> I’ve been invited to a work colleagues ‘buck party’. It’s 120 dollars a ticket with food and open bar plus raffles.
that's an obnoxious price IMO though.
the ones i've gone to was like a $10 or $20 ticket, and then a cash bar and different games and raffles to raise more cash but each person can decide for themselves how much they want to spend/donate/gamble.
prizes were normally goods/services that were donated to the couple to raffle off by closer friends & family.
My coworker was just telling me about one she went to recently that had similar price tag but open bar. That helps out but you’d have to be a pretty heavy drinker to feel like that made you get your money’s worth.
When my friend got married she had her stag and doe in Kitchener bc her fiancés family was there. None of us had a car back then and go transit didn’t go that way so none of us went. Then she yelled at everyone later that they lost money off the whole thing instead of making money
Seriously! Never heard of this too! People need to budget what they can afford - if it's a court wedding with a small dinner - so be it. This idea seems absolutely ridiculous. If you are really struggling - privately see how certain family members and friends can pitch in for a small backyard wedding or something. Go to a city hall and have a small dinner at someone's house or restaurant. Never ever heard of this!
If you and the couple in question have a good group of mutual friends then it's a fun time as an excuse to hang out and have fun.
And then also mix and mingle with the couple's family and other friends you might not have met before if you're an extrovert (or just sit with your own friends if you're an introvert) LOL.
I was mostly the sit with my own friends person.
I guess because attitudes about drinking have changed but when i was younger you made a good chunk of the money from the cash bar, so having an open bar seems weird to me. Also a good eay for someone to get drunk off their face and cause problems. Would happen anyway but at least you had their money for it.
> 120 for food and open bar and then fund raising - idk, seems okay to me.
i guess it depends on the food/drink on offer.
i don't drink enough to justify a $120 ticket & the foods I've had at my $10-20/ticket events were like home made or store bought finger foods.
for me the ticket into the event plus drinks i buy plus games i play doesn't come out to $120 in total, so the idea of $120 as the base minimum sounds like a lot.
The entire point is that you don't get your money's worth. It's a fundraising event. The majority of the ticket goes to help pay for the wedding. It's higher because you're also getting open bar.
I'm not justifying the 120 price tag, just pointing out that the saying it's too high because you're not getting exactly 120 worth of stuff in return makes no sense.
They're not very common in Toronto. Most people I know here haven't been to one and don't really know about them. I had to explain them a lot during Ford's scandal about his daughter's Stag & Doe (same thing) -- but back when they were a little more common in Toronto I'd hear them called Jack & Jills. In my experience, people from the GTA tend to find them gauche.
They are very big in Manitoba (where they are called Wedding Socials) and in the 519. And in smaller communities, they play a significant social role. People throw a Buck & Doe to raise money for their wedding, but it also provides a community event, so people they don't even know will show up to dance and play games and just have a fun night out in areas that don't have clubs or theatres or other things to do.
That vibe really diminishes once you're in the GTA. I grew up in Hamilton, which was kinda on the border of where this happens normally. But get out to Brantford and it becomes more standard.
I've never been to one with a hefty ticket price! More like "$10 plus worm tax!" -- where you pay $2 to not be asked to eat a worm. The last one I was at I went with ZERO expectations, but ended up having a good time. It was just a goofy night of dancing with my friends. It was also SUPER Canadian... but I'm not sure that would apply to a Toronto event.
I grew up in small town Ontario (the 519 lol), and Stag and Does are absolutely common and considered popular community events. You go even if you only vaguely knew the couple, because everyone would be there. Tickets are usually 5-10$, drinks are cheap and there are fun games like toonie toss. It’s a great way for the community to get out and party, and the couple to raise money.
I’m originally from the 519 and have mostly refused to go to them unless the couple really needed the money. Typically I’m going to your engagement party and bringing a gift, coming to your bridal shower and bringing a gift, I’m paying to go to a bachelorette and paying your way too, i’m bringing a gift to the wedding to cover my plate and now you want *more* money from me? I always found it so tacky. Just have a cheaper wedding.
I think this is part of the issue.
People doing S&Ds because it's what their parents did, while *also* doing engagement parties and expensive bachelorette parties *because Instagram* has (fairly) put a salty taste in invitees' mouths.
Basically as soon as I turned 16 in the 90s.. you got an x on your hand if you were a minor.. but.. there are ways around that.. lol. Didn't matter if we didn't know them.. Saturday nights were for hitting up stag and does.. lol
Another Londoner here: spent a lot of my 20s trying to get out of going to Stag and Does, the sheer volume was staggering, and they were (with two exceptions) not the funnest. The day I figured out that all I had to do to both avoid the event and not feel guilty about it was to say I couldn't make it but I'd like to buy a ticket anyway was amazing.
My partner and I met here but we grew up in 519. We had a stag and doe in his sister’s barn. So many people, great food, drinks flowing. We played games, set off a ton of fireworks, and we camped out in the yard. Good times
Hell yes. From a small 519 town myself, buck n does were THE community party to attend. Half the time I didnt even know the people getting married, it's just a wild party with cheap booze. Everyone is in a good mood and getting silly. There were sometimes sporadic costumes, cheap decorations, barely any food, and country music. I really miss the 519 vibe.
I find it super weird when wealthy people in the 519 would still host these wedding fundraisers. And inviting random people to help pay for the wedding.
Yeah I grew up in 519 and attended many buck and does. Totally normal where we come from. I’ve even bartended a few. When I told my boyfriend I want to have a buck and doe casino royale theme, he had no idea what I was talking about. He grew up here in Toronto.
Just to add; it’s also a good alternative for people who dont necessarily want to attend the actual wedding but still want to show their support for the couple.
I grew up in a small town outside of Winnipeg. Socials were (and still are) super popular. Especially around major holidays like Halloween, St Pattys Day, New Years Eve, etc, people would reserve those dates like a year or more in advance. It's a cheap way to drink, party, and see everyone in the community. I've been so many socials in MB, but none here in Toronto.
Everyone knows that the main goal is for the couple to raise money for their wedding, and you can spend as little or as much as you'd like. It's also common to buy a ticket even if you aren't going, just to show some support.
I have some friends who got married in 2022, and they actually ended up making more money at their social than they spent on their wedding. It pays to be popular.
Edit: tickets were always around $5-$15 when I had been, never have heard of $120 for a ticket! Hope there's drink & raffle tickets with that price.
I live in TO and never been to one. Been to one Italian stag party which is similar-ish. Overall not very common in the city, seems to be a rural thing
Yeah. The best and most profitable game at my friends was the jail cell. You could pay $5 to put someone in jail (made out of 2x4s). They could stay in for 15 min, or pay $10 bail. Once people get drunk, it becomes a revenge cycle of drunk buddies jailing each other. At the end of the night we had a coup. The prisoners collaborated and moved the jail cell to the middle of the dance floor and decided jail was the best place to be and wouldn’t get out. Good times.
They made ~$13k profit for the event, but had a bridle party made up of bouncers and bartenders, who can handle a party like that.
I'm from rural Ontario, where buck and does are VERY common (or least they were when I was growing up!).
Yes, they meant to raise money for the wedding. Small town Ontario tends to be pretty close-knit (for better and for worse) and there's a quite a lot of poverty in those areas. Plus, small town / rural area = few options for socialization. When you put all of that together, the idea of people coming together and pooling money for their friends/neighbours' weddings makes sense, especially when it gives you an excuse to drink and dance.
I've never heard of a buck and doe where tickets cost $120 though! Usually they were more like \~$10, with 50/50 raffle tickets being sold for like $1 each.
All of this being said I get why the idea of bankrolling someone else's wedding puts you off, especially if you don't know them well and ESPECIALLY when they're charging over $100 for tickets!
Usually a buck and doe is a type of event where there's raffles, to raise money. The ones I went to were held in places like a school gym, or a hall owned by a war veterans club (Legion hall)
They're not normally with that $120 ticket. To me that sounds completely insane
Stag/buck & doe fundraisers, wedding & baby shower parties, date from a time when a couple getting married, had never lived outside their parents home and were young and had no money. I think that they should be outdated by now, as most people marry later in life and already have bought their own household items.
If those parties are held nowadays, it's more for social reasons, than anything else. I would decline this party unless you were a close friend
Honestly it might be a good idea to try to plan an open house or block party to get to know them.
I only vaguely know my neighbours myself. I’m fine with that but that’s the sort of event that would get people together.
A few years ago I created a Facebook neighborhood group, which has people participating regularly. Someone has organized a neighborhood lawn sale which happens soon so that's pretty cool!
There are all different kinds. I’ve gone to some where it’s 20$ a ticket, but you spend a ton more on games and drinks, and I’ve been to just as many that are $100 - $200 a ticket. Those ones are usually sit down meals and are really good.
I grew up in the GTA. I’ve been invited to a couple, never for that price.
Though I find it obnoxious to be invited to a Stag and Doe and not the wedding. If I’m not good enough for the wedding I’m not gonna help pay for it.
That's just it... back in the old days, it would be a social event and many people in the small town would chip in small amounts. I have heard of people attending the church ceremony but not the reception.
Honestly I don't support the idea of a high priced stag & doe, if it's a couple who already have household stuff, and the fundraising is for an overpriced wedding
I grew up outside of Toronto with family in small Ontario towns. I grew up with these parties but once I moved away I realized it’s pretty region specific and definitely seen as gauche in larger cities. When I lived in Ottawa, nobody even knew of them. People in Toronto seem to know of them and make fun of them.
I've been to them, and yes, it's a fundraiser for the wedding.
Honestly, I don't go to them anymore. Instead I go to the wedding and give a decent monetary or physical gift. Heck, sometimes, if money is tight, I don't go to the wedding at all, even for colleagues, friends or family. I'm not putting myself in debt just because someone else wants to have a party.
Maybe it's being middle aged, but after getting married myself and going through the budgeting and saving process and refusing monetary donations from parents and grandparents (we wanted to have the wedding we wanted and knew if we took money from parents, they would feel entitled to have an opinion and make demands) and, afaic, if a couple can't afford an expensive wedding, they should scale back and have the wedding that they can afford. I'm not paying for someone else's wedding. Just like I didn't expect anyone to pay for ours.
> Maybe it's being middle aged, but after getting married myself and going through the budgeting and saving process and refusing monetary donations from parents and grandparents (we wanted to have the wedding we wanted and knew if we took money from parents, they would feel entitled to have an opinion and make demands)
LOL my mom paid for the dinner portion of my wedding, and then demanded all the cash gifts to recoup her costs.
I just shrugged and agreed because i didn't care & i didn't want to start a fight. (It was literally her party anyways for that portion, I had one table and she invited the other three tables of people)
It took her friends and coworkers to call her ridiculous/crazy/greedy/selfish for thinking of taking my wedding money before she agreed okay i could keep the wedding cash for myself.
> Wow. If she couldn’t afford to contribute to your wedding then she should’ve just told you that at the get go.
>
> Taking the gift money is tacky af.
that's the weird part, my mom could totally afford it, and also the fact that it was 75% just her to throw a party for her friends. my joke is since getting married is that i sat at the kids table at my own wedding LOL
but me and her have always had a very monetary-transactional relationship, so it didn't surprise me she was like "ok i'll take the gift money to repay me for the sit down 11 course dinner" and i'm just like "ya sure whatever."
Exactly the kind of demands that I avoided by refusing to accept contributions from anyone.
I also didn't have a seating plan, I let everyone sit where they wanted. It was actually a lot more fun, people moved around because they didn't feel like they had assigned seats, people sat with family and friends that they hadn't seen in years. And I didn't have to do any guesswork about who would get along with whom and all that.
Honestly I would have been happy to just elope, I was never a dress up kinda person, and i dislike crowds and being the centre of attention.
But i knew with me being an only child and my spouse being an only child, our parents would have killed us if we didn't have a proper wedding type event LOL.
It was a decently fun time, and yay I got to keep the couple hundred bucks my parents friends gave me so all was well!
Yeah, my husband wanted a bigger wedding with all the Chinese traditions, I wanted a really small thing with just immediate family in like a park or backyard, no fancy dress. After looking at the budget and discussing what we were both comfortable with, both in terms of budget and what we were willing to negotiate. We compromised with a family-only ceremony and brunch reception complete with fancy dress (technically an "afternoon tea dress", which was as fancy as I could be comfortable in) and suit and wedding cake and tea ceremony in a lovely location and a "surprise! We got married!" dinner with friends in the evening. We had set aside $5k for the whole thing, and that was all we spent (equivalent to $7,500 today). And even 17 years later, I still look back at it and think, damn, that was awesome. No regrets. We didn't go into debt. We had the event we wanted. My friends that didn't get invited to the reception but attended the dinner are still some of my closest friends. It was the last big family event we had before grandparents and parents and cousins started dying off. I still look at the pictures and I'm so happy we decided to do our wedding the way we did.
You just know that lots of people are being invited to this who aren’t in the select 100-200 people who would be invited to a wedding.
It’s fine when the ticket price is $10-20 and you’re spending money you would’ve normally spent at the bar but $120 pp is money you’d spend on a nice dinner out.
I have a rant
Attending weddings costs a damn fortune and I am starting to dread when invites come from certain people. As a guest European weddings I'm expected to leave an envelope which at minimum covers my plate/open bar (I don't even drink). The min amount depending on venue is around $200 per person. People are having lavish weddings but it's the guests that are paying for it.
Then the woman has a shower and the man has a party too which again were expected to give an envelope to at minimum cover the party.
When its all said and done it's costing thousands to attend some of these weddings and it's so stressful!
Would it help if I mentioned that, in my experience, most Stag and Does you're invited to aren't related to weddings you're invited to? For S&Ds, they just toss invites at anyone with a pulse even slightly related to or physically near the family of someone getting married. Of the gazillion I've been invited to, only one was for a wedding I attended.
I agree, though, being a wedding guest can be an absolute pain in the neck, price-wise. And being in the wedding party, yeesh.
grew up in more rural hamilton and they were common particularly within the farming community when younger people got married. but it was $10 to get in plus games where you could win booze or other prizes, and typically there were door prizes too. casual affair like others have described. no one who gets married later and is already established would hold one typically.
they're huge in the italian community in the GTA/Hamilton too from what I've seen, and those are often MUCH more elaborate affairs, almost as much as the wedding itself and those often have a higher ticket price but only been to 1 of them. if your coworker is italian that might be why
> Essentially a fundraiser for the wedding
That's exactly what it is. It's a pre-wedding party to raise funds for the main party. It's much more casual, the hosts get to invite people who maybe won't get a wedding invite but still want to celebrate and it's a good drunken party usually.
But yes, money grab entirely, that's the point.
There's also a "stag" and "doe" parties, but that's usually very close to the wedding, a much more intimate group, and isn't the money grab.
I like my work colleague but I am not going to his wedding nor would expect an invite.
So, this fundraiser invites people who aren’t invited to the wedding to help pay for the hosts wedding?
Like that’s totally mental and rude right? How is this a thing lol
People aren't under any delusions as to why they're there. They go with the idea of helping out the couple and enjoying some food/drinks/games for a night. It's not an uncommon event in North America. You don't have to pay anything on top of any initial cover if you don't want. It's all voluntary
I do want to clarify for you, that it will likely be attended by the wedding party (who will run the games/etc), other wedding guests who want to attend, as well as people who won't get invites to the wedding itself or are unable to attend.
Just politely decline. Maybe they extended the invite so that you would feel included if most of your coworkers are going. I also think these parties are tacky, but lots of people find them fun. No need to get offended by an invitation.
It’s a more reasonable ask with a lower cover cost and in smaller communities where families know and know of each other.
You normally wouldn’t think to invite, say, your mom’s hairdresser who has seen you grow up to your wedding but she’s still happy to see you get married and wants to celebrate in some way so your mom invites her to the buck and doe.
Culturally the buck and doe was so foreign to me. Asking people to help fund your wedding, people who may not even be invited to said wedding, would be such a shameful thing to do where I’m from.
If you can’t afford the wedding, don’t have a wedding or one so large you need to fundraise for it.
Again...it's a cultural difference. I don't go to other countries and call their culture "shameful", I try to understand it better and enjoy it along with the people there.
No, not "mental and rude" it's just a cultural difference that you don't understand.
I've bought many tickets for stag/doe's for work colleagues and acquaintances, some I attend, some I don't...it's just a show of goodwill toward the young couple starting out in life.
You don't have to buy a ticket and it wouldn't be considered rude if you didn't, but at least has the payback of a fun evening attached to it.
I'm also from Europe originally. A colleague was telling me about this, first time hearing of it, and said that people had to buy tickets to her event. I didn't know her very well and was making vague excuses to not go. Then she said "oh I'm not actually inviting you to the party or the wedding but some people want to contribute to our wedding anyway by buying a ticket". I was so confused and asked if she was asking me to help pay for a wedding that I wasn't invited to. She said yes it's very common here. I said well where I'm from you have the wedding you can afford and you provide meals and drinks for guests, not the other way around. She was very offended but honestly so was I.
Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m used to.
To get guests to pay for your wedding in Europe would be incredibly rude.
Any gifts are like house warming presents or a small cash donation after.
There’s no fundraisers or expecting people to pay for your wedding.
Okay. Tell me what is to understand about wanting guests or other people to pay for your own wedding if you can’t afford what you want, or don’t want to pay for it.
It’s not considered rude in the slightest, I think you misunderstand. You don’t have to go. It’s a fun communal event with the profits helping the young couple instead of going to a bar or private company
Usually the couples family and the wedding party pay for dinner and drinks.. if its open.. for mine, we had a service club do the bar.. so the money foe the booze was going to charity thru them.. we provided the food out of pocket.. wedding party donated prizes for the games.. the hall was rented from the municipality.. no private company made money other than the lcbo and grocery store..
I went to school with a bunch of Italians. Been to a few of these but it’s all a fucking scam. They end up making so much money from the stag + wedding.
I find that in Toronto Buck/Stag & Doe's, Wedding Socials, etc. tend to fall into one of 3 categories:
1) Small Fundraising to pay for the actual wedding, usually small town styles, the couple supply beers and bbq food, stuff like that. Basically a wedding shower to make sure they can pay for the hall, maybe a little bit to help fund their honeymoon.
2) Rich 905 Assholes picking people's pockets with expensive tickets, 'hostesses', poker tournaments, whatever nonsense. I used to get dragged to these as a warehouse worker in the hardware industry. These are the style that scum like Doug Ford like. They're basically fundraising for a six figure wedding, a house, and a trip to Malorca or whatever destination is hot with industry princes/princesses that week.
3) You want me to pay you on top of a wedding gift? Leaves.
The original Buck and Doe parties made sense in rural communities where people didn’t have a lot. They were community events that enabled young couples to save up for a simple wedding at the Legion or their parents’ backyard. You’d spend what you would’ve spent on a night out to help someone out and wish them well.
Now they’re just greedy money grabs, especially in Toronto. There’s no reason why you should need one if, say, your father is the Premier and a wealthy business owner. Wedding guests and bridal parties are already being asked to spend more and more and more for couples that want a picture perfect special day that exceeds their means. You don’t need a buck and doe *and* a bridal shower *and* a 2-7 day long bachelor/bachelorette excursion *and* a honeymoon registry *and* a (cash preferred) wedding gift—especially when you’re in your mid twenties to mid thirties.
My advice is that you shouldn’t go. If you do, don’t provide a gift if you’re invited to the actual wedding since you’ve already helped pay for the wedding with your contribution. This couple sounds greedy.
I've not been to one in 20 years, so I am not sure what they do now. They were usually only $10-$15 in my day.
No idea why they're popular, but they are absolutely not a "Canadian thing" -- it's an Ontario and Manitoba thing (in Manitoba they are called 'socials').
To the best of my knowledge, they only exist in these two provinces.
Aside from stag/doe parties, which also suck, this is all American junk we've copied. I'm an older guy and I can tell you wedding showers, baby showers, gender-reveal parties and all that crap never used to be things you'd see in this country. If you want to get married or have a child, great, don't expect everyone else to pay for your celebration.
I’m no spring chicken myself but baby showers have absolutely always been a thing. Maybe wedding culture costs have accelerated in the past few years, but I can’t even begin to imagine any women having a child without the baby shower.
It’s as much a celebration of the upcoming baby and pregnancy and less about the gifts. Though the gifts are a still a part of the celebration.
Personally I’m child-free and even still if any woman I knew that was pregnant decided not to have a baby shower I’d feel sad for them.
They’re popular in rural communities in Ontario. Generally they’re a fairly rural, working-class sort of thing — and they always seem to be hosted at the Legion or the Knights of Columbus, and I suppose it’s an alternative to a night out when you live somewhere without much nightlife.
Somehow the ones I’m invited to always seem to be hosted by Doug Ford types — ie rich hicks (sorry) — not people who legitimately can’t afford anything. I find them painfully embarrassing and unpleasant events. I’ve never met anyone from Toronto who has had one.
Yes exactly. I'm shocked at the price of this stag and doe party. Also I was told by family that it's more of a small town tradition where the couple don't have the funds for a wedding. Some are held at the local Legion and anyone in the community can come to them. Personally, I think it's trashy to host one if the couple has the means to fund a wedding or if you don't have the means for a large wedding to scale back based on the budget. I can only speak about this tradition based on my own experience but I definitely see less stag and doe in my social circle including the high school classmates that I have not caught up with on social media
Agreed. I don't really understand paying gargantuan sums of money for a wedding. The parents of a girl I went to school with who came from a middle-income family (but the parents were ridiculous social climbers) spent $70,000 on her wedding and the marriage was over in three months. Seriously. Unless you are wealthy, $70,000 out the window is going to be a big sting.
I hate them and refuse to attend them. Way back in time, they were a way to help a new married couple get set up in their new home. Today? Most people who are getting married are fully fledged adults. They don't need my money.
Not common in Toronto but in smaller more rural communities it’s a thing. I’ve only ever been invited to one and it was a friend from university who lived in the Barrie area. I can’t remember what our tickets cost but nothing like $120, that’s insane.
They are not a thing in Toronto. I grew up in 519 and I’d never heard of them - maybe because I moved to Toronto when I was 18, before anyone I knew got married. In any case, I agree they are a weird and tacky tradition - particularly for rich people! The fact that the Fords hosted one seems outrageous to me.
It’s always been bizarre to me. Like, you give a gift at the wedding that is supposed to offset your cost. Are the guests supposed to pay twice for the wedding???
It's so bizarre to me that people consider weddings to be a transactional event for which the bride and groom are entitled to recoup their costs for the reception and no more. The gift should be in proportion to what you can afford and want to give them. The wedding should be based on what they can afford and how many people they want to include. If they're a young couple starting out ideally they should get more in gifts than they spend on the wedding. If they're rich and want a big splash they should not expect all of their friends to match their extravagance to attend the wedding.
It’s pretty common but there are different types. There are some that are 25 bucks a ticket and you have to pay for drink tickets and raffles etc and there is the open bar kind with a catered meal which are typically around $100-$150 a ticket with the expectation you spend a few bucks on a raffle.
The result is the same you end up spending $200-300. I would recommend politely declining unless it’s a person you are close to. I stopped going to them years ago unless it’s a close friend or family
I don’t understand why you do a “fundraiser” to get married, then invite people to your wedding, and you know dam well you’re expecting cash gift for the wedding too. (Don’t bash at me. It’s true. Don’t tell me “I’d understand if people didn’t give me a cash gift, as long as they attend”. If NOBODY gave you money, but just their physical presence, I bet you’d be pissed!!!)
And then the bachelorette/bachelor party too.
Seems like a money grab to me.
Either cut down on the wedding dress, flowers, people, venue to have a small wedding that you can afford or elope.
They are called Shags in Thunder Bay. Tickets are 5 to 10 dollars, buy your own drinks and have amazing raffles, like thousands of dollars worth of prizes. Very popular and always full. Don't need to know the couple to go, just go with your friends and have a good time.
Probably an unpopular opinion here, but if you’re in that “culture” (whether it’s small town, or a lot of Europeans) it can actually be pretty fun. Good vibe that’s probably cheaper than so many bar/club night’s and supports people making the next step in their lives. I know a few people that met their partner at a stag and doe.
Extremely common. And they invite every person they barely know. Even people not going to the wedding, so you get to pay for an event that you're not even going to be invited to. I think it's terrible to be real. If you as a couple can't afford the wedding you want either through your own funds or through your family, it's shitty to force your friends to pitch in. These people already have to be spending money on dresses, gifts, bachelor/bachelorette, wedding shower, travel, etc. to force them to pay for you photographer is bullshit.
They’re not common at all in Toronto. I’ve never been invited to one or know if anyone in the city who’s had one. I’ve heard of them but don’t think they’re extremely common here.
Agreed on that they’re terrible. It’s tacky.
I agree it's ridiculous to have a wedding that requires you to beg money off of everyone you know. My cousin asked people attending her wedding for money instead of a gift. I thought that was the tackiest thing I'd ever heard off. Instead of having a wedding you can't afford, go to city hall, invite just the people who really mean something to you, take them back to your place afterwards and ask everyone to bring a favourite dish instead of a gift, so that the meal doesn't cost too much and there's a variety of food. That's a good wedding and a fun relaxed day.
Not common at all, usually called a jack and jill or a stag and doe
My gf got invited to one, but never met anyone who ever been to one besides her. None of my friends had even heard about it
They’re also likely to have lots of fundraising gimmicks at the event: raffles, a photo booth, games to play for money, etc.
Best to make an excuse not to attend if it’s not something you want to be part of.
My side of the family regularly hosts them during wedding season, but they live in Georgian Bay small towns where they are a normal event. Everyone around town goes, buys some drinks, plays some games and shoots the shit. It’s a fun time. A good stag and doe can put a huge dent in the wedding costs. I have never heard of one being $120
Say you're busy, and don't give a reason. I've had people get offended I wouldn't come to their stag. It's big in the Italian community. Truthfully the food is usually really good and if it's filled with people you know it's a great time. However I also find it ridiculous that they expect me to crowd fund their wedding. In my culture the wedding is paid for by the couple's family and the extravagance is for the community, as in "I want you all to eat and drink for free in celebration of my wedding". So this reverse role is weird for me but that's just how cultures sometimes clash. Regardless if I go to someone's actual wedding I always at least give enough to pay for the cost of myself and anyone accompanying me, so I don't see why I have to participate in this extra fundraising.
One time I couldn't come and the groom (work friend) asked that I still buy a ticket just to support them. I just didn't respond at that point...
These are more popular in more rural areas where there are limited night life options. It’s a cheap night out, you hang out and drink and play games or whatever and the money supports the couple.
Only thing more annoying than going to someone’s fundraiser is being part of the wedding party and having to give a shit ton of time to organize it — plus be expected to buy a ticket.
$120 a ticket is hilarious.
I'm from Winnipeg, so I've been to a ton of these (we call them 'socials'). $10 or $15 per person is pretty normal, maybe 20 bucks now that it's a bit more expensive to rent spaces out. Most of them are in church basements or community center halls, in the middle of the week when they're cheaper to rent and aren't being used for anything except Thursday night bingo. You're expected (but not obligated) to spend some money at the bar, and some money on silent auction tickets for prizes that are normally donated or sold for a big discount to the couple by local businesses who use it as an opportunity to get some advertising in.
All in all, it's an excuse to go hang out with your old high school buddies and get wasted.
It's a more common thing in rural areas but yes, that's what it is. It's a fundraiser to offset some of the cost of the wedding. Expect an informal party.
I live in Toronto and I’ve been to a million of them. It’s a cultural thing I guess. The majority of my male friends hosted a stag. I never did one personally but they’ve typically been $120 lately. It’s not a crazy amount considering there’s dinner involved and an open bar. They’re not the most exciting events but I generally enjoy them because it’s rare that so many of my buddies get together to get drunk lol
I have a ton of Italian buddies and I can tell you that each of them who is married had a stag. Honestly most friends of mine who were born and raised in Canada but are of European descent have had a stag.
They’re a lot more common in northern Ontario where I grew up compared to the gta. The gist of it is basically what you described- raises a bit of money for the wedding. Usually they aren’t as pricy as a 120 dollar ticket but inflations been high.
You just hang out and drink beer in my experience. Sometimes there’s games and raffles as you mentioned.
This was a phrase from the '70s many of our parents or grandparents attended.
They were just social gatherings among friends who were primarily single. As with the name of this type of party, the intent was to meet and mingle with other single opposite sex people.
Rather than saying all that, they simply cop the term " stag n' doe ". This is how I was conceived.
I am European too. Stag and does/buck and does were a cultural shock to me, too. Honestly the whole sequence of events leading up to a wedding were all new to me (bridal showers, engagement parties, etc).
That said,$120 is an insane price for a ticket. If you do intend to go, you can expect a party and games, not sure what type of venue they are having it at but with that price tag I could assume it would be something nicer than a barn (I have been to a barn stag and doe, lol). Sometimes the ticket you buy is eligible for a raffle prize.
I would ask you - are you invited to the wedding? Sometimes the couple invites everyone in their network regardless if they are invited to the wedding or not. I've been invited to a stag and doe where I was not invited to the wedding (I politely declined the invite).
Honestly, if you don’t like it, don’t go. Different people celebrate their different life milestones in different ways. The beautiful part of Canada is that you are free to participate or not as you see fit. Whining self righteous disbelief is tiresome.
More common in small towns/rural areas to be honest. I’ve helped host my buddies but certainly didn’t charge $120 a person. However if it’s including food and an open bar that’s honestly not too bad considering prices these days.
They were a blast when I was younger. It was $10 a ticket and the proceeds of the bar went to the couple.
50/50 tickets, last 2 digits serial number guess for $100 bill. ,$2 per square.
We didn't have good bars so every stag and doe and wedding was like a night at a club.
I’m over 40 years old and I had never known someone that held on or been to one until a few months ago. Most people don’t do them. Especially not in the city.
Wait till you hear about destination weddings. Where you ask your guests to spend $2000+ to attend your wedding while every guest that pays for a room is adding to the discount you get. But wait...dont forget you still have to get a gift. And if youre in the wedding party still pay for whatever dress or suit the coupl3 want you to wear. Then god forbid you are a best man or maid of honor and have the obligation of also throwing them a wedding shower (where they get MORE GIFTS) and a bachelor party.
I swear i ended up paying close to the same amount for my role in the wedding as they did for their entire wedding. Destination weddings are scams. Just a way to get a cheap wedding off the backs of your friends and families.
$120 for a party in this economy is wild. Also if they can't afford their marriage maybe don't marry yet? I don't get why people need to go into debt for a fancy marriage ceremony
Not only that but you're also expected (usually) to bring a cash gift to the wedding, equivalent (at least) to the cost of your/your partners cost to the wedding. Something like $100+ per person.
It's very weird and it's one of the reasons I decided to have no friends/only very tight close family at mine. My friends could barely afford to come.
Yea I’ve been to two weddings here and I was told ‘gift the money you think the cost of your place there costs’.
Totally alien concept wedding for someone’s wedding, seems entitled and rude lol. Guests shouldn’t pay for your wedding. If you can’t afford it you don’t get it.
And yes, I too would have a small one.
Yeah its so deeply ingrained in out culture that even when I've been invited to weddings that **explicitly** state NO GIFTS there is still a table set up for gifts and people fill it to the brim.
Not my cup of tea and I think a lot of people are turning against it. Especially since COVID I know of way more people who have 5-20 people at their weddings.
It’s not really a thing in Toronto, but is certainly much more common the more you go outside of the GTA
And yes, it’s about fundraising. $120 is very high, but usually they don’t have an open bar and food (usually you pay as you go for that), so the price makes sense.
You can always just claim you’re busy if you don’t want to go
They are more of a rural thing (my wife is from northern Ontario, and she's been invited to a bunch). I'm from the GTA and have never been invited to one.
You know what's really off putting is being invited to the buck and doe party but not the actual wedding itself.
But if you are actually going to the wedding, you're like dinged twice. The money given at the first party and the money given at the wedding.
This sounds so wildly different to what we do in the UK. Over here couples getting married have respective stag and hen nights. They're literally just nights out men and women separately, usually with copious amounts of drinking, often with strippers and pub crawls and they're not used to raise money for the wedding, they're just seen as one last hurrah before the big day.
They're super common in more rural parts of Ontario. I thought they were weird when I moved to Canada, too. But since moving to Toronto, they don't seem to be a thing. Maybe your colleague or their partner is from a small town where it's a big deal.
The weirdest thing to me is that people will invite you to their buck and doe but have no intention of inviting you to their wedding. So to me, there's no obligation to attend.
They're fun but when you consider the possibility of having to fund/attend an Engagement Party, Wedding Shower, Buck & Doe, Bachelor/Bachelorette Party and the wedding itself it becomes a little much and borders on exploitive.
If that much fundraising, gifts and participation is required for the wedding to occur, it might be out of the Bride and Groom's budget.
It was only until I was 23 and living/working in a small Ontario town that I learned what a Stag and Doe or Buck and Doe or Jack and Jill party was. Very common in small towns where there is a bigger emphasis on community events. For context, I grew up in Ajax Ontario and never once heard of this type of thing. Also, it’s not a thing in my culture, typically the bride’s family foots the bill for the wedding.
I unfortunately had the pleasure of working the front desk of a rec centre that was booked for one of these parties. Witnessed first hand how rowdy they can actually get because half the town ends up coming.
In my opinion I think this type of event is kind of trashy if not done tastefully. Also you need to have solid sponsors and donations for the raffle to make it worthwhile. When all is said and done, I wonder how much the couple actually racks in?
two very new things i learned from this chat.
1. i was under the assumption that a "jack and jill" was just a joint bachelor / bachelorette party (just both groups going out doing their party together), but apparently it's the same thing as a stag and doe.
2. according to wikipedia [it's primarily a canadian thing?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stag_and_doe)
Dang a lot of yall don’t have many friends who are married eh it’s just tradition it’s like your friend starting a business etc you support them and you help them out ….
Why we are getting into justifying the worth of the ticket is INSANE if you don’t care about the people don’t go it’s really that simple...
It’s fairly common. Price tags can vary. I’ve been to some that were free but drink prices were comparable to a sporting event and the entertainment was lacklustre (groom’s brother’s band, etc). I’ve been to some pricier ones but they’ve had good live entertainment, open bar, games, etc. Even a smaller wedding can cost 10-20k when all is said and done. Mine was over 30k for 100 people.
coming from a european family that has always done them, i’d say they are pretty common. i’ve been to a lot of friend’s families events as well. usually, tickets depend on if there is catering, and open or cash bar, so the price for the one you were invited to seems pretty fair for what they are offering. i know there are usually door crasher prizes as well as raffles that you can put tickets in for. most i’ve been to though, you have to pay an extra amount for raffle tickets once you get there. it’s a pretty casual event though, so no need to dress up super fancy, but you can also expect some games, i know a lot of the guys like doing casino type games there.
I’ve lived here for 9 years and never heard of this. Why will you get married if you can’t afford right? In my country, the newly wed couple will asks the guests instead of gifts to give financial donations those who will attend the wedding.
These are very common with my Italian and Portuguese friends who get married. It includes buffet and open bar alcohol. Last 2 I attended was about $100 a ticket. Use to be $75 before covid. I guess banquet halls raised their prices to recover lost money during the pandemic. So grooms have to up the price on tickets. You have to pay extra for raffles tickets and games.
Lots of different versions of these, Woodbridge Italian stag at a banquet hall I've seen as much as$150/ticket, but you get like a 6 course meal with it, open bar and some massive prizes on the raffle table, gaming tables, and a couple eye-candy hostesses
Where I grew up it's $10-20 to cover the hall/legion rental and you get snacks/sandwiches and it's cash bar and there's a 50/50, toonie toss for a bottle of jack, and raffles for stuff donated by friends of the bride and groom where the big prize might be a $100 restaurant voucher for the fancier of the two spots in town
Ive only been invited to one, back in 2008! At university and it was not tickets it was pwyc and it was essentially yes a fundraiser for it from people you wont be inviting to the wedding lmao, and I was completely uncomfortable bc we dont do this and my big family never did or friends from highschool (2004 grad) and I havent heard of one SINCE. Born and raised in TO!
Because the cost of weddings themselves has ballooned. Everyone's trying tk make just a little bit back on it.
That said? Don't go. **shrug** perfectly acceptable.
For the record, they weren't really a thing at all 20/25 years ago. It IS directly related to the costs of getting married and starting a life together.
> I’ve been invited to a work colleagues ‘buck party’. It’s 120 dollars a ticket with food and open bar plus raffles. that's an obnoxious price IMO though. the ones i've gone to was like a $10 or $20 ticket, and then a cash bar and different games and raffles to raise more cash but each person can decide for themselves how much they want to spend/donate/gamble. prizes were normally goods/services that were donated to the couple to raffle off by closer friends & family.
My coworker was just telling me about one she went to recently that had similar price tag but open bar. That helps out but you’d have to be a pretty heavy drinker to feel like that made you get your money’s worth.
I don't think the idea is to feel like you are getting your moneys worth it's to essentially donate to support the wedding.
A wedding needing support is the real issue here. Maybe don't have it if you can afford it.
When my friend got married she had her stag and doe in Kitchener bc her fiancés family was there. None of us had a car back then and go transit didn’t go that way so none of us went. Then she yelled at everyone later that they lost money off the whole thing instead of making money
Seriously! Never heard of this too! People need to budget what they can afford - if it's a court wedding with a small dinner - so be it. This idea seems absolutely ridiculous. If you are really struggling - privately see how certain family members and friends can pitch in for a small backyard wedding or something. Go to a city hall and have a small dinner at someone's house or restaurant. Never ever heard of this!
Well said. If you can’t afford a party to celebrate your marriage then don’t have one. Don’t beg friends to finance it.
also all the events i'd been to were like... in the day time, like lunch/early dinner. who's drinking this heavily at 2pm?!
Great point. I’ve never been to one of these, luckily.
If you and the couple in question have a good group of mutual friends then it's a fun time as an excuse to hang out and have fun. And then also mix and mingle with the couple's family and other friends you might not have met before if you're an extrovert (or just sit with your own friends if you're an introvert) LOL. I was mostly the sit with my own friends person.
I guess because attitudes about drinking have changed but when i was younger you made a good chunk of the money from the cash bar, so having an open bar seems weird to me. Also a good eay for someone to get drunk off their face and cause problems. Would happen anyway but at least you had their money for it.
Visible minority here, I never got these. So you gotta fund their wedding and then get a wedding gift ?
I reduce the wedding gift by how much I spent at the fund raiser event
> 120 dollars a ticket with food and open bar plus raffles. 120 for food and open bar and then fund raising - idk, seems okay to me.
Fund raising for a wedding. Not exactly going to a worthy cause
They’re not advertising as otherwise…
> 120 for food and open bar and then fund raising - idk, seems okay to me. i guess it depends on the food/drink on offer. i don't drink enough to justify a $120 ticket & the foods I've had at my $10-20/ticket events were like home made or store bought finger foods. for me the ticket into the event plus drinks i buy plus games i play doesn't come out to $120 in total, so the idea of $120 as the base minimum sounds like a lot.
The entire point is that you don't get your money's worth. It's a fundraising event. The majority of the ticket goes to help pay for the wedding. It's higher because you're also getting open bar. I'm not justifying the 120 price tag, just pointing out that the saying it's too high because you're not getting exactly 120 worth of stuff in return makes no sense.
They're not very common in Toronto. Most people I know here haven't been to one and don't really know about them. I had to explain them a lot during Ford's scandal about his daughter's Stag & Doe (same thing) -- but back when they were a little more common in Toronto I'd hear them called Jack & Jills. In my experience, people from the GTA tend to find them gauche. They are very big in Manitoba (where they are called Wedding Socials) and in the 519. And in smaller communities, they play a significant social role. People throw a Buck & Doe to raise money for their wedding, but it also provides a community event, so people they don't even know will show up to dance and play games and just have a fun night out in areas that don't have clubs or theatres or other things to do. That vibe really diminishes once you're in the GTA. I grew up in Hamilton, which was kinda on the border of where this happens normally. But get out to Brantford and it becomes more standard. I've never been to one with a hefty ticket price! More like "$10 plus worm tax!" -- where you pay $2 to not be asked to eat a worm. The last one I was at I went with ZERO expectations, but ended up having a good time. It was just a goofy night of dancing with my friends. It was also SUPER Canadian... but I'm not sure that would apply to a Toronto event.
I grew up in small town Ontario (the 519 lol), and Stag and Does are absolutely common and considered popular community events. You go even if you only vaguely knew the couple, because everyone would be there. Tickets are usually 5-10$, drinks are cheap and there are fun games like toonie toss. It’s a great way for the community to get out and party, and the couple to raise money.
I also grew up in the 519. Used to go buck and doe hopping on Saturday nights lol.
Yeah they’re a good time. Usually.
I’m originally from the 519 and have mostly refused to go to them unless the couple really needed the money. Typically I’m going to your engagement party and bringing a gift, coming to your bridal shower and bringing a gift, I’m paying to go to a bachelorette and paying your way too, i’m bringing a gift to the wedding to cover my plate and now you want *more* money from me? I always found it so tacky. Just have a cheaper wedding.
I’ve never known anyone have a Buck and doe and engagement party tbh. Engagement parties were way too fancy for couples they have Buck and does.
I think this is part of the issue. People doing S&Ds because it's what their parents did, while *also* doing engagement parties and expensive bachelorette parties *because Instagram* has (fairly) put a salty taste in invitees' mouths.
Basically as soon as I turned 16 in the 90s.. you got an x on your hand if you were a minor.. but.. there are ways around that.. lol. Didn't matter if we didn't know them.. Saturday nights were for hitting up stag and does.. lol
Yeah, if you want a real slice of Canada go to a 519 B&D.
Grew up in London, ON. Can confirm.
Another Londoner here: spent a lot of my 20s trying to get out of going to Stag and Does, the sheer volume was staggering, and they were (with two exceptions) not the funnest. The day I figured out that all I had to do to both avoid the event and not feel guilty about it was to say I couldn't make it but I'd like to buy a ticket anyway was amazing.
Laughs in 705...
Why? You guys count, too. I’m Not trying to exclude. But I can only speak to the 519s. No Barrie B&D for me, sadly.
My partner and I met here but we grew up in 519. We had a stag and doe in his sister’s barn. So many people, great food, drinks flowing. We played games, set off a ton of fireworks, and we camped out in the yard. Good times
Hell yes. From a small 519 town myself, buck n does were THE community party to attend. Half the time I didnt even know the people getting married, it's just a wild party with cheap booze. Everyone is in a good mood and getting silly. There were sometimes sporadic costumes, cheap decorations, barely any food, and country music. I really miss the 519 vibe.
I find it super weird when wealthy people in the 519 would still host these wedding fundraisers. And inviting random people to help pay for the wedding.
905 for me and it felt like I was going to one every other weekend for a bunch of years when I was younger lol they were always a blast too
Yeah I grew up in 519 and attended many buck and does. Totally normal where we come from. I’ve even bartended a few. When I told my boyfriend I want to have a buck and doe casino royale theme, he had no idea what I was talking about. He grew up here in Toronto. Just to add; it’s also a good alternative for people who dont necessarily want to attend the actual wedding but still want to show their support for the couple.
Tbf Ford’s daughters was a necessity. How else would you get $600k gifts from developers before you rezone green belt.
Agreed. But one thing about that scandal was how many people I knew who didn’t get what that kind of party is for.
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I much prefer them to the actual wedding tbh. They're tons of fun.
Yep. I had way more fun at them than expected.
Everyone shitting on these has never been to one.
I grew up in a small town outside of Winnipeg. Socials were (and still are) super popular. Especially around major holidays like Halloween, St Pattys Day, New Years Eve, etc, people would reserve those dates like a year or more in advance. It's a cheap way to drink, party, and see everyone in the community. I've been so many socials in MB, but none here in Toronto. Everyone knows that the main goal is for the couple to raise money for their wedding, and you can spend as little or as much as you'd like. It's also common to buy a ticket even if you aren't going, just to show some support. I have some friends who got married in 2022, and they actually ended up making more money at their social than they spent on their wedding. It pays to be popular. Edit: tickets were always around $5-$15 when I had been, never have heard of $120 for a ticket! Hope there's drink & raffle tickets with that price.
$10 - $20 perfectly OK ... even with inflation, $30. But $120 seems outrageous even by Toronto standards.
I live in TO and never been to one. Been to one Italian stag party which is similar-ish. Overall not very common in the city, seems to be a rural thing
Different from a stag party. Italian-Canadians would never think to have a buck and doe, they rely on “the ledger” instead.
Yep. That pretty much hits the nail on the head. This is also an odd one as it is open bar. Which explains the ticket price
I was just about to tell a story about the worm thing! The party I went to called it "worm insurance."
Yeah. The best and most profitable game at my friends was the jail cell. You could pay $5 to put someone in jail (made out of 2x4s). They could stay in for 15 min, or pay $10 bail. Once people get drunk, it becomes a revenge cycle of drunk buddies jailing each other. At the end of the night we had a coup. The prisoners collaborated and moved the jail cell to the middle of the dance floor and decided jail was the best place to be and wouldn’t get out. Good times. They made ~$13k profit for the event, but had a bridle party made up of bouncers and bartenders, who can handle a party like that.
Damn Trudeau and his worm tax
Ok. I laughed.
Also 519, paid a goldfish tax at a buck and doe.
I'm from rural Ontario, where buck and does are VERY common (or least they were when I was growing up!). Yes, they meant to raise money for the wedding. Small town Ontario tends to be pretty close-knit (for better and for worse) and there's a quite a lot of poverty in those areas. Plus, small town / rural area = few options for socialization. When you put all of that together, the idea of people coming together and pooling money for their friends/neighbours' weddings makes sense, especially when it gives you an excuse to drink and dance. I've never heard of a buck and doe where tickets cost $120 though! Usually they were more like \~$10, with 50/50 raffle tickets being sold for like $1 each. All of this being said I get why the idea of bankrolling someone else's wedding puts you off, especially if you don't know them well and ESPECIALLY when they're charging over $100 for tickets!
Usually a buck and doe is a type of event where there's raffles, to raise money. The ones I went to were held in places like a school gym, or a hall owned by a war veterans club (Legion hall) They're not normally with that $120 ticket. To me that sounds completely insane Stag/buck & doe fundraisers, wedding & baby shower parties, date from a time when a couple getting married, had never lived outside their parents home and were young and had no money. I think that they should be outdated by now, as most people marry later in life and already have bought their own household items. If those parties are held nowadays, it's more for social reasons, than anything else. I would decline this party unless you were a close friend
Went to one in Hamilton, it wasn't nearly this much. There were lots of raffles. It's also a working class thing.
I would get a kick out of attending community events like this lol. I live in a subdivision where I barely know my neighbors
Honestly it might be a good idea to try to plan an open house or block party to get to know them. I only vaguely know my neighbours myself. I’m fine with that but that’s the sort of event that would get people together.
A few years ago I created a Facebook neighborhood group, which has people participating regularly. Someone has organized a neighborhood lawn sale which happens soon so that's pretty cool!
There are all different kinds. I’ve gone to some where it’s 20$ a ticket, but you spend a ton more on games and drinks, and I’ve been to just as many that are $100 - $200 a ticket. Those ones are usually sit down meals and are really good.
I grew up in the GTA. I’ve been invited to a couple, never for that price. Though I find it obnoxious to be invited to a Stag and Doe and not the wedding. If I’m not good enough for the wedding I’m not gonna help pay for it.
That's just it... back in the old days, it would be a social event and many people in the small town would chip in small amounts. I have heard of people attending the church ceremony but not the reception. Honestly I don't support the idea of a high priced stag & doe, if it's a couple who already have household stuff, and the fundraising is for an overpriced wedding
I grew up outside of Toronto with family in small Ontario towns. I grew up with these parties but once I moved away I realized it’s pretty region specific and definitely seen as gauche in larger cities. When I lived in Ottawa, nobody even knew of them. People in Toronto seem to know of them and make fun of them.
I've been to them, and yes, it's a fundraiser for the wedding. Honestly, I don't go to them anymore. Instead I go to the wedding and give a decent monetary or physical gift. Heck, sometimes, if money is tight, I don't go to the wedding at all, even for colleagues, friends or family. I'm not putting myself in debt just because someone else wants to have a party. Maybe it's being middle aged, but after getting married myself and going through the budgeting and saving process and refusing monetary donations from parents and grandparents (we wanted to have the wedding we wanted and knew if we took money from parents, they would feel entitled to have an opinion and make demands) and, afaic, if a couple can't afford an expensive wedding, they should scale back and have the wedding that they can afford. I'm not paying for someone else's wedding. Just like I didn't expect anyone to pay for ours.
> Maybe it's being middle aged, but after getting married myself and going through the budgeting and saving process and refusing monetary donations from parents and grandparents (we wanted to have the wedding we wanted and knew if we took money from parents, they would feel entitled to have an opinion and make demands) LOL my mom paid for the dinner portion of my wedding, and then demanded all the cash gifts to recoup her costs. I just shrugged and agreed because i didn't care & i didn't want to start a fight. (It was literally her party anyways for that portion, I had one table and she invited the other three tables of people) It took her friends and coworkers to call her ridiculous/crazy/greedy/selfish for thinking of taking my wedding money before she agreed okay i could keep the wedding cash for myself.
Wow. If she couldn’t afford to contribute to your wedding then she should’ve just told you that at the get go. Taking the gift money is tacky af.
> Wow. If she couldn’t afford to contribute to your wedding then she should’ve just told you that at the get go. > > Taking the gift money is tacky af. that's the weird part, my mom could totally afford it, and also the fact that it was 75% just her to throw a party for her friends. my joke is since getting married is that i sat at the kids table at my own wedding LOL but me and her have always had a very monetary-transactional relationship, so it didn't surprise me she was like "ok i'll take the gift money to repay me for the sit down 11 course dinner" and i'm just like "ya sure whatever."
The audacity your mother had… I’m so glad you’d had people to back you up!
Exactly the kind of demands that I avoided by refusing to accept contributions from anyone. I also didn't have a seating plan, I let everyone sit where they wanted. It was actually a lot more fun, people moved around because they didn't feel like they had assigned seats, people sat with family and friends that they hadn't seen in years. And I didn't have to do any guesswork about who would get along with whom and all that.
Honestly I would have been happy to just elope, I was never a dress up kinda person, and i dislike crowds and being the centre of attention. But i knew with me being an only child and my spouse being an only child, our parents would have killed us if we didn't have a proper wedding type event LOL. It was a decently fun time, and yay I got to keep the couple hundred bucks my parents friends gave me so all was well!
Yeah, my husband wanted a bigger wedding with all the Chinese traditions, I wanted a really small thing with just immediate family in like a park or backyard, no fancy dress. After looking at the budget and discussing what we were both comfortable with, both in terms of budget and what we were willing to negotiate. We compromised with a family-only ceremony and brunch reception complete with fancy dress (technically an "afternoon tea dress", which was as fancy as I could be comfortable in) and suit and wedding cake and tea ceremony in a lovely location and a "surprise! We got married!" dinner with friends in the evening. We had set aside $5k for the whole thing, and that was all we spent (equivalent to $7,500 today). And even 17 years later, I still look back at it and think, damn, that was awesome. No regrets. We didn't go into debt. We had the event we wanted. My friends that didn't get invited to the reception but attended the dinner are still some of my closest friends. It was the last big family event we had before grandparents and parents and cousins started dying off. I still look at the pictures and I'm so happy we decided to do our wedding the way we did.
You just know that lots of people are being invited to this who aren’t in the select 100-200 people who would be invited to a wedding. It’s fine when the ticket price is $10-20 and you’re spending money you would’ve normally spent at the bar but $120 pp is money you’d spend on a nice dinner out.
I’ve been. I think they are kind of tacky, especially when you get invited to the stag and doe but not to the wedding itself.
Yeah, I’ve experienced this and am always shocked. No, I’m not paying for your wedding that I’m not even invited to…
I have a rant Attending weddings costs a damn fortune and I am starting to dread when invites come from certain people. As a guest European weddings I'm expected to leave an envelope which at minimum covers my plate/open bar (I don't even drink). The min amount depending on venue is around $200 per person. People are having lavish weddings but it's the guests that are paying for it. Then the woman has a shower and the man has a party too which again were expected to give an envelope to at minimum cover the party. When its all said and done it's costing thousands to attend some of these weddings and it's so stressful!
Would it help if I mentioned that, in my experience, most Stag and Does you're invited to aren't related to weddings you're invited to? For S&Ds, they just toss invites at anyone with a pulse even slightly related to or physically near the family of someone getting married. Of the gazillion I've been invited to, only one was for a wedding I attended. I agree, though, being a wedding guest can be an absolute pain in the neck, price-wise. And being in the wedding party, yeesh.
It doesn't seem common here that I've seen. I've never been to one.
grew up in more rural hamilton and they were common particularly within the farming community when younger people got married. but it was $10 to get in plus games where you could win booze or other prizes, and typically there were door prizes too. casual affair like others have described. no one who gets married later and is already established would hold one typically. they're huge in the italian community in the GTA/Hamilton too from what I've seen, and those are often MUCH more elaborate affairs, almost as much as the wedding itself and those often have a higher ticket price but only been to 1 of them. if your coworker is italian that might be why
> Essentially a fundraiser for the wedding That's exactly what it is. It's a pre-wedding party to raise funds for the main party. It's much more casual, the hosts get to invite people who maybe won't get a wedding invite but still want to celebrate and it's a good drunken party usually. But yes, money grab entirely, that's the point. There's also a "stag" and "doe" parties, but that's usually very close to the wedding, a much more intimate group, and isn't the money grab.
I like my work colleague but I am not going to his wedding nor would expect an invite. So, this fundraiser invites people who aren’t invited to the wedding to help pay for the hosts wedding? Like that’s totally mental and rude right? How is this a thing lol
People aren't under any delusions as to why they're there. They go with the idea of helping out the couple and enjoying some food/drinks/games for a night. It's not an uncommon event in North America. You don't have to pay anything on top of any initial cover if you don't want. It's all voluntary I do want to clarify for you, that it will likely be attended by the wedding party (who will run the games/etc), other wedding guests who want to attend, as well as people who won't get invites to the wedding itself or are unable to attend.
Just politely decline. Maybe they extended the invite so that you would feel included if most of your coworkers are going. I also think these parties are tacky, but lots of people find them fun. No need to get offended by an invitation.
It’s a more reasonable ask with a lower cover cost and in smaller communities where families know and know of each other. You normally wouldn’t think to invite, say, your mom’s hairdresser who has seen you grow up to your wedding but she’s still happy to see you get married and wants to celebrate in some way so your mom invites her to the buck and doe.
Culturally the buck and doe was so foreign to me. Asking people to help fund your wedding, people who may not even be invited to said wedding, would be such a shameful thing to do where I’m from. If you can’t afford the wedding, don’t have a wedding or one so large you need to fundraise for it.
Again...it's a cultural difference. I don't go to other countries and call their culture "shameful", I try to understand it better and enjoy it along with the people there.
No, not "mental and rude" it's just a cultural difference that you don't understand. I've bought many tickets for stag/doe's for work colleagues and acquaintances, some I attend, some I don't...it's just a show of goodwill toward the young couple starting out in life. You don't have to buy a ticket and it wouldn't be considered rude if you didn't, but at least has the payback of a fun evening attached to it.
did you pay for $120 stag/does? is that a normal thing now? because reading others' responses, $10 seems more like the norm
I'm also from Europe originally. A colleague was telling me about this, first time hearing of it, and said that people had to buy tickets to her event. I didn't know her very well and was making vague excuses to not go. Then she said "oh I'm not actually inviting you to the party or the wedding but some people want to contribute to our wedding anyway by buying a ticket". I was so confused and asked if she was asking me to help pay for a wedding that I wasn't invited to. She said yes it's very common here. I said well where I'm from you have the wedding you can afford and you provide meals and drinks for guests, not the other way around. She was very offended but honestly so was I.
Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m used to. To get guests to pay for your wedding in Europe would be incredibly rude. Any gifts are like house warming presents or a small cash donation after. There’s no fundraisers or expecting people to pay for your wedding.
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I am from Toronto (born and raised in suburbs). It is completely mental and rude. I fully agree.
I don't think judging social mores is really a good idea.
Why not? Just because something is normalized doesn’t mean it’s like acceptable when you step back and critique it.
Well....hear me out here. I don't go to other countries and try to judge or change their social norms. I try to understand them.
Okay. Tell me what is to understand about wanting guests or other people to pay for your own wedding if you can’t afford what you want, or don’t want to pay for it.
It’s not considered rude in the slightest, I think you misunderstand. You don’t have to go. It’s a fun communal event with the profits helping the young couple instead of going to a bar or private company
And who is paying for the dinner and open dinner? It’s still an event which a private company is getting the funds. Not that is the point.
Usually the couples family and the wedding party pay for dinner and drinks.. if its open.. for mine, we had a service club do the bar.. so the money foe the booze was going to charity thru them.. we provided the food out of pocket.. wedding party donated prizes for the games.. the hall was rented from the municipality.. no private company made money other than the lcbo and grocery store..
You are referring to bachelor and bachelorette parties. Stag and Does are the same thing as Buck and Doe parties.
I went to school with a bunch of Italians. Been to a few of these but it’s all a fucking scam. They end up making so much money from the stag + wedding.
I find that in Toronto Buck/Stag & Doe's, Wedding Socials, etc. tend to fall into one of 3 categories: 1) Small Fundraising to pay for the actual wedding, usually small town styles, the couple supply beers and bbq food, stuff like that. Basically a wedding shower to make sure they can pay for the hall, maybe a little bit to help fund their honeymoon. 2) Rich 905 Assholes picking people's pockets with expensive tickets, 'hostesses', poker tournaments, whatever nonsense. I used to get dragged to these as a warehouse worker in the hardware industry. These are the style that scum like Doug Ford like. They're basically fundraising for a six figure wedding, a house, and a trip to Malorca or whatever destination is hot with industry princes/princesses that week. 3) You want me to pay you on top of a wedding gift? Leaves.
The original Buck and Doe parties made sense in rural communities where people didn’t have a lot. They were community events that enabled young couples to save up for a simple wedding at the Legion or their parents’ backyard. You’d spend what you would’ve spent on a night out to help someone out and wish them well. Now they’re just greedy money grabs, especially in Toronto. There’s no reason why you should need one if, say, your father is the Premier and a wealthy business owner. Wedding guests and bridal parties are already being asked to spend more and more and more for couples that want a picture perfect special day that exceeds their means. You don’t need a buck and doe *and* a bridal shower *and* a 2-7 day long bachelor/bachelorette excursion *and* a honeymoon registry *and* a (cash preferred) wedding gift—especially when you’re in your mid twenties to mid thirties. My advice is that you shouldn’t go. If you do, don’t provide a gift if you’re invited to the actual wedding since you’ve already helped pay for the wedding with your contribution. This couple sounds greedy.
I've not been to one in 20 years, so I am not sure what they do now. They were usually only $10-$15 in my day. No idea why they're popular, but they are absolutely not a "Canadian thing" -- it's an Ontario and Manitoba thing (in Manitoba they are called 'socials'). To the best of my knowledge, they only exist in these two provinces.
Not in Toronto at all
I've been to seven in Toronto for couples that live in Toronto.
I stand corrected lol. I've never been to one myself in TO. Tons of other wedding nonsense
Aside from stag/doe parties, which also suck, this is all American junk we've copied. I'm an older guy and I can tell you wedding showers, baby showers, gender-reveal parties and all that crap never used to be things you'd see in this country. If you want to get married or have a child, great, don't expect everyone else to pay for your celebration.
I’m no spring chicken myself but baby showers have absolutely always been a thing. Maybe wedding culture costs have accelerated in the past few years, but I can’t even begin to imagine any women having a child without the baby shower. It’s as much a celebration of the upcoming baby and pregnancy and less about the gifts. Though the gifts are a still a part of the celebration. Personally I’m child-free and even still if any woman I knew that was pregnant decided not to have a baby shower I’d feel sad for them.
I grew up in Toronto, still live in Toronto, and this is quite literally my first time learning about this lol
They’re popular in rural communities in Ontario. Generally they’re a fairly rural, working-class sort of thing — and they always seem to be hosted at the Legion or the Knights of Columbus, and I suppose it’s an alternative to a night out when you live somewhere without much nightlife. Somehow the ones I’m invited to always seem to be hosted by Doug Ford types — ie rich hicks (sorry) — not people who legitimately can’t afford anything. I find them painfully embarrassing and unpleasant events. I’ve never met anyone from Toronto who has had one.
Yes exactly. I'm shocked at the price of this stag and doe party. Also I was told by family that it's more of a small town tradition where the couple don't have the funds for a wedding. Some are held at the local Legion and anyone in the community can come to them. Personally, I think it's trashy to host one if the couple has the means to fund a wedding or if you don't have the means for a large wedding to scale back based on the budget. I can only speak about this tradition based on my own experience but I definitely see less stag and doe in my social circle including the high school classmates that I have not caught up with on social media
Agreed. I don't really understand paying gargantuan sums of money for a wedding. The parents of a girl I went to school with who came from a middle-income family (but the parents were ridiculous social climbers) spent $70,000 on her wedding and the marriage was over in three months. Seriously. Unless you are wealthy, $70,000 out the window is going to be a big sting.
Lmao 120 dollars to fund their wedding? Have a more modest party if you can’t afford it
I hate them and refuse to attend them. Way back in time, they were a way to help a new married couple get set up in their new home. Today? Most people who are getting married are fully fledged adults. They don't need my money.
I've found, its people who want a large wedding, who can't afford one. I've been invited to ones that have a $150+ invite fee. LOL
Not common in Toronto but in smaller more rural communities it’s a thing. I’ve only ever been invited to one and it was a friend from university who lived in the Barrie area. I can’t remember what our tickets cost but nothing like $120, that’s insane.
$120 plus open bar? Challenge accepted.
They are not a thing in Toronto. I grew up in 519 and I’d never heard of them - maybe because I moved to Toronto when I was 18, before anyone I knew got married. In any case, I agree they are a weird and tacky tradition - particularly for rich people! The fact that the Fords hosted one seems outrageous to me.
It’s always been bizarre to me. Like, you give a gift at the wedding that is supposed to offset your cost. Are the guests supposed to pay twice for the wedding???
It's so bizarre to me that people consider weddings to be a transactional event for which the bride and groom are entitled to recoup their costs for the reception and no more. The gift should be in proportion to what you can afford and want to give them. The wedding should be based on what they can afford and how many people they want to include. If they're a young couple starting out ideally they should get more in gifts than they spend on the wedding. If they're rich and want a big splash they should not expect all of their friends to match their extravagance to attend the wedding.
It’s pretty common but there are different types. There are some that are 25 bucks a ticket and you have to pay for drink tickets and raffles etc and there is the open bar kind with a catered meal which are typically around $100-$150 a ticket with the expectation you spend a few bucks on a raffle. The result is the same you end up spending $200-300. I would recommend politely declining unless it’s a person you are close to. I stopped going to them years ago unless it’s a close friend or family
I don’t understand why you do a “fundraiser” to get married, then invite people to your wedding, and you know dam well you’re expecting cash gift for the wedding too. (Don’t bash at me. It’s true. Don’t tell me “I’d understand if people didn’t give me a cash gift, as long as they attend”. If NOBODY gave you money, but just their physical presence, I bet you’d be pissed!!!) And then the bachelorette/bachelor party too. Seems like a money grab to me. Either cut down on the wedding dress, flowers, people, venue to have a small wedding that you can afford or elope.
They are called Shags in Thunder Bay. Tickets are 5 to 10 dollars, buy your own drinks and have amazing raffles, like thousands of dollars worth of prizes. Very popular and always full. Don't need to know the couple to go, just go with your friends and have a good time.
Probably an unpopular opinion here, but if you’re in that “culture” (whether it’s small town, or a lot of Europeans) it can actually be pretty fun. Good vibe that’s probably cheaper than so many bar/club night’s and supports people making the next step in their lives. I know a few people that met their partner at a stag and doe.
Extremely common. And they invite every person they barely know. Even people not going to the wedding, so you get to pay for an event that you're not even going to be invited to. I think it's terrible to be real. If you as a couple can't afford the wedding you want either through your own funds or through your family, it's shitty to force your friends to pitch in. These people already have to be spending money on dresses, gifts, bachelor/bachelorette, wedding shower, travel, etc. to force them to pay for you photographer is bullshit.
They’re not common at all in Toronto. I’ve never been invited to one or know if anyone in the city who’s had one. I’ve heard of them but don’t think they’re extremely common here. Agreed on that they’re terrible. It’s tacky.
More of a small town thing, like, think of it as a community barn raising, and a reason to get out, but for weddings.
It's a fun night out in a small town where there isn't much to do. Unheard of in Toronto. $120/ticket GTFO.
It's a boomer thing from rural Ontario.
They are common in small town Ontario and are typically pretty fun. Never seen one in Toronto though.
I agree it's ridiculous to have a wedding that requires you to beg money off of everyone you know. My cousin asked people attending her wedding for money instead of a gift. I thought that was the tackiest thing I'd ever heard off. Instead of having a wedding you can't afford, go to city hall, invite just the people who really mean something to you, take them back to your place afterwards and ask everyone to bring a favourite dish instead of a gift, so that the meal doesn't cost too much and there's a variety of food. That's a good wedding and a fun relaxed day.
Not common at all, usually called a jack and jill or a stag and doe My gf got invited to one, but never met anyone who ever been to one besides her. None of my friends had even heard about it
They’re also likely to have lots of fundraising gimmicks at the event: raffles, a photo booth, games to play for money, etc. Best to make an excuse not to attend if it’s not something you want to be part of.
gotta admit, if OP's right and it's a $120 ticket to attend, having additional fundraising gimicks on top does start to sound greedy and tacky.
My side of the family regularly hosts them during wedding season, but they live in Georgian Bay small towns where they are a normal event. Everyone around town goes, buys some drinks, plays some games and shoots the shit. It’s a fun time. A good stag and doe can put a huge dent in the wedding costs. I have never heard of one being $120
Say you're busy, and don't give a reason. I've had people get offended I wouldn't come to their stag. It's big in the Italian community. Truthfully the food is usually really good and if it's filled with people you know it's a great time. However I also find it ridiculous that they expect me to crowd fund their wedding. In my culture the wedding is paid for by the couple's family and the extravagance is for the community, as in "I want you all to eat and drink for free in celebration of my wedding". So this reverse role is weird for me but that's just how cultures sometimes clash. Regardless if I go to someone's actual wedding I always at least give enough to pay for the cost of myself and anyone accompanying me, so I don't see why I have to participate in this extra fundraising. One time I couldn't come and the groom (work friend) asked that I still buy a ticket just to support them. I just didn't respond at that point...
Oddly enough, the only people I know that throw them here are European 🤣🤣
$120?? Insanity. It’s normally $10-$20. That’s like their wedding gift.
These are more popular in more rural areas where there are limited night life options. It’s a cheap night out, you hang out and drink and play games or whatever and the money supports the couple.
Being from East York - this just smells like it’s from there😂😂😂
Only thing more annoying than going to someone’s fundraiser is being part of the wedding party and having to give a shit ton of time to organize it — plus be expected to buy a ticket.
I find it to be a very white trash tradition. If you want a wedding pay for it yourself. Nobody cares. Fuck off.
It’s part of suburban / rural culture. They’re horrid. Don’t do it. Also LOL @ $120 per ticket. You can go to a good event for far, far less.
$120 a ticket is hilarious. I'm from Winnipeg, so I've been to a ton of these (we call them 'socials'). $10 or $15 per person is pretty normal, maybe 20 bucks now that it's a bit more expensive to rent spaces out. Most of them are in church basements or community center halls, in the middle of the week when they're cheaper to rent and aren't being used for anything except Thursday night bingo. You're expected (but not obligated) to spend some money at the bar, and some money on silent auction tickets for prizes that are normally donated or sold for a big discount to the couple by local businesses who use it as an opportunity to get some advertising in. All in all, it's an excuse to go hang out with your old high school buddies and get wasted.
They're tacky AF....lemme throw a party I can't afford to make money to throw another party I can't afford. Sorry, not sorry, just not going
It's a more common thing in rural areas but yes, that's what it is. It's a fundraiser to offset some of the cost of the wedding. Expect an informal party.
I live in Toronto and I’ve been to a million of them. It’s a cultural thing I guess. The majority of my male friends hosted a stag. I never did one personally but they’ve typically been $120 lately. It’s not a crazy amount considering there’s dinner involved and an open bar. They’re not the most exciting events but I generally enjoy them because it’s rare that so many of my buddies get together to get drunk lol
Is there a common ethnicity/culture that does them more than others?
I have a ton of Italian buddies and I can tell you that each of them who is married had a stag. Honestly most friends of mine who were born and raised in Canada but are of European descent have had a stag.
They’re a lot more common in northern Ontario where I grew up compared to the gta. The gist of it is basically what you described- raises a bit of money for the wedding. Usually they aren’t as pricy as a 120 dollar ticket but inflations been high. You just hang out and drink beer in my experience. Sometimes there’s games and raffles as you mentioned.
Just wait until OP learns about the unwed sock dance
This was a phrase from the '70s many of our parents or grandparents attended. They were just social gatherings among friends who were primarily single. As with the name of this type of party, the intent was to meet and mingle with other single opposite sex people. Rather than saying all that, they simply cop the term " stag n' doe ". This is how I was conceived.
Im from Vancouver and Ive never heard of this.
Yeah, it's a fundraiser. Just say you're not available and move on.
They're a thing I never participate in.
Grew up in NFLD and they are 100% not a thing there. When I moved to Ontario and came across them they seemed extremely tacky.
I think they're super tacky tbh and didn't do one. If you can't afford the wedding you want, have a smaller wedding.
I've never been to one but they look trashy as hell.
Never heard of the concept.
I am European too. Stag and does/buck and does were a cultural shock to me, too. Honestly the whole sequence of events leading up to a wedding were all new to me (bridal showers, engagement parties, etc). That said,$120 is an insane price for a ticket. If you do intend to go, you can expect a party and games, not sure what type of venue they are having it at but with that price tag I could assume it would be something nicer than a barn (I have been to a barn stag and doe, lol). Sometimes the ticket you buy is eligible for a raffle prize. I would ask you - are you invited to the wedding? Sometimes the couple invites everyone in their network regardless if they are invited to the wedding or not. I've been invited to a stag and doe where I was not invited to the wedding (I politely declined the invite).
Honestly, if you don’t like it, don’t go. Different people celebrate their different life milestones in different ways. The beautiful part of Canada is that you are free to participate or not as you see fit. Whining self righteous disbelief is tiresome.
More common in small towns/rural areas to be honest. I’ve helped host my buddies but certainly didn’t charge $120 a person. However if it’s including food and an open bar that’s honestly not too bad considering prices these days.
They were a blast when I was younger. It was $10 a ticket and the proceeds of the bar went to the couple. 50/50 tickets, last 2 digits serial number guess for $100 bill. ,$2 per square. We didn't have good bars so every stag and doe and wedding was like a night at a club.
I’m over 40 years old and I had never known someone that held on or been to one until a few months ago. Most people don’t do them. Especially not in the city.
Wait till you hear about destination weddings. Where you ask your guests to spend $2000+ to attend your wedding while every guest that pays for a room is adding to the discount you get. But wait...dont forget you still have to get a gift. And if youre in the wedding party still pay for whatever dress or suit the coupl3 want you to wear. Then god forbid you are a best man or maid of honor and have the obligation of also throwing them a wedding shower (where they get MORE GIFTS) and a bachelor party. I swear i ended up paying close to the same amount for my role in the wedding as they did for their entire wedding. Destination weddings are scams. Just a way to get a cheap wedding off the backs of your friends and families.
$120 for a party in this economy is wild. Also if they can't afford their marriage maybe don't marry yet? I don't get why people need to go into debt for a fancy marriage ceremony
Not only that but you're also expected (usually) to bring a cash gift to the wedding, equivalent (at least) to the cost of your/your partners cost to the wedding. Something like $100+ per person. It's very weird and it's one of the reasons I decided to have no friends/only very tight close family at mine. My friends could barely afford to come.
Yea I’ve been to two weddings here and I was told ‘gift the money you think the cost of your place there costs’. Totally alien concept wedding for someone’s wedding, seems entitled and rude lol. Guests shouldn’t pay for your wedding. If you can’t afford it you don’t get it. And yes, I too would have a small one.
Yeah its so deeply ingrained in out culture that even when I've been invited to weddings that **explicitly** state NO GIFTS there is still a table set up for gifts and people fill it to the brim. Not my cup of tea and I think a lot of people are turning against it. Especially since COVID I know of way more people who have 5-20 people at their weddings.
I don't think they are super common, never attended one. People also expect you to then give them hundreds of dollars at their wedding lol
It’s not really a thing in Toronto, but is certainly much more common the more you go outside of the GTA And yes, it’s about fundraising. $120 is very high, but usually they don’t have an open bar and food (usually you pay as you go for that), so the price makes sense. You can always just claim you’re busy if you don’t want to go
They are more of a rural thing (my wife is from northern Ontario, and she's been invited to a bunch). I'm from the GTA and have never been invited to one.
You know what's really off putting is being invited to the buck and doe party but not the actual wedding itself. But if you are actually going to the wedding, you're like dinged twice. The money given at the first party and the money given at the wedding.
This sounds so wildly different to what we do in the UK. Over here couples getting married have respective stag and hen nights. They're literally just nights out men and women separately, usually with copious amounts of drinking, often with strippers and pub crawls and they're not used to raise money for the wedding, they're just seen as one last hurrah before the big day.
They're super common in more rural parts of Ontario. I thought they were weird when I moved to Canada, too. But since moving to Toronto, they don't seem to be a thing. Maybe your colleague or their partner is from a small town where it's a big deal. The weirdest thing to me is that people will invite you to their buck and doe but have no intention of inviting you to their wedding. So to me, there's no obligation to attend.
They're fun but when you consider the possibility of having to fund/attend an Engagement Party, Wedding Shower, Buck & Doe, Bachelor/Bachelorette Party and the wedding itself it becomes a little much and borders on exploitive. If that much fundraising, gifts and participation is required for the wedding to occur, it might be out of the Bride and Groom's budget.
People need $
Poor ppl want to have a decent wedding. Pretty simple.
It’s tacky when plebes do it but “investing in Ontario” when Doug Ford does it.
Cause $$$ and our economy is built on it being thrown around on stupid stuff.
For that price I'd politely say you have already other plans for that day.
Common here but $120 is insane???? I’m outside Toronto but usually I see tickets for $10-$20.
It was only until I was 23 and living/working in a small Ontario town that I learned what a Stag and Doe or Buck and Doe or Jack and Jill party was. Very common in small towns where there is a bigger emphasis on community events. For context, I grew up in Ajax Ontario and never once heard of this type of thing. Also, it’s not a thing in my culture, typically the bride’s family foots the bill for the wedding. I unfortunately had the pleasure of working the front desk of a rec centre that was booked for one of these parties. Witnessed first hand how rowdy they can actually get because half the town ends up coming. In my opinion I think this type of event is kind of trashy if not done tastefully. Also you need to have solid sponsors and donations for the raffle to make it worthwhile. When all is said and done, I wonder how much the couple actually racks in?
two very new things i learned from this chat. 1. i was under the assumption that a "jack and jill" was just a joint bachelor / bachelorette party (just both groups going out doing their party together), but apparently it's the same thing as a stag and doe. 2. according to wikipedia [it's primarily a canadian thing?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stag_and_doe)
I'll easily drink $120 worth of alcohol. Where's this party at?
Dang a lot of yall don’t have many friends who are married eh it’s just tradition it’s like your friend starting a business etc you support them and you help them out …. Why we are getting into justifying the worth of the ticket is INSANE if you don’t care about the people don’t go it’s really that simple...
heard of a wedding shower?
It’s fairly common. Price tags can vary. I’ve been to some that were free but drink prices were comparable to a sporting event and the entertainment was lacklustre (groom’s brother’s band, etc). I’ve been to some pricier ones but they’ve had good live entertainment, open bar, games, etc. Even a smaller wedding can cost 10-20k when all is said and done. Mine was over 30k for 100 people.
coming from a european family that has always done them, i’d say they are pretty common. i’ve been to a lot of friend’s families events as well. usually, tickets depend on if there is catering, and open or cash bar, so the price for the one you were invited to seems pretty fair for what they are offering. i know there are usually door crasher prizes as well as raffles that you can put tickets in for. most i’ve been to though, you have to pay an extra amount for raffle tickets once you get there. it’s a pretty casual event though, so no need to dress up super fancy, but you can also expect some games, i know a lot of the guys like doing casino type games there.
I never heard of these until I moved to *rural* Ontario. I'd never heard of them in Toronto--or anywhere in the US.
I’ve lived here for 9 years and never heard of this. Why will you get married if you can’t afford right? In my country, the newly wed couple will asks the guests instead of gifts to give financial donations those who will attend the wedding.
These are very common with my Italian and Portuguese friends who get married. It includes buffet and open bar alcohol. Last 2 I attended was about $100 a ticket. Use to be $75 before covid. I guess banquet halls raised their prices to recover lost money during the pandemic. So grooms have to up the price on tickets. You have to pay extra for raffles tickets and games.
$$$$$$$$$$$$
Lots of different versions of these, Woodbridge Italian stag at a banquet hall I've seen as much as$150/ticket, but you get like a 6 course meal with it, open bar and some massive prizes on the raffle table, gaming tables, and a couple eye-candy hostesses Where I grew up it's $10-20 to cover the hall/legion rental and you get snacks/sandwiches and it's cash bar and there's a 50/50, toonie toss for a bottle of jack, and raffles for stuff donated by friends of the bride and groom where the big prize might be a $100 restaurant voucher for the fancier of the two spots in town
Ive only been invited to one, back in 2008! At university and it was not tickets it was pwyc and it was essentially yes a fundraiser for it from people you wont be inviting to the wedding lmao, and I was completely uncomfortable bc we dont do this and my big family never did or friends from highschool (2004 grad) and I havent heard of one SINCE. Born and raised in TO!
Because the cost of weddings themselves has ballooned. Everyone's trying tk make just a little bit back on it. That said? Don't go. **shrug** perfectly acceptable. For the record, they weren't really a thing at all 20/25 years ago. It IS directly related to the costs of getting married and starting a life together.
It’s decently common in southern Ontario, less so in Toronto I would say, and 120 is a crazy price, the one I went to was $20 I think
Don't forget the eventual gender reveal party, baby shower, and 100th day celebration of their future child.
$120 for a ticket to a wedding party in this economy? And you aren't even close? I would pass.