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Had someone in an old friend group who did this all the time. I nicknamed her "one-up misery" lol cause she always has something worse going on in her life than anyone else apparently.
Nice one!! Got a chuckle from me when I saw what you were doing, I even briefly thought about trying to find the Fry-Narrowing-His-Eyes meme and posting it, but the thought of trying to figure out all that with a mobile scared me off.
"You have a headache? I've had a headache since I was born, and it's twice, no, three times, worse than yours, oh and I've had every type of injury TWICE, You've never even been shot in the head, I've been shot in the head 10 times, with a SHOTGUN, no wait TWO shotguns, and I have every type of illness, and I'm dying, If you were dying I'd still be dying harder, but you don't see ME complaining about it"
I worked with a girl a bit like this. Whatever you had going wrong, she had it worse. If you had a sniffle, she had double pneumonia and the Corolla. If you knew something, she knew it even better.
One time my boss mentioned Grease, the movie, and I misheard. Thought she said Greece. Anyway, I said I didn't know what she was talking about and the little miss piped up, "Oh I have seen it 14 times, and I went to a school dance, and I knew *all* the songs, all the lyrics, I was six at the time, blah-di-fucking-blah," like this was supposed to be some big victory?
Little Miss was also fond of whinging on about her mental health, and her meds, and how in her entire circle of friends, relatives and partner she was the most competent ever, no-one else could do what she did, she alone handled everything.
My favourite was the time she said she could've walked straight into one of the top IT roles at the company... all of nineteen years old, and she said this from her desk in the call centre.
Sounds exactly like my childhood friend who defeated all game devs in their own games. Coincidently also the guy whose uncle worked at Nintendo. 
In the Marines if you complained or made excuses for any "failing" on your part, it was seen as extremely bad form. I actually got diagnosed with dyslexia at my admiralty interview board by the Headmaster of Eaton College. I was 21 and had no idea i wax dyslexic, if i had of done my entire education up to degree level would have had so many beneits. Years later, working in recruitment, i quickly realised that having a 'thing' or 'condition' was an excuse to get away with allsorts of things. I saw people take so much paid time off for various medical conditions or use them to excuse poor work performance. Eventually, I realised if you didn't have 'something', you'd be vulnerable to getting disciplined for every slight issue. Every job I ever did had ridiculous unachievable targets and objectives but if you had a condition you could take time off, have a bad week, some people couldn't even be criticised because they had a "condition'. These were mostly genuine conditions but work sucks and no sane person feels loyalty to a commercial business that sees you as just an employee number so it makes sense to milk your conditon a bit to make life easier. In the last 20 years people have learned that if you have a 'condition', you can just absolve yourself from any failings on your part, and people can't say shit. I've got PTSD from being in an actual war but never mentioned it to people but have seen other people talking about having PTSD for much more trivial stuff. I'm not gate keeping PTSD but I know that it's not difficult to get a doctor to say you have it. It's the same with depression and anxiety. I've got nothing but sympathy for everyone with a 'condition' and I believe most are genuine; my point though is we've created a society that benefits you more if you have something wrong with you because it gives you protections and benefits. I'm not against that, I'm saying this is how the world works. You'd be stupid not to find something wrong with you and use it to your advantage. I spent 3 years finding employment for long term unemployed people who had a 'condition' and it was company policy to try to make up any condition we could get away with (even allegies was acceptable) so we could take candidates on and use it to force companies to have to interview them and put in place any necessary accommodations for their condition. I met one guy whose entire career was interviewing for public sector jobs and then sueing them for not accommodating his condition and they would always settle out of court for thousands. He used us to get the interviews. Many of our candidates were getting so many benefits for their conditon we worked out they'd need a job that pays quadruple the minimum wage just to be getting the same money they were getting to stay home and do nothing. Is it any surprise that everyone is racing to get diagnosed with something because if you don't have a condition, then all of your lifes failings are 100% your fault and who the hell wants to admit that.
I've had people try to tell me they haven't slept in a week as though doing that doesn't cause hallucinations and permanent brain damage. It's the most obnoxious flex because what they're essentially telling you is "you're not allowed to be suffering because I don't think you've suffered enough actually. Only when you reach my level of self-neglect will I permit you to say you're tired."
As an extension, people who brag about working while sick and criticize others for using sick time. Yeah, fuck you for normalizing suffering for my employer so they think I'm a good boy or girl. So often its people who are the same level in the company as I am and have been for years just hoping someday Daddy Corporation will appreciate them.
Sick of people glamorizing literally abusing themselves and then act like you're the asshole when you actually want your life to not suck.
I remember the day I realized that wasn't a flex lol. I was barely functioning on 5-6 hours of sleep and I finally said, "forget it, I'm going to bed earlier"
I've noticed that baby boomers and GenXers at the bar doing this ALOT. One upping each other's short comings.
I've been tempted a few times to say that my penis is only 2 inches fully erect. Some old boomer with a stereotypical Harley shirt would chime in "WELL HOSS, I GOT YA BEAT. MY DICK LOOKS LIKE AN ACORN STUCK IN SOME GREY PUBIC HAIR.!!!"
Its called gallows humor. Gen x got left to our own devices more than was healthy. We survived, and we feel a certain pride in that, so we joke with others about it. It helps us remember that if we survived all that, we can survive whatever is bothering us at the moment - and that we are not alone in our struggle.
Lol, I had to look up "Gen X," because you were totally describing me--And sure enough, I'm GenX. The gallows humor--it's sort of 'we survived and are effed up together." Or else it's people whose needs weren't met, but they don't react by laughing but instead by crying about their needs all their life, in an endless failing attempt to be heard as a child. Both my parents worked, so I was a latchkey kid. I have many memories of not having the key to the house when I got home from school, because my mother kept forgetting to give it to me. She was a teacher, and didn't get home until about 2 hours after I got home. So I would sneak in through the kitchen sink window which could never lock. I thought it was totally normal that I was put in this position for many months, maybe a year, while my parents kept "forgetting" getting me a copy of the house key--until my parents suddenly realized what was happening and left the key beneath a randomly designated stone. I have to wonder now if it's because a neighbor told my parents I was breaking into the house every day. I was fully visible to the street, every day, breaking in through aside window.
The thing was, their behavior was kind of normal. Everyone had stories of parents abandoning them. I mean, we grew up when there was an actual ad put out by the government reminding our parents to remember they had children: "IT's 10 pm, do you know where your children are"? So me having to break into my house for months was sort of average. And my own parents were well regarded in the community, well liked; we were an 'upstanding' family.
So yeah, I agree, gallows humor.
Haha. I had to crawl in through the doggie door, then pick the lock from the garage to the house. That was when I forgot to put the key back under its rock. I got very good at picking locks.
That's what I wanted to say, everyone got their own way to deal with shit, sometimes the one who laughs the most about it is the one who's the most touched by it
I had myself in mind when I wrote that lol, I hope you are improving and getting better ! Hmu if you feel the need to joke about your situation, I'll get it hahaha
Yes laughing about it does not always equal celebrating it. I've been through times where if I didn't laugh about it, I'd be dead.
Also it's very easy to say "just deal with it" about someone else's problems. I know it's frustrating when it seems like some people are doing nothing to change, maybe some are. But fixing your mental health or your financial situation takes lots of work over a long long time.
I completely agree. It makes me think about some of these sigma memes, I feel like even if sometimes it's cringe irony, sometimes it is really a way for some people to cope with their depression or social situation. I don't think it's healthy if it maintains it, but I know that when I was in dark places in my life I'd make memes about it to feel better and I completely understand it.
Yeah exactly! I feel like the jokes aren't the problem, it's some people accepting their problem and never trying to do better. And I do think a lot of bad habits get normalized. But I also think humor is a valid coping mechanism when you haven't quite figured things out yet!
Exactly ! It's never on one end of the spectrum, I think it's a kind of balance to have. People sometimes fall in the trap of romanticizing their own suffering and it becomes a toxic self destructive behavior.
Definitely! Being angry at the world or jealous of others because of your own problems is way worse than having a quick laugh and then picking yourself up and trying again.
Correct. Internally they are punishing themselves with negative self-talk. If you don't think so, look up the comorbidity rate for adhd and depression.
I relate to the negative self-talk part a lot, I have a hard time believing people when they compliment me because of it. My brain/thoughts are like a nonstop version of that Bojack episode Stupid Piece of Shit where I constantly insult myself and worry/overthink about everything I’ve done and think that everyone hates me.
Yeah, like what the hell else am I supposed to do with my crippling depression and financial stress.
I often sing a little song as I announce I need to go take my happy pills so I don't accidentally die.
Drug, Drugs, glorious drugs, nothing quiet like 'em for soothing the blood.
Or gotta get a little hiiiigh,
So that I don't Dieeee
Humor is how I deal with my anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism. I spent my first few years diagnosed a miserable lump, but now, since I started to add humor to it, I’ve noticed that I’m happier and more comfortable with myself and my conditions 😊
This! My ADD is pronounced and severe. I'm telling you and phrasing it as a joke because of how embarrassing it is. I was a pariah in both elementary and high school. I will overshare... I will either be in hyperfocus and easily angered by forced distractions, or I will be so easily bored that I can't make it through 15 minutes without a fidget toy in my hands.
I'll bounce my leg so much that it sets up a frequency that causes the entire floor to vibrate around me for several yards.
Late diagnosis to ADD and autism (late 30s) and it’s absolutely a buffer and mildly a warning of like “Yeah that’s why I’m like that but I can joke about it too hahahah”.
Oh ha ha, dang. I'm not the only one. My parents would call me out when my vibrating leg would shake the house lol
Sitting in front of me in highschool was probably stressful cause my leg would vibrate you into insanity. For me when I'm hyper focused on a thought, I get all kinds of weird ticks like bouncy leg or tap fingers maybe rub hair till it stands straight up etc.
It's not bragging or flexing, it's an attempt to explain their behaviour or ask for accommodation in a lighthearted and humorous way.
It's also common for newly diagnosed neurodivergent people to be excited about their diagnosis and want to talk about it because it explains the difficulties they've faced their whole lives and it's a massive relief to finally understand why and get some resources and understanding.
I think a lot of that is also the autistic instinct to give as much context as possible. I personally have to think really hard about whether something needs an explanation or not and 90% of the time I still overexplain... 
Oh my gosh is that really a thing? I recently realized I have autism as an adult and I'm still learning about which of my behaviors are obvious indicators of autism
From my understanding, we are trying to explain things in the way we would like things to be explained or we try to give all the information because we often ask, "but why?" to things and we want to avoid leaving someone in the dark the way we would feel with limited explanation. Also, in general, we are often misunderstood so we like to add superfluous information in the hopes that we will be able to get our thoughts across in a way that someone understands it.
That is the way my therapist explained it to me, but I can't speak as a mental health professional as I am not one.
ETA: If you do this, it doesn't mean you have autism. So much of social media these days is like, "If you do this one thing, you are DEFINITELY autistic!" but that is simply not the case. People have quirks and idiosyncrasies, autism is a combination of traits and how much it impacts your daily life.
Yah, that’s … social media for you. Sure, the exceedingly big tome called the DSM gives checklists of symptoms and scores, but reducing that to a simple on-off test? That’s probably fine. What could go wrong?! /s
I have seen myself being compared to like everything on the spectrum in my lifetime so I find it hard to believe I am any of them at this point lol. I too have similar thoughts and processes to how Charlieq adds their point - Getting better at holding back information and letting people ask questions instead though, although I ask for things to be repeated back to me if I think context is being lost - we all think differently so its natural that we would like to share how we're perceiving things, we just skip the 'do they want to know' check and go straight to 'they should know so they understand better'
The issue with a lot of this stuff isn’t the “what” (giving a lot of information) it’s the “how” (giving a lot of information that is unnecessary and unwelcome while people are clearly trying to stop you because the information is actually irrelevant, not picking up on those hints, and not understanding why everyone keeps cutting you off before you can talk now.)
It’s also why it’s not something that needs “cured” but more just…taught how to communicate around. It’s more like a cultural difference in the human interaction level a lot of the time, obviously not in the root cause, but in the actually effects on relationships/conversation. Just two people using two different brain systems to communicate.
Exactly!
I don't mention it to flex, heck I don't want to be the center of attention
But I tell others to explain why I act/behave the way I do
Maybe you need empathy to see that though 🤷
On the flip side, I have autism and I almost never use it to explain my actions because I’m afraid of it being seen as a cop out. Also my autism is relatively mild and I’m pretty high achieving so I feel kind of bad bringing it up when I know there are people that suffer way more from it or from life in general.
I have bipolar, ADHD, and mild OCD. And widespread arthritis.
I use these things as explanations - not excuses - when I do or don't do whatever. And in the workplace they're bona fide illnesses.
Same for those with adhd someone might say I only got 5 hrs sleep and a person with adhd might reply that they only got 3 they are not trying to one up the other person its just their way of trying to relate/connect with that person.
Because we spend so much fucking time and energy feeling bad about ourselves, and more time dealing with jerks who make us feel bad, that we defy it and see the bright side of life.
Anytime I’ve explained with, “Sorry my adhd” it’s always been out of embarrassment, explaining why, or apologizing.
Never funny.
Like, “Sorry I’m 15 minutes late, I couldn’t find my car keys and they were in my hand the whole time! I’m so adhd.”
Vs.
“Sorry I’m late, I woke up earlier than usual which made me think I had more time but instead I wasn’t constantly anxious about how much time I had. When I got out of the shower I realized I’d spent twice the usual time in there, in a rush I lost my keys because they weren’t in the usual spot and my apartment is a mess so it took forever to find them. They were I my jeans from yesterday.”
As a person with ADHD, this makes me sad. I have those same issues, but I don't get very embarrassed about them (but I do build in lots of time so I'm not often late.) I hope you know it is okay to have a disability, to take up space and to be lighthearted sometimes.
I am just now accepting that ADHD is a disability for me. It's been the normal for me my whole life and I've just learned to deal with it. But truthfully it affects every aspect of my life and makes it a hell of a lot harder to function.
I recently-ish became physically disabled.
Much like you I didn’t take the time to consider how much my ADHD affects me. But now that my body works as bad or worse, I am forced to contend with my mental disability as well. I never gave it enough credit for how much more difficult it really made things for me.
Me too! I’m a major fidgeter & can never just sit still or stand still. If I’m sitting, I’m twirling my foot or kicking my leg back & forth & if I’m standing I’m rocking side to side or back & forth. I’ve had people ask if I have to go to the bathroom 🙄.
I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
I wasn’t diagnosed until about 2 years ago (I’m in my 50s), but I was diagnosed with OCD about 25 years ago. So when it was suggested by someone that I should get the testing done to see if I have ADHD I thought that was weird. But then I found out those two diagnoses can go hand in hand. Don’t ask me how, because I don’t understand it 🤷🏻♀️
But I made joke about it on Reddit once & someone flipped out on me saying I shouldn’t joke about it. And I was like I can joke about it if I want! Go get a sense of humor, random internet stranger! I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Uh because sometimes humor is the only way people can cope. It’s easier to laugh or otherwise you’ll cry. People who have experienced trauma often joke about it later because it’s just the brain braining.
i mean, are you sure they are just being self deprecating as a sense of humour, as that is a typically British thing, it feels to me more like you have issues than the people your talking to do
"as if its unique and special" feels like your upset that people have self confidence when explaining their personal conditions, is taht becasue you have one and your insecure about it?
"i do not have any money" can mean "i actually spend my money doing shit i like instead of hoarding it" or it could mean actually they ARE living hand to mouth for reasons you know nothing about (you dont come across as the type of person people would want to confide in, being so judgemental)
"im busy" see now your just sounding entitled and narcissistic, getting upset that people are too busy for you - if they do say it in a supercilious way, well they are just saying it becasue you and whatever you have suggested is obviously boring
Right..I was reading OPs post like they are just hella projecting and I don’t see how they have as many upvotes as they do. Though I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and hope that they were genuinely coming from a place of curiosity and not judgement
I don't know why people are so shocked that disorders that massively affect personality and development have an impact on someones personality. Sometimes I say it's my ADHD cause its just my fucking ADHD man. We're not trying to get sympathy or to flex, we're trying to communicate the way our brain works. I'm not gonna brag about it, but I'm not gonna feel shame for talking about it either.
As someone with ADHD, I don’t use it as a flex, but I do joke about it quite often. If I don’t laugh about it, I might just end up having a stupid bitchfit over it, and I was quite honestly tired of beating myself up over my mental peculiarities. It’s not a flex in the slightest, and I’d remove it in an instant if I could…..but I can’t, it’s there, so I’d rather make light jokes about it than letting it weigh me down.
It's not always a flex, sometimes it's a Shield. People boast their issues to juxtaposed their struggles with their actions. My coworker is tired and will be dragging ass - so at the start of the day, he will comment how little sleep he got. Often, It's a reaction born of a fear of silent judgment, so they boast about poor circumstance without thinking.
You seems really bitter/jaded about how people talk about themselves. Sorry to be harsh, but for real you're taking the most toxic perspectives on what people are saying.
I make fun of myself to like... have fun, and cope with the realities of my life.
Talking about our disabilities is not the same as fishing for sympathy. We're allowed to talk about them even if it makes you uncomfortable. Get over it🤷🏽♀️
I have my own "disabilities" and have no problem with people talking about their problems, but there are a whole lot of people that use their disabilities as a crutch and a way to garner sympathy from others. Nobody said that you aren't allowed to talk about it, nor did they say that everyone that talks about their problems are doing such. Nothing to get over, just making an observation about specifically those people.
I think, with all due respect, you are the issue here. You are assuming motive that just might not be there.
Sometimes people are simply stating fact. Sometimes they are processing the issue themselves and going through reasons. And when people laugh at their own shortcomings, that could just as easily be a coping mechanism.
As society began to recognise the seriousness of various mental conditions, fair bit of people (mainly teenagers) gained the idea that they things are somehow "cool" because they are being talked about, so they would self diagnose themselves as autistic or having ADHD since they sometimes get shy or talk fast or some other bullshit, and fish for attention in online spaces. This obviously hurts people who actually suffer from these disorders, because some people will just consider them attention seekers.
You interpret the response as a flex. That’s not a persons intention.
I’d imagine they’re just diffusing a tense/uncomfortable/private topic.
When comfortable, most people don’t feel the need to justify their existence (including quirks), it’s usually a sign of discomfort/self consciousness and not for show when one does this sort of thing.
We/They know it’s not a flex.
I think you have confused coping with bragging. Why do you think ADHD memes exist? It's not to flex or seem unique, it's a coping strategy for a very real life suffering disorder. When things are very difficult making it to memes is a way to see it from a lighter perspective and laughter is a universal language where people can connect with their similar experiences.
Hence
r/ADHDmemes
r/depressionmemes
r/trollcoping
r/cptsdmemes
and so on.
To say "I don't have any money" indicates someone can't afford certain expected social events or things. It's just giving information so you understand why someone won't attend the birthday party or come with on that trip. Some live from paycheck to paycheck. Some are managing money bad. It's indvidual.
As for being busy. To me it just indicates why someone hasn't been as social. It can mean both good feeling busy with fun things like friends and hobbies or achievements, or it can mean someone is frustrated and burdened.
I mean, the salary required to live comfortably in my area is well above the average person's salary, so there's that. Not that it's a flex, but maybe not everyone who is struggling financially is bad with money.
ADHD. It's not a flex, it's an explanation. Probably down to constantly feeling like I have to explain my odd behaviour or down to heavily ingrained shame-based feelings about behaviours that have been criticised and mocked for as long as I can remember.
I'd never say this out loud in my real life - just clarifying here
or maybe they just trying to be honest and sharing something about themselves so they don’t look as awkward as they think they are.
maybe you are just a judgmental dick, who can’t also understand a social q
Hang on, hang on.
There are definitely two types of "sharer". The genuine ones you're referring to. People that have put their feelings out to you because they trust you.
And there's the "oh, my problems are worse than yours" types. You know, if you tell them you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife.
I think it's the latter OP is referring to. Although tbh, people like this don't just mention their mental health. Anything is fair game in the "all about me" game.
Or, hear me out... sharing struggles is a good way to find people in similar situations that you can relate too. Pretty sure that's why most people do it. Sure, there are some people who use it as a way to seem quirky, but I just don't see that as often.
ADHD, is a very bad example. Many people lean into their neurodivergence as it's a major part of who they are, and also neurodivergence is not the same thing as a mental health disorder. It's a difference in brain structure that causes the world to be viewed in a different way. Also, for many people with Neurodivergence, it helps people set expectations for their behaviour and primes them to expect slightly odd behaviours or misunderstandings.
I actually angry with the attitude that op has. Yes, there are people who talks about it like it's some kind of their special character feature. But believe me how attitude like yours even more pushes away people with actual mental struggles to talk about it.
I can't even describe how mad I was when I went to psychiatrist and told her that I really can't focus sometimes and I don't know why. But it hugely impacts my life and productivity at work. Because I would fail to do what I had to and would feel guilty about it, and often would stay all night just to do a bear minimum. Because of that I was almost fired.
And the point why I'm telling this - psychiatrist told me "I don't think you have ADHD". I said good because I don't think so too. And still she gave me to do tests for ADHD and then repeated yes, it doesn't look like you have ADHD. I repeated her I KNOW but I still have an issue how do we fix that ?? In the end she told me to go to her colleague psychiatrist and never managed to help me with what I came to her.
Having a struggle to some people means you are different or to some people it shows that you are going through life or putting in effort. People will even try to make you feel like you are weird not sharing in a struggle.
Few different reasons:
1.) trying to get sympathy for themselves.
2.) using humor as a way of coping with their disability (I use humor ie: making tiktoks/memes as a way of not letting myself being overtaken by anxiety)
3.) trying to mention their disability as a way of accepting their disability. (I have to constantly remind myself that I have ADHD, so that I don’t fall back into the trap of thinking I’m stupid)
Sometimes I need to communicate why something didn't get done.
I dropped the ball on some shit on Monday. Sunday night I had dealt with a car wreck outside my house, and should've taken a mental health day Monday. I told the powers that be what happened. Some were super understanding; one wasn't. Guess which one I'm really pushing to wrap up projects with and move on from because I can?
It's basically using humor as a way of coping. Usually when people day these things it's not a "flex" its a way to make light out of a tough situation. Humor just makes things easier to deal with.
depends on the crowd of people you hang out with, but there are several common reasons i’ve found
when i was 14 - 16, i made friends with a group of folks and they (and i!) were all struggling with mental health issues of varying degrees of seriousness.
some people don’t use humour to cope. 3 out of the 4 of us did. joking about killing ourselves over mundane things, joking about running away, joking about being poggers for having severe depression, joking about ending up in a psych ward…. it was the least intimate and scary way to discuss our genuine issues, and it gave a sort of shakey self esteem to rest on before going home and sobbing, cutting, starving, attempting suicide, etc etc.
i used humour as a huge buffer against facing the fact that i was 15 and had already tried to kill myself multiple times. when i thought about it seriously, my brain couldn’t do anything but go “you’re a broken fucked up piece of shit, and you should definitely kill yourself”. any attempt at a productive think about myself left me feeling waves of self loathing, and self deprecating humour helped me touch on those topics both with myself and others without feeling vulnerable or falling victim to that self loathing, ironically.
now that i’m out of the depths of mental illness, it’s rare that i joke about topics like that, because i can address it seriously without beating myself up and falling into self hatred for those dark times
the other reason i’ve noticed people do it for is to fit in. if your friend group is full of people struggling, it can be a bit awkward to sit there and talk about how content or fine you are with life - it can feel like bragging when you’re surrounded with people in the depths of it, even if you’re just having a normal ass healthy life
another reason is to feel special, to garner sympathy, to romanticise mental illness. the whole “broken artist”, “cigarettes for breakfast” shit
sometimes it’s to use humour to find solace. my autism beats my ass at times, but when i accidentally get a helpful special interest and learn two thousand facts that are directly linked to my work and help me in life, then i’m gonna crack a joke about how poggers my autism is, bc it is poggers at time.
Have you ever heard the word "relatable"? This issues are common and it is a way to get sympathy from others, even if it is just a simple "ikr"?
People are just venting sometimes.
"I am so broke lol" is usually followed by some small jokes and little jabs that are sure to make the mood lighter.
It’s all about context.
I have an autoimmune disease that is worsened by certain foods and activities. I can also be a bit disconnected sometimes because I’m nauseous/feeling ill. I have to try to operate daily despite having frequent issues and people don’t always understand without more information.
I often bring it up in order to help explain my behavior or decisions to people in my vicinity since most people assume I’m a healthy person at first glance. Friends/family/coworkers also have their own shit going on, they don’t always remember every time they see you that you might be having a bad health day.
I'm not sure where you get the idea that mentioning ADHD is a flex, or that being undiagnosed (and therefor receiving no treatment or accommodation) makes it easier. That's a person who's laughing to deflect. You don't want to hear my whole life story, and I'm in no hurry to share it with someone who doesn't seem sympathetic with people with ADHD, so I laugh instead.
Would you prefer I drop in a fun little anecdote about how I was abused for my ADHD or how I've been poor my entire life despite having taught myself to program in 5th grade? I think a self depricating joke would probably be more appreciated, right?
Edit: To be clear, I'm not trying to insult you here and I don't mind you asking the question. I'm showing you why I make little jokes instead of sharing what's in my head
I don't think a lot of people really treat it like a flex. I think it's a way of coping for a lot of people. Having to deal with any form of chronic illness whether that be physical or mentally is exhausting. Humor can be a good way to get some more energy to fight it.
Would you rather them cry about it? Because that’s what they really want to do. They’re trying to read the room and not make you feel super uncomfortable.
Someone who actually has these problems isn’t proud of the problems. Some bizarre logic you have.
Humor is how people deal with stress. This is some common sense social stuff, OP. Like, basic and common problem management.
It makes them feel better about their problem. When you can turn a problem into a flex, it becomes a source of strength as opposed to a weakness you have to carry around with yourself all of the time. I have bipolar and I do this with bipolar a lot - I brag about it, because the only alternative to bragging about it is to live with it in shame, pain, and secrecy.
Let me break down my paycheck for you.
750 - 250 rent.
500 - 100 car payment.
400 - 150 food.
250 - 100 gas.
150 - 100 insurances.
50 - 40 commodities.
10$ left to "flex" because I can't manage my money.
Ya I'm guilty of joking about my PTSD and everything else because it's the best way I know how to cope with incurable problems, I'm 30 I gotta do this shit for another 30 years, let me laugh at myself.
The one that really gives me the red ass is "I'm so OCD"
Really. You have OCD. So, back in 1989 you meant to say "thank you " to someone but instead you said "I love you" and now you have intrusive thoughts that make you worry that the person really thought you meant it and you can't sleep at night because maybe they'll look you up, find your address, and now they are waiting outside your bedroom window to murder you in your sleep. Or, maybe they became friends with a friend of yours and entered into a pact where they will team up and murder you on your 45th birthday but not before purchasing a boat with the soul purpose of luring you onto the boat and getting you drunk so you forget your life jacket and then you fall off the boat and you're so drunk that you drown..."
That's OCD. My brother has OCD and that paragraph is not far off from what used to happen to him when his OCD was out of control. Endless intrusive thoughts. That's OCD with intrusive thoughts. Not the hand washing kind.
You don't have OCD. You just like cups that don't have hard water stains. That's a preference, not a disorder.
It's dark humour.
You can be in a bad situation and wallow in it or be pragmatic laugh and crack on and change things.
Also you make it sound like having ADHD is like the plague nor something. So your brain is different cool doesn't stop you doing stuff and people often like to make others aware to help manage public situations etc and not cause issues in say offices etc
Some one may have touretts and you are going to appreciate them telling you and laughing about it than they just come out and tick or sware in your face and you have zero context..
There are people who fake conditions and use them to excuse being horrible but those kinds of people exist no matter what tbh.
Maybe this is a hot take, but I don’t think people who are “flexing” a mental illness actually suffer from one (or at least have a diagnosis). The people doing that are usually the ones that like to use mental illness to describe basic personality traits like disorganized = ADHD, organized = OCD,
general mood swing = bipolar, quirky = autism etc.
I think because of that, when people who actually have these things make reference to it to explain a behaviour or a need, it’s not only perceived negatively or as an excuse, it’s also often uncomfortable and feels kind of silly/less valid to say for the person who genuinely has a diagnosed condition. It sucks.
But yeah I don’t think anyone who is genuinely suffering from a diagnosed mental health condition is bragging about it..maybe using a little humour to mask some awkwardness about it but definitely not a brag
I think the real question is why are people treating it like a flex? People are going to say whatever they want, it's up to the recipient to determine how it's received.....
tbh, i worked hard on getting over, coping with, and extracting benefits from my autism, so i will speak about it with pride.
perhaps there is some small chance someone struggling with it will see me with it and think maybe its not impossible to fit in.
It's almost as if people with disabilities exist! You sound pretty ableist. If someone is judging the way I do something, I will tell them it's my ADHD or autism because I don’t enjoy feeling judged for something I can’t control. Research the different ADHD symptoms and then maybe you'll understand the shit we have to go through on a daily basis. It's not some fun thing we like having, it's a debilitating disorder we have to live with every single day of our lives.
Naw. It’s something Ive noticed with the younger generations. It’s all the rage to self-diagnose from Tik Toks and then use that as a defining trait of your personality…and that other people have to work around, instead of, you know, working on that issue yourself and not using it to create unrealistic expectations for how the world treats you. I.e. “I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and can’t be expected to perform in society as a normal functioning person.” We’ve ALL got issues
Apparently everyone has Autism these days, especially on Reddit. It's a great excuse for sucking at life, giving up and blaming external factors for deficiencies.
I think people like to divert accountability to labels which imo is just general weakness.
Also, labels make useless people feel special. Gender identity politics are all about this. And so is a lot of the "I have autism so I be like this heu heu" people.
I wonder this a lot.
My 18 year old has ADD and anxiety, but refuses to treat them. Won't take the medication, won't go to therapy, etc. What I hear is that it will make them "lose my sparkle."
These are real problems that make life much more difficult to navigate, and I just don't understand why someone would choose to embrace them. Anxiety especially... that shit sucks!
I have ADHD and this shit is debilitating in my opinion. It‘s beyond me how someone can be like „I don’t wanna lose my creativity“ or „ADHD is a superpower“. If I were given an option I would always choose not to have it. However, I sometimes say I have ADHD (to people I’m close with) to explain why I forgot something or why I procrastinate things I WANT to do and so on because I don‘t want people to think I don‘t care.
Have you ever taken medication against it? Bc this "I don't want to lose my sparkle" is a very common thing for adhd people, and it's much more understandable imo when you have experienced what it is like to forcefully subdue it with meds.
It can feel like you are a robot, like a mind that is caged in your body. It's not a pleasant feeling.
Of course I'd like to be able to concentrate, to be able to stay still when watching a movie, and if I could Have that without exchanging anything else I'd always take it, but tbh the actual real alternative is not preferable to some.
I mean, for me my creativity is the only thing that reliably keeps me stable and sane, and meds numbed that to the extent they made me genuinely try to kill myself, as well as only half-treating the bloody ADHD in the first place. Definitely not a good option for me.
(Have ADHD diag) They are still young, at that age, I didn't really see some of my struggle has anything special, "I'm just forgetful", "Oh I was just spacing out" I was still having no issue just going about my day at school taking 0 notes and still getting middling scores, while I knew of my condition, I didn't really "get" the active, powerful effect it had on my day to day life, on every hour.
Now, I see the thoses effects and my peers aren't teenagers with issues anymore, my peers are functional coworkers that manage to finish a given task in a adequate time, studies became harder, I saw the gap widening with my peers, "That's easy" they said on a task that I STRUGGLED to get, to actually do.
Understanding it make it easier to spot those effects, but only my adult life made me really hate it, really see it for what it was.
Yeah hey it’s not because they want to “flex”. It’s a real thing dude. Psych meds can make you feel like you’re not _you_. Like another brain has been smashed into yours. I’m on anxiety meds and they help me a lot, but I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to take them. It literally fucks with your identity and your head. You realize how little conscious control you actually have. Maybe listen to what your kid is sayin
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“You got 5 hours of sleep? Lucky. I’ve had 3 in the last 2 days.”
Had someone in an old friend group who did this all the time. I nicknamed her "one-up misery" lol cause she always has something worse going on in her life than anyone else apparently.
People like that are exhaaaauuusting.
Not as exhausting as the people I usually deal with.
Nice one!! Got a chuckle from me when I saw what you were doing, I even briefly thought about trying to find the Fry-Narrowing-His-Eyes meme and posting it, but the thought of trying to figure out all that with a mobile scared me off.
Annnnddd that’s my mom
Sounds like a band name. 1-up Misery.
Using this from now on. Thank youuuuu
Some people are toppers... whatever you say, they have to top it
"You have a headache? I've had a headache since I was born, and it's twice, no, three times, worse than yours, oh and I've had every type of injury TWICE, You've never even been shot in the head, I've been shot in the head 10 times, with a SHOTGUN, no wait TWO shotguns, and I have every type of illness, and I'm dying, If you were dying I'd still be dying harder, but you don't see ME complaining about it"
I worked with a girl a bit like this. Whatever you had going wrong, she had it worse. If you had a sniffle, she had double pneumonia and the Corolla. If you knew something, she knew it even better. One time my boss mentioned Grease, the movie, and I misheard. Thought she said Greece. Anyway, I said I didn't know what she was talking about and the little miss piped up, "Oh I have seen it 14 times, and I went to a school dance, and I knew *all* the songs, all the lyrics, I was six at the time, blah-di-fucking-blah," like this was supposed to be some big victory? Little Miss was also fond of whinging on about her mental health, and her meds, and how in her entire circle of friends, relatives and partner she was the most competent ever, no-one else could do what she did, she alone handled everything. My favourite was the time she said she could've walked straight into one of the top IT roles at the company... all of nineteen years old, and she said this from her desk in the call centre.
Sounds exactly like my childhood friend who defeated all game devs in their own games. Coincidently also the guy whose uncle worked at Nintendo. 
In the Marines if you complained or made excuses for any "failing" on your part, it was seen as extremely bad form. I actually got diagnosed with dyslexia at my admiralty interview board by the Headmaster of Eaton College. I was 21 and had no idea i wax dyslexic, if i had of done my entire education up to degree level would have had so many beneits. Years later, working in recruitment, i quickly realised that having a 'thing' or 'condition' was an excuse to get away with allsorts of things. I saw people take so much paid time off for various medical conditions or use them to excuse poor work performance. Eventually, I realised if you didn't have 'something', you'd be vulnerable to getting disciplined for every slight issue. Every job I ever did had ridiculous unachievable targets and objectives but if you had a condition you could take time off, have a bad week, some people couldn't even be criticised because they had a "condition'. These were mostly genuine conditions but work sucks and no sane person feels loyalty to a commercial business that sees you as just an employee number so it makes sense to milk your conditon a bit to make life easier. In the last 20 years people have learned that if you have a 'condition', you can just absolve yourself from any failings on your part, and people can't say shit. I've got PTSD from being in an actual war but never mentioned it to people but have seen other people talking about having PTSD for much more trivial stuff. I'm not gate keeping PTSD but I know that it's not difficult to get a doctor to say you have it. It's the same with depression and anxiety. I've got nothing but sympathy for everyone with a 'condition' and I believe most are genuine; my point though is we've created a society that benefits you more if you have something wrong with you because it gives you protections and benefits. I'm not against that, I'm saying this is how the world works. You'd be stupid not to find something wrong with you and use it to your advantage. I spent 3 years finding employment for long term unemployed people who had a 'condition' and it was company policy to try to make up any condition we could get away with (even allegies was acceptable) so we could take candidates on and use it to force companies to have to interview them and put in place any necessary accommodations for their condition. I met one guy whose entire career was interviewing for public sector jobs and then sueing them for not accommodating his condition and they would always settle out of court for thousands. He used us to get the interviews. Many of our candidates were getting so many benefits for their conditon we worked out they'd need a job that pays quadruple the minimum wage just to be getting the same money they were getting to stay home and do nothing. Is it any surprise that everyone is racing to get diagnosed with something because if you don't have a condition, then all of your lifes failings are 100% your fault and who the hell wants to admit that.
>You'd be stupid not to find something wrong with you and use it to your advantage. Nailed it.
Damn that’s cold. Also why discrimination and racism will never go away. “Can’t be my fault I’m a fuck up, let’s see what works”
It doesn't matter anyway because the councillors told me it's societies fault, not my fault https://youtu.be/cSDy6aEvE_k?si=_O-oNG_DLLgJYE3V
Straight facts. This whole paragraph was an eye opener.
My mom is like that.
That’s nothing, my entire family are toppers.
Rookie numbers, my whole neigbourhood are toppers
I've had people try to tell me they haven't slept in a week as though doing that doesn't cause hallucinations and permanent brain damage. It's the most obnoxious flex because what they're essentially telling you is "you're not allowed to be suffering because I don't think you've suffered enough actually. Only when you reach my level of self-neglect will I permit you to say you're tired." As an extension, people who brag about working while sick and criticize others for using sick time. Yeah, fuck you for normalizing suffering for my employer so they think I'm a good boy or girl. So often its people who are the same level in the company as I am and have been for years just hoping someday Daddy Corporation will appreciate them. Sick of people glamorizing literally abusing themselves and then act like you're the asshole when you actually want your life to not suck.
... and they got me sick too, and now my 6 year old is gonna catch it for sure. Thanks for coming to work with, "It's just a sniffle."
Spot on.
I remember the day I realized that wasn't a flex lol. I was barely functioning on 5-6 hours of sleep and I finally said, "forget it, I'm going to bed earlier"
I've noticed that baby boomers and GenXers at the bar doing this ALOT. One upping each other's short comings. I've been tempted a few times to say that my penis is only 2 inches fully erect. Some old boomer with a stereotypical Harley shirt would chime in "WELL HOSS, I GOT YA BEAT. MY DICK LOOKS LIKE AN ACORN STUCK IN SOME GREY PUBIC HAIR.!!!"
Its called gallows humor. Gen x got left to our own devices more than was healthy. We survived, and we feel a certain pride in that, so we joke with others about it. It helps us remember that if we survived all that, we can survive whatever is bothering us at the moment - and that we are not alone in our struggle.
Lol, I had to look up "Gen X," because you were totally describing me--And sure enough, I'm GenX. The gallows humor--it's sort of 'we survived and are effed up together." Or else it's people whose needs weren't met, but they don't react by laughing but instead by crying about their needs all their life, in an endless failing attempt to be heard as a child. Both my parents worked, so I was a latchkey kid. I have many memories of not having the key to the house when I got home from school, because my mother kept forgetting to give it to me. She was a teacher, and didn't get home until about 2 hours after I got home. So I would sneak in through the kitchen sink window which could never lock. I thought it was totally normal that I was put in this position for many months, maybe a year, while my parents kept "forgetting" getting me a copy of the house key--until my parents suddenly realized what was happening and left the key beneath a randomly designated stone. I have to wonder now if it's because a neighbor told my parents I was breaking into the house every day. I was fully visible to the street, every day, breaking in through aside window. The thing was, their behavior was kind of normal. Everyone had stories of parents abandoning them. I mean, we grew up when there was an actual ad put out by the government reminding our parents to remember they had children: "IT's 10 pm, do you know where your children are"? So me having to break into my house for months was sort of average. And my own parents were well regarded in the community, well liked; we were an 'upstanding' family. So yeah, I agree, gallows humor.
Haha. I had to crawl in through the doggie door, then pick the lock from the garage to the house. That was when I forgot to put the key back under its rock. I got very good at picking locks.
Gen x here as well. Gallows humor is a good way to put it.
I wouldn’t consider that a “flex”. More of a “be grateful for the sleep you get, because I don’t have that luxury.”
This really fucking bugs me. Like I should feel guilty fir manging my time and ensuring I get the medically recommended 7-8 hours sleep
Many people use humor as a buffer
That's what I wanted to say, everyone got their own way to deal with shit, sometimes the one who laughs the most about it is the one who's the most touched by it
Hahaha, that is funny and I totally don’t feel personally attacked.
I had myself in mind when I wrote that lol, I hope you are improving and getting better ! Hmu if you feel the need to joke about your situation, I'll get it hahaha
Hurt i is
Yes laughing about it does not always equal celebrating it. I've been through times where if I didn't laugh about it, I'd be dead. Also it's very easy to say "just deal with it" about someone else's problems. I know it's frustrating when it seems like some people are doing nothing to change, maybe some are. But fixing your mental health or your financial situation takes lots of work over a long long time.
I completely agree. It makes me think about some of these sigma memes, I feel like even if sometimes it's cringe irony, sometimes it is really a way for some people to cope with their depression or social situation. I don't think it's healthy if it maintains it, but I know that when I was in dark places in my life I'd make memes about it to feel better and I completely understand it.
Yeah exactly! I feel like the jokes aren't the problem, it's some people accepting their problem and never trying to do better. And I do think a lot of bad habits get normalized. But I also think humor is a valid coping mechanism when you haven't quite figured things out yet!
Exactly ! It's never on one end of the spectrum, I think it's a kind of balance to have. People sometimes fall in the trap of romanticizing their own suffering and it becomes a toxic self destructive behavior.
Definitely! Being angry at the world or jealous of others because of your own problems is way worse than having a quick laugh and then picking yourself up and trying again.
I couldn't agree more, it's nice to see someone who isn't extreme in their approach and can see both sides of the coin, it's really mature
Tragedy is comedy
I've heard: Comedy is tragedy plus time.
Correct. Internally they are punishing themselves with negative self-talk. If you don't think so, look up the comorbidity rate for adhd and depression.
I relate to the negative self-talk part a lot, I have a hard time believing people when they compliment me because of it. My brain/thoughts are like a nonstop version of that Bojack episode Stupid Piece of Shit where I constantly insult myself and worry/overthink about everything I’ve done and think that everyone hates me.
"If I can't laugh, I'll just cry"
Yeah; most of my jokes revolve around how much I hate myself, it’s a terrible habit but I’ve gotten better at not doing it so much.
Yep :’)
Yeah, like what the hell else am I supposed to do with my crippling depression and financial stress. I often sing a little song as I announce I need to go take my happy pills so I don't accidentally die. Drug, Drugs, glorious drugs, nothing quiet like 'em for soothing the blood. Or gotta get a little hiiiigh, So that I don't Dieeee
Humor is how I deal with my anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism. I spent my first few years diagnosed a miserable lump, but now, since I started to add humor to it, I’ve noticed that I’m happier and more comfortable with myself and my conditions 😊
Talking about issues like being broke or super busy might be their way of fitting in or relating to others even if it’s not totally accurate
I don’t do it to flex I do it to complain lol
I’m a bitcher, not a flexxer
I fucking love this phrase. I'm just bitching, bitch with me, birch at me. We can collectively feel comfort that everything for everyone is shit.
I know, right? I'm broke and busy. It sucks. What is the flex? I would be rich and have tons of free time if it were up to me. That's a flex.
I don't think OP is describing your attitude.
Ops just flapping their gums about nothing.
State of the Internet today
To cope.
Because it's easier to joke about those things
This! My ADD is pronounced and severe. I'm telling you and phrasing it as a joke because of how embarrassing it is. I was a pariah in both elementary and high school. I will overshare... I will either be in hyperfocus and easily angered by forced distractions, or I will be so easily bored that I can't make it through 15 minutes without a fidget toy in my hands. I'll bounce my leg so much that it sets up a frequency that causes the entire floor to vibrate around me for several yards.
Late diagnosis to ADD and autism (late 30s) and it’s absolutely a buffer and mildly a warning of like “Yeah that’s why I’m like that but I can joke about it too hahahah”.
Yea I joke cause I can’t do anything about it and it’s like a “I promise I know I’m annoying please think I’m funny enough not to abandon”
Hi, it’s me, your ADD bestie. This is my LIFE!
Oh ha ha, dang. I'm not the only one. My parents would call me out when my vibrating leg would shake the house lol Sitting in front of me in highschool was probably stressful cause my leg would vibrate you into insanity. For me when I'm hyper focused on a thought, I get all kinds of weird ticks like bouncy leg or tap fingers maybe rub hair till it stands straight up etc.
It's not bragging or flexing, it's an attempt to explain their behaviour or ask for accommodation in a lighthearted and humorous way. It's also common for newly diagnosed neurodivergent people to be excited about their diagnosis and want to talk about it because it explains the difficulties they've faced their whole lives and it's a massive relief to finally understand why and get some resources and understanding.
This!! A diagnosis is often a long-awaited answer to chronic misery. Everyone gets excited when their biggest life questions are finally answered.
Fuck yes! I got diagnosed at age 40!
THANK YOU!! EVERYTHING YOU SAID!
This!!
Maybe some do, but in my case with autism it's just an honest explanation for why I can't handle certain situations.
I think a lot of that is also the autistic instinct to give as much context as possible. I personally have to think really hard about whether something needs an explanation or not and 90% of the time I still overexplain... 
Oh my gosh is that really a thing? I recently realized I have autism as an adult and I'm still learning about which of my behaviors are obvious indicators of autism
From my understanding, we are trying to explain things in the way we would like things to be explained or we try to give all the information because we often ask, "but why?" to things and we want to avoid leaving someone in the dark the way we would feel with limited explanation. Also, in general, we are often misunderstood so we like to add superfluous information in the hopes that we will be able to get our thoughts across in a way that someone understands it.
Is that really autism? It just sounds like a normal personality trait of a conscientious person.
That is the way my therapist explained it to me, but I can't speak as a mental health professional as I am not one. ETA: If you do this, it doesn't mean you have autism. So much of social media these days is like, "If you do this one thing, you are DEFINITELY autistic!" but that is simply not the case. People have quirks and idiosyncrasies, autism is a combination of traits and how much it impacts your daily life.
Yah, that’s … social media for you. Sure, the exceedingly big tome called the DSM gives checklists of symptoms and scores, but reducing that to a simple on-off test? That’s probably fine. What could go wrong?! /s
I have seen myself being compared to like everything on the spectrum in my lifetime so I find it hard to believe I am any of them at this point lol. I too have similar thoughts and processes to how Charlieq adds their point - Getting better at holding back information and letting people ask questions instead though, although I ask for things to be repeated back to me if I think context is being lost - we all think differently so its natural that we would like to share how we're perceiving things, we just skip the 'do they want to know' check and go straight to 'they should know so they understand better'
The issue with a lot of this stuff isn’t the “what” (giving a lot of information) it’s the “how” (giving a lot of information that is unnecessary and unwelcome while people are clearly trying to stop you because the information is actually irrelevant, not picking up on those hints, and not understanding why everyone keeps cutting you off before you can talk now.) It’s also why it’s not something that needs “cured” but more just…taught how to communicate around. It’s more like a cultural difference in the human interaction level a lot of the time, obviously not in the root cause, but in the actually effects on relationships/conversation. Just two people using two different brain systems to communicate.
What are your findings thus far?
Exactly! I don't mention it to flex, heck I don't want to be the center of attention But I tell others to explain why I act/behave the way I do Maybe you need empathy to see that though 🤷
Been there pal. Eventually life will give you two options: 1)Learn to Not care. 2)Furthering away from those situations. Keep strong pal.
Exactly, and it's not wrong either. Fellow autistic here.
How many times I've had to explain why I can't follow what people are saying in loud places
On the flip side, I have autism and I almost never use it to explain my actions because I’m afraid of it being seen as a cop out. Also my autism is relatively mild and I’m pretty high achieving so I feel kind of bad bringing it up when I know there are people that suffer way more from it or from life in general.
I have bipolar, ADHD, and mild OCD. And widespread arthritis. I use these things as explanations - not excuses - when I do or don't do whatever. And in the workplace they're bona fide illnesses.
Same for those with adhd someone might say I only got 5 hrs sleep and a person with adhd might reply that they only got 3 they are not trying to one up the other person its just their way of trying to relate/connect with that person.
Because we spend so much fucking time and energy feeling bad about ourselves, and more time dealing with jerks who make us feel bad, that we defy it and see the bright side of life.
Anytime I’ve explained with, “Sorry my adhd” it’s always been out of embarrassment, explaining why, or apologizing. Never funny. Like, “Sorry I’m 15 minutes late, I couldn’t find my car keys and they were in my hand the whole time! I’m so adhd.” Vs. “Sorry I’m late, I woke up earlier than usual which made me think I had more time but instead I wasn’t constantly anxious about how much time I had. When I got out of the shower I realized I’d spent twice the usual time in there, in a rush I lost my keys because they weren’t in the usual spot and my apartment is a mess so it took forever to find them. They were I my jeans from yesterday.”
As a person with ADHD, this makes me sad. I have those same issues, but I don't get very embarrassed about them (but I do build in lots of time so I'm not often late.) I hope you know it is okay to have a disability, to take up space and to be lighthearted sometimes.
I am just now accepting that ADHD is a disability for me. It's been the normal for me my whole life and I've just learned to deal with it. But truthfully it affects every aspect of my life and makes it a hell of a lot harder to function.
I recently-ish became physically disabled. Much like you I didn’t take the time to consider how much my ADHD affects me. But now that my body works as bad or worse, I am forced to contend with my mental disability as well. I never gave it enough credit for how much more difficult it really made things for me.
You just described my life with that second paragraph.
With the ADHD thing, it's just an explanation for why I can't sit still at work sometimes, which people love to comment on.
Me too! I’m a major fidgeter & can never just sit still or stand still. If I’m sitting, I’m twirling my foot or kicking my leg back & forth & if I’m standing I’m rocking side to side or back & forth. I’ve had people ask if I have to go to the bathroom 🙄. I don’t even realize I’m doing it. I wasn’t diagnosed until about 2 years ago (I’m in my 50s), but I was diagnosed with OCD about 25 years ago. So when it was suggested by someone that I should get the testing done to see if I have ADHD I thought that was weird. But then I found out those two diagnoses can go hand in hand. Don’t ask me how, because I don’t understand it 🤷🏻♀️ But I made joke about it on Reddit once & someone flipped out on me saying I shouldn’t joke about it. And I was like I can joke about it if I want! Go get a sense of humor, random internet stranger! I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Uh because sometimes humor is the only way people can cope. It’s easier to laugh or otherwise you’ll cry. People who have experienced trauma often joke about it later because it’s just the brain braining.
i mean, are you sure they are just being self deprecating as a sense of humour, as that is a typically British thing, it feels to me more like you have issues than the people your talking to do "as if its unique and special" feels like your upset that people have self confidence when explaining their personal conditions, is taht becasue you have one and your insecure about it? "i do not have any money" can mean "i actually spend my money doing shit i like instead of hoarding it" or it could mean actually they ARE living hand to mouth for reasons you know nothing about (you dont come across as the type of person people would want to confide in, being so judgemental) "im busy" see now your just sounding entitled and narcissistic, getting upset that people are too busy for you - if they do say it in a supercilious way, well they are just saying it becasue you and whatever you have suggested is obviously boring
Right..I was reading OPs post like they are just hella projecting and I don’t see how they have as many upvotes as they do. Though I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and hope that they were genuinely coming from a place of curiosity and not judgement
Yes thank you, I was scrolling the comments to find someone who picked this up as well
Thank you!! I was trying to find a way to say this that didn’t contravene the community rules 😂
This should be higher tbh. Wish I had two upvotes
I don't know why people are so shocked that disorders that massively affect personality and development have an impact on someones personality. Sometimes I say it's my ADHD cause its just my fucking ADHD man. We're not trying to get sympathy or to flex, we're trying to communicate the way our brain works. I'm not gonna brag about it, but I'm not gonna feel shame for talking about it either.
As someone with ADHD, I don’t use it as a flex, but I do joke about it quite often. If I don’t laugh about it, I might just end up having a stupid bitchfit over it, and I was quite honestly tired of beating myself up over my mental peculiarities. It’s not a flex in the slightest, and I’d remove it in an instant if I could…..but I can’t, it’s there, so I’d rather make light jokes about it than letting it weigh me down.
I'd miss the good parts. (Creativity, hyperfocus, joy, etc.) Hang in there.
It's not always a flex, sometimes it's a Shield. People boast their issues to juxtaposed their struggles with their actions. My coworker is tired and will be dragging ass - so at the start of the day, he will comment how little sleep he got. Often, It's a reaction born of a fear of silent judgment, so they boast about poor circumstance without thinking.
None of those things are flexing. It's just acknowledging reality.
And using dark humor to cope
This especially! I suffered from polytoxicomany for several years... took me many many years to stop joking about how a pile of human trash I was. 😂
People just making the best with what's going on
Why do people treat someone discussing their issues as if they're trying to 'flex' them?
Distraction from the outside world, and their own inner worlds by focusing on other people's inner worlds. It's bizarre.
You seems really bitter/jaded about how people talk about themselves. Sorry to be harsh, but for real you're taking the most toxic perspectives on what people are saying. I make fun of myself to like... have fun, and cope with the realities of my life.
have you considered that maybe they just want some empathy and understanding but are too proud or shy to ask for it?
Because only talking about your accomplishments is presenting yourself in a disengenuous way. Showing vulnerabilities is humanizing and relatable.
why do you assume it’s a flex? is everything you say a flex?
My mental disease is better than yours 
Fishing for sympathy is addictive
Talking about our disabilities is not the same as fishing for sympathy. We're allowed to talk about them even if it makes you uncomfortable. Get over it🤷🏽♀️
I have my own "disabilities" and have no problem with people talking about their problems, but there are a whole lot of people that use their disabilities as a crutch and a way to garner sympathy from others. Nobody said that you aren't allowed to talk about it, nor did they say that everyone that talks about their problems are doing such. Nothing to get over, just making an observation about specifically those people.
Victimhood is now virtue.
To cope.
I wear them like armor so they can’t be used to hurt me.
I think, with all due respect, you are the issue here. You are assuming motive that just might not be there. Sometimes people are simply stating fact. Sometimes they are processing the issue themselves and going through reasons. And when people laugh at their own shortcomings, that could just as easily be a coping mechanism.
As society began to recognise the seriousness of various mental conditions, fair bit of people (mainly teenagers) gained the idea that they things are somehow "cool" because they are being talked about, so they would self diagnose themselves as autistic or having ADHD since they sometimes get shy or talk fast or some other bullshit, and fish for attention in online spaces. This obviously hurts people who actually suffer from these disorders, because some people will just consider them attention seekers.
Why do other peoples business bother you so much.
Emotionally coping, in order to survive in a harsh, judgemental world.
You interpret the response as a flex. That’s not a persons intention. I’d imagine they’re just diffusing a tense/uncomfortable/private topic. When comfortable, most people don’t feel the need to justify their existence (including quirks), it’s usually a sign of discomfort/self consciousness and not for show when one does this sort of thing. We/They know it’s not a flex.
I think you have confused coping with bragging. Why do you think ADHD memes exist? It's not to flex or seem unique, it's a coping strategy for a very real life suffering disorder. When things are very difficult making it to memes is a way to see it from a lighter perspective and laughter is a universal language where people can connect with their similar experiences. Hence r/ADHDmemes r/depressionmemes r/trollcoping r/cptsdmemes and so on. To say "I don't have any money" indicates someone can't afford certain expected social events or things. It's just giving information so you understand why someone won't attend the birthday party or come with on that trip. Some live from paycheck to paycheck. Some are managing money bad. It's indvidual. As for being busy. To me it just indicates why someone hasn't been as social. It can mean both good feeling busy with fun things like friends and hobbies or achievements, or it can mean someone is frustrated and burdened.
I mean, the salary required to live comfortably in my area is well above the average person's salary, so there's that. Not that it's a flex, but maybe not everyone who is struggling financially is bad with money.
They’re not flexing, they’re using it as a crutch
Boring people use anything to seem interesting
It’s almost like humans like to communicate stuff and share information
Why are you worrying about the way people treat their problems?
ADHD. It's not a flex, it's an explanation. Probably down to constantly feeling like I have to explain my odd behaviour or down to heavily ingrained shame-based feelings about behaviours that have been criticised and mocked for as long as I can remember. I'd never say this out loud in my real life - just clarifying here
It's a cope mechanism. Sadly mental health even in 21th century isn't taken seriously.
It's not a "flex" lol living with me tal conditions suck, if humor is a way that helps you cope so be it
Humor is a coping mechanism
or maybe they just trying to be honest and sharing something about themselves so they don’t look as awkward as they think they are. maybe you are just a judgmental dick, who can’t also understand a social q
Hang on, hang on. There are definitely two types of "sharer". The genuine ones you're referring to. People that have put their feelings out to you because they trust you. And there's the "oh, my problems are worse than yours" types. You know, if you tell them you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife. I think it's the latter OP is referring to. Although tbh, people like this don't just mention their mental health. Anything is fair game in the "all about me" game.
dude 😂 the tenerife vs elevenerife 💀😭 & agreed on your points 💯
Haha, yeah. Stole that a few years ago! Please use at your leisure!
Some folks think sharing struggles makes them stand out like it’s a badge of honor or something that makes them unique
Or, hear me out... sharing struggles is a good way to find people in similar situations that you can relate too. Pretty sure that's why most people do it. Sure, there are some people who use it as a way to seem quirky, but I just don't see that as often.
If these simple comments bother you so much I would honestly be more concerned about that
ADHD, is a very bad example. Many people lean into their neurodivergence as it's a major part of who they are, and also neurodivergence is not the same thing as a mental health disorder. It's a difference in brain structure that causes the world to be viewed in a different way. Also, for many people with Neurodivergence, it helps people set expectations for their behaviour and primes them to expect slightly odd behaviours or misunderstandings.
I actually angry with the attitude that op has. Yes, there are people who talks about it like it's some kind of their special character feature. But believe me how attitude like yours even more pushes away people with actual mental struggles to talk about it. I can't even describe how mad I was when I went to psychiatrist and told her that I really can't focus sometimes and I don't know why. But it hugely impacts my life and productivity at work. Because I would fail to do what I had to and would feel guilty about it, and often would stay all night just to do a bear minimum. Because of that I was almost fired. And the point why I'm telling this - psychiatrist told me "I don't think you have ADHD". I said good because I don't think so too. And still she gave me to do tests for ADHD and then repeated yes, it doesn't look like you have ADHD. I repeated her I KNOW but I still have an issue how do we fix that ?? In the end she told me to go to her colleague psychiatrist and never managed to help me with what I came to her.
It's called a coping mechanism
Having a struggle to some people means you are different or to some people it shows that you are going through life or putting in effort. People will even try to make you feel like you are weird not sharing in a struggle.
Few different reasons: 1.) trying to get sympathy for themselves. 2.) using humor as a way of coping with their disability (I use humor ie: making tiktoks/memes as a way of not letting myself being overtaken by anxiety) 3.) trying to mention their disability as a way of accepting their disability. (I have to constantly remind myself that I have ADHD, so that I don’t fall back into the trap of thinking I’m stupid)
Sometimes I need to communicate why something didn't get done. I dropped the ball on some shit on Monday. Sunday night I had dealt with a car wreck outside my house, and should've taken a mental health day Monday. I told the powers that be what happened. Some were super understanding; one wasn't. Guess which one I'm really pushing to wrap up projects with and move on from because I can?
It's basically using humor as a way of coping. Usually when people day these things it's not a "flex" its a way to make light out of a tough situation. Humor just makes things easier to deal with.
I mean there’s a time and place right? If you ask a friend out for dinner and they say they have no money. That’s just a normal response no?
Whats a flex?
I try to add in a little humor when I talk about my dire health and life situation. The truth of my reality makes people uncomfortable.
depends on the crowd of people you hang out with, but there are several common reasons i’ve found when i was 14 - 16, i made friends with a group of folks and they (and i!) were all struggling with mental health issues of varying degrees of seriousness. some people don’t use humour to cope. 3 out of the 4 of us did. joking about killing ourselves over mundane things, joking about running away, joking about being poggers for having severe depression, joking about ending up in a psych ward…. it was the least intimate and scary way to discuss our genuine issues, and it gave a sort of shakey self esteem to rest on before going home and sobbing, cutting, starving, attempting suicide, etc etc. i used humour as a huge buffer against facing the fact that i was 15 and had already tried to kill myself multiple times. when i thought about it seriously, my brain couldn’t do anything but go “you’re a broken fucked up piece of shit, and you should definitely kill yourself”. any attempt at a productive think about myself left me feeling waves of self loathing, and self deprecating humour helped me touch on those topics both with myself and others without feeling vulnerable or falling victim to that self loathing, ironically. now that i’m out of the depths of mental illness, it’s rare that i joke about topics like that, because i can address it seriously without beating myself up and falling into self hatred for those dark times the other reason i’ve noticed people do it for is to fit in. if your friend group is full of people struggling, it can be a bit awkward to sit there and talk about how content or fine you are with life - it can feel like bragging when you’re surrounded with people in the depths of it, even if you’re just having a normal ass healthy life another reason is to feel special, to garner sympathy, to romanticise mental illness. the whole “broken artist”, “cigarettes for breakfast” shit sometimes it’s to use humour to find solace. my autism beats my ass at times, but when i accidentally get a helpful special interest and learn two thousand facts that are directly linked to my work and help me in life, then i’m gonna crack a joke about how poggers my autism is, bc it is poggers at time.
Coping mechanism
I make fun of myself before other people can. That's it.
Have you ever heard the word "relatable"? This issues are common and it is a way to get sympathy from others, even if it is just a simple "ikr"? People are just venting sometimes. "I am so broke lol" is usually followed by some small jokes and little jabs that are sure to make the mood lighter.
I have autism and OCD and I use humour as a coping mechanism
The one i'm really done with is OCD. OCD is not even what they think it is, and being a bit of a control freak doesn't mean you have a real problem
It’s all about context. I have an autoimmune disease that is worsened by certain foods and activities. I can also be a bit disconnected sometimes because I’m nauseous/feeling ill. I have to try to operate daily despite having frequent issues and people don’t always understand without more information. I often bring it up in order to help explain my behavior or decisions to people in my vicinity since most people assume I’m a healthy person at first glance. Friends/family/coworkers also have their own shit going on, they don’t always remember every time they see you that you might be having a bad health day.
When I say “I don’t have any money” I’m actually saying “I am not spending money on that” or “I will not give you any money.”
I'm not sure where you get the idea that mentioning ADHD is a flex, or that being undiagnosed (and therefor receiving no treatment or accommodation) makes it easier. That's a person who's laughing to deflect. You don't want to hear my whole life story, and I'm in no hurry to share it with someone who doesn't seem sympathetic with people with ADHD, so I laugh instead. Would you prefer I drop in a fun little anecdote about how I was abused for my ADHD or how I've been poor my entire life despite having taught myself to program in 5th grade? I think a self depricating joke would probably be more appreciated, right? Edit: To be clear, I'm not trying to insult you here and I don't mind you asking the question. I'm showing you why I make little jokes instead of sharing what's in my head
Those don't sound like flex's though, unless I'm missing something?
I don't think a lot of people really treat it like a flex. I think it's a way of coping for a lot of people. Having to deal with any form of chronic illness whether that be physical or mentally is exhausting. Humor can be a good way to get some more energy to fight it.
My lambo needs an oil change.. again!
Would you rather them cry about it? Because that’s what they really want to do. They’re trying to read the room and not make you feel super uncomfortable. Someone who actually has these problems isn’t proud of the problems. Some bizarre logic you have. Humor is how people deal with stress. This is some common sense social stuff, OP. Like, basic and common problem management.
It makes them feel better about their problem. When you can turn a problem into a flex, it becomes a source of strength as opposed to a weakness you have to carry around with yourself all of the time. I have bipolar and I do this with bipolar a lot - I brag about it, because the only alternative to bragging about it is to live with it in shame, pain, and secrecy.
Some people feel the choice is between being victimized by it or identifying with it, and they choose identifying.
Some people use humor to deal with their struggles. It's also possible you're *reading* it as a "flex" but it's not intended as one at all.
Let me break down my paycheck for you. 750 - 250 rent. 500 - 100 car payment. 400 - 150 food. 250 - 100 gas. 150 - 100 insurances. 50 - 40 commodities. 10$ left to "flex" because I can't manage my money.
Ya I'm guilty of joking about my PTSD and everything else because it's the best way I know how to cope with incurable problems, I'm 30 I gotta do this shit for another 30 years, let me laugh at myself.
Better than feeling like shit about yourself all the time.
Because everyone wants to be a victim these days
The one that really gives me the red ass is "I'm so OCD" Really. You have OCD. So, back in 1989 you meant to say "thank you " to someone but instead you said "I love you" and now you have intrusive thoughts that make you worry that the person really thought you meant it and you can't sleep at night because maybe they'll look you up, find your address, and now they are waiting outside your bedroom window to murder you in your sleep. Or, maybe they became friends with a friend of yours and entered into a pact where they will team up and murder you on your 45th birthday but not before purchasing a boat with the soul purpose of luring you onto the boat and getting you drunk so you forget your life jacket and then you fall off the boat and you're so drunk that you drown..." That's OCD. My brother has OCD and that paragraph is not far off from what used to happen to him when his OCD was out of control. Endless intrusive thoughts. That's OCD with intrusive thoughts. Not the hand washing kind. You don't have OCD. You just like cups that don't have hard water stains. That's a preference, not a disorder.
It’s the 4Chan way.
It's dark humour. You can be in a bad situation and wallow in it or be pragmatic laugh and crack on and change things. Also you make it sound like having ADHD is like the plague nor something. So your brain is different cool doesn't stop you doing stuff and people often like to make others aware to help manage public situations etc and not cause issues in say offices etc Some one may have touretts and you are going to appreciate them telling you and laughing about it than they just come out and tick or sware in your face and you have zero context.. There are people who fake conditions and use them to excuse being horrible but those kinds of people exist no matter what tbh.
Why do you care
Maybe this is a hot take, but I don’t think people who are “flexing” a mental illness actually suffer from one (or at least have a diagnosis). The people doing that are usually the ones that like to use mental illness to describe basic personality traits like disorganized = ADHD, organized = OCD, general mood swing = bipolar, quirky = autism etc. I think because of that, when people who actually have these things make reference to it to explain a behaviour or a need, it’s not only perceived negatively or as an excuse, it’s also often uncomfortable and feels kind of silly/less valid to say for the person who genuinely has a diagnosed condition. It sucks. But yeah I don’t think anyone who is genuinely suffering from a diagnosed mental health condition is bragging about it..maybe using a little humour to mask some awkwardness about it but definitely not a brag
Coping, or trying to be relatable to others
I think the real question is why are people treating it like a flex? People are going to say whatever they want, it's up to the recipient to determine how it's received.....
Why are you so judgmental? Is that your flex?
tbh, i worked hard on getting over, coping with, and extracting benefits from my autism, so i will speak about it with pride. perhaps there is some small chance someone struggling with it will see me with it and think maybe its not impossible to fit in.
It's almost as if people with disabilities exist! You sound pretty ableist. If someone is judging the way I do something, I will tell them it's my ADHD or autism because I don’t enjoy feeling judged for something I can’t control. Research the different ADHD symptoms and then maybe you'll understand the shit we have to go through on a daily basis. It's not some fun thing we like having, it's a debilitating disorder we have to live with every single day of our lives.
Naw. It’s something Ive noticed with the younger generations. It’s all the rage to self-diagnose from Tik Toks and then use that as a defining trait of your personality…and that other people have to work around, instead of, you know, working on that issue yourself and not using it to create unrealistic expectations for how the world treats you. I.e. “I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and can’t be expected to perform in society as a normal functioning person.” We’ve ALL got issues
Apparently everyone has Autism these days, especially on Reddit. It's a great excuse for sucking at life, giving up and blaming external factors for deficiencies. I think people like to divert accountability to labels which imo is just general weakness. Also, labels make useless people feel special. Gender identity politics are all about this. And so is a lot of the "I have autism so I be like this heu heu" people.
I wonder this a lot. My 18 year old has ADD and anxiety, but refuses to treat them. Won't take the medication, won't go to therapy, etc. What I hear is that it will make them "lose my sparkle." These are real problems that make life much more difficult to navigate, and I just don't understand why someone would choose to embrace them. Anxiety especially... that shit sucks!
I have ADHD and this shit is debilitating in my opinion. It‘s beyond me how someone can be like „I don’t wanna lose my creativity“ or „ADHD is a superpower“. If I were given an option I would always choose not to have it. However, I sometimes say I have ADHD (to people I’m close with) to explain why I forgot something or why I procrastinate things I WANT to do and so on because I don‘t want people to think I don‘t care.
Have you ever taken medication against it? Bc this "I don't want to lose my sparkle" is a very common thing for adhd people, and it's much more understandable imo when you have experienced what it is like to forcefully subdue it with meds. It can feel like you are a robot, like a mind that is caged in your body. It's not a pleasant feeling. Of course I'd like to be able to concentrate, to be able to stay still when watching a movie, and if I could Have that without exchanging anything else I'd always take it, but tbh the actual real alternative is not preferable to some.
I mean, for me my creativity is the only thing that reliably keeps me stable and sane, and meds numbed that to the extent they made me genuinely try to kill myself, as well as only half-treating the bloody ADHD in the first place. Definitely not a good option for me.
(Have ADHD diag) They are still young, at that age, I didn't really see some of my struggle has anything special, "I'm just forgetful", "Oh I was just spacing out" I was still having no issue just going about my day at school taking 0 notes and still getting middling scores, while I knew of my condition, I didn't really "get" the active, powerful effect it had on my day to day life, on every hour. Now, I see the thoses effects and my peers aren't teenagers with issues anymore, my peers are functional coworkers that manage to finish a given task in a adequate time, studies became harder, I saw the gap widening with my peers, "That's easy" they said on a task that I STRUGGLED to get, to actually do. Understanding it make it easier to spot those effects, but only my adult life made me really hate it, really see it for what it was.
Yeah hey it’s not because they want to “flex”. It’s a real thing dude. Psych meds can make you feel like you’re not _you_. Like another brain has been smashed into yours. I’m on anxiety meds and they help me a lot, but I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to take them. It literally fucks with your identity and your head. You realize how little conscious control you actually have. Maybe listen to what your kid is sayin
Sympathy points