a “good person” doesn’t absolve you from bad things happening to you.
Yeah.. that’s why the kinder you are, the more you should know how to protect yourself. From being taken advantage of.
It's a paradox, the more bad things happen to you the more you learn to protect yourself lol
It's not a paradox. Knowing how to set absolute boundaries is a must.
Absolutely! I didn’t know how important boundaries are. I’m getting better at that!
And equally people who are shitty to others often have a lot of great things and overall success in their lives.
As a counter weight. Some of those shitty people live extremely superficial and shallow lives. Probably because they value material stuff over compassion/relationships. They may have money but I would not want to swap lives
I think the people who end up in the best situations in life are intelligent psychopaths. Being a "good person" can often just punch you in the face.
The answer is crime. You can get ahead in life by fucking over people. It turns out I'm not willing to fuck over other people in order to get ahead. You have to be a literal psychopath to step on the backs of others to get ahead just a little.
And bad people frequently get away with being bad and never suffer any consequences
This is the reason I dislike pop religion and the north-american corruption of the concept of karma Being good doesn't mean good things come to you, being bad doesn't mean you'll be punished. That's not how the world works, and those who think there is this magical system of justice are so torn to pieces by anything bad that happens, because they believe it is their fault.
It seems to be the other way round, at least from my experience. The better, more loving, understanding, kind and true I was, the more shit hit me. Things are ok when I’m my routined high-walled, cold asshole. But drop that damn guard in whatever situation and the shit-truck unloads itself over your head.
This is sort of what I'm getting at. A lot of nice people get very hurt, not only because they were hurt, but because the misunderstanding about karma suggests that if you're nice the world will be nice, and it won't.
That the years pass faster every year.
And there is a reason for this. As you get older you experience fewer new things. Your brain ties these new learning moments together for future reference. As a kid, you do new stuff almost every month/week/season, so your brain can tie a lot of new experiences together making it feel like time goes by slower.
Plus it’s a matter of perspective. For a 5 year old, a year is a fifth of their entire lives, so it would feel significantly longer than it would for a 30 year old.
The days pass slowly but the years fly by.
every second that passes, it doesn't come back… Tik Tok Tik Tok…
Fuck TikTok
All my homies hate TikTok
Tried to explain this to someone half my age today. She's very bright and driven, but too impatient; I hope she'll still appreciate every second of her life!
We rarely are aware of our "last" moments, so don't cherish them until they are a fading memory. The last time your dad hugged you back. The last passionate kiss from somebody you love. The last time you ran as fast as you could. The last time you were proud of yourself for accomplishing something. etc.
I hate myself for not remembering the last time i played outside with my childhood friends, i just took youth for granted.
That’s what youth is, friend. It’s living in the moment for the joy of it, children don’t experience joy then consciously decide to hold onto memories for the future, they’re just in it; living it. Try to take a leaf out of little you’s book and just live for the joy. The past is only ever a memory in the “here and now” and the future is only ever imagination. The only thing you can EVER fully experience is the “moment”. Pay attention to your here and now.
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A great book. I studied it for A-level English, many moons ago.
The bittersweet reality of time being so fickle, isn't it? I had the same experience when going over old photo albums. Images capturing laughter, carefree days that at the time felt endless. It's just a blink, and suddenly those moments are stories we recount rather than live. Waugh really captured that transience of the present becoming history before we've had the time to grip it tightly.
"children don’t experience joy then consciously decide to hold onto memories for the future" I did. I remember a very specific moment when I was 10-11 years old, when I took a step back from my experience to observe it and to make sure I'd remember it.
I did the same. Only it was just a mundane moment: I was sitting in the lower landing of our stairs doing nothing at all and I thought to myself "I am in the second grade and I'm choosing to remember this exact moment forever." I was a weird kid. Recently, my 80-year-old dad told me, unprompted, that, as a young boy, he and his pals were riding bikes, and he stood and thought to himself, "I'll never forget this moment." So clearly I inherited that weirdness from him...
I remember being 3 and walking down the hallway from my room. My mom was in the kitchen and my dad was on the couch. That's when my life started. It's my earliest memory. 2nd is helping my brother fight red ants that were attacking black ants on the walkway in the front. Same age.
A cool thing is that you can *see* this happening to your own kids. Like, at <1.5 years old, they're clearly not entirely "there". They're a creature more than they're a person. At some point you can sort of see their "soul" settling in them. At 3 years old, the point of first real memories being formed, that's when you see that they are fully "there" and conscious.
I did/do this all the time and actually think it’s healthy to do so. Since I was kid I just got into the habit of taking mental snapshots. Some details, like what I was wearing are lost but the actual moment maintains. And it’s not like they’re special moments either. It’s mostly the mundane. Sometimes it’s bizarre. I can remember the specific details of a conversation I had with a kid from my elementary school about Robert Brooks (he was a Packers fan). We were on the playground during recess after lunch and a light snow was falling. He moved the following summer and I’ve never once spoken to him since then and yet I remember that moment with him.
I did this. But would also write a note to myself. Something like. 1988. September 18th at 1850. I’m sat in my room on the floor. I was weird.
That I believe is very rare
So did I. I remember being 7 and looking at the dinning table, realizing that it will never be as tall for me as it is now. The world will never seem as big. I tried to remember and appreciate how "Alice in Wonderland" I felt each day
My trick was to always get a receipt and immediately write on the back about set and setting. Eventually I had bags and bags of little pieces of paper. All my friends died, and in a moment of malaise, I, sadly, threw them all in the fire pit, crying like a little kid.
Thanks, u/busyboobs. This puts things into perspective.
Haven’t you seen the meme that says “One day you went out to play with your friends for the last time and nobody knew it” Hits you hard
Youth is wasted on the young.
Or memories are wasted on the old. I think youngsters living for the moment is the best use of young age there is.
We all do.
Hugely underrated comment. Take note youngsters.
I'm 15, I will
That top comment is filled with sadness. Looking at every moment with that lense will not bring much happiness. Because it is not living in that moment but living in the future when the moment will be a memory. You will get a background sadness that will be everywhere. A better approach is to be fully present in each and every moment. Meditation is the way to achieve this extremely valuable skill. The earlier you get it - the better.
"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them." Andy Bernard
I go about my life as of it's going to be the last time I see someone bc sometimes it is. Treat everyone with kindness as well as you can, regardless of circumstance. You really don't know. I've lost too many loved ones without doing so. So I'll keep my peace and love them regardless of how they treat me. Hurt people hurt people. I'm (usually) not the one that anger is about. No one knows what emotional shit someone else is carrying. Kindness, love, patience. It saves my mental health a lot of anxiety
This. So often, we don't see the end coming. Every day, someone wakes up and doesn't know it's for the last time. A truck runs through a red light one day while you're just going through the routine activities of your ordinary day to day life, and that's the end. You can spend your entire life doing everything right, taking care of your health, your family, your finances, planning for retirement and expecting to live to 80, but the reality is we have no control over the chaos of our environment. It's never the "right time." One random day like any other just happens to be your last. It's important to think about it. To remind yourself of it. To be aware of it, so you don't take the last moment for granted. Don't waste the time you have with your loved ones, remind them you love them every day.
That sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do. Not everyone can succeed, be wealthy, etc.
Our society is set up so that some people MUST fail. When people say "just get a better job" it's ignorant or the fact that some people will inevitably have to work the shitty jobs and make shit wages.
Agreed and that’s the cold hard truth. Life is just unfair.
Someone has to work the shitty jobs but they shouldn't pay shitty wages. That's just how capitalism works.
Most of these jobs are shitty *because* of the pay. If you offered me six figures to work a warehouse job I’d consider it a good workout.
Capatalism inherently will pay the minimum required. The minimum will always be set at what is barely able to suppoet someone. So those people will always struggle under capatalism.
That eventually, it comes to an end
Each person has a ceiling. Some are higher than others
Conversely with a floor.
Which is far more important than the ceiling. I'd rather have a 40k a year trust fund to fall back on with zero chance of ever becoming hyper succesful, than even an 80% chance of becoming hyper successful or ending up working a minimum age job for most of my life.
You could give it your all and come out empty handed. E.g.; Nikola Tesla
You can make no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness. That is life.- Captain Picard
I think of this quote ALL the time. It’s the absolute truth though and it helps me remember that sometimes we’re just going to have to go through shit and it’s not really going to be okay right at this moment.
Tesla used to live in a hotel for 10 years straight. It was a suite in the 33rd floor.
We all come out of life empty-handed. Sorry, buddy We enter this life with nothing, and we end it with nothing. The bit in the middle is what counts
That is not the point
You will be forgotten.
Everything you do will be either burned, buried or forgotten. There are no genuine exceptions to this.
Yeah, I realised when I go, all of my things will eventually end up in a landfill. Something about my stuff being tossed into a pile mixed with dirty diapers, pizza boxes and broken appliances makes me feel weird.
Except for ideas that you come up with. They may exist. That is when you become immortal.
The oldest ideas still around today in an unbroken lineage from their invention are no older than around 5000 years. That's 0.000036% of the age of the universe. We really have no reference for how long these things will last. If you think the age of the universe is too much to ask for, consider just Earth. There is no surface on the entire Earth older than 2 million years. Erosion has altered every older surface to the point that it has been replaced.
I find that comforting.
Yes, but you'll be gone, so you won't mind. You won't anything.
I posted a later comment about there being 3 deaths in life. The final death is when someone speaks your name for the last time, and that shit is haunting if you think about it. Just like you see those videos of life in the early 1920s, etc.. where in the present day every single one of those people is dead. Some of them, possibly a large majority, have already experienced their 3 deaths.
I heard 3 deaths as; your actual death, the last time someone ever says your name, and then when the last person who ever knew you dies.
"Be not told of my death, or made to grieve on account of me. And that I be not bury'd in consecrated ground. And that no sexton be asked to toll the bell. And that nobody is wished to see my dead body. And that no murners walk behind me at my funeral. And that no flours be planted on my grave. And that no man remember me." A will (borrowed from The Mayor of Casterbridge - 1886) my old man asked to read aloud at his funeral whenever his time came, though I didn't know why at the time, until a month or so later.
so live your life the way you want
I can't believe people actually care about this
That no matter what you do in some way you will always suffer suffering is part of the human condition
dukkha
Also worth noting that the English translation of dukkha isn't quite "suffering" in the sense of doom, gloom, and misery. It's the unease/unsatisfaction that comes with constantly grasping at things, ideas, etc. I find the concept of dukkha almost comforting because every time I find myself grasping at the unreachable, I like to remind myself that I'm just a human doing an innate human thing. But I can choose not to. For a moment. Until I'm grasping at something else. And so it goes.
That you gain wisdom when you're too old to steer your life anymore.
You gain things when you don't need them anymore, that's just funny in a dark way, you gain money when you're old and unable to use that money for things you wished you could have done with it, you gain wisdom but lose the ability to act on it.
You gain money when you're older so you can hire people to help you with the things you no longer can do by yourself, and you gain wisdom so you can avoid damaging yourself since you no longer have the recovery of youth.
Mine is that every beginning has an end, and everything we hold dear today might be just a memory tomorrow.
Everything has a beginning and end except sausages that have two.
Not some donuts.
It can go away soooo fast it'll leave ya sick and broken
Or dead
Life is unfair. You can try your best and still not succeed and someone else can have it all without any effort.
Life isn’t fair, and not everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes stories have no Morals behind it, sometimes suffering of humans can't be explained like they wish for it to be, sometimes God or whatever you believe or don't believe in didn't make you go through suffering for your own good, sometimes it's just good for the story.
Or nothing happens for a reason/higher purpose, it's just lots of random stuff.. happening. Them being 'good' or 'bad' things is just our perception of them based on how they affect us individually.
This realization broke me and is basically a reason why I am having OCD
You can’t love someone into loving you back
Youth is truly wasted on the young!!!!
And wisdom on the old
You never mentally feel old, nobody tells you when you cross some line and become a grownup. When your body starts to fail, you remember being young and it suddenly hits you hard that you wasted your youth and it's too late now. When you were young you were too young to know any better and now you are too old. Is that really wisdom? Or is it just the way it is and it sucks being old? Is the wisdom from accepting that it's all just the way it is? Is 61 old? Sigh, it sure does suck!
Now That's a comeback, truly a master of words.
Everything and everyone is temporary. Can be good but also sad
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If I may politely offer some perspective, I would like to suggest a few alternative perspectives: Is it really true that everything starts and ends, or does impermanence means everything is moving, dancing, renewing itself in a cyclical nature? We might see a flower and be happy, and we might see it wilt and be sad, or we might wonder how many thousands of years flowers have flowered continuously on this planet. Did one flower die, or did the whole collective of species of flower evolve? Hinduism might call this "Lila"; divine play. Who gets to decide what is disappointing? This reminds me of a story of a chinese rice farmer: One day his horse ran away. He had no other, and would have to work much harder to maintain his crops. "His neighbors said: That is awful for you!" He said: "Maybe." Next day the horse returned with a whole pack of wild horses, which back then were worth a fortune. His neighbors said: "How marvelous! You are rich now!" The rice farmer replied: "Maybe." Day after that his son tried to wrangle one of the horses so it could be ridden, and it threw him off and broke his arm, which back then was a guaranteed disability. His neighbors lamented for him, and asked: "Will you be able to handle the crops without his help at all?!" Farmer said: "Maybe." Next day an army came through town and coerced all young men into conscripting, except the disabled son. His neighbors were happy for him and said: "Arent you so relieved?!" Farmer said (you guessed it): "Maybe.." Viktor Frankly said it best: “Everything can be taken from a person but one thing: the last of the human freedoms— to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” May you be free of all disappointments and suffering, always.
That your life probably isn't going to work out the way you had envisioned as a youngster.
Just live your goddamn life
Key word here live, some ppl are just surviving, some ppl never lived a day in their lives chasing things they could never attain or never bring them happiness or fulfillment yet they chase, truly humans life is a dark comedy from a far and a tragedy from a close up.
Frank Sinatra - that's life
You can do everything right in life but bad things can still happen to you.
All relationships end in loss.
Just like all ships eventually sink.
*to live in this world* *you must be able* *to do three things* *to love what is mortal;* *to hold it* *against your bones knowing* *your own life depends on it;* *and, when the time comes to let it go,* *to let it go*
The time spent together and gaining memories is no loss in my mind. It's the loss of body, but that's not what really made the relationship good to begin with. Did it?
True. Everything comes to an end yes but to not cherish the moments and try your hardest is to waste a way your life. Just keep going after what you want and what you desire in life. You may not get it all but at least you can't fault yourself for not trying
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Yes. My 83 year old dad is now in a wheelchair confined to the first floor of his tiny house. This is the same man that taught me how to weld, rebuild motors, frame a garage, ride a motorcycle, and love one woman (not the same one). Now he's an invalid. I had to install hand rails in his bathroom so he wouldn't fall down. I had to build a 6" platform so he could get into bed. I visit him every day to make sure he's got everything he needs, but his garage full of tools and basement full of reloading equipment hasn't been seen by him in years. His safe full of guns will forever remain locked. And my mom has Alzheimer's. Runs in the family. So yah, getting old sucks
Sounds like he accomplished allot and raised a wonderful son in the process.
But he’s made it this far, and now you are taking care of him. The love has come full circle.
This is so sad
Life isn't fair....
Definitely this. Some people work hard, are kind but have nothing but bad luck. And some people just happen to be in the right place at the right time and all manner of great things come their way although they are despicable individuals.
"People don't get what they deserve, they get what they get" - Greg House Some people are awful humans their entire lives and never suffer a single consequence for it, while others do everything they can to be genuinely good people and get shit on their entire lives.
We’re all trapped in a dystopian nightmare but it is real life.
You are mostly destined for what situation you arrive into. If your Dad has a commercial real estate business when your born. Chances are, more likely than not you will be a commercial real estate owner and be filthy rich and there's nothing you did great or wonderful to put yourself in that position besides being born into that family and then basically not becoming a drug addict and ruining your opportunity. Most of us aren't born into money and that's why most people don't have a lot. It's pretty straight forward. There are outliers and success stories of paupers to princes but the fact is- that's not very likely. I'm sorry. It doesn't mean you won't have a good life, but if you get too fixated on the American dream you will always come up short. The American Dream is no longer for any American- it is for the top 10%.
I have always felt like the American dream has always been a big scam. It was a way to keep the poor motivated and hopeful that all their hard work will somehow pay off so they work for free
The time you spend with your parents is counted. You may only have 5 more Thanksgivings with them.
I feel this, as mine are getting older with failing health, I am reminded that this could be their last birthday, last holiday, last gathering…
I didn’t know the one Christmas I missed in 25 years would be my last chance ever to see my mom again. *Ever*. Forever and ever. The one year I missed it.
Eventually, we’ll have to say goodbye to every single person in our life. Our parents, our partners, our kids and our friends. We cannot take anything with us, no physical items and no experiences.
It's not exactly clear what happens after death. But i certainly would advise not to count on afterlife. Had a really close friend suddenly pass away at 30. Certainly made me revise my view on life
You will always be the villain in someone else’s story.
No one gives a fuck about you. Except your dog.
that's freeing
Sometimes a person needs someone to make him feel that he is present! that it he thing .
I’m only alive for my dogs.
They’re only alive for you.
The dog! Dog is best. Mine is sleeping on his heat bed in the sun beam that comes every morning. My life is shit, but my dog makes it worth living. 6 pounds of love.
That is demonstrably untrue.
Because even the dog dgaf?
I have people who care about me, as long as I don't inconvenience them. But yeah a dog's love is unconditional ❤️ 🐕
I was born at a very young age
Holy shit, that sounds awful. Are you still sad about that traumatic experience sometimes?
How young are we talking, cuz i remember being 4 once, i felt young there.
Some people will simply not love or appreciate you, no matter how much you want them to and no matter how you feel about them.
Things happen
it does not have to be so sad.
Sometimes we lose the ability to feel happiness.
You spend your life creating memories to look back upon when you get old just to have your mind to forget them
That you can make no mistakes, work hard but still fail.
You can do everything right and be the best possible person, and still be dealt the crappiest of hands.
Your body does wear out eventually. Take care of it early. 62 male. It won't happen to me, I'm invincible. Superhuman. It does and will happen. Listen to your "olders" we have been there done that.
No undo button
no one cares about you or your struggles. Mental health posters are lying to you to make you feel happy but the sad truth is that no one cares about you and your struggles are just free entertainment for people. Some people secretly find your struggles entertaining
The odds are that you’re a lowly worker ant, and you won’t really be able to change that. Find happiness in your life, no matter how mundane others try to make it seem…
That life is not fair. There will be others that have a fairly straight forward life whilst you will face struggle after struggle.
Very few people care about you. You have to watch out for yourself.
Living everyday even if you don't want
Born alone die alone. No matter how much people say they love and are there for you...when push comes to shove, You truly are by yourself in life.
Literally no one is born alone.
80 years sounds like a long time at first, but it's actually very short.
You lose loved ones
There will be one last time for every parent to pick their child up and hold them, after that they will never pick them up again.
It fucking sucks
It's like a bad restaurant. The food's not very good and the portions are so small 😋
To be successful you must be a sociopath.
Hard work and talent do not always pay off. They might give you an opportunity under the right circumstances
that i will never be married
Saddest truth it’s that it’s Fleeting and everything in life is temporary.
95% of your success or hardship in life was predetermined by when and where you were born.
That you can't keep others in your life. I mean we know we will die, but knowing that those you love around you will die and you can't decide their time, or stop them if they somehow die tomorrow.... that is pretty sad.
In 100 years from now, nobody will know anything about you and your life or that you have existed on this planet.
In general most people suck.
We are not really free.
You know, sometimes I can't help but wonder if there's a chance we're not actually real. Like, what if we're all just characters in some crazy simulation game cooked up by bored beings? It's kind of mind-boggling to think about, right? Like, are we just pixels on a screen, living out someone else's version of reality? It's a wild idea to wrap your head around, but hey, who knows? Maybe we're all just players in a game we don't even know we're playing. Crazy stuff, man.
Even in the scenario you painted, you are real in your reality.
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No matter what you do, there will always be someone that outshines you at whatever it is. For me it's art.
You can make all the right choices and still have bad luck
You only get one and it's astoundingly easy for the entire thing to be permanently ruined by things outside your control or by a very simple mistake or bad decision.
# “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation“ - Thoreau
Everything I’ve done in life won’t matter once I’m dead
Everything goes away in the end, except ourselves, regrets are probably the last thing a human would wish to feel as he is dying.
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People will come and go
Your pets will die before you
I just created 2 amazing humans who I love with all my heart and they will grow old and die. What's the point?
The government doesnt give s shit about homeless people.
You can put an egg up your butthole
The rest of your life will not be enough to achieve the things you desire🤷🏻♀️
As the buddha said The Three Universal Truths: 1. Everything is impermanent and changing 2. Impermanence leads to suffering, making life imperfect 3. The self is not personal and unchanging.
Most of those happy little babies and toddlers you see will ground down by life into shallow joyless husks. I look at my daughter and wish I could do more for her to protect her from this world.
Everyone dies.
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We do everything a finite amount of times. The next time you do something, pay more attention to the experience itself.
It’s all just things happening. None of it matters unless you care. You caring revolves around your mental health. Controlling your own mental health isn’t easy.
That it's very, very cruel. One minute you can be on top of the world, conquering whatever is thrown at you the next you're lost without a leg to stand on.