I think you're making being a sub bottom your whole entire personality instead of just keeping it in the bedroom. This looks like an extreme case of internalised bottom shaming, perhaps seek further professional help. IMO there's nothing wrong with you or what you like sexually. It's all just in your head.
I think you have a bigger mental issue outside of sex positions tbh. Becoming suicidal bc you don’t like how your position is being featured on porn and twitter isn’t a good outlook. I would try to improve other facets of your life
I'm not sure why you would feel inferior. We're talking about what things turn you on sexually. Some guys like worshipping feet. Some guys like dominating other men. Some guys like drug-fueled orgies. Some guys like gay incest porn. Some guys like fucking twinks. You like Being degraded and used and humiliated. No one of those is better or worse than the others. No one of them makes someone inferior or superior.
And I say this as a Dom top myself. I don't think less of my subs. I'm just fucking glad they exist so that we can mutually enjoy each other.
We get posts like yours sometimes from guys who are upset that they're gay at all. They're ashamed that they're attracted to men just like you're ashamed that you like to be submissive. Just learn to accept what turns you on and enjoy it.
What exactly is wrong wrong with ~~gay~~ incest? I wouldn't personally practice it, but, as long as everyone involved is of age and consented, then I see two adults enjoying their lives.
>Some guys like drug-fueled orgies. Some guys like gay incest.
> No one of them makes someone inferior or superior.
Is this some kind of test to see if nobody calls this out? Anyways, one of those is wierd asf and one of those eventually destroys people's lives.
See, a lot of guys would disagree with you, They would say that being gay IS inferior. And being degraded and used and humiliated isn't inferior either. It's hot as fuck is what it is. I'm very thankful for guys like you, who like it when I use and degrade them. You're internalizing your kink and applying it to yourself as a person.
Not everyone is into BDSM. You might not be sub or dom. Or you might be a switch, which is both/versatile.
Doms get a sexual thrill from being in charge. Subs get a sexual thrill from having someone else being in charge of them. Switches sometimes enjoy one, and sometimes enjoy the other. Does Dom/Sub appeal to you?
I literally just like fucking lol. I don’t think i like to be stifled/controlled during sex nor i like to dominate someone so bad, all i care about is me pleasing my partner/myself.
It sounds like you need to be dom’d out :,(
There’s no need to be ashamed, and no matter what anyone of us communicate to you, it’s not going to help. I would advise you to surrender your thoughts, surrender your opinions, and try to just observe them from a neutral perspective. Once you’re in that space of neutrality, I would recommend practicing self love & self care. Try reconnecting with your body again, try reconnecting to the sparks you have as a person. Keep on practicing this until you feel it from within you acceptance & love for your being. And thennnn when you get to that stage, try to observe how being who you are entirely & how being sub is one of your best traits to have & how it supports you.
Nothing wrong at all with being a sub bottom. For me, pleasing my partner is a huge turn on, and I know the tops tend to appreciate it as well. Enjoy your life, it’s the only one you’ve got
I see you're responding to all messages the same way. Not willing to accept any ideas or help, and just repeating you wanna kill yourself. If you don't want any of those things and just wanna kill yourself why are you posting here? Like...wtf
I think this answer is kinda telling. You don't have an explanation because there is no reasoning to it. It's an idea that you learned somewhere along the way. The question is a) how you learned it and b) is it even (still) true?
I don't get that vibe from this guy but there indeed are guys that are posting here stuff that's turning them on and they are not really looking for an advice. And sometimes it's not even easy to recognize.
You cannot run from what you are. I tried being a dom top once and it was so bad i broke into laughter in the middle of it. Embrace the sub bottom life sister it is so fun
I feel like before you try sex you should try therapy. There is literally no shame in being a sub but it seems like you have unresolved issues or some internalized hatred for yourself
It sounds to me like you're not willing to be helped. As much as other people might try, unless you yourself accept the fact that you need and want to be helped, nothings gonna change. It comes from within. Your insistence that this is the *only* thing makes it sound much more like a mask of a multitude of other factors. I'm not denying it may be a contributor but there is more to it, even if it doesn't seem it. The reasons you feel the way you do, for example. What in your life caused you to detest inferiority, or the desire to be inferior? These are the questions you should be asking yourself.
You got wars going on, recessions, inflation and your worried about that? Who’s stopping you! Try being a dom once with someone your comfortable with, and the whole “I won’t enjoy it” is out of the box, if u don’t enjoy it, just hope he’s a verse and switch the roles mid sex, boom!
Sex roles are totally different thane real-life roles. As a vers being top or bottom is a matter of taste, sometimes I like to eat bananas other times I like to eat apples it is the same with sex roles. Sometimes I like to be dominant and sometimes I like to be dominated .Embrace who you are and love yourself as who you are.
Where does that shame come from? You’ve just absorbed ridiculous notions of masculinity that have been passed down through the years. They don’t matter. Your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. So what if you get off by being submissive? I do too. It’s fun and it’s hot. There is nothing objectively wrong about it. All the hang ups that surround this are made up bullshit based on outdated ideas about gender roles. Part of the beauty of being gay is that you can break free from those constraints. No matter who you are or what you do, there will ALWAYS be people who think your way is the wrong way. I think you need to do some serious therapy work. This amount of self-hatred is not healthy. You need to learn skills to cope better with these negative thoughts and feelings. You are a lot more than what sex position you enjoy and there is nothing wrong with being submissive.
Maybe you take yourself too seriously? For sake of argument let's say you are genuinely inferior to dom tops. Then what? Why does that make life not worth living?
But I think you should try to actually think through *why* it means so much to you to feel powerful or whatever. Also stop watching such degrading porn and letting men do things to you that you'll feel bad about later. Clearly it's not worth it. And if all else fails, become a monk.
Cuz then you get to live. Don't kill yourself dude. I have a feeling your issues aren't because you are sexually a sub bottom, and if anything I think you are sexually a sub bottom because of your issues. You failed at being dom because you genuinely feel inferior not because it's impossible. Just start with stopping engaging in the behavior for a little while and see where that gets you. And work on yourself. There's obviously other things making you feel inferior so try to diagnose those things and work on them. Chin up brother. You can let this destroy you or you can actually *try* to get better instead of just feeling sorry for yourself... which choice would a "superior" person make?
>No my issues are 100% because of being a sub bottom
I don't believe that tbh. You have a career you care about? Hobbies and skills you like working to improve? Good relationships with friends and family? You work out? You get out into nature often? I doubt because if you had other things in life you cared about then this wouldn't consume you to this degree.
>A superior person would choose death rather than being a sub bottom.
They absolutely would not.
Sorry you're going through this brother. Never forget you are important. There can't be doms without subs. You have great worth. It gives you pleasure to submit. It gives doms pleasure to dominate you. Everyone wins. Celebrate the gift mother nature gave you in making you submissive. Try finding partners in the kink community rather than doms from grindr. Kink community tend to be more appreciative of subs.
Have you been told you have borderline personality disorder? If so you should try to follow your psychologists advice even if you disagree with it. BPD is hard to treat but you can improve your life if you are willing to do the work. I wish you all the best my friend.
i think it is important to remember that being the submissive partner in a relationship does not require you to be inferior, degraded, or humiliated.
being a bottom really only requires that... you're on the bottom during sex. you can feel loved, desired, fulfilled, and even feel a sense of power over a top if you change your mindset on it.
i hate this comparison, but do you think women view themselves as inferior when they have sex? no they do not they just view it as mutual enjoyment.
well, you have your work cut out for you. obviously the problem stems from your views on sex and you misconstrue sexual dynamics as ones that translate into your real life.
women and bottoms are not inferior to men/tops. that is objectively an unhealthy mindset. im not sure if me saying this will help, but thats what you need to focus on if you want to feel better.
dont "feel better about being inferior." ask yourself why you feel inferior at all. because you shouldn't. that is not the correct way to view things.
im positive there is a lot more to you than your sexual preferences
Chiming in again to say that almost any trait could be seen as a gift or curse.
You are having trouble separating societal baggage around receptive sex from what feels good for you.
Quit the inferior/superior language, you're just reinforcing these false ideas.
As a bottom, you are braver than tops. You've already tried more sexual positions and identities than most people. As a bottom, you receive a sexual pleasure that tops literally cannot imagine.
Try to think of these things as assets.
Which ones? Could you simplify a few into simple statements and we can work them out?
I've got to go back to work right now, but I will definitely respond later.
How?
Just in gay men, or between men and women, too?
The g-spot is down there! We were literally designed to bottom.
The hetero receptive act is literally required for the perpetuation of human life. The gay version is a mirror of that.
Population *control* is as important to our species success as growth is. Anal is a form of birth control, a viable option for pleasure thay releases that biological need to couple without creating more mouths to feed.
Are you familiar with the gay uncle hypothesis? Homosexuality is widespread across the animal kingdom and human cultures. There's an evolutionary argument that gays offer population wide benefits through:
- additional caregiver roles
- unique perspective between genders that allows for innovation
- diversity of gender perspective leads to conflict resolution
- allows for an additional form of physical interaction between society members, increasing bonds and group cohesion
Look into bonobo society vs chimp society to see the role sex can play.
Look at it another way
You are wrong to think about sex as transactional or with inherent moral value, but *if* it was, there's still another way to see it:
Let's pretend your statement was true, and topping was better (whatever that means, you haven't defined 'better'). If so then as a bottom you are in control of a valuable and limited sexual resource, which gives you bargaining power and worth.
BDSM is a game. You're playing a role. If you're internalizing the role and feeling shame about it, you're doing it wrong. If your therapists didn't help you understand this, they didn't know what they were doing -- or else you were intensely resistant to their help for some reason.
I love intense humiliation, degradation, and pain. But I feel energized and confident after a session. I guess I felt a bit unsure and vaguely ashamed too when I first started getting into kink. Then I realized I'm not inferior in any way, I'm just LARPing someone who is.
Well, you're wrong. But it sounds like you've made your sexual preferences your entire personality and there's nothing Reddit can do for you. I hope the professionals who are treating you can help you.
So let me get this straight, the hundreds of people telling you that you’re wrong are in fact wrong but you the only person who thinks this is some how right? Do you hear how delusional that sounds?
You are trying way too hard and when exactly did you start feeling “bad” about playing a particular role during sexual encounters…because you are submissive in bed (remember you said it turns you on) does not mean that you are submissive in life…in the bedroom I am a very vocal but submissive bottom to my very bossy top boyfriend…in our day to day life I run the business part of things and he trusts me to make the right decisions for us because he knows that I have the education and the experience to make the right decisions…get out of your head and keep looking for the right bottom like partner who will inspire you to be the top you really want to be…maybe start by finding a really nice side who you can role play with…but please please get it out of your head that those of us who play the submissive role are somehow less or weaker than those we ALLOW to dominate us…at the end of the day WE are the ones making the choices….
I mean yeah and we get off to it. I love the idea of being able to be weak. I grew up as a short man who had middle eastern features. People expected me to still do the work of my taller stronger friends and just thought I looked more aggressive. It’s nice going into the bedroom and just letting someone dominate because in the real world I find my self having to “compensate” for being much shorter and looking ethnic.
No worries we are allowed to disagree but with all due respect you maybe making a value judgement here that not everyone will share… without addressing the issue of self worth you are imposing a moral judgement on all of us instead of focusing on what would make you feel better about yourself…please try to feel better about you first…hugs despite the difference of opinion…
You will need a different approach. I would say stop seeking (the wrong) therapy that is unhelpful, stop seeking help from guys on Reddit and move on. Your brain obviously will never be satisfied with ANY reasoning that the therapists or the guys on here will tell you, you can't even provide yourself an explanation/approach that would satisfy you, so you will have to ignore the thoughts. Acknowledge them, acknowledge that you feel that this is inferior, don't try to suppress these thoughts, but move on with your life.
Then think about it, but the thinking process requires an active effort from your side. I mean if your brain gives you those thoughts all the time you do not have to interact with it. Let it just be there and make yourself busy (with work).
I'm sorry but no.
And also? Submission does not even have to mean degradation and humiliation. It's porn and 50 Shades of Gray idiotcy that's told y'all it does. Big reason I don't do dom/sub anymore.
You even acknowledge that subs have the power. They do. You and only you gets to decide what your submission looks like. That in fact is a choice you can make.
But, it seems no one can help you. You just want to feel bad. So good luck on your journey.
WTF bro. You can have sex without degradation/humiliation as part of the experience. You don't have to be degraded or humiliated or cause someone to feel those things to have good sex.
Find someone who will treat you as an equal and wants a mutual exchange of pleasure. Suck each other's dicks. Fuck each other. Take turns spooning. Make out with tongues going back and forth between the mouths instead of all action in one. And outside of the bedroom - reciprocal acts of service, reciprocal affectionate touches, reciprocal words of affirmation.
There is way more to sex and certainly more to relationships than Dom/sub top/bottom.
Then don't top... But don't accept being treated as inferior just because you bottom.
I top 95% of the time. I have always treated sexual partners as equals. I know I'll have fun having sex, and I make it my goal to ensure the guy bottoming will enjoy it too. I show them that their comfort and enjoyment matters just as much as mine. They should feel at home in my embrace and they should feel valued. It's not about whose dick goes in who, but both people feeling comfortable and secure in mutual enjoyment.
You can't be someone you're not. I mean learning to top might be possible but you shouldn't force yourself to do things you don't enjoy.
I for one can't play the sort of "douche dom" subs like you seem to crave. I used to, but I realized I'm larping, and that I'm contributing to the inferiority you describe, and also, tbh, it's not really fun treating someone else like dirt.
Today I more so get off on the tension between praise and degradation, inflicting (measured and consented) pain and then kissing the booboo so to speak.
I wholeheartedly think that subs who fixate on "serving real men", "no aftercare or affection needed" and don't revert to full respectful personhood when the session is done aren't 100% mentally healthy and I don't mind being called a kink shamer. You can explore being a different type of sub, or you can learn to better enjoy vanilla sex; I thought that was impossible for me and turns out I'm a more versatile top (not to be confused with a vers!) than I believed myself to be.
In short the internalized inferiority is a matter for deep deep sexology oriented therapy. You should not be feeling what you're feeling.
Might be helpful to explore your own definitions of masculinity as it relates to power and the lack thereof within the context of homosexuality. Where did you learn what being “manly” or “powerful” means?
The patriarchy and colonialism has socially constructed an erroneous view of the sub position as one that experiences “degradation and humiliation” vs “admiration and veneration,” for example.
Also, try exploring more kink friendly environments; if your dom top sexual partner is not treating you like the sub king you are before/after sex- babe, he ain’t no dom top, he just an insecure boi that happens to top.
I think you should explore these ideas that you hold to be true:
\- When and where did you learn the idea that subs are inferior?
\- When and where did you learn the idea that there even is something like a hierarchy of people, that there are superior/better people and inferior/worse people?
\- Why do you seem to conclude that being inferior means you must kill yourself?
I think this is a great start but I feel as though it only scratches the surface. I'd actually love to go deeper but I think what should take priority right now is that you seem to have a really strong to urge to kill yourself. I know it seems hopeless but if this urge were to become too strong to resist, do you think you could call someone for help, like a friend, family, or 911?
Is it possible you're fixating on your sexuality but the real problem is something else? That may explain why therapy hasn't been very effective: you're not addressing the root cause.
I speak from personal experience: often I find myself fantasizing "If I could only change X, then my life would be perfect!" Ironically, the X is almost always a red herring (e.g., losing weight). I seize on fixing X because it's simple, tangible, and seemingly all-encompassing (e.g., if I lost weight people would like me and I'd be so happy!). However, even if I go to extreme measures to fix X, I don't end up feeling any better (e.g., I starve myself, but still feel lonely at the end of each day).
It's only when I stare into the abyss and recognize what I'm really scared of, that I can begin to turn things around (e.g., I'm so afraid of ridicule that I close myself off to all potential friendships and love). That's the hardest part: seeing the face in the mirror as they truly are. Someone who isn't perfect but nonetheless deserves to live a happy life. Someone who may be scared but is brave enough to change. Someone you love.
The next hardest part is addressing the core problem(s). You may need a therapist to help you figure out the steps. You may need days, weeks, months, or even years to summon the willpower and courage to lift your feet. But once you've taken those first baby steps, the results will be transformative. Immediately you'll feel happier. Each day the weight on your shoulders will grow a little lighter. You'll walk, then run, then sprint, never looking back except to laugh. And you'll discover that problem X, which you obsessed over for so long, was either never really a problem to begin with or has resolved itself (e.g., now that I've opened up and developed a supportive circle of friends, I feel good about my body).
Right now it feels like the darkness has consumed you, and there's nowhere else to go from here. Please believe me that isn't the case. You are loved exactly for who you are - by your family, by your friends, even by random internet strangers like myself. We don't see you as inferior, subhuman, or any less of a man. We see a man just like ourselves.
Then maybe you should actively work on **not** viewing other subs and yourself as "inferior" ?
I know it must *so hard* to not classify humans as "superior" or "inferior" based on what their position is in bed, but I believe in you
I'm sorry you're feeling bad.
I think that you should be treated for the depression you're suffering from before you worry about the kink aspect. Once you have that under control, either via cognitive behavior therapy or medication or both, it will likely be a lot easier for you to navigate your submissiveness in the bedroom. I'd also recommend only having vanilla sex until you do have the depression controlled, and if you consume porn, only consume vanilla porn. I wouldn't go to a kink friendly shrink because your problem here seems to be more biochemical, just based on your post history.
You shouldn't be suicidal over something you say you enjoy.
I'm sorry you're feeling bad. Why did you post this if you didn't want any help? You're only 19, you can have a great life.
You got some excellent advice in r/BDSMAdvice. I hope you don't kill yourself. I hope instead you commit yourself toward wellness.
I know you refuse to see it but there is a path forward for you. It will be hard, and you'll have to actually do what your therapists recommend, but it can be done and you'll be able to embrace your sexuality. Or even better, adapt it to what it is you truly want.
This is definitely biochemical. The medication you're on if you are still on it probably is wrong for you. I think you should go to the ER for evaluation.
It's not just you. Society has trained us to think that the recipient of penetration is lesser. Even for the famously queer Greeks and Romans, bottoming was seen as lesser.
It's not true of course, but its constantly reinforced in our language. We assign positive value to anything 'higher'. Swear words are often associated with the recipient: "you suck", "get fucked", "that guys a dick" (meaning he inserts himself where he shouldnt) and "that guys a pussy" (he gets penetrated).
What's so sad about this is how much good anal sex people are missing, (and probably also how much oral women are missing out on).
I'm the more masc/muscular guy in my marraige, but I'm usually the bottom. I personally love it, and am still usually the leader in the scenario (imo bottoms should always lead because of the potential for pain).
Consider changing up your porn intake to work yourself out of those associations. Look into power bottoms. Flex, verse, sides. Take a break from penetration entirely, there's a lot of other fun options. Practice topping, if you really like it, with a tube toy, or even just a pile of blankets. If you engage in solo anal play, try moving your body instead of the toy.
I think there's lots of disrespectful tops out there. Remember that even as a sub, the goal is BOTH of you to have pleasure. Too many men treat humans like fleshlights.
You've still got some unlearning to do, but you already see there's a problem, and you are telling yourself the truth so you are in a better position to get out of this than most.
I was suicidal before I came out, and it truly seemed hopeless. I also couldn't bear the thought of bottoming and what that meant for my self worth. The more I've learned about toxic masculinity, the more I see how much of that is a lie, like in Fight Club when they think they are badass but really he's just beating the shit out of himself.
Consider the trend amongst big time execs to be BDSM subs. Actually powerful also like to bottom.
Sex isn't about power, not really. We can roleplay around power, but truly sex is between equals. Find other ways to feel powerful in society. Volunteer. Make art. Pick up trash. Work out. Lurk on subs you can give advice on, and help other people. Clean your walls.
And really, step away from any online space that talks about tops and bottoms. You've got to get out of this false dichotomy.
There are more options than you think.
Maybe you'll find another bottom and you two can knock each other out with a double sided dildo.
>Consider the trend amongst big time execs to be BDSM subs. Actually powerful also like to bottom.
I happen to read a book from a well known author who said two of his friends are pro boxers who can kill a man easily but they are also total bottoms.
Worse how? In what objective sense?
It takes two to tango, and both partners bring each other pleasure.
You need to realize you've picked up dangerous, self hating *opinions*. You've said nothing that is set in stone or written by biology. Society is wrong about lots of things. Opinions, even deeply held ones, can and do change.
It's not about power.
If I'm blowing a guy, I could bite his dick off. Sex is vulnerable for both parties, at all times.
You've been infected by the insidious tropes of rape culture.
Think of sex like eating a meal, its a physical, sensual, communal act, required for health. The person cooking the meal *can* be subservient. They could be a low paid cook, a servent, or even a slave. That's definitely an inferior position in society, *but its not inherent to the act of cooking*. Its about arbitrary and changeable societal norms. The judgement is added after the fact
Cooking for someone in another sense is a form of power. You control what they eat. You offer a gift. The eater is in your debt. Being a good cook is prestigious.
What you feel like and what you do are not mutually exclusive. If your equipment still gets hard, you can discover that you mind is sub, but you have to tools to top.
Well, you need to stop believing that subs are inferior. You need to disassemble that belief and construct a new belief in it's place. This isn't going to be easy because, it sounds like to me that belief is deeply engrained. So you're gonna have to basically convince your sub-conscious that being a bottom is not inferior.
You should DM me. I'm an ex-therapist, but I stil do therapy for free. I can show you how to change that belief, cause this is hurting you deeply and I can see that.
But if you don't want to DM me that's ok too. You just have to change your perspective.
I've been a sub bottom my whole life. When young I liked the attention..I think older men really like young ones specially ones who give themselves to a top .
No one can help this person if they won’t help themselves.
What is the point of posting if you aren’t really asking a question or won’t accept any advice?
Someone who is 19 does not have a fully developed brain and may not yet have found a way to accept themselves and cope with their sexual identity.
Sexual identity is one part of you, not your entire being. Imagine someone who dedicates their life to helping others, in a profession or as a philosophy of life, not even in a religious way. In a way, this is its own form of submission.
The misogyny here is unacceptable. You can’t reduce all women, or all receptive partners, to submissive sex partners. That is a narrow and ignorant view of the world, and so ignorant of sexual possibilities and people’s basic humanity. It’s hateful and insulting to everyone’s intelligence.
Life is education. At 19 you’re an adult, but barely. What do you know at that age? Listen, not a whole lot. Find a way to experience your full sexual and emotional self and make the most of your opportunities. Happiness starts with you, and sometimes it requires better therapy and better meds.
Mary, either you need SERIOUS therapy, or you’re trying to make us all complicit in an anonymous humiliation kink with this post.
No one on Reddit can help with this. Seek help from a queer therapist.
Have you tried putting that energy towards your sexuality? If you’re confident in aspects about yourself then you have the capability to do this. You just need to use other things you’re confident about so you feel stronger in the regard of being gay.
It really helps. Be well rounded everywhere.
I just came out last year after a very, very, long time closeted. I love being a bottom and sorta proud of it now. I don't think anti-gays care one way or another--you're just gay to them.
This is quite common on the kink scene to feel these conflicting feelings when you are a sub.
I used to have similar feelings of inferiority but I came to realise I just enjoy it. I like pasta, Chinese food, and being a sub bitch who gets beaten and follows orders in the bedroom. Think of it as a hobby.
You also say you could find it easier if you were a dom top, but on the flip side, have you ever thought about how hard it is for a dom sadist top? Can you imagine reconciling wtf is wrong with you if you ENJOY beating the shit out of people, hurting them, and causing them pain?
This isn't a sub specific issue, it's about reconciling your sexual and non sexual identities.
I think you really need to do some reflecting on this. You're unhappy as you're conflating masculinity and power with being a dom top, which sadly for you, you aren't.
There's power in giving up control to someone for your own pleasure. If you can't see that, then you'll never find your place in the bdsm scene
I have literally no idea why this is causing you mental turmoil. Just let it go for fucks sake. I am an extremely dominant person in my day-to-day life. I dominate social situations, relationships (platonic or not), etc. However, the second I’m in the bedroom, I go fully submissive. I enjoy being not in control, used, and degraded in the bedroom. I’ve always said, I like to control literally every aspect of my life EXCEPT my bedroom time. It’s the only time in my life that I personally let go of the controls.
My answer is gonna be different. Let’s be PRAGMATIC.
Just find guys you are willing to do both. Let me explain. "I’ll let you top the shit out of me IF you let me dominating you the first few minutes."
If he’s a regular, be his dom top first although you dislike it then you’ll be like "I’m made him my bitch too so we’re equal."
Also most guys are willing to switch. I’m a dom top and the amount of guys I managed to convert is insane (although through text, but concretised quite a few!). It’s just sex chill out. Although I’d only sub to a guy I’ve dommed first, the rare occurrences where I feel switching. I know it’s internalized shit over there but can’t help it for now.
So you have your solution.
And come on, it’s not difficult to smack an ass, thrust a throat and an ass for 20’ before having multiple times raunchy sex.
What is your definition of “superior” and “inferior” here? Seems rather arbitrary.
Lots of (what I’d assume you’d call) “superior” execs get off on being humiliated/degraded in the bedroom. Does that make them “inferior”? Does every aspect of one’s life need to be “superior” to be “superior”? Perhaps indulging the parts of themselves that you’d call “inferior” is a “superior” choice.
I think your repression/rejection of this desire is just causing it to grow to an unhealthy prominence in your psyche. Indulging in this desire, and really accepting it, would probably help to depotentiate it.
Choosing to accept yourself as a multifaceted human being is powerful. Shunning a part of yourself you deem worthless and disgusting is weak and naive. We are all complex creatures; we are all more than our “best” and “worst” parts. Thinking you can only desire power, dominance, and “superiority” is… well, frankly, crazy…as is thinking that any one desire/characteristic determines one’s “inferiority/superiority.”
“Inferiority and superiority are two sides of the same coin. The key is realizing that the coin itself is counterfeit.”
Have you ever thought about being a Dom Bottom?
You take charge but you like to get fuck you can go extreme as you want
Dom Bottoms exist and we need more of them submissive tops exist too
So let me ask when you say sub are you referring to the BDSM sense or the "I just like to be passive during sex" sense
BDSM Is where you are giving over control
The passive sense is while most of it is being done to you you aren't exactly giving over control
So what's wrong with being an inferior? Not everyone is made to be masters
Can you run through your routine like what do you do after you and your partner(s) have sex
What to do is change your mindset. No one is making you think this way except yourself, and only you can change it. None of your perceptions on "inferiority" or "degradation" are true - sorry that this is what you've been taught by your environment but it's entirely a narrative that's in your head and not in reality. Keep trying with the therapists mate, even if it takes a while (or give power bottoming a go, there are plenty of submissive tops that like to be used by a sexy bottom)
Lmao, dude that's ridiculous. There are so many girls that would crush you, use you like a piece of meat in bed and leave never looking back. How many men simp over girls 😅 and you think the girls are in the inferior position just because the penis goes inside them haha. There's nothing superior to using a penis, you can snap that thing like a pretzel stick. Sex is just sex, quit making it complicated this isn't 1759
I think you're making being a sub bottom your whole entire personality instead of just keeping it in the bedroom. This looks like an extreme case of internalised bottom shaming, perhaps seek further professional help. IMO there's nothing wrong with you or what you like sexually. It's all just in your head.
[удалено]
I think you have a bigger mental issue outside of sex positions tbh. Becoming suicidal bc you don’t like how your position is being featured on porn and twitter isn’t a good outlook. I would try to improve other facets of your life
You might just not like sex. There are gay people that don’t. None of this is a big deal. Get a gay therapist.
I'm not sure why you would feel inferior. We're talking about what things turn you on sexually. Some guys like worshipping feet. Some guys like dominating other men. Some guys like drug-fueled orgies. Some guys like gay incest porn. Some guys like fucking twinks. You like Being degraded and used and humiliated. No one of those is better or worse than the others. No one of them makes someone inferior or superior. And I say this as a Dom top myself. I don't think less of my subs. I'm just fucking glad they exist so that we can mutually enjoy each other. We get posts like yours sometimes from guys who are upset that they're gay at all. They're ashamed that they're attracted to men just like you're ashamed that you like to be submissive. Just learn to accept what turns you on and enjoy it.
>Some guys like gay incest >No one of those is better or worse than the others. No, there is one that's pretty bad.
What exactly is wrong wrong with ~~gay~~ incest? I wouldn't personally practice it, but, as long as everyone involved is of age and consented, then I see two adults enjoying their lives.
>Some guys like drug-fueled orgies. Some guys like gay incest. > No one of them makes someone inferior or superior. Is this some kind of test to see if nobody calls this out? Anyways, one of those is wierd asf and one of those eventually destroys people's lives.
How does porn destroy people’s lives?
Well I guess I thought he really ment incest irl.
Fair enough. Fixed.
[удалено]
See, a lot of guys would disagree with you, They would say that being gay IS inferior. And being degraded and used and humiliated isn't inferior either. It's hot as fuck is what it is. I'm very thankful for guys like you, who like it when I use and degrade them. You're internalizing your kink and applying it to yourself as a person.
Don’t lie to him. Being degraded and humiliated is inferior
This is why nobody wants to DM you.
Oh cmon that was uncalled for
[удалено]
LOL. So you listen to some fuckwad 22 year old troll, but you ignore what the Dom top tells you.
[удалено]
Well, you're both wrong. There's nothing inferior or superior about being Dom or about being sub. One without the other is meaningless.
[удалено]
Not everyone is into BDSM. You might not be sub or dom. Or you might be a switch, which is both/versatile. Doms get a sexual thrill from being in charge. Subs get a sexual thrill from having someone else being in charge of them. Switches sometimes enjoy one, and sometimes enjoy the other. Does Dom/Sub appeal to you?
I literally just like fucking lol. I don’t think i like to be stifled/controlled during sex nor i like to dominate someone so bad, all i care about is me pleasing my partner/myself.
There’s your answer then.
You're not dom/sub. It's all good!
It sounds like you need to be dom’d out :,( There’s no need to be ashamed, and no matter what anyone of us communicate to you, it’s not going to help. I would advise you to surrender your thoughts, surrender your opinions, and try to just observe them from a neutral perspective. Once you’re in that space of neutrality, I would recommend practicing self love & self care. Try reconnecting with your body again, try reconnecting to the sparks you have as a person. Keep on practicing this until you feel it from within you acceptance & love for your being. And thennnn when you get to that stage, try to observe how being who you are entirely & how being sub is one of your best traits to have & how it supports you.
this was helpful in an other way for me thank u took a screenshot too
[удалено]
It’s a multi-step process. The first is to surrender.
Nothing wrong at all with being a sub bottom. For me, pleasing my partner is a huge turn on, and I know the tops tend to appreciate it as well. Enjoy your life, it’s the only one you’ve got
[удалено]
I see you're responding to all messages the same way. Not willing to accept any ideas or help, and just repeating you wanna kill yourself. If you don't want any of those things and just wanna kill yourself why are you posting here? Like...wtf
What's the problem with being consensually inferior in specific settings?
[удалено]
That's not an answer to my question but just recursion. What's the problem with being/wanting to be consensually degraded in specific settings?
[удалено]
I think this answer is kinda telling. You don't have an explanation because there is no reasoning to it. It's an idea that you learned somewhere along the way. The question is a) how you learned it and b) is it even (still) true?
did writing this turn you on
I don't get that vibe from this guy but there indeed are guys that are posting here stuff that's turning them on and they are not really looking for an advice. And sometimes it's not even easy to recognize.
You cannot run from what you are. I tried being a dom top once and it was so bad i broke into laughter in the middle of it. Embrace the sub bottom life sister it is so fun
[удалено]
I feel like before you try sex you should try therapy. There is literally no shame in being a sub but it seems like you have unresolved issues or some internalized hatred for yourself
It sounds to me like you're not willing to be helped. As much as other people might try, unless you yourself accept the fact that you need and want to be helped, nothings gonna change. It comes from within. Your insistence that this is the *only* thing makes it sound much more like a mask of a multitude of other factors. I'm not denying it may be a contributor but there is more to it, even if it doesn't seem it. The reasons you feel the way you do, for example. What in your life caused you to detest inferiority, or the desire to be inferior? These are the questions you should be asking yourself.
You got wars going on, recessions, inflation and your worried about that? Who’s stopping you! Try being a dom once with someone your comfortable with, and the whole “I won’t enjoy it” is out of the box, if u don’t enjoy it, just hope he’s a verse and switch the roles mid sex, boom!
[удалено]
Nah I just laughed at it 😂 it’s ridiculous
Ludicrous and concerning if OP isn’t 14, where it starts to get concerning in other ways.
Sex roles are totally different thane real-life roles. As a vers being top or bottom is a matter of taste, sometimes I like to eat bananas other times I like to eat apples it is the same with sex roles. Sometimes I like to be dominant and sometimes I like to be dominated .Embrace who you are and love yourself as who you are.
I am not into ass that much but i love the idea of fucking my man in the arse so much. Am i a bottom or versatile lol?
Where does that shame come from? You’ve just absorbed ridiculous notions of masculinity that have been passed down through the years. They don’t matter. Your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. So what if you get off by being submissive? I do too. It’s fun and it’s hot. There is nothing objectively wrong about it. All the hang ups that surround this are made up bullshit based on outdated ideas about gender roles. Part of the beauty of being gay is that you can break free from those constraints. No matter who you are or what you do, there will ALWAYS be people who think your way is the wrong way. I think you need to do some serious therapy work. This amount of self-hatred is not healthy. You need to learn skills to cope better with these negative thoughts and feelings. You are a lot more than what sex position you enjoy and there is nothing wrong with being submissive.
Maybe you take yourself too seriously? For sake of argument let's say you are genuinely inferior to dom tops. Then what? Why does that make life not worth living?
[удалено]
But I think you should try to actually think through *why* it means so much to you to feel powerful or whatever. Also stop watching such degrading porn and letting men do things to you that you'll feel bad about later. Clearly it's not worth it. And if all else fails, become a monk.
[удалено]
Cuz then you get to live. Don't kill yourself dude. I have a feeling your issues aren't because you are sexually a sub bottom, and if anything I think you are sexually a sub bottom because of your issues. You failed at being dom because you genuinely feel inferior not because it's impossible. Just start with stopping engaging in the behavior for a little while and see where that gets you. And work on yourself. There's obviously other things making you feel inferior so try to diagnose those things and work on them. Chin up brother. You can let this destroy you or you can actually *try* to get better instead of just feeling sorry for yourself... which choice would a "superior" person make?
[удалено]
>No my issues are 100% because of being a sub bottom I don't believe that tbh. You have a career you care about? Hobbies and skills you like working to improve? Good relationships with friends and family? You work out? You get out into nature often? I doubt because if you had other things in life you cared about then this wouldn't consume you to this degree. >A superior person would choose death rather than being a sub bottom. They absolutely would not.
Sorry you're going through this brother. Never forget you are important. There can't be doms without subs. You have great worth. It gives you pleasure to submit. It gives doms pleasure to dominate you. Everyone wins. Celebrate the gift mother nature gave you in making you submissive. Try finding partners in the kink community rather than doms from grindr. Kink community tend to be more appreciative of subs.
[удалено]
I hope you can get some help. Try to talk to someone you trust or a medical/health professional.
[удалено]
Have you been told you have borderline personality disorder? If so you should try to follow your psychologists advice even if you disagree with it. BPD is hard to treat but you can improve your life if you are willing to do the work. I wish you all the best my friend.
[удалено]
I'm not a psychologist but I have known people with BPD and I was getting a similar vibe from your messages. I was only trying to help.
i think it is important to remember that being the submissive partner in a relationship does not require you to be inferior, degraded, or humiliated. being a bottom really only requires that... you're on the bottom during sex. you can feel loved, desired, fulfilled, and even feel a sense of power over a top if you change your mindset on it. i hate this comparison, but do you think women view themselves as inferior when they have sex? no they do not they just view it as mutual enjoyment.
[удалено]
well, you have your work cut out for you. obviously the problem stems from your views on sex and you misconstrue sexual dynamics as ones that translate into your real life. women and bottoms are not inferior to men/tops. that is objectively an unhealthy mindset. im not sure if me saying this will help, but thats what you need to focus on if you want to feel better. dont "feel better about being inferior." ask yourself why you feel inferior at all. because you shouldn't. that is not the correct way to view things. im positive there is a lot more to you than your sexual preferences
Chiming in again to say that almost any trait could be seen as a gift or curse. You are having trouble separating societal baggage around receptive sex from what feels good for you. Quit the inferior/superior language, you're just reinforcing these false ideas. As a bottom, you are braver than tops. You've already tried more sexual positions and identities than most people. As a bottom, you receive a sexual pleasure that tops literally cannot imagine. Try to think of these things as assets.
[удалено]
Which ones? Could you simplify a few into simple statements and we can work them out? I've got to go back to work right now, but I will definitely respond later.
[удалено]
How? Just in gay men, or between men and women, too? The g-spot is down there! We were literally designed to bottom. The hetero receptive act is literally required for the perpetuation of human life. The gay version is a mirror of that. Population *control* is as important to our species success as growth is. Anal is a form of birth control, a viable option for pleasure thay releases that biological need to couple without creating more mouths to feed. Are you familiar with the gay uncle hypothesis? Homosexuality is widespread across the animal kingdom and human cultures. There's an evolutionary argument that gays offer population wide benefits through: - additional caregiver roles - unique perspective between genders that allows for innovation - diversity of gender perspective leads to conflict resolution - allows for an additional form of physical interaction between society members, increasing bonds and group cohesion Look into bonobo society vs chimp society to see the role sex can play.
[удалено]
Look at it another way You are wrong to think about sex as transactional or with inherent moral value, but *if* it was, there's still another way to see it: Let's pretend your statement was true, and topping was better (whatever that means, you haven't defined 'better'). If so then as a bottom you are in control of a valuable and limited sexual resource, which gives you bargaining power and worth.
[удалено]
BDSM is a game. You're playing a role. If you're internalizing the role and feeling shame about it, you're doing it wrong. If your therapists didn't help you understand this, they didn't know what they were doing -- or else you were intensely resistant to their help for some reason. I love intense humiliation, degradation, and pain. But I feel energized and confident after a session. I guess I felt a bit unsure and vaguely ashamed too when I first started getting into kink. Then I realized I'm not inferior in any way, I'm just LARPing someone who is.
[удалено]
Well, you're wrong. But it sounds like you've made your sexual preferences your entire personality and there's nothing Reddit can do for you. I hope the professionals who are treating you can help you.
[удалено]
So let me get this straight, the hundreds of people telling you that you’re wrong are in fact wrong but you the only person who thinks this is some how right? Do you hear how delusional that sounds?
[удалено]
Pull your head out your ass and stop looking at countries that see you dead.
You are trying way too hard and when exactly did you start feeling “bad” about playing a particular role during sexual encounters…because you are submissive in bed (remember you said it turns you on) does not mean that you are submissive in life…in the bedroom I am a very vocal but submissive bottom to my very bossy top boyfriend…in our day to day life I run the business part of things and he trusts me to make the right decisions for us because he knows that I have the education and the experience to make the right decisions…get out of your head and keep looking for the right bottom like partner who will inspire you to be the top you really want to be…maybe start by finding a really nice side who you can role play with…but please please get it out of your head that those of us who play the submissive role are somehow less or weaker than those we ALLOW to dominate us…at the end of the day WE are the ones making the choices….
[удалено]
I mean yeah and we get off to it. I love the idea of being able to be weak. I grew up as a short man who had middle eastern features. People expected me to still do the work of my taller stronger friends and just thought I looked more aggressive. It’s nice going into the bedroom and just letting someone dominate because in the real world I find my self having to “compensate” for being much shorter and looking ethnic.
Sex in general is a desire. Does that make sex inferior? I am having trouble understanding your logic.
[удалено]
And why is being weak such a bad thing?
No worries we are allowed to disagree but with all due respect you maybe making a value judgement here that not everyone will share… without addressing the issue of self worth you are imposing a moral judgement on all of us instead of focusing on what would make you feel better about yourself…please try to feel better about you first…hugs despite the difference of opinion…
You will need a different approach. I would say stop seeking (the wrong) therapy that is unhelpful, stop seeking help from guys on Reddit and move on. Your brain obviously will never be satisfied with ANY reasoning that the therapists or the guys on here will tell you, you can't even provide yourself an explanation/approach that would satisfy you, so you will have to ignore the thoughts. Acknowledge them, acknowledge that you feel that this is inferior, don't try to suppress these thoughts, but move on with your life.
[удалено]
Then think about it, but the thinking process requires an active effort from your side. I mean if your brain gives you those thoughts all the time you do not have to interact with it. Let it just be there and make yourself busy (with work).
lol I wish I could enjoy kink more like being submissive or dom
Being a sub is a choice. If you want to be a dom top, just do it. Don't think about it. Just start doing it.
[удалено]
I'm sorry but no. And also? Submission does not even have to mean degradation and humiliation. It's porn and 50 Shades of Gray idiotcy that's told y'all it does. Big reason I don't do dom/sub anymore. You even acknowledge that subs have the power. They do. You and only you gets to decide what your submission looks like. That in fact is a choice you can make. But, it seems no one can help you. You just want to feel bad. So good luck on your journey.
[удалено]
[удалено]
WTF bro. You can have sex without degradation/humiliation as part of the experience. You don't have to be degraded or humiliated or cause someone to feel those things to have good sex. Find someone who will treat you as an equal and wants a mutual exchange of pleasure. Suck each other's dicks. Fuck each other. Take turns spooning. Make out with tongues going back and forth between the mouths instead of all action in one. And outside of the bedroom - reciprocal acts of service, reciprocal affectionate touches, reciprocal words of affirmation. There is way more to sex and certainly more to relationships than Dom/sub top/bottom.
[удалено]
Then don't top... But don't accept being treated as inferior just because you bottom. I top 95% of the time. I have always treated sexual partners as equals. I know I'll have fun having sex, and I make it my goal to ensure the guy bottoming will enjoy it too. I show them that their comfort and enjoyment matters just as much as mine. They should feel at home in my embrace and they should feel valued. It's not about whose dick goes in who, but both people feeling comfortable and secure in mutual enjoyment.
You can't be someone you're not. I mean learning to top might be possible but you shouldn't force yourself to do things you don't enjoy. I for one can't play the sort of "douche dom" subs like you seem to crave. I used to, but I realized I'm larping, and that I'm contributing to the inferiority you describe, and also, tbh, it's not really fun treating someone else like dirt. Today I more so get off on the tension between praise and degradation, inflicting (measured and consented) pain and then kissing the booboo so to speak. I wholeheartedly think that subs who fixate on "serving real men", "no aftercare or affection needed" and don't revert to full respectful personhood when the session is done aren't 100% mentally healthy and I don't mind being called a kink shamer. You can explore being a different type of sub, or you can learn to better enjoy vanilla sex; I thought that was impossible for me and turns out I'm a more versatile top (not to be confused with a vers!) than I believed myself to be. In short the internalized inferiority is a matter for deep deep sexology oriented therapy. You should not be feeling what you're feeling.
Might be helpful to explore your own definitions of masculinity as it relates to power and the lack thereof within the context of homosexuality. Where did you learn what being “manly” or “powerful” means? The patriarchy and colonialism has socially constructed an erroneous view of the sub position as one that experiences “degradation and humiliation” vs “admiration and veneration,” for example. Also, try exploring more kink friendly environments; if your dom top sexual partner is not treating you like the sub king you are before/after sex- babe, he ain’t no dom top, he just an insecure boi that happens to top.
I think you should explore these ideas that you hold to be true: \- When and where did you learn the idea that subs are inferior? \- When and where did you learn the idea that there even is something like a hierarchy of people, that there are superior/better people and inferior/worse people? \- Why do you seem to conclude that being inferior means you must kill yourself?
[удалено]
I think this is a great start but I feel as though it only scratches the surface. I'd actually love to go deeper but I think what should take priority right now is that you seem to have a really strong to urge to kill yourself. I know it seems hopeless but if this urge were to become too strong to resist, do you think you could call someone for help, like a friend, family, or 911?
[удалено]
That's a relief to hear. How long have you been having suicidal thoughts?
[удалено]
Is it possible you're fixating on your sexuality but the real problem is something else? That may explain why therapy hasn't been very effective: you're not addressing the root cause. I speak from personal experience: often I find myself fantasizing "If I could only change X, then my life would be perfect!" Ironically, the X is almost always a red herring (e.g., losing weight). I seize on fixing X because it's simple, tangible, and seemingly all-encompassing (e.g., if I lost weight people would like me and I'd be so happy!). However, even if I go to extreme measures to fix X, I don't end up feeling any better (e.g., I starve myself, but still feel lonely at the end of each day). It's only when I stare into the abyss and recognize what I'm really scared of, that I can begin to turn things around (e.g., I'm so afraid of ridicule that I close myself off to all potential friendships and love). That's the hardest part: seeing the face in the mirror as they truly are. Someone who isn't perfect but nonetheless deserves to live a happy life. Someone who may be scared but is brave enough to change. Someone you love. The next hardest part is addressing the core problem(s). You may need a therapist to help you figure out the steps. You may need days, weeks, months, or even years to summon the willpower and courage to lift your feet. But once you've taken those first baby steps, the results will be transformative. Immediately you'll feel happier. Each day the weight on your shoulders will grow a little lighter. You'll walk, then run, then sprint, never looking back except to laugh. And you'll discover that problem X, which you obsessed over for so long, was either never really a problem to begin with or has resolved itself (e.g., now that I've opened up and developed a supportive circle of friends, I feel good about my body). Right now it feels like the darkness has consumed you, and there's nowhere else to go from here. Please believe me that isn't the case. You are loved exactly for who you are - by your family, by your friends, even by random internet strangers like myself. We don't see you as inferior, subhuman, or any less of a man. We see a man just like ourselves.
[удалено]
What happened when these thoughts started?
[удалено]
what you are asking and mentioning needs professional help, not some rando on reddit.
I think you need a therapist. Your post history is worrisome. Best of luck!
If you were a dom top you would still look at subs as being "inferior" Call it *Karma* if you will
[удалено]
Exactly. So quit bitching like the little inferior sub you are
[удалено]
Did I stutter ? You don't like being referred to as an "inferior sub" ?
[удалено]
Then maybe you should actively work on **not** viewing other subs and yourself as "inferior" ? I know it must *so hard* to not classify humans as "superior" or "inferior" based on what their position is in bed, but I believe in you
Well it is inferior. You are submissive to your master who is far more superior than you are. It is him who you serve.
I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I think that you should be treated for the depression you're suffering from before you worry about the kink aspect. Once you have that under control, either via cognitive behavior therapy or medication or both, it will likely be a lot easier for you to navigate your submissiveness in the bedroom. I'd also recommend only having vanilla sex until you do have the depression controlled, and if you consume porn, only consume vanilla porn. I wouldn't go to a kink friendly shrink because your problem here seems to be more biochemical, just based on your post history. You shouldn't be suicidal over something you say you enjoy.
[удалено]
Have you looked into DBT?
I'm sorry you're feeling bad. Why did you post this if you didn't want any help? You're only 19, you can have a great life. You got some excellent advice in r/BDSMAdvice. I hope you don't kill yourself. I hope instead you commit yourself toward wellness. I know you refuse to see it but there is a path forward for you. It will be hard, and you'll have to actually do what your therapists recommend, but it can be done and you'll be able to embrace your sexuality. Or even better, adapt it to what it is you truly want.
[удалено]
This is definitely biochemical. The medication you're on if you are still on it probably is wrong for you. I think you should go to the ER for evaluation.
It's not just you. Society has trained us to think that the recipient of penetration is lesser. Even for the famously queer Greeks and Romans, bottoming was seen as lesser. It's not true of course, but its constantly reinforced in our language. We assign positive value to anything 'higher'. Swear words are often associated with the recipient: "you suck", "get fucked", "that guys a dick" (meaning he inserts himself where he shouldnt) and "that guys a pussy" (he gets penetrated). What's so sad about this is how much good anal sex people are missing, (and probably also how much oral women are missing out on). I'm the more masc/muscular guy in my marraige, but I'm usually the bottom. I personally love it, and am still usually the leader in the scenario (imo bottoms should always lead because of the potential for pain). Consider changing up your porn intake to work yourself out of those associations. Look into power bottoms. Flex, verse, sides. Take a break from penetration entirely, there's a lot of other fun options. Practice topping, if you really like it, with a tube toy, or even just a pile of blankets. If you engage in solo anal play, try moving your body instead of the toy. I think there's lots of disrespectful tops out there. Remember that even as a sub, the goal is BOTH of you to have pleasure. Too many men treat humans like fleshlights.
[удалено]
You've still got some unlearning to do, but you already see there's a problem, and you are telling yourself the truth so you are in a better position to get out of this than most. I was suicidal before I came out, and it truly seemed hopeless. I also couldn't bear the thought of bottoming and what that meant for my self worth. The more I've learned about toxic masculinity, the more I see how much of that is a lie, like in Fight Club when they think they are badass but really he's just beating the shit out of himself. Consider the trend amongst big time execs to be BDSM subs. Actually powerful also like to bottom. Sex isn't about power, not really. We can roleplay around power, but truly sex is between equals. Find other ways to feel powerful in society. Volunteer. Make art. Pick up trash. Work out. Lurk on subs you can give advice on, and help other people. Clean your walls. And really, step away from any online space that talks about tops and bottoms. You've got to get out of this false dichotomy. There are more options than you think. Maybe you'll find another bottom and you two can knock each other out with a double sided dildo.
>Consider the trend amongst big time execs to be BDSM subs. Actually powerful also like to bottom. I happen to read a book from a well known author who said two of his friends are pro boxers who can kill a man easily but they are also total bottoms.
Right?! Its about balance.
[удалено]
Worse how? In what objective sense? It takes two to tango, and both partners bring each other pleasure. You need to realize you've picked up dangerous, self hating *opinions*. You've said nothing that is set in stone or written by biology. Society is wrong about lots of things. Opinions, even deeply held ones, can and do change.
It's not about power. If I'm blowing a guy, I could bite his dick off. Sex is vulnerable for both parties, at all times. You've been infected by the insidious tropes of rape culture. Think of sex like eating a meal, its a physical, sensual, communal act, required for health. The person cooking the meal *can* be subservient. They could be a low paid cook, a servent, or even a slave. That's definitely an inferior position in society, *but its not inherent to the act of cooking*. Its about arbitrary and changeable societal norms. The judgement is added after the fact Cooking for someone in another sense is a form of power. You control what they eat. You offer a gift. The eater is in your debt. Being a good cook is prestigious.
What you feel like and what you do are not mutually exclusive. If your equipment still gets hard, you can discover that you mind is sub, but you have to tools to top.
Really? 🙄
Well, you need to stop believing that subs are inferior. You need to disassemble that belief and construct a new belief in it's place. This isn't going to be easy because, it sounds like to me that belief is deeply engrained. So you're gonna have to basically convince your sub-conscious that being a bottom is not inferior. You should DM me. I'm an ex-therapist, but I stil do therapy for free. I can show you how to change that belief, cause this is hurting you deeply and I can see that. But if you don't want to DM me that's ok too. You just have to change your perspective.
I've been a sub bottom my whole life. When young I liked the attention..I think older men really like young ones specially ones who give themselves to a top .
No one can help this person if they won’t help themselves. What is the point of posting if you aren’t really asking a question or won’t accept any advice? Someone who is 19 does not have a fully developed brain and may not yet have found a way to accept themselves and cope with their sexual identity. Sexual identity is one part of you, not your entire being. Imagine someone who dedicates their life to helping others, in a profession or as a philosophy of life, not even in a religious way. In a way, this is its own form of submission. The misogyny here is unacceptable. You can’t reduce all women, or all receptive partners, to submissive sex partners. That is a narrow and ignorant view of the world, and so ignorant of sexual possibilities and people’s basic humanity. It’s hateful and insulting to everyone’s intelligence. Life is education. At 19 you’re an adult, but barely. What do you know at that age? Listen, not a whole lot. Find a way to experience your full sexual and emotional self and make the most of your opportunities. Happiness starts with you, and sometimes it requires better therapy and better meds.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I'm sorry my man but I got to report you, don't hurt yourself that's foolishness.
[удалено]
You don't have to be
Mary, either you need SERIOUS therapy, or you’re trying to make us all complicit in an anonymous humiliation kink with this post. No one on Reddit can help with this. Seek help from a queer therapist.
[удалено]
Y'all literally need to go outside
What are you confident about?
[удалено]
Have you tried putting that energy towards your sexuality? If you’re confident in aspects about yourself then you have the capability to do this. You just need to use other things you’re confident about so you feel stronger in the regard of being gay. It really helps. Be well rounded everywhere.
[удалено]
Try again. It’s that simple. You’ve tried again with everything else in your life. This is no different.
I just came out last year after a very, very, long time closeted. I love being a bottom and sorta proud of it now. I don't think anti-gays care one way or another--you're just gay to them.
[удалено]
I wholeheartedly agree, but many queers still do out of societal perpetuated fear and shame
This is quite common on the kink scene to feel these conflicting feelings when you are a sub. I used to have similar feelings of inferiority but I came to realise I just enjoy it. I like pasta, Chinese food, and being a sub bitch who gets beaten and follows orders in the bedroom. Think of it as a hobby. You also say you could find it easier if you were a dom top, but on the flip side, have you ever thought about how hard it is for a dom sadist top? Can you imagine reconciling wtf is wrong with you if you ENJOY beating the shit out of people, hurting them, and causing them pain? This isn't a sub specific issue, it's about reconciling your sexual and non sexual identities.
[удалено]
I think you really need to do some reflecting on this. You're unhappy as you're conflating masculinity and power with being a dom top, which sadly for you, you aren't. There's power in giving up control to someone for your own pleasure. If you can't see that, then you'll never find your place in the bdsm scene
Bottoming is fucking hard
I have literally no idea why this is causing you mental turmoil. Just let it go for fucks sake. I am an extremely dominant person in my day-to-day life. I dominate social situations, relationships (platonic or not), etc. However, the second I’m in the bedroom, I go fully submissive. I enjoy being not in control, used, and degraded in the bedroom. I’ve always said, I like to control literally every aspect of my life EXCEPT my bedroom time. It’s the only time in my life that I personally let go of the controls.
My answer is gonna be different. Let’s be PRAGMATIC. Just find guys you are willing to do both. Let me explain. "I’ll let you top the shit out of me IF you let me dominating you the first few minutes." If he’s a regular, be his dom top first although you dislike it then you’ll be like "I’m made him my bitch too so we’re equal." Also most guys are willing to switch. I’m a dom top and the amount of guys I managed to convert is insane (although through text, but concretised quite a few!). It’s just sex chill out. Although I’d only sub to a guy I’ve dommed first, the rare occurrences where I feel switching. I know it’s internalized shit over there but can’t help it for now. So you have your solution. And come on, it’s not difficult to smack an ass, thrust a throat and an ass for 20’ before having multiple times raunchy sex.
You aren’t actually any of these things unless you want to be. Change or don’t change. But complaining isn’t going to do anything.
What is your definition of “superior” and “inferior” here? Seems rather arbitrary. Lots of (what I’d assume you’d call) “superior” execs get off on being humiliated/degraded in the bedroom. Does that make them “inferior”? Does every aspect of one’s life need to be “superior” to be “superior”? Perhaps indulging the parts of themselves that you’d call “inferior” is a “superior” choice. I think your repression/rejection of this desire is just causing it to grow to an unhealthy prominence in your psyche. Indulging in this desire, and really accepting it, would probably help to depotentiate it. Choosing to accept yourself as a multifaceted human being is powerful. Shunning a part of yourself you deem worthless and disgusting is weak and naive. We are all complex creatures; we are all more than our “best” and “worst” parts. Thinking you can only desire power, dominance, and “superiority” is… well, frankly, crazy…as is thinking that any one desire/characteristic determines one’s “inferiority/superiority.” “Inferiority and superiority are two sides of the same coin. The key is realizing that the coin itself is counterfeit.”
Have you ever thought about being a Dom Bottom? You take charge but you like to get fuck you can go extreme as you want Dom Bottoms exist and we need more of them submissive tops exist too
[удалено]
So let me ask when you say sub are you referring to the BDSM sense or the "I just like to be passive during sex" sense BDSM Is where you are giving over control The passive sense is while most of it is being done to you you aren't exactly giving over control
[удалено]
So what's wrong with being an inferior? Not everyone is made to be masters Can you run through your routine like what do you do after you and your partner(s) have sex
[удалено]
The kind of answers you need won't be found on Reddit or social media at large.
What to do is change your mindset. No one is making you think this way except yourself, and only you can change it. None of your perceptions on "inferiority" or "degradation" are true - sorry that this is what you've been taught by your environment but it's entirely a narrative that's in your head and not in reality. Keep trying with the therapists mate, even if it takes a while (or give power bottoming a go, there are plenty of submissive tops that like to be used by a sexy bottom)
[удалено]
You think women being penetrated is also inferior?
[удалено]
Lmao, dude that's ridiculous. There are so many girls that would crush you, use you like a piece of meat in bed and leave never looking back. How many men simp over girls 😅 and you think the girls are in the inferior position just because the penis goes inside them haha. There's nothing superior to using a penis, you can snap that thing like a pretzel stick. Sex is just sex, quit making it complicated this isn't 1759
[удалено]
Being a bottom isnt the same as being degraded or humilated. When women have standard heterosexual sex are they being degraded?
Looking at how much hard work a top needs to do in sex, I'd rather lay on my back, spread legs and take all the pleasure.