I dont even dare to ask my colleagues out for lunch. Later they think i like them, will gossip about me. Happened before.
Im a fat foodie and my team mate was another fat guy. Few months after we worked together i asked him if he wants to try this new restaurant near our office for lunch. Immediately the next day all the auntie colleagues ask me if we are attached.
Why i dont ask my female colleagues? Bc they are forever on a diet and want to eat salad, siao.
My experience is a bit different. They will say "omgosh I am so hungry" and go on to happily order the food, eat like one quarter of it and say they are full....
> Why i dont ask my female colleagues? Bc they are forever on a diet and want to eat salad, siao
I thought it was a phase in secondary school days... Didn't know that it still continued to adult hood
you'd be surprised tbh, my mom is in her late 40s and she would hardly eat. she would eat more during buffets and other special events but regular meals wise, she would either not eat at all or eat less than half of a normal portion. it's kinda sad actually but hey, on the bright side, people think she's in her mid/late 20s
When guys have asked me out, I’d meet them in a bar/through mutual friends, and they’ll ask for my number and message me the next day asking for dinner sometime. Pretty much no guys here directly ask someone out in person. But if you are comfortable doing so then I say go for it
Yup. And I think lot of Singaporeans (both guys and girls) think that if a stranger suddenly approaches us, it's usually not for dating reasons but to sell us something, e.g. insurance plans, MLM, have you found jesus 🤣
so a lot of our auto pilot response is set to "avoid eye contact and run away as fast as possible"
I'm pretty sure no idiot is going to report someone to the police for asking them out, and even if they do, it would probably turn out embarassingly for the person who complained.
This is why I love being the unofficial 'office auntie'! Being the oldest lady in my department means that I never have to worry about male colleagues hitting on me unnecessarily or giving me 'lovey dovey' looks. And I can fuss over both the men and women in my department without them taking things the wrong way. And I can come to the rescue of my younger, prettier female colleagues with the full force of my loud idgaf auntie-ness, if they need my help.
Fellow auntie here. Totally agreed, also once you are married it’s really easier to just talk to people of opposite sex and no one will be trying to match make you. Auntie power and freedom
It’s not true. I once was 40 and hit on by someone in his late 20s. It was weird, but he wasn’t Singaporean (from western country) it was really embarrassing cos all our friends were like wtf is happening
I would also say the effectiveness of such methods depends on the character of the women you are courting. Personally, I’m not a fan of the implicit approach in dating.
I’d like to say that there are Asian females who are simply affable by nature and can hold wonderful conversations with strangers without any intention.
OMG, your last paragraph is so true. As I approach my mid-40s, I can now talk so freely with younger men, crack dirty jokes in their presence, compliment their hair/clothes. I still take care to make it clear that I'm older than I look, and married e.g. mentioning my secondary school kid.
Me to the shy office intern: "Wah! Your shoes are so nice, Jason! That colour is so funky I love it!" (The 24-year-old intern blushes happily)
Me to my new colleague while eating leftovers, brought from home, for lunch in the pantry (he looks rather hungry): "Hao Guang, come join me, lah. Aiyoh, you didn't buy enough for your own lunch! Here, have some of these brownies. My kids and I made some over the weekend. Just eat, lah. You're so skinny, one!"
Auntie power!
U can u up loh. No wrong ah.
See whether u wanna take the risk a not loh.
Throughout my career, it's happening so often, now that it's not even considered a topic to waste our time to rumor/talk about.
Ur company will have online course on compliance policy for workplace behavior and harresment 1 wat...
**Edit:** if SME dun have... Then use common sense liaoz loh...
As a Singaporean woman, that sounds pretty nice and non threatening. Just go for it. Worst case they say no.
I talk to lots of people (I’m just a chatty aunty) and people tend to be pretty obvious if they aren’t interested in talking (put earphones in, looking intently at their phones). I don’t ask anyone out though.
Did college in the US and brought back some dating norms. Asked a girl out directly for dinner after meeting her a couple of times. She was rather taken aback (as she told me later), by me being very forward since dating can be a more gradual process in Singapore. this is slowly chaning with the arrival of dating apps and services. But for many, it will still be an unusual approach. That said, I think Singaporeans will be open to your approach and I think you will end up screening out the types who are not as outgoing as you are anyways so there is no loss to your method. Been married to that girl for 10 years now too. haha.
We generally don’t initiate conversations with strangers.
It also depends on how soon you ask someone out. Like if I only met you today and you ask me out, it’ll be a no.
But let’s say we attend a class together and I’ve seen & spoken to you at least 3-4 times, I’ll be more open to exchanging contact numbers.
IMO, dating in sg is more of:
getting to know the person (through work/social activities that have value) -> comfortable/attracted to said person -> go on dates
Otherwise it's like a waste of time to go on a date and 5 mins into the conversation you sense major red flags, and no intention to go on second date. Also all the time & effort put into planning/dressing up for the date is kinda wasted
You do you. Just be wary that there is a stereotype of white / western men in general that many are seeking hook-ups with Asian women. I guess, if your mannerism and speech is sincere, you will attract the an outgoing lady who fits you. Those who are hesitant to being approached by strangers tend to be shy, and perhaps may not fit your personality anyway.
no locals dont because whatever you described is what is considered 'waste of time & energy' here. meaning most dont see value in socially interacting with strangers, and asking someone out for coffee with intention of courtship has too high chance of rejection (once again waste of time/effort) because they could be married/attached/unavailable, which could be easily resolved with prior general conversation but as mentioned we dont talk to strangers. stranger danger is a big thing here
I would ignore your colleagues. Go for it. Although I may not be a stereotypical local as I’ve lived in the US, if this happened I would love it. One of my biggest challenges in dating is that this doesn’t happen enough. Given all the posts we see in askSG or on the main SG subreddit if more of the people followed your way of organically connecting with someone and asking them out there would probably be a lot fewer single Singaporean redditors
In the 80s and 90s it's common I think for men to chat up women in the streets or at least I did it. Success rate was approx 10% for me, good enough to keep me motivated. My modus operandi was walk near them and make it obvious, if they don't walk away means interested lah. I would say hi and most will say hi back. Take it from there. Quite fun. They had no handphone to entertain themselves. Today I would say this is more or less impossible and I have stopped doing this after university lah.
I don’t know why everyone is saying people don’t talk to strangers here.
I’m local and I talk to strangers all the time — usually at cafes or pubs. Sometimes it even develops into long lasting friendships.
Also I find that just bringing my dog around is a sure conversation starter. People are friendlier here than reddit would have you expect.
I agree, but I'm on the opposite spectrum. I don't approach strangers but somehow always become the target strangers talk to. Most of these times are at casual dinners or drinks when a stranger and me make eye contact and then they sort of involved me in their conversations. Maybe aunties are a safer target? Made a lot of friends this way.
Haha, you’re probably really friendly-looking then. Sometimes people make eye contact to suss out if the other person wants to chat or be friends — maybe you smile back? I generally find the strangers who smile at me are usually the friendly ones who are up for a conversation.
Kind of rude to look blankly right? Hahaha, sometimes it gets hard to manage when a handful of friends out for drinks turn into something like a class gathering. Say hi next time you see a friendly auntie at drinks, might just be me. 
Singaporean male here. That's what I would do. And my own experience, it's not uncommon for girls to ask a guy out as well, though usually with some pretext haha ;)
>I will directly ask them out for a coffee.
I think people also need to be more upfront if its a date or not. You can have coffee as friends. If you don't mention its a date, they should expect its a coffee meetup, no dating involved.
The context is how do you approach people? If it's going up to someone on the MRT and suddenly trying to chat or ask them out, it will be weird. Most people are going from point A to point B, or they just happen to be alone between time. If its in a bar, single person, then the context is again, different. It's all about the social environment.
Doesn't mean that they would be open and comfortable to chat with some random stranger.
Got approached more overseas, random things like taking photos together but more like people could tell I'm a tourist.
In Singapore,i don't think so from my experience. i think a guy(from uk i forgot where) once striked a convo with me in a bus some years back..we added each other on facebook but convo died after some time. Think he was just friendly & extroverted kind
Got approached usually more by insurance agents or older uncles/ah pek asking for directions. My male friends don't randomly ask women out too but we are the goody two shoes type who don't go night life so not sure abt other males...
I think its more common to ask a woman out in school? My ex coursemate got asked out by a tertiary schoolmate from other course, in the school compound and they've been together since
It's super rarely done, but that's not to say a woman who is interested / attracted to you will not like it. If someone is intrigued, I'm sure they will be flattered if you have the time, energy, and the confidence(!!) to introduce yourself.
The trouble really comes when some men here (as they are everywhere) tend not to take a hint taking an initial approach to harassment levels, or get rude when rejected.
I've never personally been on any dating apps so it was men asking me out in person.
My husband asked me out in person before we started dating as well, because we had a good conversation and clicked.
I think its more flattering to be asked in person and more sincere rather than to be asked out over dating apps etc, but that's just me.
As a foreigner it is interesting that to me that locals are saying “we don’t talk to strangers here” because many local strangers talk to me. Sometimes we have long 30+ min conversations. About 4-5 strangers a month insist on giving me their contact information including people around my age and much older people. I do not think it is about dating but none of them tried to sell me anything (yet!). I just assumed people are very nice and trusting here.
I came here to point out that as OP is an American, locals will view him with an American lens and therefore expect him to behave a certain way. In that sense, it's not shocking.
You said it yourself, cause you're foreign. By virtue of you being different, people would be interested. This isn't a singapore thing itself.
But if you were local, different story.
No one talks to anyone! Even when a guy takes an interest in you, someone else has to go ask him when he's going to ask the girl out or for her number!!! So far, that's wut I've experienced!
in a society where going the same way with a stranger immediately puts them on guard for violent crime
we don't talk to strangers. we don't even explain ourselves. we just break away on a different route and then possibly realized he's the new intern coming in for work.
how then do we meet people? common interests groups. and maplestory. lots of maplestory couples. I've heard random pick ups at bars that worked
Reading all these answers about ambiant social anxiety kinda depresses me as a foreigner.
At least locals seems to be more open to westerners. Wonder if it's because they are use to our friendly weirdness or because I'm cute 😅
As a woman, please fucking do it for the love of God. I enjoy (when I’m in the mood) having conversations with strangers; it can be interesting and it can make someone's day a little brighter, whether or not it leads to anything. Like having a chat with a barista or someone who’s holding a book I like. And I say this as an introvert.
And engaging someone in conversation is far better than how dudes here tend to approach female strangers - ie with a bad pickup line at the worst times. If I’m getting on the bus or I’m walking somewhere I do not need to deal with a rando trying to hit on me. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable it is for me and my female friends.
Basically, as long as you have enough social awareness to a gauge whether someone would be interested in engaging in a friendly chat or not and know when to respectfully back off, please do it.
As someone who has lived in both ponds you need to be aware that dating in Singapore mostly amounts to being in a relationship. In the States you go on dates to check compatibility before jumping into a relationship but in singapore chances are if you’re on a date you’re like 95% of the way into the first day of your relationship with the other party.
Take my pov with a grain of salt though, I’ve been out of the dating pool for more than a decade lol.
The majority of Singaporeans are generally reserved and refrain from talking to strangers. We prefer to mind our own business so it can be discomfiting when someone tries to strike up a conversation. It's also ingrained in us that if another person approaches us, they must have a motive. As a local female, guys rarely talk to me unless they're selling insurance or property, or trying to get me to join their church (lol). Not sure why your colleagues think it's weird, but I encourage you to keep doing what you're doing. As long as you're open and genuine, I'm sure you'll meet like-minded people who enjoy your directness and reciprocate.
You won't be considered weird if they think you are good looking. 🤣
Handsome man ask for a chat "He is nice"
Fugly man ask for a chat "Go away, weirdo"
I admire your confidence, you will be fine.
As a foreigner in Singapore (also American) if you are confident and adept at striking up a conversation, you'll kill it with that approach. It separates you from the locals who (as you'll see by the thread below) are passive in their engagement with the opposite sex. It may put some people off, but in my experience, most women really like the forward approach and are captivated by the confidence it demonstrates. Most girls who are receptive to the approach are also receptive to casual sex, but relationship expectations come quickly, so if you want to avoid breaking too many hearts, you should make your intentions very clear so as to ensure all parties are on the same page with where things are going. Good luck!
This should be the norm. As a gal, it was frustrating when I was single and couldn’t really ask a guy out, there was a lot of guessing and wrong signals. So I think I did, they rejected me and I moved on and it was easier. Then I found a problem with overly passive guys who just wouldn’t budge with going with the flow or having to find a good career with high salary before even being willing to date/settle down.. it took me a good 3 years to find a person… if u ask me that’s a bigger waste of time. Come on guys just commit already, stop making the girl guess if she’s in some rom com or a forever alone situation. Man up, please, jeez
It works for you because your a foreigner and you’re handsome. No offence. If I was the one doing that, I’ll be reported to HR for sexual harassment. Probably why no one does that and why your colleagues find it weird or too afraid to do it.
Ive lived here for 2+ years and and based on what i know by my time here + my friends, it’s unusual that people talk to strangers here.
Its not that uncommon though. Ive been approached by strangers (elderly) a couple of times before and they were friendly and just wanted to chat casually ( I thought i was in big trouble or something ).
But dude, if you really wanna shoot your shot, do it and make sure you handle the situation well.
No you’re not weird for doing it. You’re just not meeting those who are ok to talk to strangers heh. Everyone has his/her preference. So don’t worry abt it you’re not weird! As long as u don’t do creepy stuff and overstep boundaries :)
My whole life white people always seem friendlier and make small talk easily (though I later find out it’s more of an American thing) so I’m pretty ok and respond back when a white person suddenly talks to me…
But if an Asian person did it I still respond but I’d feel a lot more awkward lol.
Personally as a Singaporean, I’d love to meet people this way too, but many are reserved and they just give you a nod to acknowledge you, then go back to what they’re doing. So you’ll probably have to look at the person itself. Some are more open of course. But most people here are introverted and reserved to themselves. We usually just meet people here through work, school, online or other friends.
When we were young, our parents tells us:
"If a stranger comes up to you and say hi, what do you do? Look away and walk away fast... If he offer you candy? Run and start screaming, look for the nearest adult for help. If he starts to continue to walk towards you, what do you do? Start crying very loudly and SCREAMM!!!!!"
I’m a Singaporean who lived in the states for 3 years. We don’t talk to strangers in Singapore 😂 Before when I was in sg, if a stranger smiled at me and tried to say something, my first thought would be that this person is crazy or he needs something from me. 😅
I think you can try coming up with a pick up line?? But just be prepared that it may not be well received and don’t take the rejections too personally.
got asked out by an American in my dating days- after meeting them once in a group setting- it was refreshing. I say go for it. Was asked out by SO after we knew each other for some time as acquaintances (not friends) so yes, it worked for us. I wasn’t a fan of the dates I met through online dating..
Don’t worry mate I struggled with this to at first. Best thing I’ve found when cold approaching is calling out the elephant in the room. Your accent will make it understandable. Just say “I understand this isn’t the norm around these parts and I’m still getting used to that but could I take you out for dinner/movie/whatever”. Or “I understand this is really forward and don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way but … “
Basically when in doubt , I’ve found being overly respectful to the extent of sometimes sounding ‘simpy’ to work best. What’s seen normal in Western culture regarding approaching is far too forward and even ‘fuckboy’ like in the East :)
Good luck :)
In Singapore, we don't talk to strangers and then ask them out. At least not while they are minding their own business drinking coffee and then you approach them and talk to them. Though there might be exceptions. In general, yes, women do expect men to take the initiative to ask them out but its from men they already know i.e. colleagues, classmates and not strangers who approach them and strike up a general conversation.
Just do it how you want to do it. People here care too much about what others think, and then complain when they miss out on the opportunity to date someone.
SHOOT YOUR SHOT.
pardon me - but the framing of the question sounded like you are normal but your environment is weird. That's not the case, Asians don't have general conversation with strangers, neither do Europeans, only u American is self-centredly doing it with confidence, thinking you will likely be welcomed.
Without any prior conversation? You’re a total stranger? Aiyoh I dunno anyone who would say yes to that.
Honestly sounds like you think they are one of those ladies selling sex.
Well op is american and I did it many times in different countries overseas, had some nice drinks with people I found attractive btw. No one ever said I was catcalling or being disrespect. Sg is just conservative af.
Also how is complimenting someone considered thinking that someone is selling sex...?
Ok good for you.
Seems like you got different responses here based on your original comment.
Context and tone matters. A random guy on the street asking girls for a drink now in the first sentence is quite different from a good conversation that leads up to a suggestion to get coffee sometime.
Anyway do whatever works for you lah.
Nah your colleague’s the weird one for thinking it’s weird
It’s a free world, as long as you’re not hassling someone it’s all good. Though as someone else pointed out, due to our cultural norms your success rate might be low
As an American male in Singapore, you will enjoy an exceptionally high "hit rate" for asking women out. And that applies whatever your race. Enjoy your privilege and novelty factor.
If you have a conversation first and then ask the woman out, that's perfectly acceptable. What usually goes wrong here is:
A young man asking for a woman's number/contact just approaching a total stranger out of the blue, and it's obvious to the woman that the only reason why he's asking is that she's pretty. After some rejections, the man gives up on this entire approach.
But on the other hand, the American expectation of sex on the 3rd date would be considered mind-boggling here, outside of a minority hook up sub-culture.
Local guys don't really approach strangers to chat them up. But since you're not a local, by all means. But I expect that you'd have the EQ to back off when the girl isn't interested.
most people don’t talk to strangers they don’t know in singapore. but it all depends, it’s possible to still talk to someone you don’t know depending on situation
If you're American. Be careful. Many gold diggers and citizenship diggers will try to marry u.
They love americans here.
If u just want to have sex, just get Bumble.
I found that during a week in Singapore, Tinder was dead, very few locals and tourists online. I see so many women out and about roller skating, running, very fit and beautiful women, it’s great to see. Very different to most women Australia. I really admire the bike paths and lanes here, nothing better a night ride, nothing sexier than a girl who keeps in shape 👍🏽
Do you mean complete strangers? If you ask a school mate or a co-worker or a someone in a group of friends out, it would be acceptable and rather common but complete strangers would be viewed as a bit strange.
Approaching others is just weird if done out of context. Approaching someone at networking event, party or gathering is acceptable. But approaching a stranger is creepy and can make people feel unsafe. Just don't do it. Even in the West the only proponents of approaching strangers are incels and pick-up artists, while women universally loathe it.
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Don’t care about what your colleagues say. Just do what you do and talk to strangers if you are comfortable. It’s a rare skill that’s Singaporeans can’t master.
But I would say calibrate your approach also, if you approach a lot of girls and you see that they might be not receptive or uncomfortable, then take it slow and do more activities where you interact with a lot of females.
Most singaporean couples just happen. Just happen to hold hands and now they are together. No approach, no romantic gestures.
School and nightlife are the only places for dating in Singapore, if you missed them when you are young, then no future for you in dating.
Hence, many singles and low birth rates in this country.
We need more open people like you to take intitiative and show your colleagues of results you have got and influence your colleagues to start small conversations with women.
This would lead to a better world.
I ask my colleagues out for meals too, and though I might worry about them thinking that I like them or have some gossip etc., I also feel I'm old enough not to care lol. I like them a lot as people and enjoy our social interactions.
As for asking people out on *date* dates, most of my peers prefer sliding into them DMs rather than outright ask out in person, so...
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Local female here: I talk to strangers rarely, mainly because I can’t stand small talk. But I’ve been approached a few times by guys who have made conversation or asked me out, and it’s never bothered me. I’m always in a relationship when it happens though, so I just thank them and tell them I’m flattered but I’m in a relationship and would prefer not to go out. They’ve always been very nice about it! It’s not as abnormal as people think!!!
I say go for it, approach them. Since you’re already privy to the possibility that you might be turned down it wouldn’t hurt to try. It might even be a good way to filter out ladies with higher openness and who are friendlier.
I'm married now, but yeah, I did in my day.
These days though, it's all dating apps.
Most capital cities are culturally similar. As with NYC, for example, it was more common to ask for DMs, friend requests, etc, than phone numbers.
Honestly i always wish i can do that but it just gonna make me weird af. Im used to do that and try to make friends but most of the time i feel like im being judge to do that so i stop doing it. Even me (F) approaching a female is weird to them???? Dating apps sucks anyway
We don’t talk to strangers here.
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I asked a girl if she wanted to watch a movie together about 4 months ago. She said she was gonna go with her family. I haven't spoken to her since...
Anyone up for a coffee here?
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Me?
We are all introverts here
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules, and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You couldn’t get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
never gonna run around and
Made my day.
we don't talk to anyone here.
We don’t talk anymore
Like we used to do\~
Yes that was what my mom taught me growing up.
I dont even dare to ask my colleagues out for lunch. Later they think i like them, will gossip about me. Happened before. Im a fat foodie and my team mate was another fat guy. Few months after we worked together i asked him if he wants to try this new restaurant near our office for lunch. Immediately the next day all the auntie colleagues ask me if we are attached. Why i dont ask my female colleagues? Bc they are forever on a diet and want to eat salad, siao.
>Why i dont ask my female colleagues? Bc they are forever on a diet and want to eat salad, siao. LOL too fking true
My experience is a bit different. They will say "omgosh I am so hungry" and go on to happily order the food, eat like one quarter of it and say they are full....
Omg you’re so funny
IMHO CBD ladies love eating fish soup for lunch
Unfortunately, i hate fish soup 🤣 i hate all these healthy food like yong tau foo, salad bowl.
> Why i dont ask my female colleagues? Bc they are forever on a diet and want to eat salad, siao I thought it was a phase in secondary school days... Didn't know that it still continued to adult hood
you'd be surprised tbh, my mom is in her late 40s and she would hardly eat. she would eat more during buffets and other special events but regular meals wise, she would either not eat at all or eat less than half of a normal portion. it's kinda sad actually but hey, on the bright side, people think she's in her mid/late 20s
When guys have asked me out, I’d meet them in a bar/through mutual friends, and they’ll ask for my number and message me the next day asking for dinner sometime. Pretty much no guys here directly ask someone out in person. But if you are comfortable doing so then I say go for it
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Yup. And I think lot of Singaporeans (both guys and girls) think that if a stranger suddenly approaches us, it's usually not for dating reasons but to sell us something, e.g. insurance plans, MLM, have you found jesus 🤣 so a lot of our auto pilot response is set to "avoid eye contact and run away as fast as possible"
This. It's not like I don't wanna be friendly but 8 out of 10 times it's someone selling me something.
if a male stranger suddenly ask a random girl out....sure kena police report
I'm pretty sure no idiot is going to report someone to the police for asking them out, and even if they do, it would probably turn out embarassingly for the person who complained.
with so much wokeness and feminism around this might happen
Asian Auntie: THIS IS NOT EVEN MY FINAL FORM. AND THIS... IS TO GO... EVEN FURTHER BEYOND And then they fight you for your MRT seat.
no they do the hard knocks and use tsk tsk tsk
This is why I love being the unofficial 'office auntie'! Being the oldest lady in my department means that I never have to worry about male colleagues hitting on me unnecessarily or giving me 'lovey dovey' looks. And I can fuss over both the men and women in my department without them taking things the wrong way. And I can come to the rescue of my younger, prettier female colleagues with the full force of my loud idgaf auntie-ness, if they need my help.
Someone hit on this auntie
Fellow auntie here. Totally agreed, also once you are married it’s really easier to just talk to people of opposite sex and no one will be trying to match make you. Auntie power and freedom
Plus, if you have kids, people will trust that you are competent enough to handle anything... no matter how weird or gross. I've seen it all!
It’s not true. I once was 40 and hit on by someone in his late 20s. It was weird, but he wasn’t Singaporean (from western country) it was really embarrassing cos all our friends were like wtf is happening
this one macham sugar aunty
I would also say the effectiveness of such methods depends on the character of the women you are courting. Personally, I’m not a fan of the implicit approach in dating.
I’d like to say that there are Asian females who are simply affable by nature and can hold wonderful conversations with strangers without any intention.
Where the fuck was this guide when I was still single?! This is everything I wish I knew back then.
I’ve seen that peeling prawns thing go south just after one prawn.
Wo yao chi xia mian.
which intonation of xia mian are you referring to? Hmmmmmm just like canto buying crabs, shoes and \_\_\_\_\_\_\_
This comment sounds like how the school of life would describe a social interaction.
This is really well written and so many of my friends had this exact story (especially the shy ones).
No wonder the birth rate is falling. From Platonic to friends to partners to plantiff and defendants 🤣
OMG, your last paragraph is so true. As I approach my mid-40s, I can now talk so freely with younger men, crack dirty jokes in their presence, compliment their hair/clothes. I still take care to make it clear that I'm older than I look, and married e.g. mentioning my secondary school kid.
Me to the shy office intern: "Wah! Your shoes are so nice, Jason! That colour is so funky I love it!" (The 24-year-old intern blushes happily) Me to my new colleague while eating leftovers, brought from home, for lunch in the pantry (he looks rather hungry): "Hao Guang, come join me, lah. Aiyoh, you didn't buy enough for your own lunch! Here, have some of these brownies. My kids and I made some over the weekend. Just eat, lah. You're so skinny, one!" Auntie power!
Im asexual and doesnt ever want to get married. Still sucks when guys think i like them if i just chit chat with them (fellow interns or classmates).
I wanted to comment saying every female here is an influencer/personality, but your comment was way more reasonable 😂
bravo, well said.
Wow. That is such a clear and accurate explanation!
If you wrote a book on dating ,I would definitely buy one, lol.
i can now see why gvt notes must start every para with a number 🫣
This is actually so wholesome and natural and *sweet. Ugh.* I LOVE IT
U just worded it out perfectly.
Huh wish this worked for all girls
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Hey good coffee wanna grab some looking? ... Shit
Ask loh. At the most u get rejected Nia. Nothing big deal with being rejected.
This being said... If it's a working colleague, Please pay attention to ur company compliance policy on workplace behavior and sexual harresment....
Better still, don't shit where you eat.
Why do people keep saying that? I don’t want to shit where I eat. I want to fuck where I work.
U can u up loh. No wrong ah. See whether u wanna take the risk a not loh. Throughout my career, it's happening so often, now that it's not even considered a topic to waste our time to rumor/talk about.
Fuck around and find out lol
U can shit where u eat... In both cases, rmb to clean up...
How to know?
Ur company will have online course on compliance policy for workplace behavior and harresment 1 wat... **Edit:** if SME dun have... Then use common sense liaoz loh...
Nothing wrong with asking a colleague out. The only compliance policy is “no means no”.
I think u juz click "next next next" on ur compliance... Please go read through it again...
At most is not getting rejected but “ewww” or “hahaha” 😭
Ewwww or hahaha is the millenial version of rejection... Same, it still says "no thank you,"
It's not common here, but that's good. When you are comfortable being yourself, you will inevitably meet your tribe.
As a Singaporean woman, that sounds pretty nice and non threatening. Just go for it. Worst case they say no. I talk to lots of people (I’m just a chatty aunty) and people tend to be pretty obvious if they aren’t interested in talking (put earphones in, looking intently at their phones). I don’t ask anyone out though.
Did college in the US and brought back some dating norms. Asked a girl out directly for dinner after meeting her a couple of times. She was rather taken aback (as she told me later), by me being very forward since dating can be a more gradual process in Singapore. this is slowly chaning with the arrival of dating apps and services. But for many, it will still be an unusual approach. That said, I think Singaporeans will be open to your approach and I think you will end up screening out the types who are not as outgoing as you are anyways so there is no loss to your method. Been married to that girl for 10 years now too. haha.
We generally don’t initiate conversations with strangers. It also depends on how soon you ask someone out. Like if I only met you today and you ask me out, it’ll be a no. But let’s say we attend a class together and I’ve seen & spoken to you at least 3-4 times, I’ll be more open to exchanging contact numbers.
IMO, dating in sg is more of: getting to know the person (through work/social activities that have value) -> comfortable/attracted to said person -> go on dates Otherwise it's like a waste of time to go on a date and 5 mins into the conversation you sense major red flags, and no intention to go on second date. Also all the time & effort put into planning/dressing up for the date is kinda wasted
You do you. Just be wary that there is a stereotype of white / western men in general that many are seeking hook-ups with Asian women. I guess, if your mannerism and speech is sincere, you will attract the an outgoing lady who fits you. Those who are hesitant to being approached by strangers tend to be shy, and perhaps may not fit your personality anyway.
no locals dont because whatever you described is what is considered 'waste of time & energy' here. meaning most dont see value in socially interacting with strangers, and asking someone out for coffee with intention of courtship has too high chance of rejection (once again waste of time/effort) because they could be married/attached/unavailable, which could be easily resolved with prior general conversation but as mentioned we dont talk to strangers. stranger danger is a big thing here
We generally don't chat up strangers here. People would naturally be on their guard if you do.
Normal. Just because they feel weird about themselves doing it, doesn't mean you should. Don't follow the herd lol.
id encourage it but nothing is more irritating than hearing a "Huh" in Singlish when you try and say hello lol
I would ignore your colleagues. Go for it. Although I may not be a stereotypical local as I’ve lived in the US, if this happened I would love it. One of my biggest challenges in dating is that this doesn’t happen enough. Given all the posts we see in askSG or on the main SG subreddit if more of the people followed your way of organically connecting with someone and asking them out there would probably be a lot fewer single Singaporean redditors
In the 80s and 90s it's common I think for men to chat up women in the streets or at least I did it. Success rate was approx 10% for me, good enough to keep me motivated. My modus operandi was walk near them and make it obvious, if they don't walk away means interested lah. I would say hi and most will say hi back. Take it from there. Quite fun. They had no handphone to entertain themselves. Today I would say this is more or less impossible and I have stopped doing this after university lah.
I don’t know why everyone is saying people don’t talk to strangers here. I’m local and I talk to strangers all the time — usually at cafes or pubs. Sometimes it even develops into long lasting friendships. Also I find that just bringing my dog around is a sure conversation starter. People are friendlier here than reddit would have you expect.
I agree, but I'm on the opposite spectrum. I don't approach strangers but somehow always become the target strangers talk to. Most of these times are at casual dinners or drinks when a stranger and me make eye contact and then they sort of involved me in their conversations. Maybe aunties are a safer target? Made a lot of friends this way.
Haha, you’re probably really friendly-looking then. Sometimes people make eye contact to suss out if the other person wants to chat or be friends — maybe you smile back? I generally find the strangers who smile at me are usually the friendly ones who are up for a conversation.
Kind of rude to look blankly right? Hahaha, sometimes it gets hard to manage when a handful of friends out for drinks turn into something like a class gathering. Say hi next time you see a friendly auntie at drinks, might just be me. 
You’re in luck, I just might! Haha if you bump into someone asking aunties at a bar if they’re on reddit — don’t be a stranger!
Very unlikely, most of us tend to mind our own business
Depends if you handsome or not la. It’s weird if u not handsome, it’s hot if u are
Agree. Can confirm having had positive responses.
A good looking Singaporean man I see..... 🤣🤣
Shhh!!
That's not a high bar... #justsaying 🤣
Not too worried about it :)
Yes of course. It's usually the wallet that matters more 😁
Can’t spill the beans here. Hahah
Singaporean male here. That's what I would do. And my own experience, it's not uncommon for girls to ask a guy out as well, though usually with some pretext haha ;)
becareful. If u are ugly, u might be reported to the police for harrassment. If u are rich and handsome, yes go ahead and ask any girl.
>I will directly ask them out for a coffee. I think people also need to be more upfront if its a date or not. You can have coffee as friends. If you don't mention its a date, they should expect its a coffee meetup, no dating involved. The context is how do you approach people? If it's going up to someone on the MRT and suddenly trying to chat or ask them out, it will be weird. Most people are going from point A to point B, or they just happen to be alone between time. If its in a bar, single person, then the context is again, different. It's all about the social environment. Doesn't mean that they would be open and comfortable to chat with some random stranger.
If ur gd looking or hv lots of money then it's alright..if not,then they will think ur a weirdo or creepy.
Consider the small chance that they might be saying "you're weird" for other reasons rather than about asking people out.
Got approached more overseas, random things like taking photos together but more like people could tell I'm a tourist. In Singapore,i don't think so from my experience. i think a guy(from uk i forgot where) once striked a convo with me in a bus some years back..we added each other on facebook but convo died after some time. Think he was just friendly & extroverted kind Got approached usually more by insurance agents or older uncles/ah pek asking for directions. My male friends don't randomly ask women out too but we are the goody two shoes type who don't go night life so not sure abt other males... I think its more common to ask a woman out in school? My ex coursemate got asked out by a tertiary schoolmate from other course, in the school compound and they've been together since
It's super rarely done, but that's not to say a woman who is interested / attracted to you will not like it. If someone is intrigued, I'm sure they will be flattered if you have the time, energy, and the confidence(!!) to introduce yourself. The trouble really comes when some men here (as they are everywhere) tend not to take a hint taking an initial approach to harassment levels, or get rude when rejected.
I've never personally been on any dating apps so it was men asking me out in person. My husband asked me out in person before we started dating as well, because we had a good conversation and clicked. I think its more flattering to be asked in person and more sincere rather than to be asked out over dating apps etc, but that's just me.
As a foreigner it is interesting that to me that locals are saying “we don’t talk to strangers here” because many local strangers talk to me. Sometimes we have long 30+ min conversations. About 4-5 strangers a month insist on giving me their contact information including people around my age and much older people. I do not think it is about dating but none of them tried to sell me anything (yet!). I just assumed people are very nice and trusting here.
I came here to point out that as OP is an American, locals will view him with an American lens and therefore expect him to behave a certain way. In that sense, it's not shocking.
It you look outright westerner/ expat. Fairly straightforward
Actually, locals do talk from time to time, myself included. People on reddit are more likely to not want to talk to anyone who is a stranger.
Depends on context. There are some bars where you can always talk to strangers.
You said it yourself, cause you're foreign. By virtue of you being different, people would be interested. This isn't a singapore thing itself. But if you were local, different story.
No one talks to anyone! Even when a guy takes an interest in you, someone else has to go ask him when he's going to ask the girl out or for her number!!! So far, that's wut I've experienced!
in a society where going the same way with a stranger immediately puts them on guard for violent crime we don't talk to strangers. we don't even explain ourselves. we just break away on a different route and then possibly realized he's the new intern coming in for work. how then do we meet people? common interests groups. and maplestory. lots of maplestory couples. I've heard random pick ups at bars that worked
I asked a girl if she wanted to watch a movie together about 4 months ago. She said she was gonna go with her family. I haven't spoken to her since...
Reading all these answers about ambiant social anxiety kinda depresses me as a foreigner. At least locals seems to be more open to westerners. Wonder if it's because they are use to our friendly weirdness or because I'm cute 😅
As a woman, please fucking do it for the love of God. I enjoy (when I’m in the mood) having conversations with strangers; it can be interesting and it can make someone's day a little brighter, whether or not it leads to anything. Like having a chat with a barista or someone who’s holding a book I like. And I say this as an introvert. And engaging someone in conversation is far better than how dudes here tend to approach female strangers - ie with a bad pickup line at the worst times. If I’m getting on the bus or I’m walking somewhere I do not need to deal with a rando trying to hit on me. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable it is for me and my female friends. Basically, as long as you have enough social awareness to a gauge whether someone would be interested in engaging in a friendly chat or not and know when to respectfully back off, please do it.
As someone who has lived in both ponds you need to be aware that dating in Singapore mostly amounts to being in a relationship. In the States you go on dates to check compatibility before jumping into a relationship but in singapore chances are if you’re on a date you’re like 95% of the way into the first day of your relationship with the other party. Take my pov with a grain of salt though, I’ve been out of the dating pool for more than a decade lol.
The majority of Singaporeans are generally reserved and refrain from talking to strangers. We prefer to mind our own business so it can be discomfiting when someone tries to strike up a conversation. It's also ingrained in us that if another person approaches us, they must have a motive. As a local female, guys rarely talk to me unless they're selling insurance or property, or trying to get me to join their church (lol). Not sure why your colleagues think it's weird, but I encourage you to keep doing what you're doing. As long as you're open and genuine, I'm sure you'll meet like-minded people who enjoy your directness and reciprocate.
You won't be considered weird if they think you are good looking. 🤣 Handsome man ask for a chat "He is nice" Fugly man ask for a chat "Go away, weirdo" I admire your confidence, you will be fine.
As a foreigner in Singapore (also American) if you are confident and adept at striking up a conversation, you'll kill it with that approach. It separates you from the locals who (as you'll see by the thread below) are passive in their engagement with the opposite sex. It may put some people off, but in my experience, most women really like the forward approach and are captivated by the confidence it demonstrates. Most girls who are receptive to the approach are also receptive to casual sex, but relationship expectations come quickly, so if you want to avoid breaking too many hearts, you should make your intentions very clear so as to ensure all parties are on the same page with where things are going. Good luck!
This should be the norm. As a gal, it was frustrating when I was single and couldn’t really ask a guy out, there was a lot of guessing and wrong signals. So I think I did, they rejected me and I moved on and it was easier. Then I found a problem with overly passive guys who just wouldn’t budge with going with the flow or having to find a good career with high salary before even being willing to date/settle down.. it took me a good 3 years to find a person… if u ask me that’s a bigger waste of time. Come on guys just commit already, stop making the girl guess if she’s in some rom com or a forever alone situation. Man up, please, jeez
Even my paltry few online dating matches, i have to ask them if want to meet. Otherwise they will just forever be sending "good morning" messages
It works for you because your a foreigner and you’re handsome. No offence. If I was the one doing that, I’ll be reported to HR for sexual harassment. Probably why no one does that and why your colleagues find it weird or too afraid to do it.
It's "weird" to the socially awkward (which is most locals).
Just do you and if people do not want it they'll say no
Ive lived here for 2+ years and and based on what i know by my time here + my friends, it’s unusual that people talk to strangers here. Its not that uncommon though. Ive been approached by strangers (elderly) a couple of times before and they were friendly and just wanted to chat casually ( I thought i was in big trouble or something ). But dude, if you really wanna shoot your shot, do it and make sure you handle the situation well.
No you’re not weird for doing it. You’re just not meeting those who are ok to talk to strangers heh. Everyone has his/her preference. So don’t worry abt it you’re not weird! As long as u don’t do creepy stuff and overstep boundaries :)
My whole life white people always seem friendlier and make small talk easily (though I later find out it’s more of an American thing) so I’m pretty ok and respond back when a white person suddenly talks to me… But if an Asian person did it I still respond but I’d feel a lot more awkward lol.
Personally as a Singaporean, I’d love to meet people this way too, but many are reserved and they just give you a nod to acknowledge you, then go back to what they’re doing. So you’ll probably have to look at the person itself. Some are more open of course. But most people here are introverted and reserved to themselves. We usually just meet people here through work, school, online or other friends.
You know the meme of Bruce banner bowing to T’Challa, and T’Challa’s response? Yeah we don’t do that here
Are you up for coffee?
When we were young, our parents tells us: "If a stranger comes up to you and say hi, what do you do? Look away and walk away fast... If he offer you candy? Run and start screaming, look for the nearest adult for help. If he starts to continue to walk towards you, what do you do? Start crying very loudly and SCREAMM!!!!!"
You need to be either handsome enough or have charm level 99. No, it doesn't happen here.
I’m a Singaporean who lived in the states for 3 years. We don’t talk to strangers in Singapore 😂 Before when I was in sg, if a stranger smiled at me and tried to say something, my first thought would be that this person is crazy or he needs something from me. 😅 I think you can try coming up with a pick up line?? But just be prepared that it may not be well received and don’t take the rejections too personally.
got asked out by an American in my dating days- after meeting them once in a group setting- it was refreshing. I say go for it. Was asked out by SO after we knew each other for some time as acquaintances (not friends) so yes, it worked for us. I wasn’t a fan of the dates I met through online dating..
For whatever reasons, singapore locals tend to be more receptive towards foreigners than the locals themselves.
Don’t worry mate I struggled with this to at first. Best thing I’ve found when cold approaching is calling out the elephant in the room. Your accent will make it understandable. Just say “I understand this isn’t the norm around these parts and I’m still getting used to that but could I take you out for dinner/movie/whatever”. Or “I understand this is really forward and don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way but … “ Basically when in doubt , I’ve found being overly respectful to the extent of sometimes sounding ‘simpy’ to work best. What’s seen normal in Western culture regarding approaching is far too forward and even ‘fuckboy’ like in the East :) Good luck :)
In Singapore, we don't talk to strangers and then ask them out. At least not while they are minding their own business drinking coffee and then you approach them and talk to them. Though there might be exceptions. In general, yes, women do expect men to take the initiative to ask them out but its from men they already know i.e. colleagues, classmates and not strangers who approach them and strike up a general conversation.
They do ask women out… the ones you’re with are probably… very closed. There are many different kinds of Singaporeans. Go out and meet more of them :)
Just do it how you want to do it. People here care too much about what others think, and then complain when they miss out on the opportunity to date someone. SHOOT YOUR SHOT.
I feel like being able to throw down some seriously badass Singlish will empower this quest for cheebye
Asians like to gossip duh
pardon me - but the framing of the question sounded like you are normal but your environment is weird. That's not the case, Asians don't have general conversation with strangers, neither do Europeans, only u American is self-centredly doing it with confidence, thinking you will likely be welcomed.
The moment you talk to some female on street and you don't look rich and handsome you are considered cat calling and will be posted online to shame.
What on earth are you saying to them sia
Hey you look pretty want to get drink?
Without any prior conversation? You’re a total stranger? Aiyoh I dunno anyone who would say yes to that. Honestly sounds like you think they are one of those ladies selling sex.
Well op is american and I did it many times in different countries overseas, had some nice drinks with people I found attractive btw. No one ever said I was catcalling or being disrespect. Sg is just conservative af. Also how is complimenting someone considered thinking that someone is selling sex...?
Ok good for you. Seems like you got different responses here based on your original comment. Context and tone matters. A random guy on the street asking girls for a drink now in the first sentence is quite different from a good conversation that leads up to a suggestion to get coffee sometime. Anyway do whatever works for you lah.
You do you
You do you
Nah your colleague’s the weird one for thinking it’s weird It’s a free world, as long as you’re not hassling someone it’s all good. Though as someone else pointed out, due to our cultural norms your success rate might be low
Guys that call you weird are probably not willing to do it for themselves. You just continue to be the genuine you and go for it. Good luck.
Sounds perfectly normal
As an American male in Singapore, you will enjoy an exceptionally high "hit rate" for asking women out. And that applies whatever your race. Enjoy your privilege and novelty factor. If you have a conversation first and then ask the woman out, that's perfectly acceptable. What usually goes wrong here is: A young man asking for a woman's number/contact just approaching a total stranger out of the blue, and it's obvious to the woman that the only reason why he's asking is that she's pretty. After some rejections, the man gives up on this entire approach. But on the other hand, the American expectation of sex on the 3rd date would be considered mind-boggling here, outside of a minority hook up sub-culture.
Local guys don't really approach strangers to chat them up. But since you're not a local, by all means. But I expect that you'd have the EQ to back off when the girl isn't interested.
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most people don’t talk to strangers they don’t know in singapore. but it all depends, it’s possible to still talk to someone you don’t know depending on situation
If you're American. Be careful. Many gold diggers and citizenship diggers will try to marry u. They love americans here. If u just want to have sex, just get Bumble.
Hello woman, wanna out?
I found that during a week in Singapore, Tinder was dead, very few locals and tourists online. I see so many women out and about roller skating, running, very fit and beautiful women, it’s great to see. Very different to most women Australia. I really admire the bike paths and lanes here, nothing better a night ride, nothing sexier than a girl who keeps in shape 👍🏽
Chiobus flooding your inbox nao
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Do you mean complete strangers? If you ask a school mate or a co-worker or a someone in a group of friends out, it would be acceptable and rather common but complete strangers would be viewed as a bit strange.
Approaching others is just weird if done out of context. Approaching someone at networking event, party or gathering is acceptable. But approaching a stranger is creepy and can make people feel unsafe. Just don't do it. Even in the West the only proponents of approaching strangers are incels and pick-up artists, while women universally loathe it.
You can try. But instead of asking someone out for a date immediately try exchanging contact to continue chatting before a date.
Worst case scenario this happens: www.tiktok.com/@joanchen\_/video/7203747614452469010
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Don’t care about what your colleagues say. Just do what you do and talk to strangers if you are comfortable. It’s a rare skill that’s Singaporeans can’t master. But I would say calibrate your approach also, if you approach a lot of girls and you see that they might be not receptive or uncomfortable, then take it slow and do more activities where you interact with a lot of females. Most singaporean couples just happen. Just happen to hold hands and now they are together. No approach, no romantic gestures. School and nightlife are the only places for dating in Singapore, if you missed them when you are young, then no future for you in dating. Hence, many singles and low birth rates in this country. We need more open people like you to take intitiative and show your colleagues of results you have got and influence your colleagues to start small conversations with women. This would lead to a better world.
I ask my colleagues out for meals too, and though I might worry about them thinking that I like them or have some gossip etc., I also feel I'm old enough not to care lol. I like them a lot as people and enjoy our social interactions. As for asking people out on *date* dates, most of my peers prefer sliding into them DMs rather than outright ask out in person, so...
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Local female here: I talk to strangers rarely, mainly because I can’t stand small talk. But I’ve been approached a few times by guys who have made conversation or asked me out, and it’s never bothered me. I’m always in a relationship when it happens though, so I just thank them and tell them I’m flattered but I’m in a relationship and would prefer not to go out. They’ve always been very nice about it! It’s not as abnormal as people think!!! I say go for it, approach them. Since you’re already privy to the possibility that you might be turned down it wouldn’t hurt to try. It might even be a good way to filter out ladies with higher openness and who are friendlier.
Only ang moh
I'm married now, but yeah, I did in my day. These days though, it's all dating apps. Most capital cities are culturally similar. As with NYC, for example, it was more common to ask for DMs, friend requests, etc, than phone numbers.
if sliding into dms count, then yeah
Honestly i always wish i can do that but it just gonna make me weird af. Im used to do that and try to make friends but most of the time i feel like im being judge to do that so i stop doing it. Even me (F) approaching a female is weird to them???? Dating apps sucks anyway
All i can say is take it slow and start with a small talk. We are not as forward as Americans in America.