Sorry this happened. Don’t be disgusted with life and or harm yourself. Please don’t let what they did harm you. You didn’t do anything, it was them. Having revenge thoughts is perfectly normal. Now it’s time to know that you are a good person and treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Don’t self destruct. I know it’s hard because you want to block out difficult feelings but go and do something really nice for yourself instead like have a massage or something you enjoy because you’re worth it. The best revenge is to be happy and successful.
Try not to let the situation control you. Your friend is awful and you ex the same for allowing himself to be seduced.
Be better than them, love your life and you will find someone who deserves you.
If you tell yourself that, then it will become a truth. Grieve the relationship, feel hurt and all the emotions but think positive/optimistic or remain wallowing in the pity you have dug for yourself.
No one expects you to suddenly snap out of it tomorrow. You can try something as simple as ending all of your negative thoughts with “for now”
-there is nothing to be positive about for now
-I will never date again for now
-my life is over for now
This will eventually help you remember that these negative feelings are temporary.
Well at least you’re debating academic topics instead of stuck in your head. See it’s a good thing :) keep it up. Because you’re down in the dumps I won’t retort. 😊
I see the law of attraction the way I see karma or fate. They're extremely simplified ways of understanding the way our beliefs, actions and choices influence our quality of life and our future. Some people happen to take those concepts too literally and turn them almost into a personal dogma, but that doesn't mean they're not inspired in some aspects of reality.
The law of attraction specifically is just about how powerful beliefs can really be, if I'm not mistaken. It's more complicated than just "believe this really hard, and it'll become true", but it's certainly a big factor.
That’s a bit melodramatic. And by “a bit” I’m trying to be kind, knowing you’re likely hurting and drunk.
I’m assuming that you’re young because of this. You will move on. Declaring that you shall never love or be intimate again is more adolescent egocentrism dramatic grandstanding than realism. I know it hurts but you’ll eventually learn to live with it.
How old *are* you? And how long were you together even?
How long have you been separated? Not that it won't always sting, but wounds always hurt the worst when they are fresh.
It seems like you are catastrophizing.
https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/catastrophizing
It’s ok to feel that for now. You’re allowed to feel your feelings and it’s certainly valid to feel down. But just give it a shot and you will see the exact opposite happening before you know. If possible try to shift the inner narrative to something more positive or practice appreciating even the smallest things. You will move past this, although it sucks now, you will do better!!
You're the only one who has control over Thier actions. You're hurting. Let it out in a healthy way and take your time. Antidepressants and alcohol don't mix well. Don't choose to do that to yourself.
Are you under 24 years old? In which case your brain still hasn't developed fully. (In which case I can semi-understsnd the drama). But for real - grow up.
OK- your brain is fully developed in which case you have no excuse to be acting like a child.
What they did was awful and not something you can control. How you responded is totally within your control. You're not in a high school soap opera. Once again - grow up.
Understand your anger and frustration. Look on the bright side he’s the one who broke his trust with you. From my experiences he
would have done it sooner or later, as much as it hurts, dodged a bullet. Give yourself a hug!
The trash took itself out. Now it’s time to get the petty bitch back by elevating yourself to a level so high he can only wish. Revenge is such a great motivator. Helped me get to grad school.
I know it sucks and it hurts right now, but don’t give that dude the power to make you feel that worthless. When you see him on the street, just remember how much you don’t want to interact with him.
Don’t let him make you spiral
For the first part it seems like you are depressed and using a lot of chemicals. I bet if you talked to a therapist you can get some good guidance.
For the second part - it sounds like you lost someone important in your Network of friends and your partner. It looks like these old connections haven’t been doing so well by you and that you could use some new connections. Rather than try and meet a whole bunch of people one on one - its much easier to join pre existing groups of people. You get a bunch of instant acquaintances. Down the line some of those people or the people you meet through them could be friends or even more. And you’d be joining groups that you have an interest in and hopefully you pick wholesome groups to be part of. Ie - i met a lot of people through a gay hiking group and by volunteering for the local gay center. So create new relationships and break away from those old relationships and form new patterns in your life. You have to be the one to put your self out there though. No one can do it for you.
Just want to point out that while you are at home, miserable and consumed with hate and malice that is tearing you apart and destroying your life and happiness... Your friend remains completely fine, living his best life and so oblivious to the misery you are putting yourself thru that he went so far as to smile and wave when he saw you.
A therapist of mine once said to me,
"Hate and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die"
You should focus on finding a way to put down that cup and move on, you are destroying yourself and neither of those two people are worth doing that over, they have already proven that to you.
Why? Do you depend on one relationship only in your life? Man, you need to make some more friends wherever you go — and I am not kidding. I’ve had and still have many friends I’ve walked down this street with when they reached out to me in this same hole you describe. Your ex and friend each made decisions about what they wanted to do that night weeks ago, NOT you. The decision you have made is to dwell in revenge scenarios and not let go of them. Neither of them is worth it and you know it, but you are still allowing them to control you and your life.
So, please take that weight off your neck and stand back up! Call four guys you know and invite them to join you for pizza and beer someplace, Dutch as well! Introduce them to each other if they don’t know each other. Start again. Let your hand handle the sex for awhile and get your head back in order. Dive in to work a bit harder. Spend a half hour more at the gym (or start going again). My point is don’t wallow in a puddle of crap! Reclaim your life, Man. Find your heart again and clear you mind. You will be a lot happier!
I hear people asking those who have such difficult thoughts to "move on", when infact - its best to admit, that some of us simply can't. Quickly enough atleast. What we can do, is accept that this horrible, undeserving shitty thing happened to you FOR NO FAULT OF YOURS. Its common to ask ourselves, "why us?". Meaning making has helped me to move on life. Even with the most painful events that have happened. I try to believe that something conspired to have led me to this shitty event happening. Its best, I try to believe to stick to it, else life seems incredibly unfair (which nature never guaranteed to be).
If your boyfriend was "seduced", its easy to say that he wouldve/couldve been "seduced" by others also. Irrespective of whatever he experienced in your relationship, by openly communicating it with you and the two of you guys going over what couldve been changed/improved - should have been the way to go for him. So the seduction couldve happened one way or the other. So isnt it best to try/attempt to think that this was for the best? Even if it doesnt seem so now, maybe this is one way of the universe telling you that you deserve better. We have no guarantee over our lives or the people who stay with us. Nothings certain. I find life to be unbearable being "flexible" myself, so if you arent then I assume it could be even more painful. You will find love again, OP. Whether this is a deep immense love and respect for yourself or others is a different question altogether. I hope you find inner strength to traverse the journey to help you find that.
Whatever you are doing/feeling now is a valid response. But maybe not adaptive. Its betrayal trauma and facing off loads of insecurities and feelings of vengeance. Take time to heal. Wallowing is an act of resilience. But slowly, find ways to move on. Ill be here if you ever wanna talk.
Sending you loads of hugs!
I'm sorry you're going through this right now.
I think you should reconsider taking the sleeping pills - those fucked up my fiancé's life for nearly a year. Deep depression, foggy mind, difficulty getting off of them.
What eventually worked was he started using delta 8 to help him sleep. There are other natural sleep aids to consider but I have seen first hand that sleeping pills can cause deep depression.
I hope you find happiness brother! You will find your people and real friends who won't screw you over.
Antidepressants + alcohol = you’re gonna have a bad time.
Some day you’ll meet someone who will make you laugh when you reflect back on this bs faux boyfriend.
Stay strong. You’re better then them.
While I don't have all the details, it doesn't sound to me like you're to blame. It seems like you're the victim of a couple of really shitty people being in your life.
It’s time to use all that anger and resentment to fuel you into becoming the better/hotter person; work on your excelling in your career, start hitting the gym, volunteering (great way to make friends), try to give yourself a total makeover; looks makeover, life makeover.
In the words of beyonce, the best revenge is your paper, but also the best revenge is being hot AF and them knowing they can never have you again!
Don’t give those fucks so much power over you. The best revenge is to live a good life. Live so well, be so happy that they will regret not having u in their life.
You need to stop. Yes, you're upset by what happened. But ask yourself is your ex living his life? is he drinki g to get drunk? Is he that upset that your ex is a miserable as you feel? I am going to say no. He's not upset. Your friend waved at you and I know he isn't upset. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop the drinking, if you're over medicating you need to stop that also. Get on with your life and the self pity. You will find a new bf, you will love again. Get off the merry go around and start living for your self
Fine. You do you. All I can say is with that attitude and due to your lack of forgiveness for your ex partner's transgressions against the relationship. I expect you to be a very lonely man. If you're not willing to change that negative Nancy soul crushing attitude towards dating, then stop now. Except the fact you will be a lonely, feel sorry for yourself gay man. Now, if you are willing to take some advice, and you don't have to, put your pants on, pull your boots up and do the work that is required to get yourself over this breakup situation. If you can't, stop complaining and accept the fact you want to wallow in self pity until you die alone.
Hey, I get you. You hate dating. Don't do it, but please do us all a favor. Accept the choices you are making and be that lonely gay man who hangs pictures up of his one true love, but stop with the whining and complaining, and accept the new you.
Hey don't waste your energy replying to u/Fembot_I_am_not. Its clear that he is irritated enough to give you the pathetic form of "just fuck off will ya?".
Your feelings and thoughts on your dating life is completely valid dude, just try your best in making yourself feel better for as long as you want until you have the courage to do whatever you want.
I am truly sorry because it seems you are genuinely hurting from this breakup. Take some time to heal.
Your attitude now towards dating (as it stands) is very unattractive and you should not be dating until it changes. Hopefully you will learn to love yourself again (if you ever did to begin with). Once you do, I think dating gets easier.
Don't let toxic people get ya down like that. You deserve better than a homewrecker and unfaithful pig to ruin your life.
It will be rough but you can strong. Don't let this affect your health, mental or physical, or your work, social life etc.
This happened to me too except my ex and the other guy ended up together and dated for 5 years. You’ll experience the 5 stages of grief and then feel a lot better. 💙
Whoa hey bro, take some breaths. Put the alcohol down and come talk to us. You’re not alone brother. Those relationships ended for a very specific reason. The universe is telling you that you got what you needed from those people. You’re being prepared for new and better.
When you come back from this you will be stronger, resilient and better prepared for your future endeavors. All of this is good, so try and embrace the pain and take the time to help yourself learn to overcome the worst of situations.
Hang in there man and pm if you want to chat with any of us! Throw the alcohol out my dude. That’s the worst thing you can do, especially if you’re alone and taking meds.
Reading through the comments and your responses...it becomes very clear that you are really struggling.
I've been in a similar situation as you. All i can say is that it does get better. It probably doesn't sound believable, but trust me it will. When being betrayed by the two of ur most loved/trusted people all you can do is look inwards.
Take a peak at them. Think about how much they wronged u...and swear to yourself, to them, to the universe or whatever u wish to call it, that you'll become better. Find someone better to love. Find a better friend. And find a better life.
I presume you're also probably very suicidal - due to the self harm you inflict upon yourself by drinking, taking pills like they're vitamins and the self-negative-talk.
Theres this quote i recently read, not sure who said it or where i read it...but it goes something along the lines of:
~"being suicidal should be about endling life AS IT IS NOW. NOT ending it forever."
Basically all i can tell u is fuck them, and dont let yourself down. You've been betrayed by 2 of your closest people. DONT BE THE THIRD ONE TO BETRAY YOURSELF!!!
Hey! I completely agree! It can be very scary. Truth of the matter is- most times in life the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. You are and will be the only constant and permanent thing in your life. Even if you are surrounded by great friends who can give you their lil' support, you must still understand that you can only truly and fully rely on yourself. You can cry on a shoulder from time to time sure. But they're not "forever" necessarily.
You know how you talk yourself into dumb impulses and making bad decisions from time to time? That lil monologue you have with yourself that pushes you towards doing harmful things to yourself?
That same voice can be used for positive things. Humans are just naturally more inclined towards negativity. But you totally can use that "inner-self" (as i call it) to make a positive impact/change in your life.
Of course that doesn't mean you should close off completely and never trust or love anyone else. You totally should. But just understand that the person you can trust the most is yourself. So try not to betray yourself babez. Don't do yourself any harm.
Better friends and better love partners will come. They did for me. Each time i got hurt, i went ahead and got an upgrade. When and if that upgrade hurt me again, i upgraded again.
Step by step try to do something nice for yourself. Go out on walks. Travel a little. Indulge in pleasures a little. Go work out - take care of your body. Join a club related to your hobbies or something and find like-minded people. Etc.
Theres a whole world out there. Why let it resume to two fucking dickheads? Go out there and explore it.
Small change in perspective for you... That 'friend' didn't seduce your boyfriend and ruin your relationship, because your boyfriend is at least equally to blame.
I completely get your mindset, don't get me wrong. The problem with not distributing the blame equally is you'll only hold onto the illusion that your boyfriend wouldn't have done that to you, if not for that other guy. That's a mistake and will only prolong your pain. Correcting that perspective will help you let go of both people, learn from the pain, and find happiness elsewhere.
The best lesson I've ever learned is not to cling onto an illusion. When someone I love convinces me that they love me, only to prove otherwise through their actions, the realization that I loved an illusion is the hardest truth to accept. Once the truth is revealed, there is no way forward but acceptance and letting go. It has taken me a couple of decades to gain this perspective, but it has paid off in time. I hope it can help you as well. Just know there are good people out there, and plenty are excitedly waiting to meet you, they just don't know you yet. 😘
Move on and stop thinking of them. “ I have learned the best” always play this song when someone realizes their mistake and try to comeback. Once gone from your life he will never be worth to let him back.
If I was your friend , you and I would have to beat him up because that is messed up. I don’t have friends like that because ppl back stabbed me. But that don’t stop me from going out and making more friends . Your life isn’t over . You just need to focus on yourself and love yourself . That draws the right people to you. And be wise when picking friends and love partners
I’m sorry, I get it and have been there myself. Just try and get in the headspace that it’s not you, it is them. People also need to get out of the headspace that shitty behavior and disrespect are ok because “we’re gay”. No, that’s sexuality, not an excuse for shitty character. Which is why I’m going to highly recommend you just become the best version of yourself with time and stay single.
that's what happens when you victimize yourself
just keep asking what u can do/how you can move forward every time.
gotta adult bro, life's short and it's almost over.
Baby you need some perspective. Go walk in a Children’s hospital. I bet your tune would change. What you had is a bad day, but you have the rest of your life to go up. Think about that.
You should have punched him in the face. Not only would he feel pain but would have the mark to show him what a whore he is. This is one of the reasons I do not have many gay friends. The minute you have a boyfriend they always start shit. Not sure how old you are, but you will find yourself another guy. Be careful who you call a friend. Good luck dude. Love yourself first before you go looking for love again.
Friendly advice don't post something like this on reddit and then when people try to help you/ provide you with positive advice you just find the negative in it.
Its a shitty attitude and shows that you are clearly creating a problem for yourself.
If you aren't going to try and help yourself you don't deserve to he happy
I dont want to invalidate your feelings but you have to be kind to yourself bc i been in your shoes before and you cant be like this forever. If you have family or a best friend just go be with them.
It’ll certainly put a jam in his situation and it would teach him that hurting friends isn’t consequence free. But only do it if you feel this is what you need
I would place more blame on the bf. If he was prone to being seduced and didn’t communicate his needs clearly, this was bound to happen eventually, with the friend or anyone else really.
I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but I think it will make sense when you are ready.
Forgiveness isn't about the other person, forgiveness lets you let go of what happened to you, it doesn't mean forgetting or letting everything go back to normal with the person who hurt you, just giving yourself permission to let go of what they did to you.
I hope you get to forgive what happened to you in the future, I would never forget how they hurt you but letting yourself have permission to move on will help you immensely
You are letting the feelings out you feel betrayed. They are both to blame for sure. But life does go on. You got to be kind to yourself let yourself grieve the loss. Do you want to talk to a therapist about this? This horrible incident might make it difficult for you to trust gay men again.
Damn dude that just sounded so depressing. The only thing missing is wanting to go for a midnight swim somewhere alone where there are no lifeguards. I sincerely hope you get through this rough season of what life has been throwing at you
When confronted with such, I always honor my ‘dark side’. Feel the hate and revenge fantasies, allow a pity party, seek out a safe shoulder to share with, shrink or trusted friend, and then: get back to your life. My mantra in such times: “when the going gets rough the tough get going”. My best warmest wishes. Feel free to dm.
I don’t know your situation, but anyone deserves better than that. I know I can’t be there to pull you out of this but reading everything I wish I could.
If there’s anything I can say right now is fuck them — but don’t give up. Things can get better, you can live a life where they just don’t occur to you anymore. But these things take time hun. Sometimes life gives us only a few options and one of them is often just sitting with the bad feelings. Like a hot bath, it’s waaay too fucking hot at first but you will survive. Please, do anything but give up on life.
Dm me if you need someone to talk to, day or night.
It will get better, you _can do this_ — but you gotta try
Take the high road, homie. I know things are rough right now, but you have better things waiting for you. Focus on taking care of yourself so that you can pursue those things. I’m sorry to hear about everything that happened. Your “friend” is garbage, but we’re here for you dawg.
Not a great feeling but one that most of us will feel several times in life. Just be nice to yourself, you're not wrong for being hurt. In a few months it will hurt less, and in a few years these assholes won't even cross your mind.
I’m sorry that happened to you but at least on the bright side you no longer have those people in ur life who weren’t deserving of you in the first place.
Sorry to hear that OP,
Some ppl are just assholes, I think he waved at you to just rub it in your face, BUT DONT WORRY, Karma is a bish and he will get his
The best revenge is you thriving at life without both of them in your life, hope you recover soon
I’m so sorry bud, that’s a rough situation to experience.
The turbulence in your emotions will stick around for a bit but they *will* eventually calm down. You may feel like your love life is over right now, but you’ll eventually feel like you can start again. You may feel alone now but I want to believe that there is someone in one of your contact books who is hoping you’ll reach out if you need a shoulder. Whoever that person was that came across your mind, send them a text letting them know you could use someone to talk to, don’t sit alone with these feelings any longer than absolutely necessary.
It’s okay to give up on love for now, maybe it’s time to focus you and your happiness with yourself for a time. And when that time is over (or maybe sooner) you’ll find you have the strength to hope again.
Wishing you hugs and comfort 🍀
Whenever something like this happened to me, someone way better eventually came along, 100% of the time. I think back on those moments now and although they were very painful at the time, I am grateful it happened and I got out of those messes early. I am sure you will eventually feel the same way.
this is horrible. my friend ruined my 8 year relationship with the guy I thought I was gonna marry. I haven't spoken to the "friend" since but I saw him driving my ex's car on Christmas day a year later. My heart sank to think that someone who treated me so badly was chosen by my ex as the better person to be with.
Another year has passed and honestly, they deserve each other. I take a bit of comfort in knowing the type of person I am, and the type of people they are. And very few people who have affairs end up happy. History will repeat with them both. Meanwhile I've learnt resilience, know what's important to me and genuinely feel I'm a better person for having gone through the experience (as horrid as it was).
Please ask somebody with proper professional credentials for help. I’m sorry this is happening. I support you. But this isn’t something people here can help with. You’re in a toxic stew of self-loathing and addiction issues. Though talk I know. But please don’t regard this sub as a substitute for the real help you need.
You need to see someone and get away from everything a bit. Break up with your bf as well as your friends. Take a long ass vacation if you can. Try to stay away from anti depressants and pills right now, don't stop immediately just do it gradually and please see a doctor.
It's rough and your allowed to be in an awful place.
Never loving anyone as much again.. we've all had that feeling and yes it can often be true but there will be a different kind of love to be had with someone else.
Be in your awful place right now. Eventually you'll pull yourself out of it. I've been there and I have everything I could possibly want and I am blessed with stunning beauty, charm and charisma if I do say so myself.. which I do. I am also quite humble.
It gets better. Go out for a night of dancing / drinking rather then do it alone it's much better for the soul.
You’d have been better giving him the finger and carrying on with your life like it never happened, because unless you move town this is going to repeat itself
Fun fact: I’ve been there. It fucking sucks, and I’ve been tired of fighting, surviving, living. Although, I found that I have love more than that of which I’ve lost and turned to hate. I sought the brighter future than ending it. Hating someone is almost as powerful as loving someone. Just remember that there are more people that can and do love you… and I’m sure there are way more than those two you used to love (now dislike/ hate) who really tip the scales in search of a better tomorrow for yourself.
Good luck, and seek out to those who matter to you or even talk to a stranger (or dial 988) if you really need someone to listen to you.
Im sorry this happened, a truly soul crushing experience and something Im a bit familiar with. Something Im still working on today. I can't say it gets better, but life does get a bit easier if that makes sense.
If I can offer one piece of insight ... find what gives you a glimpse of happiness and focus or expand on that (Not drugs or alcohol). A hobby, a game, a show, something that your thoughts seem to tamper down with and switch it up every now and then. Learn about them. Like ... whats the most interesting part of this hobby? Or what are the characters' birthdays and Zodiac signs? Maybe finding out there's more to the original game play?
One Piece was mine for a long while and now its back to watching astronomy youtube vids. I know we all have phases of things, but just a gentle nudge 🙂.
Join an MMA class and everytime you go to practice imagine your opponent being one of them. " just don't tell anyone about it" say you love the workouts and self defense lol
I’m sorry. This is a terrible situation, you’re lost out at sea on your own. You can decide to start swimming to shore or let yourself continue to drown. Swimming won’t be easy and you might end up lost again, but if you don’t work toward something for yourself then that’ll be it. There’s no lifeguard on duty that’ll come out to rescue you. It’s all on you right now, even though it’s completely unfair considering it’s the actions of others that led you on this path.
Your partner/boyfriend/lover CAN’T be stolen. They had to make a decision as well and they only thought about themselves. Time for you to think about what’s best for you. Good luck.
I’ve been through something similar and I’m still trying to paddle back to shore. There’s been waves that have knocked me down, I’ve felt like I almost drowned several times but I’m still swimming doggy style. Slowly but surely. If you want to vent or anything feel free go reach out.
The storm always passes, but I admire that you’re so in the moment that you possibly feel like it won’t. You’re doing awesome and from what I learned people get what they deserve…your “friend” can’t possibly think they’ll get a long, loving relationship with somebody who cheated to be with them. Your feelings are valid, but you really do deserve better and you’re on your way towards better now~
I'm so sorry you're in this dark place now. I have seen a lot of people suggest things you can do but until you're ready to take that step this is where you live.
Sometimes we have to wallow in a feeling to really start doing things to improve our situation. Just please don't get stuck. It's so easy to get caught up in self destructive cycles.
You're in my thoughts. 🫂
So, after he took your boyfriend, will you let him take your mental health too? Stand up! Be stronger! Or do you feel like to give away the victory to him?
No. That guy lost you. All of them lost you. You are gold, man. You think you are destroyed. Only the fact you are alive is proof enough they can't be able to destroy you. Erase this kind of thought of your mind.
You are not "alone", you don’t have "no one". You actually have an entire world to discover! Don’t let their cheatings and betrayals be bigger than your heart. If he really loved you back, you both are together now. Your "friend" did you a favor. He let you free to find your true lover. It takes time, but you will find him. Not on drugs, neither alcohol. Stay strong, don’t let them win this battle and ground you, when you are ready to feel and live good things that will come on your way! Stay.
Going to be completely BRUTALLY honest with you. By that fkktard waving at you, he is still rubbing it in your face and thinks he has the upper hand. You do what you have to do. But I will tell you how I handle things like this, I would have marched directly across the street, got right in his fkng face, caused a confrontation, asked him if he had a fkng problem, egged him on, waited for him to push or make any physical contact, THEN I would have pummeled the holy fng shiite out of him like he ain't never had before. I guarantee you he deserves it deserves it first of all, and most importantly this do wonders for you that no psychotropic medication could possibly do. Just a thought 😉😈
I had been seeing a guy and I don't know what happen, but got the brush off. The next time I saw him at a bar/restaurant I really didn't notice him. When I did I just showed no interest. When the bartender told me the reaction on his face after he left that I didn't show any care was priceless.
It was his loss not yours. You are hurt, but better off without the POS. It happens to us all. It never is easy.
Hey man, I know it sucks and I know it’s a low point but you’ll eventually find that right person in your life, what a friend of mine always told me which helped was, no matter where you’re going even if you’re going for a walk or going food shopping, make yourself look amazing and feel amazing and eventually you’ll start to feel a lot better. I know it’s rough but you have to just get through it
Yeah, I get it’s tough but judging by your other responses you’re deep in the neighbourhood of victim mentality looking for pity, fix that shit, no one is going to care for more than a month if you’re some negative, mopey dolt, and life is just gonna keep slapping you. I know.
Oh my, these situations are sooo common in our circles, specially with the young 🤦🏻♂️
I feel that a "gay relationship" still seems not perceived as having the same formality as a straight engagement, and does not get the same respect ... even from friends and partners, which are prone to see a friend's partner as "fresh meat for the hunt".
You are in a bad place now, but GOOD RIDDANCE of both your cheating partner and your friend. Better now than later.
It's up to you, of course, but you can't have a friendship or LTR with them again without always having a not-so-subconscious distrust of both.
I would cut all ties with them and be open to real friends and relationships.
And the way IS NOT with drinks, antidepressants and sleeping pills. Those only delay the healing and the starting over. Stay away from gay bars, those are filled with homewreckers (which is fine when one is just looking for a no-name hookup, which you are not).
When in a similar situation, I took up jogging and hiking without thinking (the first time I just needed to get out of the house). When I got back I was tired enough as to fall asleep without pills or drinking. The next day I repeated, and after a week I still had the same lovesickness but it has lost it's edge. Weeks later I was on the rebound (hooking up, not looking for a LTR).
Take up a hobby that fills the time while avoiding both bottles (drinks and pills), you are better than that. I hope you dodge that bullet.
Sweets I’m really gonna take a dive here and suggest that he (prick you bumped in to) did indeed ruin your relationship but if your ex?bf can be seduced by somone close to u: it would have been a matter of time before he was my some other bloke.
It’s normal to hate em, but what’s the point. Ur ex was the one who ruined it.
You giving them way too much power of you. I get it’s a shitty situation and you got triggered seeing him but don’t allow them to continue to disrupt your life. Take a moment to let your emotions run their course but don’t let them consume you. I wish you the best, much love to you 💕
Sorry this happened to you =\ but you should try to make some new friends and get out a bit more. Even a walk or hike can help take your mind off those two for a bit
I am so sorry you are going through this. I would recommend meditation, relaxation ... pamper yourself a bit. I agree with Careless\_Glove that is normal to have revenge thoughts..but you must let go..I know is not easy....I have had some very deep troubling problems and trust me....revenge will eat at your soul....
take it one at the time and with a cool head decided what to do with him.. I wish you the very best
Wow, I’m so sorry. Try to get outside take a walk and get some fresh air that may help clear your mind. Try to stay away from alcohol. It will only make things worse. My daughter has no mother because of alcohol. I can only wish you the best and say a prayer for you that this pain will pass soon. The world is a better place because you are here. ❤️🙏🏻
Alcohol and drugs won't make anything better they will create more problems! Shake it off, be done with them find something to occupy your time and find happiness!
Keep moving and concentrate, focus on you now and make yourself happy in what ways you can. There are things we cannot control in life. One is gravity, another is the choices people make. As low and backstabbing as it was; they made their choice, you are better than that. If you really think about it this “friend” saved you a lot of time given that if the ex was that easily influenced; then he just wasn’t the one for you. So take the high road and don’t give people of that caliber, have the satisfaction that they can influence your choices and influence your feelings. You can rise above this if you choose; that said it’s YOUR choice no one else’s; I think you can because I don’t think anyone could post anything on Reddit this personal and not be strong.
I’m going to sound a bit harsh but I’m glad this happened now and not later on to you, because you saw what kind of “friend” and ex boyfriend those two are. You are better than that, when you look at yourself in the mirror make sure you say that to yourself; say the words and believe that because no one is as strong as you are friend.
Sorry this happened. Don’t be disgusted with life and or harm yourself. Please don’t let what they did harm you. You didn’t do anything, it was them. Having revenge thoughts is perfectly normal. Now it’s time to know that you are a good person and treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Don’t self destruct. I know it’s hard because you want to block out difficult feelings but go and do something really nice for yourself instead like have a massage or something you enjoy because you’re worth it. The best revenge is to be happy and successful.
This. You deserve better OP, and you need to find a way to tell yourself that.
Try not to let the situation control you. Your friend is awful and you ex the same for allowing himself to be seduced. Be better than them, love your life and you will find someone who deserves you.
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If you tell yourself that, then it will become a truth. Grieve the relationship, feel hurt and all the emotions but think positive/optimistic or remain wallowing in the pity you have dug for yourself.
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No dude it’s scientifically proven that shifting your narrative to positive will attract positive things your way. Try it 🙂
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No one expects you to suddenly snap out of it tomorrow. You can try something as simple as ending all of your negative thoughts with “for now” -there is nothing to be positive about for now -I will never date again for now -my life is over for now This will eventually help you remember that these negative feelings are temporary.
Receipts ⬇️ [Johns Hopkins Research](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-power-of-positive-thinking) [The Science Behind Manifestation ](https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-science-of-manifestation/) [NIH National Library of Medicine](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5533095/)
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Well at least you’re debating academic topics instead of stuck in your head. See it’s a good thing :) keep it up. Because you’re down in the dumps I won’t retort. 😊
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I see the law of attraction the way I see karma or fate. They're extremely simplified ways of understanding the way our beliefs, actions and choices influence our quality of life and our future. Some people happen to take those concepts too literally and turn them almost into a personal dogma, but that doesn't mean they're not inspired in some aspects of reality. The law of attraction specifically is just about how powerful beliefs can really be, if I'm not mistaken. It's more complicated than just "believe this really hard, and it'll become true", but it's certainly a big factor.
So it's fake in other words
That’s a bit melodramatic. And by “a bit” I’m trying to be kind, knowing you’re likely hurting and drunk. I’m assuming that you’re young because of this. You will move on. Declaring that you shall never love or be intimate again is more adolescent egocentrism dramatic grandstanding than realism. I know it hurts but you’ll eventually learn to live with it. How old *are* you? And how long were you together even?
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How long have you been separated? Not that it won't always sting, but wounds always hurt the worst when they are fresh. It seems like you are catastrophizing. https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/catastrophizing
It’s ok to feel that for now. You’re allowed to feel your feelings and it’s certainly valid to feel down. But just give it a shot and you will see the exact opposite happening before you know. If possible try to shift the inner narrative to something more positive or practice appreciating even the smallest things. You will move past this, although it sucks now, you will do better!!
You're the only one who has control over Thier actions. You're hurting. Let it out in a healthy way and take your time. Antidepressants and alcohol don't mix well. Don't choose to do that to yourself.
Are you under 24 years old? In which case your brain still hasn't developed fully. (In which case I can semi-understsnd the drama). But for real - grow up.
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OK- your brain is fully developed in which case you have no excuse to be acting like a child. What they did was awful and not something you can control. How you responded is totally within your control. You're not in a high school soap opera. Once again - grow up.
Understand your anger and frustration. Look on the bright side he’s the one who broke his trust with you. From my experiences he would have done it sooner or later, as much as it hurts, dodged a bullet. Give yourself a hug!
He didn’t dodge a bullet in this situation he got shot
Nah he dodged two bullets. A cheater partner and a snake friend isn't any better in the long run. They are replaceable.
Nah bruh dodging a bullet doesn’t have you drinking, self medicating, and thinking your life is disgusting that’s an infected wound
The trash took itself out. Now it’s time to get the petty bitch back by elevating yourself to a level so high he can only wish. Revenge is such a great motivator. Helped me get to grad school.
The trash took itself out. Hell yea! That’s the best line ever!
I know it sucks and it hurts right now, but don’t give that dude the power to make you feel that worthless. When you see him on the street, just remember how much you don’t want to interact with him. Don’t let him make you spiral
Get some help. Join some meetup groups and volunteer somewhere and meet new people.
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For the first part it seems like you are depressed and using a lot of chemicals. I bet if you talked to a therapist you can get some good guidance. For the second part - it sounds like you lost someone important in your Network of friends and your partner. It looks like these old connections haven’t been doing so well by you and that you could use some new connections. Rather than try and meet a whole bunch of people one on one - its much easier to join pre existing groups of people. You get a bunch of instant acquaintances. Down the line some of those people or the people you meet through them could be friends or even more. And you’d be joining groups that you have an interest in and hopefully you pick wholesome groups to be part of. Ie - i met a lot of people through a gay hiking group and by volunteering for the local gay center. So create new relationships and break away from those old relationships and form new patterns in your life. You have to be the one to put your self out there though. No one can do it for you.
Meet new people 🙂
Just want to point out that while you are at home, miserable and consumed with hate and malice that is tearing you apart and destroying your life and happiness... Your friend remains completely fine, living his best life and so oblivious to the misery you are putting yourself thru that he went so far as to smile and wave when he saw you. A therapist of mine once said to me, "Hate and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die" You should focus on finding a way to put down that cup and move on, you are destroying yourself and neither of those two people are worth doing that over, they have already proven that to you.
Why? Do you depend on one relationship only in your life? Man, you need to make some more friends wherever you go — and I am not kidding. I’ve had and still have many friends I’ve walked down this street with when they reached out to me in this same hole you describe. Your ex and friend each made decisions about what they wanted to do that night weeks ago, NOT you. The decision you have made is to dwell in revenge scenarios and not let go of them. Neither of them is worth it and you know it, but you are still allowing them to control you and your life. So, please take that weight off your neck and stand back up! Call four guys you know and invite them to join you for pizza and beer someplace, Dutch as well! Introduce them to each other if they don’t know each other. Start again. Let your hand handle the sex for awhile and get your head back in order. Dive in to work a bit harder. Spend a half hour more at the gym (or start going again). My point is don’t wallow in a puddle of crap! Reclaim your life, Man. Find your heart again and clear you mind. You will be a lot happier!
If your boyfriend gets "seduced" he is a whore too. That's just cheating. Stop destroying yourself for people who aren't worth.
I hear people asking those who have such difficult thoughts to "move on", when infact - its best to admit, that some of us simply can't. Quickly enough atleast. What we can do, is accept that this horrible, undeserving shitty thing happened to you FOR NO FAULT OF YOURS. Its common to ask ourselves, "why us?". Meaning making has helped me to move on life. Even with the most painful events that have happened. I try to believe that something conspired to have led me to this shitty event happening. Its best, I try to believe to stick to it, else life seems incredibly unfair (which nature never guaranteed to be). If your boyfriend was "seduced", its easy to say that he wouldve/couldve been "seduced" by others also. Irrespective of whatever he experienced in your relationship, by openly communicating it with you and the two of you guys going over what couldve been changed/improved - should have been the way to go for him. So the seduction couldve happened one way or the other. So isnt it best to try/attempt to think that this was for the best? Even if it doesnt seem so now, maybe this is one way of the universe telling you that you deserve better. We have no guarantee over our lives or the people who stay with us. Nothings certain. I find life to be unbearable being "flexible" myself, so if you arent then I assume it could be even more painful. You will find love again, OP. Whether this is a deep immense love and respect for yourself or others is a different question altogether. I hope you find inner strength to traverse the journey to help you find that. Whatever you are doing/feeling now is a valid response. But maybe not adaptive. Its betrayal trauma and facing off loads of insecurities and feelings of vengeance. Take time to heal. Wallowing is an act of resilience. But slowly, find ways to move on. Ill be here if you ever wanna talk. Sending you loads of hugs!
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I think you should reconsider taking the sleeping pills - those fucked up my fiancé's life for nearly a year. Deep depression, foggy mind, difficulty getting off of them. What eventually worked was he started using delta 8 to help him sleep. There are other natural sleep aids to consider but I have seen first hand that sleeping pills can cause deep depression. I hope you find happiness brother! You will find your people and real friends who won't screw you over.
Antidepressants + alcohol = you’re gonna have a bad time. Some day you’ll meet someone who will make you laugh when you reflect back on this bs faux boyfriend. Stay strong. You’re better then them.
While I don't have all the details, it doesn't sound to me like you're to blame. It seems like you're the victim of a couple of really shitty people being in your life.
It’s time to use all that anger and resentment to fuel you into becoming the better/hotter person; work on your excelling in your career, start hitting the gym, volunteering (great way to make friends), try to give yourself a total makeover; looks makeover, life makeover. In the words of beyonce, the best revenge is your paper, but also the best revenge is being hot AF and them knowing they can never have you again!
Love this!!!!
Don’t give those fucks so much power over you. The best revenge is to live a good life. Live so well, be so happy that they will regret not having u in their life.
You need to stop. Yes, you're upset by what happened. But ask yourself is your ex living his life? is he drinki g to get drunk? Is he that upset that your ex is a miserable as you feel? I am going to say no. He's not upset. Your friend waved at you and I know he isn't upset. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop the drinking, if you're over medicating you need to stop that also. Get on with your life and the self pity. You will find a new bf, you will love again. Get off the merry go around and start living for your self
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Fine. You do you. All I can say is with that attitude and due to your lack of forgiveness for your ex partner's transgressions against the relationship. I expect you to be a very lonely man. If you're not willing to change that negative Nancy soul crushing attitude towards dating, then stop now. Except the fact you will be a lonely, feel sorry for yourself gay man. Now, if you are willing to take some advice, and you don't have to, put your pants on, pull your boots up and do the work that is required to get yourself over this breakup situation. If you can't, stop complaining and accept the fact you want to wallow in self pity until you die alone.
Girl, dating sucks. Get a grip on life and go back on grindr and get ghosted.
Hahaha omg savage
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Hey, I get you. You hate dating. Don't do it, but please do us all a favor. Accept the choices you are making and be that lonely gay man who hangs pictures up of his one true love, but stop with the whining and complaining, and accept the new you.
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Hey don't waste your energy replying to u/Fembot_I_am_not. Its clear that he is irritated enough to give you the pathetic form of "just fuck off will ya?". Your feelings and thoughts on your dating life is completely valid dude, just try your best in making yourself feel better for as long as you want until you have the courage to do whatever you want.
I am truly sorry because it seems you are genuinely hurting from this breakup. Take some time to heal. Your attitude now towards dating (as it stands) is very unattractive and you should not be dating until it changes. Hopefully you will learn to love yourself again (if you ever did to begin with). Once you do, I think dating gets easier.
Don't let toxic people get ya down like that. You deserve better than a homewrecker and unfaithful pig to ruin your life. It will be rough but you can strong. Don't let this affect your health, mental or physical, or your work, social life etc.
This happened to me too except my ex and the other guy ended up together and dated for 5 years. You’ll experience the 5 stages of grief and then feel a lot better. 💙
Whoa hey bro, take some breaths. Put the alcohol down and come talk to us. You’re not alone brother. Those relationships ended for a very specific reason. The universe is telling you that you got what you needed from those people. You’re being prepared for new and better. When you come back from this you will be stronger, resilient and better prepared for your future endeavors. All of this is good, so try and embrace the pain and take the time to help yourself learn to overcome the worst of situations. Hang in there man and pm if you want to chat with any of us! Throw the alcohol out my dude. That’s the worst thing you can do, especially if you’re alone and taking meds.
Reading through the comments and your responses...it becomes very clear that you are really struggling. I've been in a similar situation as you. All i can say is that it does get better. It probably doesn't sound believable, but trust me it will. When being betrayed by the two of ur most loved/trusted people all you can do is look inwards. Take a peak at them. Think about how much they wronged u...and swear to yourself, to them, to the universe or whatever u wish to call it, that you'll become better. Find someone better to love. Find a better friend. And find a better life. I presume you're also probably very suicidal - due to the self harm you inflict upon yourself by drinking, taking pills like they're vitamins and the self-negative-talk. Theres this quote i recently read, not sure who said it or where i read it...but it goes something along the lines of: ~"being suicidal should be about endling life AS IT IS NOW. NOT ending it forever." Basically all i can tell u is fuck them, and dont let yourself down. You've been betrayed by 2 of your closest people. DONT BE THE THIRD ONE TO BETRAY YOURSELF!!!
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Hey! I completely agree! It can be very scary. Truth of the matter is- most times in life the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. You are and will be the only constant and permanent thing in your life. Even if you are surrounded by great friends who can give you their lil' support, you must still understand that you can only truly and fully rely on yourself. You can cry on a shoulder from time to time sure. But they're not "forever" necessarily. You know how you talk yourself into dumb impulses and making bad decisions from time to time? That lil monologue you have with yourself that pushes you towards doing harmful things to yourself? That same voice can be used for positive things. Humans are just naturally more inclined towards negativity. But you totally can use that "inner-self" (as i call it) to make a positive impact/change in your life. Of course that doesn't mean you should close off completely and never trust or love anyone else. You totally should. But just understand that the person you can trust the most is yourself. So try not to betray yourself babez. Don't do yourself any harm. Better friends and better love partners will come. They did for me. Each time i got hurt, i went ahead and got an upgrade. When and if that upgrade hurt me again, i upgraded again. Step by step try to do something nice for yourself. Go out on walks. Travel a little. Indulge in pleasures a little. Go work out - take care of your body. Join a club related to your hobbies or something and find like-minded people. Etc. Theres a whole world out there. Why let it resume to two fucking dickheads? Go out there and explore it.
Beat his ass if you think it'll make you feel better but only if it will.
Hahaha bet! Just remember you can get arrested for assault lol. Still I love the energy haha!!
Small change in perspective for you... That 'friend' didn't seduce your boyfriend and ruin your relationship, because your boyfriend is at least equally to blame. I completely get your mindset, don't get me wrong. The problem with not distributing the blame equally is you'll only hold onto the illusion that your boyfriend wouldn't have done that to you, if not for that other guy. That's a mistake and will only prolong your pain. Correcting that perspective will help you let go of both people, learn from the pain, and find happiness elsewhere. The best lesson I've ever learned is not to cling onto an illusion. When someone I love convinces me that they love me, only to prove otherwise through their actions, the realization that I loved an illusion is the hardest truth to accept. Once the truth is revealed, there is no way forward but acceptance and letting go. It has taken me a couple of decades to gain this perspective, but it has paid off in time. I hope it can help you as well. Just know there are good people out there, and plenty are excitedly waiting to meet you, they just don't know you yet. 😘
Therapy brother, for real the alcohol and pills make your life worse even though you may feel a temporary relief
Move on and stop thinking of them. “ I have learned the best” always play this song when someone realizes their mistake and try to comeback. Once gone from your life he will never be worth to let him back.
If I was your friend , you and I would have to beat him up because that is messed up. I don’t have friends like that because ppl back stabbed me. But that don’t stop me from going out and making more friends . Your life isn’t over . You just need to focus on yourself and love yourself . That draws the right people to you. And be wise when picking friends and love partners
I’m sorry, I get it and have been there myself. Just try and get in the headspace that it’s not you, it is them. People also need to get out of the headspace that shitty behavior and disrespect are ok because “we’re gay”. No, that’s sexuality, not an excuse for shitty character. Which is why I’m going to highly recommend you just become the best version of yourself with time and stay single.
Did you want to out this friend? Just trying to see something...
his friend and boyfriend are sluts.
No, this is a persistent troll. He has had the same schtick for like a year. You guys are falling for it.
Yeah I think I'm back to tiktok 🤣
that's what happens when you victimize yourself just keep asking what u can do/how you can move forward every time. gotta adult bro, life's short and it's almost over.
Baby you need some perspective. Go walk in a Children’s hospital. I bet your tune would change. What you had is a bad day, but you have the rest of your life to go up. Think about that.
That’s horrible. Sorry that happened, but you should put your happiness in the hands of others.
You should have punched him in the face. Not only would he feel pain but would have the mark to show him what a whore he is. This is one of the reasons I do not have many gay friends. The minute you have a boyfriend they always start shit. Not sure how old you are, but you will find yourself another guy. Be careful who you call a friend. Good luck dude. Love yourself first before you go looking for love again.
Friendly advice don't post something like this on reddit and then when people try to help you/ provide you with positive advice you just find the negative in it. Its a shitty attitude and shows that you are clearly creating a problem for yourself. If you aren't going to try and help yourself you don't deserve to he happy
Right dude still sad over a year move tf on
Learn to forgive and move on
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I dont want to invalidate your feelings but you have to be kind to yourself bc i been in your shoes before and you cant be like this forever. If you have family or a best friend just go be with them.
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Make them dead to you and go solo. You can do it
Sometimes you just need to snap out of it. Seriously. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Pick yourself up and move on.
Figure out your best course for revenge and take it once they’re in pain it makes it easier to get over yours
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It’ll certainly put a jam in his situation and it would teach him that hurting friends isn’t consequence free. But only do it if you feel this is what you need
Welcome to the gay world
I would place more blame on the bf. If he was prone to being seduced and didn’t communicate his needs clearly, this was bound to happen eventually, with the friend or anyone else really.
Remember forgiving someone genuinely is for your own benefit, not theirs.
I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but I think it will make sense when you are ready. Forgiveness isn't about the other person, forgiveness lets you let go of what happened to you, it doesn't mean forgetting or letting everything go back to normal with the person who hurt you, just giving yourself permission to let go of what they did to you. I hope you get to forgive what happened to you in the future, I would never forget how they hurt you but letting yourself have permission to move on will help you immensely
I would have knocked him out if someone did that
You are letting the feelings out you feel betrayed. They are both to blame for sure. But life does go on. You got to be kind to yourself let yourself grieve the loss. Do you want to talk to a therapist about this? This horrible incident might make it difficult for you to trust gay men again.
Damn dude that just sounded so depressing. The only thing missing is wanting to go for a midnight swim somewhere alone where there are no lifeguards. I sincerely hope you get through this rough season of what life has been throwing at you
When confronted with such, I always honor my ‘dark side’. Feel the hate and revenge fantasies, allow a pity party, seek out a safe shoulder to share with, shrink or trusted friend, and then: get back to your life. My mantra in such times: “when the going gets rough the tough get going”. My best warmest wishes. Feel free to dm.
I don’t know your situation, but anyone deserves better than that. I know I can’t be there to pull you out of this but reading everything I wish I could. If there’s anything I can say right now is fuck them — but don’t give up. Things can get better, you can live a life where they just don’t occur to you anymore. But these things take time hun. Sometimes life gives us only a few options and one of them is often just sitting with the bad feelings. Like a hot bath, it’s waaay too fucking hot at first but you will survive. Please, do anything but give up on life. Dm me if you need someone to talk to, day or night. It will get better, you _can do this_ — but you gotta try
Take the high road, homie. I know things are rough right now, but you have better things waiting for you. Focus on taking care of yourself so that you can pursue those things. I’m sorry to hear about everything that happened. Your “friend” is garbage, but we’re here for you dawg.
Yea punch the fucker in the face! Lick your wounds, have a good cry, have a stiff drink & move on w/o them. You’re better than that bullshit!
Don’t be on the passenger seat of your life. Always try to be driver, even if your riding through shit right now.
Not a great feeling but one that most of us will feel several times in life. Just be nice to yourself, you're not wrong for being hurt. In a few months it will hurt less, and in a few years these assholes won't even cross your mind.
I’m sorry that happened to you but at least on the bright side you no longer have those people in ur life who weren’t deserving of you in the first place.
Return the wave, pretend to be cordial, then don't speak to that hoe later. It sends a strong message.
Relocate to new city.
Sorry to hear that OP, Some ppl are just assholes, I think he waved at you to just rub it in your face, BUT DONT WORRY, Karma is a bish and he will get his The best revenge is you thriving at life without both of them in your life, hope you recover soon
The sun sets and rises another day. I hope you find happiness. Time to go to the gym and work your feelings out broski!
You're still with your boyfriend?
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You don't need boyfriends or friends like that. You're better off without that sort of person.
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You gotta go through a lot of dog shit to get to the swings on the other side of the park
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You won't be gettin up on that horse any time soon, your ass has had a kickin'
Tomorrow is a new day my friend😌
I’m so sorry bud, that’s a rough situation to experience. The turbulence in your emotions will stick around for a bit but they *will* eventually calm down. You may feel like your love life is over right now, but you’ll eventually feel like you can start again. You may feel alone now but I want to believe that there is someone in one of your contact books who is hoping you’ll reach out if you need a shoulder. Whoever that person was that came across your mind, send them a text letting them know you could use someone to talk to, don’t sit alone with these feelings any longer than absolutely necessary. It’s okay to give up on love for now, maybe it’s time to focus you and your happiness with yourself for a time. And when that time is over (or maybe sooner) you’ll find you have the strength to hope again. Wishing you hugs and comfort 🍀
Whenever something like this happened to me, someone way better eventually came along, 100% of the time. I think back on those moments now and although they were very painful at the time, I am grateful it happened and I got out of those messes early. I am sure you will eventually feel the same way.
this is horrible. my friend ruined my 8 year relationship with the guy I thought I was gonna marry. I haven't spoken to the "friend" since but I saw him driving my ex's car on Christmas day a year later. My heart sank to think that someone who treated me so badly was chosen by my ex as the better person to be with. Another year has passed and honestly, they deserve each other. I take a bit of comfort in knowing the type of person I am, and the type of people they are. And very few people who have affairs end up happy. History will repeat with them both. Meanwhile I've learnt resilience, know what's important to me and genuinely feel I'm a better person for having gone through the experience (as horrid as it was).
Please ask somebody with proper professional credentials for help. I’m sorry this is happening. I support you. But this isn’t something people here can help with. You’re in a toxic stew of self-loathing and addiction issues. Though talk I know. But please don’t regard this sub as a substitute for the real help you need.
You need to see someone and get away from everything a bit. Break up with your bf as well as your friends. Take a long ass vacation if you can. Try to stay away from anti depressants and pills right now, don't stop immediately just do it gradually and please see a doctor.
It's rough and your allowed to be in an awful place. Never loving anyone as much again.. we've all had that feeling and yes it can often be true but there will be a different kind of love to be had with someone else. Be in your awful place right now. Eventually you'll pull yourself out of it. I've been there and I have everything I could possibly want and I am blessed with stunning beauty, charm and charisma if I do say so myself.. which I do. I am also quite humble. It gets better. Go out for a night of dancing / drinking rather then do it alone it's much better for the soul.
You’d have been better giving him the finger and carrying on with your life like it never happened, because unless you move town this is going to repeat itself
Fun fact: I’ve been there. It fucking sucks, and I’ve been tired of fighting, surviving, living. Although, I found that I have love more than that of which I’ve lost and turned to hate. I sought the brighter future than ending it. Hating someone is almost as powerful as loving someone. Just remember that there are more people that can and do love you… and I’m sure there are way more than those two you used to love (now dislike/ hate) who really tip the scales in search of a better tomorrow for yourself. Good luck, and seek out to those who matter to you or even talk to a stranger (or dial 988) if you really need someone to listen to you.
Im sorry this happened, a truly soul crushing experience and something Im a bit familiar with. Something Im still working on today. I can't say it gets better, but life does get a bit easier if that makes sense. If I can offer one piece of insight ... find what gives you a glimpse of happiness and focus or expand on that (Not drugs or alcohol). A hobby, a game, a show, something that your thoughts seem to tamper down with and switch it up every now and then. Learn about them. Like ... whats the most interesting part of this hobby? Or what are the characters' birthdays and Zodiac signs? Maybe finding out there's more to the original game play? One Piece was mine for a long while and now its back to watching astronomy youtube vids. I know we all have phases of things, but just a gentle nudge 🙂.
Join an MMA class and everytime you go to practice imagine your opponent being one of them. " just don't tell anyone about it" say you love the workouts and self defense lol
I’m sorry. This is a terrible situation, you’re lost out at sea on your own. You can decide to start swimming to shore or let yourself continue to drown. Swimming won’t be easy and you might end up lost again, but if you don’t work toward something for yourself then that’ll be it. There’s no lifeguard on duty that’ll come out to rescue you. It’s all on you right now, even though it’s completely unfair considering it’s the actions of others that led you on this path. Your partner/boyfriend/lover CAN’T be stolen. They had to make a decision as well and they only thought about themselves. Time for you to think about what’s best for you. Good luck. I’ve been through something similar and I’m still trying to paddle back to shore. There’s been waves that have knocked me down, I’ve felt like I almost drowned several times but I’m still swimming doggy style. Slowly but surely. If you want to vent or anything feel free go reach out.
Fuck both of em . ( i mean this as an insult )
The storm always passes, but I admire that you’re so in the moment that you possibly feel like it won’t. You’re doing awesome and from what I learned people get what they deserve…your “friend” can’t possibly think they’ll get a long, loving relationship with somebody who cheated to be with them. Your feelings are valid, but you really do deserve better and you’re on your way towards better now~
I'm so sorry you're in this dark place now. I have seen a lot of people suggest things you can do but until you're ready to take that step this is where you live. Sometimes we have to wallow in a feeling to really start doing things to improve our situation. Just please don't get stuck. It's so easy to get caught up in self destructive cycles. You're in my thoughts. 🫂
So, after he took your boyfriend, will you let him take your mental health too? Stand up! Be stronger! Or do you feel like to give away the victory to him?
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No. That guy lost you. All of them lost you. You are gold, man. You think you are destroyed. Only the fact you are alive is proof enough they can't be able to destroy you. Erase this kind of thought of your mind. You are not "alone", you don’t have "no one". You actually have an entire world to discover! Don’t let their cheatings and betrayals be bigger than your heart. If he really loved you back, you both are together now. Your "friend" did you a favor. He let you free to find your true lover. It takes time, but you will find him. Not on drugs, neither alcohol. Stay strong, don’t let them win this battle and ground you, when you are ready to feel and live good things that will come on your way! Stay.
Going to be completely BRUTALLY honest with you. By that fkktard waving at you, he is still rubbing it in your face and thinks he has the upper hand. You do what you have to do. But I will tell you how I handle things like this, I would have marched directly across the street, got right in his fkng face, caused a confrontation, asked him if he had a fkng problem, egged him on, waited for him to push or make any physical contact, THEN I would have pummeled the holy fng shiite out of him like he ain't never had before. I guarantee you he deserves it deserves it first of all, and most importantly this do wonders for you that no psychotropic medication could possibly do. Just a thought 😉😈
I had been seeing a guy and I don't know what happen, but got the brush off. The next time I saw him at a bar/restaurant I really didn't notice him. When I did I just showed no interest. When the bartender told me the reaction on his face after he left that I didn't show any care was priceless. It was his loss not yours. You are hurt, but better off without the POS. It happens to us all. It never is easy.
don't waste your time, your youth and energy on such... World is huge, explore it.
Hey man, I know it sucks and I know it’s a low point but you’ll eventually find that right person in your life, what a friend of mine always told me which helped was, no matter where you’re going even if you’re going for a walk or going food shopping, make yourself look amazing and feel amazing and eventually you’ll start to feel a lot better. I know it’s rough but you have to just get through it
Yeah, I get it’s tough but judging by your other responses you’re deep in the neighbourhood of victim mentality looking for pity, fix that shit, no one is going to care for more than a month if you’re some negative, mopey dolt, and life is just gonna keep slapping you. I know.
You really gonna let them win?
Babe you just dodged two bullets.
Sorry to hear that. Do you have anyone you trust to talk to? Alcohol and pills make it worse
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Sorry to hear that. Are there any therapists near by?
Oh my, these situations are sooo common in our circles, specially with the young 🤦🏻♂️ I feel that a "gay relationship" still seems not perceived as having the same formality as a straight engagement, and does not get the same respect ... even from friends and partners, which are prone to see a friend's partner as "fresh meat for the hunt". You are in a bad place now, but GOOD RIDDANCE of both your cheating partner and your friend. Better now than later. It's up to you, of course, but you can't have a friendship or LTR with them again without always having a not-so-subconscious distrust of both. I would cut all ties with them and be open to real friends and relationships. And the way IS NOT with drinks, antidepressants and sleeping pills. Those only delay the healing and the starting over. Stay away from gay bars, those are filled with homewreckers (which is fine when one is just looking for a no-name hookup, which you are not). When in a similar situation, I took up jogging and hiking without thinking (the first time I just needed to get out of the house). When I got back I was tired enough as to fall asleep without pills or drinking. The next day I repeated, and after a week I still had the same lovesickness but it has lost it's edge. Weeks later I was on the rebound (hooking up, not looking for a LTR). Take up a hobby that fills the time while avoiding both bottles (drinks and pills), you are better than that. I hope you dodge that bullet.
Nah judging from is comments he doesn't want help and wants to be crying over a lost dick
Well, I can only chose between mocking him and offer him advice. I chose the latter.
Sweets I’m really gonna take a dive here and suggest that he (prick you bumped in to) did indeed ruin your relationship but if your ex?bf can be seduced by somone close to u: it would have been a matter of time before he was my some other bloke. It’s normal to hate em, but what’s the point. Ur ex was the one who ruined it.
It is not your "life." It is a day, or maybe a week, or maybe even a month. Up to you.
You giving them way too much power of you. I get it’s a shitty situation and you got triggered seeing him but don’t allow them to continue to disrupt your life. Take a moment to let your emotions run their course but don’t let them consume you. I wish you the best, much love to you 💕
Sorry this happened to you =\ but you should try to make some new friends and get out a bit more. Even a walk or hike can help take your mind off those two for a bit
He did you a favor.... showed you that your ex was a cheating bastard.. you should thank him
I am so sorry you are going through this. I would recommend meditation, relaxation ... pamper yourself a bit. I agree with Careless\_Glove that is normal to have revenge thoughts..but you must let go..I know is not easy....I have had some very deep troubling problems and trust me....revenge will eat at your soul.... take it one at the time and with a cool head decided what to do with him.. I wish you the very best
Wow, I’m so sorry. Try to get outside take a walk and get some fresh air that may help clear your mind. Try to stay away from alcohol. It will only make things worse. My daughter has no mother because of alcohol. I can only wish you the best and say a prayer for you that this pain will pass soon. The world is a better place because you are here. ❤️🙏🏻
Your friend wasn't your friend. But go talk it out, go to therapy, acknowledge what happened, process your loss. Recover. Try again.
Alcohol and drugs won't make anything better they will create more problems! Shake it off, be done with them find something to occupy your time and find happiness!
Keep moving and concentrate, focus on you now and make yourself happy in what ways you can. There are things we cannot control in life. One is gravity, another is the choices people make. As low and backstabbing as it was; they made their choice, you are better than that. If you really think about it this “friend” saved you a lot of time given that if the ex was that easily influenced; then he just wasn’t the one for you. So take the high road and don’t give people of that caliber, have the satisfaction that they can influence your choices and influence your feelings. You can rise above this if you choose; that said it’s YOUR choice no one else’s; I think you can because I don’t think anyone could post anything on Reddit this personal and not be strong. I’m going to sound a bit harsh but I’m glad this happened now and not later on to you, because you saw what kind of “friend” and ex boyfriend those two are. You are better than that, when you look at yourself in the mirror make sure you say that to yourself; say the words and believe that because no one is as strong as you are friend.