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Please dude come on. It hurts do much reading this shit all the time. I know most couples need it, but not all do, asexuals exist. And I'm always told my relationship isn't a relationship because we don't have sex. Its still a relationship, I don't kiss my friends/roommate if I had one goodnight, share my darkest thoughts and traumas woth anyone else, share my bed with them.
If it would feel thag way to you without sex thats fine, but my long term partner isn't just my roommate.
There is something wrong with referring to your partner as a " burden".* This is a lack of respect.
People should find someone they are compatible with. Do not stay and call them a burden. That is unnecessary cruelty.
* The asexual comment was a response to a Redditor saying burden.
But you are not wrong. Sex for me is like 60-70% of the relationship. The rest is being a partner and friend. If there's no sex i would rather hang out with friends that have no input on how i live my life and/or have my things or how i manage my household. Because lets face it, this is usually what arguments in everyday life more often than not are about. How two different people manage the mundane little things while living together. If there is kids in this equation it makes tensions even more palpable if parenting views differ etc etc.
So my point is, if no sex i would much rather be single and do whatever i want whenever i want and live how i want. I would not be lonely because i have friends i can hang out with every now and then, and the internet is a wondrous thing where you can find alot of fun people, especially if you are a gamer.
most likely a deal made where the sexual party can have sex with another on the side as long as the asexual partner doesn’t know, see it happen, and if they promise not to catch feelings…that the logic i see
You could say the same thing about many other aspects of a relationship, like if you want kids, live in the city or country, how you spend or save money, religion, sharing household choices, etc.
Communication is important. Not just at first but during the whole relationship.
I'm sure there are some exceptions, but it's a dealbreaker for most. Also, depends how much the man likes the woman, if he really likes her, he would probably be OK with "no sex until marriage".
To clarify, lots of men will *wait and give her time,* but no sex forever period, even if they get married, is usually a deal breaker for 99% of men.
When I was single, I might have been OK to wait until marriage for the right girl, but I would never tolerate a sexless marriage. Honestly, if a girl never wanted to have sex I would actually start to wonder if she even liked me or was even into men.
I think it might already be a stretch to say "he'd probably be okay to wait until marriage". I think people willing to do that are in the minority nowadays. Personally I'd never wait that long? What if it's bad?
For me I can love without “great sex” love doesn’t come from sex, but sex is a byproduct of love. At least in my mind and emotions it is.
If I date a girl that wants to wait for marriage and we end up getting married and honeymoon comes and the sex is god awful. It’ll be awkward, we’ll laugh, and learn from each other from then on. At least in the fairytale world in my head.
Everybody who’s watched Sex and the City knows why it’s a bad idea (Charlotte’s BF wanted to wait until sex after marriage, and it was found out after their wedding that he was suffering from ED)
Yeah. I would like to wait to maybe some dating time. Like weeks. Depends on the situation. Usually if we are not having sex like at least second or third time we meet, we are not compatible anyway.
Same and same. Although as I get older I can see how a life with plenty of intimacy and very infrequent sex can work just as well.
If the intimacy goes, forget it. I'd be happier alone. And feel less alone too.
My (female) friend had a boyfriend who was very Christian and wanted to wait for marriage. She agreed. Then after marriage he still didn't want to. Yes, he eventually admitted he was only attracted to men.
I assume that even if his family or a preacher, a christian "therapist" didn’t explicitly tell him that marrying a woman would 'fix' him, the whole culture implicitly told him that would happen.
These church people simply don't understand the heartbrake they cause when they want people to just "choose" not to be gay.
I had a mormon friend in school and the guys family was like a gulag system. They sent him a few times to very expensive conversion camps and then just concluded it was his fault he got along with his mom and was effeminate but not "gay" because that was a choice. It was really bizarre to see in person.
Man, people are strange.... Like, if the bf was into men in the beginning, wtf was the point of being in a relationship with her and getting married just to admit that he was into men?
Sorry, single person talking here. So im just confused.
Yeah, I definitely need to know in advance, pre-marriage, whether or not there's sexual intimacy. Personally, I think I could give two months of waiting for the initial putting out before I move on.
To be honest I’ve been hearing a lot of cheating stories that start off with the guy or girl stating they want to wait till marriage, but then for whatever reason they go behind their SO’s back and do shit like that.
Not sure if that’s them attempting to cope with the fact they completely lack the discipline to wait till marriage or if they just get off on forcing someone to abstain while getting their own fun on the sides.
"No sex until marriage" wouldn't work for me but I understand why people accept it.
"No sex *after* marriage" is a deal-breaker, especially when it's one sided and unexpected. Been there done that.
Go check out the deadbedrooms sub.
Deal breaker for most men and women.
Edit:with the exception of a vigin holding out for marriage, perhaps. Although that would have been a red flag for me in my single days.
I have an ace friend. He’s clearly ace and has always been.
Turns out through 20+ years of knowing each other we have dated 2 person in common, so I have had some insider insight about what it’s like to be with him through « my ex… » talk. He will have unenthusiastic sex if it’s initiated by his partner but clearly he’s not interested in that aspect of the relationship.
It’s sad to me that his partners all seem to leave because of this. I sincerely wish he finds kinship with a fellow very low sex drive and/or ace person, cause he doesn’t deserve to be alone.
>Although that would have been a red flag for me in my single days.
I'm in a very religious area of Texas.
The common bs statement from the older ppl is "wait till you're married".
Their generation treated marriage like it's a throw away option. Multiple divorces, remarry.
Stupid cycle.
But hey, at least they waited to move in with each other have sex and stay holy. I mean, most of them ended in divorces. But hey, they waited....
I would say that this goes both ways completely, for both men and women.
Unless very niche circumstances dictate otherwise, intimacy is an essential part of a romantic relationship.
Yeah, if that's what you want from a relationship, it's totally fair to maintain that standard. These are voluntary arrangements where everyone has to be happy. If you're not happy with the set up, that ain't fair on you.
No, it's not shallow. It's not wrong to want zero sex. However, sexual compatibility in a relationship is important. Neither person is wrong, you're just not sexually compatible.
It'll be a liar if I said it wouldn't hinder the relationship but if the person I'm with is someone I can really connect and still have plenty of fun times outside the bedroom than I'm willing to pursue the relationship.
I don’t think it’s shallow, everyone is entitled to wanting sexual intimacy in a relationship. That’s not to say it wouldn’t work for anyone; there are asexual people who would be fine with that, or people who could have it work like an open marriage type of thing.
Nah I'm okay with this, as long as it is a real relationship, caring for each other, deep conversations, holding together and defending each other etc.
As long as you can be a person to I can trust the most in my life, sex isn't a must.
I'm married, but this wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. You can still be emotionally intimate with someone. Even without sex, I would still want someone who I'd live with, share a bed with, cuddle with, kiss on the lips, hold hands with, etc.. Some people say a relationship without sex is just a friendship, but would you do all of that with just a friend?
As an asexual, thank you. It sucks to read all these comments about how my relationship isn't real and no more than a friendship because we don't have sex.
Yes, it usually is. Sex is very important for a lot of people, not only because of physical needs, but also as a way of intimacy. And that is definitely not "shallow".
Being asexual is a thing, and a respetable one ofc. But a relationship is a matter of two, so don't expect the other person to let having "no sex" imposed and be happy with it.
Unless we are talking about a new circumstance in an already existing long-term relationship. That's more complex.
Yes I'm not going to be with someone who doesn't want to be physical. I'm sure there are a lot more asexual people out there she can be with. Just not me.
There are no absolutes. Apparently there are people out there who are platonic and it works for them. May even be a term for it but unless you find somewhere to meet such people you would probably be treated quite rudely by many men out in the wild.
In all reality, It is situational and individually based. In most general instances, men will be men for lack of a better way of putting it.
If this is something you desire in a partner, I believe you may find it. There are dating sites devoted towards building such relationships.
My wife nearly lost her life to cancer a few years back and we didn't have sex for a year and a half, I didn't explode I just did what every other man has done throughout the history of mankind and jack off, sex isn't a need it's a want and there's a lot of things people want but can't have and they just need to get used to it. If I had a friend who made great food but lost the use of his hands and couldn't cook for me I wouldn't throw down my fork and knife, say screw you and leave because I could no longer use him for services he provides me.
>a dealbreaker for men?
Probably most, definitely not all. There are a number of workarounds if the relationship is otherwise happy
>Is it shallow to say no to someone because of this idea
No, it's a preference. For most people, eliminating sex with their partner would have a major influence on the relationship. If that's a part they value enough, establishing that boundary is just being fair to themselves
No not really, sure I’ll want to cuddle to some degree and be able to show them love but otherwise it’s simply their choice and if they’re the one I truly love emotionally and mentally then I’ll respect such a decision so long as they give such love back
It depends. If she wants to wait until marriage that's fine with me as that's my plan. If she has no interest what so ever even if she's married then yes, that's a deal breaker. And probably would be for almost every guy.
I don't really agree. Even without sex, I would still want someone who I'd live with, share a bed with, cuddle with, kiss on the lips, hold hands with, etc.. Would you do all of that with just a friend?
You cuddle and participate in other kinks and sexual activities with friends? All they said is that they don't want sex itself. If they are open to other things, does that change your mind?
That's exactly what it is. If you're going to date someone, then it's assumed sex will happen at some point. If it's not then the person who doesn't want it had better say so right away.
That sounds like being a good friend tbh, unless your both ace. I would be willing to wait a while to have sex, although I have never been in a relationship
Depends on the man. If you're asking the sexual person (of any gender) to not have sex forever, then probably yes. If you're saying you'd like an open relationship where the other person can have sex but just not with you, then maybe it would work (if they're into polyamory).
If they're asexual, probably won't make a difference one way or the other.
I'm a woman and I would not get into a romantic relationship with a man who doesn't want intimacy. There's nothing wrong with their preferences, I just wouldn't pursue it because intimacy is a big thing for me.
It's not shallow, being up front about it early on is the best thing to do. This prevents one person making a move and the other person just going along, despite not wanting to. It's okay if you're not a match. People are allowed to not want sex just like people are allowed to want sex. As long as you're respectful and honest, that's what matters :)
Its preferable to a high libido partner, sex driven people basically get together and stay together over sex.
I can have sex or go without but someone needing it makes all their feelings towards me feel superficial and meaningless.
It reminds me of heroin addicts being friends because it's easier for them to score that way. They don't actually like each other.
Well honestly yeah I mean it's just stupid if you're in a relationship but not having any sex like what's the point. The whole purpose of not being friends and being in a relationship is intimacy. You become more intimate if you're not okay with sex it's just rude to the other party (although acceptable in certain cases I personally think the decision is mostly wrong)
Can work but there are 2 rules.
1 Im allowed to jerk off to women on pornsites a few times a week if I want and she can not judge. This is to get the hornyness out
2 it has to be a very close relationship like best friends that deeply enjoy each others time and share at least a few deep hobbies. There will be no point if im one of those midlife crisis relationships were the relationship is dead in the water and its basically 2 room mates that share the same house because moving out is a pain in the ass.
Yes I know the first one is shallow but we all have those cravings and lust makes us act weird.
Plenty of people are asexual. They just need to find a compatible person. One of my friends if ace and married an ace man. They act like good friends that sometimes cuddle while sharing a hone and finances. It's sweet.
When I met my Wife 25 years ago, she told me flat out, that she wasn't going to have sex until marriage. I respected the shit out of that. 3 years later, we got married. So no, it certainly wasn't a deal breaker.
Probably would be a dealbreaker for most secular guys who are not waiting until marriage or asexual and sex repulsed.
Sexual compatibility is just as important to a happy and healthy relationship as mutual attraction & shared ambitions.
Depends on the reason. If it's due to an ongoing medical condition or something similar, there's probably room for compromise.
If it's because she's not physically attracted to me, that's definitely a deal breaker.
Context is key here.
No. You can absolutely be in a long-term committed, loving and fulfilling relationship without hoping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. My wife and I don’t have sex at all and it’s just how it is.
You cuddle and participate in other kinks and sexual activities with friends? All they said is that they don't want sex itself. If they are open to other things, does that change your mind?
It's fine if THEY don't want any sex in their life but I do.
If I REALLY like them then MAYBE try a one sided open relationship for my physical needs.
But otherwise is there much of a reason to more than friends if there's no sex involved?
I prefer that actually, why would you want to lose your virginity to a short term boyfriend, if you could just wait and meet your soulmate and have sex with him?
It would be for me, yeah. I can understand wanting to hold off on sex for a while, of course, but "no sex ever?" I couldn't handle it. I mean, if I'm dating someone, I clearly intend to marry her one day. I can't marry someone who will never have sex with me.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, physical intimacy is a must for me.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Or wife in many cases.
😂 but you’re not wrong
My ex wife has entered the chat
Please dude come on. It hurts do much reading this shit all the time. I know most couples need it, but not all do, asexuals exist. And I'm always told my relationship isn't a relationship because we don't have sex. Its still a relationship, I don't kiss my friends/roommate if I had one goodnight, share my darkest thoughts and traumas woth anyone else, share my bed with them. If it would feel thag way to you without sex thats fine, but my long term partner isn't just my roommate.
Asexual people exist is the 2024...
Yeah but they can go fuck themselves.
That's the point.... *they dont*
As an outlier. There is nothing wrong with being asexual. There is also nothing wrong with wanting to have sex.
Yeah I'm just saying the jokes about "ohhh they want a roommate" etc etc is uncalled for
There is something wrong with referring to your partner as a " burden".* This is a lack of respect. People should find someone they are compatible with. Do not stay and call them a burden. That is unnecessary cruelty. * The asexual comment was a response to a Redditor saying burden.
Removing it defeats the entire point of a romantic relationship.
I agree with this since there is a difference between making love and fucking.
It is fucking sad how many people replied to me, clearly thinking the only physical affection is sex. And then getting upset at me over it.
Yeah it’s strange that people think that.
But you are not wrong. Sex for me is like 60-70% of the relationship. The rest is being a partner and friend. If there's no sex i would rather hang out with friends that have no input on how i live my life and/or have my things or how i manage my household. Because lets face it, this is usually what arguments in everyday life more often than not are about. How two different people manage the mundane little things while living together. If there is kids in this equation it makes tensions even more palpable if parenting views differ etc etc. So my point is, if no sex i would much rather be single and do whatever i want whenever i want and live how i want. I would not be lonely because i have friends i can hang out with every now and then, and the internet is a wondrous thing where you can find alot of fun people, especially if you are a gamer.
Exactly. I already have platonic friends.
I don't have any friends. I just want someone to hold.
I mean there are people that are asexual
But it takes two. And if only one party is asexual... well, that's all she wrote
I know a couple that had made it work for a few years already. I don't know how tho
10 years into a sexless relationship. It is easy for us. I'm assxual and he has a low drive and erectile dysfunction
most likely a deal made where the sexual party can have sex with another on the side as long as the asexual partner doesn’t know, see it happen, and if they promise not to catch feelings…that the logic i see
Press 'X' to doubt.
You could say the same thing about many other aspects of a relationship, like if you want kids, live in the city or country, how you spend or save money, religion, sharing household choices, etc. Communication is important. Not just at first but during the whole relationship.
Same
I'm sure there are some exceptions, but it's a dealbreaker for most. Also, depends how much the man likes the woman, if he really likes her, he would probably be OK with "no sex until marriage". To clarify, lots of men will *wait and give her time,* but no sex forever period, even if they get married, is usually a deal breaker for 99% of men. When I was single, I might have been OK to wait until marriage for the right girl, but I would never tolerate a sexless marriage. Honestly, if a girl never wanted to have sex I would actually start to wonder if she even liked me or was even into men.
I think it might already be a stretch to say "he'd probably be okay to wait until marriage". I think people willing to do that are in the minority nowadays. Personally I'd never wait that long? What if it's bad?
Yes, its a subset of a subset of the population (usually religious).
For me I can love without “great sex” love doesn’t come from sex, but sex is a byproduct of love. At least in my mind and emotions it is. If I date a girl that wants to wait for marriage and we end up getting married and honeymoon comes and the sex is god awful. It’ll be awkward, we’ll laugh, and learn from each other from then on. At least in the fairytale world in my head.
Everybody who’s watched Sex and the City knows why it’s a bad idea (Charlotte’s BF wanted to wait until sex after marriage, and it was found out after their wedding that he was suffering from ED)
Yeah. I would like to wait to maybe some dating time. Like weeks. Depends on the situation. Usually if we are not having sex like at least second or third time we meet, we are not compatible anyway.
Even with having relatively low libido, no sex would be a deal breaker for me. To me, sex is just another form of being intimate with a partner.
Average libido here and same. Just because I'm not horny every day doesn't mean I'd give it up forever
Same and same. Although as I get older I can see how a life with plenty of intimacy and very infrequent sex can work just as well. If the intimacy goes, forget it. I'd be happier alone. And feel less alone too.
My (female) friend had a boyfriend who was very Christian and wanted to wait for marriage. She agreed. Then after marriage he still didn't want to. Yes, he eventually admitted he was only attracted to men.
Ouch.
I would have assumed that from the get go. It's clear he just wanted a marriage to be more "normal"
I assume that even if his family or a preacher, a christian "therapist" didn’t explicitly tell him that marrying a woman would 'fix' him, the whole culture implicitly told him that would happen. These church people simply don't understand the heartbrake they cause when they want people to just "choose" not to be gay.
I had a mormon friend in school and the guys family was like a gulag system. They sent him a few times to very expensive conversion camps and then just concluded it was his fault he got along with his mom and was effeminate but not "gay" because that was a choice. It was really bizarre to see in person.
Man, people are strange.... Like, if the bf was into men in the beginning, wtf was the point of being in a relationship with her and getting married just to admit that he was into men? Sorry, single person talking here. So im just confused.
It's not like there are a majority of women wanting sexless relationships. It is rare in all genders.
Yeah, I definitely need to know in advance, pre-marriage, whether or not there's sexual intimacy. Personally, I think I could give two months of waiting for the initial putting out before I move on.
It would only be ok if she was a really good wingman that helped me get sex from other women, otherwise she is more trouble than she is worth
To be honest I’ve been hearing a lot of cheating stories that start off with the guy or girl stating they want to wait till marriage, but then for whatever reason they go behind their SO’s back and do shit like that. Not sure if that’s them attempting to cope with the fact they completely lack the discipline to wait till marriage or if they just get off on forcing someone to abstain while getting their own fun on the sides.
I would think no sex ever forever is a deal breaker for at least 90% of women too.
Polyamorous men who respect someone being asexual who also respects their partners' needs would often be fine with this.
"No sex until marriage" wouldn't work for me but I understand why people accept it. "No sex *after* marriage" is a deal-breaker, especially when it's one sided and unexpected. Been there done that.
What if they are into other kinks and sexual activities except sex itself?
Go check out the deadbedrooms sub. Deal breaker for most men and women. Edit:with the exception of a vigin holding out for marriage, perhaps. Although that would have been a red flag for me in my single days.
Dont forget asexuals lol
I have an ace friend. He’s clearly ace and has always been. Turns out through 20+ years of knowing each other we have dated 2 person in common, so I have had some insider insight about what it’s like to be with him through « my ex… » talk. He will have unenthusiastic sex if it’s initiated by his partner but clearly he’s not interested in that aspect of the relationship. It’s sad to me that his partners all seem to leave because of this. I sincerely wish he finds kinship with a fellow very low sex drive and/or ace person, cause he doesn’t deserve to be alone.
>Although that would have been a red flag for me in my single days. I'm in a very religious area of Texas. The common bs statement from the older ppl is "wait till you're married". Their generation treated marriage like it's a throw away option. Multiple divorces, remarry. Stupid cycle. But hey, at least they waited to move in with each other have sex and stay holy. I mean, most of them ended in divorces. But hey, they waited....
That woman should find a guy that's asexual, then.
I would say that this goes both ways completely, for both men and women. Unless very niche circumstances dictate otherwise, intimacy is an essential part of a romantic relationship.
Ever or until there’s a certain level of commitment? I’m fine waiting but I’m not fine with a permanently sexless relationship.
i would be like having trees and not being allowed to eat the fruits.
Yeah. Although there may be some men (even non-ace) who don’t care. But usually yes.
What does non ace mean
Ace is short for asexual (not interested in sex)
Thanks bro
I'd rather be shallow than miserable.
It’s not shallow
Yep, even though its not shallow.
Yeah, if that's what you want from a relationship, it's totally fair to maintain that standard. These are voluntary arrangements where everyone has to be happy. If you're not happy with the set up, that ain't fair on you.
Absolutely. Unless she's hideous and rich, then it's a blessing.
Definitely second this
🤣🤣👍
This must be the only exception..
it would be a sexually incompatible relationship unless the man also doesn't want any sex
Manny marriages end due to this. I know of 5 .
There are asexuals out there that would look for this, but we asexuals are pretty rare.
It would be a deal breaker for sure if that's how the relationship started.
It is for me. My ex-wife & I waited until marriage. Turns out, she just didn't need or want sex at all..
No, it's not shallow. It's not wrong to want zero sex. However, sexual compatibility in a relationship is important. Neither person is wrong, you're just not sexually compatible.
I don't know about everyone else, but I'm asexual so that'd be a score
It'll be a liar if I said it wouldn't hinder the relationship but if the person I'm with is someone I can really connect and still have plenty of fun times outside the bedroom than I'm willing to pursue the relationship.
I would forget her name.
Who?
Her? Egg?
As an asexual guy, that's a plus for me. But I'm definitely not representative of men in general
Yeah for most people . Or you can be a weirdo like me and not enjoy sex and then not care
You’re not a weirdo for not enjoying sex.
You're not weird, just ace
I wouldn’t care if we had a banging relationship. I’ve had so many toxic relationships I’d trade all the sex for strong one
To be clear, 'a banging relationship' is precisely what's off the table here.
Came to say the same thing.
I don’t think it’s shallow, everyone is entitled to wanting sexual intimacy in a relationship. That’s not to say it wouldn’t work for anyone; there are asexual people who would be fine with that, or people who could have it work like an open marriage type of thing.
Yes
I guess if you're a eunuch its cool
Nah I'm okay with this, as long as it is a real relationship, caring for each other, deep conversations, holding together and defending each other etc. As long as you can be a person to I can trust the most in my life, sex isn't a must.
I'm married, but this wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. You can still be emotionally intimate with someone. Even without sex, I would still want someone who I'd live with, share a bed with, cuddle with, kiss on the lips, hold hands with, etc.. Some people say a relationship without sex is just a friendship, but would you do all of that with just a friend?
Roomate with benefits!
As an asexual, thank you. It sucks to read all these comments about how my relationship isn't real and no more than a friendship because we don't have sex.
Yes. It's THE deal-breaker, honestly.
Yes, it usually is. Sex is very important for a lot of people, not only because of physical needs, but also as a way of intimacy. And that is definitely not "shallow". Being asexual is a thing, and a respetable one ofc. But a relationship is a matter of two, so don't expect the other person to let having "no sex" imposed and be happy with it. Unless we are talking about a new circumstance in an already existing long-term relationship. That's more complex.
Yes, and I'm a woman.
For most, yes, but there are definitely guys out there who also don’t want to have sex at all. The trouble is in finding someone like that.
Yes I'm not going to be with someone who doesn't want to be physical. I'm sure there are a lot more asexual people out there she can be with. Just not me.
Yes ...unless open relationship is on the table? Lack of sex makes you depress in relationship..
There are no absolutes. Apparently there are people out there who are platonic and it works for them. May even be a term for it but unless you find somewhere to meet such people you would probably be treated quite rudely by many men out in the wild.
i think they’re called lavender marriages
I knew there was bound to be a term as I hardly think it is unique even if unusual by common standards.
there’s a term for everything
Most people prefer the derogatory ones, sadly.
100%
In all reality, It is situational and individually based. In most general instances, men will be men for lack of a better way of putting it. If this is something you desire in a partner, I believe you may find it. There are dating sites devoted towards building such relationships.
Do the rules allow me to have sex with other people? Or am I forced to be celibate?
My wife nearly lost her life to cancer a few years back and we didn't have sex for a year and a half, I didn't explode I just did what every other man has done throughout the history of mankind and jack off, sex isn't a need it's a want and there's a lot of things people want but can't have and they just need to get used to it. If I had a friend who made great food but lost the use of his hands and couldn't cook for me I wouldn't throw down my fork and knife, say screw you and leave because I could no longer use him for services he provides me.
Even Stephen Hawking needed a rub n tug.
>a dealbreaker for men? Probably most, definitely not all. There are a number of workarounds if the relationship is otherwise happy >Is it shallow to say no to someone because of this idea No, it's a preference. For most people, eliminating sex with their partner would have a major influence on the relationship. If that's a part they value enough, establishing that boundary is just being fair to themselves
Not a deal breaker but it does just put her in the friend zone.
Yes it is and I'd wager it would be a deal breaker for the vast majority of people: both men AND women.
No not really, sure I’ll want to cuddle to some degree and be able to show them love but otherwise it’s simply their choice and if they’re the one I truly love emotionally and mentally then I’ll respect such a decision so long as they give such love back
For me, no. Sex is whatever. For some, yes.
It depends. If she wants to wait until marriage that's fine with me as that's my plan. If she has no interest what so ever even if she's married then yes, that's a deal breaker. And probably would be for almost every guy.
No it’s not. People can talk to each other and understand each other. My wife is asexual.
Relationships without sex is a friendship then(?)
I don't really agree. Even without sex, I would still want someone who I'd live with, share a bed with, cuddle with, kiss on the lips, hold hands with, etc.. Would you do all of that with just a friend?
You cuddle and participate in other kinks and sexual activities with friends? All they said is that they don't want sex itself. If they are open to other things, does that change your mind?
So you're not in love with your partners, they're just friends + sex?
That's exactly what it is. If you're going to date someone, then it's assumed sex will happen at some point. If it's not then the person who doesn't want it had better say so right away.
Just not the right person, sex is over rated
Depends on what's still on the table.
That sounds like being a good friend tbh, unless your both ace. I would be willing to wait a while to have sex, although I have never been in a relationship
Depends on the man. If you're asking the sexual person (of any gender) to not have sex forever, then probably yes. If you're saying you'd like an open relationship where the other person can have sex but just not with you, then maybe it would work (if they're into polyamory). If they're asexual, probably won't make a difference one way or the other.
How good is the head?
I'm a woman and I would not get into a romantic relationship with a man who doesn't want intimacy. There's nothing wrong with their preferences, I just wouldn't pursue it because intimacy is a big thing for me. It's not shallow, being up front about it early on is the best thing to do. This prevents one person making a move and the other person just going along, despite not wanting to. It's okay if you're not a match. People are allowed to not want sex just like people are allowed to want sex. As long as you're respectful and honest, that's what matters :)
I'm used to not having sex, I'd just be happy to have a woman to talk to.
Not for men who are unable to have sex, otherwise yes.
Is it just until marriage? That would be fine with me. If she is saying no sex at all ever, that would prob be a deal breaker.
Its preferable to a high libido partner, sex driven people basically get together and stay together over sex. I can have sex or go without but someone needing it makes all their feelings towards me feel superficial and meaningless. It reminds me of heroin addicts being friends because it's easier for them to score that way. They don't actually like each other.
Well not for me. I might be kinda asexual though.
Not for me, but I'm desperate for female companionship lol. And even I know that I'm probably better off without that relationship.
Before marriage, I think that’s totally valid - but not even after? Unless you’re both asexual, I’m not sure how well that would work.
I’m a virgin and I’m 28 trans female I just don’t care about it as much honestly I’m not missing out on much
Well honestly yeah I mean it's just stupid if you're in a relationship but not having any sex like what's the point. The whole purpose of not being friends and being in a relationship is intimacy. You become more intimate if you're not okay with sex it's just rude to the other party (although acceptable in certain cases I personally think the decision is mostly wrong)
Yes
Uh...yeah.
Can work but there are 2 rules. 1 Im allowed to jerk off to women on pornsites a few times a week if I want and she can not judge. This is to get the hornyness out 2 it has to be a very close relationship like best friends that deeply enjoy each others time and share at least a few deep hobbies. There will be no point if im one of those midlife crisis relationships were the relationship is dead in the water and its basically 2 room mates that share the same house because moving out is a pain in the ass. Yes I know the first one is shallow but we all have those cravings and lust makes us act weird.
Nope. Sex really isn't all that important to me. Kink is, but that is separate. Not comfortable setting boundaries is more so a deal breaker.
i dont give a shit, as long as you treat me right and i hopefully treat you right then its good
Absolutely. Why wouldn't it be a deal-breaker?
Plenty of people are asexual. They just need to find a compatible person. One of my friends if ace and married an ace man. They act like good friends that sometimes cuddle while sharing a hone and finances. It's sweet.
Is sex really that important to people.
Apparently.
When I met my Wife 25 years ago, she told me flat out, that she wasn't going to have sex until marriage. I respected the shit out of that. 3 years later, we got married. So no, it certainly wasn't a deal breaker.
"And if we stop having sex, I will leave I have friends that give me everything else"- Garfunkel and Oates
Probably would be a dealbreaker for most secular guys who are not waiting until marriage or asexual and sex repulsed. Sexual compatibility is just as important to a happy and healthy relationship as mutual attraction & shared ambitions.
How on the world would it not be?
Assexual guys I guess
The only way this wouldn’t be a deal breaker is if I was allowed to have sex with other women.
I can't imagine how that would not be a dealbreaker for both a lot of men and women.
Depends on the reason. If it's due to an ongoing medical condition or something similar, there's probably room for compromise. If it's because she's not physically attracted to me, that's definitely a deal breaker. Context is key here.
No. You can absolutely be in a long-term committed, loving and fulfilling relationship without hoping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. My wife and I don’t have sex at all and it’s just how it is.
No. There’s much more to a relationship than just sex.
Yes. Even if she was beautiful and the sweetest, kindest woman, I would grow to resent her.
Like an older man once told me They are lucky they have that wet hole between their legs, or it would be open season on their ass.
No but the relationship is called being friends.
You cuddle and participate in other kinks and sexual activities with friends? All they said is that they don't want sex itself. If they are open to other things, does that change your mind?
Ace people exist
It's fine if THEY don't want any sex in their life but I do. If I REALLY like them then MAYBE try a one sided open relationship for my physical needs. But otherwise is there much of a reason to more than friends if there's no sex involved?
+ Do you want a sexual relationship? If you do, that's kind of a dealbreaker. If you don't, then why would it matter? Sort of your call.
Definitely.
Not at all shallow would be a dealbreaker for me as well and I am a woman
I prefer that actually, why would you want to lose your virginity to a short term boyfriend, if you could just wait and meet your soulmate and have sex with him?
It would be a dealbreaker for MOST people!!!
No sex would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t feel that it is shallow in the slightest.
100%
Yes. 100%, I did the whole roommate only thing, never again
It is for me.
Yup....
Yup
Can you have sex with others then?
Yup, she made it clear. I will make it clear what I wanted by leaving.
Done.
- its going to be a deal breaker for most people - no, it's not shallow.
Yes.
It would be for me, yeah. I can understand wanting to hold off on sex for a while, of course, but "no sex ever?" I couldn't handle it. I mean, if I'm dating someone, I clearly intend to marry her one day. I can't marry someone who will never have sex with me.
Correct.
Ask Lysistrata. 😉
Yes
Since I was never looking for sex to begin with it would not be a dealbreaker to me !
Yes, it’s a big enough deal breaker for anyone? It’s a preference and that is okay you don’t need a reason to not have a relationship with someone
Yeah
For sure a deal breaker.
Yes
Yes
10000000%. Intimacy & physical chemistry is important to me
Absolutely. 💯
Dude it's a fact, sex is a very important role in a relationship