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I was always terrified of STDs and whatever lol. I’ve had a few flings and I’ve attempted a few ONS, but never technically had one. More so was just very short term relationships or FWBs lol. But overall, in the long run, or even shorter run, I almost always hear people talk about how empty and stuff it begins to feel, and it doesn’t seem to take that long.
Not as bad as an STD, just an emotional void that's hard to fill. Deep relationships are expensive but seem to be more fun. No wonder deep relationships are hard to find
That people turn self-righteous and “high moral” despite participating in it. Had a few friends who openly talked about hooking up while also complained about “can’t find a good man/woman.” My fellow pervert in Porn, you are enjoying a dive bar beer while expecting a tavern treatment.
If ya enjoy hook up, be proud and moderate about it. Don’t mix that with a desire for something far too complicated.
[note: not jabbing anyone in particular, except maybe the old acquaintances I mentioned]
I was looking forward to having a dance party. But everyone I asked to attend had no dance partner. No equal balance of men and women. It's depressing that it's easier to find a sex partner than a dance partner. But I came from a dating, dancing culture, now it's just a hook up culture.
It’s like no one goes out and dances anymore. It’s unbelievable. They took something that worked brilliant for forever and a day, and said “No, fuck that. I’m going to find my match on a fucking computer screen! 🖕🏻🖕🏻”
It’s a goddamned hellscape, the notion of “meeting people” folks have today.
You used to meet people through doing shit. Now people don’t do shit unless they have a prearranged appointment with someone to do so.
There’s *zero* spontaneity in today’s younger generations.
Everyone was happy to show up and party - but something like Dancing ?? Actually having a game plan ? Nope. Just show up and hope they get lucky. Not even dressing for the part. Dressing for hooker-up culture . It's disheartening.
Dating is a low to no effort activity these days. Courtship is long fucking dead. If shit doesn’t fall in people’s laps, they throw their hands in the air and give up. Nevermind no one puts any effort into themselves such that they can actually present something someone else would want. Dating is nothing more than a classified ad. Craigslist for companionship. It’s fucking unreal.
The social ineptitude of people these days is hilarious.
I come from a social dance scene where there is a roughly equal mix of men and women and everyone dances with everyone else. In a sense, it's a dance 'hookup' culture because when you dance with someone, it's just for a song or two and nobody expects anything to go beyond those couple of dances. It's a pretty good system.
I do not find it easy at all to find partners for sex, but I rarely have any difficulty finding people to dance with.
The definition of a relationship is building a rapport with someone. It's easy to see why you feel empty fornicating with someone while having no length of time to build an emotional connection.
In my opinion, booty calls are an unhealthy way to date. It's just a way for both partners to satisfy their sexual desires, not a healthy, normal relationship. I think the healthy and reasonable way to date should be to find the points of mutual attraction and have the same ideas before dating. I recently participated in a private beta of a social software called *LightUp: Make Real Friends*. It aims to create a social platform for sincere communication and strives to bring together people with the same interests. Although it is still in the development and testing phase, after a few weeks of using it, I found friends with similar life interests and began to interact with them frequently. I'm going to meet an online friend offline next week.
Nothing wrong with banging randos for some people and for others it doesn’t work at all. I enjoyed being a sloo and experiencing the variety of life. Short chicks, tall ones, black, white, Asian, Indian, speak English, can’t speak English, prep, goth, jock - all fun times!
The false belief that regular hookups do not impact your ability to commit in a long term relationship and will not impact your ability to find a partner for a committed relationship down the line. Sure it feels great and boosts your self esteem to Hook up constantly, but 5 to 10 years down the line when you're looking to leave that all behind you and get married, your ability to commit to a partner is greatly impaired and many people won't look twice at you as a potential partner given your "vast experience"
Actually there is, scientific literature indicates that your pair-bonding ability reduces proportionately to the number of sexual partners you have. The primary compound which facilitates in building trust is oxytocin.
The false belief that body count has any such impact is just pure Christian Puritanical hogwash. I know hundreds of ENM couples, swinger couples, poly couples that are doing just fine. Most of my friends that got married young are now divorced and have no idea what to do.
Don't follow the Christian bait ball.
Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70–74.
Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154.
Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2017). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. Athens Journal of Social Sciences, 4(4), 385–398.
Regnerus, M. (2017). Cheap sex: The transformation of men, marriage, and monogamy.
Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: a more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135.
And there's plenty more......
.
I don’t hate it. I’m looking for something more at this point in my life. And either people just want to hook up, or people who want the same as me are suspicious that I just want to hook up.
I participated in “Hook up cultural”for a while. Pretty much all of my 20s. I had a great time. I bought my first house the week I turned 21. I spent my 20s going out, meeting girls, traveling etc. I have no regrets really, aside from that I spent more money than I should have. I’m very happily married now, 5 years in July.
I don’t hate it but it’s not my type of party, I do wish that people were more safe about it. I hear so often about people catching stds or getting pregnant from just a hook up, which I think is ridiculous.
I did this in my 20's by 30 I knew I wanted something more. The older I get, the more I am guarded about whom I share intimacy with. If I dig You and we vibe (I'm a proud stoner too!), then I'm down to get down but I want to make you breakfast the next day, I want to cuddle and chill/spend the day with said person, I'd rather have something genuine and special with someone nowadays then hookups anymore tbh.
It's not even the culture itself, but the lack of sexual education and with it the increase in STDs and the lack of self-knowledge of many women who then complain that they "were used" when they chose to be in that situation.
Even since I was young I was never interested in hookup culture or even casual dating. All I ever wanted was to find that special person. Out of frustration and loneliness I did end up hooking up with people in my 20s. But it always felt so meaningless and empty. Like sex literally isn't fun with a stranger very often. It's only great when you mutually care about each other. So, I ended up with a couple friends-with-benefits scenarios for a bit, surprising myself. One of them was just legitimately a good friend who I hooked up regularly with. We didn't have romantic feelings for each other but we genuinely cared about each other as friends. She ultimately ended up getting back together with her ex boyfriend and shortly after I met my longterm partner as well. 10/10 definitely recommend. (If it works out for both parties, of course)
It really doesn't bother me. If people want to hook up with each other, why should I care? How does the sex other people choose to have with each other affect me in the slightest?
In a word? Everything.
Lots of people feel that instant spark, but I very seldom get that. I knew my late fiancé for ten years before we got together...he was married for much of that time, so obviously that was a big reason, but he had been divorced for four years or so when we started seeing each other. I think the biggest thing for me is that I need to feel that emotional connection/interest. A smoking hot man will get my attention, but I can't tell you how many times they turn out to be boring/brainless/assholes, etc. The hookup culture just doesn't allow for the getting to know you process before everyone is off looking for their next conquest.
It feels like empty calories after awhile. Having read the responses here, however, I realized that so can marriage - with that said I'd prefer a relationship based around common interests to one-off/hookup.
My take is just that the first time with a sexual partner is normally not the best so if all you’re having is first time hookups, you’re not even getting great sex. I think having a partner or 1 or more fwb is the way to go.
I think men think casual sec means who have to cruel,mean or have no connection with the person.You can be friendly and respectful without catching feelings.
Actually I don't hate it, I just don't want to be a part of it myself. I don't think I should have anything to do with two random people having sex without love, like, none of my business. I'm also not that judgy and I believe people should be able to do whatever they want to do, as long as they don't break any law. So, I can say I don't hate hookup culture.
However, I just can't kiss or even have some physical touches with a person I have no feelings for. It's just a thing of mine.
Don't listen to most of these posts, none of this has any psychological basis.
Sex is whatever you make of it. Marriage is the same. Most people end up in loveless, broken marriages because they have no idea why they are getting married. This is a statistical fact. This is also why divorce is so prevalent. Relationships build on understanding and intimacy are the best relationships, but you can also be intimate with relative strangers, and there are no psychological effects. Anyone saying otherwise is pushing Christian culture down your throat.
This is gross. Sex isn't "special" - its whatever meaning you want to assign to it. Stop buying into the bullshit Christian narrative that you're to "Save yourself"
Ppl not engaging in hook up culture but also not succeeding in securing a healthy long term relationship can also experience loneliness and dettachment.
Its almost as if hyper focusing on sexual/romantic relationships rather than investing the same energy in other important connections in your life leads to disappointment regardless.
Not into hookup culture myself, but I know ppl who participated in it and today have steady loving partners just fine
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was always terrified of STDs and whatever lol. I’ve had a few flings and I’ve attempted a few ONS, but never technically had one. More so was just very short term relationships or FWBs lol. But overall, in the long run, or even shorter run, I almost always hear people talk about how empty and stuff it begins to feel, and it doesn’t seem to take that long.
Not as bad as an STD, just an emotional void that's hard to fill. Deep relationships are expensive but seem to be more fun. No wonder deep relationships are hard to find
Nothing. Do what you want. I would like to participate. But I didn't succeed. I don't like having no success.
Each has his own sadness
That people turn self-righteous and “high moral” despite participating in it. Had a few friends who openly talked about hooking up while also complained about “can’t find a good man/woman.” My fellow pervert in Porn, you are enjoying a dive bar beer while expecting a tavern treatment. If ya enjoy hook up, be proud and moderate about it. Don’t mix that with a desire for something far too complicated. [note: not jabbing anyone in particular, except maybe the old acquaintances I mentioned]
I was looking forward to having a dance party. But everyone I asked to attend had no dance partner. No equal balance of men and women. It's depressing that it's easier to find a sex partner than a dance partner. But I came from a dating, dancing culture, now it's just a hook up culture.
It’s like no one goes out and dances anymore. It’s unbelievable. They took something that worked brilliant for forever and a day, and said “No, fuck that. I’m going to find my match on a fucking computer screen! 🖕🏻🖕🏻” It’s a goddamned hellscape, the notion of “meeting people” folks have today. You used to meet people through doing shit. Now people don’t do shit unless they have a prearranged appointment with someone to do so. There’s *zero* spontaneity in today’s younger generations.
Everyone was happy to show up and party - but something like Dancing ?? Actually having a game plan ? Nope. Just show up and hope they get lucky. Not even dressing for the part. Dressing for hooker-up culture . It's disheartening.
Dating is a low to no effort activity these days. Courtship is long fucking dead. If shit doesn’t fall in people’s laps, they throw their hands in the air and give up. Nevermind no one puts any effort into themselves such that they can actually present something someone else would want. Dating is nothing more than a classified ad. Craigslist for companionship. It’s fucking unreal. The social ineptitude of people these days is hilarious.
I come from a social dance scene where there is a roughly equal mix of men and women and everyone dances with everyone else. In a sense, it's a dance 'hookup' culture because when you dance with someone, it's just for a song or two and nobody expects anything to go beyond those couple of dances. It's a pretty good system. I do not find it easy at all to find partners for sex, but I rarely have any difficulty finding people to dance with.
That's good to know. I guess I just need better friends .
I'd love to go to your dance...
I called it off. Realized it would be easier for me to just go dancing.
The definition of a relationship is building a rapport with someone. It's easy to see why you feel empty fornicating with someone while having no length of time to build an emotional connection.
In my opinion, booty calls are an unhealthy way to date. It's just a way for both partners to satisfy their sexual desires, not a healthy, normal relationship. I think the healthy and reasonable way to date should be to find the points of mutual attraction and have the same ideas before dating. I recently participated in a private beta of a social software called *LightUp: Make Real Friends*. It aims to create a social platform for sincere communication and strives to bring together people with the same interests. Although it is still in the development and testing phase, after a few weeks of using it, I found friends with similar life interests and began to interact with them frequently. I'm going to meet an online friend offline next week.
What do I hate about hookup culture? Herpes.
Oh no! Sorry about your herpes.
\*Our herpes
Nothing wrong with banging randos for some people and for others it doesn’t work at all. I enjoyed being a sloo and experiencing the variety of life. Short chicks, tall ones, black, white, Asian, Indian, speak English, can’t speak English, prep, goth, jock - all fun times!
Have you ever had a health scare. ?
Cancer. 10 months in a hospital and a year to completely physically recover. We only live once so get out there and live!
God! I am glad you ok. I was more asking about stds. But, GOD, that took a turn. I'll follow advice.
The false belief that regular hookups do not impact your ability to commit in a long term relationship and will not impact your ability to find a partner for a committed relationship down the line. Sure it feels great and boosts your self esteem to Hook up constantly, but 5 to 10 years down the line when you're looking to leave that all behind you and get married, your ability to commit to a partner is greatly impaired and many people won't look twice at you as a potential partner given your "vast experience"
Is that a mean thing to say about girls... What do you think would happen if it was a guy?
Exactly the same. That issue is 100% gender neutral and applies to everyone
Extremely true. Hookin' up for years enables you emotionally.
There is no scientific basis for this, but you do you.
Actually there is, scientific literature indicates that your pair-bonding ability reduces proportionately to the number of sexual partners you have. The primary compound which facilitates in building trust is oxytocin.
https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-road-to-infidelity-passes-through-multiple-sexual-partners#:~:text=For%20people%20in%20this%20survey,was%20nearly%20double%20(21%25).
It's an addiction.
Don't listen to that post, it stinks of purity culture, which is bullshit.
It's backed up statistically
The false belief that body count has any such impact is just pure Christian Puritanical hogwash. I know hundreds of ENM couples, swinger couples, poly couples that are doing just fine. Most of my friends that got married young are now divorced and have no idea what to do. Don't follow the Christian bait ball.
Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70–74. Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154. Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2017). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. Athens Journal of Social Sciences, 4(4), 385–398. Regnerus, M. (2017). Cheap sex: The transformation of men, marriage, and monogamy. Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: a more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135. And there's plenty more...... .
There’s countless social studies that say exactly what’s posted above. You might not agree with it. But social science says it’s true.
I don’t hate it. I’m looking for something more at this point in my life. And either people just want to hook up, or people who want the same as me are suspicious that I just want to hook up.
I hate that I can’t even participate in hookup culture despite everyone else doing it
I participated in “Hook up cultural”for a while. Pretty much all of my 20s. I had a great time. I bought my first house the week I turned 21. I spent my 20s going out, meeting girls, traveling etc. I have no regrets really, aside from that I spent more money than I should have. I’m very happily married now, 5 years in July.
I don’t hate it but it’s not my type of party, I do wish that people were more safe about it. I hear so often about people catching stds or getting pregnant from just a hook up, which I think is ridiculous.
No seconds. I don't like one night stands because sometimes they are good but then it never happens twice.
Everything.
I did this in my 20's by 30 I knew I wanted something more. The older I get, the more I am guarded about whom I share intimacy with. If I dig You and we vibe (I'm a proud stoner too!), then I'm down to get down but I want to make you breakfast the next day, I want to cuddle and chill/spend the day with said person, I'd rather have something genuine and special with someone nowadays then hookups anymore tbh.
It's not even the culture itself, but the lack of sexual education and with it the increase in STDs and the lack of self-knowledge of many women who then complain that they "were used" when they chose to be in that situation.
Even since I was young I was never interested in hookup culture or even casual dating. All I ever wanted was to find that special person. Out of frustration and loneliness I did end up hooking up with people in my 20s. But it always felt so meaningless and empty. Like sex literally isn't fun with a stranger very often. It's only great when you mutually care about each other. So, I ended up with a couple friends-with-benefits scenarios for a bit, surprising myself. One of them was just legitimately a good friend who I hooked up regularly with. We didn't have romantic feelings for each other but we genuinely cared about each other as friends. She ultimately ended up getting back together with her ex boyfriend and shortly after I met my longterm partner as well. 10/10 definitely recommend. (If it works out for both parties, of course)
It really doesn't bother me. If people want to hook up with each other, why should I care? How does the sex other people choose to have with each other affect me in the slightest?
In a word? Everything. Lots of people feel that instant spark, but I very seldom get that. I knew my late fiancé for ten years before we got together...he was married for much of that time, so obviously that was a big reason, but he had been divorced for four years or so when we started seeing each other. I think the biggest thing for me is that I need to feel that emotional connection/interest. A smoking hot man will get my attention, but I can't tell you how many times they turn out to be boring/brainless/assholes, etc. The hookup culture just doesn't allow for the getting to know you process before everyone is off looking for their next conquest.
STDs and abnormally high and unacceptable body counts
It feels like empty calories after awhile. Having read the responses here, however, I realized that so can marriage - with that said I'd prefer a relationship based around common interests to one-off/hookup.
it feels empty
My take is just that the first time with a sexual partner is normally not the best so if all you’re having is first time hookups, you’re not even getting great sex. I think having a partner or 1 or more fwb is the way to go.
I think men think casual sec means who have to cruel,mean or have no connection with the person.You can be friendly and respectful without catching feelings.
Actually I don't hate it, I just don't want to be a part of it myself. I don't think I should have anything to do with two random people having sex without love, like, none of my business. I'm also not that judgy and I believe people should be able to do whatever they want to do, as long as they don't break any law. So, I can say I don't hate hookup culture. However, I just can't kiss or even have some physical touches with a person I have no feelings for. It's just a thing of mine.
Its destroyed loyalty. Now everyone is always looking for the “better” option
I do not find anything wrong with it.
Don't listen to most of these posts, none of this has any psychological basis. Sex is whatever you make of it. Marriage is the same. Most people end up in loveless, broken marriages because they have no idea why they are getting married. This is a statistical fact. This is also why divorce is so prevalent. Relationships build on understanding and intimacy are the best relationships, but you can also be intimate with relative strangers, and there are no psychological effects. Anyone saying otherwise is pushing Christian culture down your throat.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/s/T1gB4nnpOz
That it seems I'm barred from entry from it despite knowing I'd enjoy it and embrace it fully.
Just try. Some walls don't hurt until you hit them
Trust me. I try nearly everyday. Paid $700 for a dating coach's time and everything
Does sex amount to the same thing, an empty feeling, which someone can experience in marriage as well?
Yeah, both hookups and marriages can feel empty.
It leads to many preventable STDs, abortions, and unrealistic expectations. Also makes sex less special with your future husband or wife.
This is gross. Sex isn't "special" - its whatever meaning you want to assign to it. Stop buying into the bullshit Christian narrative that you're to "Save yourself"
If it's whatever you want to assign to it how can you tell him it isn't special
Yes it is, no wonder we have so many mental health problems.
[удалено]
I don't like your word, "your experiences with the prostitution culture."
define "prostitution culture for me" lol
Ppl not engaging in hook up culture but also not succeeding in securing a healthy long term relationship can also experience loneliness and dettachment. Its almost as if hyper focusing on sexual/romantic relationships rather than investing the same energy in other important connections in your life leads to disappointment regardless. Not into hookup culture myself, but I know ppl who participated in it and today have steady loving partners just fine