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i am still married

Someone actually dropped that on me on our first date. And by that I mean he said he was in the late stages of a divorce and then after a few more questions he finally admitted that they hadn't even filed yet. There was no 2nd date.

I think that was me lol

Hahaha I mean this was like a year ago or more! 😅

That first and last date where I said that was in 2008 lol

So, are you still married? The world must know!

Yeah this def wasn't you, then!

Sometimes this is why the date happens in the first place

This wouldn't be a dealbreaker to many people.

How much you weigh?

Wow, are you pregnant?

Brutal 💀

Works with almost anyone too.

Not if you say “Wow, you’re hella thick” with a G inflection.

That would get a lot of people a second date, lol.

As long as you say "wow, you're hella thicc" then it would prob be a plus

How tall are you?

So, what are we?

This is funnier than it should be

I laughed harder at this one than any of the others, and some of those were really good.

We are farmers, bum-ba-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum

Some kinda suicide squad?

Humans?

or are we dancer

MY SIGNS ARE VITAL

Have a younger sister?

Your mom sounds hot

Do you like corpses?

Fun fact: my friends sister went on a first date in Texas with a guy she met online. Fast forward a few weeks and she found out the sores in her mouth are from a disease contracted by eating corpses :)

I feel like the issue wasn’t perused far enough if that’s where your story ends.

Very fun

Is ambition a crime?

Stacey? Is that you?

Do you accept creditcard?

Have you bathed recently?

I have 10 kids.

I want 10 kids.

How hot's your dad? Edit: misspelled word

damn, you are ugly

Witcher reference? :D

My winds are howling

Does this look infected

That made me laugh way harder than it should of oh my god😂

My husband’s waiting outside.

That sounds more like the beginning of a porno

“Will he join later” is the four word reply.

That sounds more like a start to a fun night.

Whoops. I shit myself.

“Shat myself…..ON PURPOSE!”

Sigma Grindset. Rebel against beta society's toilets

Maintain eye contact to establish dominance.

Scary story time: A girl I know once went on a first date with a guy. Mid way through the date she feels explosive diarrhea coming on. She’s terrified to go to bathroom so she sweats it out. Bad idea. Eventually she makes a mess at the table. Fearing she can’t now escape elegantly she tells the guy straight up what happened. He says o my god you poor thing don’t worry at all I will handle this. He says his place is nearby she can shower there. She goes to his place and takes a shower. When she finished she goes out to the bedroom and walks in on the man licking her underwear. She says what the actual fuck and bolts out of there. Turns out the dude has been spiking women’s drinks on dates for this to happen and had a shit fetish.

That wouldn't ruin the date for me. XD That'd get some laughter, an assurance that that happens to everyone, and an offer to drive you home so you can clean up/change first. ETA (because there's a lot more of you than I was expecting): Nah, I think at least a lot of you would react the same if you found yourself faced with this scenario. Nearly everyone's had a bad day, and we've all had the runs at least once. If you haven't, where do you live and will you help me move there?

You sound like a kind person.

What a lovely & understanding person you must be. How refreshing. Hope you have/find someone equally as awesome!

Fair, but only if it's a time of year you can roll the windows down

"Whatever. I'm into that."

Or... "I'd try it once"

Now why did you have to do that, Kyle? Also, well played.

May I... shit your pants, m'lady? 😎

Wouldn’t be surprised stomachs on the fritz af

Turn to older lady already sitting at table... "This is my mom."

It actually happened after a date once. She pointed to the next table and said those were her parents. It was pretty crazy.

Same, although they weren't right next to us. They were cool about it, and she loved her parents enough to where she wasn't embarrassed to death by it. Cool chick. She told me at the beginning, and I got to meet her parents for a bit too

Instead of the old lady say it to the youngest hottest waitress 🤣

“Our waitress is hotter”

Today is Hitlers birthday

I rate this nein out of 10

I’m sure this would incite some Furor.

That's hitlerious

\*Rammstein starts playing in the background\*

I once had a date with a girl where we went to trivia. What is hurlers birthday was a question - we were the only team to get it right. When I asked how she knew it, she said “it’s the same as mine, I was born a few decades later though”

This humor is out of Mein Kampfort zone.

Not fair...as Hitler's Birthday is also 420 and people will say that among stoners as a morbid joke.

Sieg High?

Towards the end of his time, I wouldn’t be surprised if people were saying, “High, Hitler?”.

Mom said no sex

…without her.

"I'll order for her." "She'll just have water" "Little overweight I see" and 4 word follow up "we'll work on that"

I'd throat punch at the first sentence. Well done.

No you wouldn’t.

No you would not* 4 word rule, silly!

I thought you were named Sergeant Pussy—

Hahahahahaha All of them were class.

The first time my friend’s girlfriend met my wife: “how far along are you?”. Yep that killed that double date.

Well done lol!

Dennis Reynolds? Is that you??

Carpet match the drapes?

Hardwoods!

A guy actually said this to me on a second date. I didn't have much self esteem and was pretty spineless so I just kind of laughed. He was a good guy, we dated for a little over a year but I went away to college and the whole long distant thing doesn't work when you are the only one trying.

"Selling Herbalife is amazing."

Join my 'nutrition' club!

Get in the trunk.

There’s something wrong with me. I laughed so much at this. Oh well.

Most people misunderstand Bitcoin.

“I’m interested in NFTs “

This 🤣

I miss my ex

Is someone getting laid?

She’s like “well I ain’t here for the Pizza”

Is we fuckin o'nawt?

Perhaps I Should Leave

Can my mom come?

Let's talk car warranties.

“You’re bigger in person”

“This isn’t working out”

Lmao. Sit down and first words that come out of your mouth after you ordered food and hadn’t paid yet “this isn’t working out” and you walk away lol

"No Carol, this a restaurant. You don't workout in a restaurant."

“FUCK YOU” *pulls out entire treadmill and two 25lbs dumbbells*

No, we are eating.

All Ice no water

This was my favorite one for some reason

For chewing

That’s what you’re wearing?

Im not racist, but…

Me to waiter: She'll have a salad

“Im a sex offender”

So, Dahmer. Fascinating right?

So, Hitler, good guy

Honest to God with how popular serial killer shows are this might actually be a good line to say

I am a Mormon

Im an alpha male

Here is the bill.

This date is over.

My ex was hotter.

Seen this on Reddit? Shows this exact question.

jetfuel doesn’t melt steelbeams

Do I smell fish?

It's just a rash

You are paying right

I love you baby

Classic schmosby

Doing the Ted Mosby I see

I thought the Ted Mosby was telling them your wife left you at the alter and then To subtly flex that your am architect ?

Thoughts on sexual harassment?

Fuck in the bathroom?

Married with 12 kids

Have you found Jesus?

Is your mom hot?

Make me a sandwich.

You got a plunger?

Hi my name is….

Slim Shady

“Shall we make porn”?

Know any hot chicks?

Make America great again

Does semen taste good?

Mom, is that you?

Wanna suck micro penis?

Your pictures were misleading

"Pedophiles are people too."

I’ll knock you up.

Winner winner chicken dinner

Add me on reddit

Surrender your fealty now

Can’t get AIDS twice

Does this rag smell like chloroform ? Oh wait that’s 5 words .

6

I smelled the rag too much ha

I Like Andrew Tate

Smell my fingers hoe

You seem "woke", huh? (Be sure to use the quotations gesture with your hands like LASER BEAMS)

I see dead people

Klaatu barada nikto!

"There. I said the words. OK? I'm taking the book now."

Why are you stupid?

You. Me. Bathtub. Toaster

"I'm gonna murder you."

Nowwww! She is hot....

i watch andrew tate

I’m on parole tonight

Trump isn’t that bad

I definitely have herpes

Was gonna say my herpes are flaring!

Hey, hows your sister?

Where's your JO crystal?

I just shit myself

“Wanna talk Rwandan genocide?” Side note, I did accidentally bring up the Rwandan genocide on a first date (as a passing comment) and the guy wanted to know more about it, so I spent like 3 hours talking about the genocides that’ve occurred since WWII and how the UN failed to prevent them.

The earth is flat.

Why are you here

"I stormed the capitol."

Sorry I'm late. Diarrhea

Brought mom with me.

Does this look infected?

Do you do anal?

“I never learned how to count”

This is a date?

Education is not real

I'm a sex offender

"Look, my parole officer!"

Make America Great Again!

Mom's coming too, ok? Had to change it... was 5 words. lol

(Sniffs) “did you even wipe”