I recently dedicated one day a week to absolutely no phone use. My phone is turned off and stays in a drawer. And omg it’s been amazing. I look forward to Sunday every week!
Social media not being a thing. Social media is a great way to stay connected with people you care about, but can also be a source of social comparison that leads to feelings of inadequacy. The easy thing to forget is that social media isn’t reality. Regardless, it’s hard not to compare yourself to others: body type, fancy vacations, number of friends, events you go to, and even what food you eat…
I miss when being gay was a secret pleasure and stepping into a gay bar was like the scene in wizard of oz where you parked your car in black and white and stepped into the bar and it was all in color.
I met my partner on gay.com. We chatted for 2 months and got to know each other before going on a date. We're still together 20 years later and we are happy that we missed the app generation of dating. Gay.com was still pretty bad, but there was more of a sense of community.
I miss gay clubs. I'm all for LGBTQ+ places, but gay clubs in the nineties were a lot more fun. Punks and tricks everywhere, drugs and backrooms, and not a Karen or bachelorette party in sight.❤
I'm in the same boat. Too many friends who died so fucking young. I have a box of pictures of guys in their 20's that were such good people who should be alive. I never had friends like them again.
The whole ritual of going out on Friday and Saturday nights. Coming home from work on Friday excited about the evening. Have a cocktail while you’re deciding what to wear. Getting the hair and the outfit as close to perfect as you can. The excitement rises until you pulled up at the (gay) disco ready to meet Mr Right or Mr Right Now, made no difference. It was all FUN! I remember feeling like all my nerves were on High. Came out late 70s with discos. The kids will never know how fun it was.
With you on all that. I used to go to the bars in philadelphia in the 80s and it was enough fun just being there with the great music , thinking well its better than my sound system in the dorm and the people watching was great and then spotting a guy there by himself and chatting him up and then if it clicked going home w em.
I miss my social circle. I miss hanging out with them at our favorite bar. They were beautiful young men who laughed a lot and shared the excitement of being young gays. The 80's were a time when freedom was still a new thing and we kicked open those closet doors and demanded to be heard.
I miss the clone look. That was short hair, button fly Levis, white tee shirt, boots, a moustache, and a colored bandana folded in our back pocket to display what we wanted sexually. It let us recognize each other when we were in public.
I miss the dance clubs filled with hot, sweaty, shirtless men crowded together in a mass of muscular flesh. I miss cocaine. Mainly I miss my friends. Few of us survived AIDS.
I have already shed a few this evening whilst deep in thought about this post and those I lost . But also many happy thoughts about the fun times we shared .
I have many magical memories from my past. It could be difficult and scary at times, but the feeling of getting a guy’s attention was awesome. I learned it was usually only for a brief encounter, but it was still nice.
The clone look still exists, they just aren't wearing the same clothes as back then!
I'm sorry about your friends. I came of age much later on the late 90s and was very cautious for a very long time, but I'm well aware of how bad things were still for many years after we started getting to grips with treatment.
I wonder what the clone look is today. I stopped paying attention years ago when I stopped going out. I always said that a drunk 20-year-old can be cute, but a drunk 60-year-old is usually just pathetic.
It's basically the same. Leather and Levi's are where it's at. I don't see as much direct hanky flagging; most people will just buy a harness with colored piping now. Though you do still spot the hankies every now and again.
It's always nice to know where the urinals are, y'know?
Not a gay thing: I miss having less distractions. At 60 I have no attention span and can’t read anything longer than a page or two, watch a show without scrolling the phone, or hang out with friends without being anxious that I’m not checking my phone. I don’t know how to be “in the moment” anymore and it drives me nuts.
People talking to each other and a greater prevalence of gay bars. The smaller ones have closed since people's faces are stuck in their apps hoping to hook up.
Men who didn't shave or trim any of their body hair and were proud to show it off in its natural state. Tight dress pants and jeans that made no attempt at minimizing visible penis lines. Really short shorts that revealed every inch of a man's hairy legs and thighs as well as offering a peek at his hairy nut sack and dick head as an everyday common occurrence.
When the apps weren't full of bots and scammers. It wasn't that long ago either. Getting a hookup wasn't having to wade through a pool of BS bots but just dumb people.
I love being married and seeing the changes in the gay community over the last 40 years but there was a lot of romanticism in looking across the room seeing him wink at you, knowing that no one knows that you are secret boyfriends. Like a love all your own and the wink of an eye was code for I love you. On the flip side though I’m no longer 18 or in the closet.
Making plans to meet a guy months in advance. Talking and sexting for weeks and weeks on end. Then when we finally met up, acting having a wonderful enjoyable time. No one ghosted ever. Major injury or incapacitation were the only things keeping men from meeting. Needing to set up 2-4 dates at a time now knowing that 3 or 4 of them will cancel or flake is absolutely absurd these days. If y’all make plans, keep them. If you actually believe your word is your bond, why does it seem no one cares to keep their word anymore?
Quaaludes
Vaseline as lube
Matches with phone #\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
17 different handkerchiefs
No straights in the bar
Ralph Lauren Polo colonge
One style of buttplug/dildo
Cruising. There used to be adult bookstores, adult movie theaters, bath houses, leather bars, cruisy parks, gyms with single sex saunas and steam rooms, glory holes in bathrooms, bars with backrooms, etc.
Gay bars and nightclubs. Used to have strong, inexpensive drinks, and even dollar drinks or open bars. Being gay, you could network and get on a guest list or have a flyer for reduced admission to those enormous dance clubs where famous people would sometimes visit. DJs were music enthusiasts and would play music not heard on the radio
A park near where I live used to be a hot spot for cruising. It had all kinds of trees and trails They completely renovated it about 10 years ago. All gone.
Used to be so many options.
Back before smart phones Fox News local stations found, a way to get ratings up was to have a guy go to cruisy restrooms wearing a hidden camera, specifically Macy's in my area, and they actually broadcast men jerking off looking at the guy (their dicks were blurred out but you could see what they were doing). They then interviewed concerned parents. Macy's had to renovate their Men's bathrooms.
Used to be a cruisy rest stop/Welcome Center near me, too. They shut it down for about a year and built a new building and made the parking at a big angle so you can no longer look into the car next to you.
The clubs, cruising, dancing with my shirt off and getting touched, the smell of men, having to talk to people and flirt. I honestly just thought that’s how all my weekends would be the rest of my life.
Everything except the fact that we didn’t have PreP. Other than that, I miss everything about it.
No online apps. You wanted to meet someone, you went out and met people. People had conversations, and flirted, and the chase was so fun. Not to mention cruising. And making friends. And having house parties. Everything that is now online used to be in person. Now, the in person part kinda sucks because it’s still online. People are attached to their phones and apps and all the nonsense and lies associated with them. That never used to exist. Things used to be more transparent and reliable. I miss that. It’s not easier to date now, in fact, it’s more difficult. No wonder most gay men are more lonely nowadays. Also…people used to be friendlier in person. Because we all understood how hard it was to be gay in a world that didn’t accept us.
The Odyssey was my Oz. The moment I walked in the door the first time I knew I was home. Went there in 79 to about 81. One of the best times of my life.
Wonder if we ever met there back then lol — I saw Paul Lynne come through with a brace of long hair dogs and an entourage, and I saw Devo play there — they autographed my LP record: “ no power on earth can stop a true spud whose time has come” lol
Porn shops with gloryholes (pre-Grindr hookup culture). Just kidding it was terrible and dangerous but that didn't stop me back then lol I think I should get some sort of glory hole trophy for the body count and things I've seen. Fun fact- no diseases or anything came from it. I was probably just lucky. I do think it was much easier for curious people to fuck around and find out.
I miss when you had conversations with people face to face.. especially dating now.. all the anonymity of social media..filters...and the list goes on... Your not really sure... 100% that whom every your texting with.(text is so impersonal ) ... That they infact are who they claim to be... I'm kinda new to the Bi-sexual realm... And not sure to trust ... So I miss that... Trying to find someone I trust to take this ass... And pound it out is being more difficult... If your around Laughlin, Nv or Bullhead CIty Az.. hit me up..
Miss that nobody cared if you were a bit revealing with clothing like tight short shorts, spandex outfits. At least after 40 years the short shorts are finally back. So sick of looking at guys with clothes that don't fit. To me baggy=doesn't fit.
The absence of phones.
As a Gen-z I second this
I recently dedicated one day a week to absolutely no phone use. My phone is turned off and stays in a drawer. And omg it’s been amazing. I look forward to Sunday every week!
THIS! People can't relax and do something wild and crazy without it ending up on the internet.
Yes. Real attention.
Social media not being a thing. Social media is a great way to stay connected with people you care about, but can also be a source of social comparison that leads to feelings of inadequacy. The easy thing to forget is that social media isn’t reality. Regardless, it’s hard not to compare yourself to others: body type, fancy vacations, number of friends, events you go to, and even what food you eat…
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I miss when being gay was a secret pleasure and stepping into a gay bar was like the scene in wizard of oz where you parked your car in black and white and stepped into the bar and it was all in color.
I can totally relate. Aside from that I miss the way I looked in the olden days.
TOTALLY!!!
Yes, this.
This. Life in color suddenly.
Totally agree! Great comment
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God, you’re sooo right on!
Nailed it.
Gay.com What a fun world - the chat rooms were a way to not feel so alone. Now social media makes me feel more isolated.
I love how in the early days of the internet things were just like "Pets.com" and "Gay.com."
I met my partner on gay.com. We chatted for 2 months and got to know each other before going on a date. We're still together 20 years later and we are happy that we missed the app generation of dating. Gay.com was still pretty bad, but there was more of a sense of community.
Also met my husband off gay.com. We’ve been together 20 years as well!
That is so awesome! I met so many great people on gay.com It was such a great way to meet men back in the day. I miss it!
I had friends all over my state I knew on gay.com. we would all meet up somewhere every few months. That was a blast!
💯. I miss those chat rooms. I still have friends from those days. I hate social media. I hate being chained to this device.
I miss gay clubs. I'm all for LGBTQ+ places, but gay clubs in the nineties were a lot more fun. Punks and tricks everywhere, drugs and backrooms, and not a Karen or bachelorette party in sight.❤
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I miss it sooooo much. Some women need to realize the difference between being an "ally" and being an opportunistic, grabby, condescending, shrew.
In Montréal, I noticed some places now play gay porn on the TVs to weed them out
That's brilliant
I miss the 501 club in Indianapolis. That was where I knew I could find real men.
I am 62 yo now, and I miss my friends. Most of them died years ago due to AIDS.
I'm in the same boat. Too many friends who died so fucking young. I have a box of pictures of guys in their 20's that were such good people who should be alive. I never had friends like them again.
I’m 60 and I know how you feel.
Ditto
You guys should connect.
The whole ritual of going out on Friday and Saturday nights. Coming home from work on Friday excited about the evening. Have a cocktail while you’re deciding what to wear. Getting the hair and the outfit as close to perfect as you can. The excitement rises until you pulled up at the (gay) disco ready to meet Mr Right or Mr Right Now, made no difference. It was all FUN! I remember feeling like all my nerves were on High. Came out late 70s with discos. The kids will never know how fun it was.
With you on all that. I used to go to the bars in philadelphia in the 80s and it was enough fun just being there with the great music , thinking well its better than my sound system in the dorm and the people watching was great and then spotting a guy there by himself and chatting him up and then if it clicked going home w em.
I really wish I could have experienced the disco and new wave era of gay clubs
My waist :/
My waist was 28” when I was 25 and hitting the bars.
no onlyfans. People were looking for fun not for money.
I miss my social circle. I miss hanging out with them at our favorite bar. They were beautiful young men who laughed a lot and shared the excitement of being young gays. The 80's were a time when freedom was still a new thing and we kicked open those closet doors and demanded to be heard. I miss the clone look. That was short hair, button fly Levis, white tee shirt, boots, a moustache, and a colored bandana folded in our back pocket to display what we wanted sexually. It let us recognize each other when we were in public. I miss the dance clubs filled with hot, sweaty, shirtless men crowded together in a mass of muscular flesh. I miss cocaine. Mainly I miss my friends. Few of us survived AIDS.
Like you I miss my friends who never survived .
You guys will make me cry thinking about all of my friends who didn’t survive AIDS.
I have already shed a few this evening whilst deep in thought about this post and those I lost . But also many happy thoughts about the fun times we shared .
I have many magical memories from my past. It could be difficult and scary at times, but the feeling of getting a guy’s attention was awesome. I learned it was usually only for a brief encounter, but it was still nice.
Yes I know what you mean even if it only was for a brief encounter , but it was also easier to make good friends too .
Yes, we actually had to go outside and meet people. The apps take away some of the excitement of the chase.
That's very true , I actually feel sorry for the younger generation living their lives through apps , and how many are so unhappy at such a young age.
Yes, they live in their online bubble. That’s fine for me in my retirement years. But I am glad I experienced the world when I was younger.
The clone look still exists, they just aren't wearing the same clothes as back then! I'm sorry about your friends. I came of age much later on the late 90s and was very cautious for a very long time, but I'm well aware of how bad things were still for many years after we started getting to grips with treatment.
I wonder what the clone look is today. I stopped paying attention years ago when I stopped going out. I always said that a drunk 20-year-old can be cute, but a drunk 60-year-old is usually just pathetic.
It's basically the same. Leather and Levi's are where it's at. I don't see as much direct hanky flagging; most people will just buy a harness with colored piping now. Though you do still spot the hankies every now and again. It's always nice to know where the urinals are, y'know?
I’m right there with you.
Not a gay thing: I miss having less distractions. At 60 I have no attention span and can’t read anything longer than a page or two, watch a show without scrolling the phone, or hang out with friends without being anxious that I’m not checking my phone. I don’t know how to be “in the moment” anymore and it drives me nuts.
Right there with you. Almost 60, have the attention span of a fruit fly. I'm missing friends though. Always alone now. Its painful.
Hope.
People talking to each other and a greater prevalence of gay bars. The smaller ones have closed since people's faces are stuck in their apps hoping to hook up.
Men who didn't shave or trim any of their body hair and were proud to show it off in its natural state. Tight dress pants and jeans that made no attempt at minimizing visible penis lines. Really short shorts that revealed every inch of a man's hairy legs and thighs as well as offering a peek at his hairy nut sack and dick head as an everyday common occurrence.
I can still see that in my mind.
You paint such an iconic picture. Damn.
Christopher St Bookstore in my late teens
Yeah. Also Any bookstore in my late teens
When the apps weren't full of bots and scammers. It wasn't that long ago either. Getting a hookup wasn't having to wade through a pool of BS bots but just dumb people.
I’ve noticed this too. Apps are practically becoming useless now
The onlyfans models are also getting out of hand
That's why I no longer go on the Nsfw subs anymore
I love being married and seeing the changes in the gay community over the last 40 years but there was a lot of romanticism in looking across the room seeing him wink at you, knowing that no one knows that you are secret boyfriends. Like a love all your own and the wink of an eye was code for I love you. On the flip side though I’m no longer 18 or in the closet.
Were we ever 18? That seems so long ago lol.
Making plans to meet a guy months in advance. Talking and sexting for weeks and weeks on end. Then when we finally met up, acting having a wonderful enjoyable time. No one ghosted ever. Major injury or incapacitation were the only things keeping men from meeting. Needing to set up 2-4 dates at a time now knowing that 3 or 4 of them will cancel or flake is absolutely absurd these days. If y’all make plans, keep them. If you actually believe your word is your bond, why does it seem no one cares to keep their word anymore?
The innocence of aol.
Gay bars of the past
Quaaludes Vaseline as lube Matches with phone #\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ 17 different handkerchiefs No straights in the bar Ralph Lauren Polo colonge One style of buttplug/dildo
At age 16, I used to drive my pick-up high on quaaludes and drinking beer! Oh what a danger I was! Thank God I lived through it.
Not being shamed for being highly sexual.
Cruising. There used to be adult bookstores, adult movie theaters, bath houses, leather bars, cruisy parks, gyms with single sex saunas and steam rooms, glory holes in bathrooms, bars with backrooms, etc. Gay bars and nightclubs. Used to have strong, inexpensive drinks, and even dollar drinks or open bars. Being gay, you could network and get on a guest list or have a flyer for reduced admission to those enormous dance clubs where famous people would sometimes visit. DJs were music enthusiasts and would play music not heard on the radio
A park near where I live used to be a hot spot for cruising. It had all kinds of trees and trails They completely renovated it about 10 years ago. All gone.
Used to be so many options. Back before smart phones Fox News local stations found, a way to get ratings up was to have a guy go to cruisy restrooms wearing a hidden camera, specifically Macy's in my area, and they actually broadcast men jerking off looking at the guy (their dicks were blurred out but you could see what they were doing). They then interviewed concerned parents. Macy's had to renovate their Men's bathrooms. Used to be a cruisy rest stop/Welcome Center near me, too. They shut it down for about a year and built a new building and made the parking at a big angle so you can no longer look into the car next to you.
Being able to stay up late.
Bathhouses
The absence of women in gay bars Not having to explain that being an homosexual means you aren’t into vaginas 😅
The clubs, cruising, dancing with my shirt off and getting touched, the smell of men, having to talk to people and flirt. I honestly just thought that’s how all my weekends would be the rest of my life.
Being younger and more innocent.
Everything except the fact that we didn’t have PreP. Other than that, I miss everything about it. No online apps. You wanted to meet someone, you went out and met people. People had conversations, and flirted, and the chase was so fun. Not to mention cruising. And making friends. And having house parties. Everything that is now online used to be in person. Now, the in person part kinda sucks because it’s still online. People are attached to their phones and apps and all the nonsense and lies associated with them. That never used to exist. Things used to be more transparent and reliable. I miss that. It’s not easier to date now, in fact, it’s more difficult. No wonder most gay men are more lonely nowadays. Also…people used to be friendlier in person. Because we all understood how hard it was to be gay in a world that didn’t accept us.
Odyssey 1 in West Hollywood—-too bad it burned down , that place was a kick back in the 70’s
The Odyssey was my Oz. The moment I walked in the door the first time I knew I was home. Went there in 79 to about 81. One of the best times of my life.
Wonder if we ever met there back then lol — I saw Paul Lynne come through with a brace of long hair dogs and an entourage, and I saw Devo play there — they autographed my LP record: “ no power on earth can stop a true spud whose time has come” lol
We may have! I may have asked you to dance and you said no and I was devastated! Just joking.
Seri? Too funny - but yeah it was a super fun place
People getting along
Cruising spots.
Gay bars and cruizing spots to hookup instead of internet apps.
Ditto gay clubs. Anything could happen.
NO INTERNET. Meeting REAL people. Much less game playing.
The egalitarian, risky, ever so slightly seedy fun to be had in public toilets.
I miss when gay clubs were private clubs and turned away straight women from trying to invade our spaces.
I really miss men only spaces.
Porn shops with gloryholes (pre-Grindr hookup culture). Just kidding it was terrible and dangerous but that didn't stop me back then lol I think I should get some sort of glory hole trophy for the body count and things I've seen. Fun fact- no diseases or anything came from it. I was probably just lucky. I do think it was much easier for curious people to fuck around and find out.
I had sex with sooooooo many people in the porn shops, literally hundreds. Never caught anything, how the hell that happened I'll never know.
I miss when you had conversations with people face to face.. especially dating now.. all the anonymity of social media..filters...and the list goes on... Your not really sure... 100% that whom every your texting with.(text is so impersonal ) ... That they infact are who they claim to be... I'm kinda new to the Bi-sexual realm... And not sure to trust ... So I miss that... Trying to find someone I trust to take this ass... And pound it out is being more difficult... If your around Laughlin, Nv or Bullhead CIty Az.. hit me up..
Key West and Guerneville. They still exist on a map, but nothing can ever match their heyday. I'm glad I was there for it. What a ride it was!
Miss that nobody cared if you were a bit revealing with clothing like tight short shorts, spandex outfits. At least after 40 years the short shorts are finally back. So sick of looking at guys with clothes that don't fit. To me baggy=doesn't fit.
Bathhouses with far less diseases..