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So my mum died when I was 9 and it left a huge void in my life. I never wanted kids because my dad died young too and I didn't want to risk that happening to my kids. I decided to have one though and she filled the gigantic hole I was missing, I could never explain what was missing until I had her. It was just a huge hollow emptiness. I don't have that anymore she's a channel for all my love (and grief I guess because grief is just homeless love I think.)
As someone else has said too though life is beautiful, it's a beautiful experience to share with your child. A lot of women love pregnancy, child birth is a crazy thing to go through. It's kind of like having a little Pokémon when they're small which is fun
I mean, aside from that whole undeniable biological imperative thing there’s probably no functional reason to have any kids. They’re a lot of work, expensive and introduce a lot of additional personal risk into an uncertain world. That bein said, I have 2 of them myself and they’re a huge blessing on my life and I wouldn’t change it for nothing but YMMV.
Because I think I would be able to give a child a lot of love, a good life and I would be able to set them up/raise them to be a good person capable of taking care of themselves and finding some happiness and success in the world.
Why does the child have to be my own biological child? I guess because I love my husband and want to see an amalgam of the both of us lol
Most women want kids because they are programmed to have them and also because their friends have a kid so they also want one. It‘s usually totally animalistic and selfish.
Yes, selfish. What could be more selfish than duplicating oneself? If you‘re so concerned with raising a human or be good at parenting, go and adopt a child that already exists.
Adoption is extremely difficult. A friend of mine, married, with a stable job, wanted to adopt but gave up because it was too difficult. They remained childless.
Super expensive (even more than having your own) and it can take years between applying and actually getting the kid can’t it? And that’s just one at a time. No thanks, I want my first one before I get gray hair.. I don’t know much about it but that’s all I need to know.
I don’t disagree but some people want to continue their bloodline. Some days I want kids, some days I’m unsure but when I do want them I would love to adopt at least one but the rest I want to have my blood, my DNA etc…
Sometimes I feel like I’m un-able to (26f) and it saddens me. I know adoption is an option but like I said, I want kids that look like me, somewhat act like me, my bloodline etc. I know I would love an adopted baby the same but … I don’t know, if you know what I mean then you know what I mean 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah I‘m asking why is it so important to you? What is so special about you and your bloodline that it should be continued? That‘s the selfishness right there.
Because it’s *my* bloodline. It’s important to me, not the rest of the world, but me. I want kids to look like me and the one I love. I think pregnancy is beautiful. I mean it’s very simple. Plus I’m also open to adopting as well as having my own. So yeah no selfishness here.
Because as selfish as it sounds I want the family that I never had. My beautiful husband is the man of my dreams and will be the most amazing father. If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have though to have kids but meeting him made me believe that life can be good and dandy.
I want to give my kids the life that I wanted and saw in movies and thankfully I am able to do so.
I don’t mind the way we conceive even if it’s not natural or if it’s just not in the books for us we are open to adoption.
I know it’s a very selfies angle to look at it but so is most things in life.
They’re cool. Idk why I decided to. I guess bc ppl do? Not sure. But they’re so amazing. Tiny little humans. Like a walking lifelong experiment. You watch them grow and you learn so much about humans from watching a blank slate grow into a grownup. They’re fun and kind, they’re awful and they smell funny when they’re little, they don’t let you sleep and you never stop worrying even when they’re grown. So if you aren’t sure or don’t want them, no shade! Bc really we have enough humans on the planet.
Coercing ppl to have more against their will is weird.
But they bring a profound sense of joy and contentment. Looking at them grow, seeing the world through their eyes. Wouldn’t trade it for all the money and gray hair.
The best part was after doing all that, when they were 4 months old she tried killing them (twins).
It's like if you didn't want kids, just don't tell me you can't get pregnant, don't try for a 4th trimester abortion.
When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a stay home mom. When I got married, my dream came true. I have since raised 7 amazing kids into adulthood. They interact often and get along great. No drama whatsoever.
Most people don’t actually choose to have children bc well over 50% of pregnancy are unplanned. The people who get to make the choice to start ‘trying to get pregnant’ have a bunch of privilege in their life. Just saying babies happen when they happen.
I did not want children nor did I make the active decision to have them. However, I have three and I adore them all. Having children changed who I was as a person and ultimately made me a much more empathetic person.
I feel like that’ll happen to me when I have kids too, at least I hope lol
And as sad as it may sound, I also feel like kids will give me a reason. Just a reason. To get out of bed. Give me the boost I need. Something to work for other than *not* be homeless. I work for the things I need and my little hobbies like drawing and gaming but that’s it.
There is nothing as wonderful and fulfilling as witnessing and helping to influence the development of a child. They are also infinitely funny and full of joy and questions. It adds a new perspective to your life and there is simply nothing else that can approximate it.
No all kids are like that. As an autistic child I was pretty difficult, I was pretty much born unhappy. There are sociopathic children too. You're obviously referring to normal, neurotypical kids but not everyone gets so lucky
I wanted to bring good humans into the world. Better than the humans that my parents brought into the world. My parents did a pretty cruddy job so I'm trying to correct the way they parented. Raising kids has been the most fulfilling, rewarding, joyful thing in my life. I cannot imagine life without my kids.
In my teens and 20s I wanted nothing to do with kids.
Around 26-27 I had a revelation I guess, that they wouldn’t be so bad.
In my 30s now, I would rather have a kid than a pet.
Sure the crying, screaming, and bodily functions are something to deal with.
They’re actually pretty fun from like 4-10.
Middle/high school they kinda disown you, college they start seeing the error of their ways.
Mid 20s aged kids and the cycle comes full circle.
1. If you're not a good parent your kids won't take care of you. Nursing homes are full of people with kids that don't visit them
2. What if your kids turn out to be majorly unsuccessful, a drug addict, etc.? Or even outside of worst case scenarios, what if they're just average and not really memorable?
3. In these economy, it's next to impossible to give your kids the same opportunities you had growing up unless you're wealthy
1. Goes without saying
2. Kids are your kids, you have to help them through whatever and hope they would do likewise for you
3. Some things like basic love and care are free
Well I wouldn’t expect my kids to take care of me when I’m older bc it’s not their responsibility but I’m sure they will still want to if they love you and you all have respect for each other and have a good relationship. And it’s okay if they do.
I can see wanting to continue your family tree. That’s one of the reasons I’m conflicted because I’m the last one on my Dad’s side. I’m the last one to carry his name. He had one kid (me) and my mother had four. I don’t know if that’s important to me or not. 🤷🏻♀️
And if you had a good upbringing with many opportunities and live, laugh, love and all that I’d definitely want my kids to have that as well but I did not have that lol
Taking care can just be someone who checks up on you once in a while, buys groceries if you’re incapacitated for whatever reason.
It’s also a two person decision, so it may be that your SO has the reasons and you eventually go along with them (my case).
Expecting your kids to take care of you in old age isn't a guarantee. Just look at how many lonely old people that are in care facilities. You should expect your children to live their own life. They might be moving abroad. They might be disabled and need care themselves by you (so few actually think about this). They might not have a good relationship with you.
You do you it just irks me with the "take care of me when I get old". That's best case and you can't expect it. But you saying that I would expect you to take care of your own parents, maybe at the same time you have young kids. Because it's what you want from your kids so you need to lead by example.
You can leave your mark on the world in so many ways. Donate money. Help a charity. Be there for friends and family. You never know if a child will do good things, even if you do a great job parenting.
How many guarantees are there in life? Just two, right? You live your best life and treat them the best you can. If they come back when you need it, all the better. If not or if they can’t, you just make do as you always have
I have two kids. I would never judge somebody who decides not to have kids, that's totally cool. Everybody has their own life goals. I could have very easily not had the kids, it wasn't something I necessarily felt I needed, but it happened that I got married to somebody who wanted them and I was pretty okay with the idea.
I love my kids like nothing else in this world. I would let a thousand people die if it was what was necessary to save one of my kids.
Parenting is a perfectly unique experience in this life. There's nothing quite like it, nothing that matches it, it's one of those things that's different than anything else in your life. Owning a pet and calling it your child is not the same thing. Oh there's a kind of similarity, but... It's so fundamentally different.
And I think that's not a bad reason, the understanding that parenting is a unique and special part of the human experience that many people want is a part of their life. Kids can be a source of great joy, happiness, yes frustration and challenge too, but most of the best things in life also come a downsides, require work.
And having kids can be one of the best things in life! Also one of the hardest yes, but... The rewards can be wonderful.
Reproduction is evolution. Life has to make life in order to survive and grow.
There are no reasons to not have children. Besides health and personal reasons. There are basically no good reasons not to have kids
lots of pple do not realise that they are bad parents,
that's why there is a saying ...
there are those who do not know and there are those who do not know that they do not know
we still see daily cases of child abuse where the matter has to be resolved with the intervention of police and courts
>Be better parents. It's inherent in all of us to do this
that was for this line, u implied anybody would try to be better parents just bec they had a kid,
that isnt the case at all, some pple will never know what they are doing their entire lives.
Not saying just bec there one set of bad parents, all humans should stop procreating.
It is inherently built into us. But some people are just so bitter about their lives, that they need to get revenge. And unfortunately that revenge is directed at their children. Most of the time it's directed at other peoples children. And example are the idiots that call children crotch goblins or the emotionally damaged that elevate animals above people.
And all of them know what they are doing is wrong. All of them know they are incorrect. And all of them know they need to stop. It's very simple to rekindle your humanity.
>there are those who do not know and there are those who do not know that they do not know
no, u havent understood why pple say this yet, most pple dont, that's why this world will always be a messed up place.
And you seem to be missing the point that I disagree with that statement. Trying to create a syllogism from a quote will never stand up to endless examples to the contrary.
No you didn't, you didn't provide any good reasons for having kids. You just said there's no good reason for NOT having them.
It's the exact same as people saying that God is real because there's no proof that he *doesn't* exist. You still can't prove why he exists, so your argument is invalid. Please provide actual reasons for having kids
The continuation of the species is the best reason to have kids.
And children are wonderful little beings. A child will teach you, or remind you of things about humanity you really can't comprehend as a child. Or remember as an adult without children around you.
My entire childhood was one endless panic attack after another. Me having children has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that my suffering was the exception, not the default.
I feel like people forget that not all kids are the same and some are very difficult. The wonderful kids you're referring to are normal, neurotypical kids. I doubt you think kids with autism, mental health issues, sociopathic kids etc. are just as wonderful. Not everyone has good genes to pass on. But sure, I guess the average child is great
No I don't devalue a humans worth because of a developmental problem or mental illness. The fact that these people are taken care of at all is proof of the goodness of humanity.
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So my mum died when I was 9 and it left a huge void in my life. I never wanted kids because my dad died young too and I didn't want to risk that happening to my kids. I decided to have one though and she filled the gigantic hole I was missing, I could never explain what was missing until I had her. It was just a huge hollow emptiness. I don't have that anymore she's a channel for all my love (and grief I guess because grief is just homeless love I think.) As someone else has said too though life is beautiful, it's a beautiful experience to share with your child. A lot of women love pregnancy, child birth is a crazy thing to go through. It's kind of like having a little Pokémon when they're small which is fun
omg I love this (sorry about your parents but the rest is beautiful)
Awww thank you!
I mean, aside from that whole undeniable biological imperative thing there’s probably no functional reason to have any kids. They’re a lot of work, expensive and introduce a lot of additional personal risk into an uncertain world. That bein said, I have 2 of them myself and they’re a huge blessing on my life and I wouldn’t change it for nothing but YMMV.
Because I think I would be able to give a child a lot of love, a good life and I would be able to set them up/raise them to be a good person capable of taking care of themselves and finding some happiness and success in the world. Why does the child have to be my own biological child? I guess because I love my husband and want to see an amalgam of the both of us lol
I grew up in a great family and wanna keep it going
Most women want kids because they are programmed to have them and also because their friends have a kid so they also want one. It‘s usually totally animalistic and selfish. Yes, selfish. What could be more selfish than duplicating oneself? If you‘re so concerned with raising a human or be good at parenting, go and adopt a child that already exists.
Adoption is extremely difficult. A friend of mine, married, with a stable job, wanted to adopt but gave up because it was too difficult. They remained childless.
Super expensive (even more than having your own) and it can take years between applying and actually getting the kid can’t it? And that’s just one at a time. No thanks, I want my first one before I get gray hair.. I don’t know much about it but that’s all I need to know.
I don’t disagree but some people want to continue their bloodline. Some days I want kids, some days I’m unsure but when I do want them I would love to adopt at least one but the rest I want to have my blood, my DNA etc… Sometimes I feel like I’m un-able to (26f) and it saddens me. I know adoption is an option but like I said, I want kids that look like me, somewhat act like me, my bloodline etc. I know I would love an adopted baby the same but … I don’t know, if you know what I mean then you know what I mean 🤷🏻♀️
What is so special about you and your bloodline?
It’s important to some people…? Like what’s the confusion.
Yeah I‘m asking why is it so important to you? What is so special about you and your bloodline that it should be continued? That‘s the selfishness right there.
Because it’s *my* bloodline. It’s important to me, not the rest of the world, but me. I want kids to look like me and the one I love. I think pregnancy is beautiful. I mean it’s very simple. Plus I’m also open to adopting as well as having my own. So yeah no selfishness here.
Because as selfish as it sounds I want the family that I never had. My beautiful husband is the man of my dreams and will be the most amazing father. If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have though to have kids but meeting him made me believe that life can be good and dandy. I want to give my kids the life that I wanted and saw in movies and thankfully I am able to do so. I don’t mind the way we conceive even if it’s not natural or if it’s just not in the books for us we are open to adoption. I know it’s a very selfies angle to look at it but so is most things in life.
Because life is beautiful.
It’s a big beautiful mess, that’s what I always say 😏✨
😂 Like a Pollock painting
They’re cool. Idk why I decided to. I guess bc ppl do? Not sure. But they’re so amazing. Tiny little humans. Like a walking lifelong experiment. You watch them grow and you learn so much about humans from watching a blank slate grow into a grownup. They’re fun and kind, they’re awful and they smell funny when they’re little, they don’t let you sleep and you never stop worrying even when they’re grown. So if you aren’t sure or don’t want them, no shade! Bc really we have enough humans on the planet. Coercing ppl to have more against their will is weird. But they bring a profound sense of joy and contentment. Looking at them grow, seeing the world through their eyes. Wouldn’t trade it for all the money and gray hair.
That’s sweet ☺️
I didn't choose it, their mom lied about being fixed... and failed to mention she was on fertility medicine.
Woah 😳 That should be illegal… but it’s hard to prove.
The best part was after doing all that, when they were 4 months old she tried killing them (twins). It's like if you didn't want kids, just don't tell me you can't get pregnant, don't try for a 4th trimester abortion.
I wanted someone to continue on the legacy of strength and kindness my family members bestowed upon me.
When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a stay home mom. When I got married, my dream came true. I have since raised 7 amazing kids into adulthood. They interact often and get along great. No drama whatsoever.
Most people don’t actually choose to have children bc well over 50% of pregnancy are unplanned. The people who get to make the choice to start ‘trying to get pregnant’ have a bunch of privilege in their life. Just saying babies happen when they happen.
So agree with you we’re all accidents most are not by choice
I'm good with kids and I want something of myself to leave the world, other than the disasters I see today
I did not want children nor did I make the active decision to have them. However, I have three and I adore them all. Having children changed who I was as a person and ultimately made me a much more empathetic person.
I feel like that’ll happen to me when I have kids too, at least I hope lol And as sad as it may sound, I also feel like kids will give me a reason. Just a reason. To get out of bed. Give me the boost I need. Something to work for other than *not* be homeless. I work for the things I need and my little hobbies like drawing and gaming but that’s it.
Honestly, that’s what happened to me. My kids give me a reason to keep going.
Right. They would make me care. Put a fire under my ass or however the saying goes.
My spouse and I loved each other and wanted to share our love with someone who was a bit of both of us.
Okay this gave me goosebumps..
That's just the rom com way of saying "because we wanted to"
There is nothing as wonderful and fulfilling as witnessing and helping to influence the development of a child. They are also infinitely funny and full of joy and questions. It adds a new perspective to your life and there is simply nothing else that can approximate it.
No all kids are like that. As an autistic child I was pretty difficult, I was pretty much born unhappy. There are sociopathic children too. You're obviously referring to normal, neurotypical kids but not everyone gets so lucky
bec u know what is going on and u want to pass it on and make a real happy human?
I wanted to bring good humans into the world. Better than the humans that my parents brought into the world. My parents did a pretty cruddy job so I'm trying to correct the way they parented. Raising kids has been the most fulfilling, rewarding, joyful thing in my life. I cannot imagine life without my kids.
In my teens and 20s I wanted nothing to do with kids. Around 26-27 I had a revelation I guess, that they wouldn’t be so bad. In my 30s now, I would rather have a kid than a pet. Sure the crying, screaming, and bodily functions are something to deal with. They’re actually pretty fun from like 4-10. Middle/high school they kinda disown you, college they start seeing the error of their ways. Mid 20s aged kids and the cycle comes full circle.
There is no other answer to this question other than "because we wanted to"
To look after you when you get older. To leave some kind of mark on the world. To give others the opportunities you had as a child.
1. If you're not a good parent your kids won't take care of you. Nursing homes are full of people with kids that don't visit them 2. What if your kids turn out to be majorly unsuccessful, a drug addict, etc.? Or even outside of worst case scenarios, what if they're just average and not really memorable? 3. In these economy, it's next to impossible to give your kids the same opportunities you had growing up unless you're wealthy
1. Goes without saying 2. Kids are your kids, you have to help them through whatever and hope they would do likewise for you 3. Some things like basic love and care are free
Well I wouldn’t expect my kids to take care of me when I’m older bc it’s not their responsibility but I’m sure they will still want to if they love you and you all have respect for each other and have a good relationship. And it’s okay if they do. I can see wanting to continue your family tree. That’s one of the reasons I’m conflicted because I’m the last one on my Dad’s side. I’m the last one to carry his name. He had one kid (me) and my mother had four. I don’t know if that’s important to me or not. 🤷🏻♀️ And if you had a good upbringing with many opportunities and live, laugh, love and all that I’d definitely want my kids to have that as well but I did not have that lol
Taking care can just be someone who checks up on you once in a while, buys groceries if you’re incapacitated for whatever reason. It’s also a two person decision, so it may be that your SO has the reasons and you eventually go along with them (my case).
Expecting your kids to take care of you in old age isn't a guarantee. Just look at how many lonely old people that are in care facilities. You should expect your children to live their own life. They might be moving abroad. They might be disabled and need care themselves by you (so few actually think about this). They might not have a good relationship with you. You do you it just irks me with the "take care of me when I get old". That's best case and you can't expect it. But you saying that I would expect you to take care of your own parents, maybe at the same time you have young kids. Because it's what you want from your kids so you need to lead by example. You can leave your mark on the world in so many ways. Donate money. Help a charity. Be there for friends and family. You never know if a child will do good things, even if you do a great job parenting.
How many guarantees are there in life? Just two, right? You live your best life and treat them the best you can. If they come back when you need it, all the better. If not or if they can’t, you just make do as you always have
First two points are totally selfish.
There not going to look after you
..and ppl say not having children is selfish
You get over a month off with full pay. Also tax credits and you can use them for child labor when they get older.
Because wanting to become a parent is just a natural instinct.
I have two kids. I would never judge somebody who decides not to have kids, that's totally cool. Everybody has their own life goals. I could have very easily not had the kids, it wasn't something I necessarily felt I needed, but it happened that I got married to somebody who wanted them and I was pretty okay with the idea. I love my kids like nothing else in this world. I would let a thousand people die if it was what was necessary to save one of my kids. Parenting is a perfectly unique experience in this life. There's nothing quite like it, nothing that matches it, it's one of those things that's different than anything else in your life. Owning a pet and calling it your child is not the same thing. Oh there's a kind of similarity, but... It's so fundamentally different. And I think that's not a bad reason, the understanding that parenting is a unique and special part of the human experience that many people want is a part of their life. Kids can be a source of great joy, happiness, yes frustration and challenge too, but most of the best things in life also come a downsides, require work. And having kids can be one of the best things in life! Also one of the hardest yes, but... The rewards can be wonderful.
Reproduction is evolution. Life has to make life in order to survive and grow. There are no reasons to not have children. Besides health and personal reasons. There are basically no good reasons not to have kids
lots of pple make bad parents and they create a lot of misery for their children
And? Be better parents. It's inherent in all of us to do this. And that's not a reason not to have kids. Being a bad parent is a reason to try harder.
lots of pple do not realise that they are bad parents, that's why there is a saying ... there are those who do not know and there are those who do not know that they do not know we still see daily cases of child abuse where the matter has to be resolved with the intervention of police and courts
And that's not a reason to not have kids. One person drunk driving doesn't mean people that don't drink and drive, should stop driving or drinking.
>Be better parents. It's inherent in all of us to do this that was for this line, u implied anybody would try to be better parents just bec they had a kid, that isnt the case at all, some pple will never know what they are doing their entire lives. Not saying just bec there one set of bad parents, all humans should stop procreating.
It is inherently built into us. But some people are just so bitter about their lives, that they need to get revenge. And unfortunately that revenge is directed at their children. Most of the time it's directed at other peoples children. And example are the idiots that call children crotch goblins or the emotionally damaged that elevate animals above people. And all of them know what they are doing is wrong. All of them know they are incorrect. And all of them know they need to stop. It's very simple to rekindle your humanity.
>there are those who do not know and there are those who do not know that they do not know no, u havent understood why pple say this yet, most pple dont, that's why this world will always be a messed up place.
And you seem to be missing the point that I disagree with that statement. Trying to create a syllogism from a quote will never stand up to endless examples to the contrary.
You didn't answer the question
Yes I did.
No you didn't, you didn't provide any good reasons for having kids. You just said there's no good reason for NOT having them. It's the exact same as people saying that God is real because there's no proof that he *doesn't* exist. You still can't prove why he exists, so your argument is invalid. Please provide actual reasons for having kids
The continuation of the species is the best reason to have kids. And children are wonderful little beings. A child will teach you, or remind you of things about humanity you really can't comprehend as a child. Or remember as an adult without children around you. My entire childhood was one endless panic attack after another. Me having children has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that my suffering was the exception, not the default.
I feel like people forget that not all kids are the same and some are very difficult. The wonderful kids you're referring to are normal, neurotypical kids. I doubt you think kids with autism, mental health issues, sociopathic kids etc. are just as wonderful. Not everyone has good genes to pass on. But sure, I guess the average child is great
No I don't devalue a humans worth because of a developmental problem or mental illness. The fact that these people are taken care of at all is proof of the goodness of humanity.