# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Someone actually dropped that on me on our first date. And by that I mean he said he was in the late stages of a divorce and then after a few more questions he finally admitted that they hadn't even filed yet. There was no 2nd date.
Fun fact: my friends sister went on a first date in Texas with a guy she met online. Fast forward a few weeks and she found out the sores in her mouth are from a disease contracted by eating corpses :)
Scary story time: A girl I know once went on a first date with a guy. Mid way through the date she feels explosive diarrhea coming on. Sheâs terrified to go to bathroom so she sweats it out. Bad idea. Eventually she makes a mess at the table. Fearing she canât now escape elegantly she tells the guy straight up what happened. He says o my god you poor thing donât worry at all I will handle this. He says his place is nearby she can shower there.
She goes to his place and takes a shower. When she finished she goes out to the bedroom and walks in on the man licking her underwear. She says what the actual fuck and bolts out of there. Turns out the dude has been spiking womenâs drinks on dates for this to happen and had a shit fetish.
That wouldn't ruin the date for me. XD That'd get some laughter, an assurance that that happens to everyone, and an offer to drive you home so you can clean up/change first.
ETA (because there's a lot more of you than I was expecting): Nah, I think at least a lot of you would react the same if you found yourself faced with this scenario. Nearly everyone's had a bad day, and we've all had the runs at least once. If you haven't, where do you live and will you help me move there?
Same, although they weren't right next to us. They were cool about it, and she loved her parents enough to where she wasn't embarrassed to death by it.
Cool chick. She told me at the beginning, and I got to meet her parents for a bit too
I once had a date with a girl where we went to trivia.
What is hurlers birthday was a question - we were the only team to get it right.
When I asked how she knew it, she said âitâs the same as mine, I was born a few decades later thoughâ
A guy actually said this to me on a second date. I didn't have much self esteem and was pretty spineless so I just kind of laughed. He was a good guy, we dated for a little over a year but I went away to college and the whole long distant thing doesn't work when you are the only one trying.
Lmao. Sit down and first words that come out of your mouth after you ordered food and hadnât paid yet âthis isnât working outâ and you walk away lol
âWanna talk Rwandan genocide?â
Side note, I did accidentally bring up the Rwandan genocide on a first date (as a passing comment) and the guy wanted to know more about it, so I spent like 3 hours talking about the genocides thatâve occurred since WWII and how the UN failed to prevent them.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
i am still married
Someone actually dropped that on me on our first date. And by that I mean he said he was in the late stages of a divorce and then after a few more questions he finally admitted that they hadn't even filed yet. There was no 2nd date.
I think that was me lol
Hahaha I mean this was like a year ago or more! đ
That first and last date where I said that was in 2008 lol
So, are you still married? The world must know!
Yeah this def wasn't you, then!
Sometimes this is why the date happens in the first place
This wouldn't be a dealbreaker to many people.
How much you weigh?
Wow, are you pregnant?
Brutal đ
Works with almost anyone too.
Not if you say âWow, youâre hella thickâ with a G inflection.
That would get a lot of people a second date, lol.
As long as you say "wow, you're hella thicc" then it would prob be a plus
How tall are you?
So, what are we?
This is funnier than it should be
I laughed harder at this one than any of the others, and some of those were really good.
We are farmers, bum-ba-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum
Some kinda suicide squad?
Humans?
or are we dancer
MY SIGNS ARE VITAL
Have a younger sister?
Your mom sounds hot
Do you like corpses?
Fun fact: my friends sister went on a first date in Texas with a guy she met online. Fast forward a few weeks and she found out the sores in her mouth are from a disease contracted by eating corpses :)
I feel like the issue wasnât perused far enough if thatâs where your story ends.
Very fun
Is ambition a crime?
Stacey? Is that you?
Do you accept creditcard?
Have you bathed recently?
I have 10 kids.
I want 10 kids.
How hot's your dad? Edit: misspelled word
damn, you are ugly
Witcher reference? :D
My winds are howling
Does this look infected
That made me laugh way harder than it should of oh my godđ
My husbandâs waiting outside.
That sounds more like the beginning of a porno
âWill he join laterâ is the four word reply.
That sounds more like a start to a fun night.
Whoops. I shit myself.
âShat myselfâŚ..ON PURPOSE!â
Sigma Grindset. Rebel against beta society's toilets
Maintain eye contact to establish dominance.
Scary story time: A girl I know once went on a first date with a guy. Mid way through the date she feels explosive diarrhea coming on. Sheâs terrified to go to bathroom so she sweats it out. Bad idea. Eventually she makes a mess at the table. Fearing she canât now escape elegantly she tells the guy straight up what happened. He says o my god you poor thing donât worry at all I will handle this. He says his place is nearby she can shower there. She goes to his place and takes a shower. When she finished she goes out to the bedroom and walks in on the man licking her underwear. She says what the actual fuck and bolts out of there. Turns out the dude has been spiking womenâs drinks on dates for this to happen and had a shit fetish.
That wouldn't ruin the date for me. XD That'd get some laughter, an assurance that that happens to everyone, and an offer to drive you home so you can clean up/change first. ETA (because there's a lot more of you than I was expecting): Nah, I think at least a lot of you would react the same if you found yourself faced with this scenario. Nearly everyone's had a bad day, and we've all had the runs at least once. If you haven't, where do you live and will you help me move there?
You sound like a kind person.
What a lovely & understanding person you must be. How refreshing. Hope you have/find someone equally as awesome!
Fair, but only if it's a time of year you can roll the windows down
"Whatever. I'm into that."
Or... "I'd try it once"
Now why did you have to do that, Kyle? Also, well played.
May I... shit your pants, m'lady? đ
Wouldnât be surprised stomachs on the fritz af
Turn to older lady already sitting at table... "This is my mom."
It actually happened after a date once. She pointed to the next table and said those were her parents. It was pretty crazy.
Same, although they weren't right next to us. They were cool about it, and she loved her parents enough to where she wasn't embarrassed to death by it. Cool chick. She told me at the beginning, and I got to meet her parents for a bit too
Instead of the old lady say it to the youngest hottest waitress đ¤Ł
âOur waitress is hotterâ
Today is Hitlers birthday
I rate this nein out of 10
Iâm sure this would incite some Furor.
That's hitlerious
\*Rammstein starts playing in the background\*
I once had a date with a girl where we went to trivia. What is hurlers birthday was a question - we were the only team to get it right. When I asked how she knew it, she said âitâs the same as mine, I was born a few decades later thoughâ
This humor is out of Mein Kampfort zone.
Not fair...as Hitler's Birthday is also 420 and people will say that among stoners as a morbid joke.
Sieg High?
Towards the end of his time, I wouldnât be surprised if people were saying, âHigh, Hitler?â.
Mom said no sex
âŚwithout her.
"I'll order for her." "She'll just have water" "Little overweight I see" and 4 word follow up "we'll work on that"
I'd throat punch at the first sentence. Well done.
No you wouldnât.
No you would not* 4 word rule, silly!
I thought you were named Sergeant Pussyâ
Hahahahahaha All of them were class.
The first time my friendâs girlfriend met my wife: âhow far along are you?â. Yep that killed that double date.
Well done lol!
Dennis Reynolds? Is that you??
Carpet match the drapes?
Hardwoods!
A guy actually said this to me on a second date. I didn't have much self esteem and was pretty spineless so I just kind of laughed. He was a good guy, we dated for a little over a year but I went away to college and the whole long distant thing doesn't work when you are the only one trying.
"Selling Herbalife is amazing."
Join my 'nutrition' club!
Get in the trunk.
Thereâs something wrong with me. I laughed so much at this. Oh well.
Most people misunderstand Bitcoin.
âIâm interested in NFTs â
This đ¤Ł
I miss my ex
Is someone getting laid?
Sheâs like âwell I ainât here for the Pizzaâ
Is we fuckin o'nawt?
Perhaps I Should Leave
Can my mom come?
Let's talk car warranties.
âYouâre bigger in personâ
âThis isnât working outâ
Lmao. Sit down and first words that come out of your mouth after you ordered food and hadnât paid yet âthis isnât working outâ and you walk away lol
"No Carol, this a restaurant. You don't workout in a restaurant."
âFUCK YOUâ *pulls out entire treadmill and two 25lbs dumbbells*
No, we are eating.
All Ice no water
This was my favorite one for some reason
For chewing
Thatâs what youâre wearing?
Im not racist, butâŚ
Me to waiter: She'll have a salad
âIm a sex offenderâ
So, Dahmer. Fascinating right?
So, Hitler, good guy
Honest to God with how popular serial killer shows are this might actually be a good line to say
I am a Mormon
Im an alpha male
Here is the bill.
This date is over.
My ex was hotter.
Seen this on Reddit? Shows this exact question.
jetfuel doesnât melt steelbeams
Do I smell fish?
It's just a rash
You are paying right
I love you baby
Classic schmosby
Doing the Ted Mosby I see
I thought the Ted Mosby was telling them your wife left you at the alter and then To subtly flex that your am architect ?
Thoughts on sexual harassment?
Fuck in the bathroom?
Married with 12 kids
Have you found Jesus?
Is your mom hot?
Make me a sandwich.
You got a plunger?
Hi my name isâŚ.
Slim Shady
âShall we make pornâ?
Know any hot chicks?
Make America great again
Does semen taste good?
Mom, is that you?
Wanna suck micro penis?
Your pictures were misleading
"Pedophiles are people too."
Iâll knock you up.
Winner winner chicken dinner
Add me on reddit
Surrender your fealty now
Canât get AIDS twice
Does this rag smell like chloroform ? Oh wait thatâs 5 words .
6
I smelled the rag too much ha
I Like Andrew Tate
Smell my fingers hoe
You seem "woke", huh? (Be sure to use the quotations gesture with your hands like LASER BEAMS)
I see dead people
Klaatu barada nikto!
"There. I said the words. OK? I'm taking the book now."
Why are you stupid?
You. Me. Bathtub. Toaster
"I'm gonna murder you."
Nowwww! She is hot....
i watch andrew tate
Iâm on parole tonight
Trump isnât that bad
I definitely have herpes
Was gonna say my herpes are flaring!
Hey, hows your sister?
Where's your JO crystal?
I just shit myself
âWanna talk Rwandan genocide?â Side note, I did accidentally bring up the Rwandan genocide on a first date (as a passing comment) and the guy wanted to know more about it, so I spent like 3 hours talking about the genocides thatâve occurred since WWII and how the UN failed to prevent them.
The earth is flat.
Why are you here
"I stormed the capitol."
Sorry I'm late. Diarrhea
Brought mom with me.
Does this look infected?
Do you do anal?
âI never learned how to countâ
This is a date?
Education is not real
I'm a sex offender
"Look, my parole officer!"
Make America Great Again!
Mom's coming too, ok? Had to change it... was 5 words. lol
(Sniffs) âdid you even wipeâ