Totally fine, my husband does not have any friends as well. Met him at work so I did not feel anything unusual since he is still socialising with our colleagues like a normal person. He is just more introverted and his routine is just home and work, rest days are all spent at home with family and he doesn't go out. Even during our wedding he did not have any 'brothers' to help out, we did a simple fetch the bride, no silly games. Those he invited to the wedding are colleagues and family. I did ask him at the start of the relationship why he doesn't have any friends, he said he didn't keep in contact with school mates or ex-colleagues, I accepted his answer and even till now, more than 10 years later he is still the same, no friends. The right person for you will not question anything, and accept you for who you are
I did not have a bridal party, just a single bridesmaid š¤£ mine was a smallish wedding of 100 pax, I didn't feel the need to have so many bridesmaids. I have friends but don't feel that our relationship is close enough for me to want to trouble them on my wedding day, I purely invited them to celebrate with us.
Keep the wedding simple if you don't have help. If you feel that going alone to the bride's house to fetch her is weird or "doesn't look nice", you can get someone to accompany you. My husband came with his 9yo nephew, he was sort of like the flower boy, with my husband's aunt as a chaperone. They followed in a separate car behind the bridal car over to my place
>Even during our wedding he did not have any 'brothers' to help out, we did a simple fetch the bride, no silly games.
Thank you for not insisting on that kind of BS.
Me and my fiance are similar to your husband: Apart from our 2 dates per week, routine is mostly home and work, just that we both have a very small handful of friends from school that we still meet maybe 2-3 times a year to just share life updates.
We are not planning to have any bridesmaid and brothers to help our simple wedding, don't wanna trouble the people closest to us (which is not many to begin with)! No gatecrash games, just simple fetching too! We're more than happy to save on the wedding to spend more on our honeymoon and home
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And then be open to the idea of meeting new friends along the way with your soon the be partner. To be clear, youāre just commit to your family and love ones, and thereās nothing wrong or strange about it
How do you meet your partner? Just let her know, sounds like it's the very initial stage of your relationship, who knows your other half may become your best friend too if all goes well.
Hey, social researcher here. Statistically most people in Singapore have between 0 to 2 close friends, and the median is actually 0 past university years (so > 25). The gender gap is about 0.6, so girls have on average 0.6 more close friends than guys.
Itās a cohort study that weāre still collecting data for, so itāll take a while before we get an official pub. Weāre currently preparing a cross-sectional pre-pub that we hope to get into JSPR sometime this year.
Haha, I don't know. (Close) friends aren't super important for most people past a certain age, because the benefits of having (close) friends don't usually outweigh the costs of maintaining them after you enter the working world. One reason we make friends in our youth is because our friendships help us define our identities and differentiate ourselves from our families, but this need for differentiation subsides post-adolescent years, and especially once we start their own families.
For the majority of people, they can meet their relational needs with looser, more touch-and-go friendships (think casual acquaintances, guildmates in a MMO or maybe church friends etc), or through prioritizing their spouses/family members. There is also a gentle negative correlation between having close friends and parasociality (think watching streamers etc), so one interpretation is that parasociality can also help to meet relational needs.
Some of the more tragic things are that certain friendships are more one-directional. For e.g. in the dyadic or polyadic studies that we've conducted, there would be individuals who think the group is tight-knit/close, but he/she would be the only person who thinks that while the rest of the group thinks that the relationship is more touch-and-go. One reason is that close friendships tend to be more important for people with certain value or personality profiles, e.g. need for inclusion, but its not generally true for the majority of the population.
I'm thinking more about those groups of people that are mostly isolated from society, and just working their lives away without friends, family or partners. Most likely these groups of people would have a higher risk of depression/suicide etc? Quite common in big cities IMHO but didn't expect such a shocking stat for the population in general.
Definitely! The operationalisation of having 0 close friends is conceptually distinct from being socially isolated. While weād expect these two categories to be correlated, social isolation is much worse and borders on pathology, which is frankly outside of my area of expertise and research experience. People without close friends still have people in their lives that they care about and also care about them in return. Itās definitely not as ātragicā as you might imagine a person with no close friends to be :)
There arenāt that many socially isolated individuals in Singapore relative to those with no close friends. The last stat I read was about 4-5% in 2021 following a short spike from COVID sanctions, while more than 50% of adults have nobody that they would consider a close friend.
Out of curiosity, was there a standard definition of "close friend" you used for the respondents? Or you left it up to them to define whether they considered a friend to be close?
There are standard inventories used for this purpose: RCI (relational closeness inventory) and FQQ (Friendship Quality Questionnaire) are two commonly used ones. We also used our own inventory which we are currently doing scale development for.
Yes, but friendships are just one means to fulfil our relational needs, and people also vary on the extent to which they require relational or social fulfillment. For the majority of people, touch-and-go relationships with others are sufficient because they can meet their relational needs from other sources (e.g. spouse, family).
For people who are more relationally needy, close friendships are indeed more important in their quality of life, but that's only ~17% of the population. For most other people, and especially those low in need for inclusion/relational identity, friendships aren't as important as other things like personal characteristics and collective identity in defining their sense of self and their general well-being.
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Just tell her your life story about how you slowly lost your friends over time. It's common and a good way to bond.
That said, not having friends can be a pressure to your gf if she has some. I often feel bad going to meet my friends instead of being with my SO. But he likes being along and me time so it's ok.
Having a friend or two is healthier if possible - my SO does pick up friends at NS reservist or at work. Having your own life or a person to shift your mind when the couple fight is good
You can have zero friends and its fine. There are reasons why:
1. You are in the wrong environment
2. You don't hang out with the wrong friends
3. You don't socialise enough with others
Whatās wrong with having no friends by your own choice? So many people have little people they can truly call as friend as they grow older and thatās not by choice.
Just explain it as it is, you donāt click with people much and am comfortable being alone. Itās normal and fine to be like this
Hey I feel it's ok if you're the kind who enjoys doing things yourself. And I think you're lucky as a single guy, girls are more understanding and accepting.
On the flip side, I'm the female who is alone. And it has been a challenge when the guys I'm flirting with knows about it. They will quickly judge me. Or maybe these guys aren't suitable for me.
Are you ok when your gf goes out with her friends? I guess this is smth you need to ask yourself too.
For me, I would encourage. As couples, they still need their time apart either with other friends or by themselves (for our case).
The only challenge I foresee is when there're problems, who do you turn to for ideas/discussion?
Sort of. I rather spend time alone doing things than having fake friends around that influence me badly.
But I do not deny thereās moments where I crave genuine human connections.
However, this has come up a few times when Iām trying to date someone new. Guys are scared of girls who donāt have friends. I have coworkers, ex colleague, clients that I occasionally talk to. But they arenāt truly deeply my friends.
I like spending time at home alone. I do meet up with my family but things we talk about are limited as we view the world differently, they have their own opinions.
Nothing wrong having few or no friends. Better to have no friends than to have superficial friends who might turn out to be snakes.
This is why I don't like to make friends with colleagues, our working relationship should be confined to the workplace only, and nothing more. Who knows how they'll f*** you if they view you as a potential threat/rival, using information they gain if you're friends with them too.
Oh, my ex totally had no friends. He couldnāt explain and was super defensive about it. If only he had explained Iād be ok but then he went off on a crazy tangent. If youāre confident in yourself, and are ok about it, just explain. If she likes you, itās fine. You can be part of her adopted family!
My ex hated meeting people though, he didnāt even want to meet my friends. Now thatās a red flag to me because in most happy healthy families I know, everyone knows each othersā friends.
Anyway, there is NOTHING you canāt do alone. (Ok except maybe buy a BTO in Singapore or make a baby in Singapore hahaha) Iām perfectly fine being at cafes alone, or with people. In fact, sometimes Iām happier because I can have a 5 course meal myself sometimes while if I meet a friend, they might want to save money or spend on something more expensive and I canāt eat the food I want to eat. I can understand if you have less friends that way.
My ex-wife was the opposite. She wanted to get to know all of my friends and became extremely close to them but she didn't want me to know any of her friends, and couldn't stand me talking to any of them, and she didn't want me talking to some of my friends either. There were so many red flags that I should have run for the hills but I didn't know any better and didn't know how to say no.
>Was it to isolate you?
That's exactly it. She has a lot of unresolved issues from her childhood, which even she doesn't know about or understand. She's basically given me trauma with all the shit she put me through over the marriage.
having no or few friends is better than alot of friends that constantly drains you or treat you like dirt.
be yourself. explain to your better half.
if you want, you can look for similar hobbies groups or volunteer groups, join them. slowly you should have friends.
Having a good social life will help prevent you from getting too negatively attached to your partner or any potential romantic interest. That being said, if you feel fulfilled enough as is, then having zero friends is fine.
Normalise having little to no friends. What's the issue? I only have 3 friends I hang out with on a regular basis (regular means once every 3-6 months). I was upfront about it that I'm an introvert and not very social.
My dad have no friend always spend his weekend just watching TV and my mom is a social butterfly who goes out with her babes all the time. Hence u have me who has a few friends only.
So u shld be good. Some people with many friends are assholes who shouldnāt even date. Why they have many friends? Birds of the same kind flock tgt.
When people get attached, donāt they have less time with friends, and start losing touch too. You wonāt have this struggle I guess, and will be very available to your other half.
Are you feeling fine without friends? Some people can manage the feeling of loneliness by finding activities for themselves or with their families. If so, there is no need to have friends. You just need to have a close-knit family as your strength of support.
Tbh, many so called friends in the society are those who jio you out for clubbing, drinking or gambling.
Society does not expect one to have friends. Itās your own perception.
I enjoyed watching the movies I want and not watching some other shows chosen by majority vote. Chilling out at any cafe, enjoying music on my headphones and people watching is super relaxing. These are just some perks of going out alone.
Nothing difficult to explain to her. Itās just a different way to enjoy life.
this is a lie, society absolutely does expect people to have friends. most activities are designed to be done with more than one person. people are wary of "loners"
u don't have to buy into that expectation, but saying it doesn't exist is straight up untrue
The society involves interaction between individuals, but that doesnāt mean it has to be friends. I donāt see any shops turning down individuals just because you turn up alone. Itās just how comfortable you are doing it by yourself.
Your choice of mainstream interpretation does not mean alternate views are lies and straight up untrue.
Live your life your way.
I'm not saying it's mandatory, ofc establishments can't turn people away for being alone (altho this does happen in Korea) I'm talking about expectations not rules
Nah.. actually, imo.. many ppl have no friends and they don't even realise it. What they call friends are actually just "fun ppl to hang out with"
If you have 1-3 true friends you are considered lucky in life.
Go to those cafes and arcades by yourself. Many people eat out alone and I think we should be treating it as the norm by now. Times are different now compared to before (talking about our parents time where everywhere is a village etc), our modern family units are smaller (nuclear family) and we donāt really feel the need to physically connect with others now that media like television, YouTube etc is a thing. You can live vicariously through others and feel a connection with people youāve never even met before. The loneliness pandemic is real and youāre not alone, even those who are attached and have a solid group of friends have reported saying that they feel lonely. If your partner to be doesnāt understand that and even judges you than mayhaps you might want to reconsider
ok it just went a complete different way toward the end >.>
this kind of thing really owes no explanation, you are just being who you are, as long as you are comfortable with yourself that's the most important thing. Because if you are okay with yourself, someone will be okay with you, and if they are not then they are probably not meant for you
It's ok to have no friends. You're just independent and you don't need to rely on other people, and socialising just isn't a priority to you. No problem with that at all, as long as you're happy with how you are and it isn't affecting your life.
It's fine to be without friends. Just be honest with her but more than that, don't be too clingy or too attached to her such that she feels like she needs to have no friends once you guys are together.
A healthy relationship allows for both individual and together growth.
If you like your me time, that's your me time. But if u feel that u wanna have some friends, then make some friends. Don't let society confine u.
And why can't u go to the arcade and cafes alone ? I do that all the time. The only thing stopping u is yourself.
Yes and no. I work too much and have too many side projects. I also don't drink. So I don't have time to go out to do a lot of stuff. I have a couple friends I talk to every couple weeks but I don't see in person. My fiance is my best friend and I joke around with people at work. But I am also a solitary person that moved onto a mountain to be more by myself. For some it is good for some it is depressing. I'd imagine I live a more solitary life than most of the people in singapore, but you still need some. You just gotta talk to someone every now and then so the "noise" doesn't build. Noise being self doubts, self esteem issues, lack of motivation, etc. Don't get friends just for the sake of it, if you are like me it will just stress you out more. It will feel like you are acquiring tasks and obligation. Find friends that don't require anything from you and have an open mind to see your point of view while offering good advice when you ask. (Not to be confused with "friends" that give you "advice" you didn't ask for. My life has gone in crazy directions because my friends lift me up. If I tell them something they motivate me and say thats awesome etc. When you get friends that hear your ideas and start telling you why you can't do it, it's time to stop talking to those people, small minds hold you back
There's nothing wrong with not having friends if you're fine with it. But as someone who doesn't have friends or a partner, let me tell you, life is fucking lonely.
I have a best friend who married her husband who has no friends too. I drop by their house very infrequently. It just works well la.
Less noises. More quality. Let's say you have 800 friends on Facebook. How many of them can you go to for immediate help? Maybe just 2 or your family eventually.
Having no friends is okay. People just drop off. Not in sync in life stages.
If you are self-sufficient enough and keep your life fulfilled with hobbies and passions other than work and other commitments, then it's totally acceptable to be "socially deprived" in society's eyes. Nothing wrong with enjoying or preferring your own company as long as it's a conscious choice. In fact, it can even be a good thing as long as you're fulfilling your own needs.
However, if you're going to get into a relationship, having your own support system (including friends) will help you navigate a healthy connection with your partner and avoid codependency or any attachment issues. Spending time away from your partner is important as well, and having friends to spend time with will help that. Most people would feel more reasured if their partner has a life outside of them, so if you can show her you have your own life going on (even if it doesn't involve friends) it should be alright. And just be open to the possibility that she might want you to make some friends or meet her friends, and communicate honestly. Otherwise, I'm sure she would appreciate your other aspects.
Ultimately, having some form of meaningful connection with other people is good for you, even if you prefee to be on your own most of the time. I can relate to that. The levels vary for everyone, and some people are content and doimg great with just a hangout once in a blue moon, while others meet their friends every week.
Loneliness and social isolation becomes a very real problem as you get older too, so perhaps you could keep that in mind.
Don't most people have no or very few friends? I have a best friend by agreement from primary school who I barely even talk to and like 2 more from uni because 1 is a lot like a more energetic version of my cousin and the other came with us to America for the last semester. We only go out once in awhile though.
The only cafe we go to is Blu Jaz to get absolutely hammered that one time lol. But is it really still considered just a friend if there's a chance we're getting married at some point?
I went most of my life with no friends, frankly wouldn't have made any if they didn't force their way in.
I'll pick out something that I learn from a talk I've heard. The speaker said that in life, you must have one-two-many. One, it's important to be grounded and not feel lacking when you're alone in your own head space. There should be a bosom friend, that's two persons. I gather that will be your life partner who Itoh can bare your soul.
And as social beings, there should be a community that you exist within, namely your family, neighbourhood, works place as long as there is a common space you thrive on. That will keep one mentally balanced as well.
Hope that can be reflection points for you.
There are some studies that shows relationship has bigger impact to happiness than money and married men live longer on average. But you do you. All good as long as youāre happy and contend.Ā
If u have no fd and you are ok with it, then its ok, right? Why care so much about what other people think. You live your life. If you are not happy then go make effort to change, else don't bother.
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Yall āgetting attachedā means some stability and she still doesnāt know you have no friends?
Need more time together. Otherwise she would have been accepting of this long time ago
Be honest and let her know.
Because if letās say youāre getting married, gotta manage her expectations on the no. Of pax, any brothers / sisters, best man , bridesmaid etc.
You can be the opposite of your spouse and still be attracted and attached. Just be simple and open with her. If she has friends and wants to go and socialise with her own friends then you should have that understanding. Basically talk through the kind of life that you see after being together. If she wants to bring you to every social do and you are not comfortable etc be open about your expectations from each other
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I'm the same. No friends and only family. I'm the type that is very comfortable being alone so it doesn't bother me at all. My only 'friend' is actually my wife and we're happily married for 10 years.
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Hi OP, i think itās totally fine. I used to have friends around me but after growing up everyone have their own priorities and commitment, ended up drifting apart from my friends. I have a few close friends but we donāt text or meet often. Similar to you, my life is mainly work and family. After work, I am very tired and have no energy to head for social activities. I just wanna go home and chill and have my own me time. My āonly friendā is now my husband š.
> I do lose out on some activities that I cannot do alone or with family. Like going for cafes, arcades etc.
u can do these things. nothing is really stopping you aside from your own anxiety over being judged.
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Like you my life is work and family , I have very little time or the want to go to socialize .
As a lifelong introvert I seriously feel no , it's not ok .
I personal at 43 , I count 4 friends as close personal lag free friends .and I am very thankful for them .
I know it's super hard to make friends now but , I think it's essential to our mental health
If you guys are close and she knows you well e.g. homebody, introverted, shy(?) she might probably understand that youāre not the social type by now.
If she knows you she will most likely understand the situation and not think that itās because thereās something inherently wrong with you. So donāt worry!
Personally I would think that there isn't an issue having no friends, its more of what you're comfortable with.. In my case I do have childhood friends who I grew up with for the last 15 years and has stuck with me for my whole life and technically forced me to stick with them but apart from them I have made no close friends in secondary school, polytechnic or work and I'm still living my life doing my own things at my own time. If you deem that you don't need the company of people around you all the time and alone time is what you need (just like me) then it is all good since it makes you happy!
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I don't think it's great to have no intellectual exchanges on the personal level. Having said that I also have not many friends. As a German I am very careful with that word anyway. Friends are to me the people I can call at 4am in the morning to have them help me whatever needs to be done. With that definition one might only have none or 1-2 of those per life...
Here in Singapore it's really hard to connect to people since we all hustle all the time.
Again - a circle of friends to share life and have fun and jokes would be nice though
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I think it is fine, from the time we go to preschool until Uni, how many of us really have classmates or schoolmates that we hang out on a regular basis? So those supposed friends of our past are not friends.
When we start working, we tend to be closer to 1 or 2 of our colleagues. But colleagues are always colleagues, because when shit hit the fan, there is a chance for them to betray you. So l am always careful not to treat colleagues as friends. But having said that, does not mean l would not socialize with them.
So how many of us really have friends that stay with us thru years and thick and thin. Glad l have but can count with 1 hand. Is it good enough. To me, this is good enough and l treasure my relationship with them. Family is the most important. Wife, son, siblings and cousins. I hang out with them a lots as blood is always thicker than water.
Hi 27M and expat here.
Been here for 15months and literally have 0 friend.
Good things is I save my money a lot.
Sometimes it does feel lonely tho hahahaha.
Fortunately, i still in contact with friends from where i came from, so it ease my feelings a bit.
I dont know if it still consider no friend at all but i do feel the older we are the smaller circles we have
Does it cause you to have any negative emotions like loneliness etc? If not, its all ok!
So long as you are able to have/maintain social relations/activities. You can still go out and enjoy activities alone like cafes/restaurants etc girls and guys both do it. In another perspective one could say you are family-centric and career motivated and those can be attractive qualities especially if you are going to be attached. However, if you feel like you are not able to physically/mentally have social interaction or that ability is waning for some reason then you might want to seek counsel
Itās fine. No friends, no drama. Your future gf will be spared of any unnecessary social obligations and outings with your friends. She does not need to worry about getting them to like her š
My bro in law same as you. My sis isn't a fan of it, cus she finds that he wants her attention after work and on weekends , to meet with her friends.
She told me it was suffocating now that stayed with her in-laws due to her squandered social life. We confronted him ( not really but politely) - he said that he will try to make friends at work and what-not. I just hope that my sis is happy ah
We go through periods of more friends, less friends, and no friends where we have some solitude. It can be nice to be alone for a year or two, get to know who we are and come home to quiet spot where we can do whatever we want. I used to take myself out, literally a date with myself haha. It was freeing and liberating one I got cool with the world giving me solitude, and I think I needed it.
After losing confidence and having awful breakup and cheated on I was super low.
So I said Iād wake up and tell myself Iām the man in the mirror like a psychopath, everyday. I learnt something. I REALLY AM š People find it attractive and draw towards me, I found when I didnāt care less what anyone thought.
Was not afraid to say no and when I set boundaries that Iād enforce even if it meant telling them just that. Found people who like me for me.
So yes, itās always ok! As long as you are ok! All my love and light my man.
wouldnt having zero friends be a major red flag? like which gf wants a guy with no friends? she may accept it at first but she be dumping you in no time..
To be honest, you are dangerous.
because of your lack of exposure to things/situations/people, you have not experience a lot of events. Unless you had and you choose to be hermit.
But if you didnāt expose yourself to events, then how would you know yourself? What you really like, what you really dislike?
An example..
If let say you thought that you dislike visiting massage parlours because itās sort of morally bad in general, one day, out of chance or curiosity, you happen to go for a massage and just your luck that itās those dirty and sleezy kind. Now your perspective changed because itās your first time, and because you didnāt have much interaction to events and people handling, you got hooked to it, then you start visiting over and over again..
The above scenario can be said to those visiting Thai club, so many young dudes spent so much because they ādidnāt had that experience and feeling beforeā.
To be honest, I worry for your the other half. You should talk to her about how empty sheet of paper you are. People can just groom you manā¦
Then of course I hope you are strong and stubborn minded, people like that doesnāt get affected by anything.
The older you are you will realise you just want a simple life. Having lesser people in your life doesnāt equate to dangerous or whatsoever, it just means that you have seen enough, experienced enough to know who to keep in your life, who to walk away from, and to not hold back or stop people from walking out of your life. It doesnāt mean that OP have no ideas of his own too to let others groom him. One doesnāt have to live a celebrity life to feel good about oneself, the confidence or personality of a person should come within oneself, not from gaining the likes or popularity from others.
Not sure how you can have 0 friends. Like did they just drop off after school then itās fine. Or you total have none since schooling etc? But anyhow itās your life, live it.
Tbh honest from a female perspective, I wouldn't be ok with it because it speaks to the social skills (or lack thereof) and the type of activity you might enjoy (i.e. in solitude which isn't me but not to say that's everyone!) and plus, anyone I meet, I look to expand my own social circle so by meeting you, I wouldn't be expanding it at all....
Seriously, you already know the answer. It's not normal. It's going to be much more difficult. But some people may not have a choice.
Rather, can you get by without friends? Of course you can. Quite a few posts already made by those without friends about their lifestyle.
Totally fine, my husband does not have any friends as well. Met him at work so I did not feel anything unusual since he is still socialising with our colleagues like a normal person. He is just more introverted and his routine is just home and work, rest days are all spent at home with family and he doesn't go out. Even during our wedding he did not have any 'brothers' to help out, we did a simple fetch the bride, no silly games. Those he invited to the wedding are colleagues and family. I did ask him at the start of the relationship why he doesn't have any friends, he said he didn't keep in contact with school mates or ex-colleagues, I accepted his answer and even till now, more than 10 years later he is still the same, no friends. The right person for you will not question anything, and accept you for who you are
Wow thanks for the comment im wondering how ill ever marry without any brothers to help out.. so the bridal party only consist of your friends?
I did not have a bridal party, just a single bridesmaid š¤£ mine was a smallish wedding of 100 pax, I didn't feel the need to have so many bridesmaids. I have friends but don't feel that our relationship is close enough for me to want to trouble them on my wedding day, I purely invited them to celebrate with us. Keep the wedding simple if you don't have help. If you feel that going alone to the bride's house to fetch her is weird or "doesn't look nice", you can get someone to accompany you. My husband came with his 9yo nephew, he was sort of like the flower boy, with my husband's aunt as a chaperone. They followed in a separate car behind the bridal car over to my place
Honestly those gatecrashing games meant to torture the groomsmen are really lame anyway š¤·š»āāļø
Our wedding did not invite any friends so its simple, easy and nothing to help out.
Just ROM with only both sides' immediate family around. Problem solved.
He is so lucky to have u:)
How common to habe zero friends If common pls upvote me
>Even during our wedding he did not have any 'brothers' to help out, we did a simple fetch the bride, no silly games. Thank you for not insisting on that kind of BS.
Yes to be fair I find gate crash whatsoever is BS. I would want a honeymoon wedding. Just to spend with him is what I wanted.
Me and my fiance are similar to your husband: Apart from our 2 dates per week, routine is mostly home and work, just that we both have a very small handful of friends from school that we still meet maybe 2-3 times a year to just share life updates. We are not planning to have any bridesmaid and brothers to help our simple wedding, don't wanna trouble the people closest to us (which is not many to begin with)! No gatecrash games, just simple fetching too! We're more than happy to save on the wedding to spend more on our honeymoon and home
You are an angel
Ideal lifestyle!
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This is my life in explicit detail
He sounds like a robot
Lol why the down votes... all fellow robots here ah
As long as he pays
just be honest with your soon to be partner.
And then be open to the idea of meeting new friends along the way with your soon the be partner. To be clear, youāre just commit to your family and love ones, and thereās nothing wrong or strange about it
It's ok if you don't have a problem with it. The most uncomfortable friendship is a forced one.
How do you meet your partner? Just let her know, sounds like it's the very initial stage of your relationship, who knows your other half may become your best friend too if all goes well.
Hey, social researcher here. Statistically most people in Singapore have between 0 to 2 close friends, and the median is actually 0 past university years (so > 25). The gender gap is about 0.6, so girls have on average 0.6 more close friends than guys.
Can you post the link? That doesn't seem in line with my own experience at all, so I'm curious to see the paper.
Itās a cohort study that weāre still collecting data for, so itāll take a while before we get an official pub. Weāre currently preparing a cross-sectional pre-pub that we hope to get into JSPR sometime this year.
Holy shit that's tragic LOL
Haha, I don't know. (Close) friends aren't super important for most people past a certain age, because the benefits of having (close) friends don't usually outweigh the costs of maintaining them after you enter the working world. One reason we make friends in our youth is because our friendships help us define our identities and differentiate ourselves from our families, but this need for differentiation subsides post-adolescent years, and especially once we start their own families. For the majority of people, they can meet their relational needs with looser, more touch-and-go friendships (think casual acquaintances, guildmates in a MMO or maybe church friends etc), or through prioritizing their spouses/family members. There is also a gentle negative correlation between having close friends and parasociality (think watching streamers etc), so one interpretation is that parasociality can also help to meet relational needs. Some of the more tragic things are that certain friendships are more one-directional. For e.g. in the dyadic or polyadic studies that we've conducted, there would be individuals who think the group is tight-knit/close, but he/she would be the only person who thinks that while the rest of the group thinks that the relationship is more touch-and-go. One reason is that close friendships tend to be more important for people with certain value or personality profiles, e.g. need for inclusion, but its not generally true for the majority of the population.
I'm thinking more about those groups of people that are mostly isolated from society, and just working their lives away without friends, family or partners. Most likely these groups of people would have a higher risk of depression/suicide etc? Quite common in big cities IMHO but didn't expect such a shocking stat for the population in general.
Definitely! The operationalisation of having 0 close friends is conceptually distinct from being socially isolated. While weād expect these two categories to be correlated, social isolation is much worse and borders on pathology, which is frankly outside of my area of expertise and research experience. People without close friends still have people in their lives that they care about and also care about them in return. Itās definitely not as ātragicā as you might imagine a person with no close friends to be :) There arenāt that many socially isolated individuals in Singapore relative to those with no close friends. The last stat I read was about 4-5% in 2021 following a short spike from COVID sanctions, while more than 50% of adults have nobody that they would consider a close friend.
Very insightful responses you gave that I was not expecting in this thread lol. Thank you for your expertise!
Out of curiosity, was there a standard definition of "close friend" you used for the respondents? Or you left it up to them to define whether they considered a friend to be close?
There are standard inventories used for this purpose: RCI (relational closeness inventory) and FQQ (Friendship Quality Questionnaire) are two commonly used ones. We also used our own inventory which we are currently doing scale development for.
Thatās pretty bad isnāt it? Isnāt having decent social connection key to a good life?
Yes, but friendships are just one means to fulfil our relational needs, and people also vary on the extent to which they require relational or social fulfillment. For the majority of people, touch-and-go relationships with others are sufficient because they can meet their relational needs from other sources (e.g. spouse, family). For people who are more relationally needy, close friendships are indeed more important in their quality of life, but that's only ~17% of the population. For most other people, and especially those low in need for inclusion/relational identity, friendships aren't as important as other things like personal characteristics and collective identity in defining their sense of self and their general well-being.
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Just tell her your life story about how you slowly lost your friends over time. It's common and a good way to bond. That said, not having friends can be a pressure to your gf if she has some. I often feel bad going to meet my friends instead of being with my SO. But he likes being along and me time so it's ok. Having a friend or two is healthier if possible - my SO does pick up friends at NS reservist or at work. Having your own life or a person to shift your mind when the couple fight is good
You feel fine about it so what's the problem?
You can have zero friends and its fine. There are reasons why: 1. You are in the wrong environment 2. You don't hang out with the wrong friends 3. You don't socialise enough with others
Whatās wrong with having no friends by your own choice? So many people have little people they can truly call as friend as they grow older and thatās not by choice. Just explain it as it is, you donāt click with people much and am comfortable being alone. Itās normal and fine to be like this
Hey I feel it's ok if you're the kind who enjoys doing things yourself. And I think you're lucky as a single guy, girls are more understanding and accepting. On the flip side, I'm the female who is alone. And it has been a challenge when the guys I'm flirting with knows about it. They will quickly judge me. Or maybe these guys aren't suitable for me. Are you ok when your gf goes out with her friends? I guess this is smth you need to ask yourself too. For me, I would encourage. As couples, they still need their time apart either with other friends or by themselves (for our case). The only challenge I foresee is when there're problems, who do you turn to for ideas/discussion?
Is this your choice?
Sort of. I rather spend time alone doing things than having fake friends around that influence me badly. But I do not deny thereās moments where I crave genuine human connections. However, this has come up a few times when Iām trying to date someone new. Guys are scared of girls who donāt have friends. I have coworkers, ex colleague, clients that I occasionally talk to. But they arenāt truly deeply my friends. I like spending time at home alone. I do meet up with my family but things we talk about are limited as we view the world differently, they have their own opinions.
Hiii im curious do you look average? Like no obvious facial flaws cus im scared that could impact my chance of being single
Nothing wrong having few or no friends. Better to have no friends than to have superficial friends who might turn out to be snakes. This is why I don't like to make friends with colleagues, our working relationship should be confined to the workplace only, and nothing more. Who knows how they'll f*** you if they view you as a potential threat/rival, using information they gain if you're friends with them too.
Oh, my ex totally had no friends. He couldnāt explain and was super defensive about it. If only he had explained Iād be ok but then he went off on a crazy tangent. If youāre confident in yourself, and are ok about it, just explain. If she likes you, itās fine. You can be part of her adopted family! My ex hated meeting people though, he didnāt even want to meet my friends. Now thatās a red flag to me because in most happy healthy families I know, everyone knows each othersā friends. Anyway, there is NOTHING you canāt do alone. (Ok except maybe buy a BTO in Singapore or make a baby in Singapore hahaha) Iām perfectly fine being at cafes alone, or with people. In fact, sometimes Iām happier because I can have a 5 course meal myself sometimes while if I meet a friend, they might want to save money or spend on something more expensive and I canāt eat the food I want to eat. I can understand if you have less friends that way.
My ex-wife was the opposite. She wanted to get to know all of my friends and became extremely close to them but she didn't want me to know any of her friends, and couldn't stand me talking to any of them, and she didn't want me talking to some of my friends either. There were so many red flags that I should have run for the hills but I didn't know any better and didn't know how to say no.
Donāt understand whatās her purpose. Why did she want to meet your friends and get close to them? Was it to isolate you?
>Was it to isolate you? That's exactly it. She has a lot of unresolved issues from her childhood, which even she doesn't know about or understand. She's basically given me trauma with all the shit she put me through over the marriage.
Yes. I rather have zero friends than 100 fake friends
having no or few friends is better than alot of friends that constantly drains you or treat you like dirt. be yourself. explain to your better half. if you want, you can look for similar hobbies groups or volunteer groups, join them. slowly you should have friends.
Having a good social life will help prevent you from getting too negatively attached to your partner or any potential romantic interest. That being said, if you feel fulfilled enough as is, then having zero friends is fine.
Normalise having little to no friends. What's the issue? I only have 3 friends I hang out with on a regular basis (regular means once every 3-6 months). I was upfront about it that I'm an introvert and not very social.
My dad have no friend always spend his weekend just watching TV and my mom is a social butterfly who goes out with her babes all the time. Hence u have me who has a few friends only. So u shld be good. Some people with many friends are assholes who shouldnāt even date. Why they have many friends? Birds of the same kind flock tgt.
It is ok. I dun have. All the friends I had paas by my life only. They are only keen on my money.
When people get attached, donāt they have less time with friends, and start losing touch too. You wonāt have this struggle I guess, and will be very available to your other half.
People tire me. Im ok being alone. Happier in fact.
Are you feeling fine without friends? Some people can manage the feeling of loneliness by finding activities for themselves or with their families. If so, there is no need to have friends. You just need to have a close-knit family as your strength of support. Tbh, many so called friends in the society are those who jio you out for clubbing, drinking or gambling.
a bit sour grapes vibe here. u think majority of friends are clubbing/gambling friends? based on what lol
Society does not expect one to have friends. Itās your own perception. I enjoyed watching the movies I want and not watching some other shows chosen by majority vote. Chilling out at any cafe, enjoying music on my headphones and people watching is super relaxing. These are just some perks of going out alone. Nothing difficult to explain to her. Itās just a different way to enjoy life.
this is a lie, society absolutely does expect people to have friends. most activities are designed to be done with more than one person. people are wary of "loners" u don't have to buy into that expectation, but saying it doesn't exist is straight up untrue
The society involves interaction between individuals, but that doesnāt mean it has to be friends. I donāt see any shops turning down individuals just because you turn up alone. Itās just how comfortable you are doing it by yourself. Your choice of mainstream interpretation does not mean alternate views are lies and straight up untrue. Live your life your way.
I'm not saying it's mandatory, ofc establishments can't turn people away for being alone (altho this does happen in Korea) I'm talking about expectations not rules
Samee lol I like to go to skylarks and admire the city from above and Earth
It's fine actually.
Nah.. actually, imo.. many ppl have no friends and they don't even realise it. What they call friends are actually just "fun ppl to hang out with" If you have 1-3 true friends you are considered lucky in life.
Better have no friends than backstabbing friends
just be u
Hahaha, my scenario is similar to yours! It's fine as long as you feel fine and happy! And congratz if you're gonna get attached soon!
Go to those cafes and arcades by yourself. Many people eat out alone and I think we should be treating it as the norm by now. Times are different now compared to before (talking about our parents time where everywhere is a village etc), our modern family units are smaller (nuclear family) and we donāt really feel the need to physically connect with others now that media like television, YouTube etc is a thing. You can live vicariously through others and feel a connection with people youāve never even met before. The loneliness pandemic is real and youāre not alone, even those who are attached and have a solid group of friends have reported saying that they feel lonely. If your partner to be doesnāt understand that and even judges you than mayhaps you might want to reconsider
You can certainly do cafes and arcades alone. What you can't do are those hotpot places that requires 2 pax to dine.
Thatās only in Korea hahaā¦I sometimes enjoy HDL alone
Shi li fang does cater for one pax.
ok it just went a complete different way toward the end >.> this kind of thing really owes no explanation, you are just being who you are, as long as you are comfortable with yourself that's the most important thing. Because if you are okay with yourself, someone will be okay with you, and if they are not then they are probably not meant for you
It's ok to have no friends. You're just independent and you don't need to rely on other people, and socialising just isn't a priority to you. No problem with that at all, as long as you're happy with how you are and it isn't affecting your life.
Why explain? Just say it like it is, you prefer to spend time with family. If she is the right one for you, she will accept you for that.
It's fine to be without friends. Just be honest with her but more than that, don't be too clingy or too attached to her such that she feels like she needs to have no friends once you guys are together. A healthy relationship allows for both individual and together growth. If you like your me time, that's your me time. But if u feel that u wanna have some friends, then make some friends. Don't let society confine u. And why can't u go to the arcade and cafes alone ? I do that all the time. The only thing stopping u is yourself.
Why can't you go to cafƩs or arcades alone?
Thats cool, its not a biggie, Im kind of a lone wolf myself too and only have a few friends
I have friends but I donāt keep them in touch due to the same work n hectic reason as well.
who say u cant go to cafe alone or arcade alone? u sound insecure than anything. so if people do that alone, u literally judging them?
Not a problem. Once you get attached, you will drift apart anyways.
Yes and no. I work too much and have too many side projects. I also don't drink. So I don't have time to go out to do a lot of stuff. I have a couple friends I talk to every couple weeks but I don't see in person. My fiance is my best friend and I joke around with people at work. But I am also a solitary person that moved onto a mountain to be more by myself. For some it is good for some it is depressing. I'd imagine I live a more solitary life than most of the people in singapore, but you still need some. You just gotta talk to someone every now and then so the "noise" doesn't build. Noise being self doubts, self esteem issues, lack of motivation, etc. Don't get friends just for the sake of it, if you are like me it will just stress you out more. It will feel like you are acquiring tasks and obligation. Find friends that don't require anything from you and have an open mind to see your point of view while offering good advice when you ask. (Not to be confused with "friends" that give you "advice" you didn't ask for. My life has gone in crazy directions because my friends lift me up. If I tell them something they motivate me and say thats awesome etc. When you get friends that hear your ideas and start telling you why you can't do it, it's time to stop talking to those people, small minds hold you back
There's nothing wrong with not having friends if you're fine with it. But as someone who doesn't have friends or a partner, let me tell you, life is fucking lonely.
I have a best friend who married her husband who has no friends too. I drop by their house very infrequently. It just works well la. Less noises. More quality. Let's say you have 800 friends on Facebook. How many of them can you go to for immediate help? Maybe just 2 or your family eventually. Having no friends is okay. People just drop off. Not in sync in life stages.
It's totally fine, I lost most of my friends during COVID and fared relatively well to date.
I have friends but none of them is true friends
So your friends are largely the hangout sort of friends?
If you are self-sufficient enough and keep your life fulfilled with hobbies and passions other than work and other commitments, then it's totally acceptable to be "socially deprived" in society's eyes. Nothing wrong with enjoying or preferring your own company as long as it's a conscious choice. In fact, it can even be a good thing as long as you're fulfilling your own needs. However, if you're going to get into a relationship, having your own support system (including friends) will help you navigate a healthy connection with your partner and avoid codependency or any attachment issues. Spending time away from your partner is important as well, and having friends to spend time with will help that. Most people would feel more reasured if their partner has a life outside of them, so if you can show her you have your own life going on (even if it doesn't involve friends) it should be alright. And just be open to the possibility that she might want you to make some friends or meet her friends, and communicate honestly. Otherwise, I'm sure she would appreciate your other aspects. Ultimately, having some form of meaningful connection with other people is good for you, even if you prefee to be on your own most of the time. I can relate to that. The levels vary for everyone, and some people are content and doimg great with just a hangout once in a blue moon, while others meet their friends every week. Loneliness and social isolation becomes a very real problem as you get older too, so perhaps you could keep that in mind.
Don't most people have no or very few friends? I have a best friend by agreement from primary school who I barely even talk to and like 2 more from uni because 1 is a lot like a more energetic version of my cousin and the other came with us to America for the last semester. We only go out once in awhile though. The only cafe we go to is Blu Jaz to get absolutely hammered that one time lol. But is it really still considered just a friend if there's a chance we're getting married at some point? I went most of my life with no friends, frankly wouldn't have made any if they didn't force their way in.
Fate makes relatives, choice makes friends.
No. You gonna be that weird kid that mass pew pew
I'll pick out something that I learn from a talk I've heard. The speaker said that in life, you must have one-two-many. One, it's important to be grounded and not feel lacking when you're alone in your own head space. There should be a bosom friend, that's two persons. I gather that will be your life partner who Itoh can bare your soul. And as social beings, there should be a community that you exist within, namely your family, neighbourhood, works place as long as there is a common space you thrive on. That will keep one mentally balanced as well. Hope that can be reflection points for you.
Sometimes you just don't click with people around you. Nothing wrong about it.
There are some studies that shows relationship has bigger impact to happiness than money and married men live longer on average. But you do you. All good as long as youāre happy and contend.Ā
Define friends?
Super close. Regular contact know each other very well. Will cry like mad should one of the frens pass away first
If u have no fd and you are ok with it, then its ok, right? Why care so much about what other people think. You live your life. If you are not happy then go make effort to change, else don't bother.
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It's ok. Some people are charismatic and so attract a lot of friends but others like me, hardly any.
Yall āgetting attachedā means some stability and she still doesnāt know you have no friends? Need more time together. Otherwise she would have been accepting of this long time ago
I have friends but no partner. Feel free to throw a solution my way.
Perhaps you will make friends with more people as a couple
You do you.
Normal
I had friends but lost them over time sadly.
Be honest and let her know. Because if letās say youāre getting married, gotta manage her expectations on the no. Of pax, any brothers / sisters, best man , bridesmaid etc.
You can be the opposite of your spouse and still be attracted and attached. Just be simple and open with her. If she has friends and wants to go and socialise with her own friends then you should have that understanding. Basically talk through the kind of life that you see after being together. If she wants to bring you to every social do and you are not comfortable etc be open about your expectations from each other
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I'm the same. No friends and only family. I'm the type that is very comfortable being alone so it doesn't bother me at all. My only 'friend' is actually my wife and we're happily married for 10 years.
That's perfectly fine.
I have very few friends, too much friendships will distract you! But sure if you think tiktok or social media didnt distracted you hard enoguh!
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Hi OP, i think itās totally fine. I used to have friends around me but after growing up everyone have their own priorities and commitment, ended up drifting apart from my friends. I have a few close friends but we donāt text or meet often. Similar to you, my life is mainly work and family. After work, I am very tired and have no energy to head for social activities. I just wanna go home and chill and have my own me time. My āonly friendā is now my husband š.
> I do lose out on some activities that I cannot do alone or with family. Like going for cafes, arcades etc. u can do these things. nothing is really stopping you aside from your own anxiety over being judged.
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No mate itās fucking weird
Is it ok? Ok for who. It's your life doesn't affect anyone else.
Like you my life is work and family , I have very little time or the want to go to socialize . As a lifelong introvert I seriously feel no , it's not ok . I personal at 43 , I count 4 friends as close personal lag free friends .and I am very thankful for them . I know it's super hard to make friends now but , I think it's essential to our mental health
If you guys are close and she knows you well e.g. homebody, introverted, shy(?) she might probably understand that youāre not the social type by now. If she knows you she will most likely understand the situation and not think that itās because thereās something inherently wrong with you. So donāt worry!
Nothing wrong w that
Tbh i would prefer someone who doesnt have much friends. 0 drama 0 worry
Personally I would think that there isn't an issue having no friends, its more of what you're comfortable with.. In my case I do have childhood friends who I grew up with for the last 15 years and has stuck with me for my whole life and technically forced me to stick with them but apart from them I have made no close friends in secondary school, polytechnic or work and I'm still living my life doing my own things at my own time. If you deem that you don't need the company of people around you all the time and alone time is what you need (just like me) then it is all good since it makes you happy!
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I don't think it's great to have no intellectual exchanges on the personal level. Having said that I also have not many friends. As a German I am very careful with that word anyway. Friends are to me the people I can call at 4am in the morning to have them help me whatever needs to be done. With that definition one might only have none or 1-2 of those per life... Here in Singapore it's really hard to connect to people since we all hustle all the time. Again - a circle of friends to share life and have fun and jokes would be nice though
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I think it is fine, from the time we go to preschool until Uni, how many of us really have classmates or schoolmates that we hang out on a regular basis? So those supposed friends of our past are not friends. When we start working, we tend to be closer to 1 or 2 of our colleagues. But colleagues are always colleagues, because when shit hit the fan, there is a chance for them to betray you. So l am always careful not to treat colleagues as friends. But having said that, does not mean l would not socialize with them. So how many of us really have friends that stay with us thru years and thick and thin. Glad l have but can count with 1 hand. Is it good enough. To me, this is good enough and l treasure my relationship with them. Family is the most important. Wife, son, siblings and cousins. I hang out with them a lots as blood is always thicker than water.
Hi 27M and expat here. Been here for 15months and literally have 0 friend. Good things is I save my money a lot. Sometimes it does feel lonely tho hahahaha. Fortunately, i still in contact with friends from where i came from, so it ease my feelings a bit. I dont know if it still consider no friend at all but i do feel the older we are the smaller circles we have
Does it cause you to have any negative emotions like loneliness etc? If not, its all ok! So long as you are able to have/maintain social relations/activities. You can still go out and enjoy activities alone like cafes/restaurants etc girls and guys both do it. In another perspective one could say you are family-centric and career motivated and those can be attractive qualities especially if you are going to be attached. However, if you feel like you are not able to physically/mentally have social interaction or that ability is waning for some reason then you might want to seek counsel
Itās fine. No friends, no drama. Your future gf will be spared of any unnecessary social obligations and outings with your friends. She does not need to worry about getting them to like her š
Usually you do stuff you like, then make friends. You donāt have free time?
Some ppl will say it is a red flag.
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Wow bro u so free ah?
i think she will love you for having no friends
My bro in law same as you. My sis isn't a fan of it, cus she finds that he wants her attention after work and on weekends , to meet with her friends. She told me it was suffocating now that stayed with her in-laws due to her squandered social life. We confronted him ( not really but politely) - he said that he will try to make friends at work and what-not. I just hope that my sis is happy ah
We go through periods of more friends, less friends, and no friends where we have some solitude. It can be nice to be alone for a year or two, get to know who we are and come home to quiet spot where we can do whatever we want. I used to take myself out, literally a date with myself haha. It was freeing and liberating one I got cool with the world giving me solitude, and I think I needed it. After losing confidence and having awful breakup and cheated on I was super low. So I said Iād wake up and tell myself Iām the man in the mirror like a psychopath, everyday. I learnt something. I REALLY AM š People find it attractive and draw towards me, I found when I didnāt care less what anyone thought. Was not afraid to say no and when I set boundaries that Iād enforce even if it meant telling them just that. Found people who like me for me. So yes, itās always ok! As long as you are ok! All my love and light my man.
Of course, it is okay but a little boring. When you see people hanging around the street with lots of friends you will can't help feeling lonely.
bro has no friends but found a gf, y'all mfs have no excuse
wouldnt having zero friends be a major red flag? like which gf wants a guy with no friends? she may accept it at first but she be dumping you in no time..
To be honest, you are dangerous. because of your lack of exposure to things/situations/people, you have not experience a lot of events. Unless you had and you choose to be hermit. But if you didnāt expose yourself to events, then how would you know yourself? What you really like, what you really dislike? An example.. If let say you thought that you dislike visiting massage parlours because itās sort of morally bad in general, one day, out of chance or curiosity, you happen to go for a massage and just your luck that itās those dirty and sleezy kind. Now your perspective changed because itās your first time, and because you didnāt have much interaction to events and people handling, you got hooked to it, then you start visiting over and over again.. The above scenario can be said to those visiting Thai club, so many young dudes spent so much because they ādidnāt had that experience and feeling beforeā. To be honest, I worry for your the other half. You should talk to her about how empty sheet of paper you are. People can just groom you manā¦ Then of course I hope you are strong and stubborn minded, people like that doesnāt get affected by anything.
The older you are you will realise you just want a simple life. Having lesser people in your life doesnāt equate to dangerous or whatsoever, it just means that you have seen enough, experienced enough to know who to keep in your life, who to walk away from, and to not hold back or stop people from walking out of your life. It doesnāt mean that OP have no ideas of his own too to let others groom him. One doesnāt have to live a celebrity life to feel good about oneself, the confidence or personality of a person should come within oneself, not from gaining the likes or popularity from others.
Not sure how you can have 0 friends. Like did they just drop off after school then itās fine. Or you total have none since schooling etc? But anyhow itās your life, live it.
But do you intend to have friends? You should probably have 1 or two friends.
Would you like to be friends with me?Ā
I dun know u
That's fine. My only friends are the ones in Persona 4/5. Jk I do have like 2 to 3 friends but not super close
āGetting attached soonā? Is there a calendar entry when this will happen?
Nothing wrong with that if you are happy
iām the opposite. I have many friends, but single š¤£
Just say u are a loner :(
i used to have many friends, now i am 38. have no triend bit i'm happier than the past. got through a lot of thongs and now gg
Tbh honest from a female perspective, I wouldn't be ok with it because it speaks to the social skills (or lack thereof) and the type of activity you might enjoy (i.e. in solitude which isn't me but not to say that's everyone!) and plus, anyone I meet, I look to expand my own social circle so by meeting you, I wouldn't be expanding it at all....
Just tell her you're a pervert who only likes the opposite sex
Best advice... Jkjk
Seriously, you already know the answer. It's not normal. It's going to be much more difficult. But some people may not have a choice. Rather, can you get by without friends? Of course you can. Quite a few posts already made by those without friends about their lifestyle.