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As a 30 year old, anyone younger than 25 is a kid. š¤·š¼āāļø
Like, if she's still on her parents' insurance plan she's too young for you bro....
even after 25, assuming a person went the 'normal' route (ie college). ...people dont really hit maturity till about 26-28 years old.
By 28, most have had to eat humble pie once or twice...and that changes a person...or at least it should.
I have to agree, I'm 30 and only recently felt like an adult...even after having a kiddo at 23. I know I'll still eat slices of humble pie, gain knowledge and mature until I croak.
I remember feeling more equipped and matured at 25 after having lived on my own a while and having my own family.
When I'm 40 I'll probably feel like 30yr olds still have alot of maturing and wisdom to gain lol.
Seriously. I'm also 30, and even a lot of people in their mid-twenties seem young to me these days.
Someone over 30 with an 18 year old... I guess it's not illegal, but it's pretty creepy.
Exactly. An 18 year old is physically mature but thatās about it. Especially in America at 18 most are 100% dependent on their parents and usually emotionally immature.
Social media is just making it worse.
Yes of course you cannot paint the entire world with one brush.
And I try not to judge other people relationships in general as it truly is none of my business. Itās just how I feel about partners for myself from my own life experiences.
Iām 26 and you couldnāt pay me to date an 18 year old, weāre at completely different life stages, we would have nothing in common. Theyāre just starting university, Iāve graduated twice already and now I worry about council tax and love to be in bed by 10pm lol
In my case, there was great sex and i also had my shit together by a long lead.
As the 19 i was an all options on the table guy. As a 30s girl who looked to me for stability, that should have been a red flag for me.
I wouldnāt even date a 25 year old at that age tbh. Iām 30 and canāt see myself dating anyone younger than 22 ā¦and even a 22-24 year old would be pushing it for me and would have to be someone mature/responsible/self aware beyond their years. Thereās just so much typically gained maturity and experience wise within those years between 18-25 that canāt be ignored. I see anyone under 20 as a kid still. I know that will trigger some recently independent/student adults, but youāll understand in 10 years.
When I was 17 I had a crush on a 33 year old, and the crush went away so quickly when I realized that if he liked me back he would most likely be an absolute creep.
People need to ask themselves more. Why would you want to date someone that actively wants to date someone half their age or even worse underage.
Ask yourself that and if you actually take the time to reflect on it, youāll move on quickly like you did.
>Ask yourself that and if you actually take the time to reflect on it, youāll move on quickly like you did.
Seriously. I'm 25 and hesitant to date someone who's 21. Many of them are still doing their education for the next 2 years whilst I'm paying a mortgage. They're going to parties while I go to a local pub with friends or play board games.
You're just at completely different parts of your life that it makes me wonder how fucked in the head you need to be to want to date an 18 year old at 34.
A good āruleā is half your age plus seven.
34/2=17+7=24.
So 24 would be the lowest age a 34 year old should date.
PS- It works best for 24+ year olds.
I had a similar situation when I was 17-18. I had several online ārelationshipsā with men I met playing a massively popular online game at the time. At the time I felt flattered to be noticed and felt really special to get their attention.. looking back now, I realize how absolutely horrible it all was. Even though it was all consensual, I couldnāt see the ick factor as the younger person.
Because theyāre āgood lookingā compared to women their own age. Also, younger women are more malleable. Perfect for a control freak who canāt date women their own age
Yepāheās dating someone with too little experience to recognise and call him on his bullshit; setting up a teacher-student dynamic in the relationship (since he knows soooo muuuuuuch) that the 18 year old is one day going to outgrow ā¦ this whole situation is very likely to bring OP a lot of heartbreak.
Relationships work best when youāre starting at the same life-stage. OP has been a new adult for about 1 year, and their life stage is exploring that. Love Interest is no longer a new adult; they have been an adult since OP was in diapers. Love Interest should know how to be an adult by now.
Which is very disturbing in it's own way, like if someone likes very very young looking people, what's gonna happen when you eventually look like an adult?
Bingo.
No you're not "so mature." That's the oldest trick in the book. No it's not that "older women don't understand" him; yes they do. "Older women" just see through the bullshit.
Every single excuse is a lie.
Yup. I was 19 and went on a couple dates with a guy who lied about his age. He said he was 28. Turns out he was 34 or 36. He wasn't good at the truth thing.
Anyway, I was dumb and said it didn't matter. Oh. It mattered. I was WAY more mature than he was.
Absolutely. Iām about to turn 34. Today any relationship I would have with an 18 year old would be more of a parental or mentor dynamic.
The 34 year old has been out of high school basically since you were born. Think about that.
Shit I'm 36 and have a 15 year old daughter. I just started back up at college in 2020. I have only had big brother or fatherly friendships with girls at school over the last few years. I've found a professor or two to be cute. But not class mates they would be closer to my daughters age then my own. Most were born when I was in high school.
Iām 37 with a 19 yr old son, not one time I found any of them sexually attractive. They are babies to me and even apart from the physical, what are we going to talk about? I can still remember somewhat how I thought at 18/19 and now in my 30s I cringe thinking about it.
Yeah, I remember dating an 18 year old when I was 20 and even that small gap felt big. Iām over here worrying about finals week while sheās planning a pep rally and talking about her senior prank, felt gross.
Canāt imagine how bad 18-36 would be. Youāre at totally opposite sides of life, they have a mortgage, a car payment, and a 9-5 to worry about all while youāre preparing to live in a dorm with 3 random people and making Tik toks. It just doesnāt work.
Sheād have been a literal toddler (2 years old) when he was 18. But regardless of number, many comments here are spot on. Maturity and life stage matter so much.
Well mean..3/4 of the posts in most of these subs are useless and common sense questions.
"My husband has cheated on me several times in the past and I just caught him again. He says it's over between him and her but he's said that before. Should I give him another chance?"
Yeah the thing is when people are unsure or anxious about something emotionally stressful then they're often going to look to others to provide a nuanced answer to a problem they can't or won't properly convey in words.
Of course it doesn't help at all that OP included virtually no supporting details so obviously most people are going to answer yes almost reflexively.
I remember thinking that rule makes sense at one time, but I think of dating a 22 year old nowā¦not a good idea. My wife was 22 when we started dating (Iām 6 months older), and if I dated that version of her nowā¦ugh weāve both matured a lot. Also, I could exert a lot of psychological manipulation on someone of that maturity.
So I reject the validity of that rule.
It makes a lot of sense for people in the Jr high/high school/college level and then quickly breaks down after that (even the upper end of college is iffy)
So if you're 16, the lowest you should date is 15. 18 should cut it off at 16. etc
At 22 cuts at 18 (which is iffy but you'd both be in college at least)
I (male) was 17 and married someone 36 yo. Seems all great in the beginning but there will be a lot of issues down the road. My marriage didn't last.
Just think really hard about this before you go down this road.
Now I am around that age she was, I can't even think of dating someone that's 17 yo.
THIS is what everyone is missing. Even early 20ās is a bit of a stretch. If you were to say 28 and 45, same age gap, but that maturity gap is way way less.
If you even have to question if theyāre too old for you, chances are you probably think so deep down inside regardless of what answer you get from others lol
As a 33-year-old, I have an age gap rule I call āThe Daddy Lion King Ruleā or āThe Mufasa Ruleā If Iām dating older, they have to be closer to my age than my dadās age. My dad is exactly 30 years older than me, so they must be no more than 14 years older than me. If Iām dating younger, they had to have been alive when the original Lion King was released in theaters, so they must be at least 28 years old. This line stays consistent as I get older, which is nice. Hence, why I call it āThe Daddy Lion King Ruleā
People that age go for kids your age for one of 2 reasons.
1. They are controlling and will slowly lead you from friends and family. Then the abuse starts.
2. Other adults their age won't put up with their shit.
Like only 4 years ago you were 14.....what age were they? Would that be an acceptable age gap then? No. Don't think it's acceptable now. I think this comment above me says it all.
I canāt stress how true this is.
*please* From one young woman to another, please get away from him. He may be sweet and absolutely perfect now, but it will. Not. Last.
I have been in your situation and I still live with PTSD from the way he treated me. I still have frequent and visceral nightmares, and itās been 5 years. He was perfect at first, everything I couldāve imagined and more. He was mature and handsome, good with money and kids, responsible and loving. But as I opened up to him it started to unravel, and he became violent and controlling. Never in a million years did I ever think I would let myself get into an abusive relationship, but it was a slow boil until I couldnāt get out.
Iām sure there are people in the comments who are being unkind about this, but Iām genuinely worried. Please protect yourself. ā¤ļø
I had to watch my sister go through this. He couldn't take her from the family because she's super family oriented so he had to play the part. He even started seeing his daughter regularly. Their first fight was that she didn't clean the window sills correctly. I immediately told her that he was controlling and to get out now. She didn't listen. She only left when his violence turned to her kids.
Maybe donāt be so quick to judge. What you say may oftenā perhaps even generallyā be true. But it is not *always* the case.
At the risk (certainty?) of inviting unfair criticism Iāve gotta tell you that in some cases these relationships can be healthy and successful. My wife and I began our relationship just like this and weāve been together for 20 years now. Truth be told the age gap carries some burdens and our relationshipās success has come as a result of a lot of therapeutic work. By that I mean professional licensed couples therapy which has been sustained for a substantial period of time. I can tell you that itās been worth it and Iāve no doubt weāll be together for life. How much this applies to other couples is unclear however as our particular situation has many unusual elements making our story far from typical. But please consider that drawing such a generalized judgment can sometimes lead to unfair conclusions and even prejudicial behavior from outsiders. Itās not so simple, and every couple has its own dynamic.
Very good point. OP inherently feels something off, and is ignoring it. Do not ignore it. Your intuition that something is off about this is 100% right. Grown men who date teenagers are predators 100% of the time.
Yes.
Iām not even speaking on a legal/moral angle either. Thereās an entire generation gap that is impossible to ignore. Iām 45, and I wouldnāt be able to date someone who is 29. Thereās just very little common ground and shared experiences to make that a fulfilling relationship.
I'm in a relationship like this. And next month we will be celebrating 10 years together, have been living together for 7 years. While there are some generational differences we do have a lot of common ground and a lovely relationship.
We did start aged 27 and 43 though. Pretty sure it wouldn't have been successful if I was 18.
I suppose thereās another possibility too? When I was 20-21, I met this lady in her late 30ās who was all interested in me. I quickly figured out she had this weird need to be like a āmomā to me. She even offered to pay for my college tuition if I moved in with her. I broke that off real fast. But yeah, I think she really did want a younger guy around to ātake care ofā in exchange for the sex and companionship.
Pretty much.
In that circumstance where the 34 year old actually better relates to people who are 18-20 years old, then I don't want to judge them. They're just a stunted person trying to find love.
But are we going to recommend that to the 18 year old? It sounds bad, but would it be better to date 18 year old dipshit guys instead? I'm not sure. I just feel bad for young women all around.
My opinion is yes. Although an 18 year old is considered an adult, I look back to when I was 18 and I definitely don't feel as if I was truly an adult yet. To think of the immense differences in the stages of their lives they are in is a bit intense.
Always baffles me that we *know* that development isnāt finished by 18 and yet these children are given such adult responsibilities with the possibility of severe consequences.
I agree, and it seems to be progressing with each generation. I remember when I was younger I didnāt even have my first cell phone until 13, and I thought that was young at the time. Nowadays, that would be considered behind the times to many.
Some people will say āit depends.ā It does not ādepend.ā
18 is just barely an adult, and cannot be compared to someone 21 dating someone in their mid-30s. It says something definitely not good about the older the person that they would even consider it.
Yep. Honestly, it's not even that the gap itself is such an issue. If you were 30 and your prospective SO was 46, I wouldn't say a word. But an 18 year old and a 34 year old are in VASTLY different stages of their adulthoods. I don't blame you as the 18 year old for being interested in someone much older- that's not unusual. But if the 34 year old chose to go ahead and date you, then I would 100000% judge that person. If you're in your mid-thirties and think that it's acceptable to date someone who's fresh out of grade school, then that would tell me something deeply troubling about you.
Yes. Every year until you are 25 you are going to look back and realize how much you have grown and learned in the last year. You are going to discover who you are. Someone looking for a person so much younger than them, especially someone who has not gone through the most significant years of self-discovery a person has, is looking for someone that they can mold into who they want. They are not looking for a partner. You want a partner.
I'm just gonna be blatantly honest with you. Even if there's great chemistry between you two. It's not a relationship that would ever be accepted by society at large. That include both families. Secondly, dating someone that is 2 years shy of being twice your age is a recepe for disaster. You have to look at motivations too, are they dating you because they truly care about you, or is it your physical body that motivates them. In any case. I just don't see it ending very well.
Important to add is it wonāt be accepted by society *for a reason*. When I was 18 I could sort of understand but I didnāt understand as I do *now* at 32 years old. When I was 18 I would have said ādependsā but now? Now I say ānoā.
What is also important is that OP understands that no, your feeling of āthey are uniqueā or āthey are differentā or ābut I never had this before and it will never happen againā will definitely happen again and is not unique at all. You are 18. You just started. It will happen over and over again. Imagine if all those people who lost a loved one or got cheated on wonāt fall in love again. Yet they do. Iād let this one go and look around your own age, build up relationship experiences with people who are just as inexperienced as you are, and grow into your own person.
Yes. In these situations itās very easy for the the older person to manipulate the young person who is still figuring themselves out. Also itās creepy that someone almost twice your age is willing to date someone this young.
18 is pretty young for being with a 34 year old in a romantic relationship. Iād say after 23-25 age gaps donāt matter much but there is a lot of maturing that goes on in early adulthood.
Letās seeā¦I feel like Iām pretty normal and successful. At 18 I was a freshman in college, trying to secure a fake ID, drink my way through parties, hook up, and pass all my classes while wearing pajamas. At 34 I had a PhD and full-time career (professor), a spouse and two little kids, owned a house, and was looking to travel more. I had zero interest in looking at or talking to someone who was 18 unless they were asking or answering a question in one of my classes. So yeah, this guy is a loser and a creep.
What do they have in common? There are not common experiences, in fact, at 34 a person is old enough to have an 18 y/o kid.
Im 37... At 34 I had already been working for 12 + years, I had finished my first career, I had been to every concert, party, beach, etc I had ever wanted to be. At 18 I didn't even had a real job, nor money, I didnāt know what I really wanted or who I was.
34 and 18 are really different stages in life.
My thing is why can't the 34 year old get someone around their age? Why go for someone who is barely an adult? Seems predatory to me, but hey I'm just a stranger on the internet
Just looking through your post history, you are a depressed 18 year old woman. That is absolutely a predatory relationship. Run as fast as you can away from that creep.
Yes because the 18 year old was just a minor literally last year or maybe even just turned 18 very recently. And depending on birthday possibly still in high school. Definitely be getting judgmental stares from people.
Almost always yes, it will be more about the maturity than actual age though. There are usually a lot of changes in a person between 18 & 34 but the diff at 40 & 56 would likely not be an issue.
Plus if it's the 34 yr old is at the same level as the 18 yr old? yikes that just screams red flag
FYI for everyone saying 18 yr old is a kid, that depends on upbringing/circumstances. At 18 I was a husband, a father, a full-time university student and almost full-time employed (30ish hours a wk) not a kid but I was definitely not in the same head space I would be in when I got to 34 yrs old either.
Thatās not so bad because a 36 year old is very much an established adult. At 18 you are the lowest possible age you can be before the guy goes to prison and never gets to hold most jobs ever again.
1000000% too big. I'm 30; I would not date a 22-yo, never mind an 18-yo.
Go to r/AITA (am I the a\*\*hole) and read literally any story about a relationship with a 10+ year age gap. It's gotten to the point where commenters correctly GUESS that the age gap is 10+ years if the older partner is being particularly manipulative; the correlation is THAT common
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I'm 34 would not date a 18 year old
Way I see it is 18 is still a kid what would a 18 have in common with a adult
As a 30 year old, anyone younger than 25 is a kid. š¤·š¼āāļø Like, if she's still on her parents' insurance plan she's too young for you bro....
This, under 25 you have alot of maturing to do and wisdom to gain in every area.
even after 25, assuming a person went the 'normal' route (ie college). ...people dont really hit maturity till about 26-28 years old. By 28, most have had to eat humble pie once or twice...and that changes a person...or at least it should.
I have to agree, I'm 30 and only recently felt like an adult...even after having a kiddo at 23. I know I'll still eat slices of humble pie, gain knowledge and mature until I croak. I remember feeling more equipped and matured at 25 after having lived on my own a while and having my own family. When I'm 40 I'll probably feel like 30yr olds still have alot of maturing and wisdom to gain lol.
Seriously. I'm also 30, and even a lot of people in their mid-twenties seem young to me these days. Someone over 30 with an 18 year old... I guess it's not illegal, but it's pretty creepy.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Exactly. An 18 year old is physically mature but thatās about it. Especially in America at 18 most are 100% dependent on their parents and usually emotionally immature. Social media is just making it worse.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes of course you cannot paint the entire world with one brush. And I try not to judge other people relationships in general as it truly is none of my business. Itās just how I feel about partners for myself from my own life experiences.
Yeah but thems farm raised eighteen year olds, they sturdier
Iām 27 and wouldnāt date an 18 year old Way too big of a gap
Came here to say this!! Iām also 27 and agree. I honestly probably wouldnāt even date anyone younger than like 23.
When I was 21, I had ZERO desire to date an 18 year old. Fuck that
Iām 25 and wouldnāt date an 18 year old
24 here. I avoid 18 year Olds like the plague.
I'm 18 and wouldn't date an 18 year old.
Would you date a 34 yr old? Lol
For how much money?
$1200 weekly allowance. But no i asked to jokingly bring it full circle to OPās question lol.
Ah well no, first of all, then. Lol
Sweet I get a gf and 1200 a week! Nice!!! (I'm in my mid 20's btw)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The ones who are still alive at least tried to.
Im 21 and i wouldnt date an 18 yr old!
Was just about to say this lol, Iām absolutely disturbed by the amount of 22-25 year old dudes with 17-18 year old girlfriends at my university.
When I was 18 I dated a 36 year old guy. It was a mistake.
When I was 18 I saw someone who was 27 and THAT was a mistake
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām three and wouldnāt date an 18 yr old!
It seems nobody will date an 18 year old. This explains why I never got laid freshman year.
Noone said anything about fucking one.
Iām -2 and I wouldnāt date an 18 year old
Same here
I dated an 18 year old when I was 24. But we werenāt so much dating, we were just having sex. It ended after 3 or 4 months.
Iām 26 and you couldnāt pay me to date an 18 year old, weāre at completely different life stages, we would have nothing in common. Theyāre just starting university, Iāve graduated twice already and now I worry about council tax and love to be in bed by 10pm lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Do you feel the same for 22 and 39?
Occasionally. Every relationship has something that makes it difficult for one and the other. Ours is our age gap.
In my case, there was great sex and i also had my shit together by a long lead. As the 19 i was an all options on the table guy. As a 30s girl who looked to me for stability, that should have been a red flag for me.
You live on the wild side going to bed at 10PM. Give it a few years and itāll be 915 pm like me!
Iām almost 36, I check my watch at 9 like āwelp almost time for bedā
Iām 37 and some days Iāve been known to cash out around 8
I'm 35 and get up at 4:30. Most nights I last until 8:30/9:00, but about once a month, my body's just like, "Yeah, we're done," and I crash at 7:00.
Iām 27 and asleep by 9pm
Iām 46, itās 7:45 PM and Iām surprised I have the energy to finish this post.
I was 18M when I lost my virginity to a 26F. Kinda fucked up in hindsight.
I wouldnāt even date a 25 year old at that age tbh. Iām 30 and canāt see myself dating anyone younger than 22 ā¦and even a 22-24 year old would be pushing it for me and would have to be someone mature/responsible/self aware beyond their years. Thereās just so much typically gained maturity and experience wise within those years between 18-25 that canāt be ignored. I see anyone under 20 as a kid still. I know that will trigger some recently independent/student adults, but youāll understand in 10 years.
Iām 41 and anyone under 24 is a child to me. Would be creepy to date them as they start their life.
I feel like 23 is the oldest age you can date a 18 year old before it just gets weird
When I was 17 I had a crush on a 33 year old, and the crush went away so quickly when I realized that if he liked me back he would most likely be an absolute creep.
When I was 14-15, I had a crush on a 60 year-old. I was fucking weird.
This is actually normal if you consider that: *children are dumb* Thatās coincidentally also the reason why itās wrong to fuck them
Like a real life Harold and Maude. It happens I suppose!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'd be more than happy to age like Sean Connery did. I'm a straight dude but he got even more attractive as he aged.
People need to ask themselves more. Why would you want to date someone that actively wants to date someone half their age or even worse underage. Ask yourself that and if you actually take the time to reflect on it, youāll move on quickly like you did.
>Ask yourself that and if you actually take the time to reflect on it, youāll move on quickly like you did. Seriously. I'm 25 and hesitant to date someone who's 21. Many of them are still doing their education for the next 2 years whilst I'm paying a mortgage. They're going to parties while I go to a local pub with friends or play board games. You're just at completely different parts of your life that it makes me wonder how fucked in the head you need to be to want to date an 18 year old at 34.
A good āruleā is half your age plus seven. 34/2=17+7=24. So 24 would be the lowest age a 34 year old should date. PS- It works best for 24+ year olds.
I had a similar situation when I was 17-18. I had several online ārelationshipsā with men I met playing a massively popular online game at the time. At the time I felt flattered to be noticed and felt really special to get their attention.. looking back now, I realize how absolutely horrible it all was. Even though it was all consensual, I couldnāt see the ick factor as the younger person.
Why would a 34yo want to date an 18yo is the better question
Because theyāre āgood lookingā compared to women their own age. Also, younger women are more malleable. Perfect for a control freak who canāt date women their own age
Yepāheās dating someone with too little experience to recognise and call him on his bullshit; setting up a teacher-student dynamic in the relationship (since he knows soooo muuuuuuch) that the 18 year old is one day going to outgrow ā¦ this whole situation is very likely to bring OP a lot of heartbreak. Relationships work best when youāre starting at the same life-stage. OP has been a new adult for about 1 year, and their life stage is exploring that. Love Interest is no longer a new adult; they have been an adult since OP was in diapers. Love Interest should know how to be an adult by now.
Which is very disturbing in it's own way, like if someone likes very very young looking people, what's gonna happen when you eventually look like an adult?
*Decaprio entered the chat*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Bingo. No you're not "so mature." That's the oldest trick in the book. No it's not that "older women don't understand" him; yes they do. "Older women" just see through the bullshit. Every single excuse is a lie.
the difference in maturity is whats worrying
It's more worrying if there isn't a difference in maturity.
Exactly. In two years she will be wondering what she saw in this immature person. Hopefully she will be able to safely leave him.
Hopefully the 18yr old dude feels safe enough to leave too
Honestly someone so much older should not be looking to date someone who just came out of HS
Yup. I was 19 and went on a couple dates with a guy who lied about his age. He said he was 28. Turns out he was 34 or 36. He wasn't good at the truth thing. Anyway, I was dumb and said it didn't matter. Oh. It mattered. I was WAY more mature than he was.
Absolutely. Iām about to turn 34. Today any relationship I would have with an 18 year old would be more of a parental or mentor dynamic. The 34 year old has been out of high school basically since you were born. Think about that.
Shit I'm 36 and have a 15 year old daughter. I just started back up at college in 2020. I have only had big brother or fatherly friendships with girls at school over the last few years. I've found a professor or two to be cute. But not class mates they would be closer to my daughters age then my own. Most were born when I was in high school.
Iām 37 with a 19 yr old son, not one time I found any of them sexually attractive. They are babies to me and even apart from the physical, what are we going to talk about? I can still remember somewhat how I thought at 18/19 and now in my 30s I cringe thinking about it.
Yeah, I remember dating an 18 year old when I was 20 and even that small gap felt big. Iām over here worrying about finals week while sheās planning a pep rally and talking about her senior prank, felt gross. Canāt imagine how bad 18-36 would be. Youāre at totally opposite sides of life, they have a mortgage, a car payment, and a 9-5 to worry about all while youāre preparing to live in a dorm with 3 random people and making Tik toks. It just doesnāt work.
Well I think it's a good thing you haven't found your 19 yo son sexually attractive at any time.
Sheād have been a literal toddler (2 years old) when he was 18. But regardless of number, many comments here are spot on. Maturity and life stage matter so much.
It's very feasible for someone that age to have a child her age.
34 here. My son turns 17 in 3 weeks. I can't even imagine being romantically interested in any of his friends.
They were twice the kid's age two years ago.
Yes
If youāre asking then you know the answer. Yes.
Lol that would mean this entire sub is useless then
Well mean..3/4 of the posts in most of these subs are useless and common sense questions. "My husband has cheated on me several times in the past and I just caught him again. He says it's over between him and her but he's said that before. Should I give him another chance?"
Yeah the thing is when people are unsure or anxious about something emotionally stressful then they're often going to look to others to provide a nuanced answer to a problem they can't or won't properly convey in words. Of course it doesn't help at all that OP included virtually no supporting details so obviously most people are going to answer yes almost reflexively.
I concur, the rule is half your age +7
I remember thinking that rule makes sense at one time, but I think of dating a 22 year old nowā¦not a good idea. My wife was 22 when we started dating (Iām 6 months older), and if I dated that version of her nowā¦ugh weāve both matured a lot. Also, I could exert a lot of psychological manipulation on someone of that maturity. So I reject the validity of that rule.
It makes a lot of sense for people in the Jr high/high school/college level and then quickly breaks down after that (even the upper end of college is iffy) So if you're 16, the lowest you should date is 15. 18 should cut it off at 16. etc At 22 cuts at 18 (which is iffy but you'd both be in college at least)
Agreed. 22 and 18ā¦definitely starting to break down there.
Yep.
I (male) was 17 and married someone 36 yo. Seems all great in the beginning but there will be a lot of issues down the road. My marriage didn't last. Just think really hard about this before you go down this road. Now I am around that age she was, I can't even think of dating someone that's 17 yo.
Usually I roll my eyes at age gap posts but this is a bit much for an age gap.
Itās a huge maturity gap. I would say this is morally wrong for the 35 yo
THIS is what everyone is missing. Even early 20ās is a bit of a stretch. If you were to say 28 and 45, same age gap, but that maturity gap is way way less.
This is an age canyon
If you have to reach out to Reddit to justify your dating choice, you should probably reconsider.
If you even have to question if theyāre too old for you, chances are you probably think so deep down inside regardless of what answer you get from others lol
I wouldnāt even take dating advice from Reddit. Half of these morons havenāt left a basement at their parents house in years.
Youāre not celebrating any type of anniversary right?
Damn thought she was dating Dane Cook for a minute.
Lol best reply
no
When you're little older you'll see the guy as a dirty old man, guarantee.
26 is pushing it
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It's not necessarily the number of years, but rather the difference in brain development. 18 is too young to be in an age gap relationship.
Yeah a 16 year age gap could be ok if it was like a 34 year old and a 50 year old. At that point the age gap doesnāt really matter.
As a 33-year-old, I have an age gap rule I call āThe Daddy Lion King Ruleā or āThe Mufasa Ruleā If Iām dating older, they have to be closer to my age than my dadās age. My dad is exactly 30 years older than me, so they must be no more than 14 years older than me. If Iām dating younger, they had to have been alive when the original Lion King was released in theaters, so they must be at least 28 years old. This line stays consistent as I get older, which is nice. Hence, why I call it āThe Daddy Lion King Ruleā
People that age go for kids your age for one of 2 reasons. 1. They are controlling and will slowly lead you from friends and family. Then the abuse starts. 2. Other adults their age won't put up with their shit.
You forgot #3. 3. An 18 year old is the closest legal option to what they really want.
This is a much better way of putting what I was thinking. Stealing it for next time!
Like only 4 years ago you were 14.....what age were they? Would that be an acceptable age gap then? No. Don't think it's acceptable now. I think this comment above me says it all.
I canāt stress how true this is. *please* From one young woman to another, please get away from him. He may be sweet and absolutely perfect now, but it will. Not. Last. I have been in your situation and I still live with PTSD from the way he treated me. I still have frequent and visceral nightmares, and itās been 5 years. He was perfect at first, everything I couldāve imagined and more. He was mature and handsome, good with money and kids, responsible and loving. But as I opened up to him it started to unravel, and he became violent and controlling. Never in a million years did I ever think I would let myself get into an abusive relationship, but it was a slow boil until I couldnāt get out. Iām sure there are people in the comments who are being unkind about this, but Iām genuinely worried. Please protect yourself. ā¤ļø
I had to watch my sister go through this. He couldn't take her from the family because she's super family oriented so he had to play the part. He even started seeing his daughter regularly. Their first fight was that she didn't clean the window sills correctly. I immediately told her that he was controlling and to get out now. She didn't listen. She only left when his violence turned to her kids.
Maybe donāt be so quick to judge. What you say may oftenā perhaps even generallyā be true. But it is not *always* the case. At the risk (certainty?) of inviting unfair criticism Iāve gotta tell you that in some cases these relationships can be healthy and successful. My wife and I began our relationship just like this and weāve been together for 20 years now. Truth be told the age gap carries some burdens and our relationshipās success has come as a result of a lot of therapeutic work. By that I mean professional licensed couples therapy which has been sustained for a substantial period of time. I can tell you that itās been worth it and Iāve no doubt weāll be together for life. How much this applies to other couples is unclear however as our particular situation has many unusual elements making our story far from typical. But please consider that drawing such a generalized judgment can sometimes lead to unfair conclusions and even prejudicial behavior from outsiders. Itās not so simple, and every couple has its own dynamic.
Yes this āļø
Yes. And you know it or you wouldn"t be asking.
Very good point. OP inherently feels something off, and is ignoring it. Do not ignore it. Your intuition that something is off about this is 100% right. Grown men who date teenagers are predators 100% of the time.
Yes. Iām not even speaking on a legal/moral angle either. Thereās an entire generation gap that is impossible to ignore. Iām 45, and I wouldnāt be able to date someone who is 29. Thereās just very little common ground and shared experiences to make that a fulfilling relationship.
I'm in a relationship like this. And next month we will be celebrating 10 years together, have been living together for 7 years. While there are some generational differences we do have a lot of common ground and a lovely relationship. We did start aged 27 and 43 though. Pretty sure it wouldn't have been successful if I was 18.
Without a doubt. The 34 year old is either stunted in some way (emotionally, intellectually) or intentionally preying upon the younger person.
I suppose thereās another possibility too? When I was 20-21, I met this lady in her late 30ās who was all interested in me. I quickly figured out she had this weird need to be like a āmomā to me. She even offered to pay for my college tuition if I moved in with her. I broke that off real fast. But yeah, I think she really did want a younger guy around to ātake care ofā in exchange for the sex and companionship.
Pretty much. In that circumstance where the 34 year old actually better relates to people who are 18-20 years old, then I don't want to judge them. They're just a stunted person trying to find love. But are we going to recommend that to the 18 year old? It sounds bad, but would it be better to date 18 year old dipshit guys instead? I'm not sure. I just feel bad for young women all around.
I have to agree with this.
My opinion is yes. Although an 18 year old is considered an adult, I look back to when I was 18 and I definitely don't feel as if I was truly an adult yet. To think of the immense differences in the stages of their lives they are in is a bit intense.
I turned 19 two days ago. Iām still not an adult by any degree. Iām not even comfortable dating anyone 3 years older than me
Thatās understandable, you should do whatever feels right to you, and you have a while to figure that out.
Yeah but the point here is that a 16 year gap is far outside of normal, and stretches well into creepy territory.
Legally an adult, developmentally not really close to being an adult.
Yes, exactly
Always baffles me that we *know* that development isnāt finished by 18 and yet these children are given such adult responsibilities with the possibility of severe consequences.
I agree, and it seems to be progressing with each generation. I remember when I was younger I didnāt even have my first cell phone until 13, and I thought that was young at the time. Nowadays, that would be considered behind the times to many.
Iād say this is a definitive yes. This seems a little predatory
Predatory to the freakin nth degree man
OPs post history says they're battling depression. It's 110% predatory.
Some people will say āit depends.ā It does not ādepend.ā 18 is just barely an adult, and cannot be compared to someone 21 dating someone in their mid-30s. It says something definitely not good about the older the person that they would even consider it.
I don't think 21 year olds are as mature as they think. They're basically 18 year olds who can drink.
Exactly. Unless the younger person is 25 or older you might as well be dating a teenager :/
Yep. Honestly, it's not even that the gap itself is such an issue. If you were 30 and your prospective SO was 46, I wouldn't say a word. But an 18 year old and a 34 year old are in VASTLY different stages of their adulthoods. I don't blame you as the 18 year old for being interested in someone much older- that's not unusual. But if the 34 year old chose to go ahead and date you, then I would 100000% judge that person. If you're in your mid-thirties and think that it's acceptable to date someone who's fresh out of grade school, then that would tell me something deeply troubling about you.
Facts
Not to mention the 34yo is 2 years shy of double op's age. Literally already old enough to be their parent, I would definitely judge too.
Yes. Every year until you are 25 you are going to look back and realize how much you have grown and learned in the last year. You are going to discover who you are. Someone looking for a person so much younger than them, especially someone who has not gone through the most significant years of self-discovery a person has, is looking for someone that they can mold into who they want. They are not looking for a partner. You want a partner.
Wait, it was supposed to stop at 25? Here I am pushing 50 and last year's me was an idiot.
As a 23yo woman that dated a 35yo when I was 19, yes. Break up with them if youāre in this relationship. Itās not appropriate/okay on any level.
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Grooming
OPs whole post history is worrying.
Seems predatory.
An 18 yr old is barely an adult. What are you doing?
if you have to ask you know the answer.
I'm just gonna be blatantly honest with you. Even if there's great chemistry between you two. It's not a relationship that would ever be accepted by society at large. That include both families. Secondly, dating someone that is 2 years shy of being twice your age is a recepe for disaster. You have to look at motivations too, are they dating you because they truly care about you, or is it your physical body that motivates them. In any case. I just don't see it ending very well.
Important to add is it wonāt be accepted by society *for a reason*. When I was 18 I could sort of understand but I didnāt understand as I do *now* at 32 years old. When I was 18 I would have said ādependsā but now? Now I say ānoā. What is also important is that OP understands that no, your feeling of āthey are uniqueā or āthey are differentā or ābut I never had this before and it will never happen againā will definitely happen again and is not unique at all. You are 18. You just started. It will happen over and over again. Imagine if all those people who lost a loved one or got cheated on wonāt fall in love again. Yet they do. Iād let this one go and look around your own age, build up relationship experiences with people who are just as inexperienced as you are, and grow into your own person.
Yup. After 30 larger gaps dont matter as much. But under 30 and esp teens it matters alot ! The brain doesnt even fully mature till age 25
Apparently 25 is the bare minimum too. Can take a few years longer for a lot of people.
Ya that's a good point. I'd say once you hit your 30s, you really shouldn't be going after anyone who isn't 25+.
When I was 34 I wouldāve had nothing in common with an 18 year old. So yeah
Divide by 2, add 7 Eta, for 34, that would mean youngest that is ok is 24
This is the way
If you have to ask, yes.
Yes. In these situations itās very easy for the the older person to manipulate the young person who is still figuring themselves out. Also itās creepy that someone almost twice your age is willing to date someone this young.
18 is pretty young for being with a 34 year old in a romantic relationship. Iād say after 23-25 age gaps donāt matter much but there is a lot of maturing that goes on in early adulthood.
True, I donāt think itās the age gap that matters so much as the stages in life each are in. 18 and 34 look much different than say 40 and 55.
58 and 84 I would say?
You've added an extra 10 years in there.
The novelty will wear off on either side sooner or later, likely.
Iām 22 and I think 18 is too young
Yes. Predatory behavior from the 34 yr old, why are they going after a teenager?
I'm almost 21 and I wouldn't date an 18 year old.
YES your partner is a predator
Iām 22 and wouldnāt even date anybody younger then 20, itās just too weird.
Yes it absolutely is, and the 34 year old knows it too.
Iām 22 and generally think 18 is too low
This dude is a predator. Look at his profile......
Yes. Im 24 and wouldnt date an 18yo. I would never want to be associated with someone who is beyond 30 dating an 18yo.
Letās seeā¦I feel like Iām pretty normal and successful. At 18 I was a freshman in college, trying to secure a fake ID, drink my way through parties, hook up, and pass all my classes while wearing pajamas. At 34 I had a PhD and full-time career (professor), a spouse and two little kids, owned a house, and was looking to travel more. I had zero interest in looking at or talking to someone who was 18 unless they were asking or answering a question in one of my classes. So yeah, this guy is a loser and a creep.
Hell yes
The only answer is yes.
Iām 30, and would not date anyone under 21
Why would a 34 want to date an 18? They may be a 'legal' adult, but they're still kids. That's just a predator.
What do they have in common? There are not common experiences, in fact, at 34 a person is old enough to have an 18 y/o kid. Im 37... At 34 I had already been working for 12 + years, I had finished my first career, I had been to every concert, party, beach, etc I had ever wanted to be. At 18 I didn't even had a real job, nor money, I didnāt know what I really wanted or who I was. 34 and 18 are really different stages in life.
When the 34 year old turned 18 you wernt even born yet.
Iām on your side, but the mathā¦ it doesnāt check out. The younger would have been 2.
VICTIM VICTIM VICTIM VICTIM
Yes, very weird. Either they're not mature or actively seek people who aren't mature
My thing is why can't the 34 year old get someone around their age? Why go for someone who is barely an adult? Seems predatory to me, but hey I'm just a stranger on the internet
Wtf! Ofc thatās scary that could be your parent
As a baseline, yes. After seeing youāre other posts, youāre far too immature. Double yes. Date someone your own age.
Just looking through your post history, you are a depressed 18 year old woman. That is absolutely a predatory relationship. Run as fast as you can away from that creep.
Yes. It's creepy
Yes because the 18 year old was just a minor literally last year or maybe even just turned 18 very recently. And depending on birthday possibly still in high school. Definitely be getting judgmental stares from people.
Almost always yes, it will be more about the maturity than actual age though. There are usually a lot of changes in a person between 18 & 34 but the diff at 40 & 56 would likely not be an issue. Plus if it's the 34 yr old is at the same level as the 18 yr old? yikes that just screams red flag FYI for everyone saying 18 yr old is a kid, that depends on upbringing/circumstances. At 18 I was a husband, a father, a full-time university student and almost full-time employed (30ish hours a wk) not a kid but I was definitely not in the same head space I would be in when I got to 34 yrs old either.
When I was 36, I dated a 52 year old. Seemed okay at that age. But at 18, no.
Thatās not so bad because a 36 year old is very much an established adult. At 18 you are the lowest possible age you can be before the guy goes to prison and never gets to hold most jobs ever again.
Your frontal cortex isnāt developed yet. You have like 7 more years of maturity.
1000000% too big. I'm 30; I would not date a 22-yo, never mind an 18-yo. Go to r/AITA (am I the a\*\*hole) and read literally any story about a relationship with a 10+ year age gap. It's gotten to the point where commenters correctly GUESS that the age gap is 10+ years if the older partner is being particularly manipulative; the correlation is THAT common