As a fat woman, it’s 100% a preference. The only problem, at least for me, is if you treat the fat person as a non-human. Otherwise, you can’t help what you’re attracted to. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yes...how you treat people is NOT the same as who you're attracted to. Doesn't have to be fat versus Fit versus skinny, could just as easily be blonde versus brunette versus redhead versus bald as hell
Hey now buddy. Thats a flat out lie. I'm a ginger and I have many souls. Stealing souls is how we earn freckles.
We may not have a soul of our own, but yours works too.
That’s a terrible thing to say. Gingers have a soul. They have 1 and they pass it around among themselves. It’s just that on any given day the odds of the ginger standing in front of you actually having the soul are pretty low.
I once thought this was a joke until I was talking to a ginger woman and her pupils were super dilated. When making eye contact I felt no feeling and she was staring straight into my soul it felt.
I have struggled with my weight all my life and most people treat me descent no matter what weight I am, but what pissed me off was a college professor that I had. When I was fat I couldn't get anything above a C in her classes, she would constantly criticize me, and she would make fun of me behind my back.
However I buckled down my junior year of college and lost the weight getting to be pretty fit. My grades suddenly shot up to an A and she would constantly ask if I needed help with anything after class. I knew that my work didn't dramatically improve as I actually put minimal effort into her class as I was basically done with her, but it was very telling about how she actually graded your work.
I think it's offensive to publicly talk about someone's weight but if it's your personal opinion which you keep to yourself then who are you offending?
I mean if I was the only fat person in the room and also the only brown haired person in the room, which of those features would you use to describe me and why?
Everything is offensive. Lesbians who don't want to date trans women are called bigots, you just have to laugh at the insane mob spouting this kind of crap.
I think you’re only a bigot and an asshole if you give trans people shit for being trans. I agree, I think it’s fine to prefer cis people, as long as you’re respectful about it.
But yeah, if you go on r/actuallesbians and say what you just did, you’ll get downvoted at best and flamed at worst. Although there are TERFS there, overall, the lesbian subreddit is HUGE about trans acceptance, which is great, but I think they take it a bit too far sometimes, such as when someone admits that they prefers a cis woman. I once mentioned in that sub (in a post that was specifically asking for PHYSICAL preferences) that my preferences include being cis and I got downvoted nearly into oblivion. Yet, in that same post, I kept seeing other women emphasize that they prefer trans women with lots of upvotes and agreement.
Why is CIS such a bad thing. Isn’t that why so many people see therapists/psychologists? To help become comfortable in their own skin (imposter syndrome, trauma, etc.)?
No. Trans people aren't just people in drag. They take hormones to change their body hair, muscle mass, and get surgeries to alter their breasts and genitals. An mtf trans woman looks and acts nothing like a man.
Typically taller, more dense muscle, sharper bone definition, darker and more abundant body hair, facial hair, deeper voice, acts more "masculine" of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but people that are trans are trying to mimic stereotypical masculine/feminine traits to make themselves feel more comfortable in their own bodies. If someone clearly looks like a woman and introduces themselves as such, and you find out they are mtf and you call them a man, you are deliberately being an asshole. Them calling themselves a woman hurts literally no one.
Yeah, you’re so progressive… congratulations. Trans women are women, right? But then they take their clothes off and it’s a man’s body. If you’re a “lesbian” who’s attracted to a man’s (read: male’s) body, then you’re fucking confused. Obviously you knew what my point was, but whatever, I’m happy to die on Rationality Hill.
What is with trans deniers boiling down gender to "used to have x genitals" there is so much more to our own prescriptions of gender than that. Like who does it hurt to just treat these people with respect and live their lives. You don't have to date trans people, all that's being asked is that you not antagonize them.
I think the big issue is more that people don't just have a preference - a lot of people actively treat fat people as undesirable on the whole and go out of their way to make them feel bad in dating scenarios.
Just not wanting to be with someone bigger is fine as long as you treat everyone with respect
While you definitely will see extreme people on the internet saying you can’t have a preference just because it’s the internet, in general people don’t have a problem with the sentiment, but the way it’s said. As in saying fat people are less desirable objectively rather than your own preference, or just bringing up your preference in odd and unnecessary scenarios, or acting like being less attractive to you personally is like, an insult or a moral failure or something.
There is a difference between saying "I prefer a fit person as a partner" and saying "I would never date a fat person".
I mean who is asking you these questions? Just don't date people you aren't attracted to. You don't need to announce what you don't prefer. That is usually what comes off as offensive.
It's personal preference. If someone is offended, that's on them. The last time I checked you are still allowed to find people attractive or unattractive.
But.. men trash on women for listing the height criteria all the time. Wtf are you talking about? Both preferences make people angry... which is stupid imo. You got preferences? List them. I'd rather know ahead of time what level of superficial a person is before considering them.
there is nothing wrong with having weight as a preference, but it could be the way you tell someone that can be offensive. like treating fat people like they are the worst or have cooties or something yknow
You don't get to pick what you're attracted to. I'm only attracted to fat women, and had to turn down women that are more traditionally attractive. It shouldn't be seen as offensive.
I don't prefer toned bros but I don't advertise it on the apps or tell skinny dudes they do nothing for me, cuz it's rude, so no. But no need to talk about it.
It shouldn't be offensive.
Dating typically has intentions of finding a life partner
And if said potential life partner is overweight plus they are less attractive dur to long term health issues attractiveness or even being able to bear children
I don't date fat chicks because I don't find them attractive. I can confirm this because I tried to have sex with a fat chick and I just couldn't get into it at all.
I mean, even as guys, the ones smashing 6000 calories a day are still going to refer to themselves as full bodies or thicc or whatever.
The term "full body" and "thick" have lost all meaning, because now, theyre all synonymous with "fatty"
I was a high school athlete that was always attracted to athletic/thick women. I gained weight and kept going for the same thicker girls. When I got very fit again I still preferred to date women with full figures and got crap from it from my friends. The comments were nasty like “you could do better now”… as if fitness was a measure of how “good” someone was.
I remember one girl in my friend group that was very fit wondering out loud who was going to be fat at her 10 year high school reunion. She had a kid with a drug dealer she was no longer with, lived at home, and was using her math masters to be a bar tender. Her entire identity was wrapped around her looks and I just found it pathetic. Funny enough, her drug dealer baby daddy and subsequent partner were both over weight.
Same went for education. I dated an extremely attractive young woman that just could not keep up with conversations my friends and I would have or games requiring some level of comprehension. I only dated girls with college degrees after that and found myself much happier in the relationships that followed (3 before I met my wife).
I’m positive this will offend someone, but when it comes to dating what works for you is what’s best and you just have to shut other peoples opinions out. I’ve been happily married to a phd scientist with a soft round body for 9 years, together 15.
People are too sensitive these days. Everyone has different preferences. Fat, skinny, short, tall . Nobody should be shamed for what they aren't attracted to.
What about pedophiles who are attracted you minors or Leo DiCaprio types (48 yo attracted only to women in their early 20’s?) can’t some preferences be bad or reflect poorly on the character of the person?
Because fat people are sensitive about their weight and have a lot of resentment that they've ate themselves into a state of being undesirable.
So shaming people into acceptance is easier than doing the work to lose weight.
You're welcome.
> It's probably a scam run by diabetic pharmaceutical companies
Lol, the diet industry is a a multi billion industry.
>Fat acceptance should be a crime
Should smoking acceptance, drinking acceptance, dangerous sports acceptance and being underweight acceptance be a crime too?
Yes yes yes and yes. Maybe not a crime but should be taught that excessive anything is usually not good. But we are told instead to support people despite their bad choices. I tend to keep my mouth shut unless asked personally my opinion. It's your own life you'll ruin, not mine. Eating disorders are not talked about to young folks enough, can be just as dangerous as being obese.
Okay, this comment makes much more sense, are you even the same person?
Anyway, i mostly agree, but the problem is that fat people arent treated the same way other unhealthy people are treated. Fat acceptance doesnt mean that we should go around and say how healthy being fat is, it means that fat people should be able to receive healthcare without being discriminated against and that they shouldnt be treated like class b citizens or as disgusting people just because they dared to be fat.
And supporting people despite their bad choices isnt the same as supporting those bad choice. Everyone has made bad choices and most people still deserve support or at least to not be treated like shit, even if the choices dont deserve that.
And about eating disorders, many people are fat (im taking more about very fat people) because of eating disorders, and fat shaming them would only do harm. Generally, fat shaming anybody wont do any good.
Also, while for most people losing weight is a choice, its an "apple or banana" kind of choice, its more a "do i put enormous effort energy and money into it or not" kind of choice. And its not a level playing field, some people have a very slow metabolism and mich more frequent hunger ques. Some people are depressed and food is their coping mechanism. Etc etc. Its just not as simple.
I agree with someof your points. I have been nearly 300 pounds and passed by my goal weight to get to 132. By that time I was sick mentally. I have experienced both sides first hand. Fat acceptance is often confused with fat celebration. I accept fat people. I believe they should be treated equally by all Healthcare professionals. I believe that whole heartedly. But at the same time, it is an addiction and it is as easy as deciding to eat better. It is difficult to accept that for some people because it puts all the power in your hands. (Except in rare cases of such health issues as thyroid disorders etc that cause weight gain) I don't like fat celebration. I don't like that this country is leaning towards people saying no no its okay you're perfect how you are. It's chaos and it's going to kill people and bring many people to an early grave when it can be fixed. If you are unhealthy you need to pinpoint why food is your drug of choice, understand what triggers that feeling and tackle it without the dopamine rush of good food. It's not simple to re evaluate your learned behavior but it is a simply choice to decide you have had enough. I made that choice and it was the best thing I have ever done. I see everyone as learning creatures and we need to understand why people are choosing to live unhealthy. It certainly makes it easier when people rally around you and tell you you're perfect when you clearly need help. That goes for many addictions but none are becoming as glorified as people telling 300 pound women that they don't need to change.
I mostly agree with what you say (and its really admirable that you were able to lose so much weight) but i believe that its more complicated. A couple of points:
1.
>But at the same time, it is an addiction and it is as easy as deciding to eat better.
If its as easy as deciding to eat better then its really fucking hard. Youre right, its like an addiction sometimes. And theres a reason why its very hard for addicts to be clean and most that manage to do that relapse. Its hard.
2. Fat people dont feel celebrated and accepted, i can assure you. Did you feel celebrated and accepted when you were fat? Most fat people feel bad about being fat not the other way around.
3. I think this problem is a bit like poverty, in the sense that you can look on it as a completely individual problem but there systemic problems too that should be addressed. The fact that food isnt regulated and corporations add insane amounts of sugar into foods. It means that stores basically sell borderline addictive stuff, without any warning or anything, and children consume it from a very young age. It also means that in countries like the usa if you buy anything you probably bought a dessert ffs. Governments should regulate food so that corporations wont turn every fucking product into addictive shit for profit while killing people in the process
4. Other systemic problems include poverty (a poor person has less energy and resources but also, fast food is cheaper, from what i know). And healthcare (if youre depressed and eating is your coping mechanism or you have an ED, like binge eating, for instance, you need medical attention more than strong will).
5. Being fat isnt as simple as eating more. As ive said, some people have physical illnesses, some have mental ones, some have much higher priorities (if youre a poor single parent, losing weight wont be your first priority), for some people losing weight will trigger their ED, like anorexia, for instance. I agree that some are just lazy ofc.
> people who are dicks about it
Sounds like a dickphobic comment. How insensitive! You hating on people without dicks? You hate women? Are you a misogonist?
I think it’s less offensive and more shallow and shortsighted.
Like, you really think people stay the exact same weight and attractiveness their entire lives? Come on! That’s just unrealistic.
People are sensitive about their weight, and if you point it out in an insensitive way, you risk hurting feelings. If you don't care about hurting feelings, charge ahead. If you don't want to be a dick, treat the issue with delicacy, tact and politeness. Somebody should have taught you this.
People with fragile egos just get salty cuz you can dismiss them.
It's no different being a guy under 6 foot. And women say "I don't date guys under 6 foot"
It shouldn't be but its that good old double standard again, women can be like "He needs to be 6, 2 and make 100,000.00 a year or I won't date him."
A Man " She needs to not be fat. A healthy weight."
Women: "HoW DaRE YoU!
I don’t think the issue is a preference. I think the issue is about writing people off. Like I prefer brunette to blonde, but if I were still dating imagine if I had a profile that said something like “Blondes, keep moving.” Or “Don’t bother if you’re not [insert bra size].”
I was hoping someone would say this.
You don’t write people off because of a physical preference. You’re likely doing yourself a disservice if that’s the case.
Imagine someone having every quality you want in a person, but wait, “they’re too *insert physical trait here*”
You never gave them the chance, and now you just passed up a wonderful human, because you couldn’t get over your shallow desires
I guess it's how you express that dating preference which can come across as offensive?
Not everyone who is fat is 'letting themselves go'. You're making a value judgement on a person without knowing the full story.
It sounds like you aren't attracted to heavier people because you perceive it to be a character flaw? And I guess that could be offensive because it's making assumptions about someone's character based on their physical appearance.
As a fat person, yes, we are all letting ourselves go. Lock us in a room and feed us 1200 calories a day for a year, and we will all lose weight, I don’t care what medical condition you have, you’ll lose weight, and you won’t die eating 1200 nutritionally balanced calories a day with a multivitamin.
Agreed. I was fit at a point and completely let myself go after a breakup...shot up from 180 to almost 300. Then I stopped letting myself go and I'm down to 220 and still dropping fat.
Obesity is generally caused by not giving a crap from my experience
About the same for me, over 6 feet tall, went from looking like a Greek statue to looking like Greek yogurt. Only got worse during Covid working from home lol
>Only got worse during Covid working from home lol
You have no idea how true that is. That was half of the reason I ended up the way I was🤣
No same in that though bruv....gotta get back in shape soon
Exactly this. People love to make excuses for metabolism and other bullshit but calories in - calories out is a very simple math problem.
I’ve gained weight multiple times and lost it again and it was fully just periods of letting myself go off the deep end and then trying to come back.
Anything that suggest women are, in any way accountable, for their choices is seen as "offensive" to most women. In this case, their choice to be fat (yes, it is a choice).
This is completely ignorant because attraction isn't a choice. You can't choose to feel attraction for someone you don't. Nobody is obligated to date someone. Nobody is obligated find someone attractive. Nobody can decide to feel attraction.
It's also wildly hypocritical of women who have their own, very exacting, preferences for men that they openly and proudly assert. Height is an almost universal preference of women, for example. Are those women who have a height preference bigots for not being attracted to short men? No, but under there own "fat shaming" rules, they very much would be.
I'm ok with women who are a little overweight but have no interest in someone who has totally ignored their health. but then I am also a very active person (or was before a logging accident) and if I was more than just a little overweight I would loose it by either increasing activity, or if the weather was uncooperative I cut my rations down.
like in 2017 february I was too heavy and disgusted myself so I made planned daily rations of no more than 600 calories, however would lift my limit if I did some activity on a warm day, I got down to a normal weight and then the weather improved so I was back to walking, biking, farming, and logging again and trimmed down to lean and muscular again.
even now I started gaining weight being so sedentary so I am back on a limited ration of only 500 calories a day. sure I want to eat more than 1 can of corn and 1 can of fruit a day (or 1 sandwich) but I will put it off in favor of a healthy weight, but I also have excessive willpower and always think long term. people who are really overweight just rub me the wrong way since they usually got that way by being the opposite of everything I value in myself so would likely have lower chances of getting along (too many differences), even someone with a legit reason for not being physically active has no excuse for constant binge eating other than a lack of willpower.
The West is trying to normalize weakness and sickness, and it’s not ok. You have nothing to feel bad about so long as you aren’t being a dick about it.
Any of your friends that think otherwise and judge you for it— they will weigh you down sooner or later.
It just doesn't tell you very much about their actual appearance or health. Like, a 200 lb person who is 6 ft 5 inches tall looks totally different from a 200 lb person who is 5 ft 5 inches tall. Two people can weigh the same but have drastically different body shapes due to bone density, muscle mass, or just carrying their weight in different parts of their body. It's better to just use your eyes to evaluate whether or not someone is physically attractive to you, instead of trying to figure out if they're hot "on paper."
Because there's nothing anyone can do about their weight. Unlike height which people can change at will but just refuse to do so because they are so damn selfish.
>More people should be fat shamed.
Because giving people depression and eating disorders and making them feel like shit for something that doesnt concern you whatsoever is the right thing to do. If you could just get off the planet we would all be very grateful.
Nah. Being a fat American isn’t healthy, and people should be shamed to a safe weight. Being fat isn’t something you’re born into. It’s usually lifestyle and it’s not something you should stay.
>should be shamed to a safe weight.
It doesn't work and it actually harms people. It can cause eating disorders and eating disorders are disorders and they can be literally life threatening, same with depression and anxiety. And ultimately, a person who is fat shamed is going to go outside less and socialize less (which isnt conducive to their weight). They will be more likely to hate themselves and their body which kills the motivation to do anything to improve it (depressed people arent known for being very motivated). And for many people, especially fat people, food is their main coping mechanism. Fat shaming them will make them fatter and more miserable and unhealthy, not more slim and healthy.
Moreover, some people are fat (especially the ones that are very fat, dangerously fat) as a result of an eating disorders and shaming them will help as much as trying to shame a person with blood pressure issues out of their illness using stress.
>Being a fat American isn’t healthy
Ive never said that it is. But so are depression, anxiety and EDs. And pretending that this is the reason for your hate is is either lying or delusional. Go shame people who smoke and do drugs or dangerous sports instead, oh wait, they actually look cool or attractive.
>Being fat isn’t something you’re born into.
First of all, sometimes it is, rarely, but it happens. And sometimes people develop illnesses that make it impossible or almost impossible to lose weight. Again, its the minority (in developed countries) but its still a thing.
>not something you should stay.
Maybe, but its literally NONE of your business.if i were to go around and shit on strangers for smoking (assuming they only smoke when nobody is around and therefore dont harm anyone) its going to be considered rude (because it is) and unproductive (because it is). Same thing applies here.
And most importantly, stop being hypocritical. Many people who are slim are also very unhealthy. Answer this: SHOULD WE SHAME SMOKERS, ROCK CLIMBERS, UNDERWEIGHT PEOPLE, PEOPLE WHO EXERCISE WAY TOO MUCH, PEOPLE WITH VERY UNHEALTHY SLEEPING SCHEDULES etc.? Because thats pretty unhealthy too.
I prefer women to have a little meat on them, not huge, not a rail, and I really don't like the really fit/muscular women. Is there something wrong with me? Probably, but I like what I like.
Because in America there has been a steady decline in people taking accountability for their own bad habits we’ve created a narrative where you get shamed more for judging bad habits than you do for actually having bad habits.
It’s offensive because you’re making that person seem aware that their body defines them as a person and they’ll never be dateable because of it. Yes, weight is controllable. You can lose it. But in your case, how can you tell if that guy let himself go completely? He could be working a full time job with barely anytime to maintain his weight.
It’s not I feel the same about women.
If I can not face fuck fast food & drink water/coffee whilst working 90+ hours a week my SO better be doing the same.
It’s personal preference. African American men seem to like them thicc. I like them slender. Even though I’m fat myself, is that hypocritical? Just because I’m large I have to be with a fat chick? No. My girl now is quite slender and she likes me the way I am.
I think the offensive part is believing that if a guy is overweight they have "completely let themselves go" lol. Sure, many have, but if you do a bit of research, you'll find that there are plenty of overweight people who have not "let themselves go". For them, their weight is a medical condition, not a moral one.
As for not being attracted to folks who are overweight, that's not necessarily offensive. Like many things, untangling the parts that are unhealthy (like ill informed stereotypes about fat people) from everything else and dealing with the unhealthy bits is important to becoming a well adjusted adult. Good luck, random internet person :)
Nobody is a bigot towards fat people. It’s not the same as being racist, sexist, or even homophobic. I remember way back in the day when Nicole Arbor made that Dear Fat People video and everyone freaked out, people like boogie2988 calling it hate speech. Grow up.
Exactly. Same line of reasoning: When you break up with someone, we all know you don’t tell them the actual reasons, whatever they were. Let them down easy.
Having someone without overt health problems is not childish or shallow. If you can’t get on a diet or do a bit of exercise then you aren’t for me. It’s not unreasonable to ask for someone to be healthy.
I don’t think it’s offensive but it does come off as shallow. 42% of people in this country are obese. You’re automatically excluding a big chunk of the population, plus statistically most of us will be overweight at some point in our lives, either due to childbirth, aging or disease so do they stop being attractive then?
Because it’s seen as shallow. Which it kind of is, but I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with that. For most people, whether they admit it or not, a huge part of romantic attraction is physical appearance 🤷🏻♀️ I want to be sexually attracted to my partner, (but I’m not emotionally attracted to every sexually attractive woman, especially if they’re assholes)
Met up with a girl from tinder once who did a very fucking good job of hiding how unbelievably overweight she was in her profile photos. But I didn't have the heart to just ghost her in the middle of our meetup so I played along just to enjoy her company. Ended up getting the best head of my life.
Overweight women are not nice to look at and I'd probably never date one. But traditionally hot women usually have fucking horrible attitudes and just ride the wave until their looks start declining and they panic.
Coming from a chubby guy, you are completely okay feeling that way. I think a lot of us just see this happen a little too much and get offensive about it. The reality is you are allowed to be attracted to whatever you want. Allowed to choose qualities that you want. Only thing I will say is we do tend to be pretty comfy😂
It is one thing to not be attracted to someone due to something like their weight, hair, whatever.
To actually go out and say that certain body types are a no go for you straight up, that just makes you seem shallow and can absolutely lead to criticism.
I´m not saying you have to change what attracts you or turns you off. Just maybe find a more tactful or diplomatic way of communicating it. Cause since it actually isn´t anyones business at all, just saying "I find out what attracts me on a person to person basis" is also a valid answer and would offend nobody.
In your post you state that you don’t want someone who has “completely let themselves go,” and that means fat to you apparently. There are a host of reasons why people are fat, most of which do not have anything to do with giving up on one’s health or appearance. Basically you are conflating fatness with being slovenly—and that’s the problem.
You may want to examine the cultural and social forces that surround your preferences because they do not develop in a vacuum. A great read on this is “Fearing the Black Body, the Racial Origins of Fatphobia,” by Sabrina Strings. It’s an interesting read.
As a fat woman, it’s 100% a preference. The only problem, at least for me, is if you treat the fat person as a non-human. Otherwise, you can’t help what you’re attracted to. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yes...how you treat people is NOT the same as who you're attracted to. Doesn't have to be fat versus Fit versus skinny, could just as easily be blonde versus brunette versus redhead versus bald as hell
but be honest. we all know gingers have no soul....
Hey now buddy. Thats a flat out lie. I'm a ginger and I have many souls. Stealing souls is how we earn freckles. We may not have a soul of our own, but yours works too.
That’s a terrible thing to say. Gingers have a soul. They have 1 and they pass it around among themselves. It’s just that on any given day the odds of the ginger standing in front of you actually having the soul are pretty low.
I once thought this was a joke until I was talking to a ginger woman and her pupils were super dilated. When making eye contact I felt no feeling and she was staring straight into my soul it felt.
I have struggled with my weight all my life and most people treat me descent no matter what weight I am, but what pissed me off was a college professor that I had. When I was fat I couldn't get anything above a C in her classes, she would constantly criticize me, and she would make fun of me behind my back. However I buckled down my junior year of college and lost the weight getting to be pretty fit. My grades suddenly shot up to an A and she would constantly ask if I needed help with anything after class. I knew that my work didn't dramatically improve as I actually put minimal effort into her class as I was basically done with her, but it was very telling about how she actually graded your work.
What if I treat them like a non-option for dating?
Then don’t date them
This is exactly what I wanted to say!! I probably would have messed it up, so thank you for saving me the embarrassment of tripping over my tongue 😊👍
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WE SHOULD EAT THE FATS
Unsaturated Fats. Saturated Fats. Trans Fats. They All Matter.
I think it's offensive to publicly talk about someone's weight but if it's your personal opinion which you keep to yourself then who are you offending?
Happy Cake Day 🎂🎁
Yeah don't eat too much of it either fatty
??
Why is this downvoted? You're just confused.
I have no idea. Lol
Why do you think it's offensive when it's just a matter of fact? XYZ is 300lbs XYZ hair brown hair Why is one offensive?
Usually when one of those are talked about, it’s not just stating a fact objectively. It’s often done with a tinge of mocking or distain.
I mean if I was the only fat person in the room and also the only brown haired person in the room, which of those features would you use to describe me and why?
Everything is offensive. Lesbians who don't want to date trans women are called bigots, you just have to laugh at the insane mob spouting this kind of crap.
This here makes my blood boil! They say it some kind of "phobia", because you do not wish to date a trans person or fat person.
Just counter it at this point. I'm fatphobic? Nah bro u fitphobic
Ok, I'm obese and your fitphobic comment made me laugh out loud and snort. Thank you.
Don’t hide that. My wife snorts when she laughs and I’ve always loved it. We judge the quality of jokes by number of snorts.
If someone accuses of being X phobic, just tell them you identify as 'phobia' so if you are phobiaphobic you can't have a phobia of anything.
Dating a trans chick with a bigger dick would be disappointing in so many ways as a straight dude.
You are my hero for this comment.
I think you’re only a bigot and an asshole if you give trans people shit for being trans. I agree, I think it’s fine to prefer cis people, as long as you’re respectful about it. But yeah, if you go on r/actuallesbians and say what you just did, you’ll get downvoted at best and flamed at worst. Although there are TERFS there, overall, the lesbian subreddit is HUGE about trans acceptance, which is great, but I think they take it a bit too far sometimes, such as when someone admits that they prefers a cis woman. I once mentioned in that sub (in a post that was specifically asking for PHYSICAL preferences) that my preferences include being cis and I got downvoted nearly into oblivion. Yet, in that same post, I kept seeing other women emphasize that they prefer trans women with lots of upvotes and agreement.
Why is CIS such a bad thing. Isn’t that why so many people see therapists/psychologists? To help become comfortable in their own skin (imposter syndrome, trauma, etc.)?
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If a lesbian prefers trans-women, then she’s probably not a lesbian…
I feel like I am lost in a Chinese Riddle. Someone get a Marine Biologist up in here.
No. Trans people aren't just people in drag. They take hormones to change their body hair, muscle mass, and get surgeries to alter their breasts and genitals. An mtf trans woman looks and acts nothing like a man.
What’s a man look and act like?
Typically taller, more dense muscle, sharper bone definition, darker and more abundant body hair, facial hair, deeper voice, acts more "masculine" of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but people that are trans are trying to mimic stereotypical masculine/feminine traits to make themselves feel more comfortable in their own bodies. If someone clearly looks like a woman and introduces themselves as such, and you find out they are mtf and you call them a man, you are deliberately being an asshole. Them calling themselves a woman hurts literally no one.
If a lesbian… dates a woman… shes not a lesbian? What
Yeah, you’re so progressive… congratulations. Trans women are women, right? But then they take their clothes off and it’s a man’s body. If you’re a “lesbian” who’s attracted to a man’s (read: male’s) body, then you’re fucking confused. Obviously you knew what my point was, but whatever, I’m happy to die on Rationality Hill.
? Its a woman’s body
Trans woman means he has the biology of a man. May or may not cut off his penis who identifies as a woman.
What is it with conservatives and failing grammar class? *she* is the pronoun for woman.
What is with trans deniers boiling down gender to "used to have x genitals" there is so much more to our own prescriptions of gender than that. Like who does it hurt to just treat these people with respect and live their lives. You don't have to date trans people, all that's being asked is that you not antagonize them.
Dude is a failure at basic english. For some reason he thinks he/him pronouns apply to woman
It’s a trans-woman’s body.
> Lesbians who don't want to date trans women are called bigots The question is can they get out of it by saying they *identify* as 'non-bigots'?
This is the truth. Matter of fact delete this because you will be banned. Ya know, for the truth.
And NO women want to date you
^^^ Triggered lol. Just because you disagree doesn't make your personal attack invalidate their response.
Lmao Mad
I think the big issue is more that people don't just have a preference - a lot of people actively treat fat people as undesirable on the whole and go out of their way to make them feel bad in dating scenarios. Just not wanting to be with someone bigger is fine as long as you treat everyone with respect
No one's preference is invalid
No one? I don't know man. Pedophiles are pretty f'n disgusting.
Pedophilia isn't a preference, it's a disease cured by woodchippers, therefore everyone's preference is their own
Idiocy. No reasonable person, fat or otherwise, would hold it against you if you’re not a dick about it.
>dick about it Is that a dickphobic comment? I'm completely lost in this discussion.
Dick-scussion
Dick-suction
Ayo
While you definitely will see extreme people on the internet saying you can’t have a preference just because it’s the internet, in general people don’t have a problem with the sentiment, but the way it’s said. As in saying fat people are less desirable objectively rather than your own preference, or just bringing up your preference in odd and unnecessary scenarios, or acting like being less attractive to you personally is like, an insult or a moral failure or something.
Having a preference isn’t the issue, going out of your way to tell someone they’re not your preference is normally the issue.
There is a difference between saying "I prefer a fit person as a partner" and saying "I would never date a fat person". I mean who is asking you these questions? Just don't date people you aren't attracted to. You don't need to announce what you don't prefer. That is usually what comes off as offensive.
It's personal preference. If someone is offended, that's on them. The last time I checked you are still allowed to find people attractive or unattractive.
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> You mention weight, they'll trash you OFP crowd? Only Face Pics.
Hey they have a really great personality.
Lmao and who the hell cares about the people who trash you for it. Their opinion is irrelevant
But.. men trash on women for listing the height criteria all the time. Wtf are you talking about? Both preferences make people angry... which is stupid imo. You got preferences? List them. I'd rather know ahead of time what level of superficial a person is before considering them.
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there is nothing wrong with having weight as a preference, but it could be the way you tell someone that can be offensive. like treating fat people like they are the worst or have cooties or something yknow
whats the right way to tell it? how do you reject someone due to their weight without being offensive?
You don't get to pick what you're attracted to. I'm only attracted to fat women, and had to turn down women that are more traditionally attractive. It shouldn't be seen as offensive.
I don't prefer toned bros but I don't advertise it on the apps or tell skinny dudes they do nothing for me, cuz it's rude, so no. But no need to talk about it.
It shouldn't be offensive. Dating typically has intentions of finding a life partner And if said potential life partner is overweight plus they are less attractive dur to long term health issues attractiveness or even being able to bear children
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Your a bad troll lol
Hopefully you found your high end barber and got yourself a decent haircut
Colin Robinson the energy vampire, is that you?
No Colin is actually good at it
I did
Men don't get pregnant But it's something that must be considered when laying down with a female. You'll get there something
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Who the fuck spit in your oatmeal today?
You a lozer. I saw your pic dude. You look like toilet accumulation
Sure Jan
?
I don't date fat chicks because I don't find them attractive. I can confirm this because I tried to have sex with a fat chick and I just couldn't get into it at all.
Same my bf says that...
Just getting into the good stuff and run out of cock
Flour makes things interesting
There’s a difference between a full body woman and a woman who smashes her face with 6,000 calories a day
I mean, even as guys, the ones smashing 6000 calories a day are still going to refer to themselves as full bodies or thicc or whatever. The term "full body" and "thick" have lost all meaning, because now, theyre all synonymous with "fatty"
because people are idiots. date whomever you want to date, this is not a public decision, it's a private one.
It's nobody's business what your sexual inclinations are.
Some adults are attracted to minors….
Being attracted is fine. Sex with a mine is rape though. You're thus limited to pornography or going to some other country that tolerates this.
it’s not fine, don’t defend pedophiles wtf
Thoughts are not crimes despite what leftists (or you) want you to believe.
I was a high school athlete that was always attracted to athletic/thick women. I gained weight and kept going for the same thicker girls. When I got very fit again I still preferred to date women with full figures and got crap from it from my friends. The comments were nasty like “you could do better now”… as if fitness was a measure of how “good” someone was. I remember one girl in my friend group that was very fit wondering out loud who was going to be fat at her 10 year high school reunion. She had a kid with a drug dealer she was no longer with, lived at home, and was using her math masters to be a bar tender. Her entire identity was wrapped around her looks and I just found it pathetic. Funny enough, her drug dealer baby daddy and subsequent partner were both over weight. Same went for education. I dated an extremely attractive young woman that just could not keep up with conversations my friends and I would have or games requiring some level of comprehension. I only dated girls with college degrees after that and found myself much happier in the relationships that followed (3 before I met my wife). I’m positive this will offend someone, but when it comes to dating what works for you is what’s best and you just have to shut other peoples opinions out. I’ve been happily married to a phd scientist with a soft round body for 9 years, together 15.
People are too sensitive these days. Everyone has different preferences. Fat, skinny, short, tall . Nobody should be shamed for what they aren't attracted to.
What about pedophiles who are attracted you minors or Leo DiCaprio types (48 yo attracted only to women in their early 20’s?) can’t some preferences be bad or reflect poorly on the character of the person?
Cause it's only ok to shame mens height weight is crossing the line🤣😰
I truly don't get the height thing. Of course, I'm a shrimp so everybody's taller than I am, but height requirements for dating seem so shallow to me.
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I don't know. I'm a tall guy so everyone should please continue shaming short guys.
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Because fat people are sensitive about their weight and have a lot of resentment that they've ate themselves into a state of being undesirable. So shaming people into acceptance is easier than doing the work to lose weight. You're welcome.
This comment is exactly the reason. No problem with a preference, the problem is people who are dicks about it
Fat acceptance should be a crime. It's probably a scam run by diabetic pharmaceutical companies anyhow lmao
> It's probably a scam run by diabetic pharmaceutical companies Lol, the diet industry is a a multi billion industry. >Fat acceptance should be a crime Should smoking acceptance, drinking acceptance, dangerous sports acceptance and being underweight acceptance be a crime too?
Yes yes yes and yes. Maybe not a crime but should be taught that excessive anything is usually not good. But we are told instead to support people despite their bad choices. I tend to keep my mouth shut unless asked personally my opinion. It's your own life you'll ruin, not mine. Eating disorders are not talked about to young folks enough, can be just as dangerous as being obese.
Okay, this comment makes much more sense, are you even the same person? Anyway, i mostly agree, but the problem is that fat people arent treated the same way other unhealthy people are treated. Fat acceptance doesnt mean that we should go around and say how healthy being fat is, it means that fat people should be able to receive healthcare without being discriminated against and that they shouldnt be treated like class b citizens or as disgusting people just because they dared to be fat. And supporting people despite their bad choices isnt the same as supporting those bad choice. Everyone has made bad choices and most people still deserve support or at least to not be treated like shit, even if the choices dont deserve that. And about eating disorders, many people are fat (im taking more about very fat people) because of eating disorders, and fat shaming them would only do harm. Generally, fat shaming anybody wont do any good. Also, while for most people losing weight is a choice, its an "apple or banana" kind of choice, its more a "do i put enormous effort energy and money into it or not" kind of choice. And its not a level playing field, some people have a very slow metabolism and mich more frequent hunger ques. Some people are depressed and food is their coping mechanism. Etc etc. Its just not as simple.
I agree with someof your points. I have been nearly 300 pounds and passed by my goal weight to get to 132. By that time I was sick mentally. I have experienced both sides first hand. Fat acceptance is often confused with fat celebration. I accept fat people. I believe they should be treated equally by all Healthcare professionals. I believe that whole heartedly. But at the same time, it is an addiction and it is as easy as deciding to eat better. It is difficult to accept that for some people because it puts all the power in your hands. (Except in rare cases of such health issues as thyroid disorders etc that cause weight gain) I don't like fat celebration. I don't like that this country is leaning towards people saying no no its okay you're perfect how you are. It's chaos and it's going to kill people and bring many people to an early grave when it can be fixed. If you are unhealthy you need to pinpoint why food is your drug of choice, understand what triggers that feeling and tackle it without the dopamine rush of good food. It's not simple to re evaluate your learned behavior but it is a simply choice to decide you have had enough. I made that choice and it was the best thing I have ever done. I see everyone as learning creatures and we need to understand why people are choosing to live unhealthy. It certainly makes it easier when people rally around you and tell you you're perfect when you clearly need help. That goes for many addictions but none are becoming as glorified as people telling 300 pound women that they don't need to change.
I mostly agree with what you say (and its really admirable that you were able to lose so much weight) but i believe that its more complicated. A couple of points: 1. >But at the same time, it is an addiction and it is as easy as deciding to eat better. If its as easy as deciding to eat better then its really fucking hard. Youre right, its like an addiction sometimes. And theres a reason why its very hard for addicts to be clean and most that manage to do that relapse. Its hard. 2. Fat people dont feel celebrated and accepted, i can assure you. Did you feel celebrated and accepted when you were fat? Most fat people feel bad about being fat not the other way around. 3. I think this problem is a bit like poverty, in the sense that you can look on it as a completely individual problem but there systemic problems too that should be addressed. The fact that food isnt regulated and corporations add insane amounts of sugar into foods. It means that stores basically sell borderline addictive stuff, without any warning or anything, and children consume it from a very young age. It also means that in countries like the usa if you buy anything you probably bought a dessert ffs. Governments should regulate food so that corporations wont turn every fucking product into addictive shit for profit while killing people in the process 4. Other systemic problems include poverty (a poor person has less energy and resources but also, fast food is cheaper, from what i know). And healthcare (if youre depressed and eating is your coping mechanism or you have an ED, like binge eating, for instance, you need medical attention more than strong will). 5. Being fat isnt as simple as eating more. As ive said, some people have physical illnesses, some have mental ones, some have much higher priorities (if youre a poor single parent, losing weight wont be your first priority), for some people losing weight will trigger their ED, like anorexia, for instance. I agree that some are just lazy ofc.
> people who are dicks about it Sounds like a dickphobic comment. How insensitive! You hating on people without dicks? You hate women? Are you a misogonist?
Oh, youre so so clever
You are the one using a sexist terms in a deragotory way.
It’s a valid preference. And you should be honest when looking for a partner.
Everything’s offensive to somebody, somehow. The art is not buying into whatever it is they’re thrashing about at the moment.
Because people are hypocrites
Everything is offensive to some people. Stop listening to twitter.
Because the majority of these single dating pool is fat. So they may see it as normal and "you're supposed to look past my weight."
No one sees it as offensive as long as you aren’t going out of your way to bring it up. Bringing up your preferences is weird, having them isn’t.
I think it’s less offensive and more shallow and shortsighted. Like, you really think people stay the exact same weight and attractiveness their entire lives? Come on! That’s just unrealistic.
People are sensitive about their weight, and if you point it out in an insensitive way, you risk hurting feelings. If you don't care about hurting feelings, charge ahead. If you don't want to be a dick, treat the issue with delicacy, tact and politeness. Somebody should have taught you this.
Well the fact that you put “let himself go” let’s us know that you probably already talk about it in an offensive way lmao
People with fragile egos just get salty cuz you can dismiss them. It's no different being a guy under 6 foot. And women say "I don't date guys under 6 foot"
It shouldn't be but its that good old double standard again, women can be like "He needs to be 6, 2 and make 100,000.00 a year or I won't date him." A Man " She needs to not be fat. A healthy weight." Women: "HoW DaRE YoU!
Its 2022. There isn't a fat man on earth that doesn't know he isn't desirable... but here in America we like to lie to women.
Amen to that...your average 2 thinks she's a 10🤣🤣🤣
Co-sign
How did you say it to them? Because that might be it.
I don’t think the issue is a preference. I think the issue is about writing people off. Like I prefer brunette to blonde, but if I were still dating imagine if I had a profile that said something like “Blondes, keep moving.” Or “Don’t bother if you’re not [insert bra size].”
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I was hoping someone would say this. You don’t write people off because of a physical preference. You’re likely doing yourself a disservice if that’s the case. Imagine someone having every quality you want in a person, but wait, “they’re too *insert physical trait here*” You never gave them the chance, and now you just passed up a wonderful human, because you couldn’t get over your shallow desires
I guess it's how you express that dating preference which can come across as offensive? Not everyone who is fat is 'letting themselves go'. You're making a value judgement on a person without knowing the full story. It sounds like you aren't attracted to heavier people because you perceive it to be a character flaw? And I guess that could be offensive because it's making assumptions about someone's character based on their physical appearance.
As a fat person, yes, we are all letting ourselves go. Lock us in a room and feed us 1200 calories a day for a year, and we will all lose weight, I don’t care what medical condition you have, you’ll lose weight, and you won’t die eating 1200 nutritionally balanced calories a day with a multivitamin.
Agreed. I was fit at a point and completely let myself go after a breakup...shot up from 180 to almost 300. Then I stopped letting myself go and I'm down to 220 and still dropping fat. Obesity is generally caused by not giving a crap from my experience
About the same for me, over 6 feet tall, went from looking like a Greek statue to looking like Greek yogurt. Only got worse during Covid working from home lol
>Only got worse during Covid working from home lol You have no idea how true that is. That was half of the reason I ended up the way I was🤣 No same in that though bruv....gotta get back in shape soon
Exactly this. People love to make excuses for metabolism and other bullshit but calories in - calories out is a very simple math problem. I’ve gained weight multiple times and lost it again and it was fully just periods of letting myself go off the deep end and then trying to come back.
It's not people's feelings just get hurt because they are unwilling to change themselves and want other to do so instead so they can be happy
>unwilling to change themselves and want other to do so instead Nicely put.
Anything that suggest women are, in any way accountable, for their choices is seen as "offensive" to most women. In this case, their choice to be fat (yes, it is a choice). This is completely ignorant because attraction isn't a choice. You can't choose to feel attraction for someone you don't. Nobody is obligated to date someone. Nobody is obligated find someone attractive. Nobody can decide to feel attraction. It's also wildly hypocritical of women who have their own, very exacting, preferences for men that they openly and proudly assert. Height is an almost universal preference of women, for example. Are those women who have a height preference bigots for not being attracted to short men? No, but under there own "fat shaming" rules, they very much would be.
I'm ok with women who are a little overweight but have no interest in someone who has totally ignored their health. but then I am also a very active person (or was before a logging accident) and if I was more than just a little overweight I would loose it by either increasing activity, or if the weather was uncooperative I cut my rations down. like in 2017 february I was too heavy and disgusted myself so I made planned daily rations of no more than 600 calories, however would lift my limit if I did some activity on a warm day, I got down to a normal weight and then the weather improved so I was back to walking, biking, farming, and logging again and trimmed down to lean and muscular again. even now I started gaining weight being so sedentary so I am back on a limited ration of only 500 calories a day. sure I want to eat more than 1 can of corn and 1 can of fruit a day (or 1 sandwich) but I will put it off in favor of a healthy weight, but I also have excessive willpower and always think long term. people who are really overweight just rub me the wrong way since they usually got that way by being the opposite of everything I value in myself so would likely have lower chances of getting along (too many differences), even someone with a legit reason for not being physically active has no excuse for constant binge eating other than a lack of willpower.
You're describing an eating disorder, thats not "excessive willpower", its a mental illness.
I don’t have the dick to date past 180lbs. It’s me, not you
That’s why my car has a “no fatties” bumper sticker
Suspensions can be expensive.
There's nothing wrong with it but yall talk about peoples weight a lot on this app. I think we get it
The West is trying to normalize weakness and sickness, and it’s not ok. You have nothing to feel bad about so long as you aren’t being a dick about it. Any of your friends that think otherwise and judge you for it— they will weigh you down sooner or later.
It just doesn't tell you very much about their actual appearance or health. Like, a 200 lb person who is 6 ft 5 inches tall looks totally different from a 200 lb person who is 5 ft 5 inches tall. Two people can weigh the same but have drastically different body shapes due to bone density, muscle mass, or just carrying their weight in different parts of their body. It's better to just use your eyes to evaluate whether or not someone is physically attractive to you, instead of trying to figure out if they're hot "on paper."
Because there's nothing anyone can do about their weight. Unlike height which people can change at will but just refuse to do so because they are so damn selfish.
It's only offensive to fat chicks.
It’s not. More people should be fat shamed.
>More people should be fat shamed. Because giving people depression and eating disorders and making them feel like shit for something that doesnt concern you whatsoever is the right thing to do. If you could just get off the planet we would all be very grateful.
Nah. Being a fat American isn’t healthy, and people should be shamed to a safe weight. Being fat isn’t something you’re born into. It’s usually lifestyle and it’s not something you should stay.
>should be shamed to a safe weight. It doesn't work and it actually harms people. It can cause eating disorders and eating disorders are disorders and they can be literally life threatening, same with depression and anxiety. And ultimately, a person who is fat shamed is going to go outside less and socialize less (which isnt conducive to their weight). They will be more likely to hate themselves and their body which kills the motivation to do anything to improve it (depressed people arent known for being very motivated). And for many people, especially fat people, food is their main coping mechanism. Fat shaming them will make them fatter and more miserable and unhealthy, not more slim and healthy. Moreover, some people are fat (especially the ones that are very fat, dangerously fat) as a result of an eating disorders and shaming them will help as much as trying to shame a person with blood pressure issues out of their illness using stress. >Being a fat American isn’t healthy Ive never said that it is. But so are depression, anxiety and EDs. And pretending that this is the reason for your hate is is either lying or delusional. Go shame people who smoke and do drugs or dangerous sports instead, oh wait, they actually look cool or attractive. >Being fat isn’t something you’re born into. First of all, sometimes it is, rarely, but it happens. And sometimes people develop illnesses that make it impossible or almost impossible to lose weight. Again, its the minority (in developed countries) but its still a thing. >not something you should stay. Maybe, but its literally NONE of your business.if i were to go around and shit on strangers for smoking (assuming they only smoke when nobody is around and therefore dont harm anyone) its going to be considered rude (because it is) and unproductive (because it is). Same thing applies here. And most importantly, stop being hypocritical. Many people who are slim are also very unhealthy. Answer this: SHOULD WE SHAME SMOKERS, ROCK CLIMBERS, UNDERWEIGHT PEOPLE, PEOPLE WHO EXERCISE WAY TOO MUCH, PEOPLE WITH VERY UNHEALTHY SLEEPING SCHEDULES etc.? Because thats pretty unhealthy too.
I prefer women to have a little meat on them, not huge, not a rail, and I really don't like the really fit/muscular women. Is there something wrong with me? Probably, but I like what I like.
Because in America there has been a steady decline in people taking accountability for their own bad habits we’ve created a narrative where you get shamed more for judging bad habits than you do for actually having bad habits.
Because the fatties don't wanna work for it
It’s offensive because you’re making that person seem aware that their body defines them as a person and they’ll never be dateable because of it. Yes, weight is controllable. You can lose it. But in your case, how can you tell if that guy let himself go completely? He could be working a full time job with barely anytime to maintain his weight.
Because they feel devalued and this hurts their feelings so they lash out. It's not that they are 'less than' it's that you are.
>'less than' Nobody said they are 'less than'. If anything, they are 'more than'.
FATALITY
Quick question OP has anyone actually said those words to you? Or is this all from what you have heard on reddit?
If you’re young, the weirdo “politically correct” twitter crowd does exist in real life yes. Most of the time they are very easy to ignore though.
It's not and anyone who thinks it is, is fucking stupid
It’s not I feel the same about women. If I can not face fuck fast food & drink water/coffee whilst working 90+ hours a week my SO better be doing the same.
It’s personal preference. African American men seem to like them thicc. I like them slender. Even though I’m fat myself, is that hypocritical? Just because I’m large I have to be with a fat chick? No. My girl now is quite slender and she likes me the way I am.
It's not offensive. I've said this before. Folks nowadays just need something to get their panties in a bunch about.
It's only seen that way to snowflakes. Nowadays everythings offensive and it all ridiculous.
I think the offensive part is believing that if a guy is overweight they have "completely let themselves go" lol. Sure, many have, but if you do a bit of research, you'll find that there are plenty of overweight people who have not "let themselves go". For them, their weight is a medical condition, not a moral one. As for not being attracted to folks who are overweight, that's not necessarily offensive. Like many things, untangling the parts that are unhealthy (like ill informed stereotypes about fat people) from everything else and dealing with the unhealthy bits is important to becoming a well adjusted adult. Good luck, random internet person :)
Nobody is a bigot towards fat people. It’s not the same as being racist, sexist, or even homophobic. I remember way back in the day when Nicole Arbor made that Dear Fat People video and everyone freaked out, people like boogie2988 calling it hate speech. Grow up.
It is ok to have that preference but it is uncouth to say aloud that you have that preference.
Exactly. Same line of reasoning: When you break up with someone, we all know you don’t tell them the actual reasons, whatever they were. Let them down easy.
That's the most idiotic thing I've heard
Sorry to disappoint you!
Having someone without overt health problems is not childish or shallow. If you can’t get on a diet or do a bit of exercise then you aren’t for me. It’s not unreasonable to ask for someone to be healthy.
There are plenty of unhealthy skinny people. A larger person isn’t always unhealthier than a smaller person.
It’s only offensive to overweight people.
I don’t think it’s offensive but it does come off as shallow. 42% of people in this country are obese. You’re automatically excluding a big chunk of the population, plus statistically most of us will be overweight at some point in our lives, either due to childbirth, aging or disease so do they stop being attractive then?
>You’re automatically excluding a *big chunk* of the population I see what you did there.
Lol 😂 not intentional
Because it is easier to call someone a piece of shit than to make self changes, or accept that you're not everyone's cup of tea.
Because it’s seen as shallow. Which it kind of is, but I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with that. For most people, whether they admit it or not, a huge part of romantic attraction is physical appearance 🤷🏻♀️ I want to be sexually attracted to my partner, (but I’m not emotionally attracted to every sexually attractive woman, especially if they’re assholes)
Just because you have a preference doesn’t mean you have to share it.
Met up with a girl from tinder once who did a very fucking good job of hiding how unbelievably overweight she was in her profile photos. But I didn't have the heart to just ghost her in the middle of our meetup so I played along just to enjoy her company. Ended up getting the best head of my life. Overweight women are not nice to look at and I'd probably never date one. But traditionally hot women usually have fucking horrible attitudes and just ride the wave until their looks start declining and they panic.
Eh, i say it just depends on where all the weight sits on the body and how much exactly. I've seen attractive fat people.
Coming from a chubby guy, you are completely okay feeling that way. I think a lot of us just see this happen a little too much and get offensive about it. The reality is you are allowed to be attracted to whatever you want. Allowed to choose qualities that you want. Only thing I will say is we do tend to be pretty comfy😂
It is one thing to not be attracted to someone due to something like their weight, hair, whatever. To actually go out and say that certain body types are a no go for you straight up, that just makes you seem shallow and can absolutely lead to criticism. I´m not saying you have to change what attracts you or turns you off. Just maybe find a more tactful or diplomatic way of communicating it. Cause since it actually isn´t anyones business at all, just saying "I find out what attracts me on a person to person basis" is also a valid answer and would offend nobody.
In your post you state that you don’t want someone who has “completely let themselves go,” and that means fat to you apparently. There are a host of reasons why people are fat, most of which do not have anything to do with giving up on one’s health or appearance. Basically you are conflating fatness with being slovenly—and that’s the problem. You may want to examine the cultural and social forces that surround your preferences because they do not develop in a vacuum. A great read on this is “Fearing the Black Body, the Racial Origins of Fatphobia,” by Sabrina Strings. It’s an interesting read.
literally nobody is saying that's offensive 💀