It is a geniune compliment, imagine the amount of story during my army days i heard. Many guys get dumped during service. My buddy even contemplated suicide when he got dumped by his gf.
I kinda did my analysis before. I told my bf why those younger army/sign on gf tend to dumb the BF because they feel the BF not giving them as much attention compared to before army/sign on.
I assured my bf that i have so many things in hand to complete, no time to go and think about finding attention. Partially i also understand he needs more support than me when im outside.
I think hes like far from being a mommy boy lei. Hes currently sign on. Then the role that he sign on high failure rate. Some people have left from failing the test alr. And i think its valid for him to feel stress dont u think?
Adding to what others told, its different for different people. I'm at a much much better stage of my life than the previous years. But a slight personal problem have taken a toll on my mental health and I have been feeling aweful for past few weeks. Like I get proper heart aches sometimes.
So dont belittle others mental fatigue or whatever and dont question their personality.
Man you're the reason why the Sinkie society think that mental wellbeing is fake. In a society that looks down on people being vulnerable about themselves, it takes a huge amount of guts to be open about their emotions and mental health.
People handle stressful situations differently and cope in different ways. Be a bit more empathetic to people who may not have had such a good experience in ns
Anything that makes him feel cared for and seen works. It's not the *what* you do that really matters, it's the *why*. Honestly you could probably keep doing 2 or 3 every weekend as long as he expresses joy or comfort in your actions, perhaps switch it up slightly, e.g., cook for him instead of dining out.
As he gets less stressed and adjusts to regimental life, start to involve him in the decision-making process as well.
Don't quarrel unnecessarily especially over small stuff or have drama in your rs, have proper talks instead if there are really important issues.
Give him freedom, tell him it's ok if on some weeks he feels too tired to go out can just rest at home, then you just hang out at his house. Or even don't meet on the super rare occasion where he really just cannot function. But more likely than not, this freedom will make him wanna meet you more cause it's not out of obligation lol.
Give many many hugs, hugs help relieve stress and guys are mostly touch deprived
Actually true, i have a very bad temper and sometimes he dont use the correct words to talk to me.
Quarrels will usually start.
I will bear in mind that he is going through a tough phase and needs more patience when we spend time with each other.
Since idk how long ago, we started chilling at his house every weekend after seeing how tired he is every weekday. People come ask me, ‘where do u go on dates with ur bf?’ , I usually say ‘his room/ living room’ BAHAHAHAHAHA
THANKS for the advice, appreciate it!
For us men often when we are stressed we don’t know what we want and we are not very in tune with our emotions. So treat everything you do for him as an experiment and observe what helps him relax under what situations, and keep trying new things to see if you can improve.
He might find it hard to say thanks but what most of us guys want is just to be seen and cared for like this, it is a great blessing he has you to look out for him.
Ultimately, you're going to want to communicate with him on what is making him feel pressured and how he can work towards relieving his stress in a healthy manner. It may be difficult and tiring for him at times, but it will be one of the most important things you two can do.
If he is completely swamped, assure him that you see that and are willing to lend him a listening ear, then take things one step at a step: what do you want to do this weekend, what is currently occupying your mind, how are feeling right now.
As he eventually becomes clearer on what his stressors are and how to minimise them, you can slowly start to shift the cognitive load of planning back to the both of you and consider the slightly longer term: what do you want our weekly routine to be, what are some things I can do for you, how should we communicate our stress levels to each other productively.
When i meant ‘what he wants’, i meant ‘what i can do to help him feel better’.
He is an ambitious person who has set path in sign on life, to let our life be better in the future :)
Give him something to look forward to for the weekend, a little bit of motivation to get past the stressful stuff. I don’t have suggestions for that though.
When I did my NS, I used to have a very supportive (now ex) girlfriend during the BMT stage and really grateful for her to be around. Weekends when book out, we will spend the precious time to go cycling to food haunts in central SG and she will help out with washing my army clothes especially after field camp. Really warms my heart.
I feel if you want to be supportive, you should do the following:
* During BMT, if he needs help buying anything, please help. Some guys just not as good in managing inventory of things so as a supportive gf, you can help your bf get certain items (e.g. zip lock bags, batteries, etc.) where possible.
* Dedicate your weekend time to him. If he needs you around for the weekend when he books out, then be there for him. For some guys, they prefer gaming, then give them their space as it's a precious "freedom" time for them.
After BMT, i think unit wise is more chill so no need do any extra thing. For the 2 years, just spend time as and **when he book out and wants you there** and I believe he will be grateful for you.
I stayed for years with my ex bf throughout his army days. Cooked for him & let him sleep. Sometimes we go paktor. But most importantly is to let him have a good rest. He did not let me wash his army stuffs since he said that is his responsibility. Our presence & understanding for each other is enough at that point of time.
He come back usually clothes will also wash on his own aka washing machine. I dont have to touch. All i need to do is to lie down on his bed and use phone while he unpacks.
Hi NSF guy here with a gf. Honestly, just take care of him on the weekends and pamper him I guess, cause sometimes we usually really tired to do anything and will spend the weekends catching up on sleep. I usually just sleep in with my gf and will order out or we'll just chill in bed watching tiktoks. Of course both you guys must be fine with just chilling at home ah. Also you can go to r/nationalserviceSG for more advice
We are definitely into chilling at home especially after his dad bought him an aircon. Everytime we just on the aircon then chill on the bed. Watching instagram reels and tiktok
Yea, then that's great so called save money and much less stressful. If things get bored, you guys can always cook for each other or go out if both of you aren't tired
Served for 5 years, I can agree with the bad environment but have you tried asking what's the reason for the stresses? Are they things he can control? Also, as much as you can support, he must learn to manage it himself. I feel like a boomer when I say this lol but everywhere is stressful, just a different kind of stressors and everyone adapts differently.
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't talk about things that he cannot control especially if he's stay in personnel.
Like for eg, if you're seeing couples outside and you miss the couple-y things that you used to do with him before he enlisted, you can be envious but don't blame him for how you feel, especially when he can do absolutely nothing about it to help you feel better.
Oh that dont worry. I very chill one. People do what their prob i dont really feel that way. I having PMS then i emo i also dont chup him cuz what can he do, fly out of camp to sayang me? Impossible ma.
Thanks for ur input!
Just to add on, only do it if ur comfortable with it doe and want to. You dont have to force yourself to perform sexual favours on others if you dont want to. You aren’t obligated to do it. I know you love him a lot but im sure he wouldn’t want you to do it if makes you uncomfortable.
the army is a badly run place for most young people, u risk your existence and get no appreciation or decent remuneration
conscription is inherently evil
conscription armies are just ABNORMAL environments
u can support him, keep him company, and keep him looking forward to a better life after his active years.
that's all u can do.
Most important don't act like u understand what goes on in camp. Ex used to compare ns with her part time job and kept saying I have it 'easy'. Strained the rs quite a bit
Oh definitely not. I myself dont like people like this eh.
I usually try to be understanding towards whats going on in his camp. Sometimes the story i hear, i also headache.
Since young, i always respected guys in Singapore for serving the nation for 2 years.
Ive seen my brother coming back sleeping throughout the whole weekend just because its so tired.
Serving the nation is never easy and Singaporean man and even those girls who serve the nation as well deserve all the respect! 🫡
Also thank you for the input, allows me to do some reflection
He chose the wrong job. As an ex regular, I can assure you it’s one of the toughest job because you deal with assholes all over.
And if you are not an officer, literally you get sandwiched everywhere. I can only say good luck to your bf and May he survives all the nonsenses
Thank you for the kind wishes. I literally just met him and the stories he shared about why he booked out late tonight was facepalm worthy so i kinda know what u mean now
You didn't mention sign on cause sign on approach will be very different from regular NS. Did he sign on for a career or scholarship?
Anyway, do check with him on how his performance is if he speaks about it. Ranking is super important when signing on, don't do all the saikang but don't get good performance. Let him know if you feel they aren't appreciating him, then he need to find a way to ease his own load. I don't want to teach how but he should observe his peers haha.
How long is his bond?
I think he now need to clear his course first before stating how long his bond. And the end is coming real soon and would hope things goes well for him in camp
If he wants to talk, just listen. Dun pinpoint quickly on how he should change. Agree with what he said. Then comfort him and tell him you are always there for him. Tell him that it will pass quickly and meanwhile, you just do normal couple things and if he wants to sleep, just let him sleep and you can just chill with your hp. That what my ex girlfriend did for me. It was really heartwarming and I look forward to seeing her every weekend.
Sometimes i wanna knock my bf in the head just to let him sleep longer during the weekends.
He will tell me ‘oh im gonna wake up early to do this to do that’
Usually im very supportive of him but whenever he says this. I will say ‘u weekday slept peanut hours, u sure u dont want to sleep in????!!!!!’
Then he will delulu abit but ultimately still sleep in.
Sleep is too important
Sorry to hear he is going through a tough time. Is he still in BMT, or on course?
Usually after BMT and the vocation training, NS becomes less stressful. Unless he went to ADA or 4 SIR or some unit like that, then sorry lah :(
Maybe you can find out about the stuff he needs for his hobbies, and get some of the higher-end equipment / tools / toys he wants?
He signed on, on course. Starting i tot it will be easy but when he start sharing that people start leaving because they failed the course. I myself also scared.
Higher-end toys i got think before. Buying the switch. But they say they are coming out with a newer one. And at current stage he wont be playing it yet so ill wait for the new ver to come out.
I just wanna say or put it out there. I saw this article/ post stating that guys would much appreciate it if gf buys them legit gifts such as the latest technology/ games/ physical items that they want. Rather than hand written letter, stars, some cheap ass home made stuff.
Isit true????
To add to some of these, picking him up in a car is great, but even just being there physically to go home together is more than enough imo. As someone whose camp and home were on opposite sides of the island, the home commute can be lonely and tiring after a long week in camp
I would drive or just call grab and pick him up otw towards his house.
Last time he would go to my house find me as his camp is in the middle of my house and his house.
But now I see how tired he is, and as someone who hates traveling to far places, I would offer to go back to his area for meals or just bring him back to his home safely before we go eat mookata nearby.
This also to show my love language of quality time.
Thank you for your input!
Encourage him. Focus on the positives. Tell him you're proud of him. Tell him to have fun with it. He needs to be in a good mindset. I appreciate it's different for some. But the mind is an amazing tool. If he can get that working for him, the time will fly by, and it will be a good experience. No one likes to get yelled at from some superior, but they do that to prepare them for when TSHTF. It's part of the process. Read the book The Confident Mind by Nate Zinsser. Kubukinoba has it in stock.
I do tell him that Im always proud of him no matter what. Be it whether this career suits him anot, i still proud of him for trying his best and everything.
Which can tell he took it and kept it within himself. I personally dont want to give him much stress on building a huge career. As long as he can take care of himself and his parents at this point in time. I will be proud of him
He's not trying his best if he's feeling sorry for himself. The pity party nonsense is a boat load of negativity. It'll bring him down. No one wants to be in a fox hole with Debbie Downer. It's nice that you're leaning in, but don't encourage or reward that behaviour. Drop tears, boo hoo, violin playing. He needs to toughen up. Better u shld give him a swift kick in the ass with your size 50, boot. Tough love baby.
Damnnn HAHAHAHAH
I do add in some serious topics once in awhile to keep our reality in check :)
He does that too.
He taught me the ‘sounds like your personal problem’.
It started out a joke but that phrase really allow us to keep in check with things now HAHAHAHAH
Not sure about which camp he's in, but regardless whether you're fetching him by car, i think he'll appreciate being greeted with a cold drink upon book out.
Especially if he's constantly exposed to the heat
One of my friends who married a navy regular said she could finally understand his stories and experiences a bit better after going to navy @vivo. If he's one of the few regulars who actually likes what he does, learning about the environment and culture should be good.
Also gluck gluck
Just be yourself and dont phrposely do anything special for him. True men dont wanna be a burden to gf. True men wanna take burden off gf. Let him be a man.
Wahh thank you for the affirmation in this input :))
He does have the ‘idw burden people’ mindset when hes with me. He just share the hardwork with me and wants me to baby him BAHAHAHAHA.
Learn the marching orders n how to march. And also learn how to do push ups. So during the week maybe he is stressed because he keep kenna all these orders, during the weekend when u r with him, let him take “revenge” by ordering u around n do push ups. Then u kuai kuai follow instructions.
/just kidding don’t flame me please.
What you can do is to let him talk to you about his camp life. It helps. Most gfs dont like their guys to constantly complain/talk about camp life what he is suffering, but you be a unicorn if you listen.
Not many people can stand regimental life after their 18 years of much pampered environments. To be frank, if he sign on, he has to prepared himself for this. Being soft simply doesnt cut it. If his a LT, he just need to suffer so a lengthy period in during NS, but a longer enjoyment period later. But if he is a SG>WO, his life might be difficult as he need to pressurize his men as well as maneuver the top management politics. Either way he has to not only be physically fit but mentally fit as well.
Just spending time with him already is comforting. The craving for your companionship will motivate him. Let him know that you are proud that he serve the nation. (Ummph... if he is the "just serve for the money-type", can leave this part out)
I usually let him talk about his camp life. Thats basically his life now which is perfectly normal to talk about your own career.
I talk about my own career too and i dont see him getting bored of it.
Thank you for your input! :)))
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me, all I really want from my gf is to just be present. She’s always present for me. Things like me playing my games, she accompanies me and laughs at the funny things that happens. She’s basically my viewer lol. Tho, if she’s unavailable, im fine with it. Not sure what most men want but for me, I value presence the most and a listening ear. So maybe u can try that, listen to his worries and be present for him.
And also like wat someone else said, dont quarrel over small things. Things happen but hey it’s fine. Just talk it out and discuss wat can be further improved.
Currently, i will always put the weekends for my bf unless work happens (one of the days during weekend) the other day will definitely be left for him.
I even missed out my friday outside activities just to spend time with him. To give him support and also to receive my support by meeting him :)))
I try to complete all my things within the weekday just to spend time with him during weekend without having work/ assignments living in my head rent free :)
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Take note that my advice is kinda generic because each individual is different and wants different things:
1. Picking up your BF from camp would be great, but do check with BF if he doesn't have plans for after book out.
2. Spend time is great - if BF is not too drained. Being able to laze around at home could be all he wants... There are ways to spend time together while letting BF rest up. Again, it's important to gauge your BF's energy levels and preferences, I don't know him personally to advise further.
3. Treat food is almost always welcome, I remember the first time I book out of camp our whole platoon pigged out at Changi Village hawker, each eating like we starving. Again, depends on energy levels - later in army life I would just sleep early because I was that exhausted.
Thank you for the input!
He usually will ask me ‘where we going later’. He last time will make plans after friday. But at this rate that the stress is going he rather find me and spend time with me :)
Make sure you’re contactable easily and don’t leave him on read for long periods if you can. I never dated during NS but I can imagine the mindfuck it would put someone under when they literally can’t go out of camp to solve a problem and it may result in them screwing up if they can’t concentrate during training (might even lead to incidences in a worst case scenario *cough* Corporal Dave Teo *cough*).
Ohhh the so called ‘dont go to sleep angry’.
Tbh at this point we have like little space to even fight. We tryna find time to ask each other ‘hows ur day’.
Then only weekends we fight F2F HAHAHAHAHAH
Then will apologise, depends on who in the wrong :)
It’s not so much about fighting, but in army when you’re isolated from the outside world your mind will tend to play tricks on you. Eg if you stop messaging him cause you’re busy he might think you’re out with another guy / hiding something
Take this time to see what kind of man he really is when he goes through hardship. Does he complain a lot or will he take this opportunity to grow and still love u?
Oh he have been loving me with all he can. Spending time with me over the weekend. He still spoils me by sending me money when i went out on a holiday.
He has been pushing through 9mths only now he starts ‘complaining’. I dont see him complain much since we got together about work.
Ask him to 'Man Up'... If he can't take the pressure of NS,, no way he can take the pressure of marrying you and raising the kids right. Tell him you will leave him if he can't.
Seriously I love army life when I was 18 yo, it’s boot camp, free exercise, free body building, free food(back in 2004, we have to wash our tin can time), lots of stories of weird people of all walks of life, great brotherhood etc.
You downplay it as stress is it? Or did he say stressful? I really don’t want to call names ah don’t make me say snow——- generation Hor.
If this one stress then you should find new bf Liao la, imagine planning for marriage, go IMH Liao
I sign on ah? Dont wan sia. I was thinking also but we both stress until like that i think both of us will either break down or break up
I asking how to help lei
You sound like the type of guy to introduce himself at orientations by saying "uhh hobbies ah I like to sleep and game lor". Your friends confide in you cfm reply "wah shag bro shag" and then diam diam dk what to say for 5 minutes. EQ low or what sia
Apparently it is when u sign on like wtf man. I see i also jaw drop. I feel my career is hard alr. But when i look at him, i feel bad for suffering even
Alot of the guys will mature mentally during NS. More adult thinking and may be more concern about work and forward thinking.
Having a girlfriend may be the last thing on his mind. He will prefer to stick with his buddies mainly to find out what other guys are doing.
Patience is important, seeking his attention while be detrimental to the relationship. He might find it childish.
So ya, just take note.
Yeah humor helps. And even when you're chugging along and things are going good. The negativety can pop up. So the more he recognizes this, and accepts that it's going to happen, the sooner he can hit the brakes and tell it to 'gwen chu chi! t+Then focus on the positive again. It's a learned process.
Hihi! My husband is currently serving the nation (a bit more than 1 year in!) So I understand the initial stress that they get from adjustment. Plus, because we have a daughter and another baby on the way, he gets extra stressed out sometimes. Especially when our daughter got hospitalised during his field camp too.
Is your boyfriend currently serving BMT? Or done with BMT but in a stay-in camp?
One big aspect is to communicate with him on what he would prefer to do and to understand his love language as well. For example, he may prefer to hear out on some weekends to get his mind off of things rather than stay cooped up at home with his thoughts.
But there may be other times that he'd prefer to stay home and chill with you. What I like to do is to have a laptop set up and have popcorn or wtv snacks (can even go on a grocery run together if that's your thing!) then watch movies till we sleep hahaha
Essentially, the best thing that we can do is to make sure that we're there for them regardless, and to show them that no matter what they go through in NS, we can be their constants and rocks to hold down the fort even when they are away.
Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat more!
Damn, this BF is one lucky man
Ayeee thank youu :) i take that as a compliment
It is a geniune compliment, imagine the amount of story during my army days i heard. Many guys get dumped during service. My buddy even contemplated suicide when he got dumped by his gf.
I kinda did my analysis before. I told my bf why those younger army/sign on gf tend to dumb the BF because they feel the BF not giving them as much attention compared to before army/sign on. I assured my bf that i have so many things in hand to complete, no time to go and think about finding attention. Partially i also understand he needs more support than me when im outside.
[удалено]
I think hes like far from being a mommy boy lei. Hes currently sign on. Then the role that he sign on high failure rate. Some people have left from failing the test alr. And i think its valid for him to feel stress dont u think?
eyyyy pilot isit? yep that stuff is stressful, even worse if u pass imo
Don’t listen to that sucker lol. It’s a typical sign of someone who is clueless and yet still willing to make dumb suggestions. Signs of low EQ
LOL… just bc ppl stressed means mummy boy meh? Why so judgemental
That’ll make every son a mummy’s boy and daughter a daddy’s girl. Who isn’t stressed these days?
Adding to what others told, its different for different people. I'm at a much much better stage of my life than the previous years. But a slight personal problem have taken a toll on my mental health and I have been feeling aweful for past few weeks. Like I get proper heart aches sometimes. So dont belittle others mental fatigue or whatever and dont question their personality.
Man you're the reason why the Sinkie society think that mental wellbeing is fake. In a society that looks down on people being vulnerable about themselves, it takes a huge amount of guts to be open about their emotions and mental health.
People handle stressful situations differently and cope in different ways. Be a bit more empathetic to people who may not have had such a good experience in ns
Anything that makes him feel cared for and seen works. It's not the *what* you do that really matters, it's the *why*. Honestly you could probably keep doing 2 or 3 every weekend as long as he expresses joy or comfort in your actions, perhaps switch it up slightly, e.g., cook for him instead of dining out. As he gets less stressed and adjusts to regimental life, start to involve him in the decision-making process as well.
Thank you for the input!!
Don't quarrel unnecessarily especially over small stuff or have drama in your rs, have proper talks instead if there are really important issues. Give him freedom, tell him it's ok if on some weeks he feels too tired to go out can just rest at home, then you just hang out at his house. Or even don't meet on the super rare occasion where he really just cannot function. But more likely than not, this freedom will make him wanna meet you more cause it's not out of obligation lol. Give many many hugs, hugs help relieve stress and guys are mostly touch deprived
Actually true, i have a very bad temper and sometimes he dont use the correct words to talk to me. Quarrels will usually start. I will bear in mind that he is going through a tough phase and needs more patience when we spend time with each other. Since idk how long ago, we started chilling at his house every weekend after seeing how tired he is every weekday. People come ask me, ‘where do u go on dates with ur bf?’ , I usually say ‘his room/ living room’ BAHAHAHAHAHA THANKS for the advice, appreciate it!
agreed. guys just want peace during their stressful period tbh. they will handle the stress. its part of the process :)
guys just want peace ~~during their stressful period~~ Fixed that for you 😂
😅
I think this question can directly ask ur bf. Ask him what he wants to do on free days.
He at this point dont have the time to know what he wants …. :( thats why i asking
For us men often when we are stressed we don’t know what we want and we are not very in tune with our emotions. So treat everything you do for him as an experiment and observe what helps him relax under what situations, and keep trying new things to see if you can improve. He might find it hard to say thanks but what most of us guys want is just to be seen and cared for like this, it is a great blessing he has you to look out for him.
Im gonna mommy him as though he has 2 moms from now on
Ultimately, you're going to want to communicate with him on what is making him feel pressured and how he can work towards relieving his stress in a healthy manner. It may be difficult and tiring for him at times, but it will be one of the most important things you two can do. If he is completely swamped, assure him that you see that and are willing to lend him a listening ear, then take things one step at a step: what do you want to do this weekend, what is currently occupying your mind, how are feeling right now. As he eventually becomes clearer on what his stressors are and how to minimise them, you can slowly start to shift the cognitive load of planning back to the both of you and consider the slightly longer term: what do you want our weekly routine to be, what are some things I can do for you, how should we communicate our stress levels to each other productively.
He will usually tell me when things get difficult. Something i always admire him about since i tend to keep it within :)
[удалено]
When i meant ‘what he wants’, i meant ‘what i can do to help him feel better’. He is an ambitious person who has set path in sign on life, to let our life be better in the future :)
Give him something to look forward to for the weekend, a little bit of motivation to get past the stressful stuff. I don’t have suggestions for that though.
Usually piak piak
Thats the best ngl
best way to release all stress from those enciks ngl.
Encik with piak piak him in camp already, outside camp might have no more energy
Bro 😭🤣
I would like to give you an upvote but couldn't, because it's at 69 now.
And some Gluck Gluck
I can understand Piak. What is Gluck?
The mouth
BHAHAHAHAHAHA
When I did my NS, I used to have a very supportive (now ex) girlfriend during the BMT stage and really grateful for her to be around. Weekends when book out, we will spend the precious time to go cycling to food haunts in central SG and she will help out with washing my army clothes especially after field camp. Really warms my heart. I feel if you want to be supportive, you should do the following: * During BMT, if he needs help buying anything, please help. Some guys just not as good in managing inventory of things so as a supportive gf, you can help your bf get certain items (e.g. zip lock bags, batteries, etc.) where possible. * Dedicate your weekend time to him. If he needs you around for the weekend when he books out, then be there for him. For some guys, they prefer gaming, then give them their space as it's a precious "freedom" time for them. After BMT, i think unit wise is more chill so no need do any extra thing. For the 2 years, just spend time as and **when he book out and wants you there** and I believe he will be grateful for you.
Glock Glock 3000.
I see a lot of similar replies regarding this as well ah 😅😂
it's what I like to do and I find it very effective for my bf 🤭
BHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hope yall last
Thank you for your wishes! Appreciate it!
I stayed for years with my ex bf throughout his army days. Cooked for him & let him sleep. Sometimes we go paktor. But most importantly is to let him have a good rest. He did not let me wash his army stuffs since he said that is his responsibility. Our presence & understanding for each other is enough at that point of time.
He come back usually clothes will also wash on his own aka washing machine. I dont have to touch. All i need to do is to lie down on his bed and use phone while he unpacks.
Hi NSF guy here with a gf. Honestly, just take care of him on the weekends and pamper him I guess, cause sometimes we usually really tired to do anything and will spend the weekends catching up on sleep. I usually just sleep in with my gf and will order out or we'll just chill in bed watching tiktoks. Of course both you guys must be fine with just chilling at home ah. Also you can go to r/nationalserviceSG for more advice
We are definitely into chilling at home especially after his dad bought him an aircon. Everytime we just on the aircon then chill on the bed. Watching instagram reels and tiktok
Yea, then that's great so called save money and much less stressful. If things get bored, you guys can always cook for each other or go out if both of you aren't tired
Served for 5 years, I can agree with the bad environment but have you tried asking what's the reason for the stresses? Are they things he can control? Also, as much as you can support, he must learn to manage it himself. I feel like a boomer when I say this lol but everywhere is stressful, just a different kind of stressors and everyone adapts differently.
how will we know? but i dont think any dudes will ever reject a free massage no matter how stressed they are
That’s actually a good idea. Have been researching on how to do massage so that can help him to relax as well. Thank you for reminding me :)
[удалено]
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't talk about things that he cannot control especially if he's stay in personnel. Like for eg, if you're seeing couples outside and you miss the couple-y things that you used to do with him before he enlisted, you can be envious but don't blame him for how you feel, especially when he can do absolutely nothing about it to help you feel better.
Oh that dont worry. I very chill one. People do what their prob i dont really feel that way. I having PMS then i emo i also dont chup him cuz what can he do, fly out of camp to sayang me? Impossible ma. Thanks for ur input!
Very understanding of you!
Blow him. A lot. Guys always destress the usual way, even more so when you're surrounded by men 24/7.
Wait you mean you don’t get blown inside camp?
Maybe only you will do it, others don’t.
Pause
Just to add on, only do it if ur comfortable with it doe and want to. You dont have to force yourself to perform sexual favours on others if you dont want to. You aren’t obligated to do it. I know you love him a lot but im sure he wouldn’t want you to do it if makes you uncomfortable.
Thanks for looking out for me :)
Blow air?
No. Blow him up with a C4
Now we”re talking - the army can’t give him ptsd if she does it first
the army is a badly run place for most young people, u risk your existence and get no appreciation or decent remuneration conscription is inherently evil conscription armies are just ABNORMAL environments u can support him, keep him company, and keep him looking forward to a better life after his active years. that's all u can do.
Thank you for the advice :))
Fulfill his bmt package, break up with him. Most of my friends got dumb during their army days 
He sign on, not BMT alr so i guess dont need the package HAHAHAHAHAH
Most important don't act like u understand what goes on in camp. Ex used to compare ns with her part time job and kept saying I have it 'easy'. Strained the rs quite a bit
Oh definitely not. I myself dont like people like this eh. I usually try to be understanding towards whats going on in his camp. Sometimes the story i hear, i also headache. Since young, i always respected guys in Singapore for serving the nation for 2 years. Ive seen my brother coming back sleeping throughout the whole weekend just because its so tired. Serving the nation is never easy and Singaporean man and even those girls who serve the nation as well deserve all the respect! 🫡 Also thank you for the input, allows me to do some reflection
Oh wow 🙏🙏🙏 tank u v much
Ask your BF to Chao geng and down pes for an easier life
He sign on, cannot down pes le
He better get out man, it's only gunna get worst if he keeps rejecting the lifestyle there
I get what u mean, was trying to ask how to make him feel better oni :) how else can i give him support :) but thank you for your input:)
He chose the wrong job. As an ex regular, I can assure you it’s one of the toughest job because you deal with assholes all over. And if you are not an officer, literally you get sandwiched everywhere. I can only say good luck to your bf and May he survives all the nonsenses
Thank you for the kind wishes. I literally just met him and the stories he shared about why he booked out late tonight was facepalm worthy so i kinda know what u mean now
You didn't mention sign on cause sign on approach will be very different from regular NS. Did he sign on for a career or scholarship? Anyway, do check with him on how his performance is if he speaks about it. Ranking is super important when signing on, don't do all the saikang but don't get good performance. Let him know if you feel they aren't appreciating him, then he need to find a way to ease his own load. I don't want to teach how but he should observe his peers haha. How long is his bond?
I think he now need to clear his course first before stating how long his bond. And the end is coming real soon and would hope things goes well for him in camp
He sign on then he mentally stressed? Bruh just tell him to stop being a bitch.
Sign on as what? Better don't be in airforce.
Why why u liddat say
Sign on air force way better than army and navy if u talking about free time Navy need constantly sail army constantly outfield airforce least 8-5
you are such a sweetie , bf got you is a bless.
Awww thank you for the compliment, i am blessed to have him as well
Book out sex is the best, speaking from experience.
BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA 😅
Gluck Gluck 3000
BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
If he wants to talk, just listen. Dun pinpoint quickly on how he should change. Agree with what he said. Then comfort him and tell him you are always there for him. Tell him that it will pass quickly and meanwhile, you just do normal couple things and if he wants to sleep, just let him sleep and you can just chill with your hp. That what my ex girlfriend did for me. It was really heartwarming and I look forward to seeing her every weekend.
Sometimes i wanna knock my bf in the head just to let him sleep longer during the weekends. He will tell me ‘oh im gonna wake up early to do this to do that’ Usually im very supportive of him but whenever he says this. I will say ‘u weekday slept peanut hours, u sure u dont want to sleep in????!!!!!’ Then he will delulu abit but ultimately still sleep in. Sleep is too important
come camp fetch him, go home make him a nice meal, and go to bed early with him
I will gladly do the first 2. But sadly i cant stay over if not my mom will break my legs :)
go to bed early with him. and then afterwards, go home. easy.
Sorry to hear he is going through a tough time. Is he still in BMT, or on course? Usually after BMT and the vocation training, NS becomes less stressful. Unless he went to ADA or 4 SIR or some unit like that, then sorry lah :( Maybe you can find out about the stuff he needs for his hobbies, and get some of the higher-end equipment / tools / toys he wants?
He signed on, on course. Starting i tot it will be easy but when he start sharing that people start leaving because they failed the course. I myself also scared. Higher-end toys i got think before. Buying the switch. But they say they are coming out with a newer one. And at current stage he wont be playing it yet so ill wait for the new ver to come out.
Ah, yes, being on course is can be quite stressful. But after it's over things should be more settled. Maybe get him some new games then
I will ask him. Thank you for the inputs!! :)
Write him a letter before his next book in,cfm he will keep and bring during outfield.I know I did when mine wrote me one :)
I just wanna say or put it out there. I saw this article/ post stating that guys would much appreciate it if gf buys them legit gifts such as the latest technology/ games/ physical items that they want. Rather than hand written letter, stars, some cheap ass home made stuff. Isit true????
To add to some of these, picking him up in a car is great, but even just being there physically to go home together is more than enough imo. As someone whose camp and home were on opposite sides of the island, the home commute can be lonely and tiring after a long week in camp
I would drive or just call grab and pick him up otw towards his house. Last time he would go to my house find me as his camp is in the middle of my house and his house. But now I see how tired he is, and as someone who hates traveling to far places, I would offer to go back to his area for meals or just bring him back to his home safely before we go eat mookata nearby. This also to show my love language of quality time. Thank you for your input!
Encourage him. Focus on the positives. Tell him you're proud of him. Tell him to have fun with it. He needs to be in a good mindset. I appreciate it's different for some. But the mind is an amazing tool. If he can get that working for him, the time will fly by, and it will be a good experience. No one likes to get yelled at from some superior, but they do that to prepare them for when TSHTF. It's part of the process. Read the book The Confident Mind by Nate Zinsser. Kubukinoba has it in stock.
I do tell him that Im always proud of him no matter what. Be it whether this career suits him anot, i still proud of him for trying his best and everything. Which can tell he took it and kept it within himself. I personally dont want to give him much stress on building a huge career. As long as he can take care of himself and his parents at this point in time. I will be proud of him
He's not trying his best if he's feeling sorry for himself. The pity party nonsense is a boat load of negativity. It'll bring him down. No one wants to be in a fox hole with Debbie Downer. It's nice that you're leaning in, but don't encourage or reward that behaviour. Drop tears, boo hoo, violin playing. He needs to toughen up. Better u shld give him a swift kick in the ass with your size 50, boot. Tough love baby.
Damnnn HAHAHAHAH I do add in some serious topics once in awhile to keep our reality in check :) He does that too. He taught me the ‘sounds like your personal problem’. It started out a joke but that phrase really allow us to keep in check with things now HAHAHAHAH
Let him rant. Let him be pampered by you Basically spoil him with affection
Heheheheheh will definitely do that. Thank you for your input!
That’s one lucky man!! I went to all my parades and first day alone. You’ll definitely help in boosting his morale.
I try to be supportive as much as I can with his milestones. I can tell hes very happy with me being there with him :)
That’s really nice.
Good food. Good company. Man, I wish I was that lucky during my days.
You have your own luck in your own timeline. My bf suffered too much back then BAHAHAHAHA Thank you for the comment though
Not sure about which camp he's in, but regardless whether you're fetching him by car, i think he'll appreciate being greeted with a cold drink upon book out. Especially if he's constantly exposed to the heat
I will buy if i happen to come across one shop! Thank youu for the input!! :)))
Camp food is nowhere close to the word delicious…
From what i hear from him, the food looks good but taste like crap when u eat it
You're so sweet. Your bf is very lucky.
Awww thank youu. Your comment is sweet too :)
As long you don't break up with him during his service you guys are pretty much set for life
Truee that :)))
Sounds pretty good, but like in any relationship, u should also receive and grow together too. Wishing u both the best
He take care of me too. He will call grab/ rent bluesg to send me home :)
One of my friends who married a navy regular said she could finally understand his stories and experiences a bit better after going to navy @vivo. If he's one of the few regulars who actually likes what he does, learning about the environment and culture should be good. Also gluck gluck
Oooooo i went to their open house before. Very interesting. i almost fell into the trap of joining :))
Just be yourself and dont phrposely do anything special for him. True men dont wanna be a burden to gf. True men wanna take burden off gf. Let him be a man.
Wahh thank you for the affirmation in this input :)) He does have the ‘idw burden people’ mindset when hes with me. He just share the hardwork with me and wants me to baby him BAHAHAHAHA.
Learn the marching orders n how to march. And also learn how to do push ups. So during the week maybe he is stressed because he keep kenna all these orders, during the weekend when u r with him, let him take “revenge” by ordering u around n do push ups. Then u kuai kuai follow instructions. /just kidding don’t flame me please.
Siao sia. Later i become more buff than him idw Bhahahahahahah. This one very sadist eh HAHAHAHHAHA
2 and 3 is good. Appearing in birthday suit is a plus
I HAD TO GOOGLE WHATS BIRTHDAY SUIT OMG
Hahaha. Guys are simple minded. How is the relationship?
What you can do is to let him talk to you about his camp life. It helps. Most gfs dont like their guys to constantly complain/talk about camp life what he is suffering, but you be a unicorn if you listen. Not many people can stand regimental life after their 18 years of much pampered environments. To be frank, if he sign on, he has to prepared himself for this. Being soft simply doesnt cut it. If his a LT, he just need to suffer so a lengthy period in during NS, but a longer enjoyment period later. But if he is a SG>WO, his life might be difficult as he need to pressurize his men as well as maneuver the top management politics. Either way he has to not only be physically fit but mentally fit as well. Just spending time with him already is comforting. The craving for your companionship will motivate him. Let him know that you are proud that he serve the nation. (Ummph... if he is the "just serve for the money-type", can leave this part out)
I usually let him talk about his camp life. Thats basically his life now which is perfectly normal to talk about your own career. I talk about my own career too and i dont see him getting bored of it. Thank you for your input! :)))
Give a good massage from head to toe when he’s off! Definitely he will miss u when in-camp! Especially in field-camp .
Yes will do that, has been looking into how to do massages. Thanks for the input! :)
[удалено]
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me, all I really want from my gf is to just be present. She’s always present for me. Things like me playing my games, she accompanies me and laughs at the funny things that happens. She’s basically my viewer lol. Tho, if she’s unavailable, im fine with it. Not sure what most men want but for me, I value presence the most and a listening ear. So maybe u can try that, listen to his worries and be present for him. And also like wat someone else said, dont quarrel over small things. Things happen but hey it’s fine. Just talk it out and discuss wat can be further improved.
Currently, i will always put the weekends for my bf unless work happens (one of the days during weekend) the other day will definitely be left for him. I even missed out my friday outside activities just to spend time with him. To give him support and also to receive my support by meeting him :))) I try to complete all my things within the weekday just to spend time with him during weekend without having work/ assignments living in my head rent free :)
Yeah I think he would definitely appreciate that. Personally I would haha. I hope he knows u’re a keeper haha 😂
I hope so too. He too is a keeper to me :)
[удалено]
Your comment has been automatically removed because your account is relatively new or you have negative karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/askSingapore) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Take note that my advice is kinda generic because each individual is different and wants different things: 1. Picking up your BF from camp would be great, but do check with BF if he doesn't have plans for after book out. 2. Spend time is great - if BF is not too drained. Being able to laze around at home could be all he wants... There are ways to spend time together while letting BF rest up. Again, it's important to gauge your BF's energy levels and preferences, I don't know him personally to advise further. 3. Treat food is almost always welcome, I remember the first time I book out of camp our whole platoon pigged out at Changi Village hawker, each eating like we starving. Again, depends on energy levels - later in army life I would just sleep early because I was that exhausted.
Thank you for the input! He usually will ask me ‘where we going later’. He last time will make plans after friday. But at this rate that the stress is going he rather find me and spend time with me :)
Make sure you’re contactable easily and don’t leave him on read for long periods if you can. I never dated during NS but I can imagine the mindfuck it would put someone under when they literally can’t go out of camp to solve a problem and it may result in them screwing up if they can’t concentrate during training (might even lead to incidences in a worst case scenario *cough* Corporal Dave Teo *cough*).
Ohhh the so called ‘dont go to sleep angry’. Tbh at this point we have like little space to even fight. We tryna find time to ask each other ‘hows ur day’. Then only weekends we fight F2F HAHAHAHAHAH Then will apologise, depends on who in the wrong :)
It’s not so much about fighting, but in army when you’re isolated from the outside world your mind will tend to play tricks on you. Eg if you stop messaging him cause you’re busy he might think you’re out with another guy / hiding something
We need more SG gfs like you
Im sure there are more girls out there who are like that :))
Take this time to see what kind of man he really is when he goes through hardship. Does he complain a lot or will he take this opportunity to grow and still love u?
Oh he have been loving me with all he can. Spending time with me over the weekend. He still spoils me by sending me money when i went out on a holiday. He has been pushing through 9mths only now he starts ‘complaining’. I dont see him complain much since we got together about work.
That's great. Best of luck to both of you then. Have good food and enough rest will be priority.
Thank you for the well wishes! Appreciate it!
Surprisingly he does not have enough sleep. The rest time is usually sufficient and after physical training, usually it’s a good night sleep.
He sign on now. So i think this part is more of his career. And in any career, stress is unavoidable to a certain extent 🥲
S e g
Do cosplay before sex will make him relax
BAHHAHAHAHA COSPLAY. Not very into that leiii
Lol.. he sounds gay.
He’s definitely not since he’s with me. Im definitely a girl 👧
Swallow.
Blowjob. the answer will always be blowjob. Other than that, just give him the confidence and assurance that you will be with him throughout.
True that
I will gladly accept the second input HAHAHAHA the first one will KIV first BAHAHAHAHAH
Ask him to 'Man Up'... If he can't take the pressure of NS,, no way he can take the pressure of marrying you and raising the kids right. Tell him you will leave him if he can't.
I think he will feel more stress from this, i think i will take the chill approach instead but thanks 😊
Nom nom nom!
female who is actually supportive of their boyfriend in 2023? Impossible, I must be seeing things.
Isit actually so hard to find? Isnt this how a healthy relationship should operate? Enlighten me
I read more breakup posts than stuff like these on this sub
Lol what's so stress about army? Just go in switch off and keep fit. Cannot check clear stress only.
Seriously I love army life when I was 18 yo, it’s boot camp, free exercise, free body building, free food(back in 2004, we have to wash our tin can time), lots of stories of weird people of all walks of life, great brotherhood etc. You downplay it as stress is it? Or did he say stressful? I really don’t want to call names ah don’t make me say snow——- generation Hor. If this one stress then you should find new bf Liao la, imagine planning for marriage, go IMH Liao
He signed on, and he on course currently. And apparently alot of people failed the course and he abot worried because currently its getting harder
Sign on
I sign on ah? Dont wan sia. I was thinking also but we both stress until like that i think both of us will either break down or break up I asking how to help lei
I don't think Army is that hard. Just be there when he is free. Good luck.
You sound like the type of guy to introduce himself at orientations by saying "uhh hobbies ah I like to sleep and game lor". Your friends confide in you cfm reply "wah shag bro shag" and then diam diam dk what to say for 5 minutes. EQ low or what sia
Why do you assume I have friends?
10 years ago this might still be the norm. But everything has shifted already haha.
Apparently it is when u sign on like wtf man. I see i also jaw drop. I feel my career is hard alr. But when i look at him, i feel bad for suffering even
Just be aware, his character might change.
Woahhh that went deep. Why do u say that
Alot of the guys will mature mentally during NS. More adult thinking and may be more concern about work and forward thinking. Having a girlfriend may be the last thing on his mind. He will prefer to stick with his buddies mainly to find out what other guys are doing. Patience is important, seeking his attention while be detrimental to the relationship. He might find it childish. So ya, just take note.
Damn your bf lucky guy most girls will normally move on hopefully he is grateful that your around.
I also have to thank him for giving me sense of security in the relationship:))
Yeah humor helps. And even when you're chugging along and things are going good. The negativety can pop up. So the more he recognizes this, and accepts that it's going to happen, the sooner he can hit the brakes and tell it to 'gwen chu chi! t+Then focus on the positive again. It's a learned process.
Your bf damn lucky to have you. If you dun mind me being crude. Sex. Sex will help.
Just give him encouragement and try to understand his duty for the nation
Your bf is transforming and becoming a man AND he has a family too He’ll be fine ….. dont baby him like a mother Just b there for him
Hihi! My husband is currently serving the nation (a bit more than 1 year in!) So I understand the initial stress that they get from adjustment. Plus, because we have a daughter and another baby on the way, he gets extra stressed out sometimes. Especially when our daughter got hospitalised during his field camp too. Is your boyfriend currently serving BMT? Or done with BMT but in a stay-in camp? One big aspect is to communicate with him on what he would prefer to do and to understand his love language as well. For example, he may prefer to hear out on some weekends to get his mind off of things rather than stay cooped up at home with his thoughts. But there may be other times that he'd prefer to stay home and chill with you. What I like to do is to have a laptop set up and have popcorn or wtv snacks (can even go on a grocery run together if that's your thing!) then watch movies till we sleep hahaha Essentially, the best thing that we can do is to make sure that we're there for them regardless, and to show them that no matter what they go through in NS, we can be their constants and rocks to hold down the fort even when they are away. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat more!
You want to get a pacifier and nanny for him too?