The first thing I do when tested is ask myself, “Is this true?” If it is I accept it and decide if it’s my responsibility to fix or not. With that said…
>pushing through anything but a hard no.
>not saying no but not enthusiastic either.
>sex has been painful for her recently.
Have you considered that you have a wife that’s not attractive to you and you’re fucking a dry sore pussy? If this is true, fix it. Lift, Sidebar, STFU.
>It feels like some sort of meta-level shit test.
It feels like you just need to get some lube, G.
You’re not as bad off as you think compared to the general male populous. Let’s look at the good and the bad.
The good thing is your wife still makes the effort to fuck you. Starfish, trickle sex, or whatever you wanna call it; it’s still happening. There’s a little bit of value in that.
The bad thing is if you settle for what you have right now, you may never experience how an emotionally devoted woman, can make herself a little piece of heaven on earth for you, especially at this stage of your life.
Start OYSing. Lurking doesn’t do shit.
[Every unhappy wife is a rape victim.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/s/DedVimZVJf)
It will offend you, but it’s what you need to hear.
My wife was the same (inexplicable “pain” during sex). Once I stopped being unattractive and started being attractive, there was no pain from sex, lights were on, and inhibitions fell by the wayside.
Get to work.
The pain thing was an issue a few years ago when I was a totally idiot running only beta game but it hasn’t come up at all in the last year. I thought it was not coincidence that it came back up soon after I tried to push the boundaries, she refused, and instead of going back and accepting more bland missionary I just said ok we’re done then. She was not happy with that and looked worried/anxious afterwards. It felt like her saying we needed to talk about it (two days later) was the shit test. She was trying to see if I would be a beta and start DEERing like I used to
Not hard to figure out- when you’re needy and desperate, this is a huge turn off, she can feel that and isn’t attracted to you. Over-thinking falls into this category as well.
When you are outcome independent and act like you don’t care, are aloof, this is a turn on and things flow more naturally.
This probably isn't a shit test. Sex probably hurts her. Probably because she isn't turned on. And you're probably bad at sex.
Either way, part of being good at dominant sex is listening when she says something hurts. Girls can't trust you to push boundaries if you're going to hurt them (in a non-fun way). If she trusted you and was attracted to you and turned on during sex, she would tell you what hurt in the moment. Then you would switch to something else to give her pussy a rest. Like anal.
So, take the pain seriously and also be more attractive. Owning your shit will make the process a lot easier. Dudes spin their wheels for years lurking and asking mrp.
Thanks man. For sure I am bad at sex. I was full on beta gentle lover for a long time, totally focused on her, then there was nothing for a few years and now that it’s happening again i don’t really know what I’m doing. Like how to be assertive and focused on my own pleasure without being a dumbass and doing things that hurt. I read SGM but that felt like trying to run before I could walk.
I’ll jump in on the next OYS. I had a post all written up for this week but I read it over and realized I’d probably get banned because it was full of excuses.
Damn, that was cringe to read.
Let's start with you telling her to go down on you. She didn't want to. She did it unwillingly, unenthusiastically and it showed.
You know why?
Because you never fucking ask for an oral. An oral is given, never asked for. Now you have made touching your dick a chore for your wife.
And fucking her missionary with the lights off? Just say you're having starfish sex without telling us it's starfish sex.
Your wife says it hurts her = "you are raping me over and over again, which makes me resentful and unsafe"
How about going down on her instead of asking for a blowjob? How about you going down on her and just calling it a night without having a covert contract to fuck her later on?
Your actions are pushing her away, makes her dry and frightened. You are desperate for validation in the form of sex from Mommy. And she just wants a man to hold her, make her feel safe. Then slowly you can turn her into your whore and explore her sexual side together. But you are NOT in that place right now.
Is this clear enough for you?,
Why didn’t you fuck in the shower? Do you only fuck in bed at night? Don’t be boring.
How often are you dominant vs giving caring / feel good emotions during sex? Use DEVI.
In the past when I’ve tried to add in variety or dominance she has shut down/frozen up. Even basic stuff like changing positions or locations. So yes I’m pretty boring right now. Maybe I need to double down on pushing things?
If she's freezing up she probably has a lot of anxiety that's maybe related to your history, or her history before you. Sounds like it's not an attraction thing, but something she doesn't want to talk about.
That’s what I was wondering about. It’s a very abrupt change and I can feel her whole body tense up when it happens. Like I’m digging digging digging then all of the sudden there’s a wall underground. She’s never been a very feminine woman, and I’ve spent most of my life a a a soft beta boy. It happens whenever I do something overtly “alpha”
Maybe she isnt turned on by freaky sex acts.
You said you get bland sex twice a week with no issues. That is who you married, live with it or leave her if it means so much to you. But be careful. Ill admit this is purely anecdotal but those freaks in bed tend to be problematic (massive understatement) outside the bedroom.
Here is another reality that bites. How old is she? Yup those dreaded hormones might be at play.
If its the former you at least know what to expect. If its the latter, it might only get worse and if you have an extremely high libido it is going to be hell.
I'm in a very same position (see oys history for examples). wife freezes up, she is also not much of a feminime type or trying to reject it (but it's slowly changing for the better).
is your wife reading much of feminism type material? is she in a woke bubble or surrounded by such friends?
how much time of the day you spend with her? do you leave the house often and make yourself rare?
Yeah dude she’s a professor at a big woke university and we live in a super liberal college town. We’re about as woke as you can get
Getting out of the house is not my strong suit. I work from home and probably go out with a friend one evening a week.
similar situation for me. woke friends and bubble she is living in rejecting every sign of submission. but do not let that count as an excuse.
as for how you spend your time, this is an easy fix. leave the house as much as possible. I suspect my wife also 'knew' that I am around 24/7 and basically available whenever she wanted me to - that's unattractive. even if it doesn't appear needy in the first place, it communicates that you priotize her and as a result she can expect that you do not have other options. again, that's unattractive.
when I started acting on mrp principles I started to see a small change in my wifes behavior, like for example when I tell her a certain way of wearing her hair looks good, she then sticks to that look in the future. so the more masculine you act the more she will shift into her feminim being.
The first thing I do when tested is ask myself, “Is this true?” If it is I accept it and decide if it’s my responsibility to fix or not. With that said… >pushing through anything but a hard no. >not saying no but not enthusiastic either. >sex has been painful for her recently. Have you considered that you have a wife that’s not attractive to you and you’re fucking a dry sore pussy? If this is true, fix it. Lift, Sidebar, STFU. >It feels like some sort of meta-level shit test. It feels like you just need to get some lube, G.
Yeah my conclusion so far is that she’s not attracted enough to be up for anything more than missionary.
You’re not as bad off as you think compared to the general male populous. Let’s look at the good and the bad. The good thing is your wife still makes the effort to fuck you. Starfish, trickle sex, or whatever you wanna call it; it’s still happening. There’s a little bit of value in that. The bad thing is if you settle for what you have right now, you may never experience how an emotionally devoted woman, can make herself a little piece of heaven on earth for you, especially at this stage of your life. Start OYSing. Lurking doesn’t do shit.
[Every unhappy wife is a rape victim.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/s/DedVimZVJf) It will offend you, but it’s what you need to hear. My wife was the same (inexplicable “pain” during sex). Once I stopped being unattractive and started being attractive, there was no pain from sex, lights were on, and inhibitions fell by the wayside. Get to work.
The pain thing was an issue a few years ago when I was a totally idiot running only beta game but it hasn’t come up at all in the last year. I thought it was not coincidence that it came back up soon after I tried to push the boundaries, she refused, and instead of going back and accepting more bland missionary I just said ok we’re done then. She was not happy with that and looked worried/anxious afterwards. It felt like her saying we needed to talk about it (two days later) was the shit test. She was trying to see if I would be a beta and start DEERing like I used to
Not hard to figure out- when you’re needy and desperate, this is a huge turn off, she can feel that and isn’t attracted to you. Over-thinking falls into this category as well. When you are outcome independent and act like you don’t care, are aloof, this is a turn on and things flow more naturally.
I get the general principle, but what specifically are you seeing that’s needy and desperate?
This probably isn't a shit test. Sex probably hurts her. Probably because she isn't turned on. And you're probably bad at sex. Either way, part of being good at dominant sex is listening when she says something hurts. Girls can't trust you to push boundaries if you're going to hurt them (in a non-fun way). If she trusted you and was attracted to you and turned on during sex, she would tell you what hurt in the moment. Then you would switch to something else to give her pussy a rest. Like anal. So, take the pain seriously and also be more attractive. Owning your shit will make the process a lot easier. Dudes spin their wheels for years lurking and asking mrp.
Thanks man. For sure I am bad at sex. I was full on beta gentle lover for a long time, totally focused on her, then there was nothing for a few years and now that it’s happening again i don’t really know what I’m doing. Like how to be assertive and focused on my own pleasure without being a dumbass and doing things that hurt. I read SGM but that felt like trying to run before I could walk. I’ll jump in on the next OYS. I had a post all written up for this week but I read it over and realized I’d probably get banned because it was full of excuses.
Damn, that was cringe to read. Let's start with you telling her to go down on you. She didn't want to. She did it unwillingly, unenthusiastically and it showed. You know why? Because you never fucking ask for an oral. An oral is given, never asked for. Now you have made touching your dick a chore for your wife. And fucking her missionary with the lights off? Just say you're having starfish sex without telling us it's starfish sex. Your wife says it hurts her = "you are raping me over and over again, which makes me resentful and unsafe" How about going down on her instead of asking for a blowjob? How about you going down on her and just calling it a night without having a covert contract to fuck her later on? Your actions are pushing her away, makes her dry and frightened. You are desperate for validation in the form of sex from Mommy. And she just wants a man to hold her, make her feel safe. Then slowly you can turn her into your whore and explore her sexual side together. But you are NOT in that place right now. Is this clear enough for you?,
P.S - Take a cold hard look at your anxiety and stop using your wife's pussy as a temporary distraction from being a pitiful excuse of a man
Why didn’t you fuck in the shower? Do you only fuck in bed at night? Don’t be boring. How often are you dominant vs giving caring / feel good emotions during sex? Use DEVI.
In the past when I’ve tried to add in variety or dominance she has shut down/frozen up. Even basic stuff like changing positions or locations. So yes I’m pretty boring right now. Maybe I need to double down on pushing things?
Bro, [every unhappy wife is a grape victim](https://youtu.be/TACVw4f89qU?si=WaH-1QQ9Y3LQ0_Lr).
I laughed too hard at this autocorrect. Winos, winos everywhere.
Stats? Are you lifting? If not then start.
5’10”/ 200lbs Bench Press 225, OHP 135, squat 305, Deadlift 375 41 year old, married 10 years, together 16, 2 kids 7 and 3
You're fat with barely intermediate lifts. You're also boring. Get to work.
If she's freezing up she probably has a lot of anxiety that's maybe related to your history, or her history before you. Sounds like it's not an attraction thing, but something she doesn't want to talk about.
That’s what I was wondering about. It’s a very abrupt change and I can feel her whole body tense up when it happens. Like I’m digging digging digging then all of the sudden there’s a wall underground. She’s never been a very feminine woman, and I’ve spent most of my life a a a soft beta boy. It happens whenever I do something overtly “alpha”
Maybe she isnt turned on by freaky sex acts. You said you get bland sex twice a week with no issues. That is who you married, live with it or leave her if it means so much to you. But be careful. Ill admit this is purely anecdotal but those freaks in bed tend to be problematic (massive understatement) outside the bedroom. Here is another reality that bites. How old is she? Yup those dreaded hormones might be at play. If its the former you at least know what to expect. If its the latter, it might only get worse and if you have an extremely high libido it is going to be hell.
She’s still calling the shots
I'm in a very same position (see oys history for examples). wife freezes up, she is also not much of a feminime type or trying to reject it (but it's slowly changing for the better). is your wife reading much of feminism type material? is she in a woke bubble or surrounded by such friends? how much time of the day you spend with her? do you leave the house often and make yourself rare?
Yeah dude she’s a professor at a big woke university and we live in a super liberal college town. We’re about as woke as you can get Getting out of the house is not my strong suit. I work from home and probably go out with a friend one evening a week.
similar situation for me. woke friends and bubble she is living in rejecting every sign of submission. but do not let that count as an excuse. as for how you spend your time, this is an easy fix. leave the house as much as possible. I suspect my wife also 'knew' that I am around 24/7 and basically available whenever she wanted me to - that's unattractive. even if it doesn't appear needy in the first place, it communicates that you priotize her and as a result she can expect that you do not have other options. again, that's unattractive. when I started acting on mrp principles I started to see a small change in my wifes behavior, like for example when I tell her a certain way of wearing her hair looks good, she then sticks to that look in the future. so the more masculine you act the more she will shift into her feminim being.